Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They' | Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast – "Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They'"

Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25
Date: October 24, 2025
Host: Bill Burr
Guests: Paul Versey, Dean Del Rey, Andrew Themless, Jake the Snake

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Episode Overview

This episode of the Monday Morning Podcast features Bill Burr joined by Paul Versey, Dean Del Rey, Andrew Themless, and Jake the Snake for a Thursday Afternoon show. The group dives into a mix of classic Burr rants and conversational riffs, covering sports (especially football, hockey, and baseball), relationship advice, nostalgia for "old school" games, and skepticism about modern institutions, gambling in sports, and conspiracy theories. Bill also shares parenting anxieties, his experience as a chaperone, run-ins with “unsavory characters,” and comedic insights into the pressures of play, sobriety, and life in general.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Sports & The "Golden Age" of Field Goals

• NFL Rant: Bill gripes about how the NFL, especially in the final two minutes, now prioritizes scoring and entertainment (marketing) over classic defensive football. The phrase "plenty of time left" has become a drinking game joke.
  • "A minute 51 and two touchdowns and a field goal? That’s an abomination of football. That’s no defense." — Bill [05:00]
• Field Goal Evolution:
  • Bill and Paul marvel (and mock) the modern normalcy of 56+ yard field goals—once exceedingly rare, now routine.
  • “If 56 yards was well within anybody’s range three years ago, they’d be the greatest field goal kicker of all fucking time.” — Bill [02:22]
  • Jokes about "livened up" balls, stadium air conditioning, and how entertainment value trumps authentic play.

2. Unsavory Characters & Sports Corporatization

• Mob/Coporate Overlap: Bill draws parallels between past mob involvement in sports and current corporate (legalized) scamming.
  • “Somewhere along the line, the mob got broken up and corporations took over all the mob scams.” — Bill [06:35]
• Ridiculous Taxes on Living: Rants about hotel occupancy taxes and entertainment taxes in cities.

3. Parenting, Chaperoning, & Anxiety

• Chaperoning Nightmares Turn Good: Bill recounts his anxiety about chaperoning a school field trip, his hyper-awareness, and the unexpected joy when he and other parents unexpectedly ended up buying ice cream for all the kids.
  • “I was in like secret service mode the whole day. But I had a nice balance of fun dad and ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Stop doing that.” — Bill [15:59]
  • The spontaneous camaraderie among dads: “All the dads, we all had to…everyone’s throwing in money, but the kids were beyond excited. And everybody got an ice cream.” — Bill [18:10]
  • Bill’s paranoia (comedic) about fighting crazy people and germ avoidance.

4. Sports Nostalgia & Critiques

• Bruins & Hockey Talk: Bill yearns for more physical hockey—he and Paul discuss how the NHL has moved toward finesse at the expense of hitting and intensity.
  • “The stretch pass is the euro step of hockey…all the beauty of the game, all the physical, it’s gone, dude.” — Bill [89:17]
  • Emotional moment when Bruins fans welcomed Brad Marchand.
    • “The positive effect that man has on a hockey game cannot be overstated.” — Bill [09:02]
• Baseball: Jokes about modern home run and pitching stats; comparisons to old-school players.

5. Conspiracy, "They," and Skepticism

• Bill recalls sharing conspiracy theories with professionals—from CIA guests to banking insiders—and how even insiders sometimes validate those suspicions off-mic.
  • “Once you go into the hospital, they don’t want you to leave. And if you do leave, they’re gonna give you something that makes you come back.” — Bill [23:26]
  • “There’s always a they. There’s a hundred percent a they.” — Bill [25:35]
  • Decides not to waste energy "explaining conspiracy" to doubters — “That’s called maturity. Should try it out sometime.” — Paul [25:46]

6. Relationships & Listener Questions

• Relationship Advice: Responds to a 24-year-old about dating a 40-year-old single mom with firm (but funny) warnings regarding expectations and karma.
  • “When you meet an older woman…let them know you’re single and you’re just trying to have fun.” — Bill [86:34]
  • "Catch and release." — Bill [86:55]

7. Showbiz & Industry Critiques

• Harvey Weinstein & Hollywood Open Secrets: Responds to a listener about Hollywood corruption, referencing the difficulties in prosecuting powerful industry figures.
• Fake vs. Real Sports Championships: Debates legitimacy of COVID-era championships, Astros' title, and Yankees/Dodgers.

8. Personal Anecdotes & Sobriety

• Bill candidly discusses the realities and "boredom" of sobriety amidst a whirlwind of career highs, including amazing gigs, seeing musical heroes (Jimmy Vaughn, Primus), and going to F1 races.
  • “I like getting fucked up. I do. I really enjoy it…But it’s just so…boring.” — Bill [59:07]
  • Considers (but ultimately avoids) trying mushrooms at a psychedelic Primus show: “If I could’ve just done mushrooms once every 49 years—sort of like Halley’s comet, right?” — Bill [54:47]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Modern Football:
  "What you’re watching is football spin-up—like, marketing applied to football. If anybody can score at any fucking moment…you’re not gonna shut the game off. You’re gonna watch all the commercials and they’re gonna make all their money.” — Bill [04:50]
• On Ice Cream Chaperoning:
  “You cannot believe how much ice cream is in one of those little carts. I was looking at the dude selling ice cream—this guy’s fucking psyched. We’re sending this dude home early.” — Bill [18:10]
• On Parenting:
  "My son…today he said something and I copied him…He goes, ‘Stop copying me this instant.’ I think our son’s been getting in trouble at school. He’s starting to talk to me like a teacher.” — Bill [26:01]
• On Performers Keeping Composure:
  "I don’t know how Jimmy [Vaughn] kept his composure… I couldn’t believe he didn’t smash the fucking guitar over his head…But, he just was like, ‘Nah, man, I’m up here, I’m playing music.’" — Bill [41:26]
• On Taking Mushrooms at 49:
  "Who tries mushrooms for the first time at 49? Just had a kid. I can’t have that on my resume." — Bill [62:11]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Rant about NFL endings / Field Goals: 00:30–05:38
• Unsavory characters and sports gambling: 05:38–08:29
• Hockey/NHL/Brad Marchand tribute: 08:38–10:29
• Bill’s parenting & chaperoning story: 15:59–19:34
• Anxiety over social situations vs. comfort with comedians: 15:12–15:52
• Conspiracy theories, hospital/banking skepticism: 23:03–25:44
• Listener relationship advice (MILF email): 84:21–86:55
• Discussion on Hollywood scandals (Weinstein, pedophilia, open secrets): 76:37–83:51
• Primus, Jimmy Vaughn, and performance stories: 38:11–54:47
• Sobriety, temptation, and drugs: 59:07–62:11
• Monday Night Football picks panel (with Paul, Jake, Andrew): 88:24–127:56

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains Bill Burr’s signature irreverence and honesty, moving between frustrated, observational humor and heartfelt personal admissions. The energy is lively (and at times, grumpy), peppered with quick, biting commentary, plenty of cursing, and classic sports nostalgia. Frequent tangents and riffs with co-hosts create a conversational, locker-room feel, balanced by moments of sincerity about parenting, sobriety, and personal growth.

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Takeaways for Listeners

• Sports fans will appreciate rants on modern play styles, nostalgia for classic eras, and a deep dive into NFL, NHL, and MLB quirks.
• Parents and anyone with social anxiety will relate to Bill's chaperone misgivings and moments of dad pride.
• Bill’s cultural skepticism—on the evolution from mob-run sports to corporate-managed betting, or “they” machinations—offers comic relief and food for thought.
• The episode features authentic camaraderie among comics, poking fun at themselves and each other, while fielding honest, sometimes absurd, listener questions about life and relationships.

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Memorable Signature:
“There’s plenty of time left, and they are well within the range of the field goal kicker. You watch every goddamn commercial for these fucking people.” — Bill Burr [32:00⌛]

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon pod.

Friday after.

Ah, what the fuck? Ah, Jesus Christ. Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, my morning podcast and, ah.

[Paul Versey]

Checking in on you.

[Bill Burr]

Wow, sorry. My brain. My brain, man. It's been all over the place, man. Anyways, what's going on? What are you doing? Yeah, you doing good?

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, what are we going to talk about?

[Bill Burr]

Let's talk about. Let's talk about. Let's talk about sports, baby. Let's talk about you and me. Let's talk about all the money that you can make on that shit. Let's talk about sports. Such a weird fucking song. Let's do a public service announcement about safe sex, ladies. Anyway, I caught the replay of the final, like five minutes of that Giants Denver Bronco game. All right, here's. Here's the new drinking game. All right? Whenever the fucking announcer goes, there's plenty of time left. You got to do a shot. That's all they say there was a minute. Like when I was growing up, way back in the day, when I was growing up, the. What you had at the end of the game was something called the two minute offense. And if there was two minutes left in the game, it was an offense that could get you down the fucking field. Because back then teams played football for 60 minutes. They didn't play shutdown defense for 58 minutes. And then the final fucking two minutes, for whatever reason, send two guys down to their own end zone and leave Everybody else given 30 yard cushions, right? So there was a minute 51 left, there was three possessions, two touchdowns, and a field goal happened in the final fucking minute 51. And the announcers. And anytime, every time the person got 151, plenty of time left, they go down the field. I don't know how quickly they scored.

[Paul Versey]

There's like.

[Bill Burr]

And then there's like a minute left. Giants get the ball back, plenty of time left. They get to like midfield and they go. At this point, It'd be a 56 yarder, which is well within his range. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, 56 yards. If 56 yards was well within anybody's range three years ago, they'd be the greatest field goal kicker of all fucking time. I mean, if they hit it, but if it was well within their fucking range. 56 yard. For the first 50 years of me watching football was a fucking. That was unbelievable. I still remember my Buddy passed away. I kept his voice message forever. He called me. He goes, hey, he's just calling to see if he just saw Adam Vinateri's 57Y. He went up in falsetto because it was fucking amazing.

[Paul Versey]

Now you know.

[Bill Burr]

And then another thing the announcers always say. I mean, I saw him hit a.

[Paul Versey]

70 yarder in practice.

[Bill Burr]

There's plenty of time left. They got their ball on their own two yard line.

[Paul Versey]

I saw the field goal kick. He kick a fucking 99 yarder. Plenty of leg left.

[Bill Burr]

Is this the golden age of field goal kickers?

I don't know what they're doing to the ball, but I feel like whatever they did to the baseball in 1998, when they livened up the ball, they've livened up that fucking. The floaties, they're kicking floaties. So anyway, maybe if it's going like wide right, they turn the air conditioning on the right side of the arena only, and they blow it back between the uprights. I don't know what the fuck they're doing, but it's ridiculous. And I don't think it's football anymore. What you're watching is football. Let's spin up like marketing applied football or marketing applied to football. If anybody can score at any fucking moment, any amount of times in the final two minutes, you're not going to shut the game off. You're going to watch all the commercials and they're going to make all their money. I don't know what they've done, but it is not a minute 51 and there's two touchdowns in a field goal is a abomination of football. That's no defense. That's like something like, like a 2 and 14 team back in the day wouldn't even do that. Now it's just every fucking game. What I can't stand, they said, you know, Bo Nix with the Broncos, they scored the most fourth quarter points, most points in a fourth quarter they've ever scored in their life. Somehow John Elway couldn't do that. Couldn't score as many points as Bo Nix. No offense to Bo Nix, but what.

[Andrew Themless]

The fuck.

[Bill Burr]

I'll tell you, say what you want about John Elway, but you know, you got a minute 51. I want Bo Nix in 2025. You know what John Elway would do with 2025 fucking defense? I mean, it's. It's ridiculous. Um, I'm going to keep watching, but, like, I understand what's going on. They were like, they are trying to squeeze every fucking dime they Possibly can out of every single game. And they've run out of ways to do it. So now they've applied it to the game. They're involved in gambling. I mean, the whole fucking thing is. It's bananas. Do you know, way back in the day, Mickey Mantle and Joe Namath, I believe, went to open a bar, and I can't remember if they did it with some mob guys, but mob guys were hanging around as what they used to call them was unsavory characters. There was unsavory characters hanging around the athletes. And they knew you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with unsavory people, it's kind of funny. Savory food is salty, right? So if it's unsavory, does that mean they're sweet? When you. When you hang out with unsavory people, unsavory happens. So they, like, keep those guys away from those guys, because something's going to happen to the integrity of the game. And somewhere along the line, the mob got broken up and the corporations took over. All the mob scams, all right, all the scams from fucking the numbers up in Harlem turned into the lottery. Loan sharking. That's, you know, banking is just legalized loan sharking, skimming, and all of that. All of those fucking fees, all of that shit. I remember I paid an occupancy tax when I was in St. Louis on a hotel room. They charged me an occupancy tax. They charged me for occupying a hotel room. I wasn't selling any goods out of it. I wasn't making any money. I simply went to a hotel and stayed there, and they taxed me for doing it.

That was like Pittsburgh for a while.

Had an entertainment tax. They taxed you for entertaining the people of Pittsburgh?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know.

[Dean Del Rey]

All of these games are a little.

[Bill Burr]

Nuts, but I keep watching. And I'm actually watching more sports now.

[Dean Del Rey]

Than I've watched since my kids were born.

[Bill Burr]

Because I am off the road. I'm off the road. Plenty of time. There's plenty of time left. Plenty of time left in this year. You know, it's October 23rd. Yep. Plenty of times. Plenty of time left. Oh, my God. You know, I didn't lose that 50.

[Paul Versey]

Plenty of fucking time.

[Bill Burr]

It's well within your range, anyway.

[Paul Versey]

Yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I will say what I did enjoy is the Bruins did it right when.

[Dean Del Rey]

Marshawn came back, giving him the tribute that he deserved. And it's been. Oh, dude, the. The phantom limb of him not being on the team.

[Bill Burr]

Especially when the Bruins go on the power play and he's not out there.

[Dean Del Rey]

And it's just Pasternock.

[Bill Burr]

The fucking positive effect that that man.

[Dean Del Rey]

Has on a hockey game is just.

[Bill Burr]

You know, cannot be overstated. And I gotta be honest with you, I've been. I've watched almost at least the highlights or every game of the Bruins this year. We won the first three, and then we've lost five in a row. Lost to the Panthers. What I did like about the Panthers game is we at least showed that we had some hot. And we fought back after going down. Like when I think we. Yeah, we were down two, nothing. And then we tied it up two, two. Then had a shit goal, let in a shit goal. Down 3, 2. Then we tie it up 3, 3. With a couple of minutes left and somebody on. The Panthers shoots the puck on net. And a guy behind the net for the Panthers tipped it in. My buddy texts me going, that was a goal. And I was like, it was actually kind of amazing. I don't know how the. The hand eye coordination of that was amazing.

[Dean Del Rey]

But we need a.

