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Monday Morning Podcast
Jet Lag, The Pretenders, Wimbelton | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-11-25
02:05:30
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- [00:00]
Bill Burr
All right, Ready or Not, Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is officially coming to PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series XS on July 15th. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together. So at launch, the game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the Free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC. This game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matters. You have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach, and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new pre order here the Day One edition or the Deluxe edition now. You can also download the standard edition on July 15th. Mark your calendar. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for.
- [01:20]
Nia Renée Hill
The Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you.
- [01:30]
Bill Burr
What's going on? How you been? Oh my God, I feel like I haven't talked to you guys in forever.
- [01:39]
Nia Renée Hill
Sorry. I just been traveling like a maniac and I am not. I don't know, I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't been sleeping well and I'm drinking coffee because that's the only thing I have left. And that's like, not helping obviously with me sleeping, but like, you know, what am I supposed to do? I'm traveling and I want to see what people's coffee tastes like, you know, you like how you guys didn't say like, hey, Bill, how come you're not sleeping? I'm actually kind of like giving you guys shit like you said, Bill, what the fuck? Why don't you sleep more? Why are you drinking so much coffee anyway? How do I get caught up here? All right, So I went to. By the way, I just fucking woke up and it's five in the afternoon, 509 in the afternoon. I finally just decided I'm not fighting fucking jet lag anymore. At my age, I'm not doing this shit where I stay up or try to make myself go to sleep. I'm just gonna fucking. If I get tired, I'm going to sleep and eventually this shit will work itself out or it doesn't. And if it doesn't, when I go back to the States, I don't have to fucking worry about trying to get acclimated. You know, I learned that trick by, I worked with dom IRA like 10 ago or something like that in Australia. And I was like, oh man, I'm so jet lagged. He goes, I'm not. He goes, I just, if I'm tired, I just go to sleep. He's like, I don't give a. If I'm up till 4 in the morning, I don't give a. And I'm like, yeah, that's right. What am I trying to go to Disneyland out here? I'm not. I work nights anyway. What am I doing? I don't get along with day people. I used to be a day person.
- [03:33]
Bill Burr
I used to be a morning person.
- [03:36]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, I had a fucking paper route. I, you know, and then once I got into doing stand, I always, when I was a kid, sleeping in was 7am, if you can believe. Oh man, how old do I sound now? Oh, let me tell you kid something.
- [03:50]
Bill Burr
When I was a kid.
- [03:52]
Nia Renée Hill
Why is this thing redlining? Oh, I guess I had the volume all the way up. That'll do it. Anyway, yeah, weekday the paper had to be there before 7am so I'd get up at a quarter to six, and then on the weekends it had to be there by 8 in the morning so I could get up at 7. Oh my God, that was incredible. 7am and no school. Little Billy Burr and his bicycle and his bag of papers riding down the street all freckled and dumb, thinking he was going to go to Notre Dame and go to law school and become a lawyer. That's what I thought was going to happen. That's not what happened. It's not even remotely what happened. Anyway, and then once I got into, you know, fucking doing stand up and shit, it completely flipped and then I had kids and then it went back. I don't know, I don't know. I'm fucking jet lagged people. I'm gonna be babbling a lot on this. So anyway, I went to London. I can't believe I hadn't been there since did Paper tiger back in 2019. I thought it only been like three years, it was six, so can't do that again. So I went there and had an absolutely amazing, amazing time. First of all, I don't know where to start. I played the Odeon, the Hammersmith, the Apollo, whatever they call it, which I've Always loved. Because it's. It's like there's like a highway, like, elevated. Like, you could jump off the highway onto. Onto the. Onto the venue. And that venue I played a long time ago. And you can probably find the podcast whenever it was. It was like, probably early last decade. Yeah, Bill, that's what the we want to do. Sift through all of your. Well, maybe you can look up when I played there if they have that information. I have no idea. And then he could sync it up with the podcast and I guarantee you, I was thinking what I was thinking, this last thing, time I did it two nights ago, was whenever I go into that venue. I am sorry, I'm fucking dehydrated here. No, I have not been smoking still have not smoked a cigar since January. Still fucking going. I'm not saying I've quit them forever, but I'm just taking this fucking extended break. My daughter said I could have a few when I'm in Italy, but then I'm thinking, like, do I want to start back up again and then have to go through quitting? That's my thing. It's not the starting, it's the quitting. I just don't want to go through. That's. That's how I stopped drinking. I didn't stop drinking because I was just like, you know what?
- [06:56]
Bill Burr
Like, this is it.
- [06:58]
Nia Renée Hill
My life is out of control and all of that. I mean, there was aspects of that that was true, but it was more just like, I don't want to. I just don't want to go through quitting again. I don't want to be Billy Boo's face. I don't want to wake up hungover. I don't want to go through this again. Tired man. So, anyway, so here was the deal. It was for Glenn Tipton's foundation to help find a cure for Parkinson's. And it was a gig that I was going to do a long time ago, before COVID And then Covid happened, and then I had a son, and then we did old dads and all that shit. I was saying on Monday on the Money Money podcast. So it finally happened. And then simultaneous over the years. Chrissy Hine, who. The first time I met her, she came to see me at that gig at Hammersmith, but she didn't come backstage because we didn't know each other and she thought it would be weird. But when I did Royal Albert, that's the first time I met her. So we would. I was telling her, you know, I was a failed drummer and all of that and we were talking about first concerts, which is so amazing. I told her about Judas Priest and my parents were there. My mother was saying how her first concert. My mother saw Elvis Presley before he was famous in Sarasota, Florida, doing five show sets in this little theater in Sarasota. She saw him at like three in the afternoon in a half filled house. And like three weeks later he did, like. No, not three weeks later. Like three months later, he did the Ed Sullivan Show. And I looked the whole fucking thing up. He had a gig in Sara in like February and I think July, he did Ed Sullivan. I haven't looked it up in a while. And she was telling all the kids at school that she saw him. And they're like, yeah, now you didn't see him. She goes, telling you, I saw the guy. So anyway, Chrissy was obviously enjoying that story. And through talking to her about that, you know, we came up with an idea one time, like we both like playing smaller places and shit. She goes, just for the fun of it, she goes, we should, we should just do like a comedy music one night, whatever it is, or maybe do a couple of dates, go through England and maybe you could sit in on drums, you know, on a couple of songs. And I was like, fucking twist my arm. I would do that in a second. And England's a really, really gorgeous country when you, when, you know, London's great and everything, but once you get outside of London, you get more like in between their major cities and everything, there's, It's a really peaceful place. At least I know they get the shit taxed out of them, so that's not too peaceful. But I, I do remember doing one of these runs leading up to Royal Albert, that I was with one of the promoters and on the way to a gig, we were going by his hometown and also his favorite place to get fish and chips. And I'm like, that's your favorite place to get that? He goes, yeah. I go, dude, we're fucking going there. So we went, we got fish and chips and then we sat by this little fucking stream that had these locks in it, you know what I mean? Like you're going through the Panama Canal, but it was small, these little boats and shit. We just fucking sat there on a bench eating fish and chips as he was telling me stories about growing up there. And it was like a perfect, you know, sunny day, but not hot. And I remember while it was happening, I was like going like, I need to do shit like this when I'm on the fucking Road, so my brain isn't going 90 million miles an hour. So anyway, so that's what I was thinking when Chrissy was saying we should go do a run of dates. I was like, oh my God. You know, talk to locals, find out where they eat. I'll do that and I'll sit by little streams and maybe I won't be such a angry lunatic.
- [11:11]
Bill Burr
I'll start playing the flute, sitting next.
- [11:13]
Nia Renée Hill
To the streams, and then I'll meet Robert Plant, you know, write some lyrics about it.
- [11:19]
Bill Burr
There's a ginger I know who's got no fucking flow, but he still plays the drums with some people. Anyway, so all of that shit led.
- [11:38]
Nia Renée Hill
Up to what happened two nights ago. I finally get to do the benefit and it was basically Bianca Cristoval, Adam Rowe, myself, all doing stand up. And then in the end, the Pretenders came out and we. And you know, they did a set. So I go down there, right, and I'm supposed to. We're supposed to do like fucking three songs. Oh, don't forget, I'm this up. I land in England, drop my bags at the hotel and immediately go to this rehearsal space to run these songs. And we were basically playing. And Chrissy picked out the songs based on, you know, her listening to my act and concert she'd been to. So she picked Ace of Spades, Motorhead, because she saw Motorhead at that venue years and years and years ago. Then she, she picked Honey what do you do for money by AC DC because I always do bits about gold digging whores. And then she picked Breaking the Law because of Glenn Tipton. So we went in and I got into the rehearsal space fucking jet lagged and met the two other guys I was going to be playing with. Dave Page on B bass, her bass player, and James Welburn on guitar. And they could not have been cooler. They was. And they were amazing musicians. They were so great and they were. And they were also just like so chill, so cool and so welcoming. I was kind of worried I was going to be getting to look like, all right, you know, Chrissy, is this the jerk off we have to be playing with? But it wasn't like that at all. They were all, you know, just came in, just everybody was vibing, shooting the. We sat down, we played Ace of Spades. That went well. We all looked around them. That was pretty good. All right, let's do the ACDC one. You know, I grew up playing to that, so that one went good. And then we did Breaking the Law. And she really turned around. She Was like, not bad, not bad. You know, sat down, shot the shit a little bit. She goes, you want to do them again? I said, all right. So we did them again, and we kind of looked around like, yeah, yeah, you know, we're gonna fuck up here there. But I think it's gonna be fun. So she's like, all right, cool. Well, you know, we'll. We'll run them again tomorrow, soundcheck. So I say, fine. So. And I fucking go home. I'm up till like, four or five in the morning. I finally fall asleep. I wake up at, like, one or two in the afternoon, and I get a text message because they put the Pretender's name on the marquee first. We put Chrissy's name up there, and she's like, I don't want my name on. On the marquee. So we said, bill Burr and the Pretenders. So then she saw it, and she's like, well, fuck, now we got to do a Pretender song. You know, do you want to do it? I know it's last second. Why don't we do. Don't get me Wrong. And I was sleeping through all of that, and she's like, hey, if you don't want to do it, it's no big deal. Yeah. And then just, you know, fuck it, forget it. We'll just do the three. So then I woke up, and I read all of that, and I was just like, hey, you know, let's. Let's try it. It sound check. If it's a train wreck, we won't do it. If it sounds all right, let's fucking do it. So she goes, all right, that's the rock and roll spirit. Let's fucking do it. So. So we went down, and I get to the venue, and going back to what I was saying earlier, back in, like, 2011 or 2012, when I played it, I always have the exact same memory when I walk in there. And there's this great, great concert film of Iron Maiden on the Killer's tour with Clive Burr on drums. I was talking about it Monday on the podcast, and that's what I think about when I walk in there. The place looks almost like the exact same. And there's actually footage of a picture of John Lennon standing there. I guess the Beatles did a run a date there. The fucking Beatles didn't run up dates there in, like, 1964. And they have a picture of him standing right in the doorway to dressing room number two, which is where I was. And you look, you know, some Things have changed. But the door frame is the same. And there was some. Something in the top of the door jamb that almost looked like a circle piece of copper, almost like a door lock. I don't know what it was right in the middle of the door jamb. And I see it in the John Lennon photo. It's exposed and you can see it. And then I looked up at the. Because they have the photo right next to the door jam. And I look up, up, and I see it's been painted over, but you can still see it. I'm like, that's the same. Like he leaned against this, maybe.
- [16:54]
Bill Burr
This is unbelievable.
- [16:56]
Nia Renée Hill
And then I walk out there and when I look out into the crowd, all I see, even when I'm doing stand up over and over and over again, is this memory I have of the crowd that came to see Maiden that night, which was. It's arguably the coolest looking crowd I've seen at a fucking concert venue. Because it's when metal was like. It was before it became hair metal and glam and everybody teased their shit up and guys wearing lipstick and it. And. And it. And it was like mainstream. So it became like a formula. This was like 82. And everybody showed up. It was like the Ramones look, you know what I mean? It was just blue jeans, fucking leather jacket, long hair. And you just had long hair. You didn't fucking bedazzle it or whatever the fuck it turned to. You just had long hair, black leather jacket, jeans, Converse All Stars and fucking Marlboro Reds and everybody and whatever booze and drugs you did. And when I went out, that's what I. What I would be thinking. So anyway, we run the song. We Don't Get Me wrong. And that's when I first started being like, what the am I doing right now? Because it was one thing to hear Chrissy sing those other songs, but when she sang her own song, it was really like, wow, that's Chrissy Hines. This is the Pretenders. What the. What is this right now? Now, why did I say yes to this? I'm gonna this up like you read about. So anyway, we went through soundcheck and we. And we. We did Don't Get Me Wrong at the front. And in the end, so we just decided we were going to keep the order the same. And then we would end with Don't Get Me Wrong her. Her song. So. All right, you know, and I go back to the dressing room and I sit down. I'm kind of thinking about my set and. And then. But in the back of my head, I'm like, why do I do like this? Like, this is not. It's getting anxiety. I mean, I totally want to do it, and I know I can do it, but there's like that. Why the fuck, you know, you could.
