Styles, Car Shopping, Checking Out | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-3-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary Hosted by All Things Comedy featuring Bill Burr Episode: Styles, Car Shopping, Checking Out | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 7-3-25
Release Date: July 3, 2025

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Bill Burr returns with the "Monday Morning Podcast", tackling a variety of topics ranging from relationship dynamics and car shopping to sports commentary and personal anecdotes. The episode is a lively mix of humor, candid conversations, and Burr’s signature ranting style. Below is a detailed summary capturing the key discussions, insights, and memorable moments from the episode.

1. Relationship Advice

The podcast delves into the complexities of modern relationships, highlighting the challenges couples face in balancing personal desires with mutual respect.

• Navigating Relationships: Nia shares her experiences managing household responsibilities and maintaining a healthy relationship dynamic.
  Timestamp: [27:10]
  Nia: “Come on, ladies. What do you say for America, July 4th? ... He lets you win arguments.”

• Name Changing Dilemma: A listener seeks advice on whether to change his name due to familial and relationship pressures.
  Timestamp: [97:45]
  Bill Burr: “You're the guy taking her out for fucking ice cream. ... Stay true to your heritage. Continue not to be racist and fucking just be yourself.”

• Handling Workplace Boundaries: A segment discusses the importance of setting boundaries in professional environments, especially concerning privacy and respect.
  Timestamp: [30:36]
  Bill Burr: “...when you lose your patience, it's because you have expectations of other people.”

2. Car Shopping and Preferences

Bill Burr and co-hosts explore their preferences in car shopping, emphasizing nostalgia for classic cars and frustration with modern automotive trends.

• Preference for Classic Cars: Discussions revolve around yearning for the simplicity and style of older car models versus the complexities of modern vehicles.
  Timestamp: [26:15]
  Nia: “...getting something mid 2000s or previous or before that. ... driving old cars, I'm reading books.”

• Customization and Ownership: The hosts express desires for owning multiple classic cars without the burden of space and maintenance.
  Timestamp: [26:34]
  Nia: “...never had to be that guy that had to go fucking, you know, move 15 cars around in his driveway.”

3. Sports Commentary: MotoGP and F1

A significant portion of the podcast is dedicated to discussing recent MotoGP races and Formula 1 dynamics, showcasing Bill’s enthusiasm for motorsports.

• MotoGP Insights: Bill provides an enthusiastic breakdown of recent races, rider performances, and technical aspects of motorcycle racing.
  Timestamp: [58:27]
  Bill Burr: “...they're going about 150 miles an hour, 140 all the way up to like 200. ... And then the leather is just such high quality.”

• Formula 1 Analysis: The conversation shifts to F1, critiquing team performances and the intricacies of the sport.
  Timestamp: [63:25]
  Bill Burr: “...Lewis Hamilton admitted to it. ... Ferrari's been doing shit for a long time, obviously.“

4. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

Bill Burr shares personal stories, including his experiences with stand-up comedy, family dynamics, and everyday frustrations.

• Comedy Club Experiences: Nia talks about performing at Flappers and the supportive environment provided by fellow comedians.
  Timestamp: [15:57]
  Nia: “...she was just a woman walking up steep hill, she's got the giant visor on.”

• Helicopter Hobby: A detailed recount of Bill's passion for flying helicopters, including technical challenges and safety concerns.
  Timestamp: [64:30]
  Charlie: “...the one I fly, I mean, two and a half hours. ... The effect that, you know, anytime I solo, I'm just thinking about that shit.”

• Workplace Exit Story: Bill narrates his experience of quitting a job due to inappropriate coworker behavior, emphasizing the importance of standing up for oneself.
  Timestamp: [36:55]
  Bill Burr: “...I called her bluff and asked her to show me the video from the beginning. ... I ended up staying up, got pizza, went home."

5. Technology and Modern Trends

The hosts express their frustrations with rapidly advancing technology and societal shifts, advocating for a more nostalgic and simplified lifestyle.

• Critique of Modern Technology: Bill and Nia discuss the over-reliance on technology, comparing it to past decades’ simplicity.
  Timestamp: [27:13]
  Nia: “...there's nothing more for us to discover. ... How bad is this guy's breath?”

• Shift to Old-School Living: Emphasizing a return to traditional ways, the conversation highlights the benefits of reducing screen time and embracing offline activities.
  Timestamp: [26:47]
  Charlie: “...new Bing Bong cars with the fucking iPad dashboards. ... Living in a different era.”

6. Humor and Rants

As expected from a Bill Burr podcast, humor and rants pepper the conversation, providing comedic relief and relatable frustrations.

• Stand-Up Challenges: Bill shares the struggles of developing new material and the balance between personal life and stand-up comedy.
  Timestamp: [14:28]
  Nia: “...she told me, she was done for the week.”

• Pizza Preferences and Regional Differences: A humorous debate on the quality of pizza across different cities, highlighting personal biases and regional pride.
  Timestamp: [37:25]
  Bill Burr: “...New York has a great reputation for... But in New York City, you can buy pizza every fucking 10ft down the road.”

7. Community and Cultural Observations

The podcast touches on broader societal issues, including cultural assimilation, stereotyping, and generational gaps.

• Cultural Identity: Discussions about maintaining cultural heritage versus adapting to modern societal norms.
  Timestamp: [97:53]
  Bill Burr: “...they just love having that UPS driver showing up. ... It has that vibe infused with a bunch of other shit.”

• Generational Differences: Observations on how younger generations interact differently with technology and social norms compared to older generations.
  Timestamp: [65:00]
  Charlie: “...they still wanna hang out with their nana for a couple hours.”

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Notable Quotes:

1. Bill Burr on Expectations and Patience:
   "[27:15] Bill Burr: '...when you lose your patience, it's because you have expectations of other people.'"

2. Nia on Embracing Simplicity:
   "[27:33] Nia: '...I'm driving old cars, I'm reading books.'"

3. Bill Burr on Cultural Pride:
   "[97:45] Bill Burr: '...your name is your name and your heritage is your heritage.'"

4. Charlie on Modern Technology:
   "[06:30] Charlie: '...we just done it. We're done, okay? There's nothing more for us to discover.'"

Conclusion

The episode of the "Monday Morning Podcast" encapsulates Bill Burr's unfiltered take on various aspects of life, blending humor with sharp observations. From navigating personal relationships and embracing classic cars to dissecting sports dynamics and ranting about technology, the podcast offers listeners a comprehensive and entertaining experience. With candid conversations and memorable quotes, this episode serves both as a reflection of contemporary societal issues and a humorous escape for its audience.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

All right, Ready or Not. Heads up. Gamers become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is officially coming to PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series XS on July 15th. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together. So at launch, the game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC, this game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matters. You have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new pre order Here the Day 1 edition or the deluxe edition now. You can also download the standard edition on July 15th. Mark your calendar. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in check it in on you.

[Charlie]

Wow, how are you?

[Bill Burr]

How's it going? Oh, look at that sad Charlie Brown looking tree.

[Nia]

I like those trees.

[Bill Burr]

I'm one of those people, you know? You know, you ever see like, you ever see Christmas?

[Nia]

What's the deal with Christmas, everybody?

[Charlie]

You know when you go down to.

[Nia]

Get a fucking tree?

[Charlie]

You know when you bought yourself a.

[Bill Burr]

Ford F256.7 turbo diesel, regular cab, eight.

[Nia]

Foot fucking bed and you don't even.

[Charlie]

Hammer one nail the whole year.

[Nia]

But once a year you get a.

[Bill Burr]

Fucking Christmas tree and you have a reason to use your truck. You know when you go down there, you see the Christmas trees, right?

[Nia]

Bunch of shrubs, you got the full ones, right? The fatties not questioning anything, just eating loaded nachos, loaded.

[Charlie]

Cheese whiz, all over the top, you know. Oh, shit.

[Nia]

Oh God, here we go. Gonna sneeze.

[Charlie]

Is it gonna happen?

[Bill Burr]

Look at the sky.

[Charlie]

There we go.

[Nia]

That's what you just gotta make it happen. At some point you gotta rip the band aid off. Just can't sit there with your face all twisted up. People think of you're having a stroke anyway. Ah, fuck, I'm gonna sneeze again. Hang on, looking at the sky. Sorry, excuse me.

[Charlie]

Sneezes coming. 3. So we all Know this.

[Bill Burr]

So anyway, you go down there to.

[Nia]

Get your fucking tree and there's all those, those full fatties, the loaded nacho people, right? Wearing workout clothes, not working out, just wearing them because they're comfortable. Just waddling up the street, right? Same shape as a fucking Christmas tree, pointy head and all, just stick a fucking star on them. And some sort of fucking salt and sugar infused pretzel. Some unholy matrimony of German and Mexican food, you know, of like a chimichurri in the shape of a fucking onse pretzel, right? Finish. That's what, another thing too. Like I think that's another sign of the apocalypse. Like all this, you know, you know, Asian infused this and, and, and, and Greek infused that and all of this, it's just like, dude, we've done it. We're done, okay? There's nothing more for us to discover. You know, we're, we're, we're mashing up.

[Charlie]

Music that was already made.

[Bill Burr]

We're out of ideas.

[Charlie]

It's like my wife's fucking car. You don't need any of this stupid shit.

[Bill Burr]

They're just creating new shit that you don't even fucking need. Like back in the day, you know, you could see where, you know, as you pulled into a parking spot, you could see the fucking lights.

[Charlie]

You can't see it anymore. So now we gotta have the camera.

[Bill Burr]

I talked about this before.

[Nia]

This has been discussed. Anyway. Look at this guy walking his dog down the street.

[Bill Burr]

Do you think guys really love dogs.

[Nia]

Or they, they love the fact that the dog gives them an excuse to get out of the house.

[Bill Burr]

You know, it's harder for a woman to lose weight while you never take the dog for a walk. And why is that? Because you win every argument so there's no reason to go walk something off. I gotta walk off losing, even though.

[Charlie]

Even when I know I'm right.

