Monday Morning Podcast | States, World Series, Gym Clothes

Host: Bill Burr
Date: November 3, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, Bill Burr rants about the state of America on the eve of the election, relationship money requests, the chaos of the World Series, the absurdity of gym attire, and his trademark skewering of social media and narcissism. He mixes in biting humor, personal anecdotes, and relationship advice, all in his irreverent tone.

Key Topics & Insights

1. Election Eve and Divided States (00:50–10:00)

• Bill reflects on the upcoming election and the state of the nation. He jokes about the performative unity of "the melting pot" and rants about aggressive political ads in California.
• He worries about political division, with both sides openly accusing each other of cheating, and calls for de-escalation.
• Notable Quote:
  “Somebody in both parties needs to stand up and be like, ‘Guys, we have to stop this or...this is gonna be a civil war, and this is only gonna be good for billionaires, all right? Everybody else is gonna suck.’”
  (02:35)
• He rails against how the internet, particularly social media, is designed to wind us up and pit people against one another.
• Criticizes the way comedians are provoked to bash each other in the podcast landscape.

2. Riff on Tolerance & Respect (09:50–11:30)

• Bill extols the principle of “live and let live,” blending redneck and city stereotypes. He’s all for everyone doing their thing, as long as no one gets hurt.
• Notable Quote:
  “If you’re in the fucking city, you want to walk around having a beard, tits, and a dress. I don’t give a shit. Whatever you want to do is cool. Just don’t hurt anybody.”
  (07:45)

3. Media, Comedy, and Internet Feuds (10:45–16:35)

• He calls out both traditional media and comedians for stoking public division for profit and attention.
• Reflects on an interview where he was baited to trash another comic and expresses regret for participating in that dynamic.
• Comments on the dangers of tribalism:
  “I don’t hear anybody out there on the left or the right...saying anything about bringing people together. I don’t hear anybody on CNN or Fox News doing that shit. They are fucking ripping us apart. And I don’t even think there’s any goal other than let’s get clicks and let’s fucking make money.”
  (09:55)

4. Random News: Mercenaries & Venezuela (16:36–18:00)

• Brief mention of mercenaries in Venezuela and the lack of media coverage, contrasted with the hoopla around comedy events.

5. Thanksgiving, Food, and the Narcissist in the Family (19:00–24:20)

• Bill rails about Thanksgiving being overshadowed by the early arrival of Christmas, sharing his love for Thanksgiving traditions.
• He lampoons family narcissists who dictate food choices without ever cooking.
• Notable Quote:
  “There’s always some loudmouth broad judging the food, right? The narcissist of the family… This is the year I say, you know, you can’t tell the person to go fuck themselves…What you have to do is just get everybody on the same page to be neutral...”
  (21:50)

6. High-End Grocery Stores, Spiritual Gymwear, and Narcissists (24:20–32:00)

• Bill describes his first trip to Erewhon, a luxury grocery store, and riffs on the levels of status and exclusivity in LA.
• He develops a satirical scheme for dealing with narcissists: create ICE vans for people who wear spiritual slogans (“Namaste”) or self-congratulatory T-shirts.
• “People who actually buy mass produced clothes that compliment the person that wears them, and they feel like it’s a unique statement about them…In the van. In the van.”
  (30:35)

7. Social Commentary: No More Internet Comments or Hate Groups (32:01–34:55)

• Suggests banning anonymous internet comments and groups, pushing people to voice opinions only in real life.
• “You want to hate people, you do it as an individual. You’re not allowed to join a group. No more fucking groups. Be man enough to be racist by yourself.”
  (33:40)

8. 2025 World Series Recap: Dodgers vs. Blue Jays (35:00–44:55)

• Extended, passionate breakdown of the Dodgers–Blue Jays series, calling it the best since 1991’s Twins-Braves.
• Praises Blue Jays’ fight, lauds Dodger heroes Ohtani, Yamamoto, and Freeman, and recounts Miguel Rojas’s game-tying ninth-inning homer.
  • “When he [Rojas] hit that home run...that was the quietest...I haven’t heard Toronto that quiet since the last time the Maple Leafs were in the playoffs.” (41:00)
• Shares classic New York fan banter about the Yankees and explains why the Dodgers aren’t a dynasty.
• Quote on dynasties:
  “A dynasty is for three years in a row, the championship was in your city, and there’s nothing anybody could do about it. You own the league for at least three years. You can’t, like—they won 2020...and then you won, and then you won. So we’re going all the way back, you’re gonna drag that title from six fucking seasons ago into the back to back and then say you’re a dynasty? ...You’re not.”
  (49:35)

9. Sports Tangents: Football & New York vs. Boston (44:56–52:25)

• Praises a 68-yard NFL field goal and marvels at changes in athlete conditioning.
• Classic Boston/New York rivalry riff—contrasting universities and working-class bravado.

10. Q&A: Listener Letters (after ad breaks, 01:06:55–end)

• Cholesterol & Diet Advice (01:07:05):
  Reads a listener email correcting old cholesterol myths: don’t fear healthy fats, focus on reducing processed food and sugar, and shop the outer aisles. Bill adds, “The old freckled belly...is going down. It’s going down.”
• Girl Asking for Money (01:12:33):
  Listener seeks advice after a woman he barely knows asks him for $15,000 to cover dental bills after one date.
  • “You went on one date, and she asked you for 15 grand. What is she going to ask you for when she’s actually your girlfriend?”
    (01:13:20)
    Bill warns him off, calling her a “female man-baby” and tells the listener to walk away.
• Gym Clothes Rant (01:17:00):
  Describes a wild character at his gym in ultra-revealing attire, marvelling, “It’s like his hose is gonna...it’s gonna come out one day. I don’t want to be there for it.”
• Bear Story Follow-Up (01:24:00):
  Listener recounts a late-night bear encounter at Big Bear Lake that left him and his family shaken and confirms bear presence with muddy pawprints.

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• “The fucking Internet is evil. It is turning everybody against each other. You’re even seeing it in stand up comedy now.” (09:10)
• “Thanksgiving, selfishly, is my favorite holiday...You watch the dog show, Westminster with my wife. In the morning, I go out on the back porch, maybe I’ll have a cigar. But I’m back not smoking again, you know, going another hundred days here.” (19:55)
• “People who buy clothes that complement themselves...and they feel like it’s about them. In the van. Now, I’m not saying this would cure the problems that we have in this country, but I was just wondering...Let’s stick these fucking cunts…in the van.” (30:35)
• “No more gated communities. You want to fuck everybody over? Yeah—you’re not living behind a gate. You can have a gate around your house, but someone can drive up to it. That’s just my thoughts.” (34:30)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:50 – Political ads and states rant
• 05:30 – Live and let live philosophy
• 10:45 – Internet, social media, and comedy feuds
• 19:00 – Thanksgiving and family narcissists
• 24:30 – Erewhon, spiritual gymwear, and narcissists
• 35:00 – World Series breakdown (Dodgers vs. Blue Jays)
• 49:35 – What makes a sports dynasty?
• 01:07:05 – Listener Q&A: Cholesterol & diet
• 01:12:33 – Listener Q&A: Girl asking for money
• 01:17:00 – Gym clothes rant
• 01:24:00 – Bear encounter story

Closing Thoughts

Bill ends with a solemn reminder not to let division win:
“Come together, man. Let’s not have another civil war. That’s what they want. Don’t fucking do it. It’s a bunch of goddamn nerds. Nerds. I’ll see you Thursday.” (end)

Summary prepared for those who want the gist, the laughs, and the wisdom—without weathering the tangents or the ads.