Seattle, Ear Pods, Drugs | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-9-26

Summary

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Monday Morning Podcast: Seattle, Ear Pods, Drugs | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-9-26

Host: Bill Burr
Date: January 9, 2026
Theme: From Seattle reflections and American consumer weirdness to rants about sports, drugs, relationships, and the Illuminati, Bill Burr delivers his signature blend of sarcasm, honesty, and digression. Co-host Paul Versi and guests join for football picks, banter, and listener questions.

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Episode Overview

This episode features classic Bill Burr: observational riffs about weird modern life, a breakdown of his trip to Seattle, gripes about consumer culture, critiques of American drug policies, an extended segment on sports—including his NHL arena bucket list—and listener advice questions ranging from relationships to addiction. The second half transitions into sports talk (NFL Wild Card weekend) with Paul Versi and the Anything Better podcast crew, culminating in betting picks, playful banter, and the true spirit of Wild Card weekend.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Bill's Seattle Experience and Consumer Culture

• Observational Opening (00:24):
  • Bill, podcasting from his car before a meeting, sets the everyday tone. He's just back from Seattle, noticing the closure of familiar chains and the weirdness of modern pharmacy security.
  • Quote: “We've gotten to a point where you walk into a drugstore and body wash and all this shit—it’s locked up like they’re gold bars. People can't even afford fucking toiletries!” (00:24–01:13)
• Rant on Drugstore Closures, America’s Drug Policy (01:13):
  • Jokes about U.S. foreign policy, especially hypocrisy in “protecting” Americans from foreign drugs while domestic corporations poison them with impunity.
  • Quote: “Is the United States government like your older brother, walking around going, ‘Hey, you can’t beat the shit out of them, but I can.’” (01:15)
• Alligator Jails & National Absurdities (02:26):
  • Satirizes the differences in how immigrants and citizens are treated within the justice system.
  • Quote: “If you kill rape person as a citizen, you just go to a regular jail. There’s no alligators.” (02:44)

Coffee Culture, Chipotle, and Freshness Skepticism

• Coffee Credentials (03:28–04:35):
  • Bill proposes that anyone opening a coffee shop should prove they can pour a decent espresso—“If it doesn’t taste like the back of a bus muffler, then you can make a latte.”
  • Takes shots at big chains: “Pete’s and Starbucks—just as burnt beans. Fucking horrific shit.”
• Chipotle & “Real” Meat (04:35):
  • Critiques marketing of “now using real meat” and “fresh ingredients”—“Well, what the fuck were you using before?”

Seattle Hockey, Climate Pledge Arena & Sports Pilgrimages

• Seattle Trip Recap (04:40–11:00)
  • Went to a Bruins–Kraken game at “Climate Pledge Arena.” Initially skeptical, but learns it’s genuinely eco-focused (rainwater ice, solar powered).
  • Fondly recalls the aesthetics of unique old hockey venues.
  • Quote: “It might arguably be the best arena in the National Hockey League to watch a game. …aesthetic, interesting—not like those cookie-cutter arenas.” (07:23–07:55)
  • Insights into the game: Kraken's aggressive forecheck, Bruins’ struggles, and Bill’s goal to visit every NHL arena—just two left.
  • Teases next targets: Utah Mammoth & Carolina Hurricanes, plus thoughts on crossing off sports bucket list items like the Masters, St Andrews, Tour de France.

Temper, Mushrooms, and Personal Growth

• Progress with Anger (11:00):
  • Shares his journey experimenting with mushrooms for anger management and achieving a milestone—40 days without losing his temper.
  • Quote: “It’s January 9th. I haven’t lost my temper since probably November 30th... So that’s my sober, like, anger day.” (11:06–11:21)
  • Married life observations (“How do you like this new not angry Bill?”), and mentions yoga and journaling as supporting practices.

Technology, Ear Pods & American Hypocrisy

• Wireless Tech Rant (13:57):
  • Observes a woman with wired headphones, lampoons the health risks of wireless earbuds, and relates it back to “America-only” hypocrisy.
  • Quote: “They’re finally admitting that’s not good for your brain to have wireless headphones… It’s okay, ‘cause it’s American companies doing it to us.” (13:57–14:18)

Parenting, Tour Life, and Quality Time

• Family Time and Sports Parenting (14:18):
  • Reflects on playing catch with his daughter, her emerging interest in sports, and the delicate balance of not pushing too far.
  • “It’s one of the best things you can do with your kid—you can sit there and talk about their day…”

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[Sports Picks Segment: Anything Better Podcast Crossover]

Begins ~ [99:00]

NFL Wild Card Weekend – Picks, Banter & Betting

• Panel: Bill Burr, Paul Versi, Andrew Themlis, “Jake the Snake” (Injury Reporter)
• Tone: Classic locker-room camaraderie, jokes about lifelong fandom, and curmudgeonly gripes about the futility of certain teams.

Notable Sports Moments & Quotes

• Wild Card Weekend Hype:
  • “So much is on the table… so many teams just squeaked in. A lot of wild card teams have gotten to AFC and NFC championships!” (98:30)
• Miami’s Seventh-Year QB (101:13):
  • “Quarterback of Miami’s in his seventh year of college? I thought I was the only one who did that.” – Paul/Andrew (101:13)
• Defending Player Fights:
  • “DK Metcalf is a good person. If a player punches a fan, that means you did something.”
• AirPods and Electric Car Cancer Concerns:
  • Jake explores (semi-jokingly, semi-seriously) the potential health risks of constant exposure to EMF from tech and electric cars.
  • “Your iPhone, like, earbuds are the worst thing you can stick in your ear… these people have them in all day long.” (140:47)

Betting, Picks & Analysis

• Game-by-game NFL playoff picks, friendly ribbing, and real/fake confidence in their choices.
• Extended jokes and explanations about why a team like the Panthers will “inevitably cover” a huge spread.
• Noteworthy Pick:
  • “I hate the half point, but there’s no way during the playoffs I’m gonna pick against the Patriots.” (124:48)

Closing Banter

• Side conversations on city obesity rankings (“Houston, repeating as most obese city—do you know how hard that is to pull off?”), made-up stats, and playful self-deprecation.
• “How do you tell how fat a city is? Free BBQ and see how many people show up.” (133:16)
• Final picks, summary, and sign-off promising a return for next week’s divisional series.

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Listener Questions, Life Advice, and Classic Bill

Relationship and Life Advice (throughout 78:00–96:00)

• On Exes: “This is why you don’t stay in contact with ex-girlfriends… they have a sixth sense for when you’re getting over them, then they call and fuck you up all over again.” (86:16)
• To a Chef Considering a Career Change: “How much do you love cooking?… If it’s your dream, you gotta get your wife on the right page. If not, maybe become the electrician with the best cookouts ever.” (78:03)
• High School Romance: “What dating is all about is meeting what you don’t want, then you finally fucking meet the right person.” (89:31)
• On Confronting a Family Member’s Obesity: “Maybe you need to just work on your relationship with her… find out what’s going on, and maybe she brings it up.” (97:04)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You walk into a drugstore and the body wash is locked up like they’re gold bars.” (00:24)
• “You don’t give our citizens brain cancer—we do.” (14:08)
• “If you open a coffee shop, you should have to pour a single shot of espresso… if it doesn’t taste like the back of a bus muffler, then you can make a latte.” (03:28)
• “Congrats to Ole Miss… with Lane Kiffin leaving, that was amazing. Congratulations University of Miami—quarterback’s in his seventh year!” (15:26)
• “I haven’t lost my temper since November 30th. December 1st, I had my breakthrough.” (11:06)
• “AirPods in all day. It’s like—if my computer and iPad are plugged into the wall—you’re literally just plugged into the wall.” – Jake the Snake (141:13)
• “You know, you always gotta look for the zombies first. I like the old zombies—the ones that walk slow—you had a chance.” (32:44)
• “Shepherd’s Pie—with cauliflower mashed potatoes. I just have to pause as everyone’s going, ‘NO!’” (59:39)
• On AA and addiction: “You’re just some guy that likes to booze whose job and lifestyle allows for it… The bar in the home also means you don’t have a compulsion to drink.” (74:24)

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Tone & Style

Bill’s tone is biting but affectionate; plenty of “go fuck yourself” irreverence balanced with moments of genuine vulnerability, especially around anger, parenting, and personal growth. Rants give way to stories, advice, and wide-ranging digressions. The dynamic with Paul Versi and the sports crew is fraternal, loose, and full of in-jokes.

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 00:24: Seattle trip, consumer weirdness, pharmacy rants
• 01:15: U.S. drug hypocrisy and alligator jail
• 03:28: Coffee culture diatribe
• 04:40: Seattle hockey and the Climate Pledge Arena
• 07:55: Riff on sports stadiums and arena design
• 11:06: Bill’s anger management and personal growth
• 14:18: Parenting wins, sports with his daughter
• 17:00: College football, story of Miami’s seventh-year QB
• 35:00+: Extended relationship and listener advice
• 78:00: Addiction, AA, feedback from a Canadian expert
• 99:00+: "Anything Better" sports panel – NFL playoff picks, injury updates, tech rants, city obesity jokes

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Final Thoughts

Classic Bill Burr: sharp-eyed, sharp-tongued, and deeply human. The episode weaves together everyday absurdities, big-picture cynicism, and moments of self-reflection, keeping the laughs rolling even as Bill earnestly roots for personal growth and connection. Whether you’re here for sports, social satire, or life advice—you get equal doses, always with a punchline.

"Hang in there, buddy. This is going to be a great year." (31:34)

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on?

[Paul Versi]

It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday Afternoon, Just before Friday Monday Morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you. What's up, everybody? I am. I'm sitting in my car. They got a fucking meeting here in about 17 minutes.

[Bill Burr]

And I was traveling yesterday, so I apologize from the bottom of my freckled hat that this podcast was a little late. Dude, I was up in Seattle. I'll give you my. My. My surroundings right now. I'm just looking out my window. I see a Pete's Coffee, a Citibank, a Chipotle, a cvs. They're closing those pharmacies fucking right and left. All the duane reads are gone. You know, it's really fucking amazing to me that, like, we've gotten to a point where you walk into a drugstore and body wash and all this shit. It's locked up like. Like they're gold bars. People can't even afford fucking toiletries, you know? And now what. What are we doing now?

[Paul Versi]

What are we doing now?

[Bill Burr]

We're down in Venezuela.

[Paul Versi]

Oh, thank God they finally took care of Venezuela, huh? You know what I mean? I just don't get it. I need that explained to me. Is the United States government like your older brother, where it's walking around going like, hey, you can't beat the shit out of them, but I can. Is that what it is? Hey, you. You don't put fiberglass in the fucking.

[Bill Burr]

Filter so they'll be even more addicted.

[Paul Versi]

To bag, to tobacco and die. We do that. You don't give them heroin. We make synthetic heroin and we give it to them. We let us handle poisoning the food supply. Like the level of domestic terrorism.

[Bill Burr]

They just look the other fucking way.

[Paul Versi]

And what are you saying?

[Bill Burr]

This country can't send in a little bit of blow? I'm kidding. I mean, I need it explained to me. I don't. I don't know what happened there. Did they send ICE down there to get that guy? And ICE is now killing immigrants? I don't.

[Paul Versi]

I don't fucking get it.

[Bill Burr]

I just. I don't get it. I don't get the whole thing that if you're an illegal immigrant, you go to a jail with the fucking alligators around it.

[Paul Versi]

But if you kill rape person, as a citizen.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you just go to a regular jail. There's no alligators.

[Paul Versi]

You know why? Because the citizen raped and murdered the right way.

[Bill Burr]

Okay?

[Paul Versi]

They were a naturalized citizen, so there's. There's no alligators. However, if you haven't raped and killed anybody. You know, if they don't shoot you, if he can make it to the jail. If you just make an illegally made fucking pupusas, you end up in a jail with fucking alligators around you.

[Bill Burr]

I guess that's how it works.

[Paul Versi]

And evidently Pete's Coffee is so fucking good.

[Bill Burr]

There's nine million. Nine million fucking locations.

[Paul Versi]

It's garbage.

[Bill Burr]

I think in order to actually have a coffee shop, you should be required. I always heard, like, if you're in like a fancy restaurant, one of the first things they do is they have you make an egg. And if you can do that, okay, then we're going to go from there. Something simple. So I feel like if you're going to open a coffee shop, you should be. You should pour before you get your license to do it. You should pour a single shot espresso, okay? And if it doesn't taste like you just. It came out of the back of a bus muffler, exhaust pipe, like Pete's Coffee and Starbucks just as burnt beans. Fucking horrific shit. Then it's like, okay, now you can make a latte. I don't know what you. I'm just gonna go off on all these people. I don't want the fuck Chipotle so excited about. They're another one of these people. They're like, now we're using real meat. It's like, well, what the fuck were you using before? Well, like that big thing is that they have fresh ingredients. It's like, well, shouldn't you.

[Paul Versi]

Oh, Bill. What else? What else is upsetting you?

[Bill Burr]

Nothing really. I just got a. Just got back from fucking Seattle and I went up there. I had one of my Boston buddies flew in. We went to the Bruins Kraken game at Climate Pledge Arena. So of course I read that. And I just think it's probably some toxic corporation that gave itself a nice warm, fuzzy name, right? And then I find out, listen. What the people of Seattle did or the government up there, just before you get all cynical like me and think everybody's full of shit, they, you know, Climate Pledge arena is where the old Key arena used to be. And that's where the Seattle Supersonics with downtown Freddie Brown and I want to say Dennis Johnson was on that team way back in the day. I think they won the NBA title in 1979. So anyway, then they became the Sonics, and the Supersonics were fine with Keyarena, but then all of a sudden the Sonics wanted, why do they have those fucking cops drive down the street and those stand up tripods seems really inefficient. They're super fat. I don't. They don't seem like mobile. You're not gonna, like, chase somebody on it, right? Like, if they're on like a scooter, I just feel like they can, you know, maneuver, jump off it quicker. It's kind of like a podium just going down. What's the deal with cops on Tripods, anyway?

[Paul Versi]

So they left and they. The Sonics were like, you know, the Supersonics were fine with Keyarena, but then.

[Bill Burr]

When they became the Sonics, they were like, you know, we're not doing this shit. You got to give us a new arena.

[Paul Versi]

And Seattle was like, hey, man, like.

[Bill Burr]

The Seahawks don't even have a new.

[Paul Versi]

Oh, the Seahawks.

[Bill Burr]

That's what I was like, seahawks and Mariners got a new stadium. That's what happened. They got jealous. They were like, whoa, what are we, you know, we can't get a new arena. And then they left and they went to Oklahoma, and that is what happened. So in the meantime, I guess what they did was they took the roof off of Keyarena. And I think that they demolished the rest of it.

[Paul Versi]

It was just.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, it was like sort of suspended up there. And they built this new arena underneath it. And the reason why it's called Climate Pledge is they use rainwater for the ice.

[Paul Versi]

Captured rainwater for the ice.

[Bill Burr]

It's all solar powered. And it made me feel great because.

[Paul Versi]

It was also a really cool.

[Bill Burr]

It might arguably the best arena in. In the National Hockey League to watch a game. It's like a really, like, aesthetically, like, interesting. They didn't just do, like, you know, all of the. From the Staples center to Fleet Center.

[Paul Versi]

They all look.

[Bill Burr]

The United Center.

[Paul Versi]

They all look the fucking same.

[Bill Burr]

And this one is different. It's like the old school ones where they would have, like these weird shapes to them where it would go, like the seats would go up and it would go into like a shape of like a triangle. And then there would just be like, you know, 10 seats, nine seats, eight.

[Paul Versi]

Seats, all the way down.

[Bill Burr]

Like one seat. Or like, you know, Maple Leaf Gardens had stuff like that.

[Paul Versi]

Like, any place they could put a.

[Bill Burr]

Seat, they would just stick one. They'd stick one behind a fucking pole. They didn't give a shit.

[Paul Versi]

But anyway, so I went there, watched.

[Bill Burr]

The game, Bruins played. We played like dog shit. But, you know, it was a good road trip. And we came back, we beat Calgary last night. So I just went to The. The brain fart game. And. But I got to say, the Kraken played great. And then they started in the second period like this super aggressive forecheck to the point you couldn't even stay behind our own net, like, looking up ice. They would send a guy back there, and if somebody came back on our team to help them out, they'd send another. They'd have two guys back there, and it was causing us to make bad passes and turn the puck over in our own end. And it ended up, you know, the game was 1:1 after the first period, and then it was 2:1, Seattle. And then 2:2. And then they scored two goals in, like, the final minute, one with one second left to make it 4:2. And that was just like a fucking backbreaker. But anyway, I think that captain got two, but we scored too late in the game to make it like 6 to 4. And then they got an empty net or 7 4.