[Bill Burr]

That's how we stay in shape. Winning being right, yet still losing the argument and then having to take a walk, that burns calories. The anger alone.

[Charlie]

You know, your furnace is going to.

[Nia]

My wife's watching that show. I don't know, I, I can't remember the name. She just keeps watching this show. Interracial island is what I keep calling it. Whore Island, Underage island. I don't know what it is, but like they just have a bunch of 20 somethings and they're all sleeping in the same room and, and, and walking around half naked and, and, and bondage themes and shit.

[Charlie]

It's just, I keep say like you're, you're a fucking creep.

[Bill Burr]

Like, why are you watching this shit?

[Charlie]

She says, nah, I just, you know.

[Bill Burr]

Bill, you're like the only person who's not watching this.

[Charlie]

That's not true.

[Nia]

That is not true.

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna say that isn't true. Well, you don't know what you're talking about.

[Charlie]

And what happens?

[Bill Burr]

What happens?

[Charlie]

She watches the show. I go for a walk.

[Nia]

I go for a walk. This lady walking up steep hill, she's got the giant visor on and hands on her hips, staring at the ground. Every once in a while she looks up. That has got to be one of the most insane visors I've ever seen in my life. You know, like in all those platoon Vietnam movies when they have Vietnamese people and the rice paddies with those giant fucking hats. Like, that's how big the visor is. Oh, now she's going. Oh, no, she's doing the sideways. She's doing the sideways crossover with the legs.

[Charlie]

Look at her getting ready for the NFL combine.

[Nia]

Anyway, the is my point. Oh, yeah. Getting back to the Christmas trees. Getting back to the Christmas trees. I. I like those sad Charlie Brown looking ones.

[Charlie]

I don't know what it is about them.

[Nia]

They just did. They're clean looking and I feel like you don't need as many ornaments, you know?

[Charlie]

You know what it's like?

[Bill Burr]

It's the difference between three or four.

[Charlie]

Cool tattoos on your arm or getting a sleeve. Like, I think a sleeve.

[Bill Burr]

Unless you murdered somebody or you're in.

[Nia]

Like a biker gang, you know, you shouldn't be allowed to get one again.

[Bill Burr]

Should not be.

[Nia]

Or you're a rock star. You shouldn't be allowed to get a fucking sleeve tattoo.

[Bill Burr]

Unless you like an interesting person.

[Charlie]

Can they make a documentary about your.

[Nia]

Life that would be a hit?

[Charlie]

Like, people would be talking about it.

[Nia]

Or are you just somebody who's, who's dressed, you know, a certain way? You know, you know those guys where.

[Charlie]

They have like, I love this sleeve.

[Nia]

Tattoo with like the fade haircut and the giant bushy beard.

[Bill Burr]

Like you got.

[Charlie]

You're gonna do that and then, you.

[Bill Burr]

Know, can't even see what the fuck it is.

[Charlie]

What is it?

[Bill Burr]

I don't know what any of that is. And then you start looking at it.

[Nia]

Then, yeah, I Bon Scott. That's the way.

[Bill Burr]

If you're gonna get a bunch of.

[Nia]

Tattoos on your arm, I say you go bon Scott as opposed to getting the sleeve.

[Bill Burr]

Unless you've murdered someone, you're in a motorcycle gang, or you're a Rock star. That's it.

[Nia]

Or if you're a hot chick, right, and you're good at pool.

[Bill Burr]

In the.

[Nia]

Arm that rocks back and forth like a pendulum before she kicks your ass and runs the table. That person should have a sleeve tattoo, you know? Not someone that. That makes, you know, artisan cupcakes in a newly gentrified neighborhood.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, look at Bill. Bill.

[Nia]

Making rules for society. Who the do you think you are? You know what's the funniest one to me is when the guy goes totally bald, and then he gets, like, a giant, like, insect tattooed on the top of his head. And it's just like, that's got to be the only thing worse than a toupee.

[Charlie]

Like, why did you do that?

[Bill Burr]

We all know you're a bald dad. You're on the other side of it. I don't give a shit that you got a fucking daddy long legs on you.

[Charlie]

Got black widow.

[Nia]

On your fucking head, man. There's a lot of people with hats in this neighborhood. The sun isn't even out. Oh, he's got a Scottish terrier. Oh, my God. How bad is this guy's breath? There's just something about a Scottish terrier that you can just smell the stuffiness of somebody's house, you know that chessboard that's been set up for years and no one's played it, you know? Cause his last partner fucking, you know, passed away or some shit. Now you're just sitting there with all these artifacts of a social life that no longer exists. So what? There's only one thing left to do. You gotta get a Scottish terrier, walk him around your neighborhood with the fucking Hannibal Lecter hat. It's got to be strange for the dog. It's got to be weird to be a dog and just know your owner. You're going to outlive your owner. Do you think dogs say the same thing? You know where they say, parents, you should never outlive your kids? Do you think dogs think that about their owners? Am I doing 80s stand up right now? I think I am.

[Bill Burr]

What's the deal?

[Charlie]

All right. Anyway.

[Nia]

I am the most relaxed I've been in, I think, like, a fucking year being back out here in la. And I came out here, dude, I was wound tight, and I could feel myself. I was coming at my wife, you know, I was. I was. I was jibbering and jabbering and poking and prodding, just fucking being a douche. But I was able to stop myself. And I told her, I said, this is. I am like, Like, I swear to God, like, I could. I could chew my way through a fucking chain link fence right now. Like, I am just wound up. This is why I never did cocaine. Like, I. My. My natural. Like, my resting heart rate is gacked. I go from gacked and then I slip down to morose. I never get into relaxation. Like, I push through relaxations and I just keep going down and down like that guy in the submersible, right? Until I get down to the Titanic and it all fucking implodes, right? But I've learned now that when I come back from a long gig, and this is the longest gig I ever had, I. I just need to do three days of nothing, all right? Three days of nothing. And doing nothing is really hard for me because all the demons, you know, start rolling around in my brain, but I just made myself do it. I just fucking. I was like, I'm not doing shit, you know? I watched that Gene Hackman movie, Nightlife, which I'm still trying to process. Movie was a little. I don't know, I definitely recommend it, but it's. It's like there's a couple of, like, what.

[Charlie]

Wait, what happened? What the Just happened.

[Nia]

But Gene Hackman, of course, is great. Everybody's great in the movie. Definitely those. Like, there's a couple of edits where you, like. There's like major chunks were cut out of this movie anyway, so I watched that and then I felt myself getting so wound up. I. I'm just doing this for the other psychos out here so you don't drive your wife nuts. Then I. I just. I worked out a little bit, then I chilled, you know, and. And I just said, all right, this is going to be hard, but after three days, you're gonna be fine. And here's the third day, you know, the. The end of it yesterday is whenever I'm trying to chill or meditate, I always listen to the second side of the Jane's Addiction album, Ritual de la Habitual. However you say it as a gringo, I just put on Three Days, you know, which is sort of this trippy song. But then it gets like, really loud and then it comes down and then it gets loud again. You know, it's kind of like where the I am. And then it goes into that next song, whatever that next song is, just beautiful guitar. And some of my favorite drumming of that entire decade is on that track. Three Days and then comes out of that. And. And we worked outside at the corner.

[Charlie]

Duh. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. Where did you go? I don't know that song. We went laughing through the garbage, that.

[Nia]

Whole fucking shit that brings me down. And now I'm like, totally chill and like, I don't ever want to work again. No, I'm kidding.

[Bill Burr]

I went out to Flappers last night with Dean Del Rey. I tried a bunch of new shit.

[Nia]

It went great. I had a great time. And there was this one woman. Every once in a while, there's just someone you just fucking line up with. She was off to my left and she was dying, laughing at everything that I said. And I was just sort of, after a while, I just was sort of listening to her, just trying to wind her up, like, get her going, because I was just, oh, wow. She laughed at that too. All right, I'm gonna go a little further. You know, when you start to lose other parts of the crowd, you know, I started fixating just on that. You know what I mean? Like, like a, like a fucking. You ever have a crazy pit bull and it looks at something and its ears come up?

[Charlie]

You know, you got to get a.

[Nia]

Little tug of the leash or all of a sudden you're gonna have an incident. I was doing the stand up version of that on, on stage last night at Flappers. But I was psyched. I had a good set and all that. And then I had like this epic dad day. I took my kids to this is place, travel town on the backside of Griffith park that has all these old trains and took them there. Then we went to In N Out Burger. Then I went over, they hung with their nana for a couple hours. Then I took my, my daughter out to a. A Pokemon fucking comic book store. And she just, she lost her mind. She lost her mind. And I kind of went into the comic book store and I was like, I gotta get back into reading comics because I love the drawings in them. And please tell me, I know it's probably all done on computers, but like, it's still fucking sick. So I need like a good series. You know, I've kind of got back into reading where I started reading plays. One of the actors on Glengarry, Howard Overshone, gave me, you know, some plays to read. And I've kind of been doing that, staying off Instagram, which is also kind of settling my fucking mind down. And by the way, I watched the first episode of this show, Duster.

[Charlie]

And.

[Nia]

That someone, when I was on the play, Michael McKeon, told me to watch, not to drop names all over the place. He told me, he goes, you gotta see the opening credits, opening credits on Duster. The best opening credits I've seen in fucking forever. Like, I just had an ear to ear grin. I don't want to ruin it for you. It's a. It's like a car show. So that's why he recommended because he knows that I love 70s cars. And I got to get the names of everybody down because I'm gonna watch the whole series. But the woman that stars in it, she also created it. And it's fucking. I watched like the first episode and I'm just like, I'm in. I'm totally in. It's on hbo. Max. This is not a paid advertisement. I'm just telling you it's a fucking great show. If you're into that, if you're into that, all of that vanishing point anti hero shit. Like, you know, it has that vibe infused with a bunch of other shit. But I don't. I don't want to ruin it, all right? So just. I've ruined enough things in life. So anyway, I'm back out here.

[Charlie]

Do you know. Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

Do you know what Nia said one.

[Nia]

Of the funniest things ever as far as making my jaw drop on the ground. And I realized she was just fucking with me. She goes, you need to get a car.

