← Monday Morning Podcast
Loading summary
Transcript268 lines
- [00:02]
Bill Burr
All right, Ready or not, here I come. You can't hide.
- [00:05]
Advertisement Voice
Ready or not. Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is now officially available for PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series Xs. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together at launch. The game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matters. You'll have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in if you're new. Download Ready or not today for PlayStation, Xbox or PC.
- [01:16]
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, geez. What are you doing? Are you doing everybody's doing right now? Is that what you're doing? Are you just listening to the information that you agree with rather than all of the information? That's what people do. It's what I do.
- [01:43]
Nia Renée Hill
It's what everybody does.
- [01:44]
Bill Burr
I don't want to hear that. I want to hear this. I like this. I don't like that I listen to this. It makes me feel like I'm right then I feel like I have control. I don't, I don't like what you. I don't like the that. What if I was to tell you that the answer is this and that? How about it's everybody's right and if you put it all together, then you get the fucking truth rather than just fucking leaning, you know, I saw this woman, the other to one side or the other.
- [02:16]
Nia Renée Hill
I saw this woman the other day.
- [02:17]
Bill Burr
And she was fucking showing the claws.
- [02:22]
Nia Renée Hill
Of lions while they were sort of snoozing.
- [02:25]
Bill Burr
I don't know where she was. There was no context on how she.
- [02:27]
Nia Renée Hill
Became bros, you know, and besties with the male and female lines, but they.
- [02:34]
Bill Burr
Were just sort of like, you know, chilling. And she's going, look at this. And there's the claw. And this gets a build Up. We need to work on that. Then she come up, pet him right on the head like a dog. Unreal. Unreal. And then at one point, one of them just stretched and scratched her leg.
- [02:58]
Nia Renée Hill
And she goes, oh, you got me. Yeah, it's a lion.
- [03:06]
Bill Burr
What are you doing? The are you doing petting a lion? That has to. You don't love animals.
- [03:14]
Nia Renée Hill
Do you have an ego issue?
- [03:16]
Bill Burr
There's something going on that, that you would do that and film it.
- [03:23]
Nia Renée Hill
You.
- [03:23]
Bill Burr
Know what I mean? Because we all have to see how, you know, lions eat you. But not me. They dig me bad. I'm bros. You can't be friends with a lion. Jesus Christ. Can you see the red flags at the beginning of this relationship? It's a fucking lion. Oh, I raised it. I don't give a shit. Fucking thing weighs like 800 pounds. Just. You're gonna come home and it's gonna jump on you like a fucking dog. It's gonna crush your rib cage. Those things take down those fucking. Sometimes they get killed. Whatever. Those, those, those giant bulls looking things. They tell you, Jesus, I ate too much food here.
- [04:13]
Nia Renée Hill
I've been eating like a animal. My stomach's. I ate so much when I was in Italy. Like two nights I went out and I just said this. I'm eating like a chef and now I'm paying for it. And I got addicted to sugar again. Happened on my birthday, I had a cupcake and I was, ah, just have one, you know, and I had it and then like, I've been off, but now I'm back. I'm not with sugar anymore. But Jesus Christ, that stuff, dude, it's like, it's like you took a hit off the crack pipe. You just, you know, that's why I didn't have a cigar when I was in Italy. I just said it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it because I know it's going to happen. I'm going to, I'm going to have one and then I'm going to wait.
- [05:05]
Bill Burr
Four days and be like, yeah, see, I'm not addicted.
- [05:08]
Nia Renée Hill
And then I'm going to have another one on the fifth day and the next thing you know, I'm going to be smoking. Like I'm at the track, I'm just not doing it. I don't know. Plus, where I stayed in Italy, they didn't really have a bunch of places to buy cigars. They had them in, you know, those. The worst place ever to buy cigars. The place that also sells like lottery tickets and bubble Gum.
- [05:33]
Bill Burr
And they're like, you got cigars here?
- [05:34]
Nia Renée Hill
They got this little sad humidor behind the register. It's just like. I'm not. Not trying to make a blunt here. Do you have a cigar? Anyway, plowing ahead, so. I had a great time when I was in Italy. I did the show in Milan. It went fantastic. The crowd was awesome. And I got to tell you guys, this shit. I got to tell you something.
- [06:01]
Bill Burr
I've done that fucking Luigi joke.
- [06:05]
Nia Renée Hill
That.
- [06:06]
Bill Burr
Fucking Louis, the kid who shot the CEO. I've done that in la, New York City, London, Abu Dhabi, and now Milan, Italy. And it fucking murders. The second I bring that kid's name up, everybody goes nuts, applauding. You know, it's one of the great things about travel, as you learn that we're all looking at it the same fucking way. There's just a whole bunch of people out there that are busting their asses and they're not getting paid their worth. And then these CEO cunts taking all the money for themselves. And just watching CNN and Fox News, both of them not telling the truth.
- [06:47]
Nia Renée Hill
Of that.
- [06:49]
Bill Burr
Is just fucking. You just know who they're working for. You know who they're working for. They're not working for you. Although that's what they say. That's how they act. It will never cease to amaze me watching people listening to billionaires, that I guess if you're a billionaire and people are happy where they. And they get benefits and they're treated.
- [07:16]
Nia Renée Hill
All right, I would listen to somebody like that.
- [07:18]
Bill Burr
Like, all right, this person made a bunch of fucking money, and they didn't forget where they came from. And, you know, if you work for them, they, you know, him or her, they treat you right. But like most of them, they treat them like shit. Underpay all of them. Fuck over all of them. But people sit there, you know, every fucking election, there's some fucking billionaire now telling you, you know, it's those people over there. It's this country. Nobody. It's you. It's you, you cunt. It's you. But it's not gonna happen.
- [07:52]
Nia Renée Hill
No one will ever wake up to.
