Bookstore, Luxury Items, Electric Bikes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-8-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary Host: Bill Burr
Podcast: All Things Comedy
Episode Title: Bookstore, Luxury Items, Electric Bikes | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-8-25
Release Date: May 8, 2025

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1. Introduction and Personal Updates

Bill Burr opens the episode with casual updates about his current life and work commitments.

• Personal Check-In:
  [00:02] Bill Burr: "We're halfway through week nine... it's going by in two seconds."

• Work Schedule:
  [00:15] Bill Burr: "Two shows yesterday, one today... my favorite, the seven o'clock show."

• Lifestyle Choices:
  [01:23] Bill Burr: "I've been staying off the fucking Instagram for the most part."

2. Bookstore Visit and Consumer Rants

Bill shares his frustrating experience attempting to purchase a play online and his subsequent trip to Barnes & Noble.

• Online Purchase Frustration:
  [02:00] Bill Burr: "The head of that thing wants his employees to go to bed terrified, wake up terrified, and work terrified."

• Barnes & Noble Experience:
  [03:00] Bill Burr: "I went to Barnes & Noble, sat down with all my gear on, and no one recognized me. That let you know how dumb my fan base is."

• Comments on Modern Bookstores:
  [04:00] Bill Burr: "Barnes & Noble, who put all the mom and pop bookstores out of business. They used to be the evil ones. Now they look nice."

3. Sports Commentary: Knicks, Celtics, and NHL

The host delves into lengthy rants about basketball and hockey, expressing strong opinions on team rivalries and league management.

• Knicks vs. Celtics Rivalry:
  [06:00] Bill Burr: "The New York Knicks in the Toronto Maple Leafs won game one of round two on the same night... It's been 32 years."

• Critique of New York Sports Coverage:
  [08:40] Bill Burr: "If you watch ESPN, the level of coverage that New York sports get is fucking ridiculous."

• Hockey Frustrations:
  [17:05] Bill Burr: "I do miss the NHL playoffs... NHL is so weird."

• NBA Observations:
  [89:06] Bill Burr: "That's the usual intro that I'm used to. Go Celtics. How about the fucking Predators?"

4. Technology and Lifestyle Musings

Bill discusses modern gadgets and societal trends, often interjecting with his characteristic humor and cynicism.

• Electric Bikes:
  [19:31] Bill Burr: "I want to fucking get one of those electric bikes just because I see people flying around the city in them."

• Luxury Items and Consumerism:
  [21:00] Bill Burr: "Rolex makes them from the same stuff and just bolt on their name... it’s all just becoming tacky now."

5. Societal Issues and AI Commentary

The conversation shifts to broader societal concerns, including the rise of AI and political divisions.

• AI and Job Replacement:
  [25:00] Bill Burr: "They’re putting into this AI technology so they can replace us. Nobody wants these fucking robots."

• Political Division:
  [32:13] Bill Burr: "People are dividing the locker room. It’s one of the most reckless things you can do for national security."

• Facebook and Fake News:
  [63:17] Bill Burr: "Mark Zuckerberg... he's a made guy now. All he's doing is trying to stop fake news, but it's all fake news."

6. Personal Anecdotes and Reflections

Bill shares personal stories and reflections, blending humor with introspection.

• Learning to Drive:
  [74:00] Bill Burr: "I learned how to drive on a stick shift... baby steps, baby steps."

• Relationship Advice:
  [89:06] Bill Burr: "If someone's not into it, they're not into it. Jesus, this is awkward."

7. Conclusion and Wrap-up

Bill wraps up the episode with final thoughts and a nod to upcoming content.

• Final Sports Rant:
  [84:56] Bill Burr: "If I somehow ever happened at one of my comedy shows, there's no fucking way I'm letting that person get kicked out."

• Upcoming Content Tease:
  [85:00] Bill Burr: "All right, that's the podcast. Go Celtics... I'll check in on you on Thursday."

Notable Quotes

• On Fan Base:
  [04:52] Bill Burr: "If I went into a sports bar, people like Billy fucking Red Titch do."

• On AI and Society:
  [32:12] Bill Burr: "Stop yelling at other human beings. You should be on the human team."

• On Electric Bikes:
  [19:43] Bill Burr: "They don't even wear helmets. Like, I saw this guy older than me..."

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Note: This summary captures the essence of Bill Burr's rants and discussions without the included advertisements and non-content sections. The timestamps correspond to the original transcript for reference.

Transcript

[Unknown Speaker]

Hey, what's going on?

[Bill Burr]

It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. How are you? How's it go? Jesus. I forgot it was the Thursday thing for some reason. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, I thought it was Saturday. Last night, did two shows, and for some reason, it just felt like a Saturday. We're halfway through week nine. Week nine, and I feel like, you know, after this week, two more weeks, I can start to see the finish line already. It's kind of weird. This is one of these gigs that has seen, like, it's going by in two seconds. And then also when I think way back to the first day of rehearsal, that seems like three years ago. But anyway, we're having great shows, chugging along. Two shows yesterday, one today. My favorite, the seven o' Clock show. I love the seven o' clock show. We're done with the whole thing and jumping on the train, going home by fucking 9:20.

[Unknown Speaker]

And, you know, I'm an older fella, so I like to try to get.

[Bill Burr]

My sleep, but I can't get to sleep till like, two in the morning.

[Unknown Speaker]

And.

[Bill Burr]

And I've been staying off the fucking Instagram for the most part. All right, this is. This is really embarrassing, and it's embarrassing to me and slightly insulting to you guys. So I wanted to read this play that somebody told me about saying, oh, you know, there's a part in there that, you know, you would maybe line up with. So I said, all right, you know, what am I going to do? Am I going to go on Amazon and fucking order it? Where the head of that thing wants his employees to go to bed terrified, wake up terrified, and work terrified. I still can't believe you can fucking say shit like that. And there's not more, like, pushback on that. It's like you just want the people that you work with, you want them to sit there freaking out all the time, being terrified about whether or not they're going to get fired and then they won't be able to feed their family. Who would do that to people? And if you did it, why would you talk about it publicly like you're proud of that? Yeah, I terrify my employees.

[Unknown Speaker]

Unreal.

[Bill Burr]

The world didn't stuff you in a locker. These fucking nerds are the worst. Anyway, so I'm like, yeah, fuck that site. I'll go to Barnes and Nobles, old mom and Pop. Barnes and Nobles, who put all the mom and Pop bookstores out of business. They used to be the evil ones. Now they look nice. So I said, all right, I'll go walk over there. I'm gonna. I'm gonna sit right down and put on a pair of sneakers, right? And I look out the window, and it's. It's raining. So I'm like. I keep getting caught out there in the rain, and, you know, my big five zip up. So I was like, all right, it. I'm gonna. I'm actually gonna put on my raincoat and grab a. Grab an umbrella. And then, like, my baseball hat was irritating. The top of my bald head was making a red mark. So I said, all right, I'll put on a, like, knitted hat like a barista. And as douchey as that looks, at least my forehead won't be red. So I go outside, like, two seconds later, however long it took to get all that shit and put it on, I go outside. And now it's not raining. So what I should have done was just gone back inside because it was muggy and.

[Unknown Speaker]

The fucking.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you wear a raincoat and it's muggy out, and it's not raining out. It's like you're cutting weight as a boxer, like your body can't breathe. So I immediately start sweating profusely. But you know how my brain works. I should have just gone right turned around and gone right back up. Like, I don't want to do that. So I just start walking, right? And I walk over to the Barnes and Noble, and by the time I get there, I'm just. I'm a pouring sweat. So I get into the Barnes and Noble, and I still have all that on. And my thing, as long as I have a hat on, people don't really see me, right? But I'm fucking dying. So I got the fucking raincoat on. So I take off the knitted hat. I'm like, all right, here we go. There's going to be somebody in here. Mandalorian person or some shit, whatever, right? So I take my hat off, and I was in that store for at least a half an hour. Not one person recognized me, okay? If I went into a sports bar.

[Unknown Speaker]

People like Billy fucking Red Titch do.

[Bill Burr]

What do you think? Celtics down.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, two.

[Bill Burr]

Don't you wish you would like. I would be. I go into a bookstore. Nobody knows who I am, so that's sort of let you know how dumb my fan base is. I want no one to recognize me. I just go in a bookstore or a museum someplace where there's Smart people.

[Unknown Speaker]

No, I was trying to buy a book.

[Bill Burr]

This book, a play. And then I wanted to buy this book on photography because I'm sort of obsessed. I just don't get when you get a book of photography, because I feel like you just get it and then you look at it real quick and then you're done. And then what do you go back and look at it? I think there's a reason why they have them all shrink wrapped, because everybody's. Well, they're just going to look at it here and they're not going to buy it. It's like, well, yeah, I saw you. Sometimes I feel like pictures are like jokes. You know, you hear it, you got it, and then you hear it again. You're like, yeah, you know, I. I get it. Or maybe books are like that, too. I don't fucking know. All I know is I always knew I was Meathead Billy. But, like, nothing confirmed that.

[Unknown Speaker]

Like being in a Barnes and Noble.

[Bill Burr]

Taking my hat off, going, all right, here we go. It's gonna be a couple of fucking pictures and a couple of weirdos. Nothing, Nothing, Nada. Anyway, the fucking New York Knicks. I haven't seen a second of it. I saw the end of the game one when the dude took the ball out of Jalen Brown's hand. I have not been watching because I've been doing the show.