- [19:15]
Bill Burr
Have just come here and do what you do, and you could just get.
- [19:18]
Nia Renée Hill
The out of here and then it could just be that, right? So, no, no.
- [19:24]
Bill Burr
So, yeah, I want a little Will Smith. You know, I bite off more than.
- [19:30]
Nia Renée Hill
I can chew, and then I chew it.
- [19:45]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God.
- [19:48]
Nia Renée Hill
Watching people making fun of that has been some. You know, I hate when another performer gets trash, but just that one killed me. Anyway, plowing ahead.
- [19:58]
Bill Burr
So the show starts.
- [20:00]
Nia Renée Hill
Bianca goes out, fucking murders right as she always does. And then Adam goes out, and then he goes to another level.
- [20:09]
Bill Burr
He slays, right?
- [20:10]
Nia Renée Hill
So the show is building. I mean, the two of them had me, like, pacing backstage going like, oh, fuck. I knew we were doing a show. I didn't know we were doing a show.
- [20:19]
Bill Burr
Okay, here we go.
- [20:21]
Nia Renée Hill
So then I went out there. Of course, the first thing I tried only did okay, and I'm like, ah, fuck, am I gonna. I'm. I'm that guy in this show.
- [20:28]
Bill Burr
You know, everyone was good except that one guy.
- [20:30]
Nia Renée Hill
I was like, I'm gonna be me. You know? But fortunately, I was able to turn it around and just fucking crush for the first 45 minutes. And then I couldn't remember any more of my jokes. So when I can't remember my jokes, what I. I go into saunter mode. I start sauntering on the stage, acting like I'm relaxed as I'm really searching, like, what the did I used to talk about? And then I'm also talking myself down, going like, no, Bill, this is part of the process. You just did a play for four or five months. You're not going to be able to remember your jokes. You know, the things. Moments like this are going to happen. You're going to remember something. Things are going to pass. Just relax. That's half my brain. The other half, my brain is going like, am I gonna have to just say goodnight right now? Because I can't remember a fucking thing I was talking about. So anyway, while I'm doing that, I saunter. I don't walk, I don't trot. I saunter over to the stool where I had a set list written down. But it was at the beginning, so I had done most of the job jokes. And I went over, over there. But there's always Some bit that I.
- [21:45]
Bill Burr
Go, oh, yeah, that, that. Let's. Let's do that.
- [21:48]
Nia Renée Hill
So. Which then led to other things. And then I was fine, so ended up going, great. I said, good night. And we were like, take a 15 minute break and the Pretenders are coming out. And I haven't told anybody that I was going to be playing. Playing drums. I don't think unless you listen to the podcast. I can't remember if I brought it up or not. It was like a secret, but not a secret. I don't know. So anyway, the Pretenders come walking out after 15 minutes. Everybody's cheering and everything. And they did the whole bit of like, yeah, we're gonna play, but, you know, but our drummer couldn't show up. So we actually. We got a substitute. I think he's back there. Blah, blah, blah. I already had my earplugs in, so I missed my cue to when to walk out. And she's finally like, bill, get out here. So I walk out.
- [22:38]
Bill Burr
Oh, Billy. Ears ringing, right?
- [22:40]
Nia Renée Hill
So I went out there and. And we just went into it and oh, by the way, while I'm waiting to go on stage, they had. They put a little dry ice out there. So they gave it some atmosphere. And it was looking like the venue was looking like when Maiden played and.
- [23:00]
Bill Burr
Clive Burr, rest his soul.
- [23:03]
Nia Renée Hill
Was playing with them. And I was just like, what the fuck? So I went out there, but fortunately, because of Josh, Adam Myers and everybody else that have let me, you know, play drums on their shows and sit in with their bands, I've done it enough times where I went out there and I wasn't nervous. And Chrissy was like, we should have a live mic back there so you can talk to the crowd between songs. Which ended up being the perfect thing because I came out and I immediately let everybody know that, you know, this was just a fun thing. Like, I came out and I said.
- [23:39]
Bill Burr
Ah, you see that?
- [23:39]
Nia Renée Hill
You thought this was a benefit for Glenn Tipton's Parkinson. Parkinson's Foundation.
- [23:46]
Bill Burr
I go, I lied to you.
- [23:47]
Nia Renée Hill
I go, this was Billy Make a Wish night or did something like that. And I acted like the whole night was. Was all bullshit just so I could sit down and play drums. I can't really remember because I still can't believe I got to play with that band. So a little. A lot of this is a blurb. I remember it got a big laugh. And it also, I felt like, put the crowd at ease where they don't have to be like, wait a minute, does Bill actually think he's like good, you know, like good enough to like do this. Like I had to make a joke. So everybody knew, like, hey, I know this is like some make a wish, right? And so everyone can relax and be like, all right, this is. This is fun. Now I feel like I can. I can watch this.
- [24:29]
Bill Burr
This aspect of it.
- [24:30]
Nia Renée Hill
Not the professionals out front. So, yeah, we did. We did all of those songs and Chrissy was hilarious. The band sounded amazing. We did Ace of Spades and then we did ac, AC dc Honey, what do you do for money? As I mentioned. And Chrissy gave that a great intro. She said, I picked this song because of Bill's love of gold digging whores. So that got a big laugh. Everyone was loose. It just sounded amazing. And then we do Breaking the Law and you know, Ace of Spades and Breaking the Law both have these little breakdown things, you know, where shit could have gone off the rails. But thank God, when I was doing Glengarry Glen Ross, I played this. I played the songs every night after my characters, you know, told everybody to go themselves. And there was still a half hour left in the play. I would go downstairs and I would just play him. So I didn't have to count or anything. They were sort of like. The songs felt like, you know, old pair of shoes at that point. So I was definitely looking over at Dave and James to make sure I didn't that up though. So anyway, now we go to go into the Pretenders thing and I'm like thinking in my head, like, wow, this is going really good. Like I, you know, I fucked up on every song. But not. I've been, you know, not like noticeably, I hope. Anyway, so we go to go to the last one and I count off the fucking song and. Oh, no, wait, I went to count off. Honey, what do you do for money? I forgot to count off the band. I just started playing the song and then I had to like, I just smashed the first symbol and nobody did anything. And then I went like, oh, yeah, that's right. I have to count you guys in. That got a big laugh. So it was like fun. It was like the song sounded good, but then there was still comedy in between. It was fucking perfect. So we go to do the last song and all I'm thinking is like, oh my God, this went fucking perfect. Now all I got to do is get through this song. But, you know, we've only literally started playing it like an hour ago. Just don't fuck this up and we'll be good. So I count off the song Train wreck. Count it off again. Train wreck. Counter off, third time train. And they like, they're like, what are you doing? And like I was counting off the wrong song in my head for some reason, because I hadn't rehearsed the song I was counting off. What was, what song was. I'm special.
- [27:02]
Bill Burr
So special. Special I gotta have some.
- [27:04]
Nia Renée Hill
That's what I was counting off. And I was supposed to be counting off. Don't get me wrong. So Chrissy goes, what fucking song are you doing?
- [27:16]
Bill Burr
And I, I go, special.
- [27:18]
Nia Renée Hill
She goes, she's like, we're not doing that song. She goes, you know, we can do that song if you want.
- [27:27]
Bill Burr
I'm precious.
- [27:28]
Nia Renée Hill
Sorry.
- [27:28]
Bill Burr
Special. I am special. I'm a marvel. I'm precious.
- [27:32]
Nia Renée Hill
So, dude, I am so fucking jet lagged I can't remember the names of lyrics.
- [27:37]
Bill Burr
So I go, I'm doing Precious.
- [27:38]
Nia Renée Hill
And she goes, we're not doing that song. But she's like, we could do it if you want.
- [27:43]
Bill Burr
I go, no, I don't. Why don't we do the one that we were supposed to do so that.
- [27:49]
Nia Renée Hill
James literally had to come over, count the song off and sing the filk so I could remember it. And then we went into it and then it went great. It was like a big laugh and all of that.
- [27:58]
Andrew Themelis
That.
- [28:06]
Bill Burr
No, wait, it is special.
- [28:09]
Nia Renée Hill
Dude. This is like where my brain is like, I've gotten no sleep. I've gotten like three hours sleep in the last two nights. Oh my God. I, I, yeah, so that, this is, that's what my brain was doing as I'm trying to count off this song. Not only do am I counting off the wrong song, I can't remember. The Brass and Pocket is the song that I was counting off and we, we're supposed to be doing don't get me wrong. And I'm so, I'm humming the song in my head probably with the wrong lyrics. And yeah, so it was, anyway, so we end up doing it and it ends up going great. And that was like, and that was like the end of the show. And then we had, we had this great hang after and I had some friends there that came out and they were all laughing about me counting off the wrong song and all that. And I don't know. And then I like, and I, and I played it cool the whole time.
- [29:22]
Bill Burr
Oh yeah.
- [29:23]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, it went great or whatever and I ended up hanging. And then we left and we went out and we got some Lebanese food, which was unbelievable. This Lebanese restaurant. I got to get the name of It. Oh, by the way. And around the corner from the venue was this Australian coffee shop, which I can't tell if it was the best coffee I've ever had in my life or if the milk in my country is so fucking poisoned to actually taste what milk is supposed to taste like. Either way, it was a fucking unbelievable cup of coffee. Like if you. If you're standing underneath the marquee and you have your back to it, if you go to the right, there's an Australian coffee place there. And it was fucking amazing. So anyway, later on that night, we go, we get left Lebanese food. And I fucking. I was kind of laughing at Kenny going like, wow. I think that sounded all right. And he was like, you. Oh, you did very well. It was very blah, blah, blah, blah, you know. And we finished eating and then we walked back to the hotel and I got in the elevator and the elevator doors close and I go, all right, Kenny, you're gonna have to deal with this. And I started jumping up and down in the, in the elevator going, I.
- [30:54]
Bill Burr
Fucking played drums with the Pretenders at the Odeon. I fucking played drums with the two.
- [30:59]
Nia Renée Hill
He just started laughing. I was like, whoa. So anyway, that was the first stop on the, on the, on the tour. Here I am in Abu Dhabi now and I have tonight off tonight, which is basically in another hour. It'll be nighttime, I think. And I'm excited to do this gig. I had such a great time the last time I was here. The crowd was friggin amazing. And I don't know, I don't know if you guys know what that's like to you. Fucking. I don't know. To go on stage in different countries is such an amazing experience. To just see people like you're on the other side of the fucking world and they actually know what you do and they appreciate it. It's like, I don't know, like the last time I was here, you know, I'd never gone, you know, I'd done television, Tel Aviv, you know, but it was like English speaking there, right? I know they speak Israeli too, but they speak enough English or whatever. So I had no idea what this was going to be like. And I came out here and I immediately loved the people. The food is incredible. And they treated me great and everything. And then I went on stage and what's so fun about doing standing is you can learn so much about whatever state you're in, whatever country you're in, whatever city you're in, just by how people react to different jokes. What they Laugh at what they think is funny and everything. You don't even realize you, like, you're gaining all of, like, this information that, like, kind of opening up to you by the way they laugh. And that was the thing that I remembered most other than.
- [32:59]
Bill Burr
And.
- [33:04]
Nia Renée Hill
I met one of the royals afterwards, and they were like, that's great. We got to have you back. And I said, all right, just don't have me back in the summertime. Because it was ungodly hot. It was August, so of course they had me back in July. But I will say it's not. It's not bad. It's like. It feels like it's like in the 80s. So it's not bad at all. When I was coming out of the airport, they built this whole new beautiful airport. And as I was coming out, I was worried that it was going to be, like, 120 degrees out or something like that, but it wasn't. It came out. I was like, oh, it's actually really nice out. And then that's it. And then I came to the hotel and I just slept for, like, nine hours. And now I'm talking to you. All right, so you guys are all caught up. Let me. Let me do.
- [33:52]
Bill Burr
Oh, and I forgot, dude, this is.
- [33:54]
Nia Renée Hill
How fucking nuts my life was. The next morning, I got, like, three hours sleep, and I woke up and I went to Wimbledon. You guys gonna be hating me after this podcast. Like, who is this cunt? Yeah, I had a make a wish day. 24 hours.
- [34:09]
Bill Burr
I went to Wimbledon, center court, saw the American, Amanda, Anish. Mo. Anis.
