Monday Morning Podcast 1-20-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast – Episode: January 20, 2025

Host: Bill Burr
Podcast Series: All Things Comedy
Description: Bill Burr rants about relationship advice, sports, and the Illuminati.

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1. Local Weather and Los Angeles Geography [00:31 – 03:58]

Bill Burr opens the episode discussing the current weather in Los Angeles, particularly focusing on the Valley area. He expresses frustration with the frequent mentions of "the Valley" in news broadcasts, questioning its significance.

• Bill Burr [01:15]: "Like, where the fuck is that? And I'm so sick of hearing that on the news."

He delves into the geographical aspects, explaining how the Valley is surrounded by mountains, leading to hotter temperatures due to stagnant air. Burr also touches on environmental concerns, mentioning historical nuclear testing and its lingering effects on birth defects.

• Bill Burr [02:18]: "The air just friggin sits there."

2. Personal Life and Family [04:01 – 05:01]

Bill shares a personal anecdote about his daughter's birthday, highlighting the challenges of modern cake-making trends.

• Unknown Speaker [04:01]: "My daughter wanted a multicolored cake with candy in it. Everything has changed. A cake is not a cake anymore."

Bill reflects on how his approach to parenting and household responsibilities has evolved over time.

3. Sports Rants: NFL Playoffs and Chiefs Controversy [05:01 – 10:21]

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Bill's passionate takes on the NFL playoffs, focusing on teams like the Bills, Ravens, Eagles, Rams, and especially the Chiefs.

• Bill Burr [05:43]: "The Chiefs are turning the NFL into an entertainment league."

He criticizes the over-commercialization of football games, particularly the inclusion of pop stars like Taylor Swift, which he believes detracts from the essence of the sport.

• Bill Burr [09:55]: "Getting people to scream and yell at each other is a great way to make money."

Bill forecasts a future where the Chiefs dominate the league, influenced by their star players and strategic marketing.

• Bill Burr [10:21]: "They're gonna start that and everybody's just going to be screaming and yelling."

4. Riding a Motorcycle and Personal Hobbies [18:48 – 24:44]

Bill recounts his experience riding a new Harley Davidson motorcycle, detailing the learning curve and the exhilaration it brought him.

• Bill Burr [19:40]: "I can just stick handle without looking at the puck."

He draws parallels between his aviation experience and motorcycle riding, emphasizing the importance of understanding and mastery.

5. Political Rants and Social Commentary [24:44 – 44:54]

Bill addresses a listener's email criticizing his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel's show, leading to a broader rant about political polarization and the state of the Democratic Party.

• Bill Burr [30:43]: "Hillary stole the primary from Bernie. So many others are fucking sick of Democrats, Hollywood, CIA operatives, and all other media bullshit."

He critiques the influence of corporations in shaping public transportation and environmental policies, linking historical actions to present-day issues.

• Bill Burr [40:12]: "We've known about global warming since the late 1950s. These corporations have done everything they can to suppress that information."

6. Listener Interactions and Recommendations [44:54 – 55:16]

Bill engages with listener emails, offering book and TV show recommendations. He suggests "White Malice" by Dr. Susan Williams to a listener interested in CIA operations and African nations.

• Bill Burr [46:36]: "I present White Malice by Dr. Susan Williams."

He also recommends the Disney Plus show "Skeleton Crew" for its blend of Star Wars and 80s adventure elements.

• Bill Burr [54:31]: "There's a great show on Disney Plus called Skeleton Crew."

7. Additional Rants and Final Thoughts [55:16 – End]

Bill continues his critique of political figures, expressing disdain for past and present presidents while lamenting the current state of American politics.

• Bill Burr [53:12]: "Bill Clinton. Oh, he looked like that guy that won blue ribbons in a barbecue contest."

He concludes by urging listeners to maintain common decency and avoid divisive behavior, emphasizing the importance of personal responsibility over political blame.

• Bill Burr [56:24]: "Be nice to each other. Don't be cunts."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Bill Burr [01:15]: "Like, where the fuck is that? And I'm so sick of hearing that on the news."
• Bill Burr [02:18]: "The air just friggin sits there."
• Bill Burr [05:43]: "The Chiefs are turning the NFL into an entertainment league."
• Bill Burr [09:55]: "Getting people to scream and yell at each other is a great way to make money."
• Bill Burr [10:21]: "They're gonna start that and everybody's just going to be screaming and yelling."
• Bill Burr [19:40]: "I can just stick handle without looking at the puck."
• Bill Burr [30:43]: "Hillary stole the primary from Bernie. So many others are fucking sick of Democrats, Hollywood, CIA operatives, and all other media bullshit."
• Bill Burr [40:12]: "We've known about global warming since the late 1950s. These corporations have done everything they can to suppress that information."
• Bill Burr [46:36]: "I present White Malice by Dr. Susan Williams."
• Bill Burr [54:31]: "There's a great show on Disney Plus called Skeleton Crew."
• Bill Burr [53:12]: "Bill Clinton. Oh, he looked like that guy that won blue ribbons in a barbecue contest."
• Bill Burr [56:24]: "Be nice to each other. Don't be cunts."

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Conclusion

In this episode, Bill Burr delivers his signature blend of humor and frustration, tackling a wide range of topics from local LA geography and personal anecdotes to heated discussions on sports and politics. His candid rants provide listeners with an unfiltered look into his perspectives, encouraging them to reflect on societal changes and personal responsibilities.

Transcript

[Roy Wood Jr.]

Hey, podcast listeners. Roy Wood Jr. Here and I want to tell you about my new stand up comedy special. It's Hoolarious and it's streaming now on Hulu. I did this special because the world has lost connection. We don't interact like we used to. You won't talk with your mom on the phone for 10 minutes, but you'll listen to a stranger talk on a podcast for an hour. You can listen to the podcast and call your mom that too. We all just need a little perspective. So don't miss my new stand up Special, Roy Wood Jr. Lonely flowers now streaming on Hulu.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 20, 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Oh, it's a great day. It is a great day.

[Unknown Speaker]

Blue skies, at least in this part of la. The winds are going to be kicking up again out in the Valley.

[Bill Burr]

And you know, for those of you who want to know what the Valley.

