← Monday Morning Podcast
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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 13, 2025. What's going on? How are you? Ah, Jesus. I'm doing my podcast here. I guess I could close these windows on my buddy's front porch. The traffic going by. It was quiet as hell two seconds ago. I'm getting to be that age. Getting to be that age where I talk about the traffic. I gotta close the goddamn windows. There's too much goddamn traffic out. There we go. That's a little better anyway. Start of a new week. There we go. That didn't fucking do anything. Isn't that how life is? There's a problem, you get up, you try and solve it for half a second, you go, there, it's better. And then you're like, wait a minute. No, it isn't. No, it isn't. And that's called going to the gym. I got to get my ass back in the gym. I've not been in the gym in, like two weeks. I fell out of it. I fell out of favor with the gym. Just haven't been going. I gotta go. I've been stretching like the old man. I am conveching, but I just. I don't know, I stopped going. And then I. I got into other. And then the back of my head's like, bill, you're at an age you have to go to the gym. It's not you have to go to the gym or you have to eat like a bird or you're going to be a fat. And I chose to ignore that voice. I didn't argue with it. I was like, I know, I know, you're right, you're right, you're right. So it starts today. Billy's back. Billy's back. And he's gonna be in trouble. Hey ya. Hey ya. BB's fat. Yeah, I'm gonna get back into that, but I don't know. Took the last couple weeks off. Finally got a chance to watch some football. Sucked watching the Wolverines lose to the Trojans, but running back went down early, us. So congratulations to them. Still, I gotta tell you, I hope they never make USC a new football stadium. You gotta keep. That's like one of the most iconic stadiums when that thing's filled up. And the fact that it actually wasn't completely full, like you could get some tickets. I mean, it's a huge place. But it always reminds me of the first two NFL AFL Championship games that were later renamed the Super Bowl. That's Pretty sick. The first two Super Bowls were played in that stadium. I haven't been there in a minute, but any. I think last time I went there, I saw a Rams game. So it's been a while. But I'd always think that every time I went in there, like Vince Lombardi, Hank Stram, I think, were the coaches. Hank lost that one. And then he came back and won Super Bowl 4. Oh, Jesus. Here comes the Super Bowl. Rain man. Bart Starr. That was my trivia question with Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes, last quarterback to win the Super bowl. To win number 15 before Patrick Mahomes. And to even name a quarterback that wore 15, I had to go back to, like, Neil Lomax. But it was Bart Starr, Super Bowl 1 and 2. There you go. See, now you can get on with your week. Now you're on your way. Dude, this. My buddy's got a nice house. This is like a borderline breezeway. No, it's not a breezeway. It's a porch. Porches on the front of the house. A breezeway was either at the end of a house, you know, the classic was. It was just on the end of the house. Like, you pulled your giant 70s gas guzzler into the garage. You got out of the garage, you opened the door, you were in the kitchen, dining room, living room there. Then there was bathrooms either upstairs or downstairs, depending on the layout. And then if you continued on down the hall, there'd be just like an open, like, breezeway, and you had, like, screens on it in the summertime and in the wintertime, you replaced it with the storm windows is what they were called. And all of that would be in the garage. And your wife would be like, you got to get those windows out. There's a storm coming. All right, all right, Mary. I'm gonna do it. I told. What did I talk to you about this? Swearing in the house, or. We had a breezeway in a house I was growing up in when I was really young. And it went garage, breezeway. And then you were into the dining room, living room to the right, kitchen straight ahead. Some of the entries. That was a split entry house. Split entry for squirrely people. What do I want to do? Do I want to go upstairs and deal with my marriage, or I just want to go downstairs to the family room? Whoever built the split entry realized that a relationship is a wild animal. That's what I. I don't know, dude. That's what I always tell my. My friends that are getting married or whatever. They're. Yeah, it's like it's. It is not stagnant. It is forever moving. Got to keep an eye on it. You got to keep an eye on it. It'll come over and bite you in the ass anyway. Yeah, my whole neighborhood when I was growing up, that's what it was. It was, it was mid century moderns, but we were basically still were in mid century. It was 1970, so no one was saying mid century at that point. And the house is only 10, 15 years old. We used to call them Brady Bunch houses and mid century moderns. And then there was split entries, which were the fucking worst split entries. Like your bedroom window downstairs was at like ground level. So if you had any sort of water issues, it would come in on the