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Monday Morning Podcast
New York, L.A. Airspace, Shakespeare | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-13-25
01:32:48
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- [00:01]
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.
- [00:12]
Unknown Guest
I'm just checking in on you, seeing how it's going in your part of the world. Oh, Billy Press boy this morning.
- [00:23]
Bill Burr
Look at you, all grown up, doing the town. I did Good Morning America today. They kept calling it GMA, which made me think of GMOs, which are genetically modified organisms. I don't know what it is, something about what they put in the food, but they pay the politicians, so that's fine.
- [00:43]
Unknown Guest
That's all right.
- [00:49]
Bill Burr
And I did the Breakfast Club. I had a great time. And I did one other show. I'm spacing here. Had a great time this morning promoting all that stuff. Why? Why you didn't ask? As I go to whore myself out and you know, and whatnot, my stand up special, Drop Dead Years is coming out, I think tomorrow on Hulu. I'm very excited and hope you guys enjoy it or whatever, but had a fucking great morning. Had a good time on Good Morning America. That's a really like, fun show to do as far as like the vibe, the vibe that you have to have to do one of those morning shows. It's like the level of like, I don't know, like you have to be like upbeat and positive. It's like people are starting their day. You know what I mean? You can't do the CNN FOX News thing that we don't do that here. There was, I mean, it was fucking fantastic. There was a chef there making food. There was puppies. I was playing with puppies. It's like impossible to be in a bad mood doing one of those fucking shows. So I got to do a quick little thing there with everyone on the show promoting Glengarry and, and the special. So I had a great time. And then the Breakfast Club, that's my second time doing it. I love those guys. I had a great time with with them. So that's it. And the Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit. Keep buying the tickets. You can get them@billbird.com I don't have the information in front of me. I know the gig is going to be in May, I believe. It's a Sunday night. Yeah, it's a Sunday night. So at the New York City center, you can also go to NY City Center, I think is what it is, where you can buy the tickets. 75 bucks. And after we're done paying for renting the theater, all the money goes to Patrice's wonderful mother. And we make sure we take care of her every year because Patrice was taking care of her. So it's a great, great, great thing that you can do if you can come out. All right, and with that, let's plow ahead here. All right, so guess what? We are officially in previews. Previews. Now, what I've learned is previews are not official shows yet.
- [03:26]
Unknown Guest
This is.
- [03:27]
Bill Burr
You just sort of working the show out now in front of a crowd. And I gotta be. I'm a little confused by it, because people are paying a lot of money to still come see it. So it's like, I don't. It doesn't feel like it's okay to just be. You know, you can try out stuff, but you got to bring it. And I cannot tell you, like, how awesome it is to, you know, get to do this and to watch all of these actors that I've been working with, you know, seeing them, they tried stuff when we were rehearsing it, and then watching him try it out and adjusting it and everything, like, I get so amped up. And then I'm also fascinated, like, watching, like, oh, man, you know, so and so. Got a laugh on that. What did they figure out? Was it the crowd? Was it the way the other actors set up the line or whatever? It's sort of, like, infinite, like, the options. But with three of those performances in, I think last night was our best show. And everybody keeps getting better, and, like, people were getting applause breaks, and it's really settling into this cool thing where it's, like. It's dark, but it's also, like, funny. It's sad, and then it's hilarious, and it's just this. This unbelievable ride, and, oh, My God, Michael McKeon, last night was on fire. It just. It was. It's. It's. It's gonna be such a good time. And I was already thinking backstage when I was waiting for the. The play to end and then come out and do the curtain call, I was already thinking of how sad I'm gonna be on the last night, because this is gonna be. It's gonna. It's. This is just one of those things that totally lives up to the hype. So thank you to everybody that's come out so far, and I am looking forward to everything else also. You know, I definitely get the fucking butterflies before I go out there, because I'll tell you, you know, it's funny is you go out, you have a good show, and everything's awesome. And the night ends and you feel like this amazing like feeling of accomplishment. And then you wake up the next day and you're like, ah, I gotta do it again. Oh, this is what they're talking about. When I was talking to other actors going, you know, you gotta like, you know, it's a grind, you know, so you gotta like blah, blah, blah. But I'm just gonna, I don't know, just go one show at a time and listen to whoever the hell I'm talking to and on stage and see if we can have another good one tonight. That's it.
- [06:24]
Unknown Guest
All right.
- [06:24]
Bill Burr
And with that, with that, with that, it's such an exciting time of year. Baseball's coming back, Hockey and basketball is getting close to the playoffs. You got MotoGP, you got the F1 and you got March Madness coming up. You have all kinds of distractions.
- [06:50]
Unknown Guest
To.
- [06:51]
Bill Burr
Not freak you out.
- [06:52]
Unknown Guest
You know what I mean?
- [06:53]
Bill Burr
To have some sort of normalcy. I'll tell you what's freaking me out on GMA Good Morning America. When I was watching the, the meteorologist when she was doing the weather, I was just like, this is, this is frightening. It was just flames, tornadoes and all of this. And nobody's like talking about, hey, is, you know, is, is this what the scientists were warning us about? Is, is it starting to happen or is, is this normal? You never know, you know. Or is it like, or is it just like, are they looking at like the LA fires? Everyone tuned in. We made a lot of money on the ratings. All right, so every time there's a brush fire, they're going to drop flames over like Oklahoma. And are they doing it for money? Is it? I have no idea.
- [07:50]
Unknown Guest
I have no idea.
- [07:51]
Bill Burr
But I will tell you, you know, thank God for all those puppies and the chefs and everybody's amazing energy over there because the forecast, they had everything but drawings of sharks coming on land and eating people. On the nationwide, the nationwide map, nationwide is on your side. Anyway, so a buddy of mine sent me something pretty interesting is the Robinson Helicopter Company, whatever you call it, they had the R22 first. Then they made the r44, which was a four seater with the a six cylinder engine rather than the four cylinder. And then after that they went 2244. Then they have the R66 which is a turbine, which is a jet engine. And they unveiled in Dallas that they have a new helicopter coming out. You guessed it, the 88 which is a 10 passenger helicopter. Believe me, it ain't cheap turbine or whatever. They still have the semi articulated main Rotor system. I just would be amazing. Maybe to keep costs down. They keep. And also it's, it's also a space saver. In a hanger, if you only have two blades, you can just line it up and you can have a smaller hanger, but once you have the three and you kind of have like that triangle, you need something a little wider or whatever. Maybe it's that, I have no idea. But it was pretty goddamn exciting. And I will tell you, as much fun as I'm having on doing this play, I really miss flying and I miss riding a motorcycle. Those things, I, I do miss those. But boohoo, I have to be here and do a play. But it was pretty, pretty goddamn exciting. I will, I'll be honest with you guys. I kind of wish I learned how to fly a plane instead of a helicopter because helicopters are just so expensive and once you've flown the LA basin for 10 years, you get kind of bored and you want to go fly somewhere else. But like, you know, flying a helicopter, it's like you have to fly it the whole time. It's not like. And it's also can only go so fast just because of the aerodynamics, the way it's designed and everything. What, what we have in mobility, the ability to stop and hover and land anywhere, what we gain in that, we give up in forward speed. Speed. And like, you know, I, I know a lot of pilots now where I fly out of and I talk to them about their planes and what they cost and like the planes that cost as much as a little two seater helicopter, how fast they can fly, the autopilot, the altitude that they can fly at and all of that really like fascinates me. And I go, well, you know that, that's to hold that other animal there. Like what's fascinating to me, what I would love to do one time is be in a private little plane with one of those pilots and like I'm trying like to, to fly. You know, if I had one on map in front of me, I would know exactly what it is. But like, you know, if you've, if you come into LA at 6,000ft, you can basically fly over every bit of airspace except for the Bravo shelves of airspace around lax. But like, and you don't have to talk to anybody, like you can just, if you were coming down the coast, you know, Santa Barbara or whatever, you could fly over all of that airspace, you could see so much more and just the path that you could take and then, not to mention cruising at like 200 knots, which is more than twice what I'm usually flying. Like, I usually fly like 85. Unless I want to just get somewhere, I'll go up to 90. But like, I always think if I have an engine failure with the blades turned the way they are, there's going to be a lot of resistance moving Forward and my RPMs are going to drop even faster. So I tried it like, you know, because you auto rotate it about 60, so if I'm only like, you know, 