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Monday Morning Podcast
Little Italy, Redheads, Hair Transplants | Monday Morning Podcast 5-12-25
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Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning podcast for Monday, May 12, 2025. What's going on? How are you? What is going on? Huh? What's going on? I always ask that, you know, but then sometimes you have to wonder, Bill, do you really feel it when you say it every Monday, or you just. Is it just like. Just something you say? And that's really what I want to talk to you guys about today. You know, how many things are we saying today that we used to mean and now we just say it because we say it? You know, Jesus told the Corinthians one time, God bless you, and he stopped for a second. He's like, you know, I wasn't even thinking about my dad when I said that. Or your leprosy. You know, I think it's time I stopped making these people wash my dirty feet. Maybe I think about what's coming out of my hippie face every once in a while. I mean, who the hell do I think I. Hey, get your hands off me. Get your hands off me. And that's the story of Jesus. Well, the beginning of the end, anyways. They left that part out of the Bible, you know, be funny. When the Romans got him, he acted like that. Remember that really eloquent old guy that was let out by the cops? Unhand me, you torture, you know, can you write a religious book without it? I have no idea. Anyway, although somebody lately has been telling me some of these stories in the Bible. They're always, like, confusing. And then you ask the question and the person answers a few, and then they always. Inevitably, they tap out when they can't answer the questions, they just go, well, you know, some of the things God is going to answer when, you know, he comes back, or these are things that are not for us to know. Well, then why would you bring it up? For the ambiguity. Did I say that word right? The ambiguousness. That was a failed pilot I did for mtv. We were trying to come up with something to go on right after. Ridiculousness, ambiguousness. And they just thought it was too vague. Oh, Jesus, a dad joke right out of the gate. Did you really deserve that? Hey, listen, man. Hey, listen. Hey, listen, man. Hey, listen, man, I. I don't want any fights. What movie was that? That was Boys in Company C. Remember that? They had the Latino drill sergeant, and he got in that hippie's face and he goes. The hippie just. He's like, screaming at him, tell him that he's a Piece of queers and stares, all of that stuff. And then the hippie dude goes, he goes, hey, listen man. And then Joe Sergeant goes, hey, listen, man. And the hippie enlistment listed guy goes, I don't want to fight, man. You know, I'm a peaceful guy. And the sergeant goes, yeah, it's great. You know, maybe one day we get engaged, we got married. And then the guy goes, oh, hey, man, I ain't saying it like that. He goes, if you don't get your together. Oh my God, I saw that movie like once on Cinemax like 40 years ago. How the did that just come out? I'll tell you why. Because I had my goddamn coffee this morning. Might have to hit pause and make this here. I might. Oh, Billy, you gonna hit pause? What the are you gonna do next? Moonwalk across your goddamn clean apartment? Is that how clean it is? You can hear the echo Anyway, yeah, I was getting a little. It's getting a little depressing. You don't need proac. What you need to do is you need to clean your apartment. I think that would be a little bit better. And I can say that cuz I have no medical background whatsoever and I'm a podcaster and. And that's what we do. Anyway, I had a great fucking day yesterday. A friend of mine took me up. I went up to the South Bronx and I got some Dominican food and then I went over to Arthur Avenue and I went to the Little Italy over there and I got a cappuccino with a baby cannoli. You know, I don't fuck with the sweets, but you know, what am I supposed to do? I'm in Little Italy, right? So I got a baby cannoli and then I got a little fruit tart. There's no way so man, to tell somebody that you got a fruit tart and not just start giggling at how stupid you just sounded. Oh yeah, Bill, did you get yourself a little fruit tart, you fucking ginger so and so, huh? Just skip down the street after you had your fruit tart? I did. I mentally skipped down the street. No, you know what my favorite thing was, was I walked down Arthur Avenue and that mozzarella place was closed, unfortunately. But I don't give a. It's just a reason to go back up. I was just doing reconnaissance because I'm bringing my lovely wife up there. Second I got up there, that's all I thought about, was walking down the street holding her hand. And she loves that movie, A Bronx Tale like I do, right? And I was Sitting there thinking when I was drinking the coffee, like, wow, I bet they shot a Bronx tail up here, right? And then I looked at the shooting locations, and according to the Internet, they shot a Bronx tale in Queensland. It bothered me a little bit. You know, I'm in this business. I'm a big boy. I know that. You know, they try to make Toronto look like Los Angeles or whatever. Sometimes they don't try, like Jackie. Jackie Chan's movie Rumble, Rumble in the Bronx. Remember that? And they just, usually when they're. They're make. Trying to make a city look like another city, they'll just use this, you know, stock footage of the real city and then wherever they're actually, you know, to put in. And then when they're actually shooting the movie, they stay in close, so hopefully you don't notice, you know, not Rumble in the Bronx. They're like, no, man, we're gonna show you the skyline and just say, this is the Bronx. I mean, Drake was walking by in