[Unknown Speaker]

Congratulations to the Knicks, who for some.

[Bill Burr]

Reason seem to hate the Celtics. It's. Which is stupid because we have no rivalry whatsoever. I think it's just because it's like a Red Sox, Yankees, New York, Boston thing. But. So the other night, when the Knicks won game one, I then saw the Toronto Maple Leafs won game one. So immediately I thought, when was the last time the New York Knicks in the Toronto Maple Leafs won game one of round two on the same night. So I texted, I'm not gonna drop a name here. I texted somebody that I love that hosts a sports show, and they're like, all right, hang on. And then they fucking took a minute and they had to go back to. It was May of 1993. It's been 32 years. I kind of guessed. I said it was. It was either going to be 1999 when the Knicks went to the finals with Latrell Spreewell. Latrell, I didn't choke you enough? Spreewell. I was always on his side for that one. Was it P.J. kylissimo? It was. If he just choked him one time, I'd be like, all right, that guy was nuts. But like, he choked him, drove away from the arena, then came back and choked him again. Like, he drove away, he was like, you know what? I didn't choke that guy enough. At that point, as a human being, you got to be like, all right, man, I think I was being. Think I was being a dick. You know? If you just choked me and left, I'd be like, what the fuck is with that guy? But if you. If you didn't feel you choked me enough, came back. At that point, I got to start looking at my behavior. Anyway, so I was guessing either that or the. The Pat Riley Knicks. And it was the pat Riley Knicks.

[Unknown Speaker]

1993. So there you go.

[Bill Burr]

So here's the funny thing about the Leafs and the Knicks. Those are two teams that, for some reason, they hate. They hate the. I understand why the Leafs hate the Bruins, but they hate the Bruins, they hate the Celtics, and they hate Boston. And I have, like, no animosity towards them. I like the Knicks, you know, and as long as I don't, like, watch espn, I can continue to like the Knicks. But, you know, if you watch espn, like, anything. If anything happens in sports in New York, like, the level of coverage that they get is fucking ridiculous. And they never really address how truly sad and disappointing it is to be a fan of New York sports, it's because the Yankees, they save everybody with 27 championships. And also Giants. Gotta give the Giants respect, too. But like everybody else, I mean, it is just a barren fucking wasteland. And I'm not gonna go through all the years and all of that shit. I mean, 40 years, 50 years, six. Almost 60 years, some of them. But, like, there's just too many songs that are written about New York. Oh, my God. If I hear that every. Every night when I walk over to the train in Times Square, if I hear that Alicia Keys Jay Z song one more time, New York Concrete. And I had to be like, bill, this is one of the great tourist attractions in the world, Times Square. Even though there's really nothing to do there, there's literally nothing to do there. I think that's why people like it. It's free. There's a place in London, too. There's a square that everybody goes to.

[Unknown Speaker]

I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

Everybody's got that thing. Then there's that. What is that dumb thing in Dublin? Temple Bar. The stupidest place you can go to if you're. If you go to Ireland, if you just want to hang out and drink with a bunch of Americans, just stay in America. Why the would you Go all the way over to Dublin and then all the way over to Ireland and then just go to a bar where you can run into people from Ohio in Vermont. Hey, top of the morning to you. Do you want to get a Guinness?

[Unknown Speaker]

Anyway, I got a friend of mine.

[Bill Burr]

That said Taipei, right now. Shout out to Taiwan. I'd love to go over there, but I just feel like if you go over there as a bald white guy, everybody thinks you're going over there because you're some sort of international sex john trying to go over there and I don't know, do God knows what. So I was looking it up. Absolutely gorgeous city. Then, you know, of course I got to look up what kind of snakes they got and fucking snakes. That part of the world, dude. Terrifying. There's not too bad. Like, Australia is the worst. All those badlands. Some they finally explained. They, like, you know, fucking one drop of this venom from a Taipei is enough to kill like 60 elephants. And it's like, why? And I guess the reason is food is so scarce that they have to make it count. If so, if they even just nick their prey, that's it, they're done. So I don't know. They had a couple scary ones at this black and white one, but fortunately, it's a little shy. But, like, there's just no way, like, I, I. If I was hiking in the jungle outside of Taipei in Taiwan, I would be wearing a suit of armor. They got snakes on the ground. They got snakes in the trees. That all right. I go on hikes. I look over my shoulder, I can still see a target. Not fucking going in the goddamn jungle and be that guy, that guy on the news. That stupid fucking picture they always have. The picture you took right before you went missing, you know, you got that dumb look on your face like, hey.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm in fucking Taiwan.

[Bill Burr]

He was never seen from again. So anyway. Oh, Billy Beefcake, Billy Beefcake. It's finally stop eating late and getting the results. And I keep heading. He gets. I just keep going to the gym. I don't want to. They bought new ellipticals at the big gay gym. Fucking amazing. I think they had to. Pride's coming up next month, everybody. I did tell you that I saw those two. These two guys saw each other at the gym, right? They kiss each other on the cheek. They go, hey, what are you doing? And the guy's like, oh, you know, same old shit, getting ready for pride. And it was like fucking April. And they were both shredded. Maybe a lot of empathy for him. It's like, oh my God, they have to appeal to men so they got to go through the same shit. So gay guys who are coming to Pride in June, are you fucking puking behind a dumpster right now? Like a. Smell like a model?

[Unknown Speaker]

I gotta have a 12 pack.

[Bill Burr]

What are the feelings on bears? Is it just a type? Are they just lazy? Do you feel like they're not all in on the gay lifestyle? That they just fucking, you know, eat like they drive a snowplow anyway, what are you gonna do? So I gotta do that today. I don't have a show until 7 o' clock. And I'm thinking, I'm thinking this Sunday, one or the other. I'm either gonna. I kind of got into Dominican food. I can't even say kind of. I got this. Oh, my God. I got this lunch the other day, right? It was like this roasted pork, yellow rice and black beans. Mix that all together and you know, I'm Billy Pasty face. So I'm actually thinking of getting it to go, coming home, making an egg over easy and putting it on top, little hot sauce. Eat that and just take a nap. I got it on the other day on a rainy day. It was perfect. So you know the new me. Oh, Billy sweater vest. Shout out to everybody that saw me on Kelly Clarkson. I haven't read the comments yet. I'm hoping I'll have some more. Some of those. Oh my God, I can't believe you.

[Unknown Speaker]

Did a show with the girl.

[Bill Burr]

That guy's not in Barnes and Noble unless he's in the Third Reich section now. Misogynist section. They still have all of those books, like the self help section and all of that stuff. You know, it'd be amazing if Luigi wrote a self help book. Okay, enough with the positive affirmations. You need to take steps towards making the world a better place. All right, Sorry, I got the fucking giggles this morning. Um, anyway, so the fucking New York Knicks are halfway to sweeping my Boston Celtics. Now we have to go to Madison Square Garden. Somebody asked me, they go, dude, are you going to go to any of those games? I'm not going to be able to go to the games because I'm working every night. And then also I fucking hate going to the opposing team's venue when they're playing my team. I just. It's just not. I don't know, I'm not into this let's fucking go culture. Let's fucking go. Let's.

[Unknown Speaker]

Let's fucking go.

[Bill Burr]

Everybody, let's fucking go. It's like, all right, yeah. Hey, let's fucking go. Yeah. You ready to cheer? Let's fucking go. Lfg. Yeah, it's changed. So I'm kind of like. I enjoy sports in a different way now. I'm not, like, fucking obsessed with them. Although lately I've been coming home after the show and putting on the tv and I catch the beginning of the. The late game. I watched a little OKC Denver, and I watched a little bit of the Dallas Stars versus Winnipeg. I do miss the NHL playoffs. And I saw that thing in the double overtime where Winnipeg, they scored with one second left against the St. Louis Blues and then one in double overtime. So, of course, as a Bruins fan, I love that. I don't know that I'll ever get over that 2019 Stanley Cup Final loss where we lost to the Blues while the Blues were playing Bruins hockey. Fucking brutal. NHL is so weird. They totally. They, like, penalized the Bruins for playing Bruins hockey, and we got rid of all our enforcers. And then just one year, they're like, yeah, we're not going to call it in the playoffs. And the St. Louis Blues played like it was the fucking. I wouldn't say 80s. They played more like it was the 90s, just running our goaltender and we had nobody to answer it. Fucking so annoying. Because they weren't that fucking good. Not saying they, you know, they don't deserve it or whatever, but it was just like. It wasn't like they had a bunch.

[Unknown Speaker]

Of fucking goal scorers on there.

[Bill Burr]

It was just a guy. A bunch of guys taking liberties. Ah, you motherfucker. How many fucking times? Jesus fucking Christ. Every day I have a fucking glass of water on the floor next to the bed and I fucking knock it.

[Unknown Speaker]

Over every fucking day.

[Bill Burr]

And then I go, bill, put it on the dresser. Put it on the dresser. And I say, okay, Bill, Roger Wilco.

[Unknown Speaker]

And then what do I do?

[Bill Burr]

Look at this.

[Unknown Speaker]

Jesus Christ. Remember your dad? There's no sense to that. And somehow we'd start yelling at your mother. Well, Christ, you're not fucking watching them.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway. Is it time to do the reeds yet? Time to do the reeds. You know, I want to fucking get one of those electric bikes. Just because I see people, like, flying around the city in them.

[Unknown Speaker]

I love these people that ride around them.

