Golf, Farmers, Squirrels | Monday Morning Podcast 4-13-26

Summary

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Monday Morning Podcast | April 13, 2026

Episode: "Golf, Farmers, Squirrels"

Host: Bill Burr
Theme: Riffing on relationship advice, sports, the weirdness of holidays, the Illuminati, and modern society’s problems—plus listener emails on ancient traditions, farmers’ protests, and squirrel warfare.

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EPISODE OVERVIEW

Bill delivers the classic Monday Morning experience: ranting stream-of-consciousness comedy, social criticism, sports takes, and tangents driven by listener emails. This week, the episode explores the insanity of traditions (like the Easter Bunny), the masteries and miseries of golf, government overreach, food control conspiracies, and even the (non-existent) ultraviolence between squirrels.

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MAIN DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Language Pet Peeves & Phrases That Annoy

• [01:47]–[02:37]
  • Bill riffs about how much he hates the words "apropos" and "that tracks" in conversation.
  • "It’s one of those words when you hear it, you know you’re not gonna like what comes after.” (01:50)

2. Comedy Community: Patrice O’Neal Benefit

• [02:55]–[03:34]
  • Annual Patrice O’Neal comedy benefit plugged—Bill always looks forward to it, loves seeing old friends, but doesn’t want fans traveling too far:

    “Everybody’s working for free that night… I’m not gonna make you fly in from Boca Raton.” (03:24)

3. On Places Getting Ruined by Tourists

• [03:45]–[04:26]
  • Jokes about how great locations turn into "ass places" after being overrun, e.g., South of France in summer:

    “All the French people get the f*ck out of there when my freckled, pasty ass shows up… There’s always some city’s tough guys, people you don’t wanna meet in a dark alley, in every country.” (04:11, 05:01)

4. Serial Killers, Drug Lords & Society’s 'March Madness' of Villains

• [06:09]–[07:50]
  • Imagines a twisted “March Madness” bracket for serial killers and crime lords, lampoons how criminals are glamorized:

    “Serial killers—why do they get famous, and nobody knows their victims’ names? They get turned into sex symbols with like chainsaw c*cks.” (06:26)

5. Tennis Elbow, Man-Spreading, and Gender-Wars Riffs

• [08:00]–[09:07]
  • Bill’s tennis elbow injury leads to a rant about “man-spreading” and “mansplaining”; pokes fun at gender war language.

    “You mean sitting comfortably? We have the plug... I’m not gonna be smashing my junk so you and your 20 bags can sit down.” (08:30)

6. On the Military Draft and Greed of the 'Upper 1%'

• [09:51]–[12:23]
  • Fierce critique of proposed draft registration and the “greed of the upper 1%”—predicts the powerful will scapegoat the masses for never-ending wars:

    “There’s not an army big enough to satisfy the f*cking greed of the upper 1% that doesn’t fight.” (10:00) “You know what they say: those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it… I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention.” (11:55)

7. Golf: Watching, Parenting, and Its Misery

• [13:41]–[18:44]

  • Watches only the last day of The Masters, congratulates Rory McIlroy:

    “Congratulations to Rory McIlroy winning it, back to back… The fact that he won again is just to shut the fuck up [the critics].” (15:58, 16:10)

  • Rants on parenting advice for teaching kids golf:

    “Taking up golf is worse than marrying the wrong person. At least you know marriage will be work; you take up golf, you think it’s gonna be fun… It’s a life of misery and frustration.” (15:27)

  • On sports commentary:

    “Why do athletes take the level of sh*t they do from people who couldn’t hit the side of a house with a beach ball?” (17:21)

  • Mocks the Masters trophy:

    “It’s kind of funny that the trophy is a sport coat… That’s when you know you’re with the ultra rich.” (17:44)

8. Parenting Tales: Kids, Arcades, & Birthday Parties

• [19:17]–[21:12]
  • Shares stories about his son wanting to leave parties except when cake is served. Reminisces about old-school arcades:

    “Dave & Buster’s is like Vegas for eight-year-olds… But I prefer those mom & pop arcades, the kind bookies used to collect from dads at.” (19:55, 20:34)

9. Nostalgia for Sports Commercials and a Critique of Violence

• [21:12]–[23:44]
  • Remembers the “Less Filling/Tastes Great” Miller Lite ads, notes nearly everyone is dead now.
  • Dislikes old hockey/NFL highlights glorifying violence, and discusses CTE/concussion tragedies:

    “I never liked those highlights… It’s not hard to knock someone out jumping in the air… We all know the results: CTE. Owners knew, looked the other way.” (22:41) “They settled for like $700 per player. It’s f*cking gross.” (23:36)

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LISTENER EMAILS & DEEP DIVES

A. Easter Bunny & Ancient Traditions

• [36:44]–[41:06]

  • Explores the true roots of the Easter Bunny (Ostara festival). Jokes that comedians mocking “dumb traditions” are just highlighting how we’ve forgotten our past.

    “The best one’s the Tooth Fairy... Because you never see it... You don’t go to the mall to get your picture taken with the Tooth Fairy.” (37:56)

  • Listens to an email about the goddess Ostara:

    “So… collecting colorful eggs every April connects you with your ginger ancestors. Thanks. And go read a book.” (41:05)

B. Irish Farmers’ Protests & Food Conspiracies

• [42:30]–[45:57]

  • Shares a listener’s letter about Irish lawmakers crushing local farmers at the behest of “global interests,” mainstream media spin, and why food control is sinister:

    “They pay farmers to grow wildflowers instead of food… If they can control the food, that’s it. They’ll own everything: the poison food that makes you sick AND the drugs to make you healthy.” (44:05)

  • Bill rails against scapegoating immigrants and misdirecting public anger:

    “Illegal immigrants are not affecting your life… If you can’t afford sh*t, just look up. Those are the people running it.” (44:50)

C. Squirrel Warfare: Fact vs. Folklore

• [46:03]–[49:46]
  • Responds to a listener who grew up hearing that “red squirrels” bite the “nuts” off gray squirrels.
  • Live fact-checks:

    “There is no scientific evidence that gray squirrels bite the testicles off red squirrels… More squirrel folklore.” (48:24)

  • Adds: Red squirrels are scrappier, but gray ones dominate by size.

D. World Economic Forum, Natural Resources, and the 'Illuminati'

• [50:07]–[55:47]

  • Listener email on the WEF, how elites seek to privatize water, soil, and even oxygen.

