Bill Burr (2:20)

Although his. In his country, it's like Thunderdome.

Joe DeRosa (2:24)

When you do the Jokic, right? I don't know much about NBA, but, like, I saw like, footage one time. They asked me if he was intimidated about, you know, playing over here. And then he sort of laughed. And then they cut to this footage of what it's like. I mean, it just seemed like. It seemed like they were going off to war. Like, it made me like it was unsettling.

Bill Burr (2:54)

There's passion and then there's like, is somebody gonna die? Like, this feels like very nationalistic.

Joe DeRosa (3:00)

I don't understand.

Bill Burr (3:00)

This is just still a sporting event, right? Anyway,

Joe DeRosa (3:06)

I got to go to a pool party today. Oh my God. Like, it just is a ginger. I you. You think, like, they gotta know, like, why would you invite me to this? So the two things, two things as a ginger, you know, like, socially, if they were done at night, I often wonder what my life would be like. Like, if pool parties and golf were at night, you know, I don't think I would have questioned anything. And I would have fell right in line, you know, got a middle management job, you know, agreeing with somebody who's a little fatter than me. I think that's how you tell like the power structure of a company. You know, the higher you go up in like middle management, like, the more. The fatter the person is, the more juice they got. And then once you push through to the other side, then all of a sudden they're all like super fit CEOs, you know, and they're all amazed at themselves and their ability to save the company money that they immediately put in their own pocket, you know? Like, you ever try to put something together now, like a toy or some shit, you look at the instructions, how underwritten they are, you know, like say they needed four pages, they'll do like a quarter of a page now. And you just got to like, figure it out. And then like, it saves all this money in printing. And then everybody in the company is like, oh, my God, Jeremy, that was brilliant. That's amazing what you just did.

Bill Burr (4:41)

You totally the customer, but you saved all that money. And he's like, yeah, time to write myself a nine figure bonus. I don't understand how that's legal. That's all these fucking guys do is they come in as the new CEO, they fire like 5,000 people, they make the product shittier, and then all. But by the time everybody realizes it's a shitty, shittier product, everybody went out and bought the next generation of it. And then as everybody's saying this company, that guy takes all the money that he out of the customers and firing those people As a bonus. And then he abandons the company and then goes somewhere else. They must divvy it out with the air quote shareholders, which is the people that sit on the board. They're all fucking criminals. They're just on the legal side of stealing. It was much better when the mob

Joe DeRosa (5:34)

was running shit, you know, because they were on the illegal side of stealing, so they could only go so far.

Bill Burr (5:41)

And even then it was a bunch

Joe DeRosa (5:43)

of Italians, so they had a sense of family. They actually appreciated their neighborhood, you know. But these fucking legal side, you know, Northern European white dudes. Oh my God, we're the fucking worst.

Bill Burr (6:07)

Just the most heartless fucking people around, dude. Anyways, Bruins. I can't believe I'm gonna say this. They had back to back wins on the road. Back to back wins on the road, six to one victory in. In fucking Winnipeg.

Joe DeRosa (6:27)

And then we went to Detroit, which

Bill Burr (6:28)

by the way, I got to give

Joe DeRosa (6:29)

them a shout out. Great uniforms this year by the way. Some of them I still. The Home Depot, Anaheim, Mighty Ducks. I don't know about those, but like the fucking. The Detroit Red Wings with those old school red jerseys, with the brown gloves like they. Like Gordie Howe is going to skate

Bill Burr (6:49)

out on the ice.

Joe DeRosa (6:52)

Amazing, incredible uniforms. And it was my favorite win of the year. I just thought it was like a complete victory.

Bill Burr (6:59)

First of all, Jeremy Swayman standing on his head. 42 out of 44, 42 saves. And then I felt like everybody scored.

Joe DeRosa (7:11)

I kind of watched the games back to back because I didn't watch Winnipeg until saddie. And then I watched the, the Red Wings right after that. So I think, let's see, I gotta go backwards. Houstoninoff got the empty netter from Pasta. Nikita just Doro had like a legit

Bill Burr (7:37)

goal, like skated right in top of the circle.

Joe DeRosa (7:40)

Using the defenseman as a fucking, I

Bill Burr (7:44)

don't know, whatever you call blind spot shield. I don't know what just sniped it. Short side. I want to say Victor Iverson got one. Pasta had one.

Joe DeRosa (7:57)

Who else? I don't know. Both games kind of combined. Brought that new kid up, Lucas, right? He drew a fucking penalty shot on a breakaway. What's his face? That kid from Chicago who's been with Detroit for a long time. I can't remember any of the names. I do like that left wing on the first line for the, for the Red Wings. They had a fun team. They had a fun team to watch. Anyway. Two road victories. Oh yeah, that Lucas kid. His welcome to the NHL moment. Did you see when he went over the blue line, tried to do some little something along the boards and that defenseman just fucking clobbered him. Just pushed him down and took the puck away from him.

Bill Burr (8:51)

It's like, don't try that up here.

Joe DeRosa (8:54)

The are you doing making your own little high. You know, I wasn't even that like, fancy what the hell he was trying to do. The.

Bill Burr (9:00)

Is that kid's name. He's one of the best stick handlers ever. He's with Chicago and I was surprised they got, they got Patrick Kane, right?

Joe DeRosa (9:12)

Anyway, I'm getting ready. I'm on. I'm going on the road today, buddy. What do you say there, dude? What's up, kid? What's going on, Doctor? I'm going to fucking Utah. One of the most beautiful cities in the United States. Just absolutely gorgeous. Also, that's where in 1979, the Indiana

Bill Burr (9:34)

State Sycamores went up against the Michigan State Spartans. Bird versus Magic for the first time. How do I know that? I just got done reading Keith o' Brien's Heartland, A Forgotten Place, An Impossible Dream, and the Miracle of Larry Bird.

Joe DeRosa (9:54)

It's, it's, it's an incredible book.

