the Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary

Episode: The Patriots, Old School MTV, Drug Names | Monday Morning Podcast 1-26-26
Host: Bill Burr (All Things Comedy)
Date: January 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

Bill Burr kicks off his Monday with high energy, celebrating recent sports victories for Boston teams, particularly the Patriots, and rampages through topics ranging from old school MTV nostalgia and the subtleties of drumming to the chaos of the American political landscape and wild pharmaceutical names. As usual, he peppers the podcast with moments from his personal life and answers listener emails with equal parts irreverence and heart.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Boston Sports Glory (00:01–13:42)

• Bruins and Patriots Success: Bill starts in a jubilant mood, describing the Bruins’ recent win and David Pastrňák’s skill as a player:

  "I mean, if there's a better passer in the league, I want to know who it is because that guy's amazing." (01:03)

• Patriots AFC Championship: Provides a detailed walk-through of Patriots’ Super Bowl history and previews their upcoming matchup with the Seahawks, expressing frustration with the media’s fixation on past narratives ("Beast Mode") instead of genuine analysis.
  • On Super Bowl XLIX:

    "[Malcolm Butler] is what. That's the name everybody should be saying. Not Marshawn Lynch, not Beast Mode..." (10:40)

• Sports Betting Wisdom: Explains how he uses Vegas odds to inform betting decisions, highlighting that “Vegas knows something”—a testament to his respect for the analytic odds-makers.

  "One of my strengths is I know how little I know..." (13:09)

• Fans’ Spoiled Attitude: Jabs at Patriots fans calling a defensive game “ugly,” poking fun at modern impatience for non-offensive football.

2. Personal Anecdotes & Family Life (05:45–07:23, 24:24–27:19)

• Time with His Kids: Shares charming stories about his children playing baseball in the backyard, and giving his daughter a gift certificate for a new glove.
  • “...the greatest way to break in a glove is to just go out and play catch, which means I get to play catch with my daughter, which is fantastic.” (07:20)
• Motorcycle Musings: Describes a recent ride through the canyons, including gear preferences and safety consciousness.

  "If anybody out there rides and can recommend the best gear out there...I'm very thankful that I washed that shit before anything happened and I realized what I was wearing." (25:18)

3. Music and Drumming Nerd-Out (03:00–05:44, 27:50–33:35)

• Prepping for Bon Scott Tribute: Details his process for learning AC/DC drum parts, marveling at Phil Rudd’s subtleties and the common mistakes drummers make interpreting classic tracks.

  "It's bon bon dat bom. And then you think he's gonna go, put that...There's no put that." (04:56)

• Music Memories at the Wiltern (LA Venue): Recalls seeing Velvet Revolver, Crooked Vultures, and more—linking favorite concerts to his own comedy career and friendships. (30:32–33:35)
  • “Whenever I go on that stage, I also saw...Meshuggah there, which was one of the coolest shows ever, because where I was standing was a who's who of fucking drummers...” (32:24)

4. Social & Political Riffs (14:27–21:50)

• ICE & Authoritarianism Warnings: Delivers a biting rant on contemporary US politics, referencing ICE, global warming skepticism, and Trump’s leadership style.

  "It’s little cuts, little cuts. Right now it’s non-white people...And then it’s like, well, I’m not a commie. I’m gonna be okay. And you watch, you keep letting this guy go…” (15:16)

• On Traveling and Racism: Advocates open-minded travel as a cure for racism, noting that political leaders worldwide divide people using the simplest "us-vs-them" tropes.

  "You need to travel. But you have to have an open mind, okay, and just see the beauty of all people..." (17:34)

5. Old School MTV & Music Discovery (43:00–47:19)

• MTV Eulogy: Reflects on the cultural loss of MTV as a music channel, connecting it to shared experiences and cultural fragmentation due to digital streaming and Napster.
  • “MTV no longer with us, but let's be honest, it died a long time ago. When? The second they stopped somewhere after Carson Daly Total Request Live...” (43:00)
• Recreated Classic MTV Online: Excitedly shouts out a listener’s tip on a fan-made site that streams classic MTV—including old commercials.
• New Music Finds: Credits his wife for introducing him to new artists via YouTube DJ streams, especially praising British soul artist Cleo Sol.

6. Pharmaceutical Name Humor & Reader Emails (47:05–55:45)

• Drug Name Skewering: Pokes fun at bizarre new drug names, suggesting “SkyRizzy” sounds more like a DJ than a medicine.

  "Sky Rizzy. Who the f*** is putting that in their body. That's what you're calling it?" (47:27)

• Listener: Surviving a Miserable Job: Reads an email from a mechanic enduring a grueling winter job, and relates it to the joys and challenges of the comedian’s life (“humiliation bounces off you”).

  "If you can, whatever the f*** it is you're doing out in the cold, like, your next job is going to be a joke." (51:15)

7. On Anger & Self-Work (53:34–55:36)

• Dissecting Anger Issues: Candidly admits to anger issues, poking holes in rationalizations for rage and describing daily habits aimed at managing his temper for his family's sake.
  • “I 100% have anger issues, okay? Do you know how many f***ing remote controls I've yelled at?” (54:04)
• Advocates for breath work, journaling, and embracing emotions as ways to break cycles of harmful coping.

8. Listener Advice: Eviction, Debt & Life (55:52–61:49)

• Facing Eviction & Finances: Empathizes with a listener about to be evicted, advising him to downsize, face his back taxes, and communicate openly with his partner.

  “Sell f***ing three vehicles in both boats. You get your down payment.” (57:38)

• Encourages persistence and slow-but-steady progress for those struggling financially, referencing his own early career hustle:

  “If I got out of it, you can get out of it, all right? Your life's going to work out. Just believe it.” (61:47)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On David Pastrňák (Bruins):

  "His game is. It's like Bergeron and Krejci combined. What do you want? You want 30, 40 goals? He can do that..." (01:10)

• Media Narratives in Sports:

  "It's not that they won on the road the whole way there. It's that the Patriots lost. It's like, no, that was one of the great f***ing defenses of all time. They never got their props." (09:21)

• On Betting and Humility:

  "One of my strengths is I know how little I know." (13:09)

• Political Satire:

  "You are who you hang out with. This guy loves dictators. He's going this route, all right?... Right now it's non-white people. So most, you know, majority of people are white, so they don't see themselves in those vans..." (15:05)

• Travel & Tolerance:

  "I am convinced that the cure for racism is you need to travel. But you have to have an open mind..." (17:31)

• On Classic MTV (Nostalgia):

  "The second they stopped somewhere after Carson Daly Total Request Live...that was the end of it. And then Napster came out, and all music, air quote, became free, and it just imploded the business." (43:00)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:01]–[13:42]: Boston Sports Rant: Bruins, Patriots, AFC Championship breakdown, and sports betting wisdom
• [15:00]–[21:50]: American politics, ICE, and global authoritarian tendencies
• [24:24]–[27:19]: Motorcycle stories, gear talk, and canyon rides
• [27:50]–[33:35]: Live music memories, Wiltern concerts, comedy connections
• [43:00]–[47:19]: MTV nostalgia, new music finds, and classic TV recreations
• [47:05]–[55:45]: Drug name jokes, listener email on job misery, and coping strategies
• [55:52]–[61:49]: Listener asking for advice on eviction, debt, and starting over

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Language & Tone

Bill Burr’s signature blend of exasperated, self-deprecating humor, rapid-fire tangents, and the occasional moment of sincere empathy prevails throughout the episode. He oscillates easily between raging about the state of the world, marveling at classic music, and offering peppy life advice—never losing his edge or authenticity.