[Bill Burr]

They don't even wear helmets. Like, I saw this guy, he was older than me, if you can believe it. And I asked him about his bike, how fast it went and all that.

[Unknown Speaker]

He said that he loved it. And I said.

[Bill Burr]

I go, you don't Wear a helmet. They kind of got this look on his face. He's like, yeah, I should probably do that. I am fascinated with these guys in the diamond district. It just seems like such like, a shady, seedy business. Maybe because I saw that Adam Sandler uncut gems thing, but he was a degenerate gambler. But I don't know. It's just. I would not. You couldn't pay me enough to just be standing in a store with a bunch of diamonds. What am I, Jason Statham? I don't want to do this job. Every other person that walked in, I'd.

[Unknown Speaker]

Be like, you cool? Take whatever you want.

[Bill Burr]

Don't hurt me. You know, they're not really rare, right? Do you know they figured. They've. They have figured out how to make them, from what I heard. So now they don't have to do the blood diamond thing anymore. And now that they're just cranking them.

[Unknown Speaker]

Out.

[Bill Burr]

Won'T that create, like, what would you say? The supply outweighs the demand, and then the price goes down. They must be having, like, fucking meetings. The way they do it. Rolex. The way Rolex does that douchey thing of like, we're not going to make enough watches. When I was a kid, you could just walk into a Rolex store and buy a fucking watch. Now they have them in the window and they just like, yeah, yeah, you can't buy that. They're doing, like, that fucking Birkin bag shit. I remember one time, you know, someone was telling me that they went to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Go buy a fucking Birkin bag.

[Bill Burr]

If you go in there and you go, hey, can I buy a Birkin bag? They're like, yeah, no, we don't have any. All right, can I order one? They go, you can put in a request for one and maybe they'll make it. Oh, is that what I can do? Well, why don't you take your fucking bag and shove it up your ass? That is the dumbest shit ever. You did see, now that all of that shit is. Is made in China. And then they send it, like, to France or wherever or Italy. And then they just. They just bolt on their name. And then they can say it was handmade in their country. So fucking stupid. All of that fucking Kardashian wear. You know, you have to admit, at this point, at this point, it's. It's. It's stupid, right? I don't know. I guess because they're oversaturated. I just look at that high end as, like, I just. It looks tacky now. I don't know. So dumb. All right, plowing ahead here. All right. This is Fast Growing Trees. I thought this was a question. I guess it's an ad read. Did you know Fast Growing Trees is the biggest online nursery in the United States with thousands of different plants and over 2 million happy customers? You know what? I didn't know that they have all plants, all the plants your yard needs. Oh yeah, you got a big can you do you sell a marijuana plant for all these fucking kids out here getting faded, listening to the shoegaze music. Sorry, just wanted to feel old. There. Have a marijuana cigarette. They have all the plants your yard needs, like fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs and so much more. All right, out of all of those, you got to get a fruit tree. Oh, then you got to get the privacy tree. So like when the economy crashes, the zombies can't see that you got apples. Whatever plants you're interested in, Fast Growing Trees has you covered. Find the perfect tree for your climate and space. Do they have a gun turret tree? Fast Growing Trees makes it easy to get your dream yard. Order online and get your plants delivered directly to your door in just a few days without ever leaving home. They are alive and thrive. Guarantee ensures your plants arrive happy and healthy. Plus get support from trained plant experts on call to help you plan your landscape, choose the right plants and learn how to care for them. Big yard, small yard, no yard. We've got you covered.

[Unknown Speaker]

No yard. Well, what the.

[Bill Burr]

What am I putting in my house? You selling me a little window box there with over 6,000 plants to fit in any space. From indoor ego, from indoor plants, indoor plant. What am I, a fucking dentist? I got a lot of questions. What am I?

[Unknown Speaker]

What am I? The guy who says what am I? After every fucking thing.

[Bill Burr]

From indoor plants to fruit trees to full size privacy trees and more. I like privacy trees when I take my top off. Their 14 point quality checklist ensures your you're getting the best quality plants possible. Each plants is cared for individually based on their needs. You're a special fern. Yes you are. From watering routines to the amount of sunlight, giving your plants the care they deserve from the time they start growing to when they ship to your home. Whether you're looking to add privacy, shade or natural beauty natural beauty to your yard, Fast Growing Trees has in house experts ready to help you make the right selection. With plant experts on call to offer growing and care advice.

[Unknown Speaker]

This spring they.

[Bill Burr]

Have the best deals for your yard. Up to half off on select plants and other deals and listeners to our show get 15% off their first purchase using the code Burr B U R R at checkout. That's an additional 15% off. Fast growingtrees.com and using the code brrrr checkout. Now's the perfect time to plant use brrrr to save today. Offer is valid. Valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions may apply. All right, the next one. Is this the. Oh, two more. All right. Ridge wallet. You know, when it comes to a good wallet, there are a few things that are necessary and Ridge wallet delivers all of them. Unique, slim, modern design that holds up to 12 cards plus cash. Made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber. You're making a sports car here. Over 50 plus colors and styles to choose from. Show off your. Show your wallet off to the camera. All Ridge products have a lifetime warranty. This is literally the last wallet you'll ever have to buy. Well, that would be nice.

[Unknown Speaker]

Does it?

[Bill Burr]

I keep wallets for about eight years and then they just once they just start shredding. I finally get rid of them. Does it give you peace of mind knowing that all Ridge wallets have RFID blocking technology? Well, it would if I knew what that was keeping you safe from digital pickpocketers. What? Dude, this whole world of technology, it's just. You can just be more. You can just do more evil shit and not have to have any balls. Used to have to fucking give me a goddamn your money a year life over a hundred thousand five star reviews. I wonder if anybody after a while felt like that was like a cliche thing to say. Like did I really just say that? Losing your wallet is the worst. But the Ridge airtag attachment, you'll always know exactly where it is before panic mode kicks in. Ridge isn't. Oh, so you're tracking me? Ridge isn't just about wallets. They create premium everyday carry essentials like key cases, suitcases and rings. All built with the same sleek, durable design. No matter what you pick, Ridge has free shipping and a 99 day risk free trial and a lifetime warranty on all the products. For a limited. Who has a lifetime warranty these days? For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off at Ridge by using code Burr Burr at checkout. Just head to ridge.com and use code Brrrr and you're all set. After your purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. All right, look who it is, everybody simply safe. Every day I make countless decisions. I didn't realize I Did that. But one of the easiest and most important is securing my home with Simplisafe. The moment I arm my system, I know my family and everything I work for are protected. Whether I'm stepping out for the day or settling down for the night, that small action delivers something priceless. Peace of mind. I can focus on what matters. Watching old movies from the 70s and trying to figure out what the cars are. Rest easy and go about my day knowing Simply Safe has my back in a crisis. And I want you to have that same confidence too with Simply Safe. Millions of Americans enjoy the new standard in home security and greater peace of mind every time they arm their system when heading out in the morning or when locking up each night. Traditional security system only take action after someone has already broken in. That's too late. Simplisafe Active guard Outdoor protection can help prevent break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras block backed by live professional monitoring agents monitor your property and detect suspicious activity. If someone's lurking around or acting suspicious, those agents see and talk to them in real time. Activate spotlights and even contact the police. All before. I have a question about that. All before they have the chance to get inside your home. No long term contracts or cancellation fees. Monitoring plans start affordably around a dollar a day. 60 day satisfaction guarantee or your money back. Visit simplysafe.com to claim 50 off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month for free. That's simply safe.com brrrr. S I M P L I S A F D S A F e dot com Brrrr. There is no safe like Simply Safe. All right, so in the future when it's not just a cameras and there's also an AI robot, you know, looking at a human trying to rob a house because the robots took all the fucking jobs. Here's my question. What do you. How if I if a fucking robot kills a human being, what is the punishment money going to unplug you to put it on trial, you know, and it's gonna like the algorithm. It's gonna hear words that's supposed to make it sound upset, you know. What do you mean no bail? Oh no, I can't go back to the can. I don't know why I'm laughing, because it's not, it's not funny. It isn't fucking funny. What these fucking nerds are doing. They're doing, they're. They're all the money they're using to not pay us, they're putting into this AI technology so they can replace us. And nobody wants these fucking robots. Nobody needs these robots. The only people that need these robots are the people that would just love to have an entire population of slave labor that they could also fuck anytime they wanted. This is what nerds are doing right now. And other than that, they're just dividing us. People. Stop yelling at other human beings. Stop going online trolling other human beings. Stop falling into this fucking bullshit that there's liberal thought and conservative thought. I'm on the blue team. I'm on the red team. You should be on the human team.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

It's the United States. We need to unite the United. The States again instead of letting these fucking assholes. It's. They. They literally dividing the locker room. It's one of the most reckless things you can do for national security. All they're talking about is the fucking immigrants and all of that crap. It's like, how about the fact that you're making Americans hate other Americans and you're trying to reboot the civil war? Do you ever think about that?

[Unknown Speaker]

You. Whatever. Whatever. Whatevs, man. Whatevs.

[Bill Burr]

All right, that is the podcast, everybody. Please enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themelis. And then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast after this. Congratulations to the Leafs and the Knicks. I got no beef with you guys. You guys have collectively been waiting to win another title for fucking over 100 years. I hope somebody gets put out of their misery this year. I don't give a shit. We won an NBA championship last year, and my Bruins are not in the playoffs, so I'm. I'm enjoying that. I'm gonna try to watch what's today? Wednesday. I'll miss game three. Maybe game four will be on Sunday.