Bill Burr (9:56)

One of the most in depth things

Joe DeRosa (9:59)

I've read on Larry. And it's also one of the best sports biographies I've read. I would put it up there with my favorite of all time, which is Andre, Andre Agassiz Open. If you haven't read that one, I highly recommend them. All right. I do deep reading, people. What I did love was, was just all those NBA names from back in the day when the Kings were still in Kansas City. And just, you know, there was like 26 teams or something like that. Joe Barry Carroll, Sydney Moncrief, Adrian Dantley. Was that the name? Who's the guy? He played for DePaul. Just. He was like built like a football player. Six, six or six, seven. And could just shoot the lights out. He went to the Mavericks and then ended up with the, the Pistons. And he was just one of those guys. I hope I'm saying the right name. I was always a hockey guy. He used to just be a nightmare when that guy used to heat up. Him and Andrew Toney. I'll never stop talking about that guy. Andrew Toney for the Philadelphia 76ers, around before the three point line. That guy, the Boston Strangler. That was his nickname. That's when it was great, man. When somebody like was killing your team so bad they named him after a serial killer in your hometown. Like, there's no way if someone was killing the bucks every time they came to town, he would be called the Jeffrey Dahmer, the Ed Gein, Silence of the Lambs. There's no way they would do that. It would be considered in. Inconsiderate to the. To the victims or whatever.

Bill Burr (12:15)

I will say this.

Joe DeRosa (12:16)

I do. I. I have.

Bill Burr (12:18)

I will say this.

Joe DeRosa (12:19)

I do use that expression.

Bill Burr (12:21)

I probably use it incorrectly. There's a lot of people on the

Joe DeRosa (12:25)

Internet and they watch these old highlights of the NFL and they go, fucking football.

Bill Burr (12:31)

I enjoy watching. And it's like, oh, yeah, you know what you should do? You should go fucking watch videos of

Joe DeRosa (12:38)

people who played football like that, and the fucking agony and how much their lives suck.

Bill Burr (12:44)

It's.

Joe DeRosa (12:45)

I hate people who are brave with other people's bodies. You know, back when you play football,

Bill Burr (12:51)

all right, you go out there. You go out there with your brain. You go get knocked around like that, and you ask me, you go back to. We'll go resurrect Veterans Stadium. You go play in a fucking parking lot and have somebody. And you will send you over the middle, and then you tell me if that's the kind of football you like watching. Another favorite one is they'll show a clip from a movie back when you could do jokes like this. It's like, dude, you're on the Internet. You are one click away from free pornography. Like, what the fuck are you talking about, pornography? Not pornography, pornography. People acting like they're being censored. It's like, you're on the Internet. You can watch somebody get beheaded. Is that not enough for you? You know, they still have to make jokes. Like, they used to make them on the office. Like, what are we arguing here

Joe DeRosa (13:49)

anyways? It is Sunday, everybody. I gotta go to this. God damn. I gotta go to this pool party, kid. That's the worst. I show up, everybody asked me for the 90th summer and my 57th summer in a row if I'm aware of how my. How white my legs are. I. I am aware. Yes, I am. And then we got to get you in the shade. No, you don't. You don't. I will find the shade. Believe me, I will find the shade.

Bill Burr (14:21)

Oh, my God.

Joe DeRosa (14:21)

You just.

Bill Burr (14:22)

You just, like, burn up, right?

Joe DeRosa (14:24)

Hey, man, you are doing groundbreaking research on gingers. You know, it's always the bad stuff. You know, it's not the good shit. You know how gingers can drink, like, a fucking double espresso and 20 minutes later go to bed? Anesthesia. You need extra force. It's never that shit. It's always like, you burn up in the sun. Yeah. Yes, we do. We do, in fact, burn up in the sun. Thank you. Anyway, plowing ahead here, I didn't get a chance to see the Moto GP yet. I finally realized it's on like Fox Sports out here. I don't know where it is. So now I've recorded this series. I missed it. They were in Brazil this week. I would love to go to that one. I've never been to South America. You know, a gorgeous continent, gorgeous people, great food, language. Some of the sickest rock fans on the planet. If not these sickest fans, like, any. Some of those clips are like AC DC and people like that. Going down there, it made me feel like. Do they get bored when they go to the United States? I mean, when they go to South America, they go. They're going absolutely insane.

Bill Burr (15:47)

Yeah. I'll tell you, it's. It's like the basketball fans in Eastern Europe.

Joe DeRosa (15:55)

Wait a minute. Are we falling behind that, too? First education, now cheering on sports and rock. Mexican coke tastes better than ours.

Bill Burr (16:07)

What are we doing? The fuck are we doing? We got to. We got to get our shit together over here. Did we forget how to party? I think we did. We're so. Where everything's fucking politicized. We're all screaming and yelling at each other. You know what? This. I'm taking my shirt off at the pool party like I did back in the 80s. Walking out of there looking like a lobster. Everybody's eyes watering when they're looking at me. I'm gonna bring it back. Bringing it back to the Hub.

Joe DeRosa (16:39)

What was that?

Bill Burr (16:40)

Was that Jefferson Starship? That was, you know, as far as, like, just.

Joe DeRosa (16:48)

There's a couple of bands that just became two different bands.

Bill Burr (16:52)

Chicago, Jefferson Airplane. Then when they were Jefferson Starship, like you would know the same people were

Joe DeRosa (16:56)

in the band, completely different.