[Bill Burr]

We need a win bad.

[Dean Del Rey]

We need a win really bad.

[Bill Burr]

And it was still in the playoff.

[Dean Del Rey]

Picture, though, after eight games, so we shall see.

[Bill Burr]

But anyway, it was great.

[Dean Del Rey]

You know, the Bruins fans made all those signs and Marshawn got emotional and all of that. Yeah, it just. It's a business.

[Bill Burr]

It's a business. I understand why they made the move.

[Dean Del Rey]

But whatever. Anyway, anyway, that just makes me sad. I will say I. I'm gonna try to knock out the last three teams. I need to see in all four professional sports. A home game of.

[Bill Burr]

I gotta see the Mammoth, the Kraken and the Hurricanes.

[Dean Del Rey]

So I'm gonna talk to my. My agent today.

[Bill Burr]

The Bruins just played the Mammoth, but they.

[Dean Del Rey]

They got some. They got an away game.

[Bill Burr]

They'll be in Seattle in January, and.

[Dean Del Rey]

Then they'll be in what you call it, North Carolina in April. So we'll see. We'll see what my schedule looks like.

[Bill Burr]

Maybe I can knock them all out. And then what, Bill? I'll tell you what.

[Paul Versey]

Cfl, baby.

[Bill Burr]

CFL is next. I can knock that out quickly. They only got like seven or eight teams, I think, I believe Edmonton. Eskimos, the British Columbia Eagles. Right, the BC Eagles. Then they got the fucking Calgary Stampede. They got the Rough Riders, the Argonauts, I don't know, Something like that.

[Dean Del Rey]

I have no fucking idea. But anyway, I went out last night and I did a. I had a fucking big day yesterday. Got a bunch of Writing done, I'm getting ready. I got an acting gig coming up. I did that shit. And then I. Dean Del Rey. I got my. Got some new pipes, put on the motorcycle, rode it back to the airport, had a fucking great time. That bike is literally everything I wanted it to be and more, if that makes any sense. It's like riding a fucking Cadillac.

[Bill Burr]

I love it. I don't split lanes. I don't do any of that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Said fairing just looks too fucking. I just, you know, not into that shit.

[Bill Burr]

I like to ride up in the.

[Dean Del Rey]

Canyons during the week when none of.

[Bill Burr]

Those fast and furious kids are out there in their full leathers, fucking dragging a knee or whatever, whatever that young shit is. I like to go up there during the week and I just go, wee.

TRA la la.

No, but I didn't get like obnoxiously.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like, loud pipes either. Dean got like this really cool, like.

[Bill Burr]

Nice solid bass note.

[Dean Del Rey]

Nothing obnoxious. But if I need to, I can make somebody know that I'm there, which is cool.

[Bill Burr]

And then after that, I went down to Flappers and I did a spot.

[Dean Del Rey]

Opening for on Dean's show and I tried out all of this, this new shit.

[Bill Burr]

And of course whenever you try out all the new shit, it fucking works. It's the second time. That's when you get to decide if it actually works. The first time, you know, you're in the moment so you're just doing it and. But then the second time you have to fight thinking about the first time and then you're not in the moment anymore. You're like going away. How the fuck did I say it last?

[Dean Del Rey]

That's right.

[Bill Burr]

Ah, that's what it is. That's how it went.

[Dean Del Rey]

Anyway. I am excited to get back out.

[Bill Burr]

On the road though, and to start.

[Dean Del Rey]

Doing stand up again.

[Bill Burr]

Trying to keep my life simple after doing that play and all of that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Shit, like, I don't know, kind of pulling back a little bit, thinking about doing that.

[Bill Burr]

You know, less dates, more time at.

[Dean Del Rey]

Home with the kids.

[Bill Burr]

You know, settle in, settle into the.

Back porch, stare at the tree line.

Do that for three days, get bored.

Out of my mind and then hit the road harder than I ever did. That's, that's, that's how it works. That's how it works.

[Dean Del Rey]

I do got to go talk to somebody about my. I had no idea I had like this anxiety in all of these social situations. In other words, I had no idea how up I was. But I am super comfortable around comedians. Like last night when I Went into the green room, I ran into a buddy of mine I had not seen in forever. And we started, you know, shooting the shit. And it's like I literally could have talked to this guy all night and it was effortless.

[Bill Burr]

I was listening, he was talking, I.

Was talking, he was listening. And it just fucking works. But.

[Dean Del Rey]

I don't know, I get with.

[Bill Burr]

Civilians, I get with the civilians there.

It doesn't work as much.

Definitely does not fucking work as much. I do all right with kids too. Oh, I did like a chaperone thing for the first time at my kids school. It went fucking great. I was really nervous about it because when you chaperone, they give you like a clump of kids and then you have to like watch them. And I was like, I was in like fucking secret service mode the whole day. But I had a nice balance of fun dad and what the fuck are you doing? Stop doing that. I obviously didn't say it that way. I just like, hey, hey, hey, hey, get away from that.

[Dean Del Rey]

But anyway, I got through that. Had massive, massive, massive anxiety about it the night before. And I was talking to my lovely wife.

[Bill Burr]

I'm like, are they gonna tell us.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like what to do? Like what, what, what?

[Bill Burr]

Exactly.

She goes, no, it's great. You know, you go, you know, you go on a field trip wherever you go. No, it's gonna be fun. The kids are fun. Da da da, da da. And I'm just like, I've watched too many of these, you know, give me back my son fucking crazy movies.

[Dean Del Rey]

No, I was really nervous about what the possibilities of it.

[Bill Burr]

But it ended up being.

[Dean Del Rey]

Ended up being great. It was funny. One of these, one of the kids like couldn't find his backpack, so he didn't have a lunch. So I said, all right, I'll get you a lunch or whatever when we get there. But then the school ended up paying for the lunch.

[Bill Burr]

And then.

[Dean Del Rey]

Afterward we were outside near the buses and this guy came by with one of those little ice cream things that you push. So my daughter asked me if, if she could have an ice cream. And then that other kid didn't have the lunch. She goes, yeah, can I have an ice cream too? And I'm a pushover, right? So I just go, all right, but you got to do it, you got to do it quietly. Cuz if the other kids see, you know, like, it's going to be mad house. So of course the other kids saw. And next thing you know, it was, every kid was lined up and then all the dads we all had to. Everybody's throwing in money, but the kids were beyond excited. And everybody got an ice cream. And I got to tell you something, you cannot believe how much ice cream is in one of those little carts. I was sitting there looking at the dude selling the ice cream like, this guy's fucking psyched.

[Bill Burr]

We are sending this dude home early. All right?

He's gonna fucking.

He's not gonna miss one second of whatever game he wants to watch. And, dude, I mean, it was. It was a ton of fucking kids, and he still had, like, a third left. I think he finally sold out of a couple. But anyway, it ended up being like this sort of really cool moment. The kids were psychedelic, and then all the dads and moms bonded. Like, you know, like, we all went in and the guy, like, serving the ice cream was just going like, okay, that's 68. That's 71. And he's just calling out the numbers and people just.

[Dean Del Rey]

Everybody.

[Bill Burr]

Just fucking everybody throwing in.

But, yeah, I think that was the.

Happiest bus ride of kids I've ever seen on the way back to school. So.

[Dean Del Rey]

I was happy that. That it went well. I was so relieved, though, when we get back to the school and, like, nothing, you know, just don't want any. The kid to fall down, some weirdo to start approaching, and then.

[Bill Burr]

Then what?

[Dean Del Rey]

Then what do you do?

[Bill Burr]

You know what I mean? I've never had to fight a crazy person, but, like, you definitely got to.

[Dean Del Rey]

Go with your feet. If you fight somebody crazy, you know, you don't want to touch them. Bottom of your souls.

[Bill Burr]

It neutralize all the germs on the.

Bottom of your fucking sneaker.

[Dean Del Rey]

Neutralizes all the ger. Oh, my God.

[Bill Burr]

But crazy person came up behind me.

[Dean Del Rey]

And, like, just grabbed me.

[Bill Burr]

Like, bear hugged me. I would be more afraid of whatever.

[Dean Del Rey]

Germs were now on me than what the fuck this person was going to do to me. All right? Because I already know.

[Bill Burr]

Somebody grabs you and picks you up from behind, what do you do? You just right up to the ball bag. Like you're running. You just wade the heel, and it sends each nut in different directions, stretching out the ball bag, which causes the person. I learned this from Boss Rutten.

You.

I didn't. But his fight things are my favorite. It's like. It's one of the greatest comedies I've ever seen while showing you. Just devastating.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm not. Did you ever see the one where the guy's being a dick and he had his. He was showing the guy, he had his leg crossed over his other leg, like, not where like the knees are touching the knees like that. The one where it's like the leg on top is at a 90 degree angle and it's.

You're.

And sort of your ankle is on the other leg, so your foot's dangling on one side and then there's the rest of your leg on the other. And he showed that he would push down on the foot and on the knee at the same time.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm not. And just snap your fucking leg. I've never watched a video crying, laughing, and also pulling my knees up into my chest like, God damn.

Oh my God.

Easily, easily top 100 toughest guys that have ever been alive. Wouldn't that be amazing to find out the top 100 since the begin. If you could go back to like caveman times.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like the toughest dude ever. I.

[Bill Burr]

Do you think it would be from this time?

[Dean Del Rey]

I just think if you could survive back in the day before they had like a CVS with like medicine and.

[Bill Burr]

Ointment and you just like first of.

[Dean Del Rey]

All, like.

[Bill Burr]

Like the immune systems of people back in the day.

[Dean Del Rey]

Have to be way higher. Oh, speaking of that, like I, you know, I keep going to the doctor, I'm doing all, everything I'm supposed to like get checked out on. And so I told the lady I was getting that angio cardio thing where they, they shoot the, the ink through your heart to make sure everything's all right. Fortunately, everything looked good.

[Bill Burr]

Right?

[Dean Del Rey]

And they take pictures and all of that. So the lady goes to me, she goes, are you having any symptoms?

[Bill Burr]

And I said, no, you know, just preventative thing. I said, I do have. I found out I have high cholesterol.

[Dean Del Rey]

She goes, oh, they didn't put you on any medicine, did they? I said, no, I'm not taking any medicine. I'm gonna eat right. I go, I'm not gonna damage my liver. She goes, or your kidneys?

[Bill Burr]

This is like a nurse saying this to me, saying. I go, yeah. Cuz it's a business. Once you, once you go into the hospital, they don't want you to leave. And if you do leave, they're gonna give you something that's gonna make you come back. And she's like, yeah, that's right. It was nice to be validated, but it was also terrifying. I had a conversation with that one time at a guy that worked at Chase bank and I was really into the Federal Reserve and I was talking about what a fucking scam it was.

[Dean Del Rey]

And he goes.

[Bill Burr]

And he just had this look on his face.

[Dean Del Rey]

He's like, yeah, no, you're right, you're right.

[Bill Burr]

It's. It's crazy.

[Dean Del Rey]

That's, you know, he goes, I've been buying like gold and silver.

[Bill Burr]

Like, he totally just left the program of Chase and started talking to me. And I remember another time, a long, long, long time ago, I was doing this morning radio show and I was into conspiracy theory and one of the guests was like a former, like CIA person. So I was saying all of this up and he was just on the air. Nah, I don't think so. Blah, blah, blah, blah. But then at the end of the show when the mic was off, we walked away. I said, I'm really that nuts? He goes, you know, you're not wrong about a lot of it. And here's the thing. None of these things that I were saying were my conspiracies. These were things that I read that other people said. So I did not. Like I fucking did the Mel Gibson.

[Dean Del Rey]

Thing, whatever that movie is, where he.

[Bill Burr]

Actually is a conspiracy theorist. But one of the things he's actually right about, I didn't even do that. I was just casually looking at conspiracy theory and this guy was going like, yeah, you know, they're. You're not wrong. That's what drives me nuts about people that fucking go against conspiracy theory. Like this guy one time saying, there is no they. There is no they. It's like there's always a they. There's 100% a day. There's no opponent. I guess the theory is that they're not looking at you individually. No, but they have you. They have you clumped in.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'm not going to get into this shit.

[Bill Burr]

I am not going to waste my time trying to explain conspiracy theory to someone who made this comment 15 fucking years ago.

And it is even here.

See that?

[Paul Versey]

That's called maturity. Should try it out sometime.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway. Oh, my son always goes.

[Dean Del Rey]

He goes.

[Bill Burr]

Like if he says something and then you copy him, he always goes, hey, don't copy me.

[Dean Del Rey]

Hey.

[Bill Burr]

He always does that. That's how he used to talk. But now he goes, hey, don't copy me. And then today he said something and I copied him. And I was on the way to school and he goes, stop copying me this instant. So I tell Nia that, and I go, I think our son's been getting in trouble at school. She's like, why? I go, because he's starting to talk to me like a teacher. He didn't Tell me to stop. As much as he just reprimanded me.

[Dean Del Rey]

He'S the coolest ever.

[Bill Burr]

He said goodbye to me today.

[Dean Del Rey]

I put my hand out and he slapped me five, didn't say a word and just walked away. It's just, you can't teach that. You can't teach that vibe. You either got it or you don't. All right, that's the podcast, I believe. I believe that is the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, no, I got to read here. Oh, I got to do a read. I gotta do a read. What? Wait a minute. I got a bunch of.

[Dean Del Rey]

You fucking cunt.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

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[Paul Versey]

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[Bill Burr]

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[Paul Versey]

All right.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, look who it is, everybody.

[Bill Burr]

You knew they were coming back simply safe. You know, there's a new way to keep your home safe that you need to know about. It's called simply safe. And it's completely different from what you think of when you think of home security. Typical security systems don't really prevent someone from entering Your home, they really just only react once. Someone is already inside your home. That's too late. Real security should stop a crime before it even starts. And that's why I trust Simplisafe. Simplisafe can actually stop a crime before it starts. And that's because they take action while a criminal is still lurking outside your home. The moment someone steps onto your property, AI security cameras identify the threat and alert Simplisafe's professional monitoring agents. The agents can take action immediately confronting the criminal and if they need to, triggering sirens and spotlights and dispatching the police. You know what you need to do is you need to get like a fucking, a taser attached to the camera. And when anybody's lurking, you say, I'm going to fucking tase you, you motherfucker. Well, I'm just saying that's what you do. And then you hear somebody off camera, that was your neighbor. That's why there's too much liability in that. Like how come, how come the military only gets the drones that shoot at people? You know how soon before second amendment people ask if they can arm their own drones? Now as crazy as that is, there are people listening to this, this, this, this read right now going, dude, that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Would be fucking insane.

[Bill Burr]

All right?