[Unknown Speaker]

Is, because you always hear that. You know, the Valley, that's like when I lived in New York and I would always hear the Cross Bronx Expressway or the, that one that was out in Brooklyn. I finally one day I was just.

[Bill Burr]

Like, where the fuck is that? And I'm so sick of hearing that on the news. All right, so the Valley, sometimes called North Hollywood or NoHo, nobody calls it that until real estate agents. Like one. Once your neighborhood gets named, that means.

[Unknown Speaker]

You'Re not going to be able to afford it anymore.

[Bill Burr]

I knew a guy who fucking lives somewhere and out of nowhere there was one like Diagonal street in his neighborhood. And out of nowhere, the real estate.

[Unknown Speaker]

Agent started calling it the Golden Triangle.

[Bill Burr]

He's like, wait a minute, I don't have any gold. What? All right, buddy, pack it up, pack it up. You're out of here. So anyway, the Valley, if you come out here to wonderful la, is basically.

[Unknown Speaker]

It'S, it's surrounded on all sides by mountains. Okay, I know this is basic geography.

[Bill Burr]

But that's basically what I, for years, people like, I lived out here and I didn't even know, understand. Oh, the Valley gets a little hotter. I don't understand. It's the air goes down and it just sits there. It has no access to the winds coming off the ocean. You got the Santa Monica Mountains cut off Malibu. So out in like Ventura.

[Unknown Speaker]

Not Ventura, sorry, Venice, Santa Monica, Malibu.

[Bill Burr]

All along the coast, it can be.

[Unknown Speaker]

Anywhere from, you know, 10, 15, 20 degrees cooler than it is in the valley. The air just friggin sits there. And the way through is the Coanga Pass or up to five. So if you look at your maps, where you see Hollywood and then where you see North Hollywood, just note that, that on all. All those sides out towards like Camarillo, there's a. There's mountains. And there was also a place out there that way they used to test like nuclear weapons before there was people living out there. And all these years later, they still like, there's a higher level of birth defects out there. It's. They never cleaned it up, of course. They never do anything. So anyway, the winds are going to be. Be up that way and that's where I fly out of. So I'm kind of keeping an eye on that. I mean, what am I gonna do? I just fly my helicopter? I'll just land it somewhere else. My little two seater then that's another thing too. If the winds get too bad, I can't fly in that, I'll get slapped out of the sky. So. And then what do I do? Do I think that I'm gonna get the insurance money? All the claims that are out here.

[Bill Burr]

They'Re not, you know, whatever. Anyway, plowing ahead.

[Unknown Speaker]

So. It's also my daughter's birthday today. Very proud of her. And every year I make her a cake. So this year she wanted like this multicolored cake and she wants like candy in it. So I'm on YouTube trying to figure out how to do this. I am going to have help. Friend of mine is going to help me out. Because once you start, like, everything has changed. Okay.

[Bill Burr]

I'm telling you, as you get older.

[Unknown Speaker]

Everything'S gonna fucking change. And just accept it and know that a cake is not a cake anymore.

[Bill Burr]

Cake is also a candy bar.

[Unknown Speaker]

There's just like a zillion different layers and colors and all of this shit.

[Bill Burr]

When I was a kid, it was fucking.

[Unknown Speaker]

It was a yellow cake, chocolate frosting.

[Bill Burr]

Here you go. Here you go. That was. I want a Teenage Mutant Ninja fucking themed. All right, all right, cool. So anyway, I had a. I had.

[Unknown Speaker]

A amazing day yesterday, but let's.

[Bill Burr]

Let's talk some of this. Playoff. Playoff football. The Bills win and the Ravens just repeatedly, I can't. You know, there's a lot being made about the Ravens and their turnovers, and nobody's saying how the Bills forced. I mean, that kid, Poor kid dropped that ball. And I say that poor kid because who. You know, you got to have empathy for that kid because there's so many fucking People out there who don't like their lives and are going to take out the fact that they don't like.

[Unknown Speaker]

Their lives on that kid.

[Bill Burr]

What I liked about what I saw.

[Unknown Speaker]

From the Bills was not their offense, it was their defense. The fact that they were forcing turnovers the way they did against a very good Ravens team. I mean, I don't know, when I.

[Bill Burr]

Was a kid, that's the kind of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Thing that won a championship. Like, you couldn't just have a.

[Bill Burr]

You know, these guys sign like. Like, take the. The Washington Commanders. Everyone's freaking out because they beat the Lions, but it's like, dude, you had to score 48 points to win that game. You know, their offense is unstoppable. Next week, stoppable. That's what I always found when I was growing up. But they've made so many rule changes that I don't know if it matters anymore. Like, I think if Dan Marino could. Could take his. His Dolphins from back in the day with no defense, and I think he.

[Unknown Speaker]

Could actually win one. But back in the day, eventually what happened was you just ran into a shutdown defense, and then that was it.

[Bill Burr]

So anyway, and then I saw the Eagles hanging on, the Rams come storming back.

[Unknown Speaker]

That was a great game.

[Bill Burr]

And then, I gotta be honest with you, I was watching the Chiefs game and I just had to shut it off. And this isn't some whining about all the Chiefs and everything. It's just. I just see the future of the NFL when I was watching that, where just constantly cutting to Taylor Swift to get Swifties to watch the game. And then she's sitting there, I guess she was sitting there with some female athlete to promote her sport. And with each one of those layers, the game just keeps moving, moving further, further and further back to the point. I'm like, why? Why do I have to see her reaction to all of these fucking plays? It has no effect on the game. But what it's done. It's like, we have to show her we got it. We have to show her. Because people who don't give a fuck about the game, but give a fuck about her are gonna turn it off. It's a fucking entertainment league and all of that. And then, I don't know. I will say this as a Patriots fan, I'm getting a little tired of the comparison where they're like, oh, the Chiefs, are the new Patriots getting all the calls? I mean, guys, you just saw us. Are you really going to say it's the same fucking thing? Are you going to Tell me in the future, the owner of like, the losing team, the Ravens, is going to fucking conduct an independent investigation. That is such a fucking bullshit case that when it's taken to court, the judge gets mad for wasting their time. So the suspension is reversed and then the NFL will plot to figure out a loophole to still suspend your quarterback. That's going to happen. Roger Goodell fucking hated us. He fucking hated us. And I don't know, like, stars get calls, 100%, Brady got calls. But like the. I want. I want you put together the highlight reel of us driving down to win a Super bowl, you know, with that level of holding. Show me the one where one of our guys takes his helmet off in the end zone, doesn't get an unsportsman and is told to put it back on. Show me the fucking highlight where the defensive coordinator screams and calls. Timeout. I mean, the level of fucking holding. People are making highlight reels after every game. And I'm going to tell you this. The Internet was around when we were playing and people fucking hated us. They weren't doing that. What they kept our storyline was, they're cheaters, they're cheaters, they're cheaters. The refs love Tom Brady. That's the level it was. It wasn't this shit. It wasn't the whole fucking team. I mean, I don't. I don't know. It's. It's like egregious. But we as fans can stop it. What you do is don't watch the Chiefs game and then everybody go buy a Jaden Daniels jersey. Because that's what's going on right now. Because it's a fucking business, all right? And no one is playing the game at the Chiefs levels. Like it or not. They're not. Last thing they need is the refs fucking help. But no one's playing at that level like. Like Patrick Mahomes has no rival. So they got all their eggs in that basket and it's a fucking business. It's a business. It's no different than the NBA's panic when Michael Jordan retired for the second time. And they were like, oh, oh my God, what the fuck are we going to do? And then that they just ushered in the era of the super team, which I feel like they're finally getting out.

[Unknown Speaker]

Of a little bit. I felt that was a really bad, like 20 years of sort of just more often than not like pile on champions. But it felt good.

[Bill Burr]

I just shut the Chiefs game off. It's like, this is just going to upset Me watching what they've done to.

[Unknown Speaker]

This game.

[Bill Burr]

And the way the game used to be played. And like, you know, put it this way, there's a famous story of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Joe.

[Bill Burr]

Montana on that final final drive against.

[Unknown Speaker]

The Bengals when he won his fourth and final Super Bowl.

[Bill Burr]

They were in the huddle and he goes, oh, look at it. Look at the crowd. There's John Candy. You know what I mean? And the only reason why I know John Candy was there is because the other players told the story. They weren't cutting to John Candy every five seconds. Oh, my God, that's a guy from Spaceballs. And yes, I am putting John Candy in the same level as fucking Taylor Swift. All right? There was Swifties, there was candies. Anyway, it's. I have to say, I will say this, and, and I know you're not gonna think I'm unbiased here, but I will say what is going on during Kansas City football games is at best bizarre and coincidental all the way to absolutely egregious. Like, so I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm just not watching their shit. I'm going to watch the NFC championship game because it's still football and I kind of like college hoop is what I've been watching because that looks like.

[Unknown Speaker]

The basketball that I remember.

[Bill Burr]

And you know, don't get mad at me, all right? Old people like me, we get scared when things change and, you know, no one listens to you past a certain age. I mean, I'm not to the age and I've never been at the age.

[Unknown Speaker]

I will never wear pajama bottoms outside of my house.

[Bill Burr]

To me, that either says you've quit or you are completely self involved.

[Unknown Speaker]

You know what I mean? Just like looking for attention.

[Bill Burr]

Like, you ever see people get on.

[Unknown Speaker]

A plane wearing pajama bottoms? They should just throw them down with the luggage.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, why are you lowering yourself.

[Unknown Speaker]

To this airlines level?

[Bill Burr]

I know they're treating you like shit, but that doesn't mean you got to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Just give in and do the fashion equivalent to how they're gonna fucking treat you on this flight like a baby.

[Bill Burr]

Mean. Why don't you just come on with like a stuffed animal while you're at it? Anyway, so it's, how about the Lions, dude, they used to call that the, the black and blue division. They're going to start calling it the purple Heart or something for their fans. I don't think anybody, like just every, I don't know, every time. The Vikings have an unbelievable record first round gone. Oh, no. They went to the NFC championship game against the Falcons. But how many, how many decades they're going to do that for? The lions had the 49ers beat and they go for it on fourth down, lose the momentum, never got it back. You come back the next fucking year. I don't know. That game was crazy. I was watching my kids and it was an even game. And then I come back and like, the fucking Washington scored 28 points in the second half. And then I watched some more of the game. Whenever I was watching the game, it wasn't crazy. And then the Lions came back and I go, oh, they're going to get them.

[Unknown Speaker]

They're going to get them.

[Bill Burr]

Commanders are too young. They don't know how to win yet. This will be their one scared thing.

[Unknown Speaker]

And they can build off of this.

[Bill Burr]

Scare and win the following. We can get to the Super Bowl. That's what I was thinking, how I was going to play, play out. I walked out, read my son a book before he went to bed, and I came back, and all of a sudden the commanders had 48 fucking points and the Lions were still coming back. So anyway, that kid, Jaden Daniels, man.

[Unknown Speaker]

Is not only great for Commanders fans, but he's amazing for the NFL and hopefully, you know, I just wish he was in the same conference as Mahomes because something has to balance those guys out because it's gotten.

[Bill Burr]

It's gotten crazy. I know you guys are thinking, like, yeah, it's not that crazy. It's like, no, it is crazy. It is crazy. Taking a helmet off in front of the whole fucking stadium. The guy goes, put the fucking helmet back on. I mean, that, like that level of shit. And you can gamble on sports right there at the vet. I mean, like, the level that it's changed is insane. So I don't know, but I do know it's not the chief's fault, but I definitely think Patrick Mahomes senses something's going. Going on with that soccer flop he did. Thank God they didn't give him a. They didn't give him the flag on that, but Jesus Christ, the was that he did everything but throw a purse in the air. I don't remember. I don't remember football being like this, but yeah, I still.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's obviously still a great game. And it's obviously. The athletes are still incredible and they're the fucking greatest. Every generation gets a little better than the other one. So I think these are the greatest.

[Bill Burr]

Guys to ever play it as far as, like, Just the physical ability. That fucking Saquon Barkley. Every year there's some fucking. Like, I didn't know human beings could do that. Play that thing where he jumped backwards or whatever the hell he did.

[Unknown Speaker]

Always seems to be that.

[Bill Burr]

And then what's his face did that one handed catch. That's still the greatest catch of all time for the Giants. I'm spacing on his name, but now, like kids see that now they just do it. They still haven't done it as good as that one.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh my God, why don't I not remember his name? Then he went to the Browns. Because I'm fucking old, dude.

[Bill Burr]

He was like completely laid out, being interfered with. The other guy is holding his other arm and he reaches back, all the way back behind his head with one hand. It was like special effects. And ever since he's done that, I've seen like a dozen people do something like never as good as him, but like in that, in, in that level. So I'm not on like the ath.

[Unknown Speaker]

The athlete's level of competition, but like.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, I, I think it's, it's, it's becoming wrestling. And they're all labeled sports entertainment, so it's a little bizarre. So I, that's what I've been doing. I've just been watching college hoop. And my college hoop team, for whatever reason is the Kansas Jayhawks. And I watched a little bit of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Them versus Kansas State. And I was like, you know what? Why don't I ride with this for a while? I'll just look up what I think they got. The next game. Is it Wednesday or something? Maybe they have a game before that. I don't know. That is a bucket list thing. I want to go to a Kansas Jayhawks basketball game. And I've been telling my, I almost said my coach, how much am I an armchair quarterback? My agent been telling my agent that forever. We haven't been able to make that happen.

[Bill Burr]

And I still, you know, I'm trying to go to a home game. Of all the pro teams, I still have three left. I have to.

[Unknown Speaker]

I have never.

[Bill Burr]

And they're all hockey. I haven't been to a Seattle Kraken, the Utah hockey team, whatever the hell they're calling them, the Utah Mormons.

[Unknown Speaker]

And I have never been to the Carolina Hurricane.

[Bill Burr]

So I need to go to.

[Unknown Speaker]

I need to go to. I don't know. Eventually I'll get to it. Whatever. I got kids. I got, I got priorities there now.

[Bill Burr]

Speaking of having kids, I rode a motorcycle Yesterday I took the. The Halford. That's what I call it, the Rob Halford. Because when I saw Judas Priest, he.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wrote a motorcycle out on stage that was all black. So I got that Harley Davidson Road Glide CVO all in black with the red highlights there on the engine. And I love that bike. And it scares the out of me. You know, I never rode a Twin before.

[Bill Burr]

It's fucking as big as your mother's ash. So, I mean, I get intimidated. I always get intimidated. But then after, like. Like 20 minutes on it, I'm like, wait a minute.

[Unknown Speaker]

Wait a minute.

[Bill Burr]

This isn't the Spruce Goose. This is a fucking Cadillac. This is fantastic.

[Unknown Speaker]

So, you know, I rode with Dean, as I always do. We rode up into the canyons. And, you know, I. I've gotten to the point. It's like when I. When I drive, like, a car that's a stick, where I can hear from the engine. You know what I mean? Where before I was. So I'm going into this turn. This turn is, you know, this much of a bank. I should be in this gear. So I was, like, quickly glancing down. I'm like, I shouldn't be doing that. But I was. So now I just. I don't have to do that anymore. And it just. All of a sudden, it's like being.

[Bill Burr]

Able to stick handle without looking at the puck.

[Unknown Speaker]

All of a sudden, you look up, the game just changes. It moves faster or whatever and everything. So I was able to, like, all of a sudden, oh, I could just. I know what this bike's doing now. Something clicked, and I don't know. How do I describe it? It was accelerating. It was fucking amazing. You know, it's amazing is after. After a ride of flying a helicopter, this is such a feeling of accomplishment. And then there's also this thought of like, hey, I did that and I didn't die.

[Bill Burr]

That's fucking amazing.

[Unknown Speaker]

I mean, aviation is not that it's so safe. And then, like, what I learned from aviation is. And one of the things that I love the most about aviation is, is getting the odds the most in. In your favor, whatever the situation is, right? Like, when you transition along the 101, you know, through Van Nuys airspace, they usually give you an altitude you can't be higher than, right? Which haven't done it in a minute. I think it's like, literally like 900ft or something like that. But sometimes the airport isn't busy and they just let you go through. And if they don't give you the minimum altitude, then you can fly whatever you want. So then fly higher because you'll have more options and more time if you had an engine failure to pick a spot and just doing shit like that, you know what I mean? I. If I'm coming in to land at an airport and the wind seems strong and it's gusting and everything when, you know, I go off the taxiway and if they have me, you know, I hate when they, they with helicopters. They'll do this all the time. Like, where you're gonna land, say, is, well, let's just say taxiway Alpha. They have you get off at Bravo. So then you have to do a 180 and turn around. And now you got the wind behind you, so you don't have as much lift. So all you have to do is just. You just fly super slow. And then also three feet off the ground. So you can just enter a hover auto, where an air taxi, if you're gonna fly faster, you don't. You're not three feet off the ground. You're like 50ft off the ground. Because then you would. You would enter your. Your flare, you know, if you want 50 knots and if you were trying to, like, do like a running landing, you would probably flip. The. The chances of flipping it over would be huge. So just knowing all of those little things.

[Bill Burr]

So through that, learning all of that in aviation, I just apply those same.

[Unknown Speaker]

Things to riding a motorcycle where it's like, I refuse to ride a motorcycle around la. I'm not doing it. Everybody's staring at their phones, so I just ride in the canyons. But I have to. But it's only three miles of exposure, so I always ride with somebody else. And I do it on a day.

[Bill Burr]

Like Sunday was perfect. Everybody was home watching the football.

[Unknown Speaker]

There was nobody on the road.

[Bill Burr]

And, yeah, three miles. So it's just basically five minutes I'm.

[Unknown Speaker]

Driving amongst other people and then I'm into the canyons, and then I'm good. So, yeah, we rode up there and we just had. We had a. We had a fucking great time, man. It's. There's no. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like it.

[Bill Burr]

But anyway. And I also, I have not been smoking.

[Unknown Speaker]

My daughter's on me. She told me the pipe counts. Can't smoke a pipe. So I am like eight or nine days in and I just won't smoke until, like, April. And then she goes, you can have. She always goes, you can have five cigars. Then you have to do like another hundred.

[Bill Burr]

So that's that's not bad, right?

[Unknown Speaker]

Probably says something about me that I had to turn the keys over to a now 8 year old to tell me how to handle my life.

[Bill Burr]

But you know, what are you gonna do? So anyway, all right, let's get into the.

[Unknown Speaker]

Let'S get into the reads and then I got this email that you, you got to hear this thing that, you know, I did the Kimmel show and this person just destroyed me in this email. You got to listen.

[Bill Burr]

You got it. You don't have to.

[Unknown Speaker]

But if you, if you'd like to let me do the advertising here first though.

[Bill Burr]

All right. Open phone everybody running a small business meaning means you're wearing a lot of hats. Your personal phone becomes your business phone and before you know it, you're juggling customers calls day and night. As your team grows, it becomes impossible to manage with your personal number. That's where open phone comes in. If you're an entrepreneur, you know that every missed call is a missed opportunity. You know that. But I don't have to tell you that everybody knows it, but potential customers, they won't wait. They'll just call the next business on their list. With OpenPhone, you'll never let another customer call go unanswered. For just 15 bucks a month, the cost of a few coffees, you get complete transparency and visibility into everything happening with your business phone number. They use AI powered call transcripts and summaries, so you'll have a summary of your phone call with actions items as soon as you with action items as soon as you hang up. And if you miss the call, automated messages are sent directly to your customers, meaning you'll never miss an opportunity to engage with them. It's an affordable and easy to use. Whether you're a one person operation and need help managing calls automatically or have a large team and need better tools of efficient collaboration, Openphone is a no brainer. Right now Openphone is offering 20% off your first six months when you go to openphone.com burr that's o p e n p h o n e.com burr for 20% off for six months openphone.com brrrr and if you have existing numbers with another service, Open phone will port them over at no extra charge. All right everybody, it's magic spoon. You know as a kid everybody loved eating cereal. But when you're an adult, you don't want cereal that has a bunch of sugars. Cereals don't give you protein that you need. Well, listen to this magic spoon. A nostalgically delicious cereal that tastes just like childhood favorites from back in the day, but without the sugar and with a ton of protein. Magic spoon has turned their super popular cereal into high protein treats that are light, crispy and taste just like those classic crunchy cereal bars. Magic spoon treats are so delicious that they will become your favorite. Your favorite before and after gym snack cereal every morning of Magic Spoons High protein Cereal has crazy macros, 13 grams of protein, 0 grams of sugar and 4 grams of net carbs. They come in so many nostalgic flavors like cocoa and cinnamon roll. Why when you touch the fucking screen does it just start scrolling somewhere? I literally just, I put my finger down to move it up and it just goes flying up to the top. Amazing array of flavors. Fruity, cocoa, cinnamon roll, peanut butter, birthday cake, chocolate chip cookie and more. This is healthy treats. Magic Spoons high protein treats are crispy, crunchy, airy and an easy way to get 12 grams of protein on the go. They come in mouth watering flavors like marshmallow chocolate, peanut butter and dark chocolate. Get $5 off your next order at magicspoon.com burr or look for this magic spoon on Amazon or your nearest grocery store. That's magicspoon.com burr for $5 off. All right, let's get to this. This the first thing I want to read. This is after I did the Jimmy Kimmel show, this woman writes to me. She writes, donate to victims clown. That's the headline. And then she goes, yeah, go on the CIA Kimmel a power at chick show. Whatever the hell that means. I just love that she started, she started her email with the word yeah like we were already in an argument. Yeah, go on the CIA Kimmel show. Put down concerned people who just happen to care. Stand with the liberal elite. Vote Kamala, where's the joy? Bill, can I ask you a question? When the fuck did I do any of that? Okay, Instead of dissing people who are rightfully outraged about the liberal elite. Tone deaf D I which means diversity, equality and inclusivity. I think insanity. Why not go help people suffering or are you concerned your manicure might suffer? I oh, this is a credibility. I was a lifelong Democrat until 2016 when Killery stole the primary from Bernie. I and so many others are fucking sick of Democrats, Hollywood, CIA operatives and all other media bullshit. Keep having fun with the intelligence community, Bill. Okay, now in defense of me, I went out there and I was deliberately apolitical. I was trying to bring people together because once again, just like in the pandemic, I was Watching something be politicized that didn't need to be politicized. All right? Like, I don't even know where to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Begin with this thing, okay?

[Bill Burr]

Instead of dissing people who are rightfully outraged, you're not rightfully outraged. You don't give a fuck about the victims. What you want to do is pin this on a Democrat because you're a 24 hour news junkie, and I know you are because you're using all of that speak killery. I was a lifelong Democrat until 2016, when Hillary stole the primary from Bernary. So that means if you were a lifelong Democrat, then you voted for Bill Clinton for two fucking terms. And that whole fucking conspiracy theory about them killing people existed back then. And then, secondly, Hillary didn't steal the primary from Bernie. It was worse. The people voted that they wanted Bernie to represent the Democratic Party, and the Democratic Party said, fuck you. We're giving it to Hillary. And then in 2020, the people again said, we want Bernie. And the Democratic Party said, fuck you to their own fucking base. You're getting Forgetful Freddie. And then this past election, you got Forgetful Freddie until the fourth quarter, and then they wheel out Kamala, you also didn't choose them. So if you're a Democrat, you got to be wondering what the fuck is going on with my party. We used to at least get to choose who was going to lie to us for four years. And then lastly, suggesting that Jimmy Kimmel is smart enough to be a fucking CIA operative. All right? I know that man personally, okay? He doesn't even pick out his suits. He just walks in, he has a little propeller hat on and a little one of those little hoodsies, you know, chocolate and vanilla. And under his arm, he has a VHS tape of that home run he hit in the celebrity softball game. That's basically 90% of his person. I love Jimmy, ma'am. Like, I didn't write back to this person because I feel like they're too far down the rabbit hole. This is literally what I'm trying to not be a part of and not to feed. And if you look, if you watch what I said on that thing, I was talking about the fire department and the Department of Water Power and Water and Power, whatever it is, they did a great fucking job in the worst conditions possible. And for as many houses and everything that was lost, so few people lost their lives. And that's due to them and the whole system that warned people to get the fuck out of there. All right? And as far as, like, blaming and then Somebody takes my clip and goes, bill supports Gavin Newsom. I couldn't pick that guy out of a fucking lineup. I don't watch politics, I barely watch sports now, okay? I'm slipping off into the fucking abyss. But what I can't tell you is that when I was a kid, this country collectively, we hated the Russians. Now all of a sudden, people hate states, they hate California. If you're from Florida, I don't like you, or from Texas, or you're from Manhattan, New York City, I don't like you. It's fucked. These fucking assholes at the top are dividing the locker room. And if you listen to them, this is the result is you become this person who is overtly making all of. They're making this fire political. And it's just like, first of all, if you really want to look at la, you know, if you want to. If you want to dip your toe into the history of LA and. But you don't want a bunch of dry reading. Watch the movie Chinatown, all right? This city shouldn't be here. This city is a disaster waiting to happen at any moment. And that started, I don't know how long, 70, 80 fucking years ago. We also had. We also, at one point, had the greatest public transportation out here. Sorry, out in this country, Sorry, New York City. We were in the argument. And then three corporations that were actually one pretended, you know, to be a different corporation. The cars and the tire companies got together, they conspired, and they bought up all the trains, all the streetcars, and they ripped up the tracks. Everybody knows this, all right? You have. We've known about global warming since the late 1950s. These corporations have done everything they can to suppress that information, and now we're paying the price, okay? So we've all are a part of this mess. It's not a red tie or a blue tie. We are all responsible for this shit. And we need to all get on the same page and start working together instead of sending emails like this or hearing things that people are saying that they're not even fucking saying. Because I can tell you this, this is the one thing that has been a constant my whole life. Leaders lead, okay? People who have ulterior motives or who are weak point finger, okay? And I don't want to get all fucking political, but, you know, the new prom queen who's gonna get crowned today didn't even come out here. And the first move was to be like, that's Newsom's fault. And it's just like, okay, great, great. This is like the worst fire in the history of la. And your solution is to make it political and divide people right down the middle. I mean it's just fucking even after 911 Democrats knew to not be going like well George Bush should have fucking known the planes were coming. You know, they didn't do shit like that. They all got on the same page and then we started a never ending war that bankrupted the country. Um, anyway, so I read this thing cuz I thought it was, it was, it's funny and sad and then also the nerve of this person who I know is not going to donate one fucking dime to anybody to suggest that.

[Unknown Speaker]

It's just, I don't know, I know.

[Bill Burr]

They don't fucking live here or any of that stuff. This, this whole people's just their ideas of places like liberals ideas of Florida is through CNN's eyes and conservatives ideas of California and New York is through Fox News eyes and it's these, these people are not your friends. Neither one of those channels are your friends. I've been saying it for fucking ever. I don't know what, I don't know.

[Unknown Speaker]

What to tell you but like I actually go to all the states and.

[Bill Burr]

That'S what I was saying last week. Go book a vacation in a state that you think that you hate. Go there open minded and just say I'm going to have a good time.

[Unknown Speaker]

And I'm going to vibe with these.

[Bill Burr]

People and I guarantee you, you know.

[Unknown Speaker]

Well, I can't say that about people who aren't white. Sorry, I was in my white brain there.

[Bill Burr]

As a white person. You can do that though. I've done it. Anyway, look, my, my point basically is if we don't all just start accepting the fact that there's, you know, there's different points of views and stuff like that, we need to get back to common decency. Like just the whole way that that person just talked to me, there's no way they would take that tone to.

[Unknown Speaker]

Me face to face.

[Bill Burr]

They just wouldn't. Oh no, it's a woman. Yes she would.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right, forget that.

[Bill Burr]

If it was a guy though. If it was a guy you wouldn't. Because it's like as men, that's what's funny about men is there, there, there, there always is a certain level of respect. Unless you're just looking for a fight because there's always that thing in the back of your head. I'm like, what if this guy starts swinging on me? You know, does he see? No. Some Kenpo karate shit from fucking back in his Chuck Norris days. I don't know. What am I dealing with here?

[Unknown Speaker]

CIA operative, incredible. All right? And the ironies of all ironies is when I, when I, when I was reading the email, I didn't want to get into it. What I was coming back from was the ironies of all ironies.

[Bill Burr]

All right, whatever.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'm not going to get into that.

[Bill Burr]

Speaking of which, I'm going to be doing a benefit with Shane Gillis at.

[Unknown Speaker]

The Wiltern on I think it's January 27th. And the proceeds will obviously go to the people. It's going to the people, man. It's going to the people. I hope so.

[Bill Burr]

Hopeful.

[Unknown Speaker]

Once it filters through the fucking infrastructure and everybody. I like going direct, to be honest with you.

[Bill Burr]

I'm one of those.

[Unknown Speaker]

I like the direct. I like to postmate. Whatever I'm donating, just go right to the person.

[Bill Burr]

Remember the Pink Lady? That lady, oh my God, she made millions and millions of dollars raising awareness that there was cancer. Like we don't know that there's cancer.

[Unknown Speaker]

Anyway.

[Bill Burr]

I want you guys, you know, when you go to a baseball game, if they want you to write down.

[Unknown Speaker]

The name of the person that you know that either survived or lost a.

[Bill Burr]

Battle to cancer, please write thank you roundup underneath it or thank you, Monsanto. I just want to see how quick, you know, the MLB cameras go off of you. You got to start trolling them back, you know what I mean? Cancer has been around forever. There's never been so much fucking cancer that like everybody in the crowd is holding up a fucking sign. Jesus fucking Christmas. That's another thing that I can't stand about what they've done to the game. It's like before the game even starts, of the fucking fighter jets fly over the top, right? You know, support the foreign policy, support the troops, join the military, right? They get paid for that. They get paid for that. Then you fucking go to the game. There's pop stars in the fucking crowd. There's some stupid ass fucking band's gotta play a goddamn song. And on and on and on and on and on. And all of this shoe the fuck sitting in the crowd, all of that fucking shit. It's just like. And then who are they sitting with? Oh, do they have a series coming out on the channel that's broadcasting this game? All of that shit. I, I, I, I. And the game, the game suffers. Alright, alright, Shut up, Bill. You made your point. Alright, moving on. All right, Frog in la. Salut, mon vieux. Guillaume Beur. Hello, my old Bill. Burr. And he spelled burr like butter. B E U R R E.

[Roy Wood Jr.]

I.

[Bill Burr]

Am a French father of two boys. What would you say? Je suis francais. Je suis un per du francais avec de garcon. Vla. I live in La Venice. I used to play the drums in a band back in Burgundy. So your podcast is always hitting home. Minus the anger issues, as I'm known to be quite even tempered.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, man, I wish I was that fascinating.

[Bill Burr]

And the fear of sharks, minus the. Okay. Minus the temper and the fear of.

[Unknown Speaker]

Sharp, because I like to surf. That's amazing, dude. I just saw this fucking old school guy walking up the street. He has cotton, like rust color, like almost like the Commander's red sweatpants with sort of an off blue sweatshirt. Nothing even remotely matches. And he's got his hands on his hips and he's pushed up the sweatshirt that you can see his lower back like he's wearing a fucking half shirt. That's what people used to look like when they worked out before everybody came in, dressed like a fucking X man. You know, with your Allen Iverson sleeve, like, you got to go to the rack. All right, where am I here?

[Bill Burr]

Have you heard of the French hard rock band Trust? I think I have. Or I might be confusing that with.

[Unknown Speaker]

Jeff Beck's album Truth. That seems familiar.

[Bill Burr]

Somebody brought that up. The singer was good friends with Bon Scott and I think you enjoyed their stuff. Anti Social then says Palace.

[Unknown Speaker]

I don't know what that means.

[Bill Burr]

Let's go yourself. I don't know how to say the futra fer. Futre a messi Porton insu Missions.

[Unknown Speaker]

Your Episodes.

[Bill Burr]

Your podcast. Well, I'll.

[Unknown Speaker]

I'll check those guys out. I've been listening to this band that I actually learned of a while ago, and I finally got around to downloading this stuff. I have no idea how to say the band's name. Karoo karug bin K H R U A N G B I N. Like, how that isn't the last name of a defenseman on the Red Wings is beyond me. All right. Yeah, I've been enjoying their music immensely, but I will check out Trust. All right, let's get back. Let's get back to what the fuck? Every time I.

[Bill Burr]

Every time I go.

[Unknown Speaker]

Every time.

[Bill Burr]

Every time I go. The fucking shit frog in la.

[Unknown Speaker]

Okay.

[Bill Burr]

We go AC DC at the Hollywood Bowl. What? Hey, Bill, longtime listener, first time writing in, was wondering if you'll be taking in your. Taking your son, who is a huge AC DC fan, to the Rose bowl show on a oh, the Rose Bowl. It says Hollywood bowl in the thing. Rose bowl show on April 18th. This might be one of the last chances to see his favorite band. A side note, Oasis will be playing the Rose Bowl September 6th for their reunion. Are you planning on going to that? Thanks and much love to you and your family. Unfortunately, I will be in New York on. In on April 18th, but I. I've given my wife instructions that she has.

[Unknown Speaker]

To take him to that and she doesn't realize it's a non negotiable. Oh God, I miss everything.

[Bill Burr]

And even when I'm not like having.

[Unknown Speaker]

Like something that's as long a commitment as this play, even if I'm just on the road, it's just there's always. I'll have like one gig that on during a week and there'll be something I want to see and it's always that thing. It's always the day. Oh, well, yeah, that makes me sad. Like if. If this is the last. If this is the last run of that band, man, I mean, Jesus Christ, Brian Johnson's is gonna be 80 in a few years. All right, plowing ahead here.

[Bill Burr]

Book suggestion.

[Unknown Speaker]

The CIA nukes and spying on African nations.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, Billy Bookworm, I have a book suggestion that I think you'll be into. Don't worry, you can find the audiobook so that you don't have to strain.

[Unknown Speaker]

Your aging eyes or lug around a physical book while you prance around on Broadway.

[Bill Burr]

There's.

[Unknown Speaker]

I actually have never done an audiobook.

[Bill Burr]

I didn't want another man reading me a bedtime story. In the past podcasts, you talked about electric car companies in the US and China scrambling for resources in Africa for batteries, and the shitstorm that would ensue. War, accusations of terrorist plots, and stealing the natural resources off of the people who would benefit the most from selling their own resource the legal way. I present White Malice by Dr. Susan Williams.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

I already know what this is going to be about. It's going to have my fucking head in the oven because no matter how many truths she speaks, someone's going to be some woke shit and that'll be it. Anyway, she goes into detail about the history of African independent movements in the 50s and 60s and how the US just couldn't keep their noses out of the game. The same game going on now for battery and electronics resources was going on just after World War II for uranium for nuclear weapons. The constant fear of the Red Team, AKA Russia and China, having access to the same uranium and cobalt mines we have Access to and building their own nukes. Not only that, but holding ground in Africa was a big deal strategically for the United States. The CIA had a big hand in shaping how. Oh, well, then he goes, it's not just us. We had to do it because the Russians and the Chinese were also doing it. But why wouldn't they do it? Because we just showed that we had no problem dropping a fucking nuclear weapon on Asia twice. China and part of Russia are in Asia. Violence begets violence. Isn't that what they say? The CIA had a big hand in shaping how these brand new nations were formed. Influencing elections, carrying out assassinations, and experimenting on unwitting locals. Some real Cold War bullshit. Anyway, I hope you. You give it a read. It's written by an actual historian and not some oil crony, blue hair, so you can be pretty sure of the sources. Go thrust yourself. Sincerely, listener. All right, well, I'm finishing up Alex.

[Unknown Speaker]

Van Halen's amazing book, and then I'll dig into that. Oh, God, that'll be some heavy reading.

[Bill Burr]

This is. You know, when you hear stuff like.

[Unknown Speaker]

That, like, I. I literally feel like.

[Bill Burr]

It'S like they can't be a God. They just can't be. Like, when you see the people that are. That are on at the upper echelon of power in all the information that they have access to, which is everything in science, religion, and everything, they would have all of the information, okay? The way that they conduct themselves, there's no way that they're not going to burn in hell forever. Yet they do it. Why. Why would they do. I don't. I don't get it. I look at the Catholic Church and all the stuff that they say, and then I watch how they've conducted themselves, and it's just like, all of you guys are going to go to hell doing this. You're telling us, you know. You know, during the week, if I go to some fucking titty bar and go into the VIP room and get a fucking lap dance as a married man, I'm gonna fucking burn in hell. Da da da da da da. And then meanwhile, you're in bed with the Nazis. You're betting on them first. You're playing both sides of the fence. You're kind of okay with the fact, hey, they killed all these Jewish people. That's one less religion to compete with. Am I right? You got pedophiles, you hiding them and this. I'm just talking about my religion because I don't know about the other ones. But, like, I do know people are People, though. People are people. So why don't we. Why is that? People are people. That's how it is. People are people. So why can't you fear. Yeah, that's my. That is my thing. And I watch a president go, go. And God bless the United States of America. It's like, you really believe in God? You really believe in God? Because I think, you know, as much as we, or half of us like each president, I mean, I don't know, the last 1, 2, 3, 4, and then the. The sequel here. Yeah, they're all the rest of the world looks at them like war criminals.

[Unknown Speaker]

I don't know. I like Jimmy Carter.

[Bill Burr]

I like a guy that.

[Unknown Speaker]

That goes with the people. And then when he's done, he doesn't go on some giant speech tour. He fucking goes out and builds houses for homeless people well into his fucking 90s. Well into his fucking 90s. And you know what's amazing about him? He was considered weak.

[Bill Burr]

Then Reagan came in and took the solar panels off the top of the White House and drill, baby. Guy's a man. He's a actor. And now George Herbert Walker, that guy was a man fighting flying combat missions at 18 years old. Coming back to the ship, he couldn't even talk until they gave him three belts of whiskey. That's a man. And then they made him out to be like he was a. Not going to do it. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. This guy will strafe your whole family. Oh, and Bill Clinton. I'm just going to trash them all. Bill Clinton. Oh, he looked like that guy that. That won, like, blue ribbons in, like, a barbecue contest, doesn't he? Hey, I'm gonna show you my rub.

[Unknown Speaker]

Pork shoulder.

[Bill Burr]

Reminds me of Monica's ass. Then the next group, Bush and all of those fucking asses. They were just oilmen. I don't consider them Republicans. They were just oilmen. And then you had Obama, and he came in, he was like, oh, he always sounded like the aardvark to me on the Pink Panther. And he was supposed to give us hope. And the wars continued. And, oh, that's another thing too, like, you know, blaming 2008 on that moment. It's like, no, you gotta go back to Woodrow Wilson, the Federal Reserve, all the way through up to Nixon. Off. You know, Nixon was the guy that took us finally off the gold standard as we were working, inching our way towards that. And then Bill Clinton took away, like, the last pieces of regulations on banks that allowed some guy who was fucking Selling shoes at athlete's foot to buy a fucking million dollar house. Which means instead of two people bidding on the house, now he had seven and the value. Right, but who gets blamed? I think Obama got blamed for that. Welcome to Democrat fucking world, morons. Fucking mouth breathing morons. All right, I gotta shut up.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

But I don't have a guess, so.

[Unknown Speaker]

I have to keep talking.

[Bill Burr]

TV show recommendation. Dear Billy D. Star Wars. You should go with Billy D. Billiam. Billiams. There's a great show on Disney plus called Skeleton Crew. It's basically Star wars meets Goonies meets a few other 80s kid adventure movies. I think your kids might like it and would be a good stepping stone for them into Star wars and eventually hear about your character.

[Unknown Speaker]

Oh, I think they say eventually. Hear me talking of making fun of Star Wars.

[Bill Burr]

All right, that sounds cool. On Disney plus it's called Skeleton Crew.

[Unknown Speaker]

All right. I mean, how do you keep up with how many fucking shows are out there anyway?

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, that is the, the podcast playoff predictions. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say Chiefs win and whoever wins out in the west, the Chiefs are gonna win. So then the NFL, because I don't think anybody marketing wise is going to be better than Travis Kelsey, Taylor Swift and Patrick Mahomes. A three peat. And you know, they're an entertainment league. So then they'll be like the first team ever to win three Super Bowls in a row is Patrick Mahomes the greatest quarterback of all time.

[Unknown Speaker]

They're gonna, you know, then they can.

[Bill Burr]

They can just start that and everybody's.

[Unknown Speaker]

Just going to be screaming and yelling.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know if you've noticed this, but getting people to scream and yell at each other is a great way.

[Unknown Speaker]

To get views and it's a great way to make money.

[Bill Burr]

I think that that's, that's what's happening.

[Unknown Speaker]

Machiavellian. Machiavellianism. Is that how you say it? Like, I don't think anybody does it better than the new prom queen. It's, it's actually, I wanted to do a sketch on it. It's kind of like fan, like this amazing ability that he has. He goes into a room and he makes a statement that perfectly divides everybody in the room. They all yell at each other and then he walks out.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, I don't think I've ever seen anybody better at it. It's fucking amazing. The Gulf of Mexico will now be.

[Unknown Speaker]

Called the Gulf of America.

[Bill Burr]

And then he just walks out and every. What the fuck we're gonna build a wall, and Mexico's gonna pay for it. What the fuck? He just walks out. Oh, like him or not, he's fucking hilarious. Anyway, that's the podcast. Go Fuck yourselves. And, you know, if you're sad today, be happy that the Biden era is over. I mean, I don't care what you say. You can't be excited about a warmonger with dementia. So, you know, hopefully that guy finally gets to fucking chill out. The poor bastard. And, you know, we'll do this. We'll do this for the next next four years. Or you could be like me. You know what? I just don't watch. I don't watch any of it. And, like, that's what I. That's what I've learned in my old age. I've learned that yelling at the TV doesn't. Doesn't do anything, but shutting it off does. I was watching the Chiefs game. I was getting sad at what had happened to the game of football, and I was like, wait a minute. I can just shut this off and I'll watch the highlights on ESPN later. I'll just look at my phone. Who won the game? I can go out, go fucking. I don't know, get a cup of coffee with a buddy. Go ride a motorcycle. Cry quietly in a poorly lit greasy spoon. All right, sorry. All right. Be nice to each other. Don't be cunts. All right, if you're a cunt, the rich people win. The Richie Rich. All right, see you.