Patrice Benefit, Privacy, Cold Plunge | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 5-1-26

Summary

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Monday Morning Podcast – "Patrice Benefit, Privacy, Cold Plunge"

Host: Bill Burr (All Things Comedy)
Air Date: May 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

This edition of the Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast finds Bill Burr back in Los Angeles following a busy week in New York. Bill covers the 13th Annual Patrice O’Neal Benefit, rants about city life and modern inconveniences, explores issues of privacy and technology, and delivers his trademark observations on sports, relationships, and ridiculous trends. The episode maintains Burr’s signature irreverent, stream-of-consciousness tone, blending hilarious grievances with personal reflection and sharp social commentary.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Patrice O’Neal Benefit Recap

(01:24–03:40)

• Bill expresses immense gratitude for the 13th Annual Patrice O’Neal Comedy Benefit Show.
• Shouts out Rich Vos for hosting all 13 years, and highlights killer performances by Matt Richards, Jordan Jensen, Drew Dunn, Modi Zarna, Adam Ray, Tim Dillon, Dave Attell, and himself.
• Special thanks to Maureen Taran (organizer), New York City Center, and Stan Comedy Club for supporting the show and afterparty.
• Appreciates the supportive, lively crowd and regulars who bring huge groups every year, notably his friend Doug Senye.
• Quote: "A lot of people were saying it was the best one. Great mix of comics. Everybody was out there killing it.” (02:39)

2. New York Reflections & Urban Life

(01:42–02:54, 09:12–14:32)

• Anecdote about running into the same woman at a coffee shop until she trusts him to briefly watch her child.
• Conversation about beautiful cities (LA, Seattle, Vancouver) that paradoxically have notorious skid rows—admiration for urban beauty mixed with candid recognition of their problems.
• Observes the impact of city planning changes, especially anti-car policies in NY and LA:
  • Bike lanes replacing car lanes.
  • Traffic worsening and odd urban design choices.
  • Cyclists ignoring bike lanes and refusing to share the road properly.
  • Quote: “You know, you get on a bicycle and ride it. Why do you always have to dress like you’re in the middle of some sort of bike race?” (13:24)
• Rant on modern trends: everyone must have special outfits for every activity.
• Expresses nostalgia and irritation about no longer being able to “surf the lights” in Manhattan.
  • Quote: “I used to be able to surf the lights…for the life of me I do not understand.” (12:27)

3. Sports Talk

(03:32–05:59, 10:06–11:13)

• Knicks “easy victory,” Celtics upcoming potential rematch with Knicks, and nerves about player injuries.
• Bruins’ playoff struggles and recent overtime win; feelings about coaching and hockey strategy.
• Red Sox commentary: team performing post-coaching shakeup but skepticism about management choices, especially trading beloved players.
• Quote: “Why would you move that guy? Are we going to be like the Pirates of the American League?” (11:09)

4. Broadway & The Arts

(06:04–09:09, 16:56–18:43)

• Attended Death of a Salesman with his wife; praises cast (Nathan Lane, Laurie Metcalfe, Ben Allears, Christopher Abbott, Michael Benjamin Washington).
• Marvels at the emotional stamina required for stage actors:
  • Quote: “I mean, it starts off sad, and it just stares into the sadness...just to have to emotionally go there like they do, seven, eight times a week—I don’t know how the hell they do it.” (07:28)
• Compares “Death of a Salesman” to “white Good Times”: a tragic cycle of hope and defeat.
• Affection for New York theater and venues, especially the Winter Garden.

5. Modern Consumerism & Collecting Stuff

(14:32–15:14)

• Reflects on the impracticality of collecting cars, motorcycles, or memorabilia—enjoys looking but prefers not to own excess.
• Finds freedom in not accumulating things; values space and having memories over possessions.
• Wry observation on consumer culture’s link to fleeting fulfillment.

6. Privacy, Technology, and Surveillance

(15:14–16:56)

• Discusses societal pressure to “earn a living” and rails against the feeling of permanent servitude to the wealthy.
• Expresses concern about new cars having AI surveillance by 2027.
• Hopes people collectively reject privacy intrusions, but cynically predicts the system will legislate it anyway under the guise of “safety.”
• Quote: “I really hope people just say, like, you know what? I think my privacy is worth more than having the next car.” (16:56)
• Parody rant about technology-fueled experiences (like Vegas Sphere); prefers authenticity over spectacle.

7. Cold Plunge Experience

(18:44–22:25)

• Attempts a 40-degree cold plunge to test its purported health benefits.
• Describes the pain and eventual physical rush; questions whether the good feeling is physiological or just relief from ending the ordeal.
• Quote: “I don’t know if it does anything for you. I have no idea…I just know I felt amazing after but maybe just because I was happy it was over.” (22:00)

8. General Rants, Observational Humor, and Vintage Burr

• Loops through themes of authenticity, idiocy in society, and generational differences.
• Jokes about modern conveniences and consumer goods (Cheerios, gym wear, old motorcycles, collecting jerseys).
• Wry prediction that listeners (“non-doctors”) will send “advice” about cold plunges—classic Burr meta-humor.

9. Recurring Callbacks and Tone

• Burr’s style: conversational, peppered with personal anecdotes, direct address to listeners, and playful self-deprecation.
• Jibes at modern life, his own curmudgeonliness, and shifting standards ("first class" travel, collectibles, urban living).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the Patrice Benefit (02:54):
  “Tim Dillon coming in like a fucking wrestler running out of the locker room to save the day.”
• On cycling fashion (14:01):
  “Why can’t you just jet on there with a pair of Jordans? What are you gonna drive down the street wearing goggles and a scarf? We get it. You like old shit.”
• On urban traffic (12:27):
  “They don’t time the lights anymore. I used to be able to surf the lights…for the life of me I do not understand…they just keep getting rid of lanes to drive a car.”
• On city planning (12:56):
  “They put a bike lane on the inside...but there’s nobody in the bike lane...and these assholes on bikes, you know where they ride? On streets with no bike lane.”
• On letting go of stuff (15:14):
  “The older I get, the more I realize that just observing…and just walking away and not buying anything, you come home and you just don’t own it.”
• On cold plunge (22:00):
  “It just felt like someone took...I just got up off a bed of nails...this is supposed to make me feel good? ...I don’t know if it's the effects of the cold water or just the fact that I was fucking out of the water.”
• On surveillance (16:56):
  “Maybe I’ll buy an old car. Then they’d probably come up with some sort of legislation that the old cars also have to have that surveillance— for ‘safety’ purposes. The reality is, they just want to spy on you.”
• On the illusion of being part of a sports team (09:47):
  “Ownership always says, yeah, you’re a part of it. You’re not a part of it. You watch, you live and die by it…but you don’t get a ring.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Patrice O'Neal Benefit Recap: 01:24 – 03:40
• NYC Stories & Living in Cities: 01:42 – 02:54, 09:12 – 14:32
• Sports Rants: 03:32 – 05:59, 10:06 – 11:13
• Broadway: Death of a Salesman: 06:04 – 09:09
• City Planning and Bike Lane Rant: 12:25 – 14:32
• Collectibles & Minimalism: 14:32 – 15:14
• Privacy & AI Surveillance: 15:14 – 16:56
• Cold Plunge Experience: 18:44 – 22:25

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Final Thoughts

Bill Burr’s episode is densely packed with comic rants, social observations, and genuinely heartfelt shout-outs, all filtered through his trademark mix of cynicism, nostalgia, and biting wit. If you haven’t listened, you’ll be well-equipped to join the conversation about Patrice’s legacy, New York living, cold plunges, and why you probably don’t need a new car that’s listening to you.

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SAMPLE MOMENTS FOR SHARING:

• "I don’t know if it does anything for you. I have no idea...but I felt amazing after. Or maybe it was just because I was happy it was over." (22:00, on cold plunges)
• "Ownership always says, yeah, you’re a part of it. You’re not a part of it. You watch, you live and die by it… but you don’t get a ring." (09:47, on sports fandom)

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If you enjoy rants about everyday annoyances, the evolution of city life, and raw reflections on personal independence (or the illusion of it), this is classic Bill Burr—loose, observational, and compulsively listenable.

