Bill Burr (0:02)

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 25, 2024. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going, man? Sitting out the driveway in my car because my freaking house is noisy today. Got kids over, kids are playing. That's my toy. No, I can't. Hit me. He heard me. All this shit, right? Can't do a podcast with all of that going on. You don't listen to me trying to talk to you guys in every five seconds. Having to be. Knock it up. Anyway, I just realized because it. This is for. This podcast is for November 25th, but I'm recording it November 24th, and believe it or not, believe it or not, I haven't drank in six years. Six miserable years. Oh, just not drink. Hey, what's cool is I so even. Don't even fucking think about it. I didn't even know that this was six years until I was trying to figure out what's the date of this podcast, and I was like, November 24th. Oh, shit. Well, what do you know? November 24th, 2018. Oh, Billy Red Nose was throwing him back watching Michigan vs Ohio State. Michigan lost again, if I believe. If I remember correctly, I was drinking Kentucky Owl Delicious. And I gotta tell you, man, if you're gonna. If that's gonna be your last drink, that's the way to do it. And, well, let's be honest, I cut out drinking, and then my cigar smoking went off the fucking rails. Then I tried to cut back on that. And then during the pandemic, my big move was I wanted. I don't know, I had a craving for a chocolate malt. And I grew up on the east coast and they had fraps and everything, but when I visited, you know, relatives in the Midwest, I went to Bob's Big Boy, and they had malt malted milk. And my older brother told me about it, goes, dude, you gotta have this shit. This tastes better than the shit we're drinking back East. I guess the frapp was from New Jersey. I did this whole fucking research on. I mean, I was bored. What was I gonna do? Face. Face myself and my demons during the pandemic? No. So I went to fucking making these malted shakes, you know, eating weed gummies and eating ice cream sandwiches, and old Billy went up to fucking a buck 95, you know, looking like a retired fullback, so. But I wasn't smoking as many cigars. I always. It's always something, right? So now I've Laid off the cigars. I got my weight under control. Although I put a few pounds on. On this last fucking. Oh, Billy. Road weight. It's going to happen. What am I supposed to do? I'm out there on the road. I miss my wife and kids. What am I going to give you? What am I going to do? You know, I used to just go out and drink until I passed out. That's not good. That doesn't look good on a FaceTime. The next morning with your kids, you know, waking up looking like fucking Nick Nolte and down and out in Beverly Hills. I didn't want to do that. So, anyway, here I sit. I've had one fucking cigar. I had one last week, my first one since the end of July. And I was like, ah, God, why did I do that? I'm going to start back up again. And I haven't. I haven't. I was definitely for three days, going like, oh, let's have another. Oh, Billy wants another. And I just didn't do it. I was like, you know what? I'm not going to have another one until I know I'm not craving one and I can make a rational decision. So I don't know. Just. I. I think I might have one on Thanksgiving. But we're gonna have a bunch of people over and a cigar is just obnoxious. It's kind of what I like about it as I'm antisocial. It just really just makes people's nose wrinkle up and they walk away, you know, unless it's a woman and their dad didn't stick around, and he always smoked cigars when he was driving away from one of her events that he should have been to. And then it produces a different response. So, anyway, I've always loved those people who just go. You know, they just blow past addiction and they just go, everything in moderation. My mom always said that. Everything in moderation. And that's just because, you know, she had the ability to do it. I don't know. I do, but I. I just don't do it. I just gotta. I gotta, like. Yeah, I don't know what the. My deal is. So, anyway, I'm talking in circles. Judas Priest turn in circles. Anyway, the. Am I talking about here? So, yes, it's November 25th. I am done with my amazing tour through the Central Valley of California. Started in Ojai. That's not the Central Valley. Well, that's where we started. And I went to Bakersfield. Next gig was Fresno, then Modesto, then Stockton. Then Visalia. Right, Visalia. And it's one of my favorite tours I ever did. And I just played all of these amazing old theaters, the Fox theaters, the Warner theaters, and the Bob Hope. And I don't know, I. I just. And I went to all of these mom and pop, like, coffee places, breakfast places, getting something to eat. I walked around all the towns. I finally got to go to Stockton, home of Nick and Nate Diaz and Chris Isaac. I mean, how's that for the. Running the whole gamut. And guess what? I thought it was a great town. A lot of nice neighborhoods, a lot of cool houses, a lot of fucking cool people. Got a great cup of coffee, went to this place where the. Did I go the well or something like that, get breakfast, a great hang. Modesto's. What was that one? That was. Good day. Lucille's is where I went and got a great breakfast. I got the. So I put on weight. I got the. The biscuit with the egg and the. I forget what. What was on. On top of it, like sausage or something was amazing. And their coffee, that might have been the best coffee I had was Lucille's and Modesto. It was amazing. And then the last night I went to Visalia. We got there early, and there's a famous hot dog stand. I put it in my stories. I forget the name of it. I mean, I was barnstorming there. So we went there and I got a. A chili dog. No Melon camp Suck. An old chili dog. I love how long that lyric was out there before anybody went like, what. What is he talking about? Is he talking about what I think I'm talking? I don't know. And I've never gotten chili on a hot dog before. Because the only time I've ever added chili to anything, I usually add to chili, but putting chili. The only time I had chili cheese fries once in my life at Carney's, that little train car. This guy Todd Parker, who not only did I work with in Boston and in LA and Atlanta and Canada, we've done a bunch of gigs together. He actually judged. You know, the first time I did stand up, it was a contest. And he was one of the judges, right? And so I've known him forever. Known him for 33 years, right? So he goes, you've had chili cheese fries? I said, no. He goes, oh, dude. You know, because this was not a thing back in Boston. So we went to Carney's and I ate it. And that was the last time I had a six pack, flat stomach. The next day, my Stomach was just sticking out a little bit, never went back down. So I always blame the chili cheese