← Monday Morning Podcast
Loading summary
Transcript355 lines
- [00:02]
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, fucking March 1st. No, March 3rd. Sorry, dude. March 3rd, 2025. The fuck, kid? Why am I talking in an extra hard Boston accent? Because I'm reminiscent, dude. I'm recording this on March 2, March 2, 1992, at Nick's Comedy Stop on fucking Warrington street down in the theater district. You know, where all those. Well, the fellas hang out. Don't get me started, kid.
- [00:49]
Unknown
They don't need to go to donkeys.
- [00:51]
Bill Burr
They got enough sugar in their tank. Huh? You know what I'm saying?
- [00:56]
Unknown
That's how people talked when I started. It was worse than that. That's how they started. That's the way they talked. That's where they believed. When I started stand up comedy. Toity Tree years ago, Toity Toy. That's actually New York. I only heard one guy ever say that. I was on the Downtown 6 train. And the guy running the train back when it was an actual person as opposed to just some fucking computer thing. Next stop, Toity Toy Street. Toity Toy street is next exit to the right. Please watch your step. 23rd streets. 20 toy, 23rd streets.
- [01:35]
Bill Burr
Next. Anyways, 33 fucking years and not having a real job, bumming around, traveling, doing all of this bullshit, having a great time. I did this secret stand up show, whatever the kids call it, in a barber shop in Astor Place. The Astor family, you know, anytime something is named after a family, you know that a lot of people suffered. I. I remember I started looking up Astro. Who, who's the Astors, right? I looked them up. They're all like fucking slum lords and people were dying at tuberculosis as they built their fucking wealth. Cooper hall was another fucking guy. Anytime there's a. There's like, if you see a statue of, of. Of a Caucasian, all right, and they, they.
- [02:46]
Unknown
And it's not military.
- [02:48]
Bill Burr
It's not some regular fucking person that joined up and won the medal of Honor, you know, an infantryman. If it's someone with like a sitting on a fucking horse on the statue, it's usually a pretty safe bet that some people suffered.
- [03:05]
Unknown
And.
- [03:08]
Bill Burr
You know, you look at that stuff, oh, that was a different time and blah, blah, blah. And you look at it now, it's still going on. It's just, it's done differently. I just got out of this.
- [03:17]
Unknown
I'm gonna get Back to my 33 years on standup. 33 years of shit jokes.
- [03:27]
Bill Burr
I was just in this, this fucking.
- [03:30]
Unknown
Car and they had this magazine said jet set.
- [03:34]
Bill Burr
And on the COVID of the magazine is this fucking guy in like this blue suit and he's got, he's like mean muggin. Like that's his fault. He's on the COVID of a magazine. He's not smiling like, oh, fuck. You know, this is great. He's mean mugging and all of this shit. And these fucking CEOs, their egos are just out of fucking control. It's like, what is that look on your face? Are you fighting for the middleweight title? Are you on the next ufc? Are you? You a Green Beret? You in the fucking marines? What is that fucking you? You move numbers around, you put people out of business. You crush the dreams of the little guy. What is that fucking look on your face? It's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I get it. You got a watch collection. I don't listen, he's one of those fucking guys, you know, that has like a. You know, those, those fucking business guys, they all memorize like a million quotes to justify what they're doing to everyone underneath them. You know, their favorite one is this is how business is done. And they quote the Art of War and all of this shit. And they, they got like that thing like back in the day when, when, when people used to give drug dealers.
- [04:58]
Unknown
Shit and drug dealers be, if I.
- [04:59]
Bill Burr
Didn'T fucking do it, somebody else would do it, right? They have all of those things to justify what the fuck they're doing. Oh, well and good. But don't have a fucking look on your face like, you know, like you were pinned down, taking fucking fire or.
- [05:12]
Unknown
Whatever, you know, I don't know. Maybe he's a veteran. I have no idea. Maybe he fought. I have no idea. But you're seeing a guy in a fucking suit looking at me, you know.
- [05:24]
Bill Burr
Like he doesn't make his money. Like hitting a keyboard, like, I don't understand.
- [05:28]
Unknown
I don't understand it.
- [05:28]
Bill Burr
I think that's like everybody has sort of co opted the let's go, let's fucking go attitude.
- [05:36]
Unknown
They try to apply it to their job, even though it's not like a let's fucking go job.
- [05:47]
Bill Burr
Let's fucking go. We're down by eight, you know, with fucking three minutes to go. I'm playing football, I'm fucking, you know, whatever, you know, something's on the line here.
- [05:58]
Unknown
Not this stupid business shit. I don't know. I find that shit funny to me. Whatever. I don't know anything about it. But like these fucking CEOs now, and it's funny now they're like, working out and they have like these fucking breathable suits that they wear, you know, and you have a handful of raw almonds, you know, to keep the metabolism going and your brain clear so you can make the right decision. The right decision. Like, you know, so I can crush all of these people and knock down all the places where they live. So I can build a big glass thing that people can wash money in. You see this look on my face? That's. That's. That's the mentality you need to. But all the same, it'd be funny in the future if they. Do you think they're gonna name like a subway stop after, like, the Facebook guy.
- [06:53]
Bill Burr
Or the Twitter guy? The nerve of the fucking Twitter guy walking around the government going, justify your fucking job, dude. Justify your fucking wealth. Justify what you pay other people. Justify what you're doing to people. Why don't you justify your fucking bullshit first?
- [07:11]
Unknown
Jesus Christ.
- [07:12]
Bill Burr
Turning the country into an episode of Shark Tank. I don't know what it is. I'll be honest with you. I have not seen a Republican or a Democrat in fucking over 10 years. It's been a long fucking time. Longer than that. I think. Like the last sort of like, you know, if you look at it like tennis, the pre Open era, and you went into the open era of championships, I would say George Herbert Walker was the last ones before then the open era became was.
- [07:45]
Unknown
The Clintons were somehow Democrats, and then George W. Was somehow a Republican. Not a bunch of oil men.
- [07:57]
Bill Burr
They were Republican.
- [07:58]
Unknown
I don't. I don't know. I don't fucking know. I just wish there was more, you know? I don't know. Jimmy Carter, man. Jimmy, you can't get mad at that fucking guy. You know what I mean? I mean, maybe you can. I have no idea, guys.
- [08:14]
Bill Burr
President keeps us out of wars, doesn't take the bait over in fucking Iran, leaves office, builds houses for the homeless.
- [08:23]
Unknown
Until he's almost 100.
- [08:26]
Bill Burr
I mean, that's what the job supposed to be, right? A public servant? Isn't that what's supposed to be. Not supposed to be lining.
- [08:30]
Unknown
All right, I got to get off this shit.
- [08:32]
Bill Burr
Like, I don't even watch the fucking news.
- [08:34]
Unknown
I don't even watch the fucking news. And I can't stop talking about this shit. I can't imagine actually sitting there looking at that shit. So let's get to something sillier. I was watching TV because like most people, I don't read anymore. Like, TV is the new reading. Just the fact that you're not scrolling on your phone. Like, wow, you're an intellectual. You can actually sit down and watch an entire episode without your brain flying away. Which I can't necessarily do.
- [09:05]
Bill Burr
Especially because.
- [09:06]
Unknown
I always watch old movies and shit. And I don't know why I am obsessed with finding out everybody in the movie to see if they're still alive and if they're not alive when they died and what they died of. And then I have to hit pause and rewind and go back, and I am just. I am watching some fucking crazy movies. I just. Let me make sure I got this, the name of this movie, right? I watched Race with the Devil. And there was this amazing era in cinema where you could end a movie on a freeze frame. You know, I actually looked it up afterwards, because this movie ends on a freeze frame. No, Jake Isles, I'm talking, like, cinema ends on a freeze frame. And I was trying to think. I remember Hooper ended on a freeze frame. Actually ended with Burt Reynolds breaking the fourth wall, looking right into the camera. After he punches the director, the fake director, not the real director of the film, punches him in the face, turns around and gives the okay sign.