[Charlie]

I said, I am.

[Nia]

I'm gonna go buy an old Cadillac.

[Bill Burr]

She goes, we need a family car.

[Charlie]

Why are you gonna buy an old.

[Nia]

An old Cadillac? She goes, you already got that jalopy in the garage.

[Charlie]

She called my 68F 100A jalopy.

[Bill Burr]

And she stared at me for three.

[Nia]

Seconds while my jaw was on the ground. And then she bursted out laughing and realized she was just fucking with me. So I know what I'm gonna get. I was thinking an old Cadillac or whatever. I just can't make up my mind. There's so many cars that I love. I love the 67 Eldorado. And then this Cadillac that I never liked and now I love it is the 6970 Cadillac two door coupe. I fucking love that car. I don't know what happened.

[Charlie]

Fucking love that car.

[Nia]

But then, then there's also like a part of me that just wants something fast but not like a muscle car. You know what I mean? I'm thinking like, I don't know what, but I'm gonna get something mid 2000s or previous or before that. I'll let you know what I end up getting. But this is the new me. I'm gonna own all the cars, just never at the same time. I'm gonna get a Car, it's gonna be cool and I'm gonna drive it for a year or two and then I'm gonna get something else. And in the end of my life, I can lay in my deathbed and said, I fucking drove them all, you know, But I never had to be that guy that had to go fucking, you know, move 15 cars around in his driveway, because I've done that. You become a valet in your own house and then you're like, I gotta go. I gotta go rent a garage. And then you got a bunch of chargers and then you got some mechanic, right? For some reason, you know, he barely speaks English. You know what I mean? Because I guess there's no American fucking mechanics anymore, by the way, you know?

[Charlie]

But then you get a chance to.

[Nia]

Learn a second language. I would get a French.

[Charlie]

I'll tell you.

[Nia]

I'm also starting to lean towards Spanish, but I'm not. I'm sticking with this French. Even though lately I've been getting my ass kicked on these apps. The more I watch MotoGP and I listen to Marc Marquez and I listen to these Italian guys speaking and stuff, it's just like all of those languages, Italian, French and Spanish. It's just like, I'm telling you, I think the end of my life, I'm gonna. I'm gonna end up there, one of those places, gonna be a fucking expat, you know, who takes up painting at like 78.

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna be that guy. Just some weirdo who wears the same smock every day.

[Nia]

Coming to town, some beat up Birkenstocks.

[Bill Burr]

Bill Birkenstocks.

[Nia]

No, my wife would never let me get that up. Looking that guy like that actor in Cannonball Run. One eye going one way and the other going the other. The guy from Once Upon a Time in the West. Anyway, but I don't know, last night, you know, I went out and I did a spot and I came immediately, came home and the hug I got from both of my kids made me feel so great. Like that. I said to my wife, I was like, you know what? I'm a great dad. The fact that I was away that long and they still feel this way about me, you know, I mean, we FaceTimed every. All the time and shit, but like, I was worried that they were gonna grow away from me or whatever. I still can't believe I did that fucking gig. How long that was. That was insane. But I'll definitely do Broadway again. But next time I'm bringing my family with me. That's how we're doing. We figured we're gonna do it that way. So anywho, let me do the. The reads here for the week. For the this Thursday, I should say. You know what's funny is I. I was, I was all about getting a fucking breakfast burrito the second I got out here, and I, I haven't gotten one yet. I gotta get one. I gotta get a breakfast burrito. All right, now where the fuck is.

[Charlie]

Where the is.

[Bill Burr]

Where the is the fucking copy?

[Nia]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Bill Burr]

You know, Bill.

[Nia]

Okay, all right, here we go. I got it right here.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, look who it is.

[Charlie]

Squarespace.

[Bill Burr]

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[Charlie]

There you go.

[Bill Burr]

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[Nia]

Kidding.

[Bill Burr]

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[Charlie]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

Ready or not. Heads up gamers. Become an elite SWAT commander and bring order to chaos. Ready or not is officially coming to PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X on July 15th. After earning a loyal following on PC, it's finally making its console debut with full cross play across all platforms. So whether your friends are on a PC, Xbox or PlayStation, you can all jump into the action together. At launch, the game includes a wide range of single player and online co op missions with up to five players working as a team. And on top of that, two brand new missions are dropping on day one as part of the Free Stories from Los Suenos dlc. Available on both console and PC. This game is all about immersive, high pressure gameplay where strategy, teamwork and communication really matter. You have full control to customize your squad, plan your approach and take on each mission however you want. It's a big moment for fans of the game and a great time to jump in. If you're new, pre order here the Day One edition or the Deluxe edition Now you can also download the standard edition on July 15th. Mark your calendar.

[Nia]

All right, back to the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

So yeah, I'm trying to figure out.

[Nia]

What kind of car I'm gonna get.

[Charlie]

I'm either gonna get an old lead.

[Nia]

Sled American car, or I'm gonna get some sort of German stick shift car, like a BMW or something. One of Those old M M3s, M5s. One of those cars like four door stick shift or something like that. I don't know. But I'm excited and I live in the perfect city out here to drive something old, so why the fuck not, you know what I mean?

[Charlie]

What am I gonna.

[Bill Burr]

The old me would just sit here.

[Nia]

And bitch, moan and complain about these.

[Charlie]

New Bing Bong cars with the fucking iPad dashboards.

[Nia]

Instead of doing something about it. I just, I've decided I'm tapping out. I'm driving old cars, I'm reading books.

[Bill Burr]

And I'm watching movies from the 70s. I don't like what's happening right now.

[Charlie]

In the world and I don't know how to do anything about it other.

[Nia]

Than try to just be nice to people.

[Bill Burr]

But I can't solve these fucking problems. They're all bigger than me. So I'm tapping out of this time. I'm living in a different era without, you know, getting a sleeve tattoo and buying clothes from the fucking 1800s or whatever it is these kids are doing.

[Nia]

Anyway. So I might even watch a fucking baseball game today and keep score. That's how old school I'm going, you know, shut down, not talk to anybody. Sit in a sun room, there's some old school shit. Sit in a sun room with a little square tv, black and white tv, watching a ball game, smoking a pipe. Then your wife comes out, right? Brings you a sandwich, kisses you on top of your head. You know, you give her that half a hug with your arm, you know, grab a fucking ass cheek, give her A little goose, right? That's how it used to go down. That's how it used to go down. Doesn't go down like that anymore. Everybody's fucking. I don't know. I don't know what they're doing, staring at their fucking phones. I'll tell you. You know, ladies, you know your screen time is out of control when you don't have time to make your man a sandwich. Come on, ladies. What do you say for America, July 4th? Why don't you make your man a sandwich this weekend? He's earned it. He puts up with you.

[Bill Burr]

He lets you win arguments.

[Nia]

Even when you're wrong.

[Bill Burr]

The next time your husband has to go for a walk because you're just so acting like a fucking child. When he goes out the door and he makes a right, you just do.

[Nia]

Like, I don't know, five Mississippi.

[Bill Burr]

You go out the door, you make.

[Charlie]

A left, walk around the block, think.

[Nia]

About what a great guy he is.

[Bill Burr]

And you'll meet him halfway on the.

[Nia]

Other side, surprise him and just say, like, all right, you were right. I'm sorry, and give him a kiss. Just.

[Charlie]

Just.

[Bill Burr]

Just to shake things up.

[Nia]

Come on, ladies.

[Charlie]

Do you ever get tired of winning? Do you?

[Nia]

Do you have the decency to feel guilty ever? All right, anyways, I'm gonna go get a breakfast burrito, and then I'm going to the gym. I'm going to the gym, and I got to lose this last little bit of fucking belly weight. My last little bit of belly weight. I'm fucking on it, dude. I'm on it. I come back from the show last night.

[Charlie]

I had water and I had a.

[Nia]

Handful of raw almonds, and I cried myself to sleep. But I woke up the next morning and my stomach was a little flatter. I'm not gonna be Billy Balloon Tits. It's not happening. I'm not going to be that guy that sits down with his shirt off next to the pool, and you just look down, you know, and my whole torso looks like a. I look like a shaved sharp.

[Charlie]

Guys.

[Bill Burr]

When you sit down, does your torso look like a bulldog's face? You know, instead of the eyes, those are your nipples just sitting there.

[Nia]

Everything just.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not.

[Nia]

I'm not doing that. Become that guy who has to fuck with his shirt on.

[Bill Burr]

You know, she has to climb on top you. It ain't happening.

[Charlie]

Raw almonds. Then at the gym, on your forearms, doing the plank. Doing the plank.

[Bill Burr]

Keep yourself in fucking shape.

[Charlie]

All right, well, that's. That is the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

I'm gonna Go.

[Nia]

I bought my son a Spider man comic book, and I'm gonna go read that to him right now. I am so thrilled to be not working right now. I know I'm doing stand up, but, like, stand up is, like, it's not work. It's just fun. Like, I had so much fun.

[Bill Burr]

And I got to give a shout.

[Nia]

Out to PJ Landers and all the stage time that he gave me at the Comedy Village, one of my favorite comedy clubs in the country, forget about New York City. It's just. It's what a comedy club, you know, used to be. You know, little fucking stage right in New York City. It's just, you know, comedy fans go in there. It's. It's on 44th between 8th and 9th. It's just. It just reminds me what comedy clubs used to be before they started becoming, like, also, like, restaurants and, you know, places to play paintball or whatever the fuck they're doing now.

[Charlie]

Podcast studios. It's. It's.

[Nia]

It's just a fucking comedy club.

[Charlie]

You go in there and you do.

[Nia]

Stand up comedy and people listen to it. The staff is great, PJ's great. You should definitely check it out. Don Giovanni's is right next door. Great pizza. It's fantastic. And that's it. That's all I got to say. All right. That's the podcast.

[Charlie]

Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you on Monday.

[Podcast Announcer]

Now, if you're in the habit to let your temper fly when you talk with people who don't see eye to eye, and if you don't believe that there's a newer world ahead, what you need, what you need. What you need is attention. A change of habit.