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This summary pulls together all core topics, highlights standout moments in Bill Burr’s own words, and provides time references for listeners wanting to revisit specific themes or stories.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 26, 2026. What's going on? Oh, why? Yeah. Oh, I got up a little higher this morning. Why did I get up a little higher? Why am I so happy? Why am I so excited? You may not have asked because New England just had the biggest sports victory they have had since the Boston Celtics won an NBA championship a couple years ago. Your Boston Bruins beat the kid Bruins also beat the Canadians on Saturday. I've only seen a couple of highlights. How about that fucking dish from Pasta? Knocking it out of the air, back door to fucking Morgan Geeky pulling all the defense to the right. He goes back left. He does it every fucking game. They don't know if he's gonna do a little snapshot, a backhand or a fucking. An apple across the fucking crease. Dude, I will say this. David Posternak, his game is. It's like Bergeron and Crazy combined. What do you want? You want 30, 40 goals? He can do that and he can dish out like 100 something assists every year. Some of the. I mean, if there's a better pastor in the league, I want to know who it is because that guy's amazing. I remember a few games ago against Chicago when Laurie, our defenseman, had two goals. Was the end of the game, Pasta could have easily got this empty net goal. What is he doing? He's fucking looking for Laurie to give him the hat trick. Didn't work out. But still, that's the kind of shit you want. Your locker room. Okay? That's the attitude. Not the attitude you're bringing to social media. Trashing everything that you see, trying to get a laugh. Trying to get a like, huh? How did I turn it around on you? I don't know. Projection, being defensive? I really don't know. Oh, Billy. Good mood. Had a moment with my garage door opener, which, by the way, by the way, somebody had to come over and fix it again and said, I don't know why they took away the overhead thing. I wouldn't have stalled this wall unit. So now the thing's already going beep, beep, beep, and the light doesn't work. And I know what that means. It means I have two more openings and it's not going to open. And I got the Bon Scott fucking tribute with Dean Del Rey coming up and I got to rehearse these songs that I'm afraid to go. I'm afraid to go in my own drum room. Huh? There's a first world problem for you.

[Billy]

So I'm just gonna call the dude back and just say, what is the most powerful fucking overhead goddamn garage door opener, excuse my language, that you can install.

[Bill Burr]

Is there any way you could find.

[Billy]

It in your heart to come over and do it as soon as possible? That's what I was like. Meanwhile, I'm just sort of air drumming. I mean, Phil Rudd, dude, Phil Rudd is a vibe. And it's exciting when you first play drums because you think it's the most simple beat there is. And then when you really get into the science of rhythm and all of that stuff, like what this guy is.

[Bill Burr]

Doing.

[Billy]

With a, you know, the most simple beat ever that makes 80,000 people lose their minds, it's really incredible.

[Bill Burr]

And it's also, like, he has so.

[Billy]

Much subtle shit in there that everybody seems to miss, including myself.

[Bill Burr]

Like, one of the songs I'm playing.

[Billy]

I don't want to. No spoiler alert here. I'll talk about it. The gigs on February 3rd, I'll tell you the. The songs that I'm playing, and each one of them has these things. I've listened to these songs 10,000 times each. Then all of a sudden I, you know, I really got to sit down and sit in with the band and really deconstruct the song.

[Bill Burr]

The amount of extra subtle that I never even noticed because I was listening to Bond or Malcolm or Angus or Cliff or even like, half listening to. I thought I was listening to Phil. There's so much cool. So much cool. It is funny, too, when you go, I've done these songs, like, on the Comedy Jam and stuff.

[Billy]

And I've had people come up afterward.

[Bill Burr]

Being like, yeah, you added that thing. I'm like, no, dude, it's in the song. It's in the song. Listen to it and like, it is.

[Billy]

And then they'll go come back and.

[Bill Burr]

Be like, holy, it is. Or it's something you thought was there and it isn't there. Like, this is some drum nerd shit. Like, if you want blood.

[Billy]

If you want blood.

[Bill Burr]

And it's. It's bon bon dat bom. And then you think he's gonna go, put that.

[Billy]

If you want blood.

[Bill Burr]

That bogo dat bon bodette. There's no put that. It's bo dat bon dat. Wait, that bone dat. There's no. You want so bad to be like. And four. You want the. And. And he doesn't do it. I don't know why, but it's not there. You think it's There. It isn't there. And then trying to make that happen because it's so weird and not slow down the song and then you play it with somebody else going, hey, man, you're missing that thing. I'm like, it's not there. It is there. No, it isn't. Listen to it. They're like, what the fuck?

[Billy]

It isn't.

[Bill Burr]

It isn't there. What are we going to say? Phil Rudd is wrong? Because he's not. Anyway, had a great morning with my kids, dude. They literally get up and get ready as fast as they can so they can go out in the backyard, La Palooz, and play baseball. So today, you know, my daughter, somebody gave. Gave her these sunglasses at school. The Randy Macho Man Savage glasses. So she likes going up there, you know, up to bat, wearing them. So then my son finds his little sunglasses, and then they're both outside, and he's sitting down with his sunglasses on, pretending he's coaching my daughter. It's amazing. As I'm in there making a breakfast and of course, running out taking pictures.

[Billy]

My son comes home and he goes, dad, can you throw me some hits? That's what he called.

[Bill Burr]

And I gotta be like, not throwing you hits, buddy. I'm striking you out. I'm brushing you back off the plate.

[Billy]

I throw. I throw lefty to them. Get my left hand game. So I got the righty and the lefty going on here, and I went out. It was my daughter's birthday the other day, so I got her a gift certificate to this great baseball store, old school place. I got to give him a shout out. Thanks to everybody at Bagger Sports up in Santa Clarita.

[Bill Burr]

Just selection the people there. Like, this guy was like, you know.