the background. Everybody knew. It's like, we're in Toronto. Sorry, I'm in a silly mood. What do you want from me? But anyway, yeah, I took the 6 train up and I think I took the D train back, which is cool. When it gets into Manhattan, it goes Express from 125th all the way down to 59th street, which was nice. So I'm like, wow, that's not even. It's not even that long a ride. Because I thought I could only go up there on my day off. Did I mention I'm doing a play, baby? If you ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me, I'm doing a fucking play on fucking Broadway, doing a play called Fucking Glengarry. And I got 58 more shows to do, 56 more, but who's counting? Anyway, I sold all my cars. All I have is my old pickup truck. So my dream truck, my F250, I sold that. I told you guys that. Yeah, I feel. I feel a little sad about it, but I also, man, it was. I just, you know, I didn't have any room for it and I wasn't using it. I always wanted to have one. I. I had it. I never towed anything. I didn't put anything in the back. And I finally had to realize, Bill, you have no reason to own this thing. If you lived in the middle of nowhere, you could have, like a decent sized driveway and I could park it and it could be fine. But, you know, then I would have middle in the middle of nowhere neighbors, which are cool until they start Talking about the world. Then you're like, oh, God. Racial slur coming in 3, 2, 1. Anyway, plowing ahead here. Did you guys watch the MotoGP? I'm not saying everybody in the middle of nowhere is racist. I'm not saying everybody lives in a city you know isn't racist. I'm not saying anything. All right? So why don't you fucking think about that before you raise your eyebrows at me on this podcast, you fucking son of a bitch. Did you watch the MotoGP? What a fascinating race in France. Il fait plus tous les temps. It rained the whole time during the race at Le Mall. I've actually been there. I went on the Last day, the 24 hour of Le Mans. Of Le Mans. Shout out to Johan Zarko, the first Frenchman to win a French Moto GP. No, the race. A Moto GBP race in France. Thank you. For like 71 years. How did it happen? How the did Joanne Zarco, on a motorcycle that hasn't even seemed to be able to sniff higher than maybe sixth place this year, all of a sudden go past the Marquez brothers? The Marquez brothers. I bury those cockroaches. Well, he started the race on. On his rain tires, so he didn't have to go into the pits to change. Everybody else was on the slicks, right? And Fabio Quartaro, who somehow is a Frenchman. You can't tell me that's not a fucking Italian dude. Fabio Quartaro, that's a French guy. You're telling me that I'm supposed to believe that that dude's French? Okay, Both in the sprint and on Saturday, shout out to Mark Marquez, winning the sixth in a row, just setting the record. He already had the record with five. That dude's been riding like a demon. He wiped out on Saturday and his tires, I think got chewed up or whatever, slipped in the back or whatever on Sunday. Or did he crash again on Sunday? I think he might have crashed both days. Someone was asking me, like, what happened? Why are the drivers in F1 so young and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, because that sport beats the shit out of your body. Fucking the G forces whipping your head and neck around. It probably moves your guts around too. You're insides. And after a while just sort of breaks. And then, not to mention, you get into like a couple, two, three car accidents a year between 100 and 200 miles an hour. And I know they got all the safety. I don't give a. It's got to beat you up after a while at Least it's not how it used to be. I mean, people used to die and get burned up, you know, go driving into the crowd. But anyway, so Johan Zarko was in the back of the pack, and on, like, the second or third term. I saw Pekko from the beginning of the race. Like, he just got a bad start and got passed by, like, nine people. And then somebody, like, the track was wet, wiped out, and, like, bowling pins took him out and a few other guys. And in the middle of all that was Joanne Zarco on the right tires, you know, and he somehow navigated that, was driving on the dirt, got back on the track, and then it started. You know, he was way in the back and nobody thought anything about him, right. Everyone was looking at Fabio Quartararo. He was in the front. And then he wiped out. I believe. I believe that's what happened. I can't remember. I literally watched it yesterday, but I was doing other shit. I was cleaning my apartment when I saw it. And Joanne just kept moving up. And then as everybody went in and had to change to their rain tires, he just kept going. And next thing you know, he had, like a 22nd fucking lead and he won. And all the Frenchmen were singing the national anthem and crying. It was fucking awesome. He got all emotional. Marc Marquez came in second. I think Alex went down, too. And then, like, I couldn't figure it out. Like, everybody had a penalty. I never seen, like, the whole front of the race had a penalty. Anyway, it was a very interesting race. And then, sadly, I saw these clips of ice going in and just ripping these people out of their homes, and mothers and grandmothers and children screaming, no Warrant. If fellow U.S. citizens are like, what are you doing? They, like, intimidate them, arrest them. And this is like, Gestapo type of stuff. And it just blows my mind that there's a certain, certain ugly segment of the American poppy population that's enjoying watching these families getting ripped out of their homes. And. And you somehow think that America is going to be better if this is done. Like, so what? So they took those people out. They're taking these people, these