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Monday Morning Podcast
Old ESPN, Food, Canada | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-13-25
02:09:55
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- [00:00]
Bill Burr
Arc Raiders, everybody. Thank you to Embark Studios bringing us their new game Arc Raiders. A multiplayer extraction adventure video game set in a lethal future earth. Explore an immersive post apocalyptic world scarred by conflict and reclaimed by nature. A living surface where weather, enemies and shifting conditions heighten the constant threat of Arkansas communities are forced below ground to survive. Jesus, this is amazing. Scavenge survive thrive in a new extraction adventure Arc Raiders. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X S and PC. Rated T for team.
- [00:44]
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you. Ooh, what's going on, Hawaii?
- [01:00]
Oh boy.
- [01:01]
It's Thursday, everybody. It's time for Thursday afternoon football. No. Thursday night Football. So old freckles has a fucking gambling theory that has been working and this week I have to use it against my own New England Patriots Division rivalry Thursday night game. The underdog is getting more than five and a half points. You take the. You take the fucking underdog, right? So this week it's the Patriots versus the fucking hapless jets coming off their second victory of the year against the Cleveland Browns. The second iteration of the Cleveland Browns, the first iteration of course, being the Baltimore Ravens. Hey, who gets to claim that NFL title that they won in like 1965? I mean, that belongs to the franchise, right? So isn't that the Baltimore Ravens? So they've won two Super Bowls in an NFL title. Well, they won a bunch with Otto Graham in the 1950s, but the last one that they had won was 1965. So it's weird. So like the city, it's kind of like the Laker, right? Like the. I don't know, it doesn't make any sense. The franchise has those Minneapolis Lakers championships, but the people from LA claim them, which is, you know what I mean? And when Laker fans go, ah, you know, it's long time ago, bruh. I just go, oh, yeah? Well, what if the Lakers moved to Vegas next year and then they won the championship? And what would you do if everyone in this city of Las Vegas was going, we got 17. Suck it, bitches. It's a complicated thing that moving around. So anyways, I think we have the better coach, but I really just feel like with only 3, 4 days to prepare, it helps the lesser team and it helps the lesser coach brings down the better team of the better coach. So, so, so, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. I don't Give a fuck. And I don't give a shit about losing this bet if it's fucking, you know, my team's gonna win. Sorry, I'm half asleep. I got an acting gig today out here in Los Angeles. A lot of stuff, you know, starting to shoot here in Los Angeles. You know, been seeing the trucks around. Makes me feel good. So I got a couple days on this thing and so I had to get up early. I've been working my ass off, so. And I can't believe, like, the phantom limb syndrome I've been having about baseball being over, you know, I watched a lot of Red Sox games this year, but, like, when the playoffs started, sorry, I'm yawning here. It's too early. I didn't watch any of the Red Sox, Yankees. I didn't watch one second of it. The same way I didn't watch any of the Celtics versus the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals. I just don't want my kids to see me that way. I gotta start watching out of my car. You know, you can get. You, like, your windows tinted. I should get, like, soundproof windows and just be, what the. That's a strike. Like, I just don't want my kids to see that. I've really, like, gone out of my way to hide all of that craziness from my upbringing. It's been working out. They are two happy, go lucky kids that express themselves. You know, they're loud, they're kids, they're not walking around on eggshells like every kid from my generation being fucking scared shitless of your dad. A lot of pent up, pent up fucking rage back in the day. So anyway, how about the Boston Bruins? They keep winning, too. I've been so busy. I just keep checking the box scores. That's what I miss about getting the fucking paper, dude. You know, blowing by all that smart shit in the front section and just going right to the sports page. I remember, like, the early days of ESPN and all of that. They still didn't show, like, a ton of games. I mean, like, ESPN, if you can believe it. Like, after they did SportsCenter, they had, like, fucking workout shows for moms. It was a lot of this, like, aerobic shit. And like, you know, they were sort of trying to fill up 24 hours of the channel. So there was still that. That. I still remember that period where you would be looking up box scores from, like, the late games out west and see, like, Dave Simenko fought, you know, whoever. And there was no highlights of it, really. Now you Just go on your goddamn phone. I will say I don't bring my phone down. When I'm acting, when I'm pretending, when I'm an adult and I'm pretending to be somebody who I'm not, I never bring my phone down to set. That's how you set down to set, not down to the set for some reason. You say set, he's on set. He's going down to. He didn't bring. He didn't bring it to set. At first, I thought it was. When I first heard it, I thought they were saying Seth. Like, who's Seth? Sounds like a producer. But anyway, I do still make sure I get in my dual duo lingo for the day. I'm up to, like, 413 or 414 days in a row. And it's so funny. They try to get you to, like, compete with other people learning languages, you know, to get to these different levels. It's so dumb. You've moved up to the diamond level. Oh, boy. What do I get? You know, I don't get it. So, of course I. I was buying into it, and I'm just like this. They're not making this fun. It was much more fun to just learn the language. And then somewhere along the line, they. They added this competition fucking thing. It's like the fucking Food Network. The Food Network is just a bunch of. They used to teach you how to.
- [07:55]
Cook.
- [07:57]
How to blanch, how to fucking, like, Molto Mario was the best fucking show they ever had with Mario Batali. I still have some of his cookware. Yeah, it's called the Me Too Malta Mother. Meet the Me Too Mario. I got a crock pot of his fucking pea soup green. The big fucking M on top. That was like the best show. He would have a couple of friends over. I don't know what he did after the show, but he would have a couple of friends over, and then he would just make him a meal, and he would talk about the part of Italy, where it came from, you know, the different regions around that area, the way they make a similar dish and claim that whatever dish she's making is not the proper way to make it and all that. You get into the whole, like, oh, this is why Italians are so great, you know, and making food like they. The level that they give a shit about. It's weird. I guess they were competing over there or just saying that, you know, you don't know how to do it the way we do it. I don't know. Those shows give me. They just Give me anxiety. There's never enough time. There's never the right ingredients. They always have like these bizarre ingredients. And then they just. Did I tell you guys, when I was over in Italy this year, we were staying really close to the, the border of Switzerland. And I wasn't even thinking like about Switzerland. And just one point, I just sort of looked at the map to really see where I was in northern Italy. So I say to my wife, I say, you know, Switzerland's right there. We've never been there. Just to check it off, just to say we've been to Switzerland. Let's just, you know, looks like it's a 20 minute drive. Let's just go, go to Switzerland. We'll have. And she goes, all right, we'll have dinner one night. So we go to have dinner one night. We go to this, this, this fancy schmancy restaurants, which I, I don't like fancy. I like, I like good food. All right, I'm not gonna say like, I like to eat some garbage, but like, you know, those fancy restaurants, they, they bring the thing out and there's like a 20 minutes. It's not 20 minutes, but like speech that somebody has to give and they have to tell you about all of the food. So I guess they think if you went to the restaurant, you're really into food. And. Yeah, I'm just like, no, dude, I'm like really hungry and I want to eat what you have. And I trust that it's good. I don't need to know. I'm literally, I'm going to forget everything that you say the second you're done. Because all I'm doing is looking at it, going like, I want to fucking eat that. Can you just please stop talking about it? It's getting cold. Stop describing what the fuck. I'm gonna be funny if McDonald's did that. Okay, this is a pig slime burger. Pink slime is, you know, it's the stuff off the slaughterhouse floor that we used to hose off the floor for decades. And then one day some absolute lunatic that had the title of CEO was like, why do we keep wasting that? Is there a way to feed that to fellow, not only fellow human beings, but our fellow countrymen? And we were like, hey, man, you know, if you want to take this fucking scum off the floor and feed it to men, women and children, I mean, if that's what I gotta do to keep my health insurance, I'll fucking do it. So that's what's in this burger. Enjoy the French fries Were fried in pigeon oil. Don't ask. There's a lot of pigeons, you know, a lot of them die. They got oil in them. What, are we gonna waste it anyway? Yeah. So the Bruins keep fucking winning. I want to know what's going on. I can't. Every time I put it on, I see either Pasta scoring or. Or he's doing one of his. It looks like it's going to be a Wrista and all of a sudden it's a pass to the other side and somebody does a one timer.
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Morgan, geeky.
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Top shelf dude.
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Leading the league in goals.
- [12:34]
Fucking incredible. But anyway, I forgot to say, you know, last week when I mentioned I was. I had a gig up there in Vancouver. This is how amazing that city of Vancouver is. Okay, Because I know I was telling you I was staying downtown where all the junkies are on like Hastings, Hasty Hastings, that area. Right. And. But we shot on this college campus that I want to say was south of the city. And we pull up to where like all the trailers are and it's right on the water. And in the trees across from us are bald eagles. And they were flying. Occasionally one would fly out of the tree, go into the water, come out with the fish, and then just go back to the tree and eat it. This is in a city. I'll tell you this. Unlike my leader right now, the guy giving gingers a bad name. I actually like Canada and I think it says a lot about you. If you have a problem with Canada, I really don't understand how you could have a problem with Canada. Okay, well, I mean, as a white person, I don't understand how you could. Oh, there's always. There's always a. There's always a loophole. As a white person, I don't understand how you could have a problem. How you could have a problem with Canada. I had such a good time up there. The people are friendly and the cities are beautiful. Montreal, Ottawa, the major ones. Toronto, yeah. Winnipeg's a little.
- [14:32]
I don't know.
- [14:37]
Calgary's decent. Then you got Edmonton. It's way the fuck up there. That's all I can say about Edmonton. It's just way the fuck up there. I haven't spent too much time. I've done gigs there, but I'm always like coming through and then I leave. I did go to a hockey game at Northlands Coliseum a long time ago. And then Vancouver is gorgeous. But anyway, I've been continuing on with my almost said grocery, with my Christmas shopping. My fucking Christmas shopping, dude. My goal, my Goal, as mentioned numerous times, is I want to get it all done by the end of November and have it like just, and just wrap each one of these things so I can just enjoy December. I don't know why I didn't do this back in the day when I was drinking. Well, probably because I was drinking. But you know, if you really want to get after it, you know, let's just, let's talk about the positive sides of alcohol. If you really want to just fucking get after it this year, you get all of these fucking holiday parties coming up, you know. But if you're so stressed, like, oh God, I gotta go get up in the morning, I go to the mall or whatever the fuck people do, I gotta go on the Internet and see if this shit isn't air quote sold out. That fucking bullshit that you go on a website and they say it's sold out. What do you mean sold out? I'm going directly to the manufacturer. You got a whole fucking factory of them. You're just saying this is sold out because the other shit isn't moving. So now you think I'm gonna come in here? You know, like when you go to those fancy restaurants, hey, can I get the fucking breakfast sandwich? Oh, we sold out. What do you mean you fucking sold out? It's eggs and bread, you asshole. You're running a fucking restaurant. It's 9:30 in the morning. How the fuck did you already run out of eggs and bread at a restaurant? Get some fucking chickens, you cunt. I, I don't, I don't sold out. Hey, look at this. Nice watch. Hey, can I buy that now? It's not for sale. Everybody's doing that, that Birkin bag shit.
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Now.
- [17:00]
Birkin bag is one of the dumbest fucking things in fashion, okay? And they're not even good looking bags. And for some reason people just want them because they don't make them. Then it become exclusive. It's like the ultimate. Look what I got. Like, you know what, you know what a fucking Birkin bag is? It's the new iPhone for whores. You know those tech nerds, like it's, they got to get the new phone. I'm not going to name this person, but I knew somebody, I still know somebody that was so into technology, they had to get the iPhone every time the first day came out. They had to get it and then they had to like, they had to take it out when they were at the comedy club, you know, and just be scrolling on it, just to be scrolling on it for someone to Be like, is that the iPhone 9? Oh, my God. Right? This dude one time, he wanted the new phone so bad, he was busy. Had, like, an audition. He made his wife go down there and stand in line to get a fucking phone. I was like, dude, why don't you just wait a week? In a week, there's not going to be a line. You can just walk in there like a goddamn person. He's like, I don't know, dude. I gotta. I gotta have it. It's just. It's. It's my fucking thing. Technology is just my thing. And I was like, all right, you know what? Fair enough, Fair enough. I don't know. Like, what more do you need the phone to do? Like, how much clearer does the camera and the video have to be? It's already clearer than real life. You can already alter, you know, make it look like it's on film. Make it look like it's an old Polaroid, you know, Photoshop. Create something that didn't even happen. What the else do you need to do? I don't know. Anyway, so I gotta knock out a couple more things, and I got the major. You know, you always got to have, like, the big thing. Like, I don't have the big thing yet for my wife, and she's not helping me. I'm like, what do you want? What do you want for Christmas? She's like, you know, I don't. I don't know. Which is great. That should make me happy, you know, what are the odds of that? You have a woman in your life and she doesn't feel like she needs anything. That's. That's pretty amazing. But you got, like, the pressure of the holiday, so it's like, you gotta. You gotta tell me something. Well, I don't. I don't. I don't need anything. Well, fucking just say you do, and I'll go buy it and I'll give it to you. Anyway. Let me do. Let me do some of the reads here. Reads. All right. Oh, true work, everybody. T R U E W E R K. And that's fucking it. True work. Fall weather changes fast. Yeah, it's because there's no fall anymore. It's called fucking global warming. Hot, cold, wet, and windy. Sometimes all in one shift. Hey, you don't like the weather, stick.
