Loading summary
Transcript656 lines
- [00:00]
Bill Burr
Hey, podcast listeners. Roy Wood Jr. Here and I want to tell you about my new stand up comedy special. It's hoolarious and it's streaming now on Hulu. I did this special because the world has lost connection. We don't interact like we used to. You won't talk with your mom on the phone for 10 minutes, but you'll listen to a stranger talk on a podcast for an hour. You can listen to the podcast and call your mom that too. We all just need a little perspective. So don't miss my new stand up Special, Roy Wood Jr. Lonely flowers now streaming on Hulu. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? What's up, people on the east coast? My friend's still checking in on me to see how I'm doing. I have not watched anything on the news. I don't watch the news. I have no idea what's going on. And it's unsettling that they keep asking because I thought the fires were out and they were just sort of hosing it down as they do afterward, but I guess not. I guess it's still going. So this is insane. So it is what it is. I've started to wear a mask out here. I didn't have a mask on for a few days. I was like, I don't want to do the fucking mask thing again. And I walked around for a couple days without a mask and my throat was killing me, right? And I was just thinking, there I was just thinking like, you know, all like the plastic, you know, I mean, everybody has a plastic dust pan in their house, you know. And then like if, like, you know, if somebody has crocs in a house, I feel like you're like a crocs family, you know, like just not one person. Then everybody gets them. And those things are like, oh, those rubber. Maybe those are rubber. I don't know what it is. But all I was thinking was they, they better, you know, since what they learned during the cleanup after 9 11, that they get these firefighters, you know, the right equipment so they don't destroy their lungs. I don't know. What a time. What a time. There's, oh, you know, something. Every time's a crazy time to be alive though. You know, when you think about it, I think that's why people like the 90s, 80s and 90s and maybe most of the 70s, at least in this country, it's like we got out of Vietnam, so that was over. You know, you have your recession bankers, right? And he kind of went in and out of that. We had grenada in the 80s, you know, and then we had a quick one in the early 90s over in the Middle East. I don't know. There's always something going on though, right? There's always something that makes you feel like whatever you believe in is going to be showing up next week to judge you. I saw this thing where this guy who recently passed away, they. They posted his thoughts on the afterlife and he was a reincarnation guy, which just doesn't make any sense to me. You know what I mean? Like, you keep coming back until you get it right, and then you, then you get to go to the afterlife. Then what I would think would be the population would be slowly dropping rather than increasing because with each death there would be a certain percentage that finally got it right. And then also I'm thinking like, if that is true, the reincarnation thing, that you stay here until you figure it out. And human beings been walking the planet for I don't know how many hundreds of thousands, millions. I can never remember what scientists say or the Bible, if the re. Well, they don't believe in reincarnation. But whatever what the scientists say, you know, we claim out of a lake or some, and I'm still here. It's like, how fucking dumb am I? Like, at what point do you give up on the dream of. You know what I mean? Like, I had a lot of fucking dreams before I figured I'd give stand Up a shot. I had a lot of fucking dreams. And one of the things that led me to stand up comedy was when I sucked at something, I honestly looked at myself and I was like, I don't, you know, I'm not good at this. And I would just try to find something else. So it would be weird if I was able to do that in my life and find the right job. For me, learning from my failures is as far as my career. But for some reason, the overall, the big overall getting life and doing it right, I keep. I keep doing it wrong. You know, that's a good sci fi movie, right? That somehow everyone finally becomes aware of it, right? And that's why the world keeps getting worse and worse, because with each like, generation dying off, the people that get life and are nice and courteous and empathetic or whatever you're supposed to be doing down here there's none of them left. So then all it is is just us pieces of shit. And then whoever makes us announces this is the final round and, and it's the most difficult because everybody down there is a fucking moron, a piece of shit or both. And that's why the world has progressively gotten worse and worse. And this is your last opportunity. And you somehow, all of you have to set aside your petty, your greed, your lust, whatever the fuck it is that's holding you back. And you got to do what's right or else for the rest of your life, you know, your life is going to be standing in line at the DMV or whatever the. Whatever the fuck your idea of hell is. I don't know. I never thought with like, with like hell. I just never thought like the punishment matched the crime, you know what I mean? Unless you were like, like a, like a serial killer. Like if you just like took somebody's life, you know what I mean? Or you were some mass murdering dictator or whatever. Like I, I always felt like, like that justified being like, you know, punished forever, right? Because you took these people away from the people that they loved. You took somebody's life. That always made sense to me. But like, you know, if you just some fucking asshole that cheats on his taxes, you know what I mean? You went to Vegas and you got a hooker or what?
- [07:23]
Paul Versey
What?
- [07:23]
Bill Burr
I just don't see like. And now you, you shall be down there right next to Hitler.
- [07:31]
Paul Versey
It's like, really?
- [07:36]
Bill Burr
I mean, what the. That's a big leap. No, I don't know, I always felt like if you had any sort of a. Like, I don't know so much, it's. It all. Everything falls apart after a couple of questions. There's always something you can't answer, including if you go the science way, you can't answer it after a while, you know what I mean? And they can be like, well, you.
- [08:01]
Paul Versey
Know, we haven't figured it out yet.
- [08:03]
Bill Burr
You know, so it's like, all right, I'll go with that arrogance. And then like you have on the other side, religion, which so much of it is made up of just dumb people who are so. Too dumb to know that they're stupid, right? And they just, well, that's God, that God did that. It's just a fucking simple answer, simple answer, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you know, why does that happen? Oh, that's, that's, that's God. He did that I always loved. You have the answer and you know, the sex of the Product. What? Like, and all, he. He made us in his image. All of that arrogance and all of that stuff. Like, I like, like, you know, I definitely think the way that we behave, it's feels more believable to me that we crawled out of a swamp, then the perfect guy created us in his image, and this is the way we're behaving. Or maybe we're like the boss's son, you know what I mean? Like, he did all the work and now we're just going around being, hey, you know who I am, huh?
- [09:23]
Andrew Santino
God, yeah.
- [09:24]
Bill Burr
He created me in his image, man. Means I get to do whatever the I want. So anyway, playoffs this weekend. One football game. One predetermined outcome. So I'll just be watching that NFC game. I can't stomach watching. And it's not the chief's fault. It's not the fan base's fault. I just can't. I can't. Fuck it. I just can't look at that show anymore, all right? If I wanted to watch football like that, I would watch Tom Cruise and All the Right Moves, you know what I mean? I'm not like, you know, I'll go put on Rob Lowe and Youngblood. I'll just watch a movie rather than something that's acting like it's real rather than a fucking movie. Like it's a made for TV fucking movie. @ that point where you just start. They're literally casting people. So anyway, I've been watching College Hoop and I've been following the Jayhawks. I watched their last two games. I watched them come back against tcu. TCU giving into the pressure of the. The NBA with the fancy of the European basketball courts. It's fucking difficult with me with my old eyes to watch a basketball game where the floor is supposed to be the same, like, texture as a horned frog. It's like, I get it, you're frogs. I don't understand how you think making that little three prong thing with your hand is supposed to be a horny toad. But, I mean, I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you the same way Florida thinks that clapping your arms together. Oh, that's like an alligator. I don't think it is. I don't think it is. It looks like you shutting, like, what would you call that? Like a couple of pocket doors that were turned vertical. More so than an alligator. I think it's disrespectful to alligators considering how long they've been here, you know, and how many things that They've survived like, as much as God up with people. He crushed it with alligators and crocodiles. I mean, those goddamn things. It's like, if you can just live to be in, like, you know, I don't know, eight, nine feet tall. Eight, nine feet, Is that what you say? Something like that. Eight, nine feet tall, long. Then you. You have, like, the chance to live. Like, how long do those things live? It's like tortoises. I saw this thing the other day. They tried to say this Taurus was 150 years old. It's like, what is it telling stories? Are you counting the rings on its neck?
- [12:21]
Paul Versey
How the.
- [12:21]
Bill Burr
Do you know how old it is? Scientists figure that shit out. They sit there and they fucking look like. How to fuck do we figure out how old? You're looking at its molars. How long its beak is. Whatever you call it. Anyways, the Kansas Jayhawks.
- [12:42]
Paul Versey
As I.
- [12:42]
Bill Burr
As I switch between the end of the world creationism versus crawling out of a swamp. Over to bread and circus. We're back to bread and circus. The Kansas Jayhawks. Next game, ladies and gentlemen, is. Who is it? It's. They're playing Houston. They. Houston. Oh, Houston. Were they the Cougars or whatever? They're like. They're a top ten goddamn team. Taking you all the way back to five. Jama slammer. Slam a jammer. Whatever they were way back in the day. Clyde Drexler, Keem, Elijah, one and all of them. They're back. Let's see.
- [13:23]
Paul Versey
Where.
- [13:24]
Bill Burr
Where are they? I got the rankings right in front of me. They're ranked seventh. Auburn, War Eagle, number one. Duke is two. Iowa State. Yes. Iowa State. When was the last time Iowa or Iowa State was ranked as high in anything? Maybe thrash metal. Maybe that was the thing that was slipknot. I don't know. Alabama. Everybody thinks it's about football over there.
- [13:58]
Paul Versey
Look at it.
- [13:59]
Bill Burr
Look at that. I'm trying to think the last, like, great Auburn basketball player, I want to say was Charles Barkley, but I don't watch it a lot. And he got Florida. Was it. Joaquim Noah played there? And then you got Tennessee, I think Peyton Manning, during the off season, he played. He played the two guard, right? Then Houston is number seven. Michigan State, Kentucky and Marquette rounding out the top 10. And then you got. There's some crazy teams in here I never would have thought would be in the top 20 in basketball. Purdue. That makes sense. Kansas. My Jayhawks are at 12 and 12. Texas A and M. Mississippi State. There's some new ones here. Oregon Ole Miss, Illinois, Wisconsin, Yukon. I feel like that's low for them at 19. They must have lost some players. St. John's formerly known as the Red Men, now known as the Red Storm. Here's a question I have. Do the St. John's red storm ever play in their old arena or all of their games at Madison Square Garden? Because when I'm back east doing the play, I would love to go to a game, but I want to go if I could in that other stadium, which is kind of going to be difficult because I feel like their games will be the same time I'll be working. Who knows? Shout out to the Michigan Wolverines at 21. Missouri 22. West Virginia 23. Memphis. Sorry. Missouri 22, West Virginia. What? Oh, West Virginia 23. Memphis 24. There we go. And I said, what? Because, like I keep doing that, my eyes, they keep failing me. I need my reading glasses. So I have them anyway. Plumbing ahead here. Here's another upside. If you're into motorsports, MotoGP and F1 are starting again next month. And I saw two crazy things like Marc Marquez is, you know, he rode Ducati last year, but he wasn't on the official team. He's now on the official team with Pekka. Pekko Banyaye. And then Lewis Hamilton is driving Ferrari. Now, a lot of people have like difficulty with that, you know, saying they should have, I guess, stuck with the two young kids that were coming up. But I get why he would do that. I would think if you, if you were a F1 driver and you had the opportunity not only to drive for Mercedes, but then also drive for Ferrari and become part of the history of both of those, I mean, what else does that guy have to prove? Doesn't he have like the most championships of all time? You know, as you can tell, I don't know much about F1, but I know that people were mildly upset by the fact that he. Why didn't he fucking get.
- [17:16]
Andrew Santino
Why is he doing what he wants to do?
- [17:20]
Bill Burr
I don't know. That's like you basically have, you know, the Jordan of both sports or the modern day Jordan of both sports are changing what factory they're they're riding for, which is really, really going to be interesting. I can't fucking wait, man. And I gotta tell you, man, I know you watch a lot of sports, but MotoGP is the easiest thing to watch. They're quick races, they're only 20 something laps and they got three levels of them. They got Moto 3, Moto 2, and then the top one. So, you know, I don't know if you like passing and that type of stuff. You like watching somebody riding 200 miles an hour on a motorcycle and he's trying to pass the person in front of him going 202 miles an hour. I mean, that's exciting to you. That is the sport for you. All right, let's get into the what am I doing here? Let's, let's do the advertising here for the week. Squarespace. Hey, folks, the podcast. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. If you don't know Squarespace, all one word is the all in one platform that makes it ridiculously easy to build a professional website. Whether you're launching a business, showing off your creative work, or trying to sell something online, they've got everything you need all in one place. It's so simple that every that even someone like me who has zero patience for technology can make it look good. Now there's a big statement there. If I can make it look good. And if you're one of those people always saying, I got this idea but I don't know where to start, this is where you start. Let me tell you about a few things I think you're going to like. All right. They're fancy drag and drop design tool called Fluid Engine. You don't need to know anything about coding or design. Just pick one of their templates and make it your own. You want to sell T shirts? Is that what you want to do with your catchphrase or mugs with your dog's face on them? Squarepants makes it easy. You design it, they handle production, shipping, all that got video content. They let you organize and showcase it beautifully on your site. You can even sell access to it through member arena areas. So if you got a side hustle like online classes or stand up clips, this is a great way to monetize. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to www.squarespace.com burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And it goes on to say, oh boy, I touched the screen. Went right back up to the top. That's squarespace.com burr to save 10% off your first purchase of a website. Or it says Damon D A M O N. I think domain. I don't know. All right. Oh, it's policy genius. Each new year is an opportunity to reflect and plan for the future. Like setting career goals, making financial moves. Ah. Or most importantly, ensuring your family is always taken care of. No matter what happens. I'm talking cash. I'm talking gold, weapons, shelter and unlimited food source. Sorry, went end of days there. Make this the year you check life insurance off your list. Life insurance okay. And protect your family's future with Policy Genius. Policy Genius makes finding and buying life insurance simple so you can ensure your loved ones have a financial safety net to cover debts and routine expenses or even invest that money to earn interest over time. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for a million dollars of coverage. Some options are 100% online and let you avoid unnecessarily unnecessary medical exams. Compare quotes from America's top insurers side by side for free with no hidden fees. Their license support teams helps you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life. They answer questions, handle paperwork and advocate for you throughout the progress process. Sorry. Life insurance is a form of financial planning and Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. Even if you already have life insurance through work, it may not protect all your family's needs or follow you if you leave the job. Join thousands of happy Policy Genius customers who left five star reviews on Google and trustpilot. Secure your families tomorrow so you have people peace of mind today. Head to policygenius.com Bill Burr or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's policygenius.com Bill Burr B I L L B U R R One word. All right. Hey podcast listeners. Roy Wood Jr here and I want to tell you about my new stand up comedy special. It's hoolarious and it's streaming now on Hulu. I did this special because the world has lost connection. We don't interact like we used to. You won't talk with your mom on the phone for 10 minutes, but you'll listen to a stranger talk on a podcast for an hour. You can listen to the podcast and call your mom back too. We all just need a little perspective. So don't miss my new stand up Special, Roy Wood Jr. Lonely flowers now streaming on Hulu. Well, there you have it. It's 23 minutes of your life you'll never get back anyway. Becoming a motorcycle fanatic. It's weird. I don't know, I. I've always liked them and now that I've been riding a little bit, I absolutely love them. And I don't know, I don't know what to do about it. This Is not something I saw happening. But I mean, they're fucking works of art, so many of them. And I've been want, I've been, you know what? I've been looking as a bunch of the older ones. It's a fucking disease, man. I just love old shit. I love old houses, I love old instruments, I love old cars, trucks, motorcycles. I like anything that's fucking old. I just think there, it's inherently fascinating, you know what I mean? That, like what how it used to look, the way it was built, you know, the technology that existed then. Like, I've been really into a lot of those, those classic Japanese bikes, you know, sort of like the first super bikes. And I don't mean the ones from the 80s, like the 70s, some of the Hondas particularly. And I remember as a kid I used to always love them. And there was this weird thing when, like when I was growing up where all of a sudden foreign cars were like taking over. Like, my family had a 73 Toyota Corona station wagon, black, gray, with black interior, stick shift. Everyone in my family drove a stick, right, Four speed. It actually had a wood handle, but it was like one of the last years that they did that. And I remember my dad go, christ, look at the dashboard. Piece of shit, right? Because it was all like plastic. Oh, Christ, look at this thing, you know, he didn't want to buy a foreign car, but it's just where we were. They were cheaper, right? And what was I gonna say? I always loved like during that period, the brake lights, the way the red and the orange and the shape of them, the way they put them together on the Datsuns, the Toyotas, the cars and then on the motorcycles. I used to always love the Honda's rear brake light. I don't know why. There was just something about it that it just really looked great. And it looked great with the 70s aesthetic. And I'm finding myself going back looking at those things, you know, now that I have, okay, I'll tell you. Underrated. Learning how to drive, ride a.
- [25:37]
Paul Versey
A.
