Golden Age of Sports, Being Isolated, Evil Records | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-6-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary Episode: Golden Age of Sports, Being Isolated, Evil Records | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-6-25 Release Date: February 7, 2025

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1. Recap of the Bruins Rangers Game

The episode kicks off with Bill Burr recounting his recent experience attending a Boston Bruins versus New York Rangers game at Madison Square Garden. Despite his enthusiasm, [00:17] he describes the crowd as "dead" and the atmosphere as lackluster. Burr details the game's progression, highlighting key moments such as a early Bruins goal in the second period and a competitive third period that ultimately saw the Rangers secure a victory.

"Just went to the Bruins Rangers game at Madison Square Garden. Crowd was dead. Just a dead crowd." [00:17]

2. Nostalgia for the Golden Age of Hockey and Basketball

Burr delves into a nostalgic reflection on the "golden age" of both hockey and basketball. He reminisces about legendary players from the 1980s and 1990s, such as Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, and Michael Jordan. He praises the physicality and skill of players from that era, emphasizing their impact on the sports' histories.

"They had all these great players. Oh, Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray Robinson was a basketball..." [02:35]

3. Super Bowl and Tom Brady's Legacy

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the upcoming Super Bowl, focusing on the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriots. Burr expresses skepticism about the fairness of the game, hinting at possible conspiracy theories surrounding officiating and league favoritism. He lauds Tom Brady's unparalleled achievements, predicting that his record of seven Super Bowl rings is unbreakable.

"Nobody had won four Super Bowls as a quarterback other than Bradshaw and Montana. And it didn't happen again for like another 25 years when Brady did it and then he put it literally out of reach at 7." [10:41]

4. Personal Life: Isolation and Rehearsing for a Play

Transitioning from sports, Burr shares insights into his personal life, particularly his experience with isolation. He discusses rehearsing for a Broadway play, highlighting how this intensive preparation has deepened his appreciation for acting. Burr contrasts his current disciplined rehearsal process with his past, where he felt disconnected from acting roles.

"I've actually really, really been enjoying it. I don't think I've ever gotten to work on something, you know, scenes and stuff to this level with like other actors and stuff." [12:07]

5. Challenges of Isolation and Maintaining Comedy

Burr reflects on the challenges of being isolated, acknowledging the mental strain it imposes. He humorously predicts that listeners will witness him "slowly losing [his] mind" during this period of solitude. Despite these challenges, he remains optimistic, finding solace in connecting with his children through reading stories and planning to return to performing stand-up comedy.

"When you're not working, you're going to be losing your mind. So we're just going to let you know that you're just gonna enjoy over the next few months, me slowly losing my fucking mind." [22:00]

6. Musings on Capitalism, Consumerism, and Environmental Issues

Burr ventures into broader societal critiques, particularly targeting unregulated capitalism and rampant consumerism. He condemns the environmental impact of excessive waste, referencing the massive trash patches in the Pacific Ocean. Burr also touches on the influence of corporate interests in sports, fearing the intertwining of leagues with gambling and entertainment industries.

"I'm talking about, you know, you can't say this in my country, but, like, no one wants to admit what an absolute fucking failure capitalism is when it's not regulated." [27:23]

7. Experiences with Comedy Clubs and Stand-Up Performances

The conversation shifts back to comedy, where Burr discusses his recent performances at the Ice House. He shares his initial nerves about returning to stand-up after a period of isolation but expresses satisfaction with his performances. Burr also touches on the dynamics of performing with other comedians, appreciating the camaraderie and creative exchange.

"I've been getting into a bunch of other different sounds... I just wishful thinking... I think I'd be a good dad if she wants to be. Go in the backyard, learn how to hit a Ball or shoot some baskets." [55:12]

8. Miscellaneous Topics: British Dentistry and Drum Shop Stories

In lighter segments, Burr humorously discusses British dentistry stereotypes, poking fun at dental hygiene practices. Additionally, he shares anecdotes from his visits to drum shops, highlighting the challenges of maintaining and upgrading musical equipment. These stories interweave his personal hobbies with comedic reflections on everyday experiences.

"British people, that is... I'm telling you, dude, it's a disease." [86:52]

9. Final Thoughts and Super Bowl Predictions

As the episode nears its conclusion, Burr and his co-hosts engage in lively banter about their Super Bowl predictions. Burr humorously commits to supporting the Kansas City Chiefs despite his frustrations with the league's perceived biases. The conversation underscores his complex feelings about sports, combining genuine admiration with critical skepticism.

"The biggest peoted and then he gets four and. Wait a minute, is he gonna catch Tom Brady? Well, he's never gonna get more faster than Tom." [127:50]

Conclusion

This episode of the Monday Morning Podcast offers a rich blend of sports nostalgia, personal anecdotes, societal critiques, and comedic insights. Bill Burr's candid and often irreverent commentary provides listeners with an engaging and multifaceted exploration of his thoughts and experiences. Whether reminiscing about the golden eras of hockey and basketball, dissecting the complexities of modern sports leagues, or sharing personal struggles and triumphs, Burr delivers a comprehensive and entertaining narrative that resonates with both fans and casual listeners alike.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Nobody had won four Super Bowls as a quarterback other than Bradshaw and Montana... And he put it literally out of reach at 7." — Bill Burr [10:41]

• "They [companies] want you addicted. This shit, you just don't fill it up." — Bill Burr [27:40]

• "The only thing that I found... ‘having more shit than the guy next door is the stupidest shit ever. Helping people, you know, I'm loving." — Bill Burr [30:00]

• "I'm used to coming home to chaos and loud. And I'm coming home to absolute fucking silence." — Bill Burr [22:00]

• "If you have that fucking problem, here's a great stretch..." — Paul Bersey [62:17]

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the discussions, reflecting Burr's blend of humor, criticism, and personal reflection throughout the episode.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on?

[Paul Bersey]

It's Bill Burr.

[Bill Burr]

It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.

[Paul Bersey]

How are you? How's it going?

[Bill Burr]

Sorry, fucking out of it. Just went to the Bruins Rangers game at Madison Square Garden. Crowd was dead. Just a dead crowd. You know, Bruins played two games, two nights in a row. I don't know if they were a little tired. The game was a little flat, at least on our side to start. Played the whole fucking first period, it felt like in our end. And then they came out, scored a goal early in the second period and we didn't do jack shit. And there was five minutes left and I said to my buddy, I go, let's get one before the fucking period ends, right? Score a goal like 15 seconds after that. And then like as they're announcing that goal, we give them the old right there fret again, two to one, it's great, right? Then we go in the third period, of course, they tie it up. Two, two. What's gonna happen? We go on a power play late. Hey, let's get the game winner. Let's win this thing. Three to two. Bump, bump, bam. They get a shorty.

[Jake the Snake]

The shorty, the pick six of hockey.

[Paul Bersey]

Shorthanded goal.

[Bill Burr]

Sad to say, I haven't watched much of the Bruins at all. I've been so goddamn busy. So we got a. Definitely got a lot of. I was looking up some of the defensemen that 55, 91, both 6, 6. What do you think about those super tall players? They're amazing when they're like defensemen, but you can't have them be forwards. I swear to God, the puck gets in their skates, they can't find it. They're looking.

[Andrew]

They're too goddamn big.

[Bill Burr]

They're like basketball players out there. But yeah, I'm a stand up comedian. I haven't watched a game all this year. I watched three periods and I'm gonna. Now I'm gonna be the GM about who needs to be what? I'm just saying they're huge. Rangers too. Jesus Christ. They got that one kid there, right? He likes to fight.

[Paul Bersey]

He's like six, eight.

[Bill Burr]

It's just insane.

[Paul Bersey]

Every once in a while I watch.

[Bill Burr]

Some clips from the 1980s, which I'm so psyched. I went and saw hockey then. I didn't realize it at the time.

[Unnamed Guest]

But it was.

[Bill Burr]

There was, it was a golden age. It was the second golden age of hockey. And then it was also the second, I would say the First Golden Age of basketball with Bird, Magic, Dr. J, Isaiah, Dominique Wilkins, all of those guys. Sidney Moncrief. These are all the guys that were in the league. Kareem Abdul Jabbar, all those great Lakers. James Worthy, all of them. And Bird, Parish McHale, Jack Sickma. I know I'm gonna forget a bunch of Tree. Rollins, Joe Dumars. Who else? Adrian Dantley. He'd fucking light it up. Anyway, they had all these great players. Oh, fucking Sugar Ray Robinson. Not Robinson. Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray Robinson was a basketball. Richardson. Michael Ray Richardson. Sorry. Michael Ray Richardson. Oh, Bernard King. How the fuck do I forget him? Bernard King, Patrick Ewing. I mean, it was. It was amazing. Everybody had, like a fucking guy that could drop 30, it seemed. And then they had a seven footer. Moses Malone, Darrell Dawkins, all those players. And then in hockey, simultaneously, you had Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Steve Yzerman, the end of Marcel, Dion Gila. Floor their careers.

[Unnamed Guest]

Those guys.

[Bill Burr]

Who else? Who else was scoring all the goals back then?

[Paul Bersey]

They all.

[Bill Burr]

You had, like, the fucking Brian Trachea, Mike Bossy, all those great Islanders. We had Rick Middleton, Brad Pac, Michelle Goulet, the Stasney brothers up there in fucking Quebec for the Nordics. Lanny McDonald, my fucking uncle out there in Calgary. It was an amazing time. All those defensemen. Yeah, Ray Bork, Paul Coffey, Al McGinnis. Al McGinnis shooting the puck over 100 miles an hour, no net over the glass. How the fuck that guy never killed somebody's beyond me. All that shit was going on, so.

[Andrew]

I would go down to the Boston.

[Bill Burr]

Garden scalp tickets, and I get to see these. These people play. All those people I mentioned, I get. I didn't get to see all of them, but I saw a lot of the hockey players. I definitely saw that Islanders team. I saw all the Canadiens teams. The first, like fucking 10 hockey games I went to at the Boston Garden was Bruins, Canadiens, because I love the fights. And they fucking hated each other. That's back when they had Chelios, Guy Carbono, Stephan Richet, who was some of that Spoboda, whatever the fuck that guy's name was. That trash can helmet. Patrick Waugh. Yeah, I went up to the old Forum. The second Forum, I saw the fucking Canadians versus the North Stars after my friend puked in us in a strip Club on St Catherine Street. They were good times anyway. But I'll tell you, I watched those old clips now. And how small the guys look. Bob Probert, you had a look like it was like the golden age of like. Oh, that's another thing I forgot. All the. The enforcers. Chris Nyland, Jay Miller, Bob Probert, Clark Gillies. Rest his soul. John Kordick, rest his soul. Willie Plett, all of these tough guys. Oh, what's that one guy's name? He actually played with the Nordics. Oh, he was a mean son of a. What the fuck was his name? Ah, whatever, I'll remember it later. Not Savard. What the fuck was his name?

[Unnamed Guest]

This guy had the late hit.

[Bill Burr]

After that guy scored the goal to win it, he skated over and fucking checked him into the boards and fucked him up. Some reason he came up and he coached the Capitals and was good. This isn't even a podcast. This is just me sitting alone, babbling about sports. All right, let me fucking move on here. Anyway, so I was walking out of the garden, funny. Fucking New York sports fans were giving me shit, going, yeah, yeah, too bad for you Bruins or whatever. I'm like, yeah, you know, whatever. You know, I'm a happy sports fan. We did pretty good over the last few years, right? This guy goes, you had a nice run. Had a nice run. We had a fucking historic run, you cunt. He goes, yeah, I know, all the New York teams suck right now.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I go, yeah, and you got 50. You, like doubled down, if not tripled.

[Paul Bersey]

Down in every sport.

[Bill Burr]

I've said that for a long time, man. One of the saddest things, once you get out of Giants, Yankees, I mean, Jesus Christ, that is the fucking lunar landscape out here. I'm not going to go through it. I've done it a million times. But anyway, we got the super bowl this weekend.

[Paul Bersey]

Who do you like?

[Bill Burr]

Such an interesting game, because I feel like the Eagles, you know, could easily beat it. Not easily, but I mean, I'm saying it would not be a surprise to me at all if they beat this team. And it all comes down to, like, what the. What does the NFL want? What they wanted. They got. They got the Chiefs there again. You got Taylor Swift with all her fans. So they've made their money. All the owners are going to make their fucking money, right? So you got that going on. So then the thing about them is, what storyline do they want? Okay, it's not a big deal if the Eagles win another one, because they just won one.

[Paul Bersey]

They beat the Patriots.

[Bill Burr]

When did they beat us? 17 or something like that. 16, 17, something like that. So it's not like you'd end this big drought. If the Chiefs win, then he. Three peats, then he gets his fourth and it's like, is he gonna have more than Tom Brady? And I really think that they love that storyline. I really think that they love that storyline. However, if they're just happy that he, that they got there and they have their money, then maybe they just let him play and the refs don't make crucial decisions, then I think it's anybody's game. I honestly think that I really, I really, I know I said, I, I keep saying I'm not going to talk about this, but I really just, I, I feel like, you know, nobody had won four Super Bowls as a quarterback other than Bradshaw and Montana. And it didn't happen again for like another 25 years when Brady did it and then he put it literally out of reach at 7. He almost doubled, doubled the two guys with the most rings. It's fucking insane. No one's ever going to catch that guy. The second he retires within five years, here's another guy and he's going to get his. He's doing it even faster.

[Paul Bersey]

Keep watching.

[Bill Burr]

And you know, I've always gone with the conspiracy theory with this and people have always given me. Even when you find mobbed up refs and you fear ex players talking about rigged games and. But like what about now that the leagues are literally in bed with.

[Paul Bersey]

You.

[Bill Burr]

Know, gambling their casinos? It's fucking insane. I know it kind of happened gradually so you don't really notice, but if you could just somehow take your brain back 25 years and if you, somebody told you Donald Trump was going to be president for the second time, weed was going to be legal and you could legally gamble on sports at the fucking facility, people be like, you're out of your fucking mind. None of that is happening. Certainly not gambling in sports because that was the number one thing that they were fucking against. It is fucking nuts. It is nuts. So anyways, I am here in New York City. I don't know. We've been working this week rehearsing with the play and everything. It's been great. I've actually really, really been enjoying it. I don't think I've ever gotten to work on something, you know, scenes and stuff to this level with like other actors and stuff. Like I've done, I've, there's been a few movies where we've done like table reads and I want to say on one project the person had us rehearse. I think, you know, I did a couple of TV things where they would have you rehearse, but nothing to this level. So it's been really already. I've always said, you know, I'm a comedian, right? That's basically what I do. So I act when they let me. When they ask me to, I go, yeah, I'll do that. And I have always all these actors that I admire. I always ask them, like, what they do and they. I just keep reading the script. I just keep reading. I kept reading. I'm like, Like, I never understood that. I'm like, you read it. You know what happens? That's My dumb brain was like, now I'm really. Every time you read it, you pick up on something else. You just keep reading it and you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Get like these ideas like, oh, fuck.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, that means this. Oh, what if I did it this way? Or whatever. So I'm finally getting to do that. I finally kind of have the time. Because I remember I took this acting class a long time ago and the teacher was saying, this is what it's like to do a movie. It's like, you just show up and you're like, all right, yeah, okay, you're playing this guy and you know, your mom just died. And action. You know, I mean, obviously, like, you know your lines and shit. Like, that's okay. This is the lady playing your wife. You guys are both devastated. Your house just fucking, you know, slid down the hill with your dog in it. And action. You know, it's always like some fucking crazy thing and you just have to get there and do it. And. And they put all this music and shit and all of that stuff underneath it. And this doing a play is like completely different. And I cannot tell you how much I've been enjoying this process or whatever, so. Oh, Billy's got to get his fucking steps in though, man. All this rehearsing, you know, and this New York food. I don't want to come out there looking like a fucking, you know, Michelin man. Oh, Jesus. I'll tell you right now, nothing will keep you in shape like being a male ginger. You don't want to be. You can't add fat to that, you know, I'm saying you're already got.