- [07:53]
Bill Burr
That because of racism, sexism, homophobia, fucking shit about religion, racism, all of that shit. Fucking red state, blue state, Hollywood, Texas, Florida, New York, California. There they got it. They got us so fucking. It's a masterpiece. Fucking masterpiece. Even when we all agree on something very quickly, we all start fucking arguing.
- [08:24]
Nia Renée Hill
They got bots in there just stirring it up.
- [08:29]
Bill Burr
If everybody's agreeing about Luigi, then a.
- [08:31]
Nia Renée Hill
Bot will come in and just be like, a murder is murder.
- [08:34]
Bill Burr
I don't give a fuck who. And then he's like, how can you fucking say? And then we just start fucking arguing. Well, you can blame Joe Biden for that. Millionaires, they're like mean girls just walking.
- [08:47]
Nia Renée Hill
Around, starting rumors about everybody.
- [08:53]
Bill Burr
Anyway, when I was in Milan, Italy, doing my sho, I was with my lovely wife, and she wanted to go to this sandwich place because Gwyneth Paltrow.
- [09:11]
Nia Renée Hill
Went there and was like, oh, my.
- [09:12]
Bill Burr
God, this is like my favorite sour. I love this sandwich, right?
- [09:18]
Nia Renée Hill
It's not how she talks, but, like.
- [09:19]
Bill Burr
I don't know, like, the level of.
- [09:21]
Nia Renée Hill
People taking pictures of their food now. Nobody cares what you ate. Nobody cares.
- [09:31]
Bill Burr
Everybody else is waiting to eat. Can we start?
- [09:38]
Nia Renée Hill
I shouldn't say nobody cares because those. Those food things, everybody loves them. I don't give a fuck about, like, you know somebody.
- [09:48]
Bill Burr
Like.
- [09:48]
Nia Renée Hill
Like, that's like a big thing. Everybody's got to, like, fucking.
- [09:51]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God, there's this fucking spot.
- [09:54]
Nia Renée Hill
You have to go to.
- [09:55]
Bill Burr
It's like, well, now you don't. You fucking ratted it out. And I'm gonna go down there, and there's gonna be 20 fucking people in line. This is what. This is how you use Instagram. When somebody tells you to go to a fucking restaurant, what you do is you go across. You go to that restaurant and then go across the street, go to that restaurant. And what they lack in good food, they make up in with lack of having to wait.
- [10:22]
Nia Renée Hill
Sorry, I'm an impatient person. Anyway, so I was out here and I rented a Vespa, which I've. I've always been nervous to. To, like, rent a scooter and ride around a city I don't know anything about. But I was finally like, listen, I'm riding a motorcycle. I can handle a goddamn Vespa. So I rent this thing, right? And I go. I take it around the block and then I go, all right, Nia, get on this thing. Let's, let's. Let's go right up the coast here. So where were you staying? We were staying on this lake, right? So there's really only kind of like, one main road, so I should have gone left, but I went right instead. And this little blue and white adorable Vespa. And Nia's having, like, a great time, so she's riding on the back. And very quickly we go. You know, we wind through this little rural area, then we're into another town, and then the town ends and there's like, this mountain that fucking meets the lake. So all of a sudden I get on this on ramp. I'm like, wait a minute, is this like the highway? And it was a two lane thing and I got on it and we went through the tunnel of the mountain. I was like, wow, that was like, cool. Then I looked my rear view mirror, there was a guy right on my ass. And it was like 50 kilometers. So now I'm doing 55, he's on my ass, I'm doing 60, he's on my ass. I'm doing 65, he's on my ass. And I got this thing, you know, wide open. I got no more with.
- [11:48]
Bill Burr
It's a scooter and it's got two adults on it. So I'm going as fast as I can. We get in this tunnel, the guy's right on my ass. I got motorcycles passing me on the left and I'm just like, like trying to get through this thing. And this is what. And then we would get to another town and then we would just sort of da, da da, da, da, da, da da da da da. Through the town. And then we would be back, like going through like a tunnel. Like one of the tunnels we went through was like 2 minutes long at 65 kilometers. Like I thought I was getting up in Switzerland and I was. It was dark in the tunnel, I didn't have my fucking glasses on.
- [12:30]
Nia Renée Hill
And I was just like going, all.
- [12:31]
Bill Burr
Right, I hope there's no potholes here because this is not going to end well. But I, you know, I didn't say.
- [12:36]
Nia Renée Hill
Nothing because my wife was on the back or whatever.
- [12:39]
Bill Burr
So I finally just found a place and I pulled over and let all.
- [12:41]
Nia Renée Hill
Of those lunatics drive past me. And then I kept going straight. And Neil's like, why didn't you turn around? I thought you were going to turn around there.
- [12:49]
Bill Burr
She didn't realize it was like a.
- [12:50]
Nia Renée Hill
Blind turn, you know, a little bit in front of me and it's just.
- [12:53]
Bill Burr
Like, yeah, that's how you end up on the news. If you want to end up on the news, Make a U turn on a two lane highway with a blind turn right there. That's. That's how the way these people are driving that. So we finally made it to a.
- [13:13]
Nia Renée Hill
Place where I could turn around and. And then I went back and you know, on the way back I just was like, I just rode over to the right so people could just like go past me. It was, I'm not gonna lie to you, it was not fun. That aspect of it was not Fun. But once I got. I finally got off. And also, I didn't really pay attention to where I got on. I knew, like, what it looked like. And there was a couple of things in the tunnel that I had noticed. So on the way. I mean, we must have gone through like 10. 10 of these little villages and 10 of these tunnels. And every time we get into the village, it was like, oh, this is what I wanted to do. I just wanted to kind of putz around it. Like, you know, 15 miles an hour, my wife is looking at ice cream and pizza parlors. And that's what I wanted to do. But in between, it was like I was in a fucking Tom Cruise movie. And that's literally what Ni ended up saying. She goes, that was amazing.