Transcript

[Mackenzie]

My name is Mackenzie and I started a GoFundMe for the adoptive mother of a nonverbal autistic child. The mother had lost her job because she wasn't able to find adequate care for this autistic child. So she really needed some help with living expenses, paying some back bills. So I launched a GoFundMe to help support them during this crisis. And we raised about $10,000 within just a couple of months. I think that the surprising thing was by telling a clear story and just like really being very clear about what we needed, we had some really generous donations from people who were really moved by the situation that this family was struggling with.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

GoFundMe is the world's number one fundraising

[Bill Burr]

platform, trusted by over 200 million people.

[GoFundMe Announcer]

Start.

[Bill Burr]

Start your GoFundMe today at gofundme.com that's gofundme.com gofundme.com this podcast is supported by GoFundMe. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrd.

It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just

before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. Woo. Oh, Among podcast.

New York. I was in New York and I didn't do my podcast. I am sorry. I've been practicing my French and, and doing all of that on the flight

back out here to la. It's great to be back out here in Los Angeles. You know, I was at this coffee

shop and I was talking to this lady. Kept running to the same woman at this coffee shop because I kept going to the same thing to the point she literally left her kid for me to watch while she went in to

go get her coffee.

And we were talking about beautiful cities with bad skid rows. And it was la, Seattle and Vancouver, you know, with horrific skid rows. But I will say, still beautiful cities. Still beautiful cities. Anyway, I got to talk about New York. First and foremost, everyone who came out to the Patrice O', Neill, the 13th annual Patrice O' Neill comedy benefits show. I got to thank all the comedians who absolutely killed it. Matt Richards, well, Rich Voss, for the 13th time, hosted it the 13 years in a row. Matt Richards came out, started it off, killed it. Jordan Jensen, Drew Dunn, Modi Zarna, Garg. Oh, my God, she murdered Adam Ray. Tim Dillon popped in.

Tim Dillon coming in like a fucking wrestler running out of the locker room to save the day.

Dave Attell, I wish I could tell you some of his jokes. You got to see him. His new shit is all of his stuff. Everybody killed it. And yours truly got to do a little bit of time. Also, thank you so much to Maureen Taran, as always, for absolutely crushing it, putting it together. Thank you to the. To the New York City center and the Stan Comedy Club. They always host the after party. They don't charge us anything. They give us a bunch of food and everything. Those guys are awesome. And that is it. That is it. We did the benefit, and a lot of people were saying it was the best. One great mix of comics. And everybody. Everybody was out there killing it. And I was psyched as all the comics came off. They were all talking about how great the crowd was. So if you were there, hats off to you. And a special shout out to my buddy Doug Senye, who's always bringing 50 or 60 people to the benefit. It's just such a great thing. Nothing but positive stuff. All right, and with that, how about you Knick fans getting. Getting a nice, easy victory to close it out? Let's see if my Celtics can win. I never watch the Celtics. I can't say I watch them during the playoffs. Setting up Celtics first, Knicks, the rematch. I'm nervous about that, man. Jason got hurt last year and then he came back. I don't know. I'm old. It just seems that's really fast to come back. I just hope he doesn't get hurt again. And the Boston Bruins.

How about that Pasternock in overtime.

I was working that night. Oh, no, no. I went to go see a Broadway play that night in New York, so I missed that game. I'm going to see tonight's game. Obviously, do or die for the Bruins. I kind of felt like we were going to win that game in Buffalo because we got so embarrassed in game four. And then also, when does Buffalo ever treat their hometown fans to a big victory at home? They just never do it. That's why I kind of knew, like, when the Knicks looked like they were in trouble with the Atlanta Hawks. I'm like, when does an Atlanta sports team treat their fans nice? I think New York has this, so. But now that we're back in Boston and Lindy Ruff, I mean, he's one of the greatest coaches ever. I just worry that. I kind of felt after game two, they had figured us out. So it took us two games to kind of respond to whatever the hell it was that they're doing. I'm not educated enough on hockey. Despite the fact that I watch almost every game, I still can't watch it at the level a coach does. Obviously, I don't know what we did other than just not wanting to be embarrassed. Whatever we did in game five, obviously we got to keep doing it. Game six, there you go, Bill, what other obvious shit do you have to say?

Also, I went to go see. What was it on on Thursday?

No, Wednesday night. All right. I accidentally hit pause. I saw Death of a Salesman with my lovely wife. Wednesday night, I saw the second show, and I gotta be on. Everybody killed it. I gotta be honest with you. Just like seeing that play and knowing that all those actors have to do that play twice in one day is. I mean, it was exhausting just to watch. Gotta give a shout out to the actors here. Nathan Lane, obviously the star of the show, who was the one who got me my part in Glengarry Glen Ross, so I am indebted to him forever. Laurie Metcalfe, who absolutely killed it.

Christopher Abbott.

I hope I say this guy's name right. Ben Allears. He played Happy. He fucking killed it. And. And then a shout out to Michael Benjamin Washington, who I met a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago when he was doing Mamma Mia.

I said Christopher Abbott.

[Mackenzie]

No, I thought you said the other guy.

[Bill Burr]

No, no, no. I said both of them. Nia's over here making sure I say everybody's name. Oh, my God, that play. Jesus Christ. I mean, it starts off sad, and it just stares into the sadness

just

to have to emotionally go there like they do seven, eight times a week. I don't know how the hell they did it do it. I was joking with Nia that if you haven't seen this play, it's kind of like white good times, if you remember good times. They were, you know, always coming up with an idea on how to get out of the projects. And then they were always, like, right there. And at the last second, something would happen. This is the white version of that. But anyway, it was. It was great to see that. The beautiful Winter Garden Theater. And it always seems whenever I go to a play, it's always there, which is cool, because I do love that place. But I also want to check out. It always seems like whenever I go to see a play, it's always either in that one. Like, I saw George Clooney and Good Night and Good Luck. Saw Mamma Mia way back in the day there. And then I saw this one, Death of a Salesman. If it's not there, it's always in. That was it Circle in the Square. I always seem to go to those two. Although I did see Bobby Cannavale in Art at a different one down the street, anyway. Always try to do that. So with that, yeah, I did just spent a few days here in New York after. After the Ben benefit, which was fun. And I'll tell you what was hilarious. I was walking down the street, and these couples were taking pictures in front of this building because they like the guy who owns it. And they're taking pictures. They had a look on their face like they were standing in front of Niagara Falls.

Which I really got, like, a kick

out of that, where I was just like, I don't like the guy that lives in that building. But you. You like that guy.

So I don't know, whatever he's doing is working for you. So it's not all bad, I guess. I mean, swooning, swooning in front of the. In front of that bill.

It was almost like sports fans, you

know, like when our team, like, wins

a championship, and, like, somehow you feel like you accomplished something or you were,

like, a part of it. And the ownership always says, yeah, you're a part of.

You're not a part of it.

You watch and you live and die by it, and you buy all the shit, but you don't get a ring. Years later, when they talk about the greatest teams of all time, they. They talk about the team. They don't say, what about old Billy Burr sitting up there in section 309.

Speaking of which, my Red Sox have been winning now that they got rid

of the whole

coaching staff, which, I don't know, I was kind of hoping they weren't, because I didn't.

I don't know.

I don't run a team. What the fuck do I know? But I just don't feel like there's Alex Koras and Jason Veritex just sitting around waiting for a phone call. I don't know. That just seemed like some scapegoat. And like I said, I don't run the team. I don't know why we didn't get some bats. And then I also don't know why we always seem to go after our stars, you know, even if we don't trade them. There's always, like, trade rumors. Like, oh, you know, there's. There's rumors out there that they might move Jason Durant or whatever, Jared Durant.

It's just like, why. Why. Why the fuck would. Why would you move that guy? We just got rid of Devers.

Like, what, are we gonna get rid of everybody? Is that the goal?

Are we going to be like the

Pirates of the American League?