- [20:39]
Around for a while.
- [20:41]
You know how many cities do that joke thinking that they have the craziest weather? True work is performance workwear. Built like it matters because it does. Founded by trade professionals. By a trade professional was tired of getting wet he's tired of wet heavy gear weighing him down. This guy had shit to do. So he created to True work. True Work set out to make workwear that keeps pros comfortable, capable and ready for whatever the day throws at them. Dude, how many fucking hipsters who don't even work outside are going to buy this shit? Designed with advanced performance fabrics for lasting comfort, all day mobility and year round job site protection. Every piece is tested on job sites with trade pros. So when conditions change, you're still ready. Over 5,000. Oh, sorry, over 50,000 five star reviews from pros in every trade, in every climate. Best option is a statement like I use this and you should too. Oh, I should say this next best option. If I had needed this product, it's what I'd use. All right. Before I was in fucking show business and I worked outside landscaping. Eight days I lasted as a grunt on a construction site and I unloaded trucks in a warehouse. God damn it, I wish they had truewear. What do we have? Back then we had a ski parker. Upgrade your day with workwear built like it matters. Get 15% off your first order at true work.com with code burr. B u r r. That's TrueWerk. T r u e w e r.
- [22:25]
K.Com arc Raiders everybody. Thank you to Embark Studios bringing us their new game, Arc Raiders. A multiplayer extraction adventure video game set in a lethal future earth. Explore an immersive post apocalyptic world scarred by conflict and reclaimed by nature. A living surface where weather, enemies and shifting conditions heighten the constant threat of ark. Communities are forced below ground to survive. Jesus, this is amazing. Scavenge survive thrive in a new extraction adventure, Ark Raiders. Available now on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series, Xbox S and PC. Rated T for team something.
- [23:13]
Does anybody remember that? You know when they talk about like 80s fashion, do they remember that for a while, like ski jackets. You had to have a ski jacket instead of a winter jacket. You had a ski jacket like you're going skiing. It was actually a fashion thing for a while. Man, that was a weird time. It was really a weird sweats by IBI ski jackets and then the amount of kids parting their hair down the middle and their hair just did not want to do it. They would somehow figure out a way if you had a cowlick, you just couldn't do it. Okay, Ridge wallet, everybody. Everybody walking around with the same haircut as Shemp from the fucking Three Stooges. Some of them had a Shemp mullet. It was unreal. And it would come down to your ski jacket. That you had with the fucking collar popped. And like, I swear to God, the sweats by EB it literally looked like it was like women's wear, but guys wore it. I never understood it. All right, Ridge wallet. Have you updated your wallet situation? Did your lower back hurt from sitting on a giant brick all day? Were you sitting unevenly? Was one part of your ass a little higher than the other on a fucking Southwest flight to Reno? You probably already know Ridge for their unique, slim, modern wallets. Well, Ridge just took their game changing wallet and made it even better. Now say hello to Ridge 2.0. Oh, God. My buddy's gonna have his wife standing in line for this thing. The most refined version of the Ridge wallet. Ridge has been perfecting the wallet for 12 years. Everything is better on the Ridge 2.0. It's 10% lighter. Every gram matters. In the Ridge Wallet 2.0, they found the perfect balance. And I just scrolled back up to the top. My apologies. Where the hell is it? Ridge wallet, say hello. 12. It's 10%. Just did it again. I just did it again. Sorry, sorry, sorry. What the f. You know, some things are just embarrassing. This is just embarrassing. Say hello. The Ridge wallet. Everything's better on the ridge. Okay? It's 10% lighter. Every gram matters. In the Ridge Wallet 2.0, they found the perfect balance. They made it more modular with improved cash straps. No more fucking money flying out of your wallet. They got the new cash straps, money clips and the airtag attachments made with premium materials like aluminum, titanium and carbon fiber. Show your Ridge 2.0 off to the camera. Holds up to 12 cards plus cash, over 50, plus colors and styles to choose from. You can even get a wallet that features every NFL, MLB or college team. Perfect for holiday gifting. Especially since Ridge is having their biggest sale of the year right now. Does it give you peace of mind knowing that all Ridge wallets have RFID blocking technology keeping you safe from digital pickpocketers? Give the gift that stays out of the junk drawer and find their way into morning routines, travels and adventures. For a limited time, Ridge is having their huge Black Friday sale. Head to Ridge R I d g e.com and get up to 47% off your first order. This is by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's ridge.com for up to 40%. 47% off your order during their biggest sale of the year. After your purchase, they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you Fucking Black Friday. It's coming up again. It's coming up again.
- [27:33]
Where you get.
- [27:34]
To see where the economy is by how many people. How bad the economy is by how many people get trampled to death. Oh, God. Can you imagine that? What the fuck? Like you're not allowed to yell fire in a crowded movie theater, but for some reason you can say, there's one PlayStation in this store that we're gonna sell to you for eight bucks and then have a bunch of people that are struggling financially line up outside. Most addicted to salt and sugar, sir. They're all. Oh, they're obese. It's just. It's one of the saddest things ever, you know? You think one year, just one year, one of these CEO cunts would just stand down there and be like, you know what?
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What?
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What are you looking for, sweetheart? Here, just take it. Just. I'm writing myself a fucking nine figure bonus. And I didn't do shit this year other than lay off a bunch of people. You know, these people standing in line now, ready to trample one another, where to risk their own fucking lives for a goddamn PlayStation because their kid wants it. And I'm leveraging their unconditional love for their kid while laying them off, creating this, the tragedy that's about to happen. I don't know. I don't. I don't understand these. I don't understand people. They just look at people as like these, these things to manipulate and just make money of these. I'm telling you, Trump has the right idea with these fucking vans. He's just putting the wrong people in them. He should be just going around getting all the fucking CEOs. That's what he should be doing. The sociopaths. You know, there's nothing wrong with rounding up people as long as you're doing the right. Doing the right ones, you know, and fortunately, I know who those people are. That's why nobody should have a fleet of vans and a crew of people that are willing to do anything that you say. Because everybody in their heart of hearts has a list of people that if they had access to a security service and vans, everybody has a list of people that they would put in the vans. And everybody thinks that they're right. Why don't you guys send me on your list? Like what groups of people? And it just has to be groups of. I don't do any racist shit or anything like that. All right? Let's keep this fun instead of the reality of what's going on out there. Like your list of people that you would put in the van. You know, if I was running Alligator Alcatraz, this is who I would put in there. Let's try to avoid the obvious, like what I was just saying. Fucking heartless CEOs and the politicians they own. You know, it'd be funny as a comedian if you had, like, too many bad sets in too short a period of time. The van just pulls up and just takes you. You can't do this anymore, all right? Those people are never going to get that 20 minutes back. You did it six times in the last. Six in the last. Well, you're allowed to bomb once a week. Be funny. And then, like, you know the van's coming. Like, you got to have a good set. So the fucking pressure would be starting to. To eat at you. You start getting, like, the flop sweat. I don't know, the weird time we're living in. All right, anyway, that is. That is the podcast. Oh, Billy Freckles is rooting for his Patriots, but I'm taking the jets. They're laying 13 and a half. It's Thursday Night Football. This theory has been working for me, and I'm sticking with it. All right, Have a great weekend, you cunts. Be nice to each other. Don't give in to this fucking. All of this craziness on the Internet, around the world and all of that shit. You can, dude. You can still be a good fucking shit.
- [32:21]
Hey, don't cost nothing.
- [32:23]
All right, I'll talk to you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 13, 2017. What's going on? How are ya? What's going on? I am in New York City. Oh, that's actually Hollywood. What the am I thinking? It's not a New York song, right?
- [33:02]
Paul Versi
Bam.
- [33:05]
Bill Burr
That's Hollywood, right? That's a New York song. Start spreading the news, right? I don't fucking know. I'm all over the map here. I'm winding down this trip. I just wrapped up my acting gig on Front Runner. I want to thank everybody that allowed me to be on that movie. I had such a great time. I met so many great people on that shoot. And the last night of the shoot, I actually got to do a scene with the star of the movie, Hugh Jackman. And I can't even tell you how great that experience was. He might. He might be the. Not one of the nicest guys I've ever met in my life. Totally big guy, too. He's like six, four or Something big guy, totally cool. Nicest fucking dude ever. Then you start doing the scene, right? And if his character in the scene was getting. Was getting mad and, like, frustrated with us, dude. And he went into that Wolverine thing a little bit. I was just like, jesus Christ. I would not. With this guy. Just an amazing, amazing actor. And I was the coolest thing. Like, on the last night, we had like two things to shoot. Like one quick thing in a car, and then the whole rest of the thing was us, you know, like me and two other actors and Hugh Jackman. And it was just like. It was. Yeah, we shot that the whole night. It was one of those things where you, like, I wouldn't really care if we continued shooting this scene tomorrow. I'm having so much fun. You know, I found out I actually. I like to run when I act. This scene involved me running into running before I delivered the. My lines or whatever. And I found that I really liked that. I was just like, wow. No wonder I always like William Shatner and TJ Hooker. I know I've talked about this before, but if you ever watch TJ Hooker, I don't think in the history of television, they ever. They ever made an actor run farther than they made William Shatner, who was well into his 50s by then. They would just have, like, this, the master shot of the scene. And I don't get all Hollywood here on you, but the master is just when you go to shoot the scene is. You're just. It's a wide shot and you're capturing every character in it, or you're establishing the place, the setting. I have no fucking idea. I think that's what it is, right? They would just be standing on the other side of a wharf, a Runway, like William Shatner, he chased after planes. And they would just start, and he would come running around the corner and he would always be like 70 yards away. And they'd be playing this fucking music with the bongos in the background. And you would watch him just full speed running a man in his 50s.
- [35:59]
Paul Versi
All right?
- [36:00]
Bill Burr
And this is like the 80s, so no guys stretched unless you were unlike, you know, you had to be like in the Olympics. And even then, if you watch like the old NFL films, the way that they would stretch, you know what I mean? They weren't doing like any just sort of, you know, doing a forward bend, none of that yoga. It was like touch your toes, touch your hips, touch your shoulders, do a jumping jack, come back down or whatever. The. They would do three, four, that type of stuff. Running in Cop shoes, full speed for a good 80 yards. There's actually a great YouTube video that I think I posted before of William of TJ Hooker running. So anyways, I had the best time and did the perfect amount of time on the movie because right when it ended, I came right here to New York. And then I'm going to go back in the rest of my year. Other than like two road gigs, I am done. And I'm going to get to spend this ridiculous amount of quality time with my wife and daughter. And I can't wait. I'm totally getting into the Christmas spirit this year. Not to the point of sacrificing Thanksgiving. You know, I might even put up a couple of little like cut out turkeys in my house. I hate how Thanksgiving just gets passed over. You know what I mean? Gets passed over like a. I don't know, like a person that should have got the job but didn't. Right. But I'm totally getting into it and I am. I'm still sober.
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Was.
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It was 84 days on Thursday. So 85, 86, 87, 88. Eric Lindros, 88. Lynn Swan, right. Wasn't he 88? Yeah, 88 days, not boozing. And I think I'm going to go for the hundred. I don't know, you know, I think I'll be, let's see, I'll be 91 on Thursday. A week from Thursday it'll be 98 and then it'll be Thanksgiving. And what? I'm not gonna have a little brandy in my eggnog there. I'm big with the brandy on the eggnog, you know, that's what I would have added to the great Opie and Anthony bit the eggnog. Opie, Anthony. Little Jimmy, right? You think those guys will ever get back together, do like a reunion tour? They should have like a one off, you know, like a tour, you know, like the police got back together. They should do that with great radio shows where everybody eventually, you know, just got sick of each other and went the other way. But the fans are still sitting there like, come on, man, just do one more tour, man. They should all get together. You know, I think it'll have. If Guns N Roses can get back together.
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Right?