    “Here’s an excerpt: a speaker explicitly said soil, water, and oxygen shouldn’t be ‘infinitely accessible’—they’re assets.” (51:49) “Let’s create a system that gives the most corrupt, psychotic people control of all natural resources.” (52:16)

  • Riff on people being misdirected by billionaires:

    “Here’s a good rule of thumb: if you ask a billionaire what the problem is, look in the opposite direction.” (53:25)

  • On humanity’s cycles:

    “In the history of the world, there’s always been lunatics who think they can run everything… It always ends with them dead in a bunker or put to death.” (53:52) “Our creator—he just didn’t cook these people long enough. Like, if you cut into Trump, I bet batter would come out.” (55:47)

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NOTABLE QUOTES & MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• On Military Conscription & the Elite:

  “There’s not an army big enough to satisfy the f*cking greed of the upper 1% that doesn’t fight in the war.” (10:00)

• On Teaching Kids Golf:

  “Taking up golf is worse than marrying the wrong person... It’s a life of misery and frustration.” (15:27)

• On Easter Bunny Origins:

  “Collecting colorful eggs every April connects you with your ginger ancestors.” (41:05)

• On Media Misguidance:

  “Illegal immigrants are not affecting your fcking life in any negative way. If you can’t afford sht, just look up. Those are the people running it.” (44:50)

• On World Powers and People’s Resistance:

  “In the history of the world, there’s always been these lunatics that think they can somehow run the world... but people don’t want to live like that.” (53:52)

• On Humanity’s Flaws:

  “Our creator... just didn’t cook these people long enough. If you cut into Trump, I bet batter would come out.” (55:47)

• On Comedian’s Destiny:

  “What am I gonna do? I’m a stand up comedian. I’ll just keep making jokes till they get sick of me, and then they’ll throw me in the ground and I’ll just be part of the soil they own.” (58:07)

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CLOSING (Parenting, Food & Farewells)

• [58:22]–[60:13]
  • Shout-out to Durham, NC, and Dame’s Chicken and Waffles.
  • Humorous pride in successfully making crepes for his kids:

    “My son was eating it, and said to himself ‘Best breakfast ever.’ I was like, yes.” (59:43)

  • “Alright. I like you guys. I’m on your side. We’re all in this together. Go f*ck yourselves, and I’ll talk to you Thursday.” (60:02)

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TIMESTAMPED HIGHLIGHTS

• [01:47] - Language/phrase peeves (“apropos”, “that tracks”)
• [02:55] - Patrice O’Neal Benefit plug
• [03:45] - Rant on tourist-overrun destinations
• [06:09] - Serial killers as “March Madness” brackets
• [09:51] - Critique of proposed military draft and the greed of elites
• [13:41] - Watching/parenting with golf; comparison to marriage misery
• [17:44] - Comedy on trophies for the rich (green jacket)
• [19:17] - Parenting tales: kids at parties, arcades as “Vegas for eight-year-olds”
• [21:12] - Nostalgia for classic beer ads, sports violence/CTE rant
• [36:44] - The Easter Bunny’s ancient origins and corporate traditions
• [42:30] - Irish farmers’ protest against global food control
• [46:03] - The “squirrel warfare” myth busted
• [50:07] - WEF, resource control, and the “Illuminati” riff
• [53:25] - “Ask a billionaire—look in the opposite direction.”
• [55:47] - "Creator didn't cook [elites] long enough" analogy
• [58:22] - Nostalgic shoutout (Durham, crepes), heartwarming parenting moment

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FINAL THOUGHTS

This episode blends Bill’s signature rants and rapid-fire social satire with real listener concerns, personal parenting moments, and a through-line of skepticism about those in control—whether it’s the Illuminati, the World Economic Forum, or the people running old sports leagues. Even as he expresses despair, Bill never loses his sardonic humor, inviting listeners to laugh (“Go f*ck yourselves. I’m on your side.”) at the madness—ancient, modern, and ever repeating.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

And people say that it's very apropos. There's a couple of those words. You hear those words and you're just like, oh, I am not gonna like what comes after this when someone goes,

[A]

you know, I think it's apropos. Am I saying that right? Apropos. Apropo.

[B]

You know,

[A]

I guess that's French for

[B]

very fitting

[A]

or dude, I called it. Is that what, like, smart people say instead of saying, dude, I called it, Sorry, apropos.

[B]

Here's another thing that a lot of people like to say.

[A]

I didn't finish for April 13, 2026.

[B]

I did say that.

[A]

Yeah, that tracks. That tracks like you're building a fucking case file on somebody.

[B]

I say that, yeah, that tracks.

[A]

You know, somebody said something to me the other day, they were like, ah, you know, this person, you know, they blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I go, you know, that tracks. Raising a kid is Work. They don't want to fucking do it. Huh?

[B]

Anyway,

[A]

before we get started, it's getting close, people. Patrice O', Neill, 13th Annual Comedy Benefit at the New York City center at the New York City center on April 28th. Tuesday night, we're gonna be there. Rich Voss hosting, me, a whole bunch of other people. I've already listened to them a million times. It's one of my favorite shows of the year. I always get to see my old buddies, and then I get to meet some new people that I, you know, or maybe I saw somebody I like. Yeah, they're in the New York area because I don't want people to travel for this. You know what I mean? It's like everybody's working for free that night.

[B]

So I'm not gonna make you fly in from whatever. You fly in from Boca Raton, you know Boca Raton, that's one of those

[A]

cheap game show

[B]

prizes. They always send you to these ass places. Not ass places, but places that just became ass places because too many people went there. And then all of a sudden, people like, you know, this.

[A]

Not that this place sucks.

[B]

There's just too many ass people coming here. And then people want to go somewhere else.

[A]

You know, it's like the south of France.

[B]

They all get the out. All the French people get the out of there when my freckled, pasty ass. When we all show up, all right? And all the English people, Roy, Scout, or Ryan go to smoke with south of France B, right? And they go down.

[A]

They.

[B]

They get out.

[A]

There's some.

[B]

Some sort of, like.

[A]

I'm not going to say they said

[B]

where it was, but it was in a surprising country, you know, I don't know why I'm surprised.

[A]

There's lakes pretty much everywhere, but it's

[B]

just not like a place that you would think that people would go to. And these. That's why they go there. That's how I'm going to get away with. Once I become fluent, I'm just going to have that voice. Bad problem. Bad problem. You just go into that voice because everybody thinks, oh, you know, booze, you and all that dumb. That's what they think. You know what I mean? They think it's a bunch of pansies running around on their tiptoes with berets on. And it's like, no country is like that. That's just what people say about certain countries. And it's like, no, in every country, there is somebody that will bite your ear off. You know, there's always those people, those people, you don't want to meet in a dark alley. They got them in every city, every fucking town. There's. There's somebody's got to be the sick as fuck.

[A]

Oh my God, there's a fucking Netflix show. Why don't they do that with all their serial killer shows? They got to do the March Madness serial killers. Who the the sickest? No, serial killers. I hate how they get famous and

[B]

nobody knows their victims names or they

[A]

get turned into sex symbols with like

[B]

chainsaw cocks like that. Ryan, what's his face did with?