Anyway, the agent takes action immediately confronting the criminal and if they need to, triggering sirens and spotlights and dispatching the police. Unlike other systems, Simply Safe doesn't need you to see the alert and confront the intruder yourself. With their 247 monitoring agents, it's like having a security guard stationed right outside your house. And with a 60 day money back guarantee and no long term contracts, you Simply Safe earns your business by keeping you safe and satisfied every day. You know, could have used Simply Safe this past week is the Louvre in Paris. Fucking guys pulled right up with a ladder truck. Anyway, I use Simplisafe and you should too. Right now my listeners can save 50% on SimpliSafe home security [e-mail] burr that's simply safe. S I M P L I S A F E dot com Bill Burr that's There's no safe like simply Safe. You know what? There's no podcast like the Thursday after. Yes there is. There's a million podcasts. That's it people. That's the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. Enjoy the half hour of a Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast after. And that's it. Have a great weekend your cunts. And just, just remember, just remember, there's plenty of Time left, and they are well within the range of the field goal kicker. You watch every goddamn commercial for these fucking people.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, Goodbye, foreign.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 23, 2017. What's going on? How is ya? I am in Atlanta. I am back in Atlanta to continue on my acting gig on a rainy day here. Oh, rainy days in the Mondays always get me down who the fuck would.

[Dean Del Rey]

Write a song like that?

[Paul Versey]

You know?

[Bill Burr]

It's like, isn't the world depressed enough? Rainy days and Mondays always get you.

Down oh, how do you feel on.

Tuesday when it's partly cloudy? You miserable cunt. You're playing music. Isn't your job supposed to be to cheer people up? I should talk. I remember one time Beck put out an album, and I guess it was supposed to be like some thing when he was going through a depression. And then he had a happier album, and I bought them one where he was more depressed. And I remember my wife was like.

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, why would you buy that one?

[Bill Burr]

I don't know. Because I can relate. I don't fucking know.

[Dean Del Rey]

Anyway, so I'm back here.

[Bill Burr]

In Atlanta.

[Dean Del Rey]

Just landed in this fucking rain and all of this shit. And, you know, we were up there in the holding pattern and all that.

[Bill Burr]

It's gonna be another 25 minutes. All that stuff. People all huffing and puffing. And all I'm thinking is, yeah, dude.

[Dean Del Rey]

Take another 55 minutes.

[Bill Burr]

Just don't fucking crash. I don't care how long this takes, right?

[Dean Del Rey]

So I get back to the hotel, everything goes great. Somehow this guy fucking lands it. I don't know how they do it. It's fucking amazing that they're not freaking out.

[Bill Burr]

Is it? Just like, I couldn't see anything out my window.

[Dean Del Rey]

And I get back to the hotel room. I was, God, fuck, I gotta do the podcast.

[Bill Burr]

Let me order a little bit of room service. So I call up, you know, get a little grilled cheese sandwich, you know, little turkey, blt.

What do you got?

What do you got on your lunchtime menu? And I call the guy up, right? He's like, hello, room service? And I said, yeah, I'd like to order some food to the room. And he goes, oh, I'm sorry, we don't have any rooms today. Like, I forgot how he said it, but he went like this happy tone. Oh, you know, unfortunately, we can't do that right now. Oh, I'm sorry. That's what he said. Oh, I'm Sorry, we can't do that right now. Oh, yeah, you don't sound sorry. You sound kind of chipper. Why don't you have. Why don't you have the proper tone in your voice?

Could you at least pretend to sound.

A quarter as disappointed as I am right now that I have to do my fucking podcast on an empty stomach? This podcast is going to suck right now because all I'm going to be thinking about is a grilled cheese sandwich that I'm not eating. Oh, the sun just came out.

[Dean Del Rey]

Here comes the sun.

[Bill Burr]

Do, do, do, do. Do you know what's fucked up? George Harrison wrote that, and he's dead. I bet the Rainy Days in Summer.

[Dean Del Rey]

Mondays guy is still alive.

[Bill Burr]

You know why? Because God doesn't want to hang out with him. Listens to George Harrison. Here comes this guy.

Sounds all right.

I did a good job on this one, huh? Must not have been sleepy and nodding off like when I made the Rainy Days and Mondays Cunt. Ah, Jesus, I hope he kills somebody so I have a reason to send him down. Well, wait, I'm God, I can send him down there anyways. You know what? Fucking kill him anyways. Plowing ahead here.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'm back in Atlanta. Gonna knock out a couple more days on this. What?

[Bill Burr]

I'm telling you, man, it's really looking like a great one film that I'm working on.

[Dean Del Rey]

And then I go back to go see my wife and my daughter.

[Bill Burr]

Said my daughter.

[Dean Del Rey]

I get to go back, hang out with them before. The fuck am I doing this weekend.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, my God. We're doing. I'm doing the first ever All Things Comedy Podcast Network podcast festival in Phoenix, Arizona. Did I say podcast enough in that, by the way, I'm supposed to mention that Bud Light will be the official beer of the All Things Comedy Festival. All right, we got a little booze in there for Billy Boozeless. 67 days. Oh, 67 days. 67 days, no booze. Let me tell you something. Just because I'm not drinking doesn't mean you can't come to the All Things Comedy Festival in Phoenix, Arizona, this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and listen to some of the best podcasts in the. In the world, in the universe. I'm gonna go Donald Trump here while enjoying an ice cold Bud Light. There you go. How you like that little fucking commercial there? I'll be doing my podcast for the first time.

[Dean Del Rey]

I don't know how I'm gonna do it, because I'm gonna do it just like I do this where I just fucking lay down on A couch or a bed. I feel at some point I do have to address the crowd. I think the fact that I have no idea what the fuck is gonna happen, like, I don't know what I'm supposed to do. The crowd doesn't know what they're supposed to do. I think something good's gonna happen.

[Bill Burr]

That. That is my.

[Dean Del Rey]

That is my prediction. Or something bad.

[Bill Burr]

Or maybe it sucks. But, you know, what is the Internet.

[Dean Del Rey]

Internet like, better than something that's amazing, Something that sucks. So no matter what, I feel like it's gonna be a win anyway. 67 fucking goddamn days, no booze. I feel great. You know, I look better. I've lost weight. You know, my liver's happy. Sure, all of those things. But I gotta tell you something, I really miss it. I definitely miss it, you know, I had such a fucking amazing weekend. Played Austin City Live. The best sounding venue I've ever fucking been in. The sound was. Was incredible. They shoot Austin City Limits there. The sound was fucking incredible. I worked with Dean Del Rey. He murdered all weekend. I recorded when I was there.

[Bill Burr]

They were such pros.

[Dean Del Rey]

They handed it to me. They had all three sets, all of them already mixed. And also in what? Guy said something about Pro Tools. Like I could just hook it up.

[Bill Burr]

Into pro tools and switch the mixing.

[Dean Del Rey]

Adjust stuff if I wanted to. It was the most professional, best sounding, coolest fucking venue that I've played in this in the States. I think it was unreal. They had all these fucking photos from back in the day, all the way back to the first. Willie Nelson was the first guest that they had in 1974. I believe this is their third venue. But of course they had the Stevie.

[Bill Burr]

Ray Vaughan 1.

[Dean Del Rey]

Neil Young, just. Just everybody. Everybody played there. And so that was incredible. So anyways, and then there was this.

[Bill Burr]

Place, Lambert's Barbecue, right around the corner, which might have been the best barbecue I ever got. Just not only the taste, the quality of the meat. I went there the first time and I got the pulled pork was fucking incredible.

[Dean Del Rey]

I got to give these guys a shout out.

[Bill Burr]

And then.

[Dean Del Rey]

I went back there again yesterday, and one of the people that worked at the Austin City Live goes. I used to work there, get the rib eye and. And I got it. It was. It was. I forget what they. They, I don't know, put it in coffee and something else was the rub. And it was fucking outstanding. Incredible food and all of that shit. So anyways, so I went out there. I scheduled this weekend out there around the Formula one race, right? That's all I was going to do, I was going to go there, play Austin City Live and then go to.

[Bill Burr]

The F1 race and then that was it.

[Dean Del Rey]

That was going to be my fucking Make a Wish weekend. Was going to be perfect.

[Bill Burr]

However, I get there and somebody tells me, hey, you know, Jimmy Vaughn is playing.

[Dean Del Rey]

The fuck was the name of the venue? We just went there. Something sky. Something sky venue or something. This little bar, Cool ass fucking bar. Was like, jimmy Vaughn's going to be playing down there. I only had one show Saturday night. You guys should go down and check him out. Went down, checked him out, Sat in.

[Bill Burr]

A booth like five feet away from.

[Dean Del Rey]

The stage, saw the great Jimmy Vaughn. He had this unbelievable fucking keyboard player and drummer. And I just got to watch them play a set. It was this big CD album release party that they were having. We got to meet him in between sets. Could not have been nice, nicer, more generous, just really warm. Great guy. And I gotta tell you, man, there was this one asshole in the crowd.

[Bill Burr]

The more I go to like music shows, like, did they always talk about how comedians get heckled? Like we get heckled, you know, most times we deserve it. We say something that isn't funny or we annoy somebody, right? This guy's up there, he's playing music and he's killing it and it sounds great. This asshole in the crowd said something. I don't want to fucking hear that shit. I want to blah, blah, like five feet away yelling at him like he hired him for his private birthday party. And I don't know how, I don't.

[Dean Del Rey]

Know how Jimmy kept his composure. I don't know how he did. Like, I couldn't believe he didn't smash the fucking guitar over his head. He just was like, nah, man, you know, I'm up here, I'm playing music.

[Bill Burr]

This fucking loser who's never done shit with his life, as far as I can tell, he's with some woman who literally falling down drunk, fell down drunk. And he got her another fucking beer. And then he, you know, other than that, it was like this perfect evening. And I just was, as a performer.

[Dean Del Rey]

Was astounded the classy way that he handled that guy. Because God knows I wouldn't have. But other than that asshole. It was just this incredible night. And me and Dean were just sitting there like, you know, a couple of kids could not believe that we got to see him and got to see him play. Like it was just classic old school musician, you know, we were out in the fucking parking lot. He just pulls up drove himself to the gig.

[Bill Burr]

You know, just old school shit goes in, walks up on stage, look fucking great, plugs in, tunes up, people. He's tuning up his own guitar. You know, all of that shit, people, hey, Jimmy just started looking, nod and whatever. He's all tuned up, walks off stage, comes back 10 minutes later, and just.

[Dean Del Rey]

Proceeds to absolutely murder it for like 90 minutes, right?

[Bill Burr]

So, like, that wasn't great enough. I would go, dude, do you believe we're gonna. We're seeing this guy and we're gonna go to this race the next day? So anyways, we're with some of the people from Austin City live there. And I go, by the way, I go, who's playing your venue? Who comes in there next? And they go, primus.

[Dean Del Rey]

I go, when they go Sunday night, I go, get the fuck out of here. I've never seen them all, right? Tim Alexander is one of my favorite fucking drummers of all time. I got to see this guy live. So I changed my fucking flight. And they go, all right, man, we'll fucking hook you up.

[Bill Burr]

And we go to the race.

[Dean Del Rey]

I know this is probably annoying to a lot of you guys that I got to do all of this shit, but I have to tell you. What, am I going to lie and act like I didn't have a great.

[Bill Burr]

Am I supposed to tone down my.

Joy because you're in a goddamn cubicle right now?

[Andrew Themless]

I'm sorry.

[Bill Burr]

I'm sorry that I fucking humiliated myself for the first eight years of my standup career before I finally figured out how to be funny. And that I'm a 25 year overnight success. Can I continue without pissing off too many of you? I know how the fucking. I know how the Internet is. I know how it works. Well, fuck you, all right? Just know this. If I ever get sick, I don't need to have a fucking. Make a wish because I already. I lived it this weekend. So we go to the goddamn race and we sit. We were sitting in turn 12, which.

[Dean Del Rey]

Was the place to be, you know.

[Bill Burr]

The first race I went to up in Montreal, I was on the start.

[Dean Del Rey]

Finish line and it was great to watch them go flying by at 170, 80 miles an hour, but you can barely see them.

[Bill Burr]

You want to be in the turns.

[Dean Del Rey]

Where they got to. They got to, you know, stomp on the brakes.

[Bill Burr]

And that's where the racing happens.

[Dean Del Rey]

That's where the passing happens.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, we were there. We saw Lewis Hamilton pass Matt Max Verstappen, the two best drivers in the world on the Two best teams, you know, Mercedes and Ferrari right in front of us. And on that same fucking turn, I think.

[Dean Del Rey]

Botas passed somebody.

[Bill Burr]

We got to see Hamilton pass somebody else.

[Dean Del Rey]

After he had pitted and he had.

[Bill Burr]

Tried to get back into first place again, we saw him pass again. And then on the final lap, we saw Max Verstappen going around Kimmy Rakonen right as they were disappearing around the fucking. Was that 12, 13, 14, 15. I think 16. We could see 12, 13, 14 and 16 turns. And then up the hill you can see turn one, and then over to.

[Dean Del Rey]

The left you could see like, turn.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know what it was, five or six. It was ridiculous.

[Dean Del Rey]

If you ever go there, you got to sit and turn 12, I'm telling you.

[Bill Burr]

Or somewhere around there where you get.

[Dean Del Rey]

To see all of, like, just get.

[Bill Burr]

A map of the.

[Dean Del Rey]

Of the. Of the track. And from here on out, I don't give a fuck what race I go to. I'm gonna look and see which. Which turn has the sharpest fucking turn after a straightaway or whatever. And that's where I'm sitting because we actually saw a little bit of an accident. I believe one of the. The American teams, the horse car got spun out that was right in front of us. And dude, Dean Del Rey was flipping.

[Bill Burr]

The fuck out like three times during the race.

[Dean Del Rey]

During those passes, he fucking held up.

[Bill Burr]

His forearm and he had goosebumps watching these guys slamming on the brakes, going around each other. You know, he's a motorcycle fucking car freak. He was losing his shit and he was. He was so going nuts. I was like laughing half of the time, you know. You know when you bring somebody to something and you want to. You want them to have a good time, you're so afraid like, that they're going to look at you like you're into this shit. Dude, I'm bored, you know. They got any more fucking cheese and crackers for me to eat? He was losing his mind, freaking out. So anyways, as if the race wasn't good enough, Max Verstappen is right on Kimi Raikkonen's ass through 12, 13, 14, 15, the whole time. And everybody is on their feet going fucking crazy. And at the last second, as they're going like up the hill, he got.

[Dean Del Rey]

Around him and everybody was going nuts. And he ends up coming in third place. He's on the podium, everything is great.

[Bill Burr]

We get out of there. Oh, I forgot in the beginning of the race, when they did the whole. Michael Buffer did all the announcements, which some. Some you know, some racing fans didn't like, you know, because they're all fucking snobby and shit. I saw a couple American fans apologizing.