[Unknown Speaker]

And I'll be able to see it.

[Bill Burr]

I have no idea. You know, the NBA likes to stretch it out.

[Unknown Speaker]

Maybe.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe it will be on Sunday. All right, that's it. I'm babbling.

[Unknown Speaker]

I will.

[Bill Burr]

Have a great weekend. You can't. And I'll talk to you on Monday. It.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sa.

[Bill Burr]

Foreign.

[Unknown Speaker]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 8, 2017. What's going on? Oh, this is one of these days I don't want to do the podcast, you know? Oh, I'm putting on a brave face right now. Got the energy in my voice. Right. I'm trying to bring it for you. Do you know what I'm really feeling inside? This is what I really feel like, hey, this is Bill Burns typing on Monday morning podcast. Just even doing that just brought my energy down to the fucking mat. I can't. I gotta sell it. Speaking of which. Yeah, I was just watching that Quiet Riot documentary where it was like, now you're here, now what the fuck are you going to do? Whatever it's called. And they would. After Kevin Dubrow died and they got this new guy who could really sound like him and hit all the notes. Like the first show, he goes out there, he's just like, hey, you guys want to bang your head? The drummer afterwards, Frankie Benali was giving him shit, going, dude, you can't just. You gotta fucking sell it. That's what I love about watching those documentaries is there's so many of those bands, especially with metal music in the 80s. They just thought it was a bunch of morons that were just out there, you know, just dumb people. And then you listen to them breaking down the show and it's like, yeah, these guys completely get performance. They totally. Why would. Yes, you would have to do that to sell the amount of records that they did. But for some reason, because of the subject matter, you don't think that they. You just think they're doing it and they're not thinking about it. But he just got off. He just fucking read the guy the riot act. He's. Now we got like a 20 foot by 20 foot stage and you're performing like 3ft by 3ft. You're not. You got to get out there. You got to sell it. You got to sell it. I would have loved to be at that show watching the rest of the band because they're all pros knowing how to sell it. And then there's this one guy in the middle, looking like he's doing the fucking river dance, you know, with his hands down by his side and his feet are kind of jumping around, you know, dancing on one fucking square piece of linoleum. Linoleum, It's a great word, isn't it? Linoleum. That's a good name for a band, isn't it? Some glam band. You just call it Linoleum.

[Bill Burr]

There you go.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sing a couple of songs about Pledge, you know, or some other cleaner. And that's just your thing. That's a wide open lane. Nobody's ever done that. I might. I might go on fucking. That's. Hey, that's my band name.net and register it for seven bucks, whatever they charge. I love how you can just register shit online. Like, what's this Going to some guy's house. Why are you acting like this is some governmental building? Is that a word? Governmental? Federal ental. How do you say it? The Federal Reserve is no more federal than Federal Express. Some guy tears up a 20, right, and everybody dives on it, fucking tapes it back together and then goes. Buys themselves a sub at Blimpy. Now, what do you got to say there, buddy? What are you going to tell me next? The world is flat? Not that I don't agree. Not that I don't agree with that hypothetical person. Anyways, plowing ahead here. How are you? How was your Monday? I was going to get up this morning and get on the elliptical, and I did not. I woke up this morning and felt like I played three years in the NFL. And what I did last week was I really researched what the fuck I was doing wrong with my leg workout, you know, because, you know, I have thighs of steels but buns of applesauce. And I'm not talking about the fucking jaw. And when I realized was that my fucking. My whatever the fuck my quads were doing all the work, right? My ass was just like some lazy dude just fucking going along for the ride, you know? Like that person, when you're at the Four Top and the check comes at the end of the night and everybody's digging in their pockets and stuff, and that person just kind of. Oh, man. Yeah. You're not gonna believe this. I left my wallet at home again, right? That's what my ass is like. It's like the dude who doesn't throw in at the end of the night, you know, he always come up short. You always come up short. It's the guy who collects the. I used to a bit about this. The guy who collects the money, you know, Everybody throws in 20 bucks, and somehow you always 10 bucks short. It's the guy who collects the money. He's the guy who he shorted. Because once he collects the money, all he's gonna say is how much you have and what you need, and he's just gonna keep counting, you know, and then eventually one of you guys is just gonna fucking cave out of being like, you know, not liking confrontation. And then you're gonna throw in. And then this fucker got his meal for $5, $6, $7 less. All right? So anyways, I got this new workout that I've been doing, and I did that. And then the other night, you know, I had already worked out that day, and I went out in the garage, sort of stretched and then skipped rope for fucking three rounds. And I woke up this morning, oh, my God, I felt like, you know, I felt like I ran a marathon. Sometimes I forget my age. You know what fucking cracks me up? As people tell me I'm an old dad, it's like, no, I'm not. I'm not. When you really look at, when you go around, I mean, as far as my, my age, yes, I am, but the physical shape I'm in, no, because this is, this is, this is, this is in defense of me. And you guys can argue this. I'm not saying I'm old to be a dad, but I'm not an old dad, all right? Because this is what happens if you have a kid at fucking 25. I see people who had a kid at 25. I see what they look like at 35, all right? After finishing their kids food and doing all of that shit, whatever the fuck it is they do, you know, dead bodies, dead done. They're finished. All right? I'm still doing pull ups. 48 fucking years old. I'll get on a bike, you know, I skip rope. I don't know, maybe I need a new pair of those fucking Steve Job, New Balance. You know, the classic old white guy sneakers, which are now those Skechers. That is now the official my fucking feet hurt. Old white guy. Not even old white guy. Because those dudes, Shaq and all of them wear it on. Is it TNT or tbs? I always get it confused. Whatever channel the basketball's on, you know, whenever that, that one dude gets up and he goes over to the giant flat screen tv and they're wearing like the suit and they got the sneakers on, you know, there's nothing worse than the old guy sneakers. All right, hang on a second. I got a. Hang on. All right, I'm back. I don't know what was going on there, son. Was like I was on a airplane and my nose was closing up. Ah, now I forgot what the hell I was talking about. Oh, it's talking about sketches. Yeah, that is the official. It's just, it's. It's over. You know what I mean? Like, if I was a gold digging whore, you know, I go to the steakhouses, you know, where the fucking rich fucking dudes hang out, and that's all I'd be looking for. I look for that guy in the Skechers, and I'd be like, all right, this guy's got no fight left in him. All you do is bat your eyes at him and then that's it. Oh, my God, he Hobbles over, you're like, wow, those are really interesting shoes. Oh, he's all excited about him. It's like I'm walking on a cloud. Yeah, why don't you walk on a cloud over to your fucking atm? I'm telling you right now, this. Gary, if you're a fucking old rich dude right now, do not get a pair of sketches, all right? You might as well have a Please gold Dig me sign on the back of your fucking sport coat, you know? Anyway, speaking of that, I'm fucking worried about. I'm not gonna say the guy's name. There's a fucking guy. I'm watching his sports. He's fucking huge now. He's fucking huge. Just can't be that big. Can't be that big. You start getting in those fucking. Those ages, you know, you retire a couple years, you just blow up. It's not going to be good. You know, I was watching that Quiet Ride thing as I mentioned, and, you know, they always made it seem like fucking. The lead singer, Kevin Dubrow, like, died under, like, a mountain of cocaine. And it really wasn't. He had a little bit of cocaine, a little bit of Valium, a little bit of alcohol. The fucking, you know, the Quincy guy there, the Jack Klugman Quincy guy was sitting there saying that once you get past a certain age, he goes, you can't do that. You just can't do that today. Hey, man, we're fucking ramping it up now. We're slowing it down. Hey, we're gonna level it out. You, Bart's just like, you know what? Fuck this. How about that? I'm calling the shots now, not you. That's how it goes down, you know? So anyways, getting back to that thing, all these fucking. I'm telling you, you look at any dad, 10 years in, they'll. 90% of them just gonna throw that out there without any research. Like, 30 pounds over fucking weight. All right? I have lost weight since I've had a kid. Yeah, I'm not gonna be the fat dad. I. I'm not. I'm not going out like that.

[Bill Burr]

I'm just not.

[Unknown Speaker]

Not saying, you know, at some point, you know, gravity takes over, you know, I don't give a shit. I'm adjusting. I'm not fighting nature.

[Bill Burr]

I'm.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, I'm trying to stay in fucking shape, but, you know, I just. Whatever, you know, some of my hair started leaving. I was like, you know what? Fuck all.