[Unnamed Guest]

You're already.

[Bill Burr]

You're already fucking walking uphill your whole life. You can't add fat. Fucking pasty, redheaded, freckled cunt. You can't add fat in there. Okay, I'm stopping at pasty, freckled, redheaded cunt. Former redheaded red faced cunt. You know, that's enough. I think that's enough for the world to look at.

[Paul Bersey]

Okay.

[Jake the Snake]

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[Andrew]

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[Jake the Snake]

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[Andrew]

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[Jake the Snake]

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[Bill Burr]

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[Paul Bersey]

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[Jake the Snake]

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[Jake the Snake]

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[Jake the Snake]

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[Bill Burr]

My cell phone fixed. Man. I broke the screen on this thing. I can't even remember. And at this point it just looks like every time I look at it there's like another crack on it. I don't have like the snowflake cracks. I just have like these like those hairline fractures. You know the kind of fracture a Number one draft pick, the Portland Trailblazers pick. Oh, Bill, that was not necessary. Um, yeah, everything's gonna be a sports reference here. Sorry. I also. It's dry as fuck in this corporate apartment. The heat, they got me. They got me in here. Jesus fucking Christmas. It's. You have no control over it. It just comes out of the radiators and when it is on, you can go yourself. There's an air conditioner in the wall. But I refuse to turn that thing on with the heat on, you know what I mean? Especially coming from LA with all those fires and shit. It's like, what are we doing as human beings? So I literally just opened the window and all of this heat just goes out. The fucking wind. It's stupid. It's such a fucking waste. Anyway, so I'm starting to get into the groove with all this shit here and I'm gonna start doing some spots around town so I don't forget how to be a comedian. But. And I've been holding it together with the. With my family and shit. You know, I call them up at night, my kids and I read them stories. They gotta. You know, my daughter, I bought the books that she has, so I just read them here. But my son, he sort of holds the big books up, you know, the print's a little bit bigger and I've been able to read those and connect with them pretty good, man. I'm pretty happy about that. Anyway, as you guys can tell, I'm pretty isolated and I am slowly going to lose my mind during this. When I'm not working, I'm going to be losing my mind. So I'm just going to let you know that you're just gonna enjoy over the next few months, me slowly losing my fucking mind. I'm used to coming home to chaos and loud. And I'm coming home to absolute fucking silence. And I don't know what I've been doing. Like, I have no desire to fucking watch tv. I don't know why I got into college basketball for like half a second. Oh, there was some fucking old movie I was gonna watch tonight too. Something. I don't know what to do. I have no idea. This fucking reminds me of right before I met my lovely wife. I was single and I was living in New York by myself. And I would just come home to the fucking apartment, just walking around, muttering, Muttering, however you say it, muttering to myself. Anyway, one of the things I do want to do is I want to go to a St. John's basketball game when I'm here. I don't want to go to it at the Garden. I want to go to it at their facility out in Queens where I used to see Chris Mullen play when the Big east was the fucking Big east and Pearl Washington was in Syracuse and fucking Patrick Ewing was in. In Michael Graham, remember him? Were down there in Georgetown yet Villanova, who else was down? That was great. And then you had the acc. Ralph Sampson was in Virginia. Michael Jordan, James Worthy were at Carolina. I'll tell you, one of my big fucking sporting regrets is I lived in North Carolina, went to NC State, the off campus something program, because I totally fucked up in high school. It's a long story how I ended up down there, but Jim Valvano was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Coach.

[Bill Burr]

At NC State, Dean Smith was coaching the Tar Heels, and an unknown Coach K had just started at Duke. And I was there throughout a basketball season. And I went to zero games. I made it up years later. And I went to a Duke, Carolina game at Camden Indoor. But it was Chucky Brown and Charles Shackelford were the big guys for NC State. And JR Reed was over there at Carolina when I was there. And I. I don't know who. Who did they have. When I was there it was 87, 88. So I think it was pre Christian Laettner or maybe he was a freshman. Yeah, I'm trying to think who won it. Who won it in 87? Was it Indiana? Was that Bobby Knight's last championship? Or was it Kansas with Sam? Was it. No Sam Bowie? Was it Kentucky? Danny Manning? This is. This fucking blows my mind how I can fucking remember this shit, but I can't remember anything short term. You know what it was? I wasn't staring at a fucking cell phone all goddamn day with these stupid Instagram. That's what was a problem with. That's a problem with the. You know, it's fucking Madison Square Garden. Two original six teams. The crowd was dead. And they're doing the same shit they do at football games and basketball games. Anytime there's a stoppage of play, these fucking jerk offs are running down the aisles shooting fucking T shirts at people, putting them up on the dance. Hey, kids who can throw their hat up in the air and lands on their head? Can you fucking do that? Hey, let's have a kid come down.

[Paul Bersey]

Hey, let's play.

[Bill Burr]

Do you know what this is? And then they show like an atari from the 1980s.

[Paul Bersey]

And it's so stupid.

[Bill Burr]

It's some fucking kid. This shit came out 40 years ago, the kids 12. But everybody in the crowds yelling, atari. And then the kid goes, atari.

[Andrew]

They yelling out the answers.

[Bill Burr]

All right, do you think that happens in China when they're at a game?

[Paul Bersey]

Do you think that people yell out answers to the kids? They don't. That's why we're losing. There's been a lot of talk about tariffs.

[Bill Burr]

Evidently, I don't watch the news, but all of a sudden on my feeds.

[Paul Bersey]

There'S a lot of people talking about.

[Bill Burr]

Tariffs and explaining who pays the tax on.

[Paul Bersey]

The importer pays the tax.

[Bill Burr]

Not the fucking. Not the guy who imports it pays the fucking.

[Paul Bersey]

The guy who receives it.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know what it is. Everybody's fucking yelling about it. You know, I had this crazy fucking thought today where I was talking about, you know, you can't say this in my country, but, like, no one wants to admit what an absolute fucking failure capitalism is when it's not regulated. All right? It's already a fucking uphill battle if it's not regulated. And these guys are just completely not fucking regulated. So now it's just an absolute shit show. And they sell you on this idea that, you know, if you get a bunch of stuff, it's going to fill up whatever it is that's making you feel sad or that, you know, that you. You know, I don't know that you. You're not doing enough or you're not enough or whatever. And this stuff, it just doesn't. It doesn't fill it up. Just doesn't. And you know how you know that? Just look at that pile of shit that's swirling around out in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. All of that shit, people bought that. All of this stuff two and a half times the size of Texas, fucking two miles deep, swirling a trash that people bought, thinking it was going to make them happy. And it doesn't. And then they throw it out and they buy something else. And that doesn't do it. Doesn't do it. The only thing that I found, you know, I'm not talking about something you have a passion for. Like, if you like. You're like old cars, you like playing guitar or something like that. I don't mean that. I mean all of this. These fucking TVs and phones and fucking iPads and all of this fuck, none of that shit's gonna fill you up. You know what fills you up? Huh? Having more shit than the fucking guy next door is the stupidest shit ever. Helping people, you know, I'm loving. There's starting to be this fucking pushback against these billionaire Corporate cunts. I didn't think I was gonna live long. Just long enough to see it. I thought it was gonna go, you know, even if I lived to be a hundred. I thought, like, right around then, people were finally gonna fucking have enough of this shit. But it's. It's really seeming, you know, I don't. Or maybe it's just a reality that I'm in on Instagram because I keep watching this shit where people are talking about these greedy cunts, and I'm starting to feel like a movement is happening, you know? Wouldn't that be fucking amazing? What if that happened? If all of us, like, somehow they were reined in and somehow the middle class expanded again and you could actually fucking, you know, have a job, support a family, have some benefits. I don't understand why that was too big of an ask. You know, the guy who ran the company was still a fucking zillionaire. I must be a 10 times zillionaire. Fuck you. You know, I'll push you below the poverty line anyway. Can you imagine? I've been seeing these clips. RFK Jr. And I know he's a polarizing guy, but you got to. At least he's out there fighting the fight for the. Getting our food to not have 10,000 ingredients. He said the food over in Europe has 400 ingredients. Over here, it's 10,000. And then I saw this thing that said the fucking assholes that used to make cigarettes somehow bought the. The. Our food supply. General Mills and all these people that made all the Nabisco and all of this shit. And then they just applied the same thing that they did with cigarettes. They just want you addicted. This shit, they slowly kill you. That's got to be amazing. You know what I mean? Like the. You know, it's funny about people who do shit like that. Like those companies that go around and they do research and they know what they're doing is killing people. You know, what amazes me is they do research on it, they write it down, and then they save the shit. Like fucking P. Diddy. You know what I mean? He goes out and does all that shit and then videotapes it and keeps the shit lying around. Like, you don't think eventually somebody's coming through that door is going to grab the shit. You're going to be in jail. Fucking lunatics. Why do they do that? You would think once they saw that, oh, my God, we're killing people.

[Paul Bersey]

Shred all of this shit. They wait till the feds are coming.

[Bill Burr]

Up the driveway and Then everybody, everybody starts throwing shit in a paper shredder. Is that a red flag? I haven't been in the business. I haven't had a fucking real job in forever, right? When you go into a job interview, is there a thing? If you see, you know, you like when you go and you look at a house, you look at water pressure, you go downstairs in the basement, you smell it, smelling water damage, smelling for that closet space, that type of stuff, you know, looking for mold in the shower, whatever the fuck it is that you do. When you go into a job interview, if you see like too many fucking paper shredders, do you start thinking like, yeah, I don't like this, I don't like this vibe. Or are you a psycho? And be like, I like how they're doing business here. They're obviously doing some fucking illegal shit to make a lot of money quick. And then the day the cops show up, all of this shit's going in that and we're running out the back fucking door. A little excitement. I work in a boiler room.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't give a fuck.

[Bill Burr]

I will tell you one thing that I'm going to do when I'm here. I am going to fly a helicopter around the island of Manhattan. I've been looking at the airspace, I understand the airspace on the East River, I do not understand it on the Hudson. I'm obviously going to go up with an instructor, but I want to see. I don't, I don't have anything to make, I guess a cell phone. I gotta take a YouTube. YouTube, a cell phone video of that. I think there's, there's got to be like whenever there's this many because you have, you have JFK, LaGuardia in Newark, and they're all Bravo airspace, but they always have like, you know, corridors that you can kind of transition through. And the only one that I know how to do it is lax. And lax has three. You can go along the beach at or below 150ft. You can pass over on Sepulveda Boulevard. Like if you ever go to LAX where the glow sticks are, Sepulveda Boulevard goes underneath the airport and the runways. It's really fucking cool. You do that at 2500ft. That's amazing. And I'm in there, my little fucking two seater, and these giant fucking planes are landing underneath me, which is pretty fucking cool. And then the other place you can is the Harbor Freeway, the 110 south and I think that's 900ft or below. You just ask for the harbor transition and you go. And then you switch over to Hawthorne and then you're good. And then you're into Compton airspace down towards Torrance, Long beach, and either go right or left, depending on what you want to do. So I know they must have something like that here, so I'm kind of excited to do that. Anyways. That is a podcast. This one was a fucking. This one was all over the place. I apologize. But I'm really excited about this. Two things. I'm really excited that this pl. This doing a Broadway play is even more fun than I thought it was going to be. And then secondly, that I've been able this FaceTime technology, as much as I've been bitching about technology, has kept me really connected with my kids, which makes me feel great. Like I say we didn't have some sad moments, but yeah, I think I'm going to be able to get through this, so. And then also I will be popping in some comedy clubs soon once I feel like I'm acclimated to the whole fucking time zone here. I've been fighting off this fucking cold, man. All right, that's it then. We have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. Enjoy the Super Bowl. I hope they let him play. And if you're a Chiefs fan, you should really hope that, you know, because, you know, you know, you don't want people questioning your championships. None of this. Small of the back. He touched them. He just grazed the small of his back. Pass interference. I don't see holding none of this shit. All right. Just call a fair goddamn game. Is that asking too much? That's all I'm asking. That's all I want to see. I'll be honest with you. I don't even think I'm going to watch it because cuz I get too wound up about like this. So we'll see. I'm going to watch it. What the else am I going to do? Sitting in this apartment by myself reading a book? We all know I'm not smart. All right, go yourselves. We'll talk to you Monday.

[Paul Bersey]

Hey, what's going on? What's going on? It's Phil Burr. It's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 6, 2017. I'm doing it right after the super bowl just because I got the little.

[Unnamed Guest]

One now and she's going to keep me up all night.

[Paul Bersey]

So I knew there was no way. There's everybody texting me right now. I'm speechless. Something you'll never hear from me.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm always running my mouth.

[Paul Bersey]

I am absolutely speechless. I cannot believe we came back and won that game. I'm not going to be that guy going, dude, I knew it. I was like, I. I had this feeling, right? I said this. I didn't.

[Unnamed Guest]

I had my fucking head in the oven at halftime.

[Paul Bersey]

We were so getting our ass kicks.

[Unnamed Guest]

At, like, 21 to nothing when. When Brady threw a pick six.

[Paul Bersey]

I have this theory at the NFL.

[Unnamed Guest]

Level that if you throw a pick six, you don't win the game. They're too fucking good.

[Paul Bersey]

It's the most devastating fucking play, literally. You know, So I saw one time.

[Unnamed Guest]

In NFL films, one of the players.

[Paul Bersey]

Said that you're trying to score. Not only does the other team stop you, you're.

[Unnamed Guest]

They turn around and score on that fucking play. It's like, I can't believe it.

[Paul Bersey]

21 3. Then it was 28 to 3.

[Unnamed Guest]

I wasn't even like.

[Paul Bersey]

I actually texted somebody going, like, this.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is the longest loss I've ever watched in my life.

[Paul Bersey]

I'm like, this is just slowly going to. What is this going to end up.

[Unnamed Guest]

Being, like, 35, 10? Are they going to bring the bench in? I had completely mentally thrown in the towel.

[Paul Bersey]

And I was just sitting here, you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Know, and I couldn't scream and yell, you know, I got my girl now. And just. It's hilarious.

[Paul Bersey]

I'm just sitting there going, well, she's keeping me calm. But they were so kicking our ass, I couldn't even get upset. And if you watched when I was promoting my special and when people would ask me about the game, I was. I was not comfortable at all. You know, I went from, like, not even believing in Atlanta against Seattle, picking against them again when they played Green Bay. And I was just. After I saw the way they played, I was like, man, they got.