[A]

I still can't believe I literally thought

[B]

Maroon 5 was going back on tour

[A]

and it was a fucking billboard for a serial killer. The sickest out of all of Ed Gein. Ed gains a sick fuck. And then there was this other sick fuck down in outside of Houston that somehow enlisted these other kids to get him more kids to do God knows what to. And then they finally ended up shooting him. That was another sick fuck. Then you got to break them into categories. The sickest fuck when it comes to

[B]

drug dealers, you know, what do they call them?

[A]

Not kingpins.

[B]

What do they call him? He's a drug lord. That's a great name, huh? Lord of the drugs. You guys are on drugs. I am the God of drugs

[A]

and

[B]

you will worship me.

[A]

Then you have the sick as as far as leaders of the world. And then you just have sick fucks

[B]

who are just like mentally ill. And you got all the different levels of that. How about that? You make your brackets, huh?

[A]

I don't know, Bill. That's pretty dark. It was funny when you first did it, but then when you just kept

[B]

going, I kind of lost the humor in it.

[A]

I get it. I get it. By the way, I'm still dealing with

[B]

my tennis elbow even though I don't play tennis elbow, but somebody gave me a fucking great stretch to stretch that nerve or whatever. Okay, you sit down, you know, with your legs, you know, you're sitting down how a guy sits down.

[A]

You know, you're not to the point

[B]

where someone's going to say you're man spreading.

[A]

Remember that. Remember that for a minute when liberals were talking about how much of your own ball bag you could show on a fucking

[B]

man spreading.

[A]

You mean sitting comfortably? We. You guys don't have nothing down there, okay? You have an outlet, okay? We have the plug. I'm not gonna be sitting here smashing

[B]

my junk so you and your 20 bags can sit down.

[A]

It's. It's like that was one of those moments that. That was a really Bad move

[B]

with

[A]

feminists when they did like the mansplaining thing and man spreading. That's. You know, you gotta be.

[B]

You got to be careful with that. You explain too much.

[A]

Okay, and what exactly, you know, and what exactly is it that you guys do? You know, there was just. That's like one of those things kind of like that was sort of unisex, you know, mansplaining. I'm not explaining to you. I'm trying to you. Okay? I don't know how this works. You asked a question. I thought if I didn't answer it, you didn't want to me anymore. Just tell me you don't want to talk about this. I'll shut up. I will literally do whatever you want me to do because I'm trying to you. That's why. They got us. They got us. They got us under their skin, they got us on a string, and it's still not enough. Like corporations.

[B]

It's still not enough.

[A]

You've seen this shit. They're gonna fucking. They're trying to enact like everybody has to register for a draft. Yeah, we're making it better again. Because you know what it is? There's not an army big enough to satisfy the fucking greed of the upper 1% that doesn't fight in the fucking war. And you watch, they will politicize this fucking thing. And then the left's going to yell at the right, and the right's going to yell at the left and all of that. They are fucking deputizing all of our children to die in unnecessary wars because they want more stuff. They want more control. They want more natural resources. They want more power. Well, then go fuck you go get it. You go get it. There haberdash. You take off your shoe. I'm walking around now. Oh, you know when you walk around and you talk, you feel like your points are landing even more. I'm giving a lecture to nobody, even. Here you go. Do it with your soft fucking hands, huh? You fucking cunts. Anyway, I've seen this all before.

[B]

The direction we're going in.

[A]

I've seen all of this before.

[B]

You've seen it all before.

[A]

You know what ends up happening. And I've been to the countries that tried to do what we're doing. You think. You really think everybody's just gonna sit back and let you run it all and just take whatever the fuck you want? Is it? You know that's what you're gonna do? Keep feeding your people propaganda about what you're doing, and then the Rest of the world knows what you're doing. And eventually what happens is they all gang up on you and take you behind the shed and they give you a beat down. But the amount of citizens that will have to die here before those upper 1% start taking off down to South America to try to escape their sins.

[B]

Oh, you know, what do they say?

[A]

What do they, what do they say about history?

[B]

What do they say?

[A]

You know what they say?

[B]

They say it's in the past, don't fucking worry. But no, they say those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. They also say, I don't want to take this fucking class. You know, it's really hard to fucking get into ancient medieval history when my teacher's sitting here with chalk dust on the front of his fucking pants. They say a lot of things about history and I'll be honest with you, I don't know how many of them are right. I don't know how many of them are wrong. You know why? Because I didn't pay attention.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

And there we are.

[A]

You see that? I just said a bunch of things that I felt. And in the end, you know, when you look down at the bottom of the page, when I cite my sources, I let you guys know that there aren't any. There are no sources in this book. I just turn on the microphone and

[B]

I start fucking talking. Anyway.

[A]

Oh, Billy hit the gym today. Oh, Billy's getting in shape. He's losing the rest of the weight. Oh, Billy. That's what I'm doing. What song was that?

[B]

Oh, that was.

[A]

Oh, Sherry. When Steve Perry. Steve Perry singing about Sherry. I wonder if that was like a

[B]

choice they made in the studio.

[A]

It rhymes with your last name. Or maybe he was actually dating a

[B]

woman named Sherry, which you don't, you don't run into that too much, you know, When I was a kid, I knew a couple of Sherry's, you know. You know you're an alcoholic when you name your kid after your favorite drink, right? Let me get a little Sherry. Not me daughter. A fucking bottle, mate. I knew a Sherry.

[A]

Oh, I, I knew a Sherry back in the day.

[B]

Anyways, what else? I watched the end of the Masters and I think that's the way to do it, you know, you watch the End. I, I watched the Last Day. I only watched the whole thing once. Yeah, so that's the way to do it. You gotta, you gotta just.

[A]

You sit down.

[B]

Last. Only one time that I ever watched that entire, that entire. What would you call it? Parade of golfers tournament.

[A]

The only time I ever watched the

[B]

entire Masters tournament was the year Kenny Perry lost it in overtime in extra holes. And it was one of the most awful things I ever watched.

[A]

Like, I still, every once in a

[B]

while when I look at the map, I get sick to my stomach just looking at it. Just to the amount of the tragedy

[A]

that, that, that, that, that that activity is and that all of these people just signing up to do it, signing up to do it.

[B]

You know what, they're dead, you know, And I love how they try to sell it, you know, with the slacks

[A]

and the Nike swoosh on there.

[B]

And you know, like I told you

[A]

I saw that thing, this guy was like trying to show how you get your kid into golf. It's like, don't have, don't take them

[B]

out for 18 holes.

