Monday Morning Podcast – "Unsavory Characters, Chaperoning, 'They'"
Thursday Afternoon Podcast 10-23-25
Date: October 24, 2025
Host: Bill Burr
Guests: Paul Versey, Dean Del Rey, Andrew Themless, Jake the Snake
Episode Overview
This episode of the Monday Morning Podcast features Bill Burr joined by Paul Versey, Dean Del Rey, Andrew Themless, and Jake the Snake for a Thursday Afternoon show. The group dives into a mix of classic Burr rants and conversational riffs, covering sports (especially football, hockey, and baseball), relationship advice, nostalgia for "old school" games, and skepticism about modern institutions, gambling in sports, and conspiracy theories. Bill also shares parenting anxieties, his experience as a chaperone, run-ins with “unsavory characters,” and comedic insights into the pressures of play, sobriety, and life in general.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Modern Sports & The "Golden Age" of Field Goals
- NFL Rant: Bill gripes about how the NFL, especially in the final two minutes, now prioritizes scoring and entertainment (marketing) over classic defensive football. The phrase "plenty of time left" has become a drinking game joke.
- "A minute 51 and two touchdowns and a field goal? That’s an abomination of football. That’s no defense." — Bill [05:00]
- Field Goal Evolution:
- Bill and Paul marvel (and mock) the modern normalcy of 56+ yard field goals—once exceedingly rare, now routine.
- “If 56 yards was well within anybody’s range three years ago, they’d be the greatest field goal kicker of all fucking time.” — Bill [02:22]
- Jokes about "livened up" balls, stadium air conditioning, and how entertainment value trumps authentic play.
2. Unsavory Characters & Sports Corporatization
- Mob/Coporate Overlap: Bill draws parallels between past mob involvement in sports and current corporate (legalized) scamming.
- “Somewhere along the line, the mob got broken up and corporations took over all the mob scams.” — Bill [06:35]
- Ridiculous Taxes on Living: Rants about hotel occupancy taxes and entertainment taxes in cities.
3. Parenting, Chaperoning, & Anxiety
- Chaperoning Nightmares Turn Good: Bill recounts his anxiety about chaperoning a school field trip, his hyper-awareness, and the unexpected joy when he and other parents unexpectedly ended up buying ice cream for all the kids.
- “I was in like secret service mode the whole day. But I had a nice balance of fun dad and ‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Stop doing that.” — Bill [15:59]
- The spontaneous camaraderie among dads: “All the dads, we all had to…everyone’s throwing in money, but the kids were beyond excited. And everybody got an ice cream.” — Bill [18:10]
- Bill’s paranoia (comedic) about fighting crazy people and germ avoidance.
4. Sports Nostalgia & Critiques
- Bruins & Hockey Talk: Bill yearns for more physical hockey—he and Paul discuss how the NHL has moved toward finesse at the expense of hitting and intensity.
- “The stretch pass is the euro step of hockey…all the beauty of the game, all the physical, it’s gone, dude.” — Bill [89:17]
- Emotional moment when Bruins fans welcomed Brad Marchand.
- “The positive effect that man has on a hockey game cannot be overstated.” — Bill [09:02]
- Baseball: Jokes about modern home run and pitching stats; comparisons to old-school players.
5. Conspiracy, "They," and Skepticism
- Bill recalls sharing conspiracy theories with professionals—from CIA guests to banking insiders—and how even insiders sometimes validate those suspicions off-mic.
- “Once you go into the hospital, they don’t want you to leave. And if you do leave, they’re gonna give you something that makes you come back.” — Bill [23:26]
- “There’s always a they. There’s a hundred percent a they.” — Bill [25:35]
- Decides not to waste energy "explaining conspiracy" to doubters — “That’s called maturity. Should try it out sometime.” — Paul [25:46]
6. Relationships & Listener Questions
- Relationship Advice: Responds to a 24-year-old about dating a 40-year-old single mom with firm (but funny) warnings regarding expectations and karma.