- [38:42]
I don't fucking know. Anyways, plowing ahead here, I'm totally going to get into the holidays and I don't know, I don't know about the drinking thing. I think I'm done for a while. Like I said, I want to go sting in my 50s. I'm turning 50 in June. And I want to make sure. I don't know. That's a critical fucking decade, right? That's that one. I mean, you know, people, like, die in their 50s, so I gotta. You just. That's when people just start dying. I mean, people I've. Oh, God, I've already lost, like. I've lost count how many friends. I actually. I have a list on my phone so I don't forget all the comics that I've known that have died, by the way. All men. All men. Out of the 25, they're all men. So all these women out there, like, you don't understand how difficult it is to be a woman. It's like, Lady, I got 25 dead friends. They're all guys, okay? I don't know what the fuck is going on with us, but whatever you guys are, there's something that you guys. Something in your life is easier. I know in this age of feminism, where it just has to be, everything is so fucking much harder for a woman. There is one easy thing, one easier thing for a woman, and it really is the most important thing, and that is staying alive. Where the fuck is my phone? I got them all. Like, I got. And I'm probably gonna forget a few people. All right, let's see here. These are all the fucking people that I knew that are gone here. All right? It all started with Mitch Hedberg in, like, March, I think, of 2005. Mitch Hedberg, Freddie Soto, Mitch Mulaney, Robert Schimmel, Bernie Mac, Dave Fitzgerald, Kevin Knox, Bob Seibel, Bob Lazarus, Rich Seisler, Otto From. Otto and George. Greg Giraldo, Patrice o', Neill, Todd Lynn, Sam Brown, Charlie Murphy, Scott Kennedy, John Pernett, Richard Jenny, Mike De Ste, Ralphie May, and Pete Cummin. Those are all the people that I knew really well or worked with as a comedian that have all died since 2005. Except for Dave Fitzgerald. He died earlier. He died in, like, 2001. He was a Boston comic. And I probably forgot a few people, you know, club owners, Manny Dorman, Lucian Holt. Then I have, like, let's see, high school kids that I went to school with. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. All guys. Fucking unbelievable. You just don't understand sometimes what it's like to be. I know I. Absolutely. I'm sure it's fucking much more difficult in a lot of ways. But I'll tell you the most important way. Staying alive. Let's not forget that. Anyways, so I did the. The New west side Comedy Club. And it Was I just the perfect layout? And I also love too, it's right around the corner from the, the Beacon Theater. So I've gotten to play there a couple of times. But what I also love is if I was a young comedian starting out, it's really like this motivational thing where you walk out and then you walk around the corner and there's the Beacon Theater. And you can kind of be thinking, you know, someday maybe I'll be able to play that place. That's the type of shit that used to get me, used to get me motivated when I was starting out. Although I don't know about playing theaters, I think it was just seeing Caroline's Comedy Club because when I was starting out, like, nobody played theaters. It was like Cosby played theaters. George Carlin, like, you had to be like a legend, Joan Rivers. Those people played like theaters. And you know, for most comedians when I started, I think it was the dream was to just sell out clubs. The dream was to sell out clubs and to get a sitcom built around your act. That was the dream. And then somewhere along the line it switched. And a lot of people talk about, you know, social media and blah, blah and all that. I think the biggest thing that has created one of the big things that people forget as far as, like, how all of these comedians now are big enough of a draw to play theaters. I think one of the best things that happened for comedians that nobody brings up is Napster in online file sharing, air quote sharing of music, which was really stealing music that completely destroyed the music business and their ability to make stars. You remember Virgin Records, Remember you would go in there and they had that little CD listening thing and they had like the top 10 of the top 20 CDs and there'd always be like a new band in there. It's like they were feeding, you know, bringing new people in. And once Napster came out and then there was the Limewire and all of that shit and then itunes and all of that, what happened was. Oh, am I going to use this term? There was an arrested development of new. Like when you look at like the amount of bands that broke through in like the last 10 years that was suddenly able to sell out arenas, it's like a handful of bands or people like Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars, was that 21 pilots. There's very few that got that big. At least not as much as, as they used to. I feel I might be completely wrong on this, but if I'm, if I'm not mistaken, there was like, like the MTV Music award had like the five. The same five artists for a long time were with a few new ones. But like, like Jay Z, Kanye, and like, I don't know, I'm not so good with all the youngest people stuff. But they stuck around forever at those music awards because there was not these new people coming in. Usually for somebody to stick around at a music award for over 10 years, I feel like there was only a couple of bands that could do it, but they had to keep those people from 10 years previous because they all got knocked out. And then I'm gonna get to a point here. So everything became a quick little bullshit. I don't want to pay for it online. And I think and everybody went online either wanted to fucking watch someone do something incredible on a skateboard, some X game shit, or you wanted to watch people fail and you wanted to laugh. And I feel like stand up comedy fit into that Set up punch. Set up punch. It was quick. They made you laugh. You fucking moved on. And then I think comedians slid into all of these theater gigs where all of these bands would have been playing. I'm not talking arenas, I just mean, like theaters. I might be wrong on that one, but I think if you look at the graph, as the music business imploded, comedy went through the fucking roof. Then also with technology, how comics could just keep putting out these specials. And then Netflix was another big thing. But everybody talks about that, but nobody seems to. I don't know. I think the music business completely imploding also helped out Stand Up. It created a void. I don't know. You like that. You like me discussing the ins and outs of ticket sales in stand up comedy. So anyway, so I was working at the Westside Comedy Club. You gotta go there. Some old friends of mine opened the place up. That's why I did it. I had the best time. And what was really cool is it was mostly, you know, podcast listeners. So I could say whatever the I thought essentially in these times, you know what I mean, everything that's going on, you know, I heard like those people were going down to the comedy cellar and then writing down what other comics were saying about Louis CK and all of that type of stuff was just. It's just so. It's such a crazy time right now. And, you know, I don't know. I love Louis CK and that was really obviously just a hard thing to see happen to somebody. And he was definitely 100 wrong. I'll just say this. He was 100 wrong. He did own up to it. And I think he will definitely be back. I will say that. And I also knew a couple of the women that he did this to, and I. I just feel bad for everybody. It's just terrible. And I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what else you say about it. I feel like I'm in a divorce where, you know, both the mom and the dad, you just. You gotta, like, pick a side here, you know? I don't know. All. I think that just this new thing, though, is like. Like the level of witch hunt that happened when the Louis thing came out. Like, the amount of people that they went after was just. It was like six degrees of Louis dick, you know, to the point even the fucking Huffington Post was even trying to, like, you know, list people. The clients of the same manager that he had and stuff, who, by the way, is one of the great people I've ever met in life. I stand by my fucking manager, and I'm never firing the guy. I've been with this guy since 2006. Dave. Becky's one of the great people that I've met in this business. I love that guy. I'd still have him over my house for fucking dinner. Watching everybody just, oh, I think I remember this happening 15 fucking years ago, and then watching everybody try to burn down this guy's life. It's just fucking ridiculous. People. This is America. You remember due process. Like, the whole thing is just like. It's fucking insane. I wouldn't be surprised if they're going after Louis CK's mailman, saying, if you deliver his mail, you're part of the problem, you know? And it doesn't seem to be like there's any sort of, like, you know, in the judicial system where there's like, if you steal a bike, you get this sentence. If you rob a bank, you get this. If you kill somebody, if you kill a whole bunch of people all the way up to the death penalty.
- [49:26]
Yeah.
- [49:26]
This kind of seems like it's become. It doesn't make a difference if it's sexual misconduct all the way to sexual assault slash rape. You know, you're getting the exact same, like, level of punishment. So that's only my question. Okay. Out of all of this, because he was definitely wrong, obviously. I mean, it's all obvious shit that I'm saying. But does the punishment match the crime? Because, you know, sexual misconduct. When you talk of sexual misconduct, like, I don't. I would. I don't know how many podcasts I would have to do to tell you all the stories of sexual misconduct with just women. As a stand up comedian who used to go out after his shows, selling his posters and all and taking pictures with you, just the fucking women, okay? And I'll tell you, it was never any of the young ones. It was always these middle aged fucking women. Couple glasses of red wine, oh, God. And they come at you with their va va va voom energy. And you'd be like, oh, no, here we go. You know, that's my advice. Young male comics out there, young female comics, there's plenty of information out there for you now about watching out for creepy guys, but I don't think there's anything out there for young male comics. I will tell you this, okay? If you're going to go out and meet a crowd afterwards, when middle aged women, you can tell they've had too much wine. Beyond the fact that they're sort of teetering on their high heel shoes with their old feet sticking out of them. Just look for the gray teeth, all right? And a little bit too much makeup and then that, you know, they got the girls out a little bit. Just fucking watch yourself, okay? Because that's the old cheerleader who is not aging well and is freaking out that guys don't, you know, find her attractive anymore. And I'm telling you, they're going to come up to you, you know, cover your junk. That's all I'm going to say. Dude, I had a woman lick my neck one time. And I'll tell you, worse than the touch of her tongue, her old ass, disgusting wine breath, tongue on my fucking neck. Worse than that was I felt her breath right before the eagle landed. I will. Ugh. Oh, gee. Oh, and forget about gay guys. Jesus Christ. I could do another half podcast on that one. We're just talking about sexual misconduct. I always wanted to rub your chest. The fuck did you just do? I remember one time, and this is the thing about a guy, when it happens to a guy, it's just funny. Just for the simple fact that, you know, generally speaking, you can overpower whoever the fuck is coming at you. I'm not a. I'm not a little boy. So I get why nobody gives a shit when this happens to a guy. I get it. I remember I was dating this absolutely lovely woman, beautiful woman. She danced on Broadway. She was such a sweetheart. I loved her to death. And I completely fucked it up because I was an angry young man. So I'm sorry to her, right? So she was dancing in this thing called Broadway Bears, which was like they used to do this thing to raise money. It was like a burlesque show. So it wasn't like this creepy titty bar thing. It was just, you know, if you ever go to a burlesque show, which my wife took me to one, to see that Dita Von Teese. I was just like, are you fucking kidding me? She's gonna take me down here to go. To go see, basically go to a rated PG13 strip club. I have the coolest wife ever. And then I got down there and I think I was the only straight guy there. And it was like, mostly gay guys, right? And that's what this Broadway Bears thing was. And it wasn't like the creepy Hooters vibe. So it's actually better if there's a bunch of gay dudes there. Because I always did that whole, I like Hooters strip clubs, titty bars and all that shit. It's just like, that's something that's, like, fascinating when you're like in your 20s, I think, and then somewhere, you know, if you're progressing, if you're maturing, at some point, it just becomes gross. Or at the very least, like, this is fucking stupid. You know, I want to go out and get laid. I'm going to sit here looking at naked women who aren't going to fuck me. You know, this is stupid. While losing a ton of money paying for watered down drinks. What now? I don't want to eat in here. You're in the sex industry. Get away from me. I want to order some food, right? So I go down to this Broadway bears thing, right? And you know, there's all these fucking hilarious. There's all these smoking hot women doing their dances and stuff. And then there's all these shredded dudes. So all the gay guys are going nuts about the dudes. And I'm looking at all these women going like, oh, my God, right? Fucking dancer legs. They were incredible, right? Oh, by the way, they also were really talented, right? So the fucking show ends and I wait for my girlfriend at the time to come out. And this fucking out of nowhere, this guy came up and just smacked me on the ass. And it wasn't like. Like, it was like, if you were playing football, it was good game. But at that place, it wasn't. This guy wanted to fucking hook up me, dude. He hit me so hard, like I almost fucking got whiplash. And I fucking turned around and I can't say what I said to the guy, but I made it clear to him that I wasn't gay. And I'LL never forget. He just, like, put his hands up and was, like, backing away. And I remember when he put his hands up, the dude had these fucking guns. And I was just like, you know, I don't know what this guy's thinking right now, but if he wanted to do something, I don't know if there's anything I could do about it. I'll never forget his big, hairy, gay arms just coming out.
- [55:33]
Oh, I'm sorry.
- [55:33]
I just fucking.
- [55:36]
No, he didn't even talk like that.
