Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | Monday Morning Podcast 8-4-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary: Driving An iPad, Seeing The Sights, Facial Recognition | August 4, 2025

Host: Bill Burr
Guest: Unknown
Release Date: August 4, 2025
Duration: Approximately 74 minutes

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1. Sports Rants and Team Dynamics (00:00 - 02:00)

Bill Burr kicks off the episode with a passionate rant about the Boston Red Sox achieving their first sweep of the season against the Houston Astros. He expresses skepticism about the Astros' integrity, hinting at possible cheating, and lauds the Red Sox for their perseverance and legitimate title win.

• Bill Burr: “They had their first sweep of a series this year against the cheating ass Astros. They got one legit title. You got to give it to them.” (00:30)

The discussion delves into historical performances of various teams and players, bringing up past controversies and the perceived moral standings of different franchises.

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2. Frustrations with Modern Car Technology (05:00 - 12:10)

The conversation shifts to the complexities of modern vehicles, particularly electric cars laden with technology. The guest shares his exasperation with his wife’s electric car, which he feels resembles “driving an iPad” due to its intricate, touch-based interfaces and facial recognition features.

• Guest: “And I literally think the whole car would come apart. It is an astounding work of plastic.” (05:27)

Bill echoes these frustrations, highlighting the departure from traditional driving experiences and the overwhelming integration of tech that complicates simple tasks like turning on the air conditioning.

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3. Personal Life, Therapy, and Anger Management (16:00 - 20:00)

The discussion takes a more personal turn as the guest shares experiences related to temper management and the importance of therapy. He recounts a moment where he nearly lost his composure over spilled coffee but managed to control his anger with his wife’s support.

• Guest: “I was ready to punch the paper towel machine… I was able to stop and I did like appreciate that my wife was trying to see my side of it.” (17:00)

Bill Burr offers empathy, emphasizing the significance of having a support system to navigate personal struggles.

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4. Comedy Insights and Show Experiences (21:00 - 30:00)

Bill and the guest discuss the evolving landscape of stand-up comedy, highlighting emerging talents like Chris Fleming. They reflect on their experiences performing at venues like Largo, noting the challenges and rewards of engaging with diverse audiences.

• Bill Burr: “What was he doing with the other guy who turned out to not be the apple of my eye…” (66:56)

The conversation underscores the balance comedians must strike between staying true to their voice and adapting to audience expectations.

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5. Alternative Energy and Environmental Concerns (33:00 - 42:00)

The guest introduces Julian Brown, a 21-year-old inventor from Atlanta, who developed "Plastolene"—a product that converts plastic waste into gasoline. They discuss the potential environmental benefits and the challenges such innovations face amidst corporate resistance.

• Guest: “Plastoline was designed to convert plastic waste into gasoline.” (53:28)

Bill expresses skepticism about corporate willingness to adopt such technologies, fearing ulterior motives and increased control.

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6. Facial Recognition and Privacy Issues (55:00 - 60:00)

A listener shares an unsettling experience with facial recognition technology at LAX customs. The guest and Bill Burr debate the implications for privacy and the potential for authoritarian control, expressing concerns about the unchecked expansion of surveillance technologies.

• Bill Burr: “It just felt a little dystopian and right in your face. Pun intended.” (56:54)

They highlight the importance of being vigilant and maintaining skepticism towards governmental and corporate overreach.

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7. Neighbor Conflict and Social Behavior (61:00 - 66:00)

A listener recounts a confrontational encounter with a neighbor who criticizes his lawn mowing habits. The guest and Bill Burr offer advice on handling such conflicts, emphasizing the importance of not escalating tensions and understanding the underlying reasons for confrontational behavior.

• Guest: “You just gotta let that shit go, which is really the hardest thing.” (66:33)

The discussion touches on the broader societal issues influenced by media consumption and polarized viewpoints.

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8. Personal Story: Discovering Paternity Issues (67:00 - 74:00)

Towards the end, a deeply personal story is shared about discovering that one's presumed father is not biologically related. The guest grapples with the emotional turmoil and the implications for family relationships. Bill Burr provides support, suggesting seeking professional help and emphasizing the importance of communication and understanding.

• Guest: “What the fuck do I do now, Bill?” (66:56)
• Bill Burr: “I would go to therapy and I…” (71:16)

This segment highlights the complexities of personal identity and familial bonds, underscoring the value of mental health support.

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9. Positive Endnote: Red Sox Success (74:00 - End)

Bill concludes the episode on a positive note, celebrating the Red Sox’s impressive performance and momentum in the season. He quotes Alex Cora, praising the team's dedication and current form, encouraging listeners to engage with the exciting baseball season ahead.

• Bill Burr: “They're playing like a goddamn team, and they're pitching and hitting and they're playing great baseball.” (74:29)

He wraps up by thanking listeners and reminding them to stay engaged with the Red Sox as the team continues its push in the wild card contention.

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Notable Quotes:

• Bill Burr on Red Sox: “They had their first sweep of a series this year against the cheating ass Astros. They got one legit title.” (00:30)

• Guest on Electric Cars: “Everything else just looks like you could just go up and like, you know how bullies used to flick your back of your ear in class?” (05:30)

• Guest on Anger Management: “I was ready to punch the paper towel machine… I was able to stop and I did like appreciate that my wife was trying to see my side of it.” (17:00)

• Bill Burr on Facial Recognition: “It just felt a little dystopian and right in your face. Pun intended.” (56:54)

• Guest on Neighbor Conflict: “You just gotta let that shit go, which is really the hardest thing.” (66:33)

• Bill Burr on Red Sox: “They're playing like a goddamn team, and they're pitching and hitting and they're playing great baseball.” (74:29)

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Conclusion

In this episode of the Monday Morning Podcast, Bill Burr and his guest navigate a wide array of topics, ranging from sports and technology frustrations to personal life challenges and societal issues. The engaging dialogue, peppered with humor and candid insights, offers listeners a blend of entertainment and thoughtful commentary. Notable moments include fervent discussions on the integrity of sports teams, the complexities of modern automotive technology, the importance of mental health, and reflections on personal relationships. The episode culminates with an uplifting take on the Red Sox's performance, leaving listeners with a balanced mix of critical perspectives and positive affirmations.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 4, 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? How the fuck is it going? I'll tell you how it's going with the Boston Red Sox. They had their first sweep of a series this year against the cheating ass Astros. They got one legit title. You got to give it to them. You know, they came back, they're like, all right, we cheated the first time. Or as that guy said in the booth, their first championship was complicated. It's complicated. You know, they had an entanglement with the trash can. So every time was it El Tuve Altuve was up. I was by myself, yelling at the tv, going, he's wearing a wire, he's wearing a wire. Hide the trash cans, you know, something. And then he would immediately just, you.

[Unknown Guest]

Know, slap a fucking single the right or whatever.

[Bill Burr]

He's a fucking great player, you know what I mean? I feel like that he got, you know, he was a victim of who.

[Unknown Guest]

He was hanging out with.

[Bill Burr]

They always, when I was growing up, they used to tell you, watch out who you hang out with because you'll.

[Unknown Guest]

End up with them.

[Bill Burr]

He didn't need to do that is what I'm saying.

[Unknown Guest]

He didn't need to.

[Bill Burr]

But those owners, those owners of the Houston Astros, they needed to. They didn't win when they were the Colt 40Fives. They didn't win with Nolan Ryan. They've had J.R. richards, Jose Cruz. They. David, they've had all of these. Got Jeff Bagwell, they've had some fucking players down there. You know.

[Unknown Guest]

You know what? I'm over that shit. What the fuck? Fucking you Yankees and Red Sox, we had a bunch of roided up free agents. We're winning titles. We won one anyways. I feel like 2004, you know, that's when we finally just. We had to get down and dirty with the dirtiest of them all back then, which was the Yankees. But now the Yankees are clean, man. They pretty much. It's their own farm system.