[Unnamed Guest]

They got a great running back.

[Paul Bersey]

They got Julio Jones. Matt Ryan seems dialed in, all that shit that I said. And then right before the super bowl.

[Unnamed Guest]

They'Re like, dude, they don't have one running back. They got two. They got that Coleman guy, too. So I was like. Like this. I don't know. I just had. I had that fucking.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, that feeling you have when.

[Unnamed Guest]

You think your team's going to lose.

[Paul Bersey]

But you don't want to say it.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's why I was saying to everybody on those shows going, like, you know.

[Paul Bersey]

I'd bet the under. Which didn't come in. And I said, I would like the Falcons getting. If I could get five. I think that I wasn't Comfortable taking the Patriots giving points.

[Unnamed Guest]

So I can't say I called it on any fucking level. I didn't. I am absolutely fucking speechless. I can't believe it. I just cannot believe it. And I've never said this before, but I think I can finally say it. I think Tom Brady's the greatest of all time. I always gave the nod to Montana. Cause he went to four. It took him four trips to win four.

[Paul Bersey]

But even then, it's always up for debate.

[Unnamed Guest]

Because what if Montana had Belichick? What you have is the greatest head coach in arguably. Arguably the greatest. If not now, five rings. It's a great argument. The greatest fucking quarterback of all fucking time, you know, playing together. I can't. I cannot fucking believe it. I can't. And I didn't have any emotion the whole game. I just. Because we just so losing.

[Paul Bersey]

So I was just sitting there.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then as we were slowly.

[Paul Bersey]

I wasn't. I wasn't even calling saying that we were coming back. I was.

[Unnamed Guest]

Maybe they'll make it a little respectable. I don't know.

[Paul Bersey]

All right.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, maybe we just lose by 10. And then, you know, we scored that.

[Paul Bersey]

First two point conversion.

[Unnamed Guest]

Even then when we were going down the field, I'm like, what are the odds we're going to get another fucking two point conversion. We fucking missed a field goal.

[Paul Bersey]

We fucking screwed up.

[Unnamed Guest]

The onside kick. And two of the greatest super bowl catches I've seen since the helmet catch was Julio Jones. Jesus Christ. And what a fucking throw. Matt Ryan was also running when he made that throw. Was like, oh, my God. Every fucking super bowl now, every super.

[Paul Bersey]

Bowl that there's that fucking ghost of Eli.

[Unnamed Guest]

If it isn't Eli.

[Paul Bersey]

It's like the ghost of Eli fucking throw. And for once we had Edelman, we had a circus catch back.

[Unnamed Guest]

And I don't know, I. I'm absolutely stunned. And having said all that, my condolences to Atlanta Falcon fans. I got no beef with you guys. And I've been there plenty of fucking times. Certainly for the first, you know, 36 years of my life, if there was a fucking way to choke away a goddamn game. I saw a Boston team do it. And for whatever fucking reason, I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why it's happened this fucking long. Just trying to enjoy it. This is how spoiled Boston fans are.

[Paul Bersey]

My daughter's two weeks old and she's already seen her first Boston title.

[Bill Burr]

Laughs.

[Paul Bersey]

It'S fucking unbelievable. And I got a big kick out of Bill Maher trashing the Patriots. At first I thought, is he just trashing? Is he talking sports? That's like me talking politics. This guy's getting outside of his lane. But then I saw he was mad.

[Unnamed Guest]

I guess he was mad because, you know, Brady and I guess somebody else. I don't pay attention to all that soap opera shit. I guess they're like Trump supporters. And I heard on the radio that, you know, I don't know, Brady did or didn't go when Obama was there. I don't fucking know.

[Paul Bersey]

So if the Patriots aren't at the.

[Unnamed Guest]

Height of their hatred, if he shows.

[Paul Bersey]

Up now, if he didn't go to the Obama thing and then shows up at the Trump thing, that's going to be a complete shit show. But they seem to thrive being hated. So what a fucking season. Starts off with that fucking horseshit. The biggest as like witch hunt I've.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ever seen in my life. That stupid fucking Deflategate thing. And just all the justice that came out of it, the fact that it went to court, it got laughed out.

[Paul Bersey]

Of court to the point the judge was actually pissed. Then they finally get the fucking thing.

[Unnamed Guest]

They just, I don't know, they just.

[Paul Bersey]

Well, we're a corporation. We have a right to suspend our employee.

[Jake the Snake]

Yes, you do.

[Paul Bersey]

He's our employee. You're fucking suspended. So then he sits there for fucking games. And I just started thinking, well, five games in we have arrested, pissed off.

[Unnamed Guest]

Tom Brady without those fucking miles.

[Paul Bersey]

Maybe that'll be a good thing.

[Unnamed Guest]

And just how poetic was the whole thing?

[Paul Bersey]

Do you know that linebacker from Indianapolis who I don't have any fucking beef with because he said he didn't want.

[Unnamed Guest]

To be in the middle of it.

[Paul Bersey]

But the linebacker who caught the ball.

[Unnamed Guest]

That he brought to the sideline as a souvenir that touched off the whole Deflategate thing. He tested positive for steroids and got a four game suspension. It's funny how ESPN really didn't do.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, you'd think they'd still be talking about that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yep, never happened.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, And I also thought it was funny. Bill Maher called us cheaters as we're playing the Atlanta Falcons, who got busted pumping fucking crowd noise in.

[Unnamed Guest]

But that's okay. It's okay.

[Paul Bersey]

Who gives a fuck? You know, in NBA when they go, you know, on basketball, they go, the ball don't lie.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's what I feel like just fucking happened. After all of that shit vindication, he comes back and he wins it. And then Roger Goodell, like, like the.

[Paul Bersey]

End of a fucking Die Hard movie. The police commissioner who didn't fucking believe in the rogue cop has to come in and finally give in and be.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, you know what? You are a good cop.

[Paul Bersey]

Here's your gun and your badge back, right? Brady sitting there with this dirty wife beater on.

[Unnamed Guest]

Jesus Christ. And I will never ever tell it. You know, Keith Robinson called it. I'm gonna find the fucking text message. I'm gonna read you some of these fucking texts right now. Because I hate when fucking people fucking quit, you know, and then they don't admit to it. I did. I was like this, this game is fucking over. They're younger, they're faster, and then we get a break in the game, then they get a fucking big sack. I mean, they're a really, really good team. Hang on, let me find this fucking thing. I had a buddy of mine, he text me at halftime, he said I took Atlanta in the under. And I was like, great bet. I didn't hear from him till after the overtime.

[Paul Bersey]

And then he texted me, he just text fixed. All right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh my God, I felt so bad for fucking Atlanta's owner. He seems like such a great guy, you know? You know, he looks like fucking Grandpa Munster. And he made the fucking Jerry Jones, the Jerry Jones move. You come down on the field before you put the game away.

[Paul Bersey]

Then he had to stand there. Did you see when he had that glum look on his face and his.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know what you know. You never know what those super rich guys. It's like, is that your daughter or your fucking third wife? Whoever the fuck that was with him.

[Paul Bersey]

Just sort of glanced at him like, oh God, he's going to be hitting the bottle tonight, that poor bastard.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, where is it? What did I say here? Okay, it's the first text I sent at 4:55pm Pacific Coast Time. Have I ever told you my pick six rule?

[Paul Bersey]

If you throw a pick six during.

[Unnamed Guest]

An NFL game, you lose. Not to mention we are down 21 nothing. I bet the under it's 59. If the Patriots don't start playing defense.

[Paul Bersey]

The Falcons will score 60.

[Unnamed Guest]

LOL. He writes, Hahaha, the Falcons give up a lead all the time. He said that at 21 nothing.

[Paul Bersey]

This is Keith Robinson, who I'll now.

[Unnamed Guest]

Say, the great Keith Robinson.

[Paul Bersey]

Tom Brady, the greatest of all time, Keith Robinson.

[Unnamed Guest]

He's the great Keith Robinson. All right.

[Paul Bersey]

Then I wrote we look like shit against the Texans.

[Unnamed Guest]

And the Steelers weren't that tough.

[Paul Bersey]

Okay, 6:19pm this loss is taking forever. I had no belief you Know Glenn Close in the Natural, when she stands up and he looks into the stands. If, let's say, me and Robert Redford had an alternative lifestyle relationship, when he looked up in the stands, I would have been gone. He would have seen the back of my head walking out of the fucking stadium. He goes, they can still come back. And I just. I just laugh. I laughed at him. And I just said, they are younger and faster. AFC was weak. And then there's no more text for a while. Then he writes back, told you. And then I wrote, right. You might be right. Then I wrote, that's one of the best catches I've ever seen. That was the Julio Jones. And then I wrote, does Grandpa Munster own the Falcons? That's when he was down on the thing.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then after that, he was just calling me up and he just kept saying, this is what Atlanta does. And I was like, you're right. You're absolutely right. I don't know. But, you know, I sat and watched.

[Paul Bersey]

The whole fucking thing. Thank God I didn't turn on some Mary Tyler Moore tribute, by the way. God rest her soul. One of my favorites of all time.

[Unnamed Guest]

I cannot fucking believe it. I cannot fucking. I just sat here.

[Paul Bersey]

And just accepting defeat, going like, well, you know, we'll see. What the fuck?

[Unnamed Guest]

I can't. I can't fucking believe it. I can't believe it.

[Paul Bersey]

So there you go. Five fucking rings. Tom Brady, the greatest of all time. And once again, I. I always have to say this because I fucking. I went to that Green Bay Packers, Patriots, super bowl, you know. Jesus Christ. I watched the fucking.

[Unnamed Guest]

When?

[Paul Bersey]

The first year I watched the Red Sox was 1978. Bucky. Dental. I still remember my mother's face in the kitchen. Came in and I was like, mom, is there another game tomorrow? She just looked over at me and didn't say anything. She just shook her head. Shook it no. Oh, fuck. Anyways, all right, enough of that. I don't even know what else to fucking talk about. I got.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, you know what? I did the Ice House this weekend. It was the first time. It was great to see the Bushes, by the way, because I know that they were in the fucking. The hospital, whatever. Regardless of your politics. Guy's a war hero. You don't want to see somebody fucking. I mean, I guess you die at some point, right? You know? Took a lot of balls for him to go out there, you know? I wouldn't have done that, you know what I mean?

[Paul Bersey]

I get to my. Those fucking years, you fucking wheeling me around and shit. Hey, Bill, you want to throw the coin? You know, you want to fucking flip the coin at the beginning of the Super Bowl. You out of your fucking mind? I want to go out in public and throw a coin in a fountain. I want people see me like this. Look at me. I'm a mess. Blood pressure going through the fucking roof.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ah, fuck. Now they're showing the highlight. Dude, you know. You know when I really officially thought the game was over was when we called that fucking trick play in Atlanta. It didn't even. They didn't even. They covered that, too. And I'm just like, these guys are just fucking dialed in. Anyways, yeah, so I did the Ice House this weekend, and everything I talk about after this is gonna fucking pale in comparison. The four Boston teams have won in. In this century. 10 fucking titles. Dude, Rapaport's hilarious. He fucking text me before the game. He goes, hey, if you guys lose today, you know, I'm calling you and you better take my call. And I said, oh, yeah. I go, what if the Patriots win? Am I going to hear from you?

[Paul Bersey]

And he said, no, I'll be at temple. So at halftime, I got my fucking head in the oven, muttering to myself, just walking around. I can't. I'm not watching the Lady Gaga thing, I thought she did a great job, but I always get nervous when somebody's coming down on those fucking wire things that basically look like crazy straws that you straightened out.

[Unnamed Guest]

I always feel like it at some.

[Paul Bersey]

Point, one of those things is gonna.

[Unnamed Guest]

Snap and somebody's gonna fall to their fucking death.

[Andrew]

You.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's no fucking gig in the world worth doing that. The people who fucking do that, the level of faith that they have, there's no fucking way I would do that. But anyways, so I'm out there muddling, muttering in the kitchen, trying to think what. How the fuck I'm gonna graciously congratulate.

[Paul Bersey]

The Atlanta fans, you know, and the amount of shit. And I'm looking at my Twitter and all these fucking Atlanta fans.

[Unnamed Guest]

Where are you, Billy boy?

[Paul Bersey]

Hey there, Freckles. You being all quiet and I'm just muttering in the kitchen to myself, you know, as Lady Gaga's on in the.

[Unnamed Guest]

Back with my poker face.

[Jake the Snake]

Right.

[Paul Bersey]

I guess my kid kept me calm. I just walked in as pissed as I was.

[Unnamed Guest]

I wasn't pissed. I was just fucking. I was.

[Paul Bersey]

I was. I almost said deflated. How funny is that? I was. Yeah, I was just fucking.

[Unnamed Guest]

I was depressed. I was like, oh, my God. I mean, Jesus, it's one Thing to lose, but you just get your fucking ass kicked. So I'm out there and I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. What the fuck was I even talking about? You know, what is, I'm watching these goddamn highlights and I'm still trying to figure out how the fuck we came back. All right, Bill, enough already, enough. We get it. Your team won a fucking Super Bowl. So anyways.

[Paul Bersey]

Oh, yeah, what about that commercial during the super bowl with that new fucking thing from Google? That little speaker in your house, you sitting there talking to your kid, reading it a story, and it's fucking looking over your shoulder and then you just go, hey, Google, what noise does a whale make? And it's like. And then you laugh with your daughter, like, at what point does the dad turn around like, hey, Google, you fucking listening to all of this, you creep.

[Unnamed Guest]

Right, people, please, for the love of fucking God, for the love of God, do not bring that thing into your house. Okay? That's the modern day version of bringing, like, I don't know, vampire or whatever. I don't even know what it is. Why are people so fucking stupid when it comes to their own, like, privacy? That thing is just on.

[Paul Bersey]

What is it doing?

[Unnamed Guest]

That's a. Listening. You're literally bugging your own house. I don't know. I did the Joe Rogan podcast and he said the most depressing fucking thing. He said they're making, like, cameras the size of grains of sand and they're just going to spread them around like every fucking street.

[Paul Bersey]

So I told him I'd walk down the street with like a leaf blower.

[Unnamed Guest]

They're just going to be everywhere.

[Paul Bersey]

Everything's going to be filmed.

[Unnamed Guest]

And it's just like that Big Brother shit. And it's just that book.

[Paul Bersey]

It's literally going to be, well, if.

[Unnamed Guest]

You'Re not doing anything wrong, I don't know what happened.

[Paul Bersey]

Bill, your team won a Super bowl and now you're going to fucking depress everybody.

[Unnamed Guest]

Anyways, the upside here, I went to. I went to the Ice House this weekend. I did two shows and, you know, my special came out. People really seem to be liking it. Thank God. Although, you know, I did get some shit. Anytime you talk politics, I got a lot of shit from Trump fans and Hillary fans. You know, they always start with the, you know, that wasn't funny what happened to you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Paul Bersey]

And I don't know, I've been around.

[Unnamed Guest]

Long enough to know, like, okay, what was it?