Bill Burr (17:00)

It was kind of smart of them

Joe DeRosa (17:01)

to change their name, though, because then they could kind of embrace whatever that sound was from the 80s that. I got to be honest with you, I'm not a fan of. Although I will say. I will say this. I will use this expression in the wrong way. I was coming home from hanging out with my lovely wife the other day, and Phil Collins Sisudio came on, and the level that I hated that song when it came out, and the amount of times I shot it off in the decades after, and then I was listening to it, I'm like, it's actually kind of interesting. I think I went away from it long enough that it actually became like cool again. Well, I, I didn't like it the first time around, but I don't know, I was out pitching to my kids in the backyard today and it's funny, my son still says it. He goes, dad, can you throw me some hits? So I finally, you know, he's getting older, so I'm finally giving him about it. Go throw you some hits. You keep talking to me like that, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, not only am I gonna strike you out, I'm gonna put the k's up on the side of the house. He doesn't know what I'm talking about, but it felt good to say that. You know, every once in a while you gotta have like a self esteem moment. You know, I kind of had that the other night. Like somebody just came at me. You know, like when people like talk to you like they like, you work for them and you kind of have to remind them that you don't. And you just do it with tone and you don't curse, you just sort of mimic how they're speaking. Having said that out loud, it's like really childish. But you got to kind of like, you got to bark back with those people to remind them, like, yeah, I don't know what army you're running, but I, I didn't enlist, you lunatic. And today I lost my temper a little bit.

Bill Burr (19:09)

But I'm all right with it because I, because it only happens like once every couple of weeks now.

Joe DeRosa (19:13)

I've kind of had to have like a new relationship with anger and also be like, all right, now that I'm not angry anymore, anger is still an emotion. And the same way I blew off like crying, it's like. No, crying is an emotion.

Bill Burr (19:27)

You're feeling it, you're just blocking it out.

Joe DeRosa (19:28)

You're supposed to do it and you're just forcing yourself not to do it. So the key is to not get like angry over stupid shit. Or if you start getting mad, you gotta stop. So this morning I was back in my old truck up, and the gate was busted. And I'm like, ah. And like, I don't know, I used the remote control and then I set it down. I had to go out and take the COVID off and fix the thing. And then I go back into my truck and I just cannot find my remote control. And I'm checking my pockets and I'm looking, did it fall on the ground? Is it under my truck? And blah, blah, blah. And I was searching for like 10 minutes. I was kind of thinking like, wow, this is amazing. You know, I haven't lost my temper or anything. And then I went inside to ask for a flashlight. And at this point, I had already, like, you know, gone out, got everybody breakfast. I put together a basketball hoop. I went to down to go run an errand for my wife. I'm running all around. Everybody else is still in their pajamas. In other words, I'm having a dad. Typical dad day, right? So I go in and I asked my son for the flashlight.

Bill Burr (20:37)

I don't know where it is.

Joe DeRosa (20:38)

You know, when he walks like, half a mile an hour and I find. Just go. You get the damn flashlight. Of course, right? Is. Is. I didn't say goddamn. I just said damn flashlight. But, you know, every once in a while, you know, he.

Bill Burr (20:48)

He knows what he's doing. He doesn't want to do it, so he's pretending like he doesn't know where you know where it is. You've been flashing that thing in my face for the last three days. Like, I got pulled over for drinking and driving.

Joe DeRosa (21:00)

You know where it is. So he goes up and he gets the thing, and I went down. I ended up finding it. I'd set it on top of the bench seat. I didn't realize it was there. And when I went to, like, look behind the seat, you know, I opened it fast, and it's. It fell down into the back of the seat. Because the back of the seat doesn't have any material. You can just see the springs that it fell down in there. It was like a magic trick. And I couldn't find the goddamn thing. So then I found it, ran the errand, and I came back, apologized to my wife. You know, she appreciated, but it's also only. It was only for half a second, you know, Kissed her until she smiled, and then I moved on. There you go. So that was all right. Didn't beat myself up. And now, you know, I'm looking for my sunblock, and I'm about ready to head out to this. This fucking pool party. Dude, who invites a ginger to a pool party?

Bill Burr (22:01)

You know, that's one of the ones.

Joe DeRosa (22:02)

I'm not gonna feel left out if you don't. If you don't invite me, you know.

Bill Burr (22:07)

By the way, the Patrice O' Neill Comedy Benefit, April 25, New York City city center. You tickets still available? If you want to get some, I would.

Joe DeRosa (22:18)

I suggest you get them soon before

Bill Burr (22:19)

they get down to singles.

Joe DeRosa (22:20)

I have not looked at a ticket count, but I know once. Once. Once we get into the same Month. As the benefit tickets start moving, I also know people are hurting out there. You know what I mean? It's fucking brutal economy. I just saw the gas prices are up, and then everything else goes up. It's fucking. I don't know. It's always darkest before the dawn. Then we'll turn it around. It's gonna be good. We're gonna start living clean. We're gonna respect the environment. No more stupid wars. It's. It's gonna have some point, you know, we're gonna exhaust whatever the fuck it is we're doing. We're all gonna get on the same page.

Bill Burr (23:00)

Like, hey, you know, we're all Americans. You can think this, I could think that, and we don't have to yell at. Yell at each other on the Internet. How about that?

Joe DeRosa (23:08)

That would be nice.

Bill Burr (23:10)

Maybe we can get these fucking nerds. Like, I swear to God, if I was running shit, if you had a bot on your fucking social media platform designed just to infuriate your fellow countrymen, you're going to jail for treason. That's it. All right, you fucking nerd. You think getting stuffed in a locker was bad in high school? How about getting fucking put in general population? All right, you fucking Jiu Jitsu taken? Calculus passing motherfucker. Jesus Christ. First they. First they know calculus, now they know Jiu Jitsu and they own social media platforms. I mean, this is. How. How long are we gonna turn our eyes on this shit?

Joe DeRosa (23:52)

They're already heartless.

Bill Burr (23:54)

I do think it's cool that nerds

Joe DeRosa (23:56)

take Jiu Jitsu now.

Bill Burr (23:57)

You know that scene?

Joe DeRosa (23:58)

I think that is the answer.

