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Monday Morning Podcast
the Patriots, Rob Reiner, Judgmental Friends | Monday Morning Podcast 12-16-25
00:56:49
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- [00:00]
A
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 15, 2025. What's going on now? Ah, yeah. How's it going, man? I hope all. Everything's going good with you. Oh, Billy. Billy Freckles. Oh, Little Bill, Little Billy. The Christmas miracle. Two weeks. Two weeks. I haven't lost my. I haven't lost my temper in two weeks. I'm on the other side of it. I have a journal. I wake up, I do my breathing, I write down what I'm feeling. Leaving the door open. Leaving the door open. I'm gonna. I'm gonna have access to all the feelings. So I have options for the first.
- [00:41]
B
Time in my life.
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A
Yeah, it's been unreal. Unreal.
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B
Mind boggling. The amount of shit that I have handled in the last couple of weeks that would have made me lose my mind, and I'm not doing it anymore.
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A
Like, I'll tell you something that would.
- [01:01]
B
Have made me lose my mind.
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A
Watching the patriots go up 21 nothing against the Buffalo Bills, only to watch the halftime adjustment shut us down in the second half.
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B
What was it?
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A
24. It was 247 at the half, and.
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B
It ended up 35, 31. As the Bills came roaring back. And I'm still not bothered by. I still think we have a really, really, like, great team. I mean, that Henderson kid, good Lord, he's a superstar.
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A
Stevenson's been crushing it.
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B
Like, we have a really legit running game. We're not fumbling the ball anymore. I don't know, I just think we.
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A
Jumped on them and then there was.
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B
Just too much time left. They came back.
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A
I mean, it was against the Buffalo Bills. What the Bills did yesterday is what.
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B
They should have been doing all year.
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A
So I don't know if they haven't.
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B
Been healthy or whatever. And we already beat them this year, so the odds of beating them twice.
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A
We'Re still like a young team.
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B
And.
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A
You know, where we were last.
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B
Year versus now, that loss yesterday doesn't bother me. And I thought that we, you know, we're hanging with the big dogs in the league. Although it took. Jesus, didn't it feel like it took to, like the end of November for. For you to start thinking, like, maybe this team's good?
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A
I don't know. I was starting to think, hey, all right, Seattle. And then they played the Colts, and.
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B
Then they had a really close game. I mean, how did you not root for Philip Rivers?
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A
I mean, that's unbelievable. I know that he played Professional football up until 2020. But to not play it for five years and get up off the CO and you got 10 kids and you just go out there and start taking hits again and throwing the ball around, that was, that was really impressive. Really impressive.
- [02:59]
B
So anyway.
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A
Yeah, a lot of things.
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B
To like our receiving core. Drake May is great, our coach is great, our defense is great. And.
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A
I like where we're at.
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B
I actually think that we are in.
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A
You know, two to three years, you know, if they keep making the choices they're making with this crew, that why the hell couldn't we win another one? This is not what I was. I have been thinking since Tom Brady left. So I am thrilled as a Patriots.
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B
Fan as much as that.
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A
Fucking, for whatever reason, happy Boston sports.
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B
Fans is not what.
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A
I don't know.
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B
I, I get it though. I get it. You know, it's just, it's. It's how human beings are. They don't like seeing success unless it's happening to them. Generally speaking. That's how human beings are. So Boston was doing really well in sports. So next thing you know, everybody hates you.
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A
I was watching this true crime thing.
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B
With my lovely wife. My lovely, lovely wife. And it was this. About this famous murder that I, I hadn't, I didn't hear. I had. I forget the names. Like, like I should look this up. Yeah, it was Mickey and Trudy Thompson, this amazing couple. And they were just. I don't know, they were just meant for each other and they were like killing it on the racetrack. And then Mickey got into business and he was killing it and then there was this other guy. I'm not even gonna say his name because that.
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A
All right.
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B
These mass shooters, they put their faces and names, all of these, these people that do bad. You should know the, the victim's name. So the guy that did it anyways, he was doing something with like motorcycles.
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A
And they tried to get in business.
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B
Together and Mickey was a good guy. The other piece of was a piece of. And he wasn't paying people. So Mickey gets out of business with them and I don't know, things go south. And then this fucking guy, this fucking.
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A
Guy, he hires these two guys to.
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B
Go there and fucking, you know, this.
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A
Perfect couple, he hires them to murder the dude's wife in front of him.
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B
And then kill the husband. It was one of the most brutal things I've ever seen. And it took him forever to get the guy.
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A
It was, you know, one of those light hearted things that women like to watch before bed. It's I always wanted to. You know, SNL did a sketch about.
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B
That, how they watch like True Crime before they go to bed. And I want to be like, you.
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A
Know, like, Nia, do you ever watch anything settling before you go to bed? Does everything have to be like this.
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B
Level of like.
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A
You know, right after the verdict, they just like drift off to sleep and I'm just laying there.
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B
Going like, that's one of the worst.
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A
Things I've ever heard of in my life.
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B
Anyway. But the world seems to reward people like that. I don't know, it's just been. It was just a dark weekend. I'll tell you what's wild though, is the narcissism. First of all, the mental illness that we have had for the last nine years running this country is really astounding. And I am amazed at people who are so into politics that they just refuse to see it if it's wearing the color tie that they root for. I've seen it on both sides, so I'm not attacking either side. But like, dude, I mean, how you.