[Bill Burr]

You.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm out. Just shaved it. Done what now? What next? You can't go hair plugs, man. You can't fucking do it. It's a slippery slope, you know, you start doing that Michael Jackson shit, then you're like, oh, what if I had a booty chin, huh? Would that make me feel good about myself? Then you get the Botox, then you get the fucking. Do they have, do they have like fake like man pecs yet? You know, and you can walk in and, and pick like the chest you want, like off the wall. Chesticles, whatever the fuck they call pecs, you know, I'm looking, look for like a Ben Hur meets Ken Patera. I don't know what you would do. I bet that's what it's going to be like in the future. Everybody's going to be like, you're going to be like a resto mod, right? Where it's going to be like, I'm going to be a 1968 white male heterosexual, right? But under the hood, I'm going to have like a fucking, you know, this, the fucking Z06. That'll be your heart, right? You get a brand new fucking heart. Brand new, fucking hot. That's like some sci fi shit, you know, where it's like, oh, God, this is so fucked up. You'd have two kids. One kid would be your real kid and the other kid would be like the donor for the family. Bill. Why? Why would you do that? No, because you couldn't do that. That's what rich people would do. Rich people, okay, once they have like all the robots around their mansion, fucking movie right here, they got all the robots guarding them, right? And the only reason why they keep people alive is that they need to like harvest their parts. But they don't want the fucking poor people to completely rebel and take out a couple of their robots. Because it'll probably be the same amount of money as like a fucking F18, right? So what they'll do is they'll say, all right, poor people. You're allowed to have like, you know, four kids. And for every four kids you have, like, you know, two of them got to be donors or something like that, you know what I mean? So like, when I get to the age, you know, I got to start wearing Skechers, you know, you come in, you fucking take the feet, you know? Ah, God, Bill, that's so fucking dark. I know it is. I know it is. I've just been in a really dark place. I don't know, something about becoming a parent. You just start thinking about the most horrific shit that could possibly Happen, you know, I swear to God. Shit that used to kind of bug me now like, really bugs me. You know, If I see anything on TV of somebody like abusing a kid, obviously that always bugs you, but once you fucking have one, you just, like, you just start thinking like, man, they should just. People who do that should. They should be lit on fire. And then right before they die, you put them out. I don't know what you would call that. Punishment. What do you call that? What do they call that when you fucking. When you cook a fucking steak? Sear it. Yeah, we're gonna sear you. That's what we're gonna do. You see it? Keep all the fucking vitals together. I don't know, Bill. Jesus Christ. You know, we listen to this podcast, Bill, to get away from our troubles. All right, fair enough. Fucking fair enough. I had a fun day yesterday when I wasn't watching the Celtics just get the shit kicked out of them in the second half, you know? But I know we're going to win game six. I don't even know that I hope we're going to win game six. You know, when will people learn not to talk shit because it just motivates the other fucking team. And then fans don't get that either. I didn't see it. You know, I was busy this weekend. Had family in town visiting my daughter, and I guess someone on the Celtics, I don't know if it was Green, said, yeah, we're definitely going to beat him in the next game. It's like, why would you do that? That thing that fucking wall did on Instagram alone to that guy in the Atlanta Hawks? You know, this guy fucking thrives off a grudge. Why the fuck would you do that? So that the wizard fans come on in. He's all down. He's all down, right? They just saw the results of shit talk, right? And I'm watching the Celtics walk off the court after a loss, and you see two fucking goddamn, you know, cotton candy eating fatties, not even fat, but just dad bods, just clapping, going, hey, great job. Great job. Like yelling at the Celtics as they're going off the court. It's like, you fucking moron. Why would you do that? You don't say anything. You cheer politely. You let them walk by and then that's it. And you let doubt slip into their fucking head. You don't fucking yell at a professional athlete. You think they're gonna implode. This isn't a field goal kicker. Somebody's got the balls to go down the Fucking lane, right? All that's gonna do is motivate them. You get. You guys never learned that shit. Fucking morons. And I'm talking to Celtics fans, too, because they also do it, you know, I hate those people. Like, right after they win a game, they just gotta fucking talk all this shit. You know, Celtics get that ass slapped, all that. It's like, dude, it's two, two. And then they're going to disappear into the abyss. If we win another two, that happens every time. So we'll see. I want to say that the Celtics will win the next game, and then I think we lose in Washington. And then it just becomes like, what team is going to win on the road? Or is the home team going to hold serve? What am I fucking doing the NBA thing here? I got to be honest with you, as much as I've really come back to the NBA and I enjoyed it, when I'm watching an NBA game, when there's an NHL game and I flip over to it, it's not even close. The level of fucking excitement. It's people jogging up the court versus people, like, skating around doing, like 20, 30 miles an hour, slamming into each other. Basketball people, they're all about. There's no scoring, which I understand. It's one of my big complaints about when you watch soccer, other than the fucking flopping, which, by the way. Jesus Christ. Did you guys see what's his face doing his salmon up the river? That guy's name Beal or whatever on. On dc you just see all the fucking memes about that guy. That was one of the worst. If he just dove, that would have been fine. But the way he threw his head back. Good Lord. Fucking quiet riot ought to have him as a front man. He'd fucking sell every goddamn song. Without a doubt. But I gotta admit, you know, hockey's just where it's at. And I also have to apologize. The Ottawa Senators, I was watching that fucking game the other day, and who was it? The Rangers. Was. What was the score? Were they up four to three? Is that what it was? Scored the fourth goal with, like seven minutes to go, and I'm rooting for the Rangers. Why? I hate New York sports fans, you know, can't stand them. But Ottawa beat my Bruins, so I'm like, fuck it. And I always got, like a soft spot, spot for the Rangers because I rooted for them in 94 to win the cup. And that's one of the great, you know, runs I ever saw in sports. So I'm rooting for them right Plus I got a couple of friends that are big Ranger fans. So it's four to three. Gets down to like a minute and change, left. And I'm thinking, oh, and I got family coming over, right? I got to go downstairs, I got to fire up the flat top. Gonna make some burgers with a little bit of hash browns. I don't do French fries. I go hash browns. I go hash browns on a flat top griddle. I don't like French fries. French fries. Past a certain fucking age, you just. You can't do it. They just take it down to the mat. It's not the burgers, it's the fries. It's not the pizza, it's. It's the soda. Or maybe it's the combination of the two. That's probably what it really is. When you have both of them, it's just like, it's fucking over, right? So minute change, I feel like I'm fine. I go downstairs, you know, be brothers over here, couple of Bud hods, right? I come back in the fucking house and he's like. He's like, ottawa one. I go, what do you mean they fucking won? What? How do they win? Tied it up with, like no time left. And then they gave me all right there, Fred. And overtime. Anyways, my apologies to the Ottawa Senators. I just did not believe in them. Evidently they're for real, and I think they're going to take this serious. See what I just did there? It made it sound like I was saying something positive about Ottawa. But any real sports fan knows what I'm doing right now. I'm trying to put a hex on him. The old Ronnie Hex doll. Now I'm fucking with you. I keep forgetting the Rangers are like a wild card. I don't know. The fucking Anderson dude, that guy, he's. He's the guy everybody keeps talking about, the dude with the busted foot skating around there. Carlson, whatever the hell his name is. I can't. I. You know, once. Once the Russians came in and all the Eastern. The Finnish people, I. I haven't been able to remember anybody's fucking name. Really, Bill? You're going to blame that or your lack of short term memory? All right, maybe you got me. Maybe that's what it is. All right, let me type in my password here and let's see. Let's see. See what we got coming up here. I got to read a little bit of advertising here. 19 minutes and maybe we'll talk about. Who the fuck is this? Bonnamasa, live on tour near you get tickets now. These shows will sell out the. This fucking guitarist. This flyer has been on everything I've looked at. I don't know what I clicked on. I don't know what I clicked on. Here's the article I clicked on. Two engaged doctors found bound and slain in luxury Boston penthouse. Suspect in custody after shootout. Who the fuck is that? Just said it's somebody's 39th birthday tomorrow and I have no idea who it is. These fucking computers, man. I don't. I don't know. I don't know what's going on with them. All right, so two dog, two doctors who were engaged. One was 49, right. The other was 39, right. Or 38. Boston police entered the 11th floor penthouse apartment Friday night. They found a gruesome scene, which I'm not going to talk about. Luxury condo. And this is what kills me about this whole story. No pun intended. 11th floor luxury penthouse in Dorchester. You know, I know I moved away in 1995. I know that's 22 years ago, but the fact that there's a luxury penthouse that two doctors are living in in Dorchester is unbelievable. I remember when I was a kid, they used to talk about what Dorchester used to be. They used to say, oh, this used to be this upscale place and blah, blah, blah. Then it became blue collar and then the fucking crack 80s came and the whole fucking thing goes to shit, right? To think that it's now back. This is what I don't understand. It's like every neighborhood now is becoming high end. It's like, where. Where is everybody else gonna go? I really hope we don't end up like a third world country where it's just like, you know, if you ever been to one, it's like, you'll see like these ridiculous mansions and, you know, a gated community with people like, with like fucking machine guns standing outside of them. And then everybody else is living in a fucking tin shack. I don't know. Is that what I was supposed to get out of that story? I mean, obviously my condolence goes out to those two people. Then they caught the fucking douchebag who did it. Lunatic. Trump's war on science continues with EPA firings. President Trump's war on basic facts continues. But this time you literally end up choking on it. Jesus Christ. What is it about? Why do Republicans just act like the earth is just, you know, like it's not a finite thing? I just don't understand it. I get that you have companies. I get that you're sick of the tree huggers. Going, hey man, you're putting too many greenhouse gases. I understand that that becomes annoying to you because all you stare at is your bottom line. But like, I just don't understand those people. They just sit, there's plenty of water. Look, there's a lake over there. What the. Like how they just look at it like that. I just don't understand it. I think that they're just so psycho competitive or just so unbelievably selfish. Really, like, well, even if what the tree huggers are saying is true, it's not going to happen in my lifetime. And even it does, I'll be too old to give a fuck. Facebook's war against fake news in the UK is long overdue. What is Facebook concerned with? You know, I don't like that guy. I don't like that fucking guy Zuckerberg, whatever his fucking name is that runs this thing, since why is he so fucking involved in fake news? You have a site that's for people to like, you know, figure out who the fuck they're going to bang that they used to went to high school with. In November, Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said the idea that so called fake news could influence the U.S. election was quote, crazy. Can you guys read between the lines here? It's all fucking fake news. It's all spun. This guy, you know what this guy is right now? This guy's like, he's a made guy and now he has a dog in the fight. So now this fucking dope, I mean, it's not a dope obviously. He started this fucking, this little fucking chit chat site. Now he's going to decide what is real and what is fake. So maybe he said it was crazy that it couldn't influence it. Bill, maybe you should read the whole article before you throw this billionaire under the bus. Okay, fair enough. Sorry, Mark. Six months later, however, the Social network has announced an all out war on misinformation and hoaxes in the UK before the general election in June. Oh, I see, I see. You know what, he either got paid off or he got a phone call about a convertible ride in Dallas. That's what somebody just called up. You know, he just picks it up.