[Paul Versi]

It was just.

[Bill Burr]

It was an ugly game. But anyway, it was fun to. To go to that arena. And I only got two more teams I gotta see. I gotta see the Utah Mammoth and the Carolina Hurricanes, and I got gigs coming up in both those places specifically for that, right?

[Paul Versi]

And then, like, what am I gonna do?

[Bill Burr]

What am I gonna do? I already talked to my agent. I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Paul Versi]

Fucking cfl, baby. I feel like I could knock out.

[Bill Burr]

The CFL in, like, maybe two years. They got, like, six teams, three road gigs, three games. They also play, like, during the week, you know, so it's not like I gotta be there on a Sunday or whatever. And I think I can fucking knock it out. And then what? I don't know. Then I don't know what to do. I've been to all four tennis majors. I can't get into the only other. I've been to the Masters. The only other one I want to go to is. Is that the one in Scotland, the original one where they're playing at that. That place there? Was it St. Andrews, the original? That's the one. I may go there every two, three years or some shit. It's like the Olympics. I want to go there for that. And then I got to do the Tour de France, the Isle of Man, and then I think I'm done. I've been to a Premier League game. I've been to three F1s, maybe some more MotoGP. I went to MotoGP. As far as sports, I got, like, nothing left. I know. Bill, maybe you could go home, Sit.

[Paul Versi]

Down and figure out why? Why you felt the need to fucking do that and do it all by yourself. Whatever.

[Bill Burr]

I had issues.

[Paul Versi]

Well, speaking of that shit, you motherfuckers. I haven't lost my temper. It's January 9th. I haven't lost my temper since probably November 30th, because December 1st, I had my breakthrough.

[Bill Burr]

So that's like my sober, like, anger day.

[Paul Versi]

And I was talking to my wife this morning.

[Bill Burr]

How do you like this new not angry Bill? And she goes, it's.

[Paul Versi]

It's been great so far. And I'm like, I know what you mean by so far. Because I don't believe this either. I keep feeling like it's going to.

[Bill Burr]

Come back, but it doesn't. Because, like, the first time I took mushrooms, you know, And I figured all of this out. I was like in this utopia for what felt like a week or 10 days. But then after it, I was left with the reality, now that I understood what happened to me growing up, I was like. And all throughout my life and shit, I was kind of left with, well, it still fucking happened. And then the anger came back, like, tenfold. And so did my hiccups, evidently. So anyway, this has been different because I had this breakthrough and then I thought, like, okay, well, is this a seven to ten day thing? Then I come back, like, even angrier. And it has not, I am proud to say, so that's 31 days of December, plus nine. 40 days. 40 days of not losing my shit, driving in LA, people doing dumb shit in front of me. And I just fucking laugh. I just laughed. So I told my wife, I go, I understand what you're saying. But, you know, I'm doing the work, I'm doing the yoga, I'm journaling. I'm enjoying this woman wearing a tennis hat, a visor, even though she doesn't. She's not playing tennis. She's got a fucking. You know what I like about her headphones? She had a wire connected to her phone. They're finally admitting that that's not good for your brain to have wireless headphones or those little fucking ear things, you know? But it's okay. Cause it's American companies doing it to us. They're the ones giving us brain cancer. But I'll tell you right now, if those goddamn Venezuelans did anything, well, we would put a stop to that immediately. You do not give our citizens brain cancer. We do. Anyway. The fuck else have I been doing? Oh, and then I did my show. What was it, Wednesday night? I played this other theater where they usually have musicals and, oh, my God, it was gorgeous. The lights were so down, though, I couldn't see it. And I. I deliberately went out afterwards when the lights were up to take a peek at it. And I already forget the name of the place. But everybody. I want to thank everybody that showed up, and I got all this new shit that I've been doing, and then, like, my energy was, like, kind of different, which made me, like, you know, I'm not, like, the screaming, angry lunatic. I don't fucking know. It went great, and I'm excited. I got my tour dates. I think I'm gonna start back up in March. I'm finally getting back out on the road. I shook off doing the play and spent all this quality time at home and been playing catch with my daughter. Something I fantasized about this before I ever had a kid was playing catch. It's one of the best things you can ever do with your kid because you can sit there and you can talk about their day, you know, and because they're doing this other activity, they don't feel, like, cornered and they're having fun, and you can kind of gauge, like, where they're at and everything. It's really, really fun. And my daughter has a fucking. She's got a great arm, and she really loves baseball, and she's getting into sports, which is, like, of course, causing me to, like, freak out, you know, in a great way. And so last night, I'm watching the Miami Hurricane Ole Miss game. Great fucking game, by the way. Congratulations to Ole Miss, man. Just achieving what you guys did with Lane Kiffin leaving was amazing. Congratulations, University of Miami and then. And their quarterback, who's in his seventh year at college. How about that? What a great story that is. So I sat down with her, and I'm going like, hey, you know, you want to learn about football, too? And she's like, no. And I was like, oh, fuck.

[Paul Versi]

I pushed it. I pushed it too far. All right, I got to do this.

[Bill Burr]

Meeting, and I'll finish this podcast in a minute.

[Paul Versi]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

And I'm back just like that. The magic of editing. Anyway, so who's playing tonight? Who's playing tonight? There should be another college game tonight. Tonight there's an. It's Indiana versus Who the fuck are they playing? Oh, geez Louise. It's not Ohio State. It's not Alabama. It's not Ms. Ship State. The fuck are they playing? Oh, Jesus. Whatever. I'm gonna say, you know, I'm recording the game. I'm back to watching sports. I got Like, a little too into, like, you know, I just have to fucking watch Bluey and SpongeBob SquarePants and I started to lose my mind. And then what happened was I went to the Bruins Kings game with my buddy Jackie Flynn, the great Jackie Flynn, and I was like, I need to do this every once in a while. I need to watch a fucking game, you know, Same way my lovely wife needs to go, I don't know, go fucking get her toes done. I need to sit down and watch some sort of a sporting event. All right.

[Paul Versi]

I just feel like I lose a part of myself because I'm really happy.

[Bill Burr]

That I watched that game last night. Seeing the quarterback of Miami, knowing that he was a safe seventh year college student, you know, as the kids say, I felt seen, all right, Because I didn't get my degree. I didn't finish all my credits until I was like 24 and a half. And then that was like December of 92. And then I walked and graduated in like May of 93. And I was almost 25. So it was nice to see that, you know, somebody who also took seven years to get through college. Is on his way to the national championship game playing the winner of Indiana.

[Paul Versi]

And whoever the fuck they're playing. Why don't I know who that is?

[Bill Burr]

Oregon. Somebody out west. There you go. That's what you got to do.

[Paul Versi]

You got to go big 10, then.

[Bill Burr]

You go sec, then you think out west. And at that point you should, you should have the answer.

[Paul Versi]

Oh, not this year, man. You got a team from Florida. They are from Florida. It's not the part of Florida I like.

[Bill Burr]

I like being up, up, up near Tallahassee.

[Paul Versi]

Anyway.

[Bill Burr]

The is going on with my phone. I can't believe how long I still have the 13 Pro. I don't know about you guys still have it. I just, you know, the key is, is you just. You erase text threads in your phone, especially from people really close in your life, because over the years, like, you've sent each other like 5,000 texts with, you know, memes and little videos and all of that, and that's what fills up your phone. So I've been, I've been getting rid of that. I can't, for some reason, I can't erase the one with my wife, which I swear to God, this would be like a brand new one. Ph, because I know that's got to be like 30,000 texts. I could actually erase it now and then recover it. I don't know why I'm so afraid to. Let me just see I'm going to see how many text messages have we sent each other. Here we go. Here's some. Something interesting. All right, here we go. Wait. Done. I don't know how to do it because I have her in the locked in part at the top. Let's see here. Delete, delete. Oh, my God. I can't believe I just did that. Now let's see what we got here. Wait.

[Paul Versi]

Recently deleted 51,482 messages.

[Bill Burr]

All right, now I got to recover.

[Paul Versi]

Why won't it let me recover it? Hey, man, let's go. Oh, there you go. Recover.

[Bill Burr]

All right. Recover. 51,482. I got to take a screenshot of this.

[Paul Versi]

All right, I hit recover all. What's going on?

[Bill Burr]

Let me see. Now I'm going to go back.

[Paul Versi]

Oh, boy.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, boy. Okay, there she is. And then I have to figure out how to put her back in her special place. I'll put you in a special place to keep you running your mouth. I don't fucking remember how to do this. There we go. I click on this. How do you fucking. Whatever. Now I gotta Google that. What are you gonna do? You know? What are you gonna. This is just something I'm not good with. I got a buddy of mine who's like, all of a sudden, like, buying old football carts. I'm like, I used to do that shit. So now I'm living vicariously through him. He just sent me a text message. I just got two tall Jones for $7. Ed 2 tall Jones was on that line with Harvey Martin and the Manster. Part man, part monster. Randy White. Those Bob Brewing, Cliff Harris, Charlie Waters. How do I still remember those names? I don't fucking know. Um. All right, so my next gig coming up, I believe as I am in Utah. And I'm going there specifically to go see the Utah Mammoth play a game. I'm going to go to that Edmonton Oilers game so I can see Connor McDavid, live Leon Dry, Seidel. I can't believe they're not on the same line. Not because I don't understand splitting those two amazing players up, but the fact that they're both at the top of the league in points. Because there's that guy that plays with whatever the fuck his name is. There McKinnon on the avalanche. His line mate has a ton of points. But then it's like, you know, they're on the same line. Everybody's freaking out. Opens the ice up or whatever. Oh, does it, Bill? Is that what you learned when you used to play pickup hockey, you fucking asshole.

[Paul Versi]

All right, that was fair criticism.

[Bill Burr]

That was fair.

[Paul Versi]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Is a really stupid question.

[Paul Versi]

The fact that we're at odds.

[Bill Burr]

Well, not you or I or the Venezuelan people. The fact that our oil companies. I'm sorry. The fact that our government has decided that they finally had enough of the drugs coming in from South America. From the people that brought you. Let's go to Epstein Island.

[Paul Versi]

Comes.

[Bill Burr]

We need to stop drugs coming into this country.

[Paul Versi]

Does this mean, like, you can't go.

[Bill Burr]

To the Galapagos Islands now? That was something I always wanted to do. But then I watched enough of the nature channel, and I was just like, why don't I just leave that place alone? If I really want that place to be as beautiful as it is, A shithead like me shouldn't go down to Venezuela then chatter a boat, get on.

[Paul Versi]

The fucking boat and go out there.

[Bill Burr]

I went to New Zealand. That's like the Galapagos Islands for, like, people that don't want to go out to sea. Even though, you know, I can't even say technically New Zealand is an island. That's something always made me confused. When I was in geography class, they actually had a geography class was how Australia is considered a continent and not an island. Like, why can't it be both, you know? What it was was because that expression, both things can be true did not exist back then. You know, see, there's one to fucking grow on. I gotta get back there at some point. I haven't been there in over 10 years. And I used to go there on a regular basis. Then I became a dad. But, like, I fucking. I loved it. And to this day, I'll never forget landing there was, like, in the wintertime and being compelled to jump into the ocean, which I'm terrified of. And it was, like, rough seas, but it was fucking gorgeous. I forget where the hell I was. I was going for this walk, and we were looking down this cliff, and there was, like, a hotel with a pool, and the waves were crashing, crashing up. And the seawater was getting into the pool, but there was something about it, the foamy water and all of that. I wasn't even drinking coffee at that point. It was like a cappuccino, and it looked amazing. And I knew the second I jumped off that cliff, I would be like, what the did I just do? And then that would have been it. That would have been it. So anyway, I don't have any ad reads. You know, I wonder why all the dumb that I say on this podcast. That'll do it, Bill. You know, keep running your stupid yap. That'll do it. So here's something exciting coming up on February 3rd, I'm gonna be playing a couple, two, three songs on Dean Del Rey's Bon Scott tribute comedy slash, like, rock show that he does. So I got to get these songs together, and I'm kind of psyched because one of them I never knew how to count the beginning in, you know, like, the famous one I'll give you, like, as far as, like, weird songs on drums to try to count in on, is In My Time of Dying by Led Zeppelin. And I never would have figured it out, but it just so happened this amazing drummer, Brian Tishy, broke it down one time, and he was talking about how Jimmy Page was playing in four, but not really four, but it is four. It's sort of like he's moving the time around. So he was saying, you know, that ba da da da, da, da, da da. I know. I think. I think I've talked about this before, but you count it, like 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and. And 1 and 2, and. You know that slide. He plays it, like, deliberately out of time, but after hits, da, da, da, da, da da. And 1 and 2, and then it's 3, 4. 1, 2, 3, 4. I'm doing an ACDC song that's kind of like that. There's another one that I can never figure out. Jailbreak. Jailbreak. I can never. Like Phil Rudd, like, after they play that beginning part of it, Phil Rudd, you know, starts keeping time on 2 and 4 on the HI hat, and I just cannot. Because they start in the middle of the riff, and my brain. I just can't. I can't hear it. You know? Does that ever happening? I'm talking, like, drummers here, musicians. Like, you ever. Just, like, you just. You're not hearing it right.

[Andrew Themless]

Like.

[Bill Burr]

There'S a Foo Fighter song that. All my life I've been looking for something. If you listen to the beginning, it sounds like initially, you know, what is it? It's either to 1, E to 2, E to 3, E to 40. But if you make your brain count, that is 1 en, 2 en. It fucks your brain up. But I'm doing that on purpose. But on that, that Jailbreak, the song, I just cannot find where the fuck that is. And I've been asked, being it, to ask my drum teacher. I'm taking a lesson in too long, like, where the fuck is one? You know? And I think that's a metaphor For a lot of us right now, where is the one. Where is the logic and what it is that we're doing here? What. What is. What is our country's slogan? Give us your poor, give us your downtrodden. We need to amend that. Gives you poor, Gives you downtrodden, or we'll fucking kidnap them.

[Paul Versi]

The absurdity.

[Bill Burr]

The absolute fucking absurdity of corruption. What is going on right now is just. It's beyond the pale. We've crossed the Rubicon. The die has been cast.

[Paul Versi]

Yeah, I don't know about you guys. I don't know how long we think.

[Bill Burr]

We'Re just going to go around and just take people's shit and think that people aren't going to eventually gang up on us. I. I don't think this is a.

[Paul Versi]

Good move, personally, but, you know, I'm not the brightest guy. I'm not the sharpest tool in the tool shed.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe you guys can give me some wisdom on it, educate me on it. By the way, just for shits and giggles, watch how people clip what I just said. And it's. They'll. They'll leave out that whole part, you know, like they did during that bullshit a few months ago where I said, I'm just fucking with you. If I saw the money, I would have taken the gig, too. They cut that fucking part out, the cunts. Oh, Jesus. They're all out there taking pictures of a salad. Okay, anyway, who do you guys like? You gotta like Indiana tonight, huh? They just seem like a team of destiny. All the big boys are out of it. Alabama, Ohio State, Georgia. You know, they're all out of it. It's kind of like the AFC this year. Ravens are out of it. Hey, shout out to John Harbaugh what a fucking run, huh? He had with the Ravens. Won a Super bowl title and coach for 18 years. That doesn't happen. That doesn't happen. And they're saying that the Dolphins are looking at him. And I actually did, like a deep dive on the Dolphins, coach. Not deep dive. I just read up on him. I had no idea. That guy's backstory, that guy's a really fascinating dude. Went to Yale, realized that he couldn't compete at that level, but he had, like, this coach's mind, and he just fucking rolled with it, you know? Got a little crazy with the booze, had to go away for a few weeks.

[Paul Versi]

Like, I relate to this guy.