- [34:17]
Nia Renée Hill
Anis. And I can't say it and see Mova Anisimova. These kids today with their names beat Arena, Sabalenka.
- [34:31]
Bill Burr
And we were sitting center court underneath.
- [34:34]
Nia Renée Hill
The roof, so we didn't have to deal with the sun. This is going to be a long podcast. I don't give a. It's a day late. Anyway, we're there and, like, it's the middle of the map match. So Sabalenka is the number one player I don't know if in the world ranking or at least at Wimbledon was. She had the number one next to her name. And then Amanda was, like, ranked 13th. And so we're watching the first set, and all of a sudden there's like this pause in the play, and Sabalenka runs over to her chair, grabs a bottle of water and brings it over. And somebody. Somebody went down in the crowd like it was hot as shit. And, you know, there's all those old people that you know, got have the good seats that sit around, you know, down near center court and they were just baking in the sun. You know, I'm assuming it was an English person that's as pasty as me and we're just not built for it. And like three people came over. There was a giant umbrella, there was water, there was all of that. That happened two times during the match. Like somebody just went down.
- [35:50]
Bill Burr
And then we were underneath the roof.
- [35:53]
Nia Renée Hill
It was amazing. So Amanda wins the first set, 6 4.
- [36:02]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [36:02]
Nia Renée Hill
But I can feel the crowd is really pulling for Sabalenka, right? They're mainly on her side. She's the number one player and everything. And they're also like, they feel like in general they always cheer on whoever lost the first set because people want to see three sets, they want to see the full thing. So you know, Sabalenka comes back, back breaks Amanda and then she wins the second set, I believe six, four. So six, four, four, six. Now we go into the last one and I'm sitting there talking to Bianca and Kenny. I go, this is the difference, this is the difference between the number one player and the number 13. 13 player. The number one player in the world can shake off losing a set, can shake off having their serve broken, can have their serve, can have the match on their racket and be cool as a cucumber and not double fault and forfeit a game and then get in their head and then not forfeit a game, lose a game and then you know, everything, the, the walls start closing in, right? The exact opposite thing happening. What's her face? Amanda broke her twice and at one point was up 5 to 2 I think and had the match on her racket. No, wait. And then it became 5:3. Then she had the match on her racket. She lost the game. Arena broker serve. So then it was six, four and I'm like, ah, Arena's going to win this game cuz she's serving and then it's going to be 65 and then now it's going to be oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, not six. It was five. Oh Jesus, Billy. And math. Yeah, it was 54, that's what it was. And arena was serving to maybe make it 55 I think. And I was like, oh, like then it's going to have to go 75. Then it might go tiebreaker and all of that and the American, Amanda's not going to win. And instead she broke her serve to win at 64, I believe. I didn't have my glasses. So I was squinting a lot to try to see what was going on. And oh my God, we got to see that. And not even to, not even to mention to like when I came up the stairs and actually saw center corner for it. Like, I've been watching that since I was a kid, I'm not gonna lie to you. Since I started doing stand up for the last 30 something years, I only catch it once every like three, four years it seems. And with the kids. But I used to watch it every year. Dick Enberg, breakfast at Wimbledon. I watched the whole John McEnroe, Bjorn Borg era into, you know, you know, Bjorn Borg always won. And then McEnroe was winning and then it was, oh, God, who won? Boris Becker, I remember he won. I remember that blew my mind in 85 because he was my age. We were both 17. All of these guys, Gorn east, even Icyvich, can he win it? Who was that guy who's always used to wear the hat, used to look like Phil Sims, Curry. And then Pete Sampra when Pete Sampra was, you know, what's his.
- [39:29]
Bill Burr
Andre Agassi.
- [39:33]
Nia Renée Hill
Michael Chang, all of those guys used to watch all of that. And then of course, Chris Everett Lloyd into what's her Face, who she told her to work out. Martina Navitalova, Monica Sellers.
- [39:51]
Bill Burr
Gabriella Sabatini. I used to watch all of that.
- [39:55]
Nia Renée Hill
All of that. Monica sell it. Yeah. Monica Sellers, who right through to the will. The Williams sisters. Yeah, I watched right through like 2000, I think. Pete Sanford says career. That's. That's right. That's right. And then once what's his face came in, the Swedish kid. That's when I really was like on the road and I had no manager, no agent, and I was just. Those were the dark years. Federer, Fedorov, Roger Federer. I missed all of that. He's only one of the greatest tennis players of all time. I kind of missed all of that. So anyway, so coming up those stairs and actually seeing that venue like blew my mind. I still can't believe I got to do it. I did it really quickly. I watched one match and then had to get on a plane to go to, to come here to Abu Dhabi. But I definitely, I felt super guilty because I wasn't there with my lovely one wife and we've been to the Australian Open and Roland Garris in France. So she's like, what the you going.
- [41:02]
Bill Burr
To go to that with?
- [41:02]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, she's breaking my balls. Going to go that way. I promise. We'll come back next year, we'll do it. So hopefully I can make that happen. All right, I'm done babbling. Let's go here. Simply safe, everybody. What does feeling safe at home really mean to you? For a long time, I thought it was enough to have good locks and maybe an alarm that would, you know, make a lot of noise if someone actually broke in.
- [41:26]
Bill Burr
But after people. But after people close to me were broken into, I've realized that true.
- [41:33]
Nia Renée Hill
I love how they just wrote that. I mean, that is true. Guy up the street, that happened.
- [41:40]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [41:41]
Nia Renée Hill
I've realized that true security takes more. A system that works, works to prevent.
- [41:45]
Bill Burr
That break in, that, that violation of.
- [41:49]
Nia Renée Hill
Your space from ever happening in the first place. That's why I trust Simplisafe to protect my home and family. It's about security that is proactive, not just reactive. Most security systems only take action after someone breaks in that's too late.
- [42:04]
Bill Burr
Simplisafe's new active guard outdoor protection helps stop break ins before they happen. AI powered cameras plus live monitoring agents.
- [42:14]
Nia Renée Hill
Detect suspicious activity around your property. If someone's lurking, agents talk to them in real time. Turn on spotlights and can call the police.
- [42:24]
Bill Burr
Call the police.
- [42:26]
Nia Renée Hill
What cartoon? What cartoon?
- [42:28]
Bill Burr
Ren and Stimpy proactively deterring crime before it starts. No contracts, no hidden fees.
- [42:34]
Nia Renée Hill
Name Best home security system of 202025 by CNET. 4 million plus. So over 4 million Americans trust SimpliSafe. Rank number one in customer service by Newsweek in USA today. Monitoring plans start around a dollar a day 60 day money back guarantee. Visit simplisafe.com spur to claim 50 off a new system with a professional monitoring plan and get your first month for free.
- [42:57]
Bill Burr
That's simplisafe.com Bur S I M P L I S A F E dot.
- [43:02]
Nia Renée Hill
Com.
- [43:04]
Bill Burr
There'S no safe like simply safe.
- [43:07]
Nia Renée Hill
All right.
- [43:09]
Bill Burr
Helix everybody. The helix lineup offers 20 unique mattresses including the award winning Luxe Luxe and ultra premium elite collection.
- [43:20]
Nia Renée Hill
The Helix Plus a mattress design for.
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Bill Burr
Big and tall sleepers and Helix Kids mattresses designed for growing bodies and endorsed by children child sleep experts. Child sleep experts.
- [43:34]
Nia Renée Hill
How do you do that and not be a little creepy? I like to watch children sleep. Take down information.
- [43:41]
Bill Burr
Take the Helix sleep quiz and find.
- [43:43]
Nia Renée Hill
Your perfect mattress in under two minutes.
- [43:46]
Bill Burr
Helix knows there's no better way to test a new mattress than by sleeping.
- [43:50]
Nia Renée Hill
On it in your own home.
- [43:51]
Bill Burr
That's why they offer a hundred night trial. Just get in there and try out that mattress.
- [43:57]
Nia Renée Hill
Do whatever you want.
- [43:58]
Bill Burr
And a 10 to 15 year warranty to try out your new Helix mattress Models with memory foam layers to provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side. Models with the more responsive foam to cradle your body.
- [44:13]
Nia Renée Hill
Jesus, look at that. I just accidentally scrolled up to the top like I always do.
- [44:18]
Bill Burr
Models with memory foam layers to provide.
- [44:20]
Nia Renée Hill
Provide optimal pressure relief if you sleep on your side. Models with the more responsive foam to cradle your body for essential support in stomach and back sleeping positions.
- [44:29]
Bill Burr
I did it again. Oops. I did it again. Plus enhanced cooling features to keep you.
- [44:37]
Nia Renée Hill
From overheating at night and if your.
- [44:39]
Bill Burr
Spine needs some extra tlc, they got you Every Helix Mattress has a hybrid.
- [44:44]
Nia Renée Hill
Design combining individually wrapped steel coils, oils in the base with premium foam layers on top and the perfect combination I think I just read that Helix has been awarded the number one mattress pick by GQ and Wired Magazine. It's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine as a Go to solution for improving your sleep. Go to helixsleep.com I cannot.
- [45:05]
Bill Burr
Why can't I scroll?
- [45:09]
Nia Renée Hill
All the problems in the world and that's what I'm yelling about.
- [45:11]
Bill Burr
Why can't I scroll? Today's been really hard you guys. Helixes go to helix.com burr for 27 off site wide exclusive for list 27.
- [45:26]
Nia Renée Hill
Off site wide no, there, just me.
- [45:30]
Bill Burr
Exclusive for listeners of Bill Burr's Monday Morning podcast, that's helixsleep.com burr for 27.
- [45:37]
Nia Renée Hill
Off Site wise helix.com burr all right.
- [45:40]
Bill Burr
Ready or Not Heads up Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is officially coming to PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series XS on July 15th. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together at launch. The game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the Free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matters. You have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in if you're new pre order here the Day One edition or the Deluxe edition Now you can also download the standard edition on July 15th. Mark your calendar.
- [46:56]
Nia Renée Hill
There you go. All right, that is the podcast, everyone.
- [47:02]
Bill Burr
I wanted to read this really quickly.
- [47:03]
Nia Renée Hill
For anybody else in MotoGP who can't understand why, if Pekko Benya is riding a factory Ducati like Marc Marquez, why he's having problems even with Alex.
- [47:17]
Bill Burr
Hey, Billy Ball tires.
- [47:20]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm just a schmo who does a few track days a year and watches MotoGP, but let me take a shot at Pekko's problems. This is mostly taken from interviews he's given and opinions from journalists. When Peko is driving to an apex in a corner, he wants the front fork compressed all the way so he can feel everything the tire is doing. I believe he likes a shorter length shock. For whatever reason, Ducati has put different forks on the front of the 25 so it doesn't compress all the way down like he prefers. And Pekko is very sensitive to his bike setup. If it's not perfect, perfect for him, he's going to have a bad weekend. I think we all recognize that the 24 Ducati is faster than the 25. It's probably due to suspension and frame choices. Mark is the kind of rider who can ride around issues with the bike. He'll push until he crashes, and that's how he knows his limit. If he's not it. It's not that Pekko doesn't want to chase down and pass Mark and Alex. He just can't do it with this bike. Maybe next year they'll put him back on a 24. There's been some discussion about it. Also, check out Yamaha champ school on YouTube. They have some good videos that explain about trail braking into a corner. I'll link one below. It might help you understand MotoGP a bit more. I really appreciate all of that. Also, go get your ass to a racetrack. I definitely have to do that. All right, that's it, everybody. That's the podcast. Thank you to everybody that came out to the show and launched, and I cannot thank ever. I could never repay Chrissy Hine, Dave Page, James Wahlberg, every. Everybody that was involved, the sound, the people who set up the drums, and all of that to make that moment happen. Everybody involved. It was just a magical night. We all had such a great time, and I still can't believe that it happened. And, yeah, that's it. All right, so listen to the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themelis, and I'll talk to you guys next week. Also, I want to Give a shout out. I read this great play that my buddy Howard Overshone gave me, Cost of Living by Martina Magok. M, A, J, O, K. And Martina is spelled with a Y, M, A, R, T, Y, N A. Just incredible. I like reading plays. Oh, Billy Dum dum. I like a hundred pages. All right, that's it. Enjoy the bonus episode of the Thursday Afternoon Just Before Friday Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cons, and I'll talk to you on Monday.
- [50:02]
Andrew Themelis
What to do, what to do, what to do? Hard times, they've been following you. You can ring my bell, honey, anything you need? You can ring my bell? Everything you need? You can ring my bell? You can ring my bell.