Bill Burr (23:59)

And then go confront your bully and fucking choke him out. That's a great little fucking made for TV movie in. In your own life. Do that instead of oppressing the world financially. Just a suggestion. All right. Fast Growing Trees, man. Did you know Fast Growing Trees is America's largest and most trusted online nursery with thousands of trees and plants and over 2 million happy customers? Did you know that? Did you have time in your schedule to know that? Well, that's what I'm here for. To read this copy, to let you know they have all the plants your yard or home needs, including fruit trees, privacy trees, flowering trees, shrubs, and houseplants. No weed, though. No, I mean, they should just. Why? Why? At this point, it's legal. Why can't you just plant weed in my yard? All grown with care and guaranteed to arrive healthy. Plus get online. Can you imagine if you had fruit trees in your fucking house?

Ad Read/Announcer (24:59)

Weed,

Bill Burr (25:02)

right? Bulletproof glass for the zombies gun turret up top. The fucking. You got all the sports packages. Incredible. Plus get you get the privacy trees. You can see them, they can't see you. You're on the higher ground. Plus get ongoing support from trained plant experts who can help you plan your landscape, choose the right plants and learn to care for them every step of the way. You, you don't need a big yard or a lot of space. You can grow lemon, avocado, olive or fig trees indoors along with the wide variety of houseplants.

Joe DeRosa (25:35)

I'm doing this shit. I'm signing up for this. I'm growing food inside.

Bill Burr (25:39)

I don't know how it works. I'll try and fucking LED light Avocado all grown with care and hand selected to thrive in your home. Get all the plants you need without the messy car or the trips to the garden center. Right now they have great deals on spring planting essentials. Up to half off on selected plants. And listeners to our show get 20% off their first purchases. Purchases when using the code burr at checkout. That's an additional 20% off. Better plants and better growing. @fastgrowingtrees.com using the code burr at checkout fast growingtrees.com code burr and by the way, you got your doomsday thing. You got all your fucking AR15s and all of that. How about an avocado tree? Anybody can eat canned tuna until Jesus Christ shows up. But who's eating figs? Elevate your doom day plan with fast growing trees. Now it's a perfect time to plant. Let's grow together. Use Burr Burr to save today. Offer is valid for a limited time. Terms and conditions apply. I mean, dude, if you can grow them in your house, you must be able to grow them inside that. You know that that shipping container you buried in the back of your yard?

Joe DeRosa (27:00)

That would be fantastic.

Bill Burr (27:03)

Get a kegerator.

Joe DeRosa (27:05)

You making guacamole.

Bill Burr (27:07)

Everybody else is eating each other with the zombies and the robots and you're just sitting in the ground just waiting for that asteroid to hit. Squarespace everybody. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain. Showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow Your business get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Check out squarespace.com burr man for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Burr burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Or that's squarespace.com squarespace and let's see. Squarespace.

Joe DeRosa (28:21)

What is it?

Bill Burr (28:22)

Slash Burr. B U R R for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code Burr burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, look who it is, everybody. It's Quo man, as in status Quo. Q U O. If your business is still running like a game of telephone gone wrong, scattered messages, missed calls, who's handling this? It's time to fix that. A modern communication comm system, they said.

Joe DeRosa (28:52)

I'm assuming that means communication.

Bill Burr (28:54)

C o m s system is like Handling your team is like handing your team a GPS instead of a treasure mat drawn by a toddler. Everyone stays aligned. Nothing falls through the cracks. And at some point you just say, all right, let's fucking Quo. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo. Q U O. The smarter way to run your business. Quo works wherever you are right now. An app on your phone or computer. Right from an app on your phone or computer.

Joe DeRosa (29:25)

I don't have my glasses, sorry.

Bill Burr (29:26)

And lets you keep your existing number, add new numbers or teammates in minutes, sync your CRM, and rely on seamless routing and call flows as your business scales. Quo isn't just a phone system. It automatically logs calls, generates summaries, and highlights next steps so nothing gets lost. It can even qualify leads or respond after hours, ensuring your business stays responsive even when you're finally offline. It's easy. Calls, texts, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details all live in one clean view with full context at your fingertips. Your team communicates faster, stays aligned, and delivers a more personal experience. Make this time. Make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away. Try quo for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comburr that's quo.comburr quo. No missed calls, no missed customers. All right, I think there's one more. There's two more. What the fuck?

Joe DeRosa (30:30)

All right, I got to start being an asshole. You guys are going to listen to all of these. All right, what is this one called?

Bill Burr (30:36)

Momentous. Momentous everybody. You know when people talk about energy, recovering and performance, they usually jump straight to training, protein or supplements. But one of the most overlooked pieces is gut health. Ah, dude, you got to take care. You got it's hooked up to your fucking shitter. If your gut is dialed, everything else. Oh. If your guts is not dialed, everything else struggles to work the way it should. That is where momentous feel fiber comes in. Dude, you can be your brains out. Momentous Fiber plus addresses one of the most overlooked foundations of long term performance and that is gut health. Fiber is not just about digestion. It's a key driver of gut health which directly impacts nutrient absorption, energy stability, recovery, focus, mood and overall performance. That's why Momentous believes in a relentless commitment to fundamentals, doing them differently than they have ever been done before. Fiber plus is built to support the entire gut health process, not just one piece of this momentum. Momentous Fiber plus is a complete 3 in 1 formula formula with soluble fiber, insoluble fiber and prebiotic research resistant starch. Dude, that's a lot of shit. This combination is designed to support your gut health from start to finish by feeding beneficial gut bacteria, improving digestion and help stabilizing blood sugar or steady energy without spikes or crashes. Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code BURR. Head to livemomentous.com and use promo code BURR for up 35% off your first order. That's livemomentous. L I V E M O M E N t o u s.com promo code Burr all right, I swear to

Joe DeRosa (32:33)

God this one's the last one.