[Paul Bersey]

Was it the Trump wall joke or.

[Unnamed Guest]

Was it the Fucking Hillary's Pure Evil. Whatever the fuck I said. But anyways, I did two shows working out there with Joe Bartnik and Jimmy Burns, and I did an hour, both shows. I was surprised. I was really nervous because I thought with having my daughter and everything.

[Paul Bersey]

That.

[Unnamed Guest]

Like, you know, I hadn't been going out to the clubs and we waited so long for her to come and everything. I was just really nervous about where my act was gonna be. So here's the deal, everybody. I'm going to the Comedy Zone. I think it's already sold out in Charlotte. And I'm gonna be working. I'm gonna be doing some clubs here over the next month or so. Two months maybe. We'll figure it out once I get literally get my act together and gonna try to build up this new hour. But I was really psyched. Like, I know what happened. I went up there and I just was. Got into a good flow and a bunch of that never said came out. And then there was a bunch of that I kind of just left behind that kind of came back. And I never put it on a special. At least I hope I didn't. I always have a paranoia about that because I once I do a special, once I've done editing it, I never watch it again. Like, why the would you sit there, watch your shit. But what happens is I end up forgetting what the fuck I did from special to special. So there's always that danger I might fucking repeat something or grab a punchline from something else, you know, God knows I've made every fucking mistake there is to make as a comic. So I was very happy about that. And I want to thank everybody at the Ice House for letting me come out that way. And I don't know. Oh, and then we missed that field goal. I'm watching the highlights right now. I gotta shut this off. I gotta shut this off. This podcast is gonna suck. Probably already sucked for people from Atlanta. You know, I had no idea Atlanta. Atlanta only won one title, its entire sports existence. I thought the St. Louis Hawks. I thought they won a title. So you know what? I gotta look that up because that's a great way to give fucking Laker fans shit. You know, if the St. Louis Hawks actually won a fucking title. Okay, this is some Bill Simmons shit here. The St. Louis. I'm hit pause because I don't want you guys fucking sit here love. Who gives a shit? The St. Louis Hawks. Now, if they fucking want a title, they want a fucking title. And Atlanta doesn't count it. How the fuck delay Los Angeles Laker fans count Minneapolis Lakers titles and that.

[Paul Bersey]

Other title that they haven't that they.

[Unnamed Guest]

Wanted, like the NBL or some shit as an NBA title. NBA, St. Louis Hawks, NBA title. I want to say they won one.

[Paul Bersey]

1958 team, coach wins St. Louis Hawks.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, I thought we beat the Hawks. I know the Celtics beat them because that was that trivia question. Last time St. Louis lost a Super bowl, they lost to the Patriots. Last time they lost a Stanley Cup Final was to the Boston Bruins. Last time they lost a World Series was to the Boston Red Sox. Last time they lost to the. An NBA title, the St. Louis Hawks lost to the. To the Boston Celtics. But it says here, in 1958, they won, though. St. Louis Hawks. They won.

[Paul Bersey]

Okay, so they won 1958 fucking NBA Finals. They won, all right? And fucking Atlanta doesn't count that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Let me make sure I say this right.

[Paul Bersey]

St. Louis wins.

[Unnamed Guest]

Boston. St. Louis. Boston, St. Louis, St. Louis. Yeah, they won in six games.

[Paul Bersey]

Hawks win series six games.

[Unnamed Guest]

Atlanta doesn't count that title. See, that's why LA is the. They're the fucking worst with that shit.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, having said that, I totally respect the Laker franchise, but nobody.

[Unnamed Guest]

Nobody pads their fucking stats like them.

[Paul Bersey]

Because there was this.

[Unnamed Guest]

This game the Celtics had, I believe it was Friday night, we played the Lakers. And they're rebuilding and everything, so it wasn't really like a Celtic Laker thing. It always sucks when the Celtics and Lakers play each other and we're not like, you know, if one team's good, the other sucks. It's. It's no fun winning or losing those games. It's just like, all right, whatever, this team's rebuild, rebuilding, or we're rebuilding. But so, interestingly enough, at that point, all time, the most regular season wins, the Lakers and Celtics were tied after all, like 60 fucking years. Like 3200 something wins apiece. And whoever won that game night, that night would go up by one. You know what I mean? So basically, we went ahead. They probably were ahead in the beginning, Minneapolis with George Mikin and all those guys. We got ahead in the 60s and 70s. It was kind of a push in the 80s, but in the 90s and the. In the 2000s, where we just had a rough time and they had. There was the Kobe era, Kobe, Shaq and all those other fucking guys, they must have caught up.

[Paul Bersey]

I can't imagine how many games they picked up on us during those times until, you know, we took a page out of their book and bought a title in 2008.

[Unnamed Guest]

So anyways, we played each other and I remember they were showing the stats. That always bugs me that they say that they have. The Los Angeles Lakers have 16 titles. Even if you say the franchise, it just bugs the shit out of me. Really, Bill? Does it really bug you when your fucking team just won a Super Bowl? Yeah, I guess. Not. Really. Not really. Anybody watch the fucking Bruins Maple Leafs game? I have all the sports packages at this point. I just sit here with. With my daughter on my chest. And I just sit there and I watch the games. My wife sleeps downstairs, and when she.

[Paul Bersey]

Cries, I go downstairs and I just change the diaper. And if she keeps crying, that means she's hungry.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's really kind of easy the first three months. And it sucks having to get up.

[Paul Bersey]

Every, like, hour and eight minutes roughly at night. But I just. I don't know, I just go into this fucking mindset. She just bumps me and then I wake up and I just go, daddy daycare. I make a little joke and I get up and my fucking Achilles are so fucking tight. Like, there's something happens when you get old.

[Unnamed Guest]

And I stretch all the fucking time. I stretch all the fucking time. And I don't know if you guys. If you're old, fucking. Maybe this. I don't know if this is an old guy, an old white guy, an.

[Paul Bersey]

Old red, bald white guy thing, but.

[Unnamed Guest]

I will lay on the fucking couch. I swear to God. I swear to God, I laid on that couch.

[Paul Bersey]

I will lay on a couch for like fucking 12 minutes. And if I go up, get up to go to the fucking refrigerator, it's like the first step I've taken in eight hours. I have to, like, literally stop.

[Unnamed Guest]

Drives me up the wall. I don't know. I don't know what it is. And I.

[Paul Bersey]

And fucking. No matter how much down dog stretch I do, it just doesn't seem to be working out.

[Unnamed Guest]

So if you have that fucking problem, here's a great stretch, okay, here's some old guy shit before I even get out of bed now. Except now that I have a daughter, I just immediately jump up because I don't want to do it. And I know if I even contemplate, you know, laying there, I'm going to fall back asleep. So I have to immediately jump up. But, like, what I used to do.

[Paul Bersey]

Before being a dad is I just put.

[Unnamed Guest]

You point your toes at your knees, just do that for like 10 seconds, and then point them the other way for like 10 seconds. And then do clockwise and counterclockwise, and then you can get out of bed. And for all you young cunts out there laughing at me right now, just remember this in 20 years, okay? Because you don't want to be that guy that blows out his fucking Achilles. Because you're never the fucking same, all right? Unless you got Kobe Bryant money and you can go to Germany, right, and go see Peyton Manning's fucking doctor, and.

[Paul Bersey]

They stick your fucking blood in a centrifuge. Whatever those fucking leftover Nazis are doing over there, right?

[Unnamed Guest]

They're all running around. Yeah, you're gonna. You're gonna fucking pay the price. So I gotta make sure I stay.

[Paul Bersey]

Limber because who knows?

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know when. I haven't really done a lot of research about kids, even though I have one, I know at some point they do start running around. And, you know, for the first, like, eight, nine years of your life, being a dad is a ground game, you know, you got to take it to the mat. So I got to make sure that.

[Paul Bersey]

I stay limba the best I can.

[Unnamed Guest]

Because I don't want to be that.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, I'm an old. I am an old dad, but I'm a fucking psycho. So that I. I will. I will energy my way through this. You know what I mean? You know, I'm gonna be like Steve Grogan, my fatherhood. I'm gonna be like fucking Steve Grogan during the neck brace years. And I'm just gonna tough it out, you know? Remember when he would just stand there and this is back when you could hit a quarterback, and you would just see this fucking guy running full speed, and he would stand there until the last second, and then he'd let it fly to Stanley Morgan. And right as they started to follow the ball, you just see the beginning of the impact. And Steve Grogan and the other guy would go flying out of the right side of your screen as they follow the ball to the left. That's going to be me as a fucking quarterback.

[Unnamed Guest]

I mean, as a.

[Paul Bersey]

As a dad.

[Unnamed Guest]

So anyways, so I hit the road. I go to, you know, I'm going to Charlotte, going to go to the Comedy Zone and doing a couple of shows out there. If I get there early night enough, I'm going to go to the Charlotte Hornets game and. And I'm closing in, by the way. And I'm going to Duke, Carolina, and I'm, you know. And I'm not smoking cigars because I got this fucking life insurance thing. And I gotta tell you, I haven't smoked a cigar in, like, well over two Months. And I feel. I feel good about it, you know, So. I don't know, I might just keep going. Who knows? I can't be that smelly dad coming in smelling like. Like I went to the track. Oh, big fucking thing in my life. My wife might let me bring the fucking. The game changer, you know. The flat top grill. We got it fucking downstairs in my backyard, right? And so the kitchen's fucking upstairs. The layout of this house is completely fucked up, right? So I gotta run up and down the fucking stairs, you know. It's a pain in the ass. So I finally. Cause I gotta. I got rid of a ton of shit. I put my old Ludwig kit up for sale. The Symbols, everything. It's the whole fuckin John Bonham setup.

[Paul Bersey]

1971, Green Sparkle Ludwig.

[Unnamed Guest]

All the pasty symbols, even the Rogers high hat that he had. I'm finally letting go of that. That fanboy era is done. You know, I had a lot of fun with that kit, but it's just fucking gigantic. And 26 inch bass drum. I don't want that. You know what I want? I want to. I want a 12, 14, 16, 22 kick. That's what the I want. I never liked the sound of those cymbals. I like the hi hats, but I never like the sound of his. The ride. He could make it sound good, I couldn't. So I've been getting into a bunch of other different sounds. All this shit that I always heard in my fucking head. I really just kind of came to this realization as someone who does that as a hobby that I don't know that I was. You're not really creating, you're just sort of recreating when you do shit like that. Like you get so into a musician that you want to buy all this shit, the exact shit that they had. And then what?

[Paul Bersey]

It's fucking. It's just. I don't know, there was just. I just kept picturing John Bonham coming back to life and for whatever reason.

[Unnamed Guest]

Walking into my house.

[Paul Bersey]

And then I go, oh my God, John Bonham. Hey. You're like Jesus, but you're a drummer. Come on in. Hey, by the way, you know, I'm a huge fan of yours. Yeah, come on, check out my drum kit. And he would walk in and see his exact drum kit right down to the Rogers hi hat. And then he would get like that fucking. I was joking with a buddy of mine today over text. He would get that Single White Female vibe for me and he would just slowly back out of the room like oh, yeah, yeah. That's great.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's great.

[Paul Bersey]

Just fucking leave.

[Unnamed Guest]

So, I don't know, I'm going to go out. I'm trying out all the kits. I heard that Gretsch, broadcaster with the three ply, is fucking, you know, has a great sound. Dw, obviously. Amazing drums. I grew up, everybody that I watch used to play the Tamas. Tama. However the fuck you say it. Pearl, the Ludwigs.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, it's funny, I. Phil Rudd.

[Unnamed Guest]

Always played sonar or whatever, and the great Benny Greb plays those, but they.

[Paul Bersey]

They don't fucking.

[Unnamed Guest]

Nobody has them.

[Paul Bersey]

They're like these amazing drums.

[Unnamed Guest]

They're super expensive. And I've never seen. I've never seen them, you know, not that I go to Guitar center anymore. You know, I go.

[Paul Bersey]

There's.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's a place out here called Professional Drum Shop, and they got some great shit out there. Plus, it's more, you know, they're like a legendary place, you know, Dude, I.

[Paul Bersey]

Went in there, I know this is all drum shit, but I ran into a drummer recently, he goes, talk more drums, man. So. All right, fuck it. I talked enough sports here, right?

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, I didn't talk about.

[Paul Bersey]

You see McQuaid's fight? He fought this guy.

[Unnamed Guest]

I think the guy's last name, Smith. Oh, my God, they had a great fight. It was an old school haymaker thing, and McQuaid got the best of him in the end. Just two fucking tough guys. But McQuaid got the last shot in and the guy kind of went down. But, I mean, the guy took a bunch of shots. But of course, Maple Leaf fans were all like, oh, McQuaid's wearing a shield.

[Paul Bersey]

What a fucking pussy, right? I love what people say.

[Unnamed Guest]

No matter.

[Paul Bersey]

No matter how much, how convincing your guy wins the fight, there's always a fucking excuse. But then my wife goes, yeah, because I was reading the comments. I go, this is fucking unreal. Because I'm sitting there going like, well, why didn't Smith just punch McQuaid's fucking.

[Unnamed Guest]

Helmet off the way McQuaid did to him?

[Paul Bersey]

There was always that option, right? But when I brought it up that the Leaf fans were bitching that McQuaid had on a visor, my wife goes, yeah, I was going to ask you about that. And I was just like, yeah, all right. He's got on half a welder's mask, maybe, you know, throw it up a cut, improvise, you know, over and under. Most shots go to the side of.

[Unnamed Guest]

The helmet anyways, right?

[Paul Bersey]

I'm old enough to remember when guys who didn't wear helmets fought guys who had helmets. And then that was the pussy move. And now I guess the pussy move is, you know, you can keep your fucking helmet on, there's somebody else's cutting up their fucking hand, punching the plastic, but if you have a visor, then you're a pussy. I don't get it. All I know is McQuaid's one of.

[Unnamed Guest]

The best fighters, one of the toughest guys in the league, and it was.

[Paul Bersey]

A great fucking fight. And that game, even though we lost, was unbelievable. Was it six to five or something like that? Five to four, I can't even remember.

[Unnamed Guest]

Bruins and Leafs always have great games, really have great games. And, you know, even though we lost, I think we lost the last two, we won three in a row. But the Bruins are playing way better, way better. And they're playing like the Bruins again. You know, I think we're actually up to, like, the seventh seed. So all the fucking bellyaching that I'm doing, I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut, because who knows, you know? Now people write articles.

[Paul Bersey]

Are they peaking too early?

[Unnamed Guest]

So anyways, the drum talk getting back to the drum shit.

[Paul Bersey]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ran into somebody saying, oh, you know, you should fucking talk more about that drum stuff. So that's basically what I want to do. And then I want to get like just a. I can't even, like, trying to explain the sound to a buddy of mine that I'm looking for with symbols, but I'm going to try all of them out. Sabians, Minal. I love the sound of those things, at least. You know what's weird is you see the professional guys play them and they make them sound so fucking good. And then you buy the exact one.

[Paul Bersey]

And then you're like, that doesn't sound the way it started when he did it. That's because you're a comedian.