[A]

Don't even take them out for nine holes. Just go out for like four holes. Encourage them, just tell them to have a good time, you know, and when you walk with Tossel his hair, you know, say way to go there, buddy, and then go get yourselves a malt. And it's just like, dude, like how many misdirections are you going to go with here, you know, before you just tell this kid that, you know, by the way, I am signing you up for a life of misery and frustration. Taking up golf is like, is worse than marrying the wrong person. You know what I mean? Because everybody knows going into marriage it's going to be worth you take up golf. You think it's going to be fun. Ah, we'd be one of the guys out here on the who's them or what's. All right, it's going to be like Caddyshack. No, it isn't. It isn't. You're just going to keep chasing it. So anyways, I sit down, just watch

[B]

it on the last day, okay? And congratulations to Rory McElroy winning it back to back,

[A]

you know, because even

[B]

those, those fat man titted, you know, whatever you want to call them, I guess they're called sports writers.

[A]

Even though he won it last year,

[B]

the fact that he won it again is to shut the up.

[A]

You win it one time and those

[B]

cunts, like raw, you know.

[A]

All right, he finally did it. But ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. But there's still going to be one, you know, polishing off a Baconator, talking to some other guy about ready to have a cardiac episode. And he's going to be saying like, yeah, but he only want it once, you know, you know, when you Know, Phil Mickelson didn't win it to Lady. You take it. He wasn't like fucking. They're gonna. They're gonna find a fucking way to fucking criticize you. They're gonna do it. This is what they do. This is what they do. They just shit on everything and especially accomplishment. I mean, failure. Every. Even fans shit on failure.

[B]

Dude, the guy.

[A]

The guy couldn't win the big one. Oh, yeah? Could you win the big one? What's the big one in your life and how are you? Like, I don't know why athletes take

[B]

the level of they do from people

[A]

who couldn't hit the side of a

[B]

house with a beach ball.

[A]

Whoa, Jesus, Bill. Did you have enough references in that one? They call them. They call them the reference, Billy. The reference. Side of a house, beach ball on a calm day. Why didn't you throw that in there, Bill?

[B]

Anyway, so he get. He gets his second green jacket. It is kind of funny that that's the trophy. A sport coat. That's when you know, you.

[A]

You're deep.

[B]

You're deep into it.

[A]

You know,

[B]

you're with the ultra rich, but you're still on this side of going to an island. And underage kids, underage people, whatever. Kids. Kids are all underage. Whatever the references.

[A]

You.

[B]

You're this close to meeting the people,

[A]

the pedophiles that start wars to get

[B]

to get their dirty laundry off the front. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. Anyway, so I think I was just trying to say congratulations to him. Two years in a row, dominating the activity that is known as golf that people try to shoehorn into, like

[A]

sports. Shoehorning, like golf into sports is the same thing as people who perform in

[B]

a half filled arena and want to make the same amount of money as people who fill the arena.

[A]

You know what? I'm. I'm playing basketball. I'm telling jokes too. You gotta sell the tickets.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

All right. Anyway. Anyway.

[B]

Watched a lot of sports this weekend. I had a good time. Hung out with the kids and everything. Went to a birthday party today with my son. I just had a great time. You know, I love about him, he wants to get the out of there at the perfect time. He doesn't care. He just goes, all right, dad. He goes, I.

[A]

He goes, can we go home? And I'm like, absolutely, absolutely. Let's get out of here.

[B]

And then all of a sudden, they brought the birthday cake and he goes, actually, Dad, I changed my mind.

[A]

Anyway, so then he had his birthday

[B]

cake and he's like, all right, I'm out Of here. I've been going to a lot of arcades, man. I went to a really. I had all of these birthday parties. A lot of them, they're like at the arcades, not like Dave and Buster's. That place, Jesus Christ, somebody said it. It's like Vegas for eight year olds. It's, it's insane. There's, there's no windows. It's loud as. Not a fan of that place. But like, you know, you get yourself a mom and pop arcade, you know, the kind of one like back in the day, bookies would pull in behind and collect money from the dads who

[A]

just dropped off their kids to go play space invaders.

[B]

I like, I like more like that, you know, I like when it, when it wasn't all connected. It's all the same thing. But anyway, and a buddy of mine sent me a couple of these old sports highlight things and one of them was the original less filling tastes great campaign that they had, Miller Light. And they took all these current and retired athletes. It was amazing. It was hilarious. And I watched it.

[A]

It was,

[B]

it was, you know, just reliving my childhood. And then also I got sad because like Bert Jones is the only guy left alive. Everybody else was gone. John Madden, L.C. greenwood, Bubba Smith, Dick Butkus, Mickey Spillane, Steve, was it Steve Mazarick, Billy Martin, Rodney Dangerfield, Bob Davidson, Bob Euchre, Tommy Heinson, they don't make them like that anymore. Those guys were hilarious. And Bert Jones was the only guy left. So I saw that. And then he also sent me this, this clip, one of those old school like hockey clips of people just back when you could just head hunt. And there's always people in the comments going, this, no, this was hockey. It's like, no, it wasn't those.

[A]

Even though those hits were legal, like

[B]

not everyone in the league was doing that.

[A]

You still had to be a psycho

[B]

piece of and not give a about ending somebody's career.

[A]

You had to be like that. Like there was always those lizard people

[B]

in the league,

[A]

you know,

[B]

I don't know, I've never liked that. I, I don't like those old highlights of watching guys get hit in the head or going over the middle in the NFL.

[A]

And I always hated when the defensive

[B]

player would stand over the guy after he knocked him out.

[A]

It's like, dude, he's running full speed, looking back the other way, trying to catch a flying object. You're not even looking at the football, you're just lining his head up. Like if it's. That's it's not a. It's not a hard. It's not hard to knock somebody out that's in the air, jumping up, trying to catch something. You can do that to anybody. You could literally knock anybody on there once they're in the air. That's it.

[B]

It's it. So I don't know. And plus also, like, just people watching

[A]

that, it's like, we've all seen the results of playing sports like that.

[B]

And these guys, how much they struggle

[A]

in their CTE and all of that shit.

[B]

And that the owners of these teams knew about it and looked the other way. And then when they finally got a

[A]

class action suit against them, they settled

[B]

for like 700 something dollars per player. It's fucking gross. Oh, Jesus, Bill, would you get off your fucking soapbox?

[A]

What do you got a problem with now? The fucking tooth fairy?

[B]

I'm surprised they didn't make them change that name.

[A]

Fairy is a homophobic term used for someone who's gay. We don't want to know. But this is an actual fairy. Yeah, but it doesn't exist.

[B]

They would get you on that technicality. Maybe. Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't. I flew this week, went up with my instructor. I did some auto rotations. We had a. And he was like doing like the real thing because I was always sort of easing into him.