[Billy]

Helping my daughter find a bat and was like helping her work on her swing. I mean, they were fantastic. And I'm gonna break in the glove today, which it already has, like, a nice shape to it. I mean, all the sports equipment since I was a kid, like, the level that it has changed. I mean, granted, it's been 40, 50 years is amazing. So I'm gonna break in a glove today. And, you know, at the end of the day, the greatest way to break in a glove is to just go out and play catch, which means I get to play catch with my daughter, which is fantastic. Anyway, let's talk about something else that's fantastic. Your New England Patriots won their 12th AFC Championship game to go to their 12th Super Bowl. I think our record right now is 6 and 5 in Super Bowls. We lost to The Bears. We lost to the Packers. I went to that game. We beat the Rams. I was at that game. Then we beat the Panthers. Then we beat the Eagles. We lost to the Giants. We lost to the Giants. We beat the Seahawks. We beat Atlanta. We lost to the Eagles. We beat the Rams. Yeah, that should be 11. And now we're playing the formidable Seattle Seahawks. Oh, get ready for that Fucking. For them to play that stupid beast mode clip 9000 times and act like some sort of vengeance needs to happen when it's like no one from those games is still there.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe.

[Billy]

Our offensive coordinator.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe him.

[Billy]

I hate that. What?

[Bill Burr]

Like, the fucking story? Like, take the 2007 Giants. It's not that they won on the.

[Billy]

Road the whole way there.

[Bill Burr]

It's that the Patriots lost. It's like, no, that was one of the great fucking defenses of all time. They never got their props. And then somehow Eli gets all the credit. Like Eli beat Tom Brady did Eli. Is that what he did? I thought it was the fucking front four of the Giants. You know, I don't know. They're both super close games or whatever, but, like, I never felt like, you know, the Giants got, like, the pro. They did, like, the helmet catch or whatever, which was obviously an insane fucking play, but, like, it really was the front four of the Giants in 2007, not letting Tom Brady be comfortable moving him off his spot. It was an incredible game plan, and they fucking dominated our offensive line. That was the fucking story. But it's got to be like, oh, Tom and Gisele aren't as fucking happy. They always do that shit. So that Seattle Seahawks game in defense of Pete Carroll, the play that he called, Think about it. Everybody knows it's going to Marshawn Lynch. He calls a play that the entire year has either been a touchdown or an incomplete pass. But what happened? He was going up against Bill Belichick. Bill Belichick was going to call timeout. He looked across the field and he saw confusion. He doesn't call timeout. They panic. They put that play in, and they went up against the only fucking team in the NFL that was coached. And Malcolm Butler recognized the play, jumped in, and in one of the biggest fucking moments in NFL history, saved a game for the Patriots and won that game. Malcolm Butler is what. That's the name everybody should be saying. Not Marshawn lynch, not Beast mode, none of that shit. But that's not how they do it. They always find some stupid fucking obvious. It was like that shit last week when. When. When the Patriots played The Texan. All they talk about is how C.J. stroud through fucking four interceptions, like, do. Two of them were tipped. One of them hit his receiver right in the fucking hands. They always. I don't. I don't know. It's. It's like this ball watch and shit. They just look at a stat. So anyway, I had a buddy of mine was talking about the Patriots game yesterday.

[Billy]

Go.

[Bill Burr]

You know, this is how spoiled NFL fans that. He goes, that was an ugly game.

[Billy]

It's like, yeah, dude, it's called defense.

[Bill Burr]

I know that you don't recognize that.

[Billy]

Because, like, no one fucking plays defense anymore. All right?

[Bill Burr]

The first half was two powerhouse defenses shutting down the offense, and all they could talk about was this stupid backup from the Broncos. By the way, the patriots, our quarterbacks, 23 years old. Their backup is older. I don't know how old he is, but he's older than our guy. Stop acting like, like he was going up against some fucking grizzled vet. This is our first time with this kid to this thing. So, I mean, I don't know when I saw this spread was only four and a half because everybody was like, oh, my God, Bo Nix is out. Oh, fuck. Not Bo Nixon. Jesus Christ. I mean, they're acting like that guy's a franchise. He's becoming Bo Nix. He's still in the middle of his story. Now, I get it that that's the starting quarterback or everything, but let's. Let's fucking, you know, don't act like Patrick Mahomes just went down. No offense to the Broncos being out in the AFC West. I'm sure you're sick of hearing about that guy. So when I saw the spread at.

[Billy]

Four and a half, I was like, vegas knows something. Vegas knows something that I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

And I know enough that when I.

[Billy]

See a spread like that, that I feel like should be like seven or eight and is only four and a half, okay?

[Bill Burr]

One of my strengths is I know that I.

[Billy]

How little I know.

[Bill Burr]

And if they have it at four and a half, there's no way I'm.

[Billy]

Going up against a casino that hired a bunch of mathlete nerds that have laptops.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Billy Summer school is going to go up against that. I'm like, all right, I see what you say in Vegas, and I'm going to go with it. Patriots win, Broncos cover. So I took the Broncos getting four and a half. Final score 10 to 7. Patriots win the game.

[Billy]

Broncos cover.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, you just. Sometimes Vegas, like, tips their cap. Now, I'm not saying, like during the regular season, the other whatever, 16 games.

[Billy]

That week, 15 games, whatever the hell it is with the buy. Somebody's two play teams have a buy.

[Bill Burr]

So 15 games. You know, I'm not, I'm not going.

[Billy]

To sit there and act like I just go with Vegas.

[Bill Burr]

It's when the spread doesn't make sense. When the spread is seems like it's three points closer than it should be. They're trying to get you on the hook.

[Billy]

They know something, dude.

[Bill Burr]

They factor in the fucking weather. Which, by the way, congratulations to Tony Romo. Evidently that's the first snowstorm that guy's ever seen.

[Billy]

He was literally beside himself.

[Bill Burr]

I never seen anything like this. What do we talk about? Fucking Buffalo plays in a game like this their last three games every year. It used to be from November on before global warming, you know, but evidently that's a fucking hoax, by the way, dude. Like, what is. What does ICE have to do before.

[Billy]

Americans tell them to tone it down?

[Bill Burr]

They're literally out there committing murder, you.

[Billy]

Know, calling unarmed mothers like fucking domestic terrorists or some shit like that.

[Bill Burr]

And then I love all these people now walking down like, gee, I didn't.

[Billy]

I didn't know Trump was going to do this.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, what about his first four years? What did he have a mushroom trip during Sleepy Joe's tenure? Okay, I really just got it. If we can just step outside of politics. This guy is not a Republican and you are who you hang out with. This guy loves dictators. He's going this route, all right? And I can tell you this in a very quick amount of time, if nobody stands up to this guy, me literally saying this, I'll have ice at my door and I'll be on my way to Alligator Alcatraz. That's what he's doing. This, you know, you don't, you don't show your whole hand as a dictator. It's little cuts, little cuts. Right now it's non white people. So most, you know, majority of people are white, so they don't see themselves in those vans. And then what he's going to do is he's going to divide white people. Once he's done with the non white people, he's going to divide it down to, you know, you know, the enemy of the state. You know, this guy's a commie or whatever. And then it's like, well, I'm not a commie. I'm going to be okay. And you watch, you keep letting this guy go. Eventually he's going to go after you right wing people and your guns. But not, not you guys will be the final. That's the thing about all of these neo Nazis is they don't understand how far Hitler was going to go. They don't understand it. They, Everybody thinks that they, you know, my people, Caucasians, everybody thinks that they were white enough. Dude, that guy was enamored with like, not even Nordic people. I think it was just Scandinavia. Scandinavia exists within the Nordic country. So he was only down with like Sweden, Norway, Denmark and Icelandic people. I don't even think Germans. Somehow he was trying to say Germany fit in with that. But like all of those Slavic people, all those Eastern Europe people, Greeks, Italians, all these wonderful fucking people. He was going to get rid of all of them too. He, that guy, he, he went. Colonel Kirk. So he left the fucking program. It's unreal, you know.

[Billy]

I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

I, I am convinced that the cure.

[Billy]

For racism is you need to travel. But you have to have an open mind, okay, and just see the beauty.

[Bill Burr]

Of all people, what everybody's contributing. And then, you know, and then as you travel too, what you will find is that it just seems in every country there's some fucking lunatic in charge, dividing everybody, Trying to turn it politically into a sports bar. Us and them, us and them, us and them. It is the oldest, tropiest, tired fucking thing that they do.

[Billy]

But morons, I don't know what they just, they just, I don't know. I'm trying not to be divisive with my words. People who maybe need to have a different approach as to way that they view the world. I have no idea. Anyway, I mean, I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know how the fuck you.

[Billy]

Act surprised at what this guy's doing.

[Bill Burr]

After you already saw him. You already saw him for four years.

[Billy]

The guy loses an election, he throws a temper tantrum and he riles up the dumbest people in the country to have an. A fucking. An impromptu military coup and they go to the wrong fucking building. I mean, it's just, it just, you know, and people died.

[Bill Burr]

And then this guy comes in.

[Billy]

The first thing he does is he pardons all of them.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, it's just insane.

[Billy]

It's insane. So I don't know. Having said that, I have no problem with the Republican party. I have no problem with conservative thought. This guy is not a Republican. This guy is, is, is. He's on his own fucking thing here. And hopefully Democrats get some balls, Republicans get some balls and they tell the guy to Fucking chill the fuck out. Because he is just. I don't.

[Bill Burr]

I don't get it.

[Billy]

It's just got. This guy is in love with chaos. He's got everybody all riled up. It's just like, what exactly is the problem? I don't get it.

[Bill Burr]

You're a billionaire.

[Billy]

What is the fucking problem? How is this country not working for you? All right, I'm going to shut up now. Let's. Let's move on here. All right?

[Bill Burr]

The Seattle Seahawks, everybody. The Seattle Seahawks.

[Billy]

After, you know, that guy talked shit on the sideline. I mean, how crazy was that moment? He gets an unsportsmanlike.

[Bill Burr]

The referees really tell him to walk away.

[Billy]

He still goes over. He still has to talk his shit.

[Bill Burr]

Gets a penalty, gives them a first.

[Billy]

Down, and then on the very next play.

[Bill Burr]

They throw a touchdown pass just.

[Billy]

Like, why would you do that? Why would you do that?

[Bill Burr]

Like, I was happening during the Patriots fucking Broncos game, too. The amount of people making plays, and.

[Billy]

They got to be like, oh.

[Bill Burr]

Fucking stomp around. It's like, dude, it's second down. The amount of. We just won the super bowl celebrations that happen on, like, second and third down in the first. Second. Third round of the playoffs. I just don't fucking get it.

[Billy]

I just.

[Bill Burr]

I just. That's. That new. Let's go. I play with passion. It's like, all right, you know, I. I came up. When you. You maintain control of your emotions until you actually won the game and you didn't do a bunch of talking to.

[Billy]

Rile up the other team or give.

[Bill Burr]

Them another opportunity, which is, you know, I mean, I don't know how many times you can see that. It's right up there with holding the ball out, celebrating before you're across the goal line. Like, how many times can that happen before you realize the odds of you now spiking it, before you're in the end zone, somebody knocking it out of your hands, fumbling it out of the end zone for a touchback. How many fucking times can you see that? Like, if I was an NFL player, I would not celebrate until I ran out the back of the end zone and high fived the fan. Then I would do my little dance.

[Billy]

Or whatever the fuck I was gonna do, but I don't know. I have no idea. But the Seahawks, congratulations to them. They're looking like world beaters. And how about this fucking Sam Darnold? I mean, the guy's an incredible quarterback, and he can run, flush him out of the pocket. He throws just as well when he's on the run. I mean, the Patriots really have their work cut out for him. I do feel it's anybody's game. It's weird. I know Seattle has a great defense, but they were letting up a ton of points the other day. But I just think that it's going to be a. I think it's going to be a really close game, and it's going to come down to it, it's anybody's game, and they'll somehow try to drag that shit in from way back in the day. Like, everybody's retired. They're going to somehow do that. Um, so anyway, who knew? I feel like the Patriots have been playing with house money since we got into the. Into the playoffs, but now I don't think. I don't have. I don't have low self esteem looking. Okay, they're young, they're blah, blah, blah. It's like we just went up against three of the toughest defenses anybody's ever faced to get to the NFL. But it is a weird year. Like you. No Bills, no Ravens, no Chiefs as far as, like, the AFC. No Lions out west, no 49ers. I mean, 49ers got bounced out the previous week. It's just a weird fucking week. I mean, weird year. So we shall see what happens. We shall see what happens.

[Bill Burr]

But I'll tell you what came back.

[Billy]

In spades was people's hatred of the New England Patriots. Jesus Christ, when are they gonna let it go? You know what I mean?

[Bill Burr]

I just don't fucking get it. It's like, what. What. What are we doing? We're trying to win. I'm sorry. It's been working out for us. I'm as shocked as anybody that we're back. I was just looking at it like, you know, all right, that was our moment. Like, you know, if you're lucky. If you're lucky, you get like. You get to see a team win a championship at this point, with 32 teams, if it happens once or twice in your lifetime, yeah, I mean, that's. It's pretty amazing. So I thought, you know, with the embarrassment of riches that we had for two decades, I thought, all right, well, you know, Tom's gone, Belichick is gone.

[Billy]

It's over.

[Bill Burr]

And now we're going to go into the, you know, maybe if I live.

[Billy]

To be 90 years old or something.

[Bill Burr]

Else, I'll see it come back again. It takes a long time. I had no idea we would come back this quick. So once again, fucking Robert Kraft, he knows who to fucking Hire. He just got. I don't know.

[Billy]

And then we just picked all the right players, and they all delivered. It's. It's really insane. I went on a nice motor ride on my motorcycle the other day through the canyons. As I tell you, I do it during the week when all those fast and furious kids are working or something. You know, I don't need people coming across the double line on me. So, anyway, after I rode, I came back and rode great. Just feeling one with the bike. Love that bike. And I went down, and I was like, you know what? I think it's time to give. To wash my gear here. So brought it back to the house, the pants and the shirt and, like, you know, I felt the padding. I didn't look at it, like, dude, I am playing, like, the padding in my shirt and pants. I might as well look like the I used to wear when I played Pop Warner football in the late 70s. It was just sort of like a poor excuse for plastic with some Nerf on the inside that goes up again. So I got to get some better gear immediately. So if anybody out there rides and can recommend the best gear out there, like, you know, and I will sacrifice a little bit of comfort to wear the right shit. I'm very thankful that I washed that shit before anything happened and I realized what I was wearing. But I'll be honest with you. Like, I don't ride in traffic, and I also don't ride that fast.

[Bill Burr]

I'm twisting and turning through the canyon.

[Billy]

So, I mean.

[Bill Burr]

You know, there's some straightaways.

[Billy]

I get up to 50, 60 miles an hour.

[Bill Burr]

But, you know, I feel like if.

[Billy]

I'm gonna wipe out, it's gonna be the turns, and I'm only doing, like, you know, I'm in, like, second gear, whatever that is. I don't look at my speedometer a lot of times. Second, maybe third gear or whatever. And I actually dragged one of the sideboards the other day. I leaned over so much, you know, getting comfortable with the bike or whatever, so that made me feel good. It scared me for half a second or third.

[Bill Burr]

All right, that's as far as this bike wants to go over. Okay.

[Billy]

But it's been. It just clears my head. I love it. And like I said, I go during the week.

[Bill Burr]

It literally, I have, like, three miles.

[Billy]

That I'm riding with traffic, and then I'm just in the canyons for, like, a half hour, and then I come back out again, and it just an amazing time. Oh, speaking of which, I Went down to the. The Peterson Museum. I want to thank everybody at Indian Motorcycle. We went down there and they have this new reissue of their vintage Indian motorcycle. It is the coolest bike.

[Bill Burr]

It's literally the Restomod on top.

[Billy]

It looks like one of their bikes from.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not.

[Billy]

Not the best Indian historian, but I would say something like back in the 50s. But underneath is 2026 technology. It is the sickest, coolest looking bike. If you like the old vintage stuff, but don't want to deal with the headache of owning something that old. I mean, they 100% did it, right? And I went there with Dean Del Rey, and they had one bike. I took a picture of it. I don't know what it was, but I sat on it. It was the most comfortable seat I've ever been on. And it's one of those deals where when you get to be my age, you know, or if you discovered riding motorcycles late in life, like, I did, that that seat speaks to you. To be honest with you, it was really, really just fantastic. The whole setup and where the handlebars were as far as, like, me, I'm just under 5, 10, so I'm literally Doug Flutie, height 5, 9, 3 quarters, right? And it just. Everything just felt perfect. So we were talking to them, and, you know, I'm trying to set up a tour or maybe, you know, I work one day off, one day. Work one day off, one day. And we ride, you know, somewhere, I don't know, Montana, Tennessee, you know, Appalachians, or like, just wide open spaces. One or the other. I just really want to. Dean knows all the places to go, so we're trying to set something, like, up like that up, which I think will really be cool. Oh, and also, I gotta say, shout out to Nemes Patel, who I got to know over the last year when I was in New York doing the play. Just really original, really funny, and really cool dude. Big fan of his. He was playing the Wiltern. Sold it out, by the way. Really happy for him. And he asked me if I would come down and, you know, do a surprise guest spot. And it was one of my favorite sets I've had in a long time. Just killer vibe. He's a great comedian. He's a smart guy. So his crowd is amazing.

[Bill Burr]

And.

[Billy]

You know, went out there and just had the best time performing in front of his crowd and then hanging out with him and some of his Oprahs. Mookie Thompson.

[Bill Burr]

This dude does not look.

[Billy]

Like a Mookie at all. He's A white dude like me, but like, he was funny as hell. He went on right before me, sort of tag teaming and everything. And it's one of my favorite venues, so it's always an honor to perform there. So thank you to Nemes once again. And then also, I always get so excited when I go on that stage because I saw one of my favorite groups, I saw Velvet Revolver there with Scott Weiland, obviously, and I think it was one of their last shows before that band unfortunately split up. Dave Kushner, who I didn't even know at that time, and a few years later I would get to know him because he did all the music, composed all the music on F is for Family, has become one of my great friends. He's just one of the best guys ever. Like, total down to earth, amazing father, amazing husband, just solid guy. And, you know, it's just so weird. I was just standing in the crowd, had no idea who he was. And then he becomes this huge part of my life, creatively and as a friend, so. And then also I got to see, you know, Slash, Duff, Matt Sorum, and Scott Weiland. So I'm seeing this mashup of STP and Guns N Roses and then Dave Kushner. One of the most great bands that you never heard of, the Electric Love Hogs. How great is that? So whenever I go on that stage, I also saw. I've seen some killer shows there. I saw them Crooked Vultures with Josh Homme, Dave Grohl on drums, John Paul Jones on bass. And I forget, their Hired Gun guy was a killer guitar, played rhythm guitar. I wish I had his name. I've just seen some really great show. I saw.

[Bill Burr]

Jesus Christ.

[Billy]

I didn't realize how many shows I saw over there. I saw Meshuggah there, which was one of the coolest shows ever, because where I was standing was a who's who of fucking drummers that I was a fan of. And they were all down there, you know, watching Tomas hockey, you know, killing it and everything. That was a fucking amazing show. And then I saw a bunch of shows down there. Well, Nia went to, came with me. She developed a revolver. Them Crooked Vultures. And I remember after the first song, Dave Grohl did some crazy song, Ender on drums, and she knew him as like, you know, the lead singer of the Foo Fighters. And she was really young when Nirvana came out. So after she looked at me, she's like, that guy on drums. Fucking unbelievable. And I was like, that's Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters guy.

[Bill Burr]

She Goes holy shitty. He plays drums too.

[Billy]

Anyway, so anyway, let's get, let's get into the reads here for this week. All right, who do we got here?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Momentous January is when we recommit to the habits that support our health and well being. And naturally we start looking at what can support those goals. Including supplements. Yeah, this is like right around the time you made your New Year's resolution. It starts to get hard. You're like three fucking weeks in you. I want to do this. I want to eat a breakfast burrito. Sorry I'm projecting here, but choosing the right supplements can be confusing because not only are there so many brands out there, the supplement industry itself is a low trust category. Yeah, especially because all the lizard people infiltrated the fda. It's lightly regulated, products are easy to make and companies don't even have to list everything on their label.

[Billy]

How insane is that? How many piece of shit politicians got paid off so they could do that?

[Bill Burr]

That's why you should choose Momentos. They become the high trust brand in a low trust category. They weren't satisfied with the industry standards, so they built the momentous standard. Their commitment to do things the right way to not the easy way. Momentous sources only the highest quality ingredients on the planet. Their whey protein comes with grass fed European dairy cows. Their creatine uses the purest form of creatine monohydrate. No way. Not monohydrate. Like I don't know what any of this shit is, but I know the European cows that they, they treat them right grass fed, then they give him a little cigarette afterward, shout out to Nick Kroll sausages in a chocolate cigarette. Their creatine uses the purest form of creatine monohydrate. And every formula is made with clinically backed high bioavailable nutrients with no fillers and no artificial sweetness. But what truly sets Momentous apart is their testing and transparency. Every product is independently certified by NSF for sport or informed sport, meaning it's tested for contaminants, heavy metals, banned substances and verified for label accuracy. Why isn't everyone doing this? The fact that you wouldn't do that, you're poisoning other human beings. You're a fucking terrorist. Unreal. Anyway, so you always know exactly what you're putting in your body. And if a product doesn't meet their standard, it never hits the shelf, never hits the shelves. Sorry. In a space where trust is rare, Momentous is redefining what trust looks like. If you want to start the new year with supplements you can truly rely on. You got to check these guys out. And if you have a favorite, like their protein creatine or omega 3, you'll feel the difference when everything is sourced and tested rigorously. Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code Burr and head to Live. L I v e momomentous.com m o m e n t o u s dot com and use promo code burr for up to 35% off your first order. That's live or livemomentous.com promo code burr. All right, everybody. It's True work Work spelled W e R K, like twerk.

[Billy]

Jesus.

[Bill Burr]

Everybody in the east coast getting through that ice storm probably enjoy getting some of this stuff. You need workwear that performs when it's brutal out there. True Work builds performance workwear like it matters. Because it does. Founded by a trade professional who was done with soaking wet, heavy gears slowing him down, True Work sets. See, someone was out there in the goddamn weeds. Went to the dmc, look Charlie in the eye, didn't turn away. True set out to make workwear that keeps pros comfortable, capable, and ready for whatever the day throws at them. While brands like Carhartt and Dickey's focus on traditional cotton based gear. Ooh, shots fired. That gets heavy when wet. Truewerk uses advanced performance fabrics originally developed by Extreme Outdoor Conditions, now engineered specifically for trade work. Designed with moisture wicking, wind resistant, and insulated fabrics that keep you comfortable and mobile all day, even in the harshest winter conditions. Every piece is tested on real job sites with trade pros before it goes to the market. When winter hits hard, you're ready to work, not fighting your gear. Over 50,000 5 star reviews from pros in every trade and climate. Real feedback from electricians, plumbers, and construction. Yeah, not some hipster wearing the cart heart fucking jacket. These people actually are working here. Contractors working through brutal winters. If I need needed performance work wear, I turn to true work. Yeah, if I actually had a fucking manual labor job, if I was actually a man rather than some, you know, light in the loafers artist that I am, I would wear this stuff. Don't let cheap gear slow you down. This winter, upgrade your day with workwear built like it matters. Get 15% off your first [e-mail] with Code Burr. That's T R U e w e r-k.com all right, bear with me. One more here. Look who it is. It's not us. It's hims. The warriors. Hims can't help you fold a fitted sheet, but it can help you with your performance in bed. Take control of erectile dysfunction with personalized treatments made with doctor trusted ingredients prescribed by licensed providers. 100% online erectile dysfunction doesn't mean your love life is over. It means it's just getting started. With personalized treatment options to help you take control and spontaneous and spontaneity. Thanks to daily meds, the stuff out there that they have for men, now you can get your hair back, your dick comes back. I mean, it's like fucking Hulk Hogan when they would drop his hand for the third time and he would stop and he puts it up in the air. You're coming back. You're coming back to fuck again, man. Erectile dysfunction is more common than you think and simpler to treat than ever. Through hims, you can connect online with a licensed provider to access personalized treatment options discreetly and on your terms. HIMSS offers access to erectile dysfunction treatment options ranging from personalized products to trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names if prescribed. You shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself. HIMSS brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatments that put your goals first. This isn't a one size fits all care that forgets you're in the waiting room. It's your health and your goals. Put first with real medical providers making sure you get what you need to get results. To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for erectile dysfunction, weight loss and more, visit hims.com burr that's himss.com burr for your free online visit himss.com brrrr okay, here's a disclaimer feature.

[Billy]

Products include compound drug products which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions and important safety information. Actual price will depend on the product of the subscription plan.

[Bill Burr]

All right, Zip recruiter, everybody. Oh, zip recruiter. You know, it's hard to find people who are so good at what they do. If you're hiring for a company, this is a busy time of year for you because you've got a new 2026 coming along and you got new goals, which means finding the right people to accomplish them. It's not always easy, is it? Because unfortunately, I'm winging this right now. You also have new hiring challenges for 2026, like filling specialized roles or identified qualified. Identifying qualified candidates from a huge pool of applicants.

[Billy]

Oh, Jesus my Brain's getting tired here.

[Bill Burr]

Thankfully, there's a place you can go to that can help you conquer these challenges and achieve your hiring goals. It's zip. And right now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com/zip recruit matching technology works fast to find top talent, so you don't waste any time. You can find out right away how many job seekers are in your area, how many job seekers in your area are qualified for your role. Let zip half help you find the best people for all of your roles. I've lost all momentum in reading out loud.

[Billy]

I don't know what's going on right now.

[Bill Burr]

Four to five employees who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. See for yourself, man. Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try zip for free at ziprecruiter.com again that ziprecruiter.com ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire. All right, now, here we are. We're into your questions for the week.

[Billy]

Oh, Jesus.

[Bill Burr]

Where are you in life that you're.

[Billy]

Talking to somebody this dumb? All right, old school mtv. Oh, that was a sad day. MTV no longer with us, but let's be honest, it died a long time ago.

[Bill Burr]

When? The second they stopped somewhere after Carson.

[Billy]

Daly Total Request Live, which was really amazing.

[Bill Burr]

It was sort of like American Bandstand.

[Billy]

For millennials, which, I don't know, it was such a. It was such a great thing.

[Bill Burr]

You know, my wife used to work.

[Billy]

At mtv and one of the coolest things I ever did was I hooked up my nephew and my niece at Total Request Live through my lovely wife. And, you know, they were like, I don't know, 12, 13 years old. They were beside themselves.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, for their generation that was like sitting at. You got tickets to the Ed Sullivan.

[Billy]

Show and the Beatles were coming out and that was sort of the end of it. And then Napster came out and all music air quote became free and it just imploded the business. It was never a good business. You know, let's be honest. You know, it's just one of the worst. The way musicians are treated and get over is just ridiculous. But like, I don't know, somewhere in the 2000s, we all just sort of left one collective sort of conscious type of thing as far as, like bands, rappers and all of this stuff. And it's just got all splintered. So I guess the writing was on the wall. But anyway, this person says, hey, Billy, nostalgia nuts. I came across the Website where someone has basically recreated MTV from when it was still good and streamed it online for free. What?

[Bill Burr]

What? Over 50,000 music videos and the only ads are the old ones like blockbusters and stuff, stuff like that.

[Billy]

I'm sending this to NIA right now. I figured you'd like it and hopefully word gets out because the person, slash.

[Bill Burr]

People that put this together deserve the.

[Billy]

Recognition for making something so awesome.

[Bill Burr]

All right, the website is wantmymtv.v R C E L app/player.HTML. i hope you like it.

[Billy]

And as always, go yourself. Dude, that's amazing.

[Bill Burr]

You know, my wife, late at night.

[Billy]

She late at night. Oh my God, late at night, basically.

[Bill Burr]

8:45.

[Billy]

We get the kids to bed and.

[Bill Burr]

She.

[Billy]

My wife is just cool as hell, man. She knows all the cool stuff. So, like she somehow knew about these YouTube channels where these DJs play this music and stuff. And I have discovered more good goddamn music. Here's the latest person that I didn't know existed who literally has the voice of an angel, Cleo Soul.

[Bill Burr]

Is that I say it. Cleo.

[Billy]

Which is my old dog's name.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Cleo. I still do that every once in.

[Billy]

A while where I drive by the vet. We used to take her to get her checkups. I always drive by and I just.

[Bill Burr]

Yell that hour, Cleo. Like my idea.

[Billy]

Heaven.

[Bill Burr]

You know, you meet your dog too. If the dog isn't there, that's.

[Billy]

That's purgatory, you know. Anyway, Cleo Soul S O L and the album I downloaded was Rose in the Dark. And the first song that I heard is When I'm in your arms. But this is one of these albums that you can just, you know, start with the first one and hit play. There's no filler on the album. She has an absolutely incredible voice and I wouldn't know anything about her if it wasn't for these DJs that my wife is watching. So I'm going to hit her with that MTV thing, you know, maybe we can one night go old school.

[Bill Burr]

Old school.

[Billy]

Billy dj. Which by the way, you know. What the fuck is that? Skyrizi.

[Bill Burr]

That is that. That's the. The actual name of a fucking medication. Sky Rizzy. Like, how are pharmaceutical companies like? It's just like that sounds like this street nickname once you get addicted to it now.

[Billy]

Dude, he's on the Rizzy.

[Bill Burr]

He's on the Riz.

[Billy]

Yo, you got any that Sky Rizzy.

[Bill Burr]

Or it just sounds like a bad DJ? Sky Rizzy on the 1 and 2. Sky Rizzy. Who the is putting that in their body. That's what you're calling it? That you got the guys who made it? That's the name you came up with. Skyrizzy. Jesus Christ. All right, freezing. Hey, Bill, I just wanted to extend a thank you for the laughs. I got a horseshit job.

[Billy]

My boss is a dick.

[Bill Burr]

This sounds like a country song. Did your girl leave you too? This already sounds like some shit country song. Yeah, there you go. But bear with me, he goes. I work for this horrible construction company as a mechanic in New England.

[Billy]

Wait a minute.

[Bill Burr]

You're a mechanic on a construction site? So what do you do? You make sure the equipment's still working. My boss put me on nights with no pay raise. Well, he didn't do that.

[Billy]

The fucking people above him told him to do it.

[Bill Burr]

And two days notice, I work exclusively outside half in the dark from 1.30pm to 11pm Even in the winter, which it is now as I type this. Yeah, now winter. I was doing wiring, which requires fine motor skills with your fingers in single digit temperature and half numb hands. There is frost on my eyelashes from the tears I refuse to let out because men don't do that.

[Billy]

Oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

The only single thing that is keeping me sane and out of jail for doing things I won't list here to my boss is your podcast that has me dying, laughing, and forgetting about the shit show I'm stuck in. Dude, you gotta. You gotta what?

[Billy]

We are just going backwards in this country.

[Bill Burr]

Like there used to be unions and stuff. And like I love anytime, here's a red flag. Any fucking time somebody gets branded a communist leftist, that means they are arguing for some sort of fair pay or livable wage or conditions for workers. And once again, the cunts at the top divide us. Oh, he's a commie Pink. Or fuck the Russians. It's like, no, he's outside getting frostbite with no fucking pay raise. Has nothing to do with Russia anyway. Whether it's a new Monday morning podcast or a repeat of a Rogan experience, I don't know what it is, but I walk around with that same ball of frustration that you usually seem to have. And in these shitty nine and a half hours I'm here, I get to laugh and forget about the miserable situation I'm in for a little bit. Dude, that's literally why comedians do what.

[Billy]

They well, I mean, it's usually because we're fucked up and we need to hear you go.

[Bill Burr]

We listen. We get as much out of you guys laughing at what we're Saying as.

[Billy]

You guys get out of us laughing.

[Bill Burr]

That's why it's one of the great jobs, you know?

[Billy]

And if you do it right, it's a very harmless job.

[Bill Burr]

But all of us comedians have been guilty at one point or another of.

[Billy]

Making somebody cry in the audience.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, not here for advice or anything. I've got a new job lined up. Good for you. I'm happy for you, buddy. That just made me feel a lot better. I started that search as soon as night shift without a raise happened. Exactly. Fuck these people. I'm just sending a huge thank you for making these last few days at this hellhole not suck so much. Well, dude, I'll tell you right now, if you can, whatever the fuck it is you're doing out in the cold, like, your next job is going to be a joke. And the only way I can compare that is as a comedian, after you do enough hell rooms, it just, like, nothing hurts you. Humiliation bounces off you. It's like, you know when you just wax a car and you put water on it and it beads up and it rolls off the car?

[Billy]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

That's what happens to you as a comedian. It's called being completely emotionally walled off. And then it takes you another 30 years to work through your childhood. At least. At least it did for me, which.

[Billy]

Once again, once again, I am, like, cured of my anger. Every day I have these little things that I do. I write my journal. I do that stuff. One of the things I like to do is when I get into a frustrated moment is to, in an. In an absolutely rated G way, communicate my upsetment. Like, you know, in the morning when I. When I bring the kids to school, you know, there's this one intersection where there's no light and I have to try to get across it. And it's frustrating. And I used to be like, you know, Jesus fucking Christ. And then the kids would be like, dad, watch me.

[Bill Burr]

I used to do that. Now I just come down and I just go, boy, oh boy, sure are a lot of cars out here today. I'll tell you right now, this is enough to make a fella really frustrated. I just sort of mock how I used to be. And it makes my wife smile, it makes her laugh, and it makes everybody chill.

[Billy]

Then I'm not gonna flip out the way I used to, because I had no idea how much tension, you know, I was when I was, you know, being like that. So I don't know. I cannot say enough about any sort of breath work class and just letting your guard down and allow yourself to feel feelings and take all this shame and embarrassment out of actually being sad, crying and all of that, and just open that door and get it out. Because if you don't, you end up hurting people that had nothing to do with the reason why that door is closed. All right, that's it. I'm off my stump here.

[Bill Burr]

Okay, what do we got here?

[Billy]

All right.

[Bill Burr]

You never had anger issues?

[Billy]

No.

[Bill Burr]

Jesus Christ. This person is trying to walk me back into it. You just have high standards for the world and refuse to lose hope, and that's why you get mad when something fucked up happens. No, no, that's. That's a way of being in denial. I 100% have anger issues, okay? I. I've. Yet, you know. Do you know how many fucking remote controls I've yelled at?

[Billy]

Like, I yell at things, Things that aren't alive.

[Bill Burr]

Garage door openers.

[Billy]

You know, you name it.

[Bill Burr]

You name it.

[Billy]

I fucking yelled at the shit, okay? And it freaks people out around me.

[Bill Burr]

Now that I used to subscribe to.

[Billy]

This hero origin story of why I'm angry.

[Bill Burr]

People might have told you that they think you're a dick, but I doubt they could have proved by logic and rational facts that you were wrong. If everyone had your high standards, the world would be a better place. At least that's what I think. Thanks for all the laughter, Mr. Burr.

[Billy]

You're one of my favorite comedians, by the way.

[Bill Burr]

I mean, I think that's a great way to excuse that behavior. Listen, I understand going around and being a courteous person, and then when other people aren't courteous, it upsets you, but.

[Billy]

It shouldn't make you angry, and you shouldn't go into some sort of Tourette meltdown, screaming and yelling thing.

[Bill Burr]

And, you know, there's a lot of.

[Billy]

Angry fucking lunatics out there that don't have any standards whatsoever. So, I mean, that's. Those are sort of.

[Bill Burr]

I appreciate what you're doing here for me.

[Billy]

And actually, in a roundabout way, possibly you. But, like, that's. That's not how the math works on this. There's a lot of other ways to handle stuff in. In those. In those moments, which I'm finally learning. All right, let's. Let's get to the last one here really quickly, and then I got to get running here. You know what? I actually have to go right now. I got to go right now because I. I gotta. I'll read it real quick. All right.

[Bill Burr]

Getting evicted. Hey, Bill, I'm writing you today for.

[Billy]

Some advice on being evicted. Jesus.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

[Billy]

That's brutal. Sorry to hear that.

[Bill Burr]

My landlord is actually great, but when.

[Billy]

We moved in, we told him we.

[Bill Burr]

Wanted to stay here for five to seven years to be able to save up enough to buy this place. He just informed us that we have until May 1st to move out. After three years being here, we've never bothered him with anything. And when there was a problem with the furnace last year, his new girlfriend was there and said, wow, that sounds expensive. I'm very handy and I know how to fix. Okay, that's what she said. And then he said, I'm very handy and I know how to fix things. So I said it and fix the problem for $80. Whatever.

[Billy]

I don't care about the money.

[Bill Burr]

But just last week he informed me that he wants to move into the place we're renting from him. Yeah, it's because everybody's getting squeezed from.

[Billy]

The at the top that are pointing at every peep. Everybody at the bottom. It's the usual bullshit. Sorry you're going through this, dude.

[Bill Burr]

My girlfriend is devastated and wants to.

[Billy]

Get out right away because it doesn't feel like home anymore. All right, well, that's an emotional response. You need to do what's right.

[Bill Burr]

We've accumulated a bunch of shit. Anywhere we are to move to now will be very small and not be able to fit four vehicles and two boats. Well, Jesus Christ, sell fucking three vehicles in both boats. You get your down payment. It's not what you think. We both have two cars because they're paid off and we don't want any payments. All right, when one breaks, we can drive the other. So now we have a downside. We have to downsize a bunch and find a place to live.

[Billy]

That's not a bad thing, dude, downsizing.

[Bill Burr]

A lot of times you got more.

[Billy]

Shit than you need.

[Bill Burr]

There's two of you, you have four cars and two boats. My girlfriend wants to buy a place, but in Canada a dog house costs 300 grand. I have debt from being stupid and not knowing how to do my taxes and I owe 70 grand in back taxes. This is because my parents were drug addicted and didn't teach me anything. And my first job out of high school was as self employed as a drywaller. And my employer failed to inform me to save money to pay taxes at the end of the year. Also, my coworkers were losers and didn't do the same thing. So 18 year old me was looking at them like role models. Fuck my life. No, don't fuck your life. You can Fix this. Now this is happening. I feel like a failure to my girlfriend, and I've let her down. She still loves me and always wanted to buy a place on her own, but when everyone asks why I can't go in on a mortgage with her, it makes me feel like I failed. I've gotten a really good job this past year, and I'm working towards being debt free, but this won't be for five years. Please send help. Go yourself. And as always, you're doing that. What? Go yourself. And also while you're doing that, myself.

[Billy]

While you're at it, your Canadian friend.

[Bill Burr]

All right, dude, you can't owe 70 grand in back taxes and own two cars and a couple of boats.

[Billy]

Get rid of that shit, dude, because that's.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know how your country works, but that's what they want in my country. They want you to be forever chasing it while also buying into this. This dream that owning all of this.

[Billy]

Stuff is going to make you happy.

[Bill Burr]

Sit down, have a conversation with your girlfriend. Tell her you feel like you failed her. Tell her you love her and that you're going to turn stuff around and that you need to downsize your life and that there's, you know, you want to talk about logic. There's no logic in owing that amount of money in back taxes and having that many vehicles. All right? And just tell her, I'm going to get my. Together, we just got to tough it out and. And then be a man of your word and do it and get. And get your house and who gives A. For 300 grand if you gotta buy a doghouse, live in the doghouse and just work your way up. That's. That's what you gotta do when you don't come from money. And it builds character and all of that. And you can do it. Like, dude, if I can get to where I'm at, you can do it, too. I'm a summer school kid. I had to pay my way through college. I just, you know, I've always worked, and I wasn't stupid with my money because fortunately, you know, I had somebody in my life that. That. He told me early on he was killing it in sales. And I went to the mall with him and. And like, I'm like, how come you're not buying anything? And he. And he said to me, I'll never forget this. He was just. He was only early 20s. And I looked up to this kid, he said to me, he goes, true wealth is going into a mall, being able to buy anything, and Then you don't. I don't know if I quite understand it, but I understood it enough to be like, oh, I get it. And he basically broke it down. He said, the average person, if they get a $2 an hour raise, will spend $3 more an hour, and they'll always be chasing it. So you're chasing it right now. And I got in the same situation you were in. I had all kinds of fucking credit card debt and all of that. And then when I decided I was going to be a comedian, I was like, I have to end this shit because I don't know what's going to happen. So I. When I could have quit my day job, I didn't. And I could have moved out, I didn't. And I just kept paying off my credit cards, I paid off all of my student loans, and then I saved up a bunch of money so then I could then move to New York City because I didn't know what the. Was going to happen. Sorry, set my alarm here and talk to you guys as I'm walking out the door here. I. That's what I did. And ever since then, I've. I've always tried to make sure that.

[Billy]

I never got myself in that situation again. So if I got out of it, you can get out of it, all right?

[Bill Burr]

Your life's going to work out.

[Billy]

Just believe it. All right?

[Bill Burr]

Go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you on Thursday.