← Monday Morning Podcast
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- [00:02]
Bill Burr
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- [00:33]
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. What's going on? I hope you're in a good mood. I hope you're having a great week. If you're not, we got a great guest for you to cheer you up. One of the all time greats and someone I've gotten to know over the years and just been so generous and just been really cool and all of that. And legendary bass player, he's going on tour July 1st through the 25th. Last two dates, 2425 at the Ryman legendary Ryman in Nashville, Tennessee. The Chop House bands first time finally getting out there in 34 years of jam and we have the one, the only, Jason Newsted. What's going on?
- [01:20]
Jason Newsted
Hey Bill, thank you for that. That was wonderful. Good to see you.
- [01:23]
Bill Burr
I'm getting better at the intros.
- [01:25]
Jason Newsted
You are, look at you.
- [01:25]
Bill Burr
I'm getting better at the intros. You look pretty good. So filling people who don't know, like I got to know about your, the whole Chop House thing. I probably, I think when I was doing a gig in San Francisco, you stopped by with all of those guys and it's, it's a group of musicians that you're. Why don't let you tell it here. Did you guys been playing?
- [01:46]
Jason Newsted
I remember that we had a. We had a one minute drumming contest in your. Backstage with your. With your drum set. Dure was awesome. Yes. So Chop House when I got back from the Black album tour, the first chunk of space there and got my first check. We built the Chapo Studio In Walnut Creek, California, January of 92, we pretty much had it finished and the Martin brothers, Jim Martin from Faith no More and his brother Lou named my studio the Chop House. And so we carry that ever since then. Now it's become this umbrella record company and studios and our band and everything like that. So we've been playing all styles of music for all the years with many people that you know from all genres, mixing them all up together whenever they're available. Off tour, kind of a sanctuary kind of place where you get away from your agenda. And so it's still fun. Is the main thing still in the Chopos band, as always.
- [02:43]
Bill Burr
That's amazing. So when you get ready, you know me, I'm definitely beyond a music geek here. I always get interested in this. So when you guys, you have been playing, you know, in between projects too, or whatever with this Chop House band, like, how long does it take you guys? Like, you're like, all right, so the first date is July 1st. Da da da da da. How long do you guys rehearse where you feel like you have it up to speed? And second part of it, is it something that moves around each night or whatever? Or is it sort of. This is the set and we're locked in. What is your. How do you guys do this?
- [03:22]
Jason Newsted
Well, first of all, I kind of hand picked my players, so they're coming from different parts of the country and so I had to fly them into the Chop House here in Florida. And so we do four days each month. So we did March, April, now we're doing May. This week we do four days in May and then four in June. And then we're going to get ready a pre production the end of June and rock and roll. So Jimbo Hart from the 400 unit, which is Jason Isabel's band, he's playing bass. And then Umberto Perez and Jesse Farnsworth, who are the guitar players of the Newstead Band of the Heavy Metal Band. And then Robert John Tucker, who you met.
- [03:54]
Bill Burr
I like how you did that for the deaf out there.
- [03:56]
Yeah, yeah.
- [03:57]
Jason Newsted
Okay, sit in here, make sure you make sure, you know, and just stamp it. And then. So Rob's been playing with with me in the chapel about 16 years. So that's my band. And they're coming from Alabama and Carolina and you know, to get. To get to here to make it happen. So repertoire has been peeled down from about 35 to 25 now. It's 15 originals and 10 covers. There's maybe two songs that most people know. As far as the COVID song goes, most of them are more obscure. We do only songs from Heroes like most people do, but we are really very much only our heroes that we play the covers of our own versions of their song and homage. And so you might know we often end our set with Rockin in the Free World. Full on pedal all the way down. So the styles of music that the chop house covers, all the way from bluegrass to full on metal and everything in between, because that's what we've always done. So that repertoire is that. And it does move around. We do shift for playing in a couple Carolina shows back to back. I'll switch the setup a little bit to keep it interesting because there's no really hits that we have to play, as it were. We do turn the page. Metallica version. And so that's kind of every once in a while. But that's the only two that anybody would probably really know as regular listener.
- [05:15]
Bill Burr
Oh, that's kind of cool. You do a Metallica song, but it's a cover, so that kind of fits, you know?
- [05:21]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. Bob Seeger, you know, from my brother, when I was nine years old, I heard that song. You know, me and Michigan guys, dude,
- [05:27]
Bill Burr
I love Bob Seeger. Whenever, whatever, like, people go off on Bruce Springsteen, I'm like, what a Bob Seeger in the Silver Bullet Band. They're like, it's not the same. I'm like, it isn't. I thought those guys were crushing it pretty good still.
- [05:39]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. Great songwriters. American freaking top notch, right? I mean, for sure.
- [05:44]
Bill Burr
Plus, one of my favorite things, too, is he got to do the whole thing and he got to retire. Like, he got to say, I'm done. As opposed to going out there, you know, dying in a Holiday Inn. I don't want to die on stage, man. I want to like to think that I reach a point of happiness where I can be like, you know what? That was an unbelievable ride. But I'm good, man. I'm going to put my feet up. I did it. Going to have Arnold Palmer and just stare at the backyard for whatever I got left.
- [06:20]
Jason Newsted
Stare at the backyard.
- [06:24]
Bill Burr
No, dude, it's just, you know, I'm. I don't know how you feel, but I, I, I've definitely in the last few years gotten to that point where the world's starting to pass me by. Like, it's moving too fast. I don't know what's going on. And, you know, a lot of. Do you remember this? And people like, yeah, no, not really.
- [06:46]
Jason Newsted
Not. I tried, you know, I tried to do that for a minute. You know, I did have my toes in the sand for a while, right. I did my work and I calmed down that I had projects here and there, little whichever one rose to whatever level, but not taking it too, too seriously. Be all end all type of shit like it used to be. So I had my toes in the sand for a bit, and then I kind of brought them back out just recently to give this a shot again and prove myself that I can do it and that I'm alive and all that. So I agree with you.
- [07:14]
Bill Burr
Is there any part of you that if it feels like you took a drink again, like, ah, shit, I went on stage, I felt the electricity, and then I got to do it again. I got to do it.
- [07:23]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, I know we've talked about it before, you know, that when. To say when is super important with everything. One of the most important things in life, I guess, probably, but, yes, very much. Kind of got bit by the bug again. And I gotta say that having a bassist like Jimbo playing because, you know, I mean, like, who play. I don't want to be a dick about it, but who plays guitar for Hendrix? Who. Who play. Who plays bass in my band? There's got to be somebody that's got something, you know, maybe. You know what I mean? I'm not saying the greatest or any like that. I'm just saying that it is a thing. It is a thing, you know?
- [07:57]
Bill Burr
Well, you play bass for quite a while, so I would think that somebody would have to be at a certain level for you to be like, that's a good bass player.
- [08:04]
Jason Newsted
And so he is so fucking good that. That it just made. The band is elevated to a different place than it ever was before. You know, he's. He's part of the Fame gang out of Muscle Shoals. He is the real deal, dude. He's got 500 LPs and singles on it under his belt already, you know. Bad motherfucker, man. Besides doing all the live stuff that
- [08:28]
Bill Burr
he's done, yeah, that's something that I've gone down. I watch all the music docs, I watch all the movies about rock stars and. But my favorite thing, my favorite sort of genre that I find fascinating was that whole studio scene that existed in New York and LA in the 60s, 70s, 80s, into, like, where you had that just core group of, I don't know how many. 40, 20, 40 people that could just play. It was unreal. They almost like in a comedian that can do impressions, it's just like, all right, what's your band sound like? All right, we're gonna do that. What genre is that? We can do that. And I just love the sound of all of that stuff. And I also have to say, just the fact that you're going back out there just to see human beings going out in an analog way which I have to think is gonna, is gonna make a big comeback because I don't know, maybe it won't. Like, maybe these like. I feel like there's something just synthetic going on right now. It just. From our food to just interacting with people. And I'm as guilty like I just took my phone and had to fucking throw it because I even. Even when I have it on silent, it's still vibrating. I don't know how to shut that off. I've gotten to the age like when second somebody goes, goes into your settings, I'm like, ah, forget it. I'll just deal with whatever the. The fucking thing is doing that anyway. Be able to go down to a place like the Ryman or whatever and just see a bunch of people like actually singing, actually playing.
- [10:12]
Jason Newsted
That's right.
- [10:13]
Bill Burr
Killing it. Making mistakes, laughing about it.
- [10:16]
Jason Newsted
That's right.
- [10:17]
Bill Burr
Yeah. There's something. We're kind of moving in this direction that human beings aren't beautiful. You know that.
- [10:23]
Jason Newsted
Oh boy jeans.
- [10:25]
Bill Burr
These machines are. All of this shit is a smart refrigerator. It's like it's not alive. It's a smart car. Is it?
- [10:34]
Jason Newsted
We are, we are. We're right beside each other in the same boat, buddy. We are, we are so like minded with these things. I want to go back a little bit. So you're talking about the Wrecking Crew and those folks that have played on all the records you ever heard on the radio. No matter what station you put it on, they were on all those records and all of our favorites and all the cream of the crop kind of people. That was that same folks like Carol K, female bassist. The most recorded basis of all time is a girl. You know, it's like, this is beautiful, man. You know, these guys, they could do anything, anytime. And they get paid. Gay paid. What's that called? The, you know, wage union, Union rate. Yeah, right. And. And they keep on knocking them out. Song after song, album after album, and killing them that way. But you tied everything in there by saying the analog deal, okay? Always got to keep that one black boot planted. Planted in the analog. Planted in the world we know. Planted in where we spent our most time developing what we developed. Not afraid to reach out a little bit. And where you're putting your toe in the sand or you're putting in a new music or trying a little digital thing or whatever, that kind of stuff. But that boot's got to stay planted, right? But in order to thrive and, and, and prosper and change and grow, you need to get out there and Check the other things. But I'm never going to let go of that, no matter how much cheating is involved. And it's invaluable. The thing you're speaking about, when I know right over there, I plug that into that and I go, shut up. Bam. And I know it's going to do that. I know how loud it's going to be, and I know exactly, and I could count on that. But something like it floats through the air and it's on Bluetooth. No, it's not floating that. It's either I'm. I'm recording it and I can see the cable going to the thing, or I'm not doing it because I'm not going to rely on that. So what I'm saying is, those of us that are analog natives in that way, if we're going to put it that way, then we are. We are the precious ones. We are the invaluable ones, just as the Wrecking Crew was when they recorded because they were only analog to the tape. Everything's got to be just so flawless from top to bottom on the song. And 30 more right here, ready to go. You know, 300. What? You know, right? That's just.
- [12:41]
Bill Burr
Yeah. I even watch, you know, from back in the day, going like, look. Look at our capabilities. Because I feel like we've all been dumbed down by. Like, it's just easy. Like, you know, like, well, what year did that guy play for that? You just pick up your phone, you just have, like, the answer. It's just everything is kind of there, but it doesn't just feel something about. Oh, yeah. Do you know, I got this buddy of mine who was in the studio system, also an amazing pilot. He's my instructor, and he was telling me how they used to do these things called straight to cd, these recordings, and you'd have to play the whole album straight through. And if somebody screwed up on song eight, you had to go back to the beginning. And I don't know why they would do it that way, but it was just like this, you know, the crunch from the money. Guys, like, can they do it faster? And because of their greed, like, the level of, like, musician and how you would have to just calm your mind to not be, like, just thinking, okay, I got the first one. All right, I got the first one's good. Second. And I feel with each song the pressure. Like, if you're gonna mess up, you wanna mess up. First verse, first song, somebody throws a donut at you, no big deal. But, you know, you mess up on song eight, you got like a symbol flying at your head. You got to start all over again. And then, yeah, pressure builds again. But because of that, like I look at a lot of stuff from back in the day and I keep thinking about that. Like I'll say to my wife, this is all human beings making this sound. Like there'll be like an orchestra, like it's even like an award show. And some will just come out and they'll play like some eight second diddy. But it's like 40 people playing, starting, stopping, hitting, all at the same time. And it's just like rather than doing that old guy like, oh, these people were better. It's like, no, man, you young people, you have. This is in you. You can do this, right? If you stop with this fucking auto tune or whatever. You know my business right now they're going into these whole, I don't know, they call them like micro movies. They're just saying like people don't have attention spans anymore. So what we're going to do is feed into that and make like 15 minute movies or something. It's like, why don't we push against that? Isn't it better if people could focus?
- [15:10]
Jason Newsted
Yes, yes. You know, when we go and see our people interact that we really look up to, even I know that you appreciate like the meshuggah guys and that thing in our generation or the genre that they play, they're that good because they took that long to learn the instruments and master them. There are those. That's, that's, that's like cream of the crop math stuff. But what I want to get across and, and agree with you there at least comment. I was talking to my buddy that repairs guitars the other day and he says he has a friend that they, they get a lot of work down here in Florida and they play just with backing tracks and most of the time they're miming and do like TV mixes where they, they're doing the vocal but everything else is recorded. So they're just faking through and then to hire him at the club. And they hired every fucking weekend and they're making all this money. So he. So the guy asked my boy to come over and jam and he sat there and he only had his drum kit, right? And so my boy puts the bass line down and the dude can't fucking play no more. He used to be able to play. He can't play no more because he's only been faking it. So he can only fake it.
- [16:11]
Bill Burr
So you remove you so basically he could physically play, but he wasn't grooving, essentially.