[Bill Burr]

You are not what they were looking for, and you fucking made it anyways. And along the way, you got a little sideways with the booze. Anyway, I think that's it. Yeah, I got to go do the. Anything better fucking podcast boy today. Sorry, this podcast was a little all over the place. This always happens after I travel, and then I have to kind of like start and stop and then start again. So my apologies, but I want to thank everybody that came out to the Seattle gig, everybody that's buying tickets for the upcoming Utah show. And I'm gonna have a bunch of dates coming up that I'm very excited about. Gonna be doing the road in a very fun way. Getting back to, you know, Billy, sports teams or whatever. Realizing that I can, you know, have a wife, kids, and a little bit of a life, you know, it doesn't just become like, you know, Bluey, SpongeBob and Godzilla movies. I'm not gonna lie to you. I was. I was going. I was starting to go a little nuts. I was starting to go a little. I was starting to relate to people in spongebob a little bit too much. That maniacal laughing that they do in spongebob. I was like, oh, yeah, I know that feeling. Hang in there, buddy. Fucking hang in there.

[Paul Versi]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

This is going to be a great year, buddy. All right? I'm talking to you. It's going to be great for everybody.

[Paul Versi]

We're going to have a great fucking year. We're going to be positive and we nice to people despite everything that's going on out there. We're going to listen to one another.

[Bill Burr]

It's okay to live your life one.

[Paul Versi]

Way while somebody else lives their life another way.

[Bill Burr]

If nobody's hurting anybody, it's okay to not agree politically. Right? And these fucking nerds are putting everybody on the unemployment line and the politicians are letting them do it on both sides of the aisle. So we got to look out for each other. That's it. That's all there is to it. We got to get on the same page. The regular Joe got to set aside. I really wish this could just work by saying this, but whatever, you can always try. All right, that's the podcast.

[Paul Versi]

Have a great weekend. You can't.

[Bill Burr]

And I'll check in on you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast.

[Paul Versi]

For Monday.

[Bill Burr]

January 8, 2018.

[Andrew Themless]

That's a lot of eights, dude. I should go get a fucking scratch ticket and play nothing but eights.

[Bill Burr]

Dude. My number came in. Hit it for seven and a quarter. We're gonna go down to fucking. Where the fuck are those casinos down there? Jesus Christ. I perform at Them gonna go down to Mohegan Sun. Dude, hit the fucking blackjack table. Split n aces, kid. Whatever. I'm playing with house money. How are you? How was your first weekend of the year? Did you enjoy it? There's only 51 left. Or four left, if you listen to people who are fucking freaking out about global warming. I mean, you know, not saying that it doesn't concern me, but I just kind of take it day to day. I look out the window, right? There's no zombies. I can turn on the faucet. There's still water. Okay, Right. You always gotta look for the zombies first. I like the old zombies, you know what I mean? The ones that walked real slow. He had a chance, as opposed to now. They're, like, running around all roided up. Roided up. That's right. They're on the juice. All these zombies need to be tested. They got to get it out of the league, all right? All those kills that all those other zombies have. That's why, like, zombies are killing so many people now. You know what I mean? Of course you don't. You don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Neither do I. All right, if you're new to my podcast, how are you? Get ready to listen to some of the dumbest shit you're gonna hear for, you know, for like, another 58 minutes, I think. Yeah, good call. Minute 52. Minute 52 into the podcast. I'm gonna pat myself on the back. That's the back of my head. That's why it was fucking sounded like, you know, fucking wedding ring. You know what sucks about wearing a wedding ring? You got this little piece of metal on your hand. You hit yourself. You know, it's like a constant fucking. Why can't. It's like a painful reminder. Oh, that's right. I'm married. You know, fly goes onto your face, you whack yourself right in the face. You already slapped yourself in the face. And then your wedding ring, like, catches, like, your brow, you know, you're like, ah, fuck. And right after that happens, your wife.

[Andrew Themless]

Goes, honey, could you.

[Jake the Snake]

What?

[Bill Burr]

I was just asking if you could do me a favor. Where did that come from? I did the smartest thing tonight, right? Me and my wife, right? My wife, we had this, you know, every once in a while, you got a clean house, right?

[Andrew Themless]

It'd be like, all right, let's go.

[Bill Burr]

Where the kid can't hear us. Let's just sit down, and we're going to talk about what we've been doing over the last whatever month, six months, decade, depending on how long it's been since you've had those talks, right? Having a talk in a relationship is like fucking the end of your year when you have to do your taxes and you didn't organize anything, and you got a year's worth of fucking receipts all sticking out all over the place. And you just keep putting it off and putting it off, you know what I mean? The next thing you know, the box is fucking another box down the street, right? So we try to air it out. So we went out, all right, Got some chicken wings, and we just fucking. I think we were just gonna go out to hang. We knew that we needed to hang out. Like, we gotta hang out, right? The kids taking a lot of our us time. We need to go fucking hang out. So we go hang out and then just all this shit came out, all right? And one of the things that I was doing is I was ruining television for her because I don't shut up when I watch tv. I imitate people. I make fun of them. And when the other person is in the room and they want to watch the show, evidently, it's really annoying. Of course it's annoying.

[Paul Versi]

So.

[Bill Burr]

And if she's watching reality tv, like, I never shut up because it's just. I mean, I don't know, I. So I've been trying not, you know, if she's watching something that we both enjoy, like, oh, Zach, you know, or the Black Mirror. Oh, they all got Boston, they got the R's in there. All the shows that we like, Twilight Zone, all of that. If we're watching like that, I shut up, all right? But if it's anything else, I don't shut the fuck up. So if she's watching, like, reality shows. So tonight she was watching the Golden Globes, all right? And I know right there, I can't watch that show with her because she's going to get mad at me. So I just wanted to watch Seth's monologue. I always watch the comic because it's such a. It's such a crazy gig, right, to come out there, you're doing all brand new, and, like, sitting right in the front row, like, two feet away, is fucking Oprah Winfrey and, you know, Samuel Jackson and Willem Dafoe. All these fucking people are there. It's like the whole move, the whole everything you watch at home on tv, television shows, movies. All of a sudden it turns around and looks at you while you. You go out there with the new fucking 10 minutes or whatever the Hell, it is. They do. So I'm watching that Seth is killing. And I. And I. The first time I talked was at some point when I saw Oprah was sitting there. And I leaned over, go, can you imagine doing your jokes? And Oprah is like, right there. She was like. And. And I was like, oh, all right. I just like, all right, I'm gonna shut up. And then the award show started. And the smartest thing I did is I just. I. I pretended I had to go do something, and I just sort of got up and I walked out. So I wouldn't. I wouldn't do the rest of it. I wouldn't do the rest. I wouldn't ruin the chauffeur. And guess what? We're not in a fight right now. It's unbelievable, you know? And she would just. I just stayed in the kitchen. I made some waffles. I'm one of those breakfast for dinner kind of guys, you know? That's how I do it. That's my swagger. That's the marble man that I have in me. I just realized the second I said that. That's like, some shit you say when you're trying to be interesting on a date or if you're too dumb to know you're not interesting, you would say something. First of all, I want to thank everyone who's still listening to this. The fact that I said, I'm a breakfast for dinner kind of guy. All right? What I should have said was, I like having breakfast for dinner sometimes, but I said, I'm a breakfast for dinner kind of guy. Once you say kind of guy, you should be legally required to do the double fucking pistol shot with you your fingers. I'm that kind of guy. Bang, bang, side of fucking sausage. So I was out there making waffles, and she yelled out. She goes, sammy won. Sammy won. Sam Rockwell won. So I, you know, obviously love Sam. And he did something that's really hard to do. He had a great speech. And then, you know, I was watching a little bit more, and I felt all these things that I was gonna say, so I just walked out. I walked out before I said something stupid. You know, if your tux is all black, you're not a rapist. Welcome to the Golden Globes. Like, I would have been doing shit like that. Do you realize you could be an absolute fucking monster? Okay, but if you wore an all black tuxedo, like, no, Everyone would be looking at you like, you were progressive. That's why I, you know, I understand why it's done. Because it's a show of strength. And everybody's like, yes, this is obviously something that, you know, needs to stop. Yada, yada, yada, and a bunch of other obvious shit. But it also creates this thing where you could just walk in and no one's gonna fuck with you because you're wearing the right uniform. That's why I don't like all of that political correctness stuff, is because you create a roadmap for people to just get across the river because they know what to say, what not to say when they're in public. And everybody's like, oh, he said Native American. He said, obviously. And he has an all black tuxedo. He be a good person. All right? Now, all of this is just that no one wants to hear when they're trying to watch. So I ran in, I saw Sam Rockwell. When I heard Carol Burnett was there, I ran and I saw that. And when I heard Roseanne Barr and John Goodman were on, I ran in and I watched that, you know. And what else? No, I saw something else. I saw Jennifer Aniston. Oh, look, she was there with Carol Burnett. How great does she look? Telling you, man, she does not age at all. Her and fucking Howie Long. I said the exact same. That's kind of weird, right? I said the exact same thing. When I saw Howie Long today when I was watching the playoffs, I was like, he fucking looks unbelievable. Guy just does not. He has not lost one hair on top of his head. I haven't been able to have that haircut since I was, like, 15. Anyways, I watched so much goddamn sports this weekend, right? I did do a little duolingo. Trying to get back into the whole. Trying to. I have to become bilingual and I have to learn how to speak French because that's such a snooty language and I'm such a dope. How hilarious would it be? That's what keeps me going, all right? Not respect for the culture. Not trying to improve myself. Just how fucking funny it would be if I was completely fluent in French and, like, really good at it. I could speak the slang, but the. I wouldn't have an accent, you know? I mean, just think of how much dumb shit I've said right now. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I could just start speaking perfect. I could go to Paris and no one would turn their fucking nose up at me. Oh, the opportunity. I'm telling you, I want to do that because I want to go there and I want to act like a. I mean, I didn't have to act. I'm just. I'd ramp it up, you know, and then just listen to hear what they would say. And I would just. I would. 10 days of just laughing my balls off and then ruining it for all you guys who go over there, if you're from here. Anyways, so I. I had the Peach bowl taped, recorded, saved in digital space, whatever the you kids say. And I was meaning to watch it because I came home from the Rose bowl and I saw. I was like, holy Central Florida one. So I actually put it on, and my wife was six this weekend. You know, everybody got the bug. Everybody got the stomach flu. I haven't got it yet, okay? I take these little chewables, all right? And I, I, I, I. I take a men's. What the do you call it? A men's vitamin. What do they call those things? Men's daily or some. I never take them. I take them when I start to feel sick. And I knew everybody was getting sick around me, so I just started just chowing those things down, right? And I've been able to hold it off. And last night, I actually slept in a different room. You know what I mean? I love my wife, but, you know, I'm not gonna stop puking, and you know what I mean? Unnecessarily. I wouldn't put her through that, right? I mean, Jesus Christ. For better, for worse. And then there's, like, common sense. And my wife's cool as hell, so she was just like, yeah, get out of here. Get out of here. So I left. You know what's weird is if when you have it just like when I sleep in a different room, I sleep on the opposite side of the bed. So when I wake up and I get a sense that the edge of the bed is on the wrong side and I'm not on the road, you know, it freaks me out. Like, where the am I? Did I get arrested for a murder I didn't commit? And then I open my eyes, I'm like, oh, no. I'm just sleeping in a different room in my own house. That's cool. So anyways, I watched the fucking Peach bowl and I watched Central Florida, man. What a fucking game. What a game, man. Central Florida, huh? This is long overdue. Congrats in that. I hope you say his name, Shaquin Griffin, the linebacker on the team. The guy's got one hand. He's got one hand and he was dominating. Dominating Auburn, who, I swear to God, half of their guys looked like they had, like, 40 pounds on whoever they were lining up against. And I love Auburn. I love Auburn. I love watching him beat Alabama, you know, I love seeing that shit. It's just fun. It's fun to see, you know, because Alabama's supposed to win, so Auburn was supposed to win that one. So, I mean, how do you not root for Central Florida? Central Florida. I went to their campus, right? Did I go to the Central Florida? I don't think I did. I went to the other one, wherever the game was at the war and the four, the one that's in Orlando, I went to that one and I just went in and I looked at the campus and I was like, yeah, I could have got accepted here. I could have gone to this fucking school. Like, their campus is in the middle of, like, a rotary. Like, there's a big roundabout, and they just. It's like they had a big roundabout, and then they stuck a school right in the middle of it. So I had to root for them because I love that game so much, you know, so you got to love an underdog. So congratulations to them. And what else? Then I watched all of the playoff games, playoffs. Except yet, no, I can't even say that. I watched two of the games today and I missed. You know, I put the Kansas City game on right at the end. And because my brother text me, he said was talking about Sean McDonough's voice when it cracked. I can't believe the level of shit the guy got for that. That was a great call. It just was. It just wasn't a touchdown. Then everybody who's fucking miserable has got to trash the guy. I wish something as exciting as that happened every game just to hear him lose his shit. All I heard was a guy that loves the game and fucking loves his job. Everybody's like, did you hear his voice crack? I don't know. My voice cracks when I get excited, you know? Anyways, so everybody's jumping all over Andy Reid, you know, giving him shit for fucking. I don't. I don't even know what the hell happened. I have no idea. I know that they're big fucking tight end. The potato sack race guy. I know we took a shot to the head. So he wasn't in the game. Obviously, that would change. I'm Bill. You literally gonna break down a game he didn't watch? Yeah, probably.

[Andrew Themless]

Probably.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you know, loves to say, you know what? The guy can't get it done. Guy can't get it done. Andy Reid.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

Guy can't get it done. You know, people love to say that kind of shit. People who can't get it done in their own lives, you know what I mean? Guy can't get it done. Nobody can get it done in Kansas City. Nobody's got it done in Kansas City since fucking Hank Stramp, all right? He's gone to a fucking franchise that is a perennial fucking loser. And he came from another one, Philadelphia.

[Andrew Themless]

The.

[Bill Burr]

That's a perennial fucking loser, all right? Kansas City won a Super bowl in 1970. The fucking Eagles won in 1960. Anybody can do the Phil Jackson thing and fucking go jump on the goddamn Lakers when they already got Kobe Bryant and Shaq. Andy Reid likes a challenge. I'm going to the most miserable fucking sports city in the world. Philadelphia. He went there before the Phillies won, all right, when it was a fucking drought. Well, they had won 1980, but you know what I mean? So in defense of that guy, is everybody shitting all over them like they would have known how to run the clock or whatever the they're giving him about. That guy is taking on two huge challenges. The Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs. All right? So there's my take on it. Having not watched the game. You see that? You see what happens when you just. You find an angle and you just go off on it. It actually sounded for half a second like I knew what I was talking about. Right. Actually, you know why I didn't see the game? The real reason I didn't see the game wasn't because my wife was sick. The real reason why is because I was busy looking at game. Was busy looking at game film, getting ready to. You know, I had to coach some kids out in Buffalo against this team, the Jaguars. One more person sends me a goddamn photo going, is it me or you look just like this guy. It's like, dude, that joke was made, like, a year ago. Like, if you guys really want to just fucking annoy me, just keep sending me that. Like, and you got to deliver it. Like, it's the first time, you know, I should have done. I should have started retweeting all of them. Maybe that's what I need to do. I thought I already retweeted them to be like, this joke has been made. Let's. Can we build on it? I'm not saying don't make the joke, but. You got it. Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who?

[Paul Versi]

I get it.

[Bill Burr]

Where the hell am I? All right. Jags beat the fucking Bills. Oh, that's right. I watched that. That's the first game I watched, I missed the Atlanta Falcons playing the Rams. And I think, like a lot of people, I forgot that Atlanta won the first 58 minutes of last year's Super Bowl. And then what was great was they completely up their regular season to the point nobody was talking about them. But they made the playoffs. So now playoffs, until now, everybody's 0 and 0 to start. And they got all that experience in last year. Last year, right? I don't know. Who the fuck do they play next week? They go to Philly. They go to Philly and Philly was all lined up to go. And what happens, huh? Carson Wentz gets his fucking knee fucked up for the rest of the season. Because it's Philly, okay? And I'm not shitting on Philly. Any Eagle fan will tell you this the second you put that fucking helmet on. Somebody's got to break that curse, man. Do you think it's going to be Nick Foles? Huh? Does his last name sound too much like Follies? The Nick Foles Follies. If he blows this game, I'm telling you right now, he's going to be starring in one of those Ice Capades. He'll be like the guy with the top hat bringing out a bunch of old Eagles on ice skates that never won Super Bowls. I'm trying to figure out who I'm going to root for this year. Obviously I'm rooting for the Patriots, but who else do I like? You know, I actually like the Saints. What a great game that was. Now, that game I saw against the fucking Panthers, a lot of drops, some critical drops by the Panthers in the first half. You know what I think is going to happen? I think Drew Brees. Drew Brees, the underrated Drew Brees, he's like third all time passing. Nobody talks about him. You know what I mean? You know why? He's just a regular looking guy, you know, he's a little taller than Doug Flutie, okay? He's a little shyer than fucking Brett Favre. And he's not as good looking as Tom Brady, you know? And he's down there in New Orleans and nobody's paying attention. Nobody's fucking paying attention. And meanwhile, the guy's out there killing it. He's got a Super bowl ring. So now he's going to Minnesota.