- [25:37]
Bill Burr
Harley Davidson with the fairing. Once you ride one of those big ones, every other bike becomes a possibility. Now, I'm not talking about like those ones, you know, where people get on, dress like speed racer and go like 200 miles an hour in third gear. I'm not talking about those things, those ninjas and all. I'm not talking about that. I just mean everything else that is sort of like, what would you say, what would the word be? The word would be sort of user, More user. Friendly, more chill or whatever. I've gotten really into those things like old Ducatis and I don't know, they're just like fascinating. And then also it just seems like if I had any sort of mechanical like inclination, not inclination skills, like the engine is just like. One of the cool things about a motorcycle is the fucking engine is right there. I guess you got to take all this shit off on top. But like compared to a car was under the hood, lifting up the hood, trying to fucking peek around and it was just so goddamn intimidating. This shit, it's like, it's like sitting right there in front of you. I know it's like not as simple as that, but in my simple head it is. Anyway, I'm getting ready to get the fuck out of here. Gonna go back east, do this play and I'm gonna try to figure out how I can do stand up during the time when I'm doing it, going around, doing spots and I'm excited to, after I do the play is to do a little tour, you know, like that one I did right before the holidays where I went through the Central Valley and I went to all of these places that I had never been to before. So I'm kind of into doing that on this tour. I want to go to a lot of places I either never been to or haven't been to in a while. So it should be fun. But it's kind of crazy. The only date I have on the books right now is Abu Dhabi in July and which will be right after the play. So I got to make sure, you know, the act doesn't get too dusty. But this is all good problems to have. I want to thank everybody that has already bought tickets to go see Glengarry Glen Ross. I want to thank everybody that has bought tickets to the Wiltern on the 27th. I get to work with the great Shane Gillis. I've never co headlined with him before, so it's exciting. We're doing our part to try to help whoever we can with the money raised from this and how quickly it sold out is, you know, it's a testament of all the great people out here in la. So I, from the bottom of my heart, I really appreciate you guys coming down to the Wheel Turn and Shane always brings it and I plan on bringing it too. And it's going to be a positive thing as we try to figure out how the hell to get out of this. All right, all right, well, that's it. Enjoy the sports this weekend. Enjoy the people in your Life. Enjoy. All right. Don't let them divide you. Just, you know, listen to people's theories. You don't have to argue with them. You know, we should just bring back hugging. Somebody says something you don't understand, just be like, oh, just give him a big hug. It would just diffuse everything. So silly. Or you do it to the wrong person, you get stabbed in the abdomen. But that's where the excitement comes. Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. We have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Sending out love to all you guys. Look at me being all fucking mushroomy. Post mushroom trip guy. All right, I'll see you. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for January 23, 2017. What's going on? How are ya? Oh, man, what a weekend. Holy Toledo, holy Dayton, Holy Sydney, Holy Cincinnati. Holy Cleveland. What a weekend I had. Good Lord. First of all, I sat there with an Afghan and some Kleenex and watched the entire women's march. And I have to say, I was so moved. No, I'll be honest with you, I haven't watched a second of it. The only reason why I'm bringing it up is because like, 50,000 people on Twitter like, dude, I can't wait to hear your take on the women's march. I didn't fucking watch it. I cannot. I can't. I. Did I ever tell you guys how much I believe in protesting, but how much I cannot watch it? I'm always let down. I'm always disappointed. It's always just a bunch of bad chants. Like, I watched the Madonna speech thing. I did do that. Just because I, you know, I relate to Madonna. Like her. I also stayed at the party too long, you know, I became the old creepy person still at the club. I did it. I've done it. I totally get it. She's fucking brilliant, man. She goes there, right? She knows she has all these eyeballs on her. So she's done this her entire career. This is how you stay relevant, all right? Long after people give a fuck. This is how you stay in this. She goes in, she just doesn't give a speech. I mean, how easy would it have been to give the speech without dropping the F word, right? But if you do that, you're not going to get any free press. So she throws a couple of F bombs in there. God knows I know how that works. I made a lot of money off that word. Good for you, Madge. Right? But that's not going to be enough because she's thinking probably in her head, you know, I already kind of did the dropping the F bomb thing on the letterman interview, like 20 years ago. Critics will be like, oh, more the same from Madonna. Blah, blah, blah. I need to take this to a new level. What does she do? Threatens to blow up the White House. You know, I thought about blowing up the White House. Did you? Did you really think that you thought about doing that? Madonna. How did you think exactly? How were you going to execute this plan? Were you going to put on a Wile E. Coyote suit and fucking climb the fence, Do a little thing of dynamite going around? You know, you're backing up with the fucking wire. Madonna. Oh, I thought of. Did you? You didn't think about that. You just know if you say some shit like that, it becomes an issue of national security, no matter who the fuck says it. So there you go. Now you get Fox News going, like, should we consider this a terrorist threat? Right. Classic. And then what does she do? What is the cherry on top? She sings one of her hit songs in front of all those women. How much fucking money do you think she made?
- [32:47]
Paul Versey
Are you with me? I said, are you with me?
- [32:55]
Andrew Santino
Do you believe in love?
- [32:58]
Bill Burr
This was off my fourth album.
- [33:01]
Paul Versey
I believe I first debuted it on. On the Blonde Ambition tour. Goes a little something like this. Give me a dollar, baby.
- [33:13]
Bill Burr
I. You can download this on itunes, you know. You know, give me a fucking break. Fucking everybody up there with their fucking. I don't know, I. I couldn't watch it. Like, I had to watch the Madonna thing because when I heard she did that, I was like, this woman is. She's fucking brilliant. That woman is. She is showbiz 24 7. That's why she's still around. She did that. She. She should have got booed when she started singing that song. People should have been like, is this trying to get 99 cents off of me? I don't know. But that's the only thing I watched. It was like five minutes. Well, actually I watched her speech and then I was like, well, I got to hear the song she sings and it was perfect, man. You know, I love that she sang the Lady Gaga song anyways. And of course, underneath all of those, there was like, you know, some 17 minute speech from Michael Moore. That shameless bastard out there trolling for pussy. You know, playing the unders, I understand. Card. I really hate how he dresses like John Goodman when he was on Roseanne. You know, he's always walking around with his Big dumb fucking. I just got done working on, you know, assembling cars. That fucking hat he wears. There's no fucking way. I can't sit through that fucking. I can't sit through any of it. And the stupid chance. And we're gonna do this, and we're gonna do that, and you just wanna be like, you're not. You're not.
- [34:49]
Paul Versey
You're all gonna go home, you're all gonna get 50,000 different fucking cars, and.
- [34:53]
Bill Burr
That'S gonna be the end of it. You're all gonna get to say that you were there and you put your fucking fist in the. I know this is cynical as shit, but, I mean, Trump did the same thing, did he not his acceptance speech, something else I barely saw any of. I just watched the clips. When it comes. When it comes to, like, all of this type of shit, I just watched the highlights. Like, if you never watch sports and all you did was just watch SportsCenter, you know what I mean? But you never watch the game. That's basically how I watch this shit. Trump did the exact same thing. He's sitting up there going, these corrupt politicians, they're not there for you, they're there for themselves.
- [35:31]
Paul Versey
Well, guess what?
- [35:33]
Bill Burr
It stops now. How, Donald? How does it stop now? He sounded like a fucking. Some loud drunk in a bar, dude. You know what I would do if I was running stuff? I kick them all out. Anybody takes a dime, you're fucking out of here. I mean, it sounded like. Did he just rent the Untouchables? It was like Kevin Costner's fucking speech in that movie. Like, what? You're the president. This is what I'm worried about that guy. I'm worried about that guy because he thinks being president is like, he just bought an old casino and he's gonna go in and get all the people that were fucking, you know, loafing around. He's gonna fire them and then replace them with. It's like, you can't get rid of these. How are you gonna get rid of these people?
- [36:26]
Paul Versey
How are you going to prove that.
- [36:27]
Bill Burr
They'Re doing what you're saying? You would have to expose them. All of them, both the blue ties and the red ties, the red bras and the blue bras, right? They're all going to collectively get together and be like, this guy is going to make us all look like fucking scumbags. We're just not going to work with him. What he said was just a bunch of. It was a bunch of shit. It's just. You're not going to do that. That's not how that town works. You're not the boss, you can't go, you're fired. You have to run shit by people. And then they're going to be cunts. Democrats are already going to be a cunt to you because you wear a red tie. And they're going to do the exact same shit the Republicans did to Obama. They're not going to work them because you have a different colored tie. You're going to come in and you're going to give some tough speech. You know, he should have been standing there holding like a piece of a two by four. You know, I don't know, it was like, it was very. You know when you're watching a movie and you're enjoying a movie and then all of a sudden they just remind you that, oh, this is just a fucking movie. Because you go, you know, that that would never happen. That's what that speech looked like to me. But I didn't see it. I didn't see that either. I just watched the highlights. So you're probably saying, well, Bill, why didn't you see anything this weekend? You know why? Because I had something a little more important in my life that happened, okay? I had to watch the New England Patriots win the AFC championship game. There was a battle this weekend, people, and I don't mean women and people without voices standing in the rain, wearing berets or a prisoner jumpsuit, whatever the fuck somebody was wearing on that thing. You know what's funny about Madonna's speech is the amount of people milling around in the background, not even listening, smiling. Look at you. Listen for a couple seconds, you throw your hand in the air and then you just go fucking schmooze with somebody else. It was a big fucking Hollywood party. And I can say that because I watched three minutes of it. There was another battle going on here, people. And this isn't, by the way, this isn't like an anti Trump thing. This isn't an anti woman thing. It's just one of those things of like, what the fuck is everybody getting so excited about? Are you ready? I said, are you ready? And they're all going, yes. And it's like, for what? What are we doing? Where are we going? What's going to happen? We're going to walk up there, we're going to chant some shit. Okay? You think if they walked up, let's say they walked up to the White House because I don't know where they went. Let's say they all start chanting, okay? Donald Trump is in there. Okay, first of all, me as a civilian, okay? I can go to a Best Buy and I can get a pair of those bows, noise canceling headphones, and I can press a button and I can't even hear a fucking jet engine that I'm on or the guy talking too loud on his cell phone. I can just press that fucking thing and it's over, okay? And I'm just a citizen. Can you imagine the pair of Bose fucking headphones that you get handed when you become president so you don't have to hear the chanting of the disenfranchised? Right? I bet you can't even see them, you know, they fit right underneath this toupee. Not the toupee part, the part that's still real. The Ben Franklin part of his hairdo, right? Probably just sticks them in his ear, you know? Are the ladies there? You probably just sat there, right? Just with his binoculars on, you know, rubbing himself as he's looking out the window. I'm sorry, all right? Oh, God, when did I become such a cynic? You know what? I don't know. I like to think it's life experience, but what are you gonna do? When are we gonna do it?
- [40:23]
Andrew Santino
What do we want?
- [40:25]
Bill Burr
What's gonna happen? Nothing, because we all have to leave. We all gotta go to work tomorrow.
- [40:34]
Paul Versey
We have to go to work, baby.
- [40:38]
Bill Burr
You know, it's funny about Madonna showing up to this one. It's like, don't you live in England? Why the fuck didn't you go to that rally? I wanted to blow up the fucking White House. Oh, yeah. Can I see your passport, please? Did you go through customs first there? Oh, Jesus. Just staying at the party, Staying at the club. Too fucking long. What I'm doing is I'm challenging the images of what is a set. No, you're not. No, you're not. You're not. You're not challenging anything. I can. If she was a guy, she'd be that guy at the Christmas party who had a. You know those guys who put the tie around their head and it becomes like, you know, this is their big rebellion, like that. That's who she. She'd be that person with the fucking man tits, you know, saying wildly inappropriate things to some fucking intern. Just walks into work on Monday, just has to not look at anybody and just close the door to his office and be like, oh, God, how long? How long do I have to just feel the shame of my behavior last Saturday night? Anyways, there was another battle going on. It was the Battle between the city of Boston and the city of Pittsburgh. I don't know. With all the screaming and yelling this fucking weekend, I don't know if anybody noticed that yesterday in the sporting world, the world that you can actually trust. Well, they do give a lot of speeches, a lot of locker room speeches, and everybody actually is on the same team, and then they all go out together and they try to achieve a goal. The Boston Bruins and the Pittsburgh Penguins played each other on the same day that the New England Patriots and the Pittsburgh Steelers play. I know if you're not from this country or if you're just a cunt, you can be like, well, I mean, it's really the Boston is the Bruins, not the Patriots. Do you guys know why the Patriots call the New England Patriots? This is really actually a sad tale about this team. We were the Boston Patriots initially. And what ended up happening was because, you know, they were in the AFL and it was an upstart league, and all the talent, a lot of talent was in the NFL. Nobody really gave a fuck. So in an effort to try to get more fans, they switched from Boston. They thought if they said New England, they could get enough people trickling down from Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, up from Connecticut and Rhode island to maybe fill up a little bit of Fenway fucking Park or ever. They played Nickerson fields, all these places where they played. That's the reason why. So, anyways, so the first game, the Bruins come out, right, and they play Pittsburgh. And for half the game, we were doing all right, you know, after half the game, it was fucking 2 to 1. And then I don't know what happened. I don't. I don't know what happened. I didn't see the game. I was. I was, you know, doing some other shit, but I was watching it on my phone. It was like, two to one. I'm like, all right, they're hanging in there. They're hanging in there. And then I fucking. I don't know, I. I felt like I walked around for 20 minutes. I looked back at my phone, it was like, five to one. We got fucking smoked. So, you know, people giving me shit on Twitter going, ah, that's one. Same thing's going to happen to you, Patriots. And I got to be honest with you, I had no feeling one way or the other about that game yesterday. As far as, like, you know, what do you think's going to happen? I had no fucking idea. Nothing was going to surprise me. If the Steelers came in and beat us, it wasn't going to Surprise me after the way, you know, we just looked bad against the Texans and I was not, you know, didn't have too much confidence in our offensive line. And I know Pittsburgh always has like a great defensive line and that type of shit. So I didn't know what the fuck was going to happen. So I was very surprised at, you know, how well everything worked yesterday. And it was just fucking amazing. And I was sitting there watching the game on this hospital tv, you know, and the TV was so fucked up. It was because, you know, that's fucking hospital tv, dude. Like, it has like the, you know, like those waves they used to do when someone was going into like a fucking, like a dream sequence. That's what I was. That's what it was like. So I couldn't even tell what quarter it was or how much time was left. And thank God they kept saying what the fucking score was because I could barely see it. And that's all I did. I just was in the hospital. I was just watching football games on this TV that just had like these lines. Just they weren't doing like the wavy thing. They were just sort of, you know, just going from left to right. We just. And they just, just kept going. I couldn't see what was going on, so. But fortunately, I was sitting there and I watched the game with my brand new baby daughter laying on my chest for the whole game was one of the fucking greatest, arguably the greatest moment of my life. Did I mention that? Did I forget to bring that up? That old fucking Billy the Kidless is finally your father? Yeah. My wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect. She's absolutely gorgeous. And I'll spare you all the cliches, you know, that everybody says. Because one thing I really did learn throughout this whole process, which is really, as the guy you're observing, this amazing thing, is that, you know, just don't tell too many fucking people. That's all I can tell you. You know, I know I said it on the fucking podcast, but I don't run into you guys. I mean, in your life, don't tell too many people you're having a fucking kid. Because I swear to God, the amount of misinformation or even if it's good information, like a lot of people don't know how to fucking convey information in a compelling way. So you're just sitting there just smiling, thinking, when is this going to be over? And yeah, people will fucking. It's so nuts. They, they, whatever they went through, they tell you that that's what you're going to go through. So you end up going in there and you have everybody else's experience in your fucking head swimming around when the reality this is not their experience, it's your experience. And however you react, whatever you do, whatever you think and all that is fine, it's your fucking experience. Because I was sitting there almost having like an out of body experience thinking, like, why am I feeling this? Why am I feeling this instead of that? I thought I was going to feel this. Blah, blah, blah. I was literally in my head for like fucking, I don't know, like 15 minutes. So anyways, that was my fuck. That was my weekend I became a father. And I got to see the Patriots go to their unprecedented ninth Super Bowl. So my wife and my beautiful daughter come home today. I have to do the Jimmy Kimmel show because I'm promoting my next stand up special that comes out on Netflix on January 31, taped at the Ryman Theatre in Nashville, Tennessee, you know, which is home of the original Grand Ole Opry and legendary place. I got to play it a number of years ago when I did Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Tour festival thing they have out there in Nashville. And of course, like every performer who goes there, you just fall in love with the place. It's just a magical place. So I got to do my special there. And you know, very proud of this one. And if you guys can get the word out and just let people know that I got a special coming out. It's on January 31st. I don't know how the ratings work on Netflix. I don't know. But basically people gotta watch it. If you watch it, then it comes up on the thing where people can actually see it in the sea of like 20 million shows that they have on that worldwide network. So please tweet about it, Facebook about it, social media about it and all that type of stuff. And I hope you guys enjoy it. I'm really proud of this special. I love the way it came out and all that stuff. So that's what I got going on. And my wife and daughter come home tonight. So that's it. This is the last time my house is gonna be quiet, but I've been having a great time so far. I got my fucking diaper changing thing down. My swaddle game is at like, I'd say, you know, it's about at 80%. That's like the biggest thing. I suck at burping. I'm not good at that. You know what I mean? Because I mean there's only so hard you can go on a baby's back before you think like, am I, Am I like beating a baby right now? I don't want to do this. So anyways, anyways. Oh, I forgot this too. I gotta say my apologies once again. Two weeks in a row to the Atlanta Falcons.
- [49:50]
Paul Versey
I'm sorry. So sorry that I doubted many ice.
- [50:00]
Bill Burr
Jesus Christ. The Atlanta Falcons look like fucking world beaters. I have been converted in two short weeks. I went from. Isn't this the fucking team that had to pump in crowd noise because it was so quiet at their fucking stadium? Didn't they have to do that a couple years ago? Didn't they get caught doing that? And everybody laughed because it wasn't the New England Patriots cheating so that it wasn't a big federal offense. Didn't that happen? Isn't that the franchise we're talking about here? Where they got some little slap on the fucking wrist where the Patriots would have got 12 zillion dollars in fucking fines and lost a bunch of first round draft picks. It's okay. It's okay.
- [50:43]
Paul Versey
We got.
- [50:43]
Bill Burr
We got a little upset for a second because we saw a little red in the uniform. Oh, that's not the Patriots. So then it's just sort of funny. Isn't that disfranchise? Now look at the place. The place is packed. The place is packed. Everybody's loud. And I got to tell you something right now, 80% of the people in that fucking stadium should have been hanging them, hanging their fucking heads in shame.
- [51:03]
Paul Versey
Because where were you?