[Bill Burr]

Picks up the phone.

[Unknown Speaker]

Hello, Facebook, right? And then he just had that, you know, that voice they always have, you know, whenever they have like the gang members on tv like, yo, Fresno Mo. Folks don't have scrap, you gonna get Captain Brad, right? They had like that voice except it was like Illuminati hitman calling up, you know, he's like, hey, easy, Mark. Facebook, how may I help you? Mark, if you don't get rid of that fake news on there, we're gonna stick an app up your ass, Something like that. They scared the out of him. You know what? You know, you scare the out of a nerd. You just take his phone away. You take his phone away and then you've threatened to burn one of his superhero costumes. And that motherfucker will tell you anything you want. So now he's having this all out war on fake news. How do. What the fuck does. Why, how do you tell what is fake and what isn't? Everybody's lying. Everybody's a fucking liar. How many lies do you think Hillary and Trump told combined in just one debate? You got two piles of just saying the other one smells worse, right? Isn't that what it is? Everybody's lying. Don't think. You know, I still don't understand. And I, I know I always say this. Whenever a bill gets passed, why do they always have. Why are they allowed to tag on all these other things? I've never understood. Anyway, six months later, the guy, he's an all out war on misinformations and hoaxes in the uk. Oh yes, because they, they voted to leave the European Union, which probably fucked with the bankers who want to have everybody all unified, all on one currency that they are fucking printing. So inadvertently, people just saying, hey man, let's get the fuck out of here. Now you got to have an all out war on it. That's what happened. The bankers, hitmen, call this guy up, right? All right. Facebook is tweaking its algorithms to try to halt the spread of misinformation, giving users tips on identifying sources designed to misinform. And it even ran full page advertisements in British newspapers on Monday reiterating how to spot misinformation online. I want to see. You can see the full advertising advertisement below. Let's see what they got here. All right, tips for spotting false news. One, the person you're talking to is wearing a trench coat with the fedora and sunglasses. All right? Be skeptical of headlines. You know what, they just took a picture of the newspaper, so I can't see this here. Look closely at the URL. Investigate the source. Watch for unusual formatting. Consider the photos, inspect the dates, check the evidence. Look at other reports. Is the story a joke? Some stories are intentionally false. I don't know. If you use this algorithm for Facebook, would Facebook still exist? I mean, the whole fucking thing is fake. Everybody takes a picture, they hold the camera up over their fucking face. So that drops like 40 pounds and ups their number from a four to a six, a six to an eight, right? Everybody photoshops and does all that shit. Wasn't. Wasn't. Oh, Kung Fu Kenny talking about that in his song. I don't fucking know. Why do I claim some of Wall Street's top boutique firms just landed a big payday and for some reason they have a picture of Aziz and. Sorry, I mean, isn't that misinformation right there? Season. Sorry. He's not one of Wall Street's top boutique firms, is he? That's misinformation. He's a stand up comedian as far as I know.

[Bill Burr]

All right?

[Unknown Speaker]

I think. I think I've fucking filibustered long enough, haven't I? You know, it's funny, when I think of Mark Zuckerberg, I don't think of Mark Zuckerberg. I think of the fucking guy that played him in the movie. And, you know, when I look at Mark Zuckerberg, he looks way more annoying. You know, I don't feel like reading this. There's three more of them. I don't want to do this. I don't want to talk about this. Let's. Let's. Let me just give my brain a break. All right? So anyways, yesterday I did this thing was the Ronnie James Dio ride for cancer, which I. It should be a ride to fight cancer. It said was the ride for cancer. I was like, wait, are these people for cancer? These people fans of disco? And then I showed up and it was a bunch of people with fucking Harley Davidsons and, you know, knives on their hips and shit. I was like, no, these guys are fighting cancer. Okay, I get it. So I show up at this thing was an encino outside at this park, and I come walking in and I'm going to introduce Stephen Adler's all star band that he's putting together, right? And they're going to play a few songs. Eddie Money was there. He was hilarious. Hilarious. Everybody there, like, I don't know, everybody that was just killing it and had like a sense of humor about, you know, because they were outside, it started raining a little bit. And so I walk in there going like, all right. So they want me to joke around a little bit and intro the band. And it's outside, the sun's out, and then it starts raining. It's a bunch of bikers. This one guy walked in. I saw sweaty guard on. On his. The back of his belt. He had this sheath knife. It was like a 10 inch blade. It's like, what are you gonna do with that? You know, the. Are you gonna do with that thing? That's not to defend yourself. You're gonna murder anybody. Maybe that's what it is. People see that and it's just, dude, this guy could kill a fucking bear with this thing. So I'm just thinking, oh God, this is. How is this gonna go, right? So I'm watching the bands and I'm enjoying everybody. Yet in the back of my head going like, well, how the fuck am I gonna deal with this? Eddie Trunk was there and he was introing the band and they were being nice and polite to him. So I was thinking, all right, but he's not trying to be funny, even though he was being funny. But he wasn't billed as a stand up comedian. So I ended up going up there, joked around a little bit, they laughed and I intro the band. I turned around and then of course they give me the stretch sign, you know, because it had finally stopped fucking raining. They were getting rid of the four posted canopy that they had over the drum kit. And I actually joked around and went, good. I had a great fucking time. And it took me back to when I used to do college gigs. College gigs were the. Were the worst because you'd show up as an unknown comedian and they would fucking stick you anywhere. Outside, inside, raining, snowing, they didn't give a fuck. Cafeteria hallway mic, no mic. Yeah. Figured you'd come out, walk out of that, walk in closet. It just took me back to those days and like really having to fight to get the crowd. And I ended up having a great time and it was great, man. I got to watch fucking Adler play again. And you know what's killing me was he does a lot of those fucking three in the row on the bass drum, you know, just playing even like 8th notes at like a mid tempo. But the way he puts them in really propels the song. So I'm watching him play welcome to the Jungle. And the last time I watched him play, I figured out something that he was doing. So this time I'm watching his footwork, all right? And there's this fucking guy taking picture of him every time he goes to do that thing, like, and I'm starting to get it. This guy keeps getting in my way. And then like I had this. Then the cameraman finally got out of the way and I'm getting to watch him play a whole verse and it's coming and I have this anxiety going, please, please don't Anybody this up. Don't anybody fuck this up. And all of a sudden, I feel this tap on the shoulder. Hey, Bill, big fan. Can I get a picture? I was like, I have too much of a need to be like, to say, hang on a second. So I fucking missed it again because my ears aren't good enough. The way they've mixed it, you know what I mean, with the bass and the bass drum. Sometimes I can't tell. Did he do. You know, what's he playing right there? I don't know. I don't know. It's a. It'll be a lifelong fucking obsession, but I got to watch him do that. Leader Ford came out saying, sweet child of mine. And then they played Rocket Queen. He fucking murdered it.

[Bill Burr]

And.

[Unknown Speaker]

And I had a great time. So thank you to everybody at that event who showed up to raise money for cancer. You know what was the best was at one point, they were singing a Dio song, and I was telling my buddy about this. And first of all, I'm looking at all the people in the fucking crowd, and they're all my age and a little bit older, and I'm just like, wow, man, we are fucking old, right? But everybody's having a great time. And this fucking dude, five foot, nothing goes up there. I saw him on another event, and he somehow related to Ronnie or doesn't. I don't know if he's an impersonator. I don't know what. But he really captures, like, Ronnie's range. He really can sound like him. And he started singing, dude. And the crowd. There was this one fucking guy in the crowd, man. He fucking lost it. He still had the Vince Neil haircut, not the teased up one when it's just laid down. And he had, like, a keg cup filled with beer, well into his 50s, you know, so he's got the whole dad boded shit. He lost his mind because I knew this guy was good. So I was looking in the crowd because I wanted to see their reaction, and this guy just lost it. He's just pointing it. He started pointing at the singer with, like, you know, doing the double point while holding his cup. He was just like, yeah, he's looking at his friend. His eyes are all wide. Couldn't believe it. And I was thinking, like, that was the kid when I would go to go see these bands who was about five years older than me, you know, already had, like, the awful mustache going. And, you know, and he'd have some hot, skanky looking chick with some pink and black, you know, leopard print spandex on, you know, and I was sitting there with my, you know, ralph mouth look, you know, couldn't grow. My hair would never grow down. It would just grow out, look like Bernie from room 222. And I just always, always think like, ah, man, if I had brown flat hair, man, I could get one of those spandex. Chicks used to think that.

[Bill Burr]

Chicken.