[Andrew Themless]

To.

[Bill Burr]

Face some guy named Case Keenum, who people are saying he's either running to be the MVP of the league, he is. You think Drew Brees is afraid of that? I don't think he Is this is my prediction for next week. Knowing nothing about the Minnesota Vikings, okay? I say Drew Brees goes into Minnesota, okay? And when he leaves, there's going to be a bunch of people crying at the Mall of America. I think the Saints go in and they fucking beat Minnesota. You know, a buddy of mine was going, I can't believe Minnesota built another dome. They're like a cold city team. That's like a great advantage. And now Drew Brees is going to go in and play in a dome. He's going to be at home. And I was just like, why did they make a dome? And I was like, that's what I was thinking. But we're old guys, and I think that, you know, the NFL's done with us. You know, they're now trying to move on to the Millennials. And you got to build a dome because millennials don't like to go outside, right? So if you can just get them to an Uber, they'll get to the game. And then look, look, you're back inside again. You're back inside this. Big TV screens. You can stare at those instead of watch the game, but you can sit here and say, you, you. You were at what you watched on a tv. All right, the Patriots are playing the Titans. We'll see. We'll see how that one goes. You never know. And who do the Steelers got? The Steelers got the. They got the Jags, right? The Steelers got the Jags. Kind of happy, both those teams, one of them is going to knock the other guy off. Although I am not excited, you know, if we get past the Titans, I am not excited to play this team Steelers again because they already beat us once this year, but unfortunately.

[Jake the Snake]

We were.

[Bill Burr]

Given the victory over that whole bullshit. I mean, it's a good thing because we end up getting home field, but I always think the team that loses has the advantage the second time around. However.

[Jake the Snake]

However.

[Bill Burr]

I just think Bill Belichick is such a superior coach, by the way, you know, do I really have to address this stupid shit about Bill Belichick that he's going to leave the Patriots over a fucking personal trainer? I sometimes I just think that the fucking media just has it out for the fucking Patriots. I just don't understand. I've never seen such a big bunch of shit made out of nothing. And here's the thing. If he's fucking going back, if Belichick ever went back to the Giants, who gives a fuck? He's not ours. He started with. With the Giants. Okay, well, he didn't he started with, like, the fucking Lions or something, but he started with the Giants, okay? That's where he got his first ring. Then he went over to the goddamn jets, right? The man goes over to the fucking jets and. No, he went to Cleveland before that and they fired him. Typical Cleveland move. He goes over to the Jets. He was going to be the jets coach. It was right there. Then he just wanted to get out from underneath Bill Parcells and he left. So it wouldn't be a defection out of Boston. It would be a return home. We fucking stole that guy. In 1999, we've gone to seven Super Bowls, one five. Maybe that's why we never beat the Giants. That was the football gods going, bill, you never should have left. Actually should have left. You know what I mean? That was like when he stepped out from Bill Parcell Shadow, became the fucking legend that he is now. But anyways, the end of the fucking day, I don't give a fuck about Tom Brady's personal trainer. I don't give a shit. Who the fuck would break up the goddamn band over that is beyond me. Am I really supposed to think that that's a real fucking thing? That would shock me. Not if he left. It would just shock me if it was over that. But, you know, Bill Parcell's leftover Terry Glenn, rest in peace. You know, I'll never quite forgive that guy for telling the fucking team that he wasn't coming back the next year before we played the packers in the Super Bowl. And actually, has that ever even been confirmed? Somebody just told me he did that. All right, I'd like to apologize to Bill Parcells. What the fuck am I talking about here? What you're listening to is a man who did nothing with his weekend. That's what you're doing. Okay? That's why you're probably listening, because you probably did it, too. All right, here's one of the douchiest things. I haven't done it yet, but I'm gonna do it. And I feel like I have to admit to it before I do it. Okay? Anybody in Ireland. Wait, I gotta make sure that's the right country who makes shepherd's pieces? You know what I mean? There's. There's like all these. Those pies over there. And I love all of them because I got all that blood in me. English, Irish, Scottish. So any sort of. Any of those meat pies, I like that shit. All right, Shepherd's pie origin. Shepherd's pie was invented by Seamus O. Shepherd. Shepherd's pie or Cottage pie is a meat pie. Ba ba ba ba ba ba. Place of origin, the United Kingdom. Oh, all right. Because there's no sheep in Ireland. Is that what it is? I always forget. And then Ireland, they make a. They make a different one. Right? Shepherd's pie cards. History. This is going to be boring. As in early cookbooks, the dish was a means of using leftover roasted meat of any kind. And the pie dish was lined with mashed potatoes as well as having a mashed potato potato crust on top. So they built the wall around it back then. Where did it come from like that. I can't find it. So I can't. So I just yelled at my computer. I don't give a fuck. You know, that's it right there. That's why I didn't do well in school. I look it up and I have like, I got, I got that clock in my head like a quarterback. You know, I got the clock before I just throw it out of bounds. I don't care enough now. I'm not going to learn it. I'll fucking make it up on the next question. And that's why I got like a 390 combined on my SATs. I didn't. I took a prep course and I actually, I actually, I studied. Did I break. I don't think I broke 400. I know. What every.

[Paul Versi]

Dude, dude, they gave you like 350.

[Bill Burr]

I know, I know. Anyways, I'm gonna make a shepherd's pie with cauliflower mashed potatoes. I just have to pause here as everybody's going, no. Yeah. Because this gluten free diet that I'm doing, I'm kind of half ass doing it, but just half ass doing it. I. I don't have to work out. It's great. Telling you, man, if you lay off the gluten. I remember thinking, what the is gluten? And then they told me what it's everything that it's in. And I'm like, oh, so like all the good foods, all the foods I.

[Andrew Themless]

Love.

[Bill Burr]

I've just been laying off the old glute there. Gluten free. If you ever saw my flat ass, you'd be surprised. Oh, sorry, Bad joke. Yeah, so I'm going to make it with cauliflower because I'm not allowed to eat potatoes. I'm sorry, people, I've been out here too long. You know, I've been 10 years out here, out here in Hollywood and I've become a gluten free douche. I'm not really because I got these brioche buns that I bought for the hot dogs at the Rose bowl. And it was the only thing I fucked up. I forgot to not only bring hot dogs, I forgot to buy them. So I have all of these brioche buns. It's like, I'm not going to throw them out. So I went out and bought some hot dogs. So I'm kind of full of sodium and gluten at this point anyways. So I'm going to make shepherd's pie with mashed potatoes. And I'm not putting this. Well, it's one recipe. I saw they had corn in it. I was like, I wouldn't fucking. Why would you do that? It's all about the peas. You got the lamb in there, right? You got a little bit of onion. Mince that up, couple other fucking salt and pepper, whatever else you put in there. And then. Then you get the peas, corn. It's an imposter. Doesn't have the guts of a pee. That's why it's yellow. It's a little yellow. Fucking cowardly fucking. Is it a vegetable? It's not a fruit, is it? I don't know. So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm making a shepherd's pie with fucking mashed potatoes. Cauliflower mashed potatoes. I actually really like cauliflower. Mashed potatoes. I don't like cauliflower. But if you're gonna throw a bunch of butter on it, I mean, how's it not gonna taste good, you know? The only thing I really don't like is that. What is that? They were putting in everything for a while. Ah. What the. It was it being with a tea, didn't it? Truffle oil. Ugh. I remember one time we went out and there was mashed potatoes and they had truffle oil in it. No, no, I'm sorry. Had at macaroni and cheese. And they put truffle oil in. Why would you do that? You don't need to. It's pasta with cheese. Fuck off. You know, truffle oil for a while was like the fucking Hare Krishna of ingredients, you know? You know, tell them we don't want any. Fuck out of here. Leave me alone.

[Paul Versi]

And I.

[Bill Burr]

And the. The waiter or the waitress or is there a. Is there. I can't believe no one's been offended by that yet. Waiter and waitress, and we're all waiters. Is there a fucking gender. Gender neutral term we can come with up with that? A weight attendant. Well, that's Going to give someone a body image. The fucking person who gives you your food, who would rather be doing a different job for better money. There is that a good description? Was that genderless? Told me that there was only a little bit of truffle. There's just a hint of it. There's just a hint. There's just a dash. And I was like, all right. And I ordered it and it just. It sucked. Truffle oil overpowers every fucking thing. It's like a comic that's on off stage like a fucking lampshade over its goddamn head. I hate truffle oil. I don't even know what it is. Should I look that up? And fucking. Isn't it from, like a mushroom or something? Truffle oil. This is why the Internet makes people less funny. Because back in the day, you just had no idea, and he just guessed. And then there was always somebody in the room with a big enough fucking ego to just definitively give you an answer, even though they didn't know. Truffle oil is a modern culinary ingredient used to impart the flavor and aroma of truffles to a dish. All right, now we're looking up truffles. A truffle is a fruiting body of subterranean as compset fungus. The fuck is that? Right now I'm looking up a scumset. A scumset is a division or a phylum of the kingdom of fungi. All right, What's a phylum? In biology? A phylum is a level of classification or a taxonomic rank in biological classification. A taxonomical rank. See what I'm saying? This is why I don't look up shit. I'm too dumb to understand the fucking definition.

[Andrew Themless]

It just.

[Bill Burr]

It just keeps going. It's like a Hummel. By the time you get down it, you don't even know what the fuck you were asking the question. It's like. You ever go in like. Like. I can't say that. You know what I mean? Some of these. These streaming sites, right? And you're fucking. I'm gonna watch that. Watch that now. Watch that. What's that other thing I was gonna watch? All right, anyways, why don't I read a little bit advertising? Shall I. Shall I read a little bit of advertising? Oh, look who's back. Indochino. All right. And we're done. We're done with the reads for the week, if you might notice. You might have noticed that I am in a little more of a perkier mood. I am in a great move. Because guess. Guess what, Guess what. Guess what. Guess what? I finally made a breakthrough in my rehab of this fucking lingering rotator cuff injury. You know, it's funny, I don't even know if it's cup or cuff. I think it's cuff. I always forget. I think I said cup for most of my life. Let's go back to Wikipedia. Rotate. Rotate tor. Oh, it's cuff. It's not cup. In anatomy, the rotator cuff is a group of muscles, and they're tendons that act to stabilize the shoulder. Yeah, that's the problem. Because when they fucking don't, your shoulder kind of comes out of the socket maybe, I don't know. The four muscles of the rotator cuff are over half of the seven scapula, forameal muscles, scapular foramen muffles are a group of seven muscles that connect to the humerus, the humerus to the scapula. They are amongst the muscles that act on the glial roomal joint. What the. Is that? The shoulder joint? Oh, that's a shoulder joint. The gleno humbral joint. Who gives a. Anyways, my shoulder's been bugging me, so I. I didn't understand. I don't understand how to rehab. I like when I felt pain, I stopped. I didn't understand that you had to kind of go into it a little bit. Like you're skimming the frosting off, right? Or if you're making steel cut oats, you know that awful gluey on top, you just skim that off. You kind of got to do that with the pain.

[Injury Reporter]

So.

[Bill Burr]

This person told me this great exercise we. Where I just. I laid down on my back and then put my arm. Like if I was standing up, I would be pointing straight ahead. But when you lay down your back, you're not pointing at the ceiling, okay? I'm not saying put your arm up over your fucking head. Just point straight up and just start making little circles, you know, a bunch clockwise, a bunch counterclockwise. And then you just gradually increase slowly as shit, the circumference of them. And when you start to feel the top layer of pain, you know, that's where you stop. But you. But when you. When I was going. How I've been doing it, when I go around into the circle is I kind of stay at an acceptable level of confronting the pain. And I swear to God, I've been doing that for like the. Just like since Thursday. And I've gotten like 30% increase, I would say, in my range of motion and I feel like I can get this thing, you know, I'm not saying re strengthen it, but I think I can get it all back by the end of the month. Oh, I can't say that because I don't want to rush because then I'll mess it up again. But I'm very excited about that. It's put me in a better mood. You know what they say, you know, hey, at least you got your health because it puts you in a bad goddamn mood. All right, so somebody was asking me Dean Del Rey's diet. Hi, Bill. Can you please talk about Dean Del Rey's diet details on. On his next podcast? I'd like to lose a little weight myself, so I have to go on to Dean Del Rey's podcast. Let There Be talk from the All Things Comedy Network. Network.

[Paul Versi]

Network.

[Bill Burr]

Dean can explain it. I don't remember all of it. I just kind of like, I eat like for breakfast I have two eggs over a G, and then I have one serving of steel cut oats. That take for ever to cook. That's another way to lose weight, waiting for your food to be ready. And then for like a snack, I'll have Ezekiel bread, which tastes like shit unless you put butter in this. And I have almond peanut butter. It's almond butter is what it is. And I have that. And that's actually fucking delicious. And it's filling. And then for lunch, I have quinoa with. With black beans. And then I throw salsa on top to give it some sort of fucking flavor. Because other than that, you know, I've never eaten a shoe with, you know, with a newspaper on top because that's what it tastes like. I try to avoid throwing salt or any of that shit in there. And then in the afternoon, I don't know, what the fuck do I have? There's always that one meal before you have the real meal. Right around 4 o', clock, I have like a fucking. I don't know what. Sometimes I'll have whatever the fuck I want, and other times there's like this pasta that's made out of chickpeas. It tastes a little weird, but it's not that bad, you know? And then for dinner, I just have a protein with like a salad and I'm done and I just drink waters and I stay away from the booze and all of that bullshit.

[Andrew Themless]

And.

[Bill Burr]

It'S this weird thing when you eat like that where I think what you say, oh, my God, this food's so boring, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's because you're used to the sugar assault. It gets your system going. Like, sugar's like, yeah. Or salt does whatever the salt does. Like, it's like you get your fix. So when you eat that, when you eat stuff that doesn't have any of that in it, you're just not hungry afterwards. And it's weird and then. But you feel energized. But it's a. It's a different kind of. You got to adjust your brain to the fueling your body rush as opposed to the. The roller coaster of sugar and salt. So that. That's as much as I know about the diet. I've been doing that. And then, you know, I eat like that most of the time. Probably 80% of the time, I eat that way. And then occasionally if I just want to have a fucking pizza, I eat it. But Dean doesn't. Dean just fucking stays with it. And that fucking guy, every once in a while, he sends me a picture of him when I first met him.

[Andrew Themless]

It doesn't.

[Bill Burr]

He doesn't look at the same person because not only did he lose all this weight, like, he. Like his skin cleared up. You know, he used to look like a cop with 20 years in is what he used to look like. You know, now he looks like a rock star. So I would listen to him his podcast, Let There Be Talk. I'm sure he's. He said dietitian or something. He gets great guests over there. All right, Bill, you're not an addict. Hey, old ginger balls. I'm a big fan of the podcast and looking forward to your next special. And the new season of F is for family. Keep up the great work. Thank you. I've been listening to the podcast for the last couple weeks, and I've heard you going back and forth about abstaining from booze and most recently about aa. Yeah, I'm sorry. I fucked. I said a lot of bad things about aa. If it fucking works for me, it works for you. It's just. It's just fun to make fun of that shit. You know, it's funny. I saw the other day in a strip mall. It was, you know, all these different stores. One of the. One of the stores there it said Alcoholics Anonymous. You know what I mean? It's. It's kind of putting it out there, isn't there? You know, it's bad enough these poor people had to sneak into porno stores and that type of. Back when they were drinking. Now, you know you're going to do that to them. Just. Shouldn't it say Bill W's. Well, I guess if you didn't have that sign up, a bunch of cunts like me might be walking in like, what are you guys selling? You guys would be like, hope smoke filled room with donuts. I've been working in addiction. And back to the letter here. I have been working in addiction in the addiction field for over a decade. Teach an addiction course at a college. Work at one of the most highly respected addiction programs up here in Canada. Oh, dude, you know, you had it all. You had me until you said Canada. Canada doesn't count, dude. You live in Canada. For me to be considered an alcoholic in Canada, I have to drink like fucking two cases of Molson. You guys are animals up there. Half you guys don't know you're alcoholics. You just think you're keeping warm. All right, let me. Let me not judge this guy. Now that I've mentioned my credentials while at the same time sounding like a pompous cunt. All right. I love this guy. He called himself out on it. I can tell you that you are not an addict.