Is that what's going on over there.

Anyway, so I did my usual.

I did my usual.

I fucking. When I was in New York, I did the. Did my little run through Central Park.

Nia took me uptown,

took me to

all her spots that she used to

go to in Harlem, and then we walked through Central Park. It was like an amazing day.

[Mackenzie]

And

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, it's definitely fun. Sometimes I really miss living in New York. But then I have to admit, once I spend like, I don't know how many days there, I start to remember why I felt I was too old to still live here. I will say, shout out to Mayor Bloomberg whatever he wanted to do to this city to make it impossible to fucking drive a car in it. Like, he did it, you know, he put chairs in the middle of the fucking street. They put bike lanes and push the cars out into traffic. It is just not what it used to be. After the benefit, you know, we jumped in a car to go drive down to the stand. You know, we're in the 50s. And then the stand is. I don't know what, it's down there off of Union Square.

It took us like a half hour

to get down there. And they don't time the lights anymore. I used to be able to like, surf the lights. I know I always say this, but, like, I for the life of me do not understand. They're doing this in L. A too. They just keep getting rid of lanes to drive a car. And then they put all of the

traffic out where you used to be able to drive.

That's where you park now. And then they put a bike lane on the inside,

which is a great

idea, I guess, to make it more

of a

city you can ride a bike on. But, like, there's nobody in the bike lane. And then all these fucking assholes on bikes, you know where they ride their bikes? They ride their bikes on streets with no bike lane. And then they ride side by side, shooting the shit with each other, saying, share the road. When they don't share the road, they

don't ride single file.

They want to shoot the shit.

And I don't know.

I know I brought this up a million times. I just don't understand why you just can't get on a bicycle and ride it. Like, why you have to always dress like you're in the middle of some sort of bike race. You know, you're not in a bike race. It's not making you ride any easier. It's like going to the gym. Everybody has to go there dressed like a fucking x Men, you can go to the gym wearing the exact same stupid shit you wore watching TV or riding your bike. This whole thing where everything has an outfit. Like, you know, like I also find

like, if you make, like if you,

if you, you buy an old motorcycle for some reason, like, say if you buy a motorcycle from the 1940s, you also have to dress like it's the 1940s. You know, you got to have your pant leg like rolled up and have these depression era boots on. Why can't you just jet on there

with like a pair of Jordans? What are you gonna drive down the street wearing goggles and a scarf? We get it.

You like old shit. Although I do. I'm kind of getting into vintage motorcycles. I think they're cool as hell. I will say, I think a collection of old motorcycles is way better than a collection of old cars. Just as far as like space, you know what I mean? Like those guys that get like, I don't know, these giant collections, I like looking at them, but like after a while you're just looking at these cool cars and they're just buried behind like fucking ten other cars. And it's just like, that's one of the coolest cars ever and it's going to take you a half hour to get to it. You never drive in that car, you know, for the regular person, you know

what that was like, do you remember

when Mitchell and Ness, everybody was buying all those fucking cool old football jerseys, you know, after a while once you bought like, I don't know, 10, 15 of them, there was going to be those ones that they were just going to be buried in the back of your closet. The older I get, the more I realize that just observing is and just having the memory of it and then just walking away and not buying anything and then coming home and you just don't own and you can actually like lay on the floor and stretch out your back, you know, because you didn't buy the Mickey Mouse ear version or wherever the hell you went. Anyway, I watched this guy, I think I posted it. This guy went on this rant about how we're all slaves and our, how our whole existence that you have to go and earn a living, you have to earn the right to be here. We're just always working for some rich. I, yeah, I, I agree with that. But what if you kind of work for yourself, you know? I don't know. I feel like I'm about as free as they let you be. Going around telling jokes or whatever, you know, and because of that, I can. I can buy a box of Cheerios, which are made out of God knows what. I don't know. I kind of have this feeling like there's going to be a big

pushback. I don't know.

There's a lot of dumb people out there. Not dumb. I don't want to talk down to them. I would just say unexamined. They just go, oh, is this the next thing? Is this the next phone? Is this what I got to do? I always hope, like, collectively, like, say, if this. That people are saying, by 2027, all the new cars are going to have AI surveillance and they're just going to be watching you and listening to your conversations. I really hope people just say, like, you know what? I think my privacy is worth more than having the next car. Maybe I'll buy an old car. Then they would probably come up with some sort of legislation that the old cars have also have to have that surveillance for air, quote, safety purposes. And the reality is they just want to spy on you. All right, Bill, you're spiraling. Am I, though? Am I? I don't know. Possibly. I. I don't know. I will say to go down and watch a Broadway play and see a bunch of humans. I can't believe I got to use that word. Doing what I saw that cast do was pretty frigging am. And I just don't see watching a bunch of robots do it. I don't get any of that shit. Oh, that. That stupid sphere out in Vegas. Like, are you really into the band that you need that much other shit going on? They should only put shitty bands in the sphere so they can start selling tickets again like some band that you absolutely hated. Like, I fucking can't stand their music, but if I can be traveling through the fucking entire universe while they're playing. Come on, Eileen, I'll go see that.

I don't know.

That's probably a stupid idea. Let me. Let me. Let me do the ad reads for this week. The. Am I here? It's not this one. It's not this one. There it is. There it is. All right, look at every. Look who it is, everybody. Look who it is. Oh, you know what? Before I do this, I got to tell you, this place we were staying at had a cold plunge, and I was like, all right, I'm going to do this. I'm going to see if this does, in fact, help the inflammation or whatever. So I got in this thing. It was 40 degrees. It's the coldest water I've ever been in. And usually when you get in those things, it sucks for about 20 seconds. And then as long as you don't move you, it's just, you just get used to it. It's like you just kind of semi frozen. But if you move around, it bothers you. But if you just sort of sit there, you're fine. And you just gotta get in, you just gotta. Yeah. And then sit down and then a couple of, you know, breaths and then you're good. This shit, it was like painful. Like, you know, I tried to do like five minutes. I think I tapped out after three. It was just kind of like maybe like four because the guy came back in to check on me and I gotten out and had time to dry off and then he came out. So I think I, I made it to just about four minutes, but it just felt like needles all over my body and I had like goosebumps the entire time. Which I've never been in anything cold enough that I had goosebumps the whole time. So then I got out of it and I went into the dry sauna and like when I got out it just felt like someone took, I had just got up off like a bed of nails and I'm like, this is supposed to make me feel good. And I went in to the locker room and they had a dry sauna and I went into that and just sort of sat down in there and it was funny. It didn't even feel hot, I was so cold. And after I warmed up, though, I will say I did feel pretty amazing. I don't know. I don't know if it does anything for you. I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't have the medical background to fact check if what people are saying is actually true. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I don't know if it's just. You feel amazing just because you're out of the cold water. It's like getting out of a bad relationship. You break up with her, you, you're just going to feel better because you're not getting fucking, you know, mind fucked every day. So you feel better that you're out of that relationship, but you haven't found, you still haven't found love. You just relieved you're out of that relationship. So I don't, I'll tell you this, I did it and I felt amazing. But I don't know if I felt amazing because of the effects of the cold water, but. Or just the fact that I was fucking out of the water. And I was just happy that it was over. So anyway, let me do the reads here, okay?

All right.

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[Bill Burr]

All right, there we go. I think that is the podcast, everybody. I gotta go play with my kiddos. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Everybody who came out to Atlantic City, everybody. Thirteenth year in a row at the Patrice o' Neill comedy benefit. I don't know. Thank you. Everybody put together that, that Death of a Salesman play. Oh, I didn't even talk about that. Also, the way that they, you know, that's one of those plays that does, like, flashbacks and stuff, which is easy to do if you're reading, but like, how are they going to do this live? I thought that was really cool the way they did that. And also not confused using. You know, I'm not the brightest guy. But anyways, that is the podcast.

Go yourselves. Have a great weekend.

Your cards and I'll check in on you. No, I'll talk to you on Monday.