- [16:17]
Jason Newsted
No, the capacity, the capability was gone. The connections were not firing anymore. He re voluntarily removed them from himself by faking through that and taking the money instead of continuing to, you know, like, yeah, perfect
- [16:35]
Bill Burr
on Instagram. Like some of these kids though, because the information of the Internet, it's not all bad. Like some of them, they, I mean,
- [16:42]
Jason Newsted
I agree, I agree.
- [16:43]
Bill Burr
Dude, the chops these kids have. Like this kids, this is like 12 year olds chops that are as good as like the VHS tapes I used to rent of these famous drummers. Or I would buy them some of this stuff. Like those gospel chop guys. It's like, dude, if this shit was out when I was. If any of these kids could go back in time and play that people would. This is guys from fucking outer space. So I don't want to be like this old guy saying everything is bad. I'm trying to. My kids, I drive, you know, older cars and they're both manual transmission. And I'm like, I just try to do that. Like I taught my daughter how to keep score when she's watching a baseball game. I'm teaching her how to, you know, you know, she stares a little bit and I'm teaching her about the gears and listening to the engine and all of that. But you know, I know it's school and with her friends, you know, I don't want her to be like me with computers where, you know, I freak out if I have to go into settings, as I said. So I don't know. It's a strange thing that's going on right now. I don't like this wild level of greed. And there's some guy on Instagram, he does this thing where he just rides around LA through skid row, right, and just shows how awful these people are living. And just the people's fucking comments, they're blaming the city and all of this stuff. And you go, you realize a lot of those guys are like veterans. A lot of those guys were victims of synthetic heroin. A lot of those guys are victims of. They always like, they always, people just seem, they always look at, they blame people. I don't know, it's the problems this way, you know, whatever. They just look the wrong way every fucking time. It's just like the joy that people have. Like I've seen in my time as a comedian, you know, you see like, you know, we used to have like a common enemy in another country, you know, whoever it was, the Russians or something. Growing up and now to just see like states not liking each other. It's like, guys, we did this before. It wasn't a good thing.
- [18:46]
Jason Newsted
It didn't work out really. That good.
- [18:48]
Bill Burr
Yeah, you can live in California and like Texas.
- [18:51]
Jason Newsted
That's okay. It's fine.
- [18:52]
Bill Burr
Yeah, you can like Florida and you can like New York. You can go to all those places. There's great people. You can have a good time or, or you can go down there with your camera. You know, I can go to Texas and just show some idiot with, you know, doing whatever, doing something dumb in Texas. And then what? All of Texas sucks. I don't, I don't know.
- [19:11]
Jason Newsted
There's good spots and bad spots everywhere. No matter where you go. Can always find either one. Right. I want to.
- [19:17]
Bill Burr
Why people should go see you because it's something positive that's correct and, and genuine.
- [19:23]
Jason Newsted
And genuine. It's the real thing. Like, I don't, I want to make sure that I'm clear on this. I, I'm not scoffing back at anyone or anyone's progress or growth or that they came up with a phone first, they came up with digital or they came up with. I'm not looking back or telling anybody they're wrong or anything like that. I'm just saying that the, the value of knowing the electricity and making that all happen is, is quite a thing and it's getting lost. And it's those of us that have, that are, are rich for that. But taking on.
- [19:48]
Bill Burr
Young people in my business are using AI to write scripts. Right?
- [19:51]
Jason Newsted
Yes. I'm not okay with any of this, you know, but I still, I'm going
- [19:55]
Bill Burr
to take, I think at that point everybody can write a script. That's.
- [20:00]
Jason Newsted
That's not your job.
- [20:01]
Bill Burr
What are we, what are we doing?
- [20:02]
Jason Newsted
You punch in that you want a punk rock song senate Johnny Cash style with these, you know, lyrics. It's just bullshit. So he said not the human factor is completely removed from it. But it's still, it's still okay to have younger heroes. It's still okay to go look to those guys, look to meshuggah and look to the younger people that come up. A 12 year old that can do this thing and means it's spent the time to do it. It's okay to take them on because that's hope, you know. Oh yeah, you gotta, you gotta embrace that somehow I'm not, I wouldn't look down.
- [20:31]
Bill Burr
I feel like in the future you're gonna win an Oscar for like what you decided to put into AI, how did you. How did you think to ever combine Kelly's heroes with Cannonball Run? Like, that's gonna be the genius, you know, with. With a dash of Terms of Endearment, like. Or whatever. It'd be like, okay, why though?
- [20:55]
Jason Newsted
The thing is like that I can't. I gotta make sure that we. It's kind of a few million categories, right? But the AI helping us figure out cancers that it would take, you know, 40 doctors, 40 years to figure out this thing. It could do it in four days or whatever. That's fantastic. And we should harness.
- [21:11]
Bill Burr
Where is it doing that, though?
- [21:14]
Jason Newsted
I don't know. I read about things where it's figured out certain patriotic acids and
- [21:20]
Bill Burr
I don't know.
- [21:20]
Jason Newsted
I'm just. That's what I want to. I want of it. Yeah.
- [21:26]
Bill Burr
The thing is, I don't know.
- [21:28]
Jason Newsted
The AI, though, it. The majority. I mean, is it. All of it. It already happened. You know, I want to. I'm trying to find another word for what the A can stand for the I. The I can stand for. Because the A is already. So as the I implied. Already implied. It already happened. It already.
- [21:47]
Bill Burr
Crazy sound. This is too old, guys. Trying to figure out. But it's not.
- [21:51]
Jason Newsted
It's not.
- [21:52]
Bill Burr
God damn it.
- [21:52]
Jason Newsted
I want.
- [21:53]
Bill Burr
I want.
- [21:54]
Jason Newsted
I want to. I want to at least comprehend what the. But I don't believe in fakery. And no matter how much there is, I know it's going to be not the goddamn thing I can do about it. Doesn't mean I have to believe in it.
- [22:05]
Bill Burr
Right.
- [22:07]
My thing is, you know when we used to watch like the Jetsons and it was the future and they always talk about how in the future you were gonna have like the three day work week and the video. I see these. These. These kids, dude, I go on the road in hotels when I work out in the gym, there'll be like three, four people taking a Zoom call business meeting while they're working, like they can't get away from it. They got that fucking phone everywhere they go. Somebody was. I was doing this thing advertisement on my podcast. I forget even what the fuck it was. It was something about how everybody's. Not everybody's phones are all linked together and no, never miss any business. And like, I don't know what's going on, but, like, I feel like younger people are working harder than we ever did. I feel like as far as like, dude, we're doing the fucking whistle Blue and you walked out that door. That was it. You bought.
- [23:01]
Jason Newsted
Okay, I see.
- [23:01]
Bill Burr
I see what you're saying carry a pigeon to tell you to fucking come back to work to go do some shit. Like when I walked out that door, dude, at 5:01 on Friday. That was my life until I came back 8 o' clock on Monday. Like you could tell your boss to go fuck himself if you're not wearing a tie and he calls you on the weekend. It's like, dude, what are you doing? We don't have a relationship, but I feel like these kids now never get
- [23:28]
Jason Newsted
to turn it off. Yeah, never get to shut themselves off either. Really. Because there's always distractions, say, look at me, look at me. Or compare me with you and all this type of stuff. Kind of a different trip in that way for sure. But we were able to. What is that? Compartmentalize. We were able to separate. We were able to say, here's our work week. That's how we get that. Now I get these other hours to have my elective time and whatever. I don't know, It's.
- [23:47]
Bill Burr
Look, it was. They were still fucking you over. They've always been doing that. They just didn't have the technology to do it at this level. Hey, I got to ask you, that painting in the background, is that something you bought? Is that something you did?
- [24:01]
Jason Newsted
I did that. Yeah, that's. That's. That's like a neighborhood painting. It's a left handed Elvis kind of trip, but it's got all my regular messaging and stuff in there. We have to live with my paintings for a while to decipher them. That's kind of my goal. So that guys, there's a few that get.
- [24:17]
Bill Burr
My wife has got me into going to museums and stuff.
- [24:20]
Jason Newsted
Good for her.
- [24:22]
Bill Burr
I actually really like that.
- [24:24]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, there's a lot.
- [24:26]
Bill Burr
I used to be one of those guys. Like just draw a house.
- [24:30]
That's a horse. Yeah.
- [24:31]
Jason Newsted
Yeah.
- [24:32]
Bill Burr
I want to know what it is. I don't want to have to think. And then after a while I would sort of look at those things. It's like, oh, I get this. This is. Plus, you know what it was as I saw this thing on Steve Martin and his whole art collection and how he walked into the museum and he could name every painting and the. I almost said the author and the painter. Is that what you call it? The artist who did it. And I was like, you know what? That's actually really cool.
- [24:57]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, it is. And he started so early. He's crushing. I guess. You know, we all have the cream of the crop, people, whether it's music or comedians or art. So Picasso always has to be in a sentence. And there's a guy named Jean Dubuffet who coined the term art brute, which is outsider art. And so that's kind. I like that guy an awful lot. Now, Jean Michel Basquiat is more of a contemporary thing. I saw some of his stuff at Lars's house a couple decades ago and was so impressed by it. And it was one of the things that kind of leaned.
- [25:31]
Bill Burr
Lars had original. He had original.
- [25:33]
Jason Newsted
Oh, yes. Oh, Lars art collection is a little bit stupid. Yeah.
- [25:37]
Bill Burr
Wow.
- [25:38]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. And he had. He had. The one. He had. He had Prophet 1 up above the stove and, like, bischetti sauce spilling on it. And I swear to God, it was just. There's. He's had art from a long, long time. He's been very aware. His father, his mother. He's very, very worldly cat at age 7, you know, so it's. Yeah.
- [25:56]
Bill Burr
Well, he came from Europe, right?
- [25:58]
Jason Newsted
Denmark. Yeah.
- [25:59]
Bill Burr
Denmark.
- [25:59]
Yeah.
- [26:00]
There you go.
- [26:01]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. And his dad was a. You know, I think we probably talked about this a little bit before, a long time ago. His dad was a professional tennis player. Beat Jimmy Connors in his day, you know, and that kind of stuff. He was a bad motherfucker.
- [26:13]
Bill Burr
So Jimmy was gracious about that.
- [26:17]
Jason Newsted
Definitely not, because. Because Lars's dad was about as big as Lars, except super long hair and smoking. The. He comes on, he kicks his ass, you know, Pretty cool.
- [26:25]
Bill Burr
Oh, that's awesome. I like Jimmy Connors or whatever, but, like, fair enough. When I. When I used to watch those guys that would lose their tempers, they were funny to me when I was younger, but then as I got older, I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of like that. I got to stop that, but.
- [26:39]
Jason Newsted
Oh, can we talk about that? Can we talk about that, Bill?
- [26:42]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [26:43]
Jason Newsted
My lovely wife Nicole, who, you know, she wants me to ask Bill about how he eventually, or if so, got himself calmed down a little bit, because I'm so fucking spaz all the time, and I don't. I have no patience, and I. You have to have a certain way with my spoiled ass, you know, I.
- [27:06]
Bill Burr
Right, so what.
- [27:07]
Jason Newsted
What have you done?
- [27:08]
Bill Burr
Or did you get any work, you know? Well, I did all the things everybody does, but what happened to me was I sort of bottomed out, and I just couldn't be the way I was anymore. And, you know, it was affecting everybody, not just me, but everybody around me. So I'd gone back to therapy, and because I was more, you know, older and more mature, it was more effective but it still wasn't doing it for me. So I ended up having sort of this breakthrough doing this acting gig where
- [27:44]
I was, oh, Jesus, what happened?
- [27:48]
I was reading the lines for this scene, and it was making me emotional. I was just running them in my hotel room, and I would get choked up, like I was gonna cry, but it wasn't something in real life that would make me cry. So I was like, why is it. Why is that happening? And that has happened throughout my time when I've gotten to act, that I feel these, like. These feelings really intensely as opposed to, like, my everyday life. And I thought that that was what acting was, but what I ended up figuring out with that one, because it kept. I kept going, oh, that. That weird thing happened again. So I would start the scene over, and it just kept happening. So then I was kind of freaking out, going, oh, my God, am I going to start blubbering tomorrow down on set for this thing that isn't worthy of crying? And I'm going to look crazy and I'm going to get fired or whatever. And so I kind of just did what I do when I'm on mushrooms, where I just ask a question and the universe answered. I guess you can do that without being on mushrooms. Because I said. I was like, what is this? And I don't know why. For some reason, the answer came. I figured out that the way that they raised boys to be men or, you know, or just the generation I came up in, like, you locked. Like, you locked it all away. You had any sort of vulnerability, any sort of pensive moment, any sort of, I need help. I'm not sure about this. I'm scared. All of that was. That's. You're not a man. That's. What are you, a pansy? Go get that kid a dress. Right? So it all get locked behind. And then, you know, as I got older, when things would affect me and, you know, as a man, if you're going to start to cry, what do you do? You look at the wall, you stare at the floor until it goes away. It doesn't go away. It stays in there. And then it comes out a different way. So what I realized was that I was living my life. I had, like, three emotions. I was like, happy, angry. I don't give a fuck. That's what I. Those are my options. So I had a 33.3% chance of losing my shit as every moment happened during the day. So I just. But then when I act, these characters are feeling feelings that I was not allowed to feel. So this scene, this guy was just disappointed. He was presenting this thing. He wanted this guy to do something, and he wasn't. So I was disappointed. Disappointing is kind of like, what are you. What are you letting that guy fuck that guy? You shouldn't let. But that is in the vulnerability thing. So I had to open the vault. So what was happening was. Was a cry that I didn't cry 40, 50 fucking years ago.