- “When you meet an older woman…let them know you’re single and you’re just trying to have fun.” — Bill [86:34]
- "Catch and release." — Bill [86:55]
7. Showbiz & Industry Critiques
- Harvey Weinstein & Hollywood Open Secrets: Responds to a listener about Hollywood corruption, referencing the difficulties in prosecuting powerful industry figures.
- Fake vs. Real Sports Championships: Debates legitimacy of COVID-era championships, Astros' title, and Yankees/Dodgers.
8. Personal Anecdotes & Sobriety
- Bill candidly discusses the realities and "boredom" of sobriety amidst a whirlwind of career highs, including amazing gigs, seeing musical heroes (Jimmy Vaughn, Primus), and going to F1 races.
- “I like getting fucked up. I do. I really enjoy it…But it’s just so…boring.” — Bill [59:07]
- Considers (but ultimately avoids) trying mushrooms at a psychedelic Primus show: “If I could’ve just done mushrooms once every 49 years—sort of like Halley’s comet, right?” — Bill [54:47]
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- On Modern Football:
"What you’re watching is football spin-up—like, marketing applied to football. If anybody can score at any fucking moment…you’re not gonna shut the game off. You’re gonna watch all the commercials and they’re gonna make all their money.” — Bill [04:50] - On Ice Cream Chaperoning:
“You cannot believe how much ice cream is in one of those little carts. I was looking at the dude selling ice cream—this guy’s fucking psyched. We’re sending this dude home early.” — Bill [18:10] - On Parenting:
"My son…today he said something and I copied him…He goes, ‘Stop copying me this instant.’ I think our son’s been getting in trouble at school. He’s starting to talk to me like a teacher.” — Bill [26:01] - On Performers Keeping Composure:
"I don’t know how Jimmy [Vaughn] kept his composure… I couldn’t believe he didn’t smash the fucking guitar over his head…But, he just was like, ‘Nah, man, I’m up here, I’m playing music.’" — Bill [41:26] - On Taking Mushrooms at 49:
"Who tries mushrooms for the first time at 49? Just had a kid. I can’t have that on my resume." — Bill [62:11]
Timestamps for Important Segments
- Rant about NFL endings / Field Goals: 00:30–05:38
- Unsavory characters and sports gambling: 05:38–08:29
- Hockey/NHL/Brad Marchand tribute: 08:38–10:29
- Bill’s parenting & chaperoning story: 15:59–19:34
- Anxiety over social situations vs. comfort with comedians: 15:12–15:52
- Conspiracy theories, hospital/banking skepticism: 23:03–25:44
- Listener relationship advice (MILF email): 84:21–86:55
- Discussion on Hollywood scandals (Weinstein, pedophilia, open secrets): 76:37–83:51
- Primus, Jimmy Vaughn, and performance stories: 38:11–54:47
- Sobriety, temptation, and drugs: 59:07–62:11
- Monday Night Football picks panel (with Paul, Jake, Andrew): 88:24–127:56
Tone and Style
The episode maintains Bill Burr’s signature irreverence and honesty, moving between frustrated, observational humor and heartfelt personal admissions. The energy is lively (and at times, grumpy), peppered with quick, biting commentary, plenty of cursing, and classic sports nostalgia. Frequent tangents and riffs with co-hosts create a conversational, locker-room feel, balanced by moments of sincerity about parenting, sobriety, and personal growth.
Takeaways for Listeners
- Sports fans will appreciate rants on modern play styles, nostalgia for classic eras, and a deep dive into NFL, NHL, and MLB quirks.
- Parents and anyone with social anxiety will relate to Bill's chaperone misgivings and moments of dad pride.
- Bill’s cultural skepticism—on the evolution from mob-run sports to corporate-managed betting, or “they” machinations—offers comic relief and food for thought.
- The episode features authentic camaraderie among comics, poking fun at themselves and each other, while fielding honest, sometimes absurd, listener questions about life and relationships.
Memorable Signature:
“There’s plenty of time left, and they are well within the range of the field goal kicker. You watch every goddamn commercial for these fucking people.” — Bill Burr [32:00⌛]