[Bill Burr]

And now, like, it's because of the weather. You can't tell how evil they are.

[Unknown Guest]

But it's.

[Bill Burr]

The Dodgers.

[Unknown Guest]

Got fucking two planes, one for the players and one for somebody.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, you got gambling issues on the fucking team. Shouldn't somebody be watching them? You got a billion dollars tied up in two fucking people. I mean, how much money do you got to make where you can still ride with your fucking manager, you know What? I mean, I don't. I don't get it. I know it's weird.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm trying to hate on the Dodgers. I can't. I became a Dodger fan way back in the day when they were fucking playing the. Against the Yankees, which, by the way, I saw this. I saw this picture of Reggie Jackson in an Orioles uniform, and I always thought that he went to the Orioles after the A's before the Yankees. I always thought he was only there for a couple of months, but he was holding out for more money, and he didn't join the team until May. I mean, if you ever want to see. You know, I know free agency is out of control now, but why it came about was how stingy these owners were, specifically the owner of the fucking A's. And Reggie was coming off three straight World Series titles, and he still wasn't getting paid nearly his fucking worth. So I never had a problem with that guy asking for money. I mean, he was baseball, God damn it. That guy was great. He was great, Reggie. Anyway, I'm in a great mood. I am. Sunday night, I'm doing this podcast. I'm sitting in my truck, which I've been driving every day, because still on the hunt for a daily driver. And I think this is the happiest my truck's ever been. I've been driving it every fucking day. And I like it, dude. It's actually been helping me. I drive better because there's no screens. I gotta sit and let it warm up. It's just a better experience. And, you know, we figured out something with my wife's car. Hang on a second. I'm sipping a little coffee here. Made myself a double espresso. What do. What do you. That's all I got. It's all I got, People still off the cigars. Tomorrow will be 200 days. Oh. But I will tell you, if I walk by anywhere near somebody smoking one, I will stop and I will smell the air like. Like a. I don't know, like a hippie out in nature. I don't know if that makes sense, but. Hang on a second.

[Bill Burr]

Oh. Oh.

[Unknown Guest]

I got my machine dialed in the La Marzoca. I was just over there in Italy. I could have taken a. You know, they give tours of the factory. Be a funny thing to take a fucking tour of, huh? An espresso machine, considering you probably can take a tour of the Ferrari factory. Lamborghini, Ducati.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I want to see how my fucking coffee's made. My coffee maker is made.

[Unknown Guest]

Anyway, so my wife My wife, she has an electric car and she's basically driving a fucking iPad. And I swear to God, I really feel like I could just grab the.

[Bill Burr]

Central center console and start shaking it.

[Unknown Guest]

And I, I literally think the whole car would come apart. It is a astounding work of plastic. It really is. It's got a. All the weight is the battery, I'm telling you. Everything else just looks like you could just go up and like, you know how bullies used to flick your back of your ear in class? I feel like I could get like anything hanging off the car if I just flicked it like that. It's gone. Um, but anyway, it's got so much, it's so over designed. Like I was driving in the car with my kids and I tried to turn on the air conditioning. I couldn't turn the air conditioning on because I didn't know what the password was. So it wanted me to sign in as a guest to turn the air conditioning on. It's like, what, what, what are we doing here? It's also probably taking pictures of you every five seconds, like your phone does. It's really amazing, like how much corporations are just openly spying on everybody and the government isn't doing it. Yeah. It's just, they're just the shit that they focus on, you know what I mean? Let's get these, these, these immigrants who are fucking working their asses off on our farms. Let's. Let's rip their families apart. But by all means, by all means, let, let's let these fucking corporations do what they're doing.

[Bill Burr]

And look, you're starting to see the pushback. I mean, that fucking incident there that they're trying to say was about the NFL, you know, what the fuck was going on with that thing? That was that fucking conglomerate that's buying up all the houses and getting rid. Just, just an astounding level. Agreed. And there was. I don't buy that story for a second. So I don't know, man. I really, you know, I think that these, these corporations have pushed people to the brink. And when you're dealing with people that are like borderline fucking nuts, you start doing that to people and they don't give a fuck. Shit happens. I don't know. All. All I know is they don't have any empathy for us.

[Unknown Guest]

I, I do know that. And if you're gonna live your life that way, you know, I don't know. Evidently. Happens. So anyway, plowing ahead.

[Bill Burr]

So my wife's car, My wife, it has the whole.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm telling you, you drive on an iPad. So it, it has information on the.

[Bill Burr]

Inside of the windshield. Like there's a speedometer like half a click down with my eyeball. But for some reason, you know, they also have it on the fucking dashboard. I'm on the wind inside of the windshield. Like I'm flying an Apache fucking helicopter, right? So I've been trying, you know, I.

[Unknown Guest]

Was having like just a whole day just hanging with my wife, right? The kids are over my mother in law's and oh Jesus, look at that helicopter.

[Bill Burr]

What do we got up there? Canary yellow can tell you that. Ah, look at that. It's an R44 blade. Slapping means they're descending. Must be coming in for a landed somewhere.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't know. Anyway, so I, you know, I went on YouTube and I tried to figure it out. I couldn't figure it out. So I was literally driving down the street. I took my hat off and I put it over the, the camera. But then the reflection, my hat was on the windshield. And then I realized I was wearing a dark colored shirt. So I took my shirt off. I was driving an electric car, shirtless. It doesn't even make sense. Like it makes sense to drive my pickup. You know, this is like total white trash redneck, you know, shirtless, Like I don't know how many people owned this truck before I had it, but the amount of people that were fucking shirtless in this fucking truck, driving it, saying God knows what.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, this car, this thing's got.

[Unknown Guest]

A fucking gun rack on it. I mean this, this truck is the real deal. It's hurt everything.

[Bill Burr]

I got this truck out of Georgia. This truck has heard some things. I like to think whoever was driving this truck was happy when Hank Aaron.

[Unknown Guest]

Broke the all time home run record, but you know, you never know. Anyway, let's talk helicopters later.

[Bill Burr]

So.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, Billy, all over the map here. So my wife figured out how to shut that information off and it totally changed our day. And now I don't mind her car. It wasn't this shit on the dashboard. It wasn't that I had to sign in to turn on the air conditioning. I think what it really was was just that on the windshield and it would drive me insane. And it really had nothing to do with the car. It had to do with the lack of choice and the, the lack of help. You know, when I was by myself trying, it just tapped in to my, my situation, you sit down and shut the up childhood that it just was triggering that. So you know, I hung out with it today. And it wasn't on. And, like, it was to the point I was like, you have to drive this car, because if. If I'm driving this car, I'm gonna ruin your day, which is gonna ruin my day. And then, you know, we're all gonna talk about how Bill needs to do this and Bill needs to do that and get better at this and get better at that, but no one's gonna talk about the, you know, iPad that we're driving down the goddamn street that I need to sign into. It's like. Like, I don't. It's. I just don't understand these fucking car. There's so much shit I don't fucking understand anymore, and I got to get caught up. I need to learn how to find a menu in a hotel room, how to turn the fucking lights on, how.

[Bill Burr]

To turn a TV on and off. It's a lot of shit I used.

[Unknown Guest]

To know how to do. What was wrong with the menu? What was wrong with it fucking being out there?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Covid, we don't have any money. You couldn't get a fucking Covid off of a fucking menu ever. What is this barcode thing that I'm sticking my phone up to? Does that get into my phone and then you take all my shit? Do I sound like a flat earther right now? I don't know what's going on, but.

[Unknown Guest]

Did they just fucking over designing everything?

[Bill Burr]

So anyway.