- [55:37]
I'm doing, like, the hacky gay voice. He had just like a regular dude voice. And. Oh, dude, I got a zillion of those fucking. Zillion of those fucking stories if we're talking sexual misconduct here. And. And you know what's funny is the reason I stopped going out after my shows wasn't all of those fucking witches of Eastwick drunk bitches coming up to me doing God knows what, right? Just crossing all kinds of fucking lines. Like, you're literally like you're a cartoon character. What made me finally stop was that time the guy went to take the camera out to take the picture of his girlfriend or wife, and a loaded 9 millimeter fell on the fucking ground. And it was right on the ground, and I should have kicked it away. You know, all the episodes of Stasky and Hutch I watched? I didn't. I just froze. I pointed at the gun and went, dude, what the fuck? And I let him bend down and pick it up, and I just stood there. I've never felt more white in my life. You know what I mean? Just classic cul de sac. Like, hey, Frank, I believe you dropped your pistol. Thanks, Bill. Blows my fucking brains out. Oh, you hear that? That's my alarm. I got up a little early. So anyways, people, I think it's a great thing that all of this stuff is coming out because there's no way that women should have to be tolerating this. They've tolerated it way too long. But can we stop short here of, like, then trying to literally destroy everybody around the fucking person over social media and no burden of proof whatsoever, these are like real people that you're going after, okay? You know, these people that are around, these people that have done horrible things. They have wives, they have kids, they have families, they have mortgages, you know, and just to just fucking. Just willy nilly. Oh, somebody just said this on Twitter. It has to be true. And just pile on and blow on the ashes and try to turn it into a fucking inferno. Is. Is is also not right. Okay? And I feel really bad for my manager and what the hell he's going through right now. I really do. And I'm not going to be one of these fucking people. And I hate how this. This whole fucking day, and it. Don't say anything, man. It's not worth it. Don't say things. So I'm just going to leave this guy who's been a friend to me for 11 years, guided me through my career, my career went through the fucking stratosphere with this guy. I'm just going to leave him twisting in the wind. Go fuck yourself, Dave. Becky's a great guy. Anyways, plowing ahead. What do we got here? Let's read a little bit of no. Hey, you know what I missed? I missed the. I missed the Formula one race. And it sounded like it was amazing evident. I don't know how Lewis Hamilton ended up starting in last place, but he worked his way all the way up to first, which I have never seen. Somebody must have crashed because I don't know the way Max Verstappen was running during the last race. Once somebody gets out in front, you know, and they're driving through the clean air there. What a little thing I know about aerodynamics and racing. No one can ever catch them, so. So they must have had a brilliant strategy. Plus, like, slash somebody else. That was plush. Plus and slash plash. Somebody's car must have broken down or there must have been an accident or something. I have no idea. But can somebody. I know you guys have sent me this link before. Can somebody try and find. Or send me the link to where. Where I can rewatch the races, the replay of them, because Brazil's a great one. Did you see fucking. The Mercedes Benz team got robbed at gunpoint. Lewis Hamilton wasn't there, and. But his quote was, basically, this happens every time we come down here. How bad is that for tourism in Brazil? You know what I mean? Every time we come down here, the Illuminati sport gets fucking robbed. Can we do something about security? You know, thank God. Like, you know, if I was, like, the president of Brazil, I actually wouldn't be too nervous because Brazil has arguably the most beautiful women in the world down there. You know what I mean? And that will keep people coming. Despite the fact that even the Mercedes Benz Formula one team gets robbed at gunpoint. They weren't there on vacation. They came down there with the entire sport, and somebody still finally got through. I guess when you got a pistol, you don't really need a laminate do you. Can we see your credentials? Yeah, yeah, right here, buddy. Okay. Lewis Hamilton's over there, and I believe he still has his diamond earring in. Have at it. All right, let's read. Let's read some. Some advertising here for this week. All right. What are we up to here? All right, 35 minutes. All right, so the. One of the other two reasons why I'm here in New York, okay? Three reasons. I did the west side Comedy Club.
- [61:02]
Bam.
- [61:03]
On Saturday night. I did Michael J. Fox's charity, the. The Fox Foundation. I did a benefit for them. One of the coolest gigs I've ever got to do in my life. I. I show up, right? First of all, it's Michael J. Fox, right? I mean, that guy's comedic timing. You know, like when they say somebody has, like, perfect pitch when they go to sing or whatever. I always felt like, you know, grew up watching him on Family Ties and of course, all the Back to the Future movies. And I. His. His timing was just like. Was impeccable, right? And it makes it look really easy. But just as a fan of comedy and everything, I always loved the guy. So I realized I was going to get to meet him. And I show up to the gig, and I'm always nervous whenever I have to do a benefit because it's, you know, it's a benefit. People are going to be in this, you know, they're going to be in a certain mindset where it's just like, you know, wow, I'm really lucky that, you know, I'm healthy, I have my family, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And other. These other people are going through this really difficult thing. There's a sense of, like, guilt that you feel, just all of that type. It just puts the crowd in a certain mood where then all of a sudden they go from laughing to everything that you say. It's just like, you know, those are the sounds I usually hear at benefits. So I was. I'm always a little apprehensive, and in my head, I'm sitting there going like, all right, how can I navigate this situation? Because there's what I want to talk about, and then there's what I should talk about just to get through this, right? So I show up, and one of the first people I saw was Eugene Mirman, who I hadn't seen in a while. And I was so relieved to see another comedian. I was just like, oh, thank God. So we both were just sort of laughing, talking about how, all right, it's a benefit. How is this what's going to happen. How is this one going to go down? Hopefully this is going to be good. And as I was talking to him, I heard this amazing band playing in the background. It sounded so good. I'm like, is that live? That's unreal. But we were back in the green room. I was like, I gotta check them out, right? As I went to go out, this, like, guy comes walking by, goes, hey, Bill Burr, how you doing? He's like, yeah, you know. You know, I've seen your stuff, man. You're funny. I said, oh, thanks a lot. I appreciate it. I go, look at you. You're dressed all sharp. I'm like, are you going up tonight? He goes, yeah. I go, what do you do? You're a comedian?
- [63:36]
He goes, nah.
- [63:37]
He goes, I play a little guitar, you know, I love musicians. I'm like, holy shit, man. You're playing a band. That's fucking great, right? Turned out that guy was Brad Paisley.
- [63:48]
I'm old.
- [63:49]
I don't know who the kids are, right? I have no fucking idea. He went on in the end and was one of the greatest entertainers I've seen in a long fucking time. Absolutely. He goes, I play a little guitar, right? Shreds. Absolutely. Shreds on guitar. Amazing voice. I said to him after, because I felt like an asshole that I didn't know who he was. But I'm also. I'm old, you know? I mean, we're 50 next year, right? I love. And I'm loving turning 50 now. This is when you start to have excuses. Ah, I'm 50.
- [64:17]
I don't know.
- [64:18]
Paul Versi
Things.
- [64:20]
Bill Burr
I said to him, I said, you know, I love about you country guys. All you guys, you can play. You know, I'm not into all the country music, but they. They can play and they can sing. And it reminds me of hair metal. As much as people trash me for listening to that. Those guys could play and they could sing. Sing. They could. They could do it live. We'll do it. Live it, right? So anyways, I'm hearing all this band, so I. I go, I gotta go check these guys out right after, like, the third song I heard. So I go to walk out there to see the. To see the band playing. And I looked at. And I'm looking at the drummer. This is giant, like, you know, banquet room. And I'm just looking at the drummer, and I just fucking staring at him for, like, five seconds in disbelief. And I look at the woman next to me who was working for the foundation. I was like, is that Steve Jordan. She goes, yeah, he's like really good. I'm like, really good. He's one of the greatest fucking drummers of all time. This is like a bucket list for me to ever see this guy play live. I can't. I couldn't believe it. My jaw was on the ground. Like, you got to understand, like I. I've been listening to Steve Jordan since like, I guess when I first started watching Letterman. And I didn't even realize at that point that he played on those Blues Brothers albums. And I discovered those. I even bought the second Blues Brothers album, Made in America that nobody bought. I have all of that shit, all of his Keith Richards, expensive wino shit. I watched him on the let with the Letterman band. I go on YouTube, there's a fusion album that he put out. What the fuck was the name of that band that you can't. I can't find the album anywhere where he's really young playing on, on that one. Way busier than he plays on a lot of other stuff. Right through all the John Mayer stuff. And I was always thinking, okay, when John Mayer comes to town with his trio, I'm definitely gonna go see that. And I'll finally get to see Steve Jordan playing live, you know, switching out the snares and all of that. That whole. It's his whole thing that he does that it's just so incredible. But every time John Mayer would come to la, I would always be on the road and I'd always miss it. So I actually got to see him play. And so anyways, I'm sitting there at the banquet thing and I meet Michael J. Fox. And he's just like the nicest guy ever. Him and his wife, just a couple of sweethearts, you know, Just one of those amazing couples too, you know, both good looking people and then they form, when they get together, they form an even more amazing person, you know. And I'm sitting there and like I'm literally nervous. Like I'm a brand new comic. Whenever I get to, whenever I do benefits, I get like that nervous because like I've had some that have not gone well. I've done some Christmas parties. The reason why I don't do Christmas parties, I don't do private gigs, you know, which are basically rich people or rich companies or something get together and they will literally hire anyone from like U2 all the way down to some no name comic. Like I was back when I used to do those things. And you would go up there and nobody would know that there was a show and the last one I did, like, they had me go up. I was in, like, a restaurant. These people had rented out the restaurant, and everybody was eating and talking, and I went up there, and I was. No one was listening, and I got defensive. So my already angry material back then was coming off even angrier, and people just literally stopped eating, were just sort of staring down at their plates, and I tried every trick that I knew in the book to turn it around, and I couldn't do it, and I just fucking bombed. I ruined their dinner. I ruined at least that part of it. And I just walked out of there with my agent at the time, and God bless him, he had to listen to me walk 12 blocks with him with absolutely absolute Tourette's, just going like, I am never doing one of those things again. Who the fuck brings somebody up when everybody's eating? Like, I did that. I was going, casey, case him. And I'm supposed to go in and talk about a dog dying, right? I went into that mode, you know? But by the end, after 12 blocks, by the end of it, we were both laughing, and I was just like, should we give him that money back? You know, that was like, fuck, I feel bad. That's the real reason why I was flipping out. You know, I was embarrassed. And then I also felt like I stole money because I just wasn't the. I wasn't the guy for that gig. It should have been, like, somebody, like, who was happy with themselves. All right, so anyways, let's get on with the. No, no, I'll finish telling the story. So anyways, fortunately, the great Dennis Leary was. Was hosting this event, and he went up and immediately turned it into a comedy show. You know, he was up there doing what he does, and he dropped, you know, a couple of F bombs. And then with every joke he told, I got more and more and more and more relaxed, and I was like, all right, thank God. And then I went up on stage, and I just. I just fucking went off and told all these. I just. I. I don't know. I. I did all those stories, telling all those fucking stories of all the shit that women have done to me. And at first, people didn't want to laugh, and then they just started laughing because, you know, sexual misconduct, like I said to a guy, and I'm agreeing with this. It's kind of funny. It's not right, but it is. It's funny. And at first they were like, what the fuck? And then they just sort of went with it, and then all the rest of my shit Just flowed and ended up having one of my favorite sets I've had in such a long time. And then in the end, I got to watch this new great musician that I wasn't aware of, Brad Paisley playing with Steve Jordan's band. And. And then in the end, they brought Michael J. Fox out and they all played Johnny B. Goode. I mean, it was just. It was. I was just standing there like, going, how the fuck is this? My life was amazing, and I just end up having. Then it just turned out it was also the New York Comedy Festival. So all these guys were in town. I got to run into Brian Regan, who just played Carnegie Hall. Hanging out with him, I just had, like, the best. I had the best fucking night. And. And the great New York run here continues, where tomorrow I'm going to be on inside the NFL. I don't know what I'm going to be talking about. God knows I haven't watched nearly as much NFL football as I would have liked this year. I just got so busy with the cartoon and my little acting gig there. Oh, Bill, what do you think you're an actor now?
- [71:16]
Every once in a while, I am.
