Transcript
Bill Burr (0:00)
Hey, podcast listeners. Roy Wood Jr. Here and I want to tell you about my new stand up comedy special. It's hoolarious and it's streaming now on Hulu. I did this special because the world has lost connection. We don't interact like we used to. You won't talk with your mom on the phone for 10 minutes, but you'll listen to a stranger talk on a podcast for an hour. You can listen to the podcast and call your mom that too. We all just need a little perspective. So don't miss my new stand up Special, Roy Wood Jr. Lonely flowers now streaming on Hulu. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? What's up, people on the east coast? My friend's still checking in on me to see how I'm doing. I have not watched anything on the news. I don't watch the news. I have no idea what's going on. And it's unsettling that they keep asking because I thought the fires were out and they were just sort of hosing it down as they do afterward, but I guess not. I guess it's still going. So this is insane. So it is what it is. I've started to wear a mask out here. I didn't have a mask on for a few days. I was like, I don't want to do the fucking mask thing again. And I walked around for a couple days without a mask and my throat was killing me, right? And I was just thinking, there I was just thinking like, you know, all like the plastic, you know, I mean, everybody has a plastic dust pan in their house, you know. And then like if, like, you know, if somebody has crocs in a house, I feel like you're like a crocs family, you know, like just not one person. Then everybody gets them. And those things are like, oh, those rubber. Maybe those are rubber. I don't know what it is. But all I was thinking was they, they better, you know, since what they learned during the cleanup after 9 11, that they get these firefighters, you know, the right equipment so they don't destroy their lungs. I don't know. What a time. What a time. There's, oh, you know, something. Every time's a crazy time to be alive though. You know, when you think about it, I think that's why people like the 90s, 80s and 90s and maybe most of the 70s, at least in this country, it's like we got out of Vietnam, so that was over. You know, you have your recession bankers, right? And he kind of went in and out of that. We had grenada in the 80s, you know, and then we had a quick one in the early 90s over in the Middle East. I don't know. There's always something going on though, right? There's always something that makes you feel like whatever you believe in is going to be showing up next week to judge you. I saw this thing where this guy who recently passed away, they. They posted his thoughts on the afterlife and he was a reincarnation guy, which just doesn't make any sense to me. You know what I mean? Like, you keep coming back until you get it right, and then you, then you get to go to the afterlife. Then what I would think would be the population would be slowly dropping rather than increasing because with each death there would be a certain percentage that finally got it right. And then also I'm thinking like, if that is true, the reincarnation thing, that you stay here until you figure it out. And human beings been walking the planet for I don't know how many hundreds of thousands, millions. I can never remember what scientists say or the Bible, if the re. Well, they don't believe in reincarnation. But whatever what the scientists say, you know, we claim out of a lake or some, and I'm still here. It's like, how fucking dumb am I? Like, at what point do you give up on the dream of. You know what I mean? Like, I had a lot of fucking dreams before I figured I'd give stand Up a shot. I had a lot of fucking dreams. And one of the things that led me to stand up comedy was when I sucked at something, I honestly looked at myself and I was like, I don't, you know, I'm not good at this. And I would just try to find something else. So it would be weird if I was able to do that in my life and find the right job. For me, learning from my failures is as far as my career. But for some reason, the overall, the big overall getting life and doing it right, I keep. I keep doing it wrong. You know, that's a good sci fi movie, right? That somehow everyone finally becomes aware of it, right? And that's why the world keeps getting worse and worse, because with each like, generation dying off, the people that get life and are nice and courteous and empathetic or whatever you're supposed to be doing down here there's none of them left. So then all it is is just us pieces of shit. And then whoever makes us announces this is the final round and, and it's the most difficult because everybody down there is a fucking moron, a piece of shit or both. And that's why the world has progressively gotten worse and worse. And this is your last opportunity. And you somehow, all of you have to set aside your petty, your greed, your lust, whatever the fuck it is that's holding you back. And you got to do what's right or else for the rest of your life, you know, your life is going to be standing in line at the DMV or whatever the. Whatever the fuck your idea of hell is. I don't know. I never thought with like, with like hell. I just never thought like the punishment matched the crime, you know what I mean? Unless you were like, like a, like a serial killer. Like if you just like took somebody's life, you know what I mean? Or you were some mass murdering dictator or whatever. Like I, I always felt like, like that justified being like, you know, punished forever, right? Because you took these people away from the people that they loved. You took somebody's life. That always made sense to me. But like, you know, if you just some fucking asshole that cheats on his taxes, you know what I mean? You went to Vegas and you got a hooker or what?