[Charlie]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, July 3, 2017. A day before July 4. Over there. When are you guys doing it? Jesus Christ. When are you guys doing it? You're partying tonight you got to go tonight, right? You got to go tonight. And tomorrow you eat like a fat. But tonight is tonight. Tonight. Tonight. Tonight's tonight. If you want to go out and get fucking hammered, you know, tomorrow's for the kids. You know, today you scare your children, tomorrow you wake up with them. That's how it works when July 4th is on a Tuesday, you know, your wife will give you dirty looks, but, you know, by the weekend, as long as you're mulching up the fucking yard, she'll be happy. What do you want from me? I was celebrating the birth of the nation there. Not the movie, you fucking racist. Well, you made me curse. You know, you get involved in those stupid things. Anyways.

[Nia]

Oh, man.

[Charlie]

Oh, Billy no fun was Billy bad boy this week. I completely just fucking. I just. I don't know what happened. I went off the rails. I went off the rails. I was flying out. I was doing the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, which is one of the most amazing venues. I don't know what it is about it. It's just one of those places. It's got the fucking magic in it, you know? And it's been around forever. And according to the people that ran it, he was saying that Janis Joplin played there and in a bar nearby or something, she wrote that song, Mercedes Benz, tried it out for the first time at that venue, then went out to la, recorded it, and then overdosed. That was it. And I was like, that's great. You know what? I'm not gonna be trying any new material this weekend. Bill Burr tried out a new dick joke, recorded it onto his iPhone, went back into the city, had two slices of pizza at 3 in the morning, followed by four shots of fucking whiskey, and then went to bed and died on a futon. Yes, he was alone. Oh, my God. I just. I don't happen. I was flying out there, I think I was stressed. I don't know what it was. And then the guy, you know, asked me if I wanted a drink. You know, I wasn't on a plane. It was just this guy came up to me, he said, excuse me, can I buy you a drink? I was like, well, certainly you can. No, I was on a plane and the steward, the male stewardess came up to me. He said, do you want it? You want anything to drink, right?

[Nia]

And the devil in me went, oh.

[Charlie]

And I went, quivering voice. Maybe later. So, you know, I've been eating great. I had salads and all that shit. And I thought, ah, you know, I'll just have one. I'll just have one. He comes over with some Jack on the rocks, you know. Nice fucking pour, right? Gave me the old mile high pool, if you know what I mean. He gave me, like. Gave me like three fingers to boo. So that's with a little bit of pepper and some cheese. And I drank the thing and I was like, all right, that's it. I gotta. I gotta. I gotta get waters after this, because that's the big thing. After I have the first one, I just switch the waters and then. Then I get my bearings again of like, oh, yeah, okay. Cool. Okay, cool. We had a buzz. Now we're coming back. We're coming back. This is a good thing. But if I go to that second drink, forget it. And he just fucking. What did he say? Do you want to. I think he just brought me the next one. And then I was just like, well, I'm not going to be rude. And then I drank that one.

[Nia]

And then, then we landed.

[Charlie]

And that just set me off on the wrong. The wrong fucking way, the wrong fucking road. Then I got to the city and then I got two slices of fucking pizza. Not even from a place that I liked, place that I wanted closed because they have great pizza and they already made their money. So, like, well, we don't need to be open all night. Go fuck yourself. See ya. So then I walk down the street to these other guys, you know, the one that all the drunks are stumbling into, and I got not one, but two slices of pizza. Went back, fucking shoved them down my throat the whole time going, you know, this is way better than anything that I get in la. But this is not a good example of how the east coast became legendary with their pizza making. No disrespect to Chicago, by the way, okay? I'm not saying you guys don't make. You make a different type of lasagna pizza out there. And most New Yorkers, people from Boston, Philly, we go out there and we don't know where to go, and we just get some average slop and we're like, this fucking pizza stinks. Right? The same way you guys. I know so many fucking people from Chicago, dude, I went to New York. Your pizza wasn't good. Did you even look to see where to go, you dope? New York has a great reputation for. For making great pizza. That's why there's so many shitty ones.

[Bill Burr]

You know what I mean?

[Charlie]