- [50:28]
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 9, 2017. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, Billy's voice is coming back. It's coming back. You know, I've been drinking my old throat coat tea there, right? Been having some fucking halls. Mentholyptus, you know, just, you know, trying not to yell at people in traffic, trying to meditate, trying to learn about patience. Oh, that guy cut me off. Oh, if I get upset, that's my fault. According to the fucking meditation guy on Headspace. He tries to chuckle through blaming me for other people's cuntiness. That's a challenge. That's a challenge to try to remain focused, you know, what kind of a fucking guy, you know, is just sitting there trying to get into a zone, is telling you that things are your fault? I know. HE CHUCKLES ALONG I know he's probably right. Why, why, why should I have expectations when I'm on the highways of LA that somebody isn't going to pass me doing 90 on the right while somebody in the left lane is doing 35? And I'm in the middle, like, you know, and I'm in the middle. I'm the victim. I'm the guy driving perfectly. I never pass people on the right bullshit. Every once in a while I do. I tried to be cognizant. I don't even know what. I have so much shit to talk about. I mean, I always talk, but I mean, I actually have shit to talk about, by the way. Shout out to that fucking lunatic who listened to my whole fucking give the oil and the sun. And he took it seriously, like he's trying to debunk my theory. You know, he's like, oh, well, you know, give the sun. Well, did you ever think about. There's already, like, 3.4 billion cars out there. What do you do about that? At least that's the way I read it. That's the way you sounded in my head. And I just wrote it back, was like, dude, how many F bombs did I drop during the presentation of that theory? Why are you acting like you went to a TED Talk? Was I like, the one person you felt smarter than on the Internet? It's like, oh, here's my opportunity to be like, oh, maybe if you fucking. That's the classic Internet, the way you dive into a debate. Oh, maybe try this next time. Everybody coming at you like they have, like, these, like, just a bunch of awards up on the wall behind them, you know, as opposed to you. You know, whatever you.
- [53:17]
Nia Renée Hill
What do you got?
- [53:17]
Bill Burr
What hacky fucking posters do you have on your wall, huh? What's a hacky poster for the Millennials? When I was growing up, you had to have the Farrah Fawcett poster. I don't know, a Fonzie poster or some shit like that. It was. You know, it was the 70s when I was still into posters. I don't want to talk about. You know what I'm doing is I'm.
- [53:42]
Nia Renée Hill
Talking to you guys.
- [53:42]
Bill Burr
On trying to get fucking comfortable on this goddamn couch. We bought one of these fucking pullout couches in case we have guests. What, once every three years, someone's gonna stop by here for Thanksgiving because his fucking wife had enough with them. So instead, I gotta be on this thing that's not a couch and not a bed. Oh, it looks fluffy. Oh, it looks comfortable. But looks are deceiving. So anyways, I. I've been back in the writers room. I'm back in the writers room for efforts for family, we're knocking out episode one. We got our first table read on Thursday, and then I'm actually gonna have to do a couple table reads over the phone because I got some acting work in New York City, and spoiler alert, they're rebooting Sex in the City, except this time they're doing it with guys. And guess who gets to play Samantha? I don't know. What's the Cynthia Nixon, whoever the redhead is. All right, I'm gonna wear a short little wig, all right? And I'm gonna be the smart girl of the fellas. That's what's gonna happen. It's kind of like that John Travolta movie, Hogs, whatever the it was called, where they rode around on motorcycles. You know, I hate that those movies are hits. It Just reminds me of the sadness that most people live in that they can relate to that movie. Like, oh, wouldn't it be awesome if we could still go out and do fun stuff? I don't know why you can't. I don't know why my voice still cracks at 49 years of age. I don't know why you can't. Why can't you continue to do fun shit? Two reasons. One, you're exaggerating your importance as a parent. You know what I mean? That's the most important role you'll ever. I know, I know it's important. But the fact that you think you gotta fucking be there 247 staring at your kid and you can't just sneak down the street, you know, for fucking 90 minutes during the day, like sub. What the fuck is gonna happen to your kid in those night? How fragile a mindset is your family in that God forbid you go down the street for 90 minutes yous know, figure 20 minute drive, 20 minute back, you got a shower after, whatever the fuck you do, right? You go to rock climbing at one of those rock climbing gyms, you know, you take your talc out, you little talc fanny pack, whatever the fuck it is you do, you know, and in your head you're going up Mount Everest because that's all you got. That's all you got. You can't go all the way over there and fucking walk by dead people in sleeping bags while you got a family, a family baggage. You can't do that, right? You can't fucking do that. So you got to go down the fucking rock wall, okay? People either over exaggerate the importance of being a goddamn parent or they fucking, they're afraid of their wife. Just say, look, I, I need to go do this, I'll be back in 90 minutes, just. And then just go do it. What is she going to do, tackle you on the way to your car? The worst she can do is just be. Well, the worst she can do is divorce you and take all your shit. You know? Who's kidding who? Whatever, you know what I mean? You gotta every once in a while, why don't we steal away like every two, three days. You can't just go down the street and just do something. I'm saying this because I have a tremendous amount of guilt because I came home from work, right? And you know, I make sure I don't work as much as I did last year before I became a parent. Because I became the most important person in the world for me. So I I come home like a couple hours earlier than I did last year, right? So I can take my daughter for a walk around the block. We're going to walk around, right? That's what I do. Okay? So the other day I'm driving to work. No one driving to work. I dropped my car off to get serviced, right? I got the old truck, I'm driving now I can either go right to fucking work or and be like 10, 15 minutes early or I can swing by my house and hang with my daughter who just woke up. So obviously no fucking brainer I do that. I hang out with her for 10 minutes, I have a great fucking time, and then I leave. And then I drive to work feeling like a great dad. Feeling great that I did that. I got my priorities straight, right? I'm gonna raise a great citizen for this wonderful land that everybody else is jealous of. That's why they don't like us around the world. It has nothing, nothing to do with our foreign policy. I'm so sick of that excuse, okay? Just admit it. You like our blue jeans. You like that we feed cows to other cows, right? You like that. You know you like it. You're over there in Europe, you're in Asia, wherever you, you're all jammed up. Everybody have driving cars on cow paths or there's like 90,000 and skyscrapers like over in fucking Asia. Jesus Christ. Hong Kong is the most astounding fucking. I didn't realize there was that much concrete in the fucking world. They had clusters of Manhattan skyline just parked all around that place. It was just never fucking ending. I would love to meet the Donald.
- [59:21]
Nia Renée Hill
Trump of Hong Kong talking about how.
- [59:23]
Bill Burr
He has the greatest skyscraper ever. But anyway, so I come home and I'm like, all right, this is great. I saw 10 minutes this morning. I'm coming home, gonna get the hang, go for this walk around the block. And I walk into my house, all right, And I notice it's hard to open the door. I can't open it all the way. And I look around the corner and what do I see? I see like five giant boxes. And then I see an even bigger box across the room.
- [59:53]
Andrew Themelis
Room.
- [59:53]
Bill Burr
And they all say Gretsch drums on them. My drum kit arrived. I couldn't. I was so convinced that I was like Murphy's Law. The second I go to New York for two fucking weeks, that fucking drum kit's gonna come. There's gonna be some nose picking jackass delivering it. And he's just gonna fucking leave it on the front porch and some asshole's gonna take it. But for once, you know, life worked out, right? Right? I showed up, and it's. There it is. There it is. I don't think I've ever been so excited in my adult life, ever. So the drum kit came, and it spent literally as far as when I saw it. I don't even think it spent 12 hours in my house. Boom. Right over to the rehearsal space and unpacked it. In each box you unpacked, there's a box within it, right? You open that box up, and then there's the drum, and then there's this little card. This little card, right? Like a birthday card from Gretch Drums. And it says that great Gretch sound. And it's written in that writing that millennials can't read.
- [61:01]
Nia Renée Hill
Whatever the you call it, we just.
- [61:03]
Bill Burr
Call it writing versus printing. Cursive is what they call it. Maybe that's why millennials don't like it, you know, because, you know, I don't want to curse. I don't want to offend anybody. I'm gonna print. Or maybe they're on computers all day, Bill, and they just don't see it anymore. All right, fair enough. Fair enough. Whatever. Maybe you're just an old guy, Bill, and you're just trashing younger people because they're younger than you and they're still in the prime, and they're like, hey, you know, maybe you have a point. Maybe. Okay, whatever. So I load up my truck, I drive over to the place, but 20 minutes down, fucking straight. And I start taking these things out.
- [61:43]
Nia Renée Hill
Of the box, and.
- [61:46]
Bill Burr
They'Re absolutely fucking gorgeous. There's a couple of pieces of hardware that I need to get, but I am going. I'm gonna tweet a fucking picture of that thing. Probably Monday tomorrow, I'm gonna go over and pick up the last couple pieces.
- [62:00]
Nia Renée Hill
Of hardware that I need.
- [62:02]
Bill Burr
They are fucking gorgeous. And I don't give a shit what you like, Dojo. Looks like you fucking. I don't give a fuck what you think of the color. I love them. I love them. So I am. I am just over the fucking moon. I can't fucking believe. Can't believe. Best thing I ever did is I got rid of that old fucking Ludwig and went out and bought the kit that I wanted. I can't fucking wait to go over there. But now I have this crushing fucking gift guilt, you know, being a dag. Oh, you should be with your daughter right now. It's like, I can't. And I'm fucking yelling at myself as I'm driving over there. I can't fucking go down there for fucking 90 minutes. Not even 90. I play for an hour, 20 back, 20 over. That's an hour and 40 fucking minutes. Oh, shit. That's more. That's 100 minutes. Oh, Jesus. All right, so I'm the worst fucking dad ever. What do you want from me? Keeps me in a good mood. Anyways, they came and I'm going over there today. My drum teacher, he's gonna fucking tune him up. I got him sounding halfway decent. But I'm just a comedian, this guy's a pro. So these things are gonna sound like. Fuck, I don't know what they're gonna sound like, but I can't fucking wait. I'm so goddamn excited. And I got. Oh, Jesus, my stomach's growling here. I gotta.
- [63:22]
Nia Renée Hill
I gotta. My symbols.
- [63:24]
Bill Burr
I got the whole fucking thing that. You know how nice this is, how nice the setup is? I'm afraid to show it to my wife. That's how nice it is. You know that. You know when you do something like that and then your wife just looks at it and she's just kind of quiet, doesn't say anything. And it's just. This is all they do. They just go, huh? And you're like, ah, fuck. How much did that. How. That noise right there, how much is that gonna cost me? You know, all I did was buy a set of drums. You know, they're. They're fucking shit.
- [63:58]
Nia Renée Hill
What's she gonna go get?
- [64:00]
Bill Burr
Well, I thought this would be fair. Maybe I'm just paranoid. So anyways, I want to thank the Gretch Drum Company for fucking making the greatest goddamn drums I've ever. The most beautiful fucking drums I've ever seen in my life. And packing them up. So there wasn't. There wasn't a.
- [64:17]
Nia Renée Hill
Even.
- [64:17]
Bill Burr
Even a piece of. Had dust on them. Absolutely gorgeous.
- [64:21]
Nia Renée Hill
And I'm gonna go over there today.
- [64:23]
Bill Burr
And I'm gonna play because I'm doing the goddamn Comedy Jam. The two or three year anniversary. I've lost track at this point. I think it's the two year anniversary. When did it start? In 14 or 15, maybe 14. No, started in 15. The two year anniversary. And I'm going to be singing one song even though I can't sing. And then I'm going to be sitting in on drums for the encore. And no, I am not bringing my kid over.
- [64:51]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm not bringing it over because I.
- [64:54]
Bill Burr
Don'T have any cases. Plus I would be fucking losing my mind that something bad was gonna happen to him. So that's it. All right? So there you go. That's what I have to look forward to anyways. So where do. I don't know where to fucking start.
- [65:10]
Nia Renée Hill
Here.
- [65:12]
Bill Burr
See if I can keep my happiness.
- [65:13]
Nia Renée Hill
In my drum kit as I talk about this next thing.
- [65:15]
Bill Burr
I saw two of the most fucked up things. Things as far as just that. Have you no shame? You know, And I'm a piece of. So for me to think that, you know, I was watching some fucking clip trashing Dr. Phil, and I never saw this. I didn't realize this, I guess, like a year ago or two years ago. You know that actress, Shelley Duvall, who crushed it in the Shining? Well, she's in her 60s now, and I guess she's having. I don't know what she's having. She's having some sort of mental issue. I don't know what it is, okay? But she's old and she needs medical help. That scumbag Dr. Phil, who. I called it. The second I saw that guy, I called it. I. That guy. I was a. That guy looks like a fucking crooked cop. The second I saw him, I was like, that guy looks like he planned a fucking gun on. On you. You know, he fucking shoot you over some routine fucking traffic stop, and he pull it. He'd do that to a white person. That's how fucking nuts this guy is, right? He's not just standard, you know, bad cop going after minorities. This guy would do. This guy's like a c. As a serial killer. Look, doesn't he. Anyways, that piece of shit fucking interviewed Shelley Duvall and talked to her as if he was trying to help her. And she was saying all of this stuff about how Robin Williams was still alive and fucking, you know, the earth is flat and just all kinds of stuff like that, where it's clearly like, oh, my God. All right, shut off the camera.