- [14:12]
Bill Burr
I felt like I was in a.
- [14:14]
Nia Renée Hill
Felt like I was in a movie. And the dude in front of me, like, slammed on the brakes because this fucking police car went by. So I slammed on the brakes. And, you know, with all of that weight on there, it was. I realized I'm falling a little too close.
- [14:28]
Bill Burr
Like, I was having to learn all.
- [14:30]
Nia Renée Hill
Of this shit in real time. And then, like yesterday we were, you know, before we left, we was just sort of walking through town, and then I found the. The curvy zigzag up into the Hills street. I was like, this is the fucking street. I should have gone up. But it was funny when we. When we got off the scooter, Neo was all just like. That was all. You know, one of my favorite parts of any memory ever with Nia was we were going through the tunnel. This guy's on my ass. But she was having a great time. So, you know, she's riding behind me and she hugged me.
- [15:11]
Bill Burr
So I just sort of brought my.
- [15:12]
Nia Renée Hill
Arms down, like, hugged. Sort of like her for her arms that were around me.
- [15:16]
Bill Burr
It was such a nice, loving little.
- [15:17]
Nia Renée Hill
Moment while this guy was, like, right on my ass. And then also, it just. It's one of those things where it.
- [15:25]
Bill Burr
Just reminded me of flying and riding.
- [15:29]
Nia Renée Hill
A motorcycle, where it's not. You don't get to see anything.
- [15:32]
Bill Burr
Like, you're too busy trying not to die.
- [15:35]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, at least with a helicopter.
- [15:36]
Bill Burr
I don't want, like a.
- [15:37]
Nia Renée Hill
Like a plane. You can put it on autopilot, but.
- [15:40]
Bill Burr
Like, you know, a helicopter, like, in the LA Basin, there's a lot of traffic. There's a lot of. There's a lot of areas. Where would I put it? So, see, Candy, the person you're with is like, oh, my God, look at that house. Oh, wow, look at that. And you're too busy going, okay, I don't want to die. I don't want to die. Glad they're enjoying themselves.
- [16:05]
Nia Renée Hill
So she. She had a great time, as did I. And I've always thought about buying one of those things, one of those little Vespas. I'm not into the other ones because there's a lot of them. They. They're like, basically motorcycles, except you don't. Like, with, like, an automatic transmission. I mean, you can easily kill yourself without even getting hit on one of those other ones doing, like. I. I think they. They go like, 70, 80 miles an hour. Because I was also getting passed by scooters, like those ones that sort of look like a motorcycle. Until you come up to it. You're like, oh, no, that isn't. But from the front, they kind of look like. Like a motorcycle or whatever. Anyway, but we. Our last night there, we ended up eating at this restaurant in town, and it was just like somebody's grandmother was coming out. And that was the night I was just like, wait a minute, she's cooking this. I'm ordering everything. So I got an appetizer, I got a pasta, I got a main dish, and then I got tiramisu for dessert, which I had, you know, the cupcake of my birthday. And that tiramisu was just like. I don't even. I don't even know how to explain it, how good it was.
- [17:34]
Bill Burr
It was like.
- [17:36]
Nia Renée Hill
It was annoying how good it was.
- [17:39]
Bill Burr
It's like there's nothing in the United.
- [17:40]
Nia Renée Hill
States that tastes as good as this because.
- [17:42]
Bill Burr
Because of what a small handful of fucking people did when they took control of the food supply and the seeds and all of that shit. Really kills me that people are so fucking mad at illegal immigrants. It's like these fucking people ruined our food. Ruined our food. But they're white, so, you know, that's all right, I guess. That's all right. I mean, to me, that's fucking terrorism. I don't know. Think we're still fighting a war on terror, and then meanwhile, you can just do that to our food and pesticides in the ground and fuck up our water supply and that. That's all fucking fine. That's all fucking fine.
- [18:23]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know. I don't know. That's weird. No, they're saying now, like, in the.
- [18:32]
Bill Burr
United States, like, there's gonna be a thing in the future where, you know, you can be a citizen and still get deported. And my question is to where I get. If you came into the country illegally from, you know, whatever country, Portugal. They deport you back to Portugal. But if you're born here, like where, where the fucking is it? Like some goodwill country that you can just drop people just show up with a bag of fucking American citizens that you don't.
- [19:03]
Nia Renée Hill
I'm not gonna wear this. I'm not gonna use this anymore. Let's get fucking. Get rid of this. It's a really, really fucking bizarre.
- [19:11]
Bill Burr
I'll be honest with you, it has.
- [19:12]
Nia Renée Hill
Been fucking bizarre since the Clinton blowjob. Getting impeached, lying about that. And then going into George W. Bush, the tragedy of 9, 11. And then somehow we end up in our.
- [19:28]
Bill Burr
They got weapons of mass destruction. We never find anything. Oops. And then somehow we're still there and it's costing us all this money.
- [19:37]
Nia Renée Hill
But they're looking at illegal immigrants. I just, I don't fucking get it.
- [19:42]
Bill Burr
We're fighting terrorism, right? I get that.
- [19:44]
Nia Renée Hill
But you can poison our food supply and that's okay.
- [19:49]
Bill Burr
That's not terrorism. These fucking white supremacist hate groups, those guys aren't terrorists. It's kind of weird. I don't know, the message kind of seems to be like, well, you know, if you look this way, you can do what we say we're against. Am I nuts? Maybe I'm cra.
- [20:07]
Nia Renée Hill
Maybe.
- [20:08]
Bill Burr
Maybe I am crazy.
- [20:11]
Nia Renée Hill
I have no idea. Anyway, plowing ahead here. I'm such an idiot. I have the MLB app on my.
- [20:21]
Bill Burr
Phone and I didn't realize signing up.
- [20:23]
Nia Renée Hill
For that, that I could watch Red Sox games. So I was over in Italy and.
