Loading summary
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 16, 2025. What's going on? How are you? How's it going, man? Geez. Last two weeks of Glengarry Glenn Ross coming up, week 15 of 16. I can't believe it.
Paul Verzi
I can't believe it's coming down to the end here. We got 16 more shows. Eight this week, eight next week.
Bill Burr
And that's gonna be.
Paul Verzi
Then there you have it. And there you have it. That's gonna be it. The fuck did I do to my leg?
Bill Burr
You know, beat a fucking ginger. I swear to God, the bruises and stuff.
Paul Verzi
I got clawed by a goddamn bear. The amount of time I. There's bruises on me and I don't know what it is, you know, what I usually end up doing. I just push down on it and then I. The pain of it reminds me of when it happened. And I got nothing for this one anyway. I got nothing. Dude. How about the fucking Florida Panthers? You know, game. What was it? Game four? Edmonton goes up late. They're up. What was it? Four to three. There's seconds left. And the Panthers score to tie it up. Four, four. They go into overtime. You know the Panthers are going to win. They're fucking relentless. But Edmonton somehow pulls it out, ties up the series two, two. And then I'm just sitting there going like, oh, my God, they're going back to Edmonton. Holy shit. Edmonton wins game one, loses game two, loses game three. Florida's looking to go up three games to one. They dig deep, win it in overtime, tie it two, two. Now they're going back to Edmonton. They have the momentum, and what does Florida do?
Bill Burr
Goes up there in their building and fucking beats them.
Paul Verzi
Jesus Christ. I'm really happy for Brad Marchant. He probably is going to get the MVP of this series if the Panthers win it. But you got to give it up to them, man. As much as I hate the fucking Panthers because they bounce my Bruins out of the playoffs to get two years in a row, they are a fucking championship squad. So I'm assuming game six is tonight, going back to Florida. And now Edmonton basically has to do what Florida did against Florida, which is a tall, tall order. What a fucking series. Like, I have no idea which way this is going to go. Like, if Edmonton wins tonight and they go back to Edmonton. Oh, my God, Game seven in Edmonton. Edmonton's going to win. Like, you can't even say that. Like, it wouldn't surprise me at all if Edmonton went down 1 in Florida, and then they went back to Edmonton and then Florida won it and then won the cup. It's been an incredible series. I haven't been keeping up with the NBA. I want to say the Pacers won game one and then lost the next two. And I don't know where that is right now. I have no idea. My brain is all over the place. And anyway. Oh, Freckles got back in the big gay gym. My lovely wife was out here and, you know, for my birthday weekend and all of that, we had such a fucking great time and everything and. But, you know, in that great time, you know, I wasn't going to the gym. I wanted to spend every second I could spend with her because I miss her so much. And, you know, kind of got back on the bread. It was my birthday. I had some desserts, you know, had a piece of cake. I had a fucking cupcake. You know, there was a bunch of.
Bill Burr
Little mini celebrations and. Oh, fatso fucking part took.
Paul Verzi
I didn't go crazy, though. But what I was happy was I was able to get right back off of sugar. I think I finally have it under control, unlike everything else in my. My life, that I have to just like quit cold turkey, you know. But I am psyched, though. I. I'm like completely off of sugar. Like now I look at candy bars, all of that. All of that crap I used to eat late at night. Like I was still, you know, in junior high, which I.
Bill Burr
If I really go back, that was my sugar addiction. It went way back to then, like, you know, like whenever you hear like.
Paul Verzi
Alcoholics going, like, I had my first drink when I was 12, you know, didn't seem like a big deal. Within a week, I was down in a bottle and a half of vodka every day before fucking recess, you know.
Bill Burr
That was like sugar. It was like. I think somewhere once I went into.
Paul Verzi
Junior high and you started to buy your own lunch and you had all those different options.
Bill Burr
Like there was days I would go up and for lunch, I would just get junk food. I would get a three pack of chocolate chip cookies, potato chips, and then a couple other things, and I would just fill my. If I didn't like the hot lunch that day, and I would just fill myself up with that shit and it didn't seem like a big deal. You know, you were young, you're running around, your stomach was flat, you didn't have a dad bod. You were in fucking junior high. And I had no idea that all those years later, like, I would, I would Be struggling because of the choices that I made in the early 80s. Like, 40 years later, more than 40 years later, I like. Well, I've been off it for, like, a couple of years now. And.
Paul Verzi
You know, I. I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing or what my life is right now. But I'm just trying to.
Bill Burr
I'm trying to get off of that shit. I'm trying to get off of, you know, bread.
Paul Verzi
I don't fuck with bread anymore because that's like poison and it makes you fucking fat.
Bill Burr
Like, it's so insane to me that the number one priority right now in this country is to get illegals out. But meanwhile, all the citizens can keep eating a food supply that has been turned into poison. Say what you want about these illegal immigrants, they didn't poison the food supply. You know, that was done by my people. Yeah. And all of these politicians that look the other way and let them do that, I would think that that was more of a priority. And then getting illegals out of there in a way that is not even legal. No due process, no anything. It is such an ugly, ugly time.
Paul Verzi
And the misdirection of all of this.
Bill Burr
And this whole idea that what they're selling, which is really my people, white people, what they're selling us, you know, that they're going to do this, and then somehow your life is going to improve. I don't understand. I don't understand it. That, like, the math just doesn't work out. Like, how is that going to help inflation? How is it going to help the common man? It isn't like, it just isn't. These billionaires have never wanted to pay you. They don't want to fucking pay you. And they're not going to start now with this horrible stuff that they're doing. Basically, the standing president has declared war on a city and a state trying to defund California. It's like, buddy, this is your offensive line. This is your buffer between here and China. You want to fucking destroy it? I don't know, but I completely understand it because I grew up with narcissists, and this is what they do. They have to destroy things. And there's also that thing of, like, you are who you hang out with. And this guy who's claiming to be a great American likes to hang out with ruthless dictators, North Korea and Russia. So, I mean, it really is fucking amazing to me that he can be doing all of these things while simultaneously having a Large group of my own people believing that he has a good heart. All I can say is I hope that they're right. I hope that they're right because this looks like pure evil to me. Anywho. And with that, happy. I did the Beacon Theater last night.