Bill Burr (32:34)

It's Helix everybody. Helix. There's nothing more important than a good night's sleep. A bad mattress can hinder your sleep which can affect your mood and your longevity. It's time to upgrade your mattress. Staying comfortable inside your Helix mattress. A good night's rest sets you up for a great day. Helix sleep quiz matches you with the perfect mattress based on your personal preferences and sleep needs. Making buying a mattress easy. Free shipping and seamless delivery. Helix delivers your mattress right to your door with free shipping in the United States. The Happy with Helix guarantee rest easy and seamless returns and exchanges. The Happy with Helix guarantee offers a risk free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. 120 night sleep trial, gross and limited lifetime warranty. A study they found ran that 82% of those involved saw an increase in their deep cycle sleep. Deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress. That is huge. Got your avocados downstairs, you're doing REM sleeping upstairs. I mean, what the fuck more do you need? Got health. Go to helixsleep.com Burr for 20% off sitewide. That's helixsleep.com H E L I X sleep.com Burr for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com brrrr.

Ad Read/Announcer (34:03)

Early burrs always rise to the occasion for summer vacation planning because early gets you closer to the action. So don't be late. Book your next vacation early on VRBO and save over $120. Rise and shine. Average savings $141. Select homes only.

Bill Burr (34:19)

All right, there you go. That's the end of it.

Joe DeRosa (34:22)

And then I gotta go to the

Bill Burr (34:24)

pool party and then I'll have some stories about that and when we return, but through the magic of editing, it's gonna take two seconds in your world. All right, all right. And I'm back. I survived the pool. Pool party.

Joe DeRosa (34:39)

Everybody saw me coming.

Bill Burr (34:40)

Hey, Bill, there's a chair with an umbrella right over there. I know, I know. Stick me in a bubble Stick me underneath the umbrella. I'll drink a non alcohol beer

Joe DeRosa (34:56)

anyway.

Bill Burr (34:57)

Could have been a different life if I had pigment could have been a different life Poor pool parties, become a member of a country club. Hey, Mark, how you hitting them? Oh, that's great. You got a new driver. You loving it? Oh, hey, remind me to stay away from you, huh? Am I right? Could have been that life could have been that life. All right, let's get into your questiones for the week needing my address. Hi, Bill. I know you're annoyed when the checkout comes. Counter at the grocery store asks for your phone number when you buy food. I am annoyed as well. Thank you, that's great to hear. I don't feel crazy as they are obviously selling your data to the highest bidder for extra cash. My favorite thing is when you say to the person behind the register, you're just going to sell this. And like, no, we're not. And it's like, dude, you're not, you're not, you're not going to sell it. But once it goes in that little computer thing you got there, buddy, hey, you don't know where it's going to go. Person says, my question is this. How can comedy clubs justify asking for your phone number, email address and Home address just to buy a ticket to a show. They can't, they can't justify it. Why do you have to do all of that? You know what you need to do? You got to get a burner number. You got to get a fake email, dude, sign up for fucking aol, send them into that goddamn fucking wasteland and home address to buy. You don't have to. First of all, none of that has to be real. The burner number so you have the tickets. The phony fucking email address that you give to all of these fucking cunts. That's the thing right now. You got to have like your shadow person.

Joe DeRosa (36:45)

That's who you give it to. It's inevitable.

Bill Burr (36:49)

They're going to fucking microchip everybody, which is fucking hilarious. Literally, the people that fuck kids are going to come up with the fucking microchip to microchip your kid to prevent them from fucking getting snatched. I mean, it's, it's, it's an insane

Joe DeRosa (37:04)

world that we're living in.

Bill Burr (37:05)

If there is any business that is selling your data for extra cash, I would guess it is comedy clubs. Out of all the businesses you're going to go with comedy clubs, like, there's some behemoth like Walmart. I would shoot a little higher than that, but comedy clubs, I mean, you know, the way they us out of cash, I'm sure they're selling your information. 100% says it always seems like I get a random spam call scam slash phishing text and spam emails whenever I put my info into a comedy club's website and buy tickets. I've been meaning to ask you for a while. It's just like, home address is completely unnecessary to buy a ticket. Big fan of the podcast over the years. 100%. Home address is completely unnecessary for anybody other than the government. Don't give it out. Never give it out. Whatever you got to do. Get a fucking PO Box, give a fake address, Find out Bill Gates address, Fucking have him send it to him. Let that fucking cunt get all the extra meal. Meal mail. That's what I do. I'm on your side, dude. I think it's complete bullshit. You shouldn't need any of that. But most people don't think. Most people don't question. So the herd wins. All right, so what you need to do, fake email address. Get a burner number and give them a fake address.

Joe DeRosa (38:32)

That's it.

Bill Burr (38:34)

It's not a hard ticket. What the fuck are they? What? They're not sending you anything anyway. How to get A song out of your head.

Joe DeRosa (38:41)

Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy.

Bill Burr (38:43)

Hey there, Zombily Beaver. Oh, somebody saw the movie. This is going to sound dumb, and it might seem like I'm trolling you, but I swear it works for me. A manager I had years ago told me to do this when I had a song stuck in my head. All right, before you get going, somebody told me, sing, listen to the whole

Joe DeRosa (39:05)

song, and it'll get it out of your head. That hasn't worked for me.

Bill Burr (39:09)

This person said I was skeptical, but tried it and it worked. Used it ever since. It's undefeated. The trick is sing the commercial jingle. I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener. This will kick out the current song, but it will not stick in your brain. The Oscar Mayer wiener song won't. How come I still remember it? I don't know how many times you need to sing the jingle. It isn't that scientific. I typically sing it a few times through or try my best because I don't always recall the extra lyrics, which may be why it works. Who knows? Give it a try. All right, I'm gonna try to get through the song. Oh, I wish I was an Oscar Meyer wiener. That's what I want to do. Eating pig ears. And, yeah, you don't notice if this mustard. Oh, I wish. Now I'm thinking, what's in hot dogs? Anyway, I know this sounds like bullshit, but I promise you, it's always worked for me. All right, well, there you go, people. My wife.