wall to wall, cap it. And also I remember getting like, you know, the big punishment was go to bed. You had to go to bed early. So my friends would be outside playing and they would be looking in my window, like knocking on the window, laughing at me, putting their faces up, trying to see in. I'd be all embarrassed under the covers. Look at Billy. He's got his pajamas on. He's already in bed. Little fucking baby. The level that kids curse to. Swear. Swore. That's what it was. It's called swearing. When I was a kid, he sweared at me. Yeah, that kids with foul mouths and parents, their level of drinking. I do remember that. And all of those parents, when I look back, so many of them, they were like they'd have by the time they were my age, they had a fucking foot in the grave. Like people used to drop all the time. Late 50s, early 60s, like that was it. They just. I don't know shit happened to them as a kid. Then they started drinking and smoking and they just didn't stop until their heart did. And that was the seventies, ladies and gentlemen. And that's when I first started watching my New England Patriots, all right, when they had Jim Plunkett, Sam Cunningham, Randy Vitaha, Mike Patrick, John Smith, John Hanna, Tony McGee, Julius Adams. These are the classic names. Daryl Stingley, Russ Francis. Who the hell was that? Coach Chuck Fairbanks. Dude, Chuck Fairbanks is arguably the best coach in the fucking AFC year later, dude. Fuck that cocksucker. Right up until this weekend, watching my New England Patriots, I was worried that there was going to be a hangover game playing the Saints. Who? I. I don't know. I kind of love that team because I love that city. And that's one of my favorite stadiums. I think it's kind of the best stadium. Low key. The best stadium in the league, the Superdome. That's where they used to have all the Super Bowls when I was growing up. And they re. They redid it perfectly. They updated it, but they still kept it. It's the fucking sickest looking thing ever. I'm a big fan of the architecture. When there was that whole idea where we were sort of ignoring that there was no breathable atmosphere in outer space. And there was really this belief that we were going to. Into space, we were going to be traveling around, we were going to be meeting other people, we're going to be living out there. And just the whole idea of it spawned this. This flying saucer looking architecture. Like. Like you go to LAX where the original tower was. Now it's a restaurant or some. I don't know what it is, but that's like right out of the Jetsons, the Super Dome, just like that. A lot of stuff in Seattle. A lot of the architecture in Seattle has that whole, no, man, we're gonna do it. All of that. They told all of us that in the 70s we were gonna live. There will be people living on the moon by the year 2000. And there was gonna be underwater cities like it. I can't say Atlantis. Atlantis was not an underwater city. That was a city that got swallowed up by the ocean. Correct? Am I correct in assuming that. Anyway, I'm getting off track here. So I was worried that the Patriots were going to have like the hangover game. And I got to tell you, man, Mike Vrabel has this team where optimistically, me and my friends were going like, hey, man, you know that we keep going this direction. The end of October, we're going to be that 500 team. No one wants to play. We just got to reel in the turnovers. Ba, ba ba ba ba. You know, we can win whatever six, seven, eight games this year. He's got them there already. Like that game against the Saints yesterday was a game we. Two weeks ago, we would have lost it because we would have had like two, three turnovers and like 100 yards in penalties. You know, we still had some penalties on a couple of big plays, but I don't know, I always look at that like, no, they had a penalty. They called back a fucking touchdown. It's like, well, did you ever think that maybe if we weren't fucking cheating on that play, we wouldn't have scored? Especially if it's a run. If there's a guy, like, holding and the guy goes right by the dude, holding the dude and like, call back A fucking touchdown. It's like, well, he got the touchdown because the guy was holding on to him. I don't know. I don't pretend to understand most of the decisions. Once again, people, two point conversion. Just because it's two points doesn't mean you don't have to score another touchdown, okay? You understand that. It just took you four downs. You went for it on fourth down and you scored a touchdown. Took you four attempts to fucking do that. And now it's the two point conversion. And because it's only two points, you're thinking like it's something easy. No, you have to score another touchdown to only get two points. And then you don't get it and then you come down. Now you got to go again because you could have kicked the extra point. Two extra points is two points. So now you got to go. Now you start chasing it. I don't know, but whatever that, that K, Sean Booty, Booty, however you say it was a. Was definitely a force and a bunch of countries and all that. Sorry. Oh, the kids, man, the kids, they'll wear you out. So I watched the game while every few seconds my son was