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A
Make.
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B
What happened this weekend, how you politicize it and then make it like these people died because they weren't fans of you as a leader is one.
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A
Of, like, that's one of the most narcissistic things ever. And this is the thing that makes me really, you know, I've come back where I'll, I'll believe in a higher power. If you have, that's what you're into. But like, to believe in one that actually cares. Like, if it's actually a loving entity, why would it create narcissists and mouth breathing morons?
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B
Why would you do that?
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A
Like, what would that do for everyone.
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B
Stuck in the middle of that?
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A
Because I have to be honest with you, like, that comment for me is enough to be like, this person should be removed and whoever's next in line should be stuck in the same way. Like, you know, just before all you fucking lunatics get all your butthurt, get your red panties in a bunch. Like when the last guy would be like mid sentence, the President of the United. And lose his fucking train of thought. And you'd see the panic. He started wearing like sunglasses so you couldn't fuck. Trying to hide. Like, I just, I don't understand it.
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B
I just don't.
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A
At what point, like, what does somebody have to do in the last nine.
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B
Years of this shit that I've watched.
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A
It, what does somebody have to do to like, be deemed not mentally stable.
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B
Enough.
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A
To run a nation? Evidently haven't gotten there yet. We. And I'll tell you, if we didn't get there with the last guy, we.
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B
Didn'T get there with the fucking last guy. We're never going to get there with this guy. It is just like.
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A
I mean, that train of thought is just batshit, batshit crazy.
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B
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't pretend to know how these things work, but. So that was, I guess, you know.
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A
That was the weekend that that's what happened.
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B
And in the middle of all of.
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A
This.
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B
I took one of my kiddos to Disneyland. And I don't think I've ever. It was my.
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A
One of my favorite days as a dad. I was walking around the park going like, wait, am I a Disney dad? Am I actually enjoying this? And there was so much stuff that, like, I don't know, now that I'm on the other side of this shit. And I'm just saying that because I know there's a lot of angry people.
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B
That listen to this podcast. It's how you gravitated here. You can get out of it. I don't know.
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A
Took me for fucking ever. But there was so much that normally.
- [10:06]
B
Would have, like, pissed me off and I was able to just glide through it and just see the absurdity of it and laugh at it as opposed to, like getting upset.
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C
And.
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B
You know, I had a blast standing in the lines, you know, eating the shitty food.
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A
Oh, my God, I ate a. I.
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B
Can tell you what to avoid.
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A
That pizza place near Space Mountain.
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B
Oh, my God.
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A
It takes a lot to offend me.
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B
As a stand up comedian, but the fact that they were calling that pizza, you know, I got a lot of friends, okay? I got a lot of friends who are Italian, all right? And for them to be able to, you know, you might want to pay them a visit. It was.
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A
It was like. The pizza was like. It was like two people who didn't.
- [11:00]
B
Know how to cook came together. Like the dough was too, like bready and doughy. And then the top, the sauce and the cheese were like one.
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A
It wasn't like the cheese pulled away from the sauce.
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B
It was just.
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A
It was like. Remember when they used to put peanut.
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B
Butter and jelly in the same jar? It was like the pizza topping version of that. And then somehow they had pepperoni on top of it. And I ate that shit, dude. And I will say the. The one positive thing that I can say is I didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day. I literally felt like I I ate like, I don't know, I don't know what, like a half a crock. It didn't even feel like food. But having said that, I have not been on space Mountain in 40 years. We took like what, we took two family vacations during my childhood, like back to back years. We had never taken one until I was like 14 and we went to like Washington D.C.
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A
Which looking back that, you know, I.
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B
Still had a good time seeing all like the Lincoln Memorial, the White House.
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A
I actually stood outside.
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B
When we went there and wait, who was president?
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A
It was Reagan.
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B
Reagan was president in.
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A
Anwar Sadat was making a speech and.
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B
This was like months before or a year before he was assassinated. And remember going to the Smithsonian all.
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A
And then, then the next time we.
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B
Went last second my dad had some business meeting in, in Florida and last second he decided to take us down there and then go to Disneyland and go to that alligator farm, you know where you walk into the alligator's mouth, that famous one. And we went down there and I rode Space Mountain. Scared the out of me. And I mean that was high tech roller coaster and it was in the dark and the only thing I had been to at that point was like a carnival like in the church parking lot. So they didn't really, they had no room for like a real roller coaster. So was my first one. So I hadn't ridden that thing in like 40 years.
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A
And.
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B
You know, I got on it with my kiddo and, and I had like. I know it's crazy. I don't like roller coasters. Like I'm one of those people, like I make weird faces and my stomach drops and I just don't like it. And now that I have like learned like how to breathe from my diaphragm, I actually was like super calm. And as we were going down the first big drop, I just inhaled into my diaphragm and my stomach didn't drop at all. And it was actually kind of enjoyable. And I was like, oh, I was doing the Fight or Flight in the top of my chest.
- [13:56]
A
Like, like I would never go and look at my face the picture after.
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B
Because I knew I looked like a lunatic. So you know, we did all, all of the rides over there. Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain, all the mountains. One weird one that was like a virtual reality one that made you feel.
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A
Like you were on a roller coaster.
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B
But you weren't, which was the dumbest thing ever to me because it's like.
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A
There'S actual roller coasters here. Why don't we go on Those.