[A]

Oh, engine failure, failure. Ta da. He's just like, all right, I'm just

[B]

gonna chop throttle, dude. The nose goes on. Mine just goes right over to the left.

[A]

And it's good. He does it a couple times. You get that collective down. And then he told me, he goes,

[B]

you know, you gotta understand when this happens, you're going to be going like 80, 90 knots.

[A]

So the air is.

[B]

Is being drawn in from the top of the disc. Because you're flying like this, you know that you're flying forward. You know, it's pushing it behind you, so it's at an angle. It's angled down. So not only do you have to slam the collective down, that's the emergency brake, right? You also got to yank back aggressively on the stick because now you want the air to be coming underneath. That's what keeps your RPMs going. That's what keeps you alive. And he just did this little thing with his hands and immediately is like, I never thought about that. I was just thinking, trim, airspeed, RPMs. And I knew the movements, but I didn't quite understand why. Every time I learned something new. So that was one of those ones. I'm like, all right, then we did some hover autos, which are my favorite. I love doing those things. And I had. He added this extra thing. He goes, next time, you know, just like, you know, with mine, it's. It's left pedal, left little bit to the left with the cyclical. Then if you feel you're a little high right before you pull that last bit of energy you have in the main rotor, you just push the sticks forward. You just kind of move forward. You kind of just slide for, like three inches. It's fucking amazing. Anyway, I'm really happy that I did that. I know that's some boring nerd shit, but anyway, there are a few pilots that listen to this. I like to think, all right, let me do. Let me do the reads here. Is he Sam? Yeah. All right. Sorry. I had to make sure I fucking was reading the right ones here. All right.

[A]

Oh, look who it is. Everybody, it's Quo. You know, if your business is still running like a game of telephone gone

[B]

wrong, let me start over again.

[A]

Quo, everybody, you know, if your business is still running like a game, a telephone gone wrong. So scattered messages, missed calls. Who's handling this? It's time to fix that. God damn it. A modern communication system is like handing your team a GPS instead of a treasure map drawn by a toddler. How is my stomach still fucking growling. I just literally had two fucking lettuce steak wraps. You know what it is? I'm doing the elliptical like a soccer mom.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

Maybe I need to increase my cholera. Everyone stayed aligned. Nothing falls through the cracks. And at the same point, you just say, all right, let's fucking quo. And that's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo. Q U O. The smarter way to run your business. Quo is the number one rated business phone system on G2, with over 3,000 reviews built for how modern teams work. That's why more than 90,000 businesses, from solo operators to growing teams, rely on Quo to stay connected, professional, and consistently reachable. Oh, is this why I always see people on Zoom calls at the gym? Now, Quo works wherever you are, right from an app on your phone or computer and lets you keep your existing numbers, add new numbers or team teammates. This is my teammate, bro. You're at work. They're not your teammate. They're your co worker. And you can't wait for Friday.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

In minutes. Sync your CRM and rely on seamless routing and call flows as your business scales scale. It's easy. Call, text, voicemails, transcripts, and Contact details all live on one clean view with full context at your fingertips. Your team communicates faster, stays aligned, and delivers a more personal experience. Make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away. Try quo for free plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com burr that's quote com burr quo. No missed calls, no missed customers.

[B]

All right, who else do we got here?

[A]

Oh my God. It's policy Genius. Policy Genius, everybody. Jesus Christ. Talk about, okay, this is for me. Talk about how spring is a time to take stock of the important things you need to do. You know, people, every year when springtime comes around, you know what I like to do? I like to take, take a couple of minutes to just think about, you know, take stock of my life and just maybe think of, you know, maybe some of the important things that I need to do, like prioritize. Boy, oh boy, what do I need to do? Policygenius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to. Okay, you're coming out of winter, you ate like a pig. You can feel you're going to have a heart attack. Do you have life insurance? This is where policy genius comes in. It's an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from some of America's top insurers side by side for free. Their licensed team helps you get what you need fast, so you get. So you can get on with your life easily. Find what you need. Coverage, amounts, prices, terms. No guesswork, just clarity. Policygenius helps you find your most affordable. Well, if this thing is free, how are you making money? How are you making money? How do I know you're not in bed with the insurance companies? I don't get this. Policygenius helps. Maybe I'll keep reading. Well, you know what? I'm not a genius, so maybe that's why policygenius helps you find your most affordable policy that meets your needs. The answers, questions, handle the paperwork and advocate for your thought process for you throughout the process. Policygenius has thousands of five star reviews all right on Google and Trustpilot plus from customers who found the best policy to fit their needs. Protect your family with the policy that grows with your life. With Policygenius you can see if you can find a 20 year life insurance policy starting at just 276 bucks a year for a million dollars in coverage. Head to policygenius.com burr to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com Bill Burr. Here's one caveat I would add to that. You know, if you're married to somebody who seems a little squirrely, I would hold off on the life insurance because you just made yourself more valuable dead than alive. All right. Simply safe, everybody. Look, we all want to feel safe at home. But for a long time, home security has meant expensive monthly fees and ironclad contracts that locked you in for years. I customized my entire system on their website in minutes. Did I? I don't remember doing that. And when it arrived at my doorsteps a few days later, the my fucking Andrew hooked me up with this. I didn't do any of this shit. The app guided setup made it so easy that I had the system live in less than an hour. No drilling, no stress. They just stuck it to the fucking house. And no waiting around for a service appointment. Comprehensive protection. It's not just a camera. It's a comprehensive ecosystem of sensors, cameras for inside and out and 24. Seven professional monitoring in the event of a break in a fire or flood. Simply safe agents or are ready to take action. No long term contracts. No lock ins or hidden cancellation fees. Simplisafe earns your business by keeping you safe, not by trapping you into a goddamn contract. Over there. Affordable pricing. 24. 7 monitoring for a fraction of what the traditional brands charge. I want you to experience the same peace of mind that I do. Which is why I've partnered with SimpliSafe to offer an exclusive discount to my listener. Right now you can get 50% off. 50% off your new system by visiting simplisafe.com that's half [e-mail] Spur there's no safe like simply safe. The caveat? I would not put that in your house or there's going to be some weirdo over there watching you. Your wife. True Work Everybody. Working outside in the springtime means you're dealing with chilly mornings, hot afternoons and everything in between. Not to mention the mud, rain and whatever else weather decides to throw at you. You need workwear that can keep up with the changing conditions. And True work has you covered. Most workwear is made from cotton blends which restrict your restrict your movement and get soaked after just a few raindrops. Well, not a few raindrops.

[B]

It's got to rain a little bit here.