Joe DeRosa (40:19)

My wife, my lovely wife,

Bill Burr (40:25)

My buddy.

Joe DeRosa (40:26)

She sent me this thing

Bill Burr (40:30)

of this

Joe DeRosa (40:30)

person rapping, and it was really bad, and we were laughing about it and

Bill Burr (40:39)

singing it to each other, and then we couldn't get it out of our heads. And it became a thing between both of us for, like, 36 hours, where someone would start to sing it, and she'd be like, bill, I'm like, sorry. Or like, mia, I know I can't get it. Next time, we will hold hands and

Joe DeRosa (41:01)

we will sing that song together.

Bill Burr (41:03)

Thank you for that. See this P. You know, there's people out there that they're trying to. They're trying to help you out. All right, Puppet work. Hey, Billy. Twinkle woes, what do you think your act would be like if you had a puppet? Oh, I actually thought about doing it. Would it be lady? Would it be a lady? Or would it be someone who said inflammatory things on your behalf? No, I would turn it around where, you know, the guy doing the voice always plays the dummy and the puppets always smarter. I would be berating the puppet. Hey, Woody, if you knew what was best for you, you'd shut the up

Joe DeRosa (41:47)

or you're never gonna talk again, if you know what I mean.

Bill Burr (41:50)

You know, maybe you should stop watching

Joe DeRosa (41:52)

the Twilight Zone and get your fucking ego in check before I send you through a wood chipper.

Bill Burr (41:58)

All right? Now stop looking at me with that

Joe DeRosa (41:59)

stupid look on your face and entertain these fucking cunts. That's what I would do with, but

Bill Burr (42:04)

I would do it smiling, right? Hey, Woody, why don't you shut the up. Oh, you know, say, no, no, I don't need to do that because I'm talking, right? See, I, I, I'm like, I'm too

Joe DeRosa (42:15)

up to be able to do it. You know what I would have, I

Bill Burr (42:23)

would have a puppet, it would be

Joe DeRosa (42:24)

a woman, and she would just be mad at me,

Bill Burr (42:28)

and she wouldn't be

Joe DeRosa (42:29)

looking at me the entire time. She'd just be looking the other way, shaking her head, and I would just explain to the crowd what I felt I did wrong, which would get her

Bill Burr (42:41)

to start to look at me.

Joe DeRosa (42:42)

But then when I started to say what she did wrong, she would be rolling her eyes and shaking her head, you know, rolling over, you know.

Bill Burr (42:56)

You know, my wife hasn't done in

Joe DeRosa (42:57)

a long time because I've learned how to not, like, be an asshole is back in my years, way back in November,

Bill Burr (43:12)

When I would piss my wife

Joe DeRosa (43:13)

off in the car,

Bill Burr (43:17)

if it's a

Joe DeRosa (43:18)

little thing she'd give me back, but

Bill Burr (43:19)

if I really bothered her, she would

Joe DeRosa (43:23)

do this thing where she would just cross her arms and she would look out the window. And then I was just like, well,

Bill Burr (43:28)

there you go, Bill, perfectly good day. You just the whole thing up, didn't you?

Joe DeRosa (43:33)

And then I'd have to be like Paul Rubens.

Bill Burr (43:36)

I'm sorry, I'd have to do that.

Joe DeRosa (43:42)

But fortunately, I don't have to do that anymore.

Bill Burr (43:43)

That's the old me. That's the old me.

Joe DeRosa (43:48)

That is the old me.

Bill Burr (43:50)

You know, one of the biggest fears

Joe DeRosa (43:53)

I ever had was becoming the yes, dear husband. Because then I feel like you've just completely lost yourself in the relationship, and it's not what happens.

Bill Burr (44:03)

You do the yes, dear thing, and then you know what happens?

Joe DeRosa (44:06)

They're nice to you. And then the whole. And then you're actually working together, you're rowing in the same direction, where if you're doing that thing where you know

Bill Burr (44:15)

you're trying to win, there's nothing to win. I finally figured that out. Like, what am I trying to win here? All right, you see it this way, I see it that way. Guess What? In literally 20 minutes, we're not even

Joe DeRosa (44:32)

going to remember this.

Bill Burr (44:32)

So whatever I did, I'm sorry. Let me. Let me make it up to you. I don't want to fight. Guess what?

Joe DeRosa (44:41)

They don't either. Unless you married a cunt, then you

Bill Burr (44:46)

got to get out of it, right? But if you married an adult or if you're a woman, if you married a dick, you got to get out of it. But if you married an adult, that can actually be like, all right, you know what? I. You know, I didn't look at it that way. I can see now through the lens of how you're saying that perhaps maybe.

Joe DeRosa (45:04)

Yeah, I shouldn't have said that.

Bill Burr (45:05)

You know? And if I'm honest, as it was

Joe DeRosa (45:07)

coming out of my mouth, I was

Bill Burr (45:08)

like, am I gonna get away with that? Did anybody. Did anybody notice? They noticed. They all noticed. They all clock it.

Joe DeRosa (45:21)

Everything. Everything gets noticed. So anyway, I. I got the kids to bed, you know, did the baths, all that. I got the kitchen cleaned up. You know, that's a big thing for me. You know, I got all the bathing suits washed. I did all that stuff. Well, Nia handled that. I did the kitchen. I'm the kitchen guy. I worked in restaurants, and. You know what I mean? A lot of adults, I don't know why, they. They just. Just.

Bill Burr (45:56)

It's not that they can't wash dishes.

Joe DeRosa (45:57)

It's that they don't want to. So then when they do the job, you end up having to redo 30 of them. So at some point, you just have

Bill Burr (46:04)

to be like, you know what?

Joe DeRosa (46:05)

I'm the only one who has a passion for this. This is where I fit in, in the band.