25 knots above that, it's, it's. I think that's a little more forgiving. All right, I'm just talking about nerd here. Speaking of nerd, I got. I got my elect little electronic drum kit set up over at the theater with like, speakers and everything. I just have to figure out the Bluetooth. So that's kind of going to be my thing. Like, I'll come over a little bit early before the show maybe. I don't know. Or maybe hang after and I can play and. God damn it. Got to give a shout out to V drums. They are. They sound so unbelievable. You put the headphones on, you got. Listen, if you ever wanted to play drums, okay, but they're too loud or whatever, you know, you don't want to drive you significant other crazy. Get some V drums. I'm telling you, you're going to put your headphones on and you're going to sit down at a kit and you're going to sound like you're in Madison Square Garden. It's. And, and because they sound. When you know, they sound so good, it makes you play better, it gives you ideas and all of that. And I was just having, I was having a ball with them. You know, what's funny is like, you know, when my character exits the play, there's still, you know, a decent amount of time left in the second act. So I was actually downstairs playing the drums waiting for the. You know, there's a. There's a point where I, I with. They're in the play that I. I can walk upstairs and. And be there on time for the curtain call. I don't know. The whole thing is. Is pretty exciting. So anyway, plowing ahead here. Oh, Billy Jim Bod. Old Billy Jim Bod is going to the. Going to the gym again today. I've been crushing it. And the little apartment they got me staying in, it's. Dude, New York is fun again. It's fun again. This is definitely. You know, there was like a, A period there where it got so nice. It was like, weird. You felt like you were in the Truman show or something. But, like, the. The free entertainment is back in a big way. In a big way. The stuff, you know, I'll tell you what, one thing is cool is there's, like. There's like, this liquor store. And I don't know what it is. It's like this gathering place for these guys that, like. I don't want the guys that ride bicycles or whatever, delivery or something, but they're just hanging out and they're smoking cigarettes, and they get into sports arguments and they're drinking and shit, and they're kind of blocking the street when you go to walk down. And, like, that's like the neighborhood shit. That. That kind of went away for a while. Like, one of the worst things I think that happened probably for, like, neighborhoods is air conditioning. Like, back in the day, like, air conditioning at nighttime. Everybody came out and they, you know, left their windows open and they sat out on the stoops. I mean, obviously this is way before my time, but I can't imagine, like, the conversations, you know, people, whatever, smoking cigars, cigarettes, playing cards, shooting the debates and all of that stuff. So it's kind of as much as they're getting up, you know, drinking and stuff, it is good to see people, like, I don't know, not just, like, not staring at their phones. I think that that's what it is. Like, these guys are hanging out, being their own entertainment. So anyway, I decided that I was gonna do something. I wanted to do a bunch of shit that I'd never done before or always wanted to do in New York, you know, But I was always too busy trying to get somewhere being a comedian. So one of the things I wanted to do was to go up to. To, you know, Columbia University, because I'm like, you know, it's a Ivy League school, like, right here in Manhattan. It's right in Harlem. Like, that's fascinating. I want to go see what that looks like. And my dumb ass. I didn't know it. You know, I don't watch the news, so I didn't know what was going on. I guess it was a bunch of protests up there and stuff. And evidently they got whoever started the protest. They're trying to deport him, which is. Is not a good sign of a democracy. Like, why aren't you allowed your. You should be allowed to protest. You know, it doesn't line up with our foreign policy. You need to get the fuck out of here. That's not a good sign for democracy. A good Sign for democracy is somebody has a protest. You're like, well, I don't agree with that, but I agree with your right to do that. That's it. Not like you say, what I don't, like, get this guy, arrest him, and get him the. The out of here. I didn't real. I learned all of that afterwards. So, my dumbass, I go up there and. And I'm like, all right, you know, I'm obviously not a bookworm. I want to go up there and see where the gym is. They got a football field. I know it's Ivy League, but whatever. They still play sports, right? And I walk up there, and the first thing I see is there's like, some law building or something. And I see all these kids, they got, like, their ID cards and they gotta, like, scan him and all of that. And I was like, oh, no, that's right. We live in a police state now. I'm not gonna be able to just walk. Not gonna have some old weirdo just walking on their campus. They don't know what I'm doing. So I showed up, and the guy's like, no, no, no, no, no. I just. I just want to come up, just walk the campus, you know, get my steps in. Old guy just walking around, and they're like, okay, well, you can get, like, a visitor pass. Oh, whatever. And I was just like, all right, well, I know what that entails. You know, back in the day, you just showed him a fucking id, and maybe they wrote your name down on, like, a yellow legal pad. But what I don't like now is you show them your id, they either scan the thing or they put it into the computer, and it's like, now you're just gonna go sell that information? The end of the day, this is a college. It's a fucking business. And this. This sharing people's private information because they interacted with you for less than fucking 20 minutes walking across your campus, and now you're just going to put all my fucking information out there so you can make money on it? I don't even get a cut? Oh, Billy's up on his fucking soapbox. There's something I would like to see politicians change. How about we get a cut of our own personal information? Like, if a corporation is going to turn around and sell it, it's my information. Shouldn't I get a cut? I mean, I get it that you're making the deal, right?
- [19:35]
Unknown Guest
But I should.
- [19:36]
Bill Burr
Give me. To kick me 10%. Colombia, give me 10% of my information being sold why, why can't I do that?
- [19:47]
Unknown Guest
I mean, is that asking too much? Is it?
- [19:53]
Bill Burr
Anyway, so I wanted to get a dog, man. After seeing what those. Those playing with those puppies this morning, it was funny. And I was. I was talking to all the rescue people and I was like, oh, yeah, I had a pit bull. I love the pit bull.
- [20:04]
Unknown Guest
Yeah.
- [20:05]
Bill Burr
But mine was crazy or whatever, you know, and they. And they of course would go, well.
- [20:08]
Unknown Guest
You know, you know, it's the owner and blah, blah.
- [20:11]
Bill Burr
I go, no, this thing came out of the dog womb crazy. It just was a crazy dog. And unfortunately it was a pit bull because, you know, so they were kind of not receptive to the information until I kind of explained it. I go, put it this way, I go, my trainer, that I spent a zillion dollars on trying to get this dog to not try to kill everybody that came through the door, he finally threw his fucking hands up and just basically said, you know, this is one of these dogs that nature said no to, but people said yes to. And I took that to mean the mother knew there was something wrong with my dog and rejected it. But the dog was so adorable that somebody else, you know, you know, these dog people, they probably started breastfeeding the thing. And so.
- [21:04]
Unknown Guest
Did I even tell you.
- [21:05]
Bill Burr
One of the saddest nature videos I ever saw was this mother bird came back to her nest and I think she had food or whatever, and she just. She looked down at all three of her birds, then just picked one of them up and threw them out of the nest. Just made a judgment call, like, I'm not going to be able to keep all three. If I try to keep all three of these alive, you know, all three are going to die. But if I throw away 1, 2 can live. And she just threw it out of the nest and it just lands on the ground of the woods waiting for whatever to come along and eat it. And it's just sitting there chirping and the mother's ignoring it. And it's just like, that is the shit right there. The harshness and the sadness of that is what makes me not be able to get my head wrapped around a loving God that created this. It's like, I think God wanted, like, I don't know what, like tension and strife and competition. I hope this isn't interpreted the wrong way by fucking more. You know those, you know, those people who, like, read the Art of War and imply it to their life, trying to make it as like a personal trainer. And it's just like, yeah, I think this. It's about war. No, this is applicable. This is applicable to what I do anyway, is depressing. So, anyway, I don't know where the. I'm going with any of this stuff. So today I have a. I have a later every day. Like, the call time has been later and later. And. And at some point, we're going to be done with previews, and then we're going to be in the official opening night and the real deal of the show. And I guess all you have to do is show up a half hour before your show. So then all of a sudden, it just become. It's just like, oh, you just get to come down here and have fun once or twice during the day. It's kind of. It's kind of like a. The great. Maybe one of the great, greatest gigs in show business. I'll tell you what sucks is right down the block, Denzel Washington and Jake Gyllenhaal are doing a play. And it's just like. I mean, it's Denzel. I gotta go watch this guy act. Like, live. Like, how amazing would that be? But I am too fucking stupid to understand Shakespeare. I just don't understand what's happening. I know it's English, but it's like, retired English. So it's like.
- [24:14]
Unknown Guest
I'm.
- [24:15]
Bill Burr
There's no fucking way I'm not gonna go to that show. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna get the book, like the Cliff Notes. Like, just like back in the day when I was in high school, so I can read the play and try to understand what is happening first. So when I go there, I can enjoy everybody's performances rather than, you know, when you're too dumb to get something and you just sort of sit there quietly and you look in the same direction as all the other humans, but, like, you don't move your head, but your eyes are kind of, like, looking out the side of your head. Like, am I the only guy who is a little confused by all of this? So I don't know. I think it's time I put my big boy pants on and try to understand Shakespeare. So I don't know. Or maybe I should just understand my limitations. Because, like, I think Denzel and Jake are so good that even if I don't quite understand what's going on, just watching what they're doing alone is gonna be enough. I don't know. We shall see. So anyway, so getting back to that other. So I went up to Columbia. Did not walk the campus, but something Good came out of it. I walked down the street and there was this Hungarian pastry place with a line down the block. It's been there for I don't know how many years. Looks mom and pop run or whatever. So I'm gonna take my lovely wife there because I don't eat sweets anymore. Try not to anyways. Cause. Cause that's how I got my fucking dad bod or whatever. So today I'm going to the gym. Ego day, baby. Ego day. Upper body, upper body. Here's the thing. If you can somehow get into lower body the way you are. Upper body. I've been trying to do that, right. Because I came up in the 80s. I'm institutionalized. All it is about how much you benching, dude, he curls with 180 pounds every time. That time I was at a gym and I saw this guy curling 225 pounds. He had two 45s on both sides. Didn't have them locked either, so they were sort of rattling when he did it. And everybody just out of the side. It was one of the most amazing feats of strength I've ever seen. He did like, I think, like four or five reps of it. And he was curling it. And I remember every time when he would bring it up, he'd go. He'd go hop.
- [27:01]
Unknown Guest
Huh, huh.
- [27:04]
Bill Burr
It was. And my goal was to bench 225 Old Skinny Bill, Skin Skinny Billy back in the day was. My goal was to bench what this guy was curling with. And I did bench it. I did it one time. But the problem is, the one person who saw me do it has passed away. The late, great Wayne Previty. We used to go to this place, the Bulldog Gym on Hollywood Boulevard. And I think it's like a nightclub now. And we used to work out there. And I remember we were. We were there when that dude was curling 225. I remember looking at Wayne and he looked at me like, dude, what the fuck?
- [27:53]
Unknown Guest
It was insane.
- [27:54]
Bill Burr
It was just one of these guys that, like. I mean, he was putting the work in and everything, but he was just like. He was just built like the Hulk and it was all natural. He's just one of these guys that was just a walking refrigerator. Yeah. Never forgot him. And then there was another time when I was still living in New York and I was on the Upper east side and I was the member. I was a member at New York sports clubs. And I remember there was this fucking old school guy. He'd come in there, he looked like Ken Patera. If you remember that wrestler? He had, like, a fucking blonde, long perm. And he was an old guy, like, probably younger than me, but then I considered him old. He was about 50. And he had the gray sweatshirt and the gray sweatpants and Chuck Taylor's. And he had the white towel tucked in around his neck. Tucked in to the sweatshirt, right? Dressed like Rocky Balboa.
- [28:53]
Unknown Guest
And.
- [28:54]
Bill Burr
And he had glasses or maybe, like, a headband. I don't know what. And he would go in, and he would be lifting this crazy weight, and when he would bring it down, he'd go, e. And when he would push it up, he'd go, yeah, right? So he would be doing sets loud as going, yeah. And my favorite one, he would do the last rep, he'd go, yeah.
- [29:30]
Unknown Guest
So the dude was.
- [29:32]
Bill Burr
He was a little off, right? So, like, it would make you just laugh, but, like, he was putting up crazy weight. It's like, I don't want this gorilla thinking I'm laughing at him, but I am. And I just remember anytime he was there, I would just put my head down, and I would be like, you know, with, like, the towel, acting like I was wiping sweat off my mouth, and I was just dying, laughing. And then invariably, I would lock eyes with somebody else, and they would be laughing, and you just be laughing. You couldn't even get, like, if there was no way to do a set when this guy was doing a set, you had. You had to, like, time your set in between him going, yeah, because you would be laughing too hard to get. To get through your reps.
- [30:17]
Unknown Guest
Anyway.
- [30:17]
Bill Burr
So how much time have I done?
- [30:20]
Unknown Guest
Look at that.
- [30:21]
Bill Burr
Bam right there. 30 minutes. 30 minutes of. All right, I'm gonna go. Go do my ego day. Gonna go to my big gay gym with all the fellas and knock it out. And then I get. I have the privilege of working with these amazing actors again tonight. I still can't believe I'm doing this gig. If you guys get a chance, you got to come down here, because this is a legendary play, and I really feel like the cast is putting their own stamp on it. And I'm telling you, like, I. I find myself just watching the monitor. Even though I've seen all of these actors do this hundreds of times at this point, and just watching what they're doing with it, it's. I. I knew it was gonna be fun. I had no idea it was gonna be this fun. So. So come on. That's a great excuse to come to New York. It's getting warmer. Springtime's coming. You know spring only lasts six days.
- [31:21]
Unknown Guest
Now, so make sure you get here.
- [31:23]
Bill Burr
Before it's hot as balls. Come down. Check out the show. All right, that's the podcast. Enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themlis, and. And then we'll have a bonus episode of a previous Thursday. What the is the name of this podcast? The Thursday Afternoon Just Before Friday, Monday Morning Podcast. All right, that's it. Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you on.
- [32:47]
Unknown Guest
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, March 13, 2017. What's going on? How are you? How are you? You know what? I ask you that every week. How are. But this, you know, this Monday, I would really like to know. How are you? What's going. Mandy, what's going on with you? You're scaring me. You know, that's the type of shit you can do when you're abroad, but if you're a guy, you can't do that. You can't be like, mike, what's going on with me? What's going on with me? What's going on with you? You're scaring me. You know, you take him by both his hands. All right, I got an hour here to do, and I gotta be honest with you, I don't have shit to say because my life has become very compartmentalized. Being a dad. Here, Daddy. O O. She's asleep downstairs, man. She's fucking awesome. Anybody who says that being a parent is hard is a fucking pussy, you know? I'm not saying that it's not tedious. I'm not saying it's not like walking around with a little fucking kettlebell all day long, you know, Especially if you fucked up one of your rotator cuffs. I got to keep her in close on the right hand side, you know, Keep her in tight. Tiki Barber. Don't fumble. But we just sat around, we listened to a lot of music with her. I was listening to. Fucking. What was I listening to yesterday? Just like they called Malt Shop Oldies. It's basically like doo WOP from the 1950s. And I kind of settled on that channel. And after a while, I wanted to turn the channel, but I couldn't because she was sleeping and the remote was across the table. Once they. Once they fall asleep, dude, it's just like, you know, I don't care what position you're in, you're not moving because they're sleeping, right? So I just sat there and Listened on a loop to all this slowly going out of my mind. Doo wops great for about four songs in a row, and then it just becomes the same song over and over and it over again. I was listening to that for, like, a. Like an hour. And, like, half of those songs have been in Scorsese movies. You know, it's always, like, some guy's name and then the name of a card, you know, so and so in the Fleetwood something something in the Belmonts. Dion and the Belmonts.
- [35:18]
Bill Burr
You gotta love them.
- [35:18]
Unknown Guest
They're still great, you know, the Wanderer. That fucking song is so applicable to anybody who didn't get married. You're in your 40s. Yeah, well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down. Makes you feel great about the choice you made until if, you know, you realize he sang it in his 20s. You're like, oh, fuck. What was another one? You talk too much. You talk too much. You worry me to death. You talk too much. I think he says, you even worry, my pet. It's just like, that can't be the fucking line. But they played it twice. Speaking of talking too much, that's what the fuck I do on this podcast. Oh, I know what I could. I know what. We actually had a date night. This is how much of a fucking dad I'm becoming. You know, still playing drums. You know, schedule a helicopter thing. So, you know, I'm still trying to keep the hobbies going, but they're starting to wobble on the sticks here. So we were watching a commercial the other day. No, we were watching Wheel of Fortune the other day. And they always get to the fucking. The last prize. And Wheel of Fortune is so fucked. They're notoriously cheap. First of all, you're basically spinning this giant roulette wheel. And even on the roulette roulette wheel, they got, you know, green zero and the double green zero. And just that alone. That alone will completely fuck you over. Now, obviously, you guys hopefully have listened to this podcast long enough to know that I am not a mathematician, so I cannot explain why, but just having those two will fuck you over. But what's their faces. The Wheel of Fortune, they got like, fucking. I swear to God, it's like two or three bankrupts lose a turn just constantly, every two seconds, you just hear that fucking reverse flute thing, and they go bankrupt. And then it comes to their big prize when they try to act like they're gonna. They're gonna throw down some goddamn cash. The last one, it's so fucking Difficult. We're gonna guess some letters for you. We're gonna guess some letters for you. Let me guess some letters for me. You know the fucking answer. Then they act like it's weird when only like one letter. They only guess one letter, right? And then people like, okay, give me. Give me three fucking letters in a vowel. P, F, L and A. And then it's always like, great guesses, but you're not gonna like this. We only got one letter. It's just like, you know, do the best you can. They always them over. But this lady, this lady, she actually did okay. And she won the prize. She didn't do okay. She fucking crushed it. I came out. Keep your hands to yourself. Or something like that was solving like. No, this is a phrase. Like, who would ever come up with that on a fucking game show? Keep your hands to yourself. Was something on that level. It was like semi aggressive slash, you know, date rapey. And it's on a fucking game show and she somehow got it. There is a point at the end of this, right, and she ends up winning this fucking two seater, some sort of Mazda, some shit. Not a Miata. I don't know what the fuck it was. Suzuki, I have no fucking idea. It was a two seat sport car. And immediately my first thought was, I looked at Nina, I was just like, you can't get a kid in there. And then she laughed. She's like, ah, look, you're becoming a dad. And I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm still young and cool. But she was right, you know, not becoming a dad. I am a goddamn dad. But I'm not. I'm not gonna be one of those douchey dads that talks about how parents who talks about how fucking difficult their life is. It's fucking awesome. Look, having a kid when you're in your 20s and you're broke sucks, you know, but when you're traveling the country and they're paying you money to talk about your dicks and do fucking sh. Dicks. Talking about your dick and do shit jokes, it's not that bad. I'm only on the road like six days a fucking month, you know, unless I fly in a night early to go watch the fucking Bruins or Celtics or some shit. Our schedules line up. And other than that, that I'm here and she's cool as shit, man. She doesn't really cry. She only cries, you know, needs a diaper change, wants to be held, you know, she's hungry. Other than that, she totally chills. She's met a bunch of people. She doesn't freak out with strangers. One of the best compliments I got. She's like, oh, your kid's really, that's a really relaxed, healthy baby. You know what I mean? Which I'm fucking psyched. Cause that's what I want. Obviously healthy, but I want a fucking chill baby. I don't want like, I basically don't want my kid to be like me. That's why I got to keep up with this meditating, because I didn't do it for a minute. And the, oh, the old gray mare, she ate. I've started going back to what the fuck. I was, you know, like I, I was trying to, you know, sneak out of the bedroom because I was gonna go work out because I'm a fat cupcake eating douche. And Nia just opens her eyes and just goes, could you change it really quick? I just stopped and I looked her.
- [40:54]
Bill Burr
And I said, you really need to.
- [40:56]
Unknown Guest
Work on your good mornings. She's like, sorry, good morning. And even though I was right, my tone was just, it was way too, you know, I was like that. I always say, Liam Neeson, Niam Leeson Lee, some, I don't know, whatever, I, I took it too far, which kills me. That's why I love meditating, because I don't take it too far. And if I make a point, I'm still right. But when I don't meditate, you know, I basically, I walk around at a 6, you know, like saying 10 is completely losing your shit. I walk around, I'm just walking down the street with a fucking balloon on my wrist at a six to a seven. So it's very easy for me to go right to 10, unless I meditate. Then that backs me down to about four or three, which still is pretty high, but it's kind of cutting my number almost in half. But what kills me is when I'm not meditating and I'm up around a six or a seven, you know, it gets to that point, even if I'm right, my reaction gives them this, this wiggle room, you know, some Bill Clinton wiggle room to get the fuck out of it, you know, some Trump executive order thing to go around some shit. So, you know, so I gotta, I gotta keep, I gotta stay on that type of shit. Dude, Speaking of fucking Niam Leeson. Niam Leeson. Why can't you know? That's one of those fucking. Goes by so fucking quick you never really even hear it. No, Bill, we all hear it. You don't I mean, look, I'm gonna get this guy's fucking name right. He's a great actor. Here, Neumann. Oh, no, it's Liam Neeson. His first name is not Liam. Yes, it is. Neum. Lisa. Whatever. I'll never get that right. I'm never gonna get that fucking right anyways. The fucking head of hair on that son of a bitch. Anyways, I saw a fucking great movie this week. So Saturday night, Saturdays, Saturday, we go out and we actually have a date night. So we'll be like, all right, we'll get maybe like dinner and a movie. We're basically turned about appetizer and a drink. And I'm sitting there like, you know, I'm on the wagon. I can't do it. He is like, I'll just fucking have one. So I was like, all right, I'll have one. You know, still on the wagon, you know, I'm not like a fucking alcoholic where I just got to shut the whole thing off. You know what I mean? So I had one. I had a cognac, a fucking cognac. And I just said, you know, I just ordered the best one that they had, you know, so it tasted amazing, but it was also like drinking gasoline, so I could only sip it. And we got, like, an appetizer, and then we just sat there, you know, shooting the shit. It felt weird because we hadn't been out together in a while. And then we just started talking about our daughter and looking at pictures of her. It's like two addicts going out. You know what I mean? At some point, you're gonna start talking about blow and how much fun it is. So then, you know, after that, we walked up the street, we went to the movie theater, and we saw get out, the Jordan Peele film. Dude, it was fucking. It was amazing. You gotta go see it. I know there's, you know. You know, there's always that movie. Everybody's like, dude, you gotta go fucking see it. And it doesn't live up to the hype. It lived up to the hype, man. It was fucking great. And what I love, what I loved about it and what I love about all fucking movies like this is there was a bunch of shit in there that you had. He left you to figure out yourself. And I saw the movie, like, two, three days ago, Saturday night. Was it Monday? Two days ago, you know, And I keep even. I'm driving. I'm still thinking about the movie. I was like, oh, fuck, that was this. And this meant that. And this is over here. And this person's at like, you know, was the perfect length, the whole thing. And the acting in it was unbelievable. Dude, that fucking guy. Swear to God, man. That's like one of the most talented people to come around in a long, long time. You know, to be that good at, like, you know, the characters that he did on his sketch show and the writing. And then on top of that, you can direct. I mean, he's kind of fucking limitless as far as his talent goes. But if you haven't seen it yet before, somebody ruins it, you got to go check it out. All right, there's my. I never do a movie plug. So there you go. There's one for you. So we ended up going to that thing and I don't know what the fuck we did after that. I think we just came straight home. Oh, I know. Walked up to my car and for some reason the fucking lights were on because cars are so goddamn confusing. Like wherever the fuck my lights used to be was the automatic. You just turn the car on and they fucking come on at night. Like somehow the light sense night. Fucking