Paul Verzi
I did Stand up, did an hour and 15 minutes, man. And I didn't have any, like, you know, I was definitely looking at the paper because I had it like sort of. I didn't have it assembled in my head. Hour and 15. I had other jokes that I forgot to do or whatever. And I want to thank everybody that came out. Had a number of people from Glengarry came out, cast and crew, which was great. And Michael Che opened up and. Oh my God, he fucking murdered. He's been doing a bunch of stand up, I. I'm assuming because I think SNL's on break right now. And so I guess he's been going around. He must be doing stand up because his act was super tight. And as always, that kid has always had just like top shelf, A level material. So it was fun. I never done. I'd never done a gig with him, so that was a good time. So anyway, yeah, I had to do that because I gotta get ready for this international run that I'm doing right after. I don't know why the fuck I booked this right after this play. I'm such a fucking idiot. I just. I have to learn how to take a goddamn break. I literally. I don't know how to do it. Well, I do know how to do it, but then I sit there alone with my own fucking thoughts and it. They drive me insane. So just keep working. Just keep working. That's. That's our therapy. That's what we do.
Bill Burr
Bill, did I just say our therapy? Yeah, me and the voices in my head.
Paul Verzi
There you go. But anyway, I got. I tried a bunch of new shit last night and it was. It all went over really, really well. And a few things that I did was just shit that I never got to work. And last night it finally killed. But of course I didn't tape it. I never tape myself because I'm not going to listen to it. So it just becomes wasted space on me phone. Oh, I know what I wanted to talk about. Shout out to Japan. I somehow came across, you know, death scrolling. I came across this band, the Fishmans, from like the 1990s, and they sort of combined all of these different genres of music. I mean, I don't know what any of them are, you know what I mean? Like house dub, you know, acid jazz.
Bill Burr
I remember they were calling it that like once, whatever, acid jazz came out.
Paul Verzi
Like I stopped knowing what music is and then I. The genres of them or even being able to understand them. And like I was saying like a couple months ago, you know, that there's. There's like genres of music. I never even heard of. Shoegaze, I've never even heard of that. And so I'm like woefully behind. But I downloaded this album Long Season because they said it had one song on it, 35 minutes long and that.
Bill Burr
It was a masterpiece of whatever brand.
Paul Verzi
Of music that they were doing. And I put that song on and I was stretching in my apartment, you know, put on my workout clothes. I stretched in my apartment. Song is still going. I walked to the gym, it was still going. And I got like, you know, 20, I don't know, 30% into my workout and I listened to the whole thing.
Bill Burr
It was like I was like determined.
Paul Verzi
I'm like, I gotta listen. I'm gonna listen to a 35 minute song. And it was a hell of a ride. There's so many damn. So many goddamn talented people out there. But like they have, you know, they have a bunch of other songs that aren't as long, you know, I don't know, I'm going to start listening to them. I think they're a really. I don't know what your group, whatever the, Whatever the kids call them now, but also I gotta tell you, like, because nobody seems to want to pay for music anymore. I miss downloading an album that is like 39, 40 minutes long. You know, they always have to add all these bonus tracks and then all of a sudden you go to download it and it's like an hour and 20 minutes. Like, I don't want to listen to a fucking hour and 20 minutes to anybody. An hour and 20 fucking minutes. I swear to God, they. I think they're doing it, so maybe you're more apt to buy it because you feel like you're getting more. But I also feel it's like Apple filling up their own phones so you have to go buy a new one.
Bill Burr
You know what I mean?
Paul Verzi
Like, I don't need an hour and 20 minutes of Adam Ant, you know, I just need Goody Two Shoes and a couple of fucking deep cuts and I'm good.
Bill Burr
You know what I mean?
Paul Verzi
I don't need, you know, you know, 2 hours and 40 minutes of Taylor Dane, the extended greatest hits fucking version.
Bill Burr
I mean, I love AC DC, but I don't want an hour and 20 minute version of outtakes of Back in Black. It's like, why do I need the out? You mean the shit that they thought wasn't good enough for the album? Why would I do that? Like, I never understood that.
Paul Verzi
Like.
Bill Burr
Like when an artist dies, like Jimi Hendrix or Miles Davis, they're probably two of the people that have had. Had the most goddamn Tupac, the most.
Paul Verzi
Fucking album they have.
Bill Burr
Like, more albums come out after they die than when they were alive. And it's like when they were alive, they made a decision to not put this shit out because they didn't want people to hear it because they didn't think it was good enough. Like, so what the. What am I listening to? That should be the album. Miles Davis shit I didn't like. But I get it on the other side that he's now gone. You're never going to hear him play the trumpet again. So you want to, like, listen to. I don't know, what were some of the things that he didn't like. It gives you a more rounded 360 degree version of him, man. Yes. I was yawning during that and I just chose to fucking plow through it.
Paul Verzi
So anyway, for some reason, I cannot get to sleep until fucking three in the morning. I just cannot do it. I don't. I'm just like fucking wide awake. And then I wake up five hours later. I had one cup of coffee yesterday. Like, it. That should not. It's never affected me like that. I think it's starting to. So.
Bill Burr
Oh, boy. Is this going to be another thing that I get to quit? Is this the next thing, Next thing, next thing to quit.
Paul Verzi
Anyway, so today at the big gay.
Bill Burr
Gym, you know, we're halfway through Pride, fellas, I got to tell you, it's been like, really fucking. It's been kind of chill.
Paul Verzi
Like I thought I was like, oh, my God, this neighborhood's gonna be going fucking crazy.
Bill Burr
It's been very, like, you know.
Paul Verzi
Subdued.