fries. Other than the fact that I didn't know anything about nutrition and I was getting older and my metabolism was slowing down, so that's the first time I've ever had chili on a hot dog. And it was fucking amazing. And then I. We stayed at the. The Darling Hotel, which was this killer out art deco hotel that looked like it was out of a Coen brother movie. Had an amazing outdoor area up top on the roof. Didn't get a chance to go up there, but I just kind of walked around the downtown area, went to the record shop, got a great burger at a sports bar. And then we came and we did, we loaded up, we did the gig, which was incredible. The crowd, I can't even tell you, like, these places, anybody out there that plays in a band or does whatever, like, you know, it's. It's weird. Like when you're coming up, you're playing all of these shitholes in these fucking one horse towns, right? So you have these bad experiences, so you start thinking negatively about these places and it's just like, well, they didn't know who you were, and you also weren't good at what you did yet. So, you know, you can come back and have a good experience, right? Because I talked to a bunch of comedians. I was like all excited. Oh, I'm going up to 99. I've never gone past fucking Bakersfield. You're familiar with it. And all these west coast comics, they would get this look on his face like, oh, yeah, yeah, I've been up that unfortunately. And all of this shit. And I kind of knew what they were saying because we drove back from Visalia. I don't know what the fuck chemicals we were driving through, what the. They were burning at night. But it was the worst smell I've ever smelled since I was up in Greeley, Colorado, where they have this gigantic slaughterhouse. And they literally had like bad smell days. And you could call up the slaughterhouse and tell them, hey, you know, take it easy down there, all right? Tell Wendy's they can only sell doubles, not triples today. So anyway, I had nothing but great experiences in all of those towns. I did at one point get chased by a sweaty guy. That was a little methy. I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not gonna tell the town because all these towns get like, negative. So I'm not gonna say what town I was in, all right? But we were walking back from getting coffee. And this guy came out of the house and he just looked like, you know, he was going through it, we'll put it that way. So he looked at me and he goes, hey. Like, he recognized me, I guess. And I say, hey, what's up, brother? How you doing? And he's like, I'm all right. And then I was like, oh, boy. So then we walked for like 10 more minutes. Because it was like this place was like a mile away from the hotel. You know, get our steps in, we walk for like 10 minutes, and we're shooting the. And we're talking and all of that. Me and Dean, he's got his French bulldog, Gertie, with us, right? We're just having a good time. The leaves are changing colors and it's looking cool. And then all of a sudden, after 10 minutes, 10 minutes later, saying, hello, this methy look, a dude, I just hear from way down the block, I hear this, hey, hey, pal. Right? I turn around and he's doing that. He's like, fucking way, way the hell down there. Like he's in the Michael Jackson Thriller video. So I just go, fuck. So I just turn around, my gay buddy, and then I turn back and we walk. I go, dean, do me a favor. Turn around and act like you're talking to me. Before I even did that, he turned over the wrong shoulder and looked back at the guy. I was like, supposed to be more subtle than. I go, he's running, isn't he? And he goes, yeah. And I go, fuck. I go, we gonna make it? Because we were close to the hotel. And he goes, just wait till we turn the corner, right? So my fucking heart's racing because I can hear the guy coming. And we turned the corner and Dean was just like, all right, go, go, go, go. We ran into the hotel, into the lobby. The lady, like, checking is looking at us like, what the. And the elevator doors just happened to be open. And we went in and they closed the door. And I was laughing and I was going, dude, I'm not going to feel safe until I'm in my hotel room. Because those junkies, they got like this sixth sense about him. He'll pick the right floor or something, or he'll come in and freak out what floor they go to. And she'd be scared and just tell them. So that went on. And then in another town, I was looking out my hotel window and I thought it was a man made lake. And I. And I'm looking at him half asleep. In the morning, I wake up And I look out and I see like this thing surface like the Loch Ness monster. I was like, what the fuck was that? And it went underneath, it came back up again. And I was on the phone, FaceTime, and with Nick, I'm going, what the fuck is that? I'm going near. I think there's. Is that a fucking seal? This is like a little man made lake here. Like, what the fuck is there a seal? And how come there's people walking along the lake and they're not looking at it? Like, it's weird. This is fresh water. How is there a seal in there? Then I was like, is that a dog? And then at one point, it started looking like a person. You know, the sun was in my eyes. I didn't have all my glasses. And I finally went out there and it was a seal. And I was like, freaking the fuck out. Like, you know, we're like way inland. How the fuck is there a seal here? I still don't understand it. But then I looked down, finally looked down the other way and I realized it wasn't closed off. It was more like a channel. And I saw this splash and I saw more seals down there. I was like, this is. This is. This is really fucking weird. It was weird to me anyway. I still don't understand how that. How they got that far upriver. And then I'm thinking like, well, who eats seals, killer whales and sharks? So, like, what else is in this water? And you know, that's like my biggest fear. You know, any sort of water with shit in there that has predators in it, it's bad. It just. It's the whole not being able to see them, not being in your environment. You know, it's like if a fucking lion was running at you or a bear, you know it's gonna get you, but at least you can run. At least you can move on that surface. What the are you going to do in water? Like, there's nothing in the ocean that is slower than a person. You are getting caught by everything and then just not knowing at least you know where the lion is. You're like, all right, this is it. You know, Fuck, you got something. You're in the water. You're like, did it go away? Is it coming back? Was it a dolphin? And there's no answers. And all your brain is doing is giving you the worst possible scenarios. Unless you're that chick on Instagram who just. You just relax and swim right at him. It's unbelievable. I've maintained this for the longest time. My people Whities, we talk to wild animals, like their dogs. We'll talk to a reptile. Oh, come on now. Knock that off. Some alligator like, hissing. Oh, he's grumpy today. Maybe he's grumpy today. Like, what? He just found out he's working a double. It's a reptile, you dumb. Walking. Did you see that old guy who tried to throw a shirt over the thing's eyes? And this thing was like a middleweight alligator, so it outweighed this old, right? And he gets on it and the thing flips him off. And at one point grabbed his arm and started doing the shake. Didn't pull his arm off because it let go. I don't know. Fucking idiots. It really is amazing that human beings survived, considering, you know, I guess because we're smarter than all the animals. I guess that's how it works. I don't think we're smarter than dolphins or killer whales, but, like, you know, location, location, location, you know, they're in the fucking water. So that's it for that. But I guess that shows you why nerds run the world, you know? All of those years are getting stuffed into lockers and everything, man, we're paying for it now. I gotta get some air in this car. I guess we're paying for it now, huh? It's funny, in the 80s, they made those movies, Revenge of the Nerds. I think it's happening now with all these nerds. They're creating monopolies and they just call it consolidation. And then it's like they get investigated or tried to be shut down by the government. And now it's legal to bribe politicians. I mean, it's always been something they did, but now you don't even have to hide it. So that's what I'm waiting for. I'm sick of listening to politicians blaming minorities and immigrants, illegal immigrants. It's like, what about nerds? How about that? The number one threat to the middle class is nerds and their insatiable greed. Oh, and speaking of which, I actually had time today because we drove home last night, club soda, Kenny, Dean, Gertie and myself, right after the gig. It was great, too. We. Other than the bad smell south of Australia before we got to Bakersfield, we close the door, he has people yelling up the street. Yeah, we drove home and there was, like, no traffic. We just fucking cruise. Before I knew it, we were going through the grapevine, which is. I don't know if those are the San Gabriel Mountains, whatever. It's part of that mountain chain and the five runs through it. And it's one of the scariest sections of Highway. It's 50 miles and there's just something crazy about it where there's all of these 18 wheelers, there's all of these places for them to pull off if they lose their brakes. There's people in RVs, there's people on motorcycles, and then there's people in like those fucking fast and furious cars. And it's just like. You ever see those races, like the 24 hour Le Mans where there's like five different classes of cars all out there? It's like there's like F1 cars and like dots and station wagons. You ever see those races? They're all on the track. It's really weird. That's what it feels like. And we got right through that and everything. So anyway, I was able to wake up this morning and watch a little bit of the football and everything. And I gotta be honest, I really just found something today. Like, you know, you know how they always say, you know, the game can pass by a coach? You can. It could pass by an athlete. Like, it can also pass by you. As a fan, I'm not saying all fans, but like me, I just really feel like I'm. It's passed me by and I'm kind of all right with it. I still love to watch sports. I like college more because college reminds me of what I grew up with, you know, which is college sports is almost like my classic rock station. Like if I just want comfort food and I can listen to the music that I heard when I was growing up working in warehouses. And I was watching, you know, just looking at the scores. I had the Chiefs game on, and I'm looking at the Vikings, Bears. I'm like, that game's over. I'm looking at the Chiefs, Panthers game. Like, this game's over. And they weren't. Neither game was over. Both teams came back. And it just fucking happens every week. Every week somebody comes back from down like 17 fucking points. Like the changes that they've made to the game, that it just happens all the fucking time. Happens all the fucking time. And I'm sitting there going like, you know, so now they go into overtime, The Panthers tie it up against the Chiefs and they go, Patrick Mahomes has had 26, 26 fourth quarter comebacks in his career. That guy's like 28, 29 years old. So I look it up. Joe Montana, the greatest I ever saw. All right? The greatest I ever saw. No disrespect, To Tom Brady. Just the way you could beat the out of a quarterback back then, I would say, like, you know that guy? And I looked it up. That guy has 32 come from behind victories, 32 in his fucking career. And he played to like his late 30s. This kid is like. And he did it again. He got like number 27. He's like five behind Joe Montana. He's not even 30 yet. Like, this kid could have like 50, 55 come from behind. And I was just thinking about it, right? And I'm watching the game, and at one point, Pack Mahomes starts running the ball. And he was going to get 10 or 12 yards, but the DBs thought he was going to slide or go out of bounds, and then he just keeps running. They should make a rule that if the corner's there and he could stick you and he doesn't, you should have the decency to slide or go out of bounds. But he didn't. He kept running and he got like 33 yards, like he was fucking Emmitt Smith or something. And of course, Patrick, my Patrick Mahomes, right? They've been screaming his name since he first came into the league, talking about how special he was going to be. It's like the dude, the guy played it fucking Texas Tech. And I'm telling you, I'm just looking at it, going like, just watching all of this shit, I just feel like the amount of changes they made in the game where you'll say, like, analytics, like, rather than coaching from your gut, now there's these situations that the numbers people figured out, this is what you want to do. This is the best odds for success, right? And they did that with coaching, okay? Vegas has been doing it forever with using, you know, these mathematicians and whatever the fuck they do to come up with the betting lines. So they did it with that. And then I. So why wouldn't the marketing team in the NFL be able to have a computer and figure out different scenarios, play him through, and be like, okay, what sells this game? Offense. How do we get more offense in this fucking game? What kills us when games are blowouts at halftime and people switch it off and watch another game? What is what. What rules can we make to ensure that the most amount of games, you know, come down to the final fucking player going to overtime? So everybody watches the games, the ratings stay high, and we can charge more for advertising, right? I feel like they did that and the game was just completely changed. Like, I don't know, like the Dolphins, Patriots. It's just like they were fucking kicking the shit out of us. They take Tua out in the fourth quarter. I know he's got a bunch of concussions and all of that. And then they just. All of a sudden, we're like, back in the game. And it's like, well, how come they can't play fucking defense anymore? Like, not. I don't know. The whole thing is fucking weird, and it's just not the game that I recognize. I put on the NBA. Everybody's shooting threes. Nobody's in the paint. People are dunking on nobody. They took away the red line. In hockey, the game is just up and down and up and down and up and down. I don't recognize you. Hit a home run right now. They do everything but take their dick out and jerk off as they watch it go over the wall. Gambling is legal. You can gamble at fucking the goddamn stadium. Weed is legal. You can bribe a politician. Now it's a gratuity. You don't have to pedal a bike. Like, I. There's nothing in this world that I. Porn is free. I don't recognize anything anymore. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad. It's just not the world I fucking grew up in. And I don't relate to it anymore. So it's like you're telling me, you know, like, this is a donut. It looks like a donut, but it doesn't taste like the donut. Does that make sense? It probably doesn't. That's a bad analogy. I don't know what it is, but, like, I am. I think I'm. I've. After all of these years of being a rabid fan, I think I'm just a casual fan at this point. I just feel like it's all that same corporate disease that's in entertainment. It's also in sports. We have to grow. We got to keep growing. We got to make more money. We got to make more money. We got to get in every major city in America. We got to go national. We got to go international. We got to be like soccer in the ufc. We got to go more and more and more. What the. And it's just, like, insatiable. And at some point, the product gets her. I see it in standup comedy now. You know, like, you see when I was coming up, it was like, there was always. Look, there was always people trying to, like, write an act, to get a sitcom or to get on the Tonight Show. Like, they had an angle. But, like, most people were trying to get good at Being comedians. And I feel like my generation would be doing what this generation was doing if what they have available to them, you know, they would do. But now, like, analytics has even gotten into, like, stand up comedy, and it's just like, okay, crowd work, okay, get some more numbers. I gotta sell tickets. Get a special, chop up the special, post the clips, do this, do that, or whatever. And it stops being about, like, you know, becoming a good comedian, you know, I'm not shitting on younger comics either. I'm just saying because my work now is affected by that. People are telling me, oh, you know, you got to do this on Instagram. You got to post. I'm posting those fucking stories on the thing. People, you got to do this. All right, I guess I got to fucking do this. I don't know. So I think. I don't know what I'm saying here. I just think I'm kind of gonna tap out. Because you only, only as an old person can you relate to this. Where you see that is like, that's the. I was watching, but it's different, you know, like, what was that movie? Everybody, you know, the horror movie, you come back and everybody's replaced with like, there's something wrong. It looks like your mom, but it's not your mom. JORDAN peele, Us. Was that what it was? I feel like this. Everything in my life right now is like that. So I think it's just like, all right, well, it's time for me to step back. I actually had this idea for an app. This is for people in my situation. And it would be basically, I feel like this is going to happen in the future. What year do you want to live in, right? And you don't have to, like, totally commit to it for a year. It could just be a day like you. You get to the side, right? And it would just be like, you just say what year you want to live in. And then, you know those things that advertise on podcasts, they stories, make fun of them, where they just send a box of clothes like, you, okay, 1978. So they send you 1978, and then everything becomes 1978. The TV shows, the commercials, the music, your car, everything just becomes. How would you do that with an app? I don't know. Some fucking nerd would figure it out, you know, through consolidation or whatever the they do. And you could just, like, live there. Like, I feel like if I could live in any time. Well, that's. That's a good thing. Okay? If you could live in any time, like, What? Oh, my neighbor thinks I'm crazy. He's fixing his fence and I'm sitting here talking to myself. My bare feet in my pajama bottom, sitting in my car. That's good. That'll make him feel better about himself. You know, people, anything I can do, anything I can do to help out. That's a question. If you could pick. I think just picking one year is a little difficult. Like, I would pick 86. I'd pick 86 to 91 those five years. And it would be before I became a standup comedian. And it would be like I'm ending high school, I'm going into college. Just the music, I don't know. Then I wouldn't be a parent. That's a hard one. All right, this was a dumb idea. Let me do. Let me do the. Let me do the. That right there was the Al Capone's vault of sales pitches. I really apologize for that. Oh, here's something. But I didn't bring up. That was my last date. I don't have any more stand up dates anywhere in the near future. I'm getting ready to go back to New York. Rehearsal start in February for Glengarry Glen Ross. So I'm pretty much, you know, just going to be reading the play, reading the play, reading the play, reading the play as you do, and then get myself into that situation. But yeah, but now of course I got all this great shit that I'm coming up with, so I'll still be hitting probably the local clubs and stuff like that. But anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank to everybody in the Central Valley of California that came out to my shows. Thank you to everybody that fed me game, poured me great cups of coffee and all that. Me and Dean could not have had a better time. That was one of my favorite tours I have ever done. It was. It was fantastic. So any with that? Let's plow ahead. Let's do the reads. Why don't I do this? Why don't I turn the fucking car on and put the windows down a little bit, you dumb fuck. There we go. So you don't have to keep opening and closing the goddamn. All right. To name or not to name. Bill, I've been listening to the podcast since 2011. I really enjoy hearing about your travels to different towns and cities I'd otherwise never hear of. Well, there you go. You got your fill on this one. I'm wondering how you decide to name or not name an establishment you like on the podcast. You often Would say, I don't want to name it because I don't want it to blow up and ruin it. I always thought that was weird because you're a champion of small businesses. Oh, this is what I do. It's like if the business is struggling or if it's in like a super small town, you know, like Mega Texas Barbecue in Fresno. It's like Fresno is a place in general. People have this negative idea of and that they're going to skip it. I'll do it that way, but I selfishly places I know in la, you know, I don't want to stand in fucking line, so I don't. Anyway, he says, I know you have a good reach, but you're not at Oprah level of running a small business. Integrity. All right, take it easy. I know where I am in this business. Jesus Christ, it's a holiday week. You got to put me in my place like that. Or creating a huge line in East Bumfuck. You'd be surprised. I brought up Mega Texas Barbecue and they said they had all kinds of people come in there. All right, so, you know, I'm not saying I'm Oprah. You know, I got a little something going on over here lately. You've named more of these stops, but as recent as last year, you said you didn't want to name a place you loved. How do you decide? Or are you just in a erratic redhead? Yeah, I'm an erratic redhead. Yeah, I, you know, I say things that I'm gonna do and then I don't do them. And then I say things I'm not gonna do and then I do it. You know, where I'm from, that's called being human. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Commercial hit show right there. I saw recently somebody famous said that they were leaving this country because a certain host of a certain reality show with a certain comb over became president. And then they said they were moving to this country that as far as I know, has like 90% income tax or something fucking insane. In my whole life, I saw like the rock stars, like, moving away from there. George Harrison. Yeah. England, right? Are they still doing that? I just don't understand why. Why? Okay, you want to move to another country, go ahead. But, like, why don't you just go to Montreal? They speak English and French. Fucking people are cool, you know? I don't know. You're north. Maybe global warming won't get as hot as quick. Maybe some polar bears will come down and fucking eat your friend, but who knows? I Don't know. I don't know where to move, but I don't think I would move someplace where it's like, you know, fish in newspapers and 90% income tax. I just. I just don't know about that move. All right, female listener here. Hello. Oh, one of the ladies wrote in. This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay. So this was. This guy wrote in, and he was talking about how he would go on dates. You know, he loves his girlfriend and all that. He would go on dates, and then she would out of nowhere just accuse him of I fucking every girl in the room. So then this woman wrote back, said, listen, you know, it could be that you are doing that, but if you aren't doing that, just pay attention to what she ate, because she found out she was whatever lactose intolerant was affecting her mood, her period cycle, and all of this. So in other words, she put some of it on the woman. So this is the person responding to that. This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate. First, let me say I was initially happy that a woman wrote in because it was about time. Well, what the fuck was stopping you? I just don't understand. Women just fucking play the victim. It's like there's nothing stopping you from doing this. There's nothing stopping you from going to a WNBA game and supporting them and selling the fucking place out so they can make what guys make to play basketball. There's nothing stopping you except your own whatever the fuck is going on in your ear between your ears. Anyway, it quickly turned into disappointment. This lady really wrote in to excuse her crazy behavior. Exclamation point. Oh, boy. These ladies, I mean, they just. All they do is argue with each other. Here we go. The lady wrote in, she said some things, and then, like, this lady doesn't even know this lady. Now she's going to say, now she knows. And exclamation points as she's yelling this stuff. You know, it just breaks my heart as a man and as a male feminist to see you women just going back and forth like this on the podcast. I'm kidding. All right? She's really trying to convince people that she's crazy because she eats food. Lol. Then go on to blame it on hormones. So which one is it, your hormones or your stomach? Hey, I yelled at my boyfriend because I ate bread. Crazy behavior for sure. All right, so she's not Buying it. I thought she was saying that it could be this, it could be that, it could be all of that. But I, like, actually like what you're saying. You're like, no, you're just crazy. It has nothing to do with the bread. She goes, anyway, love your podcast and you're hilarious. I saw you at the Magic Castle during COVID and we all needed that laugh. Oh, yeah, out in the parking lot. I love those gigs. I was in my car cracking up. Okay, bye. All right, well, stop fucking playing the victim, ladies. Write in whenever you want. I love hearing from you, dumb horse. I don't feel, you know, listen, you wouldn't know this, but I actually love women individually. You know, I like shooting the with them or whatever, talking about life here in their perspective. It's just when they all get together and start talking and the voices get louder and it, you know, I got tinnitus. So I just, you know, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with my bad ears. They just start ringing. Underrated California town. Oh, I love this one. Dear Bill Boletnikov, one of my favorite wide receivers of all time, fred Balitnikov, number 25 with the ripped jerseys. Ripped jersey and the quarterback face mask, said, I figured it was a good time to bring this up as you are currently on your small town California tour in places people who aren't from here probably haven't heard of. Well, having said that, you know, all of them had a couple hundred thousand people as a population, so it wasn't like, you know, a little 20,000 person town. A town you should definitely check out and maybe stop by to do a show. Is Chico, California? I have some bias being from here, but having traveled a decent amount and lived in four different states, I have discovered how great a town it is. Well, where is it? Some quick Chico bullet points for you. Oh, my God. You remember when what's Jesse the Body Ventura used to call Tito Santana? He goes, I don't know about this Chico Santana. Just. Anyway, Sierra Nevada Brewery started here. Nice. In 1980. Ah, you got to do that on my sober birthday. I'm not sober. I just quit drinking. I am not sober. In 1987, Playboy magazine rated Chico State as the number one party school, as well as recent best college bar in the country winner. Rated by Barstool Sports. All right. Aaron Rogers went to high school here. Look at this shit. Upper and lower Bidwell park are gorgeous. Very walkable, bikeable town with great food and a great downtown. This sounds like something I could bring my wife to man, this is amazing. I can give you recommendations on if you ever visit Mexican food that competes with and top some of Southern California spots. I currently live in San Diego. Thanks. And let's go, Raiders. All right, well, let's. Let's see where this place is. Can I open my Google Maps? All right, turn off the airplane thing, which means somebody's gonna immediately call me and I'm gonna have to edit this thing together. Hang on a second. What do we got here? Chico, California. Chi C o. Chico, California is holy. That's way the up there. That is north of Sacramento. And then you got Reading and then Eureka. Then I could come down and do Santa Rosa. Well, you know, it's funny you say that. I was going to tell my. My agent there that I wanted to do Northern California. I mean, I got to do the rest of the 99. No, I went all the way up there. See some of these towns up here? Lodi. Get a Lodi. This place, sorry. Cortland, Lincoln, Plumas, Lake, Yuba, Yuba City. There's Chico and then you go to the west and there's Eureka, you know, which I wanted to go to until I got Netflix and they told me it was Murder Mountain. You know, it's weird. I get it. Was that all. Was that over weed? Can you imagine getting fucking killed in a bad drug deal over weed? I always felt it had to be more serious drugs, you know, like coke or heroin, something like that. Just weed. Kind of like, hey, man, like, what you're doing over there is not groovy, man. But what do I know about that world? Evidently nothing. All right, where am I? 42 minutes in. 42. Oh, let's take a little side note here. What do I do here? Rest in peace, Chuck Woolery. Chuck Woolery. They don't make them like that anymore. That was a fucking man's man. He was just what you wanted to look like. That full head of hair, that strong jaw. He had the Rolex Presidential. And he would just sit there. I used to talk to him with a buddy of mine. He just didn't have a care in the world. He was fucking good looking. He knew it. The original host of the Wheel of Fortune. Then he did Love Connection. And all the ladies loved him. All the ladies loved him. He dressed good. They knew he smelled good. He was just crushing it. Chuck Woolery. That was that. I'll tell you something. Chuck Willery, Kris Kristofferson, who else passed this year? These guys were like, just bigger than life when I was a kid. Oh, you know what? And then, like, I've been watching some Coen brother movies, and I watched. What was it in? In Cold Blood. I gotta get these names right. I should have done this before. I got. I'm so disorganized. Oh, whatever. You know what I mean? I just sort of wing this thing. What do you. What do you. What? What do you want from me? I don't know, Bill. Little fucking preparation. In Cold Blood Cast. You gotta see it. It's on. It's on the Criterion Channel. Or as I call it, Smart Netflix. Hey, no disrespect. Here we go. Let's see what we got here. In Cold Blood Cast. Oh, no, not In Cold Blood. What am I talking about? Blood Simple. Jesus Christ. I'm getting them confused here. Blood. Some cinephile was screaming at his device here. Blood Simple Cast. You got to see that one. M. Emmett Walsh, recently passed away, was amazing. And everyone was amazing in that movie. And the suspense that they created was fantastic. And then I saw a movie, for whatever reason, I never wanted to watch it. It just didn't appeal to me. And I actually sat down and watched it. I watched Barton Fink, John Goodman, John Turturro are amazing. And Michael Lerner, who got nominated for Best Supporting, was so fucking incredible in that movie. And he also recently passed away. Shout out to them. But if you go on the Criterion Channel, AKA Smart, Netflix, they. They got all of these Coen brother movies up there. And I don't know, you know, when I was talking about earlier about having an app, about what year you'd want to live in or what era you won't want to live in, I actually. That's kind of the way that I sort of stay, you know, back where I feel like I belonged more is I just go back and I watch those old movies. And I gotta be honest with you, man, I don't think the Coen brothers get brought up enough. And I'm not going to fucking start an argument here, but there's certain directors, when they talk about the greatest American directors, get brought up, and I don't, you know, if the Coen brothers are brought up, they usually brought up fourth or fifth. And now that I'm watching, a lot of these movies that I hadn't seen before, like the man who Wasn't There, Barton Fink and all of that. And it's just like their range to be able to do go from Blood simple, their next movie then being Raising Arizona, if you're a young person, you've never seen any either. One of those movies, you're not gonna regret it. Unless you've just been death scrolling your whole life and watching free porn. And you have the attention span of a fucking squirrel. Then you're probably gonna think that the Blood simple starts slow. I'm telling you, it's fucking incredible movie. And then Raising Arizona to this day is still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. And the actors that they work with have the versatility of the material that the Coen brothers are writing. Like John Goodman, like, what do you want him to do? Do you want him to be fucking fall on the floor fucking hilarious? Or do you want him to play a serial killer? He can do that too. Like the level of acting in it in those movies is incredible. So, you know, I got a slow week, as everybody does, hopefully. Unless you're working for one of these fucking heartless box stores. You got a slow week this week. Check out the Criterion channel and watch one of those movies. I'm gonna watch a couple more this week. I think I'm gonna watch Hudsucker Proxy, which I never saw. And then I think they had one called A Simple man or something. I never saw that one. And just sort of fill in the gaps of a few. True Grit I never saw. And no country for Old Men is the reason why I ended up getting my old 68F100. Because I was trying to figure out the classic car I wanted to get. And I just felt like baby boomers had sort of worn out all of those muscle cars. They all had them, you know, so. And I was always a truck guy. And then I saw that, that opening scene where all those guys were dead. And there was all these late 70s to like 1980 Ford trucks. And I was like, you know, an old fucking Ford truck. The short bed that could be. All right. That's how I ended up with my truck. Because of the Coen brothers. All right, what do we got here? Let me go back, Let me go back. Dunna. Nana, Nana, let me go back to the questions here. To name or not name female listener here. I did that one. Billy Belitnikov. All right, the last one here. Jimmy Chamberlain, drums. Dear Billy. Snare roll. I'm curious what you think about Jimmy Chamberlain, the drummer from Smashing Pumpkins. He's one of my favorite drummers from the 90s. Everybody I know who knows anything about music says this guy's one of the great drummers of his generation. I unfortunately, when the Smashing Pumpkins came out, I'm really behind on all the grunge. All I can say is that I feel like as much as I resented that music because it knocked all my hair metal bands off the fucking top 10, man. On MTV, I had started comedy and stuff, and I didn't listen to it, but when I go back and listen to it, it like, holds up, you know, I got into Alice and Chains and Soundgarden. I loved the two of those bands, but, like, I, I. There was so many new bands coming out, and then Green Day, I got into them and, you know, I was just, I was lost in my career. So I've watched clips of him on the Internet and stuff like that and, and looked at some of his drum parts and stuff. I think, know, from what I, I've seen, I agree with everybody that he's amazing. But I'm not going to sit here and act like I, I am familiar with the Smashing Pumpkins catalog. You know, I don't know. I was like 26, 27 when that came out, and I was sliding into 30, and I was a loser, man. So I, I had to, like, I had to get going. I didn't have time to go to concerts anyway. He's one of my favorite drummers, and he plays in a rock band. He has a lot of jazz influence. For example, he often keeps time with the hi hat. It's a unique feature for a rock drummer. John Bonham. Thanks. And go double floor Tom. Like Bonham yourself. All right. I don't want to start some here, but. All right. How do I talk around this? Sorry. Had a little drink of water there. Now, there's a certain drummer when I was growing up that everybody told me was a great drummer. And I listened to him. He was, you know, he was a great drummer. But the level of the, where they put this guy, I was just like, I just don't fucking hear it, man. I'm not fucking hearing this. Ah, fuck it. I'll say Ginger Baker. And everybody's like, oh, man, this guy, you know, fucking Bonham was nowhere near. Like, Bonham was nowhere near this guy with the. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't think Ginger Baker is anywhere near John Bonham. And at one time, late in his life, I watched him play a solo and I was like, oh, wow, all right. I get that. All that polyrhythm stuff and all that. Okay, maybe it's. Maybe it's my fucking ears. You know, I'm just a comedian, right? What do I know about drumming? These musicians are saying, you Know, this guy's that great. So. And I stumbled upon this thing where Ginger Baker had a drum battle with Elvin Jones, okay? And that was Ginger Baker's thing. I think he was like, I'm really a jazz drummer, right? And he used to. Yes, was talking all of this stuff about how fucking great he was and all of this shit, right? That's what I didn't like about him. He's always fucking running his yap about that shit. You know, it's like, dude, if you're fucking great, people are going to say it. Like, why. Why are you. What are you. What are you doing? Right? So anyways, he has this drum battle with Elvin Jones. And Elvin Jones, from what I can tell and what I've read, eventually basically agreed to have this drum battle with them. Not because Ginger Baker was anywhere near the level of drummer that Elvin was. It was because rock stars had the fame that jazz musicians used to have. So he agrees to have this thing so he can get some of Ginger Baker's Cream Blind Faith fame. That spotlight shined on him. And then Ginger Baker wants to have that battle with him so he can get the credibility that I had. A drum battle with Elvin Jones, you know, and also, from what I've read, I feel like he felt like he was in Elvin's league. So anyway, I came across this quote where Elvin Jones was talking about Ginger Baker. The first thing he did, he was, he talked about Keith Moon. And his quote about Keith Moon, he said, that man is a drummer. And after having a drum battle with Ginger Baker, he just laughed and said something like, he needs to get in touch with NASA and they need to ship his ass to outer space. Because he was delusional. Whatever. I can have a strong opinion about a dead drummer from 60 years ago. Yeah, that guy. And I see that. I'm telling you, man, I've seen that in my business. People who fucking suck going around saying they're one of the best at whatever they fucking do. And everybody else keeps their mouth shut because, hey, you don't want to weigh in on that. And then the press just picks it up, and then they think it's fucking true. It's a strange thing. But I saw. When I saw that quote, I was so fucking happy because for my whole life, I was just going, dude, is it me? Like, in the white room dud? And he just goes down the toms. Do, do do do, do, do, do do. I'm like, this is. This is a guy. Dun, dun, dun, dun, Dun, dun. Yeah. That doesn. He's playing, like this tribal thing. I get it. I get it. All right. Yeah. I mean, that's one way to do it. I'm not, like, going like, whoa, what the fuck? All of those James Brown drummers were fucking better than he was. I don't know what the fuck. I don't know. I don't know what it was. I don't know. That's just my fucking. All right. Started a debate. Somebody. Somebody convinced me because I got Elvin Jones agreeing with me. Oh, look, I usually. I never do that. And now, I don't know. I'm getting older. I don't look at it. I'm on the NFL. I'm. I'm old Billy, hot takes this week. All right. I'm not saying he's a bad drummer. I'm just talking like, if he was half as good as he said he was, I wouldn't be scratching my head, because I would rather. I mean, John Bonham is just infinitely a better drummer than Ginger Baker, and I'll tell you why. You can fucking take away all the fucking music. Just play what John Bonham played. And someone who doesn't even play an instrument knows what song it is by the fucking drums. I don't think you can do that with, like, Ginger Baker. I just. I just don't. My own opinion. Oh, there's gonna be some baby boomers coming after me. Dude. I saw cream in 1960s, ate at the tea party in Boston. Girlfriend is a nymphomaniac. Hey, Billy. Greetings from your motherland. Ireland. I got a lot of mothers over there. I am a mutt. I have a strange problem I was hoping you could get your insight on. I can already tell. I can already tell you what to do, you know? Don't fall in love with her. You're not going to fix her. Okay. This is like something she needs to work on or figure