[Unnamed Guest]

So, yeah, so I'm gonna sell that kit, and then the money I get from that, I'm gonna. The game plan is to buy that a new kid, Brand fucking new. No more of this fucking old shit. Trying to figure stuff out. Oh, that was gonna say about that pro drum shop place. This is how fucking great that place is. I had a snare stand and one of the, you know, the thing you screw into, to hold it into place, whatever the fuck you call it.

[Paul Bersey]

Would you call that a nut?

[Unnamed Guest]

I have no idea. All I know is it got stripped and it didn't. It didn't work anymore. Now if you ever went to Guitar center, they'd be like, oh, you know, you gotta buy a new one.

[Paul Bersey]

I walked into there and the guy just takes it and he went in.

[Unnamed Guest]

The back, he fucking machined the thing so it worked again.

[Paul Bersey]

He goes, there you go.

[Unnamed Guest]

I was like, how much? He's like, I don't know, three bucks, four bucks.

[Paul Bersey]

That doesn't exist anymore. You know what that still exists, straight across the board in one industry is.

[Unnamed Guest]

When you go to a cobbler, you.

[Paul Bersey]

Go into a fucking shoe store.

[Unnamed Guest]

Those guys, they don't give a shit. They're in there with all those chemicals. They don't even know what fucking year it is. You ever try to go into a shoe store where they actually repair shoes? A cobbler, I guess seems weird to use that word, but I think that's what it is, right? The modern day blacksmith, a cobbler.

[Paul Bersey]

And you go in there, you can't even fucking breathe. You got to do that thing where you're trying to pinch your nostrils together as you talk to them. Yeah, can you fix this belt? Can you put some more soles on these? And the guy's like, all right. We never used to. They never take, like. It's always like cash. They're like writing out a receipt. You can't read any of their fucking writing. I don't know. There's one of those, you know, something.

[Unnamed Guest]

That'S like a great place for like one of those fucking Harry Potter type of movies to start, like a new franchise.

[Paul Bersey]

Something about when you go to a.

[Unnamed Guest]

Cobbler, it's like stepping back into time. And there'd be some old weird guy, maybe played by Billy Crystal. They put some prosthetics on his nose or some shit. Then he do that one time with that guy, that guy from the Washington Bullets. Mira son.

[Paul Bersey]

Didn't they do a movie together?

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know what the fuck it was. One of those Ebenezer Scrooge movies. But anyways, they go into the cobbler and there's some sort of back room area. I love pitching out ideas for movies because I'm never gonna. I'm not gonna fucking write one. I'm not going through that Axe Grinder or that. I. Why would you do that to yourself?

[Paul Bersey]

You know what I mean?

[Unnamed Guest]

If you can travel the country telling and dick jokes, why on earth would.

[Paul Bersey]

You walk into that fucking heartbreaking of a fucking arena? So I'm just. Any movie idea I have, I'm just throwing out there, and I hope somebody.

[Unnamed Guest]

Writes it and makes it. I hope you make a billion dollars.

[Paul Bersey]

I don't give A you know why? Because the Patriots just won their fifth fucking super bowl, and Tom Brady's the greatest quarterback of all time. You can say it now. Five fucking rings. Oh, God. Jesus Christ.

[Unnamed Guest]

Do you know how sad. You know how many fucking sad people there are right now? And I don't just mean in Atlanta. I just mean Patriot haters in general. Because the Patriots have been so fucking successful and they've been so fucking vilified, you know, for the shit that they do that everybody else fucking does, right?

[Paul Bersey]

They fucking. That literally.

[Unnamed Guest]

Watching them lose gives other people hope.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, Gives you hope that you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Can call up your cable company, dispute the bill and get some money off of it, right?

[Paul Bersey]

Gives you hope that you can fucking, you know, elect a politician and they. They're gonna fucking not sell out to the corporations. You know what I mean? That's what the Patriots have become.

[Andrew]

That.

[Paul Bersey]

That's their level of fucking success. There's gonna be a lot of slumped shoulders going to work tomorrow or maybe right now. Maybe you're one of those people. Maybe you're driving in your car right now and your shoulders are so slumped you're not even using your hands to fucking steer. You just got your shoulders fucking wrapped around it, chest all fucking caved in, as the thrill ride says, right?

[Unnamed Guest]

Maybe one of those people. Well, you know what I say?

[Paul Bersey]

Fucking grow up, right? It's just a goddamn game.

[Unnamed Guest]

I would have taken the loss.

[Paul Bersey]

I was already ready. I was sitting there writing my fucking concession speech, you know, Unfucking believable anyways.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, let's get out of this fucking vortex here. I don't even know if I got the advertising yet for this week.

[Paul Bersey]

Oh, yeah, so the game plans. I'm gonna buy that fucking kit, and.

[Unnamed Guest]

Then I'm gonna find some rehearsal space.

[Paul Bersey]

Somewhere nearby, some fucking place for a couple hundred bucks a month. And I'm gonna fucking put it in there, all right? And whenever I can. That's gonna be my fucking man cave, all right? Because you know what the fuck happens? You know what I mean?

[Unnamed Guest]

You have a kid, you're married. You know, gradually all of your shit.

[Paul Bersey]

Just starts fucking disappearing, okay?

[Unnamed Guest]

My wife can't wait.

[Bill Burr]

She.

[Paul Bersey]

She couldn't.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, she's happy. I like the drums, but no woman wants a 26 inch bass drum in a travel case like I'm on the road with the Rolling Stones and another four drums stacked up on top of that, you know, in front of the bed, in the guest room.

[Paul Bersey]

Nobody wants it. Well, they don't want that.

[Unnamed Guest]

So I Don't know. But you know what? I got to give this to her. She never told me to sell the fucking thing. All I know is when I told her that I was selling it, I.

[Paul Bersey]

Saw the excitement in her eye. And then I tested her and I was saying, yeah, but then I'm going.

[Unnamed Guest]

To go buy another one and it's.

[Paul Bersey]

Going to live right there. And then she just stared at me and I just started laughing.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm trying not to be a dick, though, now that I, you know, our dynamic has changed, you know, like, I'm gonna put my truck in fucking storage and I'll drive it on the weekends. I know there's a lot of married guys right now going, ah, you're never gonna drive it. And then you're gonna fucking sell it. I actually thought about selling it too, you know, just this whole fucking streamlining my life, getting my fucking shit down. But I can't fucking do it. I just. When I drive that truck, this stupid smile on my fucking face, it's just. I can't do it. Can't fucking do it. So I'm just gonna put it in storage and I'll eat that fucking money. I hate being the storage guy. I got stuff in storage. Yeah, people have stuff in storage are just too lazy to have a fucking yard sale, you know? I mean, just fucking sell it. Sell it. How long has it been there? What is. You know what's funny? Just hanging onto those fucking memories. It. I'm telling you, dude, it's a disease. And I got it. I got it bad. I'm a sentimental fool. I gotta. I gotta get rid of all of that shit. I never look at it. It just becomes another box in the fucking attic, you know? Then you die someday. And then somebody's looking through it and.

[Paul Bersey]

There'S all this weird shit in there.

[Unnamed Guest]

That you kept some menu from Tulsa, Oklahoma, for whatever. What the fuck is. And then, you know, he just given these people this big job that they got to go and throw their shit out. Oh, here's the sonar. Fucking. Is this their website? Oh, that's them in Nam. The Nam show where all the shredders go.

[Bill Burr]

See here.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, I was in Sam Ash the other day, right, And I wanted to see if they had it when the fuck. Oh, I know I went there. I actually can't say why I went there. I won't get caught. I just had all these extra drumsticks and I had all this shit that I was getting rid of that I just don't fucking use. And I'm like, what am I gonna do with this stuff? I can't sell old drumsticks on a fucking. On ebay or some shit. So what I did was I just bundled them all together and just left them in their parking lot. You know, some kid's gonna walk in there and be like, holy shit.

[Paul Bersey]

I got, you know, I had like.

[Unnamed Guest]

40 pairs of fucking. All these different drumsticks over the years. I just bundled them all and just stuck them there like a fucking cowbell. Couple other things.

[Paul Bersey]

So at that point, I'm like, all right. I got kind of feeling guilty. So I went into Sam Ash. I was like, all right, I'll buy a fucking pair of drumsticks. And there was some kid in there just doing that drumming where he's amazing. But all the whole fucking thing, it's just one fill after another. Those fucking linear 30 second note fucking fills. Played 9 million miles an hour every fucking after. It just all sounds the same for fucking. Like, I almost started laughing because the kid was amazing. But after a while it's just like, dude, you sound like you fucking.

[Unnamed Guest]

You sound like you fucking snorted a couple of eight balls. Jesus Christ. Maybe I'm just getting old.

[Paul Bersey]

I was. How? I put a little air in there. You know, the old guy who can't play as good as a young kid, he's jealous of his chops, but Jesus Christ.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, what am I doing here?

[Paul Bersey]

I'm trying to find the fucking. Here we go, the live reads. All right, there you go.

[Unnamed Guest]

Okay, that's done. Let's.

[Paul Bersey]

Let's all go to the lobby.

[Unnamed Guest]

Bop bop, bottled up, Boo boo. All right, let's. Let's read some of these fucking things. Hey, did I call it a what? I said it was going to be a classic. Although I don't know if I can.

[Paul Bersey]

It's a classic for one side. I thought it was gonna be a classic for both.

[Unnamed Guest]

For both sides, but.

[Paul Bersey]

All right, enough, Bill, okay?

[Unnamed Guest]

The fucking Atlanta fans have suffered enough, okay? Let's just fucking get through this, okay? All right. First football game watched from Sweden. Bill Birdie, being from Sweden, saying that.

[Paul Bersey]

Football isn't big here is an understatement.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know how they talk over there, but I. That's actually a Swedish accent, isn't it? I have no idea, but I've been.

[Paul Bersey]

Listening to your podcast for a couple.

[Unnamed Guest]

Years now, and you're rambling over NFL.

[Paul Bersey]

Have made me interested. Oh, look at that.

[Unnamed Guest]

Maybe you just got me a job at the NFL. You know, maybe I could be on.

[Paul Bersey]

One of Your little Google things in your room as you fucking talking in whatever the hell you guys speak over there. Rising schmizen fashion. That's what always sounds like to me. I can't imagine what I sound like to you.

[Unnamed Guest]

Probably a fucking asshole. All right.

[Paul Bersey]

I finally sat down and watched a game. It was the super bowl that just ended. And what a game. I'm sold.

[Jake the Snake]

Jesus Christ.

[Paul Bersey]

When the fuck did this guy send this in? I love hockey mostly, but I found a new game to love. Tom Brady, best QB ever. Says the Swedish commentators. I have no clue, but I believe them, I guess. Thanks for getting me into the game. Better late than never.

[Unnamed Guest]

I. People who can speak a second language. That's fucking amazing.

[Paul Bersey]

Sorry for the bad English grammar. Dude, you did the fucking Boston accent perfectly.

[Unnamed Guest]

In a second language.

[Paul Bersey]

He says it's early and I'm tired. All the best to you, Nia and the newborn baby girl. Love the special. Looking forward to season two is efforts for family.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know what's funny?

[Paul Bersey]

I was just thinking.

[Unnamed Guest]

I got to get over there. I missed you guys on the last tour. I didn't do the Norway, the Oslo, Stockholm, Helsinki run. I got to make sure I do that at some point. But anyway. Jesus Christ, dude. I don't want to rain on your parade, but you just.

[Paul Bersey]

Most football games are not that exciting. Do you know how boring the first half was? Well, I guess for me it was. It was depressing. I guess it was exciting for Atlanta fans.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh, God, I can't. You know, I had a buddy of mine, actually, he recently passed away, which sucks, but he told me this fucking story when the Red Sox had like two outs in 1986 against the Mets. He had the wire off his champagne bottle and he had to put it back on after they lost.

[Paul Bersey]

Hey, maybe this will be for Atlanta fans. This will be cathartic for you. If you want to share your I thought we were going to win stories and then I had to put the fucking wire back on the champagne bottle. I'll read them next week or anybody out there. If you have those, we're gonna fucking win. And then you lose the game. I got a bunch of them I can share with you. I got a bunch of those. I got a bunch of those. Those could be fucking really fuzzer.

[Unnamed Guest]

Always hilarious.

[Paul Bersey]

It's.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's comedy, man. It's so when. If it works out, there's no comedy.

[Paul Bersey]

It's like when. When you fuck. Like if the Patriots fucking got their.

[Unnamed Guest]

Asses kicked, that would have been.

[Paul Bersey]

That would have. I already knew I was going, we just got our asses whipped. I had the whole fucking thing worked out. Instead, I came on gushing here like I just won the fucking Publishers Clearinghouse.

[Unnamed Guest]

I cannot fucking believe they came back and won that game. That is. I fucking stunned. Can't, cannot fucking believe that.

[Paul Bersey]

All right, British dentistry. Hey, Bill, I remember hearing that you used to be a dentist before your standup career took off. So I have a dental question for you. I was not a dentist, but I love that you put that out there, and that'll probably end up on my Wikipedia page. I don't know why we British don't take dental care seriously. I have pretty decent teeth for a British person. Probably in the top 15% of people.

[Unnamed Guest]

British people, that is.

[Paul Bersey]

I always brush twice a day unless I get drunk and forget sometimes after going out drinking. But I noticed that when I was in America, my teeth were shit. What the fuck are you lot over there in the land of McDonald's and Coca Cola doing to keep your teeth so clean? Is there toothpaste in the water supply?

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, there was fluoride.

[Paul Bersey]

Sometimes they put in too much and people got those white spots in their teeth. Seriously.

[Unnamed Guest]

Do you lot live at the dentist a lot? Meaning all you guys, even the working class over in America seem to have good teeth.

[Paul Bersey]

Yeah, we do. Well, I mean, braces are a big thing over here. I don't know if you guys have those over there yet. Those are a big thing. People also can get their teeth bleached.

[Unnamed Guest]

Caps are a lot better than they used to be. Yeah, but at the end of the day, dude, you got to brush your teeth after you eat. And there's certain things like drinking coffee. I guess your tea over there would probably stain the shit out of them. I'll tell you one that's fucking brutal. Red wine.

[Paul Bersey]

Red. Red wine makes your teeth gray.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, just brush and floss, you know, I got this life insurance test coming up because I'm getting my affairs in order now that I got a kid. They told me, they said, have you been to the dentist? And I said, yes. And I said, was there any gum disease? And I said, no. And they said, that's good. I said, oh. I go, they're worried about my teeth falling out? And they said, no. Gum disease can be a sign of something wrong with your heart. I was like, what? I never heard that. Never heard that. I know. If you had fucked up teeth, that usually led to you not chewing your food as well, which led to stomach problems and then problems with your intestine. And then down to your ash. It's all fucking connected. But I had never heard of that. So anyways, he said to put in.

[Paul Bersey]

Perspective how bad some British people are with dental hygiene. I know someone who would only brush their teeth once or twice a week. I had to buy them an electric toothbrush as a not so subtle hint that not brushing your teeth is fucking disgusting.

[Unnamed Guest]

I guess there's a lot of truth to stereotypes.