Bill Burr
I don't know, maybe gay people. Is something coming that we don't know, you know, something on the horizon. I'm looking at gay people. Like how you look at a dog. Like when a dog gets a little weird because it can sense a tornado's coming or an earthquake's coming before you can like. It's been a very subdued Pride Month. Do they know something that straight people don't like? What is happening right now? Anyway, so I'm starting to pack up.
Paul Verzi
Stuff in my corporate apartment and shipping it back west, which has Been really exciting that this is going to come to an end. As much as I have enjoyed it, it's time to me to go back and be a husband and a father full time again. It's been a hell of an experience. I don't know, I don't know how I would ever try and do this again. It was awesome. And it was also too long to be away. And I am ready to go back and I'm ready to do a few international dates and then not do for the rest of the year. I just want to be with my wife, my best friend and, and my kiddos for the rest of the year. And like I said, all I got, I have one acting gig, like a 30 day commitment or whatever and I have nothing for the rest of the year. And I think for the first time I might put my freckled feet up and see what that's like and sit in my demons and try to keep it. Bam. I go back to therapy and then all I want to do is just hang out with my lovely wife, have fun with her and go swimming with the kids and all of that. That is it, that is it. But I will never forget this experience. And I'll tell you, I haven't done the Beacon in forever. In forever. And it took me back like one of the last times I did the Beacon, I did this benefit and I swear to God this was the lineup. Max Weinberg and his band were live on stage. Jon Stewart hosted. The first person he brought up, I don't remember what it was a benefit for. The first person he brought up was Tony Bennett, rest his soul. And Tony goes out there, absolutely murders. And his voice sounded like the early 1960s. It's one of the greatest, first of all, one of the great voices of all time, but also like how long it was great was incredible. And while he was singing, I'm standing side at the side of the stage watching him sing. And standing within earshot of me is Bruce Springsteen. And Bruce is saying, how the hell am I going to follow this?
Bill Burr
Okay, so Tony ends his thing, place goes crazy.
Paul Verzi
John goes back out, kills, and then brings out Bruce Springsteen. Place goes nuts. And then Bruce is like sliding around on his knees, jumping up on the piano, going nuts. Like he's playing Giant Stadium.
Bill Burr
In fucking.
Paul Verzi
At the Beacon.
Bill Burr
So just to recap, Max Weinberg band kills it. Jon Stewart kills the band, you know, starts playing music. Tony Bennett comes out, kills, and then Bruce Springsteen goes out and kills. And then they brought out Joe McHale, who was new to stand up, and he had to go, oh, I forgot. They auctioned off Bruce Springsteen's guitar and somebody in the crowd paid like 100 grand for it or whatever. And then they brought Joe McHale out. Who. I think. I mean, with that. I mean, that might be one of the greatest. Who did you have to go on after? It was so funny that I don't know why they didn't have me go on first or Joe go on first, then do Tony, then do Bruce and. But they didn't. For whatever reason, they put Tony on first, then they put Bruce, then they put Joe, and then they put me. It didn't even make any sense. And me and Joe, we're just laughing. Why would they do this? I don't understand. Like, don't they stand. Like, how you. How you do a show? You don't have Metallica go on first and. And then have the local band try to mop up after. That's what me and Joe were that night. And it's kind of funny is I run into him every once in a while and that that night still comes up. We're sort of forever bonded by the fact that both of us got to go on that night, and we weren't Joe and we weren't Bill. We were just not Tony and not Bruce. So we went on in the middle. Oh, you know, it was a great tour that night is. I got to hear Tony Bennett ask Joe McHale if he could get a copy of the second season of Community, because he was the. A fan of the show, which I thought was so, like. So like, grounded him and normalized him.
Paul Verzi
Oh, whatever. Like, wow.
Bill Burr
He really. He's just a. When he's not Tony Bennett, he's binge watching shows just like everybody else.
Paul Verzi
So anyway.
Bill Burr
After Joe went out in the toughest fucking toughest nights ever, went out, did his thing, then they brought me out. I go out, I'm doing my thing, and as I'm doing it, I look to the right, and this is the first time I ever worked with Jerry Seinfeld. He was closing, so maybe that's what they were doing. They were like, we have all these legends. Let's sandwich these two other guys in the middle. And I remember being on stage and looking, and they had like this light on the side of the stage, and.
Paul Verzi
Like, Jerry was, like, backlit, and it.
Bill Burr
Was like this iconic silhouette. Like, it was just. I mean, obviously I knew that he was there, but he was also, you know, it was and is Jerry Seinfeld. So even his silhouette, like, I Knew it was him. I'm sitting there going, that's fucking Jerry Seinfeld. And I'm out here dropping these F bombs. He must hate me right now. He must hate me beyond the fact that I'm not Tony Bennett or Bruce Springsteen. So I finished my thing and I.
Paul Verzi
Got off stage and I walked by.
Bill Burr
Jerry and I didn't even want to say anything.
Paul Verzi
I was like, I just thought he thought I would stink. And I remember he just went, very funny, very funny. And I said, alright, yeah, yeah. I go, sorry about those F bombs. And he just goes, oh, I don't care. And remember, it made me respect him so much as a comedian because I was just like, yeah, of course he doesn't care because he's always worked clean. He's had to go on after guys way dirtier than I am. Back when no one knew who he was and he was performing and, you know, closing out a show in a bar in New Jersey, having to go on after some local hack, did all the local references and probably ended with his I went to the proctologist bit. You know, he had to follow all of that. Of course it wouldn't bother him. But anyway, that's what I was thinking about last night when I was at that theater. And then backstage is they have all of these incredible photos of all of the people that have played there, of course, the Allman Brothers and all of their shows. Speaking of Jerry, Jerry did a whole run there. All these SNL alumni that have done like shows there. I also want to say that's the place where Steve Martin, unretired from doing Stand Up. I think that that's what it was. It was just a really legendary venue to do. And I just want to thank everybody that came out last night. And I'm so psyched that it went as well as it did and that I can. I've been doing stand up long enough and I respect stand up enough that I keep. I don't take long breaks from it. Other than the pandemic, that was the only time I did because for the first three months there was nothing. But I want to thank PJ Landers and everybody down at the Comedy Village for. That's been my go to club, you know, because I, I get off stage, you know, and the Club's on like 44th between 8th and 9th and we're on 49th and 7th. So the amount of nights that I've gone over there and it's really also helped my mental state where like I realized pretty quickly that, you know, Doing the Broadway play and the high of that and coming out for the curtain call and the standing ovation and all of that, to just sort of come directly home to this apartment is like, you know, pulling the emergency brake emotionally. That going down to his club, hanging out with him, talking. I know him since back the Boston Comedy club days, like I, you know, reminiscing with him, you know, talking about the old days or just shooting the shit about whatever happened that day and then meeting newer, younger comics and stuff and, you know, and then going on stage and trying out new shit and everything. It's. It's been like a really. It's really been a lifesaver. So thank you to PJ and everybody down there at the Comedy Village. Check it out on 44th street between 8th and 9th. All right? And with that, let me do some reads here for the, for the podcast Meundies.