Fuck you.

This is America, all right? We overeat and we're loud. All right? If you don't like it, don't have a fucking race here, you asshole. Jesus Christ.

Do you get all upset when the.

Fucking Italians cry every time a Ferrari's in first place for a lap?

[Dean Del Rey]

Fucking stuck up cunt.

[Bill Burr]

Anyways, and they actually, when they brought out Daniel Ricardo, they actually.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh, fuck, is this on right now? All right, sorry, a little technical difficulty there.

[Bill Burr]

When they brought him out, Will Buxton had written all the intros. And when they brought out Daniel Ricardo, they fucking. They had Michael Buffer say, Ricky Rocket. Remember when I couldn't remember the guys names and I was saying Ricky Rikenberg and all of that shit because I, you know, so new to the sport. One time I called Daniel Ricardo Ricky Rocket, obviously knowing that that was the drummer from Poison. So he actually said that. How fucking nuts is that? So anyways, at some point I got to get a picture with Ricky Rocket.

[Dean Del Rey]

And Daniel Ricardo, see if that ever fucking happens.

[Bill Burr]

Who knows?

Who knows?

Maybe Ricky Rocket carries his shout out. Next thing you know, he gets into the race, he goes to fucking Austin. He's also sitting in turn 12. But Daniel Ricardo be like, you know what? It'll be Drayson at that point. It's never gonna fucking happen. Whatever. So anyways, this morning I wake up and I'm looking at the final, you know, results and everything to see who won what, and I notice that all of a sudden, Max Verstappen is down in fourth place. And there's all this whole fucking Days of Thunder, Ricky Bobby, fucking controversy. I guess he fucking went off on this. I guess this is Racing Steward who fucked him over in Japan, Mexico and now in Austin. And he was so mad, he said he hoped that the fans don't show up in Austin next year. It's just like, dude, dude, he's kind of fucking you around the globe. There's no reason to single us out, right? Did you not like your nickname in the fucking intros? Sorry.

[Dean Del Rey]

But anyways, it was a phenomenal race. I'm actually blowing through so much of this shit. I should probably try and slow down here, but I have to get to the next thing. So then we left there and then we went. My wife better not listen to this podcast. She's going to get annoyed with me. Then we went back to the hotel, dropped off our shit. And we went back down over to the venue and we got to see. We got to see Primus. And they basically opened for themselves, played like for an hour and then took a half hour break and played for another 90 minutes. And I gotta be honest with you, I am not a drug guy, but I actually, with all the video shit that they had going on and the whole psychedelic vibe. Oh, by the way, another heckler at that show, like Larry's. One of his pedals or something wasn't working. You know, Celeste is talking to the crowd, talking about. He's actually talking about that. What is that blue? You know, those damn blue collar tweakers. This old town.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, that fucking song he was talking about how he came up with that tweakers. I thought he was talking about meth, you know, I didn't know it was about the water being stolen from Northern California. So he's sitting there talking about it because they're trying to fix Larry's pedals. This guy in the crowd goes, stop fucking preaching, can you? I was beside myself. I would think everybody in the crowd would just beat the shit out of me, but less, once again did. Both of them just handled it like a pro. He joked his way out of it. He said something fucking hilarious about, you know, presenting any questions he had. Please present them in written form. True or false questions work best for me. I'm butchering it. But it was like really funny to the point I was actually kind of.

[Dean Del Rey]

Happy the guy heckled him because, you.

[Bill Burr]

Know, Les is fucking hilarious. So.

[Dean Del Rey]

I finally got to see Tim Alexander play live. His fucking kit is. It's fucking. He has like a double bass pedal on like a 20 inch bass drum. And they had all of this stuff going on in the background. And I'm sitting there, you know, trying to figure out, you know, what Tim is playing and all of that shit. And after they opened for themselves, they took a half hour break. Then they came out and they started playing all the stuff off to their new album, I hope I say this right. Desaturating seven. And they had all this video stuff going on. And I actually looked over at Dean at one point, I believe when they had elephants jumping on trampolines. And the way that the filter was on it, it looked like. What was that really cool movie Vin Diesel did where he couldn't see just how you would look? I keep thinking Riddick Bowe. I know it's not that. That was a boxer. I forget what the fuck. I can never remember the name of the movie, but it was like sort of in that sort of filter and it was an elephant jumping up and down on a trampoline. And then it became three and then one of them started doing somersaults. And what I loved when it came down, like the trunk would like, would be like fluttering in the wind as it came down. And I literally looked over at Dean, I go, you know what? I've never had this thought before, but I really wish I was on drugs right now. I'm not a drug guy, you know, or I've stayed away from, you know, I smoke weed every once in a while, usually when I'm not drinking because I'm so fucking bored. I don't know how straight edge people do it, I really don't.

[Bill Burr]

But I pretty much stayed away from.

[Dean Del Rey]

All of like the evil drugs other than alcohol. I think alcohol is an evil drug. It's an angry drug.

[Bill Burr]

Like, you know what I mean?

[Dean Del Rey]

Like weed is cool, mushrooms are cool. But like coke is evil, alcohol is evil. I don't know, I feel like the shit that just makes you kind of sit around, you can't really do anything, just giggling it yourself, you know. I don't know why anybody would like just choose to stay in the dark side. I don't know, maybe you're just a fucking dark human being and you relate.

[Bill Burr]

To it, but you think you'd want.

[Dean Del Rey]

To go the opposite way. I don't fucking know. But I've never taken mushrooms or anything like that. But I don't know, that was the first time I was just like, you know, I wouldn't mind, would have. I wouldn't have minded being in like an altered state throughout this. If I could have just given my. I just always worry that I would, I would freak out. That's why I never, you know, like my generation always. They always like, you know, had. They'll think telling you stories about people who took LSD and they pulled their eyeballs out and fucking jumped. I mean I would never fuck with LSD either. But like, I don't know, was actually going like, you know, I think this.

[Bill Burr]

Would have been one of those times. I mean, if I just did mushrooms once every 49 years, it's like be.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like Halley's comet, you know, sort of, right? I don't fucking know. All I know was they were unbelievable. And I can't even. I don't even know which was my favorite. I think was it Southbound Pachyderm. It's probably my favorite. It was just an unbelievable both the whole Night was just fucking incredible. And that was my weekend. I got to do three shows at Austin City Live, the best venue as far as sound I've ever performed in. I then got to see Jimmy Vaughn in this small little bar, like, doing the world a favor. He doesn't need to do. That gig comes down, right?

[Bill Burr]

And then I got to go to an F1 race.

[Dean Del Rey]

And then I saw Primus after that.

[Bill Burr]

Now I come back to Atlanta to do a fucking movie, to pretend to be somebody else. I swear to God, there's a piano waiting to fall on my fucking head. At some point during this week, something's gonna happen. And actually, I already did.

[Dean Del Rey]

I'm not gonna talk to you about it. With some other fucking bullshit. Getting some work done on the house, and the workers came there, and somebody said, hey, the door to your house was open. And I was like, oh, fuck, did somebody break into our house? So I'm dealing with that.

[Bill Burr]

But you know what?

That's what happens.

That is what happens when you have all this good stuff going on.

[Dean Del Rey]

Something.

[Bill Burr]

Something happens.

[Dean Del Rey]

You stub your fucking toe, you get audited, something's gonna happen. I don't fucking know. So anyways, doing all of this shit.

[Bill Burr]

I missed pretty much all of the.

[Dean Del Rey]

Football and all of that crap for this weekend. I do know that the Patriots beat the Falcons, so that's cool.

[Bill Burr]

Four and two. Do we actually have a strong division? Bills are four and two, Patriots are four and two. Dolphins are four and two. Jets are. What are they?

[Dean Del Rey]

They three.

[Bill Burr]

And what would that be if they played six games? Three and three? I don't know what.

[Dean Del Rey]

I don't know what they are. Well, they might be three and five, because I think we might have had a bye week. I don't know what.

[Bill Burr]

But the AFC east, after all these years of being so weak, is actually.

[Dean Del Rey]

A really competitive division this year. So that's pretty exciting. And I watched. What did I watch?

[Bill Burr]

My apologies, by the way.

[Dean Del Rey]

My apologies to the Houston Astros.

[Bill Burr]

I love your uniforms. I just haven't watched baseball in so long, I thought they still had those.

[Dean Del Rey]

Shitty ones that Jeff Bagwell had to wear.

[Bill Burr]

You fucking uniforms are great.

And I gotta give a shout out.

[Dean Del Rey]

To Sports Illustrated, some guy.

[Bill Burr]

I was watching this pre game because I watched game six and seven, you.

[Dean Del Rey]

Know, when I was waiting to go on and I thought I was convinced CC Sabathia, Game seven, I thought the Yankees were going to have that one. But anyways, they were talking about before, like game seven, that some. I don't know who wrote it in Sports Illustrated.

[Bill Burr]

In 2014, the year the Astros went 70 and 92, he put them on the COVID of Sports Illustrated and said, you know, please welcome your 2017 World Series champions. He said that in 2014, when they were 70 and 92 are in the midst of being that he or she said that, right? And then they come back from the story, and the guy hosting the sports program goes, yeah, that was a pretty good prediction.

[Andrew Themless]

It's like, pretty good.

[Paul Versey]

That was fucking unbelievable.

[Bill Burr]

Like, anybody right now can look at.

[Dean Del Rey]

The Yankees and go, like, hey, I.

[Bill Burr]

Think they're going to win it next year, or they'll win it the year after or sometime within the next three years. That is not a big prediction, all right? They got all this young talent. They're fucking playing great. They way overachieved as far as what the organization thought they were gonna do this year. They came one game away from the World Series.

[Dean Del Rey]

Anybody can say that these guys are gonna win another one. You know, that's what I think. I think they're gonna win another one here in the next few years.

[Bill Burr]

But to fucking look at the Astros, who've never fucking won in 2014, and then pick the year, I think in the next three years, blah, blah, that.

[Dean Del Rey]

Would have been great.

[Bill Burr]

But to actually nail the year, I.

[Dean Del Rey]

Mean, they haven't won it yet, but.

[Bill Burr]

Guy comes, yeah, it was a pretty good prediction.

[Paul Versey]

I don't know.

[Dean Del Rey]

I thought the guy was a little jealous. My nuts.

[Bill Burr]

I'm trying not to talk all sports.

[Dean Del Rey]

Because I know people are fucking get nuts with that sometimes. So let me go. First of all, I'm really cursing a lot. I don't know why. Probably because I was on a plane today and I always suck when. After I've been on a plane. But let's get back to drugs and booze, all right? This is what I realized. I like. I like getting fucked up. I do. I really enjoy it. I like getting hammered or fucking, you know, every once in a while, smoking some weed. I do. And I'm not an addictive personality. As the cops show up to see what's under my bed right now.

[Bill Burr]

I.

[Dean Del Rey]

Hope you guys could hear the siren in the background. I hope you didn't think I was alluding to the fact that I killed a hooker or something. That was. I was talking about drugs. A siren went by. Sometimes this fucking thing doesn't pick it up. Anyways. So like now I haven't drank or done anything for, like, 67 days, and I could go for the rest of my life. I could do it but it's just. It's so. It's like, really. I don't know. It's boring.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know how.

[Dean Del Rey]

Like, I have to commend everybody who gets into a program and just fucking does that. I don't know how you do it, but it's. It's. It's amazing. And I feel like, in a way, by me saying how fucking boring it is, I'm actually fucking with your sobriety. So I apologize. But.

[Bill Burr]

Have you guys been watching Bert Kreischer, by the way, going sober for October? And I believe Tom Segura, they always.

[Dean Del Rey]

Do, like, those battles, like losing weight and being sober and all that shit. And I think Joe Rogan is doing it, too.

[Bill Burr]

So all I know about, from what I know about the three of them. November, better get in the fetal position, because I have a feeling they're going to come back strong. I know I am.

[Dean Del Rey]

I think I am.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know. I don't know. I like losing the weight and that type of shit, but I. I think I'm gonna be. I want. I would like to be more of someone who.

[Dean Del Rey]

Who picks his battles when I drink, you know? Like, I gotta tell you, Austin is a hard place not to be drinking. Like, we went to go see Jimmy Vaughn. Like, we were sitting at this table with some other people that knew Jimmy, and they were the nicest people ever. And a couple of them that were at the table were fucking just doing shots. And I swear to God, they did, like, three shots in an hour. And these people could drink because they were just totally, like, fine. And I would be lying to you if I wasn't looking at them drinking, going, God damn it, I would kill from one of those right now. And I was trying to rationalize it. Like, what if I just did one? And this is the weird thing about me. I'm a habit guy, so I'm not like a chemical person, I don't think. But if I just do that one, how I work is I immediately have to order a water after that and let the buzz start to fade. All right? Because if I don't, then I'm going to get another. Then I'm going to get another. But I get this weird thing with the water. It fucking. It's almost like I threw it in my face, and I wake up going, like, all right, dude, settle down, settle down. But if I don't do that, I definitely put a dent in a bottle. But I don't know. Last night, man, at that Primus show, I'm not blaming Primus here when I fucking go off the wagon, but I was just like, you know what, am I gonna try mushrooms? The fuck is. Who tries mushrooms for the first time at 49? Just had a kid. I can't have that on my resume. Right. Plus I also think the first time you do them, you should probably be in your house where you feel safe. But I can't do that now because I'm a dad and I don't think it would be smart to do it at a concert while I watched a fucking elephant doing somersaults on a trampoline. I don't know, I'm just throwing this shit out here if anybody has any suggestions how to walk that line. Anyways, now that I've talked about recreational drugs, here. Are those recreational. I don't even know what. I don't even know what. I just always hear that word on the fucking news. Let me promote the All Things Comedy Festival. This is the podcast read. Okay? We're having our first All Things Comedy Festival at the end of this month. October 26, 27, 28 and 29. I'm sorry. So that goes right through Sunday in Phoenix, Arizona. All right, 26, 27, 28, 29. So it's Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

[Bill Burr]

I'm going to be there recording my first ever live Monday morning podcast. All right, Doug Stanhope, the great Doug.

[Dean Del Rey]

Stanhope, the legend is doing his podcast at the Orpheum Theater.

[Bill Burr]

Bert Kreischer, Sober Bert. Ari Shaffir, I think he also might be sober. The Crab Feast are also on the lineup. We're taking over downtown Phoenix with a pop up podcast studio and the whole network is going to be there. If you're in the Phoenix area, you come hang with us. Go to the all Things. Go to AllThingsComedy.com to get your tickets. Yeah, I don't know what time I'm.