creepy is that. And I did the manual one. And now that it's on the manual one, I can't figure out where the fuck to put it. So now I always have to do it. And now I'm like, you know. But you know what kills me with today's technology is I left those things on, went and had a drink and an appetizer and then saw like a fucking whatever, whatever that movie is 90 minutes. I went 45 minute movie. And I came back, my car still started up. Back in the day, you were fucked. Everybody had jumper cables. Dude, can you give me a jump? Do you mind if you can't. Hate to bother you. Can you give me a jump? And it was always like the shittiest fucking car ever. And you're like, ah, man, nah, man, I can't, I can't. Now you can just say, no, I can't. They'll be like, why not? It's like, well, with today's technology, it's pointless for me to ever look under my hood. I just take it down to the dealer and they deal with everything. I don't even know where the battery is. I can guarantee you when I. When I fucking lift up the hood, I probably have to remove something to get to one of the terminals. So I don't know why you're not a member of Triple A, but, you know, I don't want to tell you. And I leave and I get in My car and I drive away from a fellow American. You understand me? Dude, what's going on with the fucking Celtics? They've lost six of their last 11 games. They're five, six. And now the Wizards, the Wiz, Ease on down. Ease on down the road. I never really realized that till a buddy of mine has been giving me shit, you know, because the Wizards have been playing well against the Celtics and just playing great this year. They slid into second place. And I just keep trashing about the name, like the Bullets is too violent, you know, which I understand because this city was so violent back in the day, you know, but to go from being the Bullets, which I used to think, you know, number one with the bullet. That's how I always looked at it. Or faster than a speeding bullet. Superman. Shit. I didn't think, like, you know, the team was embracing gang violence out on the street. It was like pro crack. That's such stupid shit. I fucking hate when they. So then what do they do? What are the soccer moms fucking political correct police who for some fucking stupid reason think that they're these progressive people and think that they can just. Oh, it change words. If we change words, it changes the reception. No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't. If your parents were dopes, racist cunts, that's what the fuck your kid's gonna be. That's it. Unless your kid is lucky enough to interact with somebody within the group that your parents used to fucking trash. Then maybe you got some daylight. You don't just change a word and it's this fairy dust that sprinkles over somebody's heart and you change their thought. It's so fucking dumb. All it did was just become a way to lose your job because you said the wrong fucking word. And then what? The person who uses the word, then they realize it after they lose their job. Oh, now I'm not racist or homophobic. It's so fucking dumb. So they've gone right down to these stupid fucking team names. I love how they changed the Bullets, but not the Redskins. You know, be got. You get like the fucking. Like, if they ever changed the Redskins, I'd be like, yeah, I get that. I get that. Like the Indians, you know, it's like, all right, you know, we weren't from fucking. We weren't. You know, Columbus didn't understand that there was a real world. If this shit's even real, who the fuck knows? There was no tape recorders. This guy didn't have a fucking diary. But how the story was Told was that. He was like, no, man, the world is fucking round. And this guy had the balls. This guy had the fucking balls to start going towards where they thought you'd go off the edge of the earth in a fucking boat. You know, I don't know why the water makes it more scarier. But, you know, if anybody just sat around, thought about saying, all right, the world is fucking flat, how isn't the water just running off the edges here? Do they not have counters and sinks? I guess they didn't. Did they have plumbing at that point? You know, the Romans did. Fucking heathens banging each other in the goddamn bathrooms there. Whatever they did, ate until they had puke rooms. Just eat until you fucking puke. So I would actually think, well, at the very least, even if it is flat, the fact that there's still water in the ocean, there's got to be land on the other side holding it in, right? But not all Christopher Columbus, not old Chris A. He was like, no, that I'm gonna get to the West Indies, whatever the it was. I'm gonna get to India. Going the other way. We sky the balls to sail out that way, sails out that way. And then he thinks, oh, these people must be Indian. You know, that's just sort of like, oh, are you Arab? I thought you were Italian. I mean, it's at that level of offensive. Like, I mean, would you really get that offended? Like, no, I'm fucking Arab. How dare you? He'd be like, well, what do you got against Italians, you cunt? Sorry. Anyways, speaking of which, I don't understand all these people going on to Ancestry.com. why you would go to a fucking website and let them take a swab of your saliva. How fucking dumb of people. Oh, my God. I didn't realize, you know, I'm also Swahili. Whatever the fuck. Why do I always pick Swahili? I was thinking Romania. I didn't understand. I was. Oh, so Hungarian. Great. Now I know why I like goulash. One eighth of the time at this point, you're so fucking far removed. And I don't understand why people are sitting there acting like there's any sort of culture. There isn't, all right? It's just like what I saw in the greater Phoenix area. There's a new patch of land, you know, you fucking clear it out. You put a bunch of houses down, and then you slam down a fucking strip mall. Sorry, I got to do this podcast before my daughter wakes up here. Yeah. They slap down a fucking strip mall and they just continue to progress. That. That's basically, you know. Then there's a Cheesecake Factory. They get a frozen yogurt place, and that's what it's become.
- [52:52]
Bill Burr
Okay?
- [52:52]
Unknown Guest
There's no. There's no culture left, is there? I mean, that is the culture. This sounds like one of the douchey talk show right now. There is no culture. And this is what needs to stop. We have to stop these strip malls. All right, do you have a solution?
- [53:10]
Bill Burr
No, I don't.
- [53:12]
Unknown Guest
I just don't like cvs anchored strip malls. There was a bunch of people out the other day, you know. You know when you just have like shit to do, like a Saturday, right? And it's rained a bunch when we were out here and some fucking idiot politician said the droughts over. It's like, no, it isn't. It's never over. It was just in a good place right now. When is it gonna rain again? You don't know? So now you're gonna let people go back to taking long fucking showers? I never do that out here. I shut. I turn on and shut off the water like fucking five times when I take a shower. Turn it on, you know, get yourself wet, you know, and then you shut it off, sud yourself up. Then you turn it back on, rinse yourself off, you shut it off, and that's it, it's over. Instead of standing there under the cascading water, you know, like you're some sort of God. And I like to think a lot of people try to do that. At least my wife doesn't. She fucking turns the thing on. It's fucking walking around, you know, she's one of those chill people. She doesn't. She doesn't think about shit like that, you know? I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm a better person than my wife. And I don't know how to bring that up. If you guys know a good way to word it, like, how can I basically say, you know what it is, honey? I guess at the end of the day, I'm just. I'm just a better person than you are. I just already pictured her rolling her eyes. Anyways, the fuck was my point? All right, yeah, so Indians, okay, that's like fucking. That's almost kind of funny. Like now, you fucking dope, you're like 6,000 miles away from where you think you are. I guess it was probably funny at first till he started chopping people's arms off because they couldn't fucking get some gold for the holes in his Teeth. And who the fuck am I to say what's offensive? But you would think that, Redskin, but that would be at the top of the fucking list over bullets. You know, it was the worst one. The fact that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are now just the rays, you know, that's when you know, you got to move. That's when you just say, like, wait a minute. Are there enough Jesus freaks in this area that the local team has to appease their, you know, hocus pocus bullshit? I mean, Devil Ray. Is that. Isn't that. Isn't that an actual name of, like, some sort of stingray? I have no idea. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is that that guy's first name is Liam. That sounds too close. Like Lyme. Like Lyme disease. All right, Devil Ray, here we go. Yeah, let me see here. All I'm seeing is pictures of stingrays. Giant ones with the fucking. You know, like, they're flying through the water. If somebody can explain to me how that makes you move forward when they make you go up to the surface. Dude, these things are fucking gigantic. They're badass. Look at the thing. It's getting air. It's jumping out of the water. Unless somebody photoshopped it. I got to go video. Now they just change it to the rays. We're just a ray. Incredible flying rays. So I guess Devil Ray was the nickname. Protect your business data from. Oh, Jesus Christ. I don't need a commercial. I do the commercials, not you. On the west coast, there's always some fucking English accent and the shock. Plus, it's the BBC. Sorry. Oh, Jesus. What are they showing? That somehow I got a fucking pelican. 