Bill Burr
It says, whoa, guess who's back? Back again. Meundies is back. Tell a friend. Guys, let's talk about the real MVP of your wardrobe. The one thing that should never let you down. Your underwear. If you're anything like me, cough, cough. It's time for. It's time for an upgrade. And I did with the ultra modal. Modal. Oh, my God. Modal. I'm just saying. Modal. Ultra modal ball caddy boxer briefs from me undies. What do they got, like a zipper pouch around them like on a golf bag? Will you keep your Bulls ball caddy is really the perfect way to describe how this feels. Why would you call it a ball caddy? You mean the guy who's standing there with your clubs? What is he now cupping my balls? Um, well, it is pride month. These are the softest, most comfortable underwear I've ever owned. You know what? I bet there's another definition for caddy. Um, these game changing briefs. You know what? Fuck this. I'm gonna. I'm look up. I'm gonna look up this goddamn word. I'm gonna sit right down and look up this goddamn word. I'm sick of being confused. In life, there's, there's, there's a statement for you. I'm sick of being confused caddy. Oh, a small storage container. Oh, they're saying you got little pools. Typically one with divisions. Oh, this ball goes in here and that ball goes over there. Well, what do you know? I didn't know that. Hey, me undies. I'm really sorry. Once again, it was me. All right, just for that, you're going to get a nice reread Here. Me undies. Whoa. Guess who's back Guys, Let me talk about the real MVP of your wardrobe. The one thing that should never let you down. Your underwear. If you're like me, cough. Cough. It's time for an upgrade and I did with the ultramodal ball caddy boxer briefs from Meundies Ball caddy. It's the really perfect way to describe how it feels. There's a compartment for each one of my nuts there. These are the softest, most comfortable underwear I've ever owned. Yeah, it's usually just a pouch and they just fucking throw your balls in there like a mass grave. It's nice that now your balls can fly first class like you have your own little room. You know with a nice lie flat seat for your nuts individually. All right. Pick out a movie. Your balls can watch a movie as you move about your day. These game changing briefs are designed for next level support. No squishing, no sticking, just pure cloud like comfort. This is like when your parents would separate you because you kept fighting. You sit over there. Stop touching each other. Leave each other alone. Sorry. Hit the microphone there. Style for everyone. Meundies has a cut for every guy's butt. B U T t with over 10 different styles ranging from boxer briefs to jock straps to our special pouch underwear called ball caddy that keeps you from bat winging ever again. Are you going to lift and separate my nuts? Is that what we're doing here? A push up bra for your balls there. Unmatched comfort me undies signature softer than soft. Ultra modal fabric is breathable. Stretchy and oh so comfy. Making it ideal for all day wear. Responsibly sourced. No dolphins were killed making these lift and separate nuts Ball caddies. They use sustainably sourced materials and work with partners that care for their workers. Problem free philosophy. Not happy with your first pair of undies? It's on Meundies. Slide into game changing comfort with Meundies. Support the show by going to meundies.com burr and using my code burr burr to get 20% off your first order plus free shipping. That's meundies.com brrrr code brrrr for 20% off free shipping Meundies comfort from the outside. Now I have to see how do you is caddy C A D D Y is the person that carries your club's caddie. Is that what it is? C A D D I E. Let's see what this is. Caddie. A person who carries a golfers clubs and provides other assistance during a Match, like cupping your balls. Hey, man, it's full service, bro. Whatever you need. Whatever you need. All right, well, that is good to know. That is good to know. I learned something today. I hope you guys did, too. All right, now, thankfully, we get into your guys, wonderful questions for the week. All right. Predictive text. Bill, I really hate that my phone and laptop use predictive text. I can't even shut the function off on one of my programs.
Paul Verzi
Oh, I know.
Bill Burr
Yeah. Especially if you write a lot of crazy shit and you're trying to write a word in a funny way, like an accent or something, and then it just becomes something completely different. For me, that. For me, it's really frustrating because I'm usually trying to make a joke and every word is critical. And they just. They're sort of the comedy cock block, the predictive text. Anyways, the person says, if you don't know what it is, it's the feature that fills in the word that it thinks you're going to type. It's a really simple way for them to dumb us down. I know. It's like being in a relationship with someone that thinks they know what you're going to say, so they start interrupting you. I knew somebody like that. They used to always interrupt. I go, you don't want to let me finish? He goes, well, it's because I feel like I already know what you're going to say. Narcissist.
Paul Verzi
Another one. All right.
Bill Burr
Yeah. It really is weird that there's no option to shut that off. But wait, maybe you just couldn't find it. Why don't we ask the nerds out there? Like, what about the nerd that actually created it and then, like, never got credit for it? I should even say nerd. What about the smart guy? What about the smart woman who came up with the smart. They. Whoever came up with this thing, you must have designed some sort of back door, right?
Paul Verzi
So you could shut it off.
Bill Burr
I really like that about computer programmers, how they program in some sort of.
Paul Verzi
Back door that if they ever want to get back in there again, they can, you know, so if you ever, like.