going, dad, will you play with me? And I always have to say yes. I say yes every time. And most of what it does is it involves me watching him play or being a little person that he has like, one of his dinosaurs eat. Because he's obsessed with Jurassic park in Jurassic World. Because we go to sit down and go, hey, you're going to want to watch Jurassic Park. He's like, it's Jurassic World. And it's kind of interesting. My daughter doesn't like to watch violent shit, but my son loves it. Like, he's been watching Kojak with me forever. And then he'll be watching like, Jurassic World. And he's all like, look, look, that Daddy, the dinosaurs gonna eat him. The dinosaur is gonna, you know, he loves it. So I, I think, you know, the world makes a lot more sense when you have a girl and a boy. It's like, yeah, we're kind of drawn to, like, he builds cities and then he just, like, rips them down. I go, what do you like better? I go, do you like building the city or destroying it? And he goes, destroying it. I don't know what it is. I think, I think everything that's happening is supposed to be happening. Is that what it is? Is. Does God get bored with what he creates? So he just sort of has like, you know that there's that bacteria. Oh, how long did it Cut out for. Why does it announce that there's a low battery? It announces that there's a low battery, then stops everything that you're recording. Why does it do that? Why, why does it do that? Whatever. I, I, you missed an episode. I don't know where it stopped. I was saying, does God create things and then get bored of it? So he has sort of this flaw in it, so it sort of destroys itself? And then he's like, all right, that was cool. And then he just makes something else, you know, like he made the dinosaurs. He's like, it's cool, man. Look at that big fucking thing running after the. Oh, he ate it. Oh, you know, he's kind of a weird guy. No God. Oh, just the animal world. This eats this and that eats that, and this fucking stings. This and this doesn't. This fucking eats grass. It just stands there hoping it can run faster than the other things that eat grass so it doesn't get eaten. This is what God does. This is, that's the animal world. And I think he got bored with dinosaurs. He went, ah, this, I feel like God's a lefty, just died, you know, I don't feel like he's got the heat that a right hander needs. Like the 100 mile per hour fastball, I think he's just throwing junk. About 85 little off speed. Shit, throws a fucking meteor, kills off of them, kills off the dinosaurs. Then what did he have? According to religion, he made two white people that then created all the people, which doesn't make sense. But then if you go the other way, so scientists say we're all from Africa, so we should all look African, right? But no, we all went north. And our bodies, I don't know, because we weren't in the sun. And then you got somebody else goes, no, we came from the trees. It gets to the point it's like, you know, dude, it's okay to say you don't, you know, that's a, that's a certain level of maturity that some people never get to. And I think if you're a really smart person, I don't know if you ever get there. But if you're of average intelligence, one a great day in your life is the day where you could just be like, you know what? I don't know. Can't answer, can't answer that. I, you know what? I have no idea. I have no idea the answer to that question. And you know what? And I'm okay with that. And I'm not even gonna Pretend like I do. My kids ask me questions sometimes. What is it? I'd be like, I don't know. I have no idea. They're like, dad, because they're at that age. They come. My daughter's coming out of it where she thinks I know everything. Now she's really starting to look at me like for who I am. She start to be like, oh, wait a minute, Maybe I need to read a few more books, if that's what's fucking leading the charge over there. No, I kind of find. I don't know. There's a lot of shit obviously you don't know the answer to, and there's a lot of shit you don't want to know the answer to. And that's why we have sports and video games and fast food. Just have a bunch of distractions. Because if you really saw what the fuck was going on, you know what would happen? You tell your friends about it, and then they wouldn't believe you. So then that's it. And then you just standing outside of Dave and Buster's, and you have to make a choice. Do I walk away like Bill Bixby, or do I go in there and just join it? Do I just fucking join it? Anyway, I took my alley in to get serviced. I can ride that. Son of a. Now, you know, I'm not. I'm not gonna act like I. I'm a master of it, but I. Somehow I became one with that thing, you know, and what sucked was I've had the bike for a year, and I kept getting gigs where they. They say, don't ride it. Can't ride a motorcycle, you can't fly, yada, yada, all that type of shit. So I have an embarrassingly low amount of miles. So in the last month, you know, I've doubled the miles that I've put on the thing and just have a lot more faith in my abilities. I've actually come up with, like, some, like, exercises and stuff. I just ride it around the airport, you know, trying to do tighter and tighter