[Unknown Speaker]

Rather than thinking, like, why don't you just fucking have a little confidence and say hello, you know, this is the one thing, no matter how fucked up you look, you have to hold on to the fact that you got to be somebody's fetish. There's always hope. You know what I mean? You're not ugly. You just haven't met somebody who's into what you're doing or what the fucking hand you were dealt, okay? And if anything tells me that, it's when you watch those Storage wars, because to me, that's just a bunch of shit. I don't want any of it. And everybody's fucking. Everybody else is fucking freaking out like.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, look at that.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's a dartboard. I think that's a dartboard. In that case, my God, that's a refrigerator. You think there's food in there? You know, the shit that they're looking at, you know, maybe that's what you are. Maybe physically what you look like, you're the human version of what they find in those storage sheds, you know, and if you got a great heart, well, goddammit, you're like one of those original Civil War fucking muskets. All right, that was positive. That was a positive thing. So I think it's time. You know what? I think I can do a little more advertising. There's. Hey, you guys know Al Madrigal, one of the co founders of the All Things Comedy Network, Huh? Now that we're making fucking video content. We got a cooking show coming out, we got a political show coming out, we got this poker game we shot, we got. We got shit, we got investors. It's all going great. Well, listen, Al Madrigal has a new fucking special that is right now. It's. It premiered last Friday night on Showtime and it is now on Showtime on Demand. And speaking of all things comedy, there's a new podcast out from the. The wonderful Nick Youssef. It's called Nick America. Nick interviews people of all backgrounds about what makes them American. This week he has comedian Fahim Anwar. Subscribe and listen on iTunes or SoundCloud on the all Things Comedy page. All right, let's let's get into. Let's read some shit here for the week. All right, let's some questions here. 95 year old hockey player. Hey, Billy. Puck nuts. I saw this video and thought you'd get a kick out of it. Maybe it'll even motivate you to get your old red tits out there and keep playing hockey. I want to. I just don't have time. It's amazing how, how much good you can do to yourself just by staying active. Anyways, here's the link and go fuck yourself. P.S. thanks for making my work days crawl by a little bit faster there, dude. It means a lot kids. Anyways, yeah, I watched this. This guy's 95 years old. He's still playing pickup hockey. Obviously he's not flying around out there. But that's another reason why hockey is great. It's one of the greatest old man sports ever because you don't have to run around, you're just gliding, you know, it's great cardio. It's phenomenal, man. In the spirit of that guy, I got to get back out there. Played. I have not played since I played in like September or October of 20. I didn't play once last year and I've yet to play this year. It's hard because we get ice time late at night and you know, I got the kid now who, by the way, I'm telling you, late at night is in the morning. And late at night are my two favorite times. You know, when she just wakes up and she's just looking at you and she's just talking all this gibberish, smiling and all that. And then late at night when she gets all fussy and everything, when me and Nia just sit there and totally like engage with her, you know, she's just like the look on her face just completely enamored, you know, you gotta understand, I mean, obviously you just heard me read out loud, so you know how fucking dumb I am. So to have another human being looking at you like you have all the answers. I mean, it's fucking unbelievable. And then this fear creeps in where you're just like, what's gonna happen the day she realizes I really don't have any answers? Honey, let me introduce you to the world of going with your gut, all right? Fear of driving. Hello, Billy boy. I hope the day is treating you and your family well. Well, thank you. Well, just like the title says, I am completely terrified to drive a car. By the way, that guy just went totally different. Rather than calling me an Asshole. He actually said something nice. Completely terrified of driving a car. I'm 21 and can't drive worth a shit. And I've been lucky enough to have a family that takes me to my college for classes, which is, thank, thankfully, is close by. Are they helping you or enabling you? The problem is I need my license. It's the last thing I need to truly be independent. The problem is that when I get behind the wheel to practice driving, I tense up. Every horrible outcome pours into my stupid brain. What if I make a mistake and get someone killed? Or accidentally hit a car full of kids and kill and kill them? I would not be able to live with myself. So my brain just goes into hyper mode and I just start getting jittery and really sweaty. I don't want to lose. I don't want to be this loser anymore. Bill, any advice? Yes. Drive on Sundays. All right? Drive to an empty parking lot. It's hard to find them nowadays because nobody really, you know, gives a shit about those old puritan laws back in the day, you know, with liquor stores and you could everybody, like, Sunday was a day of rest. So I learned how to drive. My dad used to take me down to the South Shore Plaza in Braintree, Massachusetts, on Sundays, and I learned how to drive on a, like, a 78 Chevy Chevette, four speed, standard transmission. I actually took my driver's test on a stick shift.

[Bill Burr]

And.

[Unknown Speaker]

He used to, you know, he used to do that with all of us. He'd take us down there. You know, you got to a certain age, he'd just take you down there, he'd teach you how to drive, and that was the way to do it. So what I would do if I was you is I would go down there, have your parents drive you down there, and just drive around an empty parking lot or drive down, like, a quiet neighborhood. And you just gradually build more and more confidence. And the only way you get over something is you got to face it. So this is what I would do, right? I would just go down there. You know, first time, you just drive around there in the car the whole time. All right? The next time you do it, you drive around. And when you got 10 minutes left in the driving thing, you just tell your day, dad, why don't you just step out for a second and I'll just. Same thing I did last week when I got back into flying the helicopter. You know, I took two lessons. One I wrote, you know, I was with the instructor. Next time, once again, I was with the instructor. And Then at the end of the lesson, I asked him to step out, and I flew it around by myself. Gives you confidence. Yeah, my palms were sweating. I was nervous. But, you know, I mean that. It's really a metaphor in life, dude. I mean, you kind of got to face this type of shit. So if I was you, considering you have such a fear, no pun intended, I would totally steer into this. You could take a defensive driving course, and then I bet there's actually. I don't know where you live, but sometimes, you know, they have, like, these. I know out here, they have, like, they have a course out here where they'll teach you how to do all, like, that shit from the movies, like, spin the car around. I mean, why don't you go from being totally terrified to just becoming a fucking expert, you know, learn how to do burnouts and all of that shit. Then you become an absolute terror on the fucking road. Learn how to drift, you know, just master the shit as much as you can. And then driving down the street will be a joke. And as far as, like, killing a bunch of kids and everything like that, the level of technology nowadays with, like, the airbags and all that, you don't sound like you're going to be driving super fast. So the worst thing you're going to do is just crumple up some fenders. That's all. But you can do it. You just get out there. So just baby steps, Baby steps. That's all you got to do. I'm flying again this week. I'm flying on Tuesday, and then I got some other family coming in. I'm going to take some people up this weekend. Going up with instructor. I've yet to have the balls to bring a passenger up, even though I know I could do it. I can't take a family member up. I was joking with a buddy of mine, Jay Law had. I think I'm going to take him up first. I was like, dude, I have to deal with the pressure of just the love I have for a friend, forget about an actual family member of my wife or something like that. So, anyways, all right. So that's what I would do. So, dude, as I get over my fear of, you know, bringing up a.

[Bill Burr]

Passenger, you know, you.

[Unknown Speaker]

You update me, I'll update you. All right? So good luck. You can do it, man. All right. Ex girlfriend's blanket. Hey, Billy Boo Radley, I have a question for you. My ex girlfriend's grandmother made me a blanket for Christmas, and I kept it after we broke up. We broke up. A little over six years ago and my current girlfriend and I have been together ever since. We just had our six year anniversary and are talking about getting married. My ex just got married last week. Brought up the question of the blanket. Wait a minute. You broke up with this woman six years ago. You still have the blanket? She just got married. It's six years later and she just brought up the question, meaning you're still in contact with her. Should we get rid of the blanket? I don't think you meant to say your ex. I think. Don't you mean your current one you just lost? My ex girlfriend's grandmother made me a blanket for Christmas and I kept it after we broke up. Broke up a little over six years ago. My current girlfriend and I have been together ever since. We just had a six year anniversary and we're talking about getting married. My ex just got married last week. Oh, and that brought up the question of the blanket. I'm sorry. Jesus. Poor bastards. Probably listening to this podcast going, I said that. I said that in a sentence. Read what I wrote. All right. Should we get rid of the blanket? It wouldn't. It wouldn't. That big, wouldn't be that big a deal. But my ex grandmother stitched our names in our anniversary into it. Oh my God. Dude, what the fuck? It's like a championship banner for your former relationship. Also, my current girlfriend and I really like the blanket. It's the color of the college where my current girlfriend and I first met and we have a lot of memories having Minnesota blizzards under the blanket. Dude, this is so fucking weird. Your new girlfriend snuggled under a blanket with your name and your past girlfriend's name with your anniversary date on it. My current girlfriend's from California and these were some of the first blizzards she had seen. So it was a special experience for her. What should we do with the blanket? I think you should keep it. You fucking weirdos. I don't have any advice for you. This is the weirdest fucking shit ever. So my ex girlfriend just got married last week and that brought up the question of the blanket. From who? You both seem to like it. Jesus Christ. Why don't you make a voodoo doll of your fucking ex girlfriend and spoon with it between the two of you and have a threesome. We would appreciate your advice as we are both fans of the podcast and your stand up. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah, you guys are fucking bizarre when it comes to that. Jesus Christ, why don't you just put in a fucking sex tape you guys made? I don't Maybe I read it wrong. Maybe I was being too harsh. I apologize, but that's just fucking weird. Dad kicked off Delta flight. Dear illiterate cunt. There you go. That's. That's the usual intro that I'm used to. Have you seen the video of the guy and his family getting kicked off a Delta Airlines flight the other day? The video is long, but worth watching in full. At one point, they threatened to put him and his wife in jail and his kids in foster care. What is going on? My first question is, what the hell is going on the past week with all these airplane incidents? The Asian guy getting his ass kicked. Yeah, that was brutal. Some young broads not being allowed to board due to wearing yoga pants, and the world's largest rabbit dying in transport under a plane. Well, I mean, you know, that can happen. Why is this suddenly a trend? Secondly, I have to commend the father for his overall attitude and demeanor in the video. While watching. I couldn't help but wonder how it all would have went down if an angry east coast father were in this guy's shoes. Can you imagine an angry father driving to the airport with his bitchy wife and whining toddlers searching for parking, getting the car seat out of the car, pushing a stroller through security, hauling your shit all the way to the gate, boarding and then being told they sold your seat to someone else, and you either have to hold your kid the entire flight or get off the fucking plane. Sounds more like an episode of Efforts for Family than it does reality. Just wanted to share. Hope you and the lovely NIA keep your DVR relationship afloat in your flooded house. Yeah, I think it's time for other passengers to speak up. Everybody just sits there silently as they yank these people off the plane. I don't understand why, like, it's like, yeah, we sold this to someone else. It's like, you also sold it to me, and I have my receipt, my ticket, and I'm on this flight. So you're trying to say that someone else is more important. I would do is I would sue the fucking shit out of that airline. They need to be sued because it's their fuck up and they're making it somebody else's. They're making it the customer's fault and the level of trauma that they're bringing to people like right now. You know something? Why don't we all just fire off angry fucking letters to United and Delta? Why don't we get organized? Why? I don't. Even if anybody can send Me the link where to do that. You know, the problem is, if they're all fucking doing it, then where do you go? You go to Southwest. Southwest hasn't done anything like that, have they? American hasn't done it. United's done it. Delta's done it. So fuck both of them. Fuck both of those airlines till they learn how to treat people right and. Jesus Christ. And they learn how to count. How many seats you got. How many tickets did you sell? Well, there you go. No, that you.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, man.