Bill Burr
Like, if someone was designing whatever.
Paul Verzi
I mean, I don't know what the terminology is, but if I had a business and they were designing some sort of system for my office, I would just assume that they have some sort of back door in there and that I need to make sure that this person is taken care of. They get the money that they were promised, I give them a little bonus, you know, because hell hath no fury. Like a nerd scorned.
Bill Burr
They will destroy your business. They'll destroy your life.
Paul Verzi
You know.
Bill Burr
They'Ll have kids with 14 different women.
Paul Verzi
You know, they're.
Bill Burr
They're. Nerds are really out of control. When did nerds start acting like number one draft picks? It's really insane. All right, new phones, Billy. Nitwit. Hey, man, not that dumb. Have you seen these new phones that have simple screens and less features?
Paul Verzi
No, but that's really amazing to me.
Bill Burr
I've been advertised. I've been advertised them a lot recently, and I'm very close to making the switch. You can do email and listen to music. It's just not built to stare at all day. What would stop you from making the switch? If you ever need video or conference call, you can just keep your old phone and use it on WI Fi. Well, that's like, you could just have heroin on the side. What's stopping me from making the switch? This sounds like an advertisement. The fact that I'm in this business and I don't watch tv, I don't watch the news, I don't really interact with my fellow man other than when I'm on, like, social media, seeing what people are posting.
Paul Verzi
The only news I read is Le Parisien. I mean, that's how I learned that there was this horrible stuff going on between Israel and Iran. I mean, Jesus, did you see the video footage of just all of those missiles they were shooting at each other? It's. It's just. It's just insane. It's insane. You know, it's one of the great things about travel. You know, I went to Tel Aviv one time.
Bill Burr
I stayed in Jaffa.
Paul Verzi
And when I was there, this is something as an American, I didn't know. I thought the Palestinians on one side and I thought the Israelis were on another, and in Jaffa and all that, they were mixed. There was Palestinian people, there was Israeli people, and everybody was cool, and they were all just walking around and everything.
Bill Burr
Was fine, and the food was amazing.
Paul Verzi
The cigars were incredible.
Bill Burr
It was great, and it was beautiful.
Paul Verzi
And everybody was beautiful over there. And, like, I don't know, to just see, like, all of those.
Bill Burr
I always think about all of those.
Paul Verzi
People that I saw and just thinking that they're just caught in the middle of these fucking sociopaths at the top. These psychos who. They. All they do is just, like, stir shit up. Like, look, what this.
Bill Burr
Like.
Paul Verzi
Like our standing president. Like, what is he doing? He just wants unrest. And he had a big birthday party.
Bill Burr
For himself, a Big military parade. I don't understand, like, he's a billionaire. I don't understand why these billionaires are so goddamn. What are they so upset about? Is it because they got a billion dollars? And they realize. What we all realize is that money doesn't buy. Can't buy happiness. And they just kept getting more and more of it. And like, nobody knows that more than a billionaire. I can tell you the secret to happiness is helping out other people, being empathetic, forgiving people, and taking responsibility for.
Paul Verzi
Things that you've done that have hurt other people. And you know, and as an older person, if you know, you're an empty nester and you just feel like I don't have any purpose anymore. Like, you can help out younger people and that can be your purpose for the rest of your life. That, you know, you were a young person, then you got married, then you had kids, you raised these kids. You made all the sacrifice. They're these great productive people in society. And then your final act is that you can do everything you can to help out other people so that their lives were easier than yours. And if you're doing that, like, what you get out of that? Like, I don't know, like, why aren't we going more towards that? Why are we just letting our school systems go to shit? Why are we letting our food supply go to shit? Why are we doing this to each other? It just doesn't. None of this makes any sense. And the more you travel and the more you meet people, the more insane this handful of people that run every country seem to you. I mean, that's just my opinion. What the fuck do I know? But anyway, that's why I'm not gonna.
Bill Burr
Make the switch to the other phone.
Paul Verzi
I don't know how I got to that. If I wasn't in this fucking business, I would love to do that.
Bill Burr
You know what?
Paul Verzi
I know I would maybe do that. And then maybe it would cause me to be more active on social media and I would just make videos every once in a while so I would stay relevant, I guess. I don't fucking know. That's a great question. Have you been seeing these new phones?
Bill Burr
Simple screens. Now, are they called like, you know, this is called a smartphone. Is that called a smarter phone or is it called a dumber phone? I guess it all depends on who.
Paul Verzi
Does the marketing on it.
Bill Burr
That's very interesting.
Paul Verzi
Thank you for the heads up on that.
Bill Burr
All right, market basket.
Paul Verzi
Oh, this is nice.
Bill Burr
Hey there, Crimson Yeller.
Paul Verzi
Crimson Yeller.
Bill Burr
That's like a Fucking name in a script. I'll tell you right now, there was. There has been a lot of bad mo foes in this country, in this town. But I'll tell you right now, ain't none of them go out can hold a candle to old Crimson Yeller. You'd hear him before you saw Love the podcast. Been a listener for years. Have you heard anything from the family back east about the board of the grocery store chain Market Basket trying to oust CEO Arthur T. Demoulis again?
Paul Verzi
No, but I love stories like this.
Bill Burr
I love watching those corporate guys when they turn their evil on each other. This guy's a rare breed. He actually treats his employees well. Oh, no, I'm on the wrong side of this. Well, of course he is.
Paul Verzi
He's easy.