- [10:09]
Bill Burr
The fucking Burt Reynolds laugh.
- [10:11]
Unknown
And it just. Freeze frame. And they rolled the credit. And that was like. That was the thing I remember. I didn't remember. I looked up a list of movies that ended on a freeze frame. And one of them, and I was so, like, pissed when it happened, was Rocky three ends on a freeze frame of Rocky and Apollo are getting in the ring and they're just gonna fucking fight. And right as they're about ready to hit each other, it freezes.
- [10:41]
Bill Burr
And they said it. You're going like, oh, my God, this is the greatest epilogue ever. We just saw it. He came back. He beat Clubber Lang, right?
- [10:49]
Unknown
And now you.
- [10:49]
Bill Burr
Now he's gonna go at it.
- [10:53]
Unknown
With Apollo Creed.
- [10:54]
Bill Burr
I want to see this.
- [10:55]
Unknown
That didn't happen.
- [10:55]
Bill Burr
I think even Hollywood knew.
- [10:58]
Unknown
You know, they're like, we can't have a white fighter beat two black guys in a row. Like, I don't think so.
- [11:06]
Bill Burr
Let's just have. After he beats up clever Lang, we're.
- [11:09]
Unknown
Going to freeze frame on the Apollo Creed thing. Anyway, that was actually the first Rocky movie that I saw. And then I think I went back and I saw. I might have gone 3, 2, 1. And then saw Rocky 4. I think that's how I did. I almost. I did Star wars. Like that. No, I saw Empire Strikes Back first. And then I saw Return of the Jedi.
- [11:39]
Bill Burr
No, I think I saw Star wars before that, because I want to say they re. They put it. They would put it back out to.
- [11:44]
Unknown
Get people caught up if you missed them.
- [11:48]
Bill Burr
And I gotta admit, I always found.
- [11:49]
Unknown
The first Star wars when they were in the desert. I found it really boring, and I sort of zoned out. But I really liked the next one. Empire Strikes Back was cool. You know, the foes, Frozen tundra with the AT ATS and all that shit. And then a lot of people didn't like the Ewoks. I like the Ewoks with those fucking sleds flying through the trees. That was amazing. When they did the first person. When you were in the movie theater. That was incredible. I mean, I know now your seat vibrates, you know, and they have some immigrant with a hand fan in your face, so your hair moves or whatever the fuck they do with these things. They're paying them $2 a month. Sorry, I just had a cup of coffee, so I'm a little wound up on this one anyway. But, yes, I've been watching these. These. These crazy movies. I finished. I watched two movies this week. They were both car movies. What was the other one? And then I.
- [12:57]
Bill Burr
After I finished that Race with the.
- [12:59]
Unknown
Devil, I saw this movie I never heard of, called the Outfit with Robert Duvall, pre Godfather, and it's a mafia movie. And I text a buddy of mine who I really respect his, you know, knowledge of movies. He goes, that's a great movie. You know, it's also my wheelhouse, like 1973. Just these amazing cars. I'm on the lookout for a daily driver. I sold my Jaguar. My mechanic told me. He goes, do me a favor. Just. Just do me a favor. Can you can. Because these cars are not made right. All right? And it was funny. And that was after I spent all the money. I didn't feel bad, you know, when I sent. I sold it because I feel like I took the hit. And the car is going to be good for at least another 30,000 miles. But my mechanic's the shit. And he, like, you know, when he did the final big repair on it, he was just like, do me a favor. Get rid of this car. He goes, you see that over there? That's a Range Rover. That has. That's a 2019 Range Rover with 55,000 miles on it. The owner loves the truck, so he's doing this. It's $25,000 worth of repairs right now. Because that engine sucks. Your car basically has the same fucking engine in it. I go, get the fuck out of here. That Jaguar. And he goes, just. Just trust me. He goes, you can change the oil. I don't give a. This thing is going to the bed, and you're going to. You know. So I was like, all right, you know, this is good for me. I hold on to shit even if it's not working to me. I stay in shit just like. You know, I learned that growing up. I saw all these sad housewives with these fucking miserable guys that they married and they fucking hung in there, you know, I learned a lot having a paper route.
- [15:05]
Bill Burr
You'd go into a house and you could. You could feel it if, like, the relationship was working.
- [15:17]
Unknown
You.
- [15:19]
Bill Burr
I didn't even realize. I just stumbled upon that. Yeah, there was, like, certain houses you were excited to go to. They were happy, they had the heat cranking. People were in a good mood, you know? And then there was other houses. You would.
- [15:32]
Unknown
There'd be, like, one light on. You'd be like, oh, here we go. This guy. Oh, Jesus. You know what I mean? Just like, tension, you know, Some houses felt like an after party, and other houses just felt like, you know, coach is going to lose his fucking job. So anyway, I don't even know what my fucking point was there, but isn't that the point of this podcast? It's just rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, rambling, boom, until I do a fucking hour. Oh, I was gonna say. So I saw this Rolaid's commercial. This lady's eating this giant meal, and then she gets heartburn, and she's.
- [16:22]
Bill Burr
She's sad.
- [16:23]
Unknown
Oh, God, he's got this look on her face.
- [16:27]
Bill Burr
They give her some Rolai, right? You got heartburn. What do you do? Yeah, eat some root vegetables. Lay off acidic food. Lay off the coffee. Gee, Bill, how'd you learn this? Yeah, don't have balsamic vinaigrette and fucking coffee three days in a row. You'll be fucking hiccuping.
- [16:46]
Unknown
For two days in a row.
- [16:50]
Bill Burr
They had her eat fucking Roll Aids. And then this is the greatest thing ever. She eats the Roll aids, then she feels good, and then they bring her a big slice of fucking chocolate cake, which I also learned that chocolate will give you heartburn. So she's signing up like Rolaids. Those sneaky motherfuckers are showing you we can cure heartburn. And then we're encouraging you to eat more shit to get more heartburn, so you buy more fucking Roll aids. Like, I really don't think the slice of chocolate cake was an accident, but I've been a little paranoid lately. So if you guys Talk me off the fucking. The goddamn cliff here. But I was. I was a little, you know, going, that's out of all the fucking shit she could have had for dessert.
- [17:36]
Unknown
It's a giant me, dude. And this thing was like. You know, you could hold open a bank vault with this. If you use that slice of cake as a goddamn doorstopper. That's how big this fucking slice of cake was. It was like a third of the cake, you know? And she had a look on her face like she was gonna do the whole fucking thing. You know, it wasn't like the thing arrived and there was, like, four forks, which, by the way, I don't like that. I'm not a fan of that. When they bring the dessert and it's one fucking thing, and then they just have four spoons sitting there. You know what I mean? It's like, what are we, swingers? You know, you're sitting there with another couple. What the fuck are we doing here?
- [18:14]
Bill Burr
I get my own dessert.
- [18:15]
Unknown
I'm over here with my wife. You're over there. We're not fucking, you know, touching spoons here.
- [18:27]
Bill Burr
Is it me or why do I feel like somebody's playing footsie under the fucking table?
- [18:30]
Unknown
And I don't know what's. What's going on here? Hey, Bill, you gotta relax, man.
- [18:34]
Bill Burr
I'm just saying, what the fuck, you know, you want a dessert? You gave you fucking desserts over there.
- [18:40]
Unknown
Hey, Bill, you know, you just really.
- [18:41]
Bill Burr
Wound up, you know?
- [18:42]
Unknown
You know, people do that to you.
- [18:44]
Bill Burr
So. Worst thing about having a temper, it's. It's so easy for people to get.
- [18:47]
Unknown
Out of their bullshit because, you know, you're making a scene. You know. Come on.
