Dean Delray '5836', Turkish Hair, Dressing Cool | Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary

Title: Dean Delray '5836', Turkish Hair, Dressing Cool | Monday Morning Podcast 4-10-25
Host: Bill Burr
Guest: Dean DelRay
Release Date: April 10, 2025

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1. Welcome and Introduction [00:00 - 00:58]

Bill Burr kicks off the podcast with his signature intro, humorously addressing unexpected camera setups and expressing gratitude for those tuning in. He introduces his special guest, Dean DelRay, and corrects a mispronunciation of Dean’s special title from "5936" to "5836".

Bill Burr [00:34]: “Dean DelRay '5836'... Is not a lost Van Hagar album.”

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2. Dean’s Unique Approach to Comedy [00:58 - 02:33]

Dean DelRay discusses his meticulous method of tracking his stand-up performances. Unlike many comedians, Dean counts each set meticulously, seeing it as a testament to his work ethic and growth.

Bill Burr [00:58]: “8, 5, 6, 5, 1, 50. Yeah. It's the number of times you’ve done stand up.”

Dean explains how he documents every show, including venues, successes, and bombs, to reflect on his journey and prepare for future performances.

Dean DelRay [01:36]: “I started writing it down when I started just in the notes on my phone... and it became like a work ethic thing.”

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3. Promoting Dean’s Special in a Unique Venue [02:33 - 10:48]

Bill Burr and Dean delve into the creation of Dean’s new stand-up special, shot in a hollowed-out cave in Tennessee. They highlight the challenges and uniqueness of filming in such an unconventional location.

Bill Burr [06:00]: “He found a cave in the middle of Tennessee and hollowed it out... it smells like a sulfur when you're in there.”

Dean shares his experience of pitching the idea, the initial skepticism from streaming platforms like Netflix, and the determination to make the special stand out.

Dean DelRay [10:07]: “But you know, they didn't even look at it... it's... it's funny.”

Bill expresses optimism about the special going viral due to its distinctiveness and high-quality production.

Bill Burr [10:46]: “I think that's a blessing, dude.”

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4. Navigating Ageism in Comedy [10:48 - 13:45]

The conversation shifts to the topic of ageism in the comedy industry. Bill Burr shares his experiences and strategies to stay relevant, emphasizing the importance of owning one's voice and continuously evolving.

Bill Burr [12:08]: “People need to figure out, okay, how do I get my voice out there? It's just gonna create all these different scenes.”

Dean concurs, highlighting the significance of perseverance and maintaining a positive outlook despite industry biases.

Dean DelRay [12:29]: “Ageism in comedy. Is that real? Are you fucking crazy?”

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5. Relationship Advice and Personal Insights [13:45 - 21:20]

Bill Burr offers relationship advice, discussing common pitfalls like resentment and poor communication. He emphasizes the importance of treating partners well and not letting frustration morph into negativity.

Bill Burr [19:01]: “It’s called resentment. Yeah. But my thing is, I hear your stories. So it kept me going because you weren't the mighty Burr.”

Dean adds his perspective on maintaining healthy relationships and the importance of mutual support.

Dean DelRay [21:10]: “I'll hit them back and go, hey, I was angry like you, and I went for my dreams at 44. Just go do it. Fuck it.”

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6. Fashion and Personal Style [27:01 - 31:16]

The duo lightens the mood by discussing fashion choices, particularly Dean’s stylish jacket. They touch on the significance of maintaining a cool and vibrant appearance as one ages, drawing inspiration from icons like Mick Jagger.

Bill Burr [27:05]: “Is that from the Charles Lindbergh collection?… You just didn't go to an army navy store and get that cool jacket.”

Dean attributes his fashion sense to legends like Mick Jagger, stressing that age doesn't have to dictate style.

Dean DelRay [27:30]: “I learned that from Mick Jagger when I was touring with the Stones.”

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7. Promoting the Special and Future Projects [31:16 - 38:37]

As the podcast nears its conclusion, Bill and Dean focus on promoting Dean’s special, available on Patreon and YouTube. Dean expresses his gratitude and outlines plans for future projects, including shooting a new special in Joshua Tree.

Dean DelRay [32:58]: “You can see it on my Patreon for the next six days. Patreon.com DeanDelRay.”

Bill emphasizes the importance of promoting fellow comedians and supporting their work.

Bill Burr [38:35]: “We’re gonna blow this thing up. Go out there, get some money. Go buy some motorcycles.”

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8. Closing Remarks and Final Promotions [38:37 - 39:15]

Bill Burr wraps up the podcast with final shout-outs, encouraging listeners to support Dean’s special and highlighting the camaraderie between comedians.

Bill Burr [38:40]: “Love you, brother. Check out 5836.”

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Notable Quotes

• Bill Burr [00:34]: “Dean Delray '5836'... Is not a lost Van Hagar album.”
• Dean DelRay [01:36]: “I started writing it down when I started just in the notes on my phone... and it became like a work ethic thing.”
• Bill Burr [06:00]: “He found a cave in the middle of Tennessee and hollowed it out... it smells like a sulfur when you're in there.”
• Bill Burr [12:08]: “People need to figure out, okay, how do I get my voice out there? It's just gonna create all these different scenes.”
• Bill Burr [19:01]: “It’s called resentment. Yeah. But my thing is, I hear your stories. So it kept me going because you weren't the mighty Burr.”
• Dean DelRay [21:10]: “I'll hit them back and go, hey, I was angry like you, and I went for my dreams at 44. Just go do it. Fuck it.”
• Dean DelRay [27:30]: “I learned that from Mick Jagger when I was touring with the Stones.”
• Dean DelRay [32:58]: “You can see it on my Patreon for the next six days. Patreon.com DeanDelRay.”
• Bill Burr [38:35]: “We’re gonna blow this thing up. Go out there, get some money. Go buy some motorcycles.”

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Where to Listen

Dean DelRay's Special:

• Patreon: Available exclusively for patrons until April 17th. Visit Patreon.com/DeanDelRay.
• YouTube: Accessible on Dean’s YouTube channel starting April 17th.

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Final Thoughts

In this episode, Bill Burr and Dean DelRay explore the intricacies of the comedy world, the importance of perseverance, and maintaining personal style amidst industry challenges. Their candid discussions provide valuable insights for both aspiring comedians and fans alike. Dean's new special promises a unique viewing experience, blending humor with an unconventional setting that sets it apart in the comedy landscape.

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Note: This summary excludes advertisements, intros, outros, and non-content sections as per the request.

Transcript

[Dean Del Rey]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, Just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. All right, so look at this. I'm in New York City. What'd you think I wasn't going to find microphones and a camera? Why am I coming at you in a hostile way? You didn't think that. You just sat down to watch it. So thank you. So whenever I have video, that means I have a special guest. My special guest this week has a new stand up special that he shot inside of a mountain man called 5936.

[Dean Del Rey]

Now 5836. Fuck.

[Bill Burr]

5836. Mr. Dean Del Rey.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, God, I miss you, dude. I have not seen you in two fucking months. It's got to be the longest since I've met you. 15, 14 years ago.

[Bill Burr]

All right, we got to explain.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

First of all, 5836.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yep.

[Bill Burr]

Is not a lost Van Hagar album.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Oh, you.

[Bill Burr]

8, 5, 6, 5, 1, 50. Yeah. It's the amount of times that you've done stand up. So you're the only guy I know past like, 17 sets who starts counting. It's. You're like Gene Simmons with pussy. So, like, what is it? I'm fascinated with this. What is this? So this, this Rain man thing that you do and how do you keep, like, especially like, you know, if you're here in New York and you do three spots like, oh, fuck, Dean's here. And you hang. You have the hang. You chop it up. How are you in your head? Like, in your head, like, 59, 35,000, 837. 58, 37. Like, how do you do that?

[Dean Del Rey]

Compute, compute. I. You know, I started writing it down when I started just in the notes on my phone, because I was thinking, you know, one day I'll write a book and I'll be like, I did comedy for a couple months in 2009.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Dean Del Rey]

And here's where I did it. And that was the point, you know? And then it just. I just started going and keep going and I kept putting them in. It became like a work ethic thing.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

Then it became kind of a thing of like, okay, when was the last time I was at this venue? Like, you got club soda, Kenny? He'll be like, last year you opened with my kids. Joke. You know? But with me, I got to go in and go, okay, I was here two years ago. Can't do any of this stuff. Let's do this stuff or whatever.

[Unknown]

Or.

[Dean Del Rey]

Or I also have notes in there, like, bombed like crazy. Oh, yeah, I put those in there, man. When I bomb. I put them in there.

[Bill Burr]

Like, went to bed sad.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, I remember.

[Bill Burr]

I remember I did next morning cereal did not taste as good. Saw a robin on a branch. Picked up my spirits.

[Dean Del Rey]

I did the garden with you, dude.

[Bill Burr]

At 38.

[Dean Del Rey]

I did that garden with you, dude. And the next day, esty is like, can you come do the brunch show? And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm feeling good.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, after we did Madison Square. Yeah, you murdered that night.

[Dean Del Rey]

And then I go down there, noon, they're eating waffles, and she put me on first and you ate your dick. Oh, I could see the shadow of.

[Bill Burr]

Her roll through little glass of orange juice.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, my God, they got the waffles, the oj, the mimosas. And I'm.

[Unknown]

I.

[Bill Burr]

Can I tell you something? I fucking love those sets.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I love having the big thing and then just eating your balls. I've been going to the Comedy Village after. After doing the play.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So you do the play and there's this big, like, you know, I mean, I'm. The cast is crazy good.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So even if I'm a little off, it's. It's still murderous because everybody else is just like, blitzkrieg.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So, you know, you get, like the standing ovation. You do the fucking 28 Broadway bows, and it's like, ah. And then you go out, you sign the programs.

[Dean Del Rey]

Ah.

[Bill Burr]

And then I would just fucking go home to my stupid apart. I got this corporate apartment with, like, no fucking pictures on the wall, sitting in this little white box, and I'm like, what do I do now? Like, why? Why am I doing this? This is fucking weird. So what I started to do to take the edge off is I go over to the Comedy Village, you know, and I try out bits and semi eat it. Semi eat it. And then also, you know, I'm going over there and, you know, I go over there during the week, and they'll just be sort of like 20 people scattered amongst, like, 50 chairs. And it's a really nice comedown.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And I get to hang with PJ and talk about the old days, and I meet some new comics and stuff. I've actually met this comic that when I was in Paris, you know, I did a show out there, and he, you know, he's doing what I was. I was trying to do a little bit of My act in French. He's over here trying to do his stuff in English, so ended up, you know, getting to practice a little French with him hanging out. And then I go home.

[Dean Del Rey]

Right.

[Bill Burr]

Way better.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, way better.

[Bill Burr]

But I do like the quick comedown. I'm a big believer in the. In. In the big, quick comedown. You gotta shake it off. Like, if you do some fucking huge, ridiculous gig, the worst thing to do is to hang on to it.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, that is the worst.