- [71:20]
All right, my screen went dark here. Let's type in the fucking password. The password. All right, let's read some of your questions here. All right. Not enough women or gays at the Cellar table. Oh, boy, here we go. Oh, red dick, Billy. All the controversy and stand up comedy, he goes. I was hoping to get your take on an article I came across on Facebook called Tear down the Boys Club that protected Louis C.K. that's that witch hunt thing that I'm saying. Like, we had fucking meetings every week. All right, what are we gonna do here? Say, you know, and how everybody else. The second that. Evidently everybody else on the other side, the second that Gawker article came out, you know, immediately took a criminal justice course and just became some gumshoe and went out and bought a giant magnifying glass and walked around looking for clues. All right, it's written by a gay comic who figures basically going after Louis wasn't enough. So he is trying to go after his peers also. Yeah, the witch hunt. The author cries about a certain table at the Comedy Cellar where elite comics like Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld sit. Like, when the table came about, by the way, Jerry Seinfeld was still doing Seinfeld. You know what I mean? I don't know if they actually had a place called the Table. When I first started going to the Comedy Cellar, there wasn't a Table Comics just went upstairs, and they sat all over the place. And I am convinced that the reason why the table was started was because of Patrice. Because Patrice was so loud and so funny, and he was just all over the upper stairs. They were trying to somehow contain him. He was like, jordan, you know, you're not going to stop him. Let's just see if we can contain him. So I think they just tried to get us all seated in one area so they could at least be like, okay, sit down and fold your fucking hands and listen to the teacher. Right? That's how I remember. Anyway, so he goes. He also has never even tried to perform at the. At the Cellar himself. It's kind of like a fourth grader crying to the teacher because the cool kids won't hang out with him. The article implies that by not speaking up about it, the Cellar comics were somehow protecting Louis, even though they were just rumors until recently. Also, the owner of the Cellar. Where are we fucking screaming. Sorry. Also, the owner seller has some great things to say in the comments. Here's a link to the article, and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I read it. And, you know, to be honest with you, considering this guy's also a fellow comedian, I feel bad that that was his perception. I feel bad that that was his perception of what the table was. Because, you know, the table was like. I don't even know how to explain it. Like, that was something like the level of pounding that you had to take. You had to go there and just basically get ripped to shreds. And then what everybody at the table wanted to do. And it wasn't even. It wasn't doing it to just be mean. It was just. I don't. It was just this comedian thing. So you'd sit down and, like, you already would. You'd sit down with, like, whatever you were hung up about with yourself, and they would give another 40 things about you physically that you didn't even notice that. That you should also be self conscious about. However, in the end, all they wanted you to do was come back at them and trash them back. And if you did, you were in regardless. All right? And there was some epic back and forths at that table. You know, people definitely got mad sometimes, but the table wasn't like what a lot of people who didn't go to it think. It was like, this big bullying thing. It was also this amazing thing where, like, I listened to Jewish people and Arab comics going at it, talking about the Middle East. I'd listen to Patrice and, you know, Manny Dorman their debates. Colin Quinn was there. And if I remember correctly, tough crowd came out of those conversations at the table. And if you watch tough crowd, it'd be these comedians talking about these deep issues while trashing each other. And I always felt this. The. The table was inclusive. As long as you were willing. You had to. You had to fucking walk the gauntlet. You just had to fucking do. And you had to survive it. And then if you did, you actually became a better comedian. Because once you got in at the table, then there was this thing. You couldn't not sit at the table. You'd come in and be, hey, Bill, come in. They wanted you to sit at the table because they wanted you to trash you. And then they also wanted you to trash them back. But, you know, I wasn't even part of the elite crew. I wasn't funny enough. I just wasn't. As far as this is just my perception of it was the table was Patrisse Norton Voss, Keith Robinson, Colin Quinn, and later on, Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart, right. And even he was sort of like, just like a rookie, but he also made it so fast, he didn't have time to stay there. So those were the. That was like the Mount Rushmore of the table. And when you showed up and they were all there and somebody had something on you like that time, you know, I, for 24 hours, said I would do stand up on a bus on the way to a World Series game to get a World Series ticket. And I never even ended up doing the gig. I took a headlining set pounding that is still legendary. They told the fucking story on Opie and Anthony. I believe Kevin Hart and them all told the story, man. I got fucking destroyed. Destroyed. So this guy, like, suggesting that it was all like. Everybody was like, there was this team of people. It wasn't. It was fucking cannibalistic. All right? Everything that they said in open Anthony was 100% true, except for the fact that I did the gig. Because I didn't do the gig. I actually gave the gig to somebody else. And I, with the vow of silence, I said, I will never tell anybody that you did this gig, because I don't want you to go through what I just went through. I think the guy who did the gig actually might have said that he was the one who did the gig all these years later. But I still. I'm not saying shit who it was. So anyways, once you got in at the table, then you would go downstairs to go do your set. And one night they. Everybody at the table Be like, you know what? We're watching your set tonight. And you'd be like, ah, fuck. And you would go downstairs, you'd go on stage and the crowd couldn't see. All these fucking asshole comics. I remember they would all be backlit, standing in the hallway, Patrice's big, dumb, stupid head. And you'd have to go up there and like, just commit to your jokes as they were all standing there making faces of disgust, heckling, making noises. And one time I told the joke and it went good. And as I was telling the joke, I had the nerve to actually try to say something in a joke. And Patrice would just go, just do that fucking noise. And then they would all crack up laughing. Then the crowd would laugh like, what the fuck? And get a sense of like, other comics are laughing at this guy. Should we be laughing at him and not respect him as a human being? And then you would just start bombing and never forget. I remember Kevin Hart went downstairs and he went up as a 20 year old comic and survived it and was barely affected. I mean, I know. And then looking at all the stuff that he's doing now, like, you really saw what he was made of. It was a great thing. The cellar table is not what this person perceived it to be. And I feel bad that that person. Because having a fat gay guy comic there would have been great. There would have been a whole other angle. It was actually a really inclusive thing. It's just a lot of people weren't tough enough to get through it. And that's the truth. And it took me, like I said, like a half dozen attempts because I was not a mentally strong person back then. And. But if you see what came out of it, Colin Quinn's Tough Crowd, that was one of the most inclusive shows of all time as far as, like, he gave almost like two and a half generations of stand up comics a TV credit. A lot of them their first TV credit. So I don't know, and I know someone's gonna sit down and watch Tough Crowd be like, oh, it was mainly white males, blah, blah, blah, and all that fucking shit. So I don't know, there's no way to win this type of stuff. But I can tell you that I don't agree with this person's perception of it, but I don't have any anger towards that person for writing that, if that's what they think it was. But it's a little melodramatic. Burn the table down. Like these meetings going on and we're all sitting there trying to hold Back his, his career or whatever. I mean, I don't, I don't fucking. All I remember as far as like trans comics, I just remember there was. I don't know what the proper term was, but there was a guy who dressed like a woman who went on stage and went by the name. She went by the name Sharon Needles. And she used to go up at the Boston Comedy Club and she was fucking hilarious. And the last time I looked her up, I believe she was still doing shows. I think she just got out of the stand up scene. But nobody, I don't know no comics going, oh, what the is this person doing here? Like this. All comic, all comedy is, is if you're funny, other comics are gonna laugh and you get their respect and you're in. You know, everybody has a different fucking road, but everybody's just sitting there going, like, just. I don't know what, what they're doing. It's. Everybody's looking out their own head and it becomes their experience is fact and truth and anybody else's experience is bullshit or something like that. So all I'm doing here is I'm telling my side. That's how I perceived it. And I just remember for the longest time, like we would. I remember one night we fucking were outside the Comedy Cellar. We trashed each other for so fucking long and it was so goddamn funny. It was so late in the night that this woman in an apartment above the Comedy Cellar poured water down onto us to get us to shut the fuck up and going back. You know, like a lot of moments like that in life. I wish I could have. I wish I could have realized how amazing that was during that time. Because as far as I was concerned, the table, the st. This table that this guy wants to burn down that died. The table died when Manny died because, you know, he was the creator of it and he was one of the great conversationalists that I ever met and he was so goddamn funny. And. And what I loved about him is he wasn't a malicious guy. As much as I got. I used to argue with that guy. You know what I mean? I was just. I was a young, angry man and I used to argue with that guy. And. And he was always. The next day, it was always over. I actually kind of learned from him. I learned from him and Bobby Kelly how to squash an argument where, like, how you'd be like the next day just, you know, because I didn't grow up in a family like that. It was just basically, you didn't talk about it. And then you didn't talk for three days. And then fucking four days later, you say, hey, you see the Celtics game last night? Yeah, it was a good game. And then everything was lingering. Those two people. I learned how to have a functional end to an argument. So, yeah, I don't know what that shit's about, but it's unfortunate that that person feels that way about it. But, you know, everybody's entitled to their opinion. All right, Patrice, a Billy Ray. No fun after hearing you along with so many other comics, universary laude Patrice. I finally watched Elephant in the Room Special. Within minutes, he had me in stitches. It's so easy to see why he was so revered within the comedy community. I know you hold him both as a comedian, as a person in an incredibly high regard. I would love to hear some of your insight into him. I recently heard that he was permanently banned from performing at the stand in New York. What was that about? No, he was never banned from the stand. The stand. The stand came out or opened right around when Patrisse got sick. He wasn't banned from there. Anyways, really big fan of the show and would love to see. Come to Australia again soon. Yeah. No. Patrice was getting banned from comedy clubs all the time. All the time. But he was so fucking good, they had to let him back in. It reminds me of when I read this Miles Davis book, and he was talking about Charlie Parker, and when he would party too much and pawn his horn and these clubs would kick him out, they'd eventually have to bring him back in because he was the best and Patrice was the best. And, you know, as much as he would drive him nuts, you wanted him around. You wanted him around you. It's just like the. Like, the Comedy dropped by 40% even with all the other comics still going there if he wasn't there. And just the fun. And then they also knew that if they banned him, that none of the comics were going to hang out at their clubs. We were all going to go to where he was. Yeah. So then they would let him back into the club, and then they created the table. That's. That's how I remember it. That's how I thought that they. Let's. We'll have them all these fucking lunatics, just have them sit in the back at the goddamn table. So then we was sitting down, and it just. You know, it was just a bunch of dogs in a pit. And then that's how the trash. And the trashing was already happening. I remember one night, you know, after I Took the pounding for the bus gig that I never even did. I remember when Bobby first shaved his head. He came in, and I always respected him for this. He came in, he had, like, a hat on, and he sat down right at the fuck and the fat gay guy comic. Here, listen to this story. He didn't shy away from the table. He walked right in, sat down, took his hat off, and looked at everybody like, all right, give it to me. Let's hear it. And everybody just. It was like a def jam bit. He took his hat off, and everybody just. What the. He took this pounding, and everyone was getting him, and he was just sitting there taking it, laughing and all that type of stuff. And I actually thought he looked good with the shaved head, right? And what's his face? I think. Oh, who said it? I think it was Esti. Esty finally got him with one. I think she said, you look like David Wells. I think that that's what she said. And everybody fucking died laughing. And Bobby literally just stood up and just walked out. And I remember thinking, like, you could. I didn't know you could do that. I didn't know you could walk out. I saw Keith Robinson do that one time too. We were trashing his clothes so fucking bad. It was. And he was trying to fight back, and he was just feeling that wave was gonna crash over him. He just fucking ran out the door, got in his car, and drove home to Jersey. We kept texting him and calling him, going, you can't do that. You can't do that. He's like, oh, yeah? Well, I just did. Stupid. Hung up on us. Laughed and hung up on us. Oh, my God. I remember that time Patrice, you know, somehow we found out he. He was home on a Saturday night. He just took, like, a night off. And Jim Norton came and said, you know where Patrice is right now? He's at home on a Saturday night. And they all called him up. And on speakerphone, Patrice just picks up. He's like, hello. And Jim's like, what the are you doing home on a Saturday night? You don't have any gigs. And Patrice just roared laughing, and we all over speakerphone trashed him. He was at home getting trashed at the table. And I just remember him laughing. He loved every second of it. It was. The table's one of the great things ever. So, you know, don't listen to that guy, all right? I lied to my girlfriend.
- [88:28]
All right?
- [88:29]
I lied to my girlfriend. Hey, Bill, I really could use some advice right now. I'm an 18 year old male and I have been with this girl for seven months now. I really care about her and she makes me truly happy. About a year ago, I used to smoke weed and do some drugs. Other drugs, a lot. I used to smoke about three or four times a week, but I quit a little under a year ago. My girlfriend is really against drug use and has told me that she would leave me if I ever did it again. Well, a couple months ago, me and my girl were kind of on a break. Not because we don't want to be with each other, but because of some other shit going on in our lives. All right, that's pretty vague. While we were on this break, I smoked some weed with a buddy of mine. I really regret doing so because I know how this is. This means a lot to her. She has later asked me when was the last time I did any drugs, and I just lied and told her. The last time was when I told her I quit. I can't stop thinking about this, and I feel really bad about lying to her, but I am afraid she's going to leave me or stop trusting me if I tell her now since I had already lied about it several times in the past. All right, what do you do here? Just do what you want to do, all right? If you can't live with it, I would tell her. If not, I mean, you fucking stuck. You took a hit off a joint. If you're not going to. If you're really committed and you're not going to do it again, is it really worth putting you and her through this? It's kind of hard for me to give you advice here because I don't know what you broke up for. I mean, you did it while you were broken up. It's not like you went out and you banged some other woman. You just went out and you just took a hit and you didn't fucking do it again. And you know that's it. But at the end of the day, you know something? If you come clean and she still breaks up with you over that, then you know what? Fuck her if she can't accept you. It's not like you went out and you started using heroin and you stole all the money out of her fucking purse. She can't handle one hit of a joint, and then you feel bad about it and you can't even lie to her about it without feeling terrible that you have to tell her. But you tell her that the reason why you didn't tell her is because you care about her and you didn't Want to lose her. If she still leaves you after that, then she was going to find something. Something, right? Okay. Jim. Girl, you know something? I don't know if I have time to read all of these. I gotta fucking get out of here. Here. Okay. This is the worst thing ever. I'm gonna try to read this quickly. I already read bad when I'm reading at a normal pace. Here. Hey, Billy. Cue ball. A couple months back, I started going to another gym a town over for a change of scenery. After a couple weeks, I run into this tall, athletic girl. She didn't talk to anyone and had that I'm not trying to talk to anyone look going on because of this, me and virtually. Because of what? Because of this and me virtually never cold approaching a girl before I left her alone. Over the next few weeks, I noticed she would be in my area a lot. And when moving between exercises, we would cross paths a lot. Sounds like you're doing that. Whatever that workout is. CrossFit, where you got to run down the street, you know, look at us, everybody. We're working out.