- [18:54]
Bill Burr
You're making a scene. You make. Well, I wouldn't be making a scene if you weren't doing your fucking bullshit. I wouldn't be making a scene. All right. What was my moment before your bullshit? That's how the scene started.
- [19:10]
Unknown
Making a fucking scene.
- [19:12]
Bill Burr
Am I ever going to see these people again?
- [19:13]
Unknown
I don't give a fuck.
- [19:15]
Bill Burr
Look at them. They're all bored. They must be bored. They're over here. They're looking at me, right? Say goodnight to the bald guy. So anyway, all right, to get you updated on Glenn, Gary, Glen Ross. We have. Rehearsal is over. We've done our rehearsals, so now we have. We have some technical stuff to do. And then a week from today, March 10, we go into previews. Previews last a couple of weeks. It's like preseason.
- [20:04]
Unknown
Preseason football. And then the season starts September, except this starts March 31st. And I don't know that I can really convey how excited I am to do this. It's weird because I've just been doing it, you know, going to work, doing the thing. And every once in a while, I just think, like, you know, I think the magnitude of fucking doing a Broadway play, like, this is insane. This is something I've always wanted to do, and I'm gonna get to do it. This is so cool. Like, I'm.
- [20:42]
Bill Burr
Like, I'm the same level excited I am.
- [20:46]
Unknown
I remember years ago, we got hooked up and we got tickets to go see Duke Carolina in Camden Indoor, and you just walk in like, I can't fucking believe I'm here. I cannot fucking believe that that's Coach.
- [21:01]
Bill Burr
K right fucking there. And this is Duke Carolina. And I can't even hear myself thinking so fucking loud in here. This is unbelievable. Or like, I would say I went to. The first time I went to an F1 race, I went in Montreal, and, like, the cars are celebrities. Oh. First time I saw MotoGP, the only.
- [21:22]
Unknown
Time I saw MotoGP. When you're just looking at the. You're looking at the fucking bite.
- [21:27]
Bill Burr
That's fucking.
- [21:28]
Unknown
Mark Marquez was still on the Honda at that point, right? Which, by the way, that season started this weekend. I kind of peeked and saw some of the results. So spoiler alert if you haven't seen it yet. I'm still hanging with my family, thank God, having a great time with them, so I didn't get to watch it at some crazy hour. But here comes the spoiler stuff. I know Mark Marquez, who's now riding for the Ducati team. It's him and Peko Benyai, and they are like, you know, I don't know. He was sort of the heir apparent when Mark got hurt. And now they're on the same team, and Mark, all of a sudden, you know, he won a few races. I would say he won at least one last year. On, he was also riding a Ducati, but it wasn't the factory Ducati. I still don't understand that. What does that mean? He's still riding a Ducati.
- [22:24]
Bill Burr
Did they.
- [22:25]
Unknown
Did they give him some, like, bootleg Ducati parts? He's still getting Ducati parts.
- [22:29]
Bill Burr
And then you have the factory team. Well, he's now writing for the factory team, which is going to create a Days of Thunder.
- [22:38]
Unknown
Kind of thing, because, you know, Peko was the guy, and.
- [22:43]
Bill Burr
Now you got Mark Marquez, who was the guy, and now that he's riding the best bike Arguably he the guy like, who's number one, right? What's going on here? And everybody's sort of smiling and acting like everything's cool, but you know it's not.
- [23:03]
Unknown
So all that means it's got to be some fucking great racing. And at some point those two are going to have to act like teammates. And does it happen? Because I remember Valteri. Oh, God, I can't remember the F1 drivers. Valteri Bottas, the Finnish guy, was, was the teammate with Lewis Hamilton and he would do shit, you know, speed up, slow down, whatever the fuck he needed to do to help Lewis Hamilton. And at one point he was leading a race and he needed Lewis Hamilton to do something to him and he was like, yeah, go fuck yourself. He ignored the team and I was.
- [23:42]
Bill Burr
Like, man, what do you got to.
- [23:44]
Unknown
Win every fucking race? You know, he's bringing that CEO vibe, but I'm actually excited to see like Lewis Hamilton drive for Ferrari. How funny is it that he was wearing some T shirt? Lewis Hamilton, this isn't funny. It's actually sad. Some T shirt about, you know, I don't know, treating the common man with respect and, you know, that's the billionaire sport. They're like, yeah, no, no, no T shirts questioning what we're doing to the world.
- [24:25]
Bill Burr
Imagine being a billionaire. Oh my God, I'm speaking in Instagram. Imagine fucking being in this house and you can't find your key. You're a billionaire and you're afraid of something on a T shirt. I mean, I guess that's how they, they get it. They get to where they're at, I guess, spinning shit. So they probably know the power of a billboard. Maybe that's what it is, I don't know. But anyway, it's exciting to see Lewis Hamilton with Ferrari.
- [25:02]
Unknown
I don't know, I'm old school guy, so. I love Ferrari. I just love fucking Italy. I get along with Italians. I like the way they live, the way they dress, their fucking food is.
- [25:13]
Bill Burr
Crazy, the cars they like, I just.
- [25:16]
Unknown
I get it, I get it, you know, so Ferraris are just, you know, works of art. And to see, you know, arguably the greatest driver of all time, driving the most iconic for the most iconic team is pretty cool. So I'm gonna try to make it to a race, maybe that Vegas one again, just to see Lewis Hamilton in a Ferrari. I think he's gonna look good in that fucking car. It's still the best. The Ferrari fucking red. I mean, I don't know, I kind of like, I like the Red in. In racing, I like the Ferraris. I like the ducatis, Although they sort of changed the color. I think they made it less red or whatever, But I always liked it, you know? Or tiger would wear red on Sunday, you know, or in bike racing, you wear the yellow shirt because you're the leader. Anyway, I'm babbling. I'm babbling after this cup of coffee. So anyway, I am ridiculously. I'm so fucking amped up to do this play, and it's already flying by. I can't believe I've been out here for a month already, and I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I want for all you guys that listen to this thing, I hope whatever the fuck you're going after, I hope you get it and. And you get to. I don't know, whatever the fuck it is you want to do, I hope you get to do it. I hope these assholes and these fucking stretchy suits will allow that. I still don't understand why they're not cooler. You got a billion dollars.
- [27:01]
Bill Burr
There's no reason to have that look on your face. You won. At what point did you win? Oh, my God. The shit you could do with that money. And everyone would be chatting. Best ever. Best ever.
- [27:23]
Unknown
You guys are best guy ever.
- [27:26]
Bill Burr
I always go back to that boss.
- [27:27]
Unknown
That he's a good oh, yeah guy. He's a good.
- [27:34]
Bill Burr
Best ever. I just don't understand, like, I don't get it.
- [27:42]
Unknown
I don't get it.
- [27:43]
Bill Burr
I don't understand why if you had all of that money.
- [27:49]
Unknown
Youy would choose to try to get more money. Don't get it.
- [27:54]
Bill Burr
I don't. Look at comedians. They're always making us out to be fucking assholes. We do benefits all the fucking time. All the fucking time. And I can tell you this because I run a fucking benefit. There is not one comic I fucking asked to say, hey, you want to do this Patrice o'neill benefit? We're taking care of patrice's mom. Fucking absolutely. I don't give a fuck. I'll fly in, I'll put myself up. I don't give a shit. I'll do anything for that fucking guy. You know, I just don't understand these business people. They fucking hang on to every nickel.
- [28:26]
Unknown
Hanging on too tight, man. What movie was that?
- [28:29]
Bill Burr
Was it top gun?