Sam, Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, April 30, 2018. What's going on? How are you? I'm still sick. I just. I've just. Every time I start to get healthy, I travel again. So I actually had to reschedule a gig. Something I've never. I don't. Can't remember the last time I did that. So I just need to stay home. And I'm just having coughing fits. I'm having an absolute fit at night. Like, my throat sounds like this. I still got the sniffles, and maybe I got Ebola, you know, But I'm kind of all right. I cough a little bit during the day, but the second I lay down at night, all of a sudden my throat gets all dry and I just have this cough and fit. Now, I'm saying this to you guys because all of you now without medical degrees are now leaping to your feet. And you know exactly what's wrong with me and what the cure is. And that's my favorite thing about being sick. I like to not go to doctors. I like to talk to people who have talked to doctors or went on WebMD and then they fucking diagnose me. So I just think I need to. I need to shut it down for a couple of fucking days and not do anything. Is what I need to do. But I'm here for you here. I'm doing the fucking podcast. I want to thank everybody that came out to In Hot Lana to the show at the Fox Theater. I know I sounded like shit, but I think I had a good show. And then the next day, like an. Rather than just being like, bill, you're sick. You know, don't do the planned fun event and just go home and sleep it off. I. I couldn't lay off, man. I went to the Talladega super fucking Speedway and I went to that NASCAR race out there, man, and just had a great, great time. Legendary, legendary track. That's where they always have the big one. The big one's coming. You don't know when it's coming. All you know, all you really know is that it's coming. The big one is just. They can drive so goddamn fast there that eventually, you know, and they're right on each other's bumpers eventually. All it takes is somebody to do a little shimmy, little shimmy sham, shimmy, shimmy, shake, whatever the it is. Shake and bake. Choking on my own spit, right? Do a little Ricky Bobby, little Brewster Baker, little stroke erase. Trying to think of all the star car movies I saw, Sorry, Breathe in too many fumes. And then they just have like a giant crash there. So, you know the deal. You know, as Tony Stewart said, we can. We come there for the accidents. I don't want to see anybody die, but I. I want to see fly through the air. So we were in this suite, then we watched like the first couple legs of the race, and then I was just like, dude, I want to go outside and I want to, you know, I want to hear the cars and all that. So we went the upper deck, which is the shit, because you can see the whole goddamn track. And then we were like, let's go down low because there was more seats and. And we went down there and it's. That whole thing is like 40 fucking cars go by at like, you know, 180, 190, 200 miles an hour. And all you're thinking is if. If they got. If they have the big one, right? Not right in front of me, because by the time everything, you know, settles, it's going to be fucking two miles down. I mean, a quarter mile down the track. It's like, if it happens right before me, there is a chance I could take a lug nut to the side of my head and I'll be fucking dead, you know? But it is amazing. I gotta tell you, and the people down there were great. I've always been a fan of fucking Alabama. It's a beautiful goddamn state. But I will. I will tell you this, not to get negative and shit, just in general, there is a level of poverty that you just cannot. But like, some of the people. Some of. I just. I remember a long time ago, Patrice o' Neill told me this thing was fucking hilarious. He said, you know something, Bill? He goes, black people, we are good at being broke. And I go, we talking about. He goes, look at us. He goes, we had. We are the cleanest motherfuckers on the earth. You wouldn't know that we're broke even if we are broke. But I'm gonna tell you something about white people. When a white person is broke, you fucking know it. And that's when I was thinking about. As I always do, I always think of shit that he said. And I just was looking at these fucking people, man. Some. Not all of them, but just. I was. There's been a few. When I've been traveling, there's been a few times where I've seen little kids and I've had the urge to rescue them. You know, by the time you're looking at the adults, you're like, it's too late for them. You know, I've seen that in inner cities. I saw it in India and I saw it in Alabama, Talladega.

Not everybody.

I'm not saying everybody, but there was definitely some people. I was like, that kid, if you get him out of this environment, he has. He's got hope. Jesus Christ. I. Oh, you know something? When you hear that, white privilege and stuff, you can say that to me, but I always, like, after going to that race, I was wondering what those people think, you know, because the bus definitely skipped their stop. And I'm not talking down on these people because I fucking hate out people up north and people on the coasts and everything. They got this fucking attitude. Like, you know, if you're white and you're broke, it's because you're dumb. And that's just ignorant because you haven't fucking traveled. But having said that, there was a disturbing amount of Confederate flags that I saw. But, like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't. I don't. I don't get that aspect of it. But the other shit, I'm just talking about feet coming out of the side of your fucking sneakers. I don't know. It was. It was. It was. It was interesting. Definitely as a fellow American. I was like, you know, we really should be doing something about this. Can we try to help these fucking people out? Now, I know Trump said he was going to do it, he was going to make it great again. And I could tell you right now, I didn't see a lot of greatness there. Oh, shit. Why do, why do I talk about things? Why do I see things and then talk about things? You know what? Because that's what I do. I didn't talk to, you know, I actually talked to a lot of people when I was there. I had a, you know, a good time, but there was definitely a few people that just had to take pictures of, you know, but I'm not gonna post them just because, you know, I don't, I don't want to further any sort of fucking stereotypes. And the people in NASCAR treated me great, but there's definitely. I saw this fucking guy, he had on overall shorts is the only way to describe it. And Larry Bird short shorts and the whole thing was the American flag and cowboy boots with no shirt underneath it, shaved head and sunglasses. You know, he looked like Rob Halford on the 4th of July. Is the only way to describe it. And he was standing next to a guy and just bare feet, looking like he walked out of a coal mine. And it was just some old school and people just smoking like chimneys, like a lot of people smoking down there. And it reminded me of when I was a kid, like the level that people were smoking. But having said that, there was also a bunch of other people that look, fine, I'm just saying. But there was definitely some people. You're just like, God damn, that guy is broke. You know, how are you hawat? And you're that broke. What they're saying out there is that's not supposed to happen. You're supposed to just fucking wake up, you know, and every. All the doors are supposed to swing open for you with your Hawaii privilege. Well, that happened for me people. It did not happen for those people. You know, you know what? I think a lot of it goes back to. I think it goes back to the Civil War. When you lose a fucking war like that, they're the repercussions of that. You deal with that for a long fucking time. And, you know, I knew some people that relocated from the north down to the south back in the 80s. Some friends of mine, their parents moved or whatever, and I just remember them calling me up and they're going, dude, I'm learning shit in school right now that I learned fucking two years ago. Up north. This is fucking ridiculous. There's no fucking reason for that. There is no reason for that. So, I don't know. Did I mention the race was fucking awesome? I was just a little taken aback by shit like that, you know, you don't like to see that. You don't like to see that anyway, right? I like seeing people struggling, you know, not having the answers, walking around in jean shorts. But anyways, great fucking food at the track. Jesus Christ. It was delicious food. I had this barbecued fucking something or other, the coleslaw on it, and everything was absolutely delicious.

And.