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B
If you see, if we were, like.
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A
In a part in a state where.
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B
Roller coasters were illegal, so you had to do, like, a virtual one. And none of it made sense. But I was happy and light the whole day, and my kid, like, I don't know how many times, just randomly was hugging me, saying, this was the best day ever. And then we went over to that California Adventures, whatever the hell it's called, which is basically like walking into the Lightning McQueen movie. The radiator Springs ride was awesome. That goofy one was. I don't know about that one. That one looks like it needed some WD40. That. That one looked like a death was coming soon on that ride. I must have lost my sunglasses on that one. And then the last one was. We went on the Incredicoaster, which I kept calling the Incred Roaster. I don't know why. Incredic coaster.
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A
And.
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B
That was like the, like. That was a legit, like, roller coaster with, like, a 360 loop and all of that type of stuff. And my kid did great on it, and it was just awesome. The whole day was awesome. And I didn't lose my once. I was totally calm. And later on that night, we stayed there and I got, like, 40, like, random hugs from my kid after, like, totally chill. And I'm like, oh, my God, I did it. Or I'm doing it, is what I should say, because I was joking with my wife today, where I was saying, like, me not being angry is like, I'm two weeks in. I'm like that person that joins a gym January 1st.
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A
Like, I'm doing it every day this year, man. And then by February, you know, I'm.
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B
Fucking back to eating cheeseburgers.
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A
But.
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B
I can't go back. I can't go back. So I'm committed to this, man, anyway. But I'm going. I'm going down. I'm gonna go try to do a spot somewhere tonight because I got Cerritos. Cerritos coming up, just east of northeast of Long beach, where I learned how to fly. I got a gig coming up down that way, which I'm really excited about. And I gotta make sure that, you know, I don't suck, so. And I got all this new material about undoing all of this shit. And it's been fun. And I've had people coming up to me being like, hey, man, thanks for talking about that. So that makes me feel good.
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A
By the way, I apologize for the sound here. I can't.
- [17:08]
B
I can't find my fucking microphone. I know it's around here somewhere, but hopefully by Thursday this week.
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A
How'd you guys like that Freddie Spencer interview, huh?
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B
How crazy was what that guy accomplished? Thought I. I was trying to ask him some different questions. My favorite thing when I was asking him, like, oh, what. What do you dream about, like, as a guy who races motorcycles at the top level, back when you could, like, you could die at any second?
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A
And I just loved his answer.
- [17:40]
B
I thought it was going to be like, you know, dreaming of crashing and dying and, you know, waking up in cold sweats. And he would dream that, you know, the race was about to start and he couldn't get his racing leathers on.
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A
Like the kind of stress dream you would have if you had to do, like a presentation in an office. He has the exact same stress streams, except he's going to ride a motorcycle 200 miles an hour.
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B
I really enjoyed talking to him and how excited he still was about riding motorcycles and, you know, potentially teaching me and how much he likes teaching other people, like, his passion for it. One of my favorite things in the world is to meet people.
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A
My age.
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B
A little bit younger or older that still have, like, a passion, you know, and want to help out younger people, and they're still into learning and that type of thing. I mean, that's how you stay alive. So it was so awesome. I want to thank him and all his people for getting that thing together to come on the podcast. It was really cool. Anyway, having said that. Oh, Billy Gym Rat. I have almost lost my whole belly. Billy Belly.
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A
No more.
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B
But I've been so busy. I've been dying to go for a ride or go fly, and I haven't been able to do it, you know, in a good way. I got a little busy with my work this week, but I gotta make some time for that. Me and Dean Del Rey want to ride up to Ojai. That's like the next ride we want to do. And like I said, we used. We do surface streets. We go, like back roads, and we do it during the week when there's, like, nobody on the road and it's been a good time. And they got these new vests you can buy that. I'm getting that they have like a. Like a built in airbag, like the Moto gp. And I'm like. And there's another thing too. Like, with technology, it's like, why isn't.
- [19:42]
A
That for your whole.
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B
Why doesn't it do the legs, too? Like, why is it just the torso?
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A
They always do that. Like, you Know that they have the technology to do the pants too, but they're just gonna be like, no, we'll just have them get the vest first. And then. Then we'll have the pants, but the pants will come with the vest. So then they have to buy it again. And they just sit around fucking doing that shit. It's like all this information now that they find out, like these. This wireless technology with headphones, surprise, surprise. It's not good for a signal to be beamed from something on next to your brain up to outer space and.
- [20:20]
B
Back down to you again.
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A
And you know that they knew this from fucking day one. And they just pay people off. It just. It kills me that regular people, we can't somehow focus on these things. Like, I bet there was more people talking about, like, commenting on what the narcissist, how he somehow. Like, this is when you know you're a narcissist. When somebody get a couple, gets brutally murdered by their own son, you somehow figure out a way to shoehorn yourself into that equation. So people are talking about you.
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B
I mean, it's amazing. It's really amazing.
- [21:10]
A
I think narcissists are like influencers in the most. The purest form, where I feel like influencers have to strategize how to get themselves into the zeitgeist or whatever they say.
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B
Where a narcissist is just natural.
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A
They just know what to say to.
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B
Bring the fucking thing around to themselves.
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A
By the way, anybody who's a fan.
- [21:37]
B
Of this guy, if you can somehow justify that fucking statement. This has been one of my favorite things the last nine years is I just. When I think I'm stating the obvious, like, this guy has mental problems, be.