- [28:30]
Unknown
You two characters are going to top gun. All right, anyway, I think I babbled enough. I think I babbled enough. Could have said that 15 years ago on this podcast. All right, let me get the. What am I doing here? Let me get the, the rigamaro here. Let's get the. Oh, that's funny. This, these were my notes. I didn't look at them. CEO Douche Rolades Commercial Mark Marquez. MotoGP MotoGP P. Alex Marquez.
- [29:06]
Bill Burr
And then St. John Seton Hall.
- [29:09]
Unknown
Yes, I, I went to, I went to that game. I got tickets to the game because I, I thought it was out in. Oh, Christ, I always forget that coach's name. The guy with the sweaters. Hang on a second. I got it written down here. Hold on, hold on. I'm not gonna lie to you. Not gonna lie to you.
- [29:27]
Bill Burr
I'm looking it up.
- [29:28]
Unknown
I'm looking at a Carneseca Arena. I wanted to go out there. It's a little 6,000 seat basketball arena, but the last second they switched it over to Madison Square Garden. So I was talking to one of the guys that ran it and I was going like, you know, you got 6,000 seats out there, you already own the arena or at the very least you're paying the bank loan on it.
- [29:53]
Bill Burr
All right, you get all the concessions and all of that shit there. You move this game to Madison Square garden. He goes, 8,500 seats. After 8,500, that's when we start making money. I'm going, yeah, cuz you gotta pay, you gotta pay to like rent this place.
- [30:10]
Unknown
And he goes, yeah, he goes, yeah, a lot of people don't know that. And I was telling him, I was going, yeah, you know.
- [30:19]
Bill Burr
You can make more money. I would think out yo, but I.
- [30:22]
Unknown
Think it's like a good advertising thing for them. I don't ended up being easy for me because I'm staying like on the Lower east side when I'm out here. So it was easy for me to fucking get over there to the. Easier than Queens. But I haven't been all the way out in Queens for a while and I was kind of looking forward to taking the subway going out there, but I don't know, I would love to do a stand up show at St. John's in that arena, but I really want to see a game. I mean, dude, I'm fucking like hardcore Big east basketball fan from back in the day. Like, you know, it's not what it was because of all these super fucking conferences and shit that they had, but I wore a sweater to the game, you know, to show my respect. And it was a white out game and I didn't know Rick Pitino was coaching, which was awesome. He had good seats and I could hear him yelling at one point, he's going, call the foul.
- [31:16]
Bill Burr
Call. Call the foul.
- [31:18]
Unknown
And I got to yell at Pitino.
- [31:21]
Bill Burr
You tell him, coach.
- [31:24]
Unknown
I was all excited.
- [31:26]
Bill Burr
It was a white out game, right? You got a free T shirt, and it was a Rick Pitino in an all white fucking suit. And he came out in an all white suit, fucking Rick Pitino, looking like Colonel Sanders who just bought a fucking kilo of cocaine and came in from.
- [31:42]
Unknown
South beach, looked like a fucking gangster. It was great, and it was a really good game. Seton hall was playing great. Defense was really frustrating. St. John's of the first half, and they couldn't get into a rhythm. And. And then my favorite thing ever, there was a guy on Seton Hall, I swear to God, his first name was God's Will. And I'm like, that's. That's just like, that's some old school, like sports. There was always these great. Back when it was, you know, the Big east was the Big East, NFL football was. It was just sports fans, right? And there was these crazy coaches wearing sweaters, the other guys munching on a towel, you know, big fat guys that you just. Just look like people you didn't want to fucking run into. Flat tops, lunatics. Lunatics screaming and yelling at refs and all of that. And they would have names like. Like World Be Free. They'd be always be like somebody random that would turn their name into something like that. So God's will. I love that name because it reminded me of World Be Free. And when we used to go out on the playground, everybody had, like, their favorite play. And somebody always liked world Be Free. And another one of my buddies, I remember on the playground, anytime, he would always do the sky hook. He'd always do the sky hook. And as he did it, like, what's his face? And along came Paulie. Instead of yelling, white Chocolate. He'd go, no, he would do it. And then if it went in, when he was going up the court, he would go, kareem Abdul. And then all his teammates would go, Jabba. And it was weird.
- [33:33]
Bill Burr
I was like a 76ers fan. I became one because I had this one shot.
- [33:40]
Unknown
I. I was hitting that day and. And we. I was playing with older kids. Oh, my God. I still remember this. It was so much fun. We were down little blacktop next to a blacktop court right next to a, you know, a little little league baseball diamond. And that's when, like, the infield was just fucking dirt, you know, Wasn't like the shit they have now it's some bullshit fence. And then they all had like, sort of trying to be like the Green Monster and left just as their nod to Fenway. So the kid playing this dude, Mickey was his name, and I remember he was an older kid and every time he hit a shot, he would go.
- [34:20]
Bill Burr
Dr. J, J, J.
- [34:22]
Unknown
So he kept feeding me outside and hit a couple outside shots. He started calling me Mo Cheeks. And that's how I got into the Dr. J. Daryl Dawkins, Mo Cheeks, and all of those fucking guys, Andrew Toney. And I really got into them. And then all of a sudden, you know, Larry Bird comes along and the Celtics overnight are good. Like his second, I don't want to say his second year in the league. Magic won his first year, Bird won his second year and 81. I want to say we were down. That's when we were down three games to one and came back against the 76ers. Billy Cunningham was the coach. Oh, those were the days. Oh, those were the days. All right, I'm done babbling here. Let's. Let's get onto the reads here. But anyways, I really enjoyed the game before I get into the reads. And what I like about college sports is it reminds me like that hoop that I was watching, St. John Seton hall, looked like what the pro game kind of used to look like. It wasn't. Everybody ran it. People still took threes, but it wasn't like crazy amount of threes. They were working it into the big man, you know what I mean? It's definitely, you know, all the influencer and one and all that was definitely in there and. But it still looked enough like the old game and there wasn't a bunch of people. It wasn't some DJ playing the entire time. So anyway.
- [35:49]
Bill Burr
Oh, look who's here. My podcast. The lovely Neil. Like the old days. Like the old days. Yeah. I was telling him how excited I am to do this play, how much fun I've been having hanging out with you guys.
- [36:04]
Nia Renée Hill
Yes.
- [36:05]
Bill Burr
And unfortunately you came in right. During a dry time. I have to do the reads. But then why don't you come in for the questions like the old days.
- [36:13]
Nia Renée Hill
Okay, sure.
- [36:13]
Bill Burr
Did you buy a big fuzzy hat? Big furry. Ha.
- [36:16]
Nia Renée Hill
Bought a big on the street furry hat. It's cute though, right?
- [36:20]
Bill Burr
I feel like I need to have some of full length fur.
- [36:25]
Nia Renée Hill
Yeah.
- [36:26]
Bill Burr
And walking down the street, we're gonna go watch Walt Fraser play at the Garden.
- [36:30]
Nia Renée Hill
This feels very generic. Why?
- [36:33]
Bill Burr
Oh, there you go. That was a pretty good. All right, all right. Look who it is Nia. It's all Zip Recruiter. Yeah, Recruiter. All right. If you're doing what you love to do, there's nothing better than being surrounded by people who love it as much as you. And if you own your own business, you want to hire employees who love what they do to boost the overall success of your business, plus make it a pretty great place to work. But how do you find passionate employees who are a good fit for all the roles? I'll tell you how to do it at zip. I know I'm nuts. And right now you can try it for free@ziprecruiter.com Spurs Zip Recruiter is hiring is the hiring site employees prefer the Most based on G2, whatever the fuck that is. How fast does zip here Smart technology start showing your job to qualified candidates immediately? Zip. Yeah, Powerful matching technology works fast to find top talent so you don't have to waste time or money. See a candidate who'd be perfect for your job. Well, God damn it. You can use ziprecruiters pre written invite to imply message to personally reach out to your favorite candidates. If it's pre written, how is it personal? It's a fucking chain letter. But whatever you're reaching out to them, hire experienced people who are excited about what they do with zip. Four out of five employees who post on Zip Recruiter get a qualified candidate within the first day. See for yourself. Go to this exclusive web address to try ZipRecruiter for free. ZipRecruiter.com Brrrr. Again that ZipRecruiter.com BrRRR. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire you like that. Dramatic pause. It was very good. It did. It drew you in. Oh, look. Okay, we got this. Is somebody sort of new to the podcast Open Phone? Why do you say I don't know, it just seems like that's how you would deliver that line.