[Bill Burr]

I actually. Yeah, I think that going to some hole in the wall and kind of eating it a little bit. Yeah, you're like, all right, okay. Tuxedo's off. I'm fucking Bill again. This is just reg, all right? This is a job. I got to. I got to work at this thing.

[Dean Del Rey]

So it just grounds you right back, especially. I'm not the fucking headliner. You're the headliner. It's your draw and everything. I'm.

[Bill Burr]

Let me jerk off. Who goes on last?

[Dean Del Rey]

No, no, no. So anyway, it's even better to immediately get back into my level, which is a fucking brunch show at the Cellar. I like going to the brunch show and eating and not performing. Keith's all. I called Keith. I go, man, I just bombed during the brunch show. And he goes, ah, you dummy. You don't do the brunch show. Everyone knows that. What do you knew?

[Bill Burr]

So that's what I love. That's what I love about that place is everybody knows you're gonna bomb on that show, and they still mind. Fuck you when you do. Like, you're the only guy that did it. Well, let's talk about your special, Dean. Yeah, hit me up. And he goes, dude, I want to shoot a special. I'm like, that's fucking great. And he goes, there's this venue, you know, Typical Dean. Say, dude, check it out. This guy fucking found a cave in the middle of Tennessee and he hollowed it out, man. And he built a fucking club in there. And I'm like, what? And you were like, yeah. He said, but at that point, they'd.

[Dean Del Rey]

Only done, like, music, bluegrass, never done comedy.

[Bill Burr]

Okay? And they shine like the lights up on the rocks above you it smells of sulfur when you're in there. It smelled like the old house I grew up in for a period of time when I was growing up that had water damage in the basement because the foundation was made.

[Dean Del Rey]

One of those buddy moves to the basement. He's like, I got my own room now. And you get in there and you're like, stinks in here, but we can party.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, no, but. And also, so, yeah, you're, like, breathing in mold, but you know that. You know that damp basement smell? That's what it was. So anyway. Oh, my God, I forgot that we went there we go to do the gift. First of all, how did you find out about the. Is it because you do music and you did. You were in a band and all of that stuff that you knew that this place existed? Because no comic. I knew. I know knew that that place existed.

[Dean Del Rey]

No, I ended up. We talked about it on the last podcast before we launched it.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry, am I asking the same question?

[Dean Del Rey]

No, no, no. But I'm going to tell the story.

[Bill Burr]

You tell that story, Dean.

[Dean Del Rey]

I ended up interviewing the owner, Todd Mayo, because he wrote a book called the Caveman Chronicles about starting this venue. And then mid interview, I said, I gotta do my special there. And he goes, let's do it, man. We've never done comedy. I'm looking forward to it. And then a month later, Miyu and Marcus Price and Kenny. Club Soda Kenny were there and nobody done comedy, so there was nobody to call and go, hey, what's it sound like? Do the laughs suck in there? Whatever. We totally rolled the dice. And I was just telling the guys outside of the studio, if I would have known where the it was, I would have been really nervous because it was way out in no man's land.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. It was like fly to Nashville and then just drive an hour into the woods. I mean, it's a mountain or whatever, but, like, I just kept felt. Feeling like I was in. In that movie the Dirty Dozen. And you remember when the officers were in, like, the basement and they were pouring all the gas and dropping all the grenades down?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Jim Brown runs and he throws them in. Yeah. I felt like I was in there and that. Did they close the door or no?

[Dean Del Rey]

They did close the door.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That was a little claustrophobic.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Cause you're in there.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. It was like, I felt like also like one of those 1950s nuclear fallout shelter. And like, you know, this one town, everybody makes it to the cave and they close the door and the whole world ends and it's just fucking them. There was definitely those vibes which I felt like added to the show. So I went up and I opened in front of you, and you got to see this thing. It's like, it obviously doesn't look like anybody else is special and you're killed. So, you know, I'm hoping that we can get out here and promote the hell out of it. Why am I saying this? We cut that part out. Let me do that. I'll have Andrew cut that part out. I'm literally explaining what we're doing. I'm sorry, dude. I went to the SNL after party and I stayed up till 4 in the morning. I couldn't get to sleep till 4 in the morning last night. So I'm a little fucking out of it here Anyway, so that venue just being up there, like the second you got on the stage, I felt like those times where you're doing your act but you're also like taking in the venue. Like, this is really. This is really cool.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So. And then I was. When you were doing your set, you were murdering and I was way, you know, towards where they. The door was like opening and stuff. And I could just tell the way like Marcus was shooting it that it was gonna be awesome. So I think that this thing is gonna go viral because it doesn't look like anybody else's. Anybody else's special.

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, the first thing everybody says, and I was a little naive when we shot this thing. Thank God. I was, I was like, oh yeah, we're gonna shop this and they're gonna look at it for one minute, go what the fuck? And buy it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

But you know, they didn't even look at it. The days like Netflix and we couldn't get a call back from Netflix. We sent them five one minute clips. Cause we know how ADD people are. Just click on this and fucking your bosses will be happy you found this fucking million dollar special that looks like nobody's and it's fucking funny.

[Bill Burr]

Right?

[Dean Del Rey]

And we couldn't even. So nothing.

[Bill Burr]

But I think that's a blessing, dude.

[Unknown]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Burr]

You remember that documentary with that kid. That guy was in a band, I think it was that. That one about Anvil.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And how they were just right there and all the bands coming up that made it were looking at them like those guys are the guys and they just never broke through. And they were just talking about the music business. Excuse me? They were just talking about the music business. And the guy said, you know, at the end of the day, he goes, you're better to own something 100% and sell 20,000 copies than to not own it at all and sell 20 million. Oh yeah. So I think the fact that all of the. For whatever reason, I don't understand like what show business is doing right now, like they're really not buying anything. I don't know if they got overextended. But I know, like, these streaming services are, like, these insatiable behemoths that just need content. So I don't understand why they're not necessarily buying the way that they were.

[Dean Del Rey]

Especially when you hand them something like, we.

[Bill Burr]

I think it's the fucking tariffs, man. I'm so glad I'm not watching the news.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

Watching that. So anyway, but I think what they're. What they're going to be ending up doing by being stingy like this now or just whatever, punishing us because we went on strike, whatever the hell it is that they're doing, they're gonna create like they're setting people free.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Because people need to figure out, okay, well, how do I get my voice out there? It's just gonna create all these different scenes. And like I said, dude, I think you're gonna probably make more money doing it this way, because I'm gonna promote the hell out of it, obviously. And that's my favorite thing to do, is promote comics that I believe in. You are one of those guys. And, yeah, there's also ageism.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, God, big time. I was talking to somebody about it, and they go, ageism in comedy. Is that real? I go, what, are you fucking crazy?

[Bill Burr]

No. You have to be past certain points. That's why I said it's show business. In show business, you have to be past certain points. Or then just the angle of attack, it just gets steeper and steeper. But the reality is, and for all you young comics and performers out there is you never give away your power. You always know that I have this power. I'm relatable. And just because these bean counters with their algorithms have these things, like, there's a million. What I did when I was coming up is whatever I was running into once I went through that, I felt was holding me back whenever I would go through the depression of it. And then I would just look at somebody who was in the same boat and made it. I'm like, all right, that's my guy. Right?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So, like, I always use the going bald thing. And I was just like, oh, fuck, I'm going bald. I wasn't getting work with the full head of red hair. Everybody wants to give me a fucking Richie Cunningham role. What the fuck? And I started losing my hair, and I was like, oh, no, man, this is gonna be over. And then I just went like, no, fuck that. Ed Harris, Yul Brenner. And I just started looking at all these bald guys.

[Dean Del Rey]

New heroes.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Telly Savalas. And I was just like, those guys made him. But it was like out of necessity.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Because if it wasn't, I was just gonna be in some fucking comedy condo by myself, going bald, wanting to kill myself. So this is before, by the way, they had these, these new Turkish hair systems.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Have you.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, my God, we're laughing at that. Like flights home. There's like, oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

You have to look up. Somebody took a picture and it's like. I think it's so goddamn funny.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And like. And it's like classic. The classic thing like this shame. Like, like, you know, people make fun of women with plastic shirts or whatever, but you can fucking go in on a dude with fucking. That. That's cow. With the hair. It's fucking.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

Hilarious. Oh my. And it looks so fucking painful. Scary. Dude, it looks like they put a fucking cheese grater on everybody's fucking head.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And they would. They. Like someone put them in a headlock and just went like that. And they just. They're all sitting there like bandage. Like this mass unit flying home from fucking.

[Unknown]

From war.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, I got it. Like, I don't out the guy, but like. Dude, there's a guy.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, I know a few guys.

[Bill Burr]

No, I know. No, this guy is not in show business. Yeah, he's like a handyman. He like fixes shit, like elevators and stuff. I know this dude. He's like fucking 60s.

[Dean Del Rey]

He goes and gets the full hair.

[Bill Burr]

He did.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, man.

[Bill Burr]

No, but it looks great. And. And I got to tell you, he's happy as hell.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And he lost some weight and everything, but I'm just sitting there single.

[Dean Del Rey]

Is that why?

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Dean Del Rey]

Wow. He did.

[Bill Burr]

He just. He. He had like, you know, he did like a. It was very female energy. Like, I don't like the way I look and I'm going to change it and I'm going to live my best life. And there's like men doing that right now. So I actually felt really good for him. But it was also funny to me. Like, why do you need a full head of hair to be in your 60s repairing elevators?

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, some people you want to like.

[Bill Burr]

Have your big wrench and just.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Just waving it back. He wants to get a headband. Some people, it doesn't work on them, though. You see him, right? And it's like all shitty. A year later, like, it didn't take.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, have. Have they worked their way past that yet?

[Dean Del Rey]

I don't know, cuz I know a guy that got one like A year ago, and I saw him.

[Bill Burr]

I thought you were going to launch into a song about a guy. I know a guy so like that people be vamping underneath.

[Dean Del Rey]

I know a guy, got some hair.

[Bill Burr]

Plugs just doing this one goes on. Everybody just got back from Turkey.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'll tell you this right now.

[Bill Burr]

That's gonna be a line in a song. Yeah, but the hair plugs didn't take. So we still stuck in that town going bald at the Duncans, wondering what to do next.

[Dean Del Rey]

Bad Springsteen cover. Bad.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, it's all bad. Spring.

[Dean Del Rey]

Get your head done. Get it done now.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

Hope it sticks or you'll be.

[Bill Burr]

And it'll be a. It'll be a metaphor for some sort of, like, oppression.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah. What I wanted to say is I was never, you know, delusional about the business when I started. I was like, I'm just doing this because I always wanted to try comedy. And then here I am 15 years later, and I always tell people, the key is, don't be bitter. Because I would meet bitter comics on the way up, not be like, I'll get the out. This sucks. And I'm like, you know, it sucks selling Harleys in the sun in the summer when the guy's like, can I see the blue one in the sun again? That sucks. This is pretty good, you know, So I look, we shot what I consider, for me, one of my favorite, absolutely the favorite thing I've ever done in my life. I look at it and it looks like Apocalypse Now. We're waiting for Brando.

[Unknown]

Oh, no.

[Bill Burr]

It's going to be great. And I also think that what's funny is you're like, this business is always trying to get, like, you know, young, beautiful or whatever, which is great. You know, you want to see movie stars, of course. But there's the other lane, which is like the relatable guy that's had to work for everything. And that's the thing about you. You. You have had to work for every inch of turf that you've had in here. But in this business, I love that.

[Dean Del Rey]

You recognize that, you know, because.

[Bill Burr]

No, I, I, I see the guys, like, Versi's another guy. And. But that, but, but when you guys, like, hit Joe Bartnik, like myself was the same thing. Like, I didn't like, you know.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I wasn't the it comic or whatever. I just, it was just a war of attrition. Is that the right word? I always hear that expression. I don't know what that means. I think just every day I took Another, you know.

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, you were that, but Teddy Savalas was your guy. But for me, you were my guy because as I toured with you over the years, I remember I told the story many times. We're in Nashville, you're doing the rhyming. I went over and did Zany's. Real quick. And you go, oh, God, I did Zany's. It was all these bachelorette parties. I called them all cunts and I thought I was never gonna work again.

[Bill Burr]

Which they weren't.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, they weren't.

[Bill Burr]

They weren't. It was my childhood anger.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. And so, I mean, they might have.

[Bill Burr]

Been a little cunty, but they weren't cunts. But I hate someone was Mariam. Yeah. No man's ever gone out and married a cunt.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, really?

[Bill Burr]

I think I'm joking. They have. But I also think a lot of times, like, you not understanding how to take care of a relationship.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Makes you think that the person turned into a cunt. And it's like. No, that's. It's called resentment.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. But my thing is, I hear your stories. So it kept me going because you weren't the. It got. When I met you, you weren't. I always say, you weren't the mighty Burr. You were doing, you know, potluck.

[Bill Burr]

That was the chugging along.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Ginger.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. So it's like, I hear the stories, I listen to them. I keep going and I go, well, you know, I remember Burr was telling me this story. I keep going and keep going, and. And I've already. If it ended tomorrow. I look at this run I had of 6,000 shows.

[Unknown]

Well, I always.

[Bill Burr]

I feel like everybody in this business, like, if you're here, you're getting this in the business.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And then when you get here, you get this. And it's always that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And it's just because there are, you know, it's a hard business, but there are so many people. I mean, look at Martin Scorsese.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Like, they. He didn't win an Oscar until the Departed. Unbelievable. So that's another guy that I looked at. It's like, I'm going to sit here and whine. I didn't make, you know, Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas, all of these movies and have to wait. And that's like 10, 20, 30, like 30 something years of making. Imagine you're sitting there and redefining cinema.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. And you're going, really?

[Bill Burr]

Before he finally gets the thing. Right. And then meanwhile, you know, like, everything's the same. And then meanwhile, there's the catchphrase, sort of director that, you know, had the movie that was about the right subject at the right. Like that. It's like, you know, threading a needle or whatever. So I'm just looking, going like, all right, there's that, you know, and that's just. White guys, forget about fucking racism, sexism, and all of that. So, like, as long as you, like, look at it that way, the pity party ends and you like, all right, yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

I go, I. Boo hoo.

[Bill Burr]

I tell, I tell.

[Dean Del Rey]

I never sit around and complain, man. It's just like, let's write jokes. Let's get. You know, Sarah Silverman once said, stop complaining and be undeniable. And I took that in. I was like, yeah, man. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

That's a truth. Truth.

[Bill Burr]

I just worked with her. There's this thing coming up on Netflix, Conan O'Brien, the Mark Twain Award. I don't know if I'm. I fucked you fuck. Those guys. They always go, don't fucking promote it.

[Unknown]

What.

[Bill Burr]

What is. I don't understand. What is the problem of saying that it's coming out. They want to do all of these streaming people. They're like, don't say anything about it until April 11th at 11:43.

[Dean Del Rey]

I know. Surprise drop collab.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. I just feel like they. They all have like, you know those old fashioned things with like those accounting machines.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Where they try to figure out, you know, algorithm. But yeah, I think they just want to put out a, like a super. A focused blast. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know. Anyway, so we were doing that and anyway, Sarah was on. Was on that show. And like, I've always said this. My favorite things are super intelligent people that are silly. And she's like.

[Dean Del Rey]

She's great.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. Yeah. So I got to sit next to her on sort of the deus thing and she went up, of course, and absolutely murdered. That was a fun hang that night. And that was definitely one of those nights. I was sitting there looking at all the people that were. I mean, it was such an insane level of talent that John Mulaney went on first.

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know what the other guys were thinking, but I was going like, I can't follow that. He was on. He was on that. That guy was unbelievable. The first. The first time I saw him was in Zany's in Chicago. He opened for me and he was like, I know he's gotten better over the years, but he seemed like from day one he was that good. I remember he had like this poise, like he'd been hosting letterman for like 30 years and he was like this 19, 20 year old kid. I was just sitting back at the club going like, this might be the biggest no brainer this kid's gonna make it I've ever seen. So anyway, he went on first. But I did have that moment during that show of thinking that I always have that imposter thing like, like, I get why you're here. I get why you're here. I get why you're here. You know, like, I don't get, you know, like, and then I gotta be like, no, I do deserve to be here. I'm not gonna bomb, I'm gonna fucking do this. So. But I think that that's, as long as that doesn't become torturous, I think it's a good thing to, you know, feel a little less than, you know.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's funny, speaking of Conan, you know, he was the only guy ever to put me on tv. He gave me my first TV spot. So I, I know he doesn't run his Instagram, but I, I ghost DM'd it anyway. Just sent it out there into the world of like, hey man, I just want to thank you. You were the only guy ever to put me on late night tv. First TV spot ever. I'll never forget it. And special set because I put it. Yeah, I put a pictures at the beginning of the special of everyone that helped me in my career and all my friends. You key. Oh, that's cool. So it spins through this amazing thing. The clubs where I worked and, and names on walls and everything. And then Conan was in there, you know, and I just, I wanted to put him in there because that was, that was a insane night for me. You know, my mom was still alive, she got to see it. She showed the neighbors, like, look at, he's on tv. And we used Conan, you know, her and I, and, and so I just sent that DM to him, you know, like whoever, whatever assistant runs his account.

[Bill Burr]

I know, I don't know, I'm bad at those things. I don't, I don't read it. I. Eventually it just becomes like, it's like emails. I get like anxiety. Like I used to like not check my emails at all. And it got up to the point my account got full. When you get over a hundred thousand emails, I mean, it was like a decade of like the only way I would check my emails if somebody said, did you get my email? And I would say, what is your email? And Then I would search it and I would get it, dude.

[Dean Del Rey]

Sometimes.

[Bill Burr]

So no. But one day and you don't even.

[Dean Del Rey]

Get it, you know, Text ya.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah, yeah, right. I hate it. So one day I. I had my assistant came in and I just said, can you do me a favor? I go, what? Can you just delete everything and I'm just going to start over again? And she goes, really? I go, yeah. She goes, well, what if I go? I'm never going to find it. Whatever it is, just get rid of it, dude. And I felt like this lightness, like I cleaned out my garage or something. So this morning I'm taking the train down here, riding the subway down, and I realized I was back up to like 1400. And I'm like, all right, I got to. I got to knock it down. Like this week I'm trying to delete 100 emails.

[Dean Del Rey]

I do it at the gym. So I'm at the gym on the lithic all. And I just.

[Bill Burr]

The elliptical. The elliptical.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, yeah, whatever. I've been. I've been on it for years and I call it the wrong thing.

[Bill Burr]

That's the one.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Everybody's all, walk it. Walk it at a 45 degree angle on a treadmill. It just fucking. I got to get a sweat going now.

[Dean Del Rey]

I got to get it going, but I'll go through it there. Or long flights, out, out, out. Long flights across the states, you know, dump that shit. Catch up on emails. Like, hey, I know this is from a month ago, but I'm on a JetBlue flight right now cross country, so you got my attention.

[Bill Burr]

You sounded. That was like when you said out, out. Yeah, out. I thought you were counting off that Talking Head song. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

[Dean Del Rey]

God, I love that. Psycho killer.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

So good.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, that's it. Yeah. Psycho Killer was the same tempo. I've been playing a lot of drums.

[Dean Del Rey]

I want to give a shout out real quick to Eric McFadden and Kate Vargas from Sergeant Splendor for letting me sleep on their couch while I'm here all this week.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, wow.

[Dean Del Rey]

These guys always. Anytime, like, yeah, man, here, you know, so shout out to them and. Great band. You would love them.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, okay.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

All right. All right. So we gotta. We gotta before we go.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yep.

[Bill Burr]

We have to. Dean is also like a fashion plate.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So tell me about the jacket. Is that from the Charles Lindbergh collection? I know. You just didn't go to an army navy store and get that that cool jacket. Where did you get the jack? Because this is. The thing about Dean is like for all you fucking old heads out there, you don't have to dress like a dad. Yeah, you can fucking.

[Dean Del Rey]

You know what? I learned that from Mick Jagger when I was touring with the Stones.

[Bill Burr]

You know, when he was touring with the Stones. We're just going to throw that in 28 minutes into the pocket so you.

[Dean Del Rey]

Have something to say. Fuck that guy.

[Bill Burr]

So now you're a likable guy.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah. So Jagger, my point is, if you're. There's a guy in my neighborhood and he's like fucking 75, but he wears sick ass clothes. So you don't look at him as 75, you're not looking at him as. He's young, but he's in.

[Bill Burr]

It's a great energy to put out there. And you know what? And young women smile. They always smile at a old guy.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And then he gets to smile and it makes you feel good. You get seen the guy that owns.

[Dean Del Rey]

The Roxy, he goes to the Laker games, he's dressed so cool. So I used to see Jagger and he was always in some kind of cool outfit. So you never went, wow, that dude's old. He just. If you dress not cotton, Dockers Gap dude and give tap out, you're going to, you know, kind of have a flavor.

[Bill Burr]

You can have a vibe and then people. So then you like. I can't. If you just go like you just sort of. You're going to your drab years and you just fucking have a bunch of old clothes on. You don't give a fuck. If you don't give a fuck like the world does.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So you just like. I feel like, you know, when you're in like your 70s and 80s, all you want is just somebody to say what's up?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So if you come in, you got a little style. Because this like, you know, this coffee shop, I go down and I. I have one a day. That's my thing now, right?

[Unknown]

Only one.

[Bill Burr]

So I get the old man nap in, right. There's this older black dude that comes by.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Every day, just going to work, dressed to the nines. And I was there with a friend of mine and I go, look at this guy, look at this guy. Look at this guy comes to go, this is this. That's how I want to be at his age. He had a hat, he had two tone shoes. But he's pulling it off in this cool ass suit, little pocket square or something like that. And he just Was like walking up the street, like, I don't know, you just. You felt good for him and he was feeling good, he looked good, he felt good about himself and stuff like that. So I've been trying, you know, lately to, to step. Oh, you wouldn't know today, but I try to step it up a little bit as far as.

[Dean Del Rey]

Especially like, I'm not a good looking dude, so you gotta have some good clothes. You know what I mean?

[Bill Burr]

I'm sitting in the same tree, dude.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, no, dude. We could have a podcast. Two ugly dudes.

[Bill Burr]

I would say ugly. I would say like. Yeah, two background dudes.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, two background dudes. Third special. Third one of those guys called the extras.

[Bill Burr]

My name on my next special is gonna be like, oh, I didn't get one.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, you know that guy, they come.

[Bill Burr]

In, they pass everything out. You're like, all right, hey.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, that's the worst.

[Bill Burr]

Can you see me over here? The guy with no vibe.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

All right, well, we got where. Yes. The jacket. And then we got to. We got to give the information where to see you.

[Dean Del Rey]

Special jacket. Iron Heart. And it's a N1 replica. So it's full New York warm with.

[Bill Burr]

What is N1 mean?

[Dean Del Rey]

That's a military. It was the N1 model that they wore. And it's got real, you know, mouton and wool. And this is wax. So it's raining or whatever. It's like a. A winter jacket. My only one.

[Bill Burr]

So who makes it?

[Dean Del Rey]

Iron Heart?

[Bill Burr]

Iron Pan.

[Dean Del Rey]

You can get it at Self Edge or I took you the other place. Standard and strange.

[Bill Burr]

Is that Soho, so. Oh, that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Where you bought the, the green jacket you never wore.

[Bill Burr]

I think I can finally fit it.

[Dean Del Rey]

Really?

[Bill Burr]

It isn't green. It's a weird color.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's great. You gotta wear that.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, if I can't fit, I. No, I. I joined this big gay gym, dude.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

It's just wall to wall.

[Dean Del Rey]

I wish it was called that.

[Bill Burr]

It should be called it. Oh, the joke I've been doing in my act. It's so good. I go, my gym's really gay. It's spelled J I M.

[Dean Del Rey]

Dude.

[Bill Burr]

It's like. But this is the thing, dude.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like, that's dumb.

[Bill Burr]

Good. Once you get past the culture shock of that. Because, dude, it's like.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

At the gym, joining like one of these, These big gay fucking New York gyms.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Is the gay dudes. They're fucking shredded. They don't skip leg day, dude. They're all. Because they're trying to appeal to men that are visual. So they're all trying to look like the Calvin Klein underwear. Fucking dude. So you come in there with your dad bod thinking you look all right. You're like, God damn, I got a fucking. I got to step it up here.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Trying to get into this gay gym shape. So I've been eating, like, salads and shit.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I'm almost. I'm almost there.

[Dean Del Rey]

I feel so soft now. I don't know what happened to him. He used to be mean, and he was one of us.

[Bill Burr]

Now I am soft now, and I like. I like it. You know, it's funny, too. It's. I love the angry people that still hate women and. And, like, that yell at me and blah, blah, blah, because I don't take it personal. It's like, dude, I get it.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, don't leave me, man.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Don't leave me with all that. I just always write back, you know, if I have the time, I'll write back and be like, listen, man, I hope you figure your way out of it. You know what I mean?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Women are great. Believe it or not.

[Dean Del Rey]

If you treat them, I do the same thing.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. If you treat them right or whatever.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'll hit them back and go, hey, I was angry like you, and I went for my dreams at 44. Just go do it. Fuck it.

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Dean Del Rey]

Go do it, man. Don't take your anger out on me. Just go do it.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah. There you go. There you go. Wasn't that nice to hear? That made me feel good just to hear that. Where can we see. Where can we see your special?

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, here it is right now. You can see it on my Patreon for the next six days. Patreon.com Dean Del Rey. And then it'll be on YouTube April 17th on my channel. Dean Del Rey, please share it. Give it to everybody. Let's see if we can blow it up, because I really, really am proud of the special, and I can't thank you enough for. Without you, I couldn't have done this. There's no fucking way.

[Bill Burr]

Don't worry about it.

[Dean Del Rey]

It would have been an iPhone with Marcus in the back. Are you sure we can't get, like, 50 bucks, man, and a light bulb, you know?

[Bill Burr]

So now I knew Marcus was going to kill it. I knew that you were going to find the venue, and I also knew that it was going to be different. I. And. And. And it's. It's. I'm. I'm proud of you, dude. So you got the new hour ready to go.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Well, I got a 30 I want to shoot in Joshua Tree in June. That's the new plan.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, okay. You build in a fucking brand.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. I got to do it out at Pappy and Harry. It's just that old west town, you know, Pioneer Town. Shoot it out there.

[Bill Burr]

All right. I'm already seeing the opening.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to have fun out there.

[Bill Burr]

Are you? You coming on motorcycle car? What? What? Vehicle. Not to give away the. The sequel.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Special.

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, we'll have to see. But we want to have a bunch of motorcycles.

[Bill Burr]

That was the perfect fucking answer. Yeah, we'll have to see. Pique their interest. Look at you understanding show business. Yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Want to go get a cup of coffee?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah. Thank you so much.

[Unknown]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Love you, brother. Check out 5836.

[Unknown]

Bam.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Short term memory is coming back.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

We've already done the play 32 times.

[Dean Del Rey]

What I got to see that. Dude, I saw that last play I saw was.

[Bill Burr]

And it's the thing. It keeps getting, like, more fun.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, man.

[Bill Burr]

I just. I get off on watching, like. Like, Bob, Kieran, Michael, Donald, John and Howard all do something different every single night. And I'm like, oh, these guys are like comedians that are always trying out new material, but, like, they have to do it within the context of these words.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

And so there's that other challenge of, like, as a comedian, the challenge is, you know, I gotta say something new.

[Dean Del Rey]

But that could.

[Bill Burr]

That's like you did. But they have to find the new in the same words.

[Unknown]

So it's like more.

[Bill Burr]

I find it more challenging. And, you know, I have learned about my brain.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Is that if I try too many new things and change the cadence, I go into the white room and I can forget my fucking. That's happened to me twice.

[Dean Del Rey]

Whoa. Did you forget your line?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, just completely blank. Whoa. But it's funny. Oh, yeah. Because your scene partner helps you out.

[Dean Del Rey]

Do you say it?

[Bill Burr]

They're like, fuck, no. No, no, no. You just sort of. You improv back and forth, and then they. They feed you a line to get you back on. No. And the crowd never notices.

[Dean Del Rey]

That's great.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah. You know, I went to. I was telling this story on my podcast. I was talking to somebody that was in one of those musical, and she was singing a song, and she goes, dude, I've done the show, like, fucking, you know, 200 times. Yeah. And I'm up there and I'm just sort of drifting, thinking about My day. And then she goes, I just go fucking blank. She goes, I have no idea what I'm singing about.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, man.

[Bill Burr]

But she had, like background singers and she just sort of started vamping. I think she said it. She goes, I almost sounded like I was trying to speak Chinese. And then she tried to make the noise of like the microphone, like cutting in and out, like going like that with, like her voice. And she was like mortified. And she went like, after the show, Friends. Oh, that was great. She goes, what do you mean that was great? I totally forgot that second verse. I was like, oh, you did? Oh, I didn't notice.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, they were checked out too.

[Unknown]

No, no, no.

[Bill Burr]

It's just like there's a lot going on or whatever. And then the thing is, if you just don't go like, oh, my God, I don't know, you can, you can play it off. And then what happens is, is when your scene's over and you get off the stage, you and the other actor just start fucking laughing. Oh, yeah, your ass off. And you go, I'm sorry about that. So they're just like, dude, you're gonna do that for me. So you're kind of there for each other. It's, it's, it's really, you know, not just. I don't think as a comedian, like, I think that we get real, like, oh, fuck, I only hang out with comedians. And like, I'm gonna get into this actory world, right, and this is gonna be this different thing and I'm gonna feel weird and not comfortable in it. It isn't that. It's really. Oh, speaking of which, I saw that. Good night and good luck. The George Clooney play, which was amaz fucking amazing. The sets was like breathtaking and all the actors killed it. The story, very relevant, obviously, for today. And Alana Glazier was in it. Yeah. So, yeah.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'm so proud of you, man. Yeah, Like, I.

[Bill Burr]

That's why when I was watching her, I was proud of her. I was like, look at those comedians getting in here on some of this.

[Dean Del Rey]

Broadway stuff and look at you. And I just go like, God damn, man. That is my, my brother killing it in the industry. You know, it's. I was talking to some Outskirts. Yeah. Still on the Outskirts thing.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, you know, we're not doing this. This is about you.

[Dean Del Rey]

I know, but keep it on you. I just wanted to, you know, just. I thought about it and I was like, this is mind boggling. You know, it's just unreal. And so fucking cool, you know, hey.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, I'm a fucking 33 year old. 33 year overnight success.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bill Burr]

So anyways, that is the podcast. Check out 5836.

[Dean Del Rey]

April 17th.

[Bill Burr]

April 17th.

[Dean Del Rey]

YouTube.

[Bill Burr]

Yup.

[Dean Del Rey]

Patreon right now. You can buy it on Patreon or.

[Bill Burr]

What'S where we're on Patre.

[Dean Del Rey]

Patreon.com deandelre and once again, thank you so much.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, no worries. Dude, we're gonna blow this thing up.

[Dean Del Rey]

Amazing.

[Bill Burr]

Go out there, get some money.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, man.

[Bill Burr]

Go buy some motorcycles.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you for watching. Everybody listen to the music. And the bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend. You can't let them.

[Unknown]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 10, 2017. What's going on? How is you? How's it going, everybody? Are you doing good? I apologize that the podcast is late. I apologize that it's late. I was flying back from San Antonio. I meant to do it yesterday, but I was doing a tour of San Antonio and the day got away from me. You know, I was going all around San Antonio. Went out to Jeff Riders drum shop. I got some Mexican food around the corner that was fucking delicious. I forget the name of that place, but it's gonna be on the video. Then I went down to the river walk and over to the stupid fucking Alamo. Jesus Christ. Just crawling with fucking tourists, reenactors, all kinds of magnets and shit. And I just was like, you know, every time I go to San Antonio, like, I'm gonna fucking go in there and I'm going to read up on all these guys who fought to the last guy. I'm going to read up on. Every time I get there, there's like 9,000 people in Jean shorts. There's a fucking gift shop. And I just say, forget it. I felt bad about it. Like, hey, what are you not. What are you not patriotic there, Bill? You know, but then I ran to somebody from San Antonio go, you ever going to this thing? They go, no, we live here. And I was like, oh, I get it now. I get it. The Alamo is your Times Square. Like, nobody in New York goes to Times Square, okay? Nobody in LA goes to fucking Disneyland or fucking Universal unless you have kids. But I mean, just as an adult, you're not gonna. You're not just gonna fucking go there. You know, you don't stand in line in your own fucking town, okay? One of the advantages of it being your own fucking town is you don't have to stand in line with everybody else because you know all the spots, you know where to go, you know where not to go. And when you're in San Antonio, where not to go is the fucking Alamo. Unless you're a goddamn tourist. Then you're going there, and then you're gonna go over to the Riverwalk, which is actually, for a touristy thing, was very nice. That man made river. I got to tell you something. That's the first time I walked down it. I liked it. I really enjoyed it. There was a bunch of people standing outside, getting a little hustle going on, trying to get you to go in and drink a margarita, right? All kinds of wacky people wearing hats, People driving by on the little gondolas. You know, it was like you were in Venice, but it was Texas, right? Their little slice of fucking Italy, you know? And then right around the corner was the Majestic Theater. Very ornate. The word only used to describe a theater. Very ornate. Hey, my buddy redid his garage. Oh, it's beautiful. It's so ornate. Nobody ever says that, right? They call it a fucking man cave, okay? So the man caves for fucking, you know, the twinkle toes there. The Broadway stars of these theaters. And this thing had, like. I mean, had, like, fucking houses. And she look at some Peter Pan stuff was amazing. And evidently, while I was on stage, there was a bat flying around that went past me. And aside the fact that it was a bat, like, nobody even reacted. They're so used to bats down there. Evidently, they. They kill all the mosquitoes or enough of them. You know what I mean? So people in San Antonio evidently cool with bats. I don't know. But I had two great shows. The first show went awesome, and the second show was just next level. And I actually text my agent. I was like, the hour's ready. And he was like, really? And I'm like, yes. So let's fill up the calendar there. Oh, no, that's not how I talk to my agent. I go, let's fill up the. You know, let's fill up the calendar. So his mission, should he chooses to accept it, he's going to fill up my calendar. And then. And I gave him the list of the eight teams that I have left that I need to go see. All right, so if you're on this list, I'll be doing a show at some point within the next fucking year, Because I'm knocking these out in the next year before my daughter starts walking and talking and Doing all that stuff. I got to knock this out. So I need the Toronto Raptors, the Ottawa Senators, who are playing my Boston Bruins in the first round of the playoffs. Congratulations to both teams making the playoffs. That's a big deal. Playoffs. Oh, wait. No, no, no, wait. Are we playing them? I think we are playing them, which makes no fucking sense to me. Fucking hockey. If we like the eighth seed, shouldn't we play the Capitals? Shouldn't the Capitals be rewarded that they won their fucking division rather than having to play the fucking Penguins? And then they knock one another out. And all we got to do is try to get past the Senators. No disrespect, but disrespect intended. No, I'm just being honest. All right, let's check this shit out right now. Okay. You know this isn't gonna work. You know it's not. You know I'm gonna be on the wrong fucking one. The Boston Celtics are a second seed. They're a fucking second seed there. All right, hang on a second. NHL playoff bracket. All right, here we go. NFL, NHL playoff bracket. All right. Yes. This is what the fuck I want. You're gonna make me click on it again. I typed what I wanted. And then you're like, is this what you want? Yes, this is. This is what I want. All right, the Rangers versus Canadians. The Bruins get the Senators. I don't get it. Capitals get the Maple Leafs. Okay, all right, all right, all right. I thought. And then, oh, there's a good one. Columbus versus the Penguins. That. Oh, that's a good one. Nashville Predators made the playoffs playing the Blackhawks. Minnesota Wild vs. St. Louis Blues, Anaheim Ducks vs. The Calgary Flames, and the San Jose Shaqs vs. Edmonton Oilers. Here we go. Brad Marchand is back. And all of that shit. So, anyways, yeah, I got to get the Toronto Raptors, Ottawa Senators. Got to get the Brooklyn Nets. I've already seen the New Jersey Nets. But my rule is, if you get a new stadium, I don't give a fuck. I'll eventually see it. But if you move to a new city, especially a state, you know, then, yeah, I got to go fucking see you again. All right, I need the Carolina Hurricanes, Orlando Magic, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Memphis Grizzlies, and the New Orleans Pelicans. So there you go. So I'm gonna try to get, you know, probably do the Canadian ones at the same trip, and I'll try to do the fucking Orlando, Tampa at the same time. Then I think I'm gonna do a bus trip to knock out those Fucking three Carolina, fucking Memphis and New Orleans. I think that that's what I'm gonna do. And then I'll be done. And then what will you do, Bill? Well, you know what I'll do? I'll move on to fucking college, all right? Because the day I go out on the road and I don't have something to fucking look forward to and I just sit in the goddamn hotel waiting for the show, that's it. I'm gonna dry up. You hear me? Dry up. So anyways, I got Boise coming up, and I just got an email from the theater VMA agent saying, hey, we've been watching these videos saying, Bill likes to play the drums. What if we rented a drum kit and put it in the theater during the day? And if Bill wants to play during the day, he can come in and play for like an hour. How great is that? It's the coolest thing ever. I might. I might put that on my rider. I don't give a how much it costs. Because this is the thing. They always say, hey, we'll do that for you. And then they just, you know, they pay me less money. That's how it works now. God damn it. This isn't in stereo. I just realized it. Wait a sec. Wait a second. See, Let me see something. There we go. You fucking son of a bitch. That's not it. How do I get this thing in stereo? You know, this is just one of these fucking days, isn't it? Isn't this just one of these days? Now I'm just gonna push buttons. What's going on? There it is. Now it's in stereo. Oh, Jesus Christ. I thought there was something wrong with the wire. My fault. Well, you had to suffer for 753. I'll let you. I'll just say that it isn't, you know, this. You know something. You know what's great about it? It'll give you something to complain about, you know, Unless the great Andrew the list fixes the thing. I don't know. Anyways, plowing ahead here. So what else? Okay, so I went down there and I saw. I saw a lot of San Antonio this time. Like I said, I had great shows. You know what? Who's kidding who? I. I lost. I completely lost my train of thought because now I'm fucking mad at myself. Why didn't I think to just fucking push that button? I immediately thought it was the wire. I troubleshooted. I never knowingly lied about the wire. All right, so now I know what you guys are thinking. Hey, Bill, you know you said that you were going to watch some alternative sports this weekend. You said you were going to watch the Masters, the Moto GP in fucking Formula one. Well, old fucking Billy Freckled face, the fat titted, no glute having fucking cunt. I did two out of three. I watched the MotoGP. You know what's hilarious? I didn't realize that there was two undercard motorcycle races. And I'm sitting there going like, this fucking race is only 20 laps. What's going on here, right? The first One was the GP3, then. Or something, the Moto3, then the Moto2, and then, then there was the last one. So I kind of fast forward to the first two and then I watched the whole, I watched the whole MotoGP, the real one. And congratulations to. I don't even know how to say this guy's name. Maverick Finales. You know, I saw that Mark Markenberg, whatever his name is, he was cruising around and all of a sudden he just didn't make this turn. And he was very upset with himself. That's his name, Mark Menendez. That's not who it is. That's the guy who killed his. Then he killed his parents. I don't know what happened. And then Valentino Rossi came in second. And both of them, they seemed very excited about that, you know what I mean? They got some points, they felt good about themselves. And I got to tell you something, man, those fucking guys. And you got to check out the MotoGP. It's unfucking the amount of crashes that I saw in all three of those races. There was one guy, he was going through the turn, he started to accelerate and the back end kind of kicked a little bit. So he got off it. Then he got back on it and the, the goddamn bike had. I had a seizure, did a couple little S's and then just like started flipping over. And then the guy, of course, he flies off the damn thing, it hits him in the back of the head. It amazes me that they get back up again. Those suits they have are incredible. They got little airbags in them and. But still they always end up fucking up their hands or their ankles or something like that. But this guy kind of high sided on it, which is basically, you know, if you're a novice like me, when they just sort of lay it down and the bike starts sliding and you just kind of, you just touch the ground and slide with the fucking thing. High sightings when it hits the ground and you fucking catapult over the top of it, the high side of it. And that's when you get. Seems to me, that's when you get fucking hurt. It's ridiculous. They're going like 200 miles an hour in something that you can just fall off of. But I enjoyed the race immensely. I enjoyed that race as much as you guys probably didn't Enjoy the first 7 minutes, 53 seconds of no stereo on this. I. And then I watched. I watched the Masters too. And I could not be happier for Sergio Garcia. I mean, I just. You know, it's one of the things about being at his level when you go that long without winning is that gives you ever. It gives every mouth breathing, hagadas eating, fucking douchebag who never achieved anything the right to walk up to you and start telling you about how you can't get it done. You know what I mean? Sitting there wearing a wife beater with your flabby grandmother fucking arms, you know, just giving this guy shit. When he missed that one on 18, I was like, oh, God. Oh, boy. Here we go. Here we go. Shades of Kenny Perry. Is this what we're gonna see again? And actually, every year when I watch the Masters, you know, I don't watch it every year. I shouldn't say that, but every time I watch it, somebody always folds in the back nine. And I actually get mad at the tournament. I always end up. You know, I was actually texting my. I was texting Court, who did the live final day of the Masters. And I was just like, dude, can somebody just win this fucking event? Does anybody ever just win the Masters? No one ever wins the Masters. Somebody fucking loses it every year. And you just have to watch somebody, like a buddy of mine tested me, texted me, tested, texted me and said, if Sergio doesn't win this playoff, he said, that punt will. That punt will haunt him. It's like, no, it won't. It will. But you know what's gonna haunt him is every cheesecake factory eating douchebag walking up to him, hey, remember that time you missed that putt? You know, giving him shit, right? Not realizing that that miss putt is a fucking metaphor for the other person's entire goddamn existence. This guy's played in over 70, something major. So anyways, just like, watching Phil Mickelson win it way back in the day in like, oh, four, was so great to watch him get the monkey off his back. So congratulations to him. Winning the most difficult activity known to man playing the non sport, that is golf. You know, I still had to give it shit Right? It's such a. I know. It's such a. Dude, it's so hard. It's such. It's a fucking mind fuck. I get it, I get it.

[Bill Burr]

But I would rather have to do.

[Unknown]

That than face a fucking roided up. Well, he never got convicted, so. Kajerk, Remons, right? Roger Lemons, right. I wouldn't want that guy throwing half a fucking bat at me, you know, just muttering explicatives as I walk up to the plate. Like I would much rather have to try to sink a fucking three footer than some fucking roided up maniac on the goddamn mound who can't admit that his fucking career is over, so he's got to go out and take some fucking horse tranquilizers. Not saying that he did it. And you know what? If he did, God bless him. God bless him that he did. I am. I am so fucking. I told you, I'm pro steroids, dude. I'm fucking pretty. Everybody should get on him, you know? I want every fucking athlete on steroids, okay? And then the doctors can look at you and see what the side effects are and they can gradually make them better and better and better and better until it's like vaporized weed, you know, you just have like a steroid mist in me with my fucked up shoulder, you know what I mean? I'll just come in and just walk into the doctor's office, you know, they'll put a hot towel over my head like I have hay fever. And then they'll just have me breathe in steroids. I'll walk out, I'll have glutes again. After 20 years of sitting on my ass in planes and rental cars, my fucking glutes will come back. They're just like non existent. I don't know what happened. I just fucking like, you know, like when you're going to make something and you got to pound out like a chicken breast? Rest. Yeah, that's what my ass is like after years of being on a plane. So I actually made my way across to the gym when I was in San Antonio to their sister property. Sister property? You mean the other hotel weirdos. Anyways, and I went in there, I did the elliptical for about 40 minutes and then I just did a. For me, for me. I did a savage leg workout. And now I, you know, I know you guys are all thinking, well, what did you do, Bill? All right, this is what I did. I had the exercise ball. I put it on the fucking wall between me and my back. And then I would just roll down with that, you know, so I could keep my back nice and straight and my. My weight on my heels. Pushing through my heels to engage my veal fucking buttocks.

[Bill Burr]

Then what did I do?

[Unknown]

I did hip thrusts after that, you know, Then I did some calf raises. Then I did the classic. You know, the things you sit down where you do the front parts of your quads and then the other one, you stick them and you fucking go the other way. You do the back part of your legs. And then I got on the squat machine. I don't like the one that you stand up on. I like the one that you sit down on. I feel like you can go deeper. You don't have to worry about your fucking back. And. And I did that. I did fucking three sets of all of that shit. And this morning my legs were definitely killing me. So that's a new part of my workout. Okay? That's what I'm doing. But I don't have all those leg machines when I'm here, you know what I mean? And my shoulders up, so I'm not putting a barbell on my back with a bunch of weight. Okay? I will just. I will choose to do more squats without any weight because I am an old man. But I swear to God. I swear to God, man, those fucking athletes, man, they gotta keep taking steroids, you know, just like the singers. You know, a singer can't sing a song, what do they do? Give. Give her a little bit of fucking steroids right in her throat. Give her throat the old. Right there, Fred. And what happens? She fucking. She goes out there and starts singing a song. She makes it simple and you know what? And it lasts the whole night long. Sorry. And then lastly, for alternative sports, I thought I taped the fucking Formula one race in Shanghai, China, and I didn't. Fucking pisses me off. So all I did was. I just watched the highlights. So congratulations to Lewis Hamilton. Him and the. The guy won the. Australia. They, you know, they came in one and two and now they just flip. So they're tied with 43 points. The fuck's his name? I should know his name? He only won a goddamn race. Right? That's all right. Sebastian Vettel for the Ferrari team. They're tied at 43. And Max Verstappen is 25th, 25 points. I'm sorry. In third place. And Ricky Rocket is in fifth place. Kimmy Rakonen. Now, he's not the guy called. Who's the guy called? Ricky Rocket? Nico Rosberg, Is that it? No. Nico Rosberg. Fucking Retired. I don't know. There's too many goddamn sports going around my head now. Anyways, the playoffs in NHL, stat. We're playing Ottawa. I like her goddamn chances. I heard that defense is a little banged up. According to Joe Bartnik on the Puck off podcast. I'll be watching all of those. I'll be tweeting, I'll be fucking Facebook, and I won't be doing any of that shit, but maybe I will. So anyways, I ate pretty good when I was on the road, and I also ate kind of bad. You know, I had that Mexican food. It was just fucking. You know, I used to. You know, I used to always make fun. I. In the tour, I was making fun of, like, Mexican food as far as, like, you know, the refried beans and the rice that they put on the plate. And I was just like, you know what this shit is? This is Mexico's version of coleslaw. You know what? Coleslaw, like, most people don't take it seriously. It's basically. It's a plate filler. You know, you got your piece of meat, you got your vegetable, and then they just throw that shit there just so the plate doesn't look naked. You know what I mean? Oh, wow, look at this big plate of food I got. No, no, no. That's like more than 60% rice and beans. I didn't get it. All right, then once I understand. No, you mix all that shit in together, you grab one of those little fucking round pieces of bread, whatever the fuck you call it, you put it on there, you know, a little bit of hot sauce, it's delicious. You got a little bean and rice fucking. Fucking thing there. Thingamajig. Sorry, I'm white. I don't. I'll learn it. I've only been out in LA for 10 years. At some point I'll learn it. Was that a tostada? I know what an enchilada is. I know what a crispy taco is. She said crispy or puffy? Never heard puffy before. I always go crispy. You know what I mean? But the crispy tacos, it's. It's. It's only good on the first bite because then the whole fucking thing falls apart. You know what I mean? It's like an old person's hip. You barely touch it, and the whole thing just cracks and it doesn't work anymore. So you kind of got to go soft taco, Right? The flaccid taco. All right, I'm sorry. But then if you mix the Beans and rice in there. All I can say it was. It was goddamn delicious. Let me. Let me do a little bit advertising here. A little ads here for the. For the. For the week here. What am I doing here? Come on. Why won't. Why want this computer work right for now, for me? Okay. Oh, here we go. Oh, our old friends here. First read of the week.

[Bill Burr]

Old zip.

[Unknown]

Okay. Yeah, I flew for the first time. I went up with an instructor and holy shit. Anybody out there who flies helicopters? I. I mean, geez, I missed the fucking pad when I was coming in. I mean, I missed it by probably 60 yards. Just coming in way too fast. I was like, I gotta settling with power. Fuck this. I just kind of continued on past it like you're supposed to. Came back around the next time, you know, I came up a little short. Took me about, I don't know, 26 goes around. So I was starting to feel it again. And it was funny. Like, my fourth time, I just flew the traffic pattern down there at Long Beach. And my fourth time around, I was turning to go downwind and I just started laughing. And my instructor started laughing too, because he knew I was laughing. I was just like, this is fucking awesome. It's just fucking. It's fucking awesome. And it just totally relit the fire in me to go do it. And I'm gonna try and fly again before the end of the month. So if I can just kind of fly like once every 10 days or something while I'm getting a little one going, you know, I would be very happy with that. It's such a. It was such an accomplishment in my life to get my pilot's license. I would hate to just not do it and forget how to do it. It's so much fucking fun, and it's really safe, you know what I mean? If you just do what they say, the way they maintain them, I know everybody always tries to freak out, but, you know, they're always freaking and always freaking me out. Like, dude, be careful up there. Be careful. Oh, yeah. Okay. I was gonna fly with a blindfold. Yeah. But I get it, I get it. Anyways, let's. Let's plow ahead here. Oh, yeah. So I ended up, you know what? I can't plow ahead here because I was gonna start doing the reads, and I'm only at 28 minutes, so I need to run my yap a little bit longer. So, yeah, I think we flew the tap traffic pattern for like, just like a little over an hour. I got a 1.1 on the Hobbs Meter and didn't do any autos. It was just all low approach, you know, normal approach, steep approach. That's all I was doing. And it was Fun flying the 22, which is my. That's my favorite one. Even though the 44 is cool, you know, it's a nicer one. I just love the 22. Is like driving an old sports car with no power windows, no power shutter, steering, drum brakes. I always just put that one. It's just like I'm. Whatever it's doing, I'm actually doing it. I heard on some of those high end helicopters, if you want to, if you want to hover, you just push a button and it just does it for you. That's the one you get when you get older, you know what I mean? I don't want to sit here, draw it on a dime. All right, you know what? I'm just going to start reading these. I'm going to start doing the reads here for the week. Oh, by the way, what's the deal with all the haunted houses in San Antonio? You know, it was the usual stuff as far as. As far as, you know, how Texas goes. Texas is the king of the shiny four door pickup truck that's never seen a construction site or off road in Texas. That's a four door sedan. And I'll tell you, they got some fucking nice ones. I saw a guy pull up in a Ford F150 four door. It's got giant tires on. This old fucking guy. Big white cowboy hat, big fucking belt buckle and white cowboy boots. I was just like, ah, this is just, you know, as a tourist, it's like that's what the fuck I wanted to see. Now I can say I went to Texas, you know what I mean? I don't want to see somebody looking at their fucking iPhone. I can do that out here. All right, update Psycho from Yogurt Shop Video. All right, Bill, turns out that nut job, I don't even remember this. Who was accosting the couple? Oh, oh, oh, that's right. This goes back to like a couple podcasts ago where there was this woman who was trashing these two people for kissing in public, saying that it was sexual harassment and all of that type of stuff. And I kind of agreed with her on a level. I just, I hate watching people kiss in public, you know what I mean? Give each other a quick peck, you know, going for one real one if you want to, but then just keep it moving, you know what I mean? To literally sit there, take it to the point where her pussy's getting wet and your dick starts standing up, it's.

[Bill Burr]

Like, what are you.

[Unknown]

Don't. Get the fuck out of here. It's gross all over each other. I fucking can't stand it. I don't like it in movies, you know, it's disgusting. Anyways, so here's an update for this lady flipped out, was yelling at them and, you know, I don't know, gonna call the cops. I couldn't get through the whole thing because she looked like she was a little, you know, had some mental issues going on. Something was going on. Or she was extremely lonely or somebody filled her up with Jesus. I don't know what happened. Anyways, Bill, turns out that nut job who was accosting the couple at the yogurt shop is an amateur porn actress. Yeah, boy. And witnesses say that the guy only kissed his girlfriend on the forehead. No lip service. Oh, all right. My fault. And it wasn't the first time she's yelled at people in public. It took the Internet like, half a day to get to the bottom of it. Oh, that's too bad. That's too bad. You know what I mean? You know what's weird about watching porn? As much as you watch it, you know, nobody wants to do it. No, that was not a fucking job. All right, let me read this here. Go to the page. Go to the page. That's what I. Sage. All right, here we go. Is it going to come up for me? Viral video of meltdown over 4. How exactly did they figure out who she was? How does the Internet get to the bottom of all of this stuff? All right, here we go. Recently, a viral video. Video went viral having a meltdown over a forehead kiss. Yeah. This all happened at a Santa Monica restaurant. It goes so far to believe that the women. Woman is something. Something, it seems. Screaming. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, Come on, man. It's not enough. It's not enough she made an ass of herself. We got to take it. I want to fucking know about this person. Feel bad for her. Hope she turns her life around. All right, update. Great Barrier Reef. It's time for another update. Sounds like your skepticism of the reports that it ain't all that bad was warranted. All right. The Great Barrier Reef. Yeah. This is more shit I don't want to read about fucking people who've gone crazy doing porn. And I don't read about the fucking Great Barrier Reef died. What are you guys doing to me? I got another fucking 27 minutes to go. Oh, my God. Is this the Holy shit. Okay. Great Barrier Reef at terminal stage. Scientists despair. At latest coral bleaching data. Australia's politicians has betrayed the reef and only the people can save it. I should read this because maybe, I don't know, maybe they can turn it around because there are uplifting stories about nature out there, you know, where certain species are making a big comeback. You know what I mean? All right, back to back. Severe bleaching events have affected two thirds of Australia's Great Barrier Reef. A new aerial survey have found the founding. The findings have caused alarm among scientists who say the proximity of the 2016 and 2017 bleaching event is unprecedented for the reef and will give damaged coral little chance to recover. All right, what site is this? This is called the Guardian. Now what? What is their agenda? Yeah, I mean, you never know what to fucking believe. Here. Scientists with the Australian Research Council center of Excellence. Jesus Christ. Take it down a little bit, huh? You fucking arrogant bastards. For coral reef studies last week compiled aerial surveys of the world's largest living structures scoring bleaching at 800 individual coral reefs across 8000km. The results show the two consecutive mass bleaching events have affected 1500km stretch leaving only the reef southern third unscathed. Oh, boy. Oh, there you go. You know what the deal is? We have to go. A significant portion of us have to go. You know, maybe it's good that the robots come. Are they going to be electric robots? Are they going to require oil also? But you know something? All these fucking electric cars, you know, when you go to look, when that Tesla, that giant Tesla battery, now what do they do with that? When you're done with the car, what happens to that battery? I know that car constantly has updates. Does that also include the battery? Can you make the battery better? Let's look that up. I bet there's a bunch of fucking oil companies putting some shit out, true or otherwise, about this Tesla car footprint. Okay, let's see the carbon footprint of Tesla manufacturing. Tesla's left. Electric cars aren't as green as you might think. The electric cars aren't green yet. Nothing is green. Nothing is green. Then Doug Stanhoe. Doug Stanhope had a great joke. He said the greenest thing you can do is kill yourself. And I would go further if he didn't to say and then have yourself buried in the topsoil so you give it some nutrients. Actually, we're also full of God knows what. McDonald's and shit. You'd probably cause the tree next to your body to die. Does the Tesla model s electric car pollute more than an suv? This is the Green Car Report. All right, let's see. Let's see who's kidding. The Tesla is not about being green. That's about going 0 to 60 in 2.3 seconds. Does the supposedly clean green Tesla Model S really pollute more than a gas guzzling Jeep Grand Cherokee sports utility vehicle? That's what one analyst has claimed. Now what I love about this is everybody has a dog in the fight. Obviously the oil guys don't want you to switch over to the fucking electrical shit. And all the electric people, they are so convinced that batteries, you know, didn't Michael Jordan do a commercial a long time ago about recycling your batteries? Didn't he do that? You know, that's how I know about it, right? Because an athlete told me not to do it. What about that giant battery at the bottom of the Tesla? What do you do with that thing? What do you do with that when it's done? All right. In an exhaustive 6,500 word article on the financial website Seeking Alpha, analyst Nathan Weiss lays out a case. Model S that the case. Model S actually. Okay, okay, we know what he said. He said it was worse. As an S owner, I was shocked. For me, I just felt, this is crazy. Although the carbon emissions were not a big factor in my decision. Blah, blah, blah. Okay? Weiss has been advising his clients to short the stock of Tesla and. It's. All right, not so fast. Power plant emissions. All right, I'm not reading all this fucking shit. You know what this is? This is just a media war right now going on and I don't know where the fuck to get the facts. And I'm not going to just look at up the first goddamn thing and read it. I have no idea. You know, but I can tell you this, all right? I know that guy, the head of Tesla has like ridiculous security around him because remember that guy who came up with the car that could drive across the country just on water and then he went around and told people about it? His last words when he walked out of the diner was they poisoned me. And then he died. And then his car disappeared. I know that sounds crazy, but that's a true fucking story. It's a true story according to the Internet. All right, Follow up, Girl who Gave Weed Ultimatum. I love the follow ups. Everybody, buddy, this is like our own little miniseries here on the podcast. This is tremendous. I'll give you that guy's name too. You guys can look it up. You guys let me know if you think this is real or not. All right, Water power car inventor vanishes. What is his name? What's his name? What's the name of the water guy? Yes. Stanley Myers. Water fuel sell. There you go. Look that guy up, go down that rabbit hole. M E Y E R I think is how you spell it, right? Stanley. Stanley's are always fucking honest, aren't they? One of my favorite promoters around the country, that's his first name, Stanley. Right as fucking rain. All right, follow up to the girl who gave me the weed ultimatum. All right, for those of you who missed the podcast. A couple times ago, there was this woman this guy was dating, you know, he's always smoking weed around her. She had problems with alcohol and shit. And then one day, I don't know, she cleaned up and she just lashed out at him and said he needs to just totally quit smoking weed. Or, you know, it's either her or the weed. All right, so here we go. Says yo brother Bill on four, three, you responded to my email about the ultimatum my girlfriend gave me. Her versus weed. My fucking computer's gonna die. Hang on, I gotta hit pause. I can't keep fucking yammering. Expect you guys to listen to this shit. Hold on. All right, I'm back, I'm back. I'm powered here. I'm powered up here. All right, on 4, 3, you responded to my email about the ultimatum my girlfriend gave me. Her versus weed. Either choose her or the weed, man. She has since admitted that she was being a cunt by giving me the ultimatum and no longer cares if I smoke. She has since been smoking more weed than me and two days after she gave me the ultimatum, the following happened. Yeah, dude, I don't even need to read this. This woman is unstable. She needs to get help. And if I was you, I'd get out of this relationship. But I'll read it for the entertainment value here. She stumbled into our apartment so drunk that she couldn't stand. She was accompanied by another man. Oh, bonus, here we go. The guy she was with happened to be the one guy that she swore she'd never talk to again because a couple months ago he sent her a 10 page email professing his love for her and trying to convince her that I'm an asshole and she should be with him. Up until that point, they were friends that hung out on occasion, which I was okay with. Oh, Jesus. But after he sent the love letter, which she read to me, she told me she would never speak to him again. Why did she read this to you? You didn't need to hear all of that. Okay, anyways, back to the cup. A couple of days ago we got in a fight and I said I was going to leave because of the bullshit weed ultimatum, but instead she left. What? Anyways, back to a couple days ago. So wait, when did she stumble in? This is like a fucking Tarantino movie. Two days after she gave me. Alright, so I guess before this bullshit happened, you said you were gonna leave due to the fucking weed ultimatum. Is that what you're telling me? But instead she left claiming she was spending the night at her sister's instead. She went straight to this dude's place, got shit face drunk, went to a bar with him, then came back to our apartment. Both of them. She did not expect me to be home. When she saw that I was there, he immediately walked out. Oh, Jesus. She was so drunk she was unresponsible. So the fight didn't come until the next morning when she claimed that the only reason he walked in was probably because he was just making sure she got home safely. Oh boy. I told her that I'm done and that I'm moving back to my home state, seeing as she is the only reason I no longer live in my home state. Good. Good move. Good move, sir. Since this incident, she has been crying and begging for me to stay and wants to get married, etc. Get the fuck out of here. She claims that she has no interest in him. She was just mad at me and was under the impression that I had already packed my things and left and she just needed a friend at the moment. Those are all lies. And this is the tip of the fucking iceberg, sir. That goes all the way down to the fucking ocean floor. Personally, I don't think I can forgive her on or trust her, but I need to make a decision and fast. Get the fuck out of there, sir. Because I'm either going to tough this out and stay here. Oh, Jesus. Hoping this shit doesn't happen again, or I'm gonna get the fuck out of Dodge and move back home and start over. Help me out, brother. Should. Should I stay or should I go? Your thoughts. Thanks. And go fuck my life. No, not fuck your life. If you stay, you're fucking your life. Dude, get out of there. Now that you just heard what you wrote out loud back by me reading it out loud, which probably made no sense, you realize how insane that is? How insane it would be for you to do that? I'm almost thinking, you know, as much as she needs to get her life together, you need to look at yourself as to why you would stay with a person like this. Yeah, you need to get the fuck out of there, dude. All right? You still got your whole life ahead of you, all right? And as far as, like, marrying somebody, you basically get one draft pick, all right? Because when you get divorced, your franchise gets cut in half, and then you start drafting in the later rounds. You know, you're getting older and shit. This is your number one draft pick. This is what you're gonna pick this person with all the problems they're having at the college level. I'm telling you, get the out of it. Right, dude? Yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ, if you don't believe me, go. Go ask. Tell 20 strangers that story. I swear to God, they're all going to say the same thing. Get the fuck out of there. Go on, Dr. Phil. You need to get the fuck out of Dodge. He'd say the same thing. Actually, he probably wouldn't, because she's a woman. His audience is female, so he'd probably go, well, maybe if you smoked a little less weed and she tried to fuck a little less other people, people, maybe y'all could find a middle ground. Now, the women be like, I inserted myself into that situation. All right? Men going their own way. You can go, yahoo. All right. This is a amazing. Okay. Hey, yo, Billy boy. I was wondering if you were secretly behind this movement. This is crazy. This right here is. There's some movement, evidently, down in Australia, down in Aussie, down in all is whatever the fuck they say. I don't know if the fuck they say. I've only been there a couple times. Oh, the plug came undone. Was there a reason why they turned the plug into a magnet? You know, back when it plugged in, it did much better. I guess it's easier to find. You know, it's got navigation, kind of. And you can find the fucking hole, but it won't stay in there. All right? There's a growing movement of men in Australia called Men Going Their Own Way. I just paused for all the guys listening to this with their girls so she could have time to roll her eyes and be like, oh, God. All right. Mgtow Mega Thou. It's an offshoot of the men's rights movement. But rather than getting stuck in and tack. Stuck in and tackling issues. No, rather than getting stuck tackling issues, these guys have vowed to stay away from women, stop dating, and not have children. Jesus. Essentially, MGTOW is a statement about living your life rather than trying to make a woman happy. Sorry. Happy. Sorry, screamed all my jokes last night. Or being a slave to cultural expectations. One SW member says this isn't about a specific rule book, more a mindset. Although there are purists in the movement who are the most extreme and avoid women entirely, there's a growing number of men who've had enough. Enough of the feminism and enough of being told they have to work for a greater good which doesn't actually exist. Start looking into this manosphere and it's like going down a rabbit hole. This person says happiness here is supposedly freedom and shunning relationships is now sweeping through the younger generations. Is it? Or is this just a very interesting article? Okay, Tom, 15, from NSW North Southwest, whatever the fuck that is. Is what you call. Is it what you would call the growing number of teens going their own way? Jesus. Kid never even got off the ground. He goes, it's probably not. It's probably not true of all women, but I got the feeling that women are actually dangerous. Maybe the men around me have just had bad experiences, he tells the newswoman. He said, it's scary being a teenage boy. I'm not sure how it all. It's all meant to fit together in the future, says Tom. Last year, my uncle lost everything because his wife of 40 years decided she didn't love him anymore. Just like that, she randomly got up and left. It got nasty. And he lost everything. His house, cars and loads of money. There's no way I'm ever getting married. Well, there you. I mean, shit, you saw a very traumatic thing. Of course, teenage boys look at other males in their life to gather some perspective. I'm just going to read quotes because I'm not going to read all this. My older brother, who's 20, was dating a girl for a few months. She turned real nasty in the breakup and made a string of allegations to the police that made me suspicious of women, too. My mother, My brother's a good guy, okay? Why should she be able to just say what she wants, accuse him of anything, and then get on with her life like that? It doesn't seem fair to me. I'm not sure what rights I have. Maybe none. Okay, both sexes, okay? It's crucial that we encourage our children. Find a mentor, a teacher or some blah, blah, blah. Someone who supports. Communicate. Yeah, about skills of getting a healthy relationship. That's exactly what I was going to say. What are you. You just going to walk away from women? You know, you're never gonna bang another one? Maybe just go on Tinder. Look, you can get a lot Done not being in a relationship, male or female, just focus it on your fucking career. But you know, if you want to be alone, that's fucking cool. But to do it because of fear reasons is wrong. What you need to learn how to do is set up your relationship. And how you set up a relationship is you have to. You don't pretend to be something you're not and just tell them what the fuck you want. From day one when she's going like, do you watch sports all the time? Be like, yeah, I love them, love them. You know, I like doing most when I do that, like drinking a beer and then going out smoking a cigar. That's what I do. Hey sweetheart, what do you do? Don't lie to me. Just, just tell me what you do and let's see if what you do mixes what, what what I do. Because if we both start pretending that we don't do what we do, eventually we're gonna go back to doing what we're doing. Oh my God, you changed. No, I didn't change. I just, I just started being myself for the first time around you. I didn't mention that I was into dog sleds. Yeah, well, I just figured during the first three months I'd make you fall in love with me and then I would bring my 18 huskies into the fucking house. All right? You're talking about a guy who's made every possible mistake that you can make in a relationship. I up more goddamn relationships with great women. I gotta tell you something, okay. You know, I, I, I, I dated some great women and I them all up, all right? And it wasn't till I met my now wife. Not saying I didn't make a bunch of mistakes after that, but I just met somebody that I don't know. I was in that part of my life where I could just be alright, this is what I do. Is that what you do? Yeah. I never, you know, that's the one thing I am. You. One of the few things I am proud of with all the relationships I've had with women is I've never liked, I never judged them as far as like whatever the fuck they were into. I didn't give a shit. You know, whatever you want to do, just, just fucking do it. Because I just looked at it like if I give you that sort of freedom, then you'll give it back to me and if you don't, then I'm out of here. And what are you going to say? What are you going to say? That's the thing that's my. You know, my friends come over here. Jesus Christ, Bill. You're always cleaning up the kitchen. You're doing all this type of around the house. It's like. Yeah, exactly. It's the genius. I earn a great living, and then I come home and I crush it. So then when I'm gonna go out and go see my buddy play drums tonight, what's my wife going to say? No. Why? Because you have a daughter. Ah, you're right. Okay. She got the daughter card now, so what am I gonna do? Plus, I fucking love my daughter. So great coming home to her now. That's the best. It's the greatest thing ever. Greatest thing ever. She's not. She slept through the night for the first time. Of course, today I had to get up early, you know, and fly out, so I missed the last three hours. She. She. I think she slept. She slept from, like 10 to like 7 in the morning. It was fucking unbelievable. And she's such a cute, happy, chill kid. I'm so happy about that, you know, because I am a fucking lunatic. And I. She's not home right now. That's why I'm doing the podcast a little late, too. So she's out with her mother, and that is my goal, you know? I don't know if we'll have another one. I have no idea. But whatever kid or kids that I end up having, I want them to be happy, relaxed. I want them to feel like they can approach me, they can ask questions. I am by no means going to be a pushover. I'm not going to buy them a bunch of shit. I'm already against that. Buying kids fucking toys before they're like three years old or two and a half is stupid. They don't even know what toys are, okay? They want to go out in the kitchen. They want to play with pots and pans, you know, they want to play with your shoes. They want to play with everything but toys. Toys actually bore them, okay? You get them some pots and pans, it's over. They love them. They like the noise. They like the handles. They like making a fucking mess. It's great. But, you know, I'm not gonna be that fucking person buying, you know, 78 fucking iPads. Be funny if my daughter's pissed at me in the future and she goes back and listens to this episode and is now playing it to me sometime in the future. No. Jesus. Oh, that'd be a rough one. Anyways, let's plow ahead. Let's get. Yes, I would say, like, that whole, like, men going their own way. I don't know. That's silly. Why would you do that? You're 15 years old. You're in the prime of your life. You don't, don't want to be in relationships. Just be that guy who finger bangs chicks on the weekends, you know, and then on Monday when you go to school and they're like, hey, you know, like, are we gonna do that again? You know, if you want to hang out. I mean, I'm kind of doing some. And then when they go like, so what's your deal? You're just gonna finger me? It's just like, what, you didn't enjoy it? You're acting like I did something bad. You know, just. I just don't want to be in a relationship right now. I'm young, you know, and they called it finger banging. Do, do, do, do do. All right. Girlfriend spiked my drink. Jesus Christ. You know what's funny? If I said that in front of a crowd, everyone would laugh. If it's the other way around, everybody gasps. What'd she do? Spike your drink and take your wallet? That's how a woman rapes a man. All right. Hey, Bill. A couple months ago, I went to a party. I went to a garden party to reminisce with my old friends. A couple months ago. That was Ricky Nelson, everybody, if you didn't recognize it. A couple months ago, I went to a party with a few friends. Among them was the girl that would become my current girlfriend. I had a few drinks but was shocked to see just how drunk they got me. I don't remember the entire night because I was so drunk. You know, some of these are so fucking over the top. I just can't believe. Don't even tell me then you ended up with this person. I'm supposed to believe this? I went to the bathroom twice because I felt I was going to throw up. Today my girlfriend confessed to me that she and her friends had spiked my beer with shots of vodka. Alright, that's not so bad. That's some college shit. You didn't taste it? She thought it was a funny prank until I clearly expressed how fucked up that I was. She apologized and all that, saying she never wanted to hurt me. But I'm thinking this is breakup worthy. Most of my friends and family agree I should leave. This isn't the only issue in our relationship. And I'm thinking red flags of this caliber are too large to ignore. Should I walk away? Well, dude, you only gave me one piece of the puzzle. There you know, if she was drunk and she was in a silly mood with her friends and they fucking did that, I don't know, but like, it seems like there's a bunch of other shit that she's doing and you already seem convinced that you should fucking walk. So I don't know what the other stuff is, so I can't give you advice on that one. Sir, I don't have. I'm a hung jury on this one. I need. I need more information. And I don't want to tell you. So I don't know if that's the only one that you were going to tell me. And that's not a great way to start a relationship. It is kind of funny though. I don't know, I'm kind of an alky, so in a way, that's my dream girl, you know? At some point you also got to admit that, you know, she did buy a couple of shots that night, didn't she? You just didn't know it. All right, I'm taping a lot of shit on MeTV for me.

[Bill Burr]

TV.

[Unknown]

Taping a couple episodes of. What the fuck's the name of that show? What's the name of the show? Valerie Bertinelli was in with the Red Headed lady and then the Other Chick, then Schneider next Door. The fuck was the name of that show? Not the Apartment, not the Odd Couple, Not Three Chicks in a Janitor. What the fuck was the name of that sh. God. Sch. Snider sitcom? Let's see. What do we got? What do we got? One Day at a time. One Day at a Time. I taped a couple episodes of that and then an episode of Alice. I didn't remember how those fucking theme songs went. Do you guys remember those ones? Day in the Day at a Time theme. It's called this Is It. The fuck out of here. What happened to my memory? See if I remember this. This is it. Oh, yeah. I used to have such a crush in Valer Bertinelli, but they were so broke. That's what all these fucking 70s sitcoms were about. They were just fucking broke ass people. I guess it was reflecting the economy at the time, you know, like Alice was like, you know, divorced, driving this piece of shit to Phoenix. Remember that Ford LTD station wagon? Funniest thing.

[Dean Del Rey]

The saddest part is I never knew why.

[Unknown]

What is that? That cannot be the real fucking song. That was fucking horrible singing. That's what happens when we let the star of the show sing it. Did she sing that thing? You know what? I can actually Block out the singing to listen to the old studio musicians. That's what I miss. Because now it's just some asshole with a fucking laptop. The keyboard, those are all individual people playing all those instruments. There's a new in town and she's feeling good. Got divorced, got the station wagon and I'm in a new neighborhood. Remember that kid who played Tommy? He was fucking adorable. And then in between like season five and season six, he grew like three feet. And that includes his teeth. All of a sudden he had these fucking horse teeth. He was fucking gigantic. He looked like he went from fucking being her kid to being the A walk on for the Phoenix Suns. Anyways, that's the podcast for this for this Monday. I want to thank everybody that came out. Two shows at the Majestic Theater on a Sunday night. I know all you guys had to go to work the next day. I had such a great time. San Antonio is great. Oh, I didn't talk about. I went to the spurs game. Went to the Spurs. The spurs fucking against the LA Clippers. Great game. Fucking amazing fans. Very, very knowledgeable of the game. I got to see their five championship trophies. They got them right out there where you can see them. Took a picture and all that shit was great and. But I got to tell you something, if you want to win some free shit, go to a Spurs game. I've never seen so much free shit given out in my life. First of all, they had this coyote in a mask and a guy in a coyote mascot costume. And like 19 times during the game he stole the vendors cotton candy and they would play the Benny Hill song. The vendor would sort of mock chase him around as the thing was fucking throwing free cotton candy all over the place. They did that like ten fucking times. Which made me immediately think like they ordered too much cotton candy this month. It's going bad. Let's just get rid of this shit so we don't have to throw it out. We'll also look like, you know, like we're good guys for giving it away. They had cookies coming down from the ceiling in parachutes. You know, they would just float down, people jumping up for fucking cookies. They drag some guy out of the fucking crowd and put a, put a couch that you could recline in and they put it at the foul line. They're like, if you can sit down and you can fucking sink this foul shot, we're gonna give you this couch. The next thing you know, I you like, you forget about the game. There's so much shit going on. I'm Rooting for this fucking couch potato to win a new fucking couch to slowly die on, you know? Shoots the first one. Oh. The next one rims out. Oh, and then he hits it. Everybody's like. Everybody freaking out. He's jumping up and down his man tits flopping all over the place. And then they just drag this leather porn couch off. You fucking want it. You want it, right? And then you're looking up at the scoreboard like, oh, wait a minute. I'm watching the fucking Spurs. They're playing the Clippers. That's what's happening here. This is a critical part of the game. There's a timeout now. I'm watching awkward dads dancing. Who's the best awkward dad dancing. Other than that, it was fucking great. I really enjoyed it. And that was franchise number 118 that I've seen. I know I'm getting like the Rain man with this. I got 8 left until the next season, you know, when the LA Chargers and the Vegas Night start. But I plan on knocking those guys out early. Early. I might even go to that first Chargers game just for them having the audacity to fucking move on me, you know, as of right now, in this moment, I've seen every team fucking west of the Mississippi. From fucking as far south as San Antonio, as far north as Edmonton, and these two cunts are gonna come along and fuck the whole thing up for me. I will not tolerate that. I will avoid my family. I will take a trip, and I will go see both of these fuck. When I don't take a trip for San Diego, I sound like a crazy person. Go fuck yourselves. Thank you for listening, and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Ra.