- [21:51]
A
It the person on the right or the left.
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B
I cannot get somebody who votes either way, like staunchly hardcore, to own up.
- [22:03]
A
What they usually do is just bring.
- [22:05]
B
Up somebody else, you know, will Obama. Well, Biden or Will Trump, Will Bush. They just do that.
- [22:11]
A
It's like, no, I'm not.
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B
I'm talking about the guy right in front of us who just said the shit. Like, how does that not concern you? They won't budge. They will not budge. Anyway, my condolences to Rob and Michelle Reiner. Rob Reiner, just an absolute juggernaut of a talent. Whatever side of the camera or writer or whatever he was doing, he just. And for so many decades, at just such a high level. And, you know, on all in the Family, which is one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, the Archie Bunker meathead relationship was just. It Just was like, it was comedy gold. And I grew up watching that stuff, so. And I grew up watching his movies, Spinal Tap, you know, When Harry Met Sally, all of these things. And as much as I loved his directing and his writing and everything, I really missed him as an actor because I just thought he was so naturally funny and that he was one of those guys who didn't have to try. He could just literally say the line and it's just. It's such a friggin tragedy. And then of course, you know, these mass shootings and stuff, I just don't know why they keep showing the face and the name of the shooter. Like, why do you.
- [24:00]
A
This is.
- [24:00]
B
I haven't people way smarter than me figured out that this is why some of these people, kids do this shit. Why would you keep doing it? It's like, you know why they're. They're doing it for the money, you know, so then, then they can turn it into like some sort of Netflix series. It's just, it's like capital. You got to give it up to capitalism.
- [24:24]
A
Like, I don't give a terrorist attack.
- [24:27]
B
I don't give a what it is.
- [24:28]
A
I don't care how tragic it is. They'll figure out merch. At the very least.
- [24:34]
B
Merch.
- [24:35]
A
Where a portion of the proceeds goes.
- [24:37]
B
To help the victims.
- [24:38]
A
Yeah, where does the other portion go?
- [24:42]
B
Anyway?
- [24:44]
A
Let's get to the.
- [24:45]
B
Let's get to the reads for the week.
- [24:46]
A
Missing in Maine, everybody. How long have you been shopping with them? What items did you recently receive? What's your favorite item? What does it feel like? Why do you love their clothing? Oh, this was all for me. You know what the saying, okay, this is what they do. They make really comfortable clothing. Mizzen and Maine. You know the saying, look good, feel good. The problem is, most dress clothes only check one of those boxes. Sure, they look sharp, but they're stiff, hot, high maintenance, which makes it hard to actually feel comfortable.
- [25:21]
B
I hate nice clothes because of that.
- [25:22]
A
Anything you lean up against, you're like, oh. You know. And then also if it's like high quality for some fucking reason, right? Like a sweater or something like that, you lean up against a smooth surface and when you come off it, somehow you've pulled a thread out and the.
- [25:39]
B
Whole thing comes undone.
- [25:40]
A
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- [27:18]
B
All right, who's next?
- [27:19]
A
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- [28:37]
B
To.
- [28:37]
A
Try and get someone to break in. So you can try it out this month. Only take 50% off any new system. 50% off any new system. This is one of the best prices you will ever see for Simplisafe. Don't miss it. Hit simplisafe.com burr B U R R again. That's simplisafe.com burr and lock in your discount. There's no safe like SimpliSafe.
- [29:02]
B
All right.
- [29:02]
A
Oh, last one. Here we go. Robinhood what if. What if I told you what if sports were traded like markets. Now you can't put your sports IQ to work in real time with Rob. Oh, now you can put your sports IQ to work in real time with Robinhood predictions market. It's not you against the house. It's you participating in a live market. You can buy or sell your positions live all game long. Use your sports knowledge in the moments that matter. This is like stock trading against sports betting. Robinhood prediction markets change the game. It's people moving the action. So when the momentum shifts, you can move with it. I always knew the game, but never had a dynamic way to apply that knowledge. Is that supposed to be me? Now I can take. Okay, now I can take part. Live in a market powered by people, you're no longer just a spectator. Play by play, you decide. Now available across the U.S. download the Robinhood app now to begin. Futures and cleared swaps. Trading involves significant risk and is not appropriate for everyone. Event contracts are offered by Robinhood Derivatives llc, a registered futures commission merchant and swap firm. I'm gonna be honest with you guys. I have no idea what the fuck I just read.
- [30:18]
B
Like, wait a minute.
- [30:18]
A
I'm on the sidelines now. I'm actually making decisions. On what? The game. Is that why Pete Carroll did what he did a few weeks ago? Is that because somebody fucking said I need you to cover? I don't know.
- [30:32]
C
The holidays are about giving something truly special. I'm Martha Stewart and I believe the best gifts aren't just beautiful, they're useful every single day. Lennox has brought timeless beauty and lasting quality to our tables for generations. And their Lenox Spice Village is. Is the perfect holiday gift for someone you love or for yourself. It's more than a spice rack. It's a charming collection of hand painted houses that turn ordinary spices into extraordinary experiences. Imagine cinnamon from a tiny Victorian cottage or oregano from a pastel townhouse. Suddenly, a simple meal becomes a moment to savor. Because spices can be more than ingredients. They can inspire memories, warmth, and joy all year long. Give a gift that lasts beyond the holidays. Discover the collection@lenox.com SpiceVillage original idea for.