- [30:44]
Jason Newsted
There you go.
- [30:46]
Bill Burr
Comes flying out.
- [30:47]
Jason Newsted
Yep.
- [30:48]
Bill Burr
So it's almost. Instead of misdirected anger, now, it's like this misdirected crying. Like, why am I crying over? I'm talking about social media. What am I fucking crying about? And it's like, oh, because, you know, 50 years ago, you know, somebody beat the shit out of me or stole my bike or whatever, and I had to be a man, you know, at 8, and not cry. So. So I was in my hotel room, and I was just like, well, I just. I don't know what this is. I don't know why I'm crying, but I got to cry this out so it doesn't come out. Tomorrow when I go to the set, I'm, like, freaking out. It was really kind of funny. So I was by myself, and I cried it out. And then I was able to do the scene because that whatever that was was filled to the brim and needed to come out. So then that's what I was going to say.
- [31:31]
Yeah.
- [31:32]
Yeah. So then I realized, like, oh, so what happens is when I act, the door comes open. When I go back to my life, it closes. What happens if I leave it open? So I leave it open. Which was hard. Still felt stupid in therapy, but I also became aware of, like, how many feelings I start to have and I stop them. So I started to stop doing that. And then I did this breathwork massage from this woman who was like, a healer, who was, like. Literally had, like, her elbow on my back going, like, all right, this is your liver where you keep the anger.
- [32:07]
Jason Newsted
Sure.
- [32:08]
Bill Burr
She goes, don't. Don't be afraid to say things or make noises, dude. I was like. It sounded like. It sounded like exorcism, and I was saying random phrases. And then I had, like, this psychedelic trip through this town I grew up in when I was really little, when a lot of bad shit happened to me. And I used to not be able to remember street names or names of kids, and I could kind of remember all of it. And I went back as an adult and was able to kind of take myself out of there. And I got up off the table like 90 minutes later. And the lady just did like a double take. She goes, you don't even look like the same person.
- [32:45]
Jason Newsted
Exactly.
- [32:47]
Bill Burr
So then I didn't lose my. I didn't lose my temper once for like almost like 90 days. And then I lost my temper about something. I beat myself up. But then I realized, well, anger is also an emotion. But I also learned that, like, oh, I can't just go there one time. What I, you know, I did heal a lot, but what it more was, was a light to walk towards.
- [33:11]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, sure.
- [33:12]
Bill Burr
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And it's kind of been this, this woman with my therapy and then this woman in, like, meditating, and I was also journaling every day, and I kind of got. I've kind of gotten a little bit away from that. You know, it's like, you know, it's like trying to quit drinking. I mean, how many times you got to try before it finally takes? So, like, I am in the process of, you know, I am also. I am totally different. Like, I don't lose my anymore. And like the other day, like, I was having a difficult day and my wife came to me like, three times about something that I had done and said, like, I was trying to watch this hockey game and I'm trying to press it. I mean, what, how many things I gotta press? I did. That's still the same. Goes, you don't need to yell like that. And I just looked at her, I go, I know, you're right. I go, that was ridiculous. Yeah, it's stupid. I'm sorry. And then she smiled and it was over. Yeah. So, like, so I, I, you know, I'm a human being, so I'm still, you know, I can't AI my way out of my childhood. So I'm going to be making a lot of mistakes here. So I, I've been able to kind of, if you can find somebody that, like, that does. Does that in, like. But you. What it is, is you have to be ready. You have to be like. It's almost like you kind of got
- [44:37]
to get rid of all the shame
- [44:39]
and stigma of all those emotions that they don't let men feel because, you know, oh, you're a. You're this, you're that. So like, all of these, you know, you gotta, like, just be John Wayne or some stuff. And it's. I don't know, it's like, it's not the way to live. Probably why women outlive us is because they cry out. All of them. They can. I'm not saying all of them. Some of them are shut down, but the ones that are in touch, if you can cry out or express or say, I need help, you stop caring.
- [45:17]
Because that's shit.
- [45:18]
That was another thing too, because I thought I had buried all that shit in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. When it came out, dude, it was like, right there, it was Standing right over my shoulder 50 years wait to be like, can we come out now? Can we finally address that this happened or that happened?
- [45:35]
Jason Newsted
Well, I hear, what I hear you saying, my friend, is that, you know, you took the Pacific Ocean into your bucket, okay? And then the bucket got full. And then by being able to find a way to express yourself, were able to pour some of that ocean back, right? That kind of thing. Not just your, not just your comedy and your other things, but so many other outlets that you have now. Being able to express yourself, you have somebody that loves you and cares about you, how you express yourself, right when, especially when you're together at home type of thing. But everybody's bucket gets full. And it's a lot of the times it's not your doing, it's someone else's decisions being made that fills that bucket. Because you, you know, you do care, right?
- [46:22]
Bill Burr
So, you know, my thing is, I fucking say yes to everything. All right, yeah, I'll do that. And I like. And then I look at my month and I'm going, what the fuck am I doing? And I'm always talking about, like, I'd love to have a day off. And like, then it's just like, well, I'll have like a fucking Zoom call on a Sunday going like, why did I say I could? And I don't even look at my schedule. I just go, all right.
- [46:46]
Yeah.
- [46:47]
And part of that is my, my is like how I used to deal with all of that shit that I kind of cried out and talked about how I used to deal with. It was I would just stay busy. If I just keep moving, I stay ahead of the ice called the fog.
- [47:05]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, sure.
- [47:06]
Bill Burr
If I, like, I couldn't be home at my house, I would be sitting, I would be like two, three hours, and I would just start losing it. Like, I need to, like, I need to go. I gotta go play drums, I gotta go ride a motorcycle. I gotta do a stand up spot. I gotta, you know, go to the gym. I gotta go. I don't know, I just gotta go do something. You need any errands to be run? I gotta get the out of here. I was like a Jack Russell terrier.
- [47:30]
Jason Newsted
So you were answering yes to things. You didn't have your tie on on Sunday and you're still answering to them. So that changed a lot.
- [47:37]
Bill Burr
Yeah. No, so now I can actually, like. No, I can like, be home now and not drive my wife nuts because I'm like jumping out of my own skin.
- [47:48]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, that's an accomplishment.
- [47:50]
Bill Burr
Yeah, It Is. And it's funny, you know, I used to really vibe with comedians because we were all that same kind of crazy. And I'm feeling myself not being that same kind of crazy. So when I get around how I used to be, it's really like eye opening to me. Like, because my. I remember my, my. My wife would used to know when I did a spot at the Cellar. She knew when I went down there because it was so like. I mean, talons out, just people. I mean, listen, it was fucking fun. It was hilarious. But was it healthy? You know, one of those things where it's like. It's like drinking's fun until it isn't. And it's like, you know, busting chops. It keeps you sharp. You can handle a crowd. I mean, and then it does get to a point where like, hey, man, that kind of like hurt. And now I have a complex about that. Well, yeah, but I'm not allowed to say that because we're all men here. So I'll just carry that and I'll come home and be extra snippy with somebody who loves me and cares for me. Has nothing to do with that. So I never understood what she meant. And she'd be like, I can always tell when you go down there, you know? Yeah, I should have understood what she was saying, where it's just like. I'm not saying don't go down there, but just be sort of aware, have some deflectors up. But, you know, defense of those people. I was doing it too.
- [49:22]
Jason Newsted
So, yeah, you're. No matter how good your intentions are or your forward motion or whatever it was to build your craft, you expose yourself to stuff and then absorb some things that maybe you didn't want to. And so you're coming back with that shit. Absorbed and she's seeing the reflection.
- [49:41]
Bill Burr
I thought I had to my whole way.
- [49:43]
Jason Newsted
That's what I mean. That's what I mean.
- [49:44]
Bill Burr
Your intentions. Oh, is that a horrible place where you just get abused? All right, let me go in there and learn how to take that. And I just kept trying to toughen myself up so I couldn't be hurt, which is an impossible human situation. You're always gonna be able to be hurt. But like I was trying to, I don't know, rip the band aid off, get it over with. Like, it's weird cause it really helped me in some areas. I became a really well rounded comic because I did every room I could do in front of every crowd. But it was, you know, it was just a reflection of Just the generation I grew up in where it wasn't the level of attention and care for kids wasn't up to where it needed to be, but in defense of the people that raised us, it was way beyond what they had. So, I mean, that's the game. You're trying to improve it. You ever think you'd hear me talking like this? I didn't.
- [50:42]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. Well, I am glad that you did, though. And I can relate to just about right across the board on all of it. And, you know, pushing things down, only be able to do certain stuff, can only show your face in a certain way and all that type of thing. Especially, you know, the circles that you ran in and the things you've just spoken of, whatever builds your tough skin. It's the same thing in this world. Very much so, because there's.
- [51:07]
Bill Burr
I know you've been. Anybody in the music business has been through 360.
- [51:11]
Jason Newsted
But especially. But especially in the heavy realm. Okay. You're not like. The guys in Air Supply aren't throwing elbows, right? There's like. There's a kind of a different trip,
- [51:21]
Bill Burr
you know, they just be hilarious if they were.
- [51:25]
Jason Newsted
I would like it more, but I'd like to see a pit in an Air Supply. Then I'd be saying, this is a shit. You know? I wouldn't.
- [51:31]
Bill Burr
What if I told you the two toughest people in. In the music world, the guys from Air Supply, you would know it from.
- [51:39]
Jason Newsted
I'd be even a bigger fan.
- [51:43]
Bill Burr
Yeah. That's amazing. Well, I'm really. Do you have any dates coming out to la? Because I would love to see you guys live, you know, play. I don't know if you're coming out this way. I know you're ending up in Nashville. Where can people go to see all these dates and all of that?
- [52:00]
Jason Newsted
So we start on July 1st over in the East. We're going to Massachusetts and some New York stuff, down to the Carolinas, hook up with BlackBerry, come back up over into Michigan, some hometown stuff. Grand Rapids down Columbus and then Knoxville and so forth. End up in Nashville. So Midwest and some Eastern board there a little bit.
- [52:19]
Bill Burr
Those are all July.
- [52:20]
Jason Newsted
Right in the middle of Carolina in the middle of July. Yeah, buddy.
- [52:24]
Bill Burr
I love the Carolinas. I love Knoxville. Tennessee is incredible. It's almost like something I don't bring up to people because I don't want what happened in Nashville to happen.
- [52:36]
Jason Newsted
Oh, okay. Yeah, fair enough.
- [52:38]
Bill Burr
I'm just like, yeah, yeah. It's not, you know, it's all right. Nashville's where you want to be.
- [52:43]
Jason Newsted
Don't tell them the secret. I'm hoping, Bill, that there's going to be some opportunities that come from this. Now that threw my hat back into the ring. And maybe we'll have here or there somebody ask us to do a little something. I'm open to those things as we go, but something that I want to talk to you about, I've actually been looking forward to talking to you about for more than a year now. You know, you did when your last special, the Drop Dead years. Right. So we always. We always keep up with you, bro. You know, we just do. Because that's what.
- [53:14]
Bill Burr
Oh, that's cool.
- [53:15]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, yeah. And you know that. But. But that. But that particular one, your prophetic nature has me pretty good. And I think that we're probably gonna have to have a little talk in person. I'm not sure. But so in your. In your bit, you said, you know, 62, right? And something comes along and then you get put in check. And then you got to deal with them then on 63 level. And then think, right? This. Roughly paraphrasing. Yes. Okay, so one. Let's about a couple days from now. We're on the 6th. So two days from now will be one year. You see this right here? So throat cancer, right. 62 years old, last year in May. So they go in there, they cut that open, took out all my lymph nodes out of here. They go in this way with this thing called a tourist surgery with its trans robotic laser surgery. And they go inside there and cut a bunch of stuff out of the back of my head. Right. They found it early. We got all of it. I'm good now, but it took a year. Yeah.
- [54:22]
Bill Burr
Wow.
- [54:23]
Jason Newsted
So I'm watching.
- [54:25]
Bill Burr
I had no idea you went through that, man. Wow.
- [54:27]
Jason Newsted
So that's why we're sharing it now. I didn't share until this week. I went. I talked to Dean a couple days ago, and I was the first one that I told in public. Okay.
- [54:36]
Bill Burr
Holy.
- [54:36]
Jason Newsted
So I'm telling people now. And you. You kind of. And then when it happened, I'm like, that what? How can he be so correct about he talking straight to me this time? I'm pissed. Right. So I'm blaming half of it on you. But the deal is kind of one of the reasons that I'm coming back. We talked in the very beginning of our conversation, Jay. I'm slowing down. I think I might retire after a while. I'm going to stare at the backyard and all that cool shit. Right? I like that. And I did that for a while. I did that through my 40s and 50s. Figured out that. And you know, and now this thing put me in check more than anything ever has. It's the closest I've ever come to not breathing. And so now the most alive that I can feel, just as you do with your kids or on the stage or playing drums or whatever it is. When I feel the most alive is when I'm playing really loud and screaming and sweating and exchanging with the people. Right? So I'm going back out. I manifested this. I went and talked to BlackBerry guys, I talked to Charlie. I turned you on to them a few months ago. Favorite band, right? Yeah. And I asked Charlie, man, how about you let Chop Off Band come and open some shows for you on your 25th anniversary too tour? And he said, sure, Jay. And so here we are. But I have to do it so I could prove to myself that I can. But also to correct this because I need to feel super alive because I felt pretty close to dead, right? And I want to get back these joys that removed from me by that thing. It took away my taste buds. It took away my. You know, this is all still numb, you know, it's just. It's crazy, dude. And so now I appreciate every minute and I know we both know tomorrow's not guaranteed to nobody, but this is kind of a different kind of awareness now. Different kind of reflection took place this last year and, you know, really put in check like never before. So I'm back to my touring weight. I lost a bunch, you know, of course, as we went along. But back to my touring way and back to my thing. I got a bunch of new songs. I got killer band.