[Unknown Guest]

We got that taken off, and it's been a whole other thing and actually had two great days in a row not losing my driving that thing. So I was very excited about that. And the only thing that was more exciting than that is I was driving down the street, and I saw somebody was driving an international pickup truck, school bus, yellow. And the front end of this thing was so basic, it looked like a Tonka truck, but it was cool as hell.

[Bill Burr]

I.

[Unknown Guest]

If I had to guess, it was early 60s, because I remember what they looked like in the early 70s, you know, and I remember all the gearheads love the internationals. And they used to talk about something. Something about the. I don't know what the they were talking about, but it was, like, built more heavy duty. The helper springs in the back or some shit were like a quarter of an inch versus an eighth of an inch or some shit. I was never into that stuff, but everyone was talking how fucking great they were. But anyway, I've been reading more, and I'm reading this book that somebody gave me that was probably not legal in one of the countries I went to. I'M gonna leave it at that.

[Bill Burr]

I fucking was so concerned about mushrooms or weed. I would never would have thought that I would have a book.

[Unknown Guest]

Doing that.

[Bill Burr]

I'm.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm Andrew Thes got me a series of three books, these comic books to read, like a series. And then I was with Nia and she took me down to like, I think we were down like Inglewood or something like that. We went into a bookstore and I found another comic book of like the same thing, which is sort of like a series. And then I got this book that I actually ordered in New York and it never came in. It was. Had something to do with New York City before crack. Before crack came in on purpose and destroyed all of those fucking neighborhoods. Just diabolical, diabolical what it did to an entire generation of people. But it had it like what those neighborhoods were right before the styles, the music and all that type of stuff. It's more like, you know, pictures and so trying to combat being on, you know, Instagram all the time. But anyway, plowing ahead, the did I want to talk about. Oh, I did. I did Chris Fleming show down at Largo. I'm a huge fan of his and I hadn't been to Largo in forever. And I went down there and everyone on the show was killing. It was just one of those nights, a great crowd and everything. And oh, my God, I went out there and I did my shit on like, immigrants and the food being poison. And it was like a super, like, liberal slash gay crowd. And I had a meeting out of the palm of my hand. And then I said something about feminists, and they just went, you know, like, what the fuck? And then I just started laughing going, look at you guys, huh?

[Bill Burr]

You thought, well, look at this straight guy that's into sports. He's so progressive. I had you. You guys liked me. And then with this bit, you're gonna find out I still have a lot of work to do. And then they laughed.

[Unknown Guest]

And then I was able to be continue on doing it. But there are a lot of funny young comedians out there. You gotta see that dude. Chris Fleming, he is hilarious. And the way he was hosting the show, you know, he didn't just come out and do a quick bit. He went out and was doing like chunks like his. His bits are like five, six minutes long. Like, that kid is gonna be a beast. He already is. But I'm saying once people get to know him. So try to check him out now while you can.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know.

[Unknown Guest]

That's what I've been up to other than that, I've been playing drums, swimming with my kids, you know, trying to make up for all that time I was back there doing that play and trying to go back to therapy. My wife gave me a list of people, right? Which is kind of funny. I was like joking, like, where'd you get this list of these people that agree with you?

[Bill Burr]

Hahaha. She's such a good sport. She always just looks at me like, can you just not.

[Unknown Guest]

So I don't know. But it's good. I'm kind of looking forward to going back because I'm not working on from the past anymore. I'm working on like right now. Like right before I came out here, I was making myself a cup of coffee and I spilled all the coffee grounds onto the ground and I like balled my fist up and I was ready to punch the paper towel machine thing, rack, whatever, standalone thing. And I wound up. And of course my lovely wife was coming around the corner and. And I just stopped myself and I was just like, okay, like, don't do this, don't do this. And I looked at her and I said, I'm sorry, I'm about to lose my shit, but I'm not going to do that and ruin your day. And then she was like going, well, you spilled coffee. I understand that it's frustrating.

[Bill Burr]

It was literally like she was talking.

[Unknown Guest]

To a guy about ready to jump off a fucking balcony to his death, you know, going like, I don't want to kill myself. And then the cops, like, yeah, we don't.

[Bill Burr]

There's a lot of people that love you. Life can be frustrating. I have bad days too. But let's just, let's just think about what we're doing here. It was literally like that.

[Unknown Guest]

And I was able. And this is something I've never been able to do with my, my temper. Once it gets going, I've never been able to stop it. You know, it's like just open throttle, clutch out, flying off the back of the bike was. Was always that. I was never able to just be like, don't let the clutch out, don't let the clutch out. Let the RPMs come back down. Don't let the clutch out. I was able to stop and I at one point, and I was happy that I stopped and I went to the garage to get the vacuum cleaner and I was out there, I was going like, all right, it's just fucking coffee. I was thinking of some of the things that I've seen in the Ukraine and in Palestine I'm going like, am I really going to be this fucking upset compared to what so many people are going through? Yeah. And that's like the level of my temper. I have to go to war torn countries and think about that over spilled coffee grounds. But I was able to, I was able to stop and I did like appreciate that my wife was trying to see my side of it, but I also know what she was doing.

[Bill Burr]

You know, it'd be great. I should get my wife one of those toy like bullhorns. And whenever I start to fucking lose my mind, I want she should just.

[Unknown Guest]

Start like yelling into it, you know, like she's talking about talking to a.

[Bill Burr]

Potential jumper, you know, don't do it. There's a lot of people here that love you and don't want their Saturday ruined. Dude, did I tell you? My next door neighbor might have the.

[Unknown Guest]

Greatest German shepherd I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. He got the thing from Germany. This thing is like the real fucking. This thing is German. German shepherd, German squared shepherd. And had the, the whole thing trained before he even got it. And it is just. It is it, it. I, I can't say enough about the dog. And what I love about it too is the coyotes. Like, coyotes respect the German shepherd. Anyway, forget about one that's from actual Germany. You know, I imagine it has some sort of cool accent when it's barking at the dogs at the cocktail coyotes. And they, you know, you know that, that, that, that coyote gait that they have when they sort of go down the street, they glance over at the thing and it's weird cause they're still wild animals. So like coyote, you know, like I don't think I've ever seen a coyote scared like wild animals just. They did. The way that they, the way that they fucking look at you, you know, it's like, it's like a hooker. You know back in the day when they used to have like when hookers could walk down the street and you could tell that's a hooker as opposed to. Now you're like, that's probably an influencer. I can't tell. Like, has anybody done a documentary on hookers? Like, what do you wear now?

[Bill Burr]

How do you dress to let people know you're out there selling your ass the way these broads are dressing.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh my God, these. Sorry, I gotta like hit pause. There's two people taking a selfie out here now. They gotta talk and make sure everything's. Oh my God. Can I do a podcast without somebody doing a selfie? Isn't it funny? I'm totally participating in the exact same thing, but I feel like I'm above them. Oh, God. Hang on a second. Oh, my God. I just had so much empathy for that guy. She took, like, 10 pictures. She wanted him to do the thing where he was acting like he had his finger on top of something. I don't know what the fuck they were looking at. But, you know, like. You know, like, when women go to, like, Paris, they have. They all have to take that picture where they, you know, put their index finger on top of the Eiffel Tower, and then they have, like, the other hand underneath their chin, and then they sort of look up at the stars. You know that whole princess shoot thing that they do? Yeah, she was sort of making them do that. And what's funny about that, you know, as dumb as guys are, like, I can tell, like, when my wife is like, I'm crushing her soul. Oh, my God, she's back out again. Jesus Christ. Hang on a second. All right, I'm back again.

[Bill Burr]

All of us.