[Dean Del Rey]

Coming in because I'm coming in from Atlanta actually. I'm going out to la, see my wife and kid and then I'm gonna fly in the day of and I'm gonna be walking around taking pictures and thanking everybody for coming out. So if you guys bought tickets that came out, I really, really appreciate it. All right, let's get to some of the more of the podcast reads here.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, look who's here, everybody. It's one of our favorite fucking reads on the podcast. It's Ol Zip. By the way, Tim Alexander's fucking drum.

[Dean Del Rey]

Kit was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. He has like he has, like, three rack toms, and then mixed in with the rack toms on, like, a rack above it, he has, like, these octabons, like, three different octabonds. Then he has, like, these, like, splash cymbals on one side. He's got, like, the rack. Dude, I'm a drum geek, so I was videoing the drum kit, watching all of this stuff, dude.

[Bill Burr]

One of the most fluid fucking players. Do you know he was the player that actually got me out of my John Bon initially.

[Dean Del Rey]

Got me out of the John Bonham, like, death spiral. And I was like, I have. All I'm doing is listening to John Bonham. This isn't good. I'm never gonna sound like him. I'm never gonna play like him. I need to listen to other people. And the double bass guys, so many of them like what they were playing, I just couldn't hear a groove. And then he came along, and the way he applies the double bass when he puts it in. And what I love about his playing is how fluid it is in the space that he has and just grooves his ass off. I can't believe I finally got to saw him, Saw him, got to see him. It was just amazing.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, all right, where are we here? Let's get to some of the questions here for this week.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, you're not going to believe this. I accidentally hit stop, so then I had to press record again, and somehow I hit stop again without realizing it. And I just talked 40 fucking minutes that nobody heard. All right, let me start this over again with your questions here. All right, I'll try to act like I'm still excited that I'm not fucking starving. Do you hear that? That's my stomach growling. All right, Robert Plant, everybody.

[Paul Versey]

Oh, Freckles.

[Bill Burr]

Just wanted to let you know Robert Plant was interviewed on the Howard Stern show on Tuesday. He goes through his whole career and.

[Dean Del Rey]

Up to the present because he has a new album coming out.

[Bill Burr]

Incredible interview.

[Dean Del Rey]

Thought you might enjoy it.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you.

[Dean Del Rey]

And go fuck yourself. I absolutely. I have to hear this fucking interview. The problem is I only have serious satellite radio in my car. My car is in Los Angeles. I'm in Atlanta. Howard Stern fans, please send me a link. Let me know where I can see it, watch it, whatever the fuck goes on, however you kids do it, because I'm not gonna be able to figure it out. I have to listen to it. I have to listen to them go through the whole thing. Band of joy into Zeppelin. John Bonham dying. Coming back within the mood. And then what Else did he do? Honey drippers, the whole fucking thing. I, I can't wait to listen that. You know, when I was at the Austin City Live, they had an incredible picture of him too. You know, he's another guy, you know, just aged naturally. Now look at him, he looks fucking badass. All the wrinkles on his face, he just looks, he looks fucking amazing.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know why people would choose.

[Dean Del Rey]

Botox and all of that shit. Oh, here's a great one.

[Bill Burr]

38 year old bus driver makes college hoops team. Billy girl, did you see this article on barstool? Sounds like someone you would commend on a job well done. You're always telling people it's never too late. On the flip side side, what are the negatives here? Does anyone lose out? Hey man, if you can't beat out a 6 foot 8, 380 pound, 38 year old guy, it's on barstool sports.

[Dean Del Rey]

Which by the way is, you know.

[Bill Burr]

That'S got to be the best combination of being hilarious and then also let you know what's going on in sports. How let's see this guy, 38 years old, going to be 39 in November. He's 6ft 8 and weighed 380 pounds. He's 38, weighs 380. You know it's funny to get 380 pounds, all you have to do is just gain. At 38 years of age, all you have to do is just gain £10 a year. You know, for the first like I don't know how many years. People like oh my God. The kids emaciated. Then all of a sudden, right, you're nine years old, you're £90. Like what the fuck, 10, you're 120, you're 200 next, you know, 380. He just kept getting like giantism. But you just keep eating. You're asking me what is the downsize? The downside.

[Dean Del Rey]

Sorry, downsize, Little slip there.

[Bill Burr]

What is the downside?

[Dean Del Rey]

Maybe is.

[Bill Burr]

Blowing out his Achilles. I mean, I don't feel bad if.

[Dean Del Rey]

Somebody can't beat out a fucking soon to be 39 year old, £380 6 foot 8 guy, you know, at that division, whatever division that is, that's amazing. Good for him man. Good for him.

[Bill Burr]

You know what it is? He said his basketball dream died and.

[Dean Del Rey]

He'S 38 years old, gonna be 39.

[Bill Burr]

Has two teenage kids.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's like there's where your dream died. Fucking had the kids, man.

[Bill Burr]

And you're a good dad.

[Dean Del Rey]

I bet so you're just like, I gotta take whatever job I can get. All right, the fall guy. No, sorry.

[Bill Burr]

Brain activity after death.

[Dean Del Rey]

Oh my God, I can't believe I already did this. And I talked. I hope I can do this justice again. Brain activity after death.

[Bill Burr]

All right, let's, let's reminisce about this.

[Dean Del Rey]

One because I've already read it before.

[Bill Burr]

All right, When I first recorded this, but didn't realize I wasn't recording.

[Dean Del Rey]

Let me check again to make sure this thing is on.

[Bill Burr]

That freaked me out. Brain activity after death.

[Dean Del Rey]

And I was just like, because in.

[Bill Burr]

My will I'm going to get cremated. So I'm like, you know, even still.

[Dean Del Rey]

If you have brain activity after death, I'd rather just get thrown in an.

[Bill Burr]

Oven to just finish off the rest of me. Like, ah, it's over real quick. As opposed to laying in a coffin feeling worms going into my ears. Dear Billy Ripper, this article absolutely fucked me up. Not only is death going to suck, but also I feel the need to know. I feel the need now to make sure people don't talk shit about me as I'm dying. I or hear let's get a pizza as I'm about ready to check out for good.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, this freaked me out here. All right.

[Bill Burr]

Scientists say your brain still works after death and you know, when you're dead. Now I saw a thing a long time ago where this scientist was on TV with this religious guy who was talking about people who died and then came back to life. And then they talked about what they saw and what they heard and all that. And it was all this fascinating stuff about watching people working on them and floating above the table and all of this type of shit. And then the scientist guy just killed all of it by going like nothing has ever been dead and has been.

[Dean Del Rey]

Brought back to life.

[Bill Burr]

What you're talking about here is people having a near death experience. Just because your heart stops, it doesn't mean you're dead. Your brain is still working. You can still. And he basically was saying if your eyes are open, you know, you can still see some shit. We're not sure how much you're still alive. It's not until your brain has no functioning. That's the final, the final part of it. I remember reading, when I read that book, A Perfect Storm. They went through all of drowning and now your brain's sitting there firing and all that, that last bit of life, all this brain activity is going, trying to get your heart going and it just doesn't happen. And Then that's it from the lack of oxygen, then your brain dies last.

[Dean Del Rey]

And then that's it.

[Bill Burr]

But you don't, like, fucking live. I mean, you're not dead. You're not dead yet, right? Anyway, scientists may be inching closer to answering one of the greatest mysteries of life. What happens after you die? According what happens after you die? Don't you hate those fucking websites where you skip past the advertising and you scroll down and then they show it to you anyways?

[Dean Del Rey]

Fucking annoying.

[Bill Burr]

According to researchers in New York, a person's brain is still active after death, meaning in many cases they can be aware that they've passed away. A team from New York University, Langone School of Medicine, has been studying patients who suffered cardiac arrest or a heart attack, which stops their heart for a period of time. Quote, technically speaking, that's how you get the time of death. It's all based on the moment when the heart stops. Yeah, but you're not dead. You're not dead. Your heart just stopped. That's why they can bring you back to life, because you're still alive. They just get the fucking thing going again. I learned all of this from one scientist. They'll describe watching doctors and nurses working. They'll describe having awareness of full conversations, of visual. Yeah, but your ears didn't die. If you scream in an ear, it's still going to fucking vibrate because it's still alive. It's still working. The heart stopped anyways. They knew all this shit that they otherwise wouldn't have known what was going on. According to Parnea, these recollections was then verified by the medical staff.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, this is all stupid.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, because you're not dead yet, sir. You're not dead, all right? So just fucking let go of that. I think. You know what I think happens when you die?

[Dean Del Rey]

I think it's a beautiful experience.

[Bill Burr]

I think it's what my idea of.

[Dean Del Rey]

What fucking mushrooms at a Primus concert is like. I think you'd lay in there, I think you totally relax, you let go.

[Bill Burr]

Of all of the bullshit, and if you're lucky enough after your heart stopped to kind of be aware of a little. To be aware that you're dying, I think it would be very humble experience. And I would give thanks for the.

[Dean Del Rey]

Amazing life that I had.

[Bill Burr]

And if there was nothing after it, I would.

[Dean Del Rey]

I would be good with it.

[Bill Burr]

I would be fine with going into the ground and enriching the soil with my carcass. I don't need to go anywhere after this. I went to fucking I performed at Austin City Live. I then saw Jimmy Vaughn. I then went to an F1 race and then saw Primus. I need to go to heaven after that. Fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I don't think it's this big fearful thing.

[Dean Del Rey]

I don't think it is.

[Bill Burr]

I think if somebody tortures you to.

[Dean Del Rey]

Death, the torture is bad. That's the bad thing. How you die is bad, but I don't think the death, that being dead is bad.

[Paul Versey]

I think.

[Dean Del Rey]

I think it'll be fucking amazing. I think it's gonna be amazing.

[Bill Burr]

Why would you think anything else?

[Dean Del Rey]

You can't stop it. Might as well look at it in a positive way.

[Bill Burr]

Remember when.

[Dean Del Rey]

Who was that guy, Lou? Jesus Christ, he's only a legend. He was in that band that sang about fucking heroin.

[Bill Burr]

Lou Reed.

[Dean Del Rey]

I remember they said when he died, this woman said she was looking at him and he had the most like amazed and like inquisitive look on his face, like he was totally enjoying it and just taking in the fucking experience. That's how you want to go out, you know, I'm going.

[Andrew Themless]

Oh my God. I'm sorry. Oh God.

[Bill Burr]

Doing all that shit.

[Dean Del Rey]

Fuck that. Don't fight it, Just give into it. What are you, special?

[Bill Burr]

You gonna keep fucking living like a vampire? The fall guy Dear Bill, big red balls of fire. I don't have a question, more of an observation on Harvey Weinstein, on the Harvey Weinstein situation. Harvey Weinstein is banned from the Oscars Little Elite Club. It's not a little club. It's a. It is a very elite club. And I could tell by I already.

[Dean Del Rey]

Said this shit before I knew this.

[Bill Burr]

Guy has issues with Hollywood, I believe, you know, by saying Little Elite Club, the same club that Roman Polanski, a pedophile who pled guilty. He did not plead guilty to being a pedophile. What he pled guilty to was improper behavior. That's what he was willing to plead guilty to. And then he ran and got the fuck out of the country because that's.

[Dean Del Rey]

What innocent people do.

[Bill Burr]

Although if I was brought up on those charges in another country, I probably would have got the fuck out of there too. However, I would never be in a hot tub with a fucking 13 year.

[Dean Del Rey]

Old girl giving her booze or whatever the fuck was going on.

[Bill Burr]

And Bryan Singer, who's been accused of molesting underage child stars and feeding them drugs, are a part of the big Hollywood elite club that these sick bastards want us to believe is honorable. I don't know if anybody ever said it was honorable. You said on your previous podcast that this was one of the most. I guess they say this is for film and honorary film.

[Dean Del Rey]

Maybe they do. I don't pay attention to this shit.

[Bill Burr]

I watch sports. You said in your previous podcast that this was one of the most disgusting, God awful situations. You ever heard of the Weinstein thing? Yeah, Weinstein fucked up, sure. But so far none of his accusers were underage. I swear to God. I know what you guys are thinking. You're thinking what I thought the first time I read this. This guy is not going to downplay what Weinstein did. Hey, you know he fucked up. Allegedly did. I guess I should still be saying allegedly. What he allegedly did and the guy fucked up. A lot of them were aspiring stars who were willing to do anything for fame. Objection. Speculation. Dude, you're just creating this fucking argument because you have issues with Hollywood and their careers failed and now they're bitter, so they.

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah, okay, all right.

[Bill Burr]

You sound like the defense attorney for Harvey Weinstein right now. But no one, all in capital capitals, mentions the pedophilia cases involving other tinseled moguls because it would completely ruin the industry. That's not true. It's been mentioned.

[Dean Del Rey]

People have said stuff like that they.

[Bill Burr]

Don'T have evidence to bring charges, okay? This is what happens. It's the same reason why Harvey Weinstein probably won't go to jail. Like the level of fucking evidence that you need in order to bring charges, okay? It's a difficult fucking thing when you're dealing with people with that level of power trying to catch them in the act, you know, how long do they know that these mafia dons are doing what they're doing? How often do they know that? These fucking oil companies and insurance companies and all of these people, the Catholic Church and all these people, do they have money? They got money, dude. Okay, so I don't know why you're just singling out Hollywood. What are you, FOX News, you know, or cnn, when they just single out fucking Trump for grabbing pussies. I don't understand if you got. If you're going to fucking lay waste, you got to go straight across the board here. Anyways, it's made this. But. Okay, watch this documentary, if you can find it, called An Open Secret. All right, well, meaning what? That I'm out in Hollywood? I don't know that this shit's going on. I guess it means it's an open secret with the people that know those people. This is a classic fucking guy who.

[Dean Del Rey]

Watches a goddamn documentary he's not a fucking lawyer.

[Bill Burr]

He doesn't even know how to present his fucking argument. It's all speculation that are willing to do anything for fame. Like where did you get that? You just pulled that out of the your ass to support your fucking argument here. I'm not saying this shit isn't going on, but like, you know, there's all kinds of people that fly over to these third world countries evidently and are doing God knows what with, with underage kids. So I don't know why you're just singling this out. I mean, if you're going to attack this, shouldn't you be against it straight across the fucking board? Or maybe you're just saying this because the Weinstein thing came about. I don't know what you're doing. It's the fact that you're downplaying what Harvey Weinstein allegedly did. That's what's weirding me out here. Anyways, that documentary, An Open Secret, it's made by the same director who made Deliver Us from Evil, which is about the pedophilia in the Catholic Church. Well, this director is either fighting the good fight or picking low hanging fruit here. That movie was released in theaters and got for the most part major distribution from film companies. But An Open Secret hasn't had a wide release in its two years that it's premiered. Yeah, why do you think? Why do you think? Why don't you make a fucking documentary about how fucked up the oil. Oil industry is and try to get the oil industry to put it out? They're not going to. They're not going to shoot themselves in the foot because at the end of the day, money wins. All right? Same way where the NFL acted like they didn't see that Ray Rice fucking thing. It's still unknown by a majority of the populace. Weinstein is taking the shitstorm while the real monsters are saying few. Good thing we're not in the forefront. It's bullshit. Okay, I can't understand if you're saying Weinstein shouldn't be. He should be taking a shit storm, but not the whole shitstorm. I think that's what you're trying to say here. Corey Feldman and Elijah Wood mentioned pedophilia is running rampant in Hollywood, but no one gives that issue the time of day. I would actually argue that they're trying to investigate it. But people have such high levels of power. Because what I've learned from the Harvey.