- [56:37]
Bill Burr
That's great.
- [56:38]
Jason Newsted
To feel as alive as possible, you know. So that's where I'm at with that. So thanks a lot for that.
- [56:43]
Bill Burr
Yeah, dude, that's great. Thank God.
- [56:45]
By the way.
- [56:45]
The closest I've come to that is I was doing this thing, I was fasting for three days a month. And I would always remember on the third day I would just be thinking like how cool it was that somebody invented a breakfast burrito. I would just be thinking like, I can't wait for tomorrow. I'm going to have breakfast burrito and a cup of coffee and what the else do you need? It's amazing. Like little things. I didn't have to. I mean, I can't. That's just from not choosing not to eat for a couple, two, three days. I can't imagine going through a near death Experience how much you're like God damn it, this Coca Cola is fantastic.
- [57:24]
Jason Newsted
Yeah. And they have to. Every commercial that came on, even if it was something I wouldn't eat, it was like Arby's or something, I'd still have to turn it off because I was like, you know, wanted so bad. I was all liquid diet and all these. Got very creative with my protein shakes. I still do but now my taste buds are coming back a little bit and so I'm able to taste some things. My I can taste complex things easier wasn't as damaged. But my simple tastes are still pretty screwed up. So when you look at something, when your brain tells you that is going to taste like that, it doesn't bill.
- [57:59]
Bill Burr
So has that changed what you eat?
- [58:03]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
- [58:05]
Bill Burr
Wow.
- [58:05]
Jason Newsted
And also I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking weed. You know, I had to do all that. I never would have, I never ever would have, bro. Ever. No way.
- [58:13]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I quit. I quit drinking a while ago. And then the weed thing, I go off and on too. But like, I don't know, I just, I. I just find the more, the older I get just being clear headed for sure. You know, it's, it sucks in the moment but the next morning is fantastic.
- [58:33]
Jason Newsted
Yes.
- [58:34]
Bill Burr
I didn't make. There's no apologies.
- [58:37]
Jason Newsted
Yes.
- [58:38]
Bill Burr
Y. I didn't put on £10.
- [58:42]
Jason Newsted
You know that, you know and me actually something I learned from you and I really respect a lot is that when you guys, you know, we had to put our phones in bags when we come to see you play and I really dig that, that, that thing, it's pretty, pretty great. And I want to be able to be as honest with people as possible. And you know that every show is a global show now. Make sure that your shit's tight, make sure you're playing well. Because that five minute song in four minutes after it's done will be in Sydney and Vietnam and, and like that. Like that. So make sure that your shit's on every gig no matter if there's 12 people in the club.
- [59:25]
Bill Burr
Yeah, well comedians have to do it because people were just taking like their. They would just take something to get you in trouble. It was like CNN and Fox News were in the crowd. And as much as I demonize them, it was really disappointing to see the individual act like their own 24 hour news network just to get likes and clicks and show and you know, be like, like dude, the amount of shit that, I mean I really don't go into those worlds of stand up on, on the Internet. Or anything. But, like, when I was younger and I didn't understand the Internet, the amount of shit, the bits that I had, people like, name them what they think I mean by the bid, and it's always negative. Or they would say if. If I just had, like an opinion, you know, like, you know, I actually, you know, I don't like electric cars. I like the gas combustion, manual transmission. It'll be like Bill Burr goes on rant against electric car.
- [60:29]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, yeah.
- [60:30]
Bill Burr
It's just like if you looked up the definition of a rant, I wasn't like frothing at the mouth, losing my mind. I just said, you know, I prefer these over that. And I kind of. I don't know. Those yonder bags are great because it's a way to step back in time where you're kind of like, oh, yeah, like it used to be like this fun. This is just for us.
- [60:50]
Jason Newsted
Exactly. So what I really dig about that, though, is that people are memorizing. Memorizing your bits. Like songs, you know, like they call you up Sandman, you know, they call you out on. Right, that thing, that bit. I called that bit. So and so when you said the thing about the combustion, right, they have a name for it, like, you know, Black Dog, whatever.
- [61:12]
Bill Burr
I forget it. Once I record them, I do the special. I can't remember, right. I can't remember them. And then people will bring them up and it's always fun when they bring. Oh, yeah, I remember that. I remember that one. That was a good one. You like that?
- [61:23]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, exactly. It's like that. Yeah. And they said, that song's good.
- [61:27]
Bill Burr
All right, well, I'm very happy for you. Beyond. I mean, at first I was happy that you get back out there on the road. Now knowing what the hell you went through, I'm beyond happy that you're still with us and that you're happy and healthy and all that. I wish you were coming out the west coast, but we might, we might, we might.
- [61:47]
Jason Newsted
Don't say never.
- [61:48]
Bill Burr
I got some stuff coming up in Atlanta and Florida. Maybe we'll crisscross.
- [61:54]
Jason Newsted
We're going to see you in 10 days, if anybody's counting.
- [61:57]
Bill Burr
Oh, is that the Florida one? You coming to that one?
- [61:59]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, we're going to come Saturday week from Saturday. We're going to hang.
- [62:03]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I better be funny on that one. All right, It's Jason, everybody. Check him out. January 1st to the 24th. 25.
- [62:11]
Jason Newsted
July, July, July 1st through 25. Starting in Northampton, Mass. Going around, ending up at the ryman on the 25th. Supporting BlackBerry Smoke on 10 of those, headlining on eight of them. Jason Newstead, TCB on the Meta and Chopos, band.comport.
- [62:31]
Bill Burr
there you go. Check it out.
- [62:32]
Jason Newsted
Thank you.
- [62:33]
Bill Burr
Go see some human beings.
- [62:35]
Jason Newsted
That's it.
- [62:38]
Bill Burr
Killing it. All right, Jason, Love you, brother. I'll see you in 10 days, wherever the hell I'm going to be. All right. Looking forward to it.
- [62:44]
Jason Newsted
We'll be there, too, wherever we're going to be.
- [62:46]
Bill Burr
Okay, cool. All right, I'll talk to everybody on Monday.
- [62:54]
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, May 7, 2018. What's going on? How is you? How's it going?
- [63:05]
How are you?
- [63:06]
Is your hockey team still alive in the NHL playoffs?
- [63:10]
Well, you know what? Congratulations.
- [63:12]
I hope you're happy, because mine isn't. Mine is not. Mine is done for the goddamn season. I do want. Oh, yeah, yeah.
- [63:23]
Hit the printer. While doing the podcast.
- [63:27]
No fucking consideration for the high level of quality of a program that's going on in here. Why would you do that? You come in here and you apologize to the incredible intellect of my listeners.
- [63:41]
Nia
Sorry. Yeah, I just.
- [63:43]
Jason Newsted
Yeah, I hit print.
- [63:44]
Nia
Sorry.
- [63:45]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God.
- [63:46]
Nia. Can we sit down and talk about how you cut up that steak last night? Nope.
- [63:51]
Oh, where you running? Where you running to?
- [63:54]
Nia
We already settled it. Why do we need to talk?
- [63:56]
Bill Burr
Listen to this. You want to talk about one of. One of the shadiest moods ever moves ever? Come here. Sit down. Sit down. Gorgeous. I'll bring her in here. It'll take some of the sting out of what I'm going to say to you. So anyway, so we go out, you know, a friend of ours in town, and of course she wanted to meet our lovely, beautiful, absolutely charming, always in a great mood, gorgeous daughter, right? And we love showing her off. We love getting the compliments. Oh, my God. I know, right? I did that. You know, I didn't. I took a half court shot and God did the rest.
- [64:31]
The Lord.
- [64:33]
Anyways, so we end up going out to a steakhouse, right? So Nia's like, I don't want a steak, but I'd like some steak. Are you gonna order a steak? And it's like, yes, when in Rome. Hi. Hi. Did you just say hi to me? You say hi to the listeners, cutie. So Nia's just like, are you gonna get a steak? I don't want steak.
- [64:57]
Nia
I didn't want a whole steak. I wanted to get tuna tartare. And I Wanted a crab.
- [65:00]
Bill Burr
The lump crab cake, which is what you ordered.
- [65:03]
Nia
Yes. And I wanted a little bit of steak, so I want to do a little surf and turf.
- [65:06]
Bill Burr
So what does old freckles do? What does old Freckles do? He orders, of course. What do you order, Billy Steak Face. Oh, Billy Steak Face. I ordered the bone in ribba. How the hell did that happen? Sorry. What just happened there? Somehow I moved in. The volume got turned down. Anyways, I'll have to edit that part out. So anyways, old Billy Steak Face. I order a bone in ribeye. So cutie pie here starts getting frustrated, starts making noise, and I, you know, I don't want to be that guy at the restaurant with the baby that's crying. Especially in a steakhouse. A steakhouse. You have a lot of people there in their second marriages, people who, you know, didn't get married, guys who are paying for a house that they're no longer allowed to go into. You know, there's a lot of that going there, you know, a lot of child support being paid, you know, by some of these people who had to rebuild it again. So. Look at your belly hanging out.
- [66:00]
Look at your belly hanging out.
- [66:01]
What are you doing? So she was. My daughter was getting frustrated, so I just started. I started, you know, walking her around the restaurant and everything like that. Being the amazing father that I am. Right?
- [66:14]
Nia
Yeah.
- [66:15]
Bill Burr
Running around. She's so short. I gotta, like, you know, bend at that angle that it's, like, killing my back. But I. But I stuck it out. I did it for you. I did it for all those divorcees in there, right? All those people paying child support. Even though women there. Women are starting to pay child support, too. Oh, God. You haven't seen that. You haven't read that in Cosmo.
- [66:33]
Nia
Cosmo, Bill.
- [66:34]
Bill Burr
Cosmo, yeah, Cosmo. Yeah.
- [66:36]
Nia
Just finish the story.
- [66:37]
Bill Burr
And they all. They're. They're complaining that. Which I love. I love this whole equal pay. Because you wait, Nia, you wait till enough women have to start paying child
- [66:44]
support, and you watch those divorce laws change like that.
- [66:49]
So anyways, while I'm being the amazing father that I am, obviously this is my version of the story. My stake arrives. So Nia goes to cut off her portion of the stake. And basically what she does is she cuts the thing, like, lengthwise right along, like an inch away from the bone, and she takes all the meat along the bone and then gives me the rest of it. And for those of you who aren't meat eaters, all you vegetarians out there the most flavorful part of a bone in ribeye. The reason is all along the bone. And she took the best meat. And I was so upset with her. I told her that she needed to go to ancestry.com because that was some northern white European shit, what you just did there. Hi.
- [67:38]
Nia
Yeah, I took the. Yeah, I did. That's my favorite part, the bone.
- [67:48]
Bill Burr
All right, guys, if you ever want to know. If you want to know what it's like to be a husband and a father, that's what it is. She makes the baby. She goes through all of that. She goes through nine months of hell.
- [68:00]
Ten.
- [68:00]
Ten months of hell. Actually, there's the middle three. That's like the summer vacation. But whatever. We'll say ten months of hell. And you know what? And then as a guy, you pay for it for the rest of the relationship. She gets it all back with little. Little shady cuts of bone in ribeye. I couldn't believe that.
- [68:19]
Hi.
- [68:21]
Hi, cutie.
- [68:22]
Nia
Look at the way she's smiling at you, huh? She is in love with you.
- [68:26]
Bill Burr
Yeah, well, you know what? And I'll be in love with her till the day she takes the. The good part of my Cheerios. All right. Hi. How are you, cutie? All right. Daddy has to talk filthy so I can still buy you diapers. That's how it works. I'm sorry. I'm too far down this road to pretend that you have a respectable dad. All right, lovely ladies.
- [68:47]
That's it.
- [68:48]
Well, I mean, I thought that you were going to try to defend your position, and you. You didn't. You're like, yeah, I did. That's. That's what I did.
- [68:54]
Nia
I mean, that's. That's. That's really all there is to say. I did. I saw that and I was like, I want the meat along the phone.
- [69:01]
Bill Burr
You're doing Donald Trump right now. That's how he got out of stuff. You said all this horrible stuff about women. He was like, no, I said that about Rosie o'. Donnell. They were like, no, you said that about other women. He was like, yeah, you're probably right. It's like, all right. I thought that was going to be a big, funny fight, and it was nothing.
- [69:19]
Ow.
- [69:19]
You're on my ankle, honey. Okay. All right, ladies. Bye Bye. Can you say bye?
- [69:27]
Bye.
- [69:29]
Bye.
- [69:29]
Bye. All right.
- [69:34]
Oh, well, bye. Yeah, I'll see you later.
- [69:38]
Nia
I'll buy you a cheeseburger later.