- [38:55]
Unknown
Open Phone.
- [38:57]
Bill Burr
Like people, they don't know what they need or they're over in the corner and then there's just some big gay guy in the corner going, open phone. What's wrong with these breeders? Running a small business means you're wearing a lot of hats. Yes on a yes, we're here for it. Your personal phone becomes your business phone. And before you know it, you're juggling customers calls day and night. As your team grows, it becomes impossible to manage with your personal number. That's where Open Phone comes in. Guys, Open phone is the number one business phone system. They'll help you separate Your personal life from your growing business for just $15 a month. The cost of a few copies or one egg fucking. What is going on with the birds? Someone to tell them put a fucking hat on so someone can have a goddamn omelette. They got the flu near you. Get it? You get complete transparency and visibility into everything happening with your business. Phone number. Open Phone works through an app on your phone or computer. It integrates with HubSpot and hundreds of other systems. They use AI powered call transcripts and summaries, so you'll have a summary of your phone call with action items as soon as you hang up. And if you miss a call, automated messages are sent directly to your customer, meaning you'll never miss an opportunity to engage with them. It's affordable and easy to use. Whether you're a one person operation or need help managing calls automatically or have a large team and need better tools for efficient collaboration. OpenPhone is a no brainer. Plus they've won Multiple awards by G2 for software reviews and are trusted by over 50,000 businesses. Right now, OpenPhone is offering 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.combird that's O P E E N P h o n e.com spur for 20% off six months. Open phone.com burr and if you have existing numbers with another service, Open Phone will port them over at no extra charge. Open Phone. Honey. All right, we're in. Neil, we're into the questions for the week. So I was mentioning that through being with you, you know, I've experienced different things.
- [41:46]
Nia Renée Hill
Like what?
- [41:47]
Bill Burr
Going to museums. Lemon pepper wings, Yeezys. But museums, that was a long time ago.
- [41:57]
Nia Renée Hill
Those easies. Let's be very clear, that was a long time ago.
- [42:00]
Bill Burr
Come on.
- [42:00]
Nia Renée Hill
Before the current.
- [42:01]
Bill Burr
They haven't. All right, well, he has an excuse. He's mentally. He's a little imbalanced there. All right. He doesn't have all his faculties like laminated face. All right. Dear Billy Brushstroke Connoisseur. The artist you were talking about is Edward Hopper. Oh, and the painting is Nighthawks. I said Nighthawks. I at least knew that. If you really like his paintings, or at least I did. In the next episode, if you really like his paintings, I would also recommend George Bellows, known for his paintings of boxing matches.
- [42:39]
Unknown
John, my screen is cracked here.
- [42:42]
Bill Burr
Why is my screen cracked?
- [42:43]
Unknown
Because I have emotional issues. I don't think so.
- [42:46]
Nia Renée Hill
Did you throw your phone?
- [42:48]
Unknown
No, I used open phone.
- [42:51]
Nia Renée Hill
Did you throw your phone recently?
- [42:55]
Bill Burr
First of all, if you don't drop that fucking mothering tone. Did you drop your. Did you throw your phone recently? What if. What if I did?
- [43:02]
Nia Renée Hill
Did you?
- [43:04]
Bill Burr
Is that what I said? Doing David Mamet dialogue?
- [43:10]
Unknown
No.
- [43:13]
Bill Burr
What happened was the case. No, see, the case got worn out.
- [43:18]
Unknown
And then I got a little crack in it, ok?
- [43:21]
Bill Burr
And once I got the little crack.
- [43:22]
Unknown
In it, it just kind of kept going. And I drop it all the fucking time.
- [43:26]
Bill Burr
Not like it's hot.
- [43:27]
Unknown
I drop it like an idiot. Sorry, I'm just trying to steer into the interracial moment.
- [43:36]
Nia Renée Hill
What are you getting at?
- [43:38]
Unknown
What do you mean, what am I getting at? What did I say?
- [43:40]
Nia Renée Hill
Lemon pepper wings.
- [43:41]
Unknown
Oh, in museums.
- [43:43]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, okay, okay.
- [43:45]
Unknown
Museums like you.
- [43:46]
Nia Renée Hill
Lemon pepper wings and museums. That's the perfect date.
- [43:50]
Bill Burr
Do you want to win her heart?
- [43:52]
Nia Renée Hill
Yeah. Take me to a museum and then take me to get some lemon pepper wings.
- [43:55]
Bill Burr
Ooh.
- [43:55]
Nia Renée Hill
With the lemon pepper dry rub, but also wet sauce on the side so that you can drizzle it in the wet sauce. Oh, my God.
- [44:03]
Unknown
There we go.
- [44:05]
Bill Burr
That's lemon pepper on top of lemon pepper. You know what that is? That's the black version of the wet burrito, which is the white version of Mexican cuisine. That's like, can you make me a burrito? And then have some sort of small arm farm animal shit on top of it? It's fucking gross.
- [44:25]
Nia Renée Hill
No, it's not.
- [44:26]
Unknown
It isn't.
- [44:27]
Bill Burr
It's a diarrhea wrap. Dude, a wet burrito is.
- [44:34]
Unknown
It's fucking disgusting.
- [44:36]
Bill Burr
Just the sound of it.
- [44:37]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm not big on them. I prefer a dry burrito anyway. So go on, you're reading.
- [44:43]
Bill Burr
All right. No, so they're trying to help me out here.
- [44:47]
Unknown
What?
- [44:47]
Bill Burr
I should look at John Cena. Singer Sargent.
- [44:50]
Unknown
Oh, listen to these old school names.
- [44:51]
Bill Burr
Winslow Homer. Mother. I met a gentleman today who threw his pea coat over a puddle for me. Whatever was his name? Winslow. Winslow Homer. The National Gallery of Art has a couple paintings from each of these artists. I would recommend a visit next time you're in dc. Well, wouldn't that be great? I would love to go to the Pentagon City.
- [45:20]
Nia Renée Hill
Do you know what museum I went to when I was in D.C. that was amazing.
- [45:23]
Bill Burr
Pentagram City. Isn't that city like Made in the. When you watch those conspiracy people, when.
- [45:27]
Unknown
They look at the roads.
- [45:28]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know, but I went to the African American Museum in D.C. and it was.
- [45:31]
Bill Burr
I didn't know they had one of those.
- [45:35]
Nia Renée Hill
You know what? They have a whole area dedicated to stand up comedy. You just. You can't take anything serious.
- [45:45]
Bill Burr
No, cuz I want to make the joke.
- [45:46]
Nia Renée Hill
You don't.
- [45:47]
Bill Burr
The African American.
- [45:48]
Nia Renée Hill
Don't, don't.
- [45:51]
Bill Burr
Oh, I love ESPN zones. I go there all the time. Mr. White man, we have accomplished things in other areas than sports. Come on. That was a good joke. All right. Oh, why am I doing this.
- [46:14]
Nia Renée Hill
Tournament? And you're thinking Seven Nation Army?
- [46:16]
Bill Burr
Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna read about it reading questions on my podcast. Yeah.
- [46:27]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, we love Jack White.
- [46:29]
Bill Burr
He's a fucking shit. There's a guy never took a night off.
- [46:33]
Nia Renée Hill
He's so.
- [46:33]
Bill Burr
Never took a night off.