[A]

Come on. Springtime is the perfect season for the T2 work pant. W E R K like twerk without the T. T2 work pant, which keeps you comfortable over a wide range of conditions. These pants have four way stretch for bending and kneeling and climbing or whatever else you want to get involved in. Honey. A water resistant finish to shed rain and nine intelligent pockets to keep tools just where you need them. They've been tested and validated for over 10 years by Real estate trade pros working in a real real job site conditions. With over 15,000 five star reviews, it's worth experiencing the difference for yourself. The work does just. The work doesn't stop just because the weather changes. Upgrade to the T2 work pant and stay comfortable no matter what the day brings. Get 15% off your first order at true work.com code burr that's T R U E W-E-R-K.com brrrr. True work built like it matters, because it does. All right, we got through that everybody. We got through all of that stuff. Now it's time for the shit you

[B]

guys want to talk about. All right.

[A]

Oh, I got to promote a movie here. Normal. Everybody. From the creator of John Wick and nobody comes. The new movie Normal. A double barreled shotgun blast of pure mayhem for Sheriff Ulysses, played by Bob Odenkirk.

[B]

I did Glenn Gary, Glen Ross with him.

[A]

He's just. He is the fucking greatest dude ever. And a phenomenal actor. A new job as temporary sheriff in the quaint town of Normal, Minnesota was meant to be a welcome respite from recent troubles. But when a botched bank robbery interrupts the piece, a dark secret is exposed and the Ulysses discovers that the town is anything but its namesake. Suddenly everyone is trying to shoot the sheriff. Ah shout. And he is. He has to rely on his wits and some crooks if he is to survive the night. And that's all before the the Yakuza show up. Starring Bob Odenkirk, Henry Winkler and Lena Headley. Heady. Sorry. See it only in theaters starting April 17th. That's coming up this week, right? What do we got? Today's the 13th. Today is the 13th, right.

[B]

All right, I'm going to see that. I'm definitely going to check that out.

[A]

All right. Simply safe. If you're like me, I hope you're not. You're desensitized to dozens of notifications on

[B]

your phone each day.

[A]

But if the that latest ping is from your security camera, ignoring it could spell disaster. Picture this. Somebody's breaking in that piece of. But you're giving a huge presentation at work. You got your fucking little flashlight. You're pointing at a squeegee board, whatever the fuck you call those things, those, those erasable boards. You know, you're at the movies, you're on a flight at 30,000ft. You'll see the footage in a couple hours, but by then it's too late. They took your headphones and your fucking, I don't know, your underwears. That's why I choose Simply Safe. Simply Safe is customizable whole home security system backed by 24, seven monitoring agents. I can rely on to act even when I can't. Traditional security systems only act after someone has broken into the house. Hey, bring that back. That's too late. Simply Safe's active guard outdoor protection can help break ins before they happen. While other security companies lock you in. Simply Safe comes with no long term contract. They'll earn your trust every day by keeping you safe and satisfied. They are so confident in the protection they provide, they even back it with an anti theft guarantee. I'm not the only one. Simply Safe protects over 4 million every day. They have 20 years of experience at home security. Right now, my listeners can get 50 off a new system by visiting simplisafe.com burr that's simplisafe.com burr. There's no safe like Simply Safe.

[B]

All right, here's some more shit here that you guys sent in. Easter Bunny.

[A]

Here comes Peter Cottontail hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppity, Easter's on its way. That never, like, took hold. You know, Every year I'm dreaming of a white Christmas but no Easter song. Can you imagine if Mariah Carey decided to fucking take over Easter too?

[B]

You know? And then what would be left? What would be left?

[A]

Does she go Flag Day and risk

[B]

being called anti Semitic because she didn't go to Hanukkah? I know it's a tough one.

[A]

On last Monday's podcast.

[B]

All right, Easter Bunny.

[A]

Sorry. Happy Ostera. Big Billy Burr. Ostara.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

On last Monday's podcast, you talked about celebrating Easter with your kids in the weirdness of showing them a man in a rabbit suit who handed out colorful eggs.

[B]

Yeah, it's strange.

[A]

It's just like, I think all the dumb ideas that they had for all

[B]

that other, they just didn't, you know.

[A]

The best one's the Tooth Fairy. Because it's stupid. Like all of them. But they never see it.

[B]

It's perfect. You don't go to the mall to get your picture taken with the fucking tooth Fairy. I shouldn't have said that. Some corporate cunts are going to figure it out. What month of the year do kids lose the most teeth? And we'll bring the ferry down to the fucking mall. Anyway, this person goes on to say,

[A]

well, that's actually what remains from your freckled ancestors celebration of Ostera. So what, are you gonna blame fucking bad Easter bunnies on me? The Celtic celebration of Oster, isn't that, like, Scottish? That's not Irish. I have maybe fucking two drops of

[B]

Scottish blood in me. I don't know. I've never done a.23 in me. Because I can guarantee you there's a serial killer in my family.

[A]

The Celtic celebration of Ostara was their celebration of spring and rebirth. After the Romans conquered Western Europe, they worked to get rid of. Yeah, after the Romans murdered a bunch of people in Western Europe, why don't we say that instead of conquered, they worked to get rid of all our Celtic heritage and replaced Ostara with Easter. Then when Rome fell and transitioned into a church, they changed it again to make it a celebration of Christ. Christ the bid. The bit about the Easter rabbit is pretty. Is pretty much all that remains in the mainstream. It comes from a story in which the goddess.

[B]

I hope I'm saying her name right.

[A]

Ostera, Ostera. Found a bird that was dying while she was walking in the woods. The only way she could save the bird.

[B]

Wait a minute. She's a goddess?

[A]

Doesn't she like control?

[B]

Can't you do the Superman thing and, like, fly backwards and turn the world back?

[A]

Found a bird that was dying while she was walking in the woods. The only way she could save the bird was to turn it into another animal. So she turned it into a rabbit. The spell wasn't perfect, though. And the rabbit continued laying eggs. Every spring on the day of Ostera, Ostera, the rabbit would hop around the woods laying colorful eggs in honor of the goddess who saved its life. This is so funny because so many comedians, myself included, have made fun of

[B]

this stupid shit, and we think we're making some big fucking great joke. In reality, what we're saying is that the cunts that control us have taken

[A]

away so much tradition and all of this stuff that we don't even remember it. So we're making fun of the fact

[B]

that it was taken away from us.

[A]

Is that what we're doing?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

So the person says. So there you go. Now you can tell your kids that by collecting colorful eggs every April, they're connecting with their ginger ancestors.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

And go read a book.

[B]

Well, I'm going to read.

[A]

I. I've been reading a lot of books. You.

[B]

And also there's redheads in, like, Germany, too.

[A]

So this Whole idea that, oh, they're all Irish or they're Scottish and, you know, it's a bunch of. So why don't you travel? I'll go read a book.