[Unknown Guest]

I was. You know, I was amazed. She just took a picture of him. Get in the car. Okay, she's in the car. Jesus Christ. I was like, I. I can't believe that she just did that for him. Like, what is it, his birthday or some. I can't believe she didn't take a picture of herself and she got in the car. I thought it was. There they go.

[Bill Burr]

I thought it was over.

[Unknown Guest]

And then she.

[Bill Burr]

She gets back out and does the stuff.

[Unknown Guest]

Stupid diagonal.

[Bill Burr]

Selfie.

[Unknown Guest]

I would love to know the ratio of pictures that you take and the amount of times that you actually go back and look at them. I'm guilty of the same fucking thing, I can tell you that. Anyway, the fuck was I talking? I was in such a good fucking mood until I saw that, like. Oh, yeah, they just don't track. Do they not track the look of, like, misery on the guy's face?

[Bill Burr]

Do they just not see it, or.

[Unknown Guest]

Do they just not give a fuck? Do you know what I think a lot of it is? I think a lot of it is they think that they know what's good for us. And because it's something that they enjoy doing, the fact that we don't enjoy doing it doesn't register. They don't care. They're just like, oh, well, you know, that's just because, you know, he doesn't get it.

[Bill Burr]

He's gonna get it. Once he fucking does that, then he's gonna see it the way I see it. You Know, I took my wife to one NFL football game, and I saw the look on her face, and I was just like, you know, by the.

[Unknown Guest]

Second quarter, I'm like, sorry, I won't do this again. She's like, the food's good.

[Bill Burr]

I like the way the. The color of the field. And I just laughed and I said, I really appreciate you doing this. I won't do this again. That was like 15 years ago. I have never, never asked her to.

[Unknown Guest]

Go to another game. That guy. Oh, God. I fucking been there, buddy. Oh, we've all been there. All right, let's do some reads here. I'll look who it is. Look who it is. Smart enough to stay single.

[Bill Burr]

Look who it is. It's all zip, crude up. You know, some things in life can be overwhelming. Restaurants that have huge menus, at least they got a fucking menu. You don't have to search for it. Is it on the tv? Is. Is it. Is it on the phone? Is it fucking in a. That little drawer in the desk? Restaurants that have huge menus, trying to see all the sites while on vacation. That's not how you vacation people on vacation. You don't do shit. Sorry, Zip recruiter. I gotta tell you, you don't want.

[Unknown Guest]

To see all the fucking sights.

[Bill Burr]

Do you know who wants to see all the fucking sites on vacation?

[Unknown Guest]

Someone who doesn't know how to be on fucking vacation. I don't mind you want to go.

[Bill Burr]

Do some shit once every two to.

[Unknown Guest]

Three days, but other than that, leave me alone, okay?

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna be sitting over here smoking a cigar.

[Unknown Guest]

I'm gonna be fucking doing nothing, reading a book, big sun hat on.

[Bill Burr]

All right? Oh, Billy Freckles, fuck off. I am not on vacation to stand in line to look at some shit, okay? If there's a line, I don't want.

[Unknown Guest]

To go.

[Bill Burr]

The Lou. You can take that museum and shove it up your.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't give a fuck about anything in there. I respect that. There's a bunch of people that want to go in there, and they want to look at all this shit.

[Bill Burr]

Have at it.

[Unknown Guest]

I would never say, like, if I was a dictator and I was running France, I would never shut down the Louvre. I would let people still go to it, but I would not fucking go. Even as a dictator. Even as a dictator, and I don't have to stand in fucking line and.

[Bill Burr]

They shut it down.

[Unknown Guest]

I still wouldn't fucking go in there looking at these fucking pots and pans that people used to it a thousand years ago. I don't give A fuck.

[Bill Burr]

Seeing the Mona Lisa in person or.

[Unknown Guest]

Looking it up on the Internet, there's no difference.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry, it's just.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't understand it, okay? But I respect the fact that you want to stand in that line. Now there's other shit that I like. I like looking at old cars. But if there's a line down the fucking block, you know, once again, I will just look at them on the Internet. Thank you. Thank you. Not interested. Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Bill Burr]

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[Unknown Guest]

All right. Oh, look who it is, everybody.

[Bill Burr]

Helix.

[Unknown Guest]

Helix.

[Bill Burr]

Helix. The helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses, including the award winning luxe and ultra premium elite collection. The Helix Plus a mattress designed for big and tall sleepers. The Helix Kids mattress designed for growing bodies. Endorsed by child sleep experts. Take the Helix Sleep quiz and find out your perfect mattress in under two minutes. Helix knows there's no better way to test out a new mattress than by sleeping on it in your own home. That's why they offer a 100 night trial gross and a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress. Models with memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side. Models with a more responsive foam to cradle your body. You fucking pussy. For essential support. Sorry if you did anything for yourself.

[Unknown Guest]

In my generation you were a pussy.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry to cradle your, your, your body that type that I respect. For support in stomach and back sleeping positions. Plus enhanced cooling features to keep you from overheating at night. And if your spine needs some extra tlc, they got you. Every Helix mattress has a hybrid design combining individually wrapped steel coils in the base with premium foam layers on top. It's the perfect combination of comfort and support. Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by GQ and Wired magazine. It is even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine. As a go to for improving your sleep. Go to helixsleep.com burr for 20% off site wide Exclusive for listeners of Bill Burr's Monday morning podcast. That's helixsleep.com burr for 20% off site wide helixsleep h e l I x sleep.com burr all right, I mentioned earlier.

[Unknown Guest]

I was going to talk helicopters, and coming up, a buddy of mine has access to a bell 505, which sort of is the middle ground between a Robinson R44, R66 and a an A star. You know what I mean? When you get to those bigger helicopters, obviously they're not only are they more expensive. Hang on a second. There you go. I don't know what language that was, but it's fucking cool. She can speak it. And she was doing it walking uphill anyway. The fuck was I talking? Yeah, it's those, those helicopters, not only are they wildly expensive, but how much it cost to fly them per hour? What I fly. I mean, it's like driving a car more expensive than that. But I mean, you know, it cost me fucking, you know, 70 bucks fly.

[Bill Burr]

For an hour to fly over a city. I mean, that's a great goddamn deal.

[Unknown Guest]

But I was just thinking of getting something with a little more power. You know, I'm going Tim Allen here. You know what I mean? I want more power or whatever. I want to be able to put more than one fucking.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, there's so many people I want to give a helicopter ride to, but they're over 6ft tall and way.

[Unknown Guest]

Over, like, you know, 220 pounds.

[Bill Burr]

And it's just like, well, I'm going.

[Unknown Guest]

To have like 5 gallons of fuel in this fucking.

[Bill Burr]

The low fuel light's going to be on three minutes after we take off.

[Unknown Guest]

So I don't know. I have, I've done this for years. I think I'll always fly the little ones, but it's definitely, I don't know, they're cool so I'm thinking I'm gonna, at the very least I'm gonna get to go fly one, which is going to be cool as hell. And it's a bell, which is American. So I imagine the main rotor turns the other way. What is it? Counterclockwise? So then I have to go back to my, my muscle memory of flying Robinsons where you fly the European ones.

[Bill Burr]

As always, everything makes sense, you know, Celsius. Water boils at 100 degrees Celsius and.

[Unknown Guest]

It freezes at zero, as opposed to.

[Bill Burr]

Like what, 212 and 32. Like, why make it so difficult when you fly a helicopter where the main rotor turns clockwise, the collective, which is, you know, basically the emergency brake, makes you go up or down, right? The thing that you're pulling, like the old school emergency brake, your, your left foot moves with it, it just mirrors it, right? So you're, you're, you're. If you're pulling it up, the left foot comes up and the right foot goes down and vice versa. When you're flying an American one, it goes counterclockwise. And now it's like, you know, you're fucking John Bonham now, right? Where it's, it's, it doesn't like that whole thing that he does where. Where his right foot is, is playing the offbeat and the fucking Hyatt's going.