brown people out that are living week to week, and somehow you feel like if they get them out of the country, your boss, who's not paying you a living wage, will suddenly start paying you a living wage. What would be a great thing is everybody read up on the history of these that have run these companies. They have not wanted to pay Americans a living wage ever. They've never wanted to pay us a living wage. And the only reason why they do is because there's laws. And the only reason why there is laws is because people died during protests to start unions. And these fucking psychos that run these companies didn't want to pay a living wage. And eventually they took their factories out of the country so they could go back to not paying a living wage in the form of sweatshop labor. And now they're, they're eventually working their way towards this. The same billionaires that didn't want to pay in the 1800s, way back to the feudal system, they've never wanted to pay you. They don't want to fucking pay you. And they just keep blaming people that don't look like you, that don't have any money or any sort of control over your life. And my people keep believing it. It's unfucking believable. Immigrants are not the reason why you can't make your rent. You can't make your rent because the guy that, that fucking employs you is not paying you enough money. He's not keeping up or she's not keeping up with the rate of inflation. The sad fucking thing is there's enough money, there's enough food, there's enough shelter for everybody. But these super rich cunts want too much for themselves and they're heartless. They don't give a. And when you start to tell them, hey, you're not paying us enough money, they go, oh, look at those brown people over there. We could just get, get them to stop jumping over a wall or get them out of their houses. If we could tear apart their families without a warrant, then I would somehow magically start paying you enough money where you could live comfortably and have health insurance. Unreal. And I gotta tell you, these fucking people that are just watching this stuff and you don't think that eventually if you just co sign on an agency being able to do that, just barge into somebody's fucking house like that, just start lining people up, asking questions, no warrants, just total intimidation, right? If you're signing off on that, you have to understand. Do you really think that that's just going to stop there? Let's say they got all the illegal immigrants out of this country, that work still has to be done. So now who's doing that work and what is the rich guy doing? Do you think he's going to pay American citizen wages? Is he going to let one nickel roll out of the fucking out of his pocket? Is that, has that been your experience? Watching these super rich people just out of curiosity, Anyway, it's fucking, it's tragic. This is just a really mean, ugly, I can't even say period. I guess exposure that it's just brought all of these super overtly racist nationalist psychos to the forefront. It's even, it's even happening in like stand up comedy. It's like, it's wild, you know, I don't understand. Who knew, who knew that there was this many people out there that felt oppressed if they couldn't be this hateful. Anyway. Anyway. But that doesn't mean you can't be a good person. You can combat all of this. And I don't know, I, I feel like some leaders are going to emerge, but like this is what happens with extreme behavior. If you look, where was the left like five years ago when they were doing the days and those. And if you didn't use the right pronouns, all of a sudden your fucking career was in jeopardy. They went fucking, they went insane to the left. We lean so fucking far to the left. So now this has to happen. It went so far left towards the end of the last decade that these psychos on the right think they're in the middle and that they're rational and that they're not the right. The conservative, whatever you want to the right wing version of what they dealt with from the left, you know, in, in the late 2000 teens, whatever the you call them. It's insane. And we went flim flam guy to a guy who should be in a home. Back to a flim flam guy. This is just like the nightmare that keeps giving. Anyway, plowing ahead here. So. Oh, Billy Jim face, Jim Bod. Oh, Billy Jim Bod, Billy Joe, Jim Bod. Gotta start it back up again. I was bad yesterday. I had the cannoli. I mean, what do you want from me? What do you want from me? I was in Little Italy. I'm so excited that I went up there. I can't believe I never did that. All of those years that I lived in New York, all I had to do was get on the D train and take it up there. And it was right there and I never did it. I was so focused on, I need to write new jokes. I need to do God for bid. I took an afternoon off to go up the Bronx, get some Dominican food and go over and get a cappuccino and a cannoli. Literally the perfect afternoon. It was perfect weather. And then I ended up running into this guy who was smoking a cigar. I see a guy sitting, smoking, I just walk up and talk to him, because I immediately know I'm going to get along with him, and it's going to be good conversation. And he saw my Red Sox hat, which I was trying. Was trying to. I went to that MLB store. I tried to get, like, an Expos hat, and they didn't. They had one, but it was all these crazy different colors. It almost looked like a. A Philly hat. You know, the back of the hat, they had the different colors. So I was kind of like, that's like the Philly style. So that should say 76ers or Phillies on it. Not Expos. Whatever. I'm a traditional. So I. I wore it up there, my Red Sox hat. And so this guy's like. He goes, oh, were you. For you, from Boston? You know, hardcore New York accent. And