- [66:51]
Nia Renée Hill
Shut off the cameras.
- [66:52]
Bill Burr
Come on, let's not do this to her. And he's sitting there talking to her like. So, like, he's gonna try to help her. So, like, you think that Robin Williams is still alive. Okay? I think you need, like, he's. He. He was acting the entire time like he was trying to help her rather than completely exploiting this famous actress who's now in, like, you know, this mental condition. It's just. It was. I don't. I don't. How do people. How do you still sit down and watch that guy's show? That guy and everything he's fucking connected to? Jesus. You don't have enough money, you cunt. You don't drag enough fucking penniless people onto your fucking show. You don't have enough Honey Boo Boo people coming on your fucking show. You got to do that. Jesus fucking Christ. But, you know, I've been meditating, and I guess I'm not supposed to get upset about this. I should. You know, I should expect it. I should expect that behavior out of him. So you're saying that you're hearing these voices in your head or saying, I. I don't. I'm making up all of this. I couldn't get. I couldn't get. I don't think I got 20 seconds, 30 seconds into it, the second she said the Robin Williams thing. And then they cut to him. So you're saying once he did that, I had to just shut it off. Shut it off. Shut it off. Dr. Phil, have you no shame? I swear to God, that fucking guy. I'm trying to think what he wouldn't interview. You know, what wouldn't he like? First of all, I love that people watch those shows as if they're like, watching somebody trying to help somebody. They're not. You can't fix somebody in a half hour episode on that time when he had that girl on, that little girl on there, the, you know, catch Me Outside. How about that? That one that went fucking viral. And then he has her back on again. He's like, people thought I was exploiting her. So we took out the studio audience. Yeah, but you still broadcasted. I don't know. But you know something? I'm a hypocritical cunt, all right? Because I still watched the Catch Me Outside. How about that? I just kept seeing it on Twitter, and I was like, I have to see what that is. And I'm not gonna lie to you. I did watch it, and I did enjoy it. So maybe I got to knock back my criticisms. Criticism? Why don't you just exploit people that still have their whole life ahead of them? Jesus Christ. I don't know. Did I become the asshole by the end of that? I don't remember. I don't even. I don't even know where the. That whole thing went. So anyways, I was watching the. The F1 race in Austria, which, by the way, this. There's something crazy going on in Austria right now. Jewish people, relax. It's not that. Well, it's kind of is. It's kind of related to that then, you know. You know, in. In England, like, all this shit is old because they, you know, that's the origins of white people. Unless you listen to a Nas album. And somehow we all came from Egypt, which they're not really black either, are they? They're like Arab. You know what I mean? But he's like, yeah, they're African. It's like, all right, well, I'm German and Irish. Do I also claim to be Italian because I'm European? Like, African. Africa is a continent I've never been able to. So you're saying that we all came from Egypt, right? Now, there's no fucking way I did. If you ever saw my fucking legs. I mean, I don't know how fucking long ago my ancestors left Africa or how. And then we did what? We sat in a fucking snow Jacuzzi for fucking 2000 years. I don't know. But I do actually. I do believe that we all came. We had to all come from the same fucking whatever lake. Do you know? You realize what you're listening to right now? You're listening to a comedian trying to figure out, like, just because he watched, like, 10 minutes of Neil DeGrasse Tyson, whatever the fucking name is, as he's falling asleep, and if I can quote Degrasse Tyson, whatever the fuck his first name is, I believe he thinks we came from trees. And I don't mean, like, we were living in trees, like we were apes. He's like, no, trees. Like, I don't. I. I. That was one of those things where I was just, like, falling asleep because, like, this guy's crazy. I fell asleep. I never saw the other. Other part of it. But you know what the deal is. You'd go over his house and he'd convince you of it. You go over, and he'd have on a turtleneck with a sport coat over it, like, smoking a pipe. And there'd be a fire in the fireplace, right? He'd come in and he'd have all these fucking artifacts. You know, you and your wife show up. There's these other couples there, and you're just thinking, like, this guy's either gonna fucking tell me the secrets of the world, or I'm gonna slowly lose consciousness and end up in one of those Silence of the Lamb pits trying to steal his dog. Anyways. The fuck am I talking about? I. Oh, yeah. So I'm. What? Oh, what happened in Austria? So what's happening in Austria? It might have already been solved. I just remember seeing it a little while ago, because a couple weeks ago, I was trying to see where the F1 circuit was taking him next. And I guess In Austria, Hitler's house still exists, like, where he was born, but it's more like an apartment building. So I guess all these neo Nazis go there and they do, like, the neo Nazi, like, YOLO selfie, you know, instead of doing the peace sign, I bet this, but that you can't do, like, a full Sieg Heil, you know, in a selfie that's a hard. Your arms aren't long enough to hold it out, so they probably do it to the side. You know, it's just from the elbow to the tip. And then they do the duck face, right? I guess they've been doing that. I don't know what the fuck they're doing. They're doing some shit like that in front of it. And for some reason, people feel that if you take that place down that, you know, those guys aren't going to continue to exist. I don't know about that. I mean, what are people going, you know, I was gonna be a neo Nazi, but then they took down Hitler's fucking building, so whatever. So there's somebody that owns it, and he's like, no, I'm not tearing this shit down. And the government's like, right, we're gonna fucking seize it. Right? That's how they talk in Austria, too. Everybody talks, like, my bad sort of English accent, maybe. What?
- [74:27]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't the.
- [74:27]
Bill Burr
It is Davy Jones, whatever I'm doing.
- [74:31]
Nia Renée Hill
So there's some big battle about that.
- [74:32]
Bill Burr
And they're going to, like, knock it down. But I got to be honest with you, as much as I'm not down with the Nazis, like, if I went to Austria, I would go see that place. I would be like, the most evil baby. You know, the Jordan of evil babies, you know, fucking came home to that place right there. People walked in and saw baby Hitler and were like, oh, isn't he adorable? Look at his eyes. There's a lot going on in there. So they want to get rid of that. I know. I thought that that was interesting. Like, this is what kills me. Like, who? How do people know that that's where he grew? So many people fucking died in World War II. You'd think that anybody that even remotely fucking remembered it, the old people go, he grew up in that place right down the street. And he always had a funny look on his face. I never liked him, right? They just passed the story on. It's too juicy a gossip that it just fucking hit. It just keeps getting passed down to the point they got to knock down this perfectly good fucking building. I guess it Needs to be redone a little bit like we're doing with the baseball stadiums over here. And then what happens? They throw it out and ends up in the ocean. Throw it out in the fucking Mediterranean Sea. That water, you know, the water that when you go over there, they try to say there's no sharks in them until you go on the Internet. It's like, oh, yeah, I just saw there was a couple of attacks. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I mean, there's been a couple of attacks, but you know that. You know that's. It's rare. Yeah, shark attacks in general are rare considering most of us are on the fucking land. I don't know. I swam in the Mediterranean. I absolutely loved it. It was fucking life changing. But afterwards, when I was reading about these shark attacks, there is just this fucking. It's the scariest thing other than being tortured, you know, I'm trying to think, you know, of stuff equal to that. Speaking of shark attacks, I was watching this movie that starred Paul Walker, rest in peace, Jessica Alba, Scott Khan. This other woman, her name escapes me.
- [77:09]
Nia Renée Hill
Her name escapes me.
- [77:14]
Bill Burr
I was watching that movie and I.
- [77:16]
Nia Renée Hill
Don'T know what the fuck it's called.
- [77:18]
Bill Burr
I don't know what the fuck it's called. Jessica Alba, first of all, is so fucking beautiful. You just. It's like she doesn't have to do anything. She just sits there. She looks fucking amazing, right? And that movie was so fucking ridiculous, yet entertaining. I don't think I've ever seen people hold their breath longer underwater in my life. You know, there's a fucking crash plane under the water. They go down there, they find drugs. This is even like a spoiler alert. This is like how many fucking times they done the movie where regular people find a bag of money or they find some fucking drugs. Oh, what should we do? I think we should leave it. No, you should take it, man. This is a shot, right? And then the fucking bad guys figure out that they fucking took it somehow, right? The same classic fucking story, right? Then Tom Hanks lost his wife and he meets Meg Ryan in Seattle. It's all the same fucking movie. Billy Crystal comes in and says a couple of things, okay? Then Rom Reiner makes a cameo because he's directing the thing. And then somebody starts shooting up. Tom Cruise runs through and the dubs come up and there's your fucking movie. It's every Hollywood movie. Somebody's getting too old for this shit. The two people that hate each other have realized that they now love each other. The two foes. Then look at Each other. And they realize that, you know what? I respect you. You know, the days of thunder ending. I think, I think that covers it, right? Anyway, so we're watching this movie and at one point the bad guys have scuba gear. Paul Walker and Scott Khan have no scuba gear. They just dived out of this fucking place, which is like I don't like 20ft under the water. So they, the scuba guys swim into the plane looking for him. Scott Khan is sitting in one of the. In the co pilot seat pretending to be dead. He had enough time to sit there, gather himself, pretend to be dead, holding his breath. And the scuba guy comes up and looks at him. He's like, well, I guess he's dead. And he keeps going. And meanwhile they keep cutting the Paul Walker rest in piece, right? He keeps peeking in one of the windows. And this scene is like five minutes long. Real time, it feels. Or when you're just doing the math, how long it would take to get down there, how long you could stay down there. And he's like peeking and then he would just duck back out of the way. And all they had the decency to do is have like one or two little air bubbles. Go. Like if I'm underwater and I don't have any fucking air. I mean, your heart's already racing like a fucking lunatic, so you're eating up that oxygen. Forget about the fact that there's these drug dealers with scuba gear that want to kill you and you're in shark infested fucking waters. Didn't affect Paul Walker or Scott Kahn in the least. Somehow they were able to throw effective punches under the water. I mean, it was, it was unbelievable the leaps of faith that you had to make in that movie. Yet I still enjoyed it, you know, because every time you were like, this is ridiculous, they would cut to Jessica Alba just going like, should we keep the drugs or something. Oh my gosh. Fucking beautiful. Genius. The editing of that movie is genius. I don't know what it's called though, dude. She has one scene she just leans against the door brushing her teeth. It's like, I could watch a movie of that. Jessica Alba gets ready for bed. So check it out. I think that's what that movie is.
- [80:51]
Nia Renée Hill
It's called some.
- [80:52]
Bill Burr
Something about the deep. They always called the deep the COVID I don't know what it was, but I was just sitting there, you know, in my own way, making fun of the movie, trying to make Neil laugh. I was just like, Jessica, I'm not, I'm not gonna wear a shirt Nancy, you gonna wear a shirt? Which is probably childish. So what I do here. Wait a second. I gotta find out the other name of that actress on that movie. I can't name three of the four stars, right? Can I? Hang on a second. Actually, you know what?
- [81:24]
Nia Renée Hill
Fuck that.
- [81:25]
Bill Burr
I'm not gonna look that up. I have to give somebody. I gotta give two people a shout out. I've been watching Bloodline. I'm up to episode eight, season three. I got two more episodes to go. That show, that series is gut wrenching. Like, I can only watch two of them and then I have to shut it off. And I've never watched the show where I get so mad at the characters. You know, I get so fucking mad. Like, why the fuck did you just do that? Shut up. Stop talking all of that stuff. Most of it's with the Kevin character, Norbert. Leo Butz, one of, like, five people who ever won the best lead male Tony Award, which is a Broadway Oscar, basically. Amazing fucking actor. So anyways, there's a guy on that show who plays Eric O' Bannon who's absolutely killing it. His name is Jamie McShane. And for breaking Bad fans, if you're wondering, how do I know that guy's face? Why would his face fucking make one of my. How do I know that guy? If you're a Breaking Bad fan, the episode, I'm not going to give anything away. The one that involved the train, all right? I can't remember if he played the conductor or the engineer. And he was a great fucking guy. And his work on this show is fucking unbelievable. I don't know. I want to quote his lines, but I want everybody, like, when they watch movies, it's like years later. Do you know, my dad just saw, like, I did this movie called. Called Stand Up Guys. And he calls me up, he's like, christ, Billy, I tell you, the other night, I'm sitting there, I'm like. I'm like, narcoleptic. I'm falling asleep on the couch. I wake up at three in the morning and I'm watching this movie, and I'm already laughing because I know it's gonna be some shit I did, like fucking 10 years ago. He goes, it's got Al Pacino and Christopher Walken. And I'm watching the movie, and all of a sudden, there you are. I'm like, holy shit. He wakes up my mother. He goes, jesus Christ. Says bill. That's how my parents pay attention to my career. They watch. That I did. He goes, it was a great Movie. Yeah. I'll tell you, Bill, you know, you could do this comedy stuff. You could do the dramatic. Hey, you got it all figured out.