- [46:35]
Nia Renée Hill
Nice guy. All right, keep going.
- [46:36]
Bill Burr
I'll try this. I did a. I did a.
- [46:38]
Nia Renée Hill
Stop putting that in your mouth.
- [46:39]
Bill Burr
I did a.
- [46:40]
Unknown
That's what she said.
- [46:41]
Bill Burr
I. I did a. That's still funny to us. All right. We're an old married couple. Let us have our jokes. I did a show with him one time, and just his sound check. His sound check was better than the last song.
- [46:55]
Nia Renée Hill
I did a show with him. You mean snl.
- [46:57]
Bill Burr
Why do you always have to do that? Why do you have to do that?
- [46:59]
Nia Renée Hill
Because I find it so, so weird that you're like, oh, I did a project with Kevin Costner one time. It's like. You mean a movie? Like, why can't you just say what it is?
- [47:08]
Bill Burr
Because it's obnoxious.
- [47:10]
Nia Renée Hill
Why?
- [47:10]
Bill Burr
Because I grew up Catholic.
- [47:12]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, that's right. Because white people are like, oh, I didn't do it. You know, Black people are like, I did this thing.
- [47:17]
Bill Burr
No, but you have to do that, because if you don't, we're gonna take credit for it.
- [47:23]
Nia Renée Hill
But you can say when I. When I did snl.
- [47:25]
Bill Burr
I still think it's an overcorrection that you guys are taking credit for Mac and cheese. It's just. It's just fucking. You put cheese on pasta and then baked it in the oven.
- [47:32]
Nia Renée Hill
Are you still doing that? And you're still talking about on your podcast as if. People don't leave me comments about it. You better stop that.
- [47:39]
Bill Burr
What?
- [47:39]
Nia Renée Hill
Stop it. Cut it out. Did you give them the context of why that even came up? Because of what I did for our daughter's school for Black History Month. No, you didn't. Yeah, you're just like my wife.
- [47:52]
Unknown
Blah, blah, blah.
- [47:53]
Bill Burr
That's not what I did. First of all.
- [47:56]
Nia Renée Hill
Hey, what the. I already know, okay?
- [48:01]
Bill Burr
And you're.
- [48:02]
Nia Renée Hill
Nonsense. You don't even know the history behind it. You don't even know the story behind it, okay? You just went for the joke and you just.
- [48:08]
Bill Burr
I had to listen to an eight minute story about a guy who came up with. Came up with a side dish. He came up with a appetizer. Jesus Christ. It's the edamame of pasta.
- [48:19]
Nia Renée Hill
Edamame pasta. You know, so dumb. Like, what a dumb comparison.
- [48:25]
Bill Burr
You fucking married me.
- [48:26]
Nia Renée Hill
You really are dumb. You really are.
- [48:28]
Bill Burr
I'm not dumb. I'm just being a dick. I'm being. All right, I'm a little dumb.
- [48:37]
Nia Renée Hill
I married you because you were dumb and easy to control.
- [48:41]
Bill Burr
Oh, there you go. There you go.
- [48:43]
Nia Renée Hill
That's what they want to hear.
- [48:44]
Bill Burr
That's all the racist idiots.
- [48:46]
Nia Renée Hill
Exactly. That's what they're.
- [48:47]
Bill Burr
I know.
- [48:48]
Nia Renée Hill
I knew it.
- [48:50]
Bill Burr
And then they sent. Then, you know, there's actually. People listen to this podcast. They listen to this thing and then send racist to my wife. I mean, talk about, like the most ballist sack of a human being that you would do that anonymously. And then anytime you look at the accounts, it's always like some anonymous.
- [49:10]
Unknown
They just.
- [49:11]
Bill Burr
They all. They just inherit. Racists are just inherently cowardly people.
- [49:16]
Unknown
Cowardly people.
- [49:18]
Bill Burr
They just. They are.
- [49:19]
Unknown
They. They. They're. They're a part of society and God made them. And that's why I don't believe in a loving God.
- [49:26]
Bill Burr
Okay, I'm not listening as well. They're listening to the devil. No, no, you didn't tighten the fucking screws down, okay? You didn't have the right fucking whatever tool that you needed. You fucking jerry rigged it and you went back to your fucking hammock.
- [49:39]
Nia Renée Hill
The fact that you compare God to like sort of an inc. Incompetent repairman is hilarious.
- [49:44]
Bill Burr
But it's true, though. He's traumatized.
- [49:48]
Nia Renée Hill
Who is?
- [49:49]
Bill Burr
God. That's why he's still creating. He's still. The universe is still expanding. That's. That is classic. Traumatized. I don't want to turn around and look at the fucking past. I just got to keep moving forward. Hey, you left some in your hotel room. I don't give a fuck. Just get me to the airport. I'll buy something. I'll buy another one when I land. That's how he operates. And he's gonna judge me. Hey, buddy, you made me. Welcome to your mistake.
- [50:17]
Nia Renée Hill
Yeah, okay. Anyway. What about Jack White?
- [50:22]
Unknown
What about Bob?
- [50:23]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm trying to get back on track. Giving a Matthew McConaughey and a wolf of Wall Street. Remember that part? Leonardo DiCaprio's character just sitting there like, what the.
- [50:45]
Bill Burr
Yeah, that's what it looks like when.
- [50:46]
Unknown
You'Re doing two movies at the same time. And one of Them he had to lose £90 for.
- [50:51]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, right.
- [50:52]
Unknown
Yeah.
- [50:52]
Bill Burr
He was doing the Dallas Buyers Club.
- [50:55]
Unknown
And then he came in and then he.
- [50:56]
Nia Renée Hill
So skinny.
- [50:57]
Unknown
Yeah.
- [50:57]
Bill Burr
And then he had to do that.
- [51:00]
Unknown
Yes. And I can't imagine what his work schedule was.
- [51:03]
Bill Burr
So he was doing that to keep his fucking energy up. And I guess. Yeah. And I guess Martin Scorsese liked it and said, do that in the scene. And then you got that scene. Fucking movie magic right there. All right. Four nations tournament. A Billy Bruins slappy. I love and look forward to the Monday after the podcast. Every Monday and Thursday, but I think your assessment of the Four Nations Face off tournament is off base. The tournament was one of the smartest thing the NHL has done in years. I. Look, I'm not saying a bunch of people didn't watch it. I'm saying it's fucked up that it was a. It. It was. It was playing as a 1:1 elimination tournament, but you could still play your way in and then set the same record as the person you beat in the final. And then you're the champion. But they lose. I just thought that was weird. Anyway, I was a massive fan of the Red Wing teams that dominated in the 90s and early 2000, but started to fall out of love with the sport after the NHL canceled two seasons within the span of a decade.
- [52:12]
Unknown
Yeah, that was really bad for the league, this tournament.
- [52:15]
Bill Burr
I was going to say you stopped watching because your team stopped winning, but that's not true because you won another one.
- [52:21]
Unknown
I want to say 08 played the Penguins, and then the next year, 09.
- [52:26]
Bill Burr
You won it. That's right.
- [52:27]
Unknown
Right, Nia? No, Penguins won it the next year. All right, plowing ahead.