[Unknown Guest]

One and two with three and four and. And the bass drum's going.

[Bill Burr]

Right. It's like that, like, whoa, now I'm flying a helicopter and I'm playing Moby.

[Unknown Guest]

Dick, like, what am I doing here? But you only have to fly a little bit and then you just get used to that. But because I remember it was.

[Bill Burr]

It's easier to go from the American.

[Unknown Guest]

Helicopter to the European one because all you got to think is just left foot follows collective. It's harder to go from that to go back the other way, I find anyway. But we're gonna see in the next week or something. I'm gonna, I got, you know, I got some cool gigs coming up that I haven't. I'll tell you guys about on, on Thursday. A couple of. I don't know, as much as I was gonna take time off. Oh, Billy. Add's got to be fucking doing something. So anyway, let's get to your. Why don't I shut the fuck up and get to your questions here, alright? And of course I hit that thing that makes it scroll to the top. I now know why. Thanks to my listeners. All right, here we go.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, all right. This says thank you. Just wanted to say thank you for speaking out about the wealthy and their desire for power and control, even if it comes at the expense of their fellow Americans and future generation. Yeah, yeah. And how people, like, try to, like, shut you up is what they say to me is like, oh, yeah, this fucking super rich comedian complaining about like, I have a sweatshop of Pete, like I'm buying up all the houses, like I poisoned the food supply, Like I poured shit in the fucking. I mean, you know, I'm basically. I hit the lottery. I'm a regular guy who went out, started telling some dick jokes and it fucking worked out. Yeah. To try to act like I'm. There's no difference between, you know, a fucking guy telling jokes, making people laugh after a work week and, you know, poisoning babies with food that it says it's organic and it isn't. Like, there's no difference between that is. It's a bit of a reach. Anyway, this person says, I'm in a rural town in Illinois that has been gutted by nafta.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, that was the thing that went through during the North American Free Trade Agreement, which, you know, was acting like it was going to bring more jobs. It didn't. What it essentially allowed was these corporations to remove their, I think, factories out of this country place pay sweatshop labor.

[Bill Burr]

Fees.

[Unknown Guest]

And that's how the Rust Belt came around and all that.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, I'm not saying that unions didn't get greedy at some point.

[Unknown Guest]

But whatever it was, anyway, I'm just going to continue on here.

[Bill Burr]

And wealthy business owners needed more. We went from being called the manufacturing capital of America to banks, payday loan places, bars and slot machines, slash gambling parlors. It feels like most celebrities are disconnected from the real world and don't understand how real life is for the average citizen. But you speak up for the common man, as corny as that sounds. All right, well, don't come at celebrities, all right? They're from your town, they're from your part of the world or whatever. And I'm lucky enough where I do something for a living that I can say what I feel because I am an independent contractor as far as being.

[Unknown Guest]

A stand up comedian.

[Bill Burr]

So, you know, I can say something that somebody doesn't agree with and they can say like, well, then I'm not giving you any more acting gigs. It's like, all right, well, I can still do stand up a lot of times. Like, you know, if you're an actor or a producer or something like that. You know, if you say the wrong thing and advertising gets pulled or fucking whatever, now you're gonna lose your house. So that's how the game works. They got everybody running on the same fucking wheel. So it is hard. So I am in a, in a, a, a position where I can actually say something.

[Unknown Guest]

But like, believe me, like everybody knows what the fuck is going on.

[Bill Burr]

It's whether they care or not or whether they're in a position to say something anyway. P.S. if you could tell these rich pricks that people who work full time aren't struggling because they make 50k a year full time jobs, pay 26 to 31 grand per year here with 25 cent raises. Speak to people outside of metro areas. Thanks for not forgetting us. Yeah, that's the thing. And these billionaires, what they're like the mean girls and they point at every other fuck, they point at countries, they point at poor people, they pointed anything but them. They're literally sitting there with a yacht with a fucking helicopter on the back of it and you work for them. And you know, admittedly they have said things like, I want my employees to go to bed terrified, wake up terrified, go to work terrified. We had a strike in my business and the powers that be said we're not going to negotiate till they start losing their houses and their apartments. Just imagine being that fucking heartless, you know, and this whole business has been swallowed up by, you know, a couple of people and they don't give a fuck the amount of people that they've put out of business. Like literally like people just leaving this business and they still show up to events smiling and shaking hands with everybody like they're good people and people have to shake their hands and smile shaking their hands because they're the only game in town. And I don't know, I don't know how these fucking people sleep at night. I can tell you this, that if I was going out here and by me telling jokes, you know, I put thousands of fucking people out of, out of. I would figure out a different way to tell jokes. I don't understand people that are wired that way. Like how can you fucking enjoy like a success that, that, that puts that people out on the fucking street. I don't understand, like they're, they're fucking reptiles. They're fucking rep. They sleep soundly every night, every fucking night, don't give a fuck.

[Unknown Guest]

It's.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, well that's how business is done if the ends justify the means. And all this shit that they have to fucking say to themselves. To make themselves. I don't know. I don't get it. I don't get it. But I can tell you this. Like, sitting around just blaming them isn't enough. Like, people have to do something. Like, you have to, you know, pay a little extra in a mom and pop store, do whatever the fuck you can. Cause it is us against them. And you know, read, go to a bookstore, get. Get off your fucking phones in screen time and all of this shit in fucking 24 hours of porn or whatever. Because I'm telling you, I said this before. The battleground is for your brain and your focus.

[Unknown Guest]

And they want you to be fucking stupid and not pay attention to anything and just jacking your dick and watching people get kicked in the balls on the fucking Internet.

[Bill Burr]

This is what the fuck they want you to do.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't know. This.

[Bill Burr]

This. This book that I'm reading, which. I'll bring it up when I.

[Unknown Guest]

When I'll give you the name of it when I. When I finish the book. You know, it's. It's a person that. That is. Was born and raised in Africa.

[Bill Burr]

So just to be hearing about those.

[Unknown Guest]

Countries, this person's country and the neighboring countries and what was going on during my lifetime because a person's roughly my age is beyond interesting.

[Bill Burr]

Because that whole part of the world in my public education did not exist.

[Unknown Guest]

Europe barely existed.

[Bill Burr]

It was just all about Canada. Learned nothing about Canada.

[Unknown Guest]

Nothing. Nothing. It was all this bullshit, you know.

[Bill Burr]

You don't get Everybody, you know, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. The fucking Pilgrims came here with their buckle shoes. They had Thanksgiving, Louisiana Purchase, Civil War, I cannot tell a lie. Was somewhere in there John Wilkes Booth, and that was it. Go fuck yourself. That's it. There you go. French and Indian War maybe was something in there. And they just sort of skimmed over everything. So it's really. I feel it's up to you as.

[Unknown Guest]

An individual to become informed.

[Bill Burr]

So, you know, you don't fall for this shit. I mean, it's kind of funny. Like, this government, like our government right now that they reminding me of, like.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, of like Oprah Winfrey, when.

[Bill Burr]

They'Re just, you get a car and you get a car. They're like, you have weapons of mass destruction and you have weapons of mass. It's like you already used that. Excuse me. You got. Can you at least come up with something new this time.

[Unknown Guest]

Anyway?