- [83:52]
Nia Renée Hill
That's what he said.
- [83:53]
Bill Burr
You can do the dramatic. It's my favorite thing anybody said to me all week. You can do the dramatic. So anyways, two thumbs up from my dad for the fucking standup guys. Check it out if you get a chance. Anyways, Jamie McShane is fucking kill. Everybody's killing her on that show. And then also John Leguizamo. I mean, has that guy ever been bad in anything? He's fucking everything he's in. He makes it better. The guy's fucking unreal. And he's, like, creepy and hilarious all at the same time, which I don't know how you do that unless you're a fucking genius, like that guy. There's a scene. How do I do it? I don't want to fucking ruin it for people. He goes in and he orders like a. What we used to call like a Slurpee or a Frosty. You know, one of those. He orders one of those. It's one of the funniest scenes I've seen in a long time. Just start watching Bloodline. And I'm telling you, if you. If you watch, want to not have your insides get fucking all twisted up, just. You do two episodes at a time. Okay? The first season, you know, it's like, all right. You know, it starts a little slow, like most series do, because they got to establish who the characters are, what the background is. But once that fucking rock starts rolling down the hill. So I'm gonna watch the last two episodes today, and. And I don't know. You know, I'm excited to see what happens. But then I also have that. You know, I almost had the balls to say this. I almost had the nerve to say, like, you know, when you're finishing a great book, Like, I read. I remember back in the day when I used to read and a book would end, and I used to read a lot of.
- [85:41]
Nia Renée Hill
That was that guy who did all.
- [85:42]
Bill Burr
The train spotting and Marabou Stork Nightmare books. I used to read all of his shit. Irvin Welsh or something. Then I started reading the classics. I remember I read the full version of the Three Musketeer. Not Three Musketeers. The. The Count of Monte Cristo. It was like 700 something pages of the smallest typeset. What a font you've ever seen in your life. And I'm like, I'm finishing this thing. I'm Finishing this thing. And I just would try to read like 20 pages a day. It took me months to finish that book. And but I did. I finished it. And I was like, wow. Now, like, I spent a significant part of my life reading this book. That's how. That's how slow I read. And all these years. And I was always proud that I read that book. I read it like 20 years ago, and I remember thinking, like, you know, this is what people did back then. Then they had time to read books like this because there wasn't the Internet, there wasn't the TV and all that. And they were bored and needed to be entertained. So these guys would just spin these yarns that would go for 6, 7, 8, 900 pages. And recently, I forget where I saw it. They said that Alexander Dumas, however you say his name, was getting paid by the word. And then 20 years later, I'm like, you fucking asshole. You could have finished that in like 200 pages. I read like the director's cut of the Count of Monte Cristo. I still love the book. Gotta love a story or revenge, you know? So anyways, this is the time when I would usually read some fucking advertising. But I'm doing this early because I got shit to do tomorrow. I got shit to do tomorrow, man. I got stuff to pick up, the last few pieces of hardware that I need for my kit, and then I'm good to go there. Let's see, let's see, let's see. The advertising has not come in yet. So what do I do now? Do I just pause here and I just pretend like I have reads to do? How many minutes have I done? 37. 37 minutes. You know, I'm just gonna continue talking about the shit I want to. Then I'll just do. I'll just hit pause and when the advertising comes in, I'll read it.
- [88:06]
Nia Renée Hill
And then when the fucking.
- [88:08]
Bill Burr
The questions comes in, I'll fucking read those too. So anyways, so what you're saying is, I saw this thing, you know, when I shut off the F1 race, which is kind of becoming my teaser here, like, people, you gonna talk about it? Are you gonna talk about it when I shut it off? Okay, I'll talk about the F1 race. Congratulations to. I always want to say Valerie, Val, Terry, whatever his fucking name is, Bottas. He had such a good start to start that race. They actually thought he. She was a fucking cheetah, like the Indianapolis Colts there. And it was a typical fucking F1 race where it was the first guy to turn one won the fucking race. There was a accident in the beginning, right? The guy in the, the stepchild of the Red Bull team, that, that Rojas team, whatever the, whatever they, oh Jesus, Bill, grab your almanac, grab the program if you're gonna talk about it, have a little bit of respect for the people that actually watch the goddamn race. What's the name of their fucking team? What is it, what is it?
- [89:19]
Nia Renée Hill
Where?
- [89:19]
Bill Burr
Oh, the Toro Rosso Rosa, that fucking lunatic. He came in and he fucking slammed into One of the McLarens who then slammed into the, the Red Bull guy, Max Verstappen. And every one of them, their whole fucking day was over. That was it, it was over. Bottas was out in front. Lewis Hamilton got like a five position, I don't know penalty because he had to change his gearbox during qualifying. So even if he was number one, the best he could have done was in qualifying was six, so he was started eighth, so I guess evidently. Wait, that would be, yeah, five spot. Yeah, yeah, so I guess he came in third anyways. Pretty uneventful race the whole time. Other than then in the end it got great, it got great. But I assume something, I actually love the shit that Lewis Hamilton was talking, they were talking about the whole, his bullshit with what's his face there, Sebastian Vettel and he goes, he goes, you know, what are you planning to do? He goes, you know, I'll go out there, I'll try to exploit a few of his weaknesses, just floats that out there. So of course the reporter bites and goes, what are some of his weaknesses? Would you say his temper is one of his weaknesses? Because I guess this guy Vettel, he's dangerously approaching 12 penalty points. If you get 12 penalty points you have to sit out a race within a calendar year that basically points for being a cunt, driving dangerously slamming your car into Lewis Hamilton, whatever the fuck it is he's doing. He's like those people on the highway out here that pass you on the right doing 90, he does shit like that. So if you accrue 12 of those points within a calendar year, you have to sit out a race which is devastating, especially if the guy you're going up against wins the race. He gets 25 points, he's just sitting there on your ass, you know, sitting on your helmet. So anyways, they said he goes, I'm going to explain a few of his weaknesses. So the reporter bites and goes, this is temper, one of them. And Louis smiles and goes, yes, which is the perfect thing you want to do with someone with the temper, you know, speaking from experience, because all that does is make us more mad and then we fuck up again, right? So then the reporter goes, well what's his other weakness? And Louis just smiles, he goes, he's like, I'll keep that one in my pocket. And he walked away and I was like, ah, that was perfect, perfect. He's in his head, man. But anyways, like I said, it was pretty uneventful. For the whole time, everybody just cruising around the fucking track. No big crashes after that turn one. And the fucking American team, the Haas team, was up front for like two laps. You know, they gave us a little pat on the head like we spoke, able to hold off the Ferraris for, for the first three laps of a 71 lap race. And as an American I'm supposed to be excited by that as we have the Ferrari junior engine, whatever the fuck they give us. So anyways, the, the final like six laps. Lewis Hamilton was right on fucking Ricardo's ass. The tires are all fucking chewed up. I was convinced Hamilton was going to catch him. Ricardo was able to hold off, pulled him off and then Sebastian Vettel was right on Bottas's ass once again. No passes were made but it was still exciting. The last six laps of the race was great and that track was cool as hell, man. I love how it starts like uphill, that bizarre. I don't know, I've never seen a track laid out like that. And it's in the, the Austrian Alps. How do you not go to that swing by Hitler's house, you go to the F1 race and then you get yourself some wiener schnitzel. How do you not, how do you not do that fucking trifecta, that's a bucket list thing right there before they tear it down. I mean I was always a fan of the Omen, always all those horror movies, those demon babies, how do you not fucking go there and just be like he fucking learned how to walk in that house. It's just fascinating. Like the first time he lost his temper was in that house. First time he realized he hadn't he could draw. I don't know how long he stayed there. It's just eerie, you know what I mean? Look, if Universal Studios, if you can take the tour over there and they still have the fucking, the psycho house, you know, because everyone just wants to look at that. This is a real life fucking psycho. Hey, shouldn't be glorified. I'm not glorifying it. It's the same reason why I want to see a Great white shark from a boat. You know, I don't fucking. This is so. As much as. Everybody bitches, there's no way, if you walk down the street, you could. You couldn't look at. At it. You couldn't feel that. That vibe of evil coming off the side of the house. I don't know, they're probably right.
- [94:38]
Nia Renée Hill
They should probably tear the thing down.
- [94:41]
Bill Burr
You know, why am I talking about Hitler's house? Can somebody explain it to me? So anyways, the race ends, I shut it off. I come in here to go do the podcast and I ended up as. When I shut off the race. This is woman with short hair. You know, she's got the. The same haircut as that one who's a girl. I'm coming out, so you better get the party started. Remember that pink, right? Had the pink haircut. And she's sitting there talking to this guy and I'm looking at it like this looks like a therapy session. What's going on here? Here? And the show is called the Therapist. And they then. And I'm. And she's sitting there, it's Katy Perry talking about herself. And like, you know, some people like me, some people don't. Some people like when I had long hair, but they don't like the shorter haircut. And I'm just sitting there thinking, why are you doing this, sweetheart? You should do this in private. Why would you put all this shit out of there? Is she going nuts? But as much you know, her I felt bad for because it's just like she's fucking obviously going through some shit. But that. The fucking therapist guy, they got this whole intro and he's like walking through doors and shit. Like, I'm so insane. I'm a licensed fucking therapist. You're a fucking money grubbing cunt. Acting like you're trying to help Katy Perry. I had to shut it off. I had to shut it off. I rewound it because I had to find the name of the fucking show and then I had to fucking walk away. Jesus Christ, Katy Perry. If you need therapy, go to a fucking therapist. Close the fucking door, have her shut off her phone and get it out. And I hope you get better. You don't fucking do it on tv. Do you realize what you're doing? You're letting the world know what hurts you. And you're on the Internet. Are you out of your fucking mind? These are my weaknesses. And every fucking asshole on the Internet is going to be coming after you. It's a bad move. That is Not a good move. And like, that licensed therapist, air quote, fucking that guy. That guy should be disbarred that you would fucking exploit someone like that. But you know what? At the end of the day, I mean, it was probably her people's idea. She greenlit it. And then they had to find. They had to find a therapist low enough on the rung, with enough TV presence that would fucking agree to do that gig. I'm trying to think of the standup equivalent to that. A televised. You know what it would be? It'd be like those fucking gigs that Beyonce and all those guys do for, like, fucking New Year's. They go out, they sneak out of the country and they go do, like. They sing bootylicious for, like 5 million bucks to the son of a fucking dictator. You know, in some country that we're at odds with, I guess, like, that's the TV version of it. Maybe. I don't know. Who the fuck knows? Speaking of all that shit, did you see when Trump went to Russia and he met flicking Vladimir Putin? Do you see that? That was fucking hilarious. You know what? That's when they were shooting the. It reminded me of Jimmy the Gent after the Lithuanza heist. However the fuck you say it, when Trump walked in, Putin should have been like, come here. You come here. Yo, left, Swanza left. How do you say L U F T H? Lufthansa heist? Modal. I don't fucking know. Anyways, oh, by the way, rest in peace. Great drama. Passed away about four days ago. Jonathan Blackwell, who absolutely killed it with Prince. New Power Generation, played on Justin Timberlake's Big. I think his first album, that tour was it Blood Sugar, Sex Magic. I can't remember what Sexy back tour. I'm stomping on a disco ball. Whatever the it was called. I can't. You know, I actually own the album, too.
- [99:04]
Nia Renée Hill
That's the sad thing.
- [99:06]
Bill Burr
Wham, wham, wham, wham, Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. I'm big and sexy back, right? What's that other one? The other one. I always get the words wrong and Neil always laughs. What is that one? Oh, I always think he says, dirty bitch that I let you with me if you misbehave. I always think he's going, dirty bitch. He always laughs, going, he's not saying dirty bitch. And I go, what's he saying? She goes, a dirty babe or something like that. That. You know what's the hardest one to understand is that Rihanna, she's got the accent and she doesn't she says like the first three letters of every word at the end of a sentence. What's. What's her new hit? We. You know, me and Neil. I forget where the we were going, but we had on like pop radio, right? One of the pop stations there. Is that what it's called? Top 40? It was hilarious. Like they played the same 10 songs on the way there and the same 10 songs on the way back. Isn't that. Wasn't that one? But it was the same thing. It began with a W. What?
- [100:31]
Nia Renée Hill
I was gonna drive me nuts. I gotta look it up. All right.
- [100:34]
Bill Burr
Katy Perry. Katy Perry. What a show.