[Andrew Themless]

It's like you are not the father.

[Bill Burr]

You are not an addict from everything you have mentioned on the podcast. And I am a long time listener. Oh, so when you say we listen the last couple weeks, I guess you dip in and dip up, right? All right. The word addiction is thrown around a lot. So is the word hero. It's thrown around a lot and typically refers to any behavior that is out of our control. To put it as simply as possible. People will often say things like they're addicted to things like TV, shopping, sex, etc. People also use the word to explain withdrawal system symptoms of a substance or behavior. That is, I must be addicted to coffee because I get headaches in the morning if I don't get a cup. However, experiencing enjoyment or withdrawal symptoms does not mean that someone has an addiction. Can we just kind of stop here and say this is one of the best written letters in a while? I apologize that my level of intellect is reading it, but I think you guys can hear that this person seems to know what he's talking about. Or she or. Or it or her who used to be him. Did I cover everything? However, in the addition, in the addiction field, there is a way to tell if someone has an addiction. We call them the four Cs of addiction. Cash, cunts, cauliflower, and I don't know. I ran up in the charges, Louisiana Charges. Okay. If you've persisted, if you. Okay. If you have persistent cravings for drugs, Alcohol, slash alcohol. If you have lost control over how much and how frequently you use, if you continue to use despite consequences, that is legal issues, job loss, children taken away. And if you feel a compulsion to use, that is always feeling like you need a drug or alcohol, there's a bunch of weed smokers going, alcohol is a drug. Then you can begin to think you have an addiction. Knowing what I know about from you on the podcast, I'm not going to pretend to know you personally. I have never heard you mention any significant consequences around booze other than your DUI when you were young and you have control of booze. Since you can have a full bar in the house and not drink it and abstain for long periods at a time from booze, the bar in the home also means you don't have a compulsion to drink. People that struggle with significant alcoholism cannot have booze just sitting around their place without drinking it. That's fucking funny to me.

[Paul Versi]

I don't know why.

[Bill Burr]

Like, they're just sitting there. Seen at the corner of the ride, they're like sweating. It's fucking looking at me, man. You like that black dude and predator shaving your head. I see you over there in that bar. I don't believe you have an addiction. And you don't need to go to AA for me. He wrote it all in capitals. You're just some that likes to booze whose job and lifestyle allows for it. Dude, you're going to talk me into drinking tonight. If you ever feel like you do need some serious help, go see a professional instead of some sorry SAP bleeding his heart out in a church basement in front of a group of strangers. Having said that, I know AA does work for some people, and if you're into that, knock yourself out. Out. You're just like me. You had to on it a little bit. Hope this helps and can silence the Bill W listeners of the Monday morning podcast. Best of luck in the new year and all the best to Nia and your lovely daughter. And go yourself.

[Jake the Snake]

Wow.

[Bill Burr]

I might have to download. Download that. Whatever. Print it out and frame [e-mail] whatever the those people are. Framebridge. I got to use those guys for that. Wow, that was awesome. That made me feel better about myself. Am I going to drink now? No, I got to go do a set tonight. All right, Chef. Not making enough money. That was really informative, by the way. I definitely went through periods where I was craving it, you know, and didn't want to drink. And then I was just like, this is what I Did. And I would just go over and I just, you know. But it felt more like a diet thing. Like late at night, just eat well. Don't go out and go make a fucking grilled cheese sandwich. A friend. And then you just go out and do it. But what? That first fucking night when you don't do it, then I can stop. So, yeah, I don't think I am. Bill, stop giving examples. The guy left you off the hook. All right, chef. Not making enough money. All right, Dear Billy. Betty Crocker. I like that one. Way to go, champ, on your pie making skills. I'm the chef of a new restaurant. This year, the restaurant has made a hundred grand more than the year before. The restaurant is doing great, but I'm making sad money. I have a wife and a daughter. My wife has always supported my cooking, but I don't make the money I should. Recently, my wife told me I could work with her brother as an electrician for the water district. I could be making three times more than what I could as a chef. I love cooking. It's the one thing that makes me happy. Do I hang tight with the cooking and do what I love or skip out and go with the easy money? I have investors ready to support my cooking, but I need money now. Love to hear what your thoughts? Your thoughts. Oh, Jesus. Dude, this is a huge fucking decision. How much do you love cooking? Is this your dream? Is this what you want to do? I can only equate it to stand up comedy. There is not a job out there that would have paid three times more than what I could make as a comedian that I would have ever, even for a second, considered Ever, Ever. Not even for a fucking second. Okay, if you feel that way about cooking, then I would stay with the chef job. However, if, you know, if you don't feel that way, then I would talk to somebody else. This is a major decision, dude. I'm not making this decision for you. But I can tell you, you know, one of the great things about my dream of being a comedian was I really had no other options because I kind of sucked at everything else and I was miserable doing anything else. And this is the only thing I ever did where the second I did it, I was just like, oh, I'm doing this for ever. That's it. I don't give a shit. So. But I also didn't have a wife and a daughter at the time. There's a lot of variables here. You have investors ready to support your cooking, but I need money right now. I would Say this if, if you. This is your decision, buddy. If you decide to keep cooking, you got it. You got to get your wife on the right page. You guys got to get on the should say on the same page, you know, if you really believe in yourself and then you can run a restaurant. You could be one of those guys, right? Walking around with the orange clogs, riding a Vespa and all that, you know, like Mario Batali, that was another guy fucking grabbed a couple people's asses. Now I never get to see him again. You know what I mean? Can he just fucking from his self imposed exile. He can't just make a fucking use the well method and show me how to make something. You know, you just put him on a leash, right? You put him on a fucking leash and he can't go anywhere away from the island in his kitchen anyways. All right, that's what I would do. Okay, sir, I would ask how much do you want to be a chef? All right. If you want to be a chef, you got to get your wife on the same page. Other than that, you know, if it's not your dream, then you could just become an electrician who has the best cookouts ever. All right. Ex girlfriend hooks up with stranger at party we both attended. Okay. Hey, Billy. On the back nine of life. That's true. My girlfriend and I broke up about four months ago after an 11 year relationship. Wow, sorry to hear that. We share a lot of the same friends and I knew we would see each other at a friend's New Year's party. Two days before the party, my ex hit me up and asked to get a drink and cleared the air before seeing each other for the first time since the breakup. We had an awesome time and we ended up going out again the next night and at an even better time. She then asked if I wanted to share a cab to and from the New Year's party. I agreed. Well, at the party she met a guy and they were all over each other the entire night. Oh God. She ended up ditching me and going home with him at the end of the night. I have hooked up with a few people since the breakup, but never in front of my ex. And after the previous two nights, I was absolutely devastated by what she did. I would love any advice or insight. Thanks and go yourself. Well, that it really seemed like unless she was completely shitfaced, that really seemed a little calculated. And that right there. Sir, your story right there is why I avoided staying in contact with ex girlfriends. Not saying they were all bad. But I had a girlfriend like that, an ex, and they have like this sixth sense. As right as you're starting to get past and over them, they just feel it. They call you up and they just fuck your life, your head up all over again. Here's one for you, dude. What kind of a person would do that, huh? The kind of person that you don't want to put your seed in. Just know that that could have been the mother of your fucking children. You dodged a bullet. Congratulations, sir. Congratulations. Okay? And I'm willing to bet that unless she completely fucks up her life, you will not hear from her again. Or you will hear from her because she is a sadistic person and wants to hear your reaction. She wants to hear the pain and get off on it while she goes like, well, I didn't think there'd be a problem because we were broken up, so I don't know why you're putting this on me, okay? I thought we both had. We have nice time. We were adults. And the whole time she's just getting off on the fact that you still give a fuck. So, dude, you dodged a major fucking bullet. I mean, I would never do that to somebody. I would never. I wouldn't do that, like, if, you know, I wouldn't do that. Now I've been with Nia forever. If I saw an ex girl, I would never. I would just whisper, neil, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here, you know, let's go someplace a little more quieter. I would never do that to somebody that's just a fucking asshole, male or female. To do that to somebody is a really fucking asshole thing. I'm sorry that happened to you. But you know what? You know what's great, dude? She's out of your life. She's out of your life. And you know, you know what those people about, they're like those what about Bob people. You know, remember the beginning of what About Bob? The therapist gets Bill Murray's character away from him and dumps him in fucking Dreyfus his lap. That's what she's. She's the fucking female version. Those what about Bob people. If you can ever dump them off on other people, it's fucking tremendous. And she did it to herself. And this is what you do anytime you ever see her. After that, just big smile on your face. Big smile on your face. Hey, how you doing?

[Paul Versi]

Are you mad?

[Bill Burr]

Nah. No, we broken up. Good for you, you know, have the time of your life. All right, nice seeing you. Leave all right? And now's a great time, dude, to expand your horizon. Find new friends, indulge in a hobby, travel. Get yourself in great shape. Go to the gym. It's time to you. Work on you. And that person you that is, is in the rear view mirror. You know what? All she did was give you a great story to tell the love of your life, because that. That chick ain't it. All right? Enjoy your 2018. You're a free man.

[Paul Versi]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

This girl is killing me, man. All right. Dear Billy Big Head. Ah, you guys are really accurate this week. Back nine. Big Head. I mean, what? What? I'm fucking on the ropes here. Somebody throwing the towel? I am a sophomore in high school, but I've been listening to your podcast. Podcast for a year now. I need some advice. Oh, Jesus Christ, this is fucking scary. I hope you need some fucking regular advice. All right? I need some advice on how to handle this girl. Hey, Nia, are you out there? Nia, you want to. You want to give this kid some advice? Oh, that's right. You're sick. Yeah, okay, sorry. I just want to know if you.

[Andrew Themless]

Want me to tell her not to come tonight.

[Bill Burr]

Hang on, let me hit pause here. Hang on, hang on. All right, I'm back. I'm back. Jesus Christ. She's still sick. She's still sick. Sleeping upstairs again tonight. All right, sophomore in high school, and I need some advice on how to handle this girl. I dated her for about nine months last year. A lot of heartache this year, this week, and learned a lot. The problem is that this girl is really immature, and I cannot have a conversation with her without her arguing. Sorry, I picked this up. Without her arguing with me or something over something. Not important. Oh, dude, you're a son. Who gives a shit. Fucking move on to the next one. For example, towards the end of my relationship with her, she gave me the silent treatment for multiple days because I told her I didn't like Australia. She constantly insulted me, called me dumb, and told me I was a terrible brother. You're dating your sister or she just observed your family? What state did this come from? And did crazy things like this throughout our relationship. She's one of those girls who thinks that she. She's always she. That she always gets to be right, and I am not. And I am not about that life. He says, when she broke up with me, it was this whole scene. Well, dude, it sounds like you dodged a bullet here. What dating is all about is meeting what you don't want, and then you figure that out. And then you finally fucking meet the right person. You totally. You're fucking young as shit. What's the problem here? I got very close with her family and, well, so you're a good guy. And when we broke up, her seven year old sister sobbed. Jesus Christ. Her mom even went to the extent to call me on the phone to tell me I was a great boyfriend and wish me. Wish that me and her could possibly work things out in the future. Her family adores me to this day due to the fact that I really played up the whole nice guy thing. What, are you really an asshole? This is where things get even worse. She constantly leads me on and I fall for it. Yeah, that's what being young's all about. And at a town fair, we have. We have. She hung out with me all weekend. We were very flirty and she heavily led me on. But when I asked her out, she said she wasn't ready. All right, dude, this once again, if you listen to the last one, this is why you do not stay in contact with ex girlfriends, okay? She just doesn't. She doesn't want you to meet someone else until she's met somebody or. I don't.

[Paul Versi]

I don't.

[Bill Burr]

What? Why? I don't know what the fuck they think. I just know.

[Andrew Themless]

I just know.

[Bill Burr]

You just. You gotta. You gotta. You guess. You gotta walk. You gotta walk. All right? The same thing happened a few months later. I have left her alone for the past few months, only talking to her once every three weeks. And every time, she ends up being mad at me for some dumb reason. An hour ago, she was mad at me for not roasting her and called me pathetic. Roasting her. I'm trying to figure out where the fuck you live. You got a little fair, a town fair, and then you guys also have roasts. I don't know what this is. All right, she apologized all the time for her action, but continues to do the same thing. Should I not even talk to her or should I forgive her because she's just immature and can't handle her feelings? Any advice would be appreciated, especially you get the. The lovely Nia to answer as well. Hope the family's doing great. And go drink a beer. It's hilarious. Yeah, I would just have a conversation. I would just say, listen, I don't enjoy talking to you because you always get mad and you yell at me. We are broken up and I don't think it's healthy for us to continue talking to one another. However, when I see you, I don't Want it to be weird. So is there a way that you, in a nice way, could just fuck off and let me get on with my life? But if I see you, you know, we could just walk by, you know, we could raise eyebrows, you know, and acknowledging that we saw each other, maybe we could high five and not saying anything, you know, and then if she flips out, who gives a fuck? It gives a fuck. I mean, it just doesn't, you know, doesn't sound like. Here's a question for you. Since you broke up, has it ever ended well? Any interaction. Any interaction you've had with her? Okay, if the answer is no, then. So you got to stop interacting with her. But it seems like it's such a small town. I'm judging you because you went to a fair. Okay? So my world, you brought your prized pig down there, and I don't what the fuck happened after that. All right, I would say, yeah. I would just, you know, there's. I imagine, plenty of other women. You. You know, what's the proper word at that age? Chicks you fucking go to school with. There's really no middle world, right? Girls? You're not a girl at that point. You're a fucking teenager. I don't. I'm not. I'm not going on Wikipedia again. I don't know what the fucking word is, okay? There's plenty of other fucking chicks you can be hanging out with. All right? That's it. And here's the thing. Here's a tip for you. When you fucking hang out with them, don't talk about your old relationship. What about some other fucking woman? They don't. They. Well, yeah, they don't want to hear it. Just go have a beer with one of your buddies out in the woods. However the fuck you do it, just be like, yeah, you know, I don't encourage underage drinking. Whatever the fuck it is you guys do, that's when you vent. What you. What you have to do is every time it starts to scab over, she calls up or you call her, and then you got an open wound again. What you got to do is you gotta. You gotta heal like a X Men. And then the next time you see her, and I guarantee if you don't give a. She's gonna be all over you and want to hook up. And this is what you have to do. You gotta not do it. And then watch how quickly that all that flirty turns into anger. And then she's gonna yell at you and then just be. Keep you cool and be like, this. Is why I don't hang out with you. Cause you're crazy? Something like that. And I would also ask some more adults who actually, actually know the people involved in this story, including yourself. Okay. All right. Good luck to you. All right. Sister is obese. All right. Sister is obese. Dear Freckles, hoping you can offer some advice. My sister is and has always been on the heavy side. Oh, that sucks. But shit has gotten out of hand. If I had to guess, her body fat is easily 40 to 50%. I love her, and I'm struggling to get through to her. You seem like you never hold back or sugarcoat reality. Should I do the same in this situation? I don't want to send the poor girl into a whirlwind of emotions. And maybe that's what. But maybe that's what she needs. Thanks for the help. Oh, that's a big one, dude. I don't know how old she is. I don't know. I don't know her. Yeah. How do you get somebody? How do you tell somebody? How do you tell your sister she's fat? Let me see. Let's just improv a couple scenarios here. Hey, sis. How you doing? Did I mention you're overweight? That's too blunt. What has four limbs and needs to lose £80? It's not good to joke about. I don't know how you do it because I don't know how fragile she is. And I wouldn't want her to go more in that direction because nobody wants to. Is there a way that you can just start cooking a little more healthy around the house and introduce her or to some stuff? Or maybe get her to start working out with you? Maybe just go for a walk or something like that. Maybe you just sit down, you have a great talk with her and find out what's going on with her, and you don't bring up her weight. Maybe you work on your relationship with her, and then she opens up, and maybe there's some sort of pain that's causing her to eat like that. I mean, that's like a psychological thing sometimes, from what I've heard on shows that I've seen, where people actually know what they're talking about. So maybe you need to get, like, I don't know what your relationship is, but maybe if she feels comfortable opening up to you, just ask her what's going on with her, how's she doing, how she feeling? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And if she, you know, there's something going on with her, maybe she lets that out and Then maybe she brings it up and I hate how I look. And you could be like, well, let's do something about it. You know, maybe try. I would try that way, but I don't think I would bring up that she's fat. I wouldn't do that as much as I made those jokes. But this podcast is supposed to be funny and it's supposed to be fucking ridiculous. So I had to do a couple. All right, what do you want from me? I'm bald with a big head and I'm on the other side of the fucking golf course. It's where I'm at.