Bill Burr (46:12)

I'm the bass player. I'm the dishwasher.

Joe DeRosa (46:14)

All right, I'll wash the dishes. So I take care of all of that. And, you know, I don't need any mises. I hate you. Mises to pieces coming in my kitchen or cockroaches or anything. So, you know, I go all out. I get out the vacuum cleaner. I vacuum the whole goddamn place up, wipe down the counters, and then I. The dishwasher, by the way, okay, in its ass. It doesn't work.

Bill Burr (46:38)

It's good at sterilizing, but, like, if you take, like, a glass out of a dishwater dishwasher, fill it up with

Joe DeRosa (46:46)

water and look at all the stuff, soap residue, you know, you're drinking that. Next time you have a Coke, you're like, yeah, this doesn't taste as good,

Bill Burr (46:53)

you know, just because you have dishwashing

Joe DeRosa (46:56)

liquid mixed in with that delicious soda that takes rust off of a bike chain. Yeah, so I do that. I get everything like, I'm big on. I don't want to deal with yesterday's today, because today's is coming. I don't need to. I don't need to be, like, backlogging. You know what I mean? It's like when you're. You're watching a series or something, you get a couple episodes behind. All of a sudden it's. You feel like you're back in college and you got, like, this term paper, and it really gets in your head. I gotta. I gotta get caught up. I gotta get caught. He's like, what. What am I doing? I don't need. I don't need to get caught up. I need sleep. I need rest.

Bill Burr (47:39)

I need somebody to listen.

Joe DeRosa (47:43)

So I handle all of that. So I'm finishing up this podcast, and then I'm going to continue on with this whole new world of drumming that I'm doing, that I've been doing with my teacher, Dave Elitch, where you got to sing a fill and then play it. You can't even move when you sing that. You can't even mime it out. You just got to sit still and do it. Which is fine, because he's trying to get, like, what you're feeling to go into your brain. And then you play it to. And then it. Gradually, it's. It's like learning a language gradually. You can start speaking at, like, speed. You know what I mean? I should talk. I'm. I'm still struggling. I'm not struggling with French. I actually listen to the radio every morning when I have my coffee, and I literally know what they're talking about. I don't know all the words, but I know what. I know what they're talking about. It doesn't necessarily. I could actually understand. Like, this other day, this dude was talking about war, and I was thinking, is he talking about World War II? This is France. I don't know if it's some sort of, you know, Francis, what is the. Guy de Gaulle, whatever, You know, Remembrance Day or some. Is it a holiday? I don't know. Then I heard Tel Aviv. Then I heard Le President. And I'm like, now he's talking about us. And I was trying to gauge by his tone where he was sitting.

Bill Burr (49:01)

I mean,

Joe DeRosa (49:03)

you know, what we're doing in Iran. Is he talking about that? Like. But I'm, like, able to listen to a Conversation like that, it's pretty exciting. I mean, the topic is. Is dark as it gets, but like, you know, I don't know, it's a nice distraction. So anyway. Oh, God, Bill, did you forget what the. You were talking?

Bill Burr (49:29)

I did.

Joe DeRosa (49:30)

I did forget. I did forget what I was talking about. It happens a lot. My age. Oh, God. Now here come all the emails, people.

Bill Burr (49:38)

Well, you know what you want to do? Sing the Purina Catch out commercial. Sing it one and a half times, and then you won't forget stuff anymore. Oh, there you go, Billy. Ah, you're all fixed there.

Joe DeRosa (49:51)

Anyway, plowing ahead. I'm excited to go to Utah. I'm excited to do these gigs, and I'm also excited about this live podcast that's coming out. I had such a good time when I was in Austin and I don't know, we'll see how you guys like this one. And if you like it, maybe these

Bill Burr (50:09)

are something I won't do every couple of years.

Joe DeRosa (50:11)

Maybe it's something I'll do.

Bill Burr (50:13)

I don't know.

Joe DeRosa (50:13)

A couple times a year was really fun. It was just like a. A really great sort of exercise there. Oh, going back to the drumming. There you go. Oh, Jesus. Jesus. You're all over the road. You're into the guardrail. You're going over the double line.

Bill Burr (50:30)

Pick a lane. So I noticed the last lesson I

Joe DeRosa (50:34)

took,

Bill Burr (50:36)

you know, when I used to

Joe DeRosa (50:37)

take lessons, I would come out of there and I had like, information, and I was like, I need to remember this information and I need to go home and practice. Practice this information. And a lot of it was good because it was mechanics on how I was playing. I was hurting myself or like using all of this extra energy I didn't need to be doing. So I. I got through that part of it. But when we were just like singing Phils, it was like, it felt light. Like there's times I go into my drum room. I don't know if you.

Bill Burr (51:10)

If you play an instrument, you ever

Joe DeRosa (51:11)

go in to go play practice, and you literally feel like you're wearing, like a miner's helmet.

Bill Burr (51:16)

I must learn a four stroke rough. Coming off the hi hat or the rack. Tom. Now the floor, Tom. Crash with a symbol. Come back down. Do the four stroke.

Joe DeRosa (51:26)

Just keep doing that. It's mind numbing. It's mind numbing.

Bill Burr (51:31)

It's why it's so hard to.

Joe DeRosa (51:32)

To learn the rudiments, because it's this. It's a. It is a discipline. I do respect it. But there's this other, other side That I was finding. I was driving around and I. And I would be listening to songs, and all of these creative ideas for playing drums along to the song

Bill Burr (51:51)

were magically there in the car.

Joe DeRosa (51:53)

And then I go into the drum room, and they just disappeared. And I would put the song on, and it still didn't happen.

Bill Burr (51:58)

One of it was I wasn't able

Joe DeRosa (52:00)

to execute the ideas I had in my head. I couldn't feel them and think them and. And execute them with the tempo of the song. It was just. It was like, you know, I hadn't even learned how to crawl, and I was trying to, you know, start sprinting down the street.