[Dean Del Rey]

Weinstein thing, when I listen to that disgusting tape of him saying, I'm used.

[Bill Burr]

To this knowing that that tape wasn't.

[Dean Del Rey]

Enough to arrest him is. I mean, you borderline have to catch somebody in the act when they have that level of money, because then it becomes your word against their word. And then they have money to tie it up forever in court.

[Bill Burr]

It's terrible. Anyways, Harvey is equivalent to a nerd who's desperate to get laid.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right, dude, I'm done with this fucking thing. I'm done with this thing.

[Bill Burr]

You know what's funny, sir? In all of this, you're going after these. So you feel that pedophiles should be punished.

[Paul Versey]

I agree.

[Bill Burr]

But you feel that creeps like Harvey Weinstein are just. Are the equivalent to a nerd who's.

[Dean Del Rey]

Desperate to get laid.

[Bill Burr]

That's how you view alleged rape?

[Dean Del Rey]

I mean, I don't.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know. I don't know where you're going with that, sir, but you know, you wrote a lot of words. All right, MILF question. Hey, Bill, you fucking cunt. All right, guilty as charged. You know what, the guy who wrote that, Harvey Weinstein, I think we were sitting down.

[Dean Del Rey]

Sometimes people writing isn't the best way for them to communicate. Maybe if we sat down and we actually talked, I could understand what the fuck he was saying. All right, MILF question.

[Bill Burr]

Hey, Bill, you fucking cunt.

[Dean Del Rey]

I love your podcast and all your stand ups efforts for family is fucking great too.

[Bill Burr]

Thank you. Anyways, I need some advice. I'm 24 and I work at a.

[Dean Del Rey]

Bar as a sound guy until I.

[Bill Burr]

Graduate, which is this December. Anyways, last week a beautiful red headed.

[Dean Del Rey]

Woman who's about 40 starts to hit on me.

[Bill Burr]

I give her my number and lately I've been texting her. Banging a MILF has always been on my bucket list.

[Dean Del Rey]

That's just fucking gross to me. I don't know why. I just think that's fucking gross. Why you have to bring up the fact that she's a mother and has a kid and you want to fuck.

[Bill Burr]

Her is just weird.

[Dean Del Rey]

Why can't you just say she's hot?

[Bill Burr]

However, this woman is starting to seem like she wants more than just a night or two of fucking. She has a kid, which I don't fucking want to deal with whatsoever. So here's my question. How do I deal with this? You fucking walk.

[Paul Versey]

Walk away.

[Bill Burr]

Walk away. And I understand that you're not understanding these red flags because you're 24 years old and your dick is just running the situation. I'll read the rest of this. He goes, I mean, I want to hook up with her, but I don't really want a relationship with a 40 year old broad with a kid. We haven't done anything yet. Great, great time to ask for help, he said, but we're going on a date this Friday. As always, fuck your own face and go Bruins. Yeah. Dude, I would walk away. I wouldn't even go out with her. I wouldn't even go out with her. I would just walk the fuck away. Because I'll tell you right now, you know, she wants a relationship, all right? So right now, if you're just gonna fucker and then leave, that's kind of bad.

[Dean Del Rey]

Just me, bad karma.

[Bill Burr]

Not that I really believe him.

[Dean Del Rey]

Well, I kind of do, but I don't.

[Bill Burr]

I don't know, I actually believe you have to believe in karma for it.

[Dean Del Rey]

To come back and get you. Because in reality, bad shit's gonna happen anyways.

[Bill Burr]

You'd be, oh, that's my karma. I was, yeah, I'd either break that date off or I would tell her beforehand, which is going to piss her.

[Dean Del Rey]

Off and then she's not going to bang anyways.

[Bill Burr]

The time to have had that conversation. In the future, sir, when you meet an older woman and they know what the fuck they want, when they're hitting on you, whatever, you just, just let them know you're single and you're just trying to have fun. You're not trying to get into a relationship. You just throw that out there and if they still jump on the fucking hook, pull them into the boat. If not, you gotta, you catch and release.

[Dean Del Rey]

Catch and release.

[Bill Burr]

All right, is that it? Is that the podcast for this week? God damn it. Did I do enough friggin time? All right, I have a lot of people to thank this week. I want to thank all you guys for listening. I want to thank everybody who's going to be coming out to the podcast festival in Phoenix. I want to thank Primus for putting on a fucking amazing show. We got to go backstage, me and Dean, and meet him for a second. They were the nicest, coolest fucking people ever. Everybody around him, everybody was awesome. Jimmy Vaughn, another great guy, another amazing show. Thank you for the amazing show. Thank you to him and his wife for being so cool and being such great, just great people. Everybody at F1, I just, I just had a fucking great time. Gotta give a shout thank you to Will Buxton for throwing in the Ricky.

[Paul Versey]

Rocket.

[Bill Burr]

For the Daniel Ricardo intro. And that's it. I'll check in on you guys on Thursday. What about the fucking Rams? The Los Angeles Rams? What would Happen if they actually sold out that giant fucking stadium for a regular season game.

[Dean Del Rey]

Come on, Los Angeles.

[Bill Burr]

They're from there. They left once you got your old girlfriend back. Treat her right, Trader right. All right, that's it. Go yourselves. I'll check in on you on Thursday.

[Paul Versey]

What's up, everybody?

[Andrew Themless]

Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast. I can't believe I'm saying this, but we are going into week number eight. It feels like yesterday, with your host, me, Paul Versey over here, Bill Burr over there, we have Jake the Snake with our injury report, as always. And of course you know Jake the Snake is on top of things. And Andrew Themless, our great producer somewhere in Bever Hills, Bill Burr. Congratulations. Three weeks in a row for three and one. I thought I was going to be there with you, but I ended up going two and two and. Yeah, you're on a hot run there, bud.

[Paul Versey]

Well, I'm either losing every game or going 3 and 1. I'm very streaky. 3 and 1. Three weeks in a row and I still don't even think I'm 500.

[Andrew Themless]

There's no in between with you. You either get all the baseball or you strike out.

[Paul Versey]

I run hot and cold.

[Andrew Themless]

You either strike out looking and the fans go, what the.

[Paul Versey]

Or you just upper decker, papa. I, I am so like, at least I got baseball, dude. That's all I can say. I'm watching football and hockey and it's just, it's just not. It's just hockey. There's no hitting, there's no fighting, there's no red line. The stupid ass. The stretch pass is the euro step of hockey. You sit there on the side, you're going like this, dude. Like you're watching tennis. All the beauty of the game, all the physical, it's fucking gone, dude. It's, it's all finesse because all these non hockey watching every four years during the Olympics are like, if this is how they played hockey, oh, I would watch every game. What if there was a hall of Famer at every position and it wasn't too violent for you? So what do they do, Paul? I'm on one. They just, they totally capitulate to these people and dude, it's a snooze fest. Oh, that's like some of these guys, they're, they're unbelievable. Some of the best players I've ever seen, but the lack of physical play. Do they have a division called the Metropolitan once? You just call it the manscaped division, dude. And then I watched the replay, I'm Going to be grumpy, Bill. More grumpy than you. I watched the fucking end of that. Giants Broncos. That is marketing applied to NFL football. Let's like, let's just make every fucking game come down to the end. Dude. There was a minute 51 left in the game. There was three possessions. Oh, it hurt me, dude.

[Andrew Themless]

It used to be.

[Paul Versey]

No, no, no, listen, Paul. It used to be a two minute offense and he needed Montana or Elway. You needed a great quarterback, Marino, somebody to fucking. And you had two minutes to go down the field. And if you didn't get a first down, the game was over. There's a minute 51 left. This is what they say. Guy goes, plenty of time left. So the fucking guy goes down the field, they score a touchdown. Now there's like, I don't know what that was left under a minute. And the guy. Plenty of time.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, it's like 38 seconds left. Yeah.

[Paul Versey]

And they go down the field against go touchdown. Then the other team was it, the Broncos come up and they go like right now be a 56 yarder. And the other guy goes. Which is well within his range. I know in the history of football, Paul, 56 yarder has never been well within anybody's range. You could do it, but it would be like. And then they always go in practice. I mean I saw him hit a 62 yarder. Plenty of leg left. It's all designed, Paul, to get you to in the game ends at 000 and you watched every single fucking commercial. I do it, I'm just not buying it. And I feel like the league knew that everyone was tired of the fucking Chiefs and the preferential treatment. So they take the gloves off and they let the Eagles expose them for what the fuck they are in the Super Bowl. Okay, and then what happened? Now they were looking. Okay, maybe it's time to turn the page in afc, the Bills and the Ravens, neither one of them can get it done. They're not sexy. There's no fucking flavor. Whatever. And then all of a sudden, here come the Chiefs. Do the Chiefs play a fucking game? Dude, they played an NFL football game. They got zero flags for the whole game. Dude. Not one false start. Never held anybody.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's nuts.

[Paul Versey]

Dude, I'm telling you right now, the Chiefs, I'm calling it right now. Chiefs are going to win another super bowl because they're going to need, need to be like, you know, it's this guy gonna do what's never been done before 30. It's gonna be that.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, I Remember when, when I was a kid, a 47 yarder? 47 yarder. Like, oh, this is a, this is a coin toss. Now they're like 57, 58, like hitting them.

[Paul Versey]

Those footballs. They take them out of their floaties. They take them out of a kiddie pool.

[Andrew Themless]

They take them out of a refrigerator.

[Paul Versey]

Dude, what the fuck are they doing with the ball? Like, how in three years did human beings legs evolve?

[Andrew Themless]

No, they didn't. Let's talk about the Toronto Blue Jays who were bugging me. And here's why. Here's why.

[Paul Versey]

They got bats and they got.

[Andrew Themless]

No, here's, here's why they're bugging me, okay? It's not about. It's. I don't even. Why would I hate the Toronto Blue Jays? But here's the thing.

[Paul Versey]

Oh, you're such an easygoing guy. I can't imagine why they're in Canada.

[Andrew Themless]

What do I care? But here's the thing. Okay, here's the thing, Bill. They do the champagne on the head with Frank Sinatra playing. Fine. It's a little dig.

[Paul Versey]

No, I've been fine with that. Tell the listeners what? They were in Yankee Stadium.

[Andrew Themless]

They were in the locker room.

[Paul Versey]

Yeah. New York, New York.

[Andrew Themless]

They played New York, New York. They were dumping champagne. But then, this is the thing. I was willing to, I was willing to let that go. Young kids, excited. But then during an interview, the Yankees lose. One of them go. And I'm going, all right. And then the straw that broke the camel's back. Did I say that right?

[Paul Versey]

Yes, you did.

[Andrew Themless]

Okay, good, because you know me with those. The straw that broke the camel's back is after they win against the Mariner, they're in the streets screaming, the Yankees. So I, I, the, the, the. All of, like, Toronto fans were in the thing going, the Yankees.

[Paul Versey]

Oh, wait a minute, Paul. Those are Canadians. Those. They're really nice people up there.

[Bill Burr]

Why.

[Paul Versey]

Why would they do something like that?

[Andrew Themless]

I have three words to say. Let's go Dodgers. I gave him the Frank Sinatra. I've had it. But they do have bats, dude. They do have bats. I got to give it to them.

[Paul Versey]

And I think it's going to be. I think it's going to be a series. I'm hoping it's going to be a series. I mean, it's. Dude, you have to watch what Ohtani did in that game for, like, that. That's like, nobody in the turn of the last century has ever done that.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, I was talking. You were right about that. You were on it, like, in Real time. But I actually like had to process. The guy threw six shutout innings and hit three home runs. One which went out of the over the stadium.

[Paul Versey]

Home runs, then hits. He let up in a playoff game. In the end, he's all nonchalant. He's just like, high five. And like he got a single or two.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, it. Yeah. I mean, nobody's ever done that. That's the craziest, dude.

[Paul Versey]

They, they, they signed him to a 3/4 of a billion dollar contract and he's worth it.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, like mowing people down too. Like, like an ace. It's like an ace pitcher. It's really unbelievable. Dude, I gotta actually see that guy live. I actually know I did see him live. I think I saw him live at the st. I think he went yard.

[Paul Versey]

He's only going to pitch a couple games and he only gets up 3, 4 times a game. So you know how they handle Barry Bonds. They just walk the guy. So I'm really looking like, this is like the challenge for the manager on. I don't think it's this foregone conclusion that because they have this Paul Bunyan guy. Yeah. You guys have Aaron Judge, literally a Paul Bunyan looking guy. It's like the guy. But those guys, they only get up. Yeah, it's too. That's the thing. He pitches. He can actually win two games in the series with his arm. And then when he win the other two with his bat, I mean, it's.

[Andrew Themless]

Like, dude, it's the last time in a century where someone's like, all right, dude, our pitcher's coming up soon.

[Paul Versey]

Listen. Barry Bonds was the greatest.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Paul Versey]

Home run. Here I have a. Like, just like, like if you watch him now when he's like breaking down at bats, like knowing like what is coming. Now you're doing this. You're working me up there. It's, it's incredible. It's just a shame that like I, I've always felt he was a victim of the steroid era because he was the best guy. And then other people cheated and passed him and the president was calling them. And then I felt like he was like, all right, fuck it. Here's me on steroids.

[Andrew Themless]

Yep.

[Paul Versey]

And you know, he wasn't as likable as a McGuire and a Sosa.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, they walked him with bases loaded in the playoffs. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard.

[Paul Versey]

Well, I was Barry Bonds as far as like hair hitting display. I mean, that's Barry Bonds, Reggie and, and Otani. But the fact that he also pitched seven innings. It was six 70s. That's like Bo Jackson. Even Bo Jackson didn't do that. And like different sports, but like. Yeah, that's like back in the day, the old NFL, when guys would start both ways.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

And dude, it's not like he pitched. It's not like he pitched six innings and gave up two runs and five hits. He pitched six scoreless innings. It's crazy, man.

[Paul Versey]

I didn't get how they take him out as a pitcher, but he's still in the game as a hitter. Is that some new. Like, have they ever had to have a rule like that? It's crazy.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, like, he changed. Like, they were like, he's got to be in because he's. Yeah, he changed it. It's nuts. Yeah, I'm rooting for the dot.