[Bill Burr]

But I'm glad that you appreciate it. I appreciate you and, you know, I think we can turn this thing around, you know, if we Stop fucking buying into all of this. Red, blue, fucking white, black, brown, whatever they can use to fucking divide us. If you just stop doing that. Just be like, no, everybody's the fucking same. They want to find love, they want to have a roof over their head. They want to be safe and they want to have enough money for food, shelter and you know, every once in a while they'd like to take a fucking three day weekend somewhere. Go on a lake or something. Like, I don't feel like what the middle class wants or the lower class wants is a crazy ask, you know, pay me a fair wage versus these other people who want to have a wedding and rent out all of Venice and have 9,000 fucking private planes come in for I don't know what, like for. What the fuck was that? What the fuck was that? What you could have done with that goddamn money. Look at it. It's his fucking money. He can do whatever he wants. But Jesus fucking Christ, I don't know. Anyway. Cool cars, this person said. I was listening to your podcast recently and you were talking about all the guys who had cool cars in the 80s and that got all the pussy. I'm a little bit younger than you, but when I was growing up in the early 2000s, the car thing came back. I don't know if it was because of Fast and Furious or what. Yeah, Fast and Furious was great for car culture, as was the Internet. Asia was huge. All that drifting, all those cool fucking motorcycles that they, they. All those old vintage Suzuki's and Hondas and all that. I mean, I'm an old guy and.

[Unknown Guest]

I even saw, I tracked all of that shit happening.

[Bill Burr]

Anyways, this person says, but there was always a bunch of kids who had sick cars and seemed to get the ladies. We had this one guy. Okay, so just to give you a backstory, if you didn't listen to the last podcast, I was talking about how when I was growing up, the original, before the Internet, the original influencers were these fucking like jock slash weed dealers.

[Unknown Guest]

With the T tops, you know, and, and the fucking posi rear end.

[Bill Burr]

Fucking mud flap cars, right?

[Unknown Guest]

Jacked up rear end. They always had the fucking hot piece of ass.

[Bill Burr]

And you, you would like, like, they were the influences.

[Unknown Guest]

You're like, I, I gotta get, I, you know, I gotta get a tan, I gotta start dealing weed. I, I gotta do something so I can live this guy's life. It was very inspiring, you know, but fortunately I was a fucking redhead and I didn't want to go to jail. So, like, it just didn't happen for me.

[Bill Burr]

So this person, you know, this was.

[Unknown Guest]

The 70s and 80s that I saw. So this person was around in the 2000s and evidently it continued on. He goes on to say he said, we had this one guy in my school in Tewksbury, Mass. Who had a burnt orange Acura Integra.

[Bill Burr]

It was pretty sick looking. He had nice rims, had it lowered, carbon fiber hood, spoiler exhaust. It said, oh yeah, the fucking broads were cover falling on that car. He told everyone all this shit he did under the hood but would never open the hood because he always said he was worried about messing up the carbon fiber hood. It was always suspect.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah, dude, give me a fucking break. There's a reason he didn't open that hood.

[Bill Burr]

He fucking. He went mt, mtv, Remember that? Pimp My Ride? They would do all this shit to the interior and the exterior, but nothing to the powertrain. You still had that hunk of shit Chevy Cavalier engine in there. So anyways, he said it was always suspect but. But didn't have a reason not to believe him. I was handed down in 1993.

[Unknown Guest]

Dude, if you do work on your.

[Bill Burr]

Engine, even if you had somebody else doing it, you're popping the hood and.

[Unknown Guest]

You'Re standing around pointing at stuff and acting like you fucking did it. I mean I. I think your instincts are right. He probably didn't do as much. I think he didn't have the money at that point, you know what I mean? So he was getting some, you know, Christmas lights put on it, I. E. The fucking carbon fiber hood to suggest that he had, you know, whatever that thing was in Pulp Fiction underneath the fucking hood. Anyways, he goes on to say, I.

[Bill Burr]

Was handed down a 1993 light blue Dodge Dynasty from my parents.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't even know what these fucking cars look like. If you don't know what that is, Google the car. I'll check this thing out.

[Bill Burr]

It's like a poor man's Buick. Anyways, I never had the money to buy one of the cool cars, so I decided to make a parody with this one. I wrote Corvette on the top windshield with white chalk to look like a decal. And the wipers cut off the bottom of some of the letter. I wrote high performance in bright yellow chalk on the rear windshield. Spray painted the hubcaps gold. Put blue Saran wrap over the headlights to make them look like those fancy headlights got light up tire valve caps. Oh yeah, you went to fucking autozone. Yeah, the custom AutoZone shit. Did you get some curb Finders on It that was big back in my generation. Put a muffler tip on. Oh, that's my favorite thing. They have a thing now that you can put like these muffler tips on. It has nothing to do with the powertrain. It just will make a noise like you have some horsepower and put some cheap underglow lights underneath. It was hilarious and people thought it was funny. The dude with the integra absolutely hated me and tried calling me out at school one day saying I drive like a grandma and it's not funny. I think he thought I was making fun of him. Yeah, he's kind of telling on himself. Cause I think, I think what you were doing was you were in on the joke, but him, he was trying to hide.

[Unknown Guest]

He was in the closet as far as what was was underneath the hood.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, one day at the Rockingham Mall in Salem, New Hampshire, me and my friends were at a car shop in there and a picture of this dude's orange Integra was up on the wall. My buddy started spouting off all the shit he had under the hood. And the kid behind the counter said that this guy is a liar and the reason he won't open the hood is because it's stock under the hood. All show and no go. There you go. My buddy didn't want to believe him, but I thought it was hilarious and it made sense why he was so upset with me. I think the dude ended up totaling the car or some shit because he drove like an asshole. Anyway, I thought you'd get a kick out of this story. And thanks for bringing me back to the good old days. I hope you and the family are doing well and of course, go fuck yourself. Oh, that's fantastic. See, he should have been more like in on the joke, but I don't know. I forgive that guy cuz, you know.

[Unknown Guest]

Nobody'S really that secure in high school. All right, here we go. We're going on to the next one here.

[Bill Burr]

Alternative energy.

[Unknown Guest]

Hey, I don't have my glasses ever.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, belliterate Burr. Fantastic. How you doing, sir?

[Unknown Guest]

This guy goes on to say, sorry, this is old guy walking by my car.

[Bill Burr]

I'll try and keep this short and legible because listening to you read long unpunctuated emails is more unbearable than your rants about pile on teams. All right, you either live in New York or LA. A 21 year old inventor from Atlanta named Julian Brown successfully created a fuel alternative product called Plastolene. Aturejab is his Instagram. If you're interested in that type of stuff. Plasto line was designed to convert plastic waste into gasoline. Oh my God, that's amazing. Well, why don't they, you know, what if they actually use this? If it worked, then what you could do is you could go out into the ocean. That would be the new oil field, would be the middle of the Pacific Ocean. That swirl of trash. You could go out there, clean up the ocean and come. Instead of going out getting fucking king crab then going over the side, fucking that scary ass job, you could just go out there and fucking commercial fish. Rollerblades from the 90s out of the goddamn ocean. Plastoline was designed to convert plastic waste into gasoline. Recently there have been rumors of him going missing, but thankfully his mom gave an update that those rumors are false.

[Unknown Guest]

Good.

[Bill Burr]

I can confirm Julian is safe, but in the best interest of his security, I'm not able to provide any more information. All that being said, do you anticipate ever seeing a future where big corporations can coexist with alternative sources of energy, medicine without making these inventors disappear? No. In fact the electric car, all the electric car is going to do is get us involved in a never ending war in Africa. Whatever country has all the these materials that you. Lithium, whatever the fuck it is you need these lithium for Lithium batteries. Whatever the fuck you need. I remember reading somehow that most of it was either in South America or it was in Africa and that China.

[Unknown Guest]

Had control of most of it. Which of course we won't be able to handle.

[Bill Burr]

You know, how dare somebody do what we're doing. And then all of a sudden, you know, one of those countries over there.

[Unknown Guest]

Will have weapons of mass destruction and will be a threat to us. And they don't like our blue jeans and our movies or fucking whatever they'll do. And, and then it'll just be, you know, it'll be on to the 24.