- [91:37]
Hey, look at us.
- [91:42]
You know, leaving your gym and running around a 711 parking lot and coming back.
- [91:46]
We get it.
- [91:47]
You're working out. Jesus Christ. All right. Over the next few weeks, I noticed she would be in my area a lot and when. All right, I already said that. Okay, we crossed paths. All right? So I said fuck it and started talking to her. We had a couple of good convos and I eventually got her number. Look at you. You're in the game. We didn't text much, which is fine because I've learned that texting should be mainly for planning meetups. I still tried a couple of text convos for some rapport since I'd only seen her one to three times a week, sometimes just in passing. Now the issue is, every time I've messaged her, she randomly stops messaging. Probably because you're bugging her at that point, no matter how good the conversation was going or she's busy. I didn't see her for a week before I left for vacation. For another two weeks and no contact. It's been a week since I've been back and I haven't seen her in the gym. Was marginally interested. Was she marginally interested or did I not come on strong enough? Should I text her again or just move on and wait till I see her again? Well, if you're still into her, just text us. Just say, hey, I haven't seen you at the gym and what the. Where's the harm in that, you know, in this day and age, you know, make sure there's a lawyer there when you do it, because who knows with the. The. The what the next fucking thing is going to be? Yeah, I would just. I would text her and just say, hey, you know, I'm back. You know, would you like to go out sometime? Gives a fuck. Fuck her in her cold fucking vibe. Just say what you want to do. Either she wants to do it, go do it. If she doesn't, move on, that's it. Easy one. All right. But I wouldn't question yourself. You know, all that. Don't be in your head. Don't be like Jon Favreau in Swingers. You know, that's what I always think. Just never get into that mode. Just, you know, it's normal to be nervous, both men and women when you're dating or whatever. Men and men, women and women, everybody included. Whenever you get into that, I would say, don't ever send a text when you're in that mode. I would sit down, relax, and just think, what do I want? I want to go on a date with this person. Well, that's what you ask them. I would love to take you out sometime. I haven't seen you in a minute. I'd love to take you out sometime.
- [94:12]
Right?
- [94:13]
That's it. What's she gonna say? How dare you fucking ask me out. She's either gonna say yes or no. Okay? And if she says no, who gives a fuck? You don't have any regret. You asked. But if you don't ask, then you got to be like, what happened? All right, Foursome gone wrong. This is the last one and I'm done. I recently visited my friend at his big time college for his school's school rivalry weekend. I'm going big time. That's what they said when I went to Notre Dame versus usc. And they were like, big time college football. Speaking of, a Notre Dame got a big time ass kicking against Miami. Holy shit. The convicts kicking the shit out of the fucking. I like how they still called the Catholics and not the pedophiles.
- [94:59]
You know what I mean?
- [95:00]
I mean, not everybody at the University of Miami, you know, has gone to jail or been arrested. Okay? But if you're going to call them convicts, then, I mean, God damn it, we got to go pedophile with Notre Dame, right? It was a great time. And his school was one school.
- [95:17]
One.
- [95:18]
And at the last second and at the last second, so the atmosphere is crazy. Later that night, I attended a party at the Fraternity he is a member of. Anyways, we meet these two girls and decide to tell him we were actually real, real life brothers and we somehow tricked convinced these girls into having a foursome. How do you tell them that you're related and that they want to do it? Tricked is a very dangerous word to use right now, buddy. All right, we all go into this room. What do you mean, trick? What do you do? Did you do the old quarter? Hey, I'll make a quarter disappear. Hey, where's the quarter? Is it behind your ear? Here's my dick. We all go into his room and start hooking up. And since he had a large bed, we had girls on it and we're banging them side by side, doggy style. After what seemed like a while, but was probably six minutes, I unfortunately released my champagne of victory. So now it's my buddy and both the girls in the bed and I'm just in the corner of the room. I really wanted to get back in there, but I knew it would take a little bit of time to get back up. So I decided to look for something to use to start jerking off. Oh, God. I found out what turned out to be my buddy's contact solution and applied it and started tugging. After a few minutes, Olympic tugging, I started to feel movement and thought I'd be back in the game soon. You're like an injured player that went out for a play. At that moment, my buddy and the two chicks who he was nailing turn around and face the me and catch me jerking off. From their perspective, they think I'm jerking off to them. Oh, no. When in reality, I'm jerking it so I can bang the second girl. One girl sort of freaks out. I love that she freaks out after fucking thinking that she's having a fucking foursome with two brothers. One girl sort of freaks out and my buddy screams, what the hell are you doing? At that point, I didn't know what to say, so I ran out of the room naked and just stood outside the door until they finished. Eventually, the girls left and my buddy let me back into the room where he proceeded to ask why I was jerking off to him. Oh, no. He goes. I tried to plead my case and give rash and give a rational explanation, but he's continuing to be persistent that I was jerking off to him. And now he's being extremely distant from me and has told all of our friends who have constantly been berating me for jerking off while my buddy banged two chicks. Do you have any advice on how I can somehow spin this story. I mean, at the end of the day, I did get laid, too. All right, here's what's hilarious about all that. The woman gets offended, like, what are you doing? It's like, what are you doing? You're having, like, a fucking foursome with two people that you think are related. And secondly, I don't know how guys do that. I don't know how you could bang a woman with your buddy next to you also banging. You know what I mean? Like, how do you block out the sound of your friend, like, right next to you? I mean, do you look at each other at any point and, like, how do you not start fucking laughing? I don't. I've never understood that. Yeah, you probably should have gone into the bathroom. You probably shouldn't have been looking at them. I mean, dude, what you have here is a fucking hilarious story. And I. You know, in the spirit of the table. All right, when your friends are giving you. I would just laugh. You just have to learn to laugh at yourself and just be like, I swear to God, I was trying to get back in the game. Just tell the story the way you just told it to me and think that it's hilarious that this dude thinks you were jerking off to him. I would just laugh it off. Which is how you get out of most shit. You know, that's how Donald Trump became president. He just. That's probably a bad guy to bring up. He's out there grabbing pussies. They'd be like, he said all this shit about women. No, I didn't. I said it about Rosie o'.
- [99:35]
Donnell.
- [99:37]
Well, you said it about other women, too. And he's like, yeah, you're probably right. It ends it. It's when you keep fighting it. I would just fucking laugh it off. I know it's tough at your age, but listen, dude, if you have it in you to fucking fuck a woman right next to your friend, if you. If you have the focus to do that, I think he can get through this. But, dude, you got one hell of a goddamn story. That's a great story. So, anyways, all right, that's it. I have to. I got to get on with my day here. Thanks to everybody who's listened to the podcast. Thanks to the. The Fox foundation, the Westside Comedy Club. Please go. Please go out to the comedy club. And thanks to everybody on Front Runner that let me have a quick little part in that thing. I had such a great time. Oh, and by the way, guess what's out? Daddy's Home, Part two. I was in part one, you got it. Part two, I heard, is even better. Joe Bartnik, Rose bowl tailgate legend, told me he went to go see that. He said, dude, I fucking laughed out loud like 25 times. Comedians don't laugh out loud ever. It's one of the. One of the fucking. I don't know, it's one of the prices you pay as a comedian. You stop laughing. You just start going, oh, that was funny. But you never laugh. You never laugh again. So definitely go check that out. And who knows, who knows? Maybe you'll see a familiar face in there. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.
- [101:03]
Paul Versi
What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything better podcast show, NFL edition for week number 11.
- [101:12]
Bill Burr
Guys.
- [101:14]
Paul Versi
I mean, anyway, let's just get into the show here. I'm Paul Versey, that's Bill Burr. We have Jake the Snake, our injury report guy, as always. And of course, Andrew Themless the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills.
- [101:28]
Bill Burr
Dude.
- [101:28]
Paul Versi
Another week of. I mean, Bill, first of all, Bill Burr, everybody. I mean, he gives credit where credit's due. I give credit where credit's due. Six weeks in a row. This man, I think, has gone his worst in the last six weeks was two and two once. Now he is above.500. Another three and one week where yours truly, another one in three week. Because Miami Dolphins decided to save their coach's job. I mean, what the happened, dude? What happened? I mean, do a chimpanzee, A chimpanzee could throw darts at a board and pick better than me right now.
- [102:08]
Bill Burr
Dude, I only reason why I took the Dolphins because everybody said the Bills and I just did something about the Dolphins. They're good for one of those a year. One of those a year. They used to beat the Patriots every time we go down there, even during the Belichick Brady years. I said this last week. So that's the reason why I took him. I didn't know anything. I just. I was just guessing.
- [102:26]
Paul.
- [102:27]
Paul Versi
Dude, I feel like the Giants coach Dable that just got fired where every week I'm going, gotta get better. Just gotta get better.
- [102:34]
Bill Burr
I gotta.
- [102:36]
Paul Versi
Gotta figure this out.
- [102:38]
Bill Burr
Look, you know, all we can do is learn from what we haven't been doing right and, you know, just try to try to get better.
- [102:45]
Paul Versi
Is there anything funnier that a coach on the hot seat, knowing his job is on the line, just looking at reporters, just going like, yeah, gotta get better. Go look at tape, go look a film, real good film. His mind, he's like I could be.
- [102:57]
Bill Burr
Looking at film that little things become big things at the end of the game. We just do little things. Every does their job. But, you know, I did see some good things today. I saw some good things.
- [103:08]
Paul Versi
The Giants fired their coach. Of course, everybody knows. And look, I got to be honest with you. You want to say a dude, I called it. I'm in a group text with a couple buddies and they all go, dude, you caught. I watched the game. The Giants had another double digit lead in the fourth quarter with under five minutes. And I literally looked at my buddy and I go, if they lose this game, he is not going to see tomorrow as the Giants head coach because it's too many times. And sure enough, it was just like another blown lead late in the fourth and. But you know when I knew he was done, Bill? You know when I knew he was done? When he got fined the hundred thousand for like going in the tent. The desperation of him going in the tent when Jackson Dart was there, he's going, is he ready?
- [103:51]
Bill Burr
Is he coming out? Is he?
- [103:52]
Paul Versi
And he like poked his head in and they go like, dude, you can't do that. Like, he was so desperate for his job that he's like, it's fourth down.
- [104:00]
Bill Burr
The head coach can't go in the concussion time.
- [104:02]
Paul Versi
Well, he can't know. Like he went like, he was like panicking because it was coming up on fourth down and dude, he ran over there, poked his head in. He looked so desperate and nuts that it was just like, all right, you.
- [104:14]
Bill Burr
Know what is nuts about weird the tent was that they went in there and no one could see, like, what the fuck are they doing in there? Now it's just normal. Yeah, that is weird. Like, what are they doing in there?
- [104:25]
Paul Versi
Well, when I think with a concussion, you know, the nerdy guy in the suit goes in and they look at, you know, they just, I guess look and see.
- [104:32]
Bill Burr
But they don't want the crowd to.
- [104:35]
Know that the guy got a concussion because now the crowd knows about the CTE and the awful.
- [104:40]
Paul Versi
Yeah.
- [104:41]
Bill Burr
Quality of life. These players, most of them end up with that. The owners only gave him 700 bucks each for their service.
- [104:49]
Paul Versi
Yeah, yeah, dude, think about the.
- [104:52]
Bill Burr
You know what, Paul? It's a metaphor. The concussion, the concussion tent. There's one in every business.
- [104:58]
Paul Versi
Yeah, yeah, that'd be funny. That'd be funny if there was just a literal tent. A corporate guy loses a ton of money on the stock market. He's like, how do they bring him.
- [105:14]
Bill Burr
In the doctor now he gets Busted for insider trading. And then the piece of that paid him sticking his head in. Is he ready? Can he come back out? Is he still suspended? Is he taking the fall? He didn't say my name, did he?
- [105:28]
Paul Versi
A tent falls over his cubicle.
- [105:34]
Bill Burr
Yeah, you hit on a chicken, a bar, you just get shot down too many times, and they just put that. Dude, I don't know what's going on with you. How do you open with the line like that? You know, it's okay if you're gay. Like, I don't know what's going on here, but, like, I've never seen, like, this is shooting fish in a barrel. These women are desperate.
- [105:49]
Paul Versi
His buddy that needed a wingman because he thought he was gonna get ladies.
- [105:52]
Bill Burr
Poking his head in the tent. Is he all right?
- [105:53]
Paul Versi
Is he coming out?