Because everybody's living off of that fucking reputation. There's like a half dozen, probably maybe eight in the fucking. All the boroughs. How many boroughs? I was at Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Staten island of five fucking boroughs, there's probably probably eight, okay? Brooklyn's got a couple, New York has a couple. And everybody else has like fucking one, maybe two. I don't know enough about it, but I'm just telling you, there's only a few. However, in New York City, you can buy pizza every fucking 10ft down the road. Same way in Chicago, some fucking cunt is out there waiting for someone like me to walk down the street with my fucking Chicago, the Windy City windbreaker that I just bought at the airport, hey, I'll show you an authentic fucking Chicago deep dish pizza and then they're gonna bring me in there. So can we end the fucking pizza debate? Everybody, you know, has their own way to do it. Up in Boston they had the little bar style pizzas which are fucking amazing. And every New York cunt that goes, oh, I went up there, didn't fucking taste like fucking magouolys over there, down the fucking street there, you know, those fucking morons. When you travel, okay, you gotta fucking hang with local people and they'll tell you where to go to. Fucking walk into a place and think that everything there sucks and people there just accept it is probably one of the dumbest ways to travel. However, that's how most people do it. Or you go there and you try to get what you can get down the street from where you live. And then when you can't, you say, this place sucks. And I just, I can't, you know, fuck it, I was in the Bahamas, I couldn't get a good fucking anyways. I don't know why I'm making everybody Italian, but I'm enjoying it. I am enjoying it. So. So I ate this shitty pizza and I was taught to finish my food as a kid. So I'm even just gnawing my way through the crust. I mean, I could have whittled something like piece of wood with this crust. Tough like shoe leather over there. That's was the first night. And then I did well during the day, you know, I did really well. But then just at night, the next night I ended up staying up. We went to fucking. Oh, right down the street from the Portchester Capitol Theater there was this great Italian restaurant and it was all part of, partly owned by Mario Batali, who's the best. All his fucking restaurants are awesome, right? So I go down there and I know I should order the fish, but I can't get good Italian out here. So I order, I order some pasta, right? I get the fucking go fuck yourself bowling Aish, right? So I get that. And then we say we don't want dessert. They still brought some stuff over. Cuz they're Italian. I mean just, you know, if you say I don't want any, they're still gonna bring you over a half order. That's how it fucking works. So they brought over the, all these cannolis and all of this shit and then didn't drink too much that night. But definitely, you know, not drinking that much to me was like, you know, five or six over a Fucking nine hour period. Stayed out to like four in the fucking morning. Smoked a cigar. Fucking stupid. I had all this shit to do the next day, right? I fucking get out of the fucking Uber, right? I get out of the Uber and I know I told you guys, I don't Uber. I had somebody call it for me because I couldn't get a cab. And I get out of the. And the second I get out of it, I walk up the door and go, whoa, wait, where's my phone? Where's my phone? And I left it in the Uber. And then I didn't have. I had no, no way to call. And I was like, you got to be kidding me. Because I had my bag of with me. So I grabbed my bag and I got this thing. Once I grab something, I never look for anything else. And also, you know, I had like fucking four or five drinks. So I left my fucking phone there. So it's just like, all right, I did a mental check. Everything's backed up, everything's on the computer. Who gives a fuck? I'll just buy a phone tomorrow. Fucking moron, right? So I get up the next day, I go over to the fucking Verizon store and they go, okay, what's your Apple id? I'm like, I don't know. You got my phone number, here's my license. And they're like, oh, that's not good enough. You need your apple, idiot. I go, well, I don't have it. He goes, can you guess? Oh, yeah, I can fucking stand here all day. I don't know what it is. And he basically tells me that he can't get. He can't get into my account without my Apple id. I go, you're telling me if the FBI came in here right now, that's what you'd say? And he was like, absolutely. And I was like, dude, I don't know what it is. Are you telling. So you're telling me I can never get a phone again? This feels like a Tom Cruise movie. Did you just shut off the microchip in me? Can I, can I get a phone, please? I have business to do. The guy says, no, I haven't been meditating. My temper starts going up and up and up and up and up. I didn't curse at him. I started, you know. He goes, well, you're gonna have to go to our main store, and that's gonna take like fucking two to three hours. So it's like, you gotta be fucking kidding me. So I walk out into the streets in New York and I said, I fucking hate technology. But I said, I really quietly and technology really quietly. But fuck. I said at the top of my lungs, fucking. I just went, I fucking hate technology. This lady fucking whipped her head around. I was like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm literally the guy walking in the street in New York making people nervous right now. So I walk up to try to find where this fucking place is. I don't know. He said, it's on like fucking 50 something and 6th Avenue. I'm looking for the thing and I'm wait, wait, is it on 6th Avenue on 57th? I have no idea. This took me back to the 90s when I was in New York, when you didn't have a map and you just fucking walked around, head on a swivel, right? Finally find the place. And I walked in there and I got an absolute angel at the store. Old school customer service completely fucking hooked me up. And she was like in her mid-20s. And halfway through, I just, finally was just saying, like, you know, I forget what I said. I said something. You basically, it's the effect that, you know, you don't get customer service like this anymore. Your parents raised you right. She said, thank you. I go, did you come from a big family? And she was like, I was like, she said something. I'm like one of seven. I was like, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I don't know what it is. Kids who come from like fucking with a bunch of kids, families with a bunch of kids. I don't know, they learned. I don't know what it is. I don't know what you learned, but you're, I don't know, everything is about you and you keeping all the fucking toys. So she totally hooked me up. And then, then I was able to call my buddy who called the Uber, who called the Uber guy. And then the Uber guy still had my phone. He brought it back to me the next night. You know, I gave him a nice tip for doing that. And now I got two phones. I guess I can bring the other phone back, but I just don't want to go back into a store. I'm not rolling the dice again that I'm going to get a good customer service person. I know I'm not, so I'll just fucking eat. It was my own fucking fault. If I didn't go out till fucking four in the morning like an asshole, none of that shit would have happened. I apologized to the lady that I made her fucking, probably fucked up her neck when I screamed fucking when I was out in the street and. But, you know, I don't apologize to the guy at the bank. I owe taxes, right? I owe taxes up in fucking Canada. So my accountant goes, you have to go to the bank. I'm gonna send you an email with all the fucking account information. They can wire it up there, bing, bang, boom, done. So I say, fine. So I go up, I download the thing, I bring my laptop. I fucking get this David Blaine looking dude, you know, at the bank to help me out, right? So we walk into his cubicle area, we sit down. I have all the information on the computer screen. He starts going, read, read me the VIN number. I know it's not that, but you know what I mean? And I'm like, what? What number? He's like, that number there. Read that to me. So I read it to him. He goes, all right, read me the next number. I go, which number? He goes, read me that number. Then I just find. Look at him. I go. I go, what, do I work here? He's like, excuse me. I go. I go, I feel like I work here right now. I'm like, look, just. Just turn it around here. Here's all the information. Type it in. He goes, well, it's going to go quicker or something like that. And then he just kind of got quiet, right? I'm just fucking sitting there. And then after a couple minutes, he just kind of goes like, you know, I don't understand, like, why you got upset there. I go, well, I'm not upset. I'm just calling you out on the fact you start treating me like your secretary. I don't. He goes, I'm not treating you like a sick dick. Yeah, you are. You got me, like, reading off numbers and stuff. He goes, I'm just doing that because it'll be faster. And I go, well, I disagree. Well, what the fuck am I? You. You. You understand. You work at the bank. You're at the bank. You work at the bank. You get paid to work at the fucking bank. I'm the customer. This is what I need you to do. Do the fucking transaction. Jesus fucking Christ. He's fucking. Goddamn. I'm gonna say it. These kids today, everything about them is. It's interactive. Hey, man. Like, hey, you know, out through the fucking interweb, man. Fuck off and do your job. But I didn't say any of that. I just said, I disagree. That's the best I could do. But I just couldn't believe he was like, but see, what kills me is he's walking around saying that I'm a dick, which I am. I admit to that. But I'm fucking right. I gotta sit there and read off numbers to you. He goes, can you read this? He didn't even say please. He starts talking to me. Like, I'm like. Like I was like, did I just get hired as your assistant, you cunt? I didn't even know what he was talking about. All of those numbers. I'm not a banker. Every time he told me to read off a number, he had to explain what the number is. Like, how is that. How is that quicker? Oh, Jesus. So I meditated for the first time in about six weeks. I'm just trying. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. I just. I'm back. We're back in the writer's room. I got all of that to do. I'm building my new act, right? My daughter is finally sleeping through the night. You know, she still wakes up once or twice, but it's just. Just a quick little one. Maybe needs a diaper change or something like that. And I'm just feeling like it's just. It's building up again, you know? So for me now to like, stop drinking, you know, to add that. That extra stress of like, you know, you know, to not have the thing to take the edge off at the end of the goddamn day, like that, it just starts building up. So to the guy at the bank, maybe I could have explained it a little nicer, maybe I couldn't. Just flipped out here. But you know, know this. That's what I wanted to say in the bank, but I didn't, okay? I just fucking kept my cool. But like, you work at the bank. I don't. I need you to do this transaction. I have money in your bank. Back in the day, you guys used to give like 10%, 8% on fucking money in the bank. You now give like.0001%. Okay? So now you don't give me any money on it. You've loaned 10 times out on what I fucking have there. You guys invent money. You're literally counterfeiters. And now I have to go in there. You guys nuke the fucking economy every eight fucking years building housing bubbles or whatever, and you don't go to jail for it. And you leave Americans upside down in their houses. You don't give a fuck. And top of that, I got to go in and read the fucking numbers off to you. Fuck off. I know this is childish for me to be sitting here alone, losing my mind, but I cannot lie to you and not tell you how fucking good this feels to get this out of me. You know, part of my meditation today is I'm actually doing this series on patience, swear to God. And the guy said, oh, God, what the fuck did he say? It almost made me mad when I was like, I wanted to debate with the guy, but I can't because it's just a recording. He basically said that when you lose your patience, it's because you have expectations of other people. Okay? And then when you react to that, it's like your fault for reacting to it, for having. You're wrong to have these expectations of people. And I'm thinking in my head, like. Like, that doesn't make it. I. Like, I'm at this point, I'm wrong that I expect people to put in an effort at their job the way that I do and the way that I did. And I'm not patting myself on the back, but when I. I always. Any job I had, I fucking killed it. Unless I just literally didn't have the talent, like construction. I just. I mean, I could bring you the shit. I just didn't have that gift. Or I tried to sell health insurance. I just wasn't good at it. And you know what I did? I had the decency with both of those jobs to quit within a week and a half. I didn't fucking sit there and torture people and just suck at my job as they came walking in or worse, try to make them do part of my job. So I'm listening to this guy, and he's. He's talking in a very soothing voice like this, some sort of British accent. When we walk in there, we have. It's Headspace. Hello again. Welcome to Headspace. When we have expectations of other people, gives us a tendency to. He tries to, like, left. Lose. Lose our patience. Don't get all jolly, because, you know, that's. You know what it is. He's doing that because he knows there's an angry cunt like me laying on the ground going, like, okay, so now you're. You're defending this guy at the bank. You weren't even there. You know, so now basically what you're saying is in order for me to have patience, I have to basically treat people the way I treat my daughter, which is. I understand that she's a baby and doesn't know anything yet. You know, So I have to have 100% patience with her, which I do. But that's because she's a baby. So now I'm supposed to walk in and sit across from a 27 year old guy and his, you're going to like the way you look, I guarantee it. Fucking suit. And as he tells me to do, how could I have done that better? I guess what I should have said is, sir, I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm not going to read those numbers to you. I feel that you work at the bank and I am the customer and I feel that that crosses a boundary that I'm not comfortable. Well, I guess I could have said that, right? And I, when he exhaled, I probably shouldn't like when he exhaled, like I, it was like someone twisted a knife in my back. I wanted to like. Did you just exhale? Yeah. Because once again, I guess I had expectations that this guy, you know, I had the ability to look at a paper with all the answers to the test on it while typing at the same time. I mean I can do that. I could do that for half a page and I only make a couple mistakes and I taught myself how to do it. What the fuck? How much more easier does life have to be? And then, you know, I was also thinking when I left, it was like, you know something, my wife would have just read the numbers off to him. She would have read the numbers off to him. And then afterwards I would have said like, why did you just do that? You did your job. She goes, well, you know, you're right, you're right, you know, I probably shouldn't have done that. But you know, it got it done quick. You know, I just didn't want to have the argument. Blah blanch continues on, you know what, she's a way, way happier person on paper, I think. On paper. I know. You know something, the thing about women is the, the, the big red flag is the level of shopping that they do and the amount of shit that they buy. Like that's, I don't know, there's, there's a, there's a fucking unhappiness there, there's something psychotic going on with just the amount, the sheer amount of clothes and shit that they buy and just stuff that they fucking buy. I don't see tranquility in it. I feel like that's like eating fucking, you know, see's candies just, they just love having that UPS driver showing up and oh, it's a little package for me, you know, I actually judge how well my relationship's going by how often the fucking UPS driver comes to the door. If he's coming a lot, then I need to Take her out to dinner or something. If you know he's coming every once in a while, then that's just her doing the woman thing of basically, you know, kicking our retirement right in the seats. All right, I didn't need to go. I'm okay. Whatever. I apologize to everybody. I apologize to that first guy at the fucking Verizon store. I, I apologize for the way I conveyed what I was trying to say to the, to the David Blaine looking dude at the bank. You know, I don't know. Maybe it's a new world. Maybe I'm just a fucking old guy. Maybe that's why. I don't fucking know. I don't. I don't know. I still think I'm right. But I'm going to learn in the future not to have expectations of people and just sit there is the sands of my life slip away waiting for somebody to do their fucking job that they got paid to do. Anyways. Anybody watch some MotoGP fucking motorcycle race yesterday? Another great one, back to back fucking great races. Congratulations to Ma Marquez. Oh my God, did you hear his fucking interview afterwards? Oh, it was hilarious. First of all, it's amazing all these guys can speak English, but he searches for the English word while going there. He did two ones so long they go, Mark, congratulations, great victory. Blah blah, blah, blah, blah. I didn't feel like that today. He's like. It was reminded me of Taylor Negron's great Rest in peace. His great joke when he. You don't want carpets, you want an A. Remember the area rug joke? Anyways, what a race. And I gotta look at the standings here. I think that that put Mark Marquez, she sees on top. He's on top of the leaderboard. The leader Ford board. Sorry, Mark Marquez. Oh, come on. You don't have expectations. Don't have expectations of the Internet that it's actually going to work? Why would it work? Why would it work when you would need it to work? Just laugh, make a note of it. Make a note of a difficult time in your life. Put it on the clothesline and send it on down. And stay. Just remember, you're not reacting, you're observing. You're just. It's like you're sitting on a park bench watching traffic go by. Except the trafficker. Are your thoughts. Oh, look. The requested URL cannot be retrieved. I'm going to have no reaction to this. I'm just going to sit here and let my podcast slowly sink into the abyss of something completely not even remotely funny.

[Nia]

All right, here we go.