[Bill Burr]

Hour news networks and you'll never be.

[Unknown Guest]

Able to figure out the fucking truth from those guys anyway.

[Bill Burr]

Looking forward to the next time you have a show in New Jersey. My friends and I went to your show at Prudential center in 2023 at and PNC in 2022.

[Unknown Guest]

Regards to you and your lovely family. I fucking love New Jersey, man.

[Bill Burr]

Especially you know, in the summertime.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, New Jersey is flooded with Italians, which is, I don't know, it's just fucking incredible food and so many places to go. Pizza places and just great restaurants out there and a bunch of great towns.

[Bill Burr]

Don't ever let a New Yorker tell.

[Unknown Guest]

You About New Jersey. All they know is fucking driving past IKEA over to Newark Airport. They don't know a fucking thing about New Jersey. It's called the Garden State for a reason. It's fucking gorgeous. It's gorgeous. And I would say, you know, it's the same level meathead is in New Jersey. That's in the outer boroughs in New York. Long Island, Rhode island, fucking Massachusetts. We're all the same fucking person. I don't know what the big deal is, but anyway.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, well, you know, I always said if I was president to get us out of the Middle east and these.

[Unknown Guest]

Things, I would just.

[Bill Burr]

Try to figure out something maybe with solar power. And then what you do is you just give the sun to the oil companies and go there. There's your money and it's way out there. And there's no babies to bomb. You just have that there. Does that make you happy? And the answer is no, it doesn't. And that brings me back to God, why he makes people like that who just are not satisfied they have to have more than other people. They can kill people and fucking sleep soundly. I don't understand it, but you know, I'm never going to say you can't believe in a loving God. All right, facial rec. Facial recognition. Hey, Billy Bellowing bugle. I had an interesting experience at LAX recently coming back from an international flight that I was curious what your thoughts are going through the U.S. customs. We were told that we were not. We would not need our passport as they were using facial recognition technology. Yeah, I've dealt with that.

[Unknown Guest]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

My immediate question was where are they putting our faces when they're done? Well, they could get that information now if you go to a fucking Clippers game, all of these people. No, I'm telling you, it feels like facial recognition. This feels like the beginnings of like, you know, they put something on your clothing, which leads to a tattoo on your arm, which leads to your robot replacements. It's. It's like I don't know what they're doing with it. Or maybe it's just so you'll. It's easier for them to figure out what widget you want to buy. But I kind you would think with driver lice, driver's license, home address, passport, birth certificate, Social Security number, that they had enough information that your phone tracks you this whole new thing that they need to map your fucking face. I don't know, it indicates to me a level of fucking oppression or control beyond what the scope of what you could ever imagine. I mean, And I also think that it's healthy to be paranoid about it. Anyways, continue on going through the U.S. customs. My immediate question was, where are they putting our face? I was, I was a little disconnected. Giving the increasingly active role private entities are playing in the federal government. Well, it's all been privatized because they convinced these people that you don't want government involved in your life. In your life. They pitched it on that you don't want them involved in your life. What they're really saying is we don't want them to regulate our international corporation. That's why you have monopolies now that are not monopolies. That's why when the DOJ comes in and tries to say you are a monopoly for the fourth or fifth time, it somehow goes away because they just pay them off because it's legal now. Oh, Jesus, I got to give you.

[Unknown Guest]

Guys some sort of ray of light.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, he goes, I'm not sure if this place, if this has been in place for a while, if it's a pilot program, an LAX thing only yada yada. But I had never experienced this before. I know there's no such thing as owning your face likeness. Oh yeah, there will be a thing. It'll be that they own it. Not you though. But this just felt a little dystopian and right in your face. Pun intended. Thanks for your laugh, advice and general levity you bring to this craziness. Take care and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I think that they're moving towards a level of control that's not going to work. They've always tried to do this and in the end the people always rebel and it doesn't work out. That's what fascinates me about people who live in a free country but support fascist, dead fascist people from the past. It's like you realize that first of all those people failed and that people aren't going to put up with you. You're. You're getting involved with a loser here. And also the horrible things that fascist people have done, I don't know. And that comes from me, who allegedly lives in a democracy. And the horrible things, they're just, they're.

[Unknown Guest]

All doing horrible things, but the people are cool.

[Bill Burr]

I highly recommend traveling and don't go to go see the fucking Mona Lisa. Go hang out with the people, talk to them and listen to what they have to say and what they're into, what they want. It's pretty much the same. It's not a big ask. I just feel that sociopaths run things and so they don't feel feelings. So the only way they get off is, I don't know, hurting people and watching them suffer, that seems to be the only thing they're into. All right. Crazy neighbor interaction. Bill, huge fan of all your work. Congrats on the recent Broadway success. Thank you very much. I had a weird ad confrontational encounter with a neighbor and was curious on your take. For context, I bought my first house two years ago and flipped this thing into pretty good shape after two years. I've only met my direct next door neighbors. Everyone else keeps their heads down and doesn't interact while on their walks. And even though I give them a smile in a way about a politeness, I've kind of given up on trying to make friends with this street. The other day I was mowing my front lawn and some lady who I've never seen before is walking her two toddlers by me. I wave her on, signaling she can pass me and I won't mow next to her. While her and her kids are two feet away from loud machinery, she takes her headphones off to ask what I was saying. I tell her that she can pass on by, I don't want her kids. I don't want to get in her kid's space. Instead of saying thank you or literally any other gesture of appreciation, she asks why I don't mow a small strip of the yard. I explained, it's my neighbor's yard. I'd offer to mow it, but they don't want me to touch it. She said, yeah, but it makes yours look like sh. Wow. To which I responded, I know it's their property. I'm just respecting their wishes. She says, sounds like you're a pussy.

[Unknown Guest]

What?

[Bill Burr]

I'm like, well, that's a different conversation. She goes, oh, you're one of those neighbors. And walks off. Yeah. Yep. She's on the Internet and watching 24 hour news and she's now walking down the street thinking that her own countrymen are enemies of hers, or half of those, she's trying to find woke people.

[Unknown Guest]

And you're literally just mowing your lawn, trying to be. It's.

[Bill Burr]

It's.

[Unknown Guest]

Since it's a fucking disease. It's a disease. Those fucking. This is what those channels do to people.

[Bill Burr]

It took a lot of effort to not snap on her. First off, inferring I have a shit lawn, which I don't.

[Unknown Guest]

I love that you're defending your lawn.

[Bill Burr]

Second off, using that language in front of the kids. And third, for fucking Calling a complete stranger a pussy? Since when did respecting property owners wishes become a pussy?

[Unknown Guest]

Things to do.

[Bill Burr]

I'm still thinking about this bitch days later and I hope I see her again. How should I handle this? Thanks. And go love yourself. Yeah, this is one of these fucking.

[Unknown Guest]

Times we got to be like a bigger person.

[Bill Burr]

She, you know, is spiraling from the.

[Unknown Guest]

Information she's getting on the Internet and whoever the fuck she's listening to. Probably some talking fucking head who's unbelievably biased towards one side or the other politically, racially, and all of this shit.

[Bill Burr]

Right.

[Unknown Guest]

You know, what you really have to do is just, just be happy that she's not in your life. You know what I mean? That's the only thing that you can do.

[Bill Burr]

But like to start a war with.

[Unknown Guest]

Her, to do something like that is only going to drive her further into whatever ignorance she's listening to. And.

[Bill Burr]

Just everything that she inferred out.

[Unknown Guest]

Of you just being courteous, that it's all a major red flag.

[Bill Burr]

And that's somebody that you just let.

[Unknown Guest]

Just pass by, pass by. And she is, I don't know, she's.