[Unknown Speaker]

The problem is that they're an organized entity and that the passengers are not. I remember that flyers rights thing was going down a while ago. Can that thing be, like, revived? And when they start to yank somebody off with their fucking children, I mean, that's. No one wants that to happen to them. That. That shouldn't. That shouldn't have. You shouldn't be able to bully people like that. If you make a mistake as an airline, you should eat the cost instead of passing it on to everybody else. Like to have security go down there. If they ever do that to me, I'm gonna be like, I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. If you physically remove me from my seat that I paid for and I have the receipt. I've done nothing wrong. I'm not a threat. I'm ready to fly. I. I'm going to sue. I'm going to. I'm. I can't say. The living. I'm going to sue you guys. You know, I mean, how do they at least give them miles? Do they do anything anymore? I don't know. Corporations are. They're a disease. They're completely out of control. And they have no. The only thing they have sympathy and empathy for is the bottom line. That's all they care about. And if you work in those worlds, like, I understand if you're on the lower levels, you know, you're not about that. But in those upper levels, you guys, I don't know. I don't know how you do it, but you guys, you're pieces of shit that you could do that. You know, if I. If somehow that ever happened at one of my comedy shows, there's no fucking way I'm letting that person get kicked out. There's no fucking way. Find a chair. Fucking let the person sit on the side of the stage. This chair's on the side of the stairs always. You know, for the union guys, I'd give. Fucking get one of those chairs and hand it to the person, let him sit on the side of the stage, take a picture. You fucking. When you fuck up like that, it's up to you. They're doing the exact opposite of what they should be doing. You know, don't kick the person off. Whoever you fucked over, you give them whatever you have to give them. In the airport, if they have some sort of, you know, place they have to be, you got to figure out how to get them there. You know, offer enough to people. There's gonna be some single dude who's got nothing to go home to other than a fucking futon. Just be like, dude, we'll get you 12 pack, we'll give you 30,000 fucking miles. I mean, what do you give a shit? You're a fucking multi million dollar. There's a way to do it. If I was running an airline, it would just, you know, I'd have a guy come on dressed like a fucking game show host. All right? Be like, I got cash in my suit pocket, you know, have a couple of hot chicks dressed like bunnies, you know, that'll fucking walk you down, you know? Or if you're gay, you know, you're a gay dude. I don't have a couple of fucking shredded, tanned up guys, shirtless, whatever the fuck you want. It'd be the greatest walk he ever had, up to fucking tarmac, you know, give you a stack of cash like Henry Hill, you know, why don't you do it that way instead of coming down all knees and elbows and gorilla and some gorilla, somebody off a plane. It's so stupid. All right. Boyfriend troubles? Hey, Bill, I was wondering if you could help with issues I'm having with my boyfriend. He's really sweet, but sometimes too sweet. Now, Jesus, he's too submissive and I wish he could be more dominant. All right, okay. He's fucking. He would give up his seat. Is that what you're saying? I don't know how to bring it up to him without hurting his feelings. I really want to do bdsm. Bondage, sadomasochist. Wait, the screen just went out. Rape. Role play. But every time we try it, it never works. How can I top off? Toughen him up. Oh, my God. That's a fucking sketch right there. He's too sweet.

[Bill Burr]

He's a sweet, nice guy.

[Unknown Speaker]

And you want to do that with a sweet, nice guy? Hey, don't move or I'll. I'll bop you on your head. Honey, you got to speak a little more firmer than that. I will bop you on the head. Stop saying bop. You're Drying me up. How can I toughen up? You know what you can't. You can't. What you're looking to do, you can't do with a person like that. You just got to understand that he's a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. No pun intended. And I don't know, I. You know, it's like that whole sex thing. You gotta, like, you guys, you gotta vibe with each other if the vibe isn't there, especially with something like that, I mean, that's gonna be. It's gonna be the most awkward thing ever. Do you do the whole act out? Do you tell them to go outside and try to like, you know, he probably knocked on the door. Hello. Here to rape you, if that's okay. Yeah, yeah. You're. You're with. I would say you're with the wrong guy. That's all. So you gotta, you know, I don't know. I don't. I have no idea. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, I'm gonna leave it at that. I really need Nia here. You know, that's just like a whole. I don't know that you can do that. Is there any woman out there? Have you been able to. Because I got to tell you from the other side, when I. When back in the day when I was a single man, you know, glory days, they'll pass you by. Glory days in a wink of young girls. What I would do. Well, I guess you've already done this, so it's not working on it. What I would always do when you were trying to, like, get a woman to not be so. Because it was really with a lot of women, they're super self conscious. It's not like they don't know what they want to do or want to try. It's. They're so afraid of how a guy that they actually like is going to judge them. So what I did was I would just gradually, I would just create this environment where it's just like, yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna judge you. I don't. Whatever the fuck you want to do. And I really believe that. I mean, just like, I don't judge anybody. Whatever the fuck they want to do. If that's what you're into, go ahead and do it. As long as the other person is also into it, you know, that's fine. So you had to create this environment where they weren't afraid to say what they wanted to try, which I used to say you were drawing out their inner which is still judgmental. You really want what you're doing is you freeing them up. You know, it's like free, get free. Getting free is freeing up. As a comedian, you know, you just sort of leave your act behind. You just, you know, you bomb a little bit, then you get relaxed, then you're fine. Trying to free yourself up on an instrument. I imagine it's the same way. There's no difference. Same thing in the bedroom, however. What the fuck is that noise? Is that my phone? Oh, yes, it is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Anyways, all right, I gotta get off the phone here. So there are certain people, they don't have, like, what you. What you're looking for there. This person probably doesn't have it in them. So I don't know what to tell you, but, I mean, if you haven't done anything else, you kind of started way down the fucking road, you know what I mean? Jesus Christ. Just haven't slap your ass a little bit. I mean, fucking baby steps. Go rent. What about Bob? Learn about baby steps. And maybe you could gradually, you know, take this sweet, innocent person and turn him into a fucking deviant. I have no idea. I don't know what to tell you. Unfortunately, Nia is still sleeping downstairs, so I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. It's been my experience that, you know, I don't know, if someone's not into it, they're not into it. You just fucking leave it at that, right? It's not what it is. Jesus, this is awkward. All right. That's the podcast. That's the podcast. Go Celtics. How about the fucking Predators? First ones to advance to the conference finals. Beaten. Meet me in St. Louie Louie Blues. Go home, couples. Once again. Once again. Fifty fucking years, no cup. The Edmonton Oilers coming back after that brutal fucking loss in overtime. Jesus. Is gonna be Edmonton and the Predators. Is it gonna be the Ducks? Oh, God, I don't know. I just never been. I just could never get over. I've never forgiven them for being owned by Disney and named after a kid's movie. The Mighty Ducks. You know, maybe if they still had the fucking intestinal fortitude, as they always used to say in wrestling to still call themselves the Mighty Ducks. The fact that they got. They got rid of the Mighty. You know, it's like they're trying to run from their history. It's like kfc, your Kentucky Fried Chicken, you know? Stop trying to fucking lighten it up. Wait a minute. Who the is left? Yeah, I still think the Penguins are going to do it, you know. Crosby's come back. Seems to be all right. I think the pen's got it. I can say that. Haven't watched 10 games this year. All right, go yourselves. I'll check in on you on. On Thursday. All Sam, it.