- [69:41]
Bill Burr
Oh, okay.
- [69:44]
You get my steak and I get a cheeseburger later.
- [69:48]
Let me guess, McDonald's? What do you guys want what do you like, Betty? Like McDonald's or Burger King? I've always. I've always been a McDonald's guy. Always been McDonald's. And it's not like I'm out here looking for another advertiser. I'll tell you right now, I feel the best poison in fast food is McDonald's. This is how I would. I would rank. This is how I rank my fast food cheeseburgers.
- [70:11]
Near.
- [70:12]
All right. As much as there's some great ones out there, like in n out, I have to go to McDonald's because the child sense memory. Okay. You know, that just takes me back to, you know, when my bicycle was orange. Just like my hair that I used to have. And I had the white tape around the handlebars. Huh.
- [70:32]
Nia
Tell you what happened. I went to the. To see my trainer, and when I got in there.
- [70:37]
Bill Burr
Oh, yeah.
- [70:38]
Did you take the best mat in the gym? Yes.
- [70:42]
Nia
And he was finishing up with another client, and she had her daughter there, who's like 4 years old, and she's so cute. So I said, oh, you want to see pictures of my baby? And so I was showing her pictures of the baby, and then she saw a picture of you with the baby. And she goes, who's that? And I said, oh, that's her daddy. That's my husband. And she goes, oh, okay. She goes, why doesn't he have any hair?
- [71:02]
Bill Burr
Who said that? The kid.
- [71:03]
Nia
The kid, the 4 year old. And I said, well, you know, sometimes when people get older, you know, their hair starts to come out. And so he just decided to cut it off because he didn't want it just to be falling out. And I think it looks better this way. And she was like, yeah, that's true.
- [71:20]
Bill Burr
Why did I need to know that that wasn't cute? I already feel bad enough about myself. Do you know how many kids have looked at me and said, you're ugly in my life?
- [71:28]
Jason Newsted
How many?
- [71:29]
Bill Burr
At least six.
- [71:30]
Nia
No.
- [71:30]
Bill Burr
I swear to God.
- [71:31]
Even when I had hair. No. Yeah.
- [71:35]
Children. And children are honest. I know what all you adults are doing. You're just being nice to me. Maybe you deserve that bone and ribeye and just give me the part. Hey, you ugly piece of. Get out of here. Yeah, cute story, Neil.
- [71:51]
Jason Newsted
Oh, Jesus.
- [71:51]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I'll leave.
- [71:53]
Yeah.
- [71:53]
Hey, Ni.
- [71:54]
I met this girl the other day and I showed her a picture of you, and she was like, hey, why is her butt so big? And I was like, well, you know, your butt isn't big. All right, but for now, I'm gonna fucking Pay for. I think you're gonna laugh at that, and I'm gonna pay for that comment forever. Right? You can just. You can just eviscerate me.
- [72:13]
Nia
First of all, I didn't say anything. It was the child that said it. So I don't know why you're making up some scenario where someone's insulting, like, my looks. That's not a child. And for the record, my ass might be big, but it's, like, perfect, so.
- [72:28]
Bill Burr
It is. It's why I married you. It certain wasn't. Certainly wasn't the other end.
- [72:34]
That other end.
- [72:35]
I have no problem with it. See, it's your fucking yap that drives me up the wall. All right, whatever. Why do I try to make a point? Why do I try to get ahead? You know what I mean? It's just like, Bill, you lose, okay? You're at a casino, and the house always wins, and the house is your fucking wife. So just fucking cash in your chips and go back to the goddamn room. Anyways, let's get back to the NHL playoff. Congratulations to the fucking expansion Tampa Bay Lightning. I don't hate you guys because I love Steve Iserman, and I know he's in your front office, so I'm happy for him. All right? Okay. Having said that, you guys were the better team no matter how bad the officiating was. It was bad for both sides. And no matter what I think you guys, you just were a better team. You just were a better team no matter what you were going to win. But I will say this. This officiating straight across the board in the NHL playoffs, not just arguing for my team, has been really unprofessional. Really unprofessional. There's always a couple of calls here or there, but, like, it's reminding me of NBA officiating last decade. When I called it, I said it was fixed. I'm not saying it's fixed. This is coming off more like. I feel like it's like, did the real refs go on strike and these are, like, some fucking scab refs they pulled out of the fucking crowd? There was just a couple of, like, look, you know, Marshawn took that guy's fucking knees out. They didn't make a call there, which I thought was bullshit. And, you know, I know we were licking people's faces, and there's no rule against that yet. I can guarantee you, maybe now that the Bruins are knocked out, maybe they'll. They'll relax. But, I mean, I thought if we advanced to the next round, they were going to make a quick rule. It's going to be called the Marshawn Rule. It's going to be no player shall kiss, lick tongue, or in any manner use his facial orifice to with inappropriate contact. There's going to be, there's going to be the Brad Marchand rule. And someday, if I live long enough, I will see Brad when He's in his 70s on the NHL Network, laughing about it, talking about how that rule came about and why he was doing what he was doing. It's the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. And it was, it was, it was hilarious. When they went back to the studio, Jeremy Roenick was, it was like, it happened to him. He's like, I would immediately gone to the showers. And I was thinking like, oh, that's
- [75:12]
great, you're a Hall of Fame player,
- [75:14]
let's get you off the ice. I had a buddy of mine actually text me, said not even Sean Avery licked another player. And I was like, yeah, well he was, was too dumb to think of it. And he goes, well, if he's that dumb, why is he married to a supermodel? And I said, all right, fair enough, you got me anyways. But just, you know, I mean, what the fuck? That guy in Tampa, like we really needed to win game four so we could lose in six games. I mean, we were still going to lose the fucking Tampa game. Is his hands off his stick. He hauls McAvoy down behind his own neck net. Behind his own net. No call. It was the most obvious. Not only did the announcers, when they went back to the fucking studio even they were like, what the fuck? Tampa takes it. Pass it over Stamcoast and they tie the fucking game up. And instead of having a chance to even the series at 2 2, we go down 3. 1. It was just stuff like that. You know what's funny is Bartnik was in Tampa Bay and he was listening to it on the radio and Esposito said that that looked like a D dive, which is the funniest thing ever. Esposito is still fucking pissed that he asked for like $3 more from the cheap ass Boston Bruins 45 years ago and they shipped them to New York, our arch rival other than the Canadians during that time. So he will never be impartial when it comes to us. But what the kind of who the is going to dive behind their own net with the puck behind your own net when you're up by one and you have to win that playoff game? Are you Going to go down three games to one. I don't know. He is Esposito. He is a Hall of Famer, but that did not look like a dive to me and haven't said all this fucking sour grape shit. I know Tampa still would have won. I know they probably would have won. Probably six games is what I think would have happened. They just had too much firepower. And I think by the time we decided to get fired. Physical in the series, it was too late. But that's what was missing in our game this year, I think against Toronto and against Tampa, which both of them, I felt had more firepower than we did. Is when you're playing a team that has, you know, is faster than you and has more goal scorers, you have to get physical with them. You can't just let them fucking skate around. And I think we just waited too long. But having said that, this rebuild is on an upswing. I mean, I thought that we were going to be bad for a good six, seven seasons. I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm very happy that we. We won a playoff series, advance to the second round. Definitely a very successful year. And we're going to have a new rule named after one of our players, the Marshawn rule. Maybe it's a good thing that we lost in five. If there was any more games, he might have been the first guy to get. Get a fucking me too case from another guy, right? Oh, no, no, wait. That one guy did. The agent did with the other guy from the cop show. All right. I guess everything's been done. Is that what it is? Has everything been done? And the whole time, this is what kills me is I'm watching the Bruins, you know, just losing this series, licking people's faces. And. And I have. I missed every single second of the Celtics 76ers, you know, I just. I had to pick a road. I'm so busy. I got the kid and all that, and I only had time. And I missed, I guess, one of the most epic Celtics games in recent memory where they tied it up at the buzzer against the Sixers and then came back and won an overtime. All I'm hearing is rosier Tatum Brown, how much they're stepping up. Al Horford, I guess, was blocking shots like a maniac. And so now I got to. I got. I got. I have. I have all the time in the world to watch the Celtics now. So that's what I kind of realized. You know, as much as I Love the Celtics and everything. I really am a hockey guy because I knew we were going to lose that series. And I still hung in there and watched it. Although I missed yesterday's game because I was at a kid birthday party, an awesome kid birthday party. Like, you know. You know when parents do a kid birthday party, right? You take notes. These people did it great. They didn't have it at their house. They had it at like a function room. There was an outdoor area. There was a little jumpy house. This guy did a bubble show, you know, he had a good set too. Man, that's a tough crowd. You know, kids trying to keep them, you know, their attention. They had booze for the parents, they had great food, you know. And then over in the corner, they had this area where the kids, you know, one of those playpens that has like a zillion, you know, different multicolored balls and all that type. And it's just my kid was totally entertained the whole time. I don't think I saw any kid crying. Just until the very end where the kids, you know, they need a nap and they're just like, I don't want
- [80:03]
to do it anymore.
- [80:05]
But it was a great time. So somebody there asked me, goes, you Bruins playing right now? I'm like, I'm afraid to look. So I was kind of looking down, looking at the scores, and then all my Boston friends were sending me text going, what the are we doing? These refs suck. The refs really did suck. You know, who knows, they probably still would have maybe tied it up and beat us in five. Who the knows? But I'm just saying, you know, I just hate having that, like, that goddamn feeling, you know, that's like that year the Lakers beat us, you know, which sucks enough. But if the Lakers beat us, it's fine. I can live with that. They're the Lakers, you know what I mean? But, you know, you call like 30 something fouls on one team and you know, in the teens, on the other in a game seven, it's just inexcusable unless we were out there hacking people up. And it just, I don't know, fucking drives me up the goddamn. Those are the ones that stay with me, you know what I mean? I don't give a fuck if you just come in and kick our ass. But, you know, I. But I, I do take peace in the fact that Tampa Bay was definitely the better team. And I feel that the easily could have just beat us in six. As much as I hate to admit that you motherfuckers Anyways, plowing ahead, what's going to go on with the Capitals? Are the Capitals finally going to get over the hump and slay the dragon and beat these goddamn Penguins from Pittsburgh? Or the Pittsburgh Penguins going to continue their march to be the first team since the New York Islanders, as Steve Byrne reminded me yesterday, since the New York Islanders to win three in a row. It's been that long. The Islanders actually won four in a row from 80 to 84. And I remember them when they were on the COVID the next year of Sports Illustrated and it said the strive for five. You know, the rare. One of the rare times Sports Illustrated put a hockey player back then, you know, on the COVID I think it was Mike Bossi, if I remember correctly. And yeah, that was the age of dynasties when I grew up. When I think about it, from like you look at the 70s in hockey, Bruins won two, Flyers won two and the Canadiens won six. So you had three teams basically won everything. And then the previous decade it was, it was Canadiens, Leafs, and then the Blackhawks won one and then I think Canadians won five and. And the Leafs won four because I want to say the least, won like three in a row and then one in 67 and the Blackhawks won in 61. And everything else was the Canadiens, if I remember correctly. And then you went to the 80s, then the islanders. So basically after the, it went Bruins, Canadians, Bruins, Canadians, Flyers, Flyers, then Canadians, Canadians, Canadians, Canadians. Then Islanders, Islanders, Islanders, Islanders, Edmonton, Edmonton, Canadians, Edmonton, Edmonton. Then Calgary beat the Canadians. One of my favorite one, Lanny McDonald, the ginger. And then Edmonton again in 90 and then 91, 92 was the Penguins. And that was like, I mean, you're talking a. I mean you could literally go back all the way to the 50s because I know like the Red Wings won like back to back and everything else was just, it was just fucking basically pre1967. If you had to guess who won the cup that year, either guess Canadians or Maple Leafs. But then all of a sudden, you know, once, you know, they had the expansion 6 and 67 and then they added, you know, Edmonton Oilers and all those guys in like I believe 78 or something like that. And then it was a 28 team league and it just took a little bit. Well, actually the Islanders were an expansion team in the early 70s. Then they got Al Abba, they went on that run. But then after that, after the Penguins went back to back, it's just basically every other year it's like somebody else wins it other than the, when The Red Wings 1, 2 in a row and I think the Penguins right now. Right. Isn't that how it goes? I don't fucking know. But anyways, which is why I hate to say this is a Celtics fan. I think the, the Lakers are, they're the most successful franchise in the modern era because they were able to during free agency win championships at a clip that people won before. You know, back when there was like, you know, if you were a Laker, you were a Laker. Go fuck yourself. You're not going somewhere else unless the owner decides. Haven't said that. You know, the Lakers do have a championship that, you know, there was a mobbed up ref and fucked over the Sacramento Kings that year. I'm not saying the Kings would have won it, but the Lakers would not have gotten a banner that year. And then that other one with the fucking 30 something fouls. 30 something fouls in 48 minutes of the Celtics. I'll never forget Kobe. He goes, I don't know how we won that game. Well, talk to the guys with the athletes foot shirts. Anyways, sorry, I'm just in a bad mood because my team lost. Anyways, plowing ahead here. Oh, Billy. No vice. Trudging along into May. I wanted to go at least a week into May because I was just trying to go, you know, the, the month of April. Basically viceless. And then I got into May and then I'm just like, you know what, I'm looking good, I'm keeping the weight off. I got the big five zero next month. It would really be a shame if I got this close to my birthday, looking this good. And then I just, you know, I just fucking, you know, put on that booze. £10. I don't want to do that, but. So I've been laying off, laying off, bored as shit. Went to that party yesterday. There was booze there. Could have had one. Didn't do it. Went to the steakhouse at all the beautiful fucking bottles behind the bar. Didn't do it. Came home, trudged past my bar, they don't even say hi anymore. Didn't do it. Went downstairs, took out my phone, played solitaire on it, fell asleep. The exciting life of sobriety. You know what's hard too, was I watched the Kentucky Derby. I would have won money because I always bet on that white haired guy's horse because he's, he's just the man. He's the Bill Belichick of that. And the year I went, the only time I went was that triple crown winner and he owned it. I won money on that one. And I was thinking if I was there, I always, I always the Michael McDonald guy of the horse racing owners. And I was just watching that, that event and I was just, I was like, why am I not sitting here right now drinking some bourbon, smoking a cigar, right? Watching it through my front window with the volume turned up. Obviously you can't smoke a cigar in the house. But I didn't do it, I just sat there. You know, I bought one of those TRX bands, you know, I'm gonna go on the Internet, still have my custom workout, you know, my shoulder feels really good, it's really strong. I still haven't done a pull up in like two years. Oh actually no, I did and then re injured it, you know, six months ago. So now I'm rehabbing it back. So now I'm trying to go nice and friggin slow. Got these bands, now I'm back into doing yoga, I'm not fucking drinking, I'm
- [88:21]
not smoking and I'm bored shitless.