20 abnormally large animals that actually exist. This is how you fucking go down. You go down just like a. What do they call it? They go down the rabbit hole. Let's see. Come on, man. Oh, that was a. That was a school of them. I'm an asshole, right as. It fucking got good. Jesus, those things are ugly as shit, huh? All right, so they're in a helicopter. I imagine they're flying over this. This whole school of them. It's like a fucking Devil ray orgy. That's why I bet the other ones are like. More like. What are they. What do they call if you're just monogamous? These things are out here fucking the shit out of each other, and the local Jesus freaks down in Clearwater, Florida, they couldn't have it. They fly out of the fucking water. They're not too graceful. With the. With the landing there. All right, I'll repost that fucking video in case you want to watch that while you listen to me ramble about it. Yeah, they changed it to the Rays. The Tampa Bay Rays. The Tampa bay devil rays. Two syllables. Two syllables, okay? They went from 4, 4 time to 3, 4. They turned their fucking team into a waltz, all right? I don't know. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. Can I. Can I read? Can I read? You guys want to listen to me read out loud? Hey, everybody, it's time to feel better about the brain you were blessed with this it right here. Can somebody explain to me why it's not at the font I need? I like a nice fucking 18 font. That's good for me. Now, why the fuck would they say that I'm walking around wearing them. I would wear that if I was, like, 20 years younger. Okay? Let me tell you something. If you're in your late fucking 40s and you can't afford a fucking. You can't afford a decent one, decent watch, because I don't. I don't go for the flash. You know what I mean? I don't. I don't understand that. That. Fuck. I mean, I get it. I guess I get it. That Rolex thing, that hacky thing. I got a Rolex. As you can see, I've made my dreams come true. I'm a man of the world, you know, There's a lot of guys out there, you know, My dad always said a man should own a nice watch. What else did he say? I get the fuck out of here. I'm taking a shit, you know, what else did he say that was so fucking deep? Maybe, you know, maybe he had a nice calm, relaxed, relaxing person in your life. Maybe you did. I'm always jealous of that when I see, like, calm families, they got to be bored shitless though. There's got to be. You know what? I would actually be willing to guess that the child that is more likely to just go fucking nuts. You know what I mean? Take out the family car, you know, throw a hatchet over somebody's head, it's gonna come from a calm family after a while. That's stupid. No, it isn't. I'm just saying it's possible. Just the fucking monotony of it. Like, you ever go to Disneyland and you're fucking worn out, and then you just start hearing It's a Small World, and it just keeps going over and over again, and you slowly feel yourself like Losing your sanity. That right there is why I don't believe in heaven or hell. You know what I mean? I just don't believe in it. It doesn't make any fucking sense. You know, like, if heaven was. If it was just heaven the whole fucking time, heaven would eventually become hell because it would just be so fucking nice and everybody would just be walking around. Isn't this great? Oh, my God, it's great. Can you believe how great this is? This is just fucking great. It's probably every fucking day, and at some point you're gonna be like, I did it. It's fucking great. You know, like, what do you do for the rest of your life? You're just sitting there and it's always the same. It's just awesome. It never rains. There's no disappointments. There's no challenges. There's no funny stories to tell anymore. Hey, you remember. Remember. Remember that time when it was awesome? Yeah, it's always awesome, right? Then if you're in hell, I'm on fire. I'm on fire. God, I'm on fire. I'm on fire. After a while, you know, I'm. Yeah, I'm on fire. I can't yell anymore. This has just become normal. I don't even remember what my fucking life was like before I got here. I don't know, I guess hell. Hell, you can actually see how that would suck. I just don't get heaven. I don't want to fucking be like, you know, at some point something has to happen as I'm riding around on my all angel white bicycle. At some point, you got to get a flat, right? Then immediately somebody would be there to help help you out. They'd be saying a bunch of nice shit to you. I would slowly just start crying. I would just whisper. At some point, you'd be like, jesus, can I talk to you for something? I know this is weird. I understand. I'm not trying to be that guy who's not appreciative, but could you just, you know, could you just call me a cunt or something? Could you fucking just slap me with your sandal? You know, can you just imagine the look on his face as he just sits there, you know, not saying anything as you talk yourself into a corner. He's just sort of looking at. You know, people look at you when they go from one eye to the other. Right eye, your left eye, your right eye, your left eye. And you're like, this is trying to get in my head right now. The son of God is trying to get in my head then. You got to explain that to the boss's son. Why you don't like heaven? Not that you don't like it, but it's just like, can you make it rain every once in a while? Can it be that dog that's just fucking barking right as I'm going to sleep? Can we just have that? Does every fucking dog have to behave itself? Why can't I say that word? Jesus. Why can't I say that word? My disrupting it. What are you gonna do now? Send me down to hell? It's over. I already passed the test. All right? Can somebody be annoyed with fucking something up here? Look at everybody. Look at them. All these fucking. Goddamn smiles on their faces. It's creepy. Jesus, I don't know. Would you want to fucking be like. It's like you joined a cult. All of these fuck. You know what I mean? If I was running shit, I would make religion illegal. It would just be fucking. I would just take it all away from everybody, you know? That's what I would do. I would have. I would have a fucking crew, robots, you know, to infiltrate every fucking religion. And then when I made it illegal, they would join the radicalized people in every group, right? And then they would just wipe them all out, you know? And then you'd have to listen to the whining and the crying of people that remembered fucking religion and all. Just. You just take the whole fucking thing away. And the new religion is, hey, I don't know what the fuck happens after you die, you know, but, you know, let's be nice to each other then. That's it. Okay? No walking on water no never running out of fish parting seas I don't know about anybody else's religion. I don't know what the fuck, but I know there's always some fucking crazy thing that you know, didn't happen. And everybody acts like it happened. It didn't happen. It was painted on a fucking cave wall and somebody elaborated on it. I don't know. I get rid of them. Personally, I'm just. I'm just talking for myself. Personally, I would get rid of it. By the way, guess what I'm doing on March 29th out here in Los Angeles, all right, if you're. If you're in Los Angeles and you're a Guns N Roses fan and you like reading their books about the band, I've read every one of them. I read Slashes, I read Stephen Atlas. I read the Kid from Cantors do, you know, knew the band took all the pictures. I have that fucking book. And recently, I don't know. I don't know when she put it out, but Deanna Adler, Stephen Adler's mom, wrote a book, Sweet Child of Mine. And especially if you. If you. You should read this. You should read Stevens first. You know, you get his version of the hell he went through as an addict, and then you get his mother's version, which is unbelievable. And you know what would be fucking amazing is if you could go down and meet her at a book signing at Barnes Noble at the Grove on March 29. I believe it starts at 7pm and you go down there and you can fucking meet the mother. The best fucking. One of the best drummers of the 80s. My personal opinion, you know, it'd be even more fucking amazing is if all of them came on my podcast and I got to interview them. Oh, shit. Is there a special Monday morning podcast coming up this week? Wouldn't that be incredible? What would it be like if Steven Adler, you guys all know how much I fucking love him, his mother, Deanna Adler, and then their brother Jamie Adler all came on my fucking podcast. What would that be like? Would be like if they all came on at the same time and they were this big happy family that just sat there interrupting each other, and you felt like you were at their fucking dinner table. How fucking cool would that be if I did a podcast like that? Well, it's gonna happen. It already happened. I already recorded it. And I'll wait till you guys listen to it. But I had so much fun with them, and their mother is an absolute salt of the earth sweetheart, and she has a book signing and she's all excited slash nervous that no one's gonna show up. You know, as. You know. Same way when I put out a special, what if nobody watches it? So I'm gonna be hyping this right up until March 29th. It would be such a great thing if there was a bunch of people down there. I'm gonna be down there standing in line with the rest of you. Probably get down there, I don't know, probably like around 8ish. Think it starts at like 7, but I'll be down there around 8. Just because I got. I get some fucking thing I'm taping right before it. But yeah, I did a special podcast. I got to meet Steven Adler, and I'm still fucking freaking out. And. And I'll wait till you guys listen to the interview and then I'll tell you all the fucking cool stories. All right, here we go. Let's let's plow ahead here. Oh, my Bruins beat the fucking Flyers. Oh, with that little fucking prayer of a shot at the end. Not a prayer, just put it on net and somehow found its way to the back of the net. Bruins pick up a huge 2 points. Bruins are playing great. And as are the Canadiens, which I don't like the Canadiens, but I'm happy for Khloe, Julian, you know, and I'm actually, you know what? I think the Bruins might have been right to make a move at this point. I think it's just one of those things with coaching. After a while, even if the person is great, even if they won your cup, it's just. It's just part of coaching. At some point they just show you the door. But we're playing great. We look a lot better than we did. So I think maybe both it's worked. And the fucking Canadians are playing better with Claude. Julian, all my friends in this business who are hab fans, they keep texting me saying that they're loving the guy. So I guess it worked out for everybody. So there you go. And Claude went from original fucking six to an original six. There you go. All right, so anyways, let's plow ahead here. Let's read some of the. Some of the fucking. Whatever you call them for this week. The. The questions. All right. DDP Yoga. Hey, Bill, first of all, thank you very much for your consistently amazing podcast. Well, thank you for listening. Thank you for doing what you do, sir or ma'am. I absolutely love it, to be honest with you. I feel like it's getting. It's. I feel like getting it for free is too much. I gladly pay five to ten bucks a month for all the content you're releasing. You don't need to do that. I'm fucking. I'm doing great with the advertising, you know, that's why I fuck around during the advertising, because that's how I fucking make money. But I know you guys are going to fast forward through it unless I keep peppering it with fucks and cunts. That's it. It's a very simple formula. Anyhow, he said I wanted to get in touch and address your self proclaimed dad bod. Have you ever heard of or looked into DDP Yoga? If not, maybe the name Diamond Dallas Page rings a bell. Former WCW wrestler. An all around great guy. After leaving the wrestling business, he devoted himself to getting his body back in peak condition, even through wrestling. Even though wrestling is quote fake, it definitely takes a toll. Yeah, they beat the shit out of their bodies. Long story short, he went from being a guy who wouldn't be caught dead in a yoga studio to trying it after all else failed to develop his own system and helping thousands of people completely revitalize their lives. And I can tell you from personal experience, it's fucking great. No bullshit, no fluff, no instructors, structures calmly whispering about chakra alignment. So you say it. Chakra. Chakra. It's about consistently performing the physical and mental exercises that will have you operating at your best. This is a commercial. Healing nagging aches and pains, increasing your endurance, gaining mental clarity, etc. Like I said, no fluff. Here's the video that got me to take a chance on it. It's not too late for you, Billy. I hope you'll check it out. Thanks again for the goddamn podcast. All the best to you and your family. That actually read like a commercial. But you know what? I don't give a shit. It's a physical fitness thing. And so many people have taken yoga and done it in a different way, you know, because there is that thing if you're really like a wound up psycho to go into a yoga class and the tone with which that they speak is a little jarring, you know, to be in your car going, go, you fucking cunt. The light is green. You could have made it to then being like, how is everyone feeling today? I know the traffic was kind of bad. I hope, I hope you're not bringing that energy in here as they're slowly walking around lighting these smelly fucking things, you know, and as they're talking, the person next to you just goes. And immediately you just want to, like, I don't know, just slowly roll up your mat and just walk out. Like, I can't. Like, I get it, I get that I need to chill out, but I can't feel like, you know. You know what? It just becomes like this asexual thing where everybody's just kind of like, hey, man, we just kind of, you know, everybody's just like, we're all like one, you know, we're like plants. That's a little fucking jarring. I'll give it a shot. I've actually been meaning to do it because I keep having setbacks with my fucking shoulder, which is really frustrating. But most of it is diet, so whenever I get in shape, the first thing I do is I cut out the booze. And all I really need to. I need to go like four to six days without any booze. Even just having that one cognac didn't really do anything. Like, I had the one. And then immediately my body's like, hey, why don't we have 15 more? But I had to go to the movie and then I was fine. And then the second I'm in there and the buzz starts to wear off, I think, oh, thank God I didn't have 15 more. Not to mention, I gotta drive, right? I'm gonna give it a shot. I just think if I did yoga, I'd have to do it in the morning before the little one wakes up. She's so fucking awesome, dude. I'm telling you, right? You'll never regret it, I guess. You know when you regret it, if you have a kid with somebody that you're not in love with, I guess that that would suck. But at the end of the day, the kid's still awesome. It's a hell of a door prize, I'll tell you that right now. I'll tell you. You all right? Trans wrestling. Hey there. I'm already going to watch this if this is what I think it is. Hey there, Billy Boo. Did you hear the story about the trans girl going through hormone treatment who is still wrestling girls in high school? His slash. Her defense is that it's a low dose of testosterone and it does not allow for any competitive advantage. Wait a minute, isn't that what HGH is? That's human growth hormone. Well, I guess they don't do human growth hormone. I don't know what kind of hormones they take. Having said that, I'm not sure I'd let my daughter wrestle a girl who had any edge at all. Even if it's a tiny bit of extra strength, it could be the difference in breaking a bone. Thoughts? Would you let your daughter wrestle in that situation? Uh, yeah. Yeah, I would. Then you're gonna break a fucking bone. You know what I mean? How many times do people break a bone in wrestling? Does that really happen? They're just fucking on each other the whole time. It's like, you know, like that official level shit. Not, not, not the fun shit, the stone cold shit, the, the, the actual official college shit. It's like, it's like competitive spooning. You know what I mean? It's like one person is trying to spoon with the other person. The other person's like, I want to be this the spooner, not the spoonie. That's basically what's going on. They don't really, you know. No, I wouldn't be concerned about that. Yeah, I'm one of those dads with the kids crying Going, well, you know, she's already half a guy. I'd be driving. As far as I know, she's still a girl, so suck it up. You want to be the best? Well, then you gotta wrestle half a do. That's. That's it. I don't. I don't want to hear another word out of you. I'd be like that. Why don't you embrace the opportunity to be like, well, here we go. If this is actually a fucking advantage, all this is going to do is make me better. You know what I mean? And then you can go up there and give your record 270 against hundred percent chicks and 1 and 2 against someone who was half a dude. Right? You got to embrace it. I mean, what is that person supposed to do? There's not enough fucking people that are going through what the fuck she's going through to fit in either side. You know, I think it's. I think it's a cool thing. Fucking that. Who gives a shit? Look, there's already going to be that fucking monster anyways. Some woman's going to walk in there and just going to be blessed with frontier strength. You know what I mean? Chopping wood strength. There's going to be that person anyways. I mean, I guess if she was actually. If she was trying to get a scholarship and a loss could potentially affect it maybe. But I got to be honest with you. I think. I don't know. I would. As a father, I'd be like, psychedel. See how you do. If this is actually an advantage, this is a great fucking opportunity to you become a. For you to become a better wrestler. There's no money on the line. Who gives a. Let's go. Let me tell you something, brother. Come this Saturday when my daughter wrestles against that half a dude, what are you gonna do when these pythons run wild on you? All right, I get up for it. I wouldn't give a it. Yemeni guy in Europe. So the person's from Yemen. Yemeni, Yemen, Yeah. How the fuck do you say that? Guy in Europe. All right. Hey, Bill, I'm a Yemeni guy who has been. I hope I'm saying that right. No disrespect here. Who's been living in Europe for the past six fucking years. Although everything is going all right, I want to ask your advice because I can relate to your personality. Hang on a second, sir or ma'am. I want to fucking figure out where the. Assuming you're from Yemen, what is Yemeni? What is a Yemeni? Whom to Whom is a Yemenite. Oh, why did that all disappear? What is a Yemeni? Come on. All right. Relating to Yemen or its people. Holy shit. I was right. That's a nice flag. They got a nice flag. I like just the three bars. I'm a big three bar flag guy. France, Italy, Ireland, Yemen. All right. What do you guys think of the new Russian flag? I kind of like the old one. The old one was the shit all red with that sickle. I thought. I thought that that one was fucking dope. The new one's alright. What is it? Red, white and blue. Holy shit. They got the same colors as us. Is that what it is? It's something like that. I don't know. I was watching this whole thing about Vladimir Putin poisoning these guys and shit. Allegedly. I have no idea. I was watching it on 60 Minutes. So it's got to be true, right? All right. Yemeni guy in Europe. All right. I've been over there for the last six years. Want to ask you a question because I can relate to your personality. My family has been living in a war zone in Yemen for the past two years. Our old house, our old house there was bombed and my father was inside, but the lucky bastard came out without a scratch. I miss them and wish I could help them, but that's kind of not possible now. All right, before. I already feel like this is going to be way over my head. Before that, I lost some good old friends that I knew for more than 10 years because of some stupid incidents. Was beaten by a gang of more than 15 men in Malaysia on a trip there for no reason. And my two year ex girlfriend at the time cheated on me with her current boyfriend. Is this fucking amazing? This guy's from the other side of the planet and it's the exact same shit. Gang violence and your fucking girl got sick of you and fucking bang. Somebody else cheated on me with her current boyfriend while I was on that trip, I guess to Malaysia and didn't have the decency to break up with me. Before that, she was my first. You know, what are you gonna do? People are young, they don't know how to break up. So they wait till you go to Malaysia and they fuck somebody. I mean, this is a time honored tradition of how to break up with somebody. All right, so if you're with your first love, what have we learned? Do not go by yourself to Malaysia. I don't know how many times I brought that up on this podcast. You cannot go to fucking Malaysia. All right? I just graduated from college. Have a Beautiful girlfriend, which I love and feel blessed with what I have. I know that I was an asshole at certain moments of my life, but I have changed a long time ago and I'm still trying to be more honest, clear and focused. Well, welcome to the club, sir. I'm currently looking for a job in Germany and will try to apply after that for a German passport, which will make my life much easier and allow me to start a company and sustain myself without being dependent on others. Exactly. You want to work for yourself. I know that you have lived certain moments in your life where you were faced by challenge, faced with challenges that might have taught a lesson, but at the same time left a mark on your self confidence. How did you empower yourself? And what advice would you give a young man like me confronting life's challenges? That's it, fuckface. Congratulations on your baby and fuck you. Now there's a guy, okay, who speaks at least three languages and still is able to break balls. Isn't that amazing? He probably speaks Yemeni, Yemenite, Yemen, Asian, whatever the fuck he speaks. Right? He knows that one. He's in Germany, so he's got to speak that language. Why are you in this space? Right? And he can also speak English. How did I empower myself? I used to just say shit out loud to myself. You know, when I would feel the dark cloud of doubt coming in, I would just, you know, it took me a while, but I would, I would. But I mean, I wasn't facing what you were. You're facing being an immigrant, so I mean, you're facing way more than I did. But the fact that I know you're trying to become a better person, you know. You know, to reach out for help and all that, I think I. My gut says you're going to be fine. What you have to do in general is when the doubt comes in, you got to beat the shit out of it. You know, you have to. The biggest thing is, is that you're conscious that this. Of the self doubt. So once you're conscious of it, you can then address it. It's when you, when you're really young and you're not conscious of it and that thought comes in and then you start dwelling on it and then it just washes over your whole body and you can literally, you know, have a panic attack. What you have to do, I did anyways, is, you know, you try to cancel it out with the positive thought. I know this sounds like hokey, but I used to just say shit out loud. I read some book one Where. And it started off with, like, I would just be walking down the street, you know, walking by other people, and I would just randomly be. Just be like, yeah, fuck that. Fuck that. Looking at me like I was nuts. But I was like, fuck that. Negative thought. I wouldn't yell it, but I would. I would kind of just say, fuck that. Fuck that. No, it isn't. No, it isn't right. No, it won't. Or whatever the hell it was. And then it just became like, when I moved to New York and trying to get in at the clubs, I knew I was going to get in, but, you know, the day to day just seemed like, like impossible. And, you know, the club owners and everything, and, you know, some of them were cool and others enjoyed the fact that you were desperate and just really enjoyed that position of power over you. And I would walk out of the club dejected, you know, I was afraid, you know, am I going to run out of money? I don't have a job right now. I'm doing these. Driving back to Massachusetts to fucking feature in Dick Daugherty's rooms. That was not barely covering, you know, living in New York. Every time you stepped outside, you blew 20 bucks, 30 bucks, you know, and I just. First I started, I. What I said was, I'm tougher than you. New York. Is that what I would say? As hokey as that sound, that's what they, you know, the city would kick me in the balls and then I would just mumble that to myself. Yeah. Sometimes like six times in a row until I got that thought on my head. And I would just say. And then I would just be like, I'm gonna get in the clubs. I'm gonna get in and I'm gonna make a living. I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be fine. Everything's gonna be fine. That, that, that. I mean, something like that, that's what I had to do. And. And then it just, you know, and that continues throughout your life. And, you know, then you get to my age, you know, and I'm doing great and everything, but there's also. There's always your mortality around the corner. And how I've kind of mentally dealt with death, the inevitable death, is that like that. I just think it's going to be a great experience. You know what I mean? That I don't think anything bad happens to you when you die either. You just go into the ground and then that's it. And then that's it. You know, you got to be a person on this planet. As opposed to like a fucking mosquito. You got the best fucking experience. Hopefully you did. And then that's it, it's fucking over. Or you become something else. And I just don't think that is bad, you know, I just don't think it doesn't make any sense that it would then just be bad. I don't know. I hope that helps you. I got a little off the rails there. So what I would say is you just baby step your way, you know. And like for me, making it as a comedian was like a 20 year, 15, 20 year process. I was obviously I was not the overnight. I didn't have the hook, I didn't have any of that. And I just basically every day, you know, was fucking hacking at the tree until it came down. And you know, you just don't quit. You just, that's it, you just don't quit. You don't give it a negative thought. And every day you just take a few steps towards it. And then one day you just wake up and you're where you wanted to be and you're like, how the did that happen? You know, Funny you don't feel any different, you know, so. But you'll be alright. I think you're gonna be all right. You know, you speak three different fucking languages. You can break balls in English. I mean, you sound, you sound like you got a great sense of humor and you're trying to get. You're gonna be fine. Just say that to yourself. I'm gonna be fine. This is gonna work out and then that's it. Then you can try to fucking help somebody else out along the way. All right, last one here. Talk documentary recommendations. Hey, old Billy, old Billy Beatdown. I was wondering if you had heard of this new documentary that just came out called Ice Guardians. It's about the history of enforcers in hockey and I would love to hear your take on it. If you haven't seen it, I watch all of these fucking things. I haven't seen it, but I watched the trailer and it looked great. I don't know about the name Ice Guardians. That sounds somewhere between a superhero movie and a musical. A musical on ice coming to Madison Square Garden. It's Ice Guardians Fosse. Hands skating around the ice. He said, thanks for all the laughs and for always making me feel better about the way I read things out loud. Thanks and go yourself. Here's a link to the trailer. Okay, I'll send out this link here to the trailer. By the way, I'm going to be at the south by Southwest on Tuesday. I'm flying in Tuesday. I'm doing a podcast with Al Madrigal for All Things Comedy Network, and then I'm flying right back out that night. That's it. Boom. Doing a landing, doing a podcast, jumping back on the plane and flying back. That's my dedication to the goddamn network. And also my dedication to fucking coming back to see my daughter. That's it. And after that, I got three days, a Monday, a Tuesday, a Wednesday at the Improv in San Jose Cruz. And I think that that's my. That'll be my fucking. That'll be my month. That's it. All right. Thanks for listening to the podcast. Go yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday. And I think that's it. That is it. All right. Go yourselves.