Bill Burr
He's a Greek guy. You know, guys know about family, they don't. They know how to live. Paul Versi. Paul. Paul Verse. He is Greek. One of my great friends in this business, One of my great friends growing up was Greek. Nicky the Greek. This guy's a rare breed. He actually treats his employees well, keeps prices affordable and runs the supermarket like he gives a damn about middle class families. Man, can we use a lot more of that. This guy's a Saint. Back in 2014, when the board tried to push him out the first time, the employees walked out. Not just the execs, but the cashiers, stock clerks, warehouse guys, the whole crew. See, there you go. See all this love and adoration that this guy running the country wants? If he just treated people well, you'd get it. You don't have to fucking rub people's faces and shit. Anyway, they stood in parking lots holding signs and refused to work until he was brought back. And it worked. They chose their CEO over the board because the guy had always had their backs. Now it seemed like the board's back at it, trying to push him out, to chase higher profits or whatever the hell they think is more important than loyalty and people being able to afford groceries. Will this shit ever end? Yes, it will. Yes, it will. Decency will win. You have to think that way. And you know, it starts with you and how you treat other people. And just because the leaders of the world right now are being so heartless to one another, to.
Paul Verzi
To regular people walking down the goddamn.
Bill Burr
Street, doesn't mean you have to be. And I just feel like that's the.
Paul Verzi
Balance of the universe, that the more evil they go, the nicer we should be to one another. And it's just like, you're not going to get me to hate undocumented immigrants. You're not going to get me to hate Mexicans. You're not going to get me to hate Chinese people. It's like, I know what the problem is. It's not them, okay? It's not any race or anything like that. It's a small group of people, the people that run shit in every country. Everybody runs leads by division in fear and all of that. I just, I don't understand. It never will. All right.
Bill Burr
He says, will this ever end?
Paul Verzi
Yes, I feel it will.
Bill Burr
I guess the board needs a bigger yacht and the only way to get.
Paul Verzi
This is over the common man.
Bill Burr
All the best to you and the family.
Paul Verzi
Wish I was able to get down to see Glengarry before it ends. Congratulations on all that. Well, thank you.
Bill Burr
Well, maybe you guys can go outside and protest and you know, shame those people for, for doing what they're doing to this guy, Arthur T. Demolis.
Paul Verzi
I hope I said his name right. No disrespect intended. Doing human beings and the Greeks proud. I will tell you. That's why when I have the option of going to a mom and pop place or a bigger place, I go to the mom and pop place. Because you just get better service because you mean something to them. And you know, fuck the convenience of a box store. You know, out in la, when I snuck back for my lovely wife's birthday, I've never missed it. I never will. I flew back out there for her birthday and came back and I took my, my daughter to a Target. And their new thing is they, they you don't get a ticket they. Or something like that to go into the parking. They're like photographing like your license plate and stuff like that. And I don't know, just this constant surveillance in face recognition and all of this police state stuff that they're moving towards. And you watch, you know, Democrats and Republicans just keeping their mouths shut about this is insane. And the danger of all of this is it's going to. I think the reason for it is to stop any sort of rebellion against their out of control greed before it even starts. Because in order to like have some sort of effective rebellion, they can't know where you are and know what you're doing and knowing what you're planning. But your phone's listening to you, your TV's taking pictures of you. They got face recognition, they, they track you, they can find you all that's why they eventually want to microchip you.
Bill Burr
Because the second you become a problem, they just Go, well, where is he? Go pick him up.
Paul Verzi
And I have to be honest with you, what you see ICE doing right.
Bill Burr
Now as a white person when you.
Paul Verzi
Watch that, you have to take yourself out of the fact that you know you're a citizen and that you're white. And you have to see yourself in what's happening to those people watching their families being ripped apart. Because this is how these psychos do this. They start with a impoverished group of people with no power that doesn't look like the masses. So you don't see yourself. And what, by allowing them to do what they're doing and throwing all the rights into the ocean of those people, we are inadvertently co signing eventually to normalize that. And I mean literally to have our own troops going into our own city, not to defend it, but to go in and get people and remove them and do all of that. I mean, it's just like, like the Pandora's box that you're opening and how easily they will just, then they'll, you know, when eventually they get to my people, white people, they will, they will divide us and subset us. And you'll just keep sitting there as the water is rising, going, well, that, that won't affect me. That won't affect me. That won't affect me. And then that's game, set, match. All right, that's my dark thought for a Monday.
Bill Burr
All right. Existential question about serious topic. All right. Hey, Bill, Just as sickened as you seeing people ripped from their families.
Paul Verzi
I hate the government.
Bill Burr
If the federal government didn't have all that power, we'd be in a better spot. Well, I would say if the federal government.
Paul Verzi
Hadn'T been destroyed by the deregulation of corporations, you know, we all believed that lie in the 80s. They were going like, you know, if you, if you deregulate us and will you just let us go full on business, we'll be able to make money and this economy is going to boom.
Bill Burr
Like you've never seen, seen, seen.
Paul Verzi
And they were able to make crazy profits. They just never passed it down to the rest of us. They kept it all for themselves. And they use that money to pay off Supreme Court judges and politicians on both sides give them insider trading tips. And that's why, you know, all of them are making a couple hundred grand a year and their, their portfolios are worth 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 million, hundred million dollars. So I'm an old guy here, 57 years old. I remember when corporations had to answer to the government. Now they don't. So I Don't know. I think the federal government, if they use their power correctly, if the banks had to answer to them, if corporations had to answer to them, as opposed to the government working for those evil entities. Honest question, because I'm looking for clarity. This person says, I don't pay attention to politics as much because I think everything that's going to happen is going to happen regardless of who we vote for. Yeah, I agree with that.
Bill Burr
All you get to do is choose who's going to go in there.
Paul Verzi
And then after that, you don't get.
Bill Burr
To vote on anything like this real.
Paul Verzi
ID that's come out.
Bill Burr
Did we get to vote on that? They don't. You don't. The politicians vote on it, but they don't.
Paul Verzi
They're doing what the people that put them in office tell them to do.
Bill Burr
This person says, I voted for Obama.
Paul Verzi
Because he promised to shut down Guantanamo.
Bill Burr
And end the wars in the Middle East. He didn't shut it down and instead advanced us into more countries and more debt. 100%. 100%. Yep. That's when I lost faith in politicians. When a liberal black politician was elected and he was, you know, just doing what a. What a white guy would have done. I'm not saying he didn't. Him being in there, he didn't look at things that a white president wouldn't have. But the general war machine thing, he kept on track. War for profit, he definitely did that.