- [52:35]
Bill Burr
NHL canceled two seasons within the span of a decade. This tournament went a long way in reigniting my interest in hockey. All right, I'm really just talking that Canada gets to walk around and say, we're the champions when they went one and one against the team that they beat, meaning my country. It consisted of four teams. The United States, Canada, Finland, and Sweden. And it sucks that Russia couldn't field a team due to Putin being a cunt. The four teams played each other in a round robin format where each team played each other once. Teams were awarded three points for a regulation win, two points for an overtime. Oh, shit. No point for. I know. Okay. At the end of the round robin portion of the tournament, a single game, winner takes all final was played between the two teams with the most points, which happened to be the United States and Canada. Yeah, it's a Stupid. Stupid. However you do those numbers. What's stupid is we beat Canada and then had to play them again. You weren't going to beat that team twice any more than they were going to beat us twice. But because they won the second game, they're the champions and we're the runners up. It's stupid. And it's classic NHL hockey because nothing they do makes fucking sense. Nothing they've ever done has fucking made sense. It's. There's always something weird about it and no one ever can quite get their head around the fucking sport. And then you do shit like this. I don't know any other fucking. Like if you watch March Madness, it's not like you beat a team in the final four and then they get to play another game and then somehow make it to the championship game and then you gotta fucking beat them again. But if you lose to him, that they're then the champion. It's either one and done and you're fucking out or not. That whole point system and all that, that. I think it's bullshit.
- [54:27]
Unknown
It's fucking bullshit.
- [54:29]
Bill Burr
It just, it just, it's, it's.
- [54:32]
Nia Renée Hill
It.
- [54:32]
Bill Burr
I just don't agree with it, that's all. I understand. I'm glad it got you back into it. Anyway, the hype surrounding the final was unlike anything I've seen in the years. In years. And was watched by 9.3 million people in the U.S. making it the fourth highest rated NHL telecast of all time. Listen, I'm not arguing whether it was a lot of ratings getter. I'm just saying it's bullshit. Of course it almost, it's almost impossible to beat Canada twice. Yeah, hence the point system. But the game did go into OT and lived up to the hype, in my opinion. I'm looking forward to the NHL putting on this tournament in the future. Especially when you compare it to the watered down nonsense the other three major sports leagues give us when it comes to their respective All Star games. I think even the most casual fan.
- [55:22]
Unknown
Would agree with me.
- [55:23]
Bill Burr
Well, at the end of the day, that's just your opinion and I. And if you had a stronger opinion, you wouldn't have to drag in these invisible people who don't get a chance.
- [55:32]
Unknown
To weigh in and then say that they would agree with you.
- [55:34]
Bill Burr
Thanks for all the laughs. Go wings. And go puck yourself. All right. I'm glad it got you back into hockey, but I'm just saying, like, you know, Canada has always dominated hockey and when we fucking beat them, it's a big fucking deal. And to have this fucking, you know, T ball do over bullshit that they get and then they have the same record as us and then they're the fucking winners. And where the runners up is bullshit. I'm just saying it's. It's bullshit. And Canada right now should be chanting where one and one? Where one and one. That's my point. I. I stick by it. I'm not saying it wasn't successful, but either have it be a sudden death elimination or have the final be best two out of three. One team has to win more games.
- [56:20]
Unknown
Than the other fucking team if you're.
- [56:22]
Bill Burr
The champion or you just do, you.
- [56:25]
Unknown
Know, you lose, you're out like March Madness.
- [56:28]
Bill Burr
We have a point system. If you win a regulation, you get three points. If you win, you get two points. If you fucking. You have black tape instead of white tape on your stick, you get one point. Last week's guy with busted bumper.
- [56:44]
Unknown
Oh my God. My wife fell asleep during the podcast.
- [56:48]
Bill Burr
You literally fell asleep.
- [56:50]
Nia Renée Hill
Hi, I'm here.
- [56:51]
Bill Burr
No, no, no. Look what happened. I started talking sports and you went sleepy time. I'm gonna try that the next time you ask me to do some shit I don't want to do. I'm just gonna explain.
- [57:01]
Unknown
Explain that fucking hockey.
- [57:05]
Bill Burr
All right. Last week's guy with busted bumper. Dear Billy billionaire ball buster. You should all be doing it because those fucking assholes are not Republicans or Democrats. They own both fucking parties.
- [57:22]
Unknown
What do you fucking call me?
- [57:24]
Bill Burr
A few episodes ago, you read a letter from a guy in a Subaru whose car was bumped into in a parking lot, resulting in a silver dollar sized crack in his bumper. The dude said he was willing to take care of things outside of insurance and you told him it was a bad idea. You should always go to your always call your insurance. No, no, no, no, no. That's not what I meant. I meant when that guy was being all shifty and shady.
- [57:55]
Unknown
That's what I meant.
- [57:57]
Bill Burr
I didn't. As usual, what I was saying, what I was thinking and what I was saying are two things. No, but this is going to bring. Yes, thank you. Are you awake now? You're awake now to criticize me. Fantastic. What I don't understand about insurance is if it isn't my fault and I put in the claim, my insurance still goes up. So I find every time there's something wrong with my car, I just paid to fix it anyway. So why do I have insurance? All right, aren't these the same Paris city insurance companies that. That leech off the working class and make billions. Yes. All of these toxic insurance companies spend tens of millions of dollars just on super bowl ads alone. Fuck those rich assholes. I'm with you. I was 100% sure you were first, when you first started reading it, that you were going to tell the guy to go fuck himself. It's a tiny little crack in the bump. No, because he didn't do it. Somebody bumped into him. Of the car. You know, the part of the car that's built to absorb damage like this. Wait a minute. Are you the guy who ran into the Subaru? You really seem to be blaming the victim here. So I was pretty shocked when you went right to shilling for insurance. I wasn't shilling for insurance. He didn't do anything. And what I was saying was once that guy acted shady, that if I remember correctly, the person was like, hey, let's not run it through the insurance companies. And the guy was like, okay, cool. It was just the way he wrote it. I sensed the other guy wasn't going to be an honest guy and he was going to get away from it. And I wasn't sure if any sort of. There's some sort of time limit to make the claim. I didn't know how that worked. I don't. Because I don't understand that aspect. That's what I was saying. I was certainly not shilling for insurance companies. All right, so I don't know. So you're upset with me for being confusing. I wasn't shilling for them. Let's be honest. Most people who want to work around insurance are only doing it so they can pocket some extra cash or maybe keep the cash and not get the repair done, which has been my experience. So I guess if this guy has such a hard on for the bumper of his soup, I don't know why you're blaming the guy that got rear ended then. Yeah, take it to the parasitic insurance company, pay your deductible and move on with your life. Oh, is that what you have a problem with, sir? I feel like you rear ended somebody that ran it through their insurance company. And because you were staring at your phone. You're not trying to make me out to be some shill for fucking insurance companies. You know what I. You know what the problem is? You and I don't communicate well because I don't quite understand what you're saying either. Or better yet, he's. This person, goes on to say, have some grace and empathy for the other working dude, folks. Parentheses, like it sucks the guy didn't have 1500 bucks, but who knows what kind of shit they're going through. Just cool it about your stupid bumper that someone is charging way too much to fix. Yeah, this is like a new thing where people just sort of like, you know, you're blaming the person who didn't do anything. They were sitting there by themselves and the other person. How about this? How about don't rear end somebody if we're going to do that. How about don't run into the back of my fucking car. How about pay attention? How hard is it in broad daylight to not drive into the fucking bumper the guy in front of you? I can tell you this. In my.
- [61:49]
Unknown
Fucking old.
- [61:50]
Bill Burr
My 50, my 42 years of driving, I've never rear ended somebody. The only thing I ever did is way back in the 90s, I was driving a stick and I pushed in. I had the clutch in and I took my foot up to brake and I wasn't paying attention and I rolled half a mile an hour into the front bumper of the guy behind me. And I still remember his face. And he fucking beeped at me. I still do remember that. Okay. And I can tell you this, if he wanted to pull over, I would have paid for whatever I did do his bumper. I mean, I was going like. I mean, it was literally like I took my foot out to break,001,002 thing and I fucking bumped into. But if he wanted to pay it, I wouldn't be mad at him. I wouldn't be like, hey, I mean, that's what bumpers are for. I wouldn't say that. I would be like, sorry, I fucked up. Anyway.
- [62:47]
Unknown
Anyway, plowing ahead.