[B]

You go travel. All right.

[A]

Irish protest.

[B]

That is such a weird.

[A]

That's.

[B]

I gotta be honest with you, now

[A]

that I know the truth of the story, it doesn't make it any better.

[B]

Oh, because it was a.

[A]

The rabbit. Because the.

[B]

It was a. It was a bird before it was dying.

[A]

And then a goddess. Like, why did they do. You know. You're still inventing some sort of stupid horseshit. Was it because nobody wanted to say that this. This. This Middle Eastern hippie got tortured for being the Son of God? Got tortured to death? Is that why.

[B]

Is that.

[A]

Is that.

[B]

Is that what's going on? I just don't understand why.

[A]

How all of this shit started. Well, why. Why can't it exist on its own?

[B]

Why can't it just not be Easter weekend?

[A]

Why can't you just do that in,

[B]

like, I don't know, February? I don't know. I don't get any of it. It's stupid. The tradition of lying to your kids. All right.

[A]

Irish protests.

[B]

Dear Billy of the Hills.

[A]

Dear Billy of the Hills. You. You idiot. I like to bring our attention to a matter that will never get the proper coverage it deserves.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Over the last decade, Irish lawmakers at the direction of global interests. See, I wonder who had a hand in that. Have been passing laws to destroy the livelihoods of farmers and the local food dependency of citizens. Generations of families who have supported themselves in the countryside have been impoverished. In the last days, there have been massive protests. These protests are not for vanity. They are for survival. Mainstream news slanders the farmers as right wing to quell any sympathy or further introspections about what is going on. The deployment of these tactics are to cover the psychotic and senseless laws preventing farmers from growing food. Yeah, because they want to have. Just eat the fucking poison. And then the people that eat the fucking poison will be. Who make. The poison that we now eat will be bought by the pharmaceutical countries and its companies. It's like, okay, we'll own everything. The poison food that makes you sick and then the drugs to get you fucking healthy. It's insane.

[B]

The direction that we were moving in,

[A]

the government has even paid farmers to grow wild flowers instead of food. The desire of those in power to now control not only the quality of our food supply, but the movement of our food supply exposes them as the death cult they are. Stay Vigilant, wise Billy of the hills. Yeah. If they can control the food, if they can fuck this planet up to the point you can't grow food and only they have the food. That's it. And then they're gonna take all of these fucking assholes with their guns that are gonna remain up on the wall or in their gun safe or just. They're just gonna take. By the time people realize that they need to. All of these guns that they got. And all of these years, they pointed them at the wrong fucking people. Because the people that they should be pointing them at have been telling them to look at all these other fucking people with no power. Which would fucking blows my mind. It's such a bad lie that don't make the laws. Like this whole bullshit about illegal immigrants and all of that. They are not affecting your fucking life in any sort of negative way. The fact that you cannot fucking afford shit anymore. Just look up. Those are the people. They're running it. They have all the money. They own the politicians. It's not a red tie. It's not a blue tie. Doesn't mean to them they got all the green. They're all pieces of. And with that uplifting. I don't know how to solve it, people.

[B]

I don't know how to solve it. Everybody's just yelling at everybody.

[A]

I do have advertising that on this podcast where you can grow some lemons and limes inside your house.

[B]

I don't know. All right.

[A]

Irish protest.

[B]

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, here we go.

[A]

Squirrels.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Watching the podcast in Austin, beautiful city. I've completely changed my idea that I got off 6, 3. I didn't realize I was in the Times Square of Austin. And I went out near the river and I'm like, okay, this is nice. Also, the weather was perfect. I wasn't there in the summertime.

[A]

Squirrels.

[B]

All right. Watching the podcast in Austin, Bill mentions squirrels in England. It reminded me of a story my

[A]

grandmother told me in the 70s. The red squirrels in America, anyway, attacked the gray squirrels. My grandmother hated those red squirrels. She would yell at them for hanging out on the bird feeders. I asked her why she hated the red squirrels. She claimed they bite the nuts off the gray squirrels and the gray squirrels would bleed out. What a way to go. I never witnessed this acts of violence, but I always had empathy for gray squirrels and apathy for the not gnawing red ones. Why don't you just look at that up, see if that's true? Because what I heard was we just had Gray ones over here, and some asshole brought them to England and they were bigger and they were bullying the red ones. I guess it just like.

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

You know something?

[B]

I usually don't do this, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna turn off airplane mode here and I'm gonna go online,

[A]

and this

[B]

is going to be part of my search thanks to you guys or this one person.

[A]

Do gray squirrels.

[B]

Oh, it's already there.

[A]

Bite the

[B]

balls. I don't want to say nuts, because I feel like that's going to, you know, with squirrels could be written as the actual fucking acorns.

[A]

Do gray squirrels bite the balls off red squirrels? What do they do?

[B]

If they fucking run into a woman squirrel?

[A]

Female squirrel, what do they do?

[B]

Fuck it. Get their dirty gray gene flowing through

[A]

that pristine red squirrel. But there is no scientific evidence to support the claim that gray squirrels bite the testicles off red squirrels. While squirrels can be aggressive and fight over territory during breeding season, causing injuries, the idea that they specifically target testicles is largely considered a persistent, unproven piece of folklore. Red squirrels are generally more aggressive, while gray squirrels are larger and tend to dominate conflicts. Oh, so red squirrels have the short man disease misconceptions. Some people believe this behavior happens, but reports are anecdotal or lack scientific.

[B]

Oh, that's about the balls thing.

[A]

Actual threats. Squirrels are more often threatened by predators

[B]

like hawks, owls, and coyotes.

[A]

While some forum users argue for the.

[B]

Okay, all right. Well, there you go.

[A]

Look at that. I mean, I don't know if that was true. It's the Internet. There's no rules of libel or slander. You know, you get a gist. You get the gist of what's going on. I do know monkeys, chimpanzees, when they kill another one, they fucking rip its foot off and its balls off. And then when they attack a human, they try to do the same thing.

[B]

Rip its fucking face off.

[A]

It's unbelievable

[B]

that Michael Jackson got the

[A]

amount of work he did on his

[B]

face and then had a pet chimp.

[A]

You know, it's like, how much money

[B]

do you have invested in your face? And that thing, on a bad day is going to rip that face off.

[A]

Bubbles, what are you doing? Was that what the thing's name was? All right. Controlling water, soil and air. Hey, Bill, you no longer have to generalize. Evil nerds. Okay, I didn't know I was doing

[B]

that, but that's cool.

[A]

These psychos have groups and names. Okay? Behold a speaker from the World Economic Forum, a group comprised of billionaires. In tech and government you talk about and in government you talk about. You like cattle, do you mean who talk about you like cattle? They see things under the guise of saving the planet. But are the owners, operators and policymakers behind the majority of the world's pollution? They guilt the everyday citizen for living humble lives and using the necessary energy to cook food and heat their home while being the abusers themselves. This group has declared you'll own nothing and like it. Here is an expert excerpt where a speaker explicitly said water, soil and oxygen should not be infinitely accessible. They are assets that should be included in global economic balance sheets. Jesus fucking Christ. It's unfucking believable. The amount of shit I got a couple months ago for fucking making people laugh. And this fucking, this is going on and nothing, nothing, nothing. Where are all those pussy sanctimony is fucking comedians and bloggers now when this shit is going down, they have nothing to say. Nothing to say. In other words, let's create a system that gives the most corrupt psychotic people in the world control of natural resources. They want to centralize everything. We have to reject the techno, the techno, techno tenocracy I think is what they're trying to say. It's tech with ocracy.

[B]

Jesus. There'll be an argument on the proper way to say that as they take the soil.

[A]

We only have another decade or so before they impose it on us with force. Digital currencies and full on authoritative theory, authoritarian censorship of speech. Yeah, well, I mean, if you know a way to make people wake up and stop watching Fox News and CNN and getting mad at illegal immigrants or Chinese or Mexicans or Venezuela or Iran. I mean, I don't know. I don't know how you do it. I did have the thought the other day that like hardcore racist white people,

[B]

like nobody buys the dream harder than they do. Like the level of action that they're willing to take on the lie that they are automatically superior because they have white skin and their inability to look up and realize that the people who told them that are the ones who are actually them in the ass, not these other people.

[A]

Here's a good thing, here's a good rule of thumb. If you ask a billionaire what the problem is, whatever direction they're pointing in, look in the opposite direction and I think you're much more likely to find

[B]

a more logical answer as to what is going on. This is what I think. In, in.

[A]

The history of the world, there's always been these lunatics that think that they

[B]

can somehow run the world.

[A]

And what they don't understand is that

[B]

people don't want to live like that.

[A]

They don't want to be under one person's thumb. All right? It's funny because the people who want to run the world don't want to listen to anybody else, but for some

[B]

reason they can't do the math that no one else wants that either.

[A]

So what always ends up happening is a group of people get together and

[B]

they stop it from happening.

[A]

And then the people who thought they

[B]

were going to run everything end up committing suicide in a bunker

[A]

or get put to death. That's usually how the fuck it goes down. And what's funny is the people that

[B]

amass to stop them are also psychos.

[A]

A lot of the time they just didn't like their. Their cut of the deal. So every country has these crazy sociopath, dark triad personalities, makeups that run their countries, basically. And what happens is if one of them gets too powerful, the others, they

[B]

get together,

[A]

even if they're promised a position in it. You know what I mean? Eventually they're like, well, why the fuck am I underneath you?

[B]

And then the whole thing fucking implodes.

[A]

I don't know what's going to happen. But I do know this. I am not going to participate in any sort of way, in any sort of helping way towards it as much as I can. And then secondly, I also know that, like, this is the fault of our creator. He's made these people and they're not choosing the devil. He just didn't cook them long enough.

[B]

In what? You know, if you believe in creationism,

[A]

you know, And I think making a human being, it's like baking. Like, there's a science to it. And sometimes he just takes them out of the oven a little too soon. Like, I bet if a lot of these guys, like, if you would have cut into Trump rather than blood, I think batter would come out. That's one of the most undercooked human beings I've ever seen in my life. I mean, he is like, he's like a child.

[B]

I am amazed, though, how easily these

[A]

fucking people can go to war.

[B]

And I'm just talking about all of

[A]

them, all of them.

[B]

And they just go to sleep at

[A]

night and they're just dropping bombs and shit. And it's just like they used to fucking drop pamphlets and let citizens at least get the fuck out of there. Like, how do you go to sleep just going, you just signed off on bombing a city and there's a bunch of people who didn't fucking do anything. Even if it's. It's a just fucking war. The fact that you don't give them the chance. Regular people who can't pick their fucking leaders don't have a chance to. How the fuck you can do that and just sleep like a baby and then smile and wave? We're winning. People are calling me saying they're tired of winning. It's just like, all right, alrighty. If that's how it goes. All right. Well, that's how the cookie crumbles. Well, that's a fucking shame. That's a goddamn shame. You know, so what's gonna happen? Like, nobody's gonna own a house. They're gonna just figure out how to squeeze. They're just gonna keep raising property tax. So even if your fucking house is paid off. I don't know. Whatever, whatever. What are you gonna do? You know what? I'll see you guys in a breadline someday. I'll see in a breadline or the other side of a re education camp fence, and I'll just do my jokes there. I don't give a. I mean, what am I gonna do? I'm a stand up comedian. I'll just. I'll just keep being a. Making jokes and I'll just do that till they get sick of me. And then that'll be it for me. And then I'll be. They'll throw me in the ground. I'll just be part of the soil that they own. Is that, Is that all right? Okay, well, is that how it goes? Fantastic. I don't give a.

[B]

What can I do?

[A]

All right. And with that, that's the podcast, everybody. Thank you for listening. Thank you, everybody. That came out once again in, In Durham. I had such a great time out there. I really did. I really did. And I love going to all of those places. Once again, check out Dame's Chicken and Waffles, man. It was. My order was I got a waffle with the chicken cutlet and I got the cheesy grits with it. And I am. I cannot tell you how many times

[B]

I have thought about that. One of those breakfasts that stays with you.

[A]

And also I made my first crepe this week. I made my first crepe. Crushed it. It's not that hard.

[B]

It's intimidating, but it's not that hard.

[A]

It's all about, you know, you get that little. You get that knife underneath it, right? You get halfway in and then you, you lift up, you pull it and

[B]

you flip it over.

[A]

You know, like, you remember, like when

[B]

when you're like your little brother was underneath the sheets and you would slam it down real quick so the air would get underneath it, it's like that. It's like that movement. Anyway, so I did, like, a Nutella one with powdered sugar, and my son was eating it. My daughter wanted strawberry on top of her, so she.

[A]

She was.

[B]

She comes. Always comes downstairs a little bit after him. So he was eating it, and he said out loud to himself as he was eating it, he goes, best breakfast ever. I was like, yes.

[A]

All right. That's it.

[B]

All right. I like you guys. I'm on your side.

[A]

All right, all right. We're all in this together. Having said that, go yourselves and I'll talk to you Thursday,

[C]

Day or night. VRBoCare is here 247 to help make every part of your stay seamless. If anything comes up or you simply need a little. Little guidance, support is ready whenever you reach out. From the moment you book to the moment you head home. We're here to help things run smoothly, because a great trip starts with the right support. And, hey, a good playlist doesn't hurt either.