- [88:24]
There, I said it. I'm fucking bored shitless. I like people who are sober. How the fuck you know. You know what? I actually finally, I bought an external little CD player to plug in so I could finally do my, my Rosetta Stone French. And I've been doing that. Then of course, you know, my wife helps me set the fucking thing up and then I, you know, it's working, I'm having a great time and then I go to use it again and of course it won't fucking work. It doesn't recognize anything. I don't know how to open it up. It's just a fucking pain in the ass. So hopefully at some point she'll take some time out of her day. But anyways, I'm gonna polish up on that shit and try to do an hour or two every single day right up until I get over to France. I just want to get a little bit better with my shit. But you know, at some point I got, I gotta, I gotta learn, I gotta become fluent in French because I just think a fucking moron like me knowing how to speak French, it's just something, it's too funny to not do it right. Okay. I've actually ordered kids French books and I'm reading them to my daughter. Those are great because I'm thinking like, well, how did I learn how to just read English and speak it? You know, I had those little books, Bing and Sandy. Sandy and Bing. You remember them? Do they still have those books? They Were like these dogs. That's what that is, really is one of the most fascinating things ever is learning how to read. And you're a kid, so you don't really remember. Like somebody, like, teaches you how to read. All right, let me see. Sandy and Bing. They were a dog and a cat. See this? I mean, I'm going back 45 years. Sandy and Bing books. I swear to God, if I see this, this is going to freak me out to see these books. And of course it's not coming up. Come on, You. I have the slowest goddamn Internet ever. Oh, they don't even have them anymore. Oh, Stanley Bing. Some guy, Stanley Bing wrote a book, A Hundred Bullshit Jobs and How to Get Them. That is fucking hilarious. Why the hell would you do that? Why would you. Oh, my God, look at this book. The Bent, the Bernstein Bears and the Mean Drunk. And there's a. There's a bear. I swear to God. Wearing a wife beater, holding a bat, and it looks like a bottle of Jack Daniels. This is why you got to love the Internet. I'm looking up a kid's book and I find a hundred bullshit jobs and how to get them and the Bernstein Bears. Am I saying that right? The Mean Drunk. Bingo. Crosby. Anna. Some Bugs Bunny one. All right, sorry. What the fuck? You guys are literally listening to me surf the goddamn Internet. I've been doing a bunch of stand up and popping in a bunch of places out here, getting ready for the gigs I have coming up that I do not deserve to be doing in Ireland and in London. Dublin and in London. So I'm gonna make sure I'm beyond on my game when I do those things. I have a run of dates coming up in San Francisco. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. I'm gonna be up there with Nate Craig, Milwaukee Bucks fan. I'm not gonna rub it in unless he brings it up. And I'll be. I'll be up there all week, gonna find a studio space with the drum kit. I'm going to fucking practice that bullshit. I'll be doing my French and I'm not going to be drinking and I'm not going to be smoking cigars. Oh, boy. I don't know. There's no way I'm going to do this. I guess this is why people who are. You know, somebody actually asked me the other day if I wanted to go to a meeting. You know what I mean? And I was just like, dude, I can't sit there with all those donuts and people smoking cigarettes. I'm just, you Know what I mean? I'm just not, I'm not that, you know, like, I mean, everything I ever joined, I was like, I'm not this, I'm not this. I'm liking this. But I'm not quite this even like playing drums as much as I love playing drums. I know I'm not a musician. Like when I go, you see, you know, when you really see somebody that has the gift, you're like, that's what that is. I mean, I can try to do this and make a really difficult life for myself. It wasn't until I walked into a comedy club, an open mic, and I saw all those desperate lunatics and I'm like, yeah, this is, this is me. I'm this, this is what I am. So I went to an AA meeting. I've gone to a couple of them. They were required by the fucking courts of Massachusetts. I was required to go to two of those and a mother against drinking and driving. Way back in the day when I got arrested for that back in the 80s, you know. And I remember sitting there listening to these stories and I was just like, jesus Christ, these people would have like head wounds and wake up from head wounds or stumble out of jail barefoot and just stumble across the street directly over to a liquor store. I mean, that is a fucking alcoholic. You know, they need help to stop. I can stop on my own. Am I just justifying all of this? That's what everybody in the program's gonna be. I can stop on my own. And I just sit here and I'm just fucking, I'm just bored out of my fucking mind. It doesn't make any sense. It's like I'm saying that's like saying I'm never gonna have ice cream ever again. It's like ever. I could see not having it all the time. So you're not a fat fuck, I get that. So your teeth don't rot out of your fucking head. I was definitely drinking too much, but like, I'm never gonna have it again. I'm gonna go to the Kentucky Derby again someday, God fucking willing, I'm gonna go to the Kentucky Derby again and I'm gonna sit there st. I mean, you go into the track, I mean right there, you're a degenerate. Why not give in to it? I don't know, who knows? But I will tell you, I do love it in the morning when I wake up clear headed in the morning and my pasty stomach is nice and flat. I definitely, I definitely enjoy that, you know, Makes me A better dad. I always make my daughter breakfast. That's my thing every morning, right? I go out and I get her. I open the door and she goes, hi. And I'm like, hey, right? She gives me a nice hug and a kiss. Then, you know, change her. Put a pajama bottoms across her eyes. Where is she? Where is she? Plays that game. Loves it. Still loving that game, right? And then I go upstairs. She's really easy. I cut up bananas, strawberries and blueberries. Then I make her a couple of eggs, scrambled. It's funny, what I like to do is I like to have it all prepared before I bring her upstairs. Because if I do, you know, because if she's just sitting there, she starts to get restless, like, you know, where's the food? But if I have it all ready. The other day I had it all ready, you know, and I brought her up and I put her in her little chair. I put her bib on and all that. And I put the plate down already ready and everything made. And she just goes, what now? She goes, whoa, It was awesome. And she can feed herself. The only thing I got to watch out for is she. She wolfs down food the way I do. So I just got to make sure I'm staying on her. So I make sure I cut up everything nice and small, spread out the eggs so they cool off. She doesn't burn them off. And then that's it. Give her a glass of water, and it's all good. So anyways, you know, and I guess if I was hungover, that would probably be a bad thing. So then I think to myself, what if I just get shitfaced when I'm on the road? I'm only on the road like four days a month. That would be fine, right? What do you guys say about that? What do you say? Oh, you guys in fucking AA and I don't drink on the plane. It's just after the shows, there's gotta be a way to do it the way I used to be able to do it, you know? You know. You know what the really thing that fucked me up was I. I never used to have booze in the house. So that's the problem. So when I do start drinking again, because I am going to start drinking, what I'm going to do is I'm going to finish all the liquor in my house, which, even if I drank at a degenerate level, would probably take me a good six months. So I don't know how I'm going to do. I probably should have some people over and help them kill some of these bottles. But I have such good booze, I just can't give it away to some bum, you know what I mean? Like, you ever give a Cuban cigar to some guy who occasionally smokes and you just watch him just huff the whole fucking thing down, you might as well give it him a Dutch master. That's the kind of booze I have. So what I would like to do is slowly knock out all the booze over the next five years that I have in the house and not replace any of the bottles. And then because I think even back in the day when I lived in New York, when I was living in New York and Derosa was living in New York, I mean, we used to just get fucking annihilated and. But I never had any booze in the house. So in my apartment, I should say. So I think that that's. I think that's right there was the game changers when I had it at home. And then I had these nice fucking glasses. You know, when you really get into it, like there's this high level booze and these high level, like, you know, the right glass and you get into the whole, like, ritual of it, and you really can trick yourself that you're not just being some degenerate drinking alone. You know what I mean? This is a highball glass, and this is what you. This glass here is for Sam Adams beer. I actually have the Sam Adams glasses, you know, with that little lip at the top, like it's supposed to make the head and the hops and all of that taste, it tastes the same, you know, I mean, that's like when they do all these reissues of guitars, you know what I mean? I can't tell the difference. The way I play guitar, which I barely do anymore. And, you know, you could give me the greatest guitar in the world. I'm still going to sound like me, which is shitty. So anyways, I don't know who the knows, but a buddy of mine's actually been listening to these tapes that, you know, talk about alcohol, not that stupid, you need to go to get help type of way, but they just talk about. They just put it in a different perspective. I don't know, I'm just like a streaky person. That's all it is. So, like, when I'm not drinking, I don't want to drink because I don't want to ruin the streak. I'm like, ah, man, I've gone like 35, 40 days here. I'm gonna start all over again. Let me see if I can make it to 50 because there's a big part of me that, you know, would like to plow right through my birthday and not drink. But then it's like, I'm gonna be in France. How the do you not drink when you're over there? I'm not gonna have a fucking glass of wine, sit there like a fucking jerk off. I don't know. We'll see. Anyways, all right, zip recruit, zip. Which by the way, you got to see the poster for my tour coming up, which is simply called 50. All right. The big 5o people. And I am actually sending posters over to Dublin and over to London. That's the first place, the poster. That's where the tour officially gets kicked off. And I actually am not going to be using stamps.com for that just because the company is going to be sending it out themselves. However, when they send me the rest of the. The posters and when I do Minnesota and all that, I will be using stamps.com and I'm a moron. If I can figure it out, so can you. And right now you too can Enjoy stamps. The stamps.com service with a special offer that includes a four week trial plus postage and a digital scale. Go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in brrrr. That's stamps.com. enter brrrr. And by the way, in Dublin and in London, I will be coming out after the show to take pictures and sign your poster. Something I that I have not done in years. I'm gonna do that again because I appreciate you guys coming out. It is a big birthday. Why not, you know, man, God knows I'm not in the back drinking. Although I think once I get through Dublin and once I get through London, I think, you know, that would be June 6th. I think that's the night I might actually have a little. A little something. Who knows, I don't know. But you know, I'm bringing my whole family over there. I can't be hungover. That's another reason why my daughter's the best, right? She keeps me sober. All right, hang on one second. I have to look something up here because now we're going to get into the questions this week. And there's a point that somebody's bringing the point that somebody's bringing up about guns and they're doing it in the usual way that people do it on the Internet where they insult the other person. And I just want to make sure I have the definition of something up here, okay? Bullshit. AR 15 Response to Goat Guy. For those of you who don't listen all the time, you know, I, I, you know, there's a whole gun debate. Why do you need an AR15? So I was asking people that have AR15s, I said, why do you have one? And don't give me that bullshit about fucking, you know, home defense and all of that crap. I mean, Jesus Christ. I mean, you could, I mean, you could literally have a.22. Who the fuck, anybody want to get shot by a fucking.22? I would have a.22. I did a whole bit on that just because I don't want to fucking blow my eardrums out. I mean, a BB gun, you know, with one of those little CO2 cartridges, you shoot somebody in the face with that thing, they're going to keep, they're going to keep walking through that. They can go down the street and just not have to worry about anything when they walk into that house. I don't know. Anyways. Oh, you know, or to fight off the government. That's my, another famous one. That's my other favorite one. You're going to fight off the government with your semi automatic gun here. The whole government, you're gonna fight them all off.
- [103:29]
I got a lot of bullets, motherfucker.