- [20:26]
Bill Burr
I watched my first Red Sox game of the year.
- [20:28]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know anybody on the fucking team. We were playing the Cubs and this.
- [20:33]
Bill Burr
Guy hit a two run homer and then another guy came up, we up two to one and then another guy came up, hit a three run homer, five to one, and then the guy who initially hit the two run homer hit another one. And I guess this year, rather than getting put in the laundry basket and fucking pushed down the mail cart, they now they put on the Wally hat. I don't know, that's what the kids do. Used to be you hit a home run, you ran the bases and you didn't show up, the pitcher or the next guy got hit. Now there's a lot of pointing and screaming on the way down to the first base. It looks like a wrestling promo.
- [21:11]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, what are you going to do?
- [21:12]
Bill Burr
These fucking 24 inch pythons run wild on you? A lot of pointing, a lot of gesticulation. Doubles. Doubles is a big thing too. When you hit a double, you got to look and you got to do the binoculars and then fucking thump your chest and fucking grab your dick. I don't understand. I don't. I just. Whole fucking guys make great catches in the outfield and they stand up and they start screaming, yeah, let's fucking go. I don't understand any of this self congratulatory fucking behavior. I find all of it cringeworthy. You know, back in the day, there was like two or three fucking alpha alphas of all alphas in each sport. There was just a couple, two or.
- [22:04]
Nia Renée Hill
Three people that everybody knew. Like, that guy's the guy, that's the dude. You know, we're all fucking pretending, but that guy right there, that guy's the guy. Now everybody acts like they're the guy. They want the ball. Three, two, one. Everybody is that guy. And you.
- [22:21]
Bill Burr
Nobody wants to smoke from anybody. I'm not the one and I'm the.
- [22:27]
Nia Renée Hill
Fucking da, da, da.
- [22:28]
Bill Burr
It's like you hit a fucking home run. Fantastic.
- [22:31]
Nia Renée Hill
Barry bonds hit like 760 of those.
- [22:34]
Bill Burr
Yes.
- [22:37]
Nia Renée Hill
Sorry about that. Somebody dropping some shit off at the office. Here. At the office.
- [22:43]
Bill Burr
At the office.
- [22:46]
Nia Renée Hill
Anyway. Yeah, it's, it's. I just don't like that shit where you make a play and then you scream in the other person's face like you should get the shit kicked out of you.
- [22:58]
Bill Burr
It's like, why are you acting like you do that every fucking time?
- [23:01]
Nia Renée Hill
You don't.
- [23:03]
Bill Burr
You know what I mean? Like, when you strike out, does the catcher get in your face and go, you know, scream in your fucking. It's so fucking dumb. It's so fucking dumb. I don't understand why everybody's. There's like fucking. There's people fighting wars right now, fucking killing other human beings before they can get killed themselves. They're not doing that. The fuck are you doing? You put a ball through a hoop, you hit a home run. I don't know. But I also think that this is just part of getting older. Like, shit changes. And you're like, I don't fucking get this. I don't understand. And I've just realized I'm at that age. Like we were staying in this fucking hotel. Here's something I used to know how to do. Turn lights on. I used to know how to do that. I used to know how to work a tv. There's a whole bunch of shit I used to know how to do. I just don't know how to fucking do it.
- [23:54]
Nia Renée Hill
Anymore.
- [23:57]
Bill Burr
I swear to God, I feel like, like starting right now until the end of your life, no matter how old you are, like 15% of of your time, when you're alive, is, is clicking.
- [24:11]
Nia Renée Hill
On Settings, go into your Settings.
- [24:14]
Bill Burr
That's interesting. What version of that do you have? Okay, click on your Settings, go into Settings, and see if that's been unchecked or whatever the it is. I don't know. Maybe that's just what it is. Maybe I, I, I'm just, I'm just.
- [24:33]
Nia Renée Hill
A. I know I'm old, but I, I, you know, I don't know. And I don't fucking get. We stay in this fucking hotel.
- [24:39]
Bill Burr
It was so fucking difficult trying to.
- [24:41]
Nia Renée Hill
Figure out how to turn all of.
- [24:43]
Bill Burr
The fucking lights off to go to bed.
- [24:46]
Nia Renée Hill
And it's this entire fucking system that's.
- [24:49]
Bill Burr
Going to break down and be outdated. Like, what was wrong with the fucking light switch? What is everything have to turn into the Starship Enterprise?
- [25:02]
Nia Renée Hill
All right, this is going to make me sound really old. Aside from all of this complaining is when I was a kid, if you wanted to turn on the tv, you walked up to it and there was a knob and you pulled it out and the TV was on. And if you wanted channel two, you.
- [25:18]
Bill Burr
Went, bump, bump, you were on two, you wanted five. Bump, bump, bump, you went to five, and that was it.
- [25:24]
Nia Renée Hill
That was it. Anyway, you want to turn the lights.
- [25:32]
Bill Burr
On a room, you just walk and you just flip the switch. And then when you wanted it off, you flip the switch. That's all it was. It's like people older than me were like, you know, if we wanted a chicken, we just went out back and killed one. Didn't have to get in a goddamn car, drive all the way to the market, try to look at a date on the goddamn thing. We, man, we just, you just grabbed about a head, you swung the body around and broke its fucking neck. That was it. That's all there was to it.
- [26:07]
Nia Renée Hill
Goddamn.
- [26:08]
Bill Burr
Returning the goddamn fucking cart.
- [26:12]
Nia Renée Hill
I do love that guy that, that does the, the grocery cart police thing. And just every time he busts somebody, they get mad because somebody who doesn't return the cart is just inherently an entitled, argumentative douchebag. It's one of my, one of the great accounts out there. Anyway, let's do the reads here.