[Paul Bersey]

P.S. i'll be amazed if you actually manage to read this without stuttering, you illiterate fuck. Ah, you know something? If that whole fucking thing was just to get that joke in, that was an absolute masterpiece. You know, if you actually just picked that subject, British dentistry, just to fool us so we would actually read it and was all self deprecating just to the end just to call me a fucking illiterate fuck. A stuttering illiterate fuck is great. That was tremendous. I don't even know if you're serious anymore. But yeah, that's. Listen, when I worked in a dental.

[Unnamed Guest]

Office, all I did was just hand the shit. I was an assistant. I was certified to take X rays. I wasn't a hygienist. I wasn't any of that other shit. So anyways, yeah, that was one of my first jokes. This guy came in and guy was like, you know, I don't understand what's wrong with my teeth.

[Paul Bersey]

I mean, I brush my teeth almost every day. And my joke was, oh, really? Do you wipe your ass almost every time you take a shit? I mean, come on, people. Is this thing on? It's one of my first jokes, everybody. That was a, what do they call it? Throwback Thursday. Actress paying alimony. If you just brush your fucking teeth, I think you'll be fine.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know.

[Paul Bersey]

And especially before you go to bed.

[Unnamed Guest]

To just like go out drinking and doing all that shit and then just go to bed and just let that shit just get in. Ugh, it's gross. It's fucking gross. You should brush floss and you should use mouthwash, you know, and then you should find a fucking woman that does.

[Paul Bersey]

The same thing and that's the person you should be kissing over there. Everybody else, I don't know.

[Unnamed Guest]

Jesus Christ. Oh my God, that's fucking gross. Anyways. Actress paying alimony bill Wondering if you saw this?

[Paul Bersey]

A fairly famous actress has been paying.

[Unnamed Guest]

Her unemployed husband alimony and she's complaining that he hasn't tried to get a job.

[Paul Bersey]

She's paying him 20 grand a month.

[Unnamed Guest]

Does that make him a bum? Is this like a trick question? If I had a son that ever fucking did that, I would disown him. That's fucking unbelievable. I've seen that. You know that that does happen.

[Paul Bersey]

One of the.

[Unnamed Guest]

All right, here we go.

[Paul Bersey]

Let's.

[Unnamed Guest]

Let me read this thing here.

[Paul Bersey]

According to a court document, so and so has paid over a half a million dollars to her former spouse since 2015. These funds include around 150,000 in such and such residuals. I'm not going to say who the fuck this is.

[Unnamed Guest]

I hate putting people's dirty laundry out there, even though it's already out here.

[Paul Bersey]

She gave birth to that daughter in.

[Unnamed Guest]

March of last year.

[Paul Bersey]

This person alleges that the other guy cheated on him with the. Oh, he's saying that she cheated on.

[Unnamed Guest]

Him with her costar.

[Paul Bersey]

A point of contention in the divorce. The divorce has since been finalized. The terms of support have not. Hence a temporary agreement where she has to pay this dude over 20 grand monthly. Well, even if they do get divorced, if she's out here in California, she's.

[Unnamed Guest]

Going to get fucked.

[Paul Bersey]

According to documents, so and so is requested to be able to stop sending.

[Unnamed Guest]

The guy those payments, saying that the.

[Paul Bersey]

Guy has made no effort to get a job of his own and is living off of her.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, man. I mean, that's when you just start thinking murderous thoughts, you know, I think that's. You know, it's bad enough when a fucking woman does it. I mean, I'm really doing, like, a double standard here. But. Yeah, dude, I mean, you're not a fucking man if you do something like that. And if you're a woman and you don't try to get a job, you're.

[Bill Burr]

A piece of shit.

[Unnamed Guest]

But you know what? I know that you don't give a fuck. So, you know, women don't give a shit. They actually get off of the fact that you fucking.

[Paul Bersey]

You know, am I really gonna turn.

[Unnamed Guest]

This around to slamming women? Am I really gonna figure out how to do that when this a woman. The woman's a victim in this bill, okay, yeah, that's complete bullshit. It's complete bullshit. I straight across the board, think that's fucked up. All right, now, okay? If she's a fucking drug addict and he has to stay at home the entire time to watch their kid, I mean, they just had their kid. That is actually his job. That I understand. You know what I mean?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, God.

[Unnamed Guest]

Therefore, the grace of God go. I. Holy. I just don't understand how it gets to that. You know what I mean? How do you get to that point where you're with somebody, you have a kid. I'm probably jinxing myself. You have a kid together and then it like you decided to make another person together and within a two years of that you're getting to like, Jesus Christ. Be one thing if they had a one night stand, but they were already married.

[Paul Bersey]

That's.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's nuts. All right, who knows? Maybe the guy went nuts.

[Paul Bersey]

Maybe she did around him.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know.

[Paul Bersey]

All right.

[Unnamed Guest]

Coaching daughters, sports teams.

[Jake the Snake]

Coaching.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, it's supposed to be an apostrophe there.

[Paul Bersey]

Coaching, daughters, sports, team. All right. Congrats on not pulling out.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ha ha.

[Paul Bersey]

Oh, thank you. I was wondering if you will coach any of your daughter's sports teams when she gets older. What sports would you like to see.

[Unnamed Guest]

Her grow up to play?

[Paul Bersey]

Congratulations to you and Nia and thank you for another great special. Oh, you're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Would I do that?

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know. I don't want to insert myself into my daughter's life like that. I'd like her to have to learn how to deal with another adult, especially if she doesn't like him. And learn how to fucking, you know.

[Paul Bersey]

Deal with a coach that's a little hard nosed or whatever, you know, I mean, I'm not going to be one of those people that, you know, play my fucking kid if my kid stinks. I'm not going to make him play my kid. Right. I'm not going to be that. I just. All of that.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't understand any of that.

[Paul Bersey]

And if your coach is fucking hard nosed and your kid comes home crying about it, it's all toughen the fuck up. Learn how to deal with. You think this is the first asshole you're ever gonna fucking run into in life? It's not. You know. You know what? Work twice as hard. Make that fucking guy regret that he.

[Unnamed Guest]

Ever yelled at you or that woman. That's what you do.

[Paul Bersey]

You just, you just go fucking harder. That's what you do. What you don't do is fucking mope.

[Unnamed Guest]

Around about it and try less.

[Paul Bersey]

All right? If your motivation, even if your motivation.

[Unnamed Guest]

Is fuck this guy, you know you're.

[Paul Bersey]

Going to play better. But you got to use that negative shit and turn it into a positive. And I'm a big believer in playing organized sports.

[Unnamed Guest]

And organized sports has gotten a brutal reputation over the years.

[Paul Bersey]

Some of it is justified.

[Unnamed Guest]

A lot of it wasn't.

[Paul Bersey]

A lot of it was a bunch of uncoordinated people who did not have a good fucking experience. And then married someone else who was also uncoordinated and then watched their toddler growing up bumping into shit and was like, oh, my God, they're gonna suck at sports, too, and they're gonna have the same pain that I did or I had, right? And then rather than steering them away from sports and going, hey, maybe you're a writer or maybe you're into science, these fucking uncoordinated cunts had to stick them in sports, and then they had to dumb the whole thing down where everybody gets a ribbon. I had a buddy of mine recently said.

[Unnamed Guest]

Or was it somebody doing a joke? I can't say it if it was a joke. Who the fuck told me this story? Was. Was. No, it was somebody's bit. I can't do it. Ah, fuck.

[Paul Bersey]

It had to do, basically, with playing.

[Unnamed Guest]

Little kids playing softball. And when they first played, they played without the ball, and they pretended that they hit the fucking thing so nobody would have the pressure of making an error. And they could be like, nice catch.

[Paul Bersey]

Way to go, and all of that shit.

[Unnamed Guest]

It's fucking insane. No, I'm not gonna do that. And fortunately, my wife is on the same page, and I told you that shit.

[Paul Bersey]

Somebody sent us some Boston, you know, sports shirts, and they were. They were, you know, with the logos of the teams, and they were in pink. And my wife was just going, like, yeah, she's not wearing those.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm like, what? Cause you hate sports?

[Paul Bersey]

And she goes, no.

[Unnamed Guest]

Cause they're pink. She goes, if she's gonna wear the team stuff, she's. She's wearing the team colors. I think I already told you this guy.

[Paul Bersey]

I was like, do you have any fucking idea how much real sports fans would appreciate what you just said? You don't even like sports. You have no fucking idea. You just. You just, like. You stepped in shit there. That's like the. The.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's exactly it. Anyway. I don't have no fucking idea.

[Paul Bersey]

So will I coach?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, I wouldn't do that. You know what?

[Paul Bersey]

If I was ever to coach, I would be.

[Unnamed Guest]

I think I would be an assistant coach. I'd be the rah rah guy. If they were little and this. I couldn't sit there yelling at kids. And also, I don't think I know enough about the game. I've watched a bunch of sports, but to actually coach a team and teach somebody how to get better, I mean, I think I'd be. I'll be a good dad if she wants to be. Go in the backyard, learn how to hit a Ball or shoot some baskets. I think I'm good at that. But like, you know, that's a hell of a responsibility and I'm, I have a very volatile personality and I just.

[Paul Bersey]

I don't want to be the Earl weaver of fucking 8 year olds out there screaming and yelling. But we'll see, we'll see how the meditating and possibly going to therapy works out. But I'm more excited just to see.

[Unnamed Guest]

What she gravitates to.

[Paul Bersey]

I'm gonna expose her to as much music and different shit as I possibly can and then just sort of stand back, see what she goes after and then just encourage her. And if it's like a phase, if it's a phase, it's a phase. And then she moves on to something else. But my parents were really cool about.

[Unnamed Guest]

Kind of letting us do, you know, whatever the fuck we wanted to do as far as trying shit in life. Like my parents never gave me shit about being a stand up comedian. And that's pretty. When I, you know, the amount of comics that I've run into where to this day like they're super successful and their parents still don't even respect what they do, thinking that they're just up there fucking around, it's pretty amazing. So I got really lucky in that department. So that's one of the good things that I'm keeping from my, my upbringing.

[Paul Bersey]

So long story short, no, but I will go to every game, I'll go to every game and I'm not going to argue with other parents. And if the, if the fucking referee stinks and is screwing my team, I'm just going to sit there and just, you know, I'm just not going to.

[Unnamed Guest]

Be that fucking guy.

[Paul Bersey]

I'm going to make jokes and I'll be laughing. But you know what the big thing is, is when I go to a games, I'm going to be sober. So that's going to really tone down. It's when I go to games and I've had a few, I can't resist, there's a crowd, there's jokes to be made. Even way back in the day when I was fucking, you know, way more introverted, I had a couple of beers and I would be in Sullivan Stadium and I would yell out shit and people in my section would laugh and I would just build my confidence and suck some games. I would yell out the first thing and would bomb and then I wouldn't say anything again until the third quarter and then I'd throw it out, but only have like, you know, 50% confidence, so it only did okay.

[Unnamed Guest]

And.

[Paul Bersey]

And it'd be like my, literally my bad set. Back then, like, bombing was. I went to a game and I.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yelled out some shit and nobody laughed.

[Paul Bersey]

But I don't know, it's not the.

[Unnamed Guest]

Way it used to be. Cause everybody's so concerned about kids and political correctness and fucking public drunkenness and shit.

[Paul Bersey]

But back in the day, like, what.

[Unnamed Guest]

Was going on in the field was about half as entertaining as what was going on in the stands.

[Paul Bersey]

It was just. And it was all just sophomore stupid. I remember sitting. We had, like, not end zone seats.

[Unnamed Guest]

We were sitting right at the corner, you know, like, past the goal line. We were basically sitting, like, facing the end zone. And then there was the end zone seats. And they used to have this beer commercial, light beer from Miller. And they used to have the big fights. Less filling, tastes great. Less filling, tastes like they were having a fight, you know, over, over.

[Paul Bersey]

If it didn't fill you up as much or if it tasted better. So that became, like this stupid thing that people did. You'd be at a. Someone figured it out one time, stood up and yelled at the other section, said, less filling. And someone else stood up and screamed, tastes great.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then we'd all be yelling like.

[Paul Bersey]

Yeah, we're doing the commercial.

[Unnamed Guest]

This is before YouTube, so this was actually fun.

[Paul Bersey]

So there'd be one section going, less filling.

[Unnamed Guest]

And then we go, tastes great.

[Paul Bersey]

Less filling, Tastes great.

[Jake the Snake]

And of course, because it was a.

[Paul Bersey]

Bunch of drunks, drunk males, it immediately went sophomoric. And it eventually became, fuck you, eat shit. Fuck you, eat shit. And we would do that 20 times a game, and it would be just as funny the 20th time as it was the first time, because we were all a bunch of immature fucking idiots. I miss those days, you know, I really fucking missed out. That was a lot of fun back then. Now it's just so you know, the ball's in play. Don't go to your seat. There's some fucking old lady with a construction hat on telling you to stop. I don't know. I'm just a fucking curmudgeon. What are you going to do? But anyways, that's the podcast for this week. Thank you guys so much for listening. And thank you, everybody who's been watching my special and giving me the great reviews. Really proud of this special. And if you haven't had a chance to watch it, please check it out. Obviously, that helps me out with my relationship with Netflix and my ability to do. Eventually do another one and if you've already seen it and you enjoyed it, please tell somebody else to check it out. And that's it. And congratulations to the New England Patriots.

[Unnamed Guest]

Holy shit. Championship number five. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.

[Paul Bersey]

Once again, I'm not fucking around here. My condolences to Atlanta fans.

[Unnamed Guest]

I. I have been there. It fucking sucks. But you guys got a hell of a team, and I hope you're back there next year and you get. You get your fucking win.

[Paul Bersey]

All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you, check in on you on Thursday, and all you cunts in Charlotte. I'll see you on Wednesday. All right, what's up, everybody?

[Unnamed Host]

And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show. NFL edition. In for super bowl week, guys, what could I say? This is the last one of the season. It went fast. Here we are. Before we get started. Oh, by the way, I'm Paul Bersey. That's Bill Burr. We have the the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills bright and early today, and nobody has heard from Jake the Snake.

[Andrew]

We had, we think the Guy's Choice award on the Playboy Channel.

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, Jake the Snake had a little escapade last night. We're trying to get him back. Yeah, he probably had a bender. Before we get started on the super bowl episode, guys, we got to shout out BetMGM. It's been our great sponsor all year. Bet MGM. Here's how you do it, guys. If you want to get on the action for super bowl, you just go to just download the BetMGM app on your device and use our cold the anything better code, which is Burr B U R R. Okay? And, uh, you put in as much as $10, a minimum of $10, and you will get $1500 back in bonus bets if your bet loses. If the bet does lose, you will get the 1500 in bonus bets after the original wager is settled. And also, guys, we have the first touchdown bet you could do. You choose which player is going to get the first touchdown of the super bowl. And if you don't and the second player you choose gets it, you will get your bet back. You'll get your stack back in cash. There you go. It's that simple.

[Andrew]

All right, Bill.

[Unnamed Host]

Well, here you are. Bill was right. Bill's AFC and NFC Championship games were right. He had the Eagles and the Chiefs. I took the commanders thinking the Eagles would win, but the commanders would cover. That did not happen. And the Buffalo Bills came up short. And the Chiefs are back in the super bowl against the Eagles.