circles at, like, slower and slower speeds, you know, And I always do it in a place where I have plenty of room to, like, ride out of it, just roll on the throttle and bring it back up again. But it's fun as hell. So I brought it over to the dealership, and I used to always get intimidated looking at all those fucking Harleys. Now I've been riding one of those bigger ones. So it's just, like, everyone that I look at, I was like, you know, I. I Think I could handle riding it? I don't know. I know you guys are like, bill, what the fuck are you getting into this? I don't know. Why? You know why? Because it clears my head. Because my brain never shuts off. All right, one of these days, you know what? I'm gonna just do one of those fucking hero doses. I gotta. I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do one of those creepy guided mushroom trips, you know, where you just meet somebody and you just put all this faith in them that they're a good person. You know, that is one of my favorite characters is the. The toxic spiritual person. You know, the person that will berate you while they're burning incense kind of person that beats their kids with a yoga mat. You know, there's a. There's a lot of that. Back when I. When I used to be on Instagram, there was a lot of toxic spirituality. You know, remember that kid, rest his soul, used to do humble brag? I mean, I feel like if he was still alive, that would be another thing. Like the sort of the toxic spiritual person where you just see them acting like they're trying to help you when you know it's just clearly about them. Anyway, so. Oh, how about the NHL season has started, and my Boston Bruins, who had an absolute abyss, abysmal season last year, are 3, 0. I saw some of the highlights from the Buffalo Sabers, the Buffalo Sabres game. I have yet to watch a game, but Jesus Christ, did we need that coming out of the gate? You know, Swayman, you know, contracts. All right, so he didn't hold out. So I feel like he's up to game speed. It's still just so goddamn weird to. I'm still like in denial that Marshawn is gone. I feel like I just wanted him to just have signed one of those six week contracts just to get the Panthers through the playoffs. And then. All right, now he's coming back, right? He's coming back. Nope. But I. I understand the business aspect of why we had to make that move. It's because the team was in shambles and I think Marshawn's like 36. So he was going to ask for that last big contract, which if we had the pieces in place, it would have made sense to pay him. But if we have to go out and go start all over again, we're going to sink all this money into this guy to have an absolutely shitty team. And then, you know, people up top are thinking, then meanwhile, we're all going to lose our Jobs because we're not winning games. So he became the sacrificial lamb and then immediately proved his worth. You know, we just didn't have the pieces around him. Yeah, that was a tough one. That. That was the. There's been some tough ones. Tom Brady, the Buccaneers was. I don't know if I've still gotten over that. Brad Marchand to the Panthers. There you go. You want to write in something? How about that? Watching. And I don't mean like, dude. And by the way. By the way, look at this. Tom Brady goes to the Buccaneers that season, they win the Super Bowl. Brad Marchand goes to the Panthers that season, they win the Stanley Cup. So it's not like. It wasn't like, you know, when Emmett Smith went to the Arizona Cardinals, and then he just played that one last year that even. That sucked. But I felt like that was more on the player than it was on the. That it was on the. The ownership. I get, like, at the end, like, I understand, like, the packers when they're. They're like, do we want you to retire as a Packer? You know, And Brett Favre just keeps playing, and he. You know, he just can't call it quits. They have to move on at some point. So. I get that. I don't know what happened with Aaron Rodgers, but all I know is that guy still seems to have plenty left in the tank. I think there was something going on. He didn't like the ownership, they didn't like him. I don't know what the fuck happened. But all I do know is, you know, it's a shame. When he went to the jets, he got hurt. The. You know, like, literally the third play. The jets are so bad. Like, I don't even consider them in my division anymore. As a fan, you know, I can actually separate the fact that they're in my division. I don't take any joy in what's going on down there. I just sit there going like, Jesus, you know, like, you ever see, like. All right, back in the day, you go to a house party, your friend gets into a fight. You're rooting for your friend. Of course he kicks the. Out of the person, and then he keeps kicking. There's a point where you're like, all right, all right, all right. And you go in and you break it up. Enough. Enough. That's. That's, like, where the jets are, like, enough. Just. Just, you know. Jesus Christ. And this is the thing, too. That's the side of New York City that they never show you that they don't want to show you, all right, Everything from fucking the New York Yankees, all right? Frank Sinatra, even the apartment on