- [26:36]
Bill Burr
Squarespace. Okay. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain. Showcase your offerings with a professional website, Grow your brand and get paid all in one place. From consultations to events and experiences. Showcase your offerings with a customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business. Get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto generated sitemap and more so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about. This helps your business on the thing there that everybody's looking at. Upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries and even monetize your content by adding a paywall. Perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials and premium workshops. Make smarter business decisions with Squarespace Intuitive built in analytic tools Review website traffic, learn where to focus engagement and track revenue from bookings, invoices or products sales all from one place. Check out squarespace.com burr for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Burr burr to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain. Or that's squarespace.com youruniqueurl what does that mean? Your unique URL is. That's the thing. Oh brrrr. Squarespace.com burr for a free trial and when you're ready to launch.
- [28:33]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, you already did this. They did it twice.
- [28:35]
Bill Burr
Okay, that's it. Squarespace.
- [28:37]
Nia Renée Hill
Have fun.
- [28:38]
Bill Burr
Squarespace. Have fun. All right. Policy Genius Policy Genius makes finding and buying life insurance simple. Ensuring that your loved ones have a financial safety net they can use in case something happens to you. Yeah, like you're riding a scooter on a fucking highway. Whether to cover debts and routine expenses or even invest the money and earn interest over time, you can compare quotes from top insurers and find coverage that fits your needs and your budgets. With Policygenius, you can find life insurance policies starting at just $276 a year for 1 million in coverage. It's an easy way to protect the people you love and feel good about the future. Policygenius helps you compare your options by getting quotes from America's top insurers in just a few clicks. To find your lowest price, talk to a team of licensed agents who will walk you through the process. Step by step, they answer questions, handle paperwork, and advocate for you throughout the process, PolicyGenius lays out your options clearly. Coverage, amounts, prices, terms. No guessworks, just clarity. Life insurance is a form of financial planning, and Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. Policygenius has thousands of five star reviews of Google, on Google and trustpilot from customers who found the best policy fit for their needs. Secure your family's future with Policygenius. Head to policygenius.com Bill Burr to compare free life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com/bill burr all right, Ready or.
- [30:13]
Nia Renée Hill
Not, Here I come.
- [30:14]
Bill Burr
You can't hide.
- [30:15]
Advertisement Voice
Ready or Not Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is now officially available for PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series XS. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together at launch. The game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the Free Stories from Los Suos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matter. You'll have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new, download Ready or not today for PlayStation, Xbox or PC.
- [31:27]
Bill Burr
I was on a, on a beach.
- [31:29]
Nia Renée Hill
The other day and I saw two women that had like, they had a.
- [31:38]
Bill Burr
Like both had on like two piece bikinis and the bikinis were like saggy.
- [31:44]
Nia Renée Hill
You know what I mean? I'm talking like how do you just.
- [31:50]
Bill Burr
Walk up to somebody, just say maybe you should eat a steak. I think you ozemped all the way. You ozemped. You, you picked, you ozempic'd, you picked O's, you did the whole fucking thing. There's nothing you left. All right. I can see your scapula.
- [32:12]
Advertisement Voice
Was very.
- [32:12]
Nia Renée Hill
Unsettling to look at, but I figured I'd bring it up on the podcast in a comedic way.
- [32:18]
Bill Burr
Can we not shame people with saggy two piece bikinis please? I mean they, they look like pows.
- [32:29]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know.
- [32:30]
Bill Burr
At what point do you say to somebody hey why don't you have some bread? Would you like some cheez? Its all right Blue collar Plumber Dear Billy Baldwin, been listening since 2016 and love anything you are associated with. Thank you. I recently listened to the Monday morning podcast for July 14, 2025. All right, that would be the last one. And a listener wrote in about plumber verse hardware and would like to chime in. I worked both. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a big argument where the plumber said he was blue collar and said a guy who worked in a hardware store was not blue collar. So my argument was like, all right, well, he doesn't have a trade, but he's not white collar. What is he? Dude, you're no caller. You work in a fucking store. I worked with. Okay, so this person said, I worked in both. I think plumbing is more blue collar and difficult. All right, well, I don't think that the argument was whether or not it was more or less blue collar. I thought the argument was, I'm a plumber, I'm blue collar. You're. You work in a hardware store. You're not blue collar at all.
- [33:57]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know.
- [33:57]
Bill Burr
Anyway, quick story. Knowing we will be replacing all the shit pipes in the underground garage, we put post all over the apartment complex, giving days and times not to flush. All right, let me read that.
- [34:14]
Nia Renée Hill
Now I know what I'm talking about here.
- [34:15]
Bill Burr
Quick story. Knowing we will. We will be replacing all the shit pipes in the underground garage.
- [34:21]
Nia Renée Hill
Literally, the shit pipes. I thought you just meant the bad plum. The old pipes.
- [34:26]
Bill Burr
The shit pipes in the underground garage we posted all over the apartment complex, giving times and days not to flush. And of course, the moment we took out the mame shit pipe, we started hearing rumbling. We instantly started moving away from the pipe and water comes flying out along with the super turd that bounced off the toolbox and hit me in my calf. Oh, my God. I was so angry until this tiny old lady came down and apologized and she said she couldn't hold it and had to get to an appointment and felt bad.
- [35:12]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, my God.
- [35:12]
Bill Burr
Dude, why did you tell me that story? Whatever the point of that story was, you won. Plumbing is more blue collar because you got hit in the leg by a fucking shit from somebody from the greatest generation. I mean, I think you can be a carpenter and that doesn't happen, but I wouldn't say that they're any more.
- [35:38]
Nia Renée Hill
Blue collar than you. Jesus Christ.
- [35:42]
Bill Burr
Can we just. Just stop here for a second and just, you know, take a time to mentally thank plumbers and what they have to go through. Oh, my God.
- [35:56]
Nia Renée Hill
I can tell you one thing plumbers aren't doing. Going home and watching scat porn. I see that all day at work. It does nothing for me.