- [51:06]
Bill Burr
Where were you when they were bad? Huh? You know where you were, you goddamn Georgia fans. You can't even show up to the Braves when they make the fucking playoffs. You can't even sell out your fucking stadium. I don't. I don't get Atlanta when it comes to that type of shit. I don't get it. Like, they just, they are not a pro city fucking town. They've lost two hockey teams. You know what I mean? Twice divorced. They had the Atlanta Flames, right? Wasn't enough to have Bobby Orr and all these great guys from the 70s coming to their town. They didn't give a shit. They were down the street, right between them hedges. Hey, we watching some fucking college football. That's what the fuck they were doing. And what did the NHL say? All right, well, what were we thinking? Let's get the fuck out of here. And they went to Calgary and became the Calgary Flames, right? And then for whatever reason, because they're the NHL, you know, because they're stubborn. God damn it. We're gonna put another team in there. 20 fucking years later. Here you go, the Atlanta Thrashers, which I've never. I don't even know what the fuck that is. Thrashers. When I hear about thrashing, I just picture somebody shaking their kid. You know what I mean? And you're sitting there in the car next to them in the parking lot going, at what point do I intervene? That should have been their logo, right? Some adult shaking a toddler. I know that's a bad image, but it's a tough game. It's a tough fucking game. And what happened? You didn't show up to those either. So they fucking moved them to Winnipeg. I'm just fucking with you guys. And now, all of a sudden, now they're great. And everybody shows up, you know, everybody's fucking pointing to the hat. Everybody's, you know, fucking doing that millennial thing when your team's doing well and you start fucking vigorously nodding and turning around at the rest of the crowd. Oh, that one drives me up the fucking wall. The nodding thing. I think that's sign language for all day anyways, but Jesus Christ, that fucking team. If there's any justice in the world, they're going to go in as super bowl favorites, but they're not. And what's great is they're going to be able to use that as, you know, whatever they say to get them hyped, they don't believe in us and blah, blah, blah, blah. It's not going to be disrespect to the Falcons. What it is, is when the super bowl comes around is when a bunch of people who don't watch sports show up. And they're going to show up and be like, who's playing in the game? Oh, Tom Brady, the Patriots. I know who this team is. The Falcons. Are they from Tennessee? Like, people who don't know sports will know the Patriots, and they'll just throw 100 bucks in the game and they'll put it on the Patriots because that's the fucking team they know. Which affects the line, because Vegas tries to get money on both sides of the ball. So that's what's going to end. That's what's going to end up happening. That's why back with that year when the Patriots lost to the Giants, which won the first time when we were undefeated, that's why we were 17 fucking point favorites. Not because we were 17 point favorites. It's because every mouth breathing, dumb cunt that went to Vegas Put money on the undefeated team. And they were trying to get money on the other side of the ball. And if you don't fucking believe me, a month earlier we played the Giants. We won on like the last drive, the last second, and we led up like 33 fucking points and won by like three or four. How a month later you become a 17 point favorite to a team? A month earlier you played in only one by four points. If you can, you can figure out the fucking math on that one. It's beyond me. So I'm predicting that the Patriots are going to go in. They're going to be considered the favorites, but they're not. I think the Falcons are the favorites and I think this is their year. I think they're a team of destiny. Okay? Now people who are into superstition know exactly what I'm doing. Because you're thinking, hey, Bill, you're a Patriots fan. How the fuck would you, how the hell could you ever say that? I got a system here, people. When the Falcons played Seattle, I said Seattle was going to win. And who won? Those dirty birds of Georgia. Dirty, filthy, inbred fucking birds in Atlanta. Right down low, Birds of Atlanta, Georgia, right? Then last week they go to play Aaron fucking Rogers and the Green Bay Packers. And what did I say? Ah, you know, I had a little more respect. I'm gonna go with the Green Bay Packers. And one of those dirty, stinking, filthy fucking birds do. They went in there and Green Bay got their asses by those glorified pigeons, right? By those fucking seagulls, by those filthy, dirty birds. That's how much fucking goes on in Atlanta. You know what I mean? Even their, like logo has a fucking std, right? I'm sorry, that was a bad joke. Anyways, so I've picked against them two times and both times the Falcons win. So now they're playing my team in the Super Bowl. So here's my philosophy now. I'm going to pick Atlanta and I'm going to say that they're going to win. I got to be honest with you, if Atlanta's getting points, you're out of your mind not to fucking take it. I think personally, their fucking defense is unbelievable. That Julio Jones is like. I don't know, like, he doesn't even look like. He looks like he's, he's, he looks like a full grown adult playing with like high school kids. That fucking pass he caught and he just started shredding tacklers. Then that last guy gave him like two or three stiff arms, like a Jab. Get the fuck out of my face. Go fuck yourself. Right there, Fred. Touchdown. That guy's a major fucking problem. Their running back is a major fucking problem. Obviously Matty Ice looking like the MVP of the fucking league. They got the three headed monster thing going on offense and their defense. I don't know anybody's fucking name. All I know is they're flying around the field fucking up every team that I think is going to beat him. So if they're going to get points, that's a pretty good bet if you ask me. So we'll see. We'll see what happens. You know what Belichick's going to do? He's going to double fucking Julio Jones and he's going to try to fucking do this and all that shit. I have no fucking idea what's going to happen. I have no idea. I've been busy and I'm so happy that my wife is no longer pregnant. You know, other dads out there know what it's like in that final fucking. The final fucking month is just so brutal, where it's just like they are so uncomfortable and there's literally nothing you can do. One of the most helpless feelings I've ever had. And I'm just so happy that now she's on the other side of that. And I was as thrilled for her as I was for myself becoming a dad. Just that she. That was over. So. Jesus Christ. I already knew my wife was tough considering the amount of like I lose most fucking arguments to her. Cause she just. But watching her go through what the fuck she went through. Jesus Christ. Whole level, new level of respect for her toughness, you know what I mean? Like, my wife, what she went through could literally watch like a UFC event and be like, yeah, these guys are pussies. So anyways, where I gotta. I gotta read some fucking advertising here. Don't. I'm sitting here running my yap. All right, all right. Where are we going here? Where are we going? Type in my password. Sorry. There we go. All right, let's get to the. Oh, here we go. Jesus Christ. Oh, you know what I forgot to bring up, by the way, Remind me. I'm gonna talk to you about this move that Aaron Rodgers does as a qb. I didn't see him do it all day yesterday. I gotta talk about. Cause I might forget he's this fucking move. It's brilliant, right? When they do like a seven step drop, right? People rushing in from either side and the tackles are blocking them and you see that they're going to get around him on the outside. And Aaron Rodgers has just gone far back enough where that's the line to sack him. So the move all quarterbacks do in that moment is they then step back up into the pocket. So those guys, you know, basically, they go around the outside or have to try to go to the inside, and then they're back in front of the tackle, okay? But, you know, sometimes they still break through. What he does is he starts to step up and he gets between the tackles. So then those guys who are rushing to the outside then try to make a move to go to the inside, and then he immediately, the second they both commit to go back inside, he pops back to the outside and he actually, with that movement, has his tackles lined up with their men. It's fucking amazing. He does it all the time and, you know, just sat watching Tom Brady. Jesus Christ, did you see that first sack the Steeler had where like, I swear to God, it was like, Tom, the batteries, if he was like a robot, they shorted out for half a second. He just didn't see the guy. And then he kind of did, like, body kind of freaked out. Then he spun around and laid down. He looked like a deer in headlights on that one. He's just not the most mobile fucking guy in the world. But everybody knows that. So I don't. That move is the shit. And here's something I don't understand that no wide receiver ever does. You know when they do like a fucking reverse, double reverse or whatever, and you know, when the defense is stringing it out and it's not gonna work, you can see it's not gonna work, you know, and it's just dying a slow death. I don't mean when, you know, it doesn't work and the receiver gets the. Right there, Fred, obviously tuck the ball away. But how come when it's dying a slow death, why do they start doing this OJ fucking dancing around shit? Why don't they just throw the ball away for an incomplete rather than taking the fucking 5 to 7 yard loss? Has anybody ever seen anybody do that? That's my football question for this week. Has anybody seen a wide receiver on a reverse and it wasn't fucking working? Out of fucking nowhere. Wait, has anybody seen a wide receiver just basically do that play is what is all I'm asking? For the love of God, can somebody fucking tell me that they've seen that? I don't understand why they don't do that. Why the fuck would you do that then? You don't get Hit you don't lose a bunch of yard bill.
- [61:56]
Andrew Santino
We get it.
- [61:57]
Bill Burr
All right, all right. Let me read the advertising here for this week. All right. Oh, shit, everybody. Hey, did I tell you guys I tried to make some beef brigiol the other day? That's not a fucking easy thing to do. I don't know. Did I tell you I can't remember if I told you that on Thursday? I think I did. I did. I finally figured it out. My recipe, you got to slow cook it for 90 minutes, not 60 minutes, or I have to learn how to tenderize meat a little bit better. I need to learn how to beat the meat a little. You get it? A little jerk up joke there. Sorry. All right, let's. Did I talk about everything I wanted to talk about in the podcast? I believe I did. I believe I did. You know what's fucking hilarious is my wife keeps telling me to go to the firehouse to make sure the fire station, to make sure that the kid's seat is put in correctly, which I think it is. I mean, I fucking. A bunch of, you know, I tried to rip it out, I couldn't rip it out, you know what I mean? And I think my fucking arms are just as strong as a two car accident, right? So I've gone over to the firehouse twice. The one in my neighborhood, I've been over there two fucking times. Every time I've ever gone by that fucking firehouse, the trucks are there, somebody else is fucking washing it. Every time I go by the house to fucking firehouse, nobody's there, trucks are gone. I'm ringing the doorbell and there's nobody there. And I'm sitting there thinking, well, maybe at least the guy who makes the fucking chili, he doesn't hang back. The second time I went there, the fucking TV was on. So I don't know. I've been driving around in my wife's car, which I didn't like at first. You know, all these fucking cars, they're shaped like dinner rolls. They all look the exact fucking same. And. But now I actually. Actually kind of like it, you know, Took me a minute. You know, it's a fucking bronze car. What are you gonna do? Anyways, let's let me read some of the. The questions for this week. Did I fucking copy and paste them? Did I at least do that? For the love of Christ? No, I didn't. Of course not. Why would you do that, Bill? If you did something like that, then that would mean that you were actually fucking paying attention. All right, let's Just read them from here. Okay. Weight loss slash fat shaming. Hey there, Billy Bassinet. I actually know what a bassinet is now. Congrats on pregnancy. And you and the lovely Neil will make pretty good parents. That's hilarious. I'm emailing you because I wanted to thank you and Joe Rogan for all of your shit. It enabled me to lose 120 pounds. That's a whole person. I started back in November of 2015. Dude, that's amazing. I've kept it off and continued to get to my goal of £220. I was.357 when I started. He goes, that's a fucking plane. I think it's a gun, isn't it?357 Magnum. Anyway, thanks for. For the shame and motivation, you freckled cunt. Good luck and best wishes to you and your growing family in 2017 in the coming years. Oh, and by the way, go fuck yourself in the best way possible. Think stranger. I don't know what that means. Anyways. Oh, dude, that's great. I could use some advice because I've been during the last few weeks, I should really say, like, the last two months of Nia's ordeal is what I'm gonna call it, because it was not a pregnancy. Like, pregnancy is a fucking ordeal. You're sick the first fucking third. And then there's this, you know, eye of the storm, the second trimester. And then it's just like. It's fucking horrible. You know, if you don't have any sympathy for your wife during a pregnancy, you're not in love with her. You fucking married the wrong person, I could tell you that. So anyways, anyways, yeah, I've been. I put on some. I put on a little bit of weight. Nothing, nothing too crazy. I kept hitting the elliptical, but I just kept making comfort food. And then what would happen was, you know, she eat a little bit of it, sort of like it, and then all of a sudden would just be totally. For whatever reason, hormonally would be totally turned off by it, like, the next day. And I made enough for two people. And I'm not gonna throw it out, you know what I mean? So I gotta. I gotta finish it. You know, I ate almost a whole shepherd's pie myself. This beef brigole, she. It was too heavy. She couldn't deal with it. So, you know, you're supposed to have red meat a couple times a month. I've had it four times this week, so. But you know what? I finished the day with a Salad. I never make myself salads either. I just never know what the fuck to put in them. You know what I mean? I finally just. I just started with basics, right? I go to the grocery store. This is what I've been doing lately. It's been working for me, is I go there and I get that pre washed fucking lettuce that they have in there, you know, because, you know, basically what happened, a few people had to die by unwashed fucking lettuce. Now they wash it up for us. So you get that shit. I get three different colored peppers. Green, red, and the orange, right? I cut those fucking things up, cut up some cucumbers, throw all of that in a bowl. Then I got some tomatoes on the vine in a bowl outside the fridge, and little Parmesan cheese. And then I just have everything all chopped up and ready to go. Pre shredded fucking Parmesan and all that. So then at night, when I get hungry, before I do something stupid, I just make a quick fucking salad. A little bit of the Paul Newman's fucking balsamic vinaigrette on it. I make a face like, I don't want to fucking eat this. And then a couple bites in. You're into it. It's over. You get it going. It's like trying to fucking write a term paper back in the day. You kept putting it off, putting it off. And then when you finally sat down, you just fucking did it. Same thing with eating a salad. I try to do that. You know, if I'm gonna eat past like 7 o'clock, I try to have that. And then I have like a scotch. It's the Ron Burgundy diet or whatever. All right, work meeting. Dear Billy Red Taint. That's a new one. The cunts I work with have tasked me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi monthly team meeting. Sorry. Cunts I work have asked me to share an inspirational quote or poem during our bi monthly team meeting. Oh, my God. Well, if there's ever a sign you gotta quit this fucking job. Personally, I'd rather tell them to go fuck themselves. But since this would be frowned upon, I find myself in need of your expertise. Do you have any inspirational quotes that you can share with me so that I can keep pretending that I'm not dead inside? Dude, you're not dead inside. What you are is you're an intelligent human being who knows that this is silly and you're sick of being treated like a fucking child. This is like some shit that, like, when I was still in school, you know, And I had to sit there with my hands folded on my desk. Dude, I swear to God, the. The corporate world is so cold and so out of touch with, like, how human beings even work or they totally understand it. And this is how they just break your spirit. You know what it is, is you probably. You guys have these mind numbingly boring job. They probably don't pay enough money for you to be fucking excited by it. So now what they're going to try to do is have you, you know, go out and they won't even do it for you. They won't even come up with like a fucking. You know, their own, like little. You know, like. The Raiders just win, baby. You know what I mean? The Cubs, let's play two. They can't even come up with their own. This is. This is their fucking job. Well, look, you know what you have to do, but what I would love you to do is write your own fucking poem where it all rhymes and you just trash in this thing, whatever the fuck this exercise is. What rhymes with cunts? Let's see. One of the most exciting plays in baseball is when a speedy hitter lays down a bun. I am dead inside. I don't like this job and certainly not working with you cunts. Consider this my last fucking day. Don't worry, I don't have a gun. But I would like to say fuck all of you and your mothers, too.
- [70:37]
Paul Versey
Now.
- [70:38]
Bill Burr
I'm out of a job. I don't know what I'm going to do. And then you just leave. Go out and get drunk. I don't. I don't know what the fucking. All right. Dog wins marathon. Hey, Billy. Probably a dad. I am. I'm a father now, which means I now get to fucking act like I know things that people who don't have kids know, don't know whatever you know, they do. Oh, you don't understand.
- [70:57]
Paul Versey
You don't understand.
- [70:57]
Bill Burr
Your baby's looking in your eyes. Shut up. You didn't wear a condom, all right? That is your fucking big. That's what. That's what you did. All right? Stop acting like you walked on the moon. Oh, do you have a baby? Oh, my God.
- [71:13]
Paul Versey
What is there 12 billion of those fucking things?