[Injury Reporter]

All right?

[Bill Burr]

That's the podcast, people. If you enjoy this podcast, you'd like to donate, but not without spending a dime. Just go to my website, billbird.com, click on the podcast page, and just click on the Amazon link. Go on Amazon and buy something you don't really fucking need. It's not going to cost you any money. And I'll get a little bit of credit for driving traffic their way. And they'll be like, ah, Bill, here's a couple of bucks. That's it. All right, everybody, I'm gonna go drink my face off because I'm not an alcoholic. I'm gonna go do a set. I'm gonna go do a set because I'm gonna be at Cobbs Comedy Club next Saturday night after I do Kevin Pollock show. He's gonna be interviewing me or whatever, so it's gonna be fun. I love that guy, so I do anything for him, including going up to San Francisco to hang out with him, doing a show. All right, that's it. Everybody belching here. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Go fuck yourselves and have a wonderful couple of days.

[Andrew Themless]

What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast. Going into Wild Card Weekend with your host, me, Paul Versi, Bill Burr. We got Andrew Themless the Greek freak out in Beverly Hills. And we got Jake the Snake from Always an undisclosed location with our injury report for Bill. What is my favorite. I thought about this today in the car. Yes, I like the division series. Yes, I like championship weekend. And of course you like the Super Bowl. But wild card weekend is just. So much is on the table. There are so many teams that just squeaked in. A lot of wild card teams have gotten to AFC and NFC championships. A lot of wild card teams have gotten to the Super Bowl. I am all in. I am excited. Guys, if you want to bet with us and have fun with us, you obviously know how to do it. It's the best book out there. That's why we're here. It is the bet MGM book. Guys, if you want to bet with us, all you have to do, download the app on your phone and use our code Burr, Very simple. B U R R. And you put as little as $10 in for your first wager. If that wager loses after it is settled and you lose, you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets to play with. Bet responsibly. And of course, the first touchdown promo, which is such a great bet, you pick any player of any NFL game to get the first touchdown of that game. If they get that, you win. If they don't, but in fact get the second touchdown, you get your stake back in cash. Very simple. Bet responsibly. Bill, we have some good ones on the list.

[Paul Versi]

We got to talk about the end of the year, Paul. Last week I was told that I needed to go two and two to beat the book. The reality was I needed to go three and one. And what did I do, Paul? I went one and three. I didn't go two and two.

[Andrew Themless]

Well, you know what? That Tampa. That Tampa kick, that blocked kick hurt you, too. It's all good, dude. You had an epic season for what we were dealing with.

[Paul Versi]

Andrew Femblis, the Greek freak, beat the Book by one game and Jake the Snake tied.

[Bill Burr]

There you go.

[Paul Versi]

Hey, by one game, he's still beating them, Paul.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, I had.

[Paul Versi]

There's no reason to bring that up. He beat the book.

[Andrew Themless]

He beat the book.

[Paul Versi]

That's what you say.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

You know, I'll say. By one game. That's like something your wife says.

[Andrew Themless]

No, but it's also triumphant.

[Paul Versi]

Well, we don't do that here.

[Andrew Themless]

It's triumphant.

[Bill Burr]

It's.

[Andrew Themless]

He caught it. He caught it in the corner of the end zone at the end. Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

Did you watch any of that college football last night?

[Bill Burr]

I did.

[Andrew Themless]

I did. Man, What a great game.

[Paul Versi]

How about the fact that the quarterback of Miami's in his seventh year of college? I was like. I thought I was the only one who did that.

[Andrew Themless]

My son just told me that. My son goes, yeah. I go, dude, that guy was throwing. I go, that guy was threading the needle. And Lucas just goes, yeah, I know. He's in his seventh year, though. And I was like, what? I'm trying to make excuse. So the guy's red shirted.

[Paul Versi]

Hold.

[Andrew Themless]

I gotta let my dog out. I'm sorry. Come on, Lloyd.

[Bill Burr]

What are we doing here?

[Paul Versi]

Hey, Andrew, how do you shut off that thing zooming in and out and looking around your room. It's so weird. I gotta figure out how to do that, right? Let's go back.

[Andrew Themless]

Anyway, so it's funny because last. Last night, I was at the. One of the best clubs ever. First time I ever worked there, as I opened for you, as a matter of fact. I don't know if you know this. A little trip down memory lane. You. I was at Stand Up New York in New York City. We had only worked together once in 2007 at the stress Factory. That's when I was telling you about. Oh, the 07 Patriots. No, but we. But yes. Rascals was the first time. But then the first time we actually did something, you were like, hey, come to Vinnie's. And we did that. Vinnie's room in 07. And then I'm. I'm at Stand Up New York one day, 2008, and you just texted me. It was like the first road gig. And you go, hey, man, you want to open for me next weekend at. At the DC Improv? And I got to see how great that room was. So last night I go into dc, run a one nighter to run my material, and these fans come up afterwards, and it was kind of bittersweet. They go, oh, dude, I mean, look, you beat the book like three years in a row. And who know, you know, this just happens. And I just go, do. Do four.

[Bill Burr]

Four.

[Andrew Themless]

And he goes out for my bad. And. And I go, listen. And then they go, it happens. I go, look, man, I said, I'll buckle, you know, I'll strap it on next year and we'll get. We'll get them back. But their fans are paying attention and they love it. And then they go, are you guys doing the playoffs? And I go, oh, yeah. I go, picks coming tomorrow. And they were like, nice.

[Paul Versi]

Okay, good. All right.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

I'm glad people haven't lost faith. Not in you, maybe me, but. Who's going tonight, though? It's Indiana in Oregon, right?

[Andrew Themless]

Tonight is Indiana. Oregon to go meet the Hurricanes in the national championship game. I'm watching that tonight.

[Paul Versi]

I mean, dude, Indiana's never won a title. Yeah, never won a title. They've always been above basketball out there. Has Oregon ever won a title?

[Andrew Themless]

Yes, I think the Ducks have won one or two, haven't they? Andrew, can you check that? I think the Ducks have won. I know the whole.

[Paul Versi]

Eisenhower was president. Not the whole time I've been alive.

[Bill Burr]

No.

[Andrew Themless]

You would probably know that. Maybe I'm wrong.

[Paul Versi]

If The Ducks won one they won it in the 40s and the Andrews Sisters were at the after party.

[Bill Burr]

No, they've never won.

[Paul Versi]

Wow.

[Jake the Snake]

Reach national championship game twice. They lost to Auburn in 2010 and to Ohio State in 2015.

[Paul Versi]

Oh.

[Jake the Snake]

So.

[Bill Burr]

Oof.

[Paul Versi]

So three, two out of the three teams left have never won it. That's pretty cool.

[Andrew Themless]

I gotta tell you, Miami, the thing. Do you watch the game last night, Bill?

[Paul Versi]

Yeah, I watched the. The fourth quarter.

[Andrew Themless]

The thing that I noticed. I watched the second half after my show and I noticed that Miami went down the field, though, kind of like every. Anytime they want it. Like they kind of were doing what they wanted on offense. Getting first downs was slots.

[Paul Versi]

Both teams are doing that. That reminded me of a Bill's Chiefs game. There's just no defense in football anymore. I don't know what it is. The quarterbacks and receivers. It's insane. Did you see that catch that kid made? And he almost. That one handed catch and they penalized him because his toe came down. But then his heel. It has to be just a toe. The fact that he caught that ball.

[Andrew Themless]

I think it's a catch. I was like, dude, his toe came down. That's a catch.

[Paul Versi]

Well, you can. You can like drag a toe, but you can't have a. You can't have toe, heel and have a. Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

Oh, okay.

[Bill Burr]

No, that.

[Andrew Themless]

That was a fantastic catch.

[Paul Versi]

In the drumming world, that's known as a foot flam. The single foot flam. It's. It's as hard as the single handed roll. And he did that while catching a football. One hand and some guys going, that's not a catch. That's not. He just kept it. First of all, it is a catch. He caught the ball. It is just out of bounds.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

Can you give it up? Can you give it up to that first? Would. Would it kill you, Paul?

[Andrew Themless]

Would it kill you, Paul?

[Paul Versi]

I got a new thing. That's something your wife says. That. That. That's something my mother would say.

[Andrew Themless]

I like that. That's a good one.

[Paul Versi]

That's a corny Tater rules and without a mouse.

[Andrew Themless]

That's a good one. That's something your wife would say. I like that one. But dude, I'll be honest with you. Let's. Let's just be honest. We have a dear friend, Willis Whelan.

[Bill Burr]

He.

[Andrew Themless]

He said to me, paul, I'm apologizing again for not coming to your show at D.C. because I said, willis, I go, I don't want you at my show. I know how much it means to you. And he said, to his wife. He goes, I knew if anybody would understand, it would be versy. He said, I said that to her in bed. And I go. And he goes, I'm just apologizing one more, more time. And I go, willis, I wouldn't want you at my show thinking about the hurricanes. I know how much you love the hurricanes. I watched you jump into a hot tub going, oh, like.

[Paul Versi]

And then he goes, yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

He goes, if they would have lost and I didn't come to your show, it would have been very bad. I said, dude, I'm so happy for you. And he goes, I'm taking my son to the championship. I'm taking my son to it. So I was happy for him. I was rooting for him. Is it Dallas? No, it might be. It might be Texas. It might be. It might be. It might be Texas. But, dude, if the Hoosiers go. If the Hoosiers win tonight, that's kind of nuts. It's going to be fun.

[Paul Versi]

No, that kid playing quarterback is on another level. I got to tell you. Like, I watched the. I don't have to tell you, Paul.

[Bill Burr]

But I'm going to.

[Paul Versi]

I saw the. The Heisman Trophy when he wanted just his speech and everything. It's like, super smart kid. Like, I don't know, who knows?

[Bill Burr]

You never know.

[Paul Versi]

You never know if they win or lose. But, like, if he goes on to the NFL and has, you know, any type of a career, like, he's going to be like, in football broadcasting, you could. You see the whole. This kid is a layup.

[Andrew Themless]

Anytime a guy cries and goes, mommy, and then they show the mother, I'm like, this guy's a sweetheart. This guy loves his mother. Yeah, because he didn't say in my mom and dad, he goes, mommy.

[Paul Versi]

He said, mommy's weird to me.

[Andrew Themless]

He goes, mommy. You believe his mom? He said, mama or mommy. But, like, maybe, you know, I can.

[Paul Versi]

Deal with the mom. I can't deal with the mommy. Past a certain. That's like George W. Bush when he used to call his dad daddy.

[Bill Burr]

It's.

[Paul Versi]

It's just like, dude, you gotta stop doing that. You're a grown man.

[Andrew Themless]

Hey, Daddy. Yeah, it's a south thing.

[Bill Burr]

Try to kill my daddy. I love you, dad.

[Andrew Themless]

The.

[Paul Versi]

The crying Daddy is. Is weird. Daddy passed the age of six.

[Bill Burr]

Daddy's weird. Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

Not even. Like, my son is going to be six and he already still. He calls me dad, Dude.

[Bill Burr]

My son.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, my son. My son has never called me daddy. My daughter calls me daddy.

[Paul Versi]

That's the sound of Being a father. The second you sit down, dad.

[Andrew Themless]

It's okay. It's a great sound, though.

[Paul Versi]

It is. But, you know, sometimes you need to sit down. That's why you just. You just imitate him. You just go, what?

[Andrew Themless]

That reminded me of Will Ferrell and Elf, remember? He goes, you need to tuck me in. He goes, dad. And James Kahn goes, what? And he goes, you gotta tuck me in. James Con goes, what? Rest his songs.

[Bill Burr]

Well.

[Andrew Themless]

He goes, you gotta tuck me in. And he just, like, goes like that. And it was all awkward. Such a great movie. All right, Bill.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he did.

[Andrew Themless]

The Daddy Comes in.

[Paul Versi]

So next week, Santa's coming. He just goes, sienna. Like, how much he's freaking out.

[Andrew Themless]

Rest his soul. But James Khan thought it was going to be such a bomb, and you.

[Paul Versi]

Can see it in the movie.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, he hated it.

[Jake the Snake]

Like.

[Andrew Themless]

And then he walked out of the premiere and goes, oh, I get it. He's like, the guy's a genius. But he thought it was horrible. He thought it was terrible.

[Paul Versi]

I mean, in James Tom defense, you're coming out of the Godfather and in all of these types of movies, and now you're sitting there with a grown man dressed like an elf, acting like he's 8 years old. I would just be like, why did my agency. I mean, I totally. I get that. All right, let's. Let's get into the. Let's get into the fucking NFL here.

[Andrew Themless]

Let's get into the. Let's get into the game.

[Paul Versi]

Let's get into the playoffs.

[Andrew Themless]

Look who it is. Look who it is.

[Paul Versi]

Jake the Snake.

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah, well. Yeah, it's all positive news for injuries this week, really. I got a lot of people coming.

[Paul Versi]

Back, so everybody's gonna play, right?

[Injury Reporter]

You gotta do. It's the playoffs, you know, it could be your last game. So, you know, these guys are really tough. They play through almost anything. So when it's a game like this. So the Rams are gonna get back Devonte Adams. Jordan Loves. Come back for the Packers. From a conc.

[Bill Burr]

Russian.

[Injury Reporter]

And then DK Metcalf is. He was suspended for punching a fan, but he's coming back, too. Those are kind of the big ones.

[Paul Versi]

It's so ridiculous. Yeah, he should have punched that fan. No, if a player punches you, that means you did something.

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, he said something about that fan, for sure. He had some, like, weird press conference, so you could tell he was. He was guilty of something. I don't know.

[Paul Versi]

But.

[Injury Reporter]

What's that?

[Paul Versi]

But who had a press conference? The fan. The fan.

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah.

[Jake the Snake]

The fan.

[Injury Reporter]

This is a weird.

[Andrew Themless]

His own camera guy. What did he do?

[Paul Versi]

He built his own money.

[Injury Reporter]

What's that?

[Paul Versi]

I. I've heard a, A self produced documentary. I thought that was the worst thing I ever heard in my life. Like, hey, let's make a movie about how awesome I am. This guy, out of nowhere did. He had a self produced press conference.

[Injury Reporter]

Literally. Yeah, that's exactly right.

[Andrew Themless]

That's kind of funny though. He just hired a camera crew. That's great.

[Injury Reporter]

You could just tell he was full of too, just by the way he looked. But he was serious, you know, he's full of. Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

DK Metcalf is a good person.

[Andrew Themless]

100.

[Paul Versi]

DK Metcalf says, I don't care how much money I'm making in that moment and walks over and tries to punch you in the head, dude.

[Andrew Themless]

And you don't know. He could have said something about his wife and kids.

[Paul Versi]

He could have said his mother.

[Andrew Themless]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you don't do that. And if you got a hold of a dumb wig, something's going to happen. And let's be honest, he didn't straight up back and did. He kind of did one of those, like grab the wig and try to hit him. You know what? Take the fine. Let the fan learn.

[Paul Versi]

All right. Well, so, so Jake, how much was the fine?

[Injury Reporter]

Well, I don't remember the fine amount, but he was suspended the last couple games of the year.

[Andrew Themless]

No, but missing the last two games cost him a lot of money. It was, it was significant.

[Paul Versi]

It was 650 benefit I was going to do. Let's do a comedy benefit. We'll have a press conference.

[Injury Reporter]

He was gonna lose his guarantees of like $40 million, but the Steelers decided to not void it. So he ended up getting the money. But yes, very, very good move by the Steelers.

[Bill Burr]

Of course.

[Andrew Themless]

Of course. All right, well, let's. We, we have an unbelievable wild card lineup. I think I love these games. I, I actually be honest with you, I wish these games are on our regular season because I think I, I think I see, I think I see a path in this one. So, Bill, do you want to go.

[Paul Versi]

You know what, Paul, if you, if you were able to complete that season sentence the first time, are you guys, I think, seeing it, but instead you go, I think I see. I think I see.