[Charlie]

Where the fuck are we, by the way? You know, this fucking website stinks because you think if these guys are fucking putting their lives on the line, it'd be a little easier to navigate. Wait a minute. Is that me having fucking expectations again? All right, Mark Marquez is in the lead, 129 points. Was this what, the points that they got from yesterday. Oh, this looks like from what they got yesterday. Congratulations to that kid Maverick Vilna's. Is that the guy, though? I thought he was German. I don't think I have the wrong guy. This might be the wrong list. It says GP World standing. There was some guy that came in second place. It was the first time he's ever been on a podium this year. Hold on a second. This is so fucking irritating. Where is it? They haven't done that one yet. How about this one? There's Deutschland. There we go. See, I had the wrong one. I had the wrong. Where the fuck is he? Thought there was some German guy that came in second yesterday. Says Danny Pedrosa from Spain came in. So whoever the fuck the guy was that came in second, congratulations. And I actually learned something when I was watching the race as far as just how amazing. These guys come flying down the straightaway. They're in that tuck, and I love when they all. They fucking pop up and they stick their goddamn leg out, right? I always feel like they're going to fall off the bike at that point. And then it's all. When you break, how you take the turn. And this kid who was in second place came into, I think it was turn one, and he just came in too hot, which caused him to go wide. And Marc Marquez did it perfectly. And he just went right underneath him. But I guess the guy said something to the fact that he heated up his tires. When you break that hard or something and then you don't get as good a grip. And that was basically. What do they say? Something. He not creates space or something, but he broke away from him. He broke them or something. I don't know. I'm still learning the terminology. But they're fucking amazing. You guys got to get into this MotoGP because this thing is literally, it's 28 fucking laps. And you're watching people on motorcycles driving 200 miles an hour or 320 kilometers, which I've learned every 50 miles an hour is about 80 kilometers. So I always have to do the fucking math. But it's easy because they're basically doing well. Like. Like, I don't know, like 240-320km. Except when they're in the turns, obviously. So they basically going about 150 miles an hour, 140 all the way up to like 200. The Italian one's, the crazy one with this, the straightaway where they actually get up over 200 miles an hour. I mean, I just. And their ability to fall, how they fall. They even fall off the bikes gracefully unless they high side them. And then the technology of the suit, where there's like an airbag in the suit that immediately detects that you've fallen off your bike. It inflates, it protects your vitals. And then the leather is just such high quality or whatever they got, they just slide down the track and they get up, dude, they fucking wipe out at 200 miles an hour. And they get up like they fell off a tire swing at a cookout. That's unreal. So congratulations to Mark Marquez. I'm a big Ducati fan, so I like, I root for the. I root for the Italians, you know, I like that guy. What? And you know what's great is that guy from Britain though. He's actually gonna Honda that Cal Crutchlow. He fucking rides like a maniac. I also like Johan Zarko, he's from France, he rides a Yamaha. But David Sioso I like, I just love Ducati's. I think they're a fucking work of art. But if you ever wondered how much those bikes cost, I think they were like worth like two. Two million dollars, those bikes. Something like that. Million. Two million bucks. I love when they're going down the straightaway and they're fucking giving so much throttle that the front tire comes up a little bit. You gotta understand at that point you're going 200 miles an hour and you don't have the, that split second, you don't have the ability to steer when your tire is off to ground the balls that those guys have. I stopped riding a bike because I couldn't write, you know, but actually, you know something, probably riding the streets of LA in your dad jeans with your leather jacket on, that's way. That is way more dangerous. I don't have a airbag. If I ever get a motorcycle again, I want to buy one of those moto GP suits. But the thing about it is, is even if you fall off, even if the fucking, the thing like inflates and all that shit, the difference is, is that the track, you don't have to worry about somebody coming in from the left or the right, driving a bus or an SUV and running you over and crushing you. That's basically it. Because I have to say, I would love. In a perfect world, in a perfect world, I would love to, I would.

[Nia]

Love to have a Ducati. I've never ridden one, but everybody I.

[Charlie]

Know that ever rode one said you never ride anything else. I mean, it's a little like I'm a, like I said, I'm a big fan of machines. And there's, there's one on, there's a, out here in la, on La Cienega, there's one. And right, right up the streets from this vegetarian place. When I'm not being a. And eating shitty pizza and drinking booze and smoking cigars like an asshole if I'm eating right when every time I go there, I always got to pop in there and then the guy's away. Can I help you? I just want to be like, nah, I'm just a scared married guy with too much to lose. Just, I mean, I'm going to say that next time I come in there. Gone in this so many times. The guy probably knows me. All right, let me read some of these, let me read some of these advertising advertisements here. All right. They talk about everything I wanted to talk about. Oh, can I talk helicopters for a second? So I got back into flying those fuckers. I fly once a week.

[Nia]

I have a great time and last.

[Charlie]

Week I flew great. You know, I just, you know, I didn't really have to look down at my altitude. I was just able to maintain it. Pulling 19 inches on the fucking, fucking inches gauge there, whatever the fuck you call it. I. So I'm getting ready to solo again and you know, it's, it's the hobby costs a goddamn fortune. So I was sitting there thinking like, you know, buy a helicopter with a. I could just, you know, could get really good at this because I, I love it so. Oh, my daughter's crying. She must have just woke up. Anyways, so the one, I'm not gonna say the name of the one that I've flown, even though I've said it before, okay, there's, there's certain things with the design of that thing. It's a two bladed main rotor system, it's over slung and semi articulated, all this fucking ground school shit. But basically because of that, if you were, for whatever stupid fucking reason, if you slam the stick forward and got yourself into a low G situation, which is basically you'd feel like you were light in the seat. Like there's a chance that you risk mass bumping, you risk shearing off the tail, you risked fucking with the mass, bumping the main rotor literally spinning off. You watch it. Hey, there's that thing that's producing lift, right? And then you just crash to the ground. Or if you get into a low G situation, literally, the fucking thing could just start rolling to the right because the rear tail rotor is now compensating for the fucking main rotor that the helicopter is not loaded underneath anymore. So when you go to the right, rather you think, oh, my God, go to the left with the stick, you're actually supposed to go gentle. Gentle as you're fucking rolling over. Like, holy shit, am I going to be upside down in a second? Rather than go back to the left, you're supposed to fucking override that intuitive move and you're supposed to go gentle aft cyclic so you don't shear your fucking goddamn tail off. And, you know, people with very little hours, all the way up to people with a ton of fucking hours have died in those fucking things. And the company that makes them, rather than fixing that fucking problem, has just basically told people what to do when that problem arises. And if you don't do it correctly and you fucking die, they blame you. You know, so it's a lot like being in a relationship with a woman in that it's always going to be your fault. It's not what they did, it's how you reacted to it. So, you know, in order to get a fully articulated main rotor system where you can fucking basically, as my instructor said, fly like an asshole, which is stab the thing forward, you know, I don't think in any of them, you really should be doing any sort of quick fucking movements. I don't think quick movements in any aviation is never fucking good unless you're getting shot at and you're in a fucking F16. But any sort of mass bumping, low G, none of that, that's all taken off the table. But the problem is to buy one of those. They're like well over a million dollars. So that kind of bugged me. So I just kept doing my research and I found this French helicopter. I'm going to say it wrong. It's G U I M B A L Gambal Cabri G2. And it's a little more expensive than the one that I fly. It has a fully articulated main rotor system and then all these other features. I forget what you call it when. When the. The tail rotor is completely enclosed. You know, one of the major causes of death is like people walking into the fucking rear tail rotor. You they just. I don't know, they just don't see it. This is why you have a passenger. You have to tell them to stay in the fucking thing until they shut it off. Because I don't. I still don't know how you walk into a fan that's making that much noise. But they do it. They solve that. They got like these. I don't. These rubber bushings and all this shit that, you know, like, if you land, you're not going to turn your spine. If you have a hard landing, you're not going to turn your spine into goddamn, you know, gunpowder. I really wish I had the article here. All of this that they had. It's basically, they looked at what I flew and they addressed everything. And then for an extra, you know, half a bag of cash, you can fly this thing and not have to deal with any of these fucking safety issues. And I looked it up, and basically, the only problem with it is because it's so safe now, people are flying like assholes. And they've had three of them crash. And one of this, one of the guys that crashed, I don't want to laugh, because I don't know if they died or not, but what they. It's still a carbureted engine, right? So you can deal. You know, you always have to pull your carburetor here because you don't want to fucking. If it freezes up on you, the engine shuts off. And, you know, you don't have to know a lot about aviation. That that's not a good thing. So what this fucking guy did was to show somebody that this. You can fucking stab the stick forward. He stabbed it forward and started, like, nose diving down. And because of the way the fuel line was, it caused not enough fuel to be going through the carburetor. And he stalled. Why do people do that? If I ever got one of those things, I would still fly it the way I fly the thing that I fly now. And I would just feel lucky that, you know, God forbid, if I was ever flying and I hit some turbulence that caused, you know, the helicopter to fucking nose over or something like that. I don't have to worry about me rolling to the right and having to remember to slowly go aft cycle to fucking reload the thing. I mean, that actually affects, like, where I fly out here, the time of year. Like, I won't go out into, like, the fucking desert or something like that during the summer because I don't need all that fucking turbulent air throwing me around, knowing at any Second, I could start rolling to the right. I just don't want to deal with that shit. So I find this fucking thing. Now the only downside that I found, there's always a downside, right, Is that this thing, because it's European, the main rotor actually spins the other way, which I didn't think would be that big a deal. But what it actually does is, is all my muscle memory is for a main rotor that goes counterclockwise. This spins clockwise. So all the times when I think left pedal, it's now right pedal. But I talked to my instructor, he said it's about three hours and you.

[Nia]

Start getting it down and then you're fine.