I was like, yeah, man. I was like, I didn't want to wear this thing up here. You know, I'm not one of those sports fans. I like my team, but I don't try to, like, get into arguments. So he was going like, you know, he's going, what's going on with. He's like, what the fuck's going on with Devils? They pay him all that money, won't play first base. I was like, I've been working, man. I barely watched a game. I don't know what's going on. But, you know. And then I found out he was a Mets fan. I go, oh, you're a Mets fan? All right. Well, then the Yankees. He was like, all right, all right. It's a cool dude. It made me. I can't say miss smoking cigars, but it did make me think, like, wow. I definitely would have sat down and had one right here, but. And for the first time in years, I actually miss booze. I don't know why. Somebody brought up whiskey, and I was just thinking of having one neat. I was just like, oh, that would be delicious. And then after that, it would take me fucking three years to quit. So I'm not doing it. Anyway, let's do the. Let's do the reads. Let me see here. Oh, I didn't meant. I'm doing a show tonight in a church. Another church here. Just gonna be running my act, trying to find these random places to just do my act over the next few weeks. So when I do London in Abu Dhabi, in Milan, Italy, I'm on my game. But anyway, let's do some reads here. Ava. Or is it Ava? Ava Gardner. When was the last time you thought about your credit score? You know what? I Never think about my credit score because I don't want to give the banks that kind of power, man. If your answer is never, you're not alone. You are not alone. But here's the thing, man. A good score can mean better rates, lower payments and bigger opportunities. That's where AVA comes in. 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Don't let your credit hold you back another day. Grow your credit score fast with ava. Download the AVA app spelled AVA today and when you join using my promo code Burr free, you'll get your first month free. This offer is only for my listeners. Get the AVA app and use the promo code Burr Free to use your to you to get your first month. That's promo code Burr free. Thanks to Ava. And now go get yourself good credit. And I should have read that better. And now go get yourself good credit. All right. Open phone. All right, listen up. If you're running a business, you're probably juggling a million things right now. But every time you miss a call, you're throwing money away. Seriously, think about it. Let's say you're a plumber and someone calls you, they need something and you're out there getting a coffee, taking a nap, whatever. And that call, Straight to voicemail. Poof. Gone. Opportunity lost. She's moving on. That's why you need open phone. It's the phone system that actually keeps up with your business. No more missed calls, no more missed opportunities. If you have employees or co workers, your whole team can share the same number to answer calls and texts like a shared inbox. Whoever picks up, they know exactly what's going on. What's going on. And with AI powered call transcripts and summaries, you don't have to worry about taking down messages and follow up slipping through the cracks. Over 50,000 businesses trust open phone. So don't be the last one to catch up. Go to openphone.com brrrr get 20% off your first six months. That's open phone. PhoneWithPH.com brrrr. And if you got numbers from another service, they'll port them over at no extra charge. Open phone. No missed calls, no missed customers. All right? Luxury items. Hey there. Oh, Billy. Oh, Clarkson Larkson. I've been listening to the podcast for years in the lab where I work. You know, there's a lot of people in labs that listen to this shit. That's funny to me. I figure if you're in a lab, you're smart. You took a chemistry class. You had graduated cylinders and beakers. You know, your lab partner was a woman. And you looked at her, she had glasses on and her hair up. And you just said, hey, let me do something for a second. And you took her glasses off and put her hair down. You're like, oh my God, look at you. You're beautiful. You did like an 80s makeover on her and then you fucking cleared off the top of your lab desk and broke all those graduated cylinders. But because you were having sex, for some reason, you didn't care that you were destroying your own property. This is how love scenes went down in 80s movies. They were always clearing off of a table. I always loved when the guy would do it over her place and she didn't have a problem that, you know, he just knocked the plant under the floor and that she was going to have to fucking clean it up. And she wouldn't be happy with that even if he satisfied her sexually. I mean, that's been my experience with women. All right. Hey there. Oh, hey there, old Billy Blarkson. I've been listening to the podcast for years in the lab where I work and it has provided me with years of laugh while I refine precious metals. What are you making? Diamels? Is that what you're doing? Cubic zirconias. I've worked, slash run a refinery here in Texas. Texas. It's biggest fucking refinery in nine counties for the past 13 years. And you are 100% correct on the supply and demand of high end watches. My company destroys brand new watch parts at least twice a year for one of the most expensive watch brands in the world. I won't Name names. For obvious reasons, this keeps the demand real high. Well, why would you make them then? Just don't make them. And they actually have to witness us destroy them while we pay them for the gold that is worth 1/50 of what the parts are retailed for. As for lab grown diamonds. Oh, I was talking about that. That they can grow diamonds and lab. Well, they are essentially