- [71:16]
Bill Burr
It's like saying you have a hat. All right. Dog wins marathon. Hey, Billy. Probably a dad. Thought you liked this story. But it's my hat. Thought you'd like this story. A dog left its house and started running a marathon and ran alongside runners and finished the whole thing. He finished seventh. Congratulations. Get the fuck out of Here. Now I have to watch this video. He ran the whole fucking. No, he didn't. Ludovine. Lieu Devine ran the entire 13.1 miles without a leash or human companion. Okay, first of all, 13.1 miles is not a marathon. Oh, half marathon. Sorry. See how the misinformation starts? He fucking called it a marathon, and then I start blaming cnn. Dog wins marathon. He won half a marathon. See, you already started the lie. Dog gives CPR after running a fucking marathon. Runners in Alabama may have bitten off more competition than they anticipated in a race earlier this month. All right, now it makes sense, because I was like, who? What kind of a fucking dog owner would leave his front door wide open and the goddamn thing just runs out. It runs fucking 13 miles away. Oh, Obviously somebody in Alabama, a dog finished in the top 10 in the Elkmont half Marathon, the trackless train trek on January 16, and has been quite the Internet sensation. What is a trackless train track? There used to be train tracks. There was this. The Underground Railroad. Is this is how the slaves got out of there? Yeah. You know, we laid them. They escaped up this way, but we blocked it off. Now we just do a marathon. White people only marathon. I love the act. Like, I do it too. Like, racist white people are only in the South. That's not true. We're everywhere, Ludvine. A bloodhound lives nearby. And a bloodhound. Oh, I fucking love those. That's not a bloodhound. Oh, yes, it is. But when it runs, its face is all flying backwards, so it looks like a fucking retriever. That's one of my favorite dogs ever. Ah, God damn, it's making me miss my dog. All right, let's plow through this blood vine. A bloodhound lives near, by the way. Update on Cleo is the new owner sent me a fucking picture. And it was up on the couch sleeping like a baby, loving life. Probably doesn't even remember us because it's a dog and it lives in the present. And so that was. That was good to see. But when I saw it, I was like, oh. Anyway, she competed without a human or leash. Her owner doesn't even run. That's what makes the story. You know what? I don't like this story. I. I don't like this. I don't like this. Is one of these just like, let's just go. Nah. All together, there's a nice heartwarming story for everyone. All right, best man. Hey, Billy. Bitch tits. That's one of the most popular ones. You guys always call Me that Billy bitch tits. Is it the alliteration? I do push ups. I don't have bitch tits yet. I recently proposed to my girlfriend. Congratulations. And we're getting married in December. Congratulations. And when my lady asked me who I wanted as my best man, I realized I wasn't close enough to anyone to ask them. I have friends and co workers and family, but I'm not really close with them. Not enough to choose one best man anyway. So with that. Is this a fucking pitch for a Hollywood movie? Didn't Kevin Hart have to. Didn't. Is this a Kevin Hart movie? So with that being said, what are the chances of you showing up and being my best man? If not, can you get me in touch with Joe Rogan? Thank you. Where's your. Where's your wedding gonna be at? If I got a gig, If I got a gig nearby, I'll fucking do it. I'll come down, whatever you need. Let me tell you something about something that a lot of people don't know about, Larry. Okay? This guy fucking. This guy listens to the Monday morning podcast. Start doing the Madonna thing. I'll just start hyping my fucking podcast. That's what I'll do. I'm going to do the Madonna thing. I'm going to wear a beret. I was like, you know, when I came here, I thought about blowing up this fucking reception area because I didn't like the cake. Why is the groom on the left and not the people read from left to right? Why is it the lady first? Any I don't want. The fuck would I do? I don't know. Maybe I'd do that. I have no fucking idea. No, I'm not gonna do it because then I have to go through the whole fucking ceremony. I gotta present the ring and do all of that shit. I don't wanna fucking do that. I barely wanted to be at my wedding, even though I had a great time. That's why I learned about myself too. I swear to God, what I fucking learned about myself is the level of social anxiety that I have. That the amount of big moments in my life that if I could just fast forward through them and get on the other side of them, I would gladly do it to not. I mean, after I have the experience, I always think like, well, what the fuck was I so, you know, anxious about? And I actually, you know, I like my wedding was one of the best nights of my life. But, like, you know, my wife went into labor and shit, you know, I'm driving her over there and Everything. And, you know, there was. That part of me was just going, like, just thinking, like, I hope this is over as quickly as possible. And it wasn't. That was like a selfish thought. It had nothing to do with, like, I don't want my wife going through anymore more of this pain. Which I definitely. That might have been the most emotional I got. Listen to her screaming in fucking pain was. That was fucking brutal. Anyways, but like, yeah, I had this feeling like if I could just like hit fast forward and just be on the other side of this thing, I would do it in a second. And I've thought about that like my entire life. I've had. I've had. I never really realized I have this social anxiety with all of this shit. Like, I just want to. I just get fucking through it, get on the other side. I'm on the other side. I made it through. Nothing humiliating happened. Now I can fucking relax. I felt like that for like the first, probably nine years of every standup show that I did. Like, the level of relief that I had after, like, once I got on stage, I would be fine. And then you just doing your act and then even if you're bombing or whatever, it's like, it's the. The clock has started and with every second it's closer. The event is closer to being over. You know what I mean? It's. It's the waiting and not knowing. That's. That's what is always, always given me anxiety. Like the amount of standup shows that I've done and impossible situations that you go through as a comedian when you're coming up. For me, it was never. It was already over by the time I got on stage. Because now you just go out there now you just deal with stuff and, you know, you tell people, go fuck themselves, or you plow through, they get you and you look stupid and you feel like an asshole, but then you say goodnight and then it's over. And then you could just fucking relax. But when you're standing there for me, for me, when you're standing there at the side of the fucking stage waiting, or metaphorically, you know, go in there. I mean, I don't know. I can't believe this was one of the craziest fucking weekends of my life. You know what I mean? From the women's march to Donald Trump getting sworn in to the Patriots, going to another fucking super bowl and becoming a dad was a hell of a. Hell of a four days, I can tell you that. And I don't know, and I'm very thankful, to be honest with you. All jokes aside, that I finally got to have that experience of becoming a dad, because it was getting to the point of, like, I don't know if I'm gonn. I don't know if I'm gonna get this experience. And it's. It's weird. I feel like I lived my youth straight into my golden years, and now I'm. The middle part. I'm just doing it. I was joking. I think I may even said this on podcast. I'm, like, living my life like a Tarantino movie where it's, like, completely out of sync. You know, John Travolta is walking by in the background. You know, the diner scene in Pulp Fiction. Am I ruining this? Do I still have to say spoiler alert? Even though that fucking movie came out, like, 22 years ago? 23 years ago. Anyways, that is the. The podcast for this week. Tune in to Jimmy Kimmel tonight, and I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know what I'm gonna fucking talk about. All I know is I got the. The pre interview coming up.
- [80:12]
Paul Versey
What were some of the things you'd.
- [80:13]
Bill Burr
Like to touch on? Huh? Well, can I do the cunt poem for my podcast?
- [80:20]
Paul Versey
I don't think so.
- [80:23]
Bill Burr
We shall see. We'll see how this one goes. I'm very excited. I've never done the Jimmy Kimmel show. And here's something so cool. That fucking guy is. I met him one time at. I think I was down at Lago, where I'm gonna be Bill Burr and friends on January 31 on La Cienega Boulevard right down here in Hollywood. And he came down to the show to see somebody else, and I met him, and I started talking to him about how Bill Walsh wrote this book, you know, at the height of his, you know, just being like the Bill Belichick Vince Lombardi guy of his era, he was approached to write a book on football. And he wrote, like, he basically showed the outline and he had diagram plays, and it was like, you had to be a coach to understand the book. And the. The publisher or whatever, the. The company he was doing the book with was basically, like, going, dude, you got to, like, we can't put this book out. Like, you gotta be like a. You gotta be like a football coach to even understand any of this shit. How about some pictures of you with Joe Montana? How about some family stories and blah, blah, blah? And he was just like, no, you want me to write a book about football? This is it right here. And he just fucking put out this thing. So the book bombed. As far as not making money with just regular Joes, like, even myself, the amount of football that I watch. But amongst coaches, evidently, that book became like a bible. And if you can find, like, a hardcover version, you find them on the Internet, they go for, like, three, four hundred bucks or something like that. And whatever. I was telling Jimmy that story, and he was laughing, thought, you know, was funny or whatever, and. And I was joking, going like, you know, I want to actually get that book. Maybe I'll finally understand the COVID 2 defense or whatever the fuck is the nickel defense and that type of shit. So sure enough, like, fucking three weeks later, I get this package from Amazon. It was from him, and he actually bought me the book, and I thumbed through it, dude. And I'm telling you, it's like you feel like you stole a team's playbook. So anyways. But I've never been able to do his show. Every time I try to do a show, like, something would come up. So this is my first time doing it. And so tune in tonight. I'm hoping I'm going to go there and be able to repay him by being a little bit funny on his show. But once again, my new standup special, walk your way out, comes out January 31st on Netflix. Please tweet about it. Please let everybody know. And. And that's it. Thank you for listening to the podcast. I'll talk to you later. I'll talk to you. I'll check in on you on Thursday. All right, see you.
- [83:03]
Andrew Santino
It's championship week. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the anything better podcast NFL edition for championship week. I'm Paul Versey. That's Bill Burr. We got Andrew Themless over there. We have, of course, we have Jake the Snake in an undisclosed location with our injury report, and we are going.
- [83:23]
Paul Versey
Tell people where he is. The ladies will find him.
- [83:25]
Andrew Santino
They'll knock his door down. Dude, the Buffalo Bills beat the Ravens. The. The Rams. Dude, the Rams. I thought they were going down and gonna win that game. And when they. When Stafford threw it out of bounds, I was like, what are you gonna do? Great games, though. Both of the games were good.
- [83:47]
Paul Versey
Yeah. And I think, you know, they. They made too much of a thing about the Ravens messing up. They weren't given the Bills defense enough credit. I mean, okay, that kid dropped the ball in the end, but, like, they were punching the ball out, stripping and doing all kinds of stuff. They were forcing turnovers. So, you know, we'll see. I had, I thought they were all good games. Other than like the Casey game. I literally had to shut it off. Dude, the amount of just.
- [84:12]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [84:13]
Paul Versey
Cross promotion that was going on.
- [84:16]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [84:16]
Paul Versey
So here's my theory. So they cut to Taylor Swift and she's with some big female athlete.
- [84:21]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Caitlin Clark.
- [84:23]
Paul Versey
All right, well, here's the deal. There's a conspiracy theory on the Internet that feminism, as far as the part of feminism where to get women in the workforce was done by the people that owned the banks because they could only tax half the population. So they kind of started, hey, you should get out there and work. Right? So my conspiracy theory is big pharmaceuticals upset because only half the population gets cte, so now they want to start promoting female sports. I mean, dude, the level of like how far in the background I felt the game was. And listen, you'd watch your Lakers game, they would cut to Diane Cannon or Jack Nicholson, but like the level that they have to do it. So Swifties, keep watching. I just felt, I was just like, you know, the Chiefs are trying to three peak is way bigger than me looking at this, this musician. And hurry. Oh, it was a good play. Of course she likes it. Yeah, he's dating the tight end. I get it. How many fucking times. Oh, and she's with Caitlin Clark. And Caitlin Clark. They just. And Caitlin's holding the can of Pepsi. And Pepsi. But baba. But it's just like, what the are we doing here?
- [85:36]
Andrew Santino
Well, I got something for you, Bill. Your buddy Paulie over here in New York. I'm putting my money where my mouth is. I think Josh Allen and the Bills overcome the Chiefs, overcome Taylor Swift and overcome the officials and beat them this week.
- [85:54]
Paul Versey
Listen, is that AI or players really saying at least former players are going like, yeah, man, this is ridiculous. And like Troy Aikman going, this is ridiculous.
- [86:03]
Andrew Santino
No, it's not.
- [86:04]
Paul Versey
I gotta be honest with you, as a Patriots fan, I'm getting tired. Oh, they're the new Patriots. We never got the red carpet like that. And also it's, you're forgetting, deflate gate dude hated us to the point he upheld the investigation of the independent investigation of the owner of the losing team. And then we beat him in court. Cuz it was such. And they found a loophole to still suspend our Patrick Mahomes for six games. When that happens, dude, then, then you can say you're the new Patriots. That guy hated us. Hated us.
- [86:37]
Andrew Santino
I, I, Brady never got these calls. The only guy that I saw kind of have his way with officials like, this was Jordan in, like, that heyday, that three year. But this is. Dude, ex players are saying it, analysts are saying it. Mad Dog Chris Russo was going like, do it like you. He goes, I can't take it anymore. I can't. I can't even watch him. I can't watch him. And here's what sucks. The officials did a great job all year, except, like. Except for them, which sucks because they're like, on their game. But, dude, I think Josh Allen and the Bills are going to beat him. I think they're better.
- [87:12]
Paul Versey
I called it. It's the only storyline they had. Like, they. They. These sports. And I'm not shitting on the NFL, all of these. NHL doesn't do it at all because they've always just been a wild card. But, like, the NBA has storylines. Football has storylines, Baseball has storylines. And that's what storylines is, what keeps people come back the soap opera of the thing, and they protect that thing at all fucking costs. Especially if you only have one. Because if you take away, you know, Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce, Patrick Mahomes, can the Chiefs repeat? If you take that away, It's a really weird time in the NFL right now where there's no. This is always like, who do you like better, Brady or Peyton? You know, Manning, who do you like better? Fucking who is it? Back in the Cowboys 49ers rivalry or Elway or Montana, They've always had that. I keep saying this every week, but, like, it's getting so fucking overt. And then people are trying to be like. Like, dragging the Patriots into that shit is so fucking ridiculous. It's like the NFL was against us.
- [88:12]
Bill Burr
Us.
- [88:13]
Paul Versey
That's how much they hated us.
- [88:14]
Andrew Santino
Hey, I got a question for you. If Travis Kelsey was dating a dog show, but she was up there in the booth when they showed.
- [88:22]
Paul Versey
If she moved tickets. If she moved tickets. 100.
- [88:27]
Andrew Santino
If it was Lizzo.
- [88:31]
Paul Versey
Dude. If. If it was somebody that was like, you know, annoying.
- [88:36]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [88:37]
Paul Versey
Everybody would watch just to hate if the person was annoying.
- [88:41]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah.
- [88:43]
Paul Versey
Don't ever forget, Paul, if they're annoying, it's.
- [88:46]
Andrew Santino
No. Yeah, it's annoying.
- [88:48]
Paul Versey
It is annoying. I have to be honest with you. This is like sports on two levels was an escape for men. It was an escape from the news, the reality of your job, and the pressure of having to support your family. And it was also an escape. You got away from the woman in your life, you hung out with the fellas, you fucking said whatever, and you had a good fucking time, and that shit is over. Sports are now like, you know, they just, they bring everything. They got the fucking military flying over, you know, this and that's money. The NFL doesn't support the troops. They make money off of them. I'm so sick of them acting like they're aligned with the troops. You get paid every time you show one.
- [89:28]
Andrew Santino
Did I almost just went off on my wife when you said that. I was going to say it's the wife's fault. I'm not going to go there. She might hear me. But dude, I will. And I'm do something I normally don't do. Bill, I'm going to play devil's advocate here. I'm going to be a contrarian, which you know isn't me. I'm an anti contrarian, but I'm easy. I think you got to give. I think everybody's got to give the Chiefs a little credit here, dude, because he finds the open man a lot and like Kelsey does get Paul. No, they're good man, they're good.
- [89:58]
Paul Versey
More people need to compliment Patrick Mahomes.
- [90:01]
Andrew Santino
No, I'm just saying they're good. They are a good team.
- [90:04]
Paul Versey
I'm not saying they're not a good team, Paul, but I gotta be honest with you. What are we doing? They're in the TSA pre check line going down the field.
- [90:15]
Andrew Santino
They got clear and pre check.
- [90:17]
Paul Versey
Dude, I can tell you right now, that flop he did out of bounds, he should have got a three game suspension for.
- [90:23]
Andrew Santino
That was, that was ridiculous.
- [90:26]
Paul Versey
What the was that? We went from Jack lambert to that.
- [90:30]
Andrew Santino
100 right, 100 right. And it was ridiculous. It was egregious. But I think they're go. Andrew, can we get the lines for the Chiefs Bills? I got to see the line here.
- [90:43]
Paul Versey
Oh, they, they decided this guy was going to be the next guy.
- [90:47]
Andrew Santino
They did.
- [90:48]
Paul Versey
Okay. And I'm not saying he's not one of the best, if not the best in the league right now, but dude, he is he Peyton Manning.
- [90:58]
Andrew Santino
The Chiefs are two point favorites.
- [91:01]
Paul Versey
Two point came up and just my, my point just laid on the ground. Paul, is he, is he Elway, is he Montana, Is he as good as those guys? Are you seeing? No. You have like some Dan Marino level arm. No, I'm just saying the amount of praise, it's just insane. It is.
- [91:21]
Andrew Santino
It absolutely is.
- [91:24]
Paul Versey
And Paul came early. I remember making fun of it. One of his first Thursday night games. Just announced. I hope you're a prince, man. Watch. I watch and I'm going like they asked. This kid's the next kid. Though how they are selling this kid this hard because Brady's leaving and they're done. They don't have anybody else.
- [91:41]
Jake the Snake
But to your point about comparing my homes, those other quarterback, he's already won three Super Bowls. He has more Super Bowls than all those guys. So it's like, it's hard to judge now. And he could get a fourth this year.
- [91:54]
Paul Versey
I know, but, dude, they're just letting him go down the field holding players.
- [92:01]
Andrew Santino
Yeah, that's the thing.
- [92:02]
Paul Versey
I gotta be honest with you, too. I am so sick of that. Like, if he gets six championships, does that mean he's as good as Jordan? Michael Jordan, who changed the game? Yeah.
- [92:13]
Andrew Santino
And here's the thing, dude, and I hate to keep bringing this up and sounding like a broken record and sounding like sour grapes and people are going to say, paul, it's because you bet on the 49ers last year, dude, Nick Bosa would have sacked Patrick Mahomes three times in a row if he literally wasn't held by both shoulder pads three plays in a row. To the point where everybody on the sidelines was just going, like, what's going on? But that being said.
- [92:38]
Paul Versey
Oh, wait. Oh, no, not that being said. Jake the Snake. I'm gonna tell you what his. This is manufactured. This is manifest. The way the Lakers were in the 2000s. Oh, my God, Jordan's leaving. What do we have? We have no storyline. And all of a sudden the Lakers. Oh, my God, Shaq's going there. Kobe's going there. Phil Jackson's going there. None of them were Lakers. That was the Charlotte Hornet and Orlando Magic and the coach of the Bulls. And they. They needed a storyline. I'm not saying he wouldn't have won championships or anything, but this dude, this. They're in a limousine.
- [93:15]
Jake the Snake
Oh, yeah, no, they are. There's a. Comparing him to the Patriots, there was a stat that Brady got 38 roughing the passer calls in his career. And I think Mahomes also has 38. But Mahomes obviously has played half the years. So, I mean. Yeah, right there.
- [93:31]
Paul Versey
Yes. And they learned with baseball. What happened to baseball was all the records were like, from, you know, and inside show. Billy had fucking 400 RBIs in 19. Fucking 02.
- [93:42]
Bill Burr
Right.
- [93:42]
Paul Versey
And it was like it was just a game of the past and they needed to update it. So they juiced up the ball, they made the stadium smaller, and they looked the other way when these guys got roided up. And then all of those records fucking fell. And I think everybody, like, was like, we don't want to be. What happened to baseball, be the Nationals pastime and then become the sport nobody gives a fuck about. Right. So they get in a panic when there's a changing of the guard.
- [94:09]
Andrew Santino
Okay.
- [94:10]
Paul Versey
Like when Jordan retires.
- [94:12]
Andrew Santino
Fuck.
- [94:12]
Paul Versey
Who do we got now? We need a story. We need a fucking story. And you need an interesting story. Okay? And it's just like. So they. They got all of this shit. They tried to do the thing. You literally saw them trying to make people give a fuck about Patrick Mahomes and his. His relationship. Nobody did. No. So they dropped that because what was. What was the. The prototype for that? It was Brady and Giselle.
- [94:38]
Jake the Snake
Yeah.