[Paul Versey]

Also, dude. A shortstop for the Seattle Mariners hit 60 home runs this year.

[Bill Burr]

Really?

[Paul Versey]

I. Yeah, I think they're kind of. I think they're kind of like, you know, every once in a while they kind of like they massage your sport. I don't know, dude. 60 home runs is a. As a shortstop.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, that's.

[Bill Burr]

That's.

[Andrew Themless]

Those are two teams I didn't really even pay attention to. But the Dodgers have been good all year from wire to wire, so it'll be good. Actually starts tonight.

[Paul Versey]

The Dodgers had a couple, like, I don't think they played too well in the beginning of the year. Then they started to dip towards the end of the season, but they were resting their players, so.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, I don't know. Well, World Series. World Series, game one tonight. Enjoy that. But Bill, we have a task here to do. And before we do it, we have.

[Paul Versey]

To shout out Boston Bruins to play some goddamn defense. Dude, we started. We started league. We started three and all my go right. Hey, they made the. They made some off season move, dude, which was standing around puck chickens chasing jackasses. One guy's got the puck on the other team. Two guys go in and then leave the guy out in front of the net. That's what I do.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill. I'm not gonna lie. You know I'm a hoodie guy, right? I mean, I can't take my eyes off your hoodie. How comfortable soft it looks. I love the color. I mean, I can't.

[Paul Versey]

I'm big five. That Lululemon shit, dude, you go to big five, you can change your oil with this thing. You just little fucking spray throw it in the thing.

[Bill Burr]

You're good.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, I can't take my eyes off it. All right, here's the deal, Paul?

[Paul Versey]

It's compelling.

[Andrew Themless]

Before. Yeah, it's cozy. It's big. I like a big. I like, I like roomy. I like roomy.

[Paul Versey]

Life's too hard. I'd like a little comfort, you know, I like competition. I like sports. I don't, I don't like fucking analytics. I don't need every game to come down to three, two, one. I like a seven footer under the, under the fucking basket throwing elbows with another seven footer. I don't want to watch some fucking skinny Dutch guy shooting a three pointer from half court. It goes in. Fantastic. Fantastic. Now bring out the lady on the unicycle with the fucking plates on her head. That's what I'm watching right now instead of a game.

[Andrew Themless]

The Red Panda. Here's the deal.

[Paul Versey]

I'm going to say what is more entertaining?

[Dean Del Rey]

Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

What you just said is so perfect. And I'm going to say this and some people aren't going to like it, but if the Detroit Lions, which I think they might, if the Detroit Lions do not win a Super bowl in this Dan Campbell era, Jared Goff era, I'm on St. Brown era, it is because he couldn't help himself and he did not want to kick a 35 yard field goal when it was 4th and 3 in the NFC championship game two different times. Don't get me on this, Bill.

[Paul Versey]

I know, but Paul, he. That just got him to the Super Bowl.

[Andrew Themless]

I understand that, but you got to start to realize you got to look at the thing. Analytics. No good. All right.

[Paul Versey]

I love it. You gotta understand, you gotta look at the thing.

[Andrew Themless]

You got to see what's going on. All right guys, before we get started, we want to thank BETMGM and shout them out. The great betmg. I'm the best book lines out there guys. If you want to play along with us. All you have to do is download the BetMGM app to any of your devices and use our barcode Burr B U R R. It's very simple. You put in as little as ten dollars and if your first wager loses, you'll get fifteen hundred dollars in bonus bets. Have a great time with it. Bet responsibly. And we also have the first touchdown promo where you pick any NFL player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown of that game and you win. If you don't, but in fact they get the second touchdown of the game, you'll get your stack your cash back. There you go. Have a good time. Bet responsibly. This is an Even week. Which means I believe I go first. And you know, I, I thought that I was gonna come. I thought that I was gonna come roaring. Come on here. I'm sorry. Geez. You know, I thought I was gonna podcast. I thought I was gonna come roaring back with a, you know, a nice four.031 didn't happen. I went two and two. No harm, no foul. But I'm still 11 back. Bill, you are, I think four games back. You are right there. Jake the snake is killing it. Andrew is killing it. I am the, I am the dead weight on this podcast, but I'm coming back. Here we go. My first pick going into week eight. Dude, I can't believe the year's done. Arrest is nuts. Bill, have you seen these lines? Fourteen and a half. Twelve and a half. A lot of seven and a half. A lot of points.

[Paul Versey]

Colts and Chiefs are big time favorites.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, The Colts are 14 and a half point favorites. Daniel Jones losing one game.

[Paul Versey]

Jones. Dude, I, I've been wrong a lot.

[Bill Burr]

I have.

[Paul Versey]

It's been a long time since I was that wrong.

[Andrew Themless]

And he looks comfortable. He's just standing there looking around, whipping it around. All right, I'm going to take for the first game. Oh, wait a minute.

[Paul Versey]

We.

[Andrew Themless]

How, how dare us? How dare us not bring Jake the Snake in for injury? Jake, I apologize.

[Paul Versey]

I apologize.

[Andrew Themless]

No, no, no, you know what? I'm, I'm, I got, I'm talking about not going for the points with the field goal.

[Dean Del Rey]

Go ahead.

[Andrew Themless]

Jake, how are you, buddy?

[Jake the Snake]

Doing good, doing good. You know, I'm excited for the World Series. I'm a Dodger guy, so, you know, I was happy to hear you guys talk, talk, talk up my guy Otani. It feels like we might be the only two to three people who want the daughters to win. I guess, you know, a lot of people say we're ruining baseball or whatever, but that is how. That is what it is. But yeah, that'll be exciting.

[Paul Versey]

Because the amount of money you spent.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah, that's what they'll say. Even though there's a lot of teams that spend just as much money as the Dodgers, which is like, you know, kind of surprising, but, you know, like the Mets didn't make the playoffs. They spent this much.

[Andrew Themless]

By a lot.

[Paul Versey]

Dude, come on. What's that you're spending the most by a lot.

[Jake the Snake]

I mean, yeah, they do spend a lot, but, you know, we want world.

[Paul Versey]

Come on. Listen, what your argument should be is what about the fucking Red Sox and Yankees in the late 90s, early 2000s? We were spending crazy 180 and $200 million back when that.

[Jake the Snake]

My real argument is when we won a World Series in 2020 with all drafted players, they claim that's a fake World Series. So now that we're spending all this money, you know, and, you know, series. Because it was during COVID or whatever, people say, oh, is a. It's a fake ring, or whatever. But that was like, all the guys we drafted were there, which is, like, so stupid.

[Paul Versey]

No, the fake one is the. The first Astros one. And that was. Exactly.

[Jake the Snake]

And we had all drafted players for that one. So. Anyway, this gets me fired up, but yeah, we look good.

[Paul Versey]

Getting a little heated there. I saw it.

[Jake the Snake]

Well, it's just like, you know, what's a real ring? What's a fake ring? The Astros ring is a real ring. And then, you know, 2024 is a fake ring.

[Paul Versey]

So I don't know, like, complaining about the United States. It's time to get patriotic. I'm rooting for the Dodgers.

[Jake the Snake]

I love it.

[Andrew Themless]

Give Jake the Snake a beer in a bar and let him say how he really feels.

[Jake the Snake]

When my teams actually have a chance, I'll get a fired up. So, I mean, Dodgers, Chargers.

[Andrew Themless]

Did you see. Did you see the T shirt merch that somebody made of you with the snake and the football?

[Bill Burr]

Yes.

[Jake the Snake]

Whoever made that, shout out that. That looks incredible. I'll definitely get a shirt as soon as that drops. That looks great.

[Paul Versey]

Gonna make it to any of the games.

[Jake the Snake]

Which were the. Oh, the Dodgers. Probably not. I mean, those are like thousands of dollars, unfortunately.

[Paul Versey]

But couple of phone calls, see what we can do.

[Jake the Snake]

All right.

[Andrew Themless]

Over here?

[Paul Versey]

Yeah. The are we doing here? You give us the injury report every goddamn week. I can't get you a couple tickets to see a ball game.

[Andrew Themless]

Jake, if you don't. If you don't walk into Dodger Stadium with your newly fresh open Jake the Snake T shirt from the show. I don't know. What. What's the world coming to?

[Paul Versey]

I. I want to dress like Michael Douglas and falling down. I want a white shirt, button down, short sleeve with black frame glasses.

[Jake the Snake]

Were you guys talking about that movie? Because I remember I had that movie on my list and I watched it. I was like, this movie's awesome. It must have been. You guys are totally talking about it. That's a great movie.

[Paul Versey]

One of those. That movie is the epitome of how dumbass white people view the power structure. They look down and think. The problem is, instead of fucking looking up, what they.

[Bill Burr]

What they.

[Paul Versey]

Looking down. You're looking at the fucking results of the concept of you and the concept of you. Keep going. Yeah, it's them stem. That's what it is.

[Jake the Snake]

Jake. Yeah. So Lamar has been out the last few weeks, but he's expected to come back finally against the Bears. Their season's on the line at 1 and 5, so I think. I think he's good to go. I think the line also indicates that. And then as you're mentioning, The Chiefs are 12 and a half my favorites, and that's because Jaden Daniels is out this week. But they're saying it's not too bad an injury, so hopefully he's back next week, but he's out this week. So. Another break for the Chiefs. Let's see some other big ones.

[Paul Versey]

Blood in you. I just heard that. Another break for the Chief.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, you saw him throw that under there.

[Paul Versey]

That was a little scuttle.

[Jake the Snake]

Although I have nothing to positive to say about them either, though. We play them twice a year, but Panthers are starting Andy Dalton, so Bryce Young is out this week against the Bills. And then the jets just continue to not be able to find their way, so they're trying to figure out who their starting quarterback is. They're between Fields and Tyrod Taylor. I'm sure they'll announce it sometime this afternoon, but Aaron Glenn was like, oh, it's a competitive. Competitive advantage to not announce a starter. So I don't really know what mind games he's playing, but there you go. And Mac Jones is still starting for the Niners.

[Andrew Themless]

And still winning with them.

[Jake the Snake]

Still winning. They're five and two.

[Paul Versey]

Dude, when he played with the Patriots, we were not a good team.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah.

[Paul Versey]

I'm telling you, like, that's what they, you know, they. They say, like, you know, being one of the. The most coveted quarterbacks in the draft, that could literally end your career if you go to the wrong team with no offensive line.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah.

[Paul Versey]

RG3 type of shit. Or just maybe you just struggle in obscurity and people. It's just so fucked up that you have no offensive line and people look at you like, oh, you suck. It's like I said.

[Jake the Snake]

And there's no time to develop. Either they get like one or two years that everyone's like, oh, he's a bust. It's like. And you see all these guys like Daniel Jones and Sam Darnold and Baker Mayfield, you know, rejuvenate their careers on real teams.

[Paul Versey]

They catch on. So I was just thinking that if I was a coach, you know, like a great way to get a number One draft pick at quarterback for nothing is after three years of him running for his life, like, look at the. The Colts stole that guy. Who knew? Who knew? All right, well, all right.

[Bill Burr]

Dude.

[Andrew Themless]

Like, Daniel Jones said something that he didn't. He's a good guy. He didn't want to throw the Giants under the bus, but he goes like this. He goes, yeah, he goes. You know, the quarterback play, he goes, I thought I was working out and doing everything I needed to do before the games. He goes. Then when I went to Minnesota, he goes, oh, I realized there's another level to this. And then he goes. When I got to Indianapolis, like the coaches were, he basically just said the Giants just didn't have him prepared. And, you know, Saquon goes away, wins a. I mean, it's.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's sickening.

[Andrew Themless]

All.

[Dean Del Rey]

Right.

[Paul Versey]

Going through a tough time. It happens. It happens.

[Jake the Snake]

That Bronco lost. Man, I feel for you, man. That's. That's terrible. But, you know, you got a good quarterback. Now.

[Andrew Themless]

Listen, the Buffalo Bills are coming off of two straight losses, and they have a bye week to figure out some of the. The.

[Bill Burr]

The.

[Andrew Themless]

Obviously the wrinkles in their defense. They're playing a Panthers team with the backup quarterback. If they don't win this game by a touchdown or more, they're not the Bills, who are basically AFC favorites for the Super Bowl. I see Josh Allen and the Bills going into this game and kicking the shit out of the Panthers by at least two touchdowns. If they don't, I gotta see it. So I'm gonna take Josh Allen, the Buffalo Bills -7, minus a touchdown against the Carolina Panthers backup quarterback.

[Paul Versey]

All right, cool. I'm going with the tail of two Joes with the Bengals taking Joe Flacco minus six and a half at home in Cincinnati. I see him eating some ribs by himself afterwards, enjoying his quiet time after another victory. I just don't think the jets turn it around this week. I hope they don't go Owen17, but I just don't see them doing anything, turning that ship around. So I'm gonna go with the Bengals minus six and a half. Joe Burrow.

[Bill Burr]

Nice Flacco.

[Paul Versey]

Sorry, Joe Flacco.

[Andrew Themless]

Look, I hate to go back to back favorites, you know. Favorites give me the willies, but I'm gonna do it. I mean, no, I don't know, dude. I don't know, man. They're one in five Bill Parcels. What did Bill Parcells always say? You are what your record is? The Ravens are one in five, dude. You know, I'm gonna think on that one. I'm gonna take the Dallas Cowboys getting three and a half against the Broncos. As much as everybody's saying the Broncos are good, I know what they did to my Giants. They're. They're a team. I don't know, man. CD Lamb is back. I'm gonna take the. The rival Cowboys getting three and a half.

[Dean Del Rey]

All right.

[Paul Versey]

I like the 49ers minus two against Texans. I like the way back.

[Jake the Snake]

And they're plus two.

[Andrew Themless]

You're plus two. You're getting points.

[Paul Versey]

Oh, plus two. Sorry. Plus two. Yeah. I just like, like the way Mac Jones is playing out there. And I also, I know that they have a bunch of injuries and.

[Bill Burr]

But.

[Paul Versey]

I don't know. I just. I, I, I, I know that coach does a little bit of that Marty ball every once in a while, but it's only two points, so I think I'll be all right. Oh, they're failing. I keep thinking, thinking that they're. They're favorites getting two points. I'll take it.

[Andrew Themless]

All right. I'm gonna take the Baltimore Ravens with Lamar Jackson coming back. This is their season on the line. They're at home against the Bears. And, yeah, it's another one of those. You got to show me your hand. I got to see the river. So there you go.

[Paul Versey]

All right. My next pick. Dude, I hate this number. I wish it was six and a half, but it's seven. The New England Patriots at home. You know, we're playing great. So what do people do?