And I loved the track. Legendary track. And then I loved the fucking. The bleachers. It was just no frills, no bullshit, you know, look like an old football stadium. Well, it's just like, we're just building seats. That's it. No sushi stands. And under that crap, it's definitely a good time. I hope that didn't come off like some elitist Yankee thing. Anyways, plowing ahead now. Now we're going to get into my elitist attitude for the week. Now this is something that everybody's gonna be like, first world problem and all that. I have a fucking problem with Delta Airlines, all right? These fucking assholes, for whatever reason, they board first class and their premium select, whatever they call them, their fucking medallion members at the same fucking time. You know, all these widget salesmen that fly every fucking weekend. It's like I spent 20 years in the back of the fucking plane with the stress of the back of the plane. Like, fuck. I need to line up an hour before the flight so I get on early enough so there's going to be a place for my fucking bag. And Is this a DC9? Am I. Is. Is the engine right outside my window? And a part's going to fly off into my fucking head. Am I next to the bathroom ain't gonna smell the piss? And of the working class. I spent 20 years in the back of that plane. And they kept us back there. And we didn't get on until first class got on. And we were not allowed past that curtain. That was their bathroom. I did every goddamn hell gig I had thrown at me. I got booed, I got out of money and I moved up the row. I got up to the exit row at. I got all the way up there. Now I can finally afford to sit up front, right? And I don't give a fuck that they're like anybody with a limp or a yeast infection. Anybody. Active military, Even if you never saw action, even if all you do is counter grenades rather than fucking throw them. You can get on first. I don't give a. You got a stroller and a kid. You're old and in a wheelchair. I don't have a fucking problem with that. These fucking assholes, they take all their frequent flyers and then these fucking. Fucking cunts, all right, they line up like a half hour before. So I'm like, where's the first class line? They go, it's right here. I look back, I'm like, 40th in fucking line. And now I got the anxiety again. That's not. That is not first class. First class is. You walk on without a fucking care in the world. That's what I paid for. I walk on without a care in the world and you pretend that I'm better than the people behind me. That is what I'm paying for. And that is not the experience you get on Delta Airlines. All of these fucking people just fucking. Why can't you just board first class and two seconds later have those fucking premium cunts, they line up like a half hour before. Now I got to stand up. I don't even use frequent flyers. I pay full price for the fucking ticket because I can't figure out how to do the fucking. I don't even want to figure it. I want to figure out, you know, how many miles I have with you. What is the ticket price? Here you go. The way a guy shops. I'm not waiting for the sale. I need pants. Those are pants. What are they? Here, this is given to me. So I fucking get on the plane. And I get on the plane and all the first class bins are taken. I see one, one that's like fucking two rows behind me. And I feel that. That anxiety, that fucking anxiety that gave me the drive to get up to the front of the fucking plane. And then I'm sitting there, right? I finally fucking sit down and all of this shit, right?