- [94:38]
Paul Versey
Or Romo and Jessica Simpson happened naturally, the way the Lakers and the Celtics happened naturally in the 80s. And then the NBA is like, oh, that's our bread and butter. Two teams, bunch of stars battling each other. And then you went into the age of the. The super teams. Yeah.
- [94:59]
Andrew Santino
Jake, do we have any injuries for Commanders, Eagles or Bills Chiefs tomorrow? I mean, Sunday, Commander's Eagles.
- [95:06]
Jake the Snake
The big one is Jaylen Herz. There was a play where Herz rolled his knee or someone rolled over her knee. And you can see that he wasn't the same after that. So we'll see if he recovers in time for this week, but I'm sure.
- [95:21]
Paul Versey
He'Ll be out there.
- [95:21]
Jake the Snake
But he definitely looked hobbled towards the end of that game. I think he only completed three passes after that. So that's the big storyline. But other than that, I think everyone's gonna be. Or, you know, the big names at least will be out there. Mahomes, Alan, Jane, Daniels, you know.
- [95:36]
Paul Versey
So anyway.
- [95:37]
Andrew Santino
All right, Bill, I'm gonna give you the first game here. What do you think? Commanders are getting six against the Eagles. What's that?
- [95:45]
Paul Versey
I'm gonna take the Eagles, and I'll tell you why. Because as much as you're seeing, you know, another superstar quarterback with the Commanders, I didn't like how they needed to score 48 points to win the game. They still let up. How much? How many points they let up? Was it high 30s, low 40s, or something like that? I'm old school. I still believe you have to have a defense to win a game. And I just think the deeper you go into the playoffs, I don't know what was their record this year against each other?
- [96:25]
Jake the Snake
It was one and one. But Hertz got injured in the second game or got a concussion in the second game. So when. When that happened, the Commanders came back and won.
- [96:34]
Paul Versey
I still think I Think everybody's gonna love the, oh, six points. Jesus Christ. All right, I'm just talking money line. I think the Eagles win this game. Six fucking points.
- [96:45]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Dude, this is tough because, you know, I have this bias. The Saquon thing, I, I love him. It's hard to see him do what he's doing. But the Commanders are on a run and I really think they're playing with house money. I could see the Eagles pulling it off at the end of the field goal, but I love the points. I'm gonna take the Commanders getting six. I've been riding them all year and they've gotten me here. So I'll take the Commanders getting six and. All right, I'll start off Bill's Chiefs.
- [97:14]
Paul Versey
That's surprisingly low scoring game, so it's probably good to. I don't think it's going to be a shootout. I think the Eagles are a really, really solid team and I, I just don't see. I mean, I'll be honest with you, I don't know what the. That game was last week. The Commanders 28 the second quarter. The game's over. No, it isn't. They had to do it twice. Yeah, dude, it's Madden now.
- [97:46]
Andrew Santino
Dude, the Lions. That was, I mean, that was my super bowl pick. I did not expect that.
- [97:52]
Guest Speaker
Jake's been, Jake's been calling the Lions frauds all year. He was probably happy that after 10.
- [97:58]
Jake the Snake
Point favorites and they lost by what, what, the two, three scores? But the pick six is a huge reason why the Commanders had scored so many points.
- [98:08]
Andrew Santino
So yeah, pick six was.
- [98:10]
Jake the Snake
It flipped the entire game. So I mean, the Lions probably still could have came back if it wasn't.
- [98:14]
Guest Speaker
They lost by, yeah, two touchdowns.
- [98:16]
Jake the Snake
So I mean, that's the difference of the game right there. All four teams have not committed a turnover. They're left in the playoffs. So whoever wins the turnover battle probably wins these games.
- [98:26]
Paul Versey
All right, turn it over. Then there's a flag and they get, they get a do over.
- [98:31]
Jake the Snake
That's the Chiefs.
- [98:32]
Andrew Santino
I'm curious to see.
- [98:34]
Paul Versey
Hit me with this. She's got four rings that I'm.
- [98:38]
Andrew Santino
I'm curious to see.
- [98:40]
Paul Versey
They're doing this on purpose. Yeah, I have a new king dude. Whether he is the guy or not the guy. And I'm not saying he's. I'm gonna be a broken record here. I'm just saying, dude, this is manufactured. You see today they ride their bicycles, they're pedaling, but they also got a little motor on it and they're just going up the hill like 30 miles an hour.
- [99:01]
Andrew Santino
They got it. They got an electric mountain bike.
- [99:05]
Paul Versey
Yeah, yeah. They got a little electric motor pushing them field. And I'm not the only guy saying it either. It's former players are saying it too. So I don't know how long you can sit there going haters.
- [99:19]
Andrew Santino
No. And I'm curious to see what the officials do because everybody's saying it this week. Everybody's saying it this week.
- [99:27]
Paul Versey
So do you know what they do? They need to have that kid from rockin New Year's Eve. Like he should be the guy commentating the game. Who's the guy? Ryan Seacrest should be announcing the game. And there's Taylor Swift and she's sitting next to fucking whatever, Caitlin Clark and oh my God, here comes Beyonce halftime show. And Travis Kelsey's gonna dance with them.
- [99:56]
Andrew Santino
That really is true. Appreciate that really is true. Chiefs games have become the red carpet at the Golden Globes.
- [100:04]
Paul Versey
It's a variety show. It's not football. No, I, I literally shut it off. Like I, I feel like I'm watching a movie about football and that they're cutting through the co star or some.
- [100:19]
Andrew Santino
All right, well, here's my weird feeling and prediction. I think that the game is going to be a field goal and I think somebody's gonna mess up and miss and I think it's going to be the Chiefs. I think Josh Allen is going to do enough to put the Bills in position to win and I think he takes them out. I'm going with the Buffalo Bills in an. In a. In a. In not a huge upset because it's only two points, but I'm going to take the Buffalo Bills to silence that red kingdom over there and Taylor Swift. And I hope, let me just say this, I hope when Josh Allen and the Bills are cheering and jumping around that field, they go to Taylor Swift in that suite and they show everybody in there looking somber. They better do that. That's my prediction.
- [101:05]
Paul Versey
All right. What I didn't like about your prediction is you said you think Josh Allen is going to do enough. That sounds like you're picking a game in October. I don't think you, you can't come in and just do it. I don't know, dude.
- [101:19]
Andrew Santino
No, I mean enough by getting them to the 30 and kicking a game.
- [101:22]
Paul Versey
Winning field goal against the Chiefs, the refs and Spotify. You think that that's gonna. Paul, if I can just hold you on the final drive. If I just put my hand on your hip and it's pass interference. If I can take my helmet off in the end zone and the ref tells me to put it back on rather than getting an unsportsmanlike. If my defensive coordinator can call timeout, even though that's illegal and the timeout is called, I need Josh Allen to do more than just enough. Valentine's Day massacre by 40.
- [102:08]
Andrew Santino
Dude, I wish. I wish us four for this show could be together. Charcuterie, board all the food and just have the cameras on us watching the Chiefs.
- [102:17]
Paul Versey
Well, I can't eat and watch a Chiefs game. It's that. Just have. Just have a barf back then. Here's the thing, too. I love the Chiefs with Dawson. Joe Delaney, rest his soul, all the way up. Todd Blacklidge. I love the goddamn Hank Schramm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a 64 tosh power trap.
- [102:38]
Guest Speaker
The best of the sideline, coach.
- [102:40]
Andrew Santino
Oh, dude, Hank Shran was great.
- [102:42]
Paul Versey
Good.
- [102:42]
Guest Speaker
That's a good place. It's a good place.
- [102:44]
Paul Versey
I'm a huge Chiefs fan, but I'm a. I'm a football fan first. And let me tell you something, Paul just ain't football.
- [102:52]
Andrew Santino
So, Bill, you're taking the Chiefs. You're taking the chiefs.
- [102:55]
Paul Versey
100. I'm taking the Chiefs. The move. The movie of the week. I can't wait. They're probably gonna have a movie of the week. They're probably already shooting it, called the three Peak. And that kid who used to host the Daily show is gonna be Patrick Mahomes.
- [103:19]
Andrew Santino
Part of me thinks you're right, but I'm just going with the better team. I think that. I don't know, dude.
- [103:24]
Paul Versey
Oh, Trevor, what's his face is gonna play Patrick.
- [103:31]
Andrew Santino
Trevor, Noah.
- [103:33]
Paul Versey
They're already shooting it, Paul. That's how fixed it is. They already know it's called the three Pete. And somewhere in there, like the. Just for to keep the story going, Taylor Swift will have some sort of, you know, ambiguous cancer test so we can get Travis Kelce, who will be playing himself, to tear up on camera and get nominated for a Golden Globe soundtrack.
- [104:03]
Andrew Santino
Oh, yeah. Soundtrack merch.
- [104:06]
Guest Speaker
I mean, you know, Oprah's gonna produce it.
- [104:12]
Paul Versey
Oprah's been kind of laying low lately. I feel like she's. She's kind of like, all right, I made my money. You know what I mean? I don't know what this business is anymore. It's like two streaming services that aren't buying anything. We'll just. We'll just sort of leave it at that.
- [104:30]
Andrew Santino
Oh, dude, I can't, Bill. I can't. I wish I could be a fly on the wall at your house when they call a flag against the Bills.
- [104:38]
Paul Versey
Oh, I'm not watching it. I realized last week the NFL was playing me as a sucker going. They're like, I know the Bill Burr sports fan hates that we keep cutting to fucking Madonna, right? But Taylor Swift. Right, but he is too invested in watching NFL games. It's still a playoff game. He will stay and watch this. We are betting. Yeah, we are betting that we can keep all of this stupid going on and all of this cross promotion and all of this. He's gonna keep watching it. Dude, I just. I had to shut it off. I had to shut it off because it made me sad. Because if you think this is going to be the last time they do this, I think this is their new business model that they're gonna prop up a team even when they're not the team. I'm not saying they shouldn't have won one or two of them or whatever. But, dude, that last year was a gift.
- [105:37]
Jake the Snake
The year before was worse, in my opinion. When they beat the Bengals on a ticky tack call.
- [105:43]
Andrew Santino
Oh, dude, the Bangles, Adam. And then that out of bounds.
- [105:46]
Jake the Snake
And then the Eagles game, the holding call. That was a phantom holding call at the end. Well, in that game. So I think that was the worst one.
- [105:54]
Paul Versey
Honorary degree championships 100.
- [105:58]
Jake the Snake
That was their O2 Lakers run the 22 run.
- [106:02]
Paul Versey
Oh, yeah, yeah. Beating the Sacramento Kings. So, I mean, I don't know, dude. Like, I've just been. I've been watching college basketball. I'm watching the Kansas Jayhawks. It still looks like hoop to me. I'm done with the NBA. That looks like a shoot around. It's. It this. And I'm, I'm. And I'm not going out like a gentleman either. I'm on all the leagues out of the stadium.
- [106:26]
Andrew Santino
See, but this is what upsets me because everything was good this year except the Chiefs. The Chiefs ruined. It was a good year. Teams like the commanders with a young quarterback, good officiating, and then they do this.
- [106:38]
Paul Versey
That's a fair point. That's a fair point.
- [106:41]
Andrew Santino
Everything was good except this team. God, I want him to. And I like them.
- [106:45]
Paul Versey
Look at, look at Paul. Look at it. Look at you.
- [106:47]
Andrew Santino
You're like, oh, God, I want.
- [106:49]
Paul Versey
That's why. That's what they're hoping for. It's, it's. They're making you hate him. So you sit down and watch. Don't watch. Don't watch. And buy the jersey of that kid on Buy a Bunch of Josh Allen jerseys this week, dude, Josh Allen make the NFL think, oh, that's where the money is. Because that's all they care about. You saw what they did with cte. They looked the other way. And then when they had to pay the players with the miserable final third of their lives where they give them 700 bucks each.
- [107:17]
Andrew Santino
Look, there's a reason why I beat the book four years in a row, okay? Because I'm one of the best there is. Okay? Now let me say this, okay? I was doing an Instagram live and somebody goes, oh, versa. You don't know. I go, I'm better than you at this. Here's the deal.
- [107:35]
Paul Versey
Somebody is still questioning you.
- [107:37]
Andrew Santino
Oh, dude, some of these, you know, very few. But here's the deal. Josh Allen is on another level. Their running game with James Cook is great. Their defense is not bad. One little thing that they don't have that I think the edge goes a little bit, getting crew, yes, the officiating crew and receivers. But dude, I think the Bills can go in there and control the clock with the running game. And Josh Allen is just not a guy, knock on wood, to make, make big mistakes in a big game. He just isn't. And Josh Allen is MVP candidate this year. Patrick Mahomes is not. Josh Allen is having a better year as a quarterback this year. The Buffalo Bills are only a two point favorite because the officiating, they're a better team.
- [108:23]
Paul Versey
You're describing the Bills going. Every good Bills team that went in and lost the playoff game, they're always this guy. There's no reason why Charlie Brown one time doesn't kick the ball. You know what I mean? There's no reason for that. Yet it doesn't fucking happen with them.
- [108:40]
Andrew Santino
You know what? Marv Levy is 99 years old. The great Marv Levy who took those Bills teams. And I got to be honest, that means those losses never took years off his life. Thank God, right? Guy's going to hit 100.
- [108:54]
Paul Versey
He was too nice to win one. He was a wholesome guy. He helped out the community, went home to his wife. These are not the things. This is not how you win in a capitalist society. No, I'm kidding.
- [109:11]
Andrew Santino
That's hilarious. Be like, yeah, dude never cheated on his wife. They're done.
- [109:17]
Paul Versey
He has morals.
- [109:20]
Andrew Santino
It's over.
- [109:21]
Paul Versey
The guy gets concussed, he actually sits him down because he's thinking about the.
- [109:25]
Bill Burr
Quality of the rest of his life.
- [109:29]
Andrew Santino
Dude, he was there for his kids. No way they win.
- [109:32]
Paul Versey
All right, okay, now who are the Chiefs playing in this made for Tate TV movie. You're saying they're going to be playing the Commanders?
- [109:43]
Andrew Santino
No, no, I don't know if the Commanders are going to win. I like the six points. I, I could see the Eagles winning by a field goal. The Commander's keeping it close. I think in a perfect world, the two cameo.
- [109:56]
Paul Versey
What's that, man does what Does Stallone do a cameo?
- [110:02]
Jake the Snake
Oh, 100.
- [110:03]
Andrew Santino
Stallone wouldn't. I feel like Stallone wouldn't.
- [110:07]
Jake the Snake
They'll do a Rocky reference.
- [110:10]
Andrew Santino
No, the Rock would. The Rock would do a cameo, not Sly.
- [110:14]
Paul Versey
Sly wants when, when Rocky wins. Is that not one of the greatest scores of any music ever?
- [110:22]
Andrew Santino
Dude, I'll be honest with you. When, when Adrian was in the hospital and two and he's sitting there and Mickey's got his head down and she goes, come here, I want to tell you something. He goes, what? She goes, and she goes, win. And then all of a sudden you hear the bell go off. Dude, I almost cried, dude, I almost lost it. I, I, dude, when that music and then, and then Mickey goes, what are we waiting for? I'm like, dude, I can't handle this.
- [110:47]
Paul Versey
Like a bearded 8 year old Paul Burzee.
- [110:51]
Andrew Santino
Remember that little kid working out to the music?
- [110:55]
Paul Versey
No, the, the, Was that John Williams? Did he do it again on that one?
- [110:59]
Bill Burr
Was that him?
- [111:00]
Paul Versey
No, wrote that.
- [111:03]
Guest Speaker
I always forget. It's is that Italian guy.
- [111:06]
Paul Versey
Dude, when they play that to real boxing, I was watching that, they had like great comebacks and they start.
- [111:15]
Guest Speaker
Huh, Bill Conti.
- [111:17]
Andrew Santino
No, I like that. Dude, that's, I mean that's. Oh, dude, that's the Hulk Hogan.
- [111:28]
Paul Versey
When they go to drop the hand the third time and it's, if it stays up and he starts doing this walking around, the whole place starts going nuts.
- [111:37]
Andrew Santino
Dude, you know what, you know what scene in Rocky isn't talked about enough and it's funny and touching in a weird way is when he went to the priest and he like honks his horn. He goes, yo, Father.
- [111:46]
Paul Versey
Father.
- [111:47]
Andrew Santino
And he just goes the way he described. He's like, you know, a fight, I was wondering, you know, if you give me a little prayer. He just like, ah, Rocky. He does the whole thing.
- [111:54]
Paul Versey
All right, thanks, Father.
- [111:55]
Andrew Santino
And just leaves. That was so great, man. It was so great. I loved it. I loved it.
- [112:02]
Paul Versey
Hey, remember when you people used to think you could trust a priest?
- [112:06]
Andrew Santino
Well, that's why he did it from the window.
- [112:10]
Paul Versey
And now we had a little weird interaction a couple, a couple of decades ago. I was wondering if you could maybe try to even it out with a little prior father.
- [112:20]
Andrew Santino
Forget the past a couple years. Know, just wondering. That's hilarious. I'm sorry. No, he was Italian. He wouldn't have. The priest was Italian.
- [112:33]
Paul Versey
Vatican is in Italy. I know it's considered a sovereign state, but. Paul, it's sitting right there. It's surrounded by Italians. And the thing on behind that wall.
- [112:41]
Andrew Santino
Paul, you know, what can you do but hope for the best?
- [112:47]
Paul Versey
What can you do? You can turn the fucking priest ops. You don't send them to a new place.
- [112:53]
Andrew Santino
That's true.
- [112:55]
Paul Versey
That's true. Sending them around the league like Jeff George. That's my. All my go to reference. Always Jeff.
- [113:04]
Andrew Santino
So, Bill, you have the Chiefs and the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Yeah, yeah.
- [113:08]
Paul Versey
There's only one football game next week. All right. The other one, they're. They're shooting for, you know, stock footage for when Trevor Noah plays Patrick Mahomes in the. The Chiefs three peat. It's already been greenlit, dude.