Paul Verzi
I don't know. I'm trying to find a silver lining in all of this.
Bill Burr
The machine moves in the direction it wants to, no matter who is president.
Paul Verzi
Yes. Yeah.
Bill Burr
It might move a little to the left, it might move a little to the right, but it's going the same heading, essentially.
Paul Verzi
I agree.
Bill Burr
This person says, so when I start looking at what's going on, I feel a little gross. Being on the same side as the performative politicians who voted to increase ISIS budget during Biden's presidency. Overwhelmingly by both parties. Why would they do that?
Paul Verzi
Great question.
Bill Burr
I just feel like even if I'm adhering to my own principles, I'm forced to be on the same side as people who helped create the problem. I think it's part of the way we're controlled. 100%. Listen to this guy. Look at this guy with the third eye. Fucking squeegee. They don't care what you're fighting for, either way, they'll make it work for themselves and the people who control them. The old money that we never heard about that owns half the world.
Paul Verzi
Yes.
Bill Burr
Here's Where I get frustrated and feel like a fraud as I get my blood boiling. If our current president is deporting people at a lower rate than Biden and significantly lower than all the presidents before them, don't you think it's a little suspect that we're now. Now we're seeing the videos of it. Yeah. Because of the liberal slants in the media. Yeah. And I also think it has to do with what media you're consuming. Like, I think people who watch Fox News have a completely different view of our current president than somebody does if they watch CNN and vice versa. When Sleepy Joe was president, it's, you know, forget about AI. It's the, you know, media ownership is in such a small amount of people's hands that, I mean, what do you. What the fuck do you believe? What is the tr. I have no idea what anything is anymore. I mean, I think maybe that's another reason why I just sort of pulled away.
Paul Verzi
It's just like, I don't know how to make sense of any of this. I don't know.
Bill Burr
I will say, like, one of the last things for me was when that.
Paul Verzi
Woman cried when Hillary lost the election.
Bill Burr
And that's when I really was just like. Well, at this point, with her crying, you're really showing me that this is not journalism.
Paul Verzi
This is like, is it partisan politics?
Bill Burr
Journalism?
Paul Verzi
Is that the right word? Like, like, I don't know, when I was growing up, the guy or the woman reading the news, you didn't know who they voted for. I mean, a president had to get assassinated before a journalist got choked up. Not a fucking election results. Anyway.
Bill Burr
Where were the news outlets who should have been examining these things regularly for years? Maybe I'm an idiot, but there's no way Clinton deported 12 million people without separating families. And of course there was.00001% of the amount of cameras back then, but that's still a lot. He deported 12 million people.
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
Bill Burr
How do you deport 12 million people.
Paul Verzi
And there's no footage of that?
Bill Burr
I mean, that's a significant percentage. Well, I mean, I guess it's still.
Paul Verzi
Less than 1% of our.
Bill Burr
That's still 12 million. Anything. You would think that you would see it anyway. I looked up the rate in which every president has deported people and Trump's deported less than every president since Clinton. Even H.W. bush deported half of what Biden and Trump did. Well, let me ask you this. How did they go about deporting them? How did they deport people without having Marines coming into the city and pointing their guns at people. Why is this such a. If you could deport 12 million people without anybody noticing, why do we then have to spend all of this fucking money rounding up all of these people and doing all of this stuff? Then what is, what is this whole thing that's going on, this whole show of this. This person says, and I'm sure you've seen all the videos going around of Democrats talking about drawing a hard line on immigration and running on policies of deporting people. And listen, that's not a reason to excuse the methods being used. But also, who's the fool if we didn't give a shit shit back then? Do we all care about actual numbers of people being deported and ripped from their families or who's doing it? I mean, that's a fair question.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, I don't know.
Bill Burr
But I can tell you that what.
Paul Verzi
Scares me about the current administration is fanning the flames of overt racists and anti Semites and psycho nationalists, giving those people a voice and then also having somebody who, like, I don't even know mentally where this guy is and how once again, the same way, like we're in the same situation. Joe Biden, like, for some reason, people on the right, it was so clear to them that this guy did not have the mental capacity to, to be holding the office. And there's no way that liberals didn't see that. But they, they saw it, but they, they couldn't admit to it. They just kept saying, well, anything's better than this other guy. So now, like.
Bill Burr
This guy we have now, people on the right won't say anything. I mean, the babbling rambling of the guy's speeches, I mean, that rambling he did about Arnold Palmer, which I don't.
Paul Verzi
Even know what the purpose of the.
Bill Burr
Speech was, but for whatever reason, he started talking about the impressive size of Arnold Palmer's dick. Like, he's just sitting there going like, he's talking about this guy's dick. This is the President of the United States. And let me tell you, when they came out, oh, they were impressed. He was all, man, but I love women. I'm like, what in the fuck is this guy talking about? I don't know. I will be honest with you. I think a bunch of great stuff was written in here this week.
Paul Verzi
A bunch of great questions were raised. And I'll be honest with you guys, I am more confused now than, than I have ever been. Like, but the one thing that I loved was that this person understands that it doesn't Make a difference. Blue tie or red tie? The machine is going in the direction that it is going in. So once again, how I combat all of that stuff is I'm just trying to, you know, to be. And I don't know, this is so weak compared to what's going on. I'm just trying to be a nice person. I'm trying to help out younger people, younger comics or whatever, just whatever people in need doing benefits. Like, I can't just sit here and just watch all of this shit going on and not try to do something positive. And I feel like me walking away from the news and not watching it anymore, I'm running into more and more people who are doing it for their own fucking sanity. But then what is that? Now you're not. Now no one's even paying attention. I guess by me not watching the news, whatever the fuck that means. I mean, news. Whatever news is now is a cop out. Is me as a citizen, so maybe I should pay attention more. I don't fucking know. All I know is my job is just to make you guys laugh and make your day a little easier. I do know that. And I know my job as an older person is to help out younger people, encourage them or whatever, give them some advice, you know, and then also know that I can learn something from them. And know that however I view the world is not the be all end.