- [100:38]
Nia Renée Hill
Katy Pay.
- [100:39]
Bill Burr
Not Katy Perry.
- [100:40]
Nia Renée Hill
Sorry.
- [100:41]
Bill Burr
Not Lil Swanson. Not Jimmy the Jet. Rihanna. Rihanna. Music. See if it comes up. Umbrella. Ella, Ella. A, A, O, O, E, E. Come on. Loading slowly loading. I'm running out of to talk about.
- [101:05]
Nia Renée Hill
I might have to hit pause here at this point.
- [101:08]
Bill Burr
Maybe I can look up the song. Oh, yeah. No, it's not that one. She has a lot of W songs. Don't stop the music. Work love on the brain Diamonds Umbrella we found love Bitch better have my money. Okay, okay. Man down.
- [101:37]
Nia Renée Hill
All right.
- [101:37]
Bill Burr
This is.
- [101:38]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm just.
- [101:38]
Bill Burr
I'm too old to be looking at this. You know what I mean? God bless you. God bless you. Hits. Okay, I'm gonna. I like being an old guy. And you know something? When you. When you're old guy, you got to know when you're too old to be looking at something, you just walk away, you know? Like those. I don't understand why guys over 40s take those testosterone pills. It's like you're finally clearing your head. You know what I mean? You're finally getting out of the fucking bars. You're finally realizing how much more sustained happiness you can get out of order in a brand new drum kit and setting the fucking thing up than the fucking colossal waste of time that chasing pussy is, you know? You see that question, you're a guy over 40. Try was it New Genics. They act like your testosterone dipping is a bad thing. It's a fucking great thing. The clouds are finally parting. Why would you want to take a bottle of that B18 Forever fucking juice? Jesus Christ. You want to go back into the sports bar, shorten up the fucking sporty whore themed waitresses, right? The original Spice Girls as they walk around with jerseys tied on, who's winning the game? You want some wings? You want some more buffalo wings? Is that slowly fucking killing you? Why would you want to take a fucking pill that's going to make you think that that's a good option. I'm going to go back into that. You know, then you got to start P90Xing. You got on a myrtle, right? A man girdle, trying to suck in your fucking. You know, guys, the torso just starts. It just keeps getting thicker and thicker, right? You got your. You still got your skinny high school legs because you're boozing it up. You got that goddamn beer belly. Now you're going to throw some 18 year old testosterone down your throat as you're walking up there. You know, you got to dye your goatee before you go down there. What the. Are you. Just let it go, man. Fuck it. Jesus Christ. I will never fucking understand that. I don't want to go back into that fucking world. Granted, I experienced it with an orange afro. I mean, maybe you guys had a better time than I did. I don't fucking know. I don't pretend to know anyways. I think this is it. I don't know that I can go any fucking further here. If I talked about everything that I wanted to talk about. I believe I have. Oh, coming up this weekend, me and Dean Del Rey, host of the Let There Be Talk podcast, are going to be at the Fountain Street Church in Grand Rapids, Michigan. This is one of my favorite fucking places to play. It's a still functioning non denominational church, all right, which is why they let comedians go in there. If I ever decide to get back into religion, I think I could. You know what? I bet I couldn't go to a non denomination one either because they'd be so busy patting themselves on the back about how open minded they are. Just whatever you want to do, if you want to stand, you want to kneel. And I have all that Catholic in me going, there's got to be some sort of structure. What is this, a fucking drum circle? Anyways, we're doing two shows Friday, I think, one Saturday or the other way around. All I know is the third, the third show has just been added. There's still some tickets left. I. They just added that thing because the first did so well. So thank you to everybody that's showing up. I can't wait to go up there and run my fucking mouth standing on an altar. You got to go to this. If you don't see me, you have to see a show at this place just to see the fucking vent venue that it has an upper deck, horseshoe upper deck that runs from one side of the altar right down the hall, all down the side of the, you know, the the windows there to the back of the church and then comes right back up again like a horseshoe, right? Like what they still call Ohio State Stadium, even though they enclosed it. And like the altar is like the new stands that they stuck in there when they enclosed it. So I'll be up there and then I go to New York to do the acting gig. I'm just basically filibustering right now, seeing if I can get the. They ain't coming in, God damn it.
- [106:09]
Nia Renée Hill
They're not coming in.
- [106:10]
Bill Burr
When I read some dates for you.
- [106:11]
Nia Renée Hill
Here, you know, not like you can't.
- [106:14]
Bill Burr
Do this on your own. Bill burr.com stand updates. I have got to change the picture. Oh, I got one with the shaved head. I just never. I got to learn how to upload photos. All right, where do I go here? Shows. All right, this is what I got coming up. Then I got in August 10th, Red Bank, New Jersey, Count Basie Theater. All right, and then after that one, August 13th, all things comedy producing their first stand up special ever, Paul Verze. All right, me and Pete Davidson are going to come out on stage and get the crowd warmed up and then Paul's going to go out and absolutely crush it. It's taken place. It's going down at the Tarrytown Theater in Tarrytown, New York. Absolutely beautiful. Bring the wife, bring the kids. Don't bring the kids. Come up there, hang out with us, watch a great, great special. Tickets are going fast. I'm sorry. August 10th and 11th, I'm in Red Bank. Oh, and 12th. Oh, shit. And then I fucking hang out with Virsey. Bam. On the 13th, August 27th, Hyannis, Massachusetts, at the Cape Cod Melody Tent. Jode. Then I'm doing the Hampton Beach Casino. First show, sold out. That's on the 30th. Second show, they added a late show. September 2nd, I'm at Valley Center, Harrah's Resort in Southern California. In September 8th, I'm at the Horseshoe Casino in Bluesville, Mississippi. Bluesville, Mississippi. And then I'm going to an Alabama game. The Crimson Tide going to that. September 22nd, I'm at the Toronto, the Sony center. The Sony center in Toronto, Ontario, on the 22nd and 23rd. Then I'm in Vegas on the 29th. Then on the 6th of October, I'm in St. Petersburg, Florida, the Mahaffey Theater. Now this is what's great about that gig is the Thursday I'm going to see the Patriots play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. That's the last NFL team I need to see. A home game of including the fucking Los Angeles Chargers. But I'll go to one of those in September, then I do my gig, and then the next day I go see that Florida LSU game. And on December 14th, I got the.
- [108:50]
Nia Renée Hill
Hard Rock.
- [108:54]
Bill Burr
In Florida, and I might have an overseas gig in Europe in December in my favorite city over there. My favorite city to take my wife possibly. We're working on it. We are working on it. I'm going to hit pause right now. I'm going to wait for the advertising to come through. I'm going to read the fuckers. But it's not going to take any time out of your life because I'm not doing like, you know, not just going to leave a recording, you know what I mean? All right, I'll see in a couple hours. But in your world, it'll be a couple seconds. All right, I'm back. God damn it, I'm back. And I have advertising to raise. All right, we're done. Nia, we're on to the questions. All right, Norway. When are you coming to Norway, man? We would love it, man. When we need it. Before we end up like Sweden. Have a nice weekend and go fuck yourself. Always trash in Sweden. Hey, Nia, people want to know when I'm going to come to Norway. Oh, is it Nia plus one?
- [110:00]
Listener
I brought my plus one.
- [110:01]
Bill Burr
There you go. Little baby boo bear there. Here you go. You can't sit in that chair right there. No, you didn't even entertain that option. All right, upside down. You're turning me. Giving love instinctively. Okay, round in. Yeah, I was talking about Deep into the Blue Ocean with Jessica Alba and Paul Walker.
- [110:25]
Listener
Into the blue.
- [110:26]
Bill Burr
Into the blue.
- [110:27]
Listener
Into the blue.
- [110:28]
Bill Burr
I'll have a blue.
- [110:30]
Listener
That racist ass movie.
- [110:32]
Bill Burr
Oh, shit. Racist?
- [110:33]
Listener
Yes.
- [110:33]
Bill Burr
How is it racist? I watched it as a white person and I didn't have a problem with any of it.
- [110:38]
Listener
Surprise, surprise.
- [110:40]
Bill Burr
What did you see?
- [110:41]
Listener
No, that scene where they had the.
- [110:43]
Bill Burr
Talk into the mic. For the love of Christ.
- [110:45]
Listener
You know what? People have tweeted me and have been like, we can hear you just fine.
- [110:49]
Bill Burr
Well, then they would say that I was too fucking loud.
- [110:51]
Listener
I mean, yeah, but they haven't. They're used to it by now. All right, I'm talking to the microphone. No, there was this one. So this place, this movie takes place in the Bahamas, right? But of course, you know, there's like barely any black people in it.
- [111:06]
Bill Burr
And it's white people on vacation.
- [111:08]
Listener
They're not on vacation. They live and work there. Except for Scott.
- [111:12]
Bill Burr
Jessica Alba's not white.
- [111:15]
Listener
Oh, right.
- [111:15]
Bill Burr
Oh, shit. Now who's not being racially sensitive?
- [111:18]
Listener
Yeah, she's. Yeah, okay, fine. She's not white. But they're in the Bahamas. That's where black people live. Anyway, can I get finished telling you how I. You know. Anyway, one of the guys that either works for them or works with them in some capacity, he has, like, maybe two lines, and one of them is, I gotta go. My baby mama is hassling me over a weave. Or like. Like, needs me to give her money for a weave. Needs a new weave. Like, what the.
- [111:46]
Bill Burr
They were capturing the. The black experience.
- [111:49]
Listener
No, no, no. They can't give him a line that has any kind of, like, dignity. Like, oh, I got to go. I told my wife I'd watch the baby. Or, oh, I got to go. My son has a soccer game. My baby mama needs a weave. That is so racist. That is so. And then. And then there's another scene where they're somehow explaining, I don't know, pirates or some kind of Bahamian legend that, you know, Paul Walker is explaining. And then what's his name? Scott Khan is looking at pictures, and.
- [112:18]
Bill Burr
He'S like, I love Scott Khan.
- [112:19]
Listener
So this is Snoop Dogg here, and these are all his hoes, and this is his pimp cup and blah, blah, blah. And it's like, really?
- [112:25]
Bill Burr
He used to be in a rap group. He knows the terminology.
- [112:28]
Listener
You know what?
- [112:28]
Bill Burr
You ever see 8 Mile? That was based on him.
- [112:31]
Listener
It was based on him and him. And I'm not even one of those white guys. Scott Khan in a rap group. Like, I'm just not even. No, let's. I don't even want to talk about that.
- [112:39]
Bill Burr
Scotty Khan. Scotty Khan. Oh, what did he scratch to that? Right? He came out.
- [112:47]
Listener
Oh, my.
- [112:49]
Bill Burr
Yeah, let me. Rocky. Scotty sounds ridiculous.
- [112:52]
Listener
The one thing. The one thing that I liked about that movie. I can't believe we actually. Actually watched the whole thing, but there was a scene.
- [113:01]
Bill Burr
I enjoyed it. It was so ridiculous.
- [113:02]
Listener
Scott Kahn and Paul Walker are talking about the. Like, what are we gonna do, man?
- [113:06]
Bill Burr
And they're underwater, holding their breath. At the same time. They're above punching sharks.
- [113:10]
Listener
They're on land, and it's daytime as they're talking. And the camera slowly pans around them, like, really slow. And by the time it's done, the sun has set, and it was a really beautiful shot. Other than that, that movie can go kick rock rocks, right?
- [113:25]
Bill Burr
Oh, that's because you're holding a baby. Kick rocking. Kick rocks.
- [113:28]
Listener
F word in front of her really trying not to do that. I mean, but that movie was ridiculous. And I'm really upset at that line. It still bothers me. I gotta go. My baby mama needs a new week.
- [113:44]
Bill Burr
They were underwater for 15 minutes.
- [113:46]
Listener
Like, I can suspend my disbelief on that. That wasn't something that I. I'm just saying.
- [113:51]
Bill Burr
I mean, if they. If they're gonna handle.
- [113:53]
Listener
Why are you making excuses for this? That line in that movie?
- [113:55]
Bill Burr
Because I meditate now. And what I've learned. I'm learning to have patience.
- [114:01]
Listener
Patience with what?
- [114:02]
Bill Burr
With just people's behavior.
- [114:04]
Listener
Well, you lucky that you have that ability to do that. I was very offended and annoyed by that.
- [114:10]
Bill Burr
No, I'm just saying that, like, if.
- [114:11]
Listener
Was that not offensive to give him that line?
- [114:14]
Bill Burr
Not to me. I'm white. What?
- [114:16]
Listener
I'm not asking about you as a white person.
- [114:18]
Bill Burr
I'm just saying.
- [114:19]
Listener
Not asking.
- [114:19]
Bill Burr
I went over my head to defend you. I'm just saying I didn't get it.