- [105:55]
Bill Burr
How many women do you see? How many women do you see over there in the corner? Three. Three. I don't know. I want to get another drink.
- [106:02]
Paul Versi
I'm gonna get another drink.
- [106:07]
Bill Burr
You're either drinking kamikazes. Are you hitting on women? You can't do both.
- [106:13]
Paul Versi
It's great. All right, guys, before we get into our week 11 picks, before we get into our week 11 picks, we got to shout out our sponsor. It's BetMGM, guys. You know who it is. Bet MGM. The best book, the best lines out there. And if you want to join bet MGM and be a part of the anything better podcast here with our picks, all you got to do is get your device here and you download the BetMGM app and you use our code. Our code is Burr Burr. It's very simple. All you got to do is put as little as $10 in the account and make your first bet. If you lose that bet, you will get $1500 in bonus bets. After that first wager is done, which is a great deal. Have fun with us. They have great bets for you guys to do. And then we have the first touchdown promotion, which is you pick any NFL player of any NFL game to get a touchdown, and in the first touchdown, I'm so the first touchdown of that game. If they do, you win your money. If they don't, but in fact, get the second touchdown in that NFL game, you will get your cash back. It's that simple. Guys, have a good time. Bet responsibly. And what could I say? I'm going on week 11 here, and I'm losing. So we'll go with Bill right now because Bill is above 500. And before that, guys, before we do this pick, we got to bring in our. You know who we love to bring in. His name is Jake the Snake. He is our update guy. He is our injury guy. Oh, there.
- [107:37]
Bill Burr
We write every week about the previous week. It's my favorite text message I get of the week. He.
- [107:43]
Jake the Snake
Thank you, though.
- [107:44]
Paul Versi
He does his homework. He gives us a little report. We missed you last night.
- [107:48]
Bill Burr
He's a playboy at night, but during the day when he watches the games, this man sees things that other people miss. What do you got, Jake?
- [107:55]
Jake the Snake
It's real quick. It's funny because you guys talking about the tent for the. For the picking up chicks at the bar. There's all kinds of videos of, like, people doing something similar. Whether, like, they'll have a. They'll call to the bullpen or they'll, like, have a headset on and they'll, like, call and they'll be like, what kind of play is that? No, get him out of there. Get him out of there. So that doesn't mind.
- [108:19]
Bill Burr
I do miss that. Being single. Striking out with chicks was once you found the humor in it, dude, it was hilarious.
- [108:26]
Oh, all right.
- [108:27]
So what do you got? People coming back, people going away, what's going on?
- [108:33]
Jake the Snake
Yeah, so it's most.
- [108:34]
Bill Burr
I'll.
- [108:34]
Jake the Snake
I'll provide. So just some updates with the quarterbacks C.J. stroud missed last week with the concussion. It looks like he'll be back for this week's game against the Titans. We talked about the Giants a little or you guys are talking about the Giants a little bit. Jackson Dart's probably going to be out this week against the Packers. This is the fourth time he's been evaluated for a concussion this year, so they really want to probably take it easy on him. And we. I sent it to the chat, but Jameis Winston is going to start this week over Russell Wilson. They seem to be really done with him over there. Kyler Murray is going to be out for a while. They placed him on ir, so that's going to be at least four weeks with the foot injury. But Jacoby Brissette, the old Patriots backups, looking good out there. He's going to keep starting for the Cardinals. Brock Purdy, though, is expected to come back. He has a turf toe injury, so this is gonna be the first week he'll be back, so that's exciting for Niners fans. And then we got a positive Joe Burrow update. He won't be back this week, but he's finally practicing and he'll be back by Thanksgiving.
- [109:36]
Bill Burr
So I thought he was gonna come back this week that's awesome though.
- [109:39]
Jake the Snake
I love it.
- [109:40]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [109:40]
Jake the Snake
So we got some guys back and then. Yeah, we can kind of keep going as you guys make your picks for sure if you have any questions. But yeah, those are kind of a big one.
- [109:48]
Paul Versi
You know what? ESPN has Adam Schefter and anything better has Jake the fucking Snake. Okay, that's as good of a report as you're gonna get, Bill. It is week 11. It is an odd week, which means you, my friend, are on the clock.
- [110:05]
Bill Burr
Well, you know, Paul, I'm an odd guy.
- [110:08]
Well, you know, I've been fucking running my yap about my Thursday night theory about division rival Thursday night game. If the dog is getting more than five and a five and a half points, take the dog. And wouldn't you know it, this week my New England Patriots are favored by 13. Paul. Against the same division New York jets who got their first their second win last week against the Browns. It's the only game I lost last week and I got to stick with it. I got to dance with what brung me the last couple of weeks. I'm going to take The jets getting 13 points on Thursday night. I just think, you know, game plans, Paul. Simple grables a better coach, but only four days to prepare. I just think, yeah, 13 is a ton of fucking points and I'm going to take the Jets.
- [111:01]
Paul Versi
Well, you took.
- [111:02]
Bill Burr
No getting 13. Sorry.
- [111:04]
Paul Versi
You took my first pick. And I love the pick because I was going to take it. Look, I don't, I don't care.
- [111:13]
Bill Burr
Tickets. Tear up the tickets. Better horse. Tear up the tickets.
- [111:21]
Paul Versi
He took the horse, dude. Look, I don't know what's gotten into the Dolphins. The Dolphins are, they're bad, but they, I mean how do they beat the Bills coming off the Bills bye week, right?
- [111:37]
Bill Burr
I got a theory. I got a theory.
- [111:39]
Paul Versi
Please.
- [111:41]
Bill Burr
Because what happens is, is when they know the coach is gone, that's sort of a foregone conclusion. Then all of a sudden the players start worrying that they're gone. So after they quit from the coach on the coach, then there's this like, well, I don't want to get. I don't want to get ax to. I don't want to be part when somebody comes in and cleans the house. So once they get rid of their coach, then they start fucking playing again. Well, look, although he's still there, so that was a stupid thing. I. I should just shut up as usual.
- [112:08]
Sorry. Go ahead. Listen.
- [112:10]
Paul Versi
The Dolphins beat the Bills. They have a low line and they're home. Jaden Daniels is out. What's that?
- [112:18]
Jake the Snake
They're in Spain, but, yeah.
- [112:20]
Paul Versi
Oh, they're in Spain. Okay.
- [112:22]
Bill Burr
Yeah. Why would you do that to Spain? Why would you send these two awful teams? Are they trying to go global? Are we trying to start another war?
- [112:36]
Paul Versi
When this game got announced, the Lions.
- [112:37]
Bill Burr
Playing the Eagles, send that to Spain. If you want to fucking get people, you don't send them the fucking Cowboys, Raiders game, or the commanders, Dolphins.
- [112:45]
Paul Versi
They should put the blue tent over Spain. Be like, no, no, no, we got another. Get another team in here. Get two other teams in here.
- [112:55]
Bill Burr
We need to go over and be like, this isn't what it usually looks like.
- [113:01]
Paul Versi
I'm going to take the Miami Dolphins to try to save this guy's job. I don't know if it's savable, but you know what? The commanders are just in bad shape. The Dolphins got to be feeling good in the facility this week after beating the Bills. And it's under. It's under a field goal. I think both teams are bad, but I think now the Dolphins have the better quarterback in this. In this matchup. It's still two, right?
- [113:28]
Jake the Snake
It's still two.
- [113:29]
Bill Burr
Yep.
- [113:29]
Jake the Snake
Still too up.
- [113:31]
Paul Versi
I'm gonna. I know this is just nuts, but I like the line under three, and I think both teams are bad, but I'm gonna go with the team that's, I guess, feeling a little better than the other one this week. So I got the Miami Dolphins.
- [113:45]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [113:45]
Seahawks won big last week that coming down to Los Angeles to play the Rams. I just think the Rams always seem to have their number down there. I'm taking the Rams. Min 3 going with the favorite, Paulie. You know, a little red, little black on the roulette wheel. What do I care? I'm over here wearing a cheap suit.
- [114:05]
Paul Versi
I mean, who are you?
- [114:06]
Bill Burr
We're wearing a mom matching sweatpant outfit here.
- [114:13]
Jake the Snake
That'll be one of my picks, too.
- [114:15]
Bill Burr
Jesus, Paul, you are in between your ears. You didn't say one. You just looking down on your paper look like you're taking your SATs and you know you're not going to college, but you got to fill in a few more before the lady goes, all right, that's it, Paul. It's. It's over.
- [114:30]
Paul Versi
Because you know what? My bill. Remember that? Remember that video we saw of the guy watching horses going, come on, come on, come on. He goes, she lost, she won, she lost.
- [114:43]
Bill Burr
No, I like this guy. And he goes, come on. The worst. The darkest part of that thing is not him shirtless with his Jeans and his muffin top. It's when he's just staring before as the race is going and just going. This is so bad. This is so stupid. I should, I mean, it's really like. It's heartbreaking, that addiction. At least on drugs, you're like. You don't even fucking remember what you do. Like as a gambler, just wide awake, no anesthetic, just losing your paycheck. But gamble on these games, everybody.
- [115:24]
Sorry.
- [115:24]
Paul Versi
Well, here's the deal.
- [115:26]
Bill Burr
What is my message here?
- [115:30]
Paul Versi
Your message is, Andrew, you know where to cut that, right? I'm gonna take the 40.
- [115:36]
Bill Burr
You gotta give the people the truth. You know, what I'm doing is stupid. So fucking don't get real stupid.
- [115:42]
Paul Versi
Oh, we always tell them that. Yeah, have fun.
- [115:45]
Bill Burr
Have fun. All you have to do, Paul, gamble responsibly. Drink responsibly. Do smack responsibly.
- [115:53]
Well, everything.
- [115:54]
Paul Versi
Eat responsibly. Have two cookies. Don't have the sleeve.
- [115:58]
Bill Burr
Well, they put it on you. They put it on you after they fuck you, okay? Take away all your benefits and you come home and you got a whole fucking liquor cabinet and you've been treated like shit all day. Then it's on you to fucking drink responsibly. So then you can beat Is then it's still your fault. Maybe if there's less cunts in the world, there'd be less pain and people wouldn't have to fucking medicate with this. All right, let's, let's, let's keep going here, Paul. So, Paul, what do you like next?
- [116:31]
Paul Versi
I'm gonna take the 49ers minus two and a half.
- [116:34]
Bill Burr
Brock, you. I love that game.
- [116:38]
Paul Versi
Well, you took my jets. I'm gonna take the 49ers because Brock Purdy's coming back and I think they're going to be juiced up that he's back. And Kyler Murray is out for the Cardinals. Yeah, I just think the 49ers are gonna, they're getting their captain back. I, I, I think that the line being under three again. Another line under three. So I'm gonna take them.
- [117:04]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [117:04]
I like that picture and that kind of me here because I, I was real. I was seeing things. I was seeing things. Dude, what the. Are the Panthers? What are, who are they?
- [117:14]
What are they?
- [117:15]
Does anybody know?
- [117:16]
Paul Versi
No.
- [117:17]
Jake the Snake
They're five and five. Unbelievable.
- [117:20]
Bill Burr
They're five and five and they're there like. Yeah, yeah, that, that's, that's like dating a stripper. I, I know enough to stay out of the NFC South. If I've learned anything, although I don't, I. Yeah, I still in my mind, the 49ers are in the NFC south, but they used to be in the west and with the Falcons. So I. That still fucks me up. I had this poster, Paul, on my wall when there was only 28 teams in the NFL. Paul, if you don't stop looking at your fucking paper, I don't sign my paper. If you don't have the answers by November 13th, turn it around. All you can do is get better.
- [117:59]
Paul Versi
Phil, I'm looking at film. I'm looking at film.
- [118:06]
Bill Burr
I don't. Man, there's not a lot of meat on the bone after you took that 49ers game. Paul, great pick. I'm gonna take the Giants. I'm kidding. I am going to take. Dude, the Ravens, I don't give a. What they did last week. Those. I always lose when I bet them. I. Oh, my God. I'm gonna take old twinkle toes out there in Kansas City -4, playing the Broncos. This is their time of year. Travis is going to stomp around. The meerkat's going to start showing up to the games going, oh, my God, Travis. And they're just going to fucking gear up that whole media machine. Flags are in the pockets, Paul, in the pockets. Holding, holding. Defense. I didn't see anything as he runs by with the ball, sticking it out.
- [119:01]
Paul Versi
Hey, talk about who's the Milwaukee, who's the Bucks, who are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers now, what happened to them?
- [119:08]
Bill Burr
You know what, Paul? You and Baker Mayfield have the exact same beard. And I think that's a little. There's a little synergy going on there, which is, Paul, you're a fucking winner.
- [119:22]
Okay?
- [119:24]
Paul Versi
I like it.