- [113:24]
Andrew Santino
Did the Washington Redskins with Mark Rippon play? Were they one of the four teams that beat the Bills in a Super.
- [113:31]
Paul Versey
Bowl the second year. That was. The giant second year was Mark Rippen. And that was the great Joe Gibbs, who won three Super Bowls with three different quarterbacks. No one's ever done that. Joe Theisman, Doug Williams, Mark Rippen.
- [113:44]
Andrew Santino
What if we get a Washington Buffalo? Another Super Bowl? It's right there in front of him. That'd be amazing for the NFL.
- [113:52]
Paul Versey
I think that's not the only thing in front of them.
- [113:58]
Jake the Snake
Big bag stash.
- [114:00]
Paul Versey
Oh, my God, My Chiefs jersey just came. It's one of those. Did you see that?
- [114:05]
Andrew Santino
That was one of the best things. He goes, oh, my new Chiefs jersey. An officiating. He went like this, too.
- [114:13]
Paul Versey
He lifted it up literally to the point the people on ESPN are saying it.
- [114:18]
Andrew Santino
No, dude, legends are saying it. Everybody.
- [114:20]
Paul Versey
Tom Brady said it. What Tom Brady said, it's a. They're not gonna listen. They don't listen to anything the Patriots say.
- [114:28]
Andrew Santino
No, but, Bill, you made a good point about something with the. That flop he did that was like so egregious. Like, that was. That was like. He like, waited, went out of bounds and then did it like a child. It was like just to try to get the flag, which shows you he knows he's getting calls.
- [114:44]
Paul Versey
It is. It was musical theater.
- [114:46]
Andrew Santino
It was ridiculous.
- [114:47]
Paul Versey
And it was Pirates of the Caribbean. Paul.
- [114:51]
Andrew Santino
Oh, Bill. We're gonna be here next week talking. Talking Buffalo. We're gonna be here talking Buffalo. The Buffalo Bills are going in there.
- [115:01]
Paul Versey
And I saw her face. Now Paul's a believer. You're betting against the Chiefs in the playoffs and you're betting on the Buffalo Bills. The Buffalo Bills logos, the Buffalo should be replaced with a broken heart. Or just some Bills fan laying face down on a table that didn't break frying with wing sauce on the side of his face.
- [115:31]
Andrew Santino
Yeah, man, I, I, I don't know. I think the better team is Buffalo. I think they're going to go and win.
- [115:36]
Paul Versey
Hey, Paul, you're not going to get an argument here on that. I think the better team was buff. I was, was the 49ers last year. But I, I, with confidence. So let me, let me ask, who.
- [115:47]
Guest Speaker
Wins the super bowl at this point, at this, at this juncture here?
- [115:51]
Andrew Santino
Well, we got, we got to do the picks when we find out, but like.
- [115:53]
Guest Speaker
Well, I'm just saying right now, who do you think?
- [115:55]
Paul Versey
Still think they're gonna three peat and then everybody's gonna be forced to say, oh, my God, is this the greatest team that ever put on cle? That's what it's gonna be because they have nothing else.
- [116:12]
Andrew Santino
I think Buffalo is going to beat the Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl.
- [116:18]
Jake the Snake
That's what I want to happen. But I think the more we talk this out, Bill is a great point and the Chiefs are probably gonna win it, but I think the Eagles will be there either way, so I'll go Chiefs.
- [116:29]
Guest Speaker
You don't think that.
- [116:30]
Andrew Santino
Yeah, so, so Jake the Snake is with Bill. He's got the Eagles and Chiefs. Andrew.
- [116:38]
Paul Versey
Hey, dude. The league, the guys that run the are with the Chiefs.
- [116:43]
Guest Speaker
I, I actually think the Bills can win.
- [116:45]
Paul Versey
I don't know how much more of this you can watch. How much watch.
- [116:52]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, I, I think the Bills can win. I mean, I, I thought the Ravens could, could have beat the Chiefs. I mean, I'm still heartbroken over that Ravens loss. I'm obviously not a Ravens fan this season. I was rooting for him. I thought they had, you know, the team to, to beat the Chiefs and to win the Super Bowl. But those, that was brutal.
- [117:12]
Paul Versey
But he's given the Bills credit, though, man.
- [117:15]
Guest Speaker
They, they, oh, no, no, I, I, listen, I understand. But, but if, but if, if there's like two drop balls that, like, really changed the course of that game and.
- [117:22]
Andrew Santino
I'm bad for that kid, man.
- [117:24]
Paul Versey
Yeah, turnovers didn't. The ones before those, they don't count.
- [117:28]
Guest Speaker
No, no, no, they do.
- [117:29]
Bill Burr
Listen, I'm not.
- [117:29]
Guest Speaker
Again, I'm not saying the Bills didn't do it. I just think if you just, if you add it all up, it just. I think that those, those two plays, I mean if he catches that ball in the end zone, obviously it's.
- [117:39]
Paul Versey
I'm gonna play in the Bills. Coach in the made for TV movie. Put a word in for me.
- [117:48]
Andrew Santino
They are teaching those guys to just punch the ball out. That's like a play now where they're just running and they just from behind.
- [117:55]
Guest Speaker
It's great.
- [117:55]
Andrew Santino
Punch down, dude. And it works.
- [117:57]
Paul Versey
Lawrence Taylor came up with that. They've been doing that ever since then. But Lawrence was the best at it. He. That hammer of Thor. Oh, you had your back to him.
- [118:09]
Andrew Santino
Lawrence Taylor. Was there anybody better on defense?
- [118:12]
Paul Versey
No. No.
- [118:13]
Andrew Santino
Who's the closest?
- [118:15]
Jake the Snake
Ray Lewis.
- [118:15]
Andrew Santino
Ray Lewis.
- [118:16]
Jake the Snake
In my opinion.
- [118:20]
Paul Versey
Ray Lewis is a good one. Like, like, I don't, I don't think anybody. Okay. I would go with Ray Lewis being the closest, but there's nobody. Like, I, I don't know. People don't understand changing the game. Yeah, yeah. Was dominated the game. What's his face was doing? You seen that clip? Like, like that's not in the playbook. And he goes, well, you should put it in there because it's a dandy. You ever seen that? No. He's supposed to, dude. He's supposed to drop back in coverage at the pro level and he rushes instead. That means his guy is open. And not only does he still get to the quarterback before the guy can even see the dude he's supposed to be covering isn't covered. He strips the ball and gets a touchdown.
- [119:07]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [119:09]
Paul Versey
Yeah. Wasn't he the first highlight reel looks like a future NFL like, like that. You know their high school reel where it's going to the NFL and the rest of these kids are going to a community college. He was doing that at like the NFL level.
- [119:24]
Andrew Santino
Wasn't he the first guy to stand up as a D end, not get in a three point stands, just stand up and rush like that?
- [119:31]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [119:31]
Paul Versey
And Parcels was looking at him like, what the is he doing.
- [119:37]
Andrew Santino
That'S so great?
- [119:39]
Paul Versey
The first guy to drive by the stadium, see the lights on and be like, oh, I thought that game was. Was tomorrow.
- [119:48]
Andrew Santino
And he like. And he got there in the first quarter. I didn't know that. He's the one that started to punch the ball out.
- [119:53]
Paul Versey
He's the first guy I saw that did that because he used to be. They used to just try to step. Sack the quarterback and strip it. Yeah, no, they wouldn't. They would just. You just try to grab him and tackle him. He's the guy. At least he came up with the. You know when you're coming in from the blind side.
- [120:08]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [120:08]
Bill Burr
At that.
- [120:09]
Paul Versey
Oh, dude. And I also don't think anybody looked better in a uniform.
- [120:13]
Bill Burr
Oh.
- [120:13]
Paul Versey
Than he did. He looked like a freaking superhero.
- [120:16]
Andrew Santino
Oh, God, I'm getting the chills. I love it.
- [120:19]
Guest Speaker
Charles Tillman had the record for punch outs.
- [120:22]
Paul Versey
So I would say Lawrence Taylor, wide receiver, is a toss up between Jerry Rice and Randy Moss.
- [120:30]
Andrew Santino
Yep. I agree.
- [120:32]
Jake the Snake
God.
- [120:32]
Paul Versey
He says toss up running back is a hard one. I'd have to go, like, as far as, like, power and speed. Bo Jackson. And then as far as lasting longer, Earl Campbell. And then I would say, you know, as far as being just elusive, an explosive would be Barry. Walter Payton was a mix of a power back in an elusive guy. Like, he would do that. That step and then dip back out. He used to do that move. And then I would say honorable mention.
- [121:12]
Bill Burr
Who?
- [121:12]
Paul Versey
The guy who should be in the hall of Fame as far as, like, he was showing the future as far as his receiving ability and as a running back is Roger Craig. The fact that that guy isn't in the hall of Fame is ridiculous.
- [121:25]
Jake the Snake
He's not in the hall of Fame.
- [121:27]
Paul Versey
No.
- [121:28]
Jake the Snake
He's won like four Super Bowls now. Or three. Two or three. He was on a lot of those teams.
- [121:32]
Paul Versey
Oh. Somehow he's not in crazy.
- [121:34]
Andrew Santino
All right, how about safeties? You got Ed Reed and Ronnie Lott.
- [121:40]
Paul Versey
Safe.
- [121:41]
Bill Burr
Oh, Ed Reed's a good one.
- [121:44]
Jake the Snake
Troy Palma, too.
- [121:46]
Andrew Santino
Oh, Troy Palama is a good one.
- [121:47]
Paul Versey
Mike Haynes was. Mike Haynes a. Mike Haynes was a corner.
- [121:52]
Andrew Santino
I think Ed Reed, statistically, is the best one. Dude, we saw him smoking a cigar when we were in Vegas at the Super Bowl. That was awesome.
- [121:59]
Bill Burr
That's cool.
- [122:00]
Andrew Santino
He's a huge cigar guy.
- [122:04]
Paul Versey
Yeah, those are all good. I don't know if people would. All right, who's the best quarterback you ever saw?
- [122:10]
Andrew Santino
The best quarterback I ever saw. It's. I mean, it's. For me, it's a no brainer. It's. It's Tom Brady. I saw him. I saw him at Giant Stadium Go 16 0. Get the record to Randy Moss. Randy got the record with that pass. Tom and Randy got the record together with that pass. And it was the first time in my life. This is when me and you first became friends. And I've been to Giant Stadium. Plenty. Is the first time in any professional sporting event I've ever seen when Brady and the offense were walking to the line of scrimmage. And Giant Stadium is on their feet for all plays but three. It looked like they were at their practice facility. That calm collective, knowing what they're doing. It was the most. I remember just being like 70,000 screaming against them. And the way they just walked up like a machine. I was like, dude, this is. This is nuts. Dude, I'm watching something special here.
- [123:06]
Paul Versey
I think I'm still a Joe Montana guy and honorable mention. Damn. Damarino's season in 84 and him beating the 85. Bears, they just had no defense in. Their coach was old and it passed him by. So those are the. In Elway to Dude.
- [123:23]
Andrew Santino
Elway was my Elway, I would say.
- [123:25]
Paul Versey
Yeah. And then also any of those guys, if they had like, you know, it's like, what if Dan Marino had Bill Walsh?
- [123:33]
Bill Burr
You know what I mean?
- [123:34]
Paul Versey
Because that. That really is a part of it. You got to have all of those pieces, you know, the ownership, the gm, the coach, and all of that.
- [123:41]
Andrew Santino
So, dude, what if Jim Kelly won two of those? Jim Kelly, dude, he never gets talked about because they lost. But, dude, he went to four Super Bowls in a row.
- [123:50]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [123:51]
Andrew Santino
It's insane.
- [123:53]
Paul Versey
Yeah, and they had that big comeback against the. The Oilers, but he didn't.
- [123:57]
Andrew Santino
He didn't play in that. It was Frank Reich. It was his backup.
- [124:01]
Bill Burr
Oh, that's right.
- [124:02]
Paul Versey
Good call. Yeah. The 80s is when it, like, changed. Like those 70s quarterbacks, it was just. It was a different game. All the Starbucks, the Bradshaw's, Fran Tarkington and all of that, it was. It was on Ken Stabler, Bert Jones, those dudes. It was on its way to becoming what it is. And that started in the 80s with all of that. But that's back when, like, dude, just the Giants alone, what they did to Joe Montana and the quality of his life now, like, they. They broke him in half. Twice.
- [124:36]
Andrew Santino
That Leonard Marshall hit from behind.
- [124:38]
Paul Versey
They played on Astro turf.
- [124:42]
Jake the Snake
Yeah, turf is more common now.
- [124:47]
Paul Versey
Veteran Stadium was like, getting tackled in on, like, the parking lot.
- [124:51]
Andrew Santino
Dude, what about the first. Who was the first Mike Vick that I saw? It was Randall Cunningham. And, dude, Randall. What's that?
- [125:00]
Paul Versey
Marlon Briscoe?
- [125:02]
Andrew Santino
In my time, it was. Yeah, that's a little before my time. My time was Randall Cunningham. But, dude, Randall Cunningham also had a bomb. Do you remember his arm?
- [125:09]
Guest Speaker
Oh, yeah.
- [125:10]
Paul Versey
Oh, yeah.
- [125:10]
Bill Burr
No, he.
- [125:10]
Paul Versey
No, Randall Cunningham was unbelievable. Frisco was Randall Cunningham 20 years before him.
- [125:15]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, we've. We've pulled him up on here before.
- [125:17]
Andrew Santino
I think Randall Cunningham would run around, run around, run around, get at it. And then just sling it. Dude, he was great.
- [125:25]
Paul Versey
No, he was incredible. Oh, the honor. You gotta love the honorable mentions.
- [125:30]
Andrew Santino
I love the honorable mention.
- [125:31]
Paul Versey
I feel bad right now because I know the listeners are all screaming names.
- [125:34]
Bill Burr
That they want to hear.
- [125:35]
Paul Versey
I gotta think of some.
- [125:36]
Jake the Snake
Oh, I'm sure they're saying Rogers, Breeze, and Peyton for quarterbacks, but, you know, that's more modern.
- [125:41]
Paul Versey
And we didn't brought up Drew Brees or whatever as far as like, the guy. The Doug Flutie Award. The guy who shouldn't be there but still just goes out and wins. You got to go Drew Brees.
- [125:51]
Andrew Santino
Brett Favre in his day. Brett Favre in his heyday.
- [125:56]
Paul Versey
Yeah, Brett Favre was always like, he can't. Too many turnovers for me.
- [126:00]
Jake the Snake
Yeah, that's true.
- [126:01]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, he was a powerhouse, though. Green Bay was. Green Bay was a really rough team in the early 90s.
- [126:07]
Andrew Santino
No, but Bill's right. He would throw across his body and try to stick it in places and just get picked off. And then they would be like, well, he's a cowboy. He's a slinger.
- [126:16]
Paul Versey
There really was no ramifications. He. He. I bet he, like, historically leads everybody in. In like, you know, four or more interceptions in a game.
- [126:25]
Andrew Santino
Did we mention Troy Aikman?
- [126:28]
Paul Versey
We haven't, no. Troy. Very quiet. Kurt Warner, Terry Bradshaw.
- [126:34]
Bill Burr
Kurt Warner with those Rams teams was. Was amazing.
- [126:38]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. Yeah. What's it called? Who is the.
- [126:42]
Paul Versey
Doug Williams when he was at tampa and then one one with Redskins. There's been a lot of good, good QBs out there.
- [126:50]
Jake the Snake
Yeah, I'm thinking about all these running backs, too. Just like, you know, lt and Adrian Peterson.
- [126:59]
Andrew Santino
Who hit the hole faster than Ladanian Tomlinson the year he had 40. 40 or whatever, 30 something touchdowns.
- [127:08]
Guest Speaker
I had a conversation about him with somebody and they kept referring him to his lt. My neighbor, he's younger. And I was like, oh, you mean ldt? I was like, like, it's like, this is. We're different generations here. Let's see, there's LT and there's ldt.
- [127:22]
Andrew Santino
But look, you know, we never mentioned Peyton Manning once, which is nuts, but.
- [127:26]
Paul Versey
Oh, sorry, Peyton. Oh, yeah, Peyton Manning.
- [127:28]
Guest Speaker
Jake brought him up in the run of those guys.
- [127:30]
Andrew Santino
But, dude, listen, Brady went to 11 Super Bowls. Did he go to 11?
- [127:35]
Guest Speaker
He lost four.
- [127:38]
Bill Burr
Four.
- [127:38]
Jake the Snake
So that would be 11, right?
- [127:39]
Paul Versey
Because he's won seven.
- [127:41]
Bill Burr
Seven.
- [127:42]
Guest Speaker
Oh, seven.
- [127:42]
Bill Burr
Right.
- [127:43]
Guest Speaker
Six with a pass.
- [127:43]
Paul Versey
Seven. Who else did he lose to?
- [127:45]
Andrew Santino
He lost to the Giants in 7. 11. He lost to the Eagles in. The Eagles he lost to in like 2017. I think, dude, the comeback. Listen, the comeback against the Falcons, if that didn't solidify, he was a dude to come back against the Falcons with the 2.2point conversions. Dude, if that didn't seal the deal, dude, the guy didn't make a mistake.
- [128:08]
Paul Versey
Falcons, Paul.
- [128:11]
Andrew Santino
Dude, 28. Three, though, dude, in the third, I.
- [128:14]
Paul Versey
Got a crazy stat about Eli Manning.
- [128:18]
Andrew Santino
Oh, eli.
- [128:19]
Paul Versey
Yeah. In 7 and 11, he's. He never won a playoff game any other year except those years. Yeah.
- [128:24]
Andrew Santino
And all were on the road.
- [128:26]
Paul Versey
How nuts is that?
- [128:30]
Jake the Snake
That'll never happen again.
- [128:31]
Paul Versey
To me, that's one of those things where you like, how is Eli not in the hall of Fame? And then somebody brings that up and it's like, huh, Are they hanging their hat on that? It's a weird stat for a guy that was that good.
- [128:42]
Andrew Santino
No, his stats are weird across the board. He has like the same amount, almost the same amount of interceptions to touchdowns, his completions. But he just won big games. Like, I think you'd have to say after two and two Super Bowl MVPs, I think he should be in there.
- [128:56]
Jake the Snake
He's gonna get any.
- [128:58]
Paul Versey
You're not gonna get a Patriots fan being like, yeah, no, I don't know about that guy. We know about that guy.
- [129:05]
Guest Speaker
Who do you think the best?
- [129:06]
Andrew Santino
I think of Raiders who are Raiders. Who are the best? Raiders.
- [129:09]
Paul Versey
Ben Stabler. Right.
- [129:11]
Andrew Santino
But who was after him? Wasn't there anybody after him?
- [129:14]
Paul Versey
Jeff Hostetler. No.
- [129:16]
Andrew Santino
Jeff Hostetler won a Super bowl with the Giants.
- [129:19]
Paul Versey
Did he never play with them or Gatlin, Chris, Something like that?
- [129:25]
Andrew Santino
Oh, Rich Gannon. Rich Gannon went to a Super bowl, and his receivers on that team was Jerry Rice and Tim Brown.
- [129:34]
Paul Versey
Mark Wilson sounds another guy. You got to bring up.
- [129:38]
Andrew Santino
Tim. Tim Brown.
- [129:39]
Paul Versey
Tim Brown. Tony Gonzalez. As far as, like, Landa the Great, the greatest tight ends of all time. Tim Brown, Tony Gonzalez.
- [129:51]
Andrew Santino
Antonio Gates.
- [129:53]
Bill Burr
Antonio Gates.
- [129:54]
Paul Versey
Russ.
- [129:55]
Bill Burr
Kidding.
- [129:55]
Jake the Snake
You should be in the hall of Fame, too.
- [129:56]
Andrew Santino
Travis. I think he's. Now you have to say. I think you have to say Travis Kelsey now.
- [130:01]
Paul Versey
Do you, Dude.
- [130:05]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. He just passed Tony Gonzalez for yards, I think, last year or that, you know, some.
- [130:10]
Paul Versey
Oh, I didn't know he had numbers like that.
- [130:12]
Andrew Santino
No, he's. He's got a lot of yards. He's got a lot of. This is actually one of his lowest years. This is one of his worst years.
- [130:18]
Jake the Snake
I still take Chrome first.
- [130:22]
Paul Versey
That's today versus, like, the stats, like 10. It's just. It's a different. The game changes so much. That's. That's why? It's hard to go like error to error. Obviously, Kelsey would dominate in any.
- [130:33]
Andrew Santino
Oh, Gronkowski. Dude, Gronkowski had hands. He had like. He. It wasn't like he actually reached out high, grabbed the ball and then yards after the catch. Gronk was a beast. Dude.
- [130:44]
Paul Versey
Dude, they just went after his legs. Yeah, but they just, they hit that. I never saw a guy get hit low. You had to. There was the only way to bring him down. But they just hammered him.
- [130:54]
Andrew Santino
Dude, he went down like a tree. Dude, they would hit him right up.
- [130:57]
Guest Speaker
They would hit him like right above. Right above the knees. And then his top would just crash straight down.
- [131:02]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [131:03]
Jake the Snake
Or the back, too.
- [131:05]
Andrew Santino
Brady loved him. Brady loved going to him because he always delivered for him.
- [131:11]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [131:14]
Guest Speaker
Who do you think the best rookie quarterbacks are? Jake had texted me. Maybe Jaden Daniels.
- [131:20]
Andrew Santino
The best rookie quarterbacks. I think Jaden. But also I believe Ben Roethlisberger went 13 and three his first year.
- [131:29]
Paul Versey
My Forest Gump moments. I went to. I was doing a gig in Pittsburgh and I went to the mall and Ben Roethlisberger was sitting there signing autographs. It was like five people in the line and no one, who's that guy? Is that guy. He's got the long name right? And dude, that was like the second game of the year. And then a month later, I was on tour with Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, and Donnell Robbins Rollins, and we were in Dallas and I went to that old ugly ass stadium. They had a little like a giant golf ball that they cut the top off of. And I went in there and by then he was already a star. That's when he was like seven and oh, and the legend of Big Ben. I'll say, as far as what I liked about him, and I don't know that you're going to see a guy like that again. He was an old school, like, tough quarterback where it was like tackling a defensive. The level of hits that that guy took and he still didn't go down. He wasn't elusive. He just. He just grab him and you bounce off of him and he would still make the throw and the completion.
- [132:36]
Andrew Santino
But you know what? He was a little more elusive than you think because there are times where he like scampered away and you're like, how did he not get caught? Because he looks so slow. And they said he was that height and that big in high school, when he played in Ohio, they go, it was like the same guy. But you're right. The last name makes you go, that guy's that's a backup last name.
- [132:53]
Paul Versey
Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't seem like it's gonna be. Yeah, that, that sounds like a Cleveland Brown quarterback who's back up for Chicago the next year.
- [133:07]
Andrew Santino
You guys didn't have Gronk in 07, right?
- [133:11]
Bill Burr
When did we get grunt?
- [133:12]
Paul Versey
No, I thought those were the Welker years. Would have been like out here at the. When they had, you know, Willis Wayland comes out.
- [133:21]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [133:22]
Paul Versey
We were out here during the thing and, and he had just gotten drafted and I was standing there and he was huge. He was a. Just a kid and he was. I heard him. He was like talking or whatever. And Willis goes, that's your new tight end. That's your new tight end. I was. And I was just like, all right. Yeah, cool. Looks like a big guy. I. I didn't think it was going to be. I didn't think, you know, I had no idea he was going to be what he was.
- [133:45]
Andrew Santino
Now did that Patriots run with those. That Patriots run with the players they had from Moss that year to Gronk to Welker to. To Edelman and the 2010.
- [133:54]
Guest Speaker
And his 2010 and his scouting report, if I remember correctly, was really good. But he was injured his last year in Arizona and some people are like, nah, this guy's injury prone. Like he's, it's like he's not gonna.
- [134:06]
Paul Versey
Don't forget who. I know he had his off field issues, but like those years when we had the two tight ends, it was amazing.
- [134:13]
Jake the Snake
Impossible to guard.
- [134:14]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [134:15]
Andrew Santino
Oh, by the way, how do we not. How did we never ever mention Aaron Rodgers and he's like arguably the most talented quarterback arm wise ever.
- [134:26]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [134:26]
Andrew Santino
That guy.
- [134:27]
Paul Versey
Well, that's my thing too. I don't, I don't think. Do you think that Aaron Rodgers at his best is Patrick Mahomes played at.
- [134:32]
Andrew Santino
That level yet as far as throwing the football?
- [134:36]
Paul Versey
No.
- [134:36]
Jake the Snake
Statistically, no.
- [134:38]
Andrew Santino
As a matter of fact, Aaron Rodgers did the Brett Favre cross the body and actually fit it in? Yeah, he got. He got it in. Yeah. So I loved. I could talk about this all the time.
- [134:50]
Paul Versey
So Aaron Rodgers is gonna be the last hall of Fame quarterback at the end of his career. That's gonna go to the Jets. Everybody's after Brett and then everybody's gonna be. The agents are all about. You don't want to go there. Yeah. It's not gonna, it's not gonna end well.
- [135:08]
Andrew Santino
They just show a chart of everybody that did it.
- [135:11]
Paul Versey
Yeah. So that's not.
- [135:16]
Andrew Santino
I got a great Story. I don't know, Bill, you. I might have told you this, but this is a great story for the show. So this is a Warren Moon. This is a Warren Moon on the Minnesota Vikings story. Warren Moon, I guess he was. It was after the. The Oilers or whatever or whenever he played on the. On the Vikings. And he had a young Chris Carter hall of Famer. And I guess he threw the ball and Chris Carter, like he missed Chris Carter. And Chris Carter kind of did this diva flashy, wow, come on. And apparently War Moon went up to him, gets in his face and he goes, if you ever do that again in public, he said, I will bury you in this offense and nobody will ever know your name. It's true story.
- [135:59]
Jake the Snake
Crazy.
- [135:59]
Paul Versey
Love that Chris Carter, one of the great receivers too. Yeah, John Jefferson the first Jerry Rice, but he took the money and went to Green Bay. Dude, Green Bay had James Lofton and John Jefferson in the same thing and they were playing in the frozen tundra. Oh my God. If Dan Marino had those two. Damn. Marina's my coach. John Wooden. That's my guy. Dan Marino.
- [136:24]
Andrew Santino
I'm not trying to. I'm not trying to hurt Buffalo Bills fans here, but this was their team. You had Thurman Munson in the back. Thurman Thomas. Yeah, you had Thurman. Thurman Munson yet.
- [136:36]
Paul Versey
Rest his soul at wide receiver.
- [136:38]
Andrew Santino
Rest his soul yet you had Thurman Thomas, you had Thurman Thomas in the backfield. You had James Lofton, you had Andre Reed, you had Bruce Smith, you had the.
- [136:48]
Paul Versey
The.
- [136:49]
Andrew Santino
Daryl Talley, Bennett, Cornelius Bennett, Daryl Talley, Don B.B. dude, Don Bibi. And special teams, they just went against the Cowboys with Emmett Troy, Michael.
- [137:03]
Paul Versey
They also went up against Bill Belichick Giants defense and they went up against Joe Gibbs. Dude, they went up against. They. First of all, they went up against the two Masters, Belichick, Parcell's on the same team and then Joe Gibbs and then they went up against. How about damn Cowboys, we got like 49 number one picks. When he cut all those players after Herschel Walker trade and shout out to Jimmy Johnson picked all the right guys too.
- [137:34]
Jake the Snake
Jimmy Johnson does not get enough credit.
- [137:37]
Paul Versey
Guess what?
- [137:38]
Andrew Santino
Give a Jerry Jones wanted Jerry Jones.
- [137:41]
Paul Versey
Wanted him out mood since the first time I saw since he was with Miami, he's just always been ear to ear grin happy with a head of hair.
- [137:51]
Andrew Santino
Like you ever. You ever notice when. When I love his hair. You ever notice though when an owner does that? When an owner wants to gets rid of the guy that they shouldn't get rid of the team doesn't win. Jerry Jones didn't want Jimmy Johnson calling the shots and he got rid of them because they had a riff. And then the Maras, you know, the Maras kind of got rid of Coughlin after Kaufman did what he did and Kaufman wouldn't shake his hand at the press conference and stuff. And you shouldn't have got rid of the guy, you know. You shouldn't have got rid of the guy the.
- [138:22]
Bill Burr
The team.
- [138:23]
Andrew Santino
No, it's ridiculous ego.
- [138:25]
Paul Versey
What's his face is still saying he's going to be the GM Jones, huh? Gary be the gm.
- [138:33]
Andrew Santino
What about Rex Ryan going? The jets gotta pick me. I'm the best guy for the job. They know I've been there, I could do it again. I'm gonna come back and I'm the guy for the job. He's just basically interviewing himself on espn.
- [138:49]
Jake the Snake
My team did something similar. We fired Marty schonheimer after going 142 and then we're terrible, dude.
- [138:54]
Andrew Santino
Marty Schottenheimer is an anomaly. I've never seen a guy have a more dominant year and then in the playoffs be winning and then just have it stop.
- [139:02]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, it is the worst time clock management ever.
- [139:07]
Jake the Snake
Falcons are up there too though. Who? The Falcons in that game were up there too. They didn't run the ball, they just kept throwing it up 28 to 3.
- [139:15]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, no, that, yeah, the different types.
- [139:18]
Paul Versey
The NFC Central, whatever they call it now. They used to be the black and blue division at some point. Dude, other than the packers, the misery, the misery in that Lions, Vikings and Bears. The Bermuda Triangle. Being a football fan.
- [139:39]
Guest Speaker
Well, they were saying that, that that was the best division all year. People were saying. And I'm not saying that they weren't because they had obviously a few competitive teams, but they're like best, best division all year and like they just, they got shut out of the playoffs.
- [139:51]
Jake the Snake
Well, yeah, I went three ever is.
- [139:54]
Paul Versey
When you great season like the Lions did and you're just one and done, you know, far emotionally as a fan and how far ahead you've already planned and it's over in hours, you know.
- [140:10]
Andrew Santino
You know, you know who did that the most? I hate to say it, but Peyton Manning did that the most. I think Peyton Manning, they would go 13 and three and the Chargers would knock him out. I think Peyton Manning has 11 first round eliminations or something like that, dude.
- [140:24]
Paul Versey
Well, that's why their owner had to get on the competition committee and change rules to tip it to the advantage of their team and steal Our offense.
- [140:33]
Andrew Santino
Yeah. And an owner shouldn't be allowed. The NFL should not allow an owner to be on a rules committee. No, it's a complete conflict of interest.
- [140:41]
Paul Versey
It. It does. It's the Midwest, you know, it's so. It's fine.
- [140:45]
Andrew Santino
No, because then they could make rules for indoors. They could. You know what I mean? It's like for their stadium.
- [140:50]
Paul Versey
It's just rules of where you kick the ball off and where you don't when you, you know, miss a field goal. Whatever the happened that year. Yeah, it was like Boss Hog.
- [141:01]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [141:01]
Guest Speaker
Did you guys hear about this? Happened over break. Because you mentioned. We're talking about coaches. The John Madden movie that they're making.
- [141:10]
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's gonna be.
- [141:11]
Guest Speaker
Do you know who's playing John Madden?
- [141:14]
Paul Versey
Repeat, which they're gonna show this Sunday before the game.
- [141:17]
Andrew Santino
Who's playing Madden?
- [141:18]
Guest Speaker
Nicholas Cage.
- [141:21]
Bill Burr
What?
- [141:23]
Guest Speaker
No, but imagine him like with makeup. They're gonna do it.
- [141:27]
Andrew Santino
You gotta kick the ball and you know who's playing?
- [141:30]
Guest Speaker
Al Davis.
- [141:33]
Paul Versey
You know, kick the ball through the uprights. You got four quarters. 1, 2, 3, 4, overtime.
- [141:42]
Andrew Santino
Why would he do that? Why?
- [141:45]
Bill Burr
Davis.
- [141:46]
Guest Speaker
You know who's playing? Al Davis?
- [141:48]
Andrew Santino
Who?
- [141:49]
Guest Speaker
Christian Bale.
- [141:51]
Andrew Santino
Oh, I heard that. I heard that. That could be good.
- [141:54]
Bill Burr
Amazing.
- [141:54]
Paul Versey
I would have thought they'd get Frank Caliendo to play John Madden.
- [141:57]
Andrew Santino
Oh, God.
- [141:59]
Guest Speaker
So nobody takes it seriously at all. His family is like, maybe you could have gone with somebody else. It's John Goodman.
- [142:06]
Andrew Santino
Nicholas Cage is playing John Madden. Are they gonna put him in like a suit? Like what they're gonna.
- [142:13]
Paul Versey
They can put him in Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor.
- [142:21]
Andrew Santino
All right, well, we're at. Well, we went. That was great. A little, Little memory lane, little nostalgia there. All right, everybody, those are our championship week, championship week picks. Bill has the Chiefs and Eagles. I have the Commanders and Bills.
- [142:41]
Paul Versey
Hope you appreciate when you watch the Kansas City Chiefs, the level of greatness that you are watching. I just hope that you appreciate that.
- [142:53]
Andrew Santino
Dude, I'm gonna. I'm not gonna mention the name now, I'll tell you guys off the recording, but I was in the green room. I might have said this before. I was in the green room in Milwaukee or something. And this guy, this guy that was featuring for me, nice guy, Spanish kid, tall. He goes. He told me a guy he opened for and it was a name that we all know. And he goes, yeah, I was in here, open for him. This is what the guy said to him. I guess the guy he opened for, the headliner killed. And he went back in the green room. And he sat down and he looked. And he goes, I'm jealous of you, bro. And the feature goes, why? He goes, I'm jealous that you got to see that set that I just had. I wish I could have watched. He goes, I. I wish. He goes, I wish I could have watched what I just did for an.
- [143:35]
Paul Versey
Hour alone with him. And, dude, it becomes terrifying. Like. And, dude.
- [143:42]
Andrew Santino
Not around, like, I'm jealous of you, bro. And he goes, oh, why? He goes, because you just got to witness and watch what I just did out there. Like, I wish I could have watched if it was like, some Kanye. And he thought he was with him. He's like, ah. And he's like, no, man. That was like, I'm jealous. You got to see that, dude. He told me he was serious.
- [143:59]
Paul Versey
I was just like, what?
- [144:01]
Andrew Santino
I was like, dude, that's a new liner. Is when I tell. Yeah, I'll tell you. Hey, I can't say it here. All right.
- [144:07]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
- [144:11]
Paul Versey
I got a story like that. I'm not gonna say, because people might figure it out.
- [144:15]
Andrew Santino
Okay, dude, I heard.
- [144:19]
Paul Versey
I had somebody bring me up one time, and the level that they complimented themselves and where they put me in position to them. I was like, for the first five minutes I was on stage, I'm like, did he really?
- [144:38]
Andrew Santino
You can't even think of your first jokes. You're like, wait, what?
- [144:42]
Paul Versey
Like, out of all the people out there, this is the only guy that comes close enough to lick my boots. It was like, literally, like, thanks. He basically told the whole crowd that I wasn't going to be as good even when I'm remotely as good as him.
- [144:59]
Andrew Santino
Oh, my God.
- [145:01]
Paul Versey
I was just like.
- [145:04]
Andrew Santino
And I want to be like, did.
- [145:05]
Paul Versey
You prepare that or just. It was that top of your head like that. You just think things like that. I would never do that to anybody.
- [145:14]
Andrew Santino
Yeah, this is the closest.