- [103:31]
All right, so anyway, so this guy ends up writing in, saying that he was a sheep farmer or whatever, goat farmer or something like, yeah, goat farmer. And he uses the milk to make Parmesan Reggiano. And he also, or some whatever the fuck, he used like two different types of cheese. I forget what the other kind, but both delicious types of cheese. And there's all these coyotes and they hunt in packs and he's shooting at a moving target and it just made fucking sense. So then somebody else wrote back, ah, that's bullshit. Just get some fucking dogs. They'll fight off the coyotes. Coyotes are cowards. This guy's full of shit. And to be randomly killing coyotes like that is, you know, mean and all that. So this guy is responding to the person that responded to the guy. Because I was impressed with that guy when he said, this is why I use it. I go, well, no shit, that makes sense. And I like that cheese. So God bless you. Kill those coyotes, right? So anyways, this guy's responding to the person that said that that guy still didn't need the gun. He could just get a couple of dogs. So anyways, he said, hey, Bill, I'd like to say to the guy's, response about just buy dogs instead of an AR15 does not know what the fuck he's talking about. First of all, it's not a machine gun, you dumb cunt. It's semi automatic rifle, meaning you pull the trigger once and one bullet fires. Okay, now do you see how he just made his point? It's not a machine gun, you dumb cunt. It's a semi automatic rifle. You should say it's not a machine gun, it's semi automatic. And then you should accept. Explain what semi automatic means. All right, semi automatic doesn't just mean that you just pull the trigger in one bullet fires. Because then literally a.38 is semi automatic. Doesn't that mean like you can, you can actually pull the trigger quickly, faster, where it won't get jammed or something like that? I mean, there's something different between just a revolver, a semi automatic and fully automatic. I don't know about guns, right, but isn't there? So I looked up semiautomatic firearm. It says this without calling anybody a dumb cunt. You're just not informed. There's a lot of information in the world. You can't have it all between your ears. The semiautomatic firearm, or a self loading firearm, is one that not only fires a bullet each time the trigger is pulled, but also performs all steps necessary to prepare it to discharge again. Assuming cartridges remain in the firearm feed device. Typically this includes extracting and ejecting the spent cartridge case from the firing chamber, recocking the firing mechanism and loading a new cartridge into the fire firing chamber to fire again, the trigger is released. To fire again, the trigger is released and repressed again. All right, so now let me ask you this. So is. Is a.38 because the revolver turns, is that considered semi automatic? Now I'm just confused. Semiautomatic. Let me look up, I mean, let me look this up. Is a revolver. You know what's funny? People are into gun right now. The amount of people that are listening to me like I'm a fucking moron, like this means that they're better at math. It's like I don't own guns. I don't know anything about this shit. If you didn't know anything about drums, I wouldn't make fun of you because you know what a fucking hi hat was. Is a revolver semi automatic. Let's see here. And he hit search. And it takes two hours. A revolver which uses multiple chambers in a single barrel and a derringer which uses multiple chambers and multiple barrels, also fire one round per trigger pull. But achieve this in different ways and as such are not classified as being semi automatic. Semiautomatic pistols. A semiautomatic pistol is a type of pistol that is semi automatic. I swear to God. That's the first statement. Meaning it uses the energy of the fired cartridge to cycle the action of. Of the firearm and advance the next available cartridge into position. So basically, if I don't have some revolutionary war thing that it's just like I put a bullet in, shoot, and then put another bullet in, or I don't have to do that cocking thing that you always see with the sniper rifles. All right, so this is sort of a basic gun that. This is like a car with power windows and power brakes and power steering like most cars have that. Now, is that basically what you're saying when you were calling this guy a dumb cunt? He's not a dumb cunt. I bet that. That. What if this guy. What if he's a veterinarian? That doesn't mean you're a dumb cunt. All right, he should have said, you uninformed cunt. How about that? Can we. Can we meet in the middle there? You can still call him a cunt, but just use the correct adjective anyways, just like most rifles and handguns these days. Oh, he actually explained it to me if I considered. Continued reading. Okay, first of all, it's not a machine gun, you dumb cunt. It's a semi automatic rifle, Meaning you pull the trigger once and one bullet fires just like most rifle and handguns these days. Right off the bat, you know, this guy doesn't know what he's talking about and probably never shot a gun in his life. Fair enough. You're all. That's all good. I usually wouldn't be this hostile, but hey, I had a few drinks and I'm passionate about this subject. All right, Fair enough. Anyway, I believe his argument was to buy a fleet of dogs to protect your livestock. He didn't say a fleet. He said, you know, get like two or three. He said, get the fuck out of here. You know how expensive trained dogs are to protect your livestock? I'm. Well, do you? Or are you just drunk at a bar throwing this out? I mean, Christ, purebred German shepherds are eight to $900 around here. Now you're a moron. No one's getting a German shepherd to get, like, a fucking sheepdog or. Christ, one of my buddies has one of those dogs. They're smart as shit. I forget the name of the dog. You wouldn't you've seen and now you don't know about dogs, you dumb cunt. You uninformed cunt. God knows what a fucking fleet of dogs cost. Not to mention the food and attention you have to give him. AR15 prices are going down every day. And with ammo well under 50 cents around, you'd have to be a dumbass. Oh, Jesus. Parentheses. Or a liberal not to use this. All right. And right there, your whole argument is out the window. Anybody who classifies all conservatives or Republicans or all liberals or Democrats is morons. Right there. You know what I mean? That's kind of like what I was doing earlier when I was talking about how bad the officiating was against the Bruins. However, I did bring up that, you know, Marshawn should have got a misconduct for taking that guy's knees out. And I did say that straight across the board. It was. It's been really unprofessional, however. But if I were to just sit there and say all the bad calls went against us, I mean, I don't know, I would be. I mean, what kind of world kind of dumbass. Or a living liberal. You get it? Because they're dumbasses and I just made them out to all be Southerners. Like everybody down south is a dumbass, which is not true. Mark Twain, you know what I mean? That guy was so smart, he wrote all those books. And Kentucky Fried Chicken had that guy dressed just like him. In conclusion. He said in conclusion as if he's made this great argument. I think there is a huge lack of education on firearms in the US today. He actually wrote in the US today. He didn't capitalize the US I would 100% agree with that. At the end of the day, the AR15 is the most effective tool for a lot of jobs. P.S. i saw you in Nashville. Your final bit. Fucking killed. Love you and go fuck yourself. Sincerely, your freedom loving fans in Nashville. Dude, you know something? I got to be honest with you. I agreed with your points. But when you said dumbass or liberal and the fact that you said freedom loving, like who doesn't love to be free? You know what I mean? Are you another one of these people that thinks that ISIS is a major threat to a first world country with their no plane, no boat, no uniform, no real weaponry, modern weaponry, fucking army, you know what I mean? Do you think if ISIS was living in the badlands, we would even waste a second of our goddamn tax dollars to try and stop them? There's plenty of cunts out there. They're just not sitting on top of a bunch of oil freedom loving you. You know something, you really, you really lost me there.
- [113:06]
I mean, if you don't agree with me, I guess you just don't like freedom.
- [113:12]
Oh boy. What? The amount of people that are drinking that fucking Kool Aid 15 years into this fucking thing. It's a liberation. They have weapons of mass destruction. They've changed it like 90 fucking times. And I'm so sick of the fact that that you can't criticize. What the fuck? Those fucking broke ass cunts over there are going to bankrupt us. How long can you spend $700 billion a fucking year? At some point we're going to have to pay for that. I'm going to have to pay for it. You're going to pay for it. Our kids, their kids and all of that. Jesus Christ. Over a bunch of jerk offs with a bag of M80s unfucking believable. It's unbelievable. You know why we're over there? Saddam knew why we went over there. He lit it on fire before we got there. But you can't say that anymore in this country because if you do, that means you're in ISIS or you're a socialist or some shit like that. It's just fucking, it's unbelievable. It's unfucking believable. Meanwhile, this place is going to hell in a handbasket with a nationwide heroin epidemic. Our food supply is fucking poisoned and the bankers got the houses is back so they can cook the economy again.
- [114:25]
All of that is fine.
- [114:26]
All of that is fine. But if you tell jokes at a presidential whatever the that is, the whole goddamn world stops. All right? This girl. Billy Blowfish. Love you, Billy Blowfish. I like that. Love your podcast. I've been listening to it every time I'm in the car driving to and from work. Definitely makes my commute better. Listen, I'm a 22 year old guy and I've been talking to this girl who has a kid. Now I know what you're thinking, what the fuck is going through your stupid fucking head. But the problem is is I think I really like this girl. I don't think that's a problem. As long as you're willing to take on the responsibilities of that relationship, there's nothing wrong with it. And one thing I forgot to mention, I haven't even met her in person yet. Okay, I just, I just dropped the microphone on that one. I'm supposed to meet her. I'm supposed to meet up with her. Oh, okay. I just thought you were stalking her on social media. I'm supposed to meet her. I'm supposed to go meet her up this Saturday. Is that a new expression? I think you said. I think you meant to say meet up with her this Saturday night after work. And I'm not sure what will happen. The thing is, she's exactly like me. She's vegetarian, she likes animals and nature, etc. Etc. What's the Nashville guy doing right now?
- [115:52]
Yeah, she likes all that, but doesn't like freedom.
- [115:58]
But she has a fucking kid, bill. I'm fucking 22 years old and can't stop thinking about this girl who has a fucking kid. Please give me some advice. I'm not sure how to proceed. Well, I think you're very concerned with the responsibilities of the fact that she has a kid and what that's going to mean, and you're only 22 years old, and there's fucking nothing wrong with that, okay? And don't let all these fucking. Don't. Don't ask a woman about this, because she's just going to stick up for the fucking woman because she's going to insert herself into that situation would be like, well, I'd still like to be able to find love just because I have a kid. Dude, you're 22 years old. You are a kid, all right? Unless you're, like, really mature or something like that. That. That is a major detail that you should be thinking about, all right? So I would respect the fact that there's a voice in your head that's saying, dude, she's got a kid, all right? Before you know, Because I'm gonna tell you right now, dude, like, what you're getting involved in there. You know, if that goes south, you're gonna break two hearts, okay? Because there's two people that are gonna fall in love with you in that thing. So make sure you're. You're prepared and you don't waste her time and that poor kid's time, all right? So there you go. That's my advice to you. This isn't, you know, oh, look at the tits. I want to fuck her. This is not that situation, you know? All right? Advice. Dick the douchebag friend. Dear Billy Angel Tits. I don't know what that means, but anytime anybody calls me an angel, I take that as a compliment, I guess, because they're as white as an angel's gown. Maybe it's an insult. I don't know. Billy Red tits. Billy Devil Tits. You can go either way on that. Love the podcast. Ah, thank you, since you're always offering great wisdom and words to live by. I'm really not. I'm a fucking moron. And you guys listen to me for some reason. Maybe you could help me out with this one for the sake of animity. Hope I said that right. Let's call this douchebag friend of mine, Dick. Dick is the kind of person that can get annoying and touchy towards women when he's drunk to the point where it starts to border on harassment. It's always weird. It always weirds me the fuck out. And I don't know how to address this behavior. Simple, be like, hey, Dick, will you fucking knock it off. What's wrong with you? Keep your hands to yourself. He goes, a few weeks ago we met this 18 year old girl at a bar. What the fuck she doing at a bar? Which we had a great time with. We all went to Dick's house afterwards for a couple more Dicks drinks.
- [118:53]
Sorry.