And

I know you guys are like, bill, quit your fucking whining. Fuck you is what I say. I'll say it again. Fuck you. All right? Don't call it fucking first class. And don't charge me for first. I want a first class experience. You know, some of you people sit in the back of the plane. Let's say you went on Wheel of Fortune and you solved a fucking puzzle, all right? And they said that they were going to give you first class accommodations in Laughlin, Nevada. All right? Well, if you came walking into the hotel and you didn't get to go to VIP check In you still just stand in line with all these flip flop wearing fucking overeating jackasses. Is that the first class experience? You know what I mean? They treated me like a $3 whore. You get a $3 whore, you're expecting a certain level of attitude. But when you get a twelve hundred dollar to two thousand thousand dollar fucking call girl, she's supposed to pretend you're interesting and your stories are fascinating, that you're paying for the experience. I'm just letting you know that experience does not exist on Delta Airlines. You're gonna get on the fucking plane with the first class seat that you fucking paid for, with 40 other fucking people in front of you with their neck braces and they're fucking got all this accoutrements they need because those poor bastards are still sitting in the back of the plane. Well, I paid good money, I paid good goddamn money for the fantasy that I am above those people. And I did not get that. And I hope Mr. And Mrs. Delta Airlines hear this fucking thing. And I hope, I hope they try to come at me with some sort of voucher, some sort of gift certificate for a Brownie Sunday. The next time I go back to the Atlanta Jackson fucking airport. This is the thing, all this fucking waving in my arms. They're not gonna fucking change it. They're not gonna change it. And I'm still gonna fly their fucking airline when I have to. Because I don't have a lot of any law. I'm basically an American Airlines guy, you know? An American Airlines, when you fly first class, you just, you get on with the first class people. You sit down, you're fucking fine. And you know what you are? You're an inspiration. You're an inspiration to the rest of those passions. There's passengers that walk past you on American Airlines. They're looking at you going, look at that sickly, bald looking redheaded guy. If I work hard enough, someday I'll be him getting on the plane without a care in the world. You fly Delta Airlines, you're getting on with those same people. You know those people that are so fat they got the crease in the back like a toddler. You know, toddlers have those cute rolls of fat, you know what I mean? There's a certain level of fat that you get to. You should literally have your arms up. You know, the way a little baby walks. Why am I attacking fat people? You know what? I just, I have traveled. I don't even know how many fucking miles I travel, but let's put it this Way when I saw that George Clooney movie where he was trying to get a million miles, I wasn't impressed. All right? What that man was doing was pedestrian. Oh, and then you met the woman. You found out later she was married. Welcome to the fucking road, buddy. Am I supposed to feel bad for you with your full head of beautiful salt and pepper fucking hair? Hang on a sec. Huh? Your villa in India? In fucking Italy. Am I stalking him? Alright, I want his life. Anyways, I just don't like that Delta has put me in the position to expose myself for the elitist cunt that I am. All right, I'm not saying that I'm better than the people in the back of the plane. What I'm saying is, is I got paid to be treated better than them. And I don't want to be lumped in with all these fucking contest winners, all these fucking widget salesmen that fly your goddamn airline every fucking fucking weekend so that now this, now they. They bought. What the fuck did they pay for that ticket? 300 bucks. You getting on with me? How dare you put me in that position. Delta. Mrs. And Mrs. Delta Airlines. They should. I should have got a fucking discount on my. I just wish there was a fucking phone number that you could call and actually talk to a person and I could just be like the biggest asshole ever when I get on your airline. I do not even want to see people be on the other side of the curtain during the fucking flight. Like people just waltzing right up just using the fucking bat. Everybody gets a fucking ribbon now. Everybody's in first place. The fuck out of here. Get out of here with your economy. Economy seating shits. You take those in the back, buddy. You take that in the back. I don't want to listen to your fucking Cinnabon farts up here, okay? This is first class. We have silverware. No, I don't give a shit if you use the bath. I don't give a fuck about any of it. The only thing I fucking want is. What I'm paying for is you go first class and I just mosey onto the fucking plane and stick my bag right above my chair and I sit in a chair that's actually fit to. To be used by a human being. That's all I'm fucking paid for. I don't give a fuck about your meals and all of that other bullshit and that. You call me Mr. Bur and S. In fact, you can take my fucking hoodie and go hang it up. I don't give a fuck about all of that. I'm paying for no anxiety. Like, is. Is the bin gonna be there? All of that is supposed to be. God, you know, it's like winning the lottery. That's what flying first classes, you fly. This is the thing about first. You fly first class, you don't want the flight to end. That's how great first class is supposed to be. Delta has somehow lost. They forgot what the fuck it was. You know what I mean? You know what I blame all of this on? Oh, I'm on a red. You know what I blame all of this shit on? Fucking dress Casual Fridays. Casual Fridays fucking ended. Fucking ended it in this goddamn country. I'm old enough to remember when all of a sudden, Casual Fridays. This is how old I am. I remember when that shit came out and somebody. I was working in the warehouse and somebody from the carpeted area just started working there. You know what I mean? That was during. This is the 80s. This is like the Michael J. Fox era. So you know what I mean? You got yourself a skinny tie and a fucking cubicle and you bought a Ford Probe, you know, or whatever the fuck they used to call those fucking cars. You got like a Subaru, you know, and this fucking little Michael J. Fox guy goes, what's. What's. What's Casual Fridays? And I made the joke. I go, oh, that's when everybody dresses like us. Basically like you're unloading a truck. And I remember my boss got upset by that, try to have some big fucking meeting about it. And Mr. Burr said that that's when everybody drives dresses like us. And that stuck with me. And I feel like we should have more pride out here in the warehouse. And fucking. He's just. He had a bunch of fucking hungover musicians and class clowns working out there. And we're just staring at this guy going, dude, we're showing up. Like, we always show up. Okay? If you think we're gonna fucking show up like it's the 1950s and we work in an ice cream parlor to go unload trucks. That's not happening. So that failed. But yeah, everything has just become like everybody's just fucking down to earth now, sort of as the middle class shrinks. I don't understand it, okay? Do you know back in the day when you flew first, this is how far we fucking come. When you flew first class Pan Am and you flew into JFK International Airport. Back before, every airport said they were international. You know what I mean? That's like every fucking podcast out there claims they have, like, A million fucking downloads. Or they're number one in something, you know what I mean? Every fucking airport now says they're international. Well, you know, you connect from our airport to an actual international airport, next thing you know, you're in Europe. So I think we're international. That's like the second assist in hockey. Fuck out of here. Second assist. You knew that fucking guy was gonna pass it to the other guy. You get a point, too? Fuck my train of thought. What was my point? Oh, back in the day, the MetLife building in New York, right above, right above Grand Central Station, used to be the Pan Am building. Well, back in the day, when you flew first class in Pan Am, you landed at jfk, you got off that fucking plane from up top where there was a guy playing goddamn piano, okay? You're up there, the summer wind came blowing in. Won't you suck my dick? Right? There's nothing to. People go, well, what happened? All the good looking stewardesses and all that, because there's no money, they deregulated the whole fucking thing. And then every fucking jerk off with flip flops could use the first class bathroom. And then all those good looking women are like, well, there's not nobody to gold dig on this thing. I'm fucking out of here. That's what happened, okay? You take the money, the money goes out the window. So does all the beautiful women. It's like a vacuum. They get sucked right the fuck out. Now everybody on the flight looks like Alice from the Brady Bunch. Oh, God. Ugh. Drinking this cold and flu herbal shot. Oh, God, it's got to be the Dandelions or some shit. Oh, my God, that's bitter. Anyways, I was sort of gonna finish this story. When you flew first class on Pan Am to JFK International Airport, when you got off that plane, you didn't go into the airport with those animals, those people on the outside of the curtain. You didn't. You got off that thing. They walked you over to a fucking helicopter, okay? And you're like Ron Burgundy, you know, with a scarf around your neck and you have glass of scotch, you fucking walked over to that thing, you got on that. They flew you from Brooklyn, right up and over all the traffic, landed you on top of the Pan Am building. And you know what was up there? There was a bar, beautiful women, rich people and all this. You got off into that world and you had another scotch, you talked to some women or whatever, right? Or you made a business connection. And then when you were ready to go, somebody took your bags, you Went down in the elevator, right into a cab over to your goddamn hotel, and probably somebody put a little eight ball in your breast coat pocket. We've gone from that to what I experienced in Atlanta on Mr. And Mrs. Delta Airlines. Okay? I missed it. I missed my window of when first class was first class. Sometimes you just got to admit that you missed it. Like, I feel bad for millennials. Like, when I look at all this that they're going through and all these climate change and all this crap that they got to have to fucking deal with the ramifications of. I look back, you know, as I'm dealing with turning 50, I'm like, you know what? It's kind of cool that I got to live through the 70s, 80s, and 90s, you know? And I think now when I look at people in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, and I'm thinking, like, you know what? That guy right there, that guy probably got his dick sucked on a helicopter ride from JFK over to the top of the Pan Am building. That guy knows what first class is. All right, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it from the people in the back of the plane, what a spoiled brat I am. I don't give a fuck. I am so beyond you that I won't even read your emails. I can tell by the font that you sit in the back of the plane where you belong. No, I'm kidding. I'm just saying. You know what I mean? What the fuck? Can I just get on the fucking plane? All I'm asking for. I don't need a helicopter ride. I don't need a fucking hand job. Can I just get on the fucking plane and in a relaxed manner and just put my bag up there? That's what the fuck I paid for, okay? And then you can come to me and be like, do you. You want the eggs or the oatmeal? Can I get the eggs? I'm sorry, we're all out of eggs. That happens in first class. What do you mean you're out of eggs? It's first class. Sorry, my voice is cracking. It's first fucking class. You should still have them. Hang on a second. Let me take another shot of fucking dandelion root. Oh, I'm starting to like that. Reminds me when I did landscape for one summer. All right, all right. Let's talk hockey playoffs. Playoffs? You kidding me? Playoffs. God damn it. That was delicious. Here's some free advertising. Dr. Schultz's cold and Flu herbal shot. The aftertaste is terrible. But whatever remains on your tongue is incredible. I like it. Remember that Chevy Chase when he did that giant line of blow? I like it. Nothing summed up the 70s and the 80s like that quick little joke. All right, Hockey playoffs. The Bruins jumped all over Tampa Bay in game one to go up one nothing. Once again, our top line was absolutely killing it. Tuka Rask was playing fucking great. Whatever. I don't know half the guys fucking names. Like, when I'm in the other room and somebody scores, a lot of the time I have to poke my head in to see who it is because we changed so many players this. This season. And with the kid, I. I probably watched five full games. And anyways, and then game two, Tampa was just a better team. They just came out like they were ready to play. And we just. I don't know, every time we had the puck, it was like it was on edge. And so whatever, it's one to one. But we did what we had to do. We won one down there, and now we're coming back, and I hope we get a more competent officiating crew, because those guys were just. It was like they were off and whatever. They made some fucking bad calls. But that happens. Sometimes the calls go your way, sometimes they don't. You don't whine about it. You pick up and move on. But you know, when the fucking net is off the goddamn moorings, whatever the fuck they call it in the. In the goalie's like, dude, dude. Hey, buddy, buddy, Ref. Hey, over here. For like a half a minute, they just don't see it. Like they. That was not ready for prime time officiating. You know, I just hope it. I just don't want it to come down to that because I think that Tampa's a great team, and I want. I want to see Tampa beat us or the Bruins beat them. I just. You know, that is a pet peeve of mine that, you know, you start calling ticky tack shit and you start like, you know, dictating the tone of the game, and then all of a sudden you stop calling ticky tack shit. It's just weird, you know what I mean? And then you're letting shit go, and then all of a sudden you're calling stuff. I mean, that's the type of shit. You know, back in the day when I used to watch the NBA, it was like, what the fuck? You know? This shit is fixed. Speaking of the NBA, I was working Saturday night and missed everything about that Celtics game seven against Milwaukee. I have not even seen a Highlight. I am very happy that we won. I heard we kind of won it, you know, wire to wire. And. And then last night, the weirdest thing ever, like this Boston Celtics had a fucking playoff game, while the Bruins had a playoff game and we beat the. The formidable Philadelphia 76ers. When is that next game? Man, I can't. Last time, I think we played each other in the playoffs. I have to go back to like, 82, 81, 82, 83. Way back in the day. All right, game two is when? Thursday. Well, I hope that's not going to overlap with the Bruins. The fuck am I supposed to do? I want to see this. The overachieving Celtics with all the goddamn injuries. This is tremendous. And my picks in the NBA Finals before it started. And you can check with the great and always lovely Darmera. That's what I've always loved about his act. It's not the top shelf joke writing. It's the elegance of his performance. He asked me who I thought, and I picked Toronto in the east, in Golden State, because I figured Golden State at Cleveland, we're gonna. One of them is gonna make it back. And I don't know, I'm just impressed with Toronto. He's got a lot of weapons and. And blah, blah, blah, blah, and. And like, LeBron has played like the equivalent of 60 years with all the playoffs that that guy's been involved in. So anyways, those are. Those are my goddamn picks. And as far as hockey goes, I don't know, it's hard to go against the Penguins getting back there again. But I think the most interesting series right now is obviously the Predators in Winnipeg Jets. I would not want to have to play either one of them. And I'm psyched one of them is gonna knock the other one off. All right, there's my limited fucking view of what the fuck's going on. All right? Punk suggestions. The fuck did you call me? All right. I was listening to your podcast and you asked someone for suggestions on hardcore punk music. I thought I'd try and email you from here. I would start with bands like Minor Threat. I've heard of them. Fugazi. I've heard of them. The X. Never heard of them. Bad Brains. Of course I've heard of them. He wrote. Of course. Negative approach parentheses. Pretty aggressive. Death from Detroit. These are a few good starters. I hope this message reaches you and you enjoy. All right, I'll check those out. I'm still trying to get into Fish, everybody. They haven't quite grabbed me. All right, bullshit guy needing AR15 to defend against coyotes. Oh, my God. He's in the middle of fucking nowhere. He's making you cheese. Hey, sir. Billiam cunt. I'm calling bullshit on the guy who wrote in claiming he needs an AR15 to protect his goats from coyotes. All right, all right. Okay. Well, I hope you're a gun owner and a fucking rancher. I grew up in a rural town in New Mexico, all right? I wasn't a Parmesan cheese rancher, but we had two sheepdogs and a den of coyotes living directly behind our house to this day. Every night you could hear the coyotes howling. The guy doesn't need a machine gun. He needs more than one dog. Oh, shit. Shots fired. Seems like common sense. Honestly, there are breeds of dogs that have been bred for centuries to protect sheep from wolves. Well, that is true. And they didn't have machine guns back then. Well, how does, like, one sheep or two sheepdogs fend off a herd of coyotes? You know what that sounds like? That sounds like the sheepdogs are playing basketball and the coyotes are doing some and one shit. They need to have a fucking team game. And they got to feed that big man under the fucking rack and quit putting up threes with no one, nobody underneath. All right? Wait a second. There are breeds of dogs that have been bred for centuries to protect sheep from wolves. Coyotes are pussies compared to wolves. A few times when I was a kid, I was less than 15ft from an adult coyote and it just ran away. Coyotes are also a lot smaller than wolves, and claiming coyotes hunt in packs of seven to 12 seems like an exaggeration. I don't like that word. Seems. That seems to me like you don't know, but it just sounds like bullshit to you. Anyways. The most badass thing I've ever seen a dog do was when my neighbor's psycho dog chased away a coyote that came near his turf. My neighbor had this crazy ugly mutt named Butch. Butch was the kind of dog where if the football or baseball went over the fence into butcher's yard, the ball was gone. One day when I was a teenager and I was walking up the road and there was a coyote walking near me. I wasn't scared because the coyote was just minding his own business. Any wild. Wild animals have a different look on their face, okay? They're killers, you know, it's like hookers. You know, There's a different look when a hooker looks at you. It's real, all right? They're not fucking. Just trying to get a drink out of you. Then I see Butch jump over this five foot wall and land in a dead sprint quote. Oh Jesus, this is going to be good. I thought. He beelined straight for the coyote and without any hesitation or fear hit the coyote like Walter Payton on cocaine. It definitely would have been on SportsCenter's top 10 or some YouTube video hardest hits in the NFL. I love that you went with Walter Payton. He was one of the most aggressive offensive players. Larry Zonka was the first offensive player to get an unnecessary roughness call. He was on his way out of bounds and someone went to hit him and he just gave the guy a forearm shiver to the face. Then Butch and the coyote got into a scrappy ghetto street fight and eventually the coyote ran away. This all happened within 10 yards of where I was standing. Well, that was just one. And it sounds like the coyote fucking threw some hands too. Though. Dogs are badass. They can recognize threats and step up with no fear. They also used to be wolves. They're like wolf light, right? I'm not saying it's a good light beer. It's more like bush light. Surely this guy can find some large dogs who have instincts to protect some goats rather than resort to a military machine gun. Shooting coyotes for sport is douchey. My uncle has an what? Anatolian shepherd. Okay. And it was apparently bred for guarding livestock. Massive dog. Have a good summer and go fuck yourself. Well, what's the overhead. What's the overhead on the dog? Jesus fucking Christ. Look at that goddamn thing. The males weigh from 50 to 65 kilograms, which is 110 to 143 pounds. Females are 40 to 55 kilograms. That's 88 to 121 pounds. They're like 32 inches. 29 to 32 inches high. 28 to 31 inches high. Jesus Christ. That's a big ass goddamn dog. Let's look at the coyotes. The tail of the tape here. Coyote stats. This is going to take me to the Phoenix coyotes. Coyote. Animal Wikipedia. Let's see what you got here. Actual coyote or a man? No. Coyote attacks on humans. Attacks generally identify the animal in question as simply coyote. What the eastern coyote. Eastern coyote.