[Andrew]

What can I say, fading away on me here. You're out of focus. There we go. There not areas. All right, well, Paul and the NFL did their part. They. It's just too much money, dude. It's too much money. You can't. You can't not have Taylor Swift to cut to. It's too much money. All right, that's like that. That Lakers trade, that kid was not making the owners any money in Dallas. You got to get them to the show, Paul. You got to get them in la. Diane Cannon, all of these, you know, whatever their name are, you know, you got to get them out there. It's a show, Paul. Diane, ask yourself. You got to ask yourself, what's the better. What's the better thing that they three peeded and then he gets four and. Wait a minute, is he gonna catch Tom Brady? Well, he's never gonna get more faster than Tom. I don't think this Tom Brady, he's not even warm yet from retiring. There's a guy already threatening his 7. It's such a show. It's. I can't.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not.

[Andrew]

I'm not even gonna watch the game, Paul. That's how disgusted I am with this. It's disgusting.

[Unnamed Host]

Well, I'm going to have a hard time watching it because. For two reasons that.

[Andrew]

Just let him play. If they let him fucking play, I think the Eagles got a chance. I want to see a fucking game here, all right? I don't want to see this, this, this fucking. And I don't want to. I can't watch it anymore, Paul. And it's not. This isn't like fucking sour grapes or anything. It's fucking ridiculous. It took two. Only two guys ever had four fucking super bowl rigs for the first, like, you know, 40 Super Bowls or whatever, right? Takes Tom Brady 25 years to catch up to four, and then he puts it out of reach at seven. Five years later, this guy's gonna win like 11.

[Paul Bersey]

I just don't buy it.

[Unnamed Host]

Let me ask you, this happen. What do you think if the Eagles win this? Do you think the Eagles got a chance to win this game?

[Andrew]

100%. If they let him play? If the guy says it's a first.

[Paul Bersey]

Down and they let it be a.

[Andrew]

First down, yeah, they do. If he puts his hand on the small of the guy's back and his.

[Paul Bersey]

Past interference, or you tell the guy.

[Andrew]

To put his helmet back on and he let a defensive coordinator call timeout, or they can hold up and down the field if heads flopping all over the goddamn Field and they stay rough in the past. They don't get a shot. Dude, if they let him play, yeah, they let them play.

[Unnamed Host]

This is a rough one for me because Saquon's either going to go crazy and the Eagles are going to win, which is going to shatter my heart, or I gotta watch the same thing again. So this is.

[Andrew]

Paul, if you're a football fan, you have to root for the Eagles. The future of this can't be manufactured. Cross promoting pop music, cross promoting the wnba, cross promoting. You're watching greatness.

[Unnamed Host]

I mean, when you put it that.

[Andrew]

Way, yeah, I missed the game, Paul. It's like I watch an Eagles game, okay? If I watch a game the Chiefs aren't in, it's a completely different. I. You know, I'm watching sort of football. You know, the game evolves, it changes or whatever, right? There's still crazy things where I'm just like, you know, you've run outside the pocket, you can get tackled. No, you can't do that. Whatever. And a lot of this has changed.

[Unnamed Host]

But, like, the dude is like, no, I agree, dude. I agree with you. I texted you during the year, and I go, dude, the officiating this year has been some of the fairest and best I've ever seen. Except chief games, pushing them along.

[Andrew]

Except for a great team, dude. I mean, I'm not saying they're not a great team. I'm not saying they would have not won two, whatever. But, like, how many weeks in a row can there be a call that goes their way? Every. Every time, dude. Every time. And this crap.

[Unnamed Host]

What?

[Andrew]

They talk about the Patriots getting preferential treatment, too. We went to, like, like, 12 AFC championship games. Or 15. Like a zillion of them. We lost a lot of them. Yeah, lost a lot of them, dude.

[Unnamed Host]

I'm gonna tell you how disappointed I am in this year's Super Bowl. I got offered VIP treatment to go to the super bowl, to fly down, to be in a suite, to do the whole thing, maybe even go on the field. And I just go, no, I'm just. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't take part in either celebration. I can't be happy for. Really. I'm. I'm. I'm gonna. Paulie's gonna sit home. He's gonna be with his kids. He's gonna put his feet up, you know, couple people over, maybe play some darts. That's it.

[Andrew]

Well, I'm down to two sports now. I can watch hockey in baseball because I sort of feel. But the Astros up baseball. Well, I'm. Now I'm like, you know, there's no way other teams aren't going to be like, hey, you know, you stick a camera out there, you fucking wire some guys.

[Unnamed Host]

Imagine the Eagles just run them. Imagine if the Eagles just beat them by 30, dude. That could happen.

[Andrew]

I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be surprised, though, because I feel like there's so much chatter about this shit that it's so fucking ridiculous, this preferential treatment. I think that if the Eagles win, the owners win both ways, where it's like, they got their moneymaker. Kansas City Chiefs, dude, are a fucking moneymaker. Like, it's just raining. You got that revenue share. The worst thing about revenue sharing is it makes your owner fucking successful, whether his team is or not. And once you fucking do that, it becomes a fucking show. All right, well, I know, I know.

[Unnamed Host]

No, what? No, I'm just saying, dude, I'll tell you, like.

[Andrew]

I know. Listen, dude, I'm not saying I'm 100 right here, but I. I think I'm about 69, 70, right on this one, dude, where it's just like. It's. It's. It's. It's just a. It's. I don't know. I. I don't overspeak here, but, dude, it's. It's been a. A bomb. I literally. I don't even watch Chiefs games, and then I watch the. And I just go on the Internet and everybody's just going, what the. How the. Can you call that? How can you not call that? And I don't even have to guess which way it went, right?

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah. And see, it's so in the algorithm, too. We have Jake the Snake here. Jake's coming in.

[Andrew]

All right. Somebody's got to shut me up this week.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, Jake. Oh, Jake's coming in in two minutes. He's putting his pants on.

[Andrew]

He's.

[Unnamed Guest]

Jake's a little late.

[Andrew]

Yeah, he's taking his scarf off. He just got in. He's like, when Henry Hill came home, where have you been, Henry? And he's gonna walk back to his car. The kind of people are they.

[Unnamed Host]

Oh, dude, if Jake comes back, Jake comes on camera. He's wiping his nose, his hair's all over the place. She's in the background grabbing her clothes.

[Andrew]

Somebody's got to do it, you know?

[Unnamed Host]

You treat me like a dog, Jake. Ah, shut up.

[Andrew]

I'm 10 minutes late for my own podcast, and I gotta come home today. How do you like it?

[Unnamed Host]

All right, well, I guess we could just go into the. We'll go let. Here we go, man. Let's go into our picks here. Here's the deal. The Chiefs are one. A point and a half favorite. A point and a half favorite. The Chiefs are basically. It's a pick them, dude. And Bill, I'll give you the. You want to go first? You want me to go first?

[Andrew]

You go first.

[Unnamed Host]

All right. All right, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. My official pick for the Super Bowl.

[Unnamed Guest]

Look.

[Andrew]

Great word. Great word. What he said official.

[Unnamed Guest]

Oh.

[Unnamed Host]

Look, I'm never as good in the playoffs the last couple years as I am in the regular season. I don't know if that's wishful thinking or what. Here's the deal. I learned my lesson going against the Chiefs many times last year. I had San Francisco, the game was all but one. They fumble the ball on the four they mahomes and the Chiefs come down and win the game. Say what you want about it, I'm not making the same mistake twice. I am going to pick the Kansas City Chiefs to get the three peat. I think that I've just bet against them every time and I've lost every time. And I gotta be honest with you, I don't know which I could stomach more. But seeing Saquon Barkley hoist up a Lombardi trophy after the years he had with the Giants would absolutely crush my heart. I'm going to take the Kansas City Chiefs -1 1/2 to win the Super Bowl. That is my pick.

[Andrew]

Taking the Eagles to kick the out of them. Okay, I think the Eagles, I think if they let these two goddamn teams play football and these stupid ass officials call a first down, a first down and don't call a non pass interference, pass interference and all of that. And only Andy Reid can call timeout. If you take your helmet off the end zone, it's a on sportsman. If they actually call the game like a football game, I think the Eagles will beat him. I just do. And that's, that's just coming from the fact that, you know, with Saquon Barkley, the amount not only is kitty run all over him, the amount of time they could take off the clock. Paul, this is all wishful thinking, all right? This is like the cop showed up and the Kansas City Chiefs are a blue eyed blonde girl crying. Okay, you're going to jail. I mean, I am, I am literally. I told you last year when I saw the Chiefs were getting a point. I don't gamble like this. And I, I mean Most I ever put on a game is a couple hundred bucks. I have a thousand bucks. They just, they're not gonna, they're not gonna. It's a show. But I feel like, I feel like, you know, the show keeps going if the Chiefs lose, so. Because then all that heartbreaking loss, can they rebuild and they can keep going with it, you know, But I, I will tell you, if Travis and Shania Twain, they're break up, I'm telling you, I'm telling you, the Chiefs are in trouble because those, right, if those, if that. I mean, one of them is dating a woman that can sell out a football stadium. Paul, That's a lot to go against, but I just, I just think that.

[Unnamed Host]

You know, you know what? And you know what?

[Andrew]

I just want the Eagles to win. Paul. I'm betting with my hot look into your heart, you know, you gotta, you gotta move for Philly.

[Unnamed Host]

You know what sucks about this, dude? What really sucks about this is a great coach like Andy Reid and a good team like this. Now when there is a flag, even when the flag is real, people are going to question it because of all of this that's happened. And it sucks because it's like what's real with the call and what's not. And I hate that. I hate that.

[Andrew]

I don't feel bad for him because then they're walking around with the goddamn jewelry. I don't give a. Yeah, they did it to themselves. How many? I, I've lost count how many they've won. Is it three? Back to back and they won another one. They got three, right?

[Unnamed Host]

They got three out of the last five years.

[Andrew]

He's got four rings before he's 30. Is he the greatest ever? I mean, they literally rebooted it. Bam. It's like when Jordan retired. Second. Jordan retired. They had the boring ass spurs. And then you went into the whole pylon championship era.

[Unnamed Host]

Dude, they gave him 400 million before his third one and he got four.

[Andrew]

I, I don't, I don't, I'm, I'm telling you, dude. Paul, I am. I'm rooting against Walmart here. Oh, look who it is.

[Unnamed Host]

Look who it is. What time did you kick her out?

[Andrew]

Jake the Snake's wigs do not come off. Sorry, Jake, we woke you up. I know, playboy, you're usually, usually just coming home at this point, you Buick Skylark.

[Unnamed Host]

So, Jake, we gotta ask you. Jake, we got a few minutes left here. Do we have any injuries for the big game?

[Unnamed Guest]

No, everyone's gonna be out there. I believe it's also saying, Juan, the Eagles was sick. It was either Jalen Carter or A.J. brown. But I think, I think, you know, you play through illnesses. I'm gonna shoot.

[Andrew]

Sometimes the referee sprayed a, a common cold mist spray at him. Do they? Jake did the Eagle. The Eagles are going to win this game, right? Come on.

[Unnamed Guest]

I don't know. How are you gonna, how are you gonna bet against Mahomes at this point? You know, but to your point, they may not rig this game because you know, it could generate interest for next year because, you know, you know what?

[Andrew]

He, he, he's the greatest guy that ever put on fucking. I've never seen a quarterback better than him. Yeah, how strong his arm is, the way he sees the field, his toughness on the field. I've just never seen a guy play the position better. He's the greatest of all time until the second he retires and then they'll prop up the next. Could he get 50?

[Unnamed Host]

You know what's weird too? His thighs touch when he walks and runs. I've never seen a guys ever see his legs. He just doesn't look like he'd be that athletic. He walks. His thighs touch when he walks. Anyway, I don't know. Look, I'm not betting against him.

[Andrew]

Oh. You know when you go to the supermarket and they tell you something's organic, but it really isn't. I'm not saying it's gonna kill you. I'm just saying it's not as good as they're saying it is.

[Unnamed Host]

Well, listen, we should let our other two. We should let our other two guys on the show here do it. Andrew and Jake, who do you guys got? So one and a half point spread. Who do you got?

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm just gonna root for the Eagles.

[Unnamed Host]

You know, that's not the question, Andrew.

[Andrew]

Have you ever heard more of a lack of excitement about a Super bowl in your life? I'm looking to root for the Eagles.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, I mean, I like last championship games, everybody I rooted for lost. So I mean, I, I, it's, you.

[Andrew]

Know, you sound like a guy.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm not gonna put money on the Chiefs. I don't know. So if I say I think the Chiefs are gonna win, then how do I enjoy the game rooting for the Eagles. Sabotage.

[Unnamed Host]

All right. How about you, Jake?

[Andrew]

That's a quagmire.

[Paul Bersey]

Yeah, that was, that was a.

[Andrew]

Who done it?

[Paul Bersey]

You know, you got the light.

[Andrew]

You got the lighting too, Andrew. I like that. It's very mysterious.

[Unnamed Host]

Jake's got the Chiefs. I could see it. All over his face.

[Andrew]

Jake. Jake right now is in Stack's apartment. He just killed him. And he told him to take the coffee.

[Unnamed Host]

I bet you have one of your. In here.

[Bill Burr]

I did.

[Unnamed Host]

Where'd she go?

[Andrew]

What are you doing? It's a joke because.

[Unnamed Host]

What are you gonna take? The pot. All right. Well, there you go.

[Andrew]

I feel more than anything that's why Frankie Carbone got whacked. He was just too stupid. It's just like this guy's gonna accidentally say some, you know, to the wrong person.

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah. You dizzy? Yeah. He was just like. He was. He was doomed. He was doomed. Johnny Roast Beef. Johnny Rose Beef was the. One of the best characters in that movie.

[Andrew]

Dude.

[Bill Burr]

Grandmother's name.

[Unnamed Host]

That's my mother's. It was a gift. It was a. I love that car.

[Unnamed Guest]

I'm sorry.

[Unnamed Host]

And I love when his wife tried talking and his. And then De Niro goes. Hold on a second, sweetheart.

[Andrew]

All right. Stupid or what?

[Unnamed Guest]

Mvp.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, let's go. Who's going to be MVP of the game?

[Andrew]

I say the Eagles win. And Patrick Mahomes is g.

[Unnamed Guest]

But he just played so well. We have to.

[Andrew]

I don't think I've ever seen a guy take a Super bowl loss better than Patrick Mahomes. You got it. I mean, as much as Saquon Barkley ran for 240 yards, I have to say, the class that Patrick Mahomes just showed all these Kansas City Chiefs and the city of Kansas City, let's not forget Taylor Swift. I think they all share in this MVP trophy.

[Unnamed Host]

The way he threw that interception, I know it went to the other team, but nobody throws interceptions in the end zone.

[Andrew]

I mean, it's right on the numbers. It was a perfect interception.

[Unnamed Guest]

It actually looked like he was trying to hit his man.

Take one for MVP is a good number, though. If you do want to take the Eagle, I think it's 250. That's a pretty good number.