- [119:25]
Bill Burr
Baker Mayfield is a fucking winner. You heard that guy's fucking story. He played for Texas Tech. He wins five games. They still don't make him. His is still make him the starter. Him and his mom drive up to Norman, Oklahoma. They can't get on the team. He just enrolls as a fucking student. He walks on, walks on and wins the Heisman Trophy. He's played for the Browns.
- [119:51]
Paul Versi
That's crazy.
- [119:52]
Bill Burr
Play for the Rams. That's okay. He played for the bucket. This guy has played for perennial losers. And the man wins. Yeah, and now he's going in there with Buffalo. And all they got is chicken wings, Paul. That's all they got. They got chicken wings, they got lake effect snow, and they have an AFL title when John JFK was still alive. How do you like that? There's my Jake the Snake Report.
- [120:29]
Paul Versi
All right, well, for my next pick.
- [120:32]
Bill Burr
Paul, what are you more excited about, going to Tampa or going to Buffalo?
- [120:40]
Paul Versi
I mean, I. I love the people of Buffalo, but Tampa.
- [120:44]
Bill Burr
But Tampa, come on, it's got the great weather. That's where Scientology starts. You can get yourself a cigar down in Ybor City.
- [120:52]
Great.
- [120:53]
Go down there and feel like you're in good shape. Look at those people in Buffalo. They're not breaking tables. They're trying to kill themselves.
- [121:04]
Jake the Snake
You'll still feel like you're in good shape there.
- [121:06]
Bill Burr
I actually tell you, I. I do love Buffalo. And they have one of the best minor league baseball stadiums. You ever seen that thing. You ever. Take a walk, Paul? Hey, Paul, take a walk. Next time.
- [121:15]
Paul Versi
I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
- [121:16]
Bill Burr
I'm gonna take you up. Fading away.
- [121:19]
Why? Oh.
- [121:24]
Paul Versi
Yeah.
- [121:24]
Bill Burr
When this podcast is.
- [121:25]
Paul Versi
It's an Opal one. It's a good one, but I didn't. I didn't set it right. I'm going to Best Buy, get a new one because I got to get a microphone cord anyway.
- [121:32]
Bill Burr
I like.
- [121:33]
I'm going to Best Buy.
- [121:34]
Paul Versi
I'm gonna take. I'm gonna go head to head with Bill. I'm gonna take. The Denver Broncos getting four at home against the Chiefs. The Chiefs are not. The Chiefs are good, but we'll. We'll see. I like the four points in Denver at home.
- [121:47]
Bill Burr
That line was four and a half before it moved to four, so maybe something. Maybe something.
- [121:53]
Okay.
- [121:54]
You know what's crazy, guys?
- [121:55]
Jake the Snake
The Chiefs are not in the playoffs.
- [121:56]
Bill Burr
As of today.
- [121:59]
Jake the Snake
So they. This is a pretty big. That is November.
- [122:04]
Bill Burr
It's a show. It's a show. They're not gonna. They gotta have the prong king and queen there. They gotta do it. They gotta do it. Listen. I will give it to the NFL. They listened to the fans. They knew we were sick of the fucking preferential treatment. They called off the dogs in the super bowl, and they waited for the Ravens and the Bills. They waited five weeks for one of them to step up and start dating a pop star and winning games, and nobody did it. So they got a ride with the Chiefs. I think the hankies go away, the hate starts up again, and it's. It's just.
- [122:41]
I don't know.
- [122:44]
Paul Versi
Bill's got one more pick, right?
- [122:47]
Bill Burr
Yes. Yeah, I do. Who does the Bengals have as quarterback?
- [122:55]
Jake the Snake
Still Joe Flacco.
- [122:58]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I'll take Joe Flacco in five and a half points, division rivalry against the Steelers. I do love Aaron Rodgers, though. They're at home. These games. I don't know. They're always close. Black and blue division.
- [123:11]
Paul Versi
No, to your point.
- [123:11]
Jake the Snake
I don't get why the Steelers are such big favorites. They got smacked on on Sunday Night Football, so it's kind of a. Interesting line.
- [123:19]
Bill Burr
And that line just dropped a point this morning or last night too. That was. Bengals were getting six and a half. Wow. I don't like that.
- [123:28]
That was probably a stupid pick. But you know what, Paul? I'm a summer school kid. I do stupid things.
- [123:34]
Paul Versi
Hey, Andrew. Why does the Texans line and the Titans line have six and six and a half? Why is it different?
- [123:39]
Bill Burr
That is a typo.
- [123:42]
So what's.
- [123:43]
Paul Versi
What's the line?
- [123:44]
Bill Burr
I'm gonna. Hey, Paul, guess what? Everybody missed that but you. Everybody missed that but you, Paul. You're seeing it. I hope that's your first little bloop single. I'm out of the slump. Come on, Paulie. Just get a runner on.
- [124:03]
Just get a runner on.
- [124:04]
Just try to make contact. That line.
- [124:07]
That line. That line moved half the point two. That's why there was a half down.
- [124:12]
So what is it? What kind of are betting this early in the week? Unless you're going with.
- [124:17]
Jake the Snake
It's a great point.
- [124:19]
Bill Burr
The look ahead lines on Monday. I mean, it's preseason odds. Yeah.
- [124:24]
Yeah.
- [124:24]
Jake the Snake
They have lines.
- [124:26]
Bill Burr
Okay, maybe that's the move because. Because the lines are bigger earlier in the week. Maybe you want to get in there. You want to be the guy that moves the line. I don't know.
- [124:36]
Dude.
- [124:36]
Paul Versi
What's going on with the Chicago Bears being 6 and 3, too? That's nuts. That is a big game, but it's a way. Minnesota needs it. Dude, I'm gonna take. I'm gonna take Baker Mayfield and the Buccaneers getting five and a half points.
- [124:55]
Bill Burr
Baker Versi.
- [124:57]
Paul Versi
I see the Bills winning this game by three. So I'm gonna take the points. And I got two favorites. I got two dogs. Let's see what happens. I hate this week. That's why I'm staring at it like I'm trying to crack a code. But that's it. That's where I'm at.
- [125:12]
Bill Burr
So. The Monday Night Special.
- [125:17]
Paul, I just can't get above.500. I've never been able to do it.
- [125:24]
You're at that.
- [125:25]
I had kids. I just. I. Every time I come up rare, the book just fucking pushes my goddamn skull back under the beluga whale.
- [125:34]
Paul Versi
We have our games here.
- [125:36]
Bill Burr
All right, I gotta get rolling here, man. So let's. Let's. I gotta Go to work. So let's knock this out here, all right? Look at the games.
- [125:43]
Paul Versi
We got the Cowboys and Raiders in the Monday night game over.
- [125:49]
Bill Burr
Oh, that Lions, Eagles. Sunday night. They're not doing two Monday night games.
- [125:53]
Paul Versi
No, two Monday night games.
- [125:54]
Bill Burr
Sunday night versus Monday night. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
- [125:58]
Times.
- [126:00]
Jake the Snake
You gotta sing your song, Bill.
- [126:03]
Bill Burr
Oh, let the Monday night special win some money for you. Let the Monday night special win some money for you, Paulie. Oh, my God.
- [126:13]
Paul Versi
What do you like?
- [126:14]
Bill Burr
You like good guys versus the bad guys?
- [126:17]
Yeah, let's go with the bad guys.
- [126:22]
Do you know one of my favorite Monday night games growing up? Lalo Alzado and the Raiders were coming in and, you know, the Cowboys were called America's team back then, and they were all clean cut and all of this stuff. They had the beautiful cheerleaders and all that. The Raiders came in looking like a motorcycle gang. And they just took that on, that whole identity. Like they wanted to go in there and just fuck up something nice like Lyle Alzado because his dad didn't hug him. And they came in and they kicked the Cowboys ass. It was fucking great. I loved those Raiders teams back then. And also Lyle Alzado, he was the shit. All right. Cowboys, Raiders. Paul. Cowboys laying three and a half as the favorites going in there. Sneaky Pete better coach.
- [127:05]
Paul Versi
Yep. Cowboys not good this year.
- [127:09]
Bill Burr
I'll take the Raiders. I'll take Pete Carroll taking the dude. But the Cowboys just got such a better quarterback. Yeah. Meaning I don't know who the Raiders quarterback is.
- [127:20]
Yeah.
- [127:22]
Who is it? Mark Wilson.
- [127:24]
Paul Versi
Chino Smith.
- [127:26]
Bill Burr
Chino Smith. You know Chino, he's a generous guy.
- [127:35]
Paul Versi
You know, sneaky. You know, Sneaky Pete on a. On a. Under the lights, though, you know, Sneaky Pete knows he's on tv.
- [127:44]
Jake the Snake
I think I like your guys instinct to take the Raiders to cover. I think. I think that's.
- [127:49]
Bill Burr
Yeah, I like the Raiders to cover because I. Because I think people are like thinking the Cowboys are going to go in.
- [127:54]
I don't.
- [127:54]
You know, how do you. How do you keep your team under wraps?
- [127:56]
Paul.
- [127:56]
Paul, you're the new coach of the Giants. You're playing the Vegas Raiders. How do you keep. How do you make them make curfew?
- [128:04]
Paul Versi
I know.
- [128:07]
Bill Burr
You can't with Vegas when it comes to horse. Right? Like one of the horiest cities. Both, you know, if you had to rank them.
- [128:17]
Paul Versi
I have Vegas. Miami.
- [128:20]
Bill Burr
I thought of Miami, too.
- [128:21]
Paul Versi
Yeah. Vegas.
- [128:22]
Bill Burr
Mike, they're not whores, are they? Just fucking Beautiful women that you want to bang.
- [128:27]
Paul Versi
Yeah.
- [128:27]
Bill Burr
That. Don't even see you. Really old face. All right, let's. Let's get out of here. All right, let's take the Cowboys. No, let's take the. Let's take the Raiders. Let's do our classic. We'll take the Raiders, then we'll take that. We'll take Zach to throw one and.
- [128:47]
Paul Versi
CD Lamb to catch one.
- [128:50]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God. CD Lamb is back.
- [128:52]
Jake the Snake
CD Lamb, the catch one. I actually like that.
- [128:55]
Bill Burr
Yeah, we have to take them back.
- [128:58]
Good game.
- [129:00]
Jake the Snake
You can take the Raiders running back, Jan T. To score one as well. He's great.
- [129:04]
Paul Versi
All right, let's do that. And we'll do Lamb to throw one, and we'll take the points.
- [129:09]
Bill Burr
No, Lamb to catch one.
- [129:10]
Yeah, Lamb to catch one.
- [129:12]
Paul Versi
Running back of the Raiders to get one, and then we'll take the points. Three and a half. I like that.
- [129:17]
Bill Burr
Just out of curiosity, what is the line for Lamb to throw one on the option?
- [129:22]
Paul Versi
Oh, dude, that's got to be like, hey, that's big money, dude.
- [129:29]
Bill Burr
That's one of those bets. You hit that bet, you make the news. Watch.
- [129:32]
We don't take that.
- [129:33]
Paul Versi
And he does it to win the game. That's when I quit the show. That's when I go, guys.
- [129:43]
Bill Burr
That's when you. Paul, you get quiet. I say, what the throw. Paul gets quiet. Yeah, when Paul loses, he gets quiet. He just.
- [129:50]
Paul Versi
How funny would it be if that happened? And you just saw Stacy here for next week's show. She's like, what's up, everybody?
- [129:58]
Bill Burr
Paul is resting. Paul is resting. He wants to know. He wants all you guys to know that you. He loves you guys. Paul's in the tent.
- [130:09]
You see what I did there?
- [130:10]
I put a bow on it.
- [130:12]
Paul Versi
That's our show, Everybody. Everybody, check me out at Levity Live on Thanksgiving Eve. I'll be at the Edmontown Hall December 12th in Newtown, Connecticut. For more dates, go to Paul Versi. Stay out of the tent this week.
- [130:25]
Bill Burr
Hey, I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be at the Whiskey, the Whiskey of Go Go on Sunset. I'm doing Stand up there. Always wanted to perform them. Doing it Monday night.
- [130:32]
Paul Versi
Oh, nice.
- [130:33]
Bill Burr
It's gonna be. Old freckles is gonna shake the rust off. Taking off these acting clothes, getting back out, doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Paul, I'm just picturing that concussion tent on. Just your half of the bed is hilarious. Stacy. Shaking the tent in the morning. Paul, you want some breakfast?
- [130:54]
No, I'm good.
- [131:00]
Jake the Snake
All right.
- [131:00]
Bill Burr
I'm gonna go get some breakfast.
- [131:01]
I gotta get my.
- [131:02]
Paul Versi
We'll see you next week.
- [131:03]
Bill Burr
Take care. All right. See you, guys. Thanks for watch.