the equivalent of natural diamonds, but are sold for one tenth the price wholesale. Personally, I think diamonds and gemstones are all bullshit speculation, so I prefer to only deal with metals. I just send my customers back their stones and pay out on the metal because there you can't bullshit the value on that. Well, please write in again and talk to me. What metals? What are you talking about? Copper. I hope you enjoy the rest of your Broadway one. Thanks. And go fuck yourself. Oh, that's fucking really interesting. Who else has an interesting job like that? You're destroying unsold Rolexes and taking the gold out of them. And you don't fuck with diamonds because you sell copper and aluminum. Do you dress like you're in Mad Max? I mean, that just sounds like a dystopian tale of capitalism. Deregulated capitalism gone wrong. Instagram, like a drug. Oh, yeah, I've been. I've been trying to get off Instagram. I've been going back to listening to French radio programs. And I gotta tell you, it's fucking ridiculous. The amount of words that I understand now. I feel like I understand a third of what they're saying in real time at this point. The worst is when they say something and I know what it is and I can't remember. And then I just keep running that word over and over in my head, and by the time I translate it, they've spoken another three paragraphs. Is that the worst, Bill? Is that worse than having your whole family dragged out of your house without a fucking warrant? No, it isn't. Instagram like a drug. Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill. I'm trying to figure out how they actually were saying that. I've been going through some of the same shit as you with trying to stay off Instagram. I feel like it just consumes every free second of my life. Yeah, my fucking phone said I spent eight and a half hours. There's no way I do that. Do they count listening to music? Eight and a half fucking hours. I don't have eight and a half hours before I have to go over to the fucking theater. Person says, anyway, here's something I found that helps me avoid Scrolling into the bottomless pit. I deleted the app and use Instagram. On Safari. On Safari on my phone. It is less visually appealing that way and it sucks me in less. I also added an extension called Social Focus to it. Not trying to promote anything, it just works for me. The extension can take away the reels tab, suggested posts and ads so that it's only stuff from people I follow. I find the experience much more concise. I get bored of it much quicker. I still feel connected to friends and families, but the scrolling is dramatically reduced. Definitely recommend for others trying to break out of it. Take care. No, like, I'm trying to get off of this. Like. Like the way I quit cigars and booze. Like, right now. I have, like, nine cigars in my apartment right now because people gave them to me because they didn't know that I quit. And. And I have not. I have no desire to smoke those, but if I smoke one. Bill, we get it. You're addicted to fucking nicotine. All right, hang on a sec. I gotta make myself a coffee because I just, you know, I'm just not feeling like myself. All right, I'm back. A little bit of coffee here. Jesus Christ. I mean, I gotta have something, right? Isn't that the best when you fucking. You quit everything and then you just got that one last fucking thing that you have. You got the one fucking thing that you have, and somebody's got to be like, gee, that one thing that you have. You're kind of having a lot of it, aren't you? You know, it's just like, can you mind your own fucking business? What? What the. You know, why don't you fucking quit that? Quit what? Bringing up this shit that I'm doing. All right. Redheaded dudes. Hey, Billy. Big gay gym biceps. I'll take some big gay gym biceps any day of the week. Those fucking guys are jacked. Getting ready for pride. Hey, good job on the gym attendance. It's hard to be motivated. I want to ask your opinion. Oh, you must be in a bad place. You know what I need? I. I need advice from a shirtless ginger in his 50s sitting here drinking a cup of coffee, wondering where all the time went. I want to ask you your opinion. I've got a couple of redhead dude friends, and these are the most arrogant guys I know. What? Not the fucking arrogant redheaded dude. Have I ever met a cocky fucking ginger? How old are they? I don't know if the redhead experience has changed. You were a man without a country. There was, like, one in each Grade one or two. Anyway. They are maybe a four or five out of ten. And they act like they are an eleven. Always making macking on chicks way out of their league and acting like the big man on campus. Well, shit, that fucking works. When just among the guys. I like their confidence, but. And no offense to you, sir, but is this a redhead dude thing? No, I actually think this is a you thing. This is a you thing. You said you like their confidence. I don't know. If you do, I hope you do. Who gives a fuck what those fucking pasty sons of bitches are doing? You go do it. What's this? If you can't compete with the four or five out of a 10 that's acting like an 11, you should be walking right behind that, cleaning up as those women roll their eyes at these gingers who are acting. I don't know. I don't know. But late. I know they like laughing. They like to laugh. Women like laughing. No one's made women laugh more than me. Some. Some people would say I've made women laugh the most. I tickled it. Twats. Without asking. I wish I could do a Donald Trump. Anyway, is this a redheaded dude thing? I'll be honest with you. A redhead, that's a 4 or 5 acting like an 11. I don't know that I've ever seen that, but I would like. I would like to see that. You guys are all like, bill, he's