[Bill Burr]

They got.

[Paul Versey]

Oh, they got a fuck. The easiest schedule in the NFL. It's just like, what, What? You know, all the praise they heap on the fucking Chiefs. Like, they save all their fucking criticism for the Pats. It's like, I, I don't understand. Like, I, I just don't get it. Nobody's given Vrabel any credit. They're just saying they got the easiest schedule. Well, great. Fantastic. I'm gonna watch another easy victory. The Pats fight more than seven at.

[Bill Burr]

Home.

[Paul Versey]

Over the Cleveland Browns.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill, you're just picking games of confidence. I see it in your shoulders. I see it in your face. You're just, you're a guy picking who just went 3 and 13 weeks in a row, and you could see it.

[Paul Versey]

Well, I'm a broken man. What you're seeing is a man who doesn't care anymore.

[Andrew Themless]

I'm going to take. You know what? This is an interesting game, and I'm going to take it, and I'm going to take the points. Aaron Rodgers going against his former Team in Pittsburgh. I think he wants to beat him. I think the Steelers are going to show up for him. They lost a kind of a heartbreaker after he had an almost unbelievable comeback. I'm gonna take the Steelers at home, getting three points against the Packers. I think Aaron Rodgers kind of shows up and there's a little extra pep in a step for this game. I think the crowd's going to be behind it and I like them getting the points. So that is my fourth and final pick. Look, I took two favorites and two dogs. What do you want from me?

[Paul Versey]

You also took two games that I wanted. Oh, Bills. I was looking at that. That Packers, Steelers game. So, Paul, you know what this is going to come down to? Giants, Eagles, the Dolphins, Falcons.

[Andrew Themless]

And.

[Paul Versey]

I don't like division rivalries with that many points. Seven and a half. I kind of like the Giants with. With that quarterback and that fullback. It's in Philly. I'm gonna stay away from that one. I don't know why I'm gonna take the Dolphins getting seven and a half points against the fucking Falcons. Because they're the Falcons. Because they should win by 10 and instead by six, they're on the road. The Dolphins are reeling. It doesn't make any fucking sense. And that's why they're going to cover.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, okay.

[Andrew Themless]

I like it. I thought you were going to go Falcons.

[Paul Versey]

They have every plenty of time left. Paul, there's plenty of time.

[Andrew Themless]

Bill, there's 16 seconds left. Anything could happen.

[Paul Versey]

I mean, they get out of bounds, there could be three more possessions.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, they're down 10 and there's a minute 19.

[Paul Versey]

This is well within their field goal kickers range. I mean, he was kicked in 90 yards during practice. They're just telling you these stories. Oh, my God. I don't want to miss this.

[Andrew Themless]

It's so true. All right, well, there you have it. Those are our picks. What do we got here? We have two. No, actually, Monday night football is not doing two games anymore.

[Bill Burr]

That.

[Andrew Themless]

That is over. So now we have Kansas. Oh, Bill, you gotta sing it. You know what time it is, Bill?

[Paul Versey]

Oh, here we go. Let the Monday night Special win some money for you. Oh, let that Monday night Special win some money for you.

[Andrew Themless]

There's a big line, guys. This is one of the biggest lines we've had on a Monday night. Actually, I'm gonna. This is the biggest line we've ever had on a Monday Night Special. 12 and a half points, the Kansas City Chiefs. Do we dare take the commanders.

[Paul Versey]

This is going to be the big The Chiefs are back. They got their feet underneath them.

[Andrew Themless]

Is Jaden Daniels back or. No?

[Jake the Snake]

No, that's why the line's so high. Marcus Mariota starting, so. And he looked terrible against. Who was that, the Cowboys?

[Paul Versey]

Yeah.

[Jake the Snake]

He did not play well, so. Yeah. Hard to imagine the campus cover.

[Paul Versey]

All right, so how is the Chief's defense?

[Andrew Themless]

Pretty.

[Paul Versey]

Pretty good shovel passing or scampering down the field for a first down when all the receivers are covered.

[Jake the Snake]

That is the underrated thing about the Chiefs. They're probably like a top 10 defense, you know, around that range.

[Andrew Themless]

And they also got Rashid Rice back. They got their number one wide receiver back, too. So they're fully loaded here.

[Paul Versey]

All right. And I feel like I just, I don't believe in any of this anymore. I think it's all storylines, so they have to win. They have to win big. There's going to be a lot of this. Let's focus in on this. This Tim fingering somebody.

[Jake the Snake]

Well, the ideal, the ideal. The ideal outcome for the NFL is the Chiefs win by like 10.

[Paul Versey]

McIntyre next to fucking somebody else.

[Andrew Themless]

Guys, what about taking the. What Just hear me out on this. What about taking the 12 and a half points in Marcus Mariota? I mean, is there any kind of level of like, pride that I don't mind?

[Paul Versey]

There's nothing worse than betting on the Chiefs and having to root for that musical.

[Andrew Themless]

I mean, because here's the deal. If the commanders come out and score first, we're in pretty good shape.

[Bill Burr]

I took the Raiders last week thinking there's no way that the Chiefs were going to cover that and they did.

[Paul Versey]

So I don't know who spreads that big in the week. Paul, why does he do this? Did they not know that after every play they do a huddle?

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah, I think it's 12.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, yeah, it's, it's.

[Bill Burr]

It's.

[Andrew Themless]

Before they realize that the other team should challenge it.

[Bill Burr]

Are the commanders with Mariota better than the Raiders?

[Jake the Snake]

Well, yeah, they did. They beat the commanders of Mariota did beat the Raiders.

[Bill Burr]

Okay, well, that's a very good point.

[Paul Versey]

Let's take over under on. On amount of penalties called on the Chiefs. What is it? One?

[Jake the Snake]

I would say two, maybe three.

[Andrew Themless]

Take the under. I think we take the commanders with the points just to just. So we have points in our bag.

[Jake the Snake]

Let's do it. That sounds fun.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, let's root for Washington over the. You know, listen, Chiefs could win by 10. We win.

[Paul Versey]

Would you want to less than 12 and a half?

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, let's. You know, that's a lot of points. Double digit points, two scores.

[Paul Versey]

I mean, if they win by 12, I think we still get the money.

[Andrew Themless]

If they win by 12.4, we get them by a point.

[Bill Burr]

One.

[Andrew Themless]

Is. Did Mariota look horrific or.

[Bill Burr]

No, he didn't look good.

[Paul Versey]

Over throwing people. You know, he's. He's got a little bit of mobility so he can extend the play, as they say. But he had some. He had some ugly balls and I'm not talking junk.

[Jake the Snake]

All right, so that's one leg. I mean, we probably have to do Mahomes to throw on, but I would.

[Paul Versey]

Say for a backup quarterback, that's what I was thinking when he came into the game. I'm like, that's. That's a solid backup to have. Marcus Mariota, I mean, he played like he started for at least three seasons, but the Titans, he was there before, you know, whatever happened, happened.

[Bill Burr]

You need to go over two and a half to get plus money. So maybe, maybe do Mahomes to throw two touchdowns to.

[Jake the Snake]

We did my homes to run one. And that's. That could be. That could be not terrible. Sure.

[Andrew Themless]

But we already hit that. We already hit that one, though. We hit him to run one and throw one. What about Rashid Rice to catch one?

[Paul Versey]

What the. Are we taking the commanders for and then betting on all the offense? Good point, dude.

[Bill Burr]

I don't think the commanders are going to cover this game. I'm sorry. I don't want to jinx it, but.

[Andrew Themless]

You think it's going to be a bloodbath?

[Bill Burr]

I just think three scores easy.

[Jake the Snake]

What if we did an alt line of 14 and a half for the Chiefs and then like do it and then put some other.

[Paul Versey]

You know what?

[Andrew Themless]

Jake, Jake, you know what? I think Bill and Andrew might be on to something, dude. Let's just. Let's just suck it up. Let's just take the. Let's just go with the bloodbath. Let's just go.

[Bill Burr]

Let's just go cheap for like four touchdowns, right?

[Paul Versey]

Is this high? Can you still do a money line? Yeah, but that's, you know.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah.

[Paul Versey]

I mean, the odds of being at like five grand to win 20 bucks.

[Jake the Snake]

Exactly. Minus 40, 000.

[Andrew Themless]

Let's do. Let's do it like this, dude. Let's. Bill's right. We're betting on every chief to do something good. Let's just go. Chiefs to win by two touchdowns. Mahomes to throw one. Rashid Rice to catch one.

[Jake the Snake]

We're just going for the bloodbath.

[Paul Versey]

It's a scan. Let's just go to make a Rational decision. And what you just said is what everybody thinks is going to happen. And if what everybody thinks is going to happen, casinos couldn't stay open.

[Andrew Themless]

All right, so you want to do this? You want to do this? I'm ready to do this. You want to do a 360 or 180, whatever you want to call it.

[Paul Versey]

Right back to the Chiefs bet.

[Andrew Themless]

Let's do commanders. Let's get.

[Bill Burr]

Paul, talk us out of.

It, and then Jake's gonna talk.

[Paul Versey]

Rashid Rice to catch one.

[Andrew Themless]

You know what?

[Paul Versey]

That's better.

[Bill Burr]

You know what?

[Andrew Themless]

You're so right.

[Bill Burr]

Let's.

[Andrew Themless]

Let's do this. Let's do. Let's take the points and Mariota to throw one.

[Jake the Snake]

Hey, okay, how about that?

[Andrew Themless]

How about Mariota shows up in. In Kansas City and starts to overachieve?

[Bill Burr]

So commanders plus 12 and a half.

[Andrew Themless]

Commanders plus 12 and a half. Mariota to throw one. And then just so we cover the bet, we get Mahomes to throw one.

[Bill Burr]

Dude, Mario is going to get leveled the first play.

[Andrew Themless]

I don't know.

[Bill Burr]

Then they're gonna fly in Joe Flacco.

[Jake the Snake]

And I like it. All right, so that's what we're doing.

[Andrew Themless]

No, Bill. Bill just made the most sense. Everybody in America's taking. Taking the Chiefs to do this. Let's. Let's go the other way.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah, I'm in.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

[Andrew Themless]

Mario to. Mario to throw 1.

[Paul Versey]

Marcus. Mariota to throw 3.

[Andrew Themless]

Marcus. Mario to have a career game. No, we'll do. We'll do Mario to throw one.

[Paul Versey]

Quarterback controversy.

[Andrew Themless]

And then what do you guys want the third one to be? You guys pick the third one. I say the point to Mario.

[Paul Versey]

We gotta do something that let's. Well, okay. The Chiefs are gonna win, but they're not going to cover. So you got to look at it that way. Yeah. Commanders. Then you gotta do, like, you gotta say that Patrick Mahomes is gonna do something.

[Jake the Snake]

Totally. Yeah, I'm looking at. I'm trying. Andrew's scrolling, so I'm curious to see what comes up. What are some options? Can we do some yardage stuff?

[Bill Burr]

Maybe interceptions.

[Jake the Snake]

Intercession. Oh, God.

[Bill Burr]

Mariota over 1. 1/2.

[Jake the Snake]

Over half an hour.

[Andrew Themless]

I don't want to take a guy. I don't want to take a guy to throw one, but then also throw a pick. Let's.

[Bill Burr]

Yeah, let's.

[Dean Del Rey]

This is.

[Andrew Themless]

Dude, this is. You know what? This is the biggest.

[Paul Versey]

And to the bed.

[Andrew Themless]

This is the longest we've ever done the Monday night special because the line is so long. All right, here's the Deal Points. We take the points. We take Mariota and then maybe we do something with the. You want to just do Rashi Rice to catch one or. Mom's a throwing.

[Jake the Snake]

Mom's over 257. It's pretty low.

[Paul Versey]

Low.

[Bill Burr]

That is pretty low. It'll do that in the first 250.

[Dean Del Rey]

I like that, though.

[Bill Burr]

I think Mariota 142 closer.

[Paul Versey]

I like that. It's only 257. They must know something.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, I don't.

[Bill Burr]

That's all right.

[Paul Versey]

So it. Then it. Let's. Let's. Yeah, we'll take the commanders Mahomes to throw one. And we just need one more thing.

[Jake the Snake]

We did Mario.

[Andrew Themless]

Mario didn't throw one.

[Paul Versey]

You don't think he's gonna run it?

[Jake the Snake]

Let's do. Let's do that. Let's just do Mahomes yards. It's kind of low.

[Andrew Themless]

Or we could do.

[Jake the Snake]

Or we could do the under if we really want to be crazy.

[Paul Versey]

Life's too short to take the under. Dan Katz. Yeah, that's right.

[Bill Burr]

What.

[Paul Versey]

What is the over?

[Jake the Snake]

Under 257 from a home.

[Paul Versey]

No, what's the over under? Oh, I thought you meant like total score. Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

What is the total score?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, 42.

[Paul Versey]

48. 48.

[Jake the Snake]

That's probably going under. I'm not great with totals, but.

[Andrew Themless]

Yeah, I think that's under two.

[Paul Versey]

Well, we're gonna take the commanders. Why not take the under two?

[Andrew Themless]

There you go. All right. I like it.

[Paul Versey]

Commanders the under and then What? Mario Pro1. Perfect.

[Jake the Snake]

Yeah, that works.

[Paul Versey]

Yeah.

[Andrew Themless]

All right.

[Paul Versey]

Jesus Christ. This was like negotiating a contract.

[Andrew Themless]

I was just gonna say it was like the war room. We're sitting here trying to figure out.

[Bill Burr]

Also logo shirts up on the merch store.

Link will be in the description.

[Andrew Themless]

There you go, guys. Go to the link. Go to the link. Get the shirt. Oh, it's a nice shirt. And you know I'm a sucker for cream. Cream color shirts.

[Bill Burr]

Yep.

[Paul Versey]

And.

[Andrew Themless]

And we're working on the Jake the Snake one too. But go to the merch store and get that guys. And download the app. The. The BetMGM app. And use code Burr B U R R. Put as little as $10 in. And if you lose that bet, you'll get $1500 in bonus bets. Also, check out the first touchdown. You pick any player in any NFL game to get the first touchdown, you win. If they get the second touchdown and not the first, you'll get your cash back. Bet responsibly. Have a great time. You have our picks. Monday night special we are taking the Washington commanders getting 12 and a half. We are taking Marcus Mario to throw one, and we are taking under 48 points. Who knows? There you go.

[Paul Versey]

Arian bet. I like it.

[Andrew Themless]

It's a wild, wild bet.

[Bill Burr]

It's.

[Dean Del Rey]

It's.

[Andrew Themless]

We're going against Vegas here. There you go. There you go, guys. Bet responsibly. Have a great time, enjoy the games, and we will see you for week number nine. I can't even believe I'm saying that. Take care.