- [62:50]
Bill Burr
I don't know. I. This is. This reads like you just fucking ran into somebody. This person. Anyway, love you. Love the show. Me and you and the wife just booked our trip from Detroit to see Glengarry Glen Ross. I just hope I can see good enough without the spotlight bouncing off your shiny, bald, ginger head, blinding me. Go fuck yourself, you cunt. All right. I think in some. I think if you and I were actually sitting down, we would actually agree with each other. I just don't think we communicate well, you know, podcast and then email.
- [63:22]
Unknown
It's just not working out. Anyway.
- [63:24]
Bill Burr
Models. Oh, yeah, somebody bought me a model. Did I tell you that? Nia. Todd Packer bought me a car model. Like, you get it like Hobby Town back in the day.
- [63:38]
Nia Renée Hill
Like a toy.
- [63:43]
Bill Burr
Is that what you mean?
- [63:47]
Nia Renée Hill
Is that what you mean? What?
- [63:51]
Bill Burr
I guess I do more like old man. Like building a ship in a bottle. Oh, yeah, that type of stuff. Why are you being.
- [64:02]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, because I just didn't think that this podcast involved me anymore.
- [64:05]
Bill Burr
Oh, all right, okay. Sorry. Well, you haven't been chiming in.
- [64:10]
Nia Renée Hill
Doesn't chime in on you and some fucking insurance?
- [64:16]
Bill Burr
No, I'm good.
- [64:18]
Nia Renée Hill
Ow.
- [64:22]
Bill Burr
That was an empty cell phone case. Right on the butt cheeks. Right on the butt cheeks. Models. Dear Bill the modeler Burr, longtime listener from Greece, all caps. I fucking knew it. Every time I hear you talking about muscle cars, etcetera, I always thought that you would be into building scale models. I myself used to build them as a kid, but as a child, I did not have the patience to make them look good. This is exactly like me. Fast forward to 2021. During COVID I reentered the hobby by building a tiny Spitfire.
- [64:59]
Unknown
That's so cool. I actually think it's really cool.
- [65:01]
Bill Burr
That was it. I was hooked. Since then, I've built more than 50 models, mainly World War II airplanes. You know what it is, Nia? It's good, clean fun. And you're not on your phone. You know, you're kind of at peace. I'm saying this. Do you.
- [65:17]
Nia Renée Hill
Do you do that, though? Do you play with it?
- [65:20]
Bill Burr
Do you play with. No, it's not like.
- [65:22]
Unknown
No, no.
- [65:23]
Nia Renée Hill
What do you do with it?
- [65:24]
Bill Burr
You build it.
- [65:25]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, okay.
- [65:26]
Bill Burr
You build it. Men come. You're absolutely right. Look, look, look, look, look. When they build your business, you can't turn around and. Sorry.
- [65:35]
Nia Renée Hill
Come work for you.
- [65:36]
Unknown
Yep. Sorry. She's been running lines with me.
- [65:40]
Bill Burr
No, it's a. It's this super car nerd thing that you do, but it's. It's solitary. It's peaceful. It's like smoking a cigar, but you can't get cancer. Kick cigar.
- [65:52]
Unknown
Yeah, I know.
- [65:53]
Bill Burr
That's from all those years of smoking. Yeah. So I just feel like he. My buddy, got it for me because I'm alone in New York. If you had a heart underneath your fuzzy J hat. At first I had to.
- [66:09]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, my God.
- [66:11]
Bill Burr
At first I. Well, you know what it is, is.
- [66:13]
Unknown
I'm excited to build it, and you're already making me feel stupid.
- [66:15]
Bill Burr
Can you just wait till. Are you gonna play with it? You're gonna put a little hat with a propeller on it, you little douche.
- [66:25]
Nia Renée Hill
I think that I would never say.
- [66:27]
Bill Burr
Okay.
- [66:27]
Unknown
How much fun have we had hanging out, though?
- [66:29]
Nia Renée Hill
We've had so much fun.
- [66:30]
Bill Burr
We have. All right.
- [66:31]
Nia Renée Hill
Yeah.
- [66:31]
Unknown
All right. Just want to say that for sure. And then, like, the racists are going.
- [66:35]
Bill Burr
To be like, she made him say that. Yeah, you. Yeah, you did. You write, you write my jokes. You write my jokes. I, I, I am, I have no say in this relationship. Your career is at its lowest. I used to be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [66:53]
Nia Renée Hill
You've fallen off.
- [66:54]
Bill Burr
Blah, blah, blah, blah. And all these big bold people, none of them, none of them.
- [66:58]
Unknown
You don't know their name.
- [66:59]
Bill Burr
You don't see their faces.
- [67:01]
Unknown
They're all fucking pussies.
- [67:05]
Bill Burr
At first I used a brush to paint them, but after a couple of models, I purchased an airbrush.
- [67:10]
Unknown
Oh, you got into it and the.
- [67:12]
Bill Burr
Results were so much better. Don't be discouraged if your first model is not great looking. There's a pretty big learning curve that will challenge your patience and anger issues. Yeah. Once you get the hang of it, assuming you stay with the hobby, you will be surprised of how fast you can improve. I'm currently building a semi, a 70s Plymouth, Plymouth Hemi Cuda while listening to your podcast. That's so fucking cool. It's the best way to isolate myself from everything else and have a good time. Yeah, and you're not doing any damage to your body. Some quick tips. The difficult part about car models is achieving a nice, glossy, spotless finish. At first, I would recommend using spray cans for painting and varnishing the body.
- [67:59]
Unknown
Wow, dude.
- [68:00]
Bill Burr
Now I got to get a mask. I'm in a New York apartment here. And a paintbrush for the interior. Always use a primer and have a pretty big Tupperware in order to store the model while the paint dries to keep it dust free. See, now this is just getting intimidating to me.
- [68:20]
Unknown
I'm just, I don't want to do all of this.
- [68:22]
Bill Burr
There is so much info I want to share, but it cannot be contained in a single email. There are a lot of great YouTubers and communities on Reddit, model makers that can provide answers to all your questions. Here's a couple of my latest models. A Ducati 916. Oh, I saw that. The motorcycle and a 69 Camaro SS. You know I liked about the Camaro is the way you painted, looked like it had already been purchased and drove, driven around. And I mean that in a good way. I'm not saying he did a bad job painting, painting it, but it looked really cool. Thank you for your comment on your podcast. I wish you the best, you and your family. Take care and go glue yourself. Here's the thing I what I really want to do next after I build this car is there was this guy.
- [69:11]
Unknown
That made these engines. You can literally build an engine. It's like a 1:8 scale. Whatever the it is, you can literally build an engine. And I've always been too intimidated. You know, I. I've dealt with the outskirts of the engine. I've never even attempted to take off the valve covers and get in there, you know, and to do, like, to just build one to scale, to just increase that knowledge. And you can literally put fuel in.
- [69:39]
Bill Burr
Them, start them up.
- [69:40]
Unknown
This coolant, it's like a engine.
- [69:42]
Bill Burr
Like this guy used to. He had a fire at his factory, and it killed his business, but you could literally buy, like, a flathead V8. And it was funny. It sounded like a flathead V8 with.
- [69:54]
Unknown
A little bit of helium in it, you know, and it was just so cool.
- [69:57]
Bill Burr
I would love to do that. If anybody knows, you know, the. The person that's making the best one of those, because I've seen a few on, like, Instagram, and it's like the engines, you know, that literally run or what, it's like 36 bucks. I'm like, that must be all plastic. I want, like, a metal. Like, you could put this thing in.
- [70:21]
Unknown
Something and you could drive around, like a real fucking engine, just super small. I would love to find something like that if you guys could recommend it.
- [70:29]
Bill Burr
All right, that's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves. And I will talk to you on Thursday.