- [36:09]
Bill Burr
It's like being A bouncer at a titty bar. You go in there every night and there's just naked women walking around after a while, like, maybe it just doesn't do anything for you anymore. All right, well, that was one of the more bizarre stories I've ever heard. I've been puked on twice.
- [36:28]
Nia Renée Hill
I've been puked on twice. I can tell you that. One time, my whole family, when I was growing up, we got food poisoning. And I was in the process of puking, and we were living in this split entry house. Not split entry, two family house. So one of the side doors, you know, to the original house before they slammed a wall in the middle of the house was they. They just.
- [36:58]
Bill Burr
You'd, like, open the side door to get. That was our back door to the.
- [37:01]
Nia Renée Hill
Front half of the house that we owned. You'd open it, and there was, like, a bathroom, right? When you opened it, like a half a bath toilet and a sink, and then there was a kitchen and then the living room and then the stairs. And you went up to the family room on the other side of that, right? So I was puking in that half a bathroom, and my brother had to puke. And he came running in, and I.
- [37:28]
Bill Burr
Was already puking, and the sink was right there.
- [37:33]
Nia Renée Hill
But he.
- [37:33]
Bill Burr
You know, we were young, we were.
- [37:34]
Nia Renée Hill
Kids, and he's just thinking, you puke in the toilet. So he just fucking puked.
- [37:39]
Bill Burr
Like I. Mike, my hands were holding.
- [37:41]
Nia Renée Hill
The bowl as I was puking, and then he puked on my head.
- [37:50]
Bill Burr
So I was done puking, and he was continuing to puke, and I was just giving him uppercuts into his stomach.
- [37:57]
Nia Renée Hill
Trying to beat the out of him.
- [37:59]
Bill Burr
So then my mother and father were.
- [38:00]
Nia Renée Hill
Laughing, and, you know, as my mother was, like, washing my hair, and I was, like, crying going, it isn't funny. And, like, they were just cracking up.
- [38:11]
Bill Burr
Because that's what you did with your kids back then.
- [38:13]
Nia Renée Hill
You just laughed.
- [38:14]
Bill Burr
It was funny. Then another time.
- [38:18]
Nia Renée Hill
I was a struggling comedian, so I was taking a bus to LaGuardia Airport, and we were right there, and this guy stood up with no warning and started to walking back towards the back double doors, and he just projectile vomited. Hit this poor old lady in.
- [38:39]
Bill Burr
In the right shoulder.
- [38:41]
Nia Renée Hill
And then it ricocheted off and hit. I remember my sock, my shoe, and the side of my luggage. And he didn't say anything and just got off the bus. I was like, what the fuck? And then we stopped, and I just went into the nearest airport. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I had to Fucking throw everything out, all right? That's what that story just reminded me of.
- [39:12]
Bill Burr
But you know what?
- [39:12]
Nia Renée Hill
I would rather have that happen than get hit in the ankle with the shit.
- [39:20]
Bill Burr
This is gross. I don't do gross out humor. All right. Nathan Fielder, airplane safety. Hey, Billy Burrow, longtime listener from Switzerland, was wondering if you've heard of Nathan Fielder's new season, the Rehearsal.
- [39:36]
Nia Renée Hill
Season two.
- [39:37]
Bill Burr
Nathan Fielder does goes off on how pilots don't communicate enough. And now that he is, that that has led to multiple plane crashes, it's awkward and hilarious in the most Fielder way possible. Like, he basically explains that some pilots are just too polite to say something before they die. It's dark, funny and weirdly educational. Right in your wheelhouse. I swear, it's just begging for a Burr rent. Wait a minute, what do you say? They don't communicate enough? That that has led to multiple plane crashes, okay? And this guy, Nathan Fielder, all right, it's called the Rehearsal, and that's about plane crashes.
- [40:27]
Nia Renée Hill
That's weird.
- [40:28]
Bill Burr
Too bad I won't be able to make it to your Milan gig, as I live just across the border in Switzerland, close to Como. You should visit Lugano.
- [40:38]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know what that is.
- [40:40]
Bill Burr
Hope I'll get to see you live someday. All right.
- [40:44]
Nia Renée Hill
That's wild. All right.
- [40:46]
Bill Burr
I'll have to. I'll have to check. You know what? God damn it. I will, I will. I will check that out. All right.
- [40:53]
Nia Renée Hill
What am I doing here?
- [40:54]
Bill Burr
Guy messaged my wife. Dear Mr. Burr, I am in need of your opinion. A couple days ago, while at work one afternoon, my wife called me, clearly upset. She said that an old male high school classmate had messaged her that morning. And while it had started as a polite reconnecting conversations with a few back and forth, it had suddenly got weird. How did he still have her number? I guess she never changed her number. I don't know how old this person is either. Long story short, it went from them talking about their lives since high school to him suddenly asking if she was happy in her marriage. She emphatically stated yes, but he replied that if she wanted more, he could provide it immediately followed by cue the dick pic captured with suggestive emojis. What? Wow.
- [42:00]
Nia Renée Hill
What a fucking weirdo.
- [42:03]
Bill Burr
I would guess that guy's still partying and he was in a different time zone and was high.
- [42:11]
Nia Renée Hill
Or he just has no finesse.
- [42:13]
Bill Burr
He went from, are you happy in your marriage? Yes, I am. Well, if you want more, here's some fucking emojis for you. Wow, that is Weird. All right. She immediately blocked his number and that is when she called me later that evening. She had moved past being upset about it, but still asked me to look at the whole conversation to show that she had no part in the inappropriate side of it. Thankfully, she had deleted the dick pic, but my blood was still boiling reading through the text. I do trust her as she is a total sweetheart, but I couldn't help but discreetly verify that the timestamps lined up with what she said happened. Oh, but I couldn't help but discreetly verify. Oh well, what the fuck, you don't really know somebody. She could have been pretending to be a sweetheart.