- [31:32]
A
Natural Born Killers, by the way. I watched this, I watched this movie.
- [31:38]
B
Last week and I was saying, having.
- [31:40]
A
I hadn't seen it since it came out and having rewatched it, I realized that it's a romantic comedy with just.
- [31:46]
B
A high body count. It's actually, I feel like initially this movie was offered to Hugh Grant.
- [31:52]
A
He turned it down.
- [31:53]
B
And then when they got, you know.
- [31:57]
A
Juliet Lewis and Woody Harrelson, they go, all right, let's change the tone of this, but let's keep the love story because America loves a happy ending. All right? Dear Bill, the Buddha Burr, you recently talked about rewatching Natural Born Killers and how the social commentary on media exploitation of violence is plaguing our society.
- [32:21]
B
Why do I always do that? Hang on a second. I gotta scroll back down again.
- [32:25]
A
I'm not sure if you're aware, but Quentin wrote that script as the first half of a screenplay called the Open Road, but his agent convinced him to split it into two. The second half became True Romance. I did not know that. He was forced to sell both scripts to fund Reservoir Dogs. So he never got to execute his vision of the movie, which was completely different from what Oliver Stone did. I do remember Quentin Tarantino getting into a physical altercation with somebody connected with True Romance.
- [33:06]
B
I mean, they're all great movies. I mean, I, I, I, I watch.
- [33:11]
A
Any of those movies they got give a fuck he was for. Okay, so he never got to execute his vision of the movie, which was completely different from what Oliver Stone did. Natural Born Killers was not supposed to be a satire or social commentary. It was supposed to be a traditional love story, but with the couple expressing their love in a very non traditional way, that is murder. Tarantino was so unhappy with what Stone did to the script that he actually removed his name as a writing credit. Dude, that's why Tarantino is.
- [33:46]
B
He's got balls.
- [33:48]
A
No one knew who the fuck he was. And he took his name off a script that Oliver Stone was doing before Reservoir Dogs came out. That was, that's amazing.
- [33:58]
B
He probably, he just knew. He knew where he was going, he knew what he was doing anyway.
- [34:03]
A
If you watch True Romance, that film stuck closer to what he intended for both films. And he is Public publicly expressed praise for Tony Scott's direction. Oh, so maybe I had it backwards. Anyways, hope all is well with you and the family. You should perform. Come up to Fairbanks, Alaska to perform. It was 30 minus 32 degrees outside yesterday. Haha, all the best and go fuck yourself. I've only been to Alaska once and I was there. My God, I was probably 30 years old. I almost haven't been there in 30 years.
- [34:39]
B
All right, you know what, I just hit pause because I was trying to find that story from way back in the day with Tarantino. I swear to God, I thought he at least got into an argument. He yelled at somebody about them fucking up his script, if I remember correctly, which I probably don't, knowing me anyway.
- [35:00]
A
Any more, like, backstories you guys have.
- [35:02]
B
On, like, bands or movies or sports. I love all of that shit.
- [35:07]
A
Oh, by the way, me and my lovely wife were out to breakfast this morning.
- [35:13]
B
My favorite thing in the world to do with my favorite person in the world and sorry, my stomach is growling, I'm trying to lose weight.
- [35:25]
A
Remember that George Carlin bit when you were like, your stomach's growling?
- [35:31]
B
It was saying things like, we're poor.
- [35:35]
A
Anyway, we went to go pay the check and they said the check was.
- [35:39]
B
Picked up by the guys in the band Explosions in the sky. So I've never met them.
- [35:45]
A
And they did it. Like, they. They just did it and left like.
- [35:50]
B
Fucking James Bond style.
- [35:51]
A
Beyond cool. So thank you from.
- [35:55]
B
To the guys in the band, from me and my wife. That was super fucking nice. And I didn't get a chance to thank you. Like the fucking Lone Ranger. So I got to do it on the podcast.
- [36:07]
A
You know, fucking classy people there. All right. Sold my business and lost my friends. Oh, by the way, any backstories you.
- [36:17]
B
Guys have on these, These. That type of stuff I. I love hearing.
- [36:29]
A
I don't know.
- [36:29]
B
I don't know what it. Because I. I love all of those things. So knowing any sort of more information about, like, you know, what actually happened, like, who's that guy? Now you know the rest of the story. Way back in the day on the. On the news.
- [36:46]
A
We did a parody.
- [36:47]
B
Of that on F is for Family. What was that guy's name who actually, Phil Henry would do it on. On the show, but like, the actual guy.
- [36:58]
A
He would start talking about a.
- [36:59]
B
Big historical event on the radio, and then he would go into the backstory of the whole thing, and then he would end it and tie the whole thing together. And then, like his catchphrase at the End was and now you know the.
- [37:14]
A
Rest of the story.
- [37:15]
B
And what was great was there was no Internet so there was no way to fact check what he was saying. So then everyone would sit around and try to figure out like there was believers and non believers of this guy thinking that he was either just making this shit up because it was kind of like how the did you find this out?