[Charlie]

But then, you know, three hours. I mean, three hours I get to fly in a helicopter. I have a great fucking time and then I just keep flying the same one every time. Then I get it down, then I have this really safe thing that I can fly around. It's got a little compartment you can put stuff in. It's a little fucking two seater. Check it out. G U I M b a l cabri c a b r I g 2 I mean, I think they're the shit. There's always concerns with any fucking new helicopter, whatever, but I just feel like it addressed all the safety issues that fucking, you know, anytime I solo, I'm just thinking about that, which is good because I had, you know, the guys who trained me were great. So I'm always thinking about that shit and. But you know, you read up on it a lot and it becomes like this fucking terrifying thing that I really don't feel like. I don't feel like dealing with. So I don't know, I just, you know. You know what I really wish? I just wish fucking schools around here start buying those things so I can rent those instead. Because, I mean, it's still too much money. It's too much fucking money. But I'm just saying, you know, in a fantasy world, I would have one of those and I'd ride a Ducati to it with an airbag suit on and there'd be no bus to run me over if I ever fucking laid it down. But we all know that that's not the case. So, you know, maybe I'll just get a poster and put it on the wall in my garage. That's what ends up being a married guy is in your garage you have a poster of all this shit you'd buy if you didn't have the responsibilities. Oh God, that's. That. That actually made me a little sad. All right, F. I know this is some people up in Oregon that sell them, I believe they finally, they got, I guess, rated over here, whatever the terminology is. But I fucking love them. And it's a great looking helicopter too. I fucking love them, man. I'm hoping more. So I'm just giving them free advertising, hoping more people start to use them. All right, F1A there, Billy boy. Mercedes has 1500 people working on two cars simultaneously, 1498 of which probably went to prestigious colleges and graduate schools of none of which get to race these cars. The two employees that race these inverted rocket ship cars hated school as kids. At least Lewis Hamilton admitted to it. Your thoughts? Oh, what, that the Tom Brady gets all the fucking credit? Well, yeah, absolutely. This is, this is like white hidden figures. The end of the day, the person that gets in the fucking rocket, you know, be it the monkey, the dog, or a fucking human being who gets in the thing and actually fucking rides it. You know what, those 1498 people, if Lewis Hamilton had a fatal fucking accident, they have the luxury of walking around away from it feeling bad that it happened, whereas Louis would be dead. So that's why he gets to bang Rihanna. I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I thought you were going to explain why the Mercedes team and the Ferrari team are so much, you know, better than everybody else. But on the more I read about F1, it seems like people go through phases. Like I said, Red Bull won three years in a row. McLaren used to be the shit. Martini Williams had their run. So I don't know, maybe this is just the era of the Mercedes and, you know, Ferrari's been doing shit for a long time, obviously. God, it's the biggest understatement ever. I'll never forget the look on that guy's face when I said, good race. After Montreal, when they came in like eighth or. No, he came in like fourth. Just watching the guy go. Vettel go from the back all the way up to almost a podium is what I was trying to say. And this guy fucking looked at me, I thought it was a dead man. Anyways, he goes, lots of luck at Count Basie Theater. Hope you kill it. Will not be in attendance due to, you guessed it, school chow. All right, Father and son circumnavigate, navigating globe in a helicopter. Well, how the fuck do you do that? You'd have to go up to Alaska, cross over to Russia. I got to see this. Hey, Bill. Thought you might find this interesting. Canadian father and son are circumnavigating the globe in a helicopter. Here's a link to the article. Oh, that's nothing about that. Helicopter is. It can fly up to like five hours. Where the one I fly, I mean, two and a half hours. Then you put it on the ground. So I don't know. It's fucking amazing. Oh, now look at this. I got a copy. And past this, let's stay patient. Let's just. Just note this thought here. You're sitting on the bus watching the train. Not on the bus. I'm sitting on a train bench waiting for a bus, watching the traffic going by. Oh, come on, you fucking cunt. Is it that difficult? All right, take off a helicopter. Father and son team begin global odyssey. Dude, look at their fucking helicopter. Holy shit. Wow. Yeah, these guys are the real deal though. Do they get sponsors? Look at their fucking flight suits. Bob and Steve Dengler embark on a 39,000 kilometer trip around the world to celebrate Canadian history and support charities. That's kind of annoying. Flying to your country and they celebrate in Canada. Go fuck yourself. Celebrate the world or fly around us. For a year and a half, my father, Bob and I have been planning and organizing a journey we call C150 Global Odyssey. It was. It's the first Canadian circumnavigation of the globe by helicopter and the world's first ever father son aerial circumnavigation. I don't give a shit about all this other than your plan. Oh, here we go. Here we go. Oh, you know what? I guess they're cool with Russia. They're cool with Russia. So they're. I don't know where they're going to. Okay, they start the start finish, but looks to be somewhere in the Toronto area. All right, so they're going to zigzag across. Oh, they're going the other way. They're going to zig over, over to the fucking Maritimes, up to fucking Greenland. Jesus, that's fucking scary right there. Over that fucking ice cold water, then Greenland of fucking Iceland. How long is that flight? Iceland over to fucking Ireland, down into Paris, across Europe, across fucking. No, I'm sorry, England. That's England there. Okay, Then they go across to Eastern Europe, then right through Moscow to Russia, right back over to fucking cross over to Alaska and then they come back down to Vancouver, up to fucking Yellowknife for whatever fucking reason. I guess they're celebrating Canada. You have to go over those fucking Rocky Mountains, dude. That's scary. We start in Vaughan and our first stop is the Canadian Aviation and Space Museum in Ottawa, where a grand send off is planned. From there, we fly east along St. Lawrence to Newfoundland. I guess I could have read this instead of trying to guess with their map. North along the Keys of Labrador to Ikwa, Luit, Iqaluit, east then through Greenland and Iceland and the Faroe Islands to the uk, Then through Europe and into Russia. A full third of our trip is through Russia, exclamation point. They're excited because they're Canadian. They get along with people. We return to northern North America via Alaska and then zigzag in Canada to visit as many places as possible. We finish up back in Vaughan, taking 35 to 40 days in total. We'll be flying some of the far, most far flung and beautiful places in Canada and drinking deeply from its diverse beauty. Oh, I thought they'd be boozing. I was like, these guys are nuts. Urban skylines, Arctic seas, winds. Ah, you motherfucker. God bless these two. What a great fucking thing to do. More importantly, what kind of helicopter is that? That's a fully articulated rotor system. No fucking rolling over the right as your dad's sliding into you. Holy shit. That's fucking amazing. I want to keep up on them. When do they say they're doing it? Starting July 1st. They're already off on their way. Can I follow it?

[Bill Burr]

They're like dad and son Amelia Earhart.

[Charlie]

Except they're going to make it, right? All right, well, good for them. But a helicopter talk this week. All right, here we go. Weird new new co worker. Hey, Billy, hold your nuts. I might have gone over the line at work and want to know your or Nia's input would be. Would be on this. Okay, long story short, I essentially quit my job today because a coworker was taking pictures of me. Before you jump to any conclusions, hear me out and you might agree with me in the end. I already. I don't like that somebody's taking it. Sounds like you didn't want your picture taken. This Monday we got a new employee that basically acts like she's in a reality show. The first day I thought she might be joking around by doing the classic, go from one person to the next and whisper. Turning around, talk about the other employees in the room. Okay, go from one person to the next and whisper, turn around. Talk about the other employees in the room. Because she's already talking shit about everybody. But then I realized she's just crazy. She has taken pictures and videos of all the men at work and shared them with her. Snapchat or Instagram or whatever crap it is she uses to communicate with other people that are on her level. Sounds like she's trying to get a reality show herself and become famous or something. The first time she did this, she was standing a few feet away from me and did a 180 jump spin that would have made Dennis Rodman proud. And with her phone took a picture and said that one was for Instagram. It startled the hell out of me and I plainly said, don't take pictures of me. Over the day, she continued to take pictures of the rest of the guy without consent of course. And I got to see a couple of them. One was of my boss's ass with the text over it that said dat booty though. Oh God. This is. Yeah, this is somebody who just spends too much time on the Internet. I don't know why you quit your job. You should just go into. Don't you guys just go to hr? So the only thing that got finally got me was when I was restocking the shelves and realized after walking across the store that I felt I was being watched. I looked up and saw her grinning while holding her phone and I asked her if she had taken a video of me. She said she was taking a video of the rain outside and I happened to walk across cross the path. Obviously. Bullshit. I called her bluff and asked her to show me the video from the beginning. And it's clear that it starts and ends with me. 20 seconds of me wheeling merchandise around, you can barely see a window on the back where you can't even tell it's raining. She's standing 60ft away from the fucking window. All right, now before you say maybe she likes you, dude, I'm on your side and wants to see you. Let me be clear. No one is touching themselves to a video of a guy with a dad bod wheeling around merchandise. It's not that. And she knows I'm happy in my relationship with my longtime girlfriend. Regardless, I complained to my boss who after two days finally talked to her about it. And then she told me. She said I walked in front of a rain video she was making. I said if it was the other way around and it was a guy taking videos of women, I'm sure that would have been grounds for dismissal. Absolutely. I also forgot to mention that she went through my boss's text when he wasn't looking to see which women were talking to him. It pissed me off that he was more than willing to believe that she was suddenly a part time meteorologist than just believing me that it was the 40th video of that kind she was taking of us. So I kind of snapped and told him not to bother insulting our intelligence by trying to believe his excuse. And I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass. Wait. And I said, if she tells him the picture of his ass she took was intended to be a picture of morning fog until he got in the way to just keep it to himself, and I quit. Ah, dude, you snapped. You snapped. You know why? Sorry, dude, I got the volume up too high. You know why you snapped? Because, like me, you had expectations and you lost your patience, and that caused you to lose your fucking mind. And you know what? You're 100% in the right. At least I'm hearing your side of the. The story here. So what do you think? Did I go too far? Should I have given her time to adjust? I'm sure you deal with unwanted pictures of you every day, but I'm not famous and haven't done anything to deserve this. Yeah, I mean, exactly. That's it. I mean, you're not jumping around like a monkey on stage. I feel like I'm being followed by the worst PI and I can't help it. It gives me anxiety. As far as I know, she already has pictures of me with the eyes cut out at home. The way I see it, I'm not wasting time waiting until a co worker grows up to learn the difference between right and wrong. She happens to be 19, but I'm talking about mental maturity because I've worked alongside teenagers before who know perfectly well what the appropriate way to believe to behave at work is. And this job pays lousy enough that it's no big loss as far as I'm concerned. Thanks and hope you and Nia have a little. And the little one have a good 4th of July. You guys are a plus family as far as I'm concerned. Thank you very much. I agree with you 100%. The only thing is, she's 19, so I think they just need to talk to her. I wish she didn't quit your job, but it sounds like you're not really worried, so I don't think it was your dream job. I mean, maybe her behavior opened the door for something. You got to turn it into a positive. And you also have to learn like I'm trying to learn with my behavior in Verizon, in the fucking bank this week. You. You know, I. You know what it was was you asked her nicely, she ignored what you. What You. You. You asked her not to do you went to the person of authority and he swept it under the rug. And then that was enough to make you fucking snap. I completely understand that. I think your behavior is completely normal. I'm surprised you didn't tell your boss to go fuck himself. And but at the end of the day, you know, you don't have a job now, so. And you're actually a good guy. I mean, what did the guy say when you quit? He was all right with that. I think kids grow up today and they, because they so over share on all of these things, their boundaries with privacy is pretty much non existent. I mean there was like a famous woman took video of an older woman naked in the locker room going, oh my God, look at her old ass. And she got in like, and like she had no idea that like I said, why would you do that to somebody that somebody's mom or their grandmother. But I don't know, people are. I gotta be honest with you. It's bad enough when someone comes up to you and just takes a picture you don't want, but people walk up with the video already on. Yeah, yeah, I don't like that. And even with what I do because you know, they're usually an extremely selfish person and the whole moment is about them and you know, that whole, oh man, yolo, look at my life right now, shaking my head, whatever the fuck dumb that they're doing. It really is funny though, when you watch these kids on like Instagram and everything, everybody's acting like they have like a hit show and that they're like these celebrities themselves, like always taking like, you know, Snapchat pictures of like the food they're eating, the car that they're in, the view that they have. Everybody's like acting like, I don't know that they're flying. Everybody's trying to act like they're flying around a private jet. I don't understand it. But I'm also, I'm realizing that I'm fucking old. So I don't know. I don't know. I think, I think you reacted in a normal fucking way. I wish you didn't quit your job though, because I think you're 100% right. In the future I would just go to HR and when you're go to your boss when he doesn't, I would make a formal complaint and that would stop it and. But I know I would know at that point that I would hate that 19 year old so much that would be hard to even be around her. Like, I have a big I have a big issue with forgiving people. Like, once you're in. In the cunt column, it's, you know, it's kind of a life sentence. So there you go. Yeah. Move on with your life and just kind of learn from that shit. But good for you for speaking up. But don't do anything else. Don't go back to the fucking business like a lunatic and fucking key somebody's car or anything that just fucking walk away from it. All right? Girlfriend's opportunity. Hey, Billy Red Wings. So my girlfriend is really doing well at work. She's been offered a job in Switzerland. She would rather move in with me and stay in the United States. I feel that she's missing out on a great career opportunity and should go. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet. She's also considering leaving her job, too. I like our relationship, but I'm more practical. You should take advantage of things that come across in your life. What are your thoughts? My thoughts are you don't have the balls to break up with her and she's committing to you in a way that you're not prepared for. And you need to break up with her and tell her to go to Switzerland and not quit her fucking job. That was an easy one. I love her, but I'm not in love with her yet. And you're going to. Fuck. She's going to quit her job and move in with you because she's head over heels. Oh boy. Dude. Yeah. Tell her to go to Switzerland and fuck some blue eyed fucking specimen. A blue eyed blond head specimen and forget about you. All right? Girlfriend wants me to change my name. Dear Bill, I'm gonna. I'm a huge, longtime fan of yours from the younger generation. F1's. F1's for family is. Oh, F is for family. God, I can't read my name on my own fucking. That's an I. F is for family is fucking awesome. Can't wait for season three to come out to see what happens next. Well, thank you. I was hoping you could Give me your $0.02 on this situation. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful young lady for over two years now. We met at a community college in my state and hit it off really quickly. She's smart, outgoing, beautiful. Community college. Easy. Hey, hey. I don't know about the smart thing there, all right. No, I'm kidding. A lot of smart people go to community college. They do. They just fucking scatterbrained. A lot of dopes go there too. She's smart, outgoing, beautiful and has a great sense of humor. She's tall, slim, black girl, while I am a greasy haired Italian white guy and we get along great. The problem first started with my dad. He's a total racist and since we can't afford to put me in a real university, I have to live with him. I've tried to get him to change his ways, but it's like you said in your act, old men like him come from a different era. So there's probably zero chance they'll ever change his mind. Yeah, you can't change somebody's mind. They have to want to. I told my girlfriend how frustrating it is with him and she understands that even though my dad hates her and doesn't want us to be together, that I'm nothing like him. At least where it counts. Even though I can't stand my dad's attitude, I know that he only wants the best for me. So I try to be a good boyfriend and a good son while keeping my father and girlfriend separate from each other. We also spend time out at her or out at her place. And Shelley comes over to my place. My father is on a business retreat. Jesus Christ. This is complex. It's really inconvenient. But we've been making it work for over two years. In spite of the tribulation and we're still still going strong. It seems like I got everything figured out. All right. Jesus, this is a fucking long one. Seems like I got everything figured out, Bill. But here's where things get tricky. Since I'm his firstborn son, my dad named him after himself since same first name, middle name and last name. My girlfriend hates that the guy she's been in a serious relationship with for a long time has the same name as a cantankerous old racist dago. I like how you being racist about yourself. Greasy Italian dago. Anyways, who hates her sexy black ass for no justifiable reason. Jesus Christ, it sounds like bad fucking dialogue in a porno. She wants me to legally change my name completely. First, middle and last, so that there is no connection to my father whatsoever. When I asked her what name she thinks I should have. Dude, this is. I don't believe this. You got to be shitting me. She said I could change my last name to the same as her. Her name, last name, parentheses. What the fuck? I told her that if it would make her happy, I would be willing to change my name. But if I did that, my dad would feel betrayed. He would hate her even more for stealing away Stealing only son away from him and the rest of the family think I'm a total trying to dissociate myself from them, which is totally not the case. She got upset with me and has given me regular reminders since then that she's serious about wanting me to go through with this. This isn't the first time I've considered changing my name even before I started dating this woman. It's a very Italian sounding name. So what? You're very Italian that people always made fun of me for throughout school. So I've come to dislike it myself. Yeah, dude, you got a lot of self loathing going on here. Tynes are the shit. Who makes better food than you, huh? Japanese? No, this. You guys make like the best food on the fucking planet. The Ferrari to Ducati. You fucking women. The Mediterranean lifestyle. Daw. What are you. What are you walking away from here? So, Bill, what the fuck should I do here? How can I make things right with my girlfriend as well as my dad without accepting one party or the other? She. She stopped introducing me to people using my name and she only refers to me as my boyfriend. I've been able to circum. Circumvent hostility between my dad and my girlfriend before, but I've totally. I'm totally lost with this one. Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Sincerely. That's funny. And he fucking leaves his name off. Here's a deal too. First of all, this isn't about your dad and this isn't about your girlfriend. This is about you, okay? You date who the you want to date and your name is your name and your heritage is your heritage. All right, like what, what if her. Her parents didn't like you because you were white and you said, okay, you're named after your mom? I can't stand your mom. Change your name and I'm gonna pick the name and it's not gonna sound like, you know, I guess black people don't have their fucking ethnic names anymore, do they? Thank you. White people. But you know what I mean. Yeah, fuck that, dude. You can't do that shit. You can't do that shit. Fuck that. Your name is your name and you're Italian and you should be fucking proud of it, okay? And you're not your dad and she needs to fucking accept that you're not changing your fucking name and she has a problem. She can fucking walk away. She can fucking walk. All right, you know what you really need to do? You need to get out of your fucking house and you need to fucking build your own life, okay? And you need to be with somebody. Like, this is fucking nuts. Like, I gotta tell you, dude, like that, if you thought about. If that came from you, that's one thing. But the fact that she fucking wants you to do that, that's fucking insane. Don't do it. You know your. You're giving in to everybody else, and you're not. You're not staying true to yourself. You got to figure out what the fuck you want, and you have to be yourself. Jesus fucking Christ, man. Your dad is who the fuck he is. Your girlfriend is who she is. And you're who you are, okay? And you should be proud of who the fuck you are. Work on the stuff you need to work on and be proud of your heritage. I don't fucking get that at all. You know, I know a number of people, like, Italians. They. Ah, it's two. Two Italian. Sound of name. Who fucking. Who gives a shit? I don't understand. Like, I don't. I don't know. I wouldn't do that. I miss all the fucking ethnic names. Everybody homogenized their fucking names. I think it's interesting when you meet somebody that's like that. So I think you need to pump the brakes here, sir, all right? Because now it's getting fucking crazy. And. Yeah, don't do that to your dad. Don't change your fucking name. Who gives a shit? He's an old, crabby fucking racist. This is the deal, dude. He's gonna die someday, all right? And you're gonna continue on. So what you haven't done yet is you haven't created your own life. You're still living at home with this guy. So you have to fucking move out. All right? The name he gave you is the name that he fucking gave you. Don't change it because of his stupid fucking thoughts, okay? Embrace who the fuck you are. And if this woman. You can't fucking deal with it, tell her to walk. Tell her to fucking walk. You're young. There's plenty of fish in the fucking sea, you know? Jesus Christ, you're gonna fucking bend over that far. You're bending over backwards, flip you like your fucking gymnast. You know, when they do those things to hands, foot, hand, foot, hand, foot, all the way across the fucking diagonally across the goddamn matt. That. All of that. You know, I liked your girlfriend at first. By the end of this fucking thing, I didn't like her, okay? Because she's waging war with your dad through you. And you're innocent. All right?

[Bill Burr]

You're the guy taking her out for fucking ice cream.

[Charlie]

Why do you got to do all this shit? Yeah. No, I mean, Jesus Christ, her telling you to change your fucking name would be you telling her to go get a go. Can you get like a. Like a weave? Like a blonde weave or some shit like that? What the fuck? You got to be who the fuck you are. God bless you, you Talian son of a bitch. Stay true to your heritage. Stay true to your fucking name. Continue not to be racist and fucking just be yourself. Change your fucking name. Ah, Jesus Christ. Anyways, all right, that's the podcast for this week. I'll check in on you on Thursday. Have a happy, safe fourth of July. And if you're not in this country, enjoy your Tuesday. My.

[Podcast Announcer]

So if you're in the habit of putting people down just because they're different from the wrong side of town, I don't count only medals on their pinning, not on you for what you need, what you need, what you meet a the change of habit.