Bill Burr
All right, well, this is a heavier.
Paul Verzi
One than usual, but these are heavier times. That's the podcast. And I'm not going to say go F yourselves, because that feels weird. After all of that, I hope you guys have a great week and I will check in on you on Thursday.
Monday Morning Podcast Summary: "Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine" | June 16, 2025
Host: All Things Comedy
Guests: Bill Burr & Paul Verzi
Release Date: June 16, 2025
The episode kicks off with Bill Burr and Paul Verzi discussing their current engagements, including the final weeks of the play "Glengarry Glen Ross." Paul muses about his recent injury, humorously attributing it to beating a “ginger,” while Bill counters with a light-hearted jab about Paul being “clawed by a goddamn bear” (00:27).
Paul shares personal milestones, highlighting his recent birthday celebrations and his commitment to getting back into the gym after taking time off to spend with his wife. He proudly announces, “I finally have sugar under control” (04:11), marking a significant personal health achievement.
A substantial portion of the podcast delves into the intense NHL playoff series between the Florida Panthers and Edmonton. Paul expresses his mixed feelings about the Panthers, acknowledging their prowess despite their history of eliminating his beloved Bruins from the playoffs. He states, “As much as I hate the fucking Panthers... they are a fucking championship squad” (02:10).
Both hosts dissect the unpredictable nature of the series, with Paul highlighting the Panthers' relentlessness and Edmonton's surprising resilience. The discussion captures the rollercoaster of emotions fans experience during close playoff battles, with a focus on the strategic moves and potential outcomes as the series approaches its climax.
Bill Burr recounts his recent stand-up gig at the Beacon Theater, where he performed for an hour and fifteen minutes without a fully prepared set, humorously noting, “I was definitely looking at the paper because I had it like sort of I didn't have it assembled in my head” (09:13). He applauds Michael Che’s performance, describing it as “super tight” (09:13).
Paul adds his perspective, appreciating the camaraderie and support from fellow comedians, including mentions of Joe McHale and Jerry Seinfeld. Bill shares an anecdote about his interaction with Jerry Seinfeld backstage, concluding that Seinfeld’s professionalism and composure under pressure have deepened his respect for him (23:04).
The hosts explore their evolving relationship with music genres. Paul introduces listeners to the Japanese band Fishmans, discussing their eclectic mix of genres like house, dub, and acid jazz. He remarks on the nostalgia of downloading entire albums, lamenting the trend of extended playtimes with unnecessary bonus tracks: “I just need Goody Two Shoes and a couple of fucking deep cuts and I'm good” (14:31).
Bill chimes in with his thoughts on classic artists, touching on how posthumous releases often overshadow an artist’s original body of work. He muses, “Like when an artist dies, like Jimi Hendrix or Miles Davis... more albums come out after they die than when they were alive” (15:13).
Paul discusses his journey to eliminate sugar from his diet, emphasizing the challenges and triumphs of overcoming addiction. “I am psyched... I'm completely off of sugar” (04:11). Both hosts touch upon broader health topics, including Paul’s decision to stop consuming bread, labeling it as “poison” (06:27).
A significant segment is dedicated to political discourse, with both hosts airing their frustrations with the federal government's handling of immigration and corporate deregulation. Bill criticizes the misalignment of national priorities, stating, “It's so insane to me that the number one priority right now in this country is to get illegals out” (06:14).
Paul echoes similar sentiments, decrying the erosion of governmental accountability due to corporate influence: “They kept it all for themselves. And they use that money to pay off Supreme Court judges and politicians” (50:05). The discussion delves into the complexities of immigration policies, media portrayal, and the overarching influence of “old money” on political decisions.
Bill vents his annoyance with predictive text features on phones and laptops, describing them as “comedy blocks” that derail his comedic timing: “They’re sort of the comedy cock block, the predictive text” (33:42). The conversation shifts to the advent of simpler phones with minimal features, debating their practicality and potential impact on social media usage.
Both hosts reflect on societal issues, emphasizing the importance of empathy, personal responsibility, and community support. Paul advocates for helping younger generations and fostering meaningful connections, while Bill underscores the futility of relying on dysfunctional political systems to enact genuine change.
As the episode wraps up, Paul shares his desire to transition back to family life after international commitments, highlighting the mental health benefits of engaging with supportive communities like the Comedy Village. Bill provides a closing narrative that ties back to earlier discussions, reinforcing the themes of perseverance and personal growth.
Bill Burr (00:01): “Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 16, 2025.”
Paul Verzi (04:11): “I am psyched... I'm completely off of sugar.”
Paul Verzi (02:10): “As much as I hate the fucking Panthers... they are a fucking championship squad.”
Bill Burr (09:13): “I did an hour and 15 minutes, man. And I didn't have any, like, you know...”
Bill Burr (23:04): “He just goes, very funny, very funny.”
Paul Verzi (14:31): “I just need Goody Two Shoes and a couple of fucking deep cuts and I'm good.”
Bill Burr (15:13): “Like when an artist dies, like Jimi Hendrix or Miles Davis... more albums come out after they die than when they were alive.”
Bill Burr (06:14): “It's so insane to me that the number one priority right now in this country is to get illegals out.”
Paul Verzi (50:05): “They kept it all for themselves. And they use that money to pay off Supreme Court judges and politicians.”
Bill Burr (33:42): “They’re sort of the comedy cock block, the predictive text.”
In "Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine," Bill Burr and Paul Verzi offer a candid and multifaceted conversation blending personal anecdotes, humor, and sharp social commentary. From navigating personal health challenges and dissecting the thrills of the NHL playoffs to deconstructing political frustrations and technological nuisances, the duo provides listeners with a relatable and thought-provoking episode that encapsulates the complexities of modern life.
Timestamps
This summary captures the essence of the "Sugar, Playoffs, the Machine" episode, highlighting key discussions and memorable moments. For a full experience, listeners are encouraged to tune into the complete podcast.