All right, here we go.

See what they. They don't even have their stats. I don't like that. That's like when a movie goes to the theaters without being reviewed. The Eastern coyotes is a wild North American canine of mixed coyote, wolf and dog parentage. Parentage that is present in New England, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania High all those fucking places. So they're basically like stray dogs that then got by wolves. Is that what happened? That didn't get killed? All right. Okay. I don't care anymore. All right, well, you know, some people. You got 150 pound fucking dog.

I mean, what do you got to

feed that thing every day? How much of bullets? I mean, I don't know if it's like a. I don't know. Hey, the guy who wrote in with the parmesan cheese farm and feta cheese. Let me know. What do you think about what this guy's saying? I mean, as far as I'm concerned. What the fuck? He just says, you got Swiss cheese on your farm now, buddy, you got a bunch of holes in your argument. Please write back. All right. Cops use DNA to. I can't say this word. Genealogy website. Genealogy. Genealogy. All right, let's look this up. G, E, N, E, A L, O, G, Y. Pro nunciation. I love this. This is just for dumb fucking people. How to pronounce Genealogy. That is it. Here we go. Genealogy. Genealogy. A lot. How do you say it? Genealogy. One more time. Hey, I love how they say it like five times. Genealogy. Genealogy. Genealogy. Like, like, why didn't you just pick a man or a woman? You know, like I can't hear it. Oh, now that, that lady said it. Now I know how to say it. What if a woman's listening? Well, I. I can't understand it unless a woman says it. Genealogy Cops use DNA to genealogy website to website. What? That does.

Okay.

Hey, old Billy. Bald cunt. I just read the police caught the Golden State killer using DNA obtained from genealogy. Genealogy. Genealogy website. One of those DNA slash genealogy genealogy geology websites that's going to make our robot replacements. The DNA website responded by saying while in the. While in while the database was created for genealogical research, it is important that GED match well people who didn't fucking graduate high school. Participants understand the possible use of their DNA, including identification of relatives that may have committed crimes or were victims of crimes. I know you're no legal analyst, but I wanted to get your thoughts on this. By the way, loved you on crashing. Also come to a show in Maine for Fox sakes. Yeah, I'm due to go up there. Have a nice day and go fuck yourself. I don't think you can get mad at the fact that they caught a serial killer if that's. If they got the right guy. And you know what it was was it actually wasn't that guy, from what I heard was it was a relative and it was close enough. And then they just narrowed it down into that gene pool and they judged that guy by his age. They staked out his fucking house, and then they got like a soda can out of his garbage and got his DNA and they nailed him. Yeah, it's one of those things where this could be a great thing and you could get rid of. It's all how it's applied. And human beings do not have a great track record of doing the right thing. We are all susceptible to the seven deadly sins. We are horribly flawed organisms. And then when you combine racism, sexism, homophobia, greed, ego and all of that. Yeah, like, I don't know what could happen. But I mean, I mean, I'm all for this. This guy. I mean, he's like 71. I still feel like he kind of got away with it. But, you know, just for the victims that are still alive or family members knowing that they got this guy and he's gonna rot in jail for the rest piece of life, I think, is a good thing. Oh, my God. I just came up with an idea for a movie. A serial killer kills all his relatives before they go on to a genealogy website. Genealogy website. Genealogy website. It's a comedy. You know, they're going to find out that he's the fucking Jet Ski killer or some shit. I don't know. And then he's got to be like, you know, and he never goes to social events within the family. He's always been a loner. All of a sudden he starts showing up to all the Christmas parties and he's asking questions. And at every party somebody dies. So he's got like 10 family members. And, you know, the first one he kills at Thanksgiving, maybe Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas, then there's like a fucking graduation. I don't know. He just. Flag day, he takes out his uncle. And then the local cops, you know, they've never seen anything like that. They. They're in a quiet town to use that trope. And all of a sudden there's his family members are all dying, you know, and then everybody feels bad for the loner because he's losing all his family members. And then finally one day, the, you know, upstart, you know, you got the old sheriff, you know, he's eating everything. God, and I'm too old for this. And then you got the upstart. I don't fucking. You finish the fucking movie. You finish the fucking movie. I don't have time for that shit. All right, black Republicans, everybody. Dear Mr. Burr, I very Much enjoyed your show at the Fox in Atlanta. I went with my wife, parents, and in laws. Thank you for your laughs and perspectives. Well, thank you. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on Kanye's recent comments and the backlash from Hollywood Democratic elites? Why do they always say elites? There's Republican elites, too. I myself am a black Republican who changed parties after the first Clinton administration for a great many reasons. It's a bit unnerving hearing people cringe over the idea of a black Republican. And it is disrespectful to marginalize my opinions in articulations because of my affiliations. It's very telling that people defend who defended Kanye and championed him when he attacked George Bush are now casting him aside because he does not agree with their group thing. Thank you for your service and go fuck yourself. Yeah, I mean, there's this whole thing with liberals that they feel like all races are Republicans, and then they also aren't aware of their own racist thoughts, prejudice thoughts, and up. If you really pay attention to your thoughts, the information your brain is going to give you during the course of a fucking day, you're going to think sexist shit, homophobic shit, racist. You're just going to think shit that if you said it out loud. I've always said that. If everybody's thoughts were made public, could anybody go to work on Monday? Would you have a fucking job? And you would. So on the other side, the fact that Trump didn't tweet once during Black History Month said nothing, as far as I'm aware of, on the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King, the fact that he fucking could kind of see both sides with neo Nazis and people who didn't like neo Nazis said, you know, both sides are violent. I, I can. I understand that level of backlash. I don't understand people that just feel that their party is just completely unflawed. I don't understand that. Having said that, I think Kanye just has an album coming out and MTV doesn't exist anymore, and that people at his level, they create controversies as a way to get free promotion. That's what I think. I don't. I don't take it seriously, and nor do I give a shit what his political affiliation is.