- [118:53]
And Dick tried to make some moves on this girl. He couldn't get into her pants that night. However. However last Friday he did. Now this is where it gets crazy. The next day he took the girl to a yearly festival to celebrate Liberation Day where he and I and a whole bunch of friends had planned to meet up. This is obviously from another country, I don't know, Liberation Day. She basically only knew me and him about 15 minutes into meeting each other there, the girl started puking up foam. As it turns out, she hadn't eaten all day and had popped a pill of ecstasy which he had given to her. Oh my God. He didn't seem to care what was happening. So I decided to take her to the bathroom area to clean her up and I brought her some water and then we went back to look for Dick. Well, why would you take her back to him? When we finally found him, let me guess, he was trying to hook up with somebody else. I told Dick, like, dude, she hasn't eaten all day, man. She was puking back there, he should get her something to eat. And what did this motherfucking do? He quickly walked away and left me to deal with this 18 year old shit for the rest of the entire day. We didn't see him again for the rest of the day and we made no effort in trying to. He made no effort in trying to find us. What a dick. Being the gentleman that I am, I decided to stay with her to guide her through this ecstasy trip. I gave her some food and tried to have fun. And even though we did have fun, it had already Ruined that day for me. He tried to contact me today, but I'm really questioning whether he even deserves a response. What do you think, Bill? Should I give this dick another chance or is this the kind of person you want to cut out of your life? Complete me. Thanks. I'll tell you, this is a no brainer. I pick up the phone and I would just tell him like, dude, you are a fucking piece of shit and your behavior around women is completely unacceptable to the point I would warn other women to stay away from you and I don't want to be friends with a person like you. Have a nice life and God bless the United States of America. And that's it. That's an easy one. I don't even have to think about that one. All right. Fuck banks. Bill, I'm writing to you because I believe you are the only man crazy and angry enough to relate with me on this. Dude, fuck banks. Fuck them all. This month I just found out I owe my bank $45. Apparently Fitness Connection attempted to withdraw $10 from my account these past two months. Once a month at about $5 in my bank. Two months ago, this could not cover the $10 fee a month for my gym membership twice. So now I'm being charged a fee of $45 even though one, it's debit. Two, Fitness didn't actually withdraw the money. They only attempted to. Nothing went through. So not only do I owe my bank $45, but I also owe Fitness Connection about 50 in late fees and the two $10 fees that never got paid. Please explain to me why I'm being charged for this transaction that didn't go through. Is there a guy working in the dark room at the bank pushing buttons who they have to pay for the transaction services? No, it's all fucking ones and zeros, all computers. Yet another fee that we as consumers accept for no reason at all. Even if it makes no sense, the idea of letting an entity such as a bank hold your money seems to carry way more cons than it does perks. I'm taking your advice and I'm going to call and complain until I get what I want. Fuck banks forever. Now all my money lives in the wall Balls. If the house burns down, then so be it, but at least I didn't get by the man. Keep the good work and good luck to your Celtics. Jason Tatum is looking like a baller. All right, I agree with a lot of things you're saying there, but what you didn't take responsibility for was your own actions that Led to this. All right, if you know that you owe your gym $10 a month, you're going to have to fucking have that in your bank account. You, you didn't have that. So then I don't know how it works. I know if you write a check and it bounces, there's a fee. So you're saying this is debit, but you're using your debit like paying cash and everything. So I actually don't think banks are out of line for doing that. What I think is you need to be more responsible with your money. And like I agree with you, banks are fucking evil. It's a giant Ponzi scheme. There's nothing behind the fucking money, but everybody believes in it. So hey, we live another day, all right? But the thing about it is, is you have to learn to make money work for you. And if you don't understand money, the wonderful thing about the Internet is if you stop, you know, reading people screaming about politics or watching online porn and all of that shit, which I've been guilty of, all of that stuff, there's actually a lot of things that you can learn. And what I've learned about money is that money can set you free or it can imprison you. And it all depends on the choices that you're making. And the choices that you're making, sir, are horrific. And back in the day would have landed you and all of your family into debtors prison. So you got off easy in the modern world. You know, I guess taking your money out of the banks, you know, putting you in your walls. I, you know, I, I don't disagree with that past a certain amount of money, but I, I like to invest in things that are intangible. I'm into real estate, I'm into buying apartment buildings and shit like that. You always have to hedge your bets. Like I'm buying apartment buildings, just starting to do that. Not as like I bought a bunch, I'm looking at one, right? Because it fascinates me to have income coming into my house every month that's not actually in the business that I'm in. And the business that I'm in now, considering now with social media, somebody can just say you did something and there's
- [125:21]
no,
- [125:25]
what do you call it? There's no due process or anything. And that could literally cause everybody in the business you're in to just walk away from you and then, then what do you do? You know, so, and that's just a new pitfall in this up business that I'm in which, you know, even before all that, Me too. I mean, you see these movie stars, one hit after another, one hit after another, and all of a sudden they have a couple of flops in a row and then they just disappear. So this business has always been fickle as hell. So I planned on doing this anyways, but after all of that stuff came out and like, you know, just recently looking at that Tom Brokaw stuff, I don't know if he's guilty or innocent, but the fact that two people can just accuse him and. Which is totally their right, but the amount of people that just. On the accusations now just look at that guy like he's a complete piece of shit. Is, isn't right. Isn't. Isn't any more right than if he actually did what they said they were doing and then he's actually guilty of it. But to just, you know, an accusation is just an accusation. But the amount of people that then take that as, you know, game, set, match is, I mean it's just how the world works. It's just how it works. So you need to learn about money. Can't just say fuck banks and then just be anti social and have your like money in the walls. I mean you can, you can use banks as long as you know what, what, what the game is. You can use it in your favor and, and if you just resist the stupidity of consumption in flat screen TVs and all of this shit that these stupid fucking celebrities show you when they go into their houses and oh, I had this stupid thing, what they're showing you is a fucking. The only thing that's impressive is the house. Everything else is a, is a, is a liability. It's all depreciating assets, their fucking cars, all of that shit, you know what I mean? Those stupid supercars that those fucking idiots buy that, you know, the only place you really should be taking it is to a track so you can actually, you know, open the thing up. And then all of those cars like, you know, you look at those Ford GTs, I saw one the other day for sale and it was like fucking 10, 15 years old. And it was high miles. It had 6,000 miles on it. Now it retained most of its value, but it's just, I don't know, I guess unless you're gonna buy those things. But all of Those flat screen TVs, the monogram. Fucking stupid. The oil painting yourself, it's just a bunch, it's a bunch of shit. It's fucking stupid. The pots and pans that you buy that rather than just buying the ones at Target. You go out and you got to go to fucking foo Foo foos place and buy these gourmet level pots and pans to heat up your fish sticks. Because at the end of the day, you're still that blue collar jerk off. It's all a waste of money. And it's just a bunch of. Now if you actually take your money, right, you know, and. And learn how to invest it and then your money starts making money, that's when you flip it. When your money is earning you money, when you're sitting on a couch watching a game and your money is out there making you money, then you understand it. And I mean, I don't even understand it, okay? But I'm just starting to learn how to do it. And the. The. I don't know, they just. It's nowhere in the educational system. You have to seek out that knowledge yourself. Like most quality knowledge that's out there. You have to seek it out because people aren't going to give it to you. So that's what I would say. So I feel for you that you're in that position. I've been in that position. But I wouldn't say fuck banks use banks rather than have banks use you. All right, there you go. It's a long explanation, but an important subject. All right. My sister's deadbeat boyfriend. Dear Tara Billy. I don't know what that means. I'm a. I'm a junior in high school and I live with my mother sister and her deadbeat boyfriend. Wow. He moved in with intentions to pay rent and help fix up our house that is slowly falling apart. Is this Dwight Yocum from fucking Sling Blade? But for the past year, this losers had no job and pence paid no rent. Yeah, yeah, he's a gold digging whore. All he does is sleep all day and play Xbox. He also mentally manipulates my sister by telling her things like her family doesn't care enough about her to give her a funeral. Oh my God, you got to get this guy out of the house while he gets high and drunk and totes his guns around. My mom has on multiple occasions threatened to kick him out because. Because. But she won't in fear that my sister will go with him. What in the fuck is. I don't even understand how a parent loses this level of control in their own house. So, Bill, what do you think I should do about this situation? Thank you for being so. Damn. Thank you. All right. Looking forward to Family Season 3. What do you think I should do? You got to sit down and talk to your mom and you just say, mom, I know this is a difficult situation, but you got to kick this guy out of the house. He's drunk and he's walking around with guns. You got to choose your family first. And if our sister chooses him over us, then so be it. I mean, that's it. Dude, you got to get that guy out of the fucking house. Fuck that loser. That's it. These are all cut and dries this week. Dump that fucking douche that banded that chick after he gave her the ecstasy. Learn, you know, learn how to fucking use money correctly and get this fucking guy out of the house. Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm cheating on a test here. These are easy. This week, sit down with your mom and just say, we got to kick this guy out. And this is what I would do. I would. If you need to, I would call the cops before you kick him out if you think he's going to be a problem. I would have the cops come down there and say, I don't want this guy in my house anymore. He does have firearms and I want him out of the house. What a fucking loser. All right. Dumped because of infidelity 20 years ago. Big Billy Bald Balls, massive fan of the podcast, and your specials have had me in stitches. Oh, thank you. I really need your opinions, opinion, slash advice on a situation with recent issues. I've just broken up with an amazing lady, the woman I was going to propose to this month. We had been together eight months, but when you get to your late 30s, you can cut through the bullshit pretty quickly and get to a meaningful relationship. I knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Our relationship had been great. No arguments, lots of fun, laughter and love. Only one issue existed between us, and it seems to have caused the end of the relationship. Not long after we started dating, we were out having drinks and we were talking lightly about past relationship and. And she asked if I had ever been unfaithful. I wanted to be honest and said yes. She asked to know more, and I described a time when I was 20 and I had been an idiot and cheated on my girlfriend. At the time, I stressed that I regretted it and have never entertained the thought of doing that again. I am simply not the same guy. She reacted fairly badly, leaving the pub crying outside before coming back in and telling me she wished I'd lied. We managed to get past it, though. That night. Dude, you were 20. The relationship went on as normal, we shared many weekends and holidays. Fun nights out, cozy nights in, talked about a future together and I was invited to share Christmas and New Year's with her entire family. It was great. Even as recently as last week, she was redesigning my garden for use in the summer. It is reared its head two more times since then. Once on my birthday in January when we nearly broke up over it and she was struggling with it again. She was so upset, kept saying, why couldn't you have just lied? But we talked through and moved on again. Or so I thought. And then of course, recently when it all ended, every time it has come up, I've been honest and shown true remorse and been very supportive. Very recently we broke up because she just can't get past my past and said it's the only thing stopping her from committing to me fully. She loves me, wanted to be talking about having children with me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. I don't need to reread lessons. Everywhere you look, all you hear is the once a cheater, always a cheater lines, which in my case simply is not true. I know that some of this stems from one of her past relationship which ended in 2016 when she was engaged and the guy broke it off and ran off with one of her friends. I don't want to lose this lady. Only back on Valentine's Day, she made me present. Only back on Valentine's Day, she made me a present of 100 reasons why she loves me. One of them was that she thinks about the future. She only saw it with me and then I made her feel like no one else has. This can surely be saved, but I don't understand it and I don't know what to do. Thanks, Bill. And go yourself. Well, I mean, what the fuck can you do? I mean, if she's going to judge you by what you did when you were 20 years old. I just laid on table, said, listen, I want to marry you, all right? There's nothing I can do to make you know I'm paying for the sins of that last guy. And if you want to throw this relationship because of that away because of that last guy, that's on you, dude. You've done all you can do here. You've done all you can do here. So she's obviously not over that other guy or the pain of that other guy and now you're paying for it. I don't know. So, I mean, what the can you do? I would just tell her how I feel about her and Just say, listen, I'm ready to get married anytime you want to, but if you don't, then you got to let me go and I got to move on. I got to get, you know, because I'm in my late 30s and if you don't trust me enough that I'm not going to fuck around on you, then I, you know, I don't know what to tell you. Then I guess it is over. But it's going to be your call. It's not my call. Something like that. I don't know. That's a tough one, buddy. All right, the last one. Last one. Here. Jesus, is a long podcast. Did I blow my chances with this girl from work? Hello, Bill Nye, the angry guy. I'll keep this as short as I can. Who just opened that door? Hey, buddy.
- [137:02]
Hey,
- [137:04]
what's up, cutie pie? I guess I'm watching you right now. Hi.
- [137:13]
Huh?
- [137:15]
What's going on? Don't pull the cord. Don't pull the cord. All right, Nia, help me out with this one. This guy's asking, did I blow my chances with this girl from work? Hello, Bill Nye the angry guy. I'll keep this short as I can. I work with this girl that is a solid 10. She's absolutely gorgeous and her personality matches mine in a hundred different ways. And she's a nerdy chick, which is a massive plus. If you saw her, you'd say, holy s. Why does she work in a place like this? Can't curse my kids here. Quick and simple. I got to know her. We constantly flirted back. Back and forward. Not back and forth. Near. They flirted back and forward. She put a lot of attention on me. Not to sound egotistical, but I'm a good looking. I thought he said 62 year old guy. 6 foot 2 guy. My issue is that when I get too comfortable, I begin to spill my red flags and I start to describe my self confidence issue. I guess I do this to see if she's okay with them. Bad move. Yes, it is. After working with her for nearly a year and a half now she seems distant. Yeah, you probably waited too long. We used to watch the same shows. Not physically together, but then come to work the next day and have long conversations about how awesome they were. She used to make efforts to initiate conversation. Now she barely acknowledges me anymore. It was really sudden. Well, she probably made met someone. I'm not trying to be a dick here. I've tried a lot to strike up conversation, but she acts disinterested. I started Trying to make her jealous, but she doesn't seem to give a F. We work in an almost exclusive male workplace, so of course everyone is trying to get with her. It burns my blood to watch it, but it's my fault. Is there anything I can do to reserve. Reverse my situation, or have I sealed this case shut? Thanks for reading. Please come to. I'm not going to say the City in case she's listening. Yeah, I think you blew it with her. The only girlfriend broke up with you. Huh?
- [139:17]
Nia
Your work girlfriend broke up with you.
- [139:19]
Bill Burr
Yeah. I think what you need to do is move on and stop talking about your confidence issues. You need to get some confidence, and you need to get outside the workplace, and you need to start hitting on some women, and you need to go on dates, and then you're going to feel more confident about yourself, and that's the best way to try to make this woman more interested in you. All right.
- [139:40]
Nia
Don't ask where you eat anyway. Right? Don't ask where you eat.
- [139:44]
Bill Burr
Yeah, yeah. Because. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, this guy doesn't have confidence, so he's not going to walk up to a woman that he doesn't really know. He needs to get over that hub hump, which is why it worked, because there's a reason they're supposed to be there. He feels. Feels more comfortable, and he. You know, she was probably waiting for him to ask around, and then he didn't, and then not. It sounds like she's with somebody else.
- [140:05]
Nia
Yeah. Or she's just over his. Just over it. You know, they had a little fun. Like I said, work, boyfriend, girlfriend, relationship, and now she's moved on.
- [140:16]
Bill Burr
There you go. Yeah. So, yeah, do plenty of fish in the sea, you know, and don't waste your time getting jealous with this person. Just like you go in there, you don't. You don't care. Hi. Hi. Yeah, what's up, smiley, huh? Hi. You know, it's funny now she speaks gibberish, but she knows exactly what she's saying. And then she'll just throw in a random real world. She'll be like, hi. Huh? Yeah. You want to tell some stories? All right, that's the podcast for this week. Go you know what yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday. Bye. Yeah, congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning. You. You bunch of bees. All right, I'll talk to you later. I'll be honest. Shopping for clothes is not my favorite thing. I just want to look good without overthinking it. Stitch fix makes it easy. You take a quick style quiz your size, your vibe, your budget, and a real human stylist sends a box with clothes that actually fit your life. Try it on at home. Keep what works send back the rest. Shipping's free. No subscription required. Get $20 off@stitchfix.com podcast.