[Bill Burr]

I'm like, this guy doesn't know what the.

[Paul Versi]

He's talking about.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, this guy's. This guy was down by 14 games. It's over.

[Paul Versi]

I think this guy's on something. Sorry. I'm trying to lock my phone so I can have the picks open when I.

[Injury Reporter]

You guys want to go game by game? Just go from Saturday to Monday.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill, do you want to do.

[Paul Versi]

That's a great idea.

[Andrew Themless]

How do you guys want to do.

[Paul Versi]

This on the screen here? This man right here had the best. Had the best record down there. Like Bobby Brady, he should be up top.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill, do you want to go down. Do you want to go down all the list and you just do your picks and then I do mine or do you want to do them together?

[Paul Versi]

Are we going against each other? We're just saying what you think.

[Andrew Themless]

No, no, no. We're not going against each other. We're just picking.

[Paul Versi]

All right, Paul. I don't like going against you, Paul. You know, you see, you see the board?

[Andrew Themless]

I'm seeing it.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah. Just make picks together. Just go. Let's go through each game and then, you know.

[Paul Versi]

Okay.

[Jake the Snake]

Give any insight.

[Paul Versi]

Rams, Panthers, it's ten and a half. This is almost like a bye week is what they're telling me. If I know anything about the Panthers, they cover. They're going to cover a 10 and a half point spread. For some stupid reason. I think the Rams are going to win it. They're probably going to get up and then they'll fucking, you know, dial it back to save guys and then the Panthers to score some garbage.

[Bill Burr]

In the end.

[Paul Versi]

It is in Charlotte. So, I mean, I think that counts for something.

[Injury Reporter]

The Panthers earlier in the year too.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, I, I think I found. Yeah, I was listening to. The Panthers beat him early in the year, but Stafford had like one of his worst games. Three, three turnovers. That's why it's hot. I kind of actually echo everything Bill said. I think the Rams obviously win this game, but ten and a half points, I can see a backdoor cover by the Panthers. So I'll take the Panthers with the points. With the Rams winning the game I think by like a touchdown or even 10. But I like the 10 and a half for the Panthers, so I'll take the Panthers too.

[Bill Burr]

Over.

[Paul Versi]

Under is 46. Paul, what say you?

[Bill Burr]

Oof.

[Andrew Themless]

I don't, I don't like that. I never like that. I never like the under over especially. I don't know, dude, that. What's it called? The Rams are out for blood against the Panthers though. People are talking. That Puka kid is. Is playing. He's unbelievable. Stafford is of MVP type year. Him or Drake May is going to win the mvp. Yeah, the Rams are going to win a game.

[Paul Versi]

This is why you take the Panthers? Because everybody's saying that.

[Jake the Snake]

So you guys are picking separately. Maybe you might differ or we're just doing one.

[Paul Versi]

No, no. We'll either be the same or different. I'm saying I would take the Panthers.

[Andrew Themless]

We're both taking the Panthers with the points. All right, I'll start this one off here. Here's the deal. Bears, Packers. I think the Bears. The Bears have been the one. If I did anything good this year with picks, it was the Bears winning for me. The Bears are at home. It's one and a half. So it's kind of like a pick them. A lot of people are saying the packers are going to go there and beat them. I think Caleb Williams is going to show on the big stage that the Bears are kind of back and I just think they're good at home and they're in every game. The thing about the Bears is they're in every game and they had amazing fourth quarter comebacks. I like the Bears getting one and a half at home. Crazy crowd. That place has not had a playoff game in a long time. I think it'll be close and I think the Bears are going to pull it out in the end with a field goal.

[Paul Versi]

All right, here's my question for you, Paul. When you say the Bears are back. Back from when?

[Andrew Themless]

Like the late 80s, early 90s, mid-80s, actually. No.

[Paul Versi]

84, 85. And then you got to go back to Dick Butkus and Gail Sayers.

[Andrew Themless]

No, Rex Grossman took him to his super bowl against Peyton Manning and lost.

[Bill Burr]

That's right.

[Paul Versi]

You're right. There you go. I believe in the Bears. I actually think, you know, this is the classic one where the packers come back with Jordan Love, Michael Parsons and all. Is he out for the year?

[Injury Reporter]

Michael Parsons out for the year?

[Andrew Themless]

Michael Parsons out.

[Paul Versi]

The packers have too many injuries. They've gone one and one. If the Bears won both of those games, you know, I don't see them going 30 against the Packers. But they are at home. It's only a one and a half point spread. And you know, to actually see the Bears have a passing game is. Is borderline bizarre. They've been such a one trick pony over the years. I think they got the players, the personnel, home field advantage. I like them one and a half.

[Andrew Themless]

And you, you guys remember when they played each other the last time Caleb Williams and the Bears came down and had an opportunity to win and he just under threw it and threw a pick in the end zone which gave the packers the win. I don't see him doing that again either. Look at this Bill. We're on the same page. Two in a row.

[Paul Versi]

I like it. All right, well, I'm going to tell you this is the most. This, this. If this was a book, it would be written in Chinese because I. The Bills, Jaguars, like what is going on here?

[Injury Reporter]

I think this is.

[Paul Versi]

Jags are favored by one at home. Bills are the Bill. The Bills have just been shooting themselves in the foot the whole year. I just lost Paul. Wait, where did Paulie go? I think they've been shooting themselves in the foot all year. Jaguars have been playing great. But like this a part of me that's nervous that the Bills are just going to turn it on in the playoffs. This is obviously, it's like a pick them. I'm going to go with the Bills. I'm going to take the Bills getting a point. I think somehow they're going to win this game and they're going to be like, wait a minute, did we count them out too soon? And then they're going to lose the next week.

[Andrew Themless]

Look, I'm listening to, I was listening to all these ex players and all these analysts and everybody's saying the Jaguars are the most complete team in the NFL. Nine in a row. They think that they're going to go to the super bowl and this is their year. I'm with Bill. I'm with Bill. I think Josh Allen is too good of. I think that they're talking about their coach losing and getting fired. I don't think that's going to happen. And I think Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the game and I, I see him making some miraculous happen. I'm gonna take the Bills in a pick them because here's the difference. The Jacksonville Jackson, you know, we're both.

[Paul Versi]

Owens free at this point. No.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, he said the Rams are going to win by 30. No, I, I think, I think that Trevor Lawrence has not been in that. You know, listen, dude, the Chiefs are out. Everybody thought the Chiefs were going to be in Josh Allen's way and now it's Trevor Lawrence and the Jags who have not been in this situation where, where Josh Allen has. That's why I'm agreeing with you.

[Paul Versi]

All right, well, here's my question, you know, how do the refs make their money this year? The Chiefs are out. That was so fucking petty. All right, let's go to the next one. Eagles 49ers. Eagles at home laying six. Nick Soriani against Marty Schottenheimer Jr. No.

[Andrew Themless]

It'S what's it called?

[Paul Versi]

I know it's Shannon.

[Andrew Themless]

Shannon.

[Bill Burr]

Sorry.

[Paul Versi]

That means it would be up by 30 at the half and then just. Eagles.

[Andrew Themless]

Here's the deal. Eagles. Eagles are at home. But everybody's saying that, like, there's still a locker room thing. They keep saying that they. The coach, if they lose, the coach is going to be gone.

[Paul Versi]

Dude.

[Andrew Themless]

The 49ers to me, and this is just me. The 49ers to me have been, like, good all year. Injuries didn't matter. They're getting six. They got a good coach. I think they got a better coach. I'm taking.

[Paul Versi]

Injuries mattered last week. If they. They couldn't cover against the Panthers. I think they lost the game, right?

[Injury Reporter]

No, they played Seattle.

[Paul Versi]

Seattle.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Injury Reporter]

But Seattle's the 1 seed.

[Andrew Themless]

I'm taking the. I'm taking. I'm taking the 49ers getting 6. I see this coming down to the end, but I love the six points with San Fran. I'm going to take. I'm going to take a San Fran team getting points on the road with everybody saying they're going to lose. I like them.

[Bill Burr]

That's my pick.

[Paul Versi]

I hate this number because I want to pick the Eagles because I feel they're at home. They're going to win this game. Are they going to win by six, though? Paul? Paul. Are they going to win by six? Is that what's going. Am I really just sitting here thinking they're going to win by 6? I can't do it. I just want to say Eagles so bad. I just can't do it. You know, just to switch it up. I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the Eagles. I'm going to take Dariani. To nod at the camera, that's one.

[Andrew Themless]

Of the funniest things you've ever done in a pick since we've been doing the show. You just looked at the camera and you go, I can't do it.

[Paul Versi]

I love the 49ers. I like the Eagles, too, but, like, I just. I'm just hearing rumblings that, you know, the team doesn't like a certain star player, which is.

[Bill Burr]

This is the best.

[Paul Versi]

How does that happen? You won the super bowl last year. What's. What's not to like?

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah, I don't get that.

[Andrew Themless]

Because they're fickle, man. The Eagles are one of these teams that, like, they look great and then all of a sudden they look terrible. They're. They're up and down the 49ers getting those points. They seem more steady but, dude, how great are these games, dude?

[Paul Versi]

Well, is anybody coming back for the 49ers?

[Injury Reporter]

Not really.

[Paul Versi]

@ some point, do you? All of those injuries. Anyway, whatever. All right, let's. Let's head into the next one. What do we got here.

[Andrew Themless]

Paul? Now we have the Los Angeles Chargers going into the Patriot. Going into New England against the Patriots. Patriots are three and a half point favorites. Do you want me to pick first or you want to pick.

[Paul Versi]

This? Hey, Going into Gillette, the house that Robert Kraft built and paid for, unlike all these other asshole.

[Injury Reporter]

Owners. And this is Sunday Night.

[Paul Versi]

Football. This is. Yes, yes. Sunday night. When is this game? Sunday.

[Andrew Themless]

Night. Sunday night.

[Jake the Snake]

Game.

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah. It's gonna be a great.

[Andrew Themless]

Game. It's a.

[Injury Reporter]

Big. It's gonna be.

[Paul Versi]

Fun. You don't think Pats baby all day. I think this is going to be a super close game. I like our chances in the playoffs after this game. We need to win a playoff game. So this is. This is. You know, listen, dude, I'm a. I. This time last year, we were not in the playoffs and we had nothing going on. And I can't believe we're here. So I'm psyched. I hate the half a point, but there's no way during the playoffs I'm gonna. I'm gonna pick against the Patriots. I'm going Patriots. Three and a half at home. Mike Vrabel against, obviously another great coach, Jim Harbaugh. But, you know, Chargers are not an easy.

[Bill Burr]

Team. But it take the.

[Andrew Themless]

Patriots. I was. I've been thinking about this game. You guys know that I love. I always love the Chargers for some reason, because I love Justin Herbert. Jake, I know you like the Chargers. Here's the deal. I don't believe. I don't believe in this whole thing that everybody's saying, oh, this is where the Pats stop. They haven't played anybody. That's horseshit. Okay? They have played somebody. They played a fucking NFL season and they've been winning. They're at home. That place is going to be an absolute zoo because all they know there is winning. It's a winning franchise, and that.

[Paul Versi]

People from Boston are animals. You can say it. No, no.

[Jake the Snake]

No. Paul, you're doing such a great job. You want to be a Patriots fan? You.

[Paul Versi]

Do. No.

[Andrew Themless]

No. Here's the.

[Paul Versi]

Deal. Here's the deal.

[Andrew Themless]

Going. Paul, listen, I know it. I know it when I see.

[Bill Burr]

It.

[Andrew Themless]

Okay? I know it when I see it. And here's the deal. The Patriots are champion. They have a champion DNA. And Mike Rabel brought that back. The half a point I hate because I can see. I can see a fucking charger thing going down. Getting something late. But I'm going to take the Patriots at home. I think they're going to win the game by six or more. I think they're the better team. And here's the other thing. He has a broken hand. Herbert. It's the other hand and I know that. Right? It's the other hand, right, Jake? Yes, I know it hasn't been effect, but that's just Drake May is so good this year. MVP candidate. I'm taking New England at home. That place is going to be a fucking.

[Jake the Snake]

Zoo. 32 degrees by the way. It'll be a brisk 32 degrees. And by a little later in the night, chance of precipitation. So there you.

[Paul Versi]

Go. And the charges, they, they play in that, that mall. They play in an apple.

[Jake the Snake]

Store.

[Paul Versi]

Jake. What say they're gonna go out football stadium. That's a real football stadium out there. Jake the Snake. You can tell because it has a lighthouse and a mall attached to it. All right, last one. Texan.

[Andrew Themless]

Steelers. Wait a. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Andrew just asked Jake what he thinks because he's such a Charger.

[Jake the Snake]

Fan.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah. What do you think, Jake? Listen, Jake. Jake, I know what you're. I know what your heart is, Jake. But what do you.

[Bill Burr]

Real. What's.

[Andrew Themless]

The. What's the Jake the Snake football analyst.

[Injury Reporter]

Think? Well, well, I'll start by saying this like where the Patriots have the advantage is the trenches. So that's where I word. Because the Chargers offensive line is last in the league by pretty much every metric. So that's gonna be the key. Can they keep Herbert? Can they give her enough time to throw the ball? So. But I think the Patriots defense is not super scary to me. So I think the Chargers are a little bit more veteran team. So the more I thought about, the more I actually like the Chargers in the spot. Even though the Patriots have been great all year And Paul is 100 correct, the whole narrative that they haven't played anybody isn't really true. The Patriots have been very good all year and this is going to be a really great game between two of the best quarterbacks in the league. And I think the winner of this game is going to go probably to the AFC championship game because I think these are two very good, well coached teams. So. But I like the Chargers to win out.

[Andrew Themless]

Ryan. All.

[Paul Versi]

Right. I like that Jake the Snake. What's in Jake the Snake's heart? He's a confirmed bachelor. Why Is he going to give this up? He's got a revolving door. It's Caesar's.

[Injury Reporter]

Paul. And I think all the talk of Herbert not winning a playoff game in Sierra 6 is gonna. They're gonna be fired.

[Paul Versi]

Up. So that's one of these years. We got to go to Vegas with some cigars and do the.

[Bill Burr]

Podcast. Oh.

[Injury Reporter]

Yes. How fun.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude. From a sports book. Oh, my.

[Paul Versi]

God. Jake, set it up. That's your stomping.

[Andrew Themless]

Grunts. All.

[Paul Versi]

Right. All right, here we go.

[Injury Reporter]

Sorry. You guys want to do a Monday night special for Houston Steelers? Because it is the Monday night game. So I just wanted to say that before you get into.

[Paul Versi]

It. Oh, I didn't know.

[Injury Reporter]

That.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah. This game to me is my. Is the hardest. This game to me is what this is going to. This one is the one that I was like. Because here's the deal, dude. If Aaron. Dude, it's the best defense in football. That's the problem. And you know what? You know, Bill, we always say a defense wins championships. Dude. The defensive line of the Texans, I don't know if I've seen a defensive line get seven sacks week in and week out the way that they do. But the Steelers have a good defense too. And Aaron Rodgers, they seem so excited. And the Steelers are home. This one, dude. You know what, Bill? I'm gonna actually have to think for a second. I'm gonna give you the floor because I'm stumped right.

[Paul Versi]

Now. I hate minus three. I like the Texans. I hate minus.

[Injury Reporter]

Three. You know what's funny about this game real quick? If you look at all the totals for the over unders, this over under is 10. Is basically 10 points lower than every other over under listed for the.

[Bill Burr]

Weekend.

[Injury Reporter]

Yeah. Interesting.

[Paul Versi]

Anyway. Oh, I didn't see the Bills Jaguars over under is 51 and a half. You know what they're basically saying with that number, neither one of those teams is going to win the Super Bowl. You're letting up that many friggin.

[Bill Burr]

Points.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah. We're also going to get some snow in.

[Injury Reporter]

Pittsburgh.

[Jake the Snake]

Really? Look up the.

[Andrew Themless]

Weather.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah. 39 degrees and just a giant snow at 39.

[Bill Burr]

Degrees.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude. I'm gonna take the Steelers. I'm taking.

[Jake the Snake]

High. That's the high during the.

[Andrew Themless]

Day. You're.

[Jake the Snake]

Right. Yeah. 31 degrees after 4pm snow after 7pm I'm.