I don't.

I don't care. And I don't care that you're. Good for you. You're a. I get it. You know, you. A lot of people become Republican when they make money, and then they realize how much money you have to fucking give away in taxes if you actually have the audacity to become successful, and then all of a sudden, you have to fucking. You know, you have to pay for everybody else, which I'm all for helping people out, but my thing is, if you're sitting around not doing shit, you know, I told you a long time ago, I, you know, this person in my life was. Kept hitting me up for money, and I finally had to say the guy, just be like, listen to. If you're in a hole and you're reaching up, I will pull you out of it. But if you're face down in it, digging it deeper every fucking day, I mean, what am I supposed to do? I'm throwing money into that. You know, you want to keep doing drugs, and I'm also supposed to give you money. Get your fucking life together and help yourself out, and I'll help you out. You know, so I see. You know, I see all sides of the shit, you know, and sometimes I land. You know, it's funny, out here in Hollywood, people think, you know, someone was telling me, some people think you voted for Trump, which I didn't. I. I kind of see, like, I don't know. It's. It's really a situation to. Situation decision. You know what I mean? Sometimes you punt, sometimes you go for it on fourth down. You know, it depends on where you are in the field. Like, you got. You have to look at it that way. You can't just. 100%, we're going for it every time. We're kicking it away every time. So I, you know, I'm old school, where I respect the. I'm just happy, sir, that you're voting, that you're politically active and you're fucking paying attention. That's a lot more than I can say for myself. So God bless you. But as far as Kanye all of a sudden becoming Republican, I don't buy it, because I'm in show business. And that looks like a big fucking. That looks like wrestling, when all of a sudden, Hulk became the bad guy. And then eventually he's gonna be shaking the blonde hair, wearing the fucking orange and yellow panties again, you know? All right, Girlfriend wants to have sex before marriage. Trunks, I should say. Dear Mr. Burr, I'm 16 years old, still going through high school. I have a little problem with my relationship I'm having with this girl I met. But here's a little backstory about a. Okay. About a year ago, one of my friends got a girl pregnant. And let's just say during that time, my friend went through some hard time knowing he was going to be a father to the point he tried to kill himself but failed. Yeah. Jesus Christ. This guy can't get anything right. He can't put a condom on, right? He can't fucking off himself. Two days after his attempt, he found out that the baby didn't make it. Ending up in a miscarriage. Wow. After seeing what my friend went through, I decided I was going to wait till at least 18 to have sex because I don't want to be like my idiot friend. Well, dude, you don't want to become a dad at 18 either. Wear a condom, all right? But here's the story about. Here's the story about me and the girl. I met her at work and we've been dating for about six months now. And I know what you're going to hear me say next, like, I really like her and all that bullshit, but get to the point. All right? Anyways. Screen goes black. Anyway, she wants to have sex, even though I told her I'm planning to wait. After I told her that, she gave me that look. Three days later, she tried to pressure me into it. I kept saying no. Well, you're learning. One of the great secrets about women is whatever the fuck you want them to do. Say you want to do the exact opposite. You know what I mean? And then they will fucking. It's. It's unbelievable. It's like a fucking cat who used to. The Gallagher used to do that fucking bit. You know, you call a cat, it just doesn't come at you. You blow it off and it's fucking walking towards you. Anyways, then she went so far as to cry and sob about me not wanting to have sex with her. Also, I like the idea of casual sex, but I. I want to experience love sex. Also, I think this girl lied to me to try to get down my pants. What do you think lied to you about what? Burr balls and stick your dick up your asshole, a.k.a. go fuck yourself. You kind of all over your. The map here. And you also left out a lot of sentences. She lied to you. Like, I don't know. I just do what the fuck you want to do. If what happened to your friend had such a psychological effect on you that you don't want to have sex, don't have sex with this person. That's it. And women cry and sob all the fucking time to try to get their fucking way. It's bullshit, okay? Unless she has slugged him in the arm, I don't know what the fuck they're crying about. You know what I mean? You're crying, crying. I could see if you're upset, if you're depressed, but you're crying. Here's the thing. Don't do this, but this is what I do because I've said that to women. Like, you're crying over this. How old are you? Watch how quickly the tears stop and they immediately switch to fucking anger. You know, I mean, their ability, how fast they can stop crying and then fucking start yelling at you. Like going back to whenever I cried when I was a kid. I mean, I couldn't just stop that. You know, I'd be like, fuck you, and I would still be crying. They immediately just stopped fucking crying. Bam. So here's the deal, dude. You're actually. What you're doing to this woman is you're actually. You know, like when you play a video game, one of those fighting video games, and you don't know what you're doing, you just push a button, bunch of buttons, and all of a sudden you. Your guy does something special and you. But you don't know how the you did it. That's what you're doing with this. You know, this is completely role reversed. She's crying, like, because you're not gonna her like you're some. Like you're in a boy band. Like you through acting the complete opposite way as of every other guy has so mind her that she's acting. You're getting treated like you're fucking Justin Bieber or some shit. Yeah, she's making this all about herself. She feels fucking rejected. Because this is the thing women know the power that they have over us. And the fact that you at the height of how you're at the height of where you should not be able to walk away from it, are walking away from it is fucking with her. Her level of, I don't know, power, you know, I would think this is also. I'm really fucking stupid and don't know shit about women, but sometimes I do. You know, remember that Mel Gibson movie where he was a conspiracy theorist, he threw out all these crazy ones, but every once in a while he was right. That's how I am with women. Every once in a while I'm fucking right. So what I will tell you this, though. What I do know is you should do what the fuck you want to do. All right? And yeah, I believe Hootie and the Blowfish said it best when they said let her cry. Remember that song, Let her cry and when the sun comes out tomorrow, let it rain, whatever the fuck he said. How smart was Darius Rucker, when he got out of that fucking band, that was like, when the fucking roadrunner just steps off the rock before it fucking crashes to the ground. And somehow he doesn't take the impact, you know? Now he does the country thing, right? Anyways, that's the podcast, everybody. I am. I. I have some work to do today, and then I am just shutting this down. I'm not gonna do anything for, like, three, four days. I have to get past this goddamn cough. I'm coming up on two weeks with this, and I. I don't want to. I don't want to. You know, I've never had pneumonia, and I don't want to get it, you know, because then every time you get. That's like. Every time. Once you get frostbite, you know, every time you open the refrigerator, your toes start tingling. I don't want to deal with that for the rest of my life. All right, that's the podcast. I'll check in on you on Thursday. I apologize that it was late, but, you know, I was. You know, I'm fighting this thing off. I'm fighting a good fight here, everybody. All right, I'll check in on you on Thursday. Go yourself, Sa.