- [37:30]
A
Like what bar are you hanging out in anyway? Sold my business and lost friends. Dear Billy Boob Head. I started a company at the age of 24 with $15,000. I earned this money on my own. Oh, a self made man or woman. I love it. I love it. While living at home and paying student loans. Smart kid. I didn't go to the best school I was admitted to. I worked part time jobs during school and after. I worked at a car wash in the summer and I did maintenance work for the city in the winter too. This is exactly what I did. I worked my way through college, student loans and all of that shit, and then lived at home, paid it off and got on with my life. The company grew slowly and after 18 years I sold the company to spend more time with my family. Love that I miss birthdays and baseball games because I needed to be present for things to operate. The sum of money I received for the sale is significant. I'll still be doing consulting and probably get a part time job somewhere to keep busy. But most importantly, I'll be able to have a greater presence in my kids lives. All sounds great, right? 100% it does. Well, it comes to my attention that several friends of ours thinks that selling my business was a decision made out of greed. Hey, welcome to the world of success.
- [38:56]
B
Sir or ma'.
- [38:57]
A
Am. Yeah, they're just cunts, you know, you want to find out if you have friends or not. Be successful, be successful. And then you'll find out who your friends are. And then what's funny is they'll say you changed. You know, that's the one thing I tell younger comics.
- [39:16]
B
I tell them, I go, you know.
- [39:18]
A
Like I could have been a manager. I'll see somebody young in their career.
- [39:21]
B
And I just, I see it, I'm like, this person is fucking great. And they're gonna do great things and sell a bunch of tickets. And I always tell them, you know, get a great lawyer.
- [39:33]
A
And then secondly know this, that when you get there, you're gonna lose a few friends. Like a few of your friends are.
- [39:39]
B
Not gonna be able to be around you because they're gonna view what you're.
- [39:45]
A
Now doing not as like well I'm.
- [39:47]
B
Gonna be doing that they view well you're doing it so that means I'm.
- [39:51]
A
A failure and then they can't fucking.
- [39:52]
B
Be around you and then they'll.
- [39:53]
A
Then they project it onto you and say that you're somehow different. So I'm assuming that this is what happened. They're just jealous that you fucking started a business and you sold it and now you can do whatever the fuck you want. Like that's what they want to be able to do. They should be asking you how you did that Anyway. Comes to my attention that several friends of ours think that selling my business was a decision made out of greedy and that I'm going to turn into a capitalist hack.
- [40:23]
B
Oh God. What do you live in Portland, Oregon?
- [40:25]
A
These friends and I have never seen eye to eye on politics, but in this case I'm not sure politics has anything to do with anything. The main criticism is that my is that the family I sold my business to is likely to lay off a few employees. That is that out of 65 people I've employed over a decade, two or three part time employees may lose their position. None of this is certain, just speculation. The main reason being that the family that I sold my business. The family. Oh, he keeps saying family that I sold. He didn't sell it to.
- [41:03]
B
A business entity.
- [41:05]
A
He sell it to a family because twice he's capitalized every letter in. Family is not in need of bookkeepers because they currently have their own. They intend to run the business just like I did. And I know this because I vetted their business carefully when deciding to sell to them. I owe none of these friends an explanation. Despite being able to back up my decision with moral justification. I'm thinking of just telling them all to fuck off. Keep in mind these friends all work for larger companies and have had paid holidays, matched 401 s and hefty salaries. Yeah, these are garbage people. Not only is my business none of their business, they're not even correct in their criticism. A guess who knows what that's like? Guess who knows what the fuck they had? Let me guess. They created their own narrative and they weren't even fucking there. And they don't have access to any of the information. And rather than just asking you about their concerns. Yeah, gee, what is that like? Dude, this is. I don't give a fuck what business you're in. This is how it goes down. I take umbrage with the idea that capital capitalizing on my hard work somehow makes me a Destructive person. And these friends have jumped from company to company, chasing higher salaries and signing bonuses. One of these friends was laid off due to an AI initiative with which saw their company pivot from one area of tech to another. None of this ever had me criticizing them. I truly hate to say this, but it's just envy that I had success. Yeah, I mean, I mean, just hearing your side of the story, but if this is in fact how it went.
- [42:55]
B
Down, that's exactly what it is.
- [42:58]
A
Person goes on to say, I really don't want to associate with these people anymore. So don't. Some are neighbors and some are parents of my children's friends. How would you handle this? Would you. Would. Would you acknowledge that you heard their shit talking or would you just smile and enjoy your new life? I would definitely smile and enjoy my new life, but I don't think it's bad to acknowledge how you heard about their shit talking. Now to acknowledge how you heard about their shit talking. Like, the way I did it right up into a month, like a month ago, like, I had two confrontations. One before my sort of awakening and one after. And one, the one before didn't go as bad as how I usually would do it when I was really angry, but it got heated and I said things to the person because I wanted to hurt him back, you know. And then after my. I was able to convey that this person did something that hurt me and I was able to kind of do it in a very matter of fact, but light and silly way that actually had the other person sort of, you know, at ease. Sorry, turning on the heater, at ease with it. And the person was able to apologize and I was able to accept it. So having learned that what I would do with these people is just say, you know, I got it. Can I talk to you for a second? It's come to my attention that possibly the fact that I sold my company has rubbed you the wrong way. Is there any truth to that? That's how you go about it. You don't go, hey, I heard you've.
- [44:54]
B
Been fucking talking shit about me, you fucking piece of shit. By the way, I always thought your wife was ugly.