[Unnamed Host]

Oh, my God, dude. That's like a haunting nightmare for me. If Saquon is the MVP of the super bowl for the Eagles.

[Andrew]

Oh, you doubled down on that, Paul. A haunting nightmare.

[Unnamed Host]

Haunting night 40.

[Andrew]

Haunting nightmare. I sound like the name of a metal album that just. You can. The band's starting to die. Their fourth. Their fourth album. I thought.

[Unnamed Host]

I thought it sounded like an opening band. All right, guys, before Metallica comes out here, we got a young band. Haunting nightmare. It's just a guy. He's got like the. He just like.

[Andrew]

Okay, Old clan, are you ready to rock tonight? Because we are.

[Unnamed Host]

We Got the Haunting Nightmare shirts in the lobby. All right.

[Andrew]

Haunting nightmare.org through that. Who threw that?

[Unnamed Host]

We're from right outside of Detroit, Michigan. We just want to thank all the Haunted nightmare fans.

[Andrew]

Dude.

[Unnamed Host]

Haunting Nightmare.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

[Andrew]

Savage animal.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, so I think for mvp. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go. I got one for you. Hold on. If I could get my stupid camera.

[Andrew]

I'm gonna go with Elon Musk on us there, Paul.

[Unnamed Host]

Dude, I don't know what's going on with this camera. I gotta. I'm gonna take Travis Kelsey for mvp.

[Unnamed Guest]

That's a fun one.

[Andrew]

Oh, that's. Now there's where the money's at. Then he wins it, you know, plus 1500, Paul. Plus 15.

[Unnamed Host]

Just Travis Kelsey ends up having the last game and then how about this?

[Andrew]

And what's the over under that? He goes and he points at Taylor Dane up there in the suite. So they get the cross pollination there.

[Unnamed Guest]

There's actually props on it. He'll propose after the game.

[Unnamed Host]

I think he's gonna retire if they win.

[Unnamed Guest]

I.

[Unnamed Host]

My prediction is he. If he's gonna have a game of his life, get MVP and then retire. Yeah.

[Andrew]

Is he that old?

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, he's wanted to retire for two years now. Dude, he's doing this because of the three Pete run or whatever. But if he lose it, wins or lose, I think he's done.

[Unnamed Guest]

He's already got like a buddy cop movie lined up. It's like so. Yeah, I'm not even joking, I swear to God.

[Unnamed Host]

No, no, he's acting now.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah, it's gonna be terrible. It's gonna be absolutely awful by the way.

[Andrew]

Oh, you know, it's gonna be good. It might be better than that Brian Bosworth movie. Come on, Andrew, give him a chance. I think it's good fan though. Why get your brain knocked around any more than you need to if you can go and do the gig that we do. That's right. We're not working. Yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Just don't do movies.

[Paul Bersey]

Oh yeah.

[Andrew]

I'm not even wearing pants right now. I'm. I'm at work. It's crazy.

[Unnamed Guest]

You know, when I first saw Travis Kelsey, I thought he looked like Wayne Grove from Heat.

[Andrew]

And then like.

[Unnamed Guest]

And I just thought I had his goofy guy and the next thing you know, he date Taylor Swift. I'm like, am I the only one who thought he looked like the guy.

[Andrew]

Who was gonna, you know, was he the guy who. They end up, they gotta kill him because he's got a big mouth?

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Oh yeah.

[Unnamed Guest]

Wayne Grove heat.

[Unnamed Host]

Oh, Wayne. Dude, did you ever see Mulaney show where they had Wayne.

[Unnamed Guest]

Isn't this just Travis Kelce?

[Jake the Snake]

Is it just me?

[Unnamed Guest]

Let's say it's for you.

[Andrew]

I can tell you right now if Travis Kelce does the work that that Kevin Gage did. I guess that's his name. I would, I would, I would. I'd be excited about that.

[Unnamed Host]

Dude. Go to Mulaney's. John Mulaney's talk show. They brought Wayne Grow out to do standup as Wayne Grow and Bill Hader was on the couch and they were cacka laughing. Dude, he came out and did. Came out in the Wayne Gro robe that he got killed in by Dairo. And he did stand up. It was.

[Andrew]

So did they write a stand up?

[Unnamed Host]

It was. Dude, it was. It was Wayne Gro as if he would do stand up. And I was crazy, crying, laughing. He just came out in the robe in that attitude. It was really funny. I'll send it to you.

[Andrew]

But amazing.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, so here we go. Bill's got the Eagles, I got the Chiefs, Jake's got the Chiefs.

[Andrew]

And I didn't do mvp. What about me?

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, what's your mvp?

[Andrew]

Saquon Barkley.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew]

Saquon Barkley is gonna. He's gonna be a nightmare. Anything, if anything, I hope, I hope by the second quarter Taylor Swift's going, oh my God. You know, she does that when she looks in the upper deck and see some 12 year old waving a Taylor Swift doll letter. It's amazing. Paul, this is where football is right now.

[Unnamed Host]

The level of shock.

[Andrew]

I remember when I was a kid and I was watching the Steelers and the Cowboys and Billy Joel Dupree was tagging Cher and they would cut up to.

[Unnamed Host]

Dude, did you see what, did you see what the reporter said?

[Andrew]

Did.

[Unnamed Host]

Did you see what the reporter said to Travis Kelsey? The question they asked, he goes, what do you love more? Taylor Swift or Phantom 15 yard passenger or rough in the past?

[Andrew]

And he just get his microphone. His microphone said sports on it.

[Unnamed Host]

Travis Kelsey goes, great question. Anyone else? All right.

[Andrew]

Did the same thing to my homes. My homes just rolled with it.

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, my homes is like.

[Andrew]

Anyway, it fell off the truck. Oh, yeah.

[Unnamed Host]

What I do like about my homes is he does have that like he just the Eli Manning where. Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. That's what's happening, Paul.

[Andrew]

I'm gonna watch this game in Little Italy, try to figure out which one of those wise guys set this up.

[Unnamed Host]

Get a cannoli And a coffee. Enjoy.

[Andrew]

Hey, who's that guy over there? He looks like a cop.

[Paul Bersey]

All right, guys.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, listen, this is sad that this.

[Unnamed Host]

Is the last one of the year. We're gonna be on a little break. We're gonna be on a long hiatus here until kickoff of whatever. So it's not going to be a.

[Andrew]

Long hiatus because you'll have all of the off season to just think about how on, like, how this is the most unbelievable, greatest team you've ever seen. Nobody has ever played the game the way that they do. I mean, like, Ray Lewis has got to be like, just taking a knee right now, taking in the magnitude of the greatness of this fucking. I mean, I know Ray played the game at a certain level, but the way that these guys are playing is just. I mean, come on, Paul.

[Unnamed Host]

You know what's sad? I gotta be honest, before we get out of here. What's sad is this is kind of.

[Andrew]

The I'm just a girl in the world. This is the.

[Unnamed Host]

One of the worst.

[Andrew]

Remember that? When the guy was looking up at Gwen Stefani every five minutes?

[Unnamed Host]

Brett Favre.

[Andrew]

Was he dating her in the 90s?

[Unnamed Host]

Was it her?

[Andrew]

That's all that they'll let me be. And what the am I watching, dude?

[Unnamed Host]

It's the lack. This is a tough one, dude. Can I be honest? This is a tough one. This is one of the least watched. What me. For me to see these two teams, I. I just like, I'm literally gonna be like, this is one where I'm gonna go get food during a play. Like, this is.

[Andrew]

I know, Paul, you're still a fan of the NFL. You still believe in the NFL. So you're the only glue holding this show together.

[Unnamed Host]

No, but look, dude, I. I think that I agree with what we're saying, but, dude, I don't care about these teams right now, man. You know, I wanted the Buffalo Bills, the Washington Commanders.

[Andrew]

I wanted Josh Allen to start dating somebody we know.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yo, the. I'm looking at a different.

[Andrew]

Not. Oh, my gosh. Some. Somebody's got to start dating Dochi. Did you see her at the Grammys? Dude, the level of talent that that person. She's unbelievable. Unfucking.

[Unnamed Host]

I. I didn't.

[Andrew]

I didn't. Oh, my God. And they're still gonna still give the Grammy to Taylor Swift. Dude, this. This transcends football. I don't know if she wanted it or not. No, she was off sides during her.

[Unnamed Host]

What did you say?

[Andrew]

Her routine.

[Unnamed Guest]

Well, I was just gonna say if looking at some non sanctioned prop Bets from.

[Andrew]

For.

[Unnamed Guest]

For Taylor Swift and Jake's not kidding. There's some crazy stuff out here. Will she be shown during America the Beautiful? Will be she be mentioned on stage during the halftime show by any performer?

[Andrew]

Hey, Paul, you remember in 1986 when the Giants won their first one and that prop bet about Madonna? Do you remember if you could. You could bet whether or not Madonna as she was banging. What was your. What was your tight ends name? I love that guy.

[Unnamed Host]

Oh, Mark Bavaro.

[Andrew]

Yeah, Mark Bavaro. Wasn't that.

[Unnamed Host]

Yes, she was banging.

[Andrew]

I'm just doing this ball to show you how far away this game has gotten from football.

[Unnamed Guest]

Does Kelsey do hard hands during his. During a Super Bowl?

[Andrew]

These are football bets. These are football bets. Unbelievable. Paul, I'm gonna say it again.

[Unnamed Guest]

These are not bet mgm Football vets. They're too good for this.

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, these are not bet mgm. We just want to say bet MGM would not do this. They do not have it on theirs.

[Unnamed Guest]

No, no, no, no, they don't.

[Andrew]

They're. They.

[Unnamed Guest]

They're an official sport.

[Unnamed Host]

This is non sanctioned. But bet MGM is above this. The anything better show is above. Well, Travis Kelce.

[Andrew]

Well, why are they scared of Paul?

[Unnamed Host]

What?

[Andrew]

Why are they intimidated that a woman is going to a football game?

[Unnamed Host]

Will Travis Kelce point at the Booth and Wink +2000.

[Andrew]

Does Taylor Swift have his signature dance move that she does? Will he do that after he.

[Paul Bersey]

No.

[Unnamed Host]

All Taylor Swift.

[Andrew]

Does he do the T. Taylor Whey. Taylor Haler.

[Unnamed Host]

No, this is. This is Taylor Swift. After every play when they show.

[Paul Bersey]

Oh, my God.

[Unnamed Host]

It's like. Yeah, it was a. It was a 12 yard pass.

[Paul Bersey]

What.

[Andrew]

You know what I love about her? She's never aware that she's on the camera. See on camera. So you get that real natural reaction.

[Paul Bersey]

Ever.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, guys, we will.

[Andrew]

Hey, Paul, just be happy. I think you're gonna see your first AI football championship. What the NFL wants, they don't have to pay the players anymore. You just buy the robots once.

[Unnamed Host]

I'll say this. I could see the Eagles winning this game. I have a weird feeling they're going to, but I just can't go against the machine.

[Andrew]

And I don't like when you hedge your bets.

[Unnamed Host]

No, I know.

[Andrew]

I met you, the undefeated paper going against the Giants. You're like, oh, Pat's over there. But you know, you know, the Giants could surprise some people. And then they won. You like what I thought say what I say. Probably both sides. He's got a leg on either side of the fence. Picking goddamn team Eagles. SAQUAN Barkley's the MVP.

[Unnamed Host]

I'm taking the Chiefs over.

[Unnamed Guest]

Under is 48 and a half, in case you want to comment on that.

[Unnamed Host]

No.

[Andrew]

Does Taylor Swift have a bowl of organic lemons already cut. In case the Chiefs don't win and she can quickly go like this and act like she cares about football.

[Unnamed Host]

You know what? I bet you there's instructions to not put the camera on her if the Chiefs lose or are losing, which is ridiculous.

[Andrew]

How do you think she's been treating Travis Kelsey this week? And will that affect his performance on the field?

[Unnamed Host]

I think she's a very supportive girlfriend.

[Andrew]

I think she's a very strong representation.

[Unnamed Host]

You know, of how a woman should.

[Andrew]

Sit in a crowd even though she could sell out the stadium.

[Unnamed Host]

I will say this, I don't like how she's the only one that stands at the Grammys when everybody's sitting watching and then there's a performance at the Grammys and she's the only one standing dancing. It's very self serving and narcissistic and I don't like it. And I like her, Paul. And I defend her.

[Andrew]

He's just being supportive.

[Unnamed Host]

Yeah, she's supporting her friends.

[Andrew]

Why are you threatened by her standing?

[Unnamed Host]

I like her, dude. I like seeing her on the thing. I think she's. I don't mind it. She's a nice kid.

[Andrew]

All right, listen, Paul, as the World Turns, these are the Days of our Lives.

[Unnamed Host]

Wasn't that I was gonna say I was a soap opera, right?

[Andrew]

It's a soap opera. Well, it's a very successful show.

[Unnamed Host]

That's a perfect way to end. That's a perfect way to end.

[Andrew]

Hey, listen, Paul, we had a great run. The NFL had a great run. A great run. It's over. They're. They're gambling casinos now and it's. There's a lot of channels out there. I mean, you could like not watch the super bowl and just watch people wiping out on motorcycles for the whole time and forget the games on. That's what they're competing with. So they're changing their brand. They're doing a great job. They're incorporating all these other things in there. They're going to support the troops with the flyover as they charge whatever branch of military a whole bunch of money to fly their jet over there as we pay for the fuel. It is what it is, Paul. C ola Dark pole. You know what you should do? Go on YouTube and watch a Super bowl pre1976 on YouTube. They have some complete games. The game is playing during the day, and the halftime show is, like, the college band. Yeah. Like, when they played it, they played in, like, Two Lane Stadium. They had, like, the Two Lane Marching Band.

[Unnamed Guest]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

That's all it was.

[Unnamed Host]

That's what it should be. I don't want. That's what it should be.

[Paul Bersey]

It's.

[Andrew]

It's so not the game anymore, Paul. I don't know. It is just. It has just lost its way. It's like when you, too. When he was wearing the big glasses going, this is the most surreal night of my life. And they decided we have to become. It just wasn't. It became something else. That's where we are. That's where we are right now. Adams, put the makeup on.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, guys, there you go. We got to get out of here. Thank you guys so much for watching the show this year. We hope you enjoy the Super Bowl. We'll be back with updates on stuff with the show. There you go.

[Andrew]

Hey, shout out to all of our fans who watched this year who was smart enough to bet against me and bet with these other three guys who absolutely killed him. Paul. I am not. I'm not a. I am right at this point, they trade me off this show for a co host to be named later.

[Unnamed Host]

And cash.

[Paul Bersey]

I love the cat.

[Andrew]

And cash. 20, 40, 60. Get the out of here.

[Unnamed Host]

The Knicks. The Knicks just made a trade, and it was like, for this guy in cash, but. All right, everybody, enjoy the Super Bowl. We'll see you guys soon. Take care. Bet responsibly. Download the app, use the code burr, enjoy the game. And go Chiefs. I don't know.

[Andrew]

Take on Barkley. He'll be running wild on Sunday, I hope. All right.

[Unnamed Host]

All right, guys, take care.