- [43:11]
Advertisement Voice
Who knows?
- [43:12]
Bill Burr
Guess I was caught in a moment of insecurity. Really, I was just pissed at the whole thing and I started contemplating what I should do. First of all, you looking at the timestamps is exactly what she would have done to you. So I mean, you know, it's kind of weird. This guy still has her fucking number and he goes, you know, and I don't know, is she telling a half truth? Is she telling truth? Well, good for you. Looks like she was telling truth. All right. So the next day he tried adding and messaging her on several apps, but she didn't respond to any of it though. This guy's fucking crazy. This has just infuriated me further. I don't get it. Again, this is my own insecurity, but I can't figure out who this dude thinks he is. My wife and I are both in our late 20s. We have two beautiful children, good steady jobs in a house, and we have a great relationship, communication, sex life, etc. I feel extremely blessed. I just can't get over the whole situation. I'm generally a laid back guy, but I can't stop envisioning myself running into this guy on the street and kicking the shit out of him. Absolutely. I mean, I'm no, I'm by no means some badass, but I'm six two and in, in shape. 180 pounds. Yeah. And you're also fucking pissed. And he, you're right and he's wrong. So, I mean, I think he got the, I think he got the momentum here. Well, this guy is at least a foot shorter, maybe 120 pounds. Is there anything redeemable about this other guy? He's probably one of those guys in the world I could absolutely, in your exact world, tie up like a pretzel, shove in the trunk of my car and ass rape. I've said that. I don't remember that, but I'm not gay. And also, I'm not a rapist or a murderer.
- [44:58]
Nia Renée Hill
Okay.
- [44:58]
Bill Burr
Anyways, what should I do, Bill? I can't let you, this fucking high school band teacher, disrespect my wife like that. But at the same time, I don't want to get myself in legal trouble. No, no, no, no. What you need to do is you need to shoot one across the bow.
- [45:23]
Nia Renée Hill
If you know who this guy is.
- [45:26]
Bill Burr
You can just very easily confront them and just be like, hey, man, you've been talking to my wife. Is this something I can help you about? Help you with? That'll scare him away. All right. I would think, or I think at this point, your wife has some sort of harassment thing. But I don't know. I don't know if I would go face to face confrontation with this guy and. And act like you're in a Steven Seagal movie, because shit can go sideways really quickly. This guy sounds like he has psychological problems, and he's 5 foot nothing and weighs 120 pounds. I mean, this guy's life sucks. Your life is great. You don't want to fuck it up and get some sort of assault charge or whatever, because for whatever fucking reason.
- [46:19]
Nia Renée Hill
The law protects people like this.
- [46:23]
Bill Burr
The law also protects thieves, which I've.
- [46:26]
Nia Renée Hill
Learned this time somebody stole some, you know, in this business deal stole from me. And, you know, I'm not gonna get into the details, but it was quite a sizable sum of money that this. This person took. And they were blaming everybody else, doing the Donald Trump thing, pointing at everybody else, right? And we're like, didn't really.
- [46:51]
Bill Burr
The person didn't realize we had the smoking gun.
- [46:53]
Nia Renée Hill
And when we presented the smoking gun, they went, oh, you know, that's just, you know, that was a slight oversight, you know, and then just produced this.
- [47:02]
Bill Burr
Complete bullshit cost report that whittled this.
- [47:05]
Nia Renée Hill
Sizable amount of money down to like 700 bucks or whatever. So I remember I told my lawyer going, tell him to keep the 700 bucks, and I'm going to go around town and tell everybody that he's. That this guy's a thief and stay away from him. And my lawyers said, be careful with that.
- [47:20]
Bill Burr
And I said, why? And he said, because it's way easier.
- [47:22]
Nia Renée Hill
To prove defamation of character than it is to prove that somebody stole from you. And that's because thieves make the laws.
- [47:33]
Bill Burr
And that's how most.
- [47:38]
Nia Renée Hill
I don't know, sizable wealth, most of it is made in a dishonest way.
- [47:45]
Bill Burr
That level of wealth.
- [47:47]
Nia Renée Hill
So anyway, getting into this, like, physical confrontations and this type of.
- [47:51]
Bill Burr
You always hear this. You punch somebody in the face and.
- [47:54]
Nia Renée Hill
They go down and they whack their head on the sidewalk and they die. And now you got a manslaughter or a second degree murder charge. I mean, this guy's a loser.
- [48:03]
Bill Burr
This is one of these things where.
- [48:05]
Nia Renée Hill
You know, you gotta be the bigger man. You can't go down there like John Wayne and just punch him in the fucking face. Because now this guy, not only did he text your wife in a fucked up way, he's now gonna fucking sue you and get you some of your money. Or you're gonna have, you know, God knows what sort of criminal charge.
- [48:27]
Bill Burr
But the rate that this guy is.
- [48:30]
Nia Renée Hill
Talking to your wife and everything, you might want to contact, like, authorities and do it the right way. I don't know.
- [48:41]
Bill Burr
I've learned the stalkers, for whatever reason.
- [48:44]
Nia Renée Hill
Really value their freedom. And if somebody comes over there and fucking shakes their tree a little bit, they usually back the fuck off. If you're lucky. All right?
- [48:54]
Bill Burr
Now having said all that, in the fucking real world and in the perfect world, you should be able to just walk up to that guy and beat.
- [49:01]
Nia Renée Hill
The absolute living shit out of him, you know, while you. While giving him a lecture, okay? But that's not how the world works. So it sounds to me like you have a great wife and you have a great life and this other guy doesn't, but you definitely need to. I think you should contact the police or some or somebody and just say, this guy's harassing my wife and I think he will off and go bother somebody else. But that guy, I don't know. That guy should be on a watch list.
- [49:33]
Bill Burr
Sorry, you're dealing with that.