Bill Burr (52:16)

So I've been just doing it slowly, singing these fills.

Joe DeRosa (52:19)

And I go into the drum room now, and I have, like, the same mindset I have when I know I'm going to have a set. A good set is I. When I walk out and I'm not thinking anything, and I have no idea what I want to open with, which is kind of how I try to be as much as I can. It makes me in the room. It makes me present. It's just like, I don't know. If you do anything creative, you kind of have to figure out how your brain works, you know, you got to learn. Like, if I go down this road, it's leading towards staleness, depression, writer's block.

Bill Burr (53:02)

If I go down this road, this is silly.

Joe DeRosa (53:05)

This is light, this is fun. There's no pressure. That's the road you go down to, and you can get into a zone. So I've finally been able to get that feeling into my drum room. I still suck, I'm not gonna lie to you. But, like, I don't suck as much as I did a week ago, which is.

Bill Burr (53:23)

Which is the whole goddamn thing, which, you know, some. Something peep. That's what life's all about. There we go. I was trying to figure that out. I was trying to figure that out last week. What is life all about? That's. That's what it's all about. Bombing. That's what life is about. Having the courage to bomb, which it's hard enough to do as a kid.

Joe DeRosa (53:48)

Forget about when you're an adult and you're supposed to, like, know. You're supposed to know what you're doing, you know?

Bill Burr (53:55)

You ever meet those people? They got it all fucking figured out. They just got it all figured out. What's your problem? I can tell you what to do. Just fucking do this, that, and the fucking other thing, you know, which I get that's advice. But, like, you know, there's a certain

Joe DeRosa (54:09)

level of confidence that an unexamined person will give you the answers to in a field they have absolutely no knowledge of. At that point, what you do is you don't listen to them anymore as far as, like, you don't take in the information. You just enjoy the show.

Bill Burr (54:24)

You just sit there going, oh, is that what I look like when I think I know what I'm talking about? And I don't. Seeing a lot of me in that man.

Joe DeRosa (54:36)

Anyway, so I didn't get a chance to see the MotoGP yet. I'm gonna watch it tomorrow on the plane. I'm very excited. Excited about that. Next week is coda Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas. A city I was really wrong about. You know, I just went down to 6th Street. You know what I mean?

Bill Burr (54:57)

I made the.

Joe DeRosa (54:58)

The mistake everybody makes.

Bill Burr (54:59)

Where do you go as a tourist?

Joe DeRosa (55:01)

You go to the touristy place, you're like, what is the big deal about this place? It's kind of dirty and kind of sketchy.

Bill Burr (55:06)

But then you go where the locals go.

Joe DeRosa (55:07)

You're like, oh, my God, this place is awesome. Like, it also didn't hurt that the weather was perfect. I mean, Texas in March is not Texas in July, okay? People sell houses in Texas in March.

Bill Burr (55:27)

I feel like real estate.

Joe DeRosa (55:30)

Real estate agents take the summer off.

Bill Burr (55:33)

Which.

Joe DeRosa (55:34)

The summer at this point is what, April until, like, mid December.

Bill Burr (55:39)

Oh, Jesus. We just had three 95 degree days in a row.

Joe DeRosa (55:45)

Unbelievable. But I did look in this magazine about the history of aviation. And the final thing was these cleaner planes that were coming. We're gonna. What, are we gonna kill ourselves?

Bill Burr (55:59)

We're not gonna do.

Joe DeRosa (55:59)

We're gonna figure it out. But I will say, I will say, say.

Bill Burr (56:03)

I say that all the time.

Joe DeRosa (56:04)

I had no idea until that person wrote in.

Bill Burr (56:10)

Or is it.

Joe DeRosa (56:11)

I'll say this, that's all a derivative, right? Anyway, the balls

Bill Burr (56:21)

that the first people

Joe DeRosa (56:23)

who flew had in those goddamn hoopties.

Bill Burr (56:28)

And then within like 10 years of that, you see these people miming playing tennis on top of the wing of,

Joe DeRosa (56:35)

like, a biplane, these barnstormers.

Bill Burr (56:39)

I saw this woman, she was hanging all these talking about grip strength and on Instagram with your goddamn ropes and that I bought.

Joe DeRosa (56:49)

I'm not gonna lie to you.

Bill Burr (56:53)

This lady is hanging by one hand, okay, like 200ft off the ground, smiling, and her body is like. Like her arm is at, like, you know, 12 o' clock and her feet are like, at 7 o'. Clock. Because the guy's banking a little bit, and she's smiling and waving to the crowd.

Joe DeRosa (57:21)

I mean, Jesus fucking cr.

Bill Burr (57:23)

I mean. And you know what's funny? I bet the promoter still fucked her

Joe DeRosa (57:28)

out of her money.

Bill Burr (57:31)

Oh, people, people. People who need people.

Joe DeRosa (57:36)

Anyway.

Bill Burr (57:36)

All right, that is the podcast, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you to everybody that's coming out to my show in Utah. I'm excited to go to that mammoth game. I go to that game, and I'm gonna see Conor McDavid. Unfortunately, Leon Draisaitl is out for the rest of the season.

Joe DeRosa (57:54)

They only got 77 points, so they need to get some wins here. They're gonna make the playoffs. I was hoping to see him also play, but I don't know. Should be a. I mean, I'm seeing one of the best hockey players of all time in Connor McDavid, so that should be amazing in itself. So very excited, and I got a bunch of new. And that's it. I'm gonna give you your money's worth if you show up.

Bill Burr (58:20)

All right?

Joe DeRosa (58:21)

That's it.

Bill Burr (58:23)

Hey, send me some recommendations for a

Joe DeRosa (58:24)

good coffee shop in. In Salt Lake City. You know, that's my thing.

Bill Burr (58:32)

All right, cool.

Joe DeRosa (58:33)

That's it. All right. I'll talk.