[Bill Burr]

Not in a place in her life.

[Unknown Guest]

Right now where you want to interact with her. And I would just. You just gotta let that shit go, which is really the hardest thing. It really is hard. And it's also the fact that if she was a guy, this, it would be different. But the fact that it's a woman. Women are hands off. They just really are when it comes to confrontation and all that. You just can't get involved with them. It's why so many of them act like children, because they're really not called out on their behavior. So many of the times it really is. And there's like, there's certain lines as men with other men you can't cross and they, they just don't have lines.

[Bill Burr]

And if you try to like inform.

[Unknown Guest]

Them on anything, the, that they can yell, they can accuse you of, and next thing you know you got the cops. You don't need this, all right, dude, you live in the dream. You got a house, you're a good guy, you're mowing your lawn, you know, it looks like good.

[Bill Burr]

All right, let. Let her.

[Unknown Guest]

Just let her be. Just let her be.

[Bill Burr]

You want to get her back?

[Unknown Guest]

Enjoy your fucking life and don't include her in it. That, that's, that's the best that you can do.

[Bill Burr]

You know, in a perfect world, yes.

[Unknown Guest]

You could walk up and boot her right in the cunt, but you can't we just don't live in a country like that. All right.

[Bill Burr]

Found out my father isn't my father.

[Unknown Guest]

All right, here's a nice way to end the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

Found out my father isn't my father. All right, here we go. And the cat's in the cradle. And the fucking other guy who turned out to not be the apple of my eye. Cause he wasn't my dad and he was banging my mom. What the fuck do I do now, Bill? What do I do right now? All right, I'm 25 and just learned, learnt, not Ellie, not learned, learnt, that my mother had a one night stand and I'm a result of that.

[Unknown Guest]

All right, wow.

[Bill Burr]

First of all, I'm gonna go out.

[Unknown Guest]

On limb and say it wasn't a one night stand.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know.

[Unknown Guest]

That somebody goes raw and fucking takes a hot one. At least the person would have fucking pulled out. I mean, she probably had an affair anyway.

[Bill Burr]

I've always been interested in genealogy, so.

[Unknown Guest]

I took an ancestry test a year ago. It gave unexpected results that didn't. You missed a word. Didn't line up with my family tree.

[Bill Burr]

And my parents did it too, to check who the weirdness came from. Well, it turned out the weirdness or your mother knew. Your mother knew your dad was going.

[Unknown Guest]

The guy you thought was your dad was like. Well, that's weird.

[Bill Burr]

She knew. Well, it turned out the weirdness came out of my mom, 57, having sex with a random guy on New Year's Eve.

[Unknown Guest]

Oh, she was hammered. Okay, all right, maybe it was a one time thing. I'm not trying to fucking throw gas on a fire. I'll shut the fuck up with my theories here.

[Bill Burr]

Yesterday I randomly opened my profile and.

[Unknown Guest]

Saw that my mother was matched with me as a close relative, but my father didn't. Oh, my God. I asked her about it and she came clean. Please tell me she didn't tell you to keep the secret.

[Bill Burr]

She also wants to falsify her own.

[Unknown Guest]

Results so that my dad, 60s, doesn't learn anything. He's bad at technology. I also don't want him to know because it would crush him.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, he has a history of suicidal thoughts.

[Unknown Guest]

Okay, dude, fuck that.

[Bill Burr]

And depression already.

[Unknown Guest]

Well, in defense of your mother, maybe that got to be a lot. One night and she just fucking found a guy with a convertible. Sorry, dude, I'm trying to make jokes to keep this light.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, and if he would learn about it, he would end his life at the same time.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't want to lie to him for 20 more years.

[Bill Burr]

If you were in my dad's shoes.

[Unknown Guest]

Would you want to know? I didn't expect that question. Yeah, I would want to know, but I'm not suicidal. I would want to know. I absolutely would want to know. But I. I don't think you should tell your dad. I don't. Okay. Me and your dad are two different fucking people. But I can tell you this, that I would still love you like my son, and I would know that it wasn't your fault, and I wouldn't resent you at all. I know that you wouldn't deserve any of that. And, you know, and then the. Between me and my wife would be a different thing, but I would absolutely want to know. And here's another thing, too. This is easy to say, not dealing with this situation for me to say that, but I. I think that.

[Bill Burr]

You.

[Unknown Guest]

Know, it was a long time ago. They're where they're at. Is it worth it to pull everything apart, possibly, to have your dad hurt himself?

[Bill Burr]

Like, you know what, dude?

[Unknown Guest]

I'm just a fucking comedian doing a podcast. This is a heavy one.

[Bill Burr]

Like, I would. I would go to therapy and I.

[Unknown Guest]

Would ask a professional, but.

[Bill Burr]

You know.

[Unknown Guest]

I don't even know if they'll give you the right answer, because I think sometimes therapists just have a tendency to.

[Bill Burr]

Be like, you have to do what's good for you, and da, da, da, da. You know, that's kind of how, like, they're making their money, like, fucking showing that they're in your corner. But, I mean, that's like.

[Unknown Guest]

I can fucking tell you this.

[Bill Burr]

Okay? If I had to guess whether your.

[Unknown Guest]

Dad already knows.

[Bill Burr]

Okay? Because you're not. You don't look like him, okay? And, you know, the kids. You have kids, they. They lean one way or the other. They look more like the mom. They look more like the dad, but if they look like more like the mom, and what the fuck, you know? So I bet he already knows or suspects it. And he probably doesn't want to know because with his issues, he's sad enough, all right? And I don't think that you so up because now you feel like you're lying, too.

[Unknown Guest]

Dude, you got to talk to a pro, man.

[Bill Burr]

This is. This is a lot.

[Unknown Guest]

But, you know.

[Bill Burr]

He might be doing.

[Unknown Guest]

The same thing that you're doing right now. He might have known for a long fucking time and been like, I don't want to say anything to my son because I don't want him to know this. I don't want to hurt him. As you're Sitting there going like, I don't want to fucking, you know, make him feel bad. And then you guys feel tortured because you think the other person doesn't know. And then, meanwhile, you know, I.

[Bill Burr]

This isn't on you. You didn't make this fucking mistake. Your mom did. And I think you need to have.

[Unknown Guest]

A conversation with your mom and be like, this is like, you know, I'm not getting going to get involved in what you did or didn't do. Well, obviously you did. You did it, but, like, to put this on me, that now I have to be like, you know, I got to be like, doing this with you is. Is up. Yeah, dude, I would. I would talk to a professional about that. Jesus Christ. All right. That's a hell of a way to end a podcast. I'm.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry you're going through that, man.

[Unknown Guest]

That's. That's. Oh, that's a rough one.

[Bill Burr]

Okay. Anyway, that is. The podcast, people.

[Unknown Guest]

You gotta. You gotta use protection out there. I'm trying to end on something positive.

[Bill Burr]

How about my Red Sox? They're in fucking second place. They're in second place. They're fucking 61 and 51 or something like that. You know, they just handed the Astros their fucking ass losses. Number 48, 49, and 50 on the season. We're in wild card contention. And I love what Alex Kora said.

[Unknown Guest]

What?

[Bill Burr]

He was just like, you know, some of the Red Sox fans were bitching that we didn't do anything at the trade deadline. And he said, hey, listen, this isn't about, you know, what's out there that we. What we didn't get. This is about the 21 guys that we have, and I fucking love that. And they're playing like a goddamn team, and they're pitching and hitting and they're playing great baseball. It's a good time to jump in if you haven't been watching them. And their toughest part of this, their. Their. Their schedule is coming up. So it's going to be. It's going to be some great baseball. All right? There you go. There was the positive out America's pastime. All right, that's it. Okay? Everybody go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you on Thursday.