- [44:59]
A
That's not how you go in. That's not how you drop in. I mean, you could do that, but we all know how that's going to end. Um, yeah, if you keep your cool, you don't drop any F bombs and you just. In a matter of fact way, just. It's been called to my attention that you might have some concerns about the Way I sold my company. Is there any truth to that? And let them explain themselves. At that point, you don't have to talk anymore. And then you can enjoy watching them squirm. And then what you do is you don't cut them out of your life. That's just a lot of energy. And by cutting them out of my, you know, their life, I mean, like, if they're neighbors of yours, you can still say hello. You can be cordial. But, like, hey, they invite you over the game, you're like, yeah, no, I'm good. I'm good. Thank you, though. I appreciate the invite. And they'll get, they'll figure it out after a while, but just always be nice and always say hello. And, you know, if they're adults, they'll in their head be like, you know what? He doesn't want to hang with me anymore because I talk shit and I fuck the relationship up. That's what an adult does. What most people do who think they're adults will then just create some sort of narrative in their head that you're the dick. I, I, you know, this is a great story for everybody who's on the.
- [46:22]
B
Podcast to listen to, because this is.
- [46:28]
A
Yeah, this is what happens, you know, if you literally, you just go hit a scratch ticket and you'll, you'll summon in your life that you thought was cool will have something to say about it. And most likely they're projecting. That's something else that I learned that.
- [46:43]
B
I, I am a projecting. I, I had no idea. Like, I literally had no I like any. And I was really sensitive.
- [46:56]
A
And if anybody said anything, I just played out a scenario from my child.
- [47:00]
B
Well, if this person did that, I don't even know this person.
- [47:03]
A
I would just, worst case, possible scenario.
- [47:07]
B
And I was doing it all the time, and then it was like it happened.
- [47:11]
A
And then I was walking around talking.
- [47:12]
B
To myself like a crazy person in the street about what I was going.
- [47:18]
A
To say when this person did this.
- [47:20]
B
Thing that they didn't even fucking do.
- [47:24]
A
Insane.
- [47:27]
B
Insane.
- [47:27]
A
So I've been on, I've been on.
- [47:31]
B
Both sides of this. You know, when I was a young comic, I definitely was envious and jealous.
- [47:36]
A
Of.
- [47:39]
B
A couple of comedians, and I hated that feeling. And I thought I didn't like them. But what it was is I didn't like that I wasn't confident. And that was, you know, fortunately, that was only, like.
- [47:54]
A
It was during, like.
- [47:55]
B
The first six to eight years I did stand up. And it probably didn't come on until, like, my third Year. So it lasted, like, about four years.
- [48:06]
A
And then once I was like, you know what?
- [48:08]
B
I don't give a. I'm just gonna say what I want to say, and I just sort of focused on what I was doing. All of that kind of went away. But so I don't know. Anyway, I. I'm.
- [48:18]
A
Congratulations. You started a business. It was successful. You employed people, and now you're a.
- [48:24]
B
Dad, and you understand that that's the most important job you're ever gonna have, you're ever going to hold, and you're focusing on it, and if somebody has a problem with that, that's their problem. And. Yeah, but you should definitely smile and enjoy your life. And.
- [48:40]
A
But I would say something to those people, because if you just stop talking.
- [48:44]
B
To them, then they'll be able to make you out to be the dick.
- [48:49]
A
Now, if you don't care that they do that, which wouldn't surprise me because of the way they're treating you, then do that. But if, you know, you want to, I don't know. It's kind of fun to approach somebody like that.
- [49:07]
B
A very calm way to be like, your fucking problem, man.
- [49:14]
A
All right. Courtroom, stranger spectators. Oh, I talked about this. I was talking about how that before they had this true crime, I still think that they did this. I noticed, you know, the one time I had to go to court, get.
- [49:31]
B
Arraigned and then plea and do all.
- [49:34]
A
Of that shit, that there was these random people, old people. Like, there was this woman, like, needle doing needlepoint.
- [49:42]
B
And it was in the summertime. I remember in the middle of admitting to being guilty for drinking and driving, she caught my eye, and I was just sort of looking at her like.
- [49:57]
A
She'S literally here for the air conditioning and the fucking entertainment of this, you know, because that was. You know, this was way back in the 80s where it's, you know, air conditioning was still a luxury. Like central air.
- [50:09]
B
Like, you were.
- [50:10]
A
You had. If you just had, like, money for a window unit, and you had it in your master. Your master bedroom, and all your kids could sweat it out. Like, they, you know, embezzled from a company down the hall. All right, courtroom, stranger spectators.
- [50:30]
B
Hey, Billy.
- [50:31]
A
Courtroom balls. You were talking about being in court, seeing old people you didn't know back in the day, watching your court hearing. This person says, I've been watching a lot of ancient history content and listening to the History of Rome podcast because I'm not smart enough to actually read papers and things like that. Hey, right back at you. Apparently, back in ancient Roman times, people in the city would go to watch cases for entertainment. Yeah, it's kind of like the first dramas on television. Like before television. This person goes on to say, as people tried to sue each other or whatever bullshit that was going on at the time or whatever one person did to the other to piss them off. Okay, those are the cases they were watching. Also. They had a sort. They sort of. They had sort of a patron system in the city where if you had more money than somebody else in your neighborhood, you might be making your rounds around the neighborhood. And Johnny from down the street would be like, hey, Billy rich dude, you got a dollar for a friend? And you'd be like, sure, Johnny, you're a pretty cool dude. Then you would walk down the neighborhood and see somebody richer than you. And you'd be like, hey, Maximus, you got a 20 you could spare? And they'd be like, sure, Billy Broker than me. You're a pretty funny guy. A patron system. That's pretty interesting. So a lot of the same shit that goes on today was the same 2,000 years ago, except for whatever reasons, musicians, actors, comedians were considered the lowest of the low scum. Well, I mean, I think a lot of people still think that. I don't know why, but apparently that's how it was. Which would include me as a former musician. Well, they were probably getting the girls, the musicians. I can see why. And actors, too. Comedians still have to work because for whatever reason, like a musician, they don't want you to keep playing your song. But with comedians, they want you to.