- [114:22]
Listener
I'm telling you what it is. So why are you sitting here acting brand new like you don't understand what I'm talking about?
- [114:27]
Bill Burr
God. Yeah. I'm just trying to be. At some point, it has to be funny.
- [114:31]
Listener
Well, I don't care about it being funny.
- [114:33]
Bill Burr
I know it's a ridiculous line, but I got to keep the comedy going. This isn't count. Point, point, counterpoint.
- [114:39]
Listener
What is it now?
- [114:40]
Bill Burr
Point, counterpoint. You got a moron for a host.
- [114:42]
Listener
Oh, yeah. Keep the funny. For the love of God, please. Let's not lose the funny. God forbid you actually agree with me on some shit. And try not to, you know.
- [114:50]
Bill Burr
Can you pitch this episode to Dear White People for me? Good Lord. I got it. It's fucking offensive. I'm agreeing with you. I'm trying to fucking keep it funny on some level.
- [114:58]
Listener
Fine.
- [114:59]
Bill Burr
I'm trying to. I'm just playing the ignorant white guy.
- [115:02]
Listener
You don't have to play at anything.
- [115:04]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I'm the one who said the line first. I was laying there I go, I gotta get my baby mama a weave.
- [115:13]
Listener
Terrible.
- [115:14]
Bill Burr
It's terrible writing. I mean. Oh, what the.
- [115:16]
Listener
It's offensive.
- [115:17]
Bill Burr
It's people jumping. They're walking around all naked, looking good, holding their breath for four hours. Do you honestly think that they're gonna have Maya Angelou or one of those people in their heads? Is that the right reference?
- [115:31]
Listener
Sure.
- [115:31]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [115:33]
Listener
What else you got?
- [115:34]
Bill Burr
I don't know. Okay, Norway. When.
- [115:36]
Listener
When are you on this Apollo?
- [115:37]
Bill Burr
Oh, by the way, you know what's stupid? It was when I was IMITATING Jessica Ablo doing lines going like, she's dumb. She's got a billion dollar fucking company. Where do I get off saying that, huh? Although my podcast is doing pretty well, going itunes. All right, Norway. When are you coming to Norway? Man, we love it. We would love it, and we need it before we end up like Sweden. Have a nice weekend and go fuck yourself. Now you. We traveled. You know what that means?
- [116:02]
Listener
No, but before we end up like Sweden.
- [116:04]
Bill Burr
Yeah. You know what that means?
- [116:05]
Listener
I don't know.
- [116:06]
Bill Burr
You remember when they said Sweden? Sweden used to, you know, Sweden remained neutral during World War II. Okay, okay. And they looked the other way and they allowed the Nazis to use their train system to go into Norway and fuck Norway up.
- [116:20]
Listener
Is that what's going to happen to.
- [116:22]
Nia Renée Hill
No.
- [116:23]
Bill Burr
Okay. Norway had, right before the war, regained the lower third of their country from Sweden. And Sweden was like, whatever, we didn't want it anyways or whatever. Right, right. So then they. During World War II, Sweden remained neutral. Okay, Let the Nazis go through. The Nazis fucked up Norway. Sweden became a power after World War II just simply for the fact that their cities were still standing and they could function in like a. In a business capacity. Jesus. I'm using some pretty impressive words for me, right? So long story short, Norway ends up finding. And Norway didn't offer any. I mean, Sweden didn't offer Norway any help or any of that stuff. Long story short, short, Norway ended up discovering all this oil in that land that they got back, I believe, or north of that, or now they're making so much money over there, nobody wants to do like lower level jobs. So Swedes come in and do the jobs Norwegians don't want to do. You don't remember the Norwegians saying. Are the Swedish people saying, yeah, we're like the Mexicans for Norwegians.
- [117:21]
Listener
Wow. Okay.
- [117:22]
Bill Burr
You don't remember that?
- [117:23]
Listener
No, I don't remember that at all. When would I have. When was that?
- [117:27]
Bill Burr
When the guy said it to us. We. I thought it. The Norwegian guy when we were in Norway.
- [117:32]
Listener
I got to be honest with you, and you're probably going to jump all over me. But when we did Norway, Finland and Sweden, like, I honestly can't. I don't know. I don't recall which was which country, cuz it looked the same.
- [117:45]
Bill Burr
Do you realize? Do you realize? No, don't try to cover your tracks. Don't try to cover your tracks. Do you realize if you took me to Rwanda, Ecuador, and what is the other one over there? You took me to three African countries, right? The Gambia. Gambia, Africa, South Africa. And then we went to Rwanda. Like. Yeah, you know, to be honest with you. Yeah, I know what you're saying. It's a bunch of blue eyed, blonde haired white people.
- [118:11]
Listener
No, it looked the same. Norway, Finland. And what was the other one we went to?
- [118:14]
Bill Burr
What was the other one? I want to go. I want to go. You know what's that plane ticket cost me?
- [118:19]
Listener
Sweden. I love. Because I love Stockholm. But what were the other three?
- [118:22]
Bill Burr
I don't know. Why don't you go get a fucking globe and spin it around a couple of times and figure it out?
- [118:27]
Listener
I can't remember which country was which.
- [118:29]
Bill Burr
I always wanted to travel as a little girl.
- [118:32]
Listener
His three was Oslo, where we had that crazy meal, that like 10 course meal, like the never ending with the cheese at the end. Was that Norway?
- [118:41]
Bill Burr
Why don't you just move out to Calabasas and knock on the Kardashians door right now? Why don't you just do that and just, just fit in with them?
- [118:47]
Listener
What does anything that I'm saying have to do with the cartoon?
- [118:49]
Bill Burr
What was that place? I don't remember when we ate the cheese.
- [118:54]
Listener
I don't remember what Finland versus Norway. Like what we did because they were geographically very similar.
- [119:00]
Bill Burr
All right, I'm gonna have to do. I'm gonna have to remind you of these places in a way that your little travel brain, little travel can remember. Okay, all right. Finland.
- [119:10]
Listener
Yes.
- [119:11]
Bill Burr
Was where you got the coat.
- [119:12]
Listener
Coat, yes. Okay.
- [119:14]
Bill Burr
Okay. Now you remember that Norway is where you got the cheese.
- [119:18]
Listener
Yep. Okay, great.
- [119:19]
Bill Burr
Stockholm you loved. So you remember that. There you go. That's the difference. Oh, okay. Yeah. So Finland's the coat. Country.
- [119:26]
Listener
Got it.
- [119:26]
Bill Burr
Oslo's the cheese.
- [119:28]
Listener
The meal.
- [119:28]
Bill Burr
Yeah, yeah, we had that 200 course meal. Yep. And then there was that funkiest cheese ever. And I was eating it. You were telling me to stop and my eyes were watering. And the more you talk me to stop, the more I had to eat it because it was funny to me. All right.
- [119:42]
Listener
It was cold. I remember it being cold.
- [119:44]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [119:47]
Nia Renée Hill
All right.
- [119:48]
Bill Burr
Paris was the place that had the arch like in Washington Square Park.
- [119:52]
Listener
Yes, I remember Paris.
- [119:53]
Bill Burr
All right. Restaurant doesn't accept cash. Deer. No, Dear Billy Red Tits restaurant. Some reason this is backwards, says restaurant doesn't accept cash. Deer. All one word. Billy Red Tits. I think it's Billy Red Tits Restaurant doesn't Dear Billy Red Tits. All right, the other day I went to a very trended salad place in Hollywood. And when I went to what I say. Sorry.
- [120:14]
Listener
Trended.
- [120:15]
Bill Burr
Oh, Very trendy salad place in Hollywood. And when I went to pay, I held out a $20 bill and the cashier said, sorry, we don't accept cash.
- [120:24]
Listener
That's the most ridiculous thing ever.
- [120:25]
Bill Burr
Have you heard this before? Yeah, on like trains, planes and shit. Planes? I don't think they do. What do you think they're working towards a cashless society. We're all going to be microchipped and that's going to be it. And right when they gain control of all human society, the robots are going to take over. All right, lastly but not least, the last question here. Girlfriend wants me to call her daddy during sex. There's a new one. Hey, Bill, I just started seeing this girl. We've been dating for about two to three weeks. She's smart, attractive, everybody says this, career driven and generally speaking has her shit together. She seems like a girl. Seems like a girl. She seems like a girl. As far as I can tell, she's got all the lady parts that I can see myself having a long term relationship with. However, recently when we were having sex, she insisted on calling me Daddy. I've never been the type to talk dirty. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I say.
- [121:22]
Nia Renée Hill
Okay, I get it. Oh, okay.
- [121:26]
Bill Burr
I thought it was the other way around. I thought she wanted you to. Okay, I get.
- [121:31]
Nia Renée Hill
Okay, okay, I see now.
- [121:32]
Bill Burr
All right, well, that's pretty pedestrian. However, recently, I've never been the type to talk dirty because it seems kind of silly and takes me out of the moment. Yeah, you guys are not compatible. If she's going to want to say all this filthy crazy, over the top and you're going to be like, oh, like in your fucking chi, whatever the fuck you're doing, you know, which neither one of you are wrong. I don't know if you're compatible here. When she started calling me daddy, I was caught off guard, but tried to play through it because I didn't want to make her feel weird. Well, you're a good person then. All right. I even attempted to throw in my own lines like, oh, yeah, you like that? But after the words left my mouth, I had to try not to laugh because it felt like I was in a cheesy porno and it started to affect my performance. Afterwards, she asked me how I felt about it and I just brushed it off like it wasn't a problem. But on the inside I was starting to have my doubts. I'm trying to paint a picture without giving too much detail because I know you get all the weirdos. You get all weirded out by Shit. But I. No, I don't get weirded out by a lot of shit. Is it weird that she likes me to call her daddy? Am I walking into a relationship with underlying daddy issues? Help me out, Bill. What should I do? Oh, I get to be Dr. Bill. So when he's having sex with you, she wants you to call her daddy. This is how Dr. Phil would handle it? Well, most of my fan base is female, so you're the male, and you're therefore always wrong. No, I would definitely bring it up to her. I would bring it up to her. It's difficult to bring up something like that with somebody, but if it bothers you, you got to bring it up. I would bring it up. Just say, listen, I'm not judging you or anything like that, but for me, you gotta. You gotta keep it on your side of the bed. It just feels weird now. How do you say it? I don't feel comfortable having you call me daddy in bed. It just. It makes. Just say uncomfortable. Don't say weird. And then, hey, Nia, I need your help. Are you here? You're coming? All right. This guy. This guy's with this girl. He thinks she's great and everything she wants. She wants him to call. She wants to call him Daddy during sex, and it weirds him out. How does he bring it up without making her feel like she's got a fucking problem?
- [124:11]
Listener
I don't want you to call me Daddy during sex because it makes me uncomfortable. I don't think it's wrong. I'm not judging you. But just for me, for me.
- [124:21]
Bill Burr
That was perfect.
- [124:22]
Listener
Yeah. Just be honest.
- [124:24]
Bill Burr
There you go.
- [124:25]
Listener
But just say, I'm not trying to judge you. I don't think you're weird because I know a lot of people do it. It. Because a lot of people do do it, but just. I. It makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not ready to go there just yet. Can we come up with something else?
- [124:39]
Bill Burr
They went different language, like she's Ipoppy. Yeah, well, you just picture some completely random language. I don't know, is German random enough?
- [124:51]
Listener
German?
- [124:52]
Bill Burr
Yeah, you don't want to go there. Next thing I know, she's taking a shit on your chest. I don't know, buddy. You got a. Yeah. However Nia just said it, that's perfect. All right, I'm gonna wrap up the podcast here. All right. That's the podcast, everybody. Thank you for listening. Thank you, guys once again for watching Efforts for family. We got. I don't know. You never know what the fuck ratings you get on Netflix, but, you know, they gave us another season, so there you go. I really appreciate it. That's it. Please come out and see me and Dean Del Rey at the Fountain Street Church. Grand Rapids added a third show. Tickets are hopefully going fast, but hopefully there's some left so you can get them. Because I'm saying there's some left. All right, that's it. I'll talk to you on. Check in on you on Thursday. Bye.
- [125:37]
Andrew Themelis
Those dark moments take you by surprise? You telling me I ain't good enough? You can ring my bell? You can ring my bell? With the batter blowing through you, your veins? Knowing family, knowing faith? What to do, what to do, what to do's coming right down at you? You can ring my bell? Honey, anything you need? You can ring my bell? Honey, anything you need? You can ring my bell? You can ring my bell? You've got a sadness hanging in your eyes? Well, I just wish that I could change your mind? You can ring my bell? Anything you need? You can ring my bell? Anything you need? You can ring my bell? You can ring my bell? You can ring my bell? Sam.