[Andrew Themless]

Gonna. I'm gonna take the Steelers. Based on some dumb Hollywood. Here's what I think is gonna.

[Bill Burr]

Happen.

[Andrew Themless]

Okay. I think Mike Tomlin. They're saying Mike Tomlin could be done. They're Saying Aaron Rodgers could be done. So this literally can be the last two. With the last game of Aaron Rodgers and the last time. Mike Tomlin, after almost 20 years coaching. I think they go in a room. I swear to God, I think they go in a room. I think they put each other's shoulder, hands on each other's shoulders. They look in each other's eyes.

[Bill Burr]

And they go, you know what.

[Paul Versi]

Dad? No. And one, one.

[Andrew Themless]

More. Let's go out there and let's go, go. Let's win a playoff game together and see how far we can go together. And Aaron Rodgers plays like Aaron Rodgers late in the game. And I think C.J. stroud is not Aaron Rodgers. I think Mike Tomlin is probably a better coach. I like the Texans coach. I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers at home getting three. I got to take the Steelers at home getting three to. To survive the Texans, Even though the Texans defense, I know it's what I usually go against. I'm taking.

[Paul Versi]

That. All right. I'm going to go with the Texans to go in there and break everybody's heart. They're all going to be crying at Paramis or Pastrami's, whatever the hell it's called out.

[Andrew Themless]

There.

[Paul Versi]

Permanis. Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

It'S just a bunch of Pittsburgh crying. There's French fries in the.

[Paul Versi]

Bread. I think I just. I think the Texans are quietly one of.

[Andrew Themless]

The. They.

[Paul Versi]

Are. You really got to be afraid of. And I just think they're playing down in Houston. Houston doesn't get a lot of love, you know what I mean? And even when they do win a championship, what do they say? Oh, you used a trash can. You know, the only time they've ever gone back to back is most obese city. You know, I got a soft spot, spot in my.

[Andrew Themless]

Heart. Yeah. They rival San Antonio for.

[Paul Versi]

Fattest. You know, I used to do that bit when I would go down there, I go, do you know how hard it is to repeat as the most obese city? Because most you lose all your players from year to year, everybody's dropping.

[Andrew Themless]

Smart. That's.

[Paul Versi]

Great. I go, you guys sucked it.

[Andrew Themless]

Up. That's.

[Paul Versi]

Great. You know, when they take somebody out in a piano case, casket, there's somebody there to eat those 72 pancakes and pick up the slack. No city has ever gone back to back as far as I know. Houston, look up, how much do you hate fat people that you go around being that petty, just sitting there in a city going, look at that guy. Look at the size of him. How do you how do you do that.

[Andrew Themless]

Ranking? You gotta check. You gotta check. San Antonio. I think they went back to San Antonio. Might have three.

[Paul Versi]

Peated. Yeah, but how do you tell how fat a city is? You know, you know, you have an advertisement, free barbecue, and you just wait to see how many people show.

[Andrew Themless]

Up. That's actually a good point. How do you know.

[Bill Burr]

That?

[Paul Versi]

Look. Medical. Oh, something. Yeah, like, well, inside.

[Bill Burr]

Baseball.

[Paul Versi]

Medical. Did I talk over.

[Bill Burr]

You?

[Andrew Themless]

That. No, no.

[Paul Versi]

No. It's one of the dumbest things I ever said. How do they figure out.

[Jake the Snake]

Medical? McAllen, Texas. What is it is ranked. It says mcallen, Texas right now is ranked for fattest city in the United States. That says for 20, 26. And I mean, we're still in the first inning.

[Paul Versi]

Here. The big boys usually died by April. Now we. Let me find out who's.

[Jake the Snake]

Real. They got to start.

[Paul Versi]

Early. Yeah. Shall we find out who's.

[Andrew Themless]

Real? No, Houston, it's the holiday.

[Bill Burr]

Weight. They want to get them.

[Paul Versi]

In. That's.

[Jake the Snake]

The. Listen, that's the most they're ever gonna.

[Andrew Themless]

Weigh. Houston's a late. Houston's a late game. Comeback.

[Paul Versi]

Team. Do you count somebody in a food coma? Like, you have to still be eating. You still have to be able to.

[Injury Reporter]

Like.

[Paul Versi]

No. If you're still being. Staying alive by a machine like, that doesn't count. She gets suspended for.

[Andrew Themless]

That. Well, all.

[Bill Burr]

Right. So.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah. McAllen, Texas, 1 for 20.

[Bill Burr]

25.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill. So Bill and I have the same teams except for two, which is. He has the Eagles, I have the Niners, he has the Texans, I have the Steelers. We both have the Panthers. We both have the Bears, we both have the Bills, and we both have the Patriots. Dude, this I have not been excited for a football.

[Bill Burr]

Weekend. A Packers.

[Andrew Themless]

Favorite. I don't get that one and a half, though. It's like a pick them.

[Bill Burr]

Up. Yeah, but they're going into the Bears and they.

[Paul Versi]

Got. Mike is not playing. Michael Parson's not.

[Bill Burr]

Playing. They.

[Paul Versi]

Got. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a goddamn.

[Bill Burr]

Minute. Oh.

[Paul Versi]

Yeah. I already made my decision. That's all.

[Bill Burr]

Right. I didn't see that. I wasn't thinking about that. Oh.

[Andrew Themless]

Boy. Don't worry about that. One and a.

[Paul Versi]

Half. Oh, Paul, I'm already looking at.

[Bill Burr]

All of this that I just.

[Paul Versi]

Picked. I got the Eagles minus six. I got the Texans minus three on the road. What was I thinking.

[Jake the Snake]

Paul? It's their head to head. It looks.

[Paul Versi]

Like. Oh, Andrew, I thought she loved me, you.

[Bill Burr]

Know? All.

[Injury Reporter]

Right.

[Andrew Themless]

Yes. So since it's players we probably shouldn't do The Monday night special. Right. Since it's, since we're head to.

[Paul Versi]

Head, how about we don't do the Monday night special because we haven't hit one since the second week of the.

[Andrew Themless]

Season when we went two for two. We thought we were going to go, thought we were going to go run the.

[Paul Versi]

Table. It was all a.

[Jake the Snake]

Drink. Or at least one.

[Paul Versi]

More. I know one more. Well, back in the end, you know like those guys who win the World Series their rookie year and then they, they win one right in the.

[Jake the Snake]

End. I saw.

[Andrew Themless]

That. That's the.

[Paul Versi]

Record. Going the longest between World.

[Jake the Snake]

Series. I saw that thing. If you bet the first week for the jets to not get an interception, week one, like 20 bucks and then just parlayed it each week that they would not get an interception, they didn't let it like start with 20, ended up with like $5.

[Andrew Themless]

Million. Do you know the last time.

[Paul Versi]

That happened on a $20.

[Jake the Snake]

Bet? Yeah, it was like on 20 or 100 bucks if you.

[Paul Versi]

Parlayed. Wait, did they not get one.

[Andrew Themless]

Interception? Dude, it's the first time it's happened in like a hundred years. The jets did not get one.

[Jake the Snake]

Interception. I think it's the first time when they started keeping track.

[Bill Burr]

So. Yeah.

[Paul Versi]

Yeah. And it's 17 games. They used to play 12 back in the day. And even just like 12 games, some of them will get one and.

[Injury Reporter]

They played two or twice. Who leads the league in interception? It's pretty crazy.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude. To not get a deflection. To not get one deflection that even lands in a fat guy's hands and he doesn't know what to do with it. Like not one is.

[Jake the Snake]

Crazy. Feel just a midfield guy checked him down too long. I mean it's like, dude, did you see that.

[Andrew Themless]

Kid? Did you see that? That kid that was probably about 11, 12, maybe 13 tops. Get interviewed at a Jets game and he goes, what do you think of the Jets? And a kid had a Jets jersey on, he's like 12, 13 years old. You saw that, right, Jake? And he goes, I, I swear to God, it was the most sensitive. He just goes, I, I hate this team. I was born into it. So I mean, I'll always be a Jet fan, but I, yeah, I just hate this team. And walked off. Dude, it was.

[Paul Versi]

Brutal. Oh, you, yeah, you age in dog.

[Andrew Themless]

Years. He looked like a 16 year old.

[Paul Versi]

Man. I would think that not getting one interception in a 17 game season is mathematically.

[Andrew Themless]

Impossible. It's insane.

[Paul Versi]

Like I say something, Paul, that is so. I feel bad talking. You have the jets fans have been through. Through enough. Let's just stay.

[Andrew Themless]

Stuck. They have been.

[Injury Reporter]

Through. I was thinking about.

[Andrew Themless]

You. Oh, right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch.

[Bill Burr]

This. Put this.

[Paul Versi]

On. I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

If. I don't know if I'll have.

[Jake the Snake]

Audio. I hate this team. I was born in this and I'm not gonna ever. I'm always a Jets fan, but like, I just, I hate this.

[Andrew Themless]

Team. Because he wanted to say something meaningful but he just.

[Paul Versi]

Couldn'T. Oh, that was the 12 year old version of I'm staying in it for.

[Andrew Themless]

Kids. Oh, that's perfect, dude. That poor kid. But you know what? I. I got to give him credit. You know what he said? He said, I'll always love the jets and they're my team. I was born into this. You give them credit. That kid's going to be a bubbling idiot.

[Bill Burr]

When.

[Paul Versi]

Blubbering. Not.

[Bill Burr]

Bubbling. I said. Did I say. What did I.

[Andrew Themless]

Say? Yeah, I said.

[Paul Versi]

Bubbling. I'm blubbering. Well, you know. You know, you're not good with.

[Andrew Themless]

Expressions. What was the other. What was the other one? I said, big.

[Paul Versi]

League. Listen, if you want to order off the menu, get some apps, you go to Paul, you want.

[Andrew Themless]

To. What did I.

[Paul Versi]

Say? If you're looking for expressions. That's not, it's not what he.

[Andrew Themless]

Does. I go, he tried to big time him. And you go, no, it's big league or something like that. I forgot what I.

[Paul Versi]

Said. No, because big time, I. I think big time is all right. You can flip both of those. No, you did. I forget. I can't. Because the way you do it.

[Andrew Themless]

I've been doing it since you known.

[Paul Versi]

Me. Right? Yeah. I mean, you're not going to ride a dead horse. You do shit like.

[Injury Reporter]

That. You know, it's like, I'm going to get a big truck electric, which is.

[Paul Versi]

Funny. Oh, yeah, Big truck.

[Injury Reporter]

Electric. Yeah, that was.

[Andrew Themless]

Funny. Dude, people still want that T shirt. Don't sleep on. That was a good.

[Injury Reporter]

One. That was.

[Paul Versi]

Hilarious. Dude, is there a reason why they didn't make the batteries on electric cars recyclable? Is there a reason why they didn't do that? Do you realize how bad these cars are nowadays? All of.

[Injury Reporter]

Them?

[Paul Versi]

Yeah. Like, no one in the future is going to be like, what's your dream car? Oh, dude. A 2025 Ioniq.

[Jake the Snake]

5. People used to make jokes about living near power lines because it's objectively bad. And if you saw the story about The San Francisco 49ers having the most injuries of any team by a very High. Yeah, incrementally high, you know, percentage. And they said, yeah, it's like, it's, they all joke about it. It's like, it's like right next to this power plan. The guy went out there with an and then nm EMF reader and it was just like, like the thing was just.

[Paul Versi]

Buzzing. What is that reading? Like.

[Jake the Snake]

Radiation? Yeah, it's just like, like we're all just surrounded by electromagnetic waves. Like your iPhone, like, earbuds are the worst thing you can stick in your ear. Oh, dude, just. I, I, I use wires, but all that stuff's like, terrible. Keeping your phone next to your head. And we used to joke about living air power lines, but they're saying now if you just drive in an electric car, like all these kids, like, that haven't even developed, they're just getting zapped. But you do your own.

[Andrew Themless]

Research.

[Jake the Snake]

What? Yeah. You're just sitting on a.

[Paul Versi]

Battery. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm getting rid of my wife's.

[Jake the Snake]

Car. Yeah, I'll send you some articles. Scare the shit out of it right.

[Andrew Themless]

Away. Yeah, dude, that earbud shit is like, when I saw the stats and.

[Paul Versi]

I told my kids to be in the.

[Jake the Snake]

Car. So they say it's like, like the earbuds. Like, even if you.

[Andrew Themless]

Have. No, he's talking about the.

[Jake the Snake]

Car. Yeah, so it's like, it's.

[Paul Versi]

Slow. Continue with.

[Jake the Snake]

Earbuds. No, so like, let's say I have these on with the wire. But then if my computer, iPad was like, actually also plugged into the wall. You're literally just like plugged into the wall. This is like really not even close to as bad, but even they say this is not great. Right? If you're doing this all day. But the AirPods, it's like, it's, it's a very low, it's like a low signal, but it's constant. So, like, listen, if you're in, you got one in for like five minutes a day or something. Like, yeah, you're probably gonna be fine, but these people just have them.

[Bill Burr]

In all day long.

[Jake the Snake]

Day. And, and they're really bad. Like kids with like the big Bose headphones, like. Yeah, like kids never had Bose headphones. Wireless headphones. We used to just, you know.

[Paul Versi]

I've been using those for years. Yeah, they're.

[Jake the Snake]

Bad. How often a day, you know, I mean, I was not, you know.

[Paul Versi]

Elliptical for a half.

[Andrew Themless]

Hour. I don't.

[Jake the Snake]

Know. I don't, I don't know the exact time, like you.

[Bill Burr]

Say. I don't.

[Jake the Snake]

Know. I wouldn't be Able to speak on that.

[Paul Versi]

Bill. Well, you spoke on the other.

[Andrew Themless]

Shit. Well, what I.

[Jake the Snake]

Read. What I read. You know, what I see every.

[Paul Versi]

Day? My algorithm feeds me slowly rocking, slowly.

[Andrew Themless]

Rocking. Yeah, let's keep the end list. We're going down to.

[Paul Versi]

Venezuela. Oh, my God. They're pumping drugs in there. What. What is these other.

[Andrew Themless]

Doing. Yeah, well, you know what? We got to keep. It's wild card.

[Bill Burr]

Weekend.

[Andrew Themless]

It's. We can't talk about cancer. It's wild car.

[Jake the Snake]

Weekend. Let's go.

[Injury Reporter]

Paul. Hey, Paul, I was thinking about you. Do you think the Giants should get John Har? I think that's.

[Paul Versi]

A.

[Injury Reporter]

That's. That's the guy right.

[Andrew Themless]

There. Yeah, but now that the Dolphins. Now that. Now that the Dolphins fired their coach, you know, these guys, probably after being in Baltimore for so many years, the idea of being in Florida is pretty probably appealing to him. And you got to understand, dude, the wife is going to have something to say. The wife's going to be like, oh, I could be at South Beach. I could be this and that. Come on, John. We've been in Baltimore for years.

[Bill Burr]

John. What's.

[Paul Versi]

That? That's something your wife would.

[Andrew Themless]

Say. I can't. I can't hear.

[Paul Versi]

You. Can't hear me. Oh, there you.

[Andrew Themless]

Go. What'd you.

[Paul Versi]

Say? I said that's something your wife would say. Like, hey, you want to live in New York City? City, anyway. Go.

[Bill Burr]

Sunny. I don't.

[Paul Versi]

Know. But Florida, though, now Florida gets a ton.

[Andrew Themless]

Of. I don't know. I think the Giants are going to make a big play for him. We'll see what happens. We'll see what.

[Paul Versi]

Happens. All right, cool. All right, I gotta wrap this.

[Bill Burr]

Up. I got. I gotta. Oh, Jesus Christ. These spam.

[Paul Versi]

Calls. Did Jake just take.

[Andrew Themless]

Off? All right, I'll sign. Yeah, we're having some technical difficulties here. You want me to sign off.

[Jake the Snake]

Andrew?

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah. Jake, I think he just got cut off. It's not.

[Andrew Themless]

Us. Okay, well, those are our picks. Those are our picks. Everybody. Enjoy wild card weekend. Bill and I have all the same, except he has Eagles, I have 49ers. He has Texans, I have Steelers. Enjoy wild card weekend. My favorite weekend. We will be back next weekend for the divisional series and enjoy. What's it called? Enjoy Oregon, Indiana, Hooers tonight to go to the national championship. That'll be great. You. You know, you download the app, you guys know the deal. Enjoy Bet responsibly, and we will see you next.