- [52:25]
B
Be, like, funny every eight seconds.
- [52:29]
A
Anyway, this person goes on to say, this is apparently why Nero got such a bad name, because he wanted to be a rock star.
- [52:42]
B
I don't know who Nero is. I'm not up on my Shakespeare.
- [52:45]
A
Love the podcast and go fuck yourself, comedian scum.
- [52:49]
B
Thanks for the laughs. All right, I gotta look up Nero now. Hang on a second. Okay, I think we're actually gonna learn something. Here's a name for you.
- [53:00]
A
Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, born Lucius Domitius Aharbonnevis. Wait, was he Greek? And then, I don't know, Roman emperor? Why does that seem like a Greek? Germanicus was a Roman emperor and the final emperor of the Julio Claudian dynasty. Oh, was he the last one? Reigning from A.D. 54 until his death. A.D. 68. A.D. 68. He literally died 1900 years before me.
- [53:39]
B
Oh, my God. I hated this part of history almost as much as ancient medieval history.
- [53:46]
A
All right, Nero was born.
- [53:49]
B
Okay, okay.
- [53:50]
A
By the time Nero turned 11, his mother married Emperor Claudius, who then adopted Nero as his heir. Upon Claudius death in AD 54, Nero ascended to the throne with the backing.
- [54:03]
B
Of Blah, blah, blah.
- [54:04]
A
In the early years of his reign, Nero was advised and guided by his mother, Agrippina, his tutors Seneca, and his patron, perfect Sextus, Ephraimius Burrus. But sought to rule independently and rid himself of the restraining influences. Jesus Christ, you got the Cliff Notes. Early life, military pursuits. Pursuits. Nero studied poetry, music, painting, and sculpture. Wow. See, he was an artist. He didn't. He took over the family business. He both sang and played this sitara. I don't know what that is. Many times. Many of. Is that one of those little harps you skip around with your fucking toga on. Many of these disciplines were standard education for the Roman elite. All right. But Nero's devotion to music exceeded what was socially acceptable for the Roman of his class. Ancient sources were critical of Nero's emphasis on the arts, chariot racing and athletics. This guy was the man. So that douche described Nero as an actor. Emperor. Oh, I remember why. Because they. There was a thing back then where.
- [55:17]
B
If you were an actor, you were.
- [55:20]
A
Not allowed to run for political office because it was the belief that you were so good at acting that you could pretend like you were a better.
- [55:28]
B
Person than you were. People didn't realize at that point in time that most people have the ability to act like they're a better person.
- [55:39]
A
Than they really are.
- [55:46]
B
Anyway. All right. I don't know what else to talk about. That is a podcast. I'm going to watch a little Monday Night Football. I apologize for it being late today. I just got caught up in some family stuff. But thank you to everybody that bought some tickets down there in Cerritos. I'm gonna get my ass on stage every night this week before this gig because I'm honing in some, like, the first 15 minutes of new that I got on the happy side of the album, as opposed to the dark side of the moon that I got the rest of the act.
- [56:16]
A
So there's going to be something for everybody.
- [56:19]
B
There's going to be a little bit of hope, and there's going to be a lot of darkness.
- [56:21]
A
But we'll see. We'll see how this.
- [56:24]
B
We'll see how this whole thing plays out.
- [56:26]
A
But we're coming to the end of the football season, and I like my Patriots chances. I think that we could, you know, I don't know, maybe we could. We could win a playoff game and get to the AFC championship. Who knows? Anything can happen, but, like, I don't judge anybody by their record. Like, I know we have a better.
- [56:45]
B
Record than the Bills, but, like, you.
- [56:47]
A
Know, if they're hitting their stride at the right time, I mean, they've been knocking on the door for like, five.
- [56:53]
B
Fucking years, it seems, and I think.
- [56:56]
A
They got a good a chance as anybody. The Chiefs are completely out of it.
- [57:00]
B
Oh, my God.
- [57:00]
A
I didn't realize Patrick Mahomes blew out his acl. Condolences to him and Chiefs fans. You know, as much as I fucking bitched about the officiating during some of.
- [57:11]
B
Those games, I obviously never want to see that happen. So I wish him a speedy recovery.
- [57:20]
A
I mean, if any season it was going to happen, it might as well be this one where they're knocked out of the playoffs. So he has plenty of time to recover and he'll come back good as new.
- [57:29]
B
Tom Brady had the same injury, and he went on to win four more Super Bowls. So, Chiefs fans, you're going to be all right. All right.
- [57:37]
A
See? How about that? That's not bad coming from a Patriots fan. All right, that is it. That is the podcast. Go yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday.