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- [00:02]
Bill Burr
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you. What's going on? How are you? Oh, my God. It's the fucking holiday season and I haven't even shopped yet. I have yet to open my computer and go on to Amazon and click on things. When will I find the time? Let me tell you young people something, dude, you never would have survived Christmas shopping in the 80s. When I was a kid. These fucking generation, whatever they are. Oh, my God, they couldn't fucking handle the 80s. Trying to go buy somebody a fucking itchy sweater while fighting the urge to go to pewter pot and get yourself a muffin. That's what the fucking streets were like out in the suburbs with the malls. That's what's wrong with this fucking country, man. That's why everybody's so fucking soft, is because you can do your Christmas shopping at home. Do you have any idea, man, why does everybody think when they grew up was so fucking difficult? Somebody was just commenting on that fucking CEO got whacked in New York and somebody wrote, this is Chicago. New York is Chicago in the 1930s. It's like, no, it isn't. Nobody's dying of syphilis, all right? And nobody goes to jail for tax evasion unless you have no money. You could never have survived Chicago in the 1930s. Plenty of pussies lived in Chicago in the 1930s. They were called accountants and they did fine. Stop acting like everybody had a fucking Tommy gun and they were working for Capone. They weren't. There was plenty of fucking. There was nerds back then. There's always been nerds. There was brow beaten men. Okay, just. Just stop it with this. I will say, though, Christmas shopping in the fucking 80s. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my Lord. You'd go down to the mall and it would. The people were parking on the grass and it was. It was so fucking stupid. Everybody going down there. I got it. I got all these people in my life and I have to go buy them shit. That was the 80s. Guess where all that shit is now. It's out in the fucking ocean. All of that fucking. All your parachute pants, all your sweats by EB BB Whatever the fucking those things were called. Remember those? They were literally slacks that they put like a different colored stripe down the side. And every white kid who thought he could breakdance had to go out and go get him. So they could be the suburban white B boy, I kept it real. I always had the fucking Levi's. Not because I didn't. No, no, no, no, no, no. I had the maroon ones with the gray stripe. But then what would happen is if you forgot to tie them, you'd get fucking pantsed. As you were walking up the stairs, someone would come behind you. Of course, when the prettiest girl that you had a crush on was on, they'd grab your pants and fucking yank them down. Oh, the humiliation. And you know what? There was no cell phones. There was no security cameras. Nothing to fucking record it. So is your word against the bully? And then if you told on him, you know, then you were the one who went to the teacher and fucking. You were a tattletale. Nobody said you were a rat. Out in the suburbs, that was a. That was a fucking inner city thing. And then enough movies came out where they were saying, this guy. We got a fucking rat in the house. I got a bad feeling. I think this guy's eating cheese, if you know what I mean. Are you saying he's a rat? I'm saying he's a fucking rat. I don't know if he. I don't know who the rat is. We got a fucking rat the house. All right, this is what I want you to do. I want you to go out to fucking lunch with Mikey, okay? It's fucking hot out. If he shows up with another long sleeve shirt, don't even pat him down. Just shoot him in the fucking head. That's what happened at the food court, in the malls when I was growing up. And you had to walk around the blood splatter. All right, to go buy somebody Donkey Kong. I will tell you, the Christmas shopping, though, was a fucking shit show. It was a shit show. Like, I don't even know how to describe it. Just. It was like leaving. Just imagine the crowd leaving a football game, okay, after a big victory. Not a big victory. Whatever. I don't know what. I don't. I don't even know what the outcome is, but everybody's just leaving, okay? But nobody's leaving. They're just walking around and they're just. Everybody's going in. It's not like everybody's walking towards a parking lot. Everybody's walking against one another to go in and buy shit that nobody fucking needs. I get it. I remember a long time ago, I worked with this comedian and he just said, christmas is for the kids. You know what I mean? But the problem is, you get married, right, if you're smart, okay? As a Man, you're gay and you marry a dude, okay? Because if you're a man and you marry a woman, that's another child you have to buy a gift for. We're not even five minutes in. He's drawing the line. I will tell you this. I'll tell you what. If I got absolutely nothing for Christmas, it would be the greatest Christmas ever. You know what I mean? You ever get to ever have that conversation with your. Conversation with your lady, with your lady friend? You go, what do you want for Christmas? And you're like, nothing. I'm good. And then they're like, oh, come on, you gotta want something. Nothing. Really. You don't want anything, right? They just keep fucking doing that shit. And it's just like, listen, you don't want to get me anything. This is just the guilt because you know that you're making me buy something like you're fucking seven years old, and you still think some fat fucking white guy's coming down the chimney there. All right, there's no fat guy coming down the chimney, all right? The fat guy's already in bed. And guess what? You married it. And just because you did, that was your mistake. Doesn't mean I gotta buy you fucking shit. This is what I want to know, is there what percentage of men have the fucking balls to say, this holiday season, it's the holiday season. And guess fucking what? I don't want nothing. And I ain't getting you shit. Because it's all fucking made up. Yeah. So I ran out of words and I had to end with. Yeah. This is like, you know, the first pass at the. At the track. We kind of like the melody. We like some of the lyrics, but there was some word that stuck out. Holiday. No. Dooby dooby doo. No. Was it? Yeah. Yeah, that's what it was. Can we take that out? Okay. It's the holiday season, and I ain't getting you shit. Cause I don't need it. And that's the fucking deal. And beep a da ba da. Okay, all right. We're getting there. We're getting there. Okay. Is better than. Yeah. No, no, no. This is the process. This is the process. Stay positive. Staying up, staying up. All right, let's do another take. Get some more fucking tinsel in there. He's losing his confidence. That was a Christmas recording that you guys never heard before, right here on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Who is the fucking go nads to say to your wife? Just be like, listen, I have an idea. This. This Christmas and they're like, really? What? And then they pull their feet up off the floor and they sit like Indian style, you know? Or maybe they do the side saddle. What? You have an idea? Oh my God, he cares. He's thinking about me. No, me. The Y comes when they're complaining he's thinking about me. But when they're upset with you, they add the yeah, no, I'm talking about me. No, stop. If you have the balls to say like, listen, what are we doing? We're such and such age. Why? Why put ourselves through this? I don't want anything, okay? And I believe in a balance of power in the relationship, which means, you know, if I'm not getting anything, then you don't have to get anything. And our gift to each other is we get to keep that fucking money in our pocket and we don't have to waste a second of our fucking life thinking about what stupid ass fucking thing. But I want to get you something. I don't want it. No, no, we're not doing this anymore. Why? Why ya? I'll tell you why ya. Because it's not an even trade. Because all your shit costs way more than my shit. Because the fucking guys who make shit for men know that we have no power in the fucking relationship, right? And we also. They also know that like if we don't get you what you want, you're gonna withhold so they can fucking jack up the price. So it's not a fair trade. It's not a good. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine if you got some fucking sick ass thing every year and then you came at her with like socks or some musk, whatever the dumbass shit is that they get for us. What do you want for Christmas? Ah, the day off. I would like that. Maybe a couple, two, three days of just fucking sitting here staring at the wall, trying to figure out how another 12 months went by and I still haven't figured out what the meaning of all of this shit is. What about Jesus? All of these fucking the whole fucking year. Politicians, country singers, batshit crazy people on fucking social media. Plural media. What the fuck did they do? Huh? You don't need to relax. The answer's coming. Don't. What do they talk about? They talk about Jesus, you know, and how he's coming and how he's fucking. You gotta surrender and you gotta admit that you don't know shit. And this fucking hippie's gonna come down. You know why Jesus hasn't come back yet? Cause he's a fucking lazy Hippie. If he had a fucking man's haircut, high and tight, okay, he would have came back sometime During World War II, I would have thought, would have paid the fucking Nazis a visit. What the fuck is my point here? Yeah, they don't talk. All of a sudden, it's all Jesus all the fucking time until right around Thanksgiving. And then all of a sudden, they do the fucking bait and switch the whole fucking year. They scare the shit out of you, telling you that this fucking dude is coming back and you need to repent and all the fucking bad shit you did is going to come back and you're going to burn forever. And the fucking Dante's Inferno, whatever the fuck it is, right? And then the second his birthday comes up. You want to talk about somebody who doesn't get shit for his birthday? How about Jesus? Well, he's dead, right? Well, I thought he came back. They never talk about that. Three days later he came back. And then where did he go? Is there a third part of the Bible they don't have? He was born miraculously. God was the baby. Dad, somebody did an Instagram on that. Joseph, you are not the father. And then Joseph was running around the fucking. How relieved was he? I mean, they were living in a barn, right? Packed in a barn. That must have been at least a studio apartment. Let me tell you something right now. You never would have fucking survived back in the day, in the barn during the Noel season. The fucking Three Kings coming up. They had a lot of fucking nerve, didn't they? Living in castles and then fucking showing up at a barn, acting like the world was fair. What happened to him? So he dies. He gets crucified for you, for everybody. He dies for our sins. And then what happens? He comes back three days later, and everybody's like, holy shit. You know, I thought those street musicians, magicians. I thought those street magicians were amazing. Levitating on the side, making people of color run away as white people try to figure out how to turn it into a weapon that they can use. You know, it really is funny how corny white people are depicted in so many comedies. And then you look at what the fuck we're doing around the world. It's pretty. I don't understand what's going on there. Anyway, plowing ahead. What happened? He fucking eats. Then he dies. And he comes back. Guess who's back. Back again. Jesus, back. Tell a friend, guess who's back. Guess who's bag. Waiter. Waiter. And he pushes the fuck out. Sorry, I'm gonna. I just got Off a flight. I'm gonna. Fucking weird boat. He fucking pushes the rock back. Did he. Did he push the rock back? Did he have the fucking. He had more of a yoga body. I don't see him fucking moving a rock. Oh, he's Jesus. He went. The fucking thing just moved out of the way, right? And then Jesus comes back and everybody was like, oh, shit. You're not gonna believe, man. You didn't fucking see. I swear to God I did. He was fucking. I touched the wound on his side and the guy was like, gross. Well, I had to tell it was him. You know, this is a long time ago. There's no forensic expert. When am I supposed to take his fingerprints or put his hand in the sand? Second it blows, the wind goes, I lose. It was his idea. So then he comes back, he freaks out all his friends. How come he didn't go back and visit the people that stuck him on the cross? So you thought you were going to get rid of me, didn't you? How come he didn't go to the puke rooms in fucking Rome as they were sitting there high fiving? Oh, yeah, we showed that fucking hippie a thing or two saying he's a son. What the fuck are you doing here? Sorry, Pukerum. What the fuck are you doing here? Here, here, here. Um, it's really weird that he died and then three days later he came back. And then they don't talk about anything more about the guy's fucking life. And then like, we're still waiting for him to come back again. He's kind of like a one hit wonder when it comes to returning from the dead, right? He's sort of like Eddie Rabbit of the Prophets. O, I'm driving my life away. This guy's got a catchy country pop sound. Whatever happened, Eddie Rabbit? Whatever happened to the guy that told him, you know, what your last name should be? We gotta get rid of this, you know, you can't be Eddie Horowitz, all right? We're trying to sell country music. They don't go for your kind down there, if you know what I mean. We gotta, we got something else, something they can relate to about a rabbit. You know, they're always out there shooting those things. Eddie. He goes from Jewish to Eddie Rabbit. They're still gonna shoot at me. It's just anyway plowing ahead. This is just me stressing because I have all of this work to do and. And I got a Christmas shop. And the funny thing is is I don't. I don't have to get anybody anything, and neither do you. You are totally in control. To not get into this war of the worlds hysteria that happens every stupid fucking. I get it. If you have kids. All right, honey, honey, I think next year we should be more adult. Oh, I like that. All right, well, it's starting now. We're both too old for Christmas. Okay? Let's just not buy each other anything. How about that? How about. How about that? Well, what's the purpose of me being with you if I don't get stuff every once in a while? Every once in a while? How about every couple of months? You know what they should make women do? You know that little Yahtzee cup that they have Put. Put the fucking one dice in there. And on one side it says Valentine's Day. The other side it says birthday. The other side it says Mother's Day. And the other side it says Christmas. And then the other two sides say you lose. And then she rolls the dice and whatever pops up is the only time of that year you got to get a gift. And if she gets you lose, then that's it. She gets nothing that year. Okay. Then you'll see how much she loves you. Just out of curiosity, would you love me if. Would you still love me? Would you still love me if I didn't buy you shit? Right?
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Paul Verzi
Would they?
- [19:12]
Bill Burr
Would you? Yeah. I mean, you got to think of the 1800s. It's fucking Valentine's Day. You walked out of your love cabin and you grabbed a handful of daisies. Here you go, fucking Jezebel, whatever your fucking name is. Here you go, Clementine. All right, now let's say we make another farmhand. And that was their life. How come they got away with it back then, but we can't get away with that now. You know why? It's not because of corporate America. It's because back then you could fucking put your hands on a woman, you could give her a nice fuck. What did you fucking ask me? What'd you want? You want a three legged stool? You want me to go over and dig out that fucking tree stump and make you a three legged stool? Get your fucking ass over here, Darla, Whatever your name is. All right, I'll tell you what's the craziest thing, other than that dude whacking that guy with a silencer at seven in the morning today in New York, is that they were able to follow that guy with cameras all the way into Central Park. Am I the only one that finds that fucking disturbing? You know, what the fuck are we Going to write scripts about in the future. Like all the great movies have people doing illegal shit. Everything's going to be on camera. You're going to be caught before the thing is over. The whole fucking movie is just going to be the crime. Them watching you on TV and then they arrest you. And somehow you got to stretch that into 100 pages. And if elected, I would take down the cameras so people could get a. Could get away with crime. You know what's funny is you shoot somebody in the street. That whole fucking thing is on camera now, right? You're a fucking CEO and you fuck people out of their 401ks. None of that's on camera. Oh, shit, Bill. Oh, snap. Are you going deep on the deep state of America with the fucking flat earthers out there in the moon dust? I've been with my wife for 20 years. 20 years where they go. 20 years. I don't know. Sometimes I sit here and wonder where they go. Like a rock. Did Bob Seeger ever sing about a winner? It's unreal. Beautiful loser. This whole fucking career. Nobody loved a sad sack like Bob Seger. Was he related to Michael McDonald or did just everybody in the 70s look like that? Everybody in the 70s, every white guy had his fucking hair parted down the middle with a grizzly Adams beard. Did you guys watch that? I almost called it soft rock. That's what they used to call it. Did you watch that yacht rock documentary? So much great music. I still don't think that those musicians got their due. It's so funny. Like, so that is one of, like, the most misunderstood genres of music. The level of fucking musicianship. They just look at it like, no, you know, like soft. Like yacht rock was like, you know, like, I'm not trying to, like, hurt anybody. That's like, no, no, no. It was a level of musicianship beyond your ears. It's so funny. Like. Like Stephen Wolf. You know, people get your motor running, head out on the highway, everybody's like, yeah, this music just got bald. And it's like three chords, putting gas in the car, holding on to your nuts. I can relate to this shit.
- [23:18]
Paul Verzi
See that right there?
- [23:19]
Bill Burr
That right there is a fucking man. He's singing a song about fucking gasoline. And in that song is the first time he made reference to heavy metal. Is that where that name came for that genre? All of those fucking guys that have been labeled yacht rock, they ended up fucking playing on some. Some of the best fucking albums of all fucking time. I know, it's weird. It's a strange Thing. But I really did enjoy the documentary just to, like, see all that music. And I love that Donald Fagan told the kid to go fuck himself, as he should have. You know what I mean? What are you doing in your life that's at the level of the musicianship of Steely Dan, you know? You making cakes? Oh, yeah. You making a Steely Dan level cake? Well, then, go fuck yourself. I'm not wasting my time talking to you. They didn't even bring up Steve Gadd, no Bernard Purdy, nothing. Anyway, have I talked long enough? Have I obligated myself in a podcast way? Did anybody else notice Anderson Cooper has a podcast? Is that right? It's not enough he's on CNN and he fucking has Vanderbilt money. He's got to come into my world and start taking stamps.com money out of my fucking mouth. You think that guy's a liberal? I don't know. He's a fucking capitalist. I'll tell you that right now. Someday I'm gonna run into him. I'm gonna run into him at that CNN building, right in the cafeteria. Andy, over here. Hey, Anderson, this is a podcast table. Podcast only. We do this because we want. I did it way back when. There was no money in it, okay? I didn't show up in a fucking limousine. Um, Peg, will you come back to me? Um, I have to do some fucking ad reads here. Oh, yeah. I didn't even talk. I got back from New York, my kind of town New York is. And I did the Hulu event. The big Hulu event. Hulu's going hard with the standup comedy, man. They got all kinds of big fucking comedians over there. And I was at the party, the big launch party. Roy Wood Jr. Jim Gaffigan. They got Sebastian. I'm over there. Fuck it. A lot of glaziers over there. They got all kinds of Bobby Lee, Andrew Santino. It was a fun party, man. I had a good time. That's what I was back there doing. I was doing some press. So what's it like doing standup comedy? Do you want to sit down sometimes? Is that against the rules? How do you come up with your material? My favorite thing is when somebody fucking. You're doing an interview and somebody just hands you a lapel. That's what happened. The guy handed me a lapel microphone. Like I was just gonna sit there and fucking hold it, which I did a long time ago. Cause I didn't know what it looked. I clipped it on my shirt like a fucking pro. And it was a good Interview. I'm not shitting on the guy, but, you know, just the level of just, you know, it all started with dress Down Fridays. And now, you know, years later, journalists hand you a fucking lapel mic. Like you're just gonna hold this thing like a fucking acorn and talk into it. Well, I first started doing standup comedy. I remember one time a long time ago, I did this gig and all they had was a lapel mic. And we were all so inexperienced. It was me, Al Del Benny, Bobby Kelly, and Patrice O'Neill. And we did this gig and all they had was lapel mic, and they had it hanging on a mic stand. And all we needed to do was just clip it on our shirt and then just do like. We were doing like a TED Talk, but none of us knew to do that. And Al was hosting, and Al took it out and he was talking into it and he was making fun of like, why is this microphone so small? What am I supposed to do with this? Because we just had the muscle memory. We all had, like seven minutes of material and we didn't know what to do with our hands, so we needed to hold on to something like Linus. And I remember one point, he put the whole thing in his mouth. And I was sitting there like, dude, we all gotta fucking go up there. And we all looked ridiculous. And my favorite thing ever was Patrice going up there, six foot five, giant hands, holding this little lapel microphone during our first five minutes way back in the day. All right, let's do the ad reads here. And then this podcast will mercifully come to an end. Oh, look who it is, everybody. Mando deodorant for your fucking nuts. Mando, Everybody Mando Whole body deodorant has been a game changer. It's so versatile. It's strong enough to keep you feeling fresh all day without being overpowering. Great for anywhere on your body that could use a little boost. Plus, it's long lasting, which I didn't expect. A simple fix. Put it on my age now. A simple. What does that smell? It's my butt crack. A simple. That's what you. I was just picturing somebody taking a stick of this and putting in like a vice, you know, at your wood shop. And then you just squat on it and you do your fucking undercarriage. All right, I'm ready to go to work. Plus, it's long lasting, simple fix that really works. 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What do you mean I gotta rate it? It was the worst smelling shit I've ever smelled in my life. Well, that's the only first pair. You're gonna compare it to all of the going to smell all of those with mando. What do you do? I'm a content creator. What do you do? I smell men's underwear after 12 hours and I rate it on a scale of 1 to 10, how much it stinks. Is that why you shaved off your beard with man? These people are never going to advertise again with Mando. The average grundle odor level is 0 out of 10. What's the freak level of the person that's smelling tighty whities? That's got to be a 10 out of 10. Jesus Christ. Did he get put on a fucking watch list? Neighborhood watch list Immediately. Mando's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant cream tube. There's your belly button. Deodorant. Two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes. And free shipping as a special offer for listeners. 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- [32:58]
Paul Verzi
Wait.
- [32:59]
Bill Burr
Yeah, Use the code. Burbur@shopmando.com s h o p m a n d o dot com. It worked again. Is everything like Mississippi? The same amount of letters? Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Smell fresher. Stay drier and boost your confidence from head confidence. Head to toe with Mando. All right. Who is it now? Oh, it's simply safe. Last one, people. Simply safe. You ever worry about the safety of your home and family? There's no better time to act now. What if they were talking about the psycho you married? That they would come in and fucking chloroform rag them and get them out of there. That's no. They're not handling that. They're handling people you don't know coming into your house right now. Simplisafe is extending its massive Black Friday deal for my listeners. Get 50% off a new Simplisafe security system. Simplisafe is the home security I Trust. 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You can get 50% off any new system with a select professional monitoring plan. This is your last. All right, I'm not saying this shit again. To claim their best offer of the year, head to simplisafe.com burr. That's simplisafe.com burr. Hey, there's no safe like Simplisafe. All right, that is the podcast, everybody. Enjoy your weekend, your cunts. And listen to the music picked out by the talented and absolutely just great human being, Andrew Themlis. Then we have a bonus half hour episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 5, 2016. What's going on? How are you? You're doing your holiday shopping? Is that what you're doing? Oh, my God. What do I get? This person and there's just not enough time. Slight ebola, by the way. Slight Ebola is still left. Yeah, you guys, you're in the same boat as me. You know, I handled some of the shit I needed to handle. You know, I got fucking nieces and nephews and all this shit I gotta take care of. So I don't know what to do. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go on billbird.com, click on the podcast page and click on the Amazon link and go straight to Amazon and kick me a little do, Rabie. Huh? Oh, no, Bill, you shouldn't have. Hey, don't worry about it. I made a little bit of fucking cash. She on this one. Oh, enjoy your remote control Lamborghini. Anyways, so I know the podcast is late. I was going to try to do it last night, but unfortunately I had to go to a memorial service for my friend who died. And it was a beautiful, beautiful ceremony and also one of the saddest things I've ever seen with these young kids and everything and didn't feel too funny last night. But I learned a lot, man. I learned a lot by going to that service, I will tell you that. Because when they did the collage of his life and the end of it, the photos and the videos and everything, like 99% of it was about him with his wife and being a dad. So it made me feel lucky that I'm going to become a father. Definitely. Because I was thinking, like, what if I died right now? What would the collage look like for me? And it would just be a picture of me in a bunch of different countries, comedy clubs making weird faces. Obviously the lovely Nia, but you know what I mean? I was kind of like, what, me playing drums? Like, what the fuck did I do to keep. You know, not to say that you have to have a fucking kid. Because definitely, I think if you don't have a kid at this point, if you don't want to, that's a great fucking thing, considering all the shit going on with the environment, to not just have another person, just to have a person. But, you know, like, with all of these things. The great thing was I got to see a bunch of comics that I had not seen in a while. And I will be seeing a bunch more this Tuesday night at the Laugh Factory. I believe the event is sold out. So thank you to everybody that came down and bought tickets or however the fuck you kids do it nowadays. I really appreciate it. It's gonna be. The money is gonna be going to his twin boys. But anyway, so, yeah, so I went there. It was a very, very heavy, emotional night, so I did not feel remotely funny because that was the thing. Oh, typical fucking psycho comic. I'm gonna go to a memorial service for a friend of mine that I've known for almost 25 years, and then I'll come home. Then I'll do my podcast after that. You know, if you think some of my shit is bleak and dark. Yeah, I'm glad I did not record last night, so I had some shit to do this morning. I'm a little bit late. We're editing the season two of F is for family and all that shit. Have I made you laugh yet? All I'm doing is telling you what an oblate in my bed and I fucking. Blah, blah, blah, you know, Fully clothed, by the way. Fully clothed. This episode, the NC17 Thursday afternoon, just before Friday. Monday morning podcast did not do well in the ratings as far as the feedback, you know, it was something that we here at Monday Morning Podcast Industries decided was, you know, maybe a different flavor we could throw to the podcast. Every once in a while, I could just be wearing a robe with nothing underneath it that Nia could then comment on. And, you know, it was like New Coke. That's all I would say. I'm kidding, actually, with some of the funniest fucking Photoshops. I don't know if you guys saw them on Twitter. The Sharon Stone one was fucking. Yeah, that was. I don't know how you topped that one. That was great. So anyways, let's. Let's talk about life. Let's talk about the world. Let's talk about, hey, congratulations to everybody up there in the Dakotas that was fighting against the pipeline. Evidently they've been able, at least able to stop it for now, you know. Good Lord. Some of the shit that they were saying those corporations were doing, man, they were playing for keeps. They were saying at nighttime they had drones and they were coming in, they had this pepper spray, water mixture they were spraying at the protesters. That whole thing is so fucked up because I was just like, why can't they just go down to Home Depot and buy some of those fucking things that makes the pipe, make a 90 degree turn, go up the street a little bit and go around the shit? Evidently, all the white towns, the cowboy side, I guess they tried to go through other people's towns and they were like, yeah, you're not running that shit through here. So even the white people didn't want it. I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is I should have bought a Tesla until they do the research on what those fucking batteries do once they finally take those out. You know, I remember Michael Jordan telling me not to throw out my batteries. You know, I believe he was standing next to the children that sew together his sneakers. There's so much, you know, you can never not get mud on your shoes, no matter what you do. Like, how the fuck do you just, like, no matter what you're doing, I do this and I'm not hurting anybody or the planet. Just the mere fact that you're fucking here, you know, somebody is crying in a factory somewhere, right? Or the inverse, if you're the kid or the person working in the sweatshop, right? You got to be doing something. You're probably taking it home with you. You know, coming home screaming at your wife, that's my part of the concrete slab to sleep on, right? There's something. Who the fuck knows? I don't know. Maybe I'm just an arrogant first world country. I have no idea. But let's talk about Formula one racing here, everybody. Nico Rosberg, dude. The level of fucking drama. Like, ladies, if you ever wanted to get into a sport, but you just find, you know, the four major ones in the U.S. boring, or you're not into soccer or whatever the fuck people watch around the world. Cricket, you like drama, you like all of that shit. I highly suggest watching Formula one racing this whole Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton thing. Nico Rosberg, right? He's the upstart guy. As I said, he finally won his first championship after being a bridesmaid the last couple years. This is my first year watching it, so I'm sure a lot of this shit I'll have wrong. He wins his first championship, all right? And then out of fucking nowhere, out of the fucking blue, he retired. He just said, that's it. I'm done. And somebody tweeted that to me. So I looked it up. I saw that it was true. And the only clip I saw was him just standing there and his wife was talking the entire fucking time. So I'm just sitting there looking, going, like, wait a minute, is this guy. Was this her decision? You know, he's got a kid on the way, just like, God, Nico, do.
- [42:51]
Paul Verzi
You really have to drive again this weekend? Where? Abu. What?
- [42:58]
Bill Burr
It's just so silly. I mean, you know, I drive a car too. You know, I don't have to put a number on it and drive around S turns. I just. It's just such a male testosterone thing. You're hurting the environment. I don't know if he got in her ear. Like, the whole fucking Yoko thing, which people always says, yoko broke up the Beatles, which I don't believe that. I think John and Paul kept bringing their work home, bitching about one another. And after a while, both Linda and Yoko were like, hey, why don't you just quit? I mean, you're not happy, right? And then they just threw that out there. And then their ego, you know, like, they were called in their bluff. They couldn't be like, what?
- [43:39]
Paul Verzi
But what would I do? I wouldn't have a band.
- [43:43]
Bill Burr
I don't know if I could write without him, right? So they just. They. They couldn't do that. So they just fucking. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Let's get back to the. Let's get back to the racing here. So I didn't know if it was that version. And then I read that what's his face. That was it Kiki Lada or whatever. He was trashing Nico Rosberg. Said he made them look silly and stupid and all of that. And I'm just sitting there. Why the fuck would this guy quit? 31 years old, you just won your first one. Now you're gonna walk away. You know, why would you do that? And then I was thinking, maybe it's his wife. He's got a kid coming along. He just wanted. He was very emotional. He had the comedown afterwards, where then there's the little bit of a melancholy slash, depression. And then you're like, fuck, now I got to do this again. And you got to climb back up the mountain again. I don't think it's. You know what I think it is? I think that Lewis Hamilton was the favorite son. This is. I just total fucking guess at Mercedes. He's sick of dealing with that dynamic, you know? And he wanted to get out of his fucking contract, and the only way out was to retire. So he might leave for, I don't know how long, you know, and then he'll come back with a different team. There's no fucking way he's not coming back. 31 years old. There's no fucking way he's not coming back. He's gonna take a year off, get his kid up and running, you know, get the kid to be able to use the fucking shitter, right? Mama, Dada, throttle, brake, right? You get it? Say a few fucking words, and then he's gonna be right back out there again, you know, I think he's gonna be out there and he's gonna race for a different team. But here's the thing, though. Those Mercedes cars were so fucking good that all they had to do was just get to the first turn. Whoever won the first turn, right, won the goddamn race, it seemed. So I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna guess he's gonna go with the Red Bull team because that was the only team that seemed to fucking win anything this year as far as the shit that I watched. But Jesus Christ. So Nico's getting fucking trashed, people. Like, what the fuck? Five reasons why he would quit. Kiki Rosberg calls him a cunt or something. Niki, Lotta. Sorry, Kiki, Nikki, Claude. I'm like combining names here. Slams Nico Rosberg for making Mercedes look dumb. Dude, in that last race when Lewis Hamilton slowed down because if Nico Rosberg came in fourth place or worse, Lewis would have won the championship. So he deliberately slowed the fuck down to let the third and fourth place guys catch up. And. And then he disobeyed a direct order from his fucking pit crew. This is. I'm telling you, it's fucking Top Gun. You know, you two characters are going to Top Gun, right? He. They told him to speed up. And Lewis is like, nah, yeah, I'm good. I can still win this race. Let's just fucking add 40 years of stress to this fucking guy. Maybe he'll. He'll spin out and I'll win. And Rosberg's also talked about sometimes, you know, when they're out on the track, he doesn't know how far Lewis is going to go. Is he gonna push me off the track? But Rosberg's done the same shit. He did that like twice. He has this fucking move where he goes into a turn and it's like goes straight for way too long and then oops at the last second turns away and drives some guy into the gravel. Oh, Jesus, Bill. You don't know anything about this sport, do you? I don't know. We'll see what the fuck happens, but that's my call. I think he's gonna stay home for a year with this kid, right? He's gonna go out of his fucking mind. As much as he's going to love his kid, as much as he's going to love his wife. The entire time that Kenny Loggins song is going to be going on in the background. Fucking something, something, right? Whatever Johnny JFK said. And then the guy in the pump said, he said I'm an egg or McCookie or something. Yeah, it's gonna drive him up the fucking wall and he's gonna have to go back out there again. And, you know, and then I think he's gonna drive for the rest of his fucking career. That's my guess. All right, so there you go. There's a whole bunch of shit. How often do you hear a bunch of Formula One talk on a fucking American podcast? You know, nothing? I go fuck yourself. Hey, how about that Patriots Rams game? You know, that's tremendous. If anybody ever had trouble sleeping, that would have been a great game to fucking watch. Jesus Christ. I actually did. I actually watched. You got to watch the game live with me on Facebook. It was something last second. We decided to try at all things comedy. So thank you for the 1500 people or so that tuned in and watched me watch the game. I'm sure they'll put together some sort of clips from that. So if you guys like it enough, if it gets enough hits, I might start doing that. I want to do it for boring fucking games. Because if the game matters, you're not going to want to listen to me talking. But Patriots versus Rams, that's a good one, right? And all I do is I just do the first half. So anyways, I might do it with Joe Bartnick or somebody like that. Maybe with Paul Verzy at some point. We'll figure it out. So anyway, so I have to go to this memorial service last night. I was so proud of my friend that you know, I could really see what a great husband and father he was. So I already knew the suit that I was gonna wear. Because when you get to my age, you know, it fucking sucks, man. You start losing people and you have your funeral suit. You know, for a lot of people, it was, I'm going to a wedding suit. And then that as you get older, that becomes, I'm going to a funeral. Fucking sucks. So you remember last year, I got into the best shape of my fucking life and I went to put on the suit that I fucking bought during that time. Jesus Christ. I could barely get the pants done. And I couldn't wear a tie to the event because I couldn't get the shirt closed. And all I did, I put on like 15 pounds. It's like, how skinny was I? And I was just sitting there screaming at myself in the mirror. My mother, my. I don't know, my mother always told me when I was, you know, she was always like, I don't know. She was always honest about not being fat fuck kids. Which is hilarious to me, because who wants a fat fuck for a kid, right? So I'm sitting there screaming at myself in the mirror, right? And my wife is just sitting there fucking laughing her ass off at me. I would go, look at you. Look. You fucking disgust me. Just completely trashing myself because that's how I get myself back into shape. So I remember I mentioned last podcast that I was going to do a half hour cardio every fucking day this month because I'm not putting on the pigs in the blanket. Fucking apple strudel. What's a Christmas goose? What do you have? What do people have? Chinese food, The Jewish people, right? What's the shit that everybody fucking eats this month makes you a fat fuck? All of the stuff, the pies, the cookies, the Christmas party, the booze, all of that shit. You end up putting on all this fucking weight. Then what happens? Everybody joins a fucking gym. Everybody joins the gym in January, right? And it's just fucking mobbed, right? And all you got to do is just hang in there to about the second week of February, and everybody just starts dropping off like the baton death march or some shit, right? Such a fucked up reference. But I've been watching a lot of World War II shit. I probably even said it wrong. Did I say baton? Like, what, you twirl the baton death march? It was a bunch of high school bands that had to walk to the prom that none of them had dates to. Oh, Bill, do you have to be that mean? Ah, you Know what? I don't. But it's funny, isn't it? Isn't it? Anyways, so you know what's great? Why don't you beat the fucking new person to the gym rush? Why don't you do yourself a favor and not go into the new year 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds overweight. Let's say you knock that number. What's that first number, huh? Unless you're in triple digits. You know, I don't want to fucking give you too much, but if you got a double digit figure you're trying to lose, let's say you're 20 pounds overweight. Why don't you try to get that 2 down to a 1, you know, get that 18 down to a fucking 9. Get that 20 down to a 10. Just knock it down. Run some fucking miles off your fucking odometer, right? Come on, admit it. Good. Nobody's looking. Nobody's looking at cubicle, Reach down, reach down. Grab. Grab a handful. I look at you, huh? That's. That's what you're gonna do. You're gonna add to that. Jesus Christ, come on, say it with me. I'm a fat cunt, right? Just say it. 1, 2, 3. I'm a fat cunt. All right? Then the first thing you gotta do is admitting it to yourself that you've lost control over so many of those fucking Christmas cookies. But let's be honest, they don't really taste that good. A lot of them are bad shortbread with some shitty frosting and some sprinkles on it, right? You don't need that shit, right? Half hour, half hour every day. Make a goddamn playlist. You know what's funny is I actually, because I'm so dreading doing cardio rather than listening to some testosterone aggressive shit Like, I actually was listening to, like, Paul Simon. Like, my cardio thing starts off with something so right by Paul Simon, which, when you really listen to that song, I should look up the fucking. My Internet doesn't work down here. The fucking lyrics are really annoying. He's like, when something goes wrong, I'm the first to admit it. I'm the first to admit it, but the last one to know.
- [53:44]
Paul Verzi
Whoa, whoa.
- [53:45]
Bill Burr
Right? So he's already said, like, you know, hey, if there's something wrong, like, I'm the first one to admit it. I just never know what that is. I don't know if it. Yeah, fuck you, Paul Simon, you cunt. I hate when people do that. You know what I mean? They just, you know, they fucking say that they're an asshole. And then they take no responsibility for it because, hey, man, I just don't. Like. It's hard for me. It's just like hard for me to tell when I'm being a total selfish douche. Come on, Paul, you know that, okay? If you can do a fucking sound check, okay, and you can hear that the horns are too far down in the mix. You can't tell me that you can't be in a car with somebody else and not hear that you're being a fucking asshole, you know? And then the rest of it, when something goes right, oh, it's like, you lose me. It's apt to confuse me. Like, he's just like, oh, oh, oh. Let's all stop and help Paul Simon, you know, that's why he married that Edie Burkell, I'm telling you. You know what I mean? No fucking broad his age was gonna put up with his horseshit. He had to find some young chick that was still fucking wide eyed, you know, slightly confused.
- [54:57]
Paul Verzi
What I am is what I am and what you are or what we are, right?
- [55:01]
Bill Burr
She didn't know what the fuck. She don't know which way was up, all right? Goddamn oversized sweater, fucking walking around, he fucking shows up again. I mean. I mean, if something goes wrong, I'm the first to admit it, but, yeah, I never seem to know. I'm like the last guy to know. Paul, you're a nice person, right? Next thing you know, he's behind her, just banging away, fucking toupee, slapping off the back of his head, right? That's how the whole fucking thing went down. And in the meantime, Edie Burkell and the New Bohemians, right, that, you know, for a pop band, I mean, those guys could play. Great guitarist. They had a great fucking drummer. And what happened? Fucking Paul Simon comes up with his hat in hand, showing up. You know, Paul Simon got. He got hair plugs right after, I think Elton John. And Elton John got the original one. So, like, you know, his head was so scarred up. That's why when he was real coked up in the 80s, he was wearing like those mannequin wigs. Because I don't. I don't know what I'm talking about. I think, was I at the grocery store and read a few too many US magazines and it's all, how the fuck did I get. Oh, we're talking about working out, okay? Not here to talk about Paul Simon and Edie's fucking relationship. I think I overstepped a few lines there, especially during this holiday month. So I apologize, all right? So I start with that. Then I go into One Trick pony. Then I go 50 ways to leave you, lover with Steve Gadd on drums. Oh, by the way, he's coming to town with fucking Eric Clapton. Somebody offered me a fucking ticket. I forgot to get back to him. I've seen Steve Gad live before, but I never saw Eric Clapton. But anyways, it goes to that. And then I go and I listen to. What the fuck do I listen to? A couple of Pretender songs. Then I get into Aerosmith's first fucking album and then I'm done, right? Just like that. I eased my way. Eased my way. You know, I start off really easy, then I get to mid range, and then I just get to Aerosmith's first fucking one. That's what I did. Because what I was doing before, I was. I was like regretting, like, not regretting, hating, doing cardio. And I was starting off with, like, fucking iron maiden or Dr. Feelgood, you know what I mean? Like, that's not like if you. If you just waking up and you're getting on a fucking elliptical. It's all. He's the one that calls out to feel good. He's just like, jesus, Vince, Vince, for fuck's sakes. At least. At least I could start with home sweet home, right? You know, I'm a dreamer. You know, I just realized we have company upstairs. Once I put the headphones on, like, I don't even fucking realize. I don't give a shit. So I was listening to that and like, Iron Maiden, you know, it just like, creeps you out. Like you fucking getting on an elliptical, half groggy because I gotta go into work and shit, right? Starting your day off. We want information. Information, information. Who are you? The new number two. Who is number one? You are number six, right? How about Vincent Price? All the fucking work he got in the early 80s, man, he was fucking crushing it, huh? Woe to you, O earth and sea. For the devil sends the beast with wrath because he knows the time has shot. Let him who hath understanding reckon the number of the beast. For it is a human number. Its number is 666. Right? He. And then he was on fucking Michael Jackson's Thriller, right? Fucking crazy laugh in the end. I can't remember the funk of 40,000 years. I never really listened to Michael Jackson. Like, I was one of those people who had to, like, pretend to be sad when he died, you know what I mean? I'm looking at the man in the Mirror, you know? Right. It just never spoke to me. I liked his shit when he was a kid. Oh, baby, give me more and more chance. I liked right up to off the wall and somewhere. I don't know, I guess I like some. I liked some of, like, Billie Jean was okay. Thriller, I thought was stupid, you know? You know, actually, Thriller isn't stupid. You know what it is? It's fucking. Whenever it comes on, everybody has to start doing the Thriller dance. And they always start with the same thing where it's the claws up in the air on either side. Always, always. There's always somebody doing a fucking Michael Jackson impression, you know? You know what's interesting about that guy? As great as he was, the balls of me to critique this man is like, he was one of those guys. He had the sickest fucking dance moves, and then he just stopped. And he kept with the loafers, and he kept doing the leg thing, and he kept drabbing his dick. And then everybody kind of caught up and went past him. Even though he was still always the greatest dancer of all time. He was. It was like he was doing the Charleston his whole. His whole fucking life. Battu gato. Here comes the moonwalk, right? Somebody can't even remotely fucking dance. Oh, the fucking balls I'm showing on this podcast. Oh, let's keep going. What other fucking legend can we keep. Can we trash next? Yeah, I never got into. I never get, like, when they was. It was always like, Prince versus Michael Jackson. Like, to me, it was. It was always Prince. It wasn't even close. And I don't know, Prince is funny because his bad songs always sound like songs that Molly Ringwald would have danced around to in, like, Sixteen Candles. Like, he's got a couple of those where he just like, Jesus. I guess everybody's got those, right? And if he has one of those. Geez, Bill, can you trash any more dead geniuses? Yeah, I can. Let's go. Let's start talking. Let's talk about Mark Twain and Albert Einstein. Is it me, or do they both have the same barber? What was it about being a genius back then? Or someone who was changing the way people were thinking that you just. You had to have that. That same do. It was Sammy, the Sammy Hagar in Van Halen do. Except it was white, right? Mark Twain had it. Fucking Albert Einstein had it. Frederick Douglass had that with that fucking itchy beard. Everybody had that. When you fucking are just too goddamn smart, you know what I mean? Like, shit, I don't know. You just got too much Shit to think about. There's something about that hairdo that just. It's just the perfect thing. I bet Sammy looks back and was like, why did I cut my hair like that? It was. You know what? The haircut he got was like when he was younger, when he had the longer hair. That's like the chick you marry and then, like, after she has a couple of kids and she just. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. He got, like, literally got that fucking haircut. You know, just short of. Are you sad that you. You know, are you moving towards an alternative lifestyle here? Like, what is going on with that thing? That was just a bad fucking period, huh? They were wearing those. Those peach fucking Flashdance overalls. I don't know. All right, Sammy Hagar. I think Sammy Hagar would have been better if he didn't join Van Halen. Oh, I'm going after. I'm fucking. I'm talking about everybody this week. I don't know what I'm doing here. I think I'm going for fucking a reality show right now. You ever hear that song Heavy Metal by Sammy Hagar? I like that better. And you watch him performing with his own fucking. I'm gonna fucking tweet that. I'm gonna tweet that fucking video this week. You know what I mean? You tell me that anything he did in Van Halen, not trash in Van Halen, because I fucking love those guys. But I'm just saying Sammy shouldn't jumped in there. He should have kept going. He was on a path. The man could not drive. 55, all right. Tall in heavy metal, right? He was fucking great. I don't know what happened. Then all of a sudden, I got the best of both worlds, right? I don't know what happened. My fucking voice is cracking. All right? I think I've trashed enough people that are way, way, way more talented than I'll ever be. So now it's time. Now it's time to say goodbye to all you fucking cunties. I gotta. I gotta read a little bit of advertising. Oh, and there's a lot. Oh, a lot this week. Everybody piling on trying to get your holiday money. Trying to get that holiday money. Oh, look who's back. All right, let's get to some of the questions here for this week. Hey, did you guys see over in England there? They got the fucking. They got some shit that would even make Snowden go. God damn, I didn't even think of that. They got some snooping thing over there where they're just gonna everybody anything you do, phone or on the Internet or anything like any of that shit, they can just look at it. It's fucking unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Whole presidential election goes by, they never talk about any of that shit. Why the fuck do you think that is? Oh, fucking Obama, right? He was in office when all that Snowden shit went through. The big fucking liberal. All you pussies who cried when Hillary didn't get in. You see what the fuck happened when Obama was in. Ah, bunch of babies. I was so disappointed. Anyways, let's, let's read some fucking shit here. Here we go. Advice on the future. Dear Bill Murphud, first of all, congrats on the kid new special, yada yada. Thank you. I'm an 18 year old guy out of high school and need a. Need career advice. I graduated with honors. Good for you. Straight A's. Jesus and all that crap. But I currently don't attend college and I'm working some shit job in a pasta factory. Sounds like you're burned out on the academics there. Oh, he said, this is because what I really want to do is sing parentheses classical shit, take piano lessons and be happy. My dream isn't to be famous or anything, but I love music and want to pursue it. Problem is I have zero background. Can't sing, can't play anything. Literally zero. There's a great place nearby where I, I live that gives vocal and piano lessons and all I want to do is start training my voice and start playing. But I feel like there's no point because I have no experience. Jesus Christ, dude. You know what it is? You're one of these people, you got straight A's, you're an overachiever, and you're so goddamn smart. Every time you come up with the option, you know, when the normal level of fear comes up, smarties like you can come up with like, rather than just 10 reasons not to do it, you'll come up with a thousand and you're paralyzed right now is what's going on. He said, I spend my free. You're only 18 years old, dude. You know, nobody has any experience until they start experiencing it. You're already being way too hard on yourself. He goes, all right. He goes, I spend my free time listening to countless covers of the same song, watching videos on vocal exercises and fantasizing about being a singer one day. I feel I can really do it sometimes, but other times I feel like not even trying. Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's okay. That first emotion where you feel like trying to do it, you need to listen to that. That second one that talks you out of it. You need to stop listening to that voice. You need to, out loud, tell that voice to shut the fuck up. That's what I did. I literally were talking to the. You gotta beat the fuck out of that voice. That one that goes, no, no. Yeah, but what if this happens? Oh, nobody's gonna like me. Sit down and shut the fuck up. All right? I don't need you on this one. I need you. When I'm thinking about doing heroin, then I need you going, like, what if you get addicted and then you die and you make everybody cry? Yeah, yeah, then I'll listen to you. But not when you're going after a dream. You don't listen to any of that negative shit because you'll talk yourself out of it anyways. I know you always preach about following your dream, but when it actually comes to doing it, it's very scary. Of course it is. However, I don't want to be 40 years old and think, man, what if my 99 year old aunt always tells me to do what I want and forget about money? But my parents say that I need a real job. Well, who has more life experience? Your 99 year old aunt. And what is she saying, huh? Your parents, they're too close to you. You know, they're worried you're going to be homeless and all that shit. So they're always going to say, just get a fucking job so you can have enough money to put a roof over your head and eat a sandwich. That's all they're thinking of. Nobody dreams of that. Nobody dreams about just having a roof over their head and eating a sandwich. Unless you're, I don't know, unless you live in some fucking squalor, right? But even then, after a while, once you have the roof over your head, then you're gonna at some point be like, I want to do something, right? I don't know. Anyways, I've been in between for a year I've been in between for a year now and need help. I don't want to get massively in debt for something I don't really want. That is so fucking smart. All these poor kids coming out of fucking college, hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt at this fucking point. Or at least the high ten thousands, you know, that's when you love being a fucking moron, you know, because then you go to community college, doesn't cost shit. You work at Dunkin Donuts, throw a couple of coffees at people, and all of a sudden you got money for your next semester. Maybe pursuing music will open doors to majoring in music in the future. I don't know. What should I do? You pale bitch? P.S. give Cleo a head scratch for me. Pit bulls are awesome. And he says Asian. Need advice from Bill Burr. Oh, that's the next person. Is that it? Oh, all right. Yeah. You know what's fucked up? I was gonna say, oh, you're Asian. Dude, you're gonna crush the piano. That's one of those stereotypes that I guess is racist, but it's like positive racism. You know what I mean? Dude, take up the cello. You'll be playing for your fucking Major Cities Philharmonic. All right? This is what I would do. I would just start taking lessons immediately. I would sign up immediately. I would not listen to the rest of this podcast. Hit stop, walk over to the phone, call the number and get a lesson as soon as you can. Go to the lesson, okay? And then keep going and just see what that feels like. Don't stop after one and be like, well, I only went to one and I can't even play Chopstick yet. Fuck this. Fuck that voice. Keep going. All right, just say, I'm going to stick with this for three months. All right? That's the big thing with anything. You got to stick with it for three months and really work at it. Working out, learning an instrument, learning a language. God knows I always end up quitting. I can't even get fucking 100 days together. Just stick with it and see how you feel after three months. If you feel like this isn't for me, you're not going to have that. Well, what if. What if? Bullshit. Because you tried it. So this isn't. You're not making a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life. Don't look at it like that. You're just looking at the next three months. The next three months are going to happen. Do you want to, after 90 days, still be sitting there going, I have no experience. I don't know what to do. Working in a pasta place or you want to be in this fucking pasta place and you know how to play a couple of songs? Dude, you'd be fucking excited, man. If you actually, if this is what you really want to do, you'll be at work thinking about it. Can't wait to get home and play the fucking piano or try my singing some songs or whatever. And then once you get that, then that gets in your DNA. And when you have stuff to look forward to in life. All of a sudden, shit that you don't look forward to, you start looking at it like, why the fuck am I doing this? This sucks. You know, I don't want to do this. And then that gets you out of that, and you start going down a path of what the fuck you want to do, then the other side of that is then your whole fucking life is nothing but fun shit. Then when you actually have to do shit that you don't want to do, like go down to the fucking DMV and find the title for your goddamn Prius, right? Then you can be a big fucking baby about it. So there is. There's always a price to pay. But, dude, that's what I would do. I would. I would stop listening right now and sign up for those lessons and go in there and just tell your teacher, say, this is something I've always wanted to do. I'm just nervous about it. Just fucking. Just say what you said to me. And they'll be like, all right, all right, well, let's. Let's get you on that. Dude, you'll be fucking playing piano.
- [72:06]
Paul Verzi
Boom.
- [72:08]
Bill Burr
That's how easy it is to make a change in your life. Just fucking pick up the phone, say what you want to do, and then when it's time, you show up and you do it, and then you're doing it. You know, you just got to get around all those mental blocks. So I hope you listen to me, man, because you're only 18 years old, so it's not like you're 50, 60. And even then, I would still tell you to do it, because who gives a fuck whether you get anywhere with it? But if you want to do that, you know, you should do it. All right, that's it for that. Okay, Asian needs advice from Bill Burr. Bill, I love your podcast, and you're really awesome. Asian, male Chinese with squinty fucking eyes and can't drive for shit. Dude, you don't gotta shit on yourself. Anyways, I need your advice. I came to America. I guess I always do. I'm a bald, pasty cunt. Anyways, I need your advice. I came to America a year ago, and I really love tall, slim, Irish, German girls with red hair. Jesus Christ. I just missed. I just missed being your fucking dreamboat. I think they're beautiful. Well, I'm not tall, am I? Blonde is beautiful, too. Never seen such beauty where I'm from. Holy moly. The problem is I'm not, like, tall and confident like white guys, and I live In Texas? Jesus Christ, dude. This is a fucking reality show waiting to happen. I tried to ask this redhead at the gym out, and she won't take me seriously. All right, Time the out, dude. Hat off to you for the balls you got. You came here from China. You've learned the language, right? You're in Texas, you're at the gym, you're talking, right? Gives a. You went up to the plate, you didn't get on base. Who gives a shit? Talk to another redhead. Talk to a blunt, Talk to whatever the fuck you want to. Keep talking to him. He said, what do I need to do to date a redhead? Oh, Jesus Christ. What do you think? Because I'm a redhead, Like, I know. Like, there's some secret fucking handshake. He said, they want me to be their Asian friend, but I really want to marry him, bang them, and have cute kids. This is driving me nuts. I mean, am I going against nature? Is an Asian guy dating white girls frowned upon and not accepted in America? Thanks in advance. I don't really cuss that much and don't mean to offend you, but wanted to talk and act like you Jimmy Chow out. Yeah, okay. Is Asian guys dating white guys frowned upon? Like, everything is frowned upon in every fucking country. Generally speaking, people are afraid of anything fucking new. Who gives a shit? Literally, like that guy before me who said he wanted to play piano. If he told somebody he wanted to do that, you know, I think initially, people be encouraging or whatever. There's always gonna be people telling you not to do shit. Is this what you want to do, sir? Yes. Then I would go out and do it. All right, so it sounds like to me from your email that you've. You know, I don't know. It's like. It's like you just got into the majors, okay? It's the first week, you haven't gotten your first hit yet. What are you going to do? You're just going to quit baseball, go back down to the minors? Fuck that. Keep. I would keep talking. Every time you hit on a woman, you get better at it, all right? And I would just. I would just continue. Like, you're doing everything you need to do. You go into the gym, you're staying in shape, and you're talking shit. I mean, I don't. I don't. I don't see anything wrong with your game plan other than, you know, it hasn't happened for you yet. And this is something. You know, it's going to take a minute. You know, if you just walk up and Talk to some chick at the gym and get laid. I mean, then everybody would be fucking doing it. The reason why most people don't do it is because they know that 99.9% of the time you're going to get the fucking Heisman. Hey, easy, easy. This is my elliptical over here. This is your elliptical over there, right? Fuck off. Right? And for all the women there going, like, can you just, like, not hit on us at the gym? Can you just fucking. Nah. Can I just have this fucking place? Hey, they make gyms for that. They make the old ladies fucking gems, all right? The fuck? You're gonna go there, working out, looking good, and then you're upset that a guy's coming up and hitting on you someday. Ladies, some days they're not gonna want to talk to you. Take it from somebody, okay? Who? The women. They don't even. They don't even like. You don't even like, register, like, I'm a sir. I became a Sir or a Mister, like fucking 15 years ago, and it's over. All right? Okay. Boyfriends obsessed with video games. Now I know somebody's gonna send me an email. Well, I was fucking. They're gonna talk about some borderline sexual assault thing. Obviously. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm just talking about a little playful flirtation of someone who wants to fuck you. Boyfriend's obsessed with video games. How far into this podcast am I? All right, this one's gonna be a little bit short. I usually go a little over an hour, but that's when I'm gonna have to stop today because I gotta go into fucking. I gotta go to work. Boyfriend's obsessed with video games. Hey, Buffalo Bill, I love your podcast and I'm a huge fan. My boyfriend and I love both, love to listen to your rants about whatever bullshit comes to mind. I myself have ADD and can find myself rambling about something completely different than whatever it was I started to ramble about. Anyway, my boyfriend has always been a huge fan of video games and he can play them all day if he could. More recently, he has been obsessed with one game in particular for the last eight plus months and has really put a strain on our relationship. He will turn on his Xbox from the second he gets home until about four hours before he has worked the next morning. Jesus. So we pretty much spend no time together unless it's me watching him play with his friends, he talks to his friends while he plays online, in which case, even if I do say something to him, he either doesn't hear me or just ignores me. I've tried talking to him about it and he refuses to change or compromise. It's even started to affect our sex life. Well, I imagine it would because he has no time for sexy time. We are both still young and in our late 20s and I hate that I'm practically begging him to turn off the game so we can canoodle in the sheets. I've been contemplating just breaking off our relationship of five plus years because it's been this way for months and it has only gotten worse. I'd love to hear what the wise Nia has to say as well. Thanks for all the good laughs and congratulations on both of yous on the new baby birth. Thank you. Unfortunately, Nia's not here. Let me see if I can get her. Hold on one second. Okay. She's on her way down. I would say, first of all, you've been together for five plus years. Initially, my first thought when you were doing this is what I would do if what would make me pay attention is I would just start going out with your friends and just start wearing fucking sexy outfits and shit. And he'll get the message immediately. If you walk out the door looking good and he's sitting there fucking playing video games and stuff. And he. If he doesn't get that hint, then yeah, you gotta be thinking, like, what the. This guy's just. This guy's more interested in this shit than what I'm doing over here with my fucking Christmas leggings, going out to a Christmas party dressed like a fucking hot piece ash over here. That's. That's what the I would do. You've already tried to talk to him. I gotta be honest with you. I understand people becoming obsessed with video games. It's why I don't play them. But to me, this. I'm a bit of a cunt when it comes to video games. To me, that's a child activity. You know what I mean? Like, what is this person working towards? What do they have for a fucking job? They come home from their job and they just play a video game for the whole fucking rest of the day. Does not sound like a driven man. That's another fucking red flag. So that's what I would. I would just start building a life initially. I would start building a life without him to see if he notices and maybe you guys can get back to where you were. Or if he doesn't notice, then you already have a head start on getting the fuck away from this guy. So the lovely Nia's here. I'm going to hit pause and let her read this email. Or Nia, if you just want to, you can just read this while I continue to ramble here. It starts right here. My boyfriend's been a fan of the video games, yada, yada yada and all that shit. So that's basically, that's what I would do. And as I mentioned a long time ago, the last video game that I played was Grand Theft Auto 3 and it literally consumed my life. I would be walking to the comedy clubs, getting on a. And I would be thinking about the game when I wasn't even. I wasn't even at home. I'd be waiting to go on stage thinking about, okay, you know, I'll finish this set and I'll go home and I'll use the cheats and I'll just go on a fucking rampage and all that shit. And it just kind of took over my life. So here's the lovely Nia with her advice. Oh.
- [81:29]
C
First of all, can I just say that this problem really sucks and that's really annoying and that you're both in your 20s and he's like addicted to playing video games? I'm sorry, but that's a lame ass and you need to move on. Seriously. Five years. Five plus years. It's been this way for months and it's only gotten worse. Yeah, you said you tried to talk to him about it and he refuses to change or compromise. Well, it's just, yeah, he obviously, his priorities are this video game. I don't know if is there something else going on in your relationship or did he have some kind of something bad happen recently that he doesn't want to deal with or something and that's why he's so consumed by the video games? Because I'm just trying to think like, what normal, healthy, happy person just all.
- [82:21]
Bill Burr
Of a sudden doesn't want to bang his broad.
- [82:23]
C
Yeah. And hands over his life to a video game? Like, I feel like something happened and he's not able to.
- [82:30]
Bill Burr
But you talk too quietly.
- [82:31]
C
Okay. Because you're sticking it in my face like, well.
- [82:34]
Bill Burr
Cause you do this, you start talking all the way over here and the people can't hear you. Oh, okay. Looking at the levels here.
- [82:39]
C
All right.
- [82:41]
Bill Burr
Okay.
- [82:42]
D
That's.
- [82:42]
Bill Burr
Sorry. That's all right.
- [82:45]
C
Yeah. I would not necessarily say, listen, it's the video games or me, but you can just say something along those lines of like, listen, I feel like I'm not a priority in your life and if that's the case, then we really need to talk about this relationship. Because if you're not into it, then just let me go so I can find somebody who's into me and is going to pay attention to me and not their Xbox.
- [83:08]
Bill Burr
This is what I was saying she should do. She should just fucking dress like a whore and go out that night and just see if he notices. Like, just have, like, fucking, you know, the fucking thigh highs on and all that shit. If he doesn't get it, then.
- [83:20]
C
Thigh highs?
- [83:21]
Bill Burr
Yeah, just dress like a thigh highs. There's stockings. They go up to your thighs and then they stop and there's this glorious little hint of leg.
- [83:31]
C
You're so old that you feel like women are going out in like, thigh high. It's like they're like saloon mistresses, like on Westworld.
- [83:40]
Bill Burr
Why? Because I came of age in the 1800s. Why you. Why you acting like you guys don't always whore it up every fucking holiday? You whore it up on your birthday. You'll whore it up on Halloween. You whore it up on Christmas.
- [83:51]
C
Sex it up. It's called being sexy.
- [83:53]
Bill Burr
Sexing it up.
- [83:54]
C
Sexing it up.
- [83:54]
Bill Burr
Sexing it up. Putting your clam on the fucking platter. That's what you guys do.
- [83:59]
C
It's different.
- [84:00]
Bill Burr
Titties out, clam peeking out from underneath the sheet. No.
- [84:04]
C
Cause I don't believe in that passive aggressive shit. It's just like, listen, motherfucker, are you into this or not? Cause if not, then I need to move on. The thing is, though, honey, he's made his choice. That's what I think that you don't necessarily want to fully admit to. He's made his choice. He's more interested in the video game for whatever reason. He won't talk about it. He won't compromise. He's made his choice. Maybe he's not into the relationship anymore. Is that a possibility? Is it a possibility that he is?
- [84:36]
Bill Burr
Maybe she needs to whore it up.
- [84:41]
C
She's saying she's, like, trying. She's trying to beg him to even have sex, which is ridiculous. It could be that he is just not into the relationship anymore and he's such a fucking pussy ass puss that he's waiting for you to be the one to dump him. Cause a lot of people do that. What is he, a pussy ass puss?
- [85:00]
Bill Burr
What is that?
- [85:01]
C
I don't even know. But you know, some people are. They don't want to be the bad guy or they're just immature and cowardly, so they don't want to say, listen, I think we should break up because they feel guilty because it's been five plus years. So they do shit like this to, like, make you be the one to break up with them because they're cowards. You know what I mean? So it is possible.
- [85:21]
Bill Burr
So in conclusion, what are you saying?
- [85:22]
C
I'd say dump his ass. Bye.
- [85:26]
Bill Burr
There you go. All right. See that? All right, now you want to listen to me read out loud.
- [85:31]
C
Oh, God.
- [85:32]
Bill Burr
I know. This would be hilarious. Is baby realizes that I'm not good at reading. What age do you think they're gonna be fucking? Turn around, kind of look up at me like, mommy doesn't sound like this.
- [85:44]
C
You'll be good at reading, like, children's stories.
- [85:49]
Bill Burr
All right, I walked into that one. All right, here's some adult advertising. Guess what, folks? That's a podcast for this week's. This week's this week. And I gotta get the fuck out of here because I gotta go to work. Gotta go edit, edit, edit, edit, edit, edit. So that's it. Go yourselves and I will check in on you on Thursday.
- [86:17]
D
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the anything better podcast show, NFL Edition. Going into week number 14 with your host Paul Versi, Bill Burr, we got the Greek freak producer, and of course Jake the snake on our injury report. Before we get started with today's show, I gotta shout out to bet MGM app the betmgm. Best lines out there, guys. And if you use our code, that's Burr. B u r r. You can. Well, first of all, you got to download the app. That's how you get started. Four easy steps and then you put up to $10 in okay? And then you put a wager in with ten dollars. And if your bet loses, you'll get fifteen hundred dollars in bonus bets after your first wager is settled. Very easy gamble, responsively. I was lucky this week because I went 4 0. But one of them had me on the. One of them had me. Actually, I just looked.
- [87:07]
Paul Verzi
You're almost four years in a row beating the book. This isn't luck at this point.
- [87:11]
D
Ah, well, we'll see. It's only. I'm only a couple, you know, I'm not fully up yet. I got to be like 15 to 20 up.
- [87:16]
Paul Verzi
But anyway, how far up are you?
- [87:19]
D
I think I'm 12 games. I think I'm 12 games above.
- [87:22]
Paul Verzi
Dude, that's insane. You went down like seven, eight games.
- [87:26]
D
I was down eight. I was down eight games after week five.
- [87:29]
Paul Verzi
That's a 20 game turnaround, dude.
- [87:32]
D
Yeah, well, you Know, don't play modest.
- [87:37]
Paul Verzi
Hey, Bill, I know you're walking around your house talk. Paul Birdie.
- [87:40]
Bill Burr
Modest.
- [87:41]
D
Paul Versi.
- [87:42]
Bill Burr
I don't know that guy.
- [87:43]
D
Bill, I gotta tell you something. I think it's gonna put you in a good mood. You see the hat I'm wearing right now? It doesn't look familiar. This was the hat I threw off of my head on the 18th green in Vegas.
- [87:55]
Paul Verzi
Oh, my God. That was my favorite things ever. The glasses. First you chipped in, and then I.
- [88:03]
D
Hugged a stranger that I just met two hours earlier.
- [88:06]
Paul Verzi
He was your caddy. He was your caddy.
- [88:08]
D
He was a caddy, but I hugged him from behind and screamed, yeah.
- [88:16]
Paul Verzi
Paul, what's going on in New York? We were just talking about that CEO got fucking whacked.
- [88:21]
D
Oh, my God, dude, You know what's funny?
- [88:23]
Paul Verzi
I was sitting there reading an article. Guy like, oh, my God, he's such a great guy. He had a, you know, wife and kids, and he's such a great guy. And then you find out he and the other guys he's working for are getting sued for $121 million for dumping a stock and not letting the other people know. It's like, there's your motives, dude.
- [88:38]
D
Anytime I hear CEO of one of the biggest health care, it's like, I. You don't wish it on anybody. You feel horrible for his kids and his wife, of course. But, dude, when I saw that and I saw what.
- [88:51]
Paul Verzi
What is more heartless than a CEO of a corporation? The decision in healthcare, the decisions that they make. This is the thing. I'm not saying what happened should have happened, but I'm just. For them to be like, oh, this is like, why would anybody want to do this? It's like they're denying claims and people are dying. The food supply is poison. It's like the fucking motive out there is wild. It's right up there, Paul, with getting life insurance. The second you get life insurance, whoever is the beneficiary immediately has motive. You are now worth such and such amount of money if you're not alive. And there you are talking.
- [89:29]
D
That's the first time in my lifetime, in my lifetime where I saw Surveillance of something that was like a movie where the guy just stood out holding the gun, silencer hat, shot him and just went off. That was wild to see. My buddy, who's a cop, like, was like, did you see the surveillance? And when I saw him step out, I was like, is this real? That was nuts, dude.
- [89:51]
Paul Verzi
That was so funny. Is this real? Paul, you're watching the world. I was fucking Vladimir Putin. He's over there, he's got like musk. He just. You put the cologne on and all of a sudden you start breaking out like three days later. You're dead brutal. I thought the most disturbing thing about it was that they had survey camera surveillance of the guy from there all the way up to Central Park. It's like, what sort of Big Brother city is that?
- [90:14]
D
Yeah, yeah, and they, yeah, and then they got him in a bank now and they were like, dude, that's not the same guy. Like, different jacket, different. I don't think they know they got.
- [90:25]
Paul Verzi
Him a cup of coffee. Well, this is the thing, Paul. They did. The thing about those, those murders is if there's no connection to you, to you and the victim, you've never met, you've never spoken and you have no priors or anything like that, that's that you're in the wind. Like, I don't know how the fuck you would get that. They got, he's, he's covered up like this. I don't know, it's, it's, you know, it's fucked up. Paul, is I've been doing a bit in my act, talking about how it was better when the mob was running shit because they were regulated simply because what they were doing was illegal. And I know that they were making a bunch of money, but they couldn't be flashing around. They had wars, they whacked each other and shit. I was saying like, how fucking great would it be to see like, you know, the head of, you know, Walmart gets whacked by the head of the target guy. Have a nice old fashioned war, just thin the herd and keep everybody honest. But the problem is those guys are all on the legal side of stealing. And all of those politicians, they give the politicians the heads up and then they turn around, they make these, they make all these fucking money. Andrew, what the fuck were you saying? Nancy Pelosi just made 9 million bucks on some shit. They're gangsters, dude. Gangsters. And then one of them gets whacked or something like, oh, good, he was such a good guy. It's a dirty game, Paul. Health care, health care. Dirty game.
- [91:45]
D
It's a dirty game. I tweeted last night, I go, the CEO of Aetna called a meeting today. They're going to re. Look at some of those claims they denied. Jesus, dude. Yeah, and, but so I heard an ex military guy go, because two, two ex military guys talked. And then John Walsh from America's most wanted to talk. John Walsh doesn't think it was a professional. This ex military guy said the way he was standing and the way he held his gun was definitely some training involved. But the weird thing was knowing the guy was going to be there at 6am in the morning. They said the dude knew he'd be there and the dude was there for hours.
- [92:17]
Paul Verzi
But here's my question, Paul. Why is there this level of coverage? Somebody gets gunned down in New York every day. Now all of a sudden all these experts have to weigh in. Yeah, that's because of the status. We can't have white guys in suits getting whacked. Like, we gotta find this guy. Do that, like that thing right there too. That right there, that sent a ripple shockwave.
- [92:43]
Bill Burr
Dude.
- [92:43]
Paul Verzi
Bill Clinton got up from Epstein island, said, what happened?
- [92:49]
D
I think that. No, no, he said, I think the record shows.
- [92:52]
Paul Verzi
I think the record. No, no, I'm saying like those people are all talking about it under their mountain or whatever that thing. Dude, they don't give a. Paul, if you came up and you whacked me because I took your, whatever your, your picks for the week. That, that just. Yeah, that's page 19 of the post. You start whacking a CEO when a white guy in a suit can't walk into a five star hotel without getting shot by a silencer. Yeah, they get nervous.
- [93:21]
D
Yeah. Dude, that was, man.
- [93:24]
Paul Verzi
Yeah, it was insane. I feel bad for his family and all of that type of stuff. I'm not saying that, but I'm sitting there, you know, I'm sitting there saying.
- [93:33]
Bill Burr
I think I make coffee, get bald.
- [93:35]
Paul Verzi
Oh, the lights come on. Gingers do not look good with overhead lighting, especially bald ones. I'm just saying, like this thing that they're showing, the way they're spinning, like, how dangerous is New York that a white guy in a suit can't walk around? It's like, that's not why they're doing that, dude. It's because, hey, that guy was making us a lot of fucking money, dude. I bet all those Giuliani guys were going, dude, was that you? Did you call that? Was that us? Was that us? Because I didn't hear on the meeting, am I next? Am I next?
- [94:10]
D
Oh, dude, there was some.
- [94:11]
Paul Verzi
They were all nervous going, wait a.
- [94:12]
D
Minute, wait a minute. That's actually a great point.
- [94:17]
Paul Verzi
Tell me that was just some random dude that's inside and I didn't know that that was happening, is that I got a green light on me. He starts dying his hair again.
- [94:32]
D
Yeah, man, that was. Oh, I just feel for the kids. That's all I give them.
- [94:38]
Paul Verzi
I do, too. And I feel for his wife, and I also feel for that guy because I looked at his dumb face and I'm like, this guy just did this career and it's just as you're moving up and you're moving up, you hit. More of your soul has to go away. That's a soulless business, dude.
- [94:53]
D
Yeah, yeah. And I don't care. United is the biggest health care company in the world, dude. That's a big whacking. It's a big one.
- [95:02]
Paul Verzi
I'm telling you, Paul, like, they, you know, whatever they were talking about today, you know, in their big Illuminati meeting, that was definitely, you know, is there. Over there drinking virgin blood. Like, dude, you see that fucking CEO.
- [95:15]
D
Dude, you got to do a bit. That's a funny bit. How guys are going, hey, like, trying to feel their friends out. Hey, did you see what happened? Is that us? That was us.
- [95:23]
Paul Verzi
Was that us?
- [95:24]
D
That's funny.
- [95:25]
Paul Verzi
Hey, man, like, I know that was kind of a public thing and you can't tell too many people, but, like, you know, I kind of thought I was in the circle. I thought it was in the circle of trust.
- [95:34]
D
Like at 7:30. Hey, dude, you see the news this morning? You don't even say what it was. You just find.
- [95:39]
Paul Verzi
He goes to the Illuminati mountain and he's got his pass card. He says, please work, please work, please work.
- [95:46]
D
He puts a card up. Dude, that's. Yeah, man, that's.
- [95:53]
Paul Verzi
Look, I just want my in.
- [95:54]
Bill Burr
Am I out?
- [95:55]
Paul Verzi
Okay. I just want to know.
- [96:03]
D
That's why this show is the funniest. It's the best.
- [96:06]
Paul Verzi
Paul, is there anything better than when you had a busy morning, you didn't have coffee, and you have the caffeine headache that first sip. I understand heroin.
- [96:14]
D
Oh, I mean, you're a different man from when we first logged on.
- [96:18]
Paul Verzi
No, but that's. Oh, when I was driving. Oh. And I took the wrong highway to get over here. Well, I mean, come on. Those. Those were some extreme. That was lake effect snow. The emotional version of that.
- [96:31]
D
Yeah, dude, I was. I was. My buddy sent me that. And they were. And then the guy's gotten. It's so funny how everybody knows everyone's. Dude, his gun jammed three times. I'm like, well, he got. He did what he had to do, which is horrible.
- [96:41]
Paul Verzi
Nobody unjammed it. I was talking to an ex cop and he was talking about that, going like, no, but he cleared it. But then he was also saying, but, like, would a pro have a gun that. What, is it dirty or up or whatever?
- [96:53]
Bill Burr
I said, I don't know.
- [96:54]
Paul Verzi
Might have been one of those stupid guns you make. Who knows, Paul? But I gotta tell you, this is the biggest whacking I feel since that guy outside his Spark Steakhouse.
- [97:05]
D
But is this the first one you ever saw?
- [97:09]
Paul Verzi
What do you mean, first?
- [97:11]
D
I was saying before, I think this is the first whacking that you actually saw. Like, with Paul Castellano. There were no cameras, so you just saw his body.
- [97:17]
Paul Verzi
Yeah, was the 80s.
- [97:19]
D
Yeah.
- [97:19]
Paul Verzi
Catalytic converters. The fucking Cadillac was this big. There was nowhere for him to hide. Yeah.
- [97:24]
D
And you just saw, like, a hand. With all those crime video, those mob old mamas, you just see like a fat fingers under a car. You don't see. This was the first time I actually saw the guy walk up and do it. Which was actually creepy to me to see that.
- [97:38]
Paul Verzi
Well, it should be. Well, I don't watch any of those beheading videos. I never watched that shit.
- [97:42]
D
No.
- [97:43]
Paul Verzi
No, I never watched that.
- [97:44]
D
So you know why I'll never get killed in the morning? Hey. Because I'm sleeping, all right? You gotta wait till lunchtime to get me.
- [97:53]
Paul Verzi
Wait a minute, Paul, he came home at 7am and you've been known to go till 9am drinking. That's no blow, no Peds. Not like these. These other guys that.
- [98:04]
D
No, no, no, I'll go. I just picture a hitman trying to get me. Like, dude, this guy sleeps. Is this.
- [98:15]
Paul Verzi
No, but they would know, though.
- [98:16]
Bill Burr
They would.
- [98:16]
Paul Verzi
They would be watching you. Yeah, like, all right. He gets up at. He gets up at 11:31 every day.
- [98:27]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [98:27]
Paul Verzi
He's calling stands in front of this mirror. I love that. Your daughter does that impression. You.
- [98:36]
D
My son and daughter, they all. My whole family, they do the mouth. They do the whole. They do the whole thing. God forbid, dude. God forbid. So you know what's creepy is that guy knew days before, like, I'm going to New York. That's what's wild. But, yeah, dude, there's motive with health care.
- [98:53]
Paul Verzi
Paul, I gotta tell you something. It's like all of these. The corporations that profit off of war, these people that have covered things up, these corporations that have killed people, that all of those people. There's motive for all of that. It's just. They got it all fucking sewed up. We're CNN and FOX News. They never rat those guys out ever, ever. They never talk about that. They'll Go political. They'll fuck over, you know.
- [99:18]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God.
- [99:19]
Paul Verzi
Joe Biden's son, he's pardoning Joe Biden. How dumb is that? How dumb is the right wing outrage about that? It's so stupid. It's like your guy is going to go in and pardon himself. It's just like your team cheats. Mine doesn't. It's so dumb.
- [99:36]
Bill Burr
It's the.
- [99:37]
Paul Verzi
Dude.
- [99:37]
D
If my son beats somebody to death in a Macy's and I'm the president. He's walking. He's walking.
- [99:46]
Bill Burr
I don't know.
- [99:46]
D
I don't know. No, I'll say he's getting mentally ill. We got to do something about it. We'll put him away somewhere.
- [99:52]
Paul Verzi
I'll get a protective custody, but you know, if my kid kills somebody. No, you can't have. You can't have that. You can't have that out there.
- [99:57]
D
No, no.
- [99:58]
Paul Verzi
And I gotta walk away from you.
- [100:01]
D
Yeah, I have.
- [100:03]
Paul Verzi
No. Yeah.
- [100:04]
D
Yeah. Andrew. So let's get into the picks here. I believe it's week 14, which means. Is it Bill's pick? It's Bill's pick, I believe. Yeah, it's Bill. It's your pick.
- [100:18]
Paul Verzi
I thought I picked first last week. Oh, what did I just do? What did I just.
- [100:22]
Bill Burr
Where's. Where the.
- [100:23]
Paul Verzi
All the picks are over here.
- [100:24]
D
Andrew, are you there?
- [100:27]
Bill Burr
Yes.
- [100:28]
D
Did Bill go first last week?
- [100:31]
Bill Burr
You know, you guys had swapped it once. I'm trying to remember you.
- [100:35]
Paul Verzi
You were do.
- [100:36]
Bill Burr
Bill was going first this year, which is odd. So. But then you had swapped this. I, I think, I think you went 4, 0.
- [100:42]
Paul Verzi
Give it. Give a guy a chance here.
- [100:44]
D
Yeah, yeah. Bill.
- [100:44]
Paul Verzi
Bill winning by 20 points and then almost losing the game. No game's ever over, Paul. Watch all those commercials.
- [100:52]
D
Andrew, I need the lines up, if you can. And we have no Jake.
- [100:55]
Paul Verzi
Snake.
- [100:55]
Bill Burr
True. We got Jake.
- [100:57]
D
Oh, there he is.
- [100:58]
Bill Burr
Hey, Jake.
- [101:00]
Paul Verzi
What's going on?
- [101:02]
D
I was wondering if you had one of your in there. What movie?
- [101:05]
Paul Verzi
What movie?
- [101:06]
D
Come on, guys. What movie?
- [101:09]
Paul Verzi
I know exactly. He's talking to what's his face.
- [101:12]
D
Stacks.
- [101:13]
Paul Verzi
Yes. Sam Jackson.
- [101:15]
D
He goes. I thought you had one of your bitches in here. He goes. He goes. I did. Where'd she go?
- [101:20]
Paul Verzi
The way he says, you can tell how racist his character is. Don't you have any in here, Jake?
- [101:27]
D
What do we got? Any, any, any injuries? Big ones. Other than big ones.
- [101:33]
Bill Burr
Trevor Lawrence is out for the year for the Jags after that hit he took last week.
- [101:38]
Paul Verzi
And then Christian McCaffrey is also out for the year.
- [101:41]
Bill Burr
His season is over after the injury he had against Buffalo. And then the good news is Matt.
- [101:47]
Paul Verzi
Stafford, There's a report saying he sprained his ankle, but he practiced fully yesterday, so. So he's gonna be out there. So those are the big ones that I saw.
- [101:55]
D
Underrated hall of Fame career and great career. Matt Stafford.
- [101:59]
Bill Burr
Yeah.
- [101:59]
D
Super bowl champion.
- [102:01]
Paul Verzi
Underrated. On this podcast, Jake the Snake.
- [102:04]
D
I mean, Jake comes in. Look, Jake comes in, and he just gives you the goods right out of the gate.
- [102:09]
Paul Verzi
He's back. He's backlit. I always love that he's backlit, like he's some holy deity. And then he. You know what he does, Paul? He brings a professionalism.
- [102:18]
D
He's got the aura behind him.
- [102:20]
Bill Burr
He is.
- [102:21]
Paul Verzi
We're gonna. We're gonna lose him to ESPN any day now. Well, I just want to say, you know, go. It's a kid's day. Go get the bag. All right.
- [102:29]
Bill Burr
It's gonna be. It's gonna be Steve, Stephen A. Smith yelling.
- [102:32]
Paul Verzi
You wrap that thing, Jake. You stay away from them. Who is.
- [102:37]
Bill Burr
Stephen A. Smith yelling?
- [102:38]
Paul Verzi
And then Paul just going.
- [102:39]
Bill Burr
Well, I just. Jake just going. I disagree.
- [102:41]
D
Oh, I would be heartbroken if I saw Stephen A. Smith yelling at Jake. Jake, Are you out of your mind? Jake's like, I want to go back.
- [102:48]
Paul Verzi
To anything better, but I was feeling. Stephen A. Smith is kind of cartoony upset. It's that other guy.
- [102:58]
Bill Burr
Skip.
- [102:59]
Paul Verzi
Skip Stevenson. What's his name?
- [103:01]
D
Skip Bayless.
- [103:02]
Paul Verzi
Skip. Yeah. That guy. It's just like, I would be surprised if he even watches sports.
- [103:06]
D
No, he got fired from everywhere. Andrew, can you put the lines up?
- [103:10]
Paul Verzi
Wait, Bayless got fired?
- [103:12]
D
Well, he got fired from. Yeah, he got fired from me.
- [103:14]
Bill Burr
They didn't renew his. Yeah, they didn't renew his first take contract.
- [103:17]
D
They didn't renew his first take contract. And Shannon Sharp left him because he didn't. I mean, the guy. You know, the guy's a mess.
- [103:23]
Paul Verzi
Shannon Sharp, that was the smartest move ever, because, you know, there was only so long Shannon could handle a Skip in his life before you have assault charges. I don't know how you could sit across as a man who played the game at the level that he did, talking to some little shit named Skip in a fucking suit. Who's telling you you didn't know what you were talking about? I mean, the level of patience that Shannon showed, it was a level of maturity. That's what they say. Hey, Paul, guess what game's sticking out to me because I don't know shit about football anymore. I'm going to take The Dolphins lay out, lay in. What did I do last week? Did I go 04? Mercifully. Was it a two behind the year?
- [104:01]
D
No, you won. You definitely won one. I saw one and three.
- [104:06]
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
- [104:07]
Bill Burr
Hell yeah.
- [104:09]
D
Andrew on this show for Paul is.
- [104:11]
Paul Verzi
To give people realistic expectations.
- [104:13]
D
Andrew Semless be a rare one and three for themless. Jake the snake two and two. Jake the snake holding 500.
- [104:21]
Paul Verzi
Dude, what's his face. Andrew is stealthily. He's running right there with you. And you know what it is, Paul, but everybody talks about you because you're in the New York market. Andrew's feet is in the middle of la, so nobody cares. And there's Paul, you know, all Sicilian. He's got the hat. Polycutlets. It writes itself. Somebody got right down the street from you. It's exciting. All right, I'm not taking the Dolphins lane six. That. That.
- [104:58]
D
What do you got?
- [105:00]
Paul Verzi
I'll tell you what I got, Paul. I got nothing. I'm just looking at whatever. Whoever's got a plus sign.
- [105:05]
D
I'm not gonna lie. I hate this week.
- [105:07]
Bill Burr
Really tough week.
- [105:08]
D
There's a tough week.
- [105:10]
Paul Verzi
Oh, you guys are. What are we doing? We're picking numbers here. Come on.
- [105:18]
Bill Burr
I don't like it, man.
- [105:19]
Paul Verzi
I got a bad feeling about this one, Sarge. I would go with the.
- [105:24]
Bill Burr
I just love Baker Mayfield.
- [105:26]
Paul Verzi
I love that guy. He's a winner. He proved Colin Cowherd wrong time and time again and we're still waiting for him to apologize, and he hasn't. Therefore, I'm taking Baker Mayfield laying six and a half at home against the Raiders. I do love the Raiders, though. Somewhere along the line, Paul, I became a big Raiders fan. As long as I'm not around their fans, I'm a big Raider fan.
- [105:57]
D
I'm going to take. I'm going to take the Cardinals at home minus two and a half against the Seahawks. I just never. I just don't think the Seahawks are that good. And if the game was in Seattle, I may not do it with this line, but at home I think the Cardinals can win by three. I'm going to take the Cardinals.
- [106:18]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [106:19]
Paul Verzi
I'm going to go Monday night, Paul, and I'm going to take the Cowboys plus six and a half. That the shit show. That is the Cowboys. Oh, I'm going to take them plus six and a half because that's a classic fucking game where you're like, Joe Burr is going to come in there. The Cowboys are fucking messed. He's going to throw it all over the yard. Yeah, he's going to do that in the first half and then inexplicably, the Cowboys are going to come back and cover. Sorry, I'm a little fucking, I'm a little, you know, I'm a little hurt this week with what the Lions did to me. Not only did they do it to me, I got no phone call from that organization. Going up by 20 points, making me all excited.
- [106:55]
D
You know, the Lions play the packers tonight and the packers are getting three and a half and I just don't want to touch it. I, I don't know why, because the Lions are at home. I just don't like it. But I'll tell you what, maybe you.
- [107:06]
Paul Verzi
Want to enjoy your Thursday night.
- [107:07]
D
I tell you what I do like. I'll tell you what I do like that tone. This is the one game I looked at and I go, eh, maybe I'm gonna take the Chargers getting four against the Chiefs in Kansas City. I think everybody and their mother thinks the Chiefs are gonna cut. Win this game and they may win the game. I like the four points and I think the Chargers need to hang with them to show that they could go on a little run. Who knows? Jim Harbaugh likes these kind of games. He gets his guys up for these kind of games. I'm expecting a big game from Justin Herbert. I got the Chargers on the road, dude. The, the Raiders lost them that game.
- [107:48]
Bill Burr
The Raiders weren't.
- [107:49]
D
The quarterback wasn't looking at the snap or the game's over. I like the Chargers.
- [107:54]
Paul Verzi
All right, all right. I'm just feeling suicidal this week, so I'm gonna take the Panthers.
- [108:03]
Bill Burr
Oh, they burned me bad last week.
- [108:08]
Paul Verzi
I can't even, I can't even say this without laughing. I'm gonna take The Panthers getting 12 and a half against that head case and his team, Saquon Barkley, who's just playing like a friggin superhero. And I just feel like they come out and they stomp the, out of him in the first half and then they just sort of crawl back and they're gonna cover.
- [108:37]
D
There's no sports show that gives picks funnier than this. It just doesn't exist.
- [108:41]
Paul Verzi
Dude, that guy, he know Nikki down there. Oh, Nikki. Nikki Voices.
- [108:48]
D
You want to know why?
- [108:50]
Paul Verzi
Because when Nick puts his head on the pillow at nightfall, it takes a lot of pharmaceutical work to get that brain to go to Nicky Voices.
- [108:59]
D
Oh, yeah, you're not good enough.
- [109:01]
Paul Verzi
Yes, I am. I am good. He's just arguing with himself as his wife's rubbing his head.
- [109:10]
D
No other show will start laughing before a pick. It's great. All right, let me see here.
- [109:16]
Paul Verzi
I used to know a club owner that looked like him when he not gonna say who's way back was a satellite room. But when he had his winter hat on and he looked at the camera and did that nod, dude, that was like. I was just like, this guy is insane. Did they take this guy out of a casino? Like, who does as a coach?
- [109:39]
D
When he was going, like. And he looked at the thing. Yeah.
- [109:42]
Paul Verzi
No, he nodded vigorously like, you know, like those non athletic fat in the crowd. And the game's about to start and they're going. And they're nodding because they saw blue chip wide receiver do it. And now they're like, they got their man tits jiggling like, that's. Oh, is the guy in seat 28A, is he amped up?
- [110:02]
D
Remember he looked at the fans and he goes, see ya. When they won because they were yelling.
- [110:06]
Paul Verzi
He goes, because, Paul, you gotta understand in life, it's never about what somebody says. It's the subtext.
- [110:14]
D
Yeah.
- [110:15]
Paul Verzi
It's just what. What they were saying to him was so, like lining up to what the voices in his head say. Okay, and then he won. He wasn't yelling at them. He was yelling at his inner turmoil.
- [110:32]
D
Ryan. Dude, you called Rex Ryan. Like week five of that four of that guy's career. You called him.
- [110:38]
Paul Verzi
I. Dude, listen, game recognizes game, okay? I can, I can spot somebody out of their mind struggling as they're smiling for a family photo. I'm like, that guy's barely hanging on. I feel you. You want a cup of coffee? You want to dump your day on me? Because I know your wife's sick of hearing it. Unload it.
- [111:06]
D
You call. Dude, you called him early and were right.
- [111:09]
Paul Verzi
I know. And if he wasn't. If he wasn't head coach of the jets and we weren't rivals, there still was a part of me rooting for him because, you know, I, I just, I, you know, I see, I just.
- [111:24]
Bill Burr
He needed a hug.
- [111:26]
Paul Verzi
Go out there and show we're the best team in this league. And he's dropping all those F bombs trying to just try it.
- [111:34]
D
We're gonna go out there and kick the out of them. That's what we're gonna do.
- [111:38]
Bill Burr
And we're.
- [111:38]
D
And it was just.
- [111:41]
Bill Burr
We'Re gonna show.
- [111:42]
Paul Verzi
All these sports writers that I'm just.
- [111:43]
Bill Burr
As good as my dad, even though.
- [111:47]
Paul Verzi
He was too busy coaching football to hunt me or my brother.
- [111:51]
D
Imagine if he did that. He's like, we're gonna go and kick the out of him now. The meeting's over. He just went in his office and he sat down and went like this.
- [111:59]
Paul Verzi
Dude, that's an SNL sketch. Remember Subliminal, man. You just have the subtext guy right next to him. Hey, man, you ready for this? Absolutely. Like, the guy's like, dude, I am myself right now. If I could go into a closet right now and just cry and have a robot do this job for me, I think I would feel better.
- [112:26]
D
Oh, my God.
- [112:26]
Paul Verzi
All right, I'm done.
- [112:27]
D
No, no, that's all right. Well, I gotta, I gotta pick game three here. I'm, I'm thinking Jake the Snake. What are the Bears record? Chicago's record.
- [112:37]
Bill Burr
I think they're still stuck on four wins.
- [112:40]
D
They've got.
- [112:42]
Bill Burr
Had a couple tough losses in a row to every team in the division. Pretty historic. But yeah, I think they're everything that.
- [112:49]
Paul Verzi
Comes out of Jake's mouth. The tone, the delivery. I just, it's just, it's amazing. Soothing. It is.
- [112:56]
D
I'm gonna take the Atlanta Falcons. I'm gonna take the Atlanta Falcons. Getting five and a half against the Vikings. I, I, Kirk Cousins, they're going to be in that game. And I like it. I like the five and a half too.
- [113:11]
Bill Burr
All right.
- [113:12]
Paul Verzi
Hey, Andrew, on this next one, can you play some music underneath me when I go to, When I go to pick it? Can you play that song? Make a wish, baby. Are you gonna take the points? Make a wish, baby. Paul, how the fuck does Alabama get in with three losses?
- [113:35]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God. How the. What?
- [113:37]
Paul Verzi
What do they have to fucking do? What does Alabama have on these fucking guys? They wouldn't, they would do. They wouldn't even listen.
- [113:47]
Bill Burr
I'm going big here.
- [113:47]
Paul Verzi
They wouldn't even let Ohio State in.
- [113:49]
Bill Burr
With three fucking losses.
- [113:50]
Paul Verzi
Even Ohio State Buckeye fans would be like, all right, it wasn't our best fucking year, dude, I'm telling you, man, that, that is, that is old money. That's education money.
- [114:02]
D
Paul, can I say this? I have to say that that Michigan, Ohio State game was the worst played football game and worst quarterback play I've ever seen on any level in my entire life. I've never.
- [114:12]
Paul Verzi
True. But it had the greatest results. That wasn't the worst game you've ever seen. Come on.
- [114:17]
D
No quarterback play, dude, I never seen it. I mean, it was. One guy had eight completions. I mean, it was terrible, man.
- [114:22]
Paul Verzi
Well, Michigan didn't have a quarterback all year.
- [114:24]
D
Yeah.
- [114:24]
Paul Verzi
You see Dave Portnoy running out of his House dying laugh. It was the funniest ever.
- [114:30]
D
Yeah, he loves Michigan.
- [114:32]
Paul Verzi
Well, you went there. Oh, my God, dude, like, can you imagine? Not only do you lose, you gotta listen to Dave Portnoy just crashing, you laughing. I think it's the happiest I've ever seen the guy.
- [114:43]
D
And they jumped in his pool. I mean, that was. He was just.
- [114:45]
Paul Verzi
Oh, I missed that part.
- [114:47]
D
That was his Super Bowl. That was his Super Bowl.
- [114:49]
Paul Verzi
Oh, it's fucking great. That fucking video is. That's. It's just why it's so fun. Why do we care? But I related to the whole thing. I was so happy for him. But if he was a Buckeye fan, I'd be like, fuck this guy. There's just something about Buckeye fans. They just. The cunts. They said, all right, I don't like anybody who's more whiny than me. I think that that's my issue with them. All right, The Bills going into the Rams. The Rams get three and a half. I'm going to take. The Rams get three and a half. Paul, this is opposite week. Oh, because I feel like Josh Allen's gonna go in there, right? He's gonna go, dude, this is what's hilarious. I saw this fucking thing. Some lady, like, he just got engaged. Some. You know, I'm scrolling through and it's a football thing. So all of a sudden there was some lady there talking about his ex girlfriend and some shady thing. She tweeted about his engagement. And I swear to God, she goes, okay, guys, there's a lot to unpack here. And I was like, is there. Why do you give a. About his ex girlfriend?
- [115:54]
D
I know.
- [115:54]
Bill Burr
Did you see what she said?
- [115:56]
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
- [115:56]
Bill Burr
No.
- [115:57]
Paul Verzi
And I don't give a.
- [115:58]
Bill Burr
Let me guess. It was just because it was about cte. She was like, good luck with this CTE stricken guy. She's like, I'd rather date an owner anyways. And people are like, the youngest owner in the league's like 52 and he's married. Like, what owner of. What are you talking about? And she goes. She said, oh, I got hacked.
- [116:18]
Paul Verzi
I think you hacked yourself. And I think with that tweet, you probably said, why the guy broke up with you. That just sounded like.
- [116:24]
D
That sounds like an absolute nightmare.
- [116:26]
Paul Verzi
Well, just motivated by money. But I'm trying to stay on topic here. Is the fact that somebody who doesn't know anybody involved does a deep dive. Like, you know something, Andrew, you got married, right? I never thought to look into your past. You know what I mean?
- [116:48]
Bill Burr
Lots on Back here. Yeah.
- [116:51]
Paul Verzi
Well, you wait. When Jake the Snake finally gets married, you watch, all his exes are going to be throwing the. Jake lets them down easy. Imagine that.
- [117:01]
D
We're on the. We on a conference call. We're on a conference call without Jake going, dude, his injury reports haven't been the same. Dude, is he all right? What's going.
- [117:08]
Bill Burr
He's just slipping. I met somebody.
- [117:13]
D
There's a chick in the background grabbing stuff.
- [117:15]
Paul Verzi
Somebody takes a cell phone picture. He's got a Hawaiian shirt and a cigar and two horse. Jake, come on, man. We're not saying you can't have fun, but you got to come back. You know, you can do that. You can do the podcast from poolside.
- [117:30]
D
It's like the Last dance when Rodman went to Vegas. Mike's like, he's not coming back. Like, we have to knock on his door.
- [117:37]
Paul Verzi
Jake's way of Jimmy's. Oh, my. My laptop's gonna die here.
- [117:44]
Bill Burr
What do you got, Paul?
- [117:45]
D
All right, all right, all right, man. I'm gonna go. I'm gonna take. The Chicago Bears getting four in San Francisco. You know, I think if San Francisco needs a win so bad, I think if they win, it's by a field goal. McCaffrey is out. It just seems like they're going down. I hate to say that every week to Niner fans, but let's just see. You know, this is a. This is literally the last.
- [118:12]
Paul Verzi
Who's arguing with you? Yeah, who's arguing with you? You had a 20 game turnaround. I haven't seen a turnaround like this since Clemens went to the Blue Jays. Donut eating son of a. In 8 and 96. And then he goes over there and all of a sudden he's fucking yoked. Paul. Hey, back to back science. He got in the gym.
- [118:35]
Bill Burr
A lot of.
- [118:36]
D
A lot of miracle supplements out there.
- [118:38]
Paul Verzi
Hey, you know what I mean? But you got to know the right ones. You still got to do the work, Paul. Still got to be in the gym splitting your slacks, doing squats.
- [118:50]
D
All right, let's. Let's do the Monday Night special. I agree with Bill. I agree with Bill. I like the Cowboys getting six and a half at home at Jerry's World. I think they gotta at least be competitive.
- [119:02]
Bill Burr
So.
- [119:03]
D
I like the points.
- [119:05]
Paul Verzi
They got that stiff at quarterback, though. I swear to God, dude, I'll rush.
- [119:09]
Bill Burr
Oh, my God.
- [119:10]
Paul Verzi
He should have mannequin hair. Sorry. That was totally funny to me. There's something about him. He just looked like. Like a Lego wearing a suit, you know, store window all right, so we're gonna go.
- [119:24]
Bill Burr
We'll go.
- [119:25]
Paul Verzi
Cowboys getting six and a half over.
- [119:27]
Bill Burr
Unders 49 and a half. Oh, gosh.
- [119:32]
D
49 and a half.
- [119:36]
Bill Burr
I don't know. Don't listen to me. But I just.
- [119:38]
Paul Verzi
What?
- [119:39]
Bill Burr
What are they gonna do? Unless it's just an offensive game.
- [119:42]
D
The under has hurt this show.
- [119:48]
Paul Verzi
Cowboys the under. We're basically saying you guys are going to watch a boring game here.
- [119:53]
D
Cowboys the under and Joe Burrow to throw one. Let's do that.
- [119:57]
Paul Verzi
All right.
- [120:00]
D
There you go, everybody. Those are our picks. Bill has the panthers getting plus 12 and a half. He's got the buccaneers minus six and a half. He's Got the rams plus three and a half. And he's got the cowboys plus six and a half. Your boys got the falcons plus five and a half. The cardinals minus two and a half. The bears plus four and the chargers plus four. Those are our picks for the week. You could go on and see Jake the Snakes and. And Andrew Themless picks. Thank you guys so much. I can't believe those. Season's basically almost over. Guys, we got three more of these and it's a wrap. It happens.
- [120:34]
Paul Verzi
The college playoff is coming up. Paul, you're not even going to watch the last three weeks of the NFL. It's going to be unbelievable.
- [120:40]
D
College playoff with 12 games is 12 teams is amazing.
- [120:43]
Paul Verzi
Madness in December.
- [120:44]
D
March madness. A football march. Man is a football.
- [120:52]
Bill Burr
You sound like you were in a booth.
- [120:53]
Paul Verzi
Paul, give me three reads. March madness of football. March madness of football. All right, give me one more marks. Madness of football.
- [121:01]
Bill Burr
One more.
- [121:02]
D
More intense. I need it. Really sell it this time. All right, guys, go to the bed MGM app and download the app. Of course, here at the show, we want you guys to have fun, bet responsibly. By the way, thanks to all the listeners and everybody saying that this show is kind of making some people money. And we really appreciate you guys following us and watching us. But be responsible. Don't bet like a douche. Have a good time about it. Download the app and use our code, the Burr B U R R. Very easy. You put up to $10 in there and you guys can get bonus bets. If the bet loses, you'll get 1500 in bonus bets after your original wager is settled. They also have the first touchdown. You pick a player to get the first touchdown of any NFL game. If that doesn't happen and you get the second touchdown, you'll get your. Your cash back. All right, so there you go. Have a good time with it. We're only doing. There's only a few more weeks of this. Enjoy it and we will see you next time. Oh, real quick announcement. New Year's Eve, guys. New Year's Eve, I will be. I just added levity. Live in West Nyack, New York. It's the same room I did my Netflix special in two shows, 7 and 10 o'clock. And go to Paul Versy.com for everything else. And we'll see you guys next week. We'll see you guys next week.
- [122:14]
Paul Verzi
Make a wish, baby. All right. We'll see you.
- [122:18]
Bill Burr
All right.