- [49:37]
Nia Renée Hill
All right.
- [49:38]
Bill Burr
Lesser known wild 70s car chase.
- [49:41]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, I love it.
- [49:42]
Bill Burr
Dear Billy, Thrills and chills. Burr, I am currently 25 minutes into watching a movie that has been 20 minutes of a guy driving a red.
- [49:52]
Nia Renée Hill
Gran Torino like a maniac through Louisiana in one long car chase.
- [49:57]
Bill Burr
I am in that movie already.
- [50:01]
Nia Renée Hill
Sounds vaguely familiar because I've watched 100 movies like it.
- [50:04]
Bill Burr
Person says, that's it. The other five minutes is the guy beating the crap out of everyone he meets. There's also jazz music, which is appropriate, giving the setting, I guess. I have no idea what the plot of the movie is, but I'm nicknaming it. Fuck you.
- [50:19]
Nia Renée Hill
The car chase movie.
- [50:20]
Bill Burr
It's based on a book, apparently. It must be a very violent picture book. The movie is called Fear is the Key.
- [50:30]
Nia Renée Hill
I think you'll love it.
- [50:31]
Bill Burr
Are you fucking kidding me? I would own that on DVD if they still made those things. Thanks. And drive like you're angry.
- [50:39]
Nia Renée Hill
Nah, I don't fucking drive like that.
- [50:42]
Bill Burr
I like to try to drive like a respectful so.
- [50:45]
Nia Renée Hill
And so.
- [50:47]
Bill Burr
Anyway, so we stayed on.
- [50:49]
Nia Renée Hill
This beautiful lake when we were in Italy. And.
- [50:54]
Bill Burr
I'm a pool guy then a lake guy, and I don't mess with.
- [50:57]
Nia Renée Hill
The ocean at all.
- [50:59]
Bill Burr
So I did, hey, go jump in a lake.
- [51:02]
Nia Renée Hill
I jumped in the lake and I had a great time. My wife loves the ocean, and she also loves the lake. She just loves the waves. So we were in the lake and. And my kids came in the lake, too, which really made me happy. My. My kids can, like, swim like nobody's business, which I'm so happy about, because, you know, that was a huge fear of mine, obviously. Like, I wanted my kid to know how to. My kids to know how to swim before even riding a bike. Like, I just wanted them to be in the water, used to it now. They absolutely, like, love, love, love swimming. Like, we fucking in the summertime when.
- [51:46]
Bill Burr
They'Re on summer break.
- [51:46]
Nia Renée Hill
We swim every day. Every day. And, oh, man, I miss. When my son was young, he used to call it a bathing. A bathing soup. I come home, be like, dada, put on your bathing soup.
- [52:03]
Bill Burr
It's just the best, cutest kids ever.
- [52:08]
Nia Renée Hill
So.
- [52:10]
Bill Burr
Yeah, we did that.
- [52:11]
Nia Renée Hill
I rented the Vespa. I had a bunch of good food and unbelievable food. And then I, you know, had all these great shows. You know, started off in London. I got to do that whole gig with the Pretenders and everything. I still can't believe that's happened. And I have full clips of all four songs. I don't have the first one, Ace of Spades. I only have a little bit of that, but I have the other three songs that I played the full clip of it. And I've just been watching them critiquing my drumming and all of that like, every day. I still can't believe that that happened. And then Abu Dhabi is always amazing to go there. People are really, really cool. And, like, I've been there twice that. The crowds have been, like, ridiculous. So excited and so ready to laugh.
- [53:06]
Bill Burr
And then Milan, Italy.
- [53:08]
Nia Renée Hill
Oh, my God, I fucking murdered there. I already had this whole bit making fun of that fucking Amazon guy's wedding in Venice. And I wasn't even thinking that. I was, like, getting into the bit. I'm like, oh, my God.
- [53:21]
Bill Burr
This was in their country. They're gonna love this.
- [53:23]
Nia Renée Hill
And they did. And then when I brought Up Luigi. They went fucking crazy.
- [53:29]
Bill Burr
Just a great time.
- [53:30]
Nia Renée Hill
And my, my wife and my mother in law came to that one. It was fun. It was just the, the perfect vacation. And now I don't have anything to do for the rest of the year other than just be here in Los Angeles and hang out with my kids, you know, I got a couple of projects I'm working on and shit. But I was away for a while, obviously doing the play. And I still know the lines, by the way. I don't know why, I don't know why. Every once in a while I just sort of test, do I know him? Do I still know him?
- [54:07]
Bill Burr
And I don't even know why I think I was so fucking afraid of.
- [54:11]
Nia Renée Hill
Forgetting the lines on stage, which of.
- [54:13]
Bill Burr
That of course happened anyway.
- [54:17]
Nia Renée Hill
That the.
- [54:17]
Bill Burr
Play'S over and I'm still. For some reason there's like this muscle.
- [54:21]
Nia Renée Hill
Memory, like every once in a while I still have to do them because.
- [54:23]
Bill Burr
What, what if, what if what?
- [54:26]
Nia Renée Hill
There was one extra show that I forgot to do and I have to come back and do it. And I don't want to embarrass myself. I don't know. I don't know. But I will tell you this. At 57 years of age, if I haven't figured myself out yet, I. I don't think I'm going to. I don't think I'm going to. So I'm just gonna let that go. Every once in a while I'm just gonna be the Rain man and just do my lines from Glengarry until I feel like I don't need to do it anymore. I think that's how it's gonna go down. Um, all right, well, that's the podcast. It's a little short this week. That's what she said. And I don't know, I'm fucking jet lagged. I'm getting back acclimated to the time out here. But I am very excited to be back in la. I miss living out here.
- [55:10]
Bill Burr
And that's it. I'll be at the local comedy clubs trying out some new shit, man. Other than that, I ain't doing anything. All right, that's it. That's the podcast. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.