- [145:15]
Paul Versey
Yeah, for like, seven minutes. And then I was like. Then I was mad at myself going, why did I just let him get away with it? I should at least said something. And then. Yeah, and then it up, like, the next few minutes. And then. Then he ended up being right. Thinking about what he said, dude, that.
- [145:33]
Andrew Santino
Might have been psychological warfare. That might have been the plan.
- [145:37]
Paul Versey
Oh, dude, it was a. It was a good one. I was just like, but it was like, dude, it was the same thing. Like, but that kid said it was like, so, like, is. Was he joking? Like, do people, like, literally. Okay, you think that, but you. To. To be also so unaware to see say it out loud.
- [145:55]
Andrew Santino
No, that's one of the most narcissistic, crazy. I mean, the fact that somebody thinks you're around is how wild it is. I'm jealous of you, dude. He goes, what? You got to see what I just did.
- [146:09]
Paul Versey
Hey, you know, tell us all three of you guys, because you guys got to hear my conspiracy theories about the NFL. You know, I. I wish that I could have been telling you what really goes on behind closed doors with, you.
- [146:23]
Andrew Santino
Know, Bill, Bill, Andrew, and Jake. I'm jealous that you guys got to watch me give my picks as I was giving them. Jealous that you got to hear me think them out and say them. I can't believe.
- [146:36]
Jake the Snake
Beat the book three, four years in a row.
- [146:38]
Paul Versey
Rods, go. I'm just jealous that you got to experience an evening with me in arguably one of the greatest one bedroom apartments you're ever going to be in in your life.
- [146:54]
Andrew Santino
Dude, I'm gonna say that to my wife next time we get a little frisky. As soon as we're done, I'm gonna go. I'm jealous of you. You just got to have me do that to you. I wish I could have.
- [147:03]
Paul Versey
Oh, because when you sit there at brunch and listen to all your about their husbands, you're gonna sit, have nothing to say because there's no way after what I just did to you, you would have any. Any sort of a complaint.
- [147:22]
Andrew Santino
All right. Oh, that's great.
- [147:24]
Paul Versey
All right, everybody bronze that apartment when you leave. Be like it's unrentable. Like, now they retire a jersey. They're gonna retire. They've only done that to three apartments. Unknown Burt Reynolds, unknown Brad Pitt, and unknown Jake the Snake. Certain apartments, after the legendary acts that happen in there just have to be retired injury reports, you know, he's, as always, as always, the mvp.
- [147:57]
Bill Burr
Thank you.
- [147:57]
Jake the Snake
Thank you.
- [147:59]
Andrew Santino
I could see Jake the Snake at a bar in Hollywood and some chick comes up and she goes, are you Jake the Snake from Anything Better? He just gets cool. He goes, depends who's asking.
- [148:10]
Paul Versey
If you want me to be.
- [148:13]
Andrew Santino
Are you injured?
- [148:16]
Paul Versey
Hey, I'm the. I'm becoming the Bobby Bonilla of this podcast.
- [148:22]
Andrew Santino
Dude, Bobby Bonilla just got his last year's check.
- [148:25]
Paul Versey
Yeah, that was it.
- [148:28]
Jake the Snake
They should extend them again.
- [148:29]
Paul Versey
I got the Alan Houston contract.
- [148:32]
Andrew Santino
I got a million bucks for like 30 years.
- [148:35]
Paul Versey
Dude, what is with New York and these. These like, never ending contracts? It's amazing.
- [148:40]
Andrew Santino
Stupid. It's so stupid, man, that. That Juan Soto. 760 million for a position player.
- [148:50]
Paul Versey
Jones, you guys throw it around. Paul. Hey, New York, you know you guys like to spend.
- [148:59]
Andrew Santino
All right, guys, to get the. You guys know what to do to sign up and to have fun. Obviously, bet responsibly, but get the best app out there. It's the BetMGM app, guys. All you got to do is download to your advice and use our code. It's an easy code. It's B U R R. That's Burr. B U R R. And you deposit as little as $10 into the account. And if you lose your first bet, you'll get 1500 back in bonus bets. If you do lose, you'll get the 1500 in bonus bets after the initial wager is settled. And check out the first touchdown prop bet. You pick any player in any of these games to get the first touchdown. And hey, now it's narrowed down. Now it's narrowed down. So you pick any of these players in these games, first touchdown, you win. If, in fact they don't get the first touchdown, but the second, you'll get your cash back. There you go. Bet responsibly.
- [149:49]
Paul Versey
Hey, I just saw the Chiefs. Vegas just took the Chiefs game off the board. They just took it. You can't bet it. It's just too obvious. Everybody knows they're gonna win.
- [150:00]
Jake the Snake
They'll let you bet the Bills, though.
- [150:02]
Paul Versey
You know what I'm doing here, Paul? I'm trying to jinx them.
- [150:04]
Andrew Santino
I. I hope so.
- [150:05]
Paul Versey
And I have no idea how bad I want to be wrong about all of this.
- [150:09]
Andrew Santino
Oh, God. I just want to see Josh Allen run off that field like this with his long hair on his way back to Buffalo. Oh, God.
- [150:18]
Guest Speaker
Both games had the same over under, which I thought it was 47 and a half caught my eye, obviously.
- [150:23]
Andrew Santino
And I like. And do I like Mahomes and Kelsey. Like, they seem like the refs did this. The refs did this.
- [150:32]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [150:32]
Andrew Santino
I don't like it.
- [150:32]
Paul Versey
Either of them, independently, you think they did. They didn't. It's a. It's a marketing plan.
- [150:37]
Andrew Santino
But this.
- [150:38]
Paul Versey
This whole.
- [150:38]
Andrew Santino
That. Done. Done. How great. What would you do if it was like 34, 10? Andy Reid's a great coach, too. All right. Anyway, I like Andy Reid.
- [150:57]
Paul Versey
I like all that. But I also like football, Paul. I like football. May the best team win.
- [151:03]
Andrew Santino
Well, last question here.
- [151:04]
Paul Versey
There's a late flag.
- [151:06]
Andrew Santino
Did the Washington Commanders beat the Lions because they're that good, or did the Lions just have a bad day? Because if the Commanders beat them outright, Philly could lose, which I'm excited to see.
- [151:19]
Paul Versey
Paul. The Lions are in the Bermuda Triangle. Minnesota.
- [151:25]
Andrew Santino
I like that.
- [151:27]
Paul Versey
Chicago back up to Minnesota. You do not want to be rooted for football within that triangle.
- [151:34]
Andrew Santino
Did you come up with that? The Bermuda Tri. That's great.
- [151:36]
Paul Versey
Oh, but that's what it is. It's the Bermuda triangle. It's the NFL's. The level of suffering. Like the AFC has the Buffalo Bills and the Chargers. All right, Jets.
- [151:49]
Jake the Snake
Jets too.
- [151:50]
Paul Versey
Oh, and the Jets. That's sort of an isosceles. That's a weird looking triangle. I don't know.
- [151:58]
Bill Burr
But.
- [151:59]
Paul Versey
But it's the fact that they're all in the same division. Although the jets and Bills are in that division. What about the Dolphins, by the way? Dolphins, Dolphins, they've been living off that, that undefeated season since 72. They haven't won in over 50 years. They. They won three years. The last time they won was three years after the only time the jets won.
- [152:20]
Andrew Santino
All right, let's talk about. Real quick before we leave, let's talk about the longest droughts in the NFL right now. You got the Cowboys. You have the Miami Dolphins.
- [152:30]
Jake the Snake
Real quick, the Dolphins have the longest playoff drought in the league.
- [152:33]
Andrew Santino
What?
- [152:33]
Paul Versey
Can't throw the Cowboys in there like that. You go. You got to go back 50 years with all these other guys.
- [152:38]
Guest Speaker
All right, Jets, super bowl or playoffs?
- [152:42]
Andrew Santino
No, no, super bowl win. Jets 69. Miami 72.
- [152:47]
Paul Versey
Bills never. They want title. And like 60 or 61.
- [152:52]
Andrew Santino
Bills never.
- [152:53]
Paul Versey
Detroit Lions, never.
- [152:55]
Guest Speaker
So Cardinals, 70. Yeah. Cardinals, 77 seasons without a Super Bowl. Detroit Lions, 66 seasons. The Vikings 60. 63.
- [153:05]
Andrew Santino
Oh, Cleveland Browns. Cleveland Browns, 60.
- [153:08]
Guest Speaker
Cleveland Browns. Next. They're 60.
- [153:10]
Paul Versey
That's technically not true because that franchise is the Ravens.
- [153:16]
Andrew Santino
Oh, that's right.
- [153:17]
Paul Versey
What it is is Cleveland. This is the most Cleveland story ever. When the Cleveland Browns won a Super bowl, they did it in Baltimore. I mean, that's. That's hard, dude.
- [153:32]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [153:36]
Guest Speaker
And then Atlanta, 59 seasons. Tennessee Titans, 59 seasons. But again, that's the Titans. You got to.
- [153:42]
Paul Versey
The Oilers. The Austin Houston Island.
- [153:44]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [153:45]
Guest Speaker
The Buffalo Bills, 58 seasons.
- [153:49]
Andrew Santino
Wow.
- [153:49]
Guest Speaker
That's. That's an honest. That's an honest 58 seasons. The Chargers, 58.
- [153:56]
Paul Versey
They're counting. Them went during the NFL AFL merger.
- [154:00]
Guest Speaker
Right.
- [154:00]
Paul Versey
So that they're counting. They're going back to Super Bowl 1. They've never won one. Right. But like their last winning a title was like early 60s John F. Kennedy was in office.
- [154:11]
Andrew Santino
Wow.
- [154:12]
Paul Versey
I'm. The Lions wanted Bobby Lane. I don't think Eisenhower had been elected yet. Truman might have still been president. I'm not sure about that.
- [154:23]
Guest Speaker
Yeah, Chargers. Then Bengals, then Jets, 56 seasons, and.
- [154:27]
Andrew Santino
Then, and then the Carolina Panthers. And the Jaguars were the expansion team in 95. And they, they haven't done it right.
- [154:35]
Guest Speaker
Jaguars been 30 years, Panthers 30 years, Niners 30 years, Cowboys 29, Texans cold, Saints.
- [154:45]
Jake the Snake
But the Dolphins are the longest playoff drought.
- [154:47]
Paul Versey
Yeah, well, you got to understand like those early, like right up until like say the Cowboys run 51. All right, like so few teams like The packers had two, Steelers had four, 49ers had four, Cowboys had four. They were just eating them up. The Redskins had three, Raiders had three. So all of a sudden like those first, like 30 Super Bowls were shared, it seemed, between a half dozen teams and everybody else was on the outs.
- [155:25]
Andrew Santino
Yeah, I, I saw a trivia question yesterday that said, what's the only NFL team to win in four, four different decades.
- [155:36]
Paul Versey
Might be the Packers.
- [155:39]
Andrew Santino
No, the, the answers a lot of people were saying were those and the Broncos, but it's the Giants. The Giants did it in 86, they did it in 91, they did it in 07, and they did it in 11.
- [155:50]
Paul Versey
That was a self serving stat, but I'll give it to you.
- [155:52]
Andrew Santino
No, no, I'm just saying it was a, it was a thing that just came up.
- [155:56]
Paul Versey
I mean, I, I, who am I?
- [156:01]
Andrew Santino
I would have said it if it was another team.
- [156:03]
Guest Speaker
So for the. Jake, to answer your question, the longest playoff drought, if this AI answer is correct here, it says just the regular search. It says New York Jets, 15 seasons, last appearance 2010. That's when they beat the Patriots, I believe.
- [156:21]
Paul Versey
Oh, my God. Yeah. Tom Brady's career.
- [156:24]
Andrew Santino
That's Rex Ryan. That's, that was the Rex Ryan. Yeah, that was 2000. That's the last time they've been in the playoffs.
- [156:30]
Guest Speaker
Wasn't that Mark Sanchez?
- [156:31]
Andrew Santino
Right?
- [156:32]
Paul Versey
It was, yeah.
- [156:34]
Andrew Santino
The jets haven't been in. The jets haven't even been a wild card in 15 years, dude.
- [156:40]
Paul Versey
Well, I gotta be honest with you, in a lot of ways, that, that, that, that Jet loss hurt just as much as those Cowboy of the Giants ones because he talked all of this. I'm not going up there to kiss their rings. And we absolutely destroyed him like 52 to something in December. And then Welker said, we're gonna put our best foot forward, making fun of how Rex Ryan's in defeat. And then Belichick benched him. And we just started off, no pun intended, on the wrong foot. And they, and they had that great, they had that great defense and they came in and they beat us in, in Foxborough. That Was a brutal, brutal loss. Wow.
- [157:23]
Guest Speaker
So, Jake, the Dolphins, that looks like they won a few years back. So they're not. They haven't won a playoff game since 2000, but they've been.
- [157:32]
Jake the Snake
That's what I meant.
- [157:33]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [157:33]
Guest Speaker
Okay.
- [157:33]
Paul Versey
Yeah.
- [157:36]
Andrew Santino
The Dolphins get, like, a pass. Nobody talks about them not winning a lot.
- [157:40]
Paul Versey
So do the Raiders undefeated season. They keep getting their balls washed about that every year.
- [157:46]
Guest Speaker
But they also had a lot of good years with Marino, like competing. So I think that's why it feels.
- [157:54]
Andrew Santino
Yeah.
- [157:55]
Guest Speaker
Depends on who you ask. I mean, we're a little older.
- [157:57]
Andrew Santino
A long time ago, though. But, like, I didn't realize that they. I mean, dude, 2000 was the last time they're in the playoffs. The 90s were just yesterday or what playoff win.
- [158:06]
Jake the Snake
Yeah.
- [158:06]
Paul Versey
And they happened one of super bowl. Dude, in 53 years, dude, if the.
- [158:11]
Andrew Santino
Buffalo Bills win, the Buffalo's gonna burn down. And then. Dude, I don't even know if the. Dude, you know how many people are at the airport rooting them on. It's like the whole town goes to the airport while they. Just to watch them get on the plane. How bad I want them to win, dude.
- [158:26]
Paul Versey
Yeah, like, they give a tourism, dude, what that's so bad for tourism? That stat that the whole town is there. It's just clearly saying there's absolutely nothing.
- [158:37]
Bill Burr
To do here other than to root for the Bills.
- [158:42]
Andrew Santino
Dude. The coach came off the plane, he couldn't believe it. It was like Buffalo was at the airport by, like, where the plane landed. They're just going nuts. And I was like, holy, man.
- [158:51]
Paul Versey
Those people are virtual reality glasses. Actually, seeing Niagara Falls was an amazing thing. And now, dude, have you seen these guys? They have these things. These guys make these things. I mean, the system is like 40, 50 grand. I think Rogan got one where you can. You feel like you're in a Formula one race. Like, the screen is all the way around you, dude. They have it for like. Like aviation. And I'm watching this guy, I'm like, this guy is flying a helicopter.
- [159:20]
Bill Burr
That's nuts.
- [159:21]
Paul Versey
It's. It's like to the point where you could almost log the hours. It's that real does do it.
- [159:28]
Andrew Santino
Do they count as hours for real or no?
- [159:31]
Paul Versey
I know, like, when guys are. I think when those professional ones. Not the one that you have in your house. I believe somebody. I'm sure plenty of people know more.
- [159:42]
Bill Burr
About this than I do, but I.
- [159:43]
Paul Versey
Think on when you're becoming like a pilot for United or something like that, you. I think you're allowed to log some of those. What do they call it, the simulator miles into your book, I believe, because they're that good at this point.
- [159:56]
Bill Burr
But I don't know.
- [159:57]
Paul Versey
I still don't see how that they could duplicate a Frost.
- [160:02]
Andrew Santino
Dude, it's that bit. It's that bit that I did. That pilot came up to me all happy, joking, pilot in at jfk. And he was like, we're starting to build a rapport. And he'd, like, taps me on the thing. I swear to God, he was this happy guy, like, overweight. It's hilarious, this guy. And he just goes, dude, you know where I learned. I swear he was talking to me like this. He goes, you know, I learned to do this, okay. Had like a delta pin or whatever, America, whatever it was. And he goes, do video games. He goes, it's the exact same thing. It's the exact same thing, dude. I did a joke in my bit, and I was just going. He goes, yeah. He goes, it's all the technology's nuts. That's what.
- [160:33]
Paul Versey
That same thing, dude.
- [160:34]
Andrew Santino
And I was just like, you don't have.
- [160:36]
Paul Versey
I could die.
- [160:38]
Andrew Santino
That's. That's.
- [160:38]
Paul Versey
Yeah, you don't have that. There's that, and then there's. There's fighting a crosswind and crabbing in, you know. You know, in your goddamn.
- [160:46]
Andrew Santino
You know, the buttons may be the same. The buttons and all the things, the instruments may be the same, but that doesn't mean.
- [160:52]
Paul Versey
Paul, you know, I became a Green Beret, PlayStation, exact same thing. I've been to Iraq in my living room.
- [161:02]
Andrew Santino
You know how many throats I slit?
- [161:06]
Guest Speaker
In that case, I'd like to say.
- [161:07]
Bill Burr
I am a Jedi.
- [161:08]
Andrew Santino
Okay, you're a Jedi. He's a Jedi in a video game.
- [161:12]
Paul Versey
No, but I know what they're saying as far as, like, you know, it's weird. It's like, you know how to do it, but then you have to relearn how to do it for. For real. But it's like, you know, it's like the steering wheel, gas pedal, all of that shit's there. And how you ship, they. They make the cockpit the exact same. So you know where all the is and what the buttons do. But then you do still have to learn how to do it for real.
- [161:32]
Andrew Santino
Did you ever hear Mark Wahlberg talk about he was supposed to be on that 911 plane, and he goes, if I was on it, dude, I'm stopping. He goes, I'm stopping it. He goes, it's not happening. If I'm on it. He was dead. It was. You know how jealous I am of you. All right, guys, we will see you one more week. Super bowl week. We will be back. Enjoy the championship games, and we'll see you next time. Bet responsibly. Have a good time.