out. And this is above my pay grade, but enjoy yourself. All right there, freckles. All right. I recently met the perfect woman for me. Smart, beautiful, and all that good stuff. I never jumped into a relationship so big, so. Never jumped into a relationship. So this is a big step for me and nearly everything is going well. The only issue, she wants to have sex. All capitals, all the time. Oh, I got the hiccups. Oh. Oh, Billy. Road gas. Had too many breakfast burritos out there in all sorts of places, etcetera. I told my guy friends. Why would you do that? Yeah, one of your guy friends is going to be a Dirtbag and try to catch her at the post office. Anyway, I told my guy friends, but obviously they just laugh and make jokes. They even shared it with the bartender and regulars down at our local pub so everyone could crack more jokes. Why did you do that? Typical Irish banter, but not the stuff you want the public to hear about your girl. Well, what the fuck did you open your yap for? Oh, my God. What if you marry this woman, she's the mother of your kids, and you fucking tell everybody how much she loves jumping on your cocktail? You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. That's what you think when you're in like, your 20s, when you want to fuck all the time. But as you get older, you know, it's just like, you know, it's like anything you like. Ice cream? You want some more ice cream? Here's some more ice cream. You want some more? I got a fucking headache. You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any man, but it's getting out of control. She wanted to fuck on the pier harbor the other night. So we did it. And during the act, a huge freezing cold Atlantic waves smashed over us. Did she have an orgasm when we were doing it against the wall and destroyed our phones and almost swept us into the water? I haven't stopped sneezing since. Well, you were in your birthday suit there, buddy. I would have. I would have killed to hear your fucking Irish accent then. Jj, you fucking cunt. Then she wanted to bang on her indoor exercise bike because she thought the angle might be good, but it looked so stupid I had to turn off the light during it. She even wanted to do it during a trip to the zoo. So we went away off the public footpath to the an outdoor shack. So little Larry Limlick and his fucking nice cold fucking cork from the Atlantic Ocean, he goes down to the pub. I'm in a family business where I deal with the public in a small, rural, coastal Catholic village. So if we were ever to get caught, the consequences could be detrimental to our business. But I'm also worried she'll get bored if I don't keep delivering. I don't feel comfortable introducing toys, but my dick is getting too sore, so I'm considering it. Even my work and side hustles have regressed. So all this sex is affecting my finances. What would be your or Nia's advice or even your listeners in dealing with the problematic hypersexuality? I mean, you gotta talk to her about it. You know, just say, look at my dick. It looks like it has a cold. Look how fucking red is old Jimmy O tools. About ready to fall off me ball bag. Yeah, you got to sit down and talk to her. And I, it's, I, I don't, but I don't know, it's kind of hard cuz you, you did it. Just say like, listen, I love you. You, you're great. I've been trying to keep up with you sexually, but you, you wore me out. I'm out of jizz, all right? I, I go places mentally. I never went during sex. I'm just fucking. You somehow turned fucking into a dead end cubicle job. Like I don't know what to tell you. All right? These are all jokes. You just have to sit down. I would ask the advice of a professional, try not to tell her her name because even that pro might try to go out and bang her. And this is the thing where it stands right now is this isn't working for you and it's not going to work for you in the long run. And I would think eventually, you know, she's going to bang someone else or you know, you're going to have to walk around your house in rubber gloves because you don't know if she fucking used a vibrator on the toaster or whatever. So I would, yeah, I would talk to a professional, find out more about why this would be and then what's the right way to approach it and then see what she says. Or, or I, yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't, I don't know what to do about like it's always hard when, no pun intended, when like you, when the woman has the problem, you know, because they're not like men. We can just be like, yeah, listen, you're doing this and it's, it's, you know, what the going on with you, you can't, you can't fucking do that with them. No. He's like, huh, you think on Top of the Washington Sea was bad? I thought you were enjoy it right then they do all that. I don't know. I'll be honest with you. As a 56 year old, I don't envy any of this situation. This actually sounds literally like a nightmare. So this is above my pay grade. I would go talk to a professional. And then secondly, the advice that I would give you is don't be afraid to get out of this. Okay? That goes for everybody listening to this. If you're not happy in a fucking situation. You sit down and you talk to them and they fucking try to turn around on you. That's you going, all right, I get it, I get it. Yeah. This isn't gonna work out. And then fuck them and then walk away. And then walk away. All right? There's plenty of beautiful, super smart women who don't want to fuck in front of a bunch of monkeys at a zoo. All right, There you go. Well, that's the podcast. Everybody. Enjoy your. Oh, it's the holiday season. Do be dooby doo. It's fucking Thanksgiving. Listen, here's one for you. It's Thanksgiving. Don't talk about politics or religion. Don't do it, because people are. You want about hyper sexualized or whatever. What about hyper politicized? Like the nymphomaniacs are fucking talking about politics. You know, hey, can you pass the gravy? Well, we won't be able to do that after January 20th, you know, and then there's a big fucking argument. Just don't do that. You know, I would just sit there and, you know, if somebody tries to bring it up to you, what you do is you do the classic. I call it the white person neutral face. You purse your lips and you put your eyebrows up and then you look elsewhere. Oh, you sort of nod like, okay, you said that. If that's, you know, if that's what you're thinking, you know, just have that be your own goal. You know what I mean? I am not going to get involved in your fucking Joe Biden, Kamala, Donald Trump fucking bullshit, all right? Unless you're going to sit at the fucking goddamn Thanksgiving table and talk about killing heads of corporation and bankers, I don't want to talk to you. All right? That's the podcast, everybody. Enjoy your week. Happy Thanksgiving, and I'll talk to you later. Go fuck yourselves.