Heroine Sheik, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | Monday Morning Podcast 10-27-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast
Episode: Heroine Sheik, Roller Coasters, Heli-Hogging | 10-27-25
Host: Bill Burr
Date: October 27, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Bill Burr—joined by frequent guest Joe DeRosa—riffs candidly on a collision of pop culture, sports, health rants, generational nostalgia, and the everyday quirks of adult life. From hilarious takes on 80s and 90s music aesthetics, the health perils of breakfast burritos, and parenting wins, to the cultural politics of roller coasters, sports media bias, and the wild world of heli-hogging, the duo delivers relatable humor, sharp social critique, and classic Bill Burr rants.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Generational Music & "Readiness to Rock"

(00:18–02:32)

• Bill and Joe joke about the transitions from the 80s to 90s music, riffing on the relentless energy of 80s bands ("Are you ready to rock?") versus the grittier themes of 90s songs.
• Highlight the cultural pressure for perpetual "rocking" in the 80s:

  "There was no way in any way, shape or form you could ever tell anybody for that entire decade ... that you were not ready to rock." – Bill Burr (01:41)

• End with a satirical take on the commodification and declining quality of cocaine in the 80s as a metaphor for capitalist greed.

2. Fitness Rants, Health, and Diet Changes

(02:32–09:38)

• Bill laments his "COVID weight" and "five years not committing" to the gym.
• Joe discusses getting bad bloodwork/cholesterol results and refusing medication in favor of diet and exercise.
• Humorous observations on changing standards of beauty, referencing the "heroin chic" trend:

  "Remember heroin chic? That was 90s heroin Chicago. You know, AIDSY sort of look ... That was actually considered hot for a minute in the 80s." – Joe (03:12)

• Bill and Joe debate the merits of breakfast burritos vs. classic sandwiches, eventually settling that burritos reign supreme.
• Joe describes his sad new healthy routine—Greek yogurt parfaits and steamed broccoli—juxtaposed with reminiscences about tasty, unhealthy breakfasts.

3. Parenting & the Fleeting Nature of Time

(12:24–13:09)

• Bill prioritizes time with his children over hockey games, humorously balancing the exhaustion of parenting with older parents’ constant reminders to “soak it in while it lasts.”
• Light moment about playing soccer with his daughter, who “legit fakes me out now” (12:50).

4. Sports Talk: Bruins, Patriots, Jets, and World Series

(09:38–21:28)

• Boston Bruins: Detailed reflections on the team's performance and rebuilding (“I'm not one of these fans that expect ...”, 11:15), with special praise for Morgan Geeky’s slick play (11:15–12:24).
• Patriots: Applauds New England’s halftime adjustments and balanced offense; gives a nod to the Jets for avoiding a winless season.
• World Series: Commentary flips between the Dodgers and Blue Jays, with Burr playfully rooting for Don Mattingly to finally get a ring—despite being a Red Sox fan.

  “Even though I'm a Red Sox fan ... I'll kind of be happy either way, but I'm just hoping it's gonna be a good series. But I'm not gonna lie to you. I am rooting for the Blue Jays now because I want to see Mattingly get a ring.” (21:14–21:26)

• Extended bit on the changing and legalizing of sports gambling, with nostalgia for weird baseball “mustaches of the 80s” (21:28–22:26).

5. Roller Coasters, Anxiety, and Parental Sacrifice

(22:47–26:41)

• Bill shares his roller coaster phobia, including a comic story about being stuck at Six Flags.
• Riffs on maintenance fears, irrational anxieties, and the way having children means overriding your own resistance for their experience:

  “Anytime my kids say, can you play with me? Can you do something with me? Even if I just sat down, I just say yes.” (12:24)

6. Listener Questions & Relatable Rants

Starts ~30:50

• Toronto Sports Media Bias (31:31–46:27): Bill responds to a Canadian listener's frustrations with Toronto-centric sports coverage, drawing analogies to NY/LA media dominance in the US.
  • Challenges the myth of regional inferiority complexes fostered by sportswriters:

    “No one's thinking about New York ... People in Buffalo don't give a fuck about Boston. I don't think about Buffalo. ... Nobody cares.” (36:18)

  • Rants against forced sports narratives and stereotypes in media.
• NFL Kickers & ‘K-Ball’ Rules (46:27–52:42): Detailed discussion on why kickers today can make longer field goals, with both technical explanations and skepticism:

  "Three years ago, a 56 yarder was amazing. Now they're kicking them ... and the net needs to stop it from going into the crowd." (49:38)

• Hot Maid Dilemma (52:48–59:15): Bill gives a nuanced answer to a listener worried about hiring an attractive maid and how/if to disclose this to his wife:

  "If you're not gonna fuck her, then what's the problem? ... I'm choosing to believe you that you have no intentions of banging her." (58:15–59:09)

• Heli-Hogging & Feral Hogs in the US (59:27–65:12):
  • Listener describes the practice of aerial hog hunting and its origins. Bill responds with equal parts fascination, environmental pragmatism, and funny observations about animal behavior:

    "They're such weird animals ... they're the ones getting filleted, and they're squealing louder than you." (64:52–65:12)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the relentless ‘readiness to rock’:
  “There was no way…for that entire decade…that you were not ready to rock.” – Bill Burr (01:41)
• On health and diet realities:
  “There's no more fun in the world than getting high cholesterol.” – Joe DeRosa (07:29)
• On the joys and exhaustion of parenting:
  “Even if I just sat down, I just say yes … I’m sick of them telling me it goes by fast.” – Bill Burr (12:24)
• On sports media creating fake narratives:
  “I never heard anybody go, ‘oh, I’m walking here.’ … I never saw a lighthouse. I don’t know how to tie sailor knots.” – Bill Burr (38:00)
• On mustaches in baseball:
  “Don Mattingly…that was one of the great mustaches of the 80s.” – Bill Burr (22:04)
• On the modern NFL kicker:
  “Three years ago, a 56 yarder was amazing. Now they’re kicking them and…the net needs to stop it from going into the crowd.” – Bill Burr (49:38)
• On the ‘hot maid’ dilemma:
  “If you’re not gonna fuck her, then what’s the problem?” – Bill Burr (58:15)
• On feral hogs and heli-hogging:
  “You, you have to factor in the speed of the helicopter with the speed of the hog … it’s like bow fishing if the boat was full out…” – Bill Burr (62:53)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:18–02:32 – Generational music & 'always ready to rock'
• 02:32–09:38 – Health, gym, diet, breakfast burritos vs. healthy eating
• 09:38–15:15 – Boston Bruins, Patriots, NFL, sports rants
• 15:35–22:26 – World Series, sports gambling, baseball nostalgia
• 22:47–26:41 – Roller coaster fears, parenting sacrifice
• 30:50–46:27 – Listener emails: Toronto sports bias, media narratives
• 46:27–52:42 – NFL kicker discussion and new ball rules
• 52:48–59:15 – The “hot maid” advice segment
• 59:27–65:12 – Heli-hogging, feral hogs, and animal behavior

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Tone & Style

Bill Burr and Joe DeRosa maintain their trademark blend of raw honesty, self-deprecation, biting sarcasm, and playful banter throughout. They move rapidly from crankiness and skepticism to genuine tenderness and nostalgia, particularly on subjects like parenting and sports.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

Expect wide-ranging rants packed with humor, quick pivots from dad life to 80s rock gods, critical takes on sports culture, and an open forum for listener gripes and dilemmas. Bill delivers practical (if profane) advice, all in his unfiltered style, making this episode a worthy listen for fans of comedic realism and sports cynicism alike.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 27th. What's going on? How are ya? Ah, geez, there. How's your Monday going? We gotta, we gotta, we got the.

[Joe DeRosa]

June gloom going on out here, around.

[Bill Burr]

Here that whole decade.

[Joe DeRosa]

I missed all of that music in the 90s. I just couldn't believe that it was over.

[Bill Burr]

The 80s were over around here. It's bigger, bigger than you and you are not me. See, I go right back to the 80s, went right back to R.E.M. i went from that other band that had all those big hits. There was a lot of songs about.

[Joe DeRosa]

Runaway kids in the 90s. I do, I do remember that. And abused kids, you know, the 80s.

[Bill Burr]

It was more, you know, they were.

[Joe DeRosa]

Singing to those same abused kids, but they were just asking them whether or not they were still rocking. And you know, there was only one answer to that question.

[Bill Burr]

The same way like if you play.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sports and you're laying on the turf and the coach comes up and says.

[Bill Burr]

Can you still play?

[Joe DeRosa]

There's only one answer. You have to say yes. You can't say, well, no, actually my body's telling me that there's something wrong.

[Bill Burr]

The music version of that in the.

[Joe DeRosa]

80S was, you know, are you ready to rock?

[Bill Burr]

Do you rock? Are you still rocking?

[Joe DeRosa]

There was only one answer to that question.

[Bill Burr]

And that was yes, you know, or yeah, you know. There was no way in any way, shape or form you could ever tell anybody for that entire decade of the.

[Joe DeRosa]

80S that on that particular afternoon that you were not ready to rock or you weren't rocking or you didn't feel like rocking. Maybe you've just felt like chilling out was not an option and that's because the cocaine was pure. No, it wasn't. They were putting baking soda in it by then. Typical capitalism. You can't just be happy with your giant fucking mansion with your initials on the back of your chair and your two fucking elephant tucks like framing it, you know, on either side. You know, you can't be happy with that. We, we, we need to turn more of a profit. More of a fucking profit.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, let's, let's plow ahead here. Let's, let's move on. Oh, Billy. Oh Billy. Gym rat. Oh, Billy boy. He's going back to the gym again. It's been five years since he put on his fucking Covid weight. When the fuck are you gonna fucking commit? Stop going to the doctor. Yes, I'm going to do that.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta finally do now that I've actually gone and got my blood work and they said my cholesterol was a little high. And then they're like, you know, we.

[Bill Burr]

Could put you on some medication, right?

[Joe DeRosa]

Not doing that really.

[Bill Burr]

And what internal organ does that fuck up?

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm not doing that. Or I could not walk around with an extra 15 pounds on my belly that I don't need. So I've been, I've been going to the gym every day last three days. So I got to go again today. Still doing the weights. I'm not going to become like, remember heroin chic. That was 90s heroin Chicago. You know, AIDSY sort of look. Blood disease that was actually considered hot in for a minute in the 80s. Looking like, hey, is that person on heroin?

[Bill Burr]

Do they have a blood disease?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh my God. Can you introduce me?

[Bill Burr]

Could I carry that full grown adult like a baby? Oh my God. I could. Can I meet that person that first for a second? That was.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, that was the thing that was maybe the height of miserable beautiful women is when they had to get that skinny for the weirdos that managed them and made their clothes. It was really weird. And then Sir Mix a lot came out talking about ass and. And then, you know, all of a sudden they were allowed to eat again. You know, this is all true. You know, if you, if you look it up, if you go to the right website out there on the interweb.

[Bill Burr]

The inner, the inner, inner. The inner web of lies.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm still thinking about that bullshit from a few weeks ago. That was, that was a fucking. What a bunch of fucking. Oh, that was one of the hardest things ever to keep my mouth shut and just not trash every one of those fucking cunts.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, oh, am I looking forward to.

[Joe DeRosa]

Running into a few people. Hey, what's the latest, what's the latest on you caring about. It's weird.

[Bill Burr]

All of a sudden you don't care anymore. What happened? You flapping your fucking, fucking goddamn arms up and down. What happened? What happened? What's your cause this month to help.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sell whatever project you're on, you cunt.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway.

[Joe DeRosa]

So my new breakfast, instead of a breakfast burrito, which by the way, having lived in New York City and now living in Los Angeles, the breakfast burrito is just. It's beyond the bacon, egg and cheese. Bacon, egg and cheese. Like, you know, that's sort of like what would they. Bacon, egg and cheese. As far as breakfast things, if you put it in like I'm doing all music today, it would be like, you know, Zeppelin Black Sabbath of breakfast sandwiches. And then, like, it gets more hardcore, you know, as Metallica, Anthrax, and all these other bands.

[Bill Burr]

And that. That's.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's the breakfast burrito. Yeah. It's like the difference between. To that Speed Mill. Fucking insane. I'm a fan of both, but I would definitely. I would give the nod to the. To the breakfast burrito. And then I grew up in Massachusetts, and there really wasn't a breakfast sandwich. The only breakfast sandwich we had up there was like a Egg McMuffin. But, like, you would get, like, you know, bacon and eggs or something like that and a coffee. You just sort of a regular breakfast. But anyway, I can't do that.

[Bill Burr]

Right, right.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of course, when I was getting into learning how to make a breakfast burrito, interestingly enough, I get my cholesterol check, and that is too high. I was eating like that.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's no more fun in the world than getting high cholesterol. So now I am back to, I have oatmeal for breakfast, or I have a parfait with the Greek yogurt, and, you know, a couple helpings because my blood sugar was low, because I. I don't eat fruit, and I also don't eat candy or any of that anymore, so I had to have some fruit. And then at night, I just have, like, steamed broccoli and. I know, I know. Are you hanging your head, too? It's sad. Steamed broccoli and, like, snow peas is what I snack on. And the first night, you put all that green vegetables into a bowl and you're looking at it as opposed to having like, a, you know, something fun, something that sugary or salty. It's like.

[Bill Burr]

But after, like, two bites of it.

[Joe DeRosa]

You'Re like, oh, this tastes good. This makes sense. And then you kind of, like, leveled out as opposed to be.

[Bill Burr]

It's like going. It's like the first time you stop drinking, you go to a party and.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody else is getting drunk and you're. And you don't. And at first you feel like you're missing out, and then you start seeing people drunk, and then you're just like.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, oh, I don't. Is that what I look like? They're not even that drunk. I used to get fucking hammered. So anyway, there's a number I want.

[Joe DeRosa]

To get down to by the end of the year. You know, 172 is where I like to be, but I'm going to be a little bit underneath that. Maybe like 169. 170. That's what I have to get down to. I was a buck 90. I'm down to like 187 now, so that's easy to drop that by the end of the year. A couple, two, three pounds a week. And I finally got back on this scale, and then I just weigh myself every goddamn day.

[Bill Burr]

And that's, that's, that's the way I'm doing it, all right? I'm taking it one pound at a time. You know, the last five years, we, you know, we didn't get it done. That I got no one to blame on myself.

[Joe DeRosa]

So, yeah, that's, that's, that's what I'm up to. And other than that, let's talk some sports. Let's talk some bread and that I can't eat and circus that I don't go to because of the.

[Bill Burr]

The way they treat the animals.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I have a special coming. I'm gonna find the right thing to get sanctimonious about to mock all of that.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, evidently, everything must have cleared up.

[Bill Burr]

Because there's no more chatter.

[Joe DeRosa]

They must have fixed everything. Oh, it's gonna be passive, and it's gonna be aggressive.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, let's talk sports. All right, let's talk. My Boston Bruins. To look at their records, you would know that they are a much improved team. We're scoring a ton of goals, but.

[Joe DeRosa]

We'Re letting in even more.

[Bill Burr]

But we've.

[Joe DeRosa]

We've had a bunch of competitive games.

[Bill Burr]

There's only been a few. You know, we. We won the first three, then we lost six in a row, but we were in all of those games.

[Joe DeRosa]

And, you know, a couple pucks didn't.

[Bill Burr]

Bounce our way, a couple of brain.

[Joe DeRosa]

Farts on defense, you know, too many odd man rushes like that, but stuff that's.

[Bill Burr]

It's. That's fixable. We finally won.

[Joe DeRosa]

We beat the Avalanche on Saturday afternoon. And.

[Bill Burr]

I know.

[Joe DeRosa]

I like what I saw. You know, they, you know, I. I listen. I'm not like, one of these fans that expects in one year, like, we are rebuilding, letting Marshawn go and taking that money and investing it back into the team and letting Marshawn go out as a champion. Like, I get all of that, and I know that it's going to take a couple of seasons to bring us back, but, like, it's been a lot more fun to watch him this year than last year Already shout out to Morgan Geeky. That. That play, he came down and beat the other dude to the puck and fake like he was going around the Back of the net. So the Avalanche guy went around, not only does he go around the wrong side of the net, the dude fucking wiped out like me at a public skate. And the goalie was looking at his own defenseman thinking he was looking at Geeky with the puck. And Geeky came back around the other side and just fucking tucked it in right at the end of the period. And I was sitting there going like, goddamn, I think we're gonna win this one. And then the third period came along and my son came in and said, dad, will you ride bikes with me? So I had to say yes.

[Bill Burr]

So that is, that is what.

[Joe DeRosa]

Anytime my kids say, can you play with me? Can you do something with me? Even if I just sat down, I just say yes. Because I've talked to enough parents with grown up kids and I'm sick of them telling me it goes by fast. Make sure you don't miss a.

[Bill Burr]

And like, I know what they're saying, but it's also like you are also.

[Joe DeRosa]

Romanticizing how fucking exhausting it is to have little kids. And now you're looking back and you're forgetting how fucking tired you were and, and how you just tried to make it to 8 o' clock at night every day, you know, but you know, my daughter's getting really good at soccer. We have this indoor soccer ball and she, she legit fakes me out now and then I act like I'm really upset about it, which cracks her up. And that's how I get the ball back. Like I kind of just have to make her laugh if I'm going to get her back, if I'm going to get the ball back. So anyway, so the, the Bruins won. I don't know if they're playing tonight, but starting to book some stand up dates for next year. And I'm going to knock out the final three teams that I need to see. The Kraken, the Mammoth and the Carolina Hurricanes gonna do that. And, and I plan on watching every Bruins game this year, so I'll be like totally dialed in with hockey. But I will tell you, I've watched like I missed the first three games because I was, I was the, was I doing. Oh, but we had the family vacation, but you know, I was checking in on it and then I had time to watch. I watched six losses in a row and then the Avalanche game, so I've seen most of the last seven games. So I'm just going to stay into that. Having even said that, I can't even pronounce most of the guys names on the team, Everybody has like 17 letters. But anyway, Patriots win again. Patriots win again. You know what I love about the Pats is their, their halftime adjustments have been amazing over the last month. Every game it seems, it's like it's closer to half and then we figure something out. We have a great running game which is opening up the passing game. We have a great passing game which is opening up the running game. I love that that we threw three touchdown passes. Three different receivers. I mean I, I just, just the fact that they're competitive has been great. And I know, you know, our division sucks. Speaking of which, shout out to the Jets. I'm glad they won a game. Dude, I, you don't want to see somebody go in 17.

[Bill Burr]

This is the thing. You go one in 16.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nobody remembers you go, oh, you go over.

[Bill Burr]

Then you're with The Buccaneers, the 77.

[Joe DeRosa]

Buccaneers and the, the Lions. When Owen said they were the only team to go, Owen 16, Buccaneers were the only team to go. Oh, and 14. You don't want to be the first, first team that goes oh and 17. So shout out to them and, and.

[Bill Burr]

Then I've been watching. Oh I've been watching the world. Serious.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ah.

[Bill Burr]

What the was that? Just touched my phone.

[Joe DeRosa]

Part of the plastic covering just went into my thumb.

[Bill Burr]

You know the clear thing there. Anyway, first game, I don't know if I talked about that. Jesus, Jesus Christ there the fucking Blue Jays kicked the shit out of him. Had a nine run inning. So everybody in, oh Canada is all fucking excited. Then they come out gain two and I, I don't know, I'm, you know.

[Joe DeRosa]

I got the kids so I don't anybody's name.

[Bill Burr]

The picture for the Dodgers. Holy. They were saying if you have three.

[Joe DeRosa]

Pitches you can dominate a game. They said he has six and they all come from the same location.

[Bill Burr]

These fucking kids today. Just the amount of, low amount of information that's out there. Nobody fucking thought to do that when.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was growing up.

[Bill Burr]

It wasn't until like who was the first guy. I think it might have been Pedro that like it comes over the top the same, the same sort of release. So that, that's all come about in like the last 25 years. And the fact that people can still hit like 300, like Aaron Judge won.

[Joe DeRosa]

The batting title this year. Hit like 3:30 something.

[Bill Burr]

The fact that you can still do.

[Joe DeRosa]

That when there's guys out there that.

[Bill Burr]

Have three to six pitches that all.

[Joe DeRosa]

Come from the exact same location is.

[Bill Burr]

Is insane. So anyway they come out and this is guy behind home plate in, in Toronto.

[Joe DeRosa]

Fucking hilarious.

[Bill Burr]

He's got his shirt on, it said I bet on us. You sitting right behind home plate.

[Joe DeRosa]

And like I'm sitting there thinking, you.

[Bill Burr]

Know, just a few years ago before gambling became legal, you couldn't wear that shirt. They'd say hey, get out of here. Get you. You there with that shirt that's talking about gambling. You guys, you got to turn that thing inside out or no, you, you're going to take it off right here in front of everybody. We're going to shame you with your own man boobs and you're going to fucking take that goddamn thing off. And because, because we are not going to be associated with gambling whatsoever. I mean back in the day like Joe Namath and Mickey Mantle opened a bar and there was just too many unse savory type people hanging out. You shut that thing down. Shut that thing down. Joe Namath was considering retiring.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's how little people money people made back then playing sports. Exactly.

[Bill Burr]

You know, he ain't gonna tell me like who can come my bar and can't. I ain't playing football right now. I'm having a drink, wearing a fur coat. That's what Joe Nama sound like before.

[Joe DeRosa]

He moved to New York.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway. But I just love that guy that you won one game, I know you won it like 11 to 4. But it was just one game and he's sitting there with that stupid shirt. And the later in the game it got the dumber the shirt. I bet on the front of my team.

[Joe DeRosa]

You.

[Bill Burr]

I bet on the other team. And now we're one and one. What kind of a. In a seven game series that thinks the series is over after game I, I, that, that and why are you talking? You probably suck at wiffle ball. This is professional baseball. Show up with the regular shirt.

[Joe DeRosa]

I bet on my team.

[Bill Burr]

You, I bet on the other team. And, and we both have no idea what the gonna happen.

[Joe DeRosa]

So anyway, it's coming back, it's in LA tonight and I'm gonna watch that. Dante Bichette is back, they put him at second base. And it's been like game one was shocking. And then I would say game two is more like what people thought it was going to be because they also the Blue Jays had, you know, had a good picture of that game also. But I don't know, what do you guys think? You think game three, game three, this is a big one. This is a big one. Because if the Blue Jays fucking take this then I feel like they feel they can win the series, but if the Dodgers take this, then it starts looking like game one was just a fluke or like a bad game. But I was rooting for the Dodgers. I still love the Dodgers from when I was a kid, but yesterday I was watching the game and I got there for the. The announcements in the beginning of the game, and they panned down the Blue Jays team, and I was like, is that Don Mattingly? Is that Donnie Baseball? Is he in another world? See, I gotta root for the Blue Jays. I got a root for the bl.

[Bill Burr]

I want to see Manningly get a ring. That guy has been so great for.

[Joe DeRosa]

Baseball, and he's come close a bunch of times. A retired. You know, he retired from the Yankees right before Jeter and all those guys.

[Bill Burr]

Went on the run.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I would just love to see that guy again. I'll be happy either way. I'll kind of be happy either way, but I'm just hoping it's gonna be a good series. But I'm not gonna lie to you. I am rooting for the Blue Jays now because I want to see Mattingly get a ring. There, I said it.

[Bill Burr]

All right. Even though I'm a Red Sox fan.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't take it that far.

[Bill Burr]

But I will say Don Mattingly, like.

[Joe DeRosa]

Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. I was saying this to a friend of mine.

[Bill Burr]

He.

[Joe DeRosa]

He just doesn't look right without a mustache. John Oates, another guy. You just. You got to grow it back. You got to grow back. You just have. There's too much skin between your upper lip and the bottom of your nose. There needs to be a mustache there.

[Bill Burr]

Other people, not so much.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know what I mean?

[Bill Burr]

It all depends on how much, you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Know, face taint you have between.

[Bill Burr]

Between your nose and your upper lip. Other people grow a mustache, and they look like they're playing a villain in a silent movie. And it's like, you don't need to do that. But Don Mattingly, that was. That was one of the great mustaches of the 80s.

[Joe DeRosa]

There was some great mustaches in baseball. Mike Schmidt had a great mustache.

[Bill Burr]

Don Mattingly, I, arguably, I would say, had the mustache. Who else?

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, 70s are probably the best with the mustaches and the fucking mutton chops or whatever. But anyway, let's.

[Bill Burr]

Let's.

[Joe DeRosa]

Let's plow ahead here.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So anyway, so I'm gonna be getting some. I'll have some road dates finally. I am taking the rest of the year off just because I. I did the play early this Year. And I am actually enjoying the hell out of being home and around my kids. You know what's funny is my daughter wants to go to this amusement park because she went there with some friends and there was one roller coaster that she didn't go on and the other kids did and her and a couple kids didn't. And now she's like wishing that she did. So now she's asking me to go back to go on the roller coaster and asking me if I would ride it with her. And this is the thing. I hate roller coasters. I just, I do. I don't trust them. I went to Six Flags and I got stuck, stuck on one one time and they got us off pretty quickly. But it, it, there was a moment there where I was going like, this is, this is going to be a mind. Like I really have to keep my wits about me. And I was feeling my wife was starting to freak out as I watched these guys in yellow suits for whatever going over to the fuse box. Unfortunately they just flicked a switch and went again. And then we were able to get off. But that was the second time I was at Six Flags and something weird happened on a roller coaster. And I was just like, you know, this place is open seven days a week, essentially 365. And they're just running these rides non stop. And I don't feel they do any maintenance until something happened.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sure there's upkeep, I'm sure there's checking oil or whatever, but at the end of the day, it's a machine.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, if you're going to be.

[Bill Burr]

Running it 8 hours a day, 10.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hours a day or whatever, there's going to be some problems.

[Bill Burr]

So I don't mind being on a.

[Joe DeRosa]

Roller coaster that I'm sitting down in. There's no loop de loops. I will do that. Which is, you know, like basically an old school one. Because if that thing shuts off, okay.

[Bill Burr]

You know, they can come up, walk up the stairs, walk up the fucking.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hill or whatever and they can get you out and everybody can slowly walk down.

[Bill Burr]

I don't want to get stuck upside.

[Joe DeRosa]

Down on a loop. I've seen that happen. And I don't want to be in that Superman thing anymore because it's all of a sudden it starts feeling like there's a fucking elephant sitting, sitting on your chest. Because I was totally fine until I.

[Bill Burr]

Thought like, well, you know, if I.

[Joe DeRosa]

Really wanted to, I could get out of this thing. And I tried to and I couldn't. And then that's when that sort of, like, awful feeling in the middle of your chest started happening. I was like going, all right, Bill.

[Bill Burr]

All right, just relax. The only reason why you're freaking out.

[Joe DeRosa]

Right now is because you know that you want to get off and you can't right now. If you can just block that out, everything's fine. There's plenty of blood flow. You can breathe.

[Bill Burr]

Your wife's freaking out, so now it's time to be positive.

[Joe DeRosa]

So I just started talking to her, and I couldn't really see her. And she was trying to be, like, right next to each other, but we.

[Bill Burr]

Couldn'T move our heads. And I was just going like, it's all right. They're over there. They're gonna do this. This. This is normal. They're going to fix it in any. It should be a couple seconds. Fortunately, it was, but I was totally.

[Joe DeRosa]

Bullshitting in my head. I was like, oh my God. The last time I heard about, they.

[Bill Burr]

Were up there for like two hours.

[Joe DeRosa]

So anyway, but my daughter wants to go, so I'm going to go. What?

[Bill Burr]

What? Hey, what are the odds it happens again?

[Joe DeRosa]

Am I right?

[Bill Burr]

All right, let's do some reads here for the week. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Squarespace this podcast is sponsoredbrought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with the customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Squarespace makes it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content your website. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. Where do we get this bill? Well, you head to squarespace.com burr for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Burr burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com Burr Burr for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Burr Burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, Jesus. There. Look who it is, everybody. Look who it is. There. It's all hymns. Wasn't us, it was them. The warriors. Hims, everybody. You know a great. According to the National Institutes of Health, as many as 30 million men in the United States experience erectile dysfunction. It's more common than a bad night's sleep. The good news? HIMSS makes getting access to treatment simple so you can feel like yourself again without the stress or awkwardness. Through himss, you can access personalized prescription treatment options like. I mean, sorry. Through hims, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for erectile dysfunction. Like hard mints. You get it? You take a mint, it's hard. Your dick's hard, you're banging away. And sex RX plus climax control if prescribed. What, does a pill go into your fucking nutsack and just block the jizz? I can't hold it anymore. HIMSS offers access for erectile dysfunction treatment options, raising from trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names to hard mints if prescribed. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. HIMSS brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. This isn't a one size fits all care that forgets you in the waiting room. It's your health and your goals put first with the real medical providers making sure you get what you need to get results. Think of HIMS as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted treatments for erectile dysauton and more, all in one place. To get simple online online access to personalized affordable care for erectile dysfunction, hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hims.com Burr you can be a whole new YouTube. Flat stomach, hard in a fucking full head of head. Dude. That's hims.com burr b u r r. For your first online visit hims.com burr actual price will depend on product and subscription plan. Feature products include compound drunk products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescriptions required. See website for detailed restricted safety information. All right, there we go.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right, here we go.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, my God. Look what's back. All right, questions from. From the listeners. This says Toronto. Ugh. Hi, Billy. Bald taint on the second reference to a taint this week. Who knew? Who knew? I'm a Canadian who absolutely cannot stand Toronto pro sports franchises, especially the Maple Leafs Yes. Now, hopefully this person looks like in the next sentence they're going to explain this, but the level of hatred that Canada has for their own capital, the media capital, whatever it is. Yeah, almost forgot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ottawa is the capital of Canada, but.

[Bill Burr]

Toronto is the media capital. All right, hopefully this person is going to explain it, because our media is concentrated in Toronto, cbc, ctv, tsn, sportsnet. The rest of the country gets the Leafs, Blue Jays and Raptors shoved down our throats 24, 7, 365. It's incredibly frustrating. No, I get it. That's like New York City. If any team in New York wins, like, three games in a row, that. Oh, my God, is this. Is this the return of the. Like, all the jets have to do is win two more in a row and all of a sudden you'll have to fucking. Someone's going to get a nickname and.

[Joe DeRosa]

It'S going to be, you know, that.

[Bill Burr]

All of that insufferable shit. But you have, like, literally, like 30%.

[Joe DeRosa]

Better stats in Seattle and nobody cares anyway.

[Bill Burr]

Then they slapped the label Canada's team on the Jays and Raptors, as if the rest of the country doesn't know there are other teams in North America to support. It's insulting. You're lucky in the state that your media isn't concentrated in just one city. Imagine if New York were the only media hub. Well, New York is the New York sports bias. I mean, the level that Boston teams get trashed winning or losing, like the joy that so many people in the sports media had when Bill Belichick went to the University of North Carolina and.

[Joe DeRosa]

They got their asses kicked the first.

[Bill Burr]

If they're following this guy to college. Yeah, but New York and la, like.

[Joe DeRosa]

We have real sports rivals, rivalries with both of those cities. So.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I don't know. I'm surprised that you don't know this.

[Joe DeRosa]

But, like, yeah, like, if you do.

[Bill Burr]

Something in New York City or in Los Angeles, it means at least 40%.

[Joe DeRosa]

More than if you do it in Seattle or like Milwaukee, Kansas City or anything like that. Or like Pittsburgh. No one even knows, like, what's happening.

[Bill Burr]

Like that that kid in Seattle, a shortstop, hit 60 home runs.

[Joe DeRosa]

I didn't even hear about it. I mean, I'm not totally paying attention.

[Bill Burr]

But if that was going on in New York or LA, forget about it.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, I live in LA, but.

[Bill Burr]

I will say New York. I would 100%. I would be 100% aware that there was a shortstop hitting 60 home runs. Frank Sinatra Jr. Jr. Would probably fucking write A song about it anyway. But he said the media isn't concentrating. Just once. Imagine if the New York were the only media hub. Yankees, Rangers, Knicks and Giants all day, every day. I'm sure that would drive you nuts. Toronto also has this constant need for validation from cities like New York and la. It's like a cringier version of Sally Field saying, won't you like me if you just get to know me? Or the classic Toronto refrain, we're a world class city, don't you know? No, it's a. We're a world class city, don't you know? News flash. World class cities don't need to say it, they just are. Yes. Yeah, there's a lot of people that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Could take that advice. You know, there's a lot of like.

[Bill Burr]

Just individual people, you know, like all.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of this, this bravado everybody has. Everybody's, you know, you don't want this smoke. I'm not the one. What I said it. It's like you're online. You're not in anybody's face right now. I don't understand.

[Bill Burr]

You're puffing your chest up to a computer screen. You're probably chesting up to a bottom.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like I don't know what you're doing anyway.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, I would say in, in our country, that city.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, was, was always Chicago.

[Bill Burr]

They used to try to say it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Was Boston and like Philadelphia, like the New York sports media created this storyline that Boston and Philadelphia and had an.

[Bill Burr]

Inferiority complex because we were so close.

[Joe DeRosa]

To New York, but we weren't New York.

[Bill Burr]

It was the most New York like mindset. It's just like you're a New Yorker, right? Do you even consider Boston or Philadelphia? And they would be like, no, fuck them. It's like, yeah, we feel the same way. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck. People in Buffalo don't give a fuck about Boston. I don't think about Buffalo. Nobody's thinking about New York. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck. People have their lives. People are going to work, there's a chick there they want to bang. That's what the fuck they give a shit about. They give a fuck about their own hometown. They give a shit about whether or not they can fucking afford to make the rent. That's what they're focusing on. They're not sitting there ignoring the needs of their children, counting buildings on their skyline going, why does this city have more than us? I don't feel like a good father anymore. It's one of the dumber things. I just, you know, sports Writers, they have to write about sports every day. So they just, they just sort of like invented, invent, invent these things. And I finally discovered that that was, I brought this up before when, when the Red Sox finally won a World Series and ended that 86 year drought, they started saying on ESPN, I'll tell you, if the Red Sox win, their fans aren't going to know what to do with themselves. And I was at home going, what do you mean? I'm not gonna, I'm gonna go drink a bottle of champagne and smoke a cigar, jump around the house.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Bill Burr]

And they just kept, I'll tell you right now, they're one game away. They're not gonna know what to do, right? And then we win it. The whole city's going crazy, jumping around, celebrating, as am I. But then what do they do? They interview people. And they only cut to people going, like, I, I don't even know what to do. They literally said like a kid, can you say, I don't even know what to do? Do you want a cookie? And they just sort of like shove this narrative down their at. Like, I've talked about this for years. Like, I lived in New York for, like, I don't know, 10, 12 years. I never heard anybody go, oh, I'm walking here. I lived in Boston, outside of Boston for 27 years. I never met a lobster fisherman. I never saw a lighthouse. I don't know how to tie sailor knots. All of that that they show. I, I don't, I don't like, what.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is, what is that?

[Bill Burr]

That looks like somebody puked in a bowl. Chowder. Clam chowder. I wasn't, not even a part of my life. Like, I don't even, I didn't even.

[Joe DeRosa]

Have an opinion on it.

[Bill Burr]

I just looked at it. I was like, that looks gross. I don't want to eat fucking soup.

[Joe DeRosa]

That has fish in it.

[Bill Burr]

That just makes my, it just makes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Me sick to my stomach to even think about it.

[Bill Burr]

And later on in life, I, I.

[Joe DeRosa]

I tried it and, and it was.

[Bill Burr]

I guess it was all right. But, but these sports channels, just like, you know, hey, you live in Philly, you, you walk around, you know, eating a, you got a cheesesteak in one hand and, you know, eagle and a bald eagle in your other. It's like, they don't, you can get a cheesesteak, but that is something you can't, you can't eat like that every.

[Joe DeRosa]

Goddamn day, just sitting around eating clam chowder every day.

[Bill Burr]

You Live in Chicago, how often do you get deep dish? Even if you love it? How often are you. They just act like they, it's why you grow a mustache. You sit there eating a deep dish pizza. I'm a Chicago guy, so they, they do all of that type of stuff. So. But I, I 100% understand what you're talking about where all of a sudden, you know, for whatever reason, because all.

[Joe DeRosa]

The media is there, that whatever happens in that city is just like amplified. I don't know. I have no idea.

[Bill Burr]

I could actually say that New York.

[Joe DeRosa]

City has an inferiority complex as far as sports goes to what happened in Boston for 20 years with the joy.

[Bill Burr]

That they have like, like the Knicks beating the Celtics, you would have thought they won a championship and then they lose the next round. As always, to continue their 52 year drought of no championships. But every year come playoff times, the amount of time that they're going to dedicate to showing New York Knicks fans.

[Joe DeRosa]

Celebrating after a win in the first.

[Bill Burr]

Or second round of the playoffs is, you know, it's like every year they show Maple Leaf fans standing outside their like stadium and everybody knows, everybody knows what's gonna happen. Why are you showing this? Why does failure get more coverage than in this city than success in other cities? So yeah, I would say New York.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sports media is, is, yeah, there's a, there's a bias.

[Bill Burr]

And I'm not shitting on New York because New York is, is the, that's if we're gonna try to compete with Europe, you know, London, Paris and Romeo, New York City is what we got. And it is a great city. It's an amazing city and all of that. But like hitting.300 in New York is hitting 300 in Milwaukee, but for some reason, no in New York with this, this fucking pressure. Dude, nobody is nervous about you and that Yankee jersey that you're too fat to button.

[Joe DeRosa]

They don't give a fuck.

[Bill Burr]

They have somebody throwing an object at their fucking head 100, 900 miles an hour. That's what they're focused on.

[Joe DeRosa]

Nobody gives a fuck.

[Bill Burr]

You know, when I, when I sit there with the hot dog, this fucking guy worth $100 million really feels a lot of pressure. All right, that's what you want to think? All right, let's plow ahead. This guy continues to say, and don't get me started on Toronto sports media disregard for Canadian domestic, pro and university level sports. TSN often mockingly calls called the Toronto Sports Network would Rather show Division 3 tiddlywinks between Montana State and Chancellorsville A and M than Canadian University. Football, basketball or hockey, maybe that'll change because, you know, down here they're showing way more the WNBA and the level.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of play is noticeably better. And I think that the wnba, I mean, at the end of the day.

[Bill Burr]

You'Re a human being and it's a basketball.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

So if you just look at like gymnastics, you watch a guy doing a floor exercise, you watch the women, they do the same thing. They're doing the same, like flips and shit. So they would, they have the ability to learn how to shoot and dribble.

[Joe DeRosa]

If they just do it long enough.

[Bill Burr]

And I think now that they're gonna.

[Joe DeRosa]

Actually get paid even though there's nobody.

[Bill Burr]

Fucking, you know, enough people watching it for the money that they're demanding. If there's actual money at the end.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of it, then I, I think that.

[Bill Burr]

The, the, in the next 10 years, like how, Ella, it's kind of like how all those European basketball teams used to suck in the Olympics and then that one Dream team went over there in the early 90s, 30 years ago.

[Joe DeRosa]

And so embarrassed them that I don't know what happened.

[Bill Burr]

They just said this and they focused on the game and now like, like 8 foot, 8 foot tall people hitting three pointers like they're Larry Bird or something.

[Joe DeRosa]

So I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, plowing ahead here, this person goes on to say sportsnet, which holds the rights to the Jays, constantly puts down the CFL and the Argonauts, a franchise that actually wins championship while worshiping anything and everything American. Love your comedy, Bill. Tell the haters to go fuck themselves. When are you coming back to Canada? I don't know, I might, you know, I might have, might have some gigs up there soon, but. Yeah, but you guys still have hockey night in Canada. It's I feel, don't they leave like the hockey alone?

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know. I, I have, I have no idea.

[Bill Burr]

But I will tell you this.

[Joe DeRosa]

I do like Toronto and I love New York. I love going there. But like, I totally understand what you're saying. It's like this is all pro level sports and if somebody is crushing it, you know, they should get an equal amount of attention.

[Bill Burr]

Like if you hit 60 home runs.

[Joe DeRosa]

You should be getting attention for that.

[Bill Burr]

Not being.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, it's 60 home runs in Seattle.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I, I would hit 30.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, I, I barely play wiffle, but like that whole attitude, I, I, I, I'm not, I don't, I don't subscribe to that or Else. And I also don't subscribe to you lose in the first or second round of the playoffs every year, but you get coverage like you're, you know, I don't know what, like one of the great fucking teams out there anyway.

[Bill Burr]

Okay, NFL kicker. Hey Bill. NFL fan from Wisconsin, go pack up. Heard you and Virsey discussing NFL kickers. Being able to nail 50 yard is like nothing this season. And kickers getting different balls. Just emailing to give you a bit of info on the special K balls NFL kickers use and how the rules changed for this year. Parentheses I didn't do a bunch of research on this, so feel free to disregard. This is just based on listening to Pat McAfee. You know, it's funny, I wanted to hear what he thought about it. Talking about the kicking rules in the NFL over the last four to five years. Yeah, like how can they all of a sudden just kick it like 15 yards longer? It seems out of nowhere. As far as what I know, NFL kickers have had separate balls than what are used in all non kicking plays since 1999. The cables were given to each team immediately prior to game time to avoid teams having time to manipulate the balls too much. Before the game, kickers complained that these balls were too slick. They essentially, they were essentially brand new and rock hard, whereas the balls used in the rest of the games had been roughed up and broken in. This is fascinating. In 2006, one of the cables made its way onto the field by accident and the QB dropped the snap resulting in a fumble. They complained that it was because of how slick the K ball was. Teams use this as an argument to push against the K ball rule. And after that season, each home team's equipment manager was given a short window of time before the game where they could break in a certain number of balls to be used on all kicking plays. That game. That's like when you buy a new motorcycle and you got to be worried that, you know, the first turn you take, the tires still have, I don't know what, like wax on them or some shit and the bike goes out from underneath you. Anyway, this is done under the supervision of NFL reps to ensure that the equipment managers aren't using any illegal substances or letting any air out. From what I understand, this past season they changed the rule to remove that short window of time requirement. Now teams can break balls in several days in advance. Advance. This paired with kickers being significantly better skill and Ah, get the out of here with that. Three years ago, a 56 yarder was amazing. Now they're kicking them and the ball. 56 yarder and it's still like the net needs to stop it from going into the crowd anyway. This paired with kickers being significantly better skill and strength wise than they were before the 2006 rule is why 50 yarders have seemed like chip shots this season. I could be entirely wrong, but I hope this helped clear it, cleared it up. Yeah, you know what I mean? As far as 2006, I'm sure they are in much better shape. I mean, I don't know when somebody runs a kickback and you see the kicker try to keep up with a, a returner in the NFL, they, they still look pretty pathetic. I don't know. But does lifting weights and getting, getting you in shape make you faster? Probably not. All right, I don't know. I, I'll go with most of that. But I also know that each year the NFL tries to do something with rules and everything to make sure more games come down to the final play. Not so it's more exciting. It's so you'll watch all the commercials.

[Joe DeRosa]

And they can make all of this.

[Bill Burr]

And they can charge, you know, peak of the game fees for commercials right until the end. Because that's what happens. If it's a blowout, people turn it off. The advertisers, you know, used to be like, well, if I'm advertising in the fourth quarter, you know, if it's a tie game, people still watch and I'll pay this fee.

[Joe DeRosa]

And if, but if it's like any.

[Bill Burr]

More than this, if the team's down by this many points or more, I'm not paying full price. So I feel like they've manipulated the games. They manipulated the game.

[Joe DeRosa]

So more games than not come down to this. And I also think that offense is what sells the game to the casual fan. More viewers, more ratings, more money.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, I feel like this is football's version of like juicing up.

[Joe DeRosa]

The baseball when baseball was sort of a game of the past. And all of these records that just stood for decade after decade after decade and they never really addressed why, which was like all of the, these records were done when it was a whites only league and like after Jackie Robinson came in, that's why so many of those records just are never going to get broken is just because once you let the best of the best of everybody, obviously the level of play ridiculously got elevated. And then each year, with the knowledge.

[Bill Burr]

That people have, can you imagine if you had six different Pitches that all came from the exact same place.

[Joe DeRosa]

And you went in and pitched to people in the 1920s and 30s, they never saw anything like that. No way.

[Bill Burr]

The game, it was too early. Like, who would even. Like they didn't have like video cameras to even fucking to analyze that. Maybe it was like a local press thing and they, they would show it, but they would always be filming from like a hundred yards away. There was no game film to break down and watch. I don't know. So anyway, hopefully that clears up more.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of what's going on in the fucking kicking world of the NFL. All right.

[Bill Burr]

I could be entirely wrong, but okay. Hot maid issue.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Dear Billy, Blue footed booby.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't even know what that means.

[Bill Burr]

I got a dilemma and I'm seeking your professional advice.

[Joe DeRosa]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

I am not a professional. Okay, you have a dilemma and you don't have the time or the money to talk to professionals. So now you're asking a comedian.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay?

[Bill Burr]

So take all of this with a grain of salt. I am a 33 year old American American living in Brazil and I've been here for almost 10 years now. And I love it. I originally came to study abroad, but ended up staying and getting married to a Brazilian girl. Believe me, I understand all of that. Why, once you go down there, those are some of the most beautiful women.

[Joe DeRosa]

In the fucking world.

[Bill Burr]

Absolute goddesses. That whole continent, I would say, arguably has the most beautiful women in the fucking world. We have no intentions of moving to the States. Although we're also not that couple that says, fuck the USA could never live there. We just prefer living here. People like to politicize our choice to live in Brazil over the USA. Anything for people to pick a fucking side. Yeah, 100%. Anyway, recently we hired a maid to clean our apartment twice a month. It's a common practice here, especially among couples or families that work. Brazilians are clean freaks. So we got this contract from a friend and I sent her a message and she came over to clean two weeks ago. The problem is that she is a 10. She's in her 20s, has a tight ass, bronze skin and a beautiful smile. She is gorgeous. I work from home Mondays and Fridays and my wife works in an office every day of the week. That means that it makes the most sense for the maid to come over on Monday or Friday. Why not Tuesday or Thursday? I don't understand what. She's gorgeous. Works. I work from homes Mondays and Fridays. Oh, oh. Because someone needs to let her in.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay, I get it. All right.

[Bill Burr]

Just going to come out and say I'm not going to cheat on my wife. That is not where this email is going. I was going to say I'm glad it isn't because had I known you were going to go in that direction, I would have all of these. You get given a lot of details. Uh, while the maid is super friendly and nice, she seems respectful of my relationship. Parentheses lol for now anyway. My issue is that my wife doesn't know what she looks like. And I know that when she finds out, she is not going to approve. She isn't overly jealous, but Brazilian jealous in the sense that if there is a hot chick around, she gets protected of me. She isn't overly jealous, but Brazilian jealous in that the sense that if there's a hot chick around, she gets protective of me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think American women are like that.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, it is kind of reasonable as girls are often flirty and hot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here.

[Bill Burr]

Here's another side note. Dude, this sounds like a fucking porno. This is your life. Here's another side note. I lived in Portugal for a while and worked at a hostel there. While I was working there, I hooked up and then dated this Brazilian maid who cleaned the hotel. My wife is aware of this story and we weren't together at the time. Yeah, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah, Okay, I get it.

[Bill Burr]

So my dilemma is this. Do I tell my wife that this new mate is hot? She has already been over to clean twice and I haven't seen said anything. I don't know if it would be weird if my wife finds out on her own in the future. She could be like, why wouldn't you tell me? Is there something. Are you. Something you are hiding? My other issue is that I don't want to tell my wife she is hot and then we have to fire her. She does good work and is super friendly. What would you do? Tell the wife ignore it. Thanks a million and I love listening to you to remind me of home. All right, this is go yourself in Brazilian Portuguese. They toman no su no cool.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't know how to say it.

[Bill Burr]

What would I do? Yeah, I would. I would tell her. I would tell her. I would just say, listen, the new made great. She's absolutely killing it. But I mean, this is what she looks like. I don't have any. I don't want to do anything, but I'm good. I just don't want you to be seeing, you know, like this is. This is really hard for me to say because I don't know how your wife is. My wife is Cool as shit. She would just look at and be like, oh, man, she's a fucking smoke show. Then that would be it. That she wouldn't. That wouldn't bother her. But if you. If this is something that would bother you, well, that's what I would say. I would just say, listen, the new maid's doing a great job and all that. But, like, you know, I just want to make sure I don't know it. There's no way to bring it up with her without her, like, well, why are you telling me? Because then she'll flip it and be like, so what?

[Joe DeRosa]

She's beautiful.

[Bill Burr]

Why should I be concerned? Why? What are you thinking? Here's what I.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like, I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

If you're not gonna fuck her, then what's the problem? So what I would do. Yeah, you know what?

[Joe DeRosa]

I wouldn't say anything.

[Bill Burr]

And then if your wife has a problem, all I'm doing is protecting you in the argument, because I feel like if you actually tell her, you're gonna.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get into an argument from the way you're describing her.

[Bill Burr]

So what I would do, I just wouldn't say anything and be like, yeah, when she brings it up, be like, first of all, I'm married to you. Second of all, that woman's in, like, her fucking 20s. Oh, well, you did this before? Yeah, when I was single. I wasn't with you, and then I would just keep it on that. And as long as you're not fucking her, what is the problem? What is the fucking problem? The problem is that you wrote in here and you said she's a fucking smoke show. So I don't know, dude, I'm choosing to believe you that you have no intentions of banging her.

[Joe DeRosa]

But.

[Bill Burr]

Like I said, I mean, I'll be honest with you. That whole story sounds like the beginning.

[Joe DeRosa]

Of a porno to me.

[Bill Burr]

And in the porno, the wife comes home and is upset for half a.

[Joe DeRosa]

Second and then joins you.

[Bill Burr]

I don't think that that will happen.

[Joe DeRosa]

In real life, but I don't live in Brazil.

[Bill Burr]

All right? Shooting hogs with a helicopter. Shooting hogs from a helicopter. Not with a helicopter. Shooting hogs from a helicopter. Dear Migs May Freckles, have you ever heard of hella hogging? I haven't heard it put it that way. That sounds like you have a helicopter. You got to fly some overweight people, and you got to be concerned about how much fuel you're gonna put in the fucking helicopter. It's the practice of shooting feral hogs with rifles from A helicopter, yes, I've seen it. And I mean, it's amazing. You, you have to factor in the speed of the helicopter with the speed of the hog. And I would think that the helicopter is always going the same speed. So it's like bow fishing. If the boat was like full out, you know, I don't know, it seems really difficult. There are millions of feral hogs running wild, running wild in the US today. When European explorers were sailing all over the world, they would drop off male and female pigs on any island they came across so that they would breed with each other and future sailors who stopped at the island would have a source of food. The feral hogs in America are descended from pigs that European explorers. What the fucking thing to do to a pig thing is living in Europe, you know, all that great architecture and food and then you just drop it off in the middle of nowhere. Guess there's nothing left to do but fuck. The feral hogs in America are descended from pigs that European explorers including Christopher Columbus set loose here in the 16th century. These hogs are considered an invasive species, are very destructive to crops and habitats, and they multiply out of control. The federal government spends over 20 million a year to manage their population. Well, why don't they use ice to get these fucking things? In many states, I still don't understand why they have to bring those people to alligator Alcatraz. They weren't like out there robbing banks, they were working in restaurants. These are hard working people. They didn't come here the right way. All right, you want to remove you, there's still a respectful way that you could get rid of them. To do it in such a mean, non caring fashion. And for so many people to be like excited about that, it's just so depressing. It's just like you're excited looking at that, seeing this woman crying as she's getting her kids taken out of her arms. Okay, she came here illegal, but she's working her ass off, dude. If you're an American citizen, you can murder and rape another citizen and they'll put you in a prison that is not surrounded by alligators.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't understand.

[Bill Burr]

Is alligator Alcatraz even something? Is, does that actually exist or is that just something Trump said? I feel like he watches Austin Powers.

[Joe DeRosa]

On a loop and it's like, that's a good idea. I should do that anyway.

[Bill Burr]

In many states there is no hunting. There's, there's no hunting limit on them. In Texas it is even legal to shoot them from a helicopter. The Pilot flies low enough to flush them out of wooded areas into the open. All you need is a regular hunting license. Hunters will pay good money for the opportunity to do this. Their meat is used in pet food and is also fine for human consumption. So if you ever get sick of Hollywood bullshit and people trying to cancel your standup act. No, no, no, no, no, no. That. You guys were all fucking over. All over the place. You guys were on that. That bullshit last week. Everybody was on that was the funniest thing to Trumpers acting like they give a fuck about human rights. Your liberal ass can help save the environment by flying some cool crazy rednecks and their guns out to shoot wild pigs. I'd help the Brit. I'd help bridge the political divide. Oh, it would help division the political divide in this country, and God knows we could use that. Absolutely. I mean, I. I wouldn't want to.

[Joe DeRosa]

I wouldn't want to fly people shooting guns outside. I wouldn't mind doing it.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, I hope you find this interesting. Thanks for the podcast and please come back to Peoria sometime. Homer Richard Pryor. Yeah, no, it looks like. And not only is it a good thing for the environment, it looks fun as hell. It does look fun as hell. And it looks way safer than hunting them on the ground. I've seen enough of those hunting videos where they flush them out and you basically got one shot if you miss them. I still don't understand. You know those tusks they have, like, how. How that. That. It looks more like. It would be blunt force trauma as opposed to sharp, but they just will.

[Joe DeRosa]

They'll open you up like a filet. They're such weird animals.

[Bill Burr]

Like, is. They're opening you up, they're squealing like.

[Joe DeRosa]

They'Re the ones getting filleted.

[Bill Burr]

Right? They're like, stabbing you with their tusks.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then have the audacity to scream louder than you. Like, what the are you screaming about? The one getting gored over here.

[Bill Burr]

All right, that is the podcast. All right, everybody, I look forward to whatever the bots tell you to be.

[Joe DeRosa]

Upset about next month.

[Bill Burr]

All right, that's it. Seriously. Go yourselves. Have a great couple of days. Enjoy the World Series tonight, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.