talking about you. You are a four or a five. Running your yap for an hour by yourself. That's not arrogant. You're not acting like you're an 11. All right? Hey, man, don't hate the orange pubes. Hate the game. Yeah. Dude, I don't know what to tell you, but I'll tell you this right now. I don't have any empathy for you if your fucking problem with women is fucking gingers that are a four or five acting like an 11. Come on, man, you're making me depressed for you. Get out there. Fucking sit there. These four. These four out of a scale of one to ten fucking gingers were exactly who we thought they were. We let him off the hook. All right? Going to Turkey for hair transplant. I'm actually happy for those guys. That has to be amazing to be going bald and it bothers you that much. And then to basically cure it, all you have to do is just get. Do you have to get all new friends? Because the thing about it is you can't get hair. You can't get any sort of Fucking cosmetic surgery and still hang out with the same group of people, Especially if they're women. Women are going to bring it up. You know where the. Did I see that? I saw a woman was talking about something that her husband had done and it was like, isn't the point of like cosmetic surgery is to act like, no, this is my nose. What's the point of getting it if. If there's somebody just going like, fake news, fake? No. Oh, my God. Can you imagine trying to call your wife out on that if you got a nose job? Honey, like, what is the point getting a nose job if you can't tell everybody this isn't my real nose. I'm sorry. I was just speaking my truth. Do you want me to lie to my friends and then you're apologizing with your fake nose? I'm sorry. No, it's okay. You can tell everyone that this isn't my nose. I don't know. Here's my thoughts on cosmetic surgery. Don't do it. Generally speaking. Okay, listen, if you fell face first into something, you know, and you look hideous, I get it. But like, if it's just some. I don't know, I mean, look at me. There's a lot of just on my head. The problem is, is once you start, how do you stop? You know what I mean? It's like if you buy a new suit, you can't not get a new pair of shoes. You can't wear old shoes with a new suit. So that's what ends up happening. Now you got to get new pair of shoes. Oh, what if I cross my legs and they see my, you know, worn out socks? Now I got to get new. It just, it just keeps going and the next thing you know. Right. You look like Michael Jackson, didn't you. You didn't expect that Michael Jackson impression. I think I nailed it. Wait a minute, am I. Look at me, I'm a 4 acting like a 11 with my Michael Jackson impression. All right. Going to Turkey for. For a hair transplant. I mean, what I like how, you know, that's. That's classic. That's classic American behavior. Oh, you're going to Turkey. Oh my God. You're gonna have some of the coffee. Do you play drums? They make some of the best symbols in the world. Are you going to. You're going to vibe with those great people over now? Get my hair back. I'm not into the culture at all. Kidding. A few weeks ago you mentioned on an upcoming tour in Turkey and semi seriously joked about getting a transplant they go, semi seriously, question mark. Oh, this person thinks I'm getting a transplant. Dude, you can't. Well, maybe you can. Earlocker. Everybody knew Erlocker. He went out, he got one. That's a tough thing. If you're Brian Urlocker and you get a hair transplant, like, who's going to tell you whether it looks good or not? Everybody's afraid of you. Like, people would be honest with me and be like, dude, like those you got, man, you look stupid. Right? They would let me know. But like, if I was as big as Brian Erlocker and I could fucking run through an offensive line and make a 6 foot 5 quarterback look like he was 5 foot 2, like, how would I know whether it looks good or not? Anyway, a few weeks ago you mentioned an upcoming tour in Turkey. And parentheses, parentheses, semi seriously joked about getting a transplant. I'm flying across the pond this summer and getting one done myself. I'm 24, but been receding pretty bad since I was 15. I get that dude, as a guy, to go bald that young is brutal. You got to catch all the women on the rebound when they're divorced in their 30s and you've shaved your head, you know, and they're drafting in the later rounds and all of a sudden you being a third round draft pick is looking good to them. Kidding. All right. Been on Finn and Min for years. I don't know what that is. Probably some sort of propecia. I got a good paying job, so I can finally pay that in full up front. Seven grand. That's all it is. Turkey gets a bad rap for hair mills where technicians slash, not surgeons, are doing the operations and could have 10 years or, or 10 days experience. If you do your research for a reputable place, ensure 100% of the actual person doing the graft placement and aren't chasing a bargain option, you're golden. American clinics are two to five times the price for similar quality. You're really just paying to surgery in a foreign country the fare to get there. This is really fascinating to me. I'm actually happy for you. If somebody's 24 and they're going bald, you know, and they want to get a hair transplant, I don't mind that. I actually, you know something? I think women are way more receptive to that. You know, it makes you feel good, you should do it, you know, that. That good side of women as opposed to the bad side that I always fucking seem to focus on for the last 20 fucking years, okay? But since they're so Expensive, I guess the plane ticket. Many do fewer transplants per year. What? Wait a second. And ironically, less. Oh, so the American ones, because they're so expensive, they do less, are ironically less experienced as a result. So you aren't necessarily paying for quality unless you're willing to fork over 20 to 50 grand and wait a year or two for whoever did. Elon Musk's Hairline International is probably the way to go. Or I'm totally wrong and I'm fucking myself for life. I'll keep you posted. P.S. please don't mention my name. Also, I don't get robbed in Turkey. Yeah, I would never mention your fucking name anyway. Why you get robbed until you get robbed everywhere. You get robbed here. I would love to go to Turkey, but not for a transplant. I would just like to go there. I know because. Because I've never been there. Right? That's all fascinating. All right, man. Well, you know, I hope you get the best surgeon and I hope it fucking looks great and you feel good about yourself. How about that? You know, I do find it funny when guys my age get a hair transplant. You gotta, you gotta be worried, like if you're the woman in their life. Like, why, Elvis, what are you doing? And then when you get the hair transplant, then you're probably thinking like, ah, fuck, I should have done this years ago when, you know, when I was younger. Because now I got the full head of hair, but I still got this turkey neck. So then you get that fixed, then you're like, all right, well, I got the turkey neck, but look at my physique. I look like a 50 year old man. I want to, I want to see what I would have looked like if I worked out in my 20s and had a full head of hair. And then you're off, you're off. You hgh in your testosterone. You're. You got to paint something on your ball sack that keeps your balls from shriveling up with all the testosterone. You know, all of a sudden, the side, the side effect, you get estrogen. Now you got tits. Or you could just, you know, keep yourself in shape. No, but I get it. If you're in your 20s and you want to get like a hair transplant, I get it. Or if you're in your 30s, right, and you just. I get that, I get it. But after a certain age, say, come on, you're an old man. Go get a funny hat and make a waitress laugh and you're done. You did, you did your fucking job in society. That, that's, that's what's great about getting old. That's my fucking job right now. Put on a funny hat, make a waitress laugh, and my day is done. Give some young person some advice. Unsolicited, too. That's what old people do. You know what you should do? God damn it. This coffee's delicious. I love that espresso machine. You can't miss. I'm telling you. I'm not gonna lie to you. They ain't cheap. They ain't cheap. La Marzocco. I stand by that product. Handmade in Italy. Come on, what are we doing here? Oh, speaking of which, I'm going there in a couple of months. Months? M u N T s. No m u N s. Months. You haven't called me in two months. The is the problem. All right. Car recommendation, Daily Driver. Hey, Billy. Christmas Nut. Oh my God, I gotta tell that one to Nia. Oh, Crimson Nuts. My fault. And they said Christmas Nuts. Like my balls were like ornaments hanging off a dick tree. Oh, Crimson Nuts. Roll, Tide roll. All right. Long time listener. I like Christmas Nuts better. Just hear those sleigh bells ring a link. Longtime listener, first time writer, checking in all the way from Zimbab. No way. Hope this makes it onto the pod. I know you've been on the hunt for a new Daily Driver ever since you let go of the Jaguar. Thought I'd drop you a line with a recommendation that might be right up your alley. I'm thinking of an old Cadillac. Although I've seen. I saw a late 60s. Was it a Buick? I think it was a Buick 225 or something like that. And I. I kind of like that too. I'm into old man cars, dude. There's an Instagram page called at no Miles Low Miles. They specialize in ultra low mileage, super clean cars from the late 60s up through the early 2000s. I don't even care if this is an advertisement disguised as a person writing in. I'm going to check that out. The sweet spot. Really? Everything they post, you know, I don't get like a Low miles car and something that's like 60, 70 years old. Like, you know, after a while, the car just sitting there. That's not good for it either, right? Isn't everything like all sort of like dried and cracked? You know, it's sitting there. There's usually some sort of mouse nest in there. And they ate through all the electrical and shit. All your bushings or whatever are all dried and cracked and all of that. I don't know. I've always wondered about that because there was this early 70s Coupe de Ville, green on green. Oh my God, it was gorgeous. It was gorgeous. I'm definitely gonna get a Cadillac. I'm gonna get a. I think I'm gonna get an El Dorado is what I'm looking for. And then there's some Buicks that I like. An Oldsmobile. I'm just gonna have like an old man car. Like a. I like the land yachts. I like them because I like them. And also they're not expensive because you know, these car collecting cunts that just drive. The price up of everything is, is insane. There's just, there's just no way they're not washing money. Some of the, that they're paying anyway. There's an Instagram page called no Miles Low Miles. They specialize, okay? Everything they post is pretty much analog. No electric frills, none of that new age touchscreen crap that you load. Just solid old school engineering. Yeah, that was the thing about my F250. It was like, it was like spying on me. It was listening to me. It was trying to figure out where I lived. It's like, this is not my. This is like, I'm not in the mob. Leave me alone. The kind of cars where the radio knobs, that has radio knobs and there's no software update that bricks your dash. They've listed stuff like pristine, pristine E36 BMWs, low miles, 90s Benzes, clean 80s pickups. Oh my God. And even the occasional Japanese sleeper. And yes, they've got some old school caddies in there too. The kind with the floaty suspension and plush bench seats. You gotta have a bench seat. Gotta have that. Perfect for your old ass to cruise around and, well, yelling at cyclists. The mileage on some of these cars is insane. Like sub 20,000 miles on cars that are over 25 years old. I'm definitely checking this out. Now you might be wondering how a guy from Zimbabwe knows. Well, yeah, anything, any, anything we get from the, from Africa on the Internet we automatically assume is some sort of fucking scam because of those people, all the years going like, you know, I'm gonna inherit fucking 90 zillion whatevers. I just need 10 grand from you. All right? Now you might be wondering how a guy from Zimbabwe knows about American car listings, especially models that never made it to this part of the world. What can I say? I'm a car nut. That's awesome because, you know, there's a lot of cars down in South America that I am fascinated with. The American made cars south of the border. Like there is like I always wondered why didn't Ford ever make for the longest time never made something to compete with the Chevy Suburban. Basically a four door Blazer. So they would have a four door Bronco and they made one and they made it. I forget what's called like the. Oh, what the. Was it called an F400 or 4100? It was weird, whatever. But they're, they're, they're out there. And I saw something else the other day that I sent to a friend of mine. Anyway, I like that and also I'm still, I'm not around. Like I'm thinking of. Even though I said I'm shutting it down after I do Glengarry, I'm just going to spend the rest of my year with my wife and kids other than when I have a 30 day acting gig. But other than that I'm just going to be with them to make up for all of this time. But I am thinking of doing a gig in Tokyo and I want to go out there when they have like instead of a car show, it's like a motorcycle show and it's all those amazing vintage, you know, Hondas and Kawasaki's and Suzuki. Suzuki's. All those motorcycles that I loved when I was a kid in the 70s, the sort of the first like super bikes before the ninjas. And it got fucking crazy crazy in the 80s is when it really started getting super fast. But like I love all of that shit. And there's some old school Japanese cars like the Datsun. God, what the fuck is that one called? What is that Datsun one that like a lot of Latino dudes in LA get them and they fucking they with them and they turn them into these little race cars. That car looks cool as shit too. I'll have to look this stuff. I'll give you guys a list next time I do the podcast here. So anyway, all right, I got to go to the big gay gym here. This person says anyway, thought you might appreciate the tip. Might be worth checking out the page next time you're killing time at the airport or waiting on the lovely Nia to finish explaining why you're wrong. No, she doesn't do that. Keep yelling at the clouds. Go yourself. No, I've been getting along with my wife really, really well over the last years. Then I just made a few adjustments in how I convey the information that I want to be heard. Yeah, I was a douche. Didn't even realize it for a long time. And it's just. I just grew up with guys, you know what I mean? I just, you know, overly loaded with testosterone. So, like, I did. I had no idea how to approach women, forget about, like, convey information to them, and I finally shut the up and tried to learn about them. And I don't. I still don't know about them, but just having a little bit of information, my conversations are like, ridiculously smooth. And I actually vibe with my wife now on a different level, which is. Is. Is. Is great. I got a lot of shit to make up. Make up for anyway. Or is that the fucking mindset that they put you in when they just keep nagging at you every day? There we go. See that? Still hanging on to my misogynist fan base. Oh, my God, I can't believe you did a show with a girl. I told like 10 people. Whoever that listener was that told me that they audibly gasped when I said that. The. The view leaned left. I audibly gasped. These are the same people that call people snowflakes. Is that what you did? Trying to think. When I gasp. The only time I gasp is when I see a little kid about to hurt himself and I don't feel like I can get over there in time. Even then I go. I go, no, no, no. Oh, I know. No. When I watch a video on Instagram, evidently for eight and a half hours all every day, if I see something like that, I will gasp and it is audible, but I just don't see that me ever audibly gasping because I don't agree with somebody's description of a daytime talk show. I mean, that's where I draw the line. Anyway, Celtics won game three. We'll see what happens. They got a long road ahead of them. They got to win fucking four out of five. I watched a little bit of the. The Indiana Pacers game yesterday. They kicked the. Out of whoever the. They were playing. Cavaliers. That game sucked. And did I watch any hockey? I watched a little bit that Vegas night series and I fell asleep when it went into overtime. Whatever. I'm trying to. I'm trying to start watching sports again. Been out of the loop here, but I've been staying up on my Moto gp. Am I just babbling at this point? I think I am. All right, that's the podcast. Go yourselves. I will see you or I won't see you. I will check in on you on Thursday. And thank you to everybody that's coming out to my little show here tonight. Oh, my God. I just had a little. A false hiccup. There caused me to do, like, almost. And was that an audible gasp that just happened there? I think. I think we just came full circle. All right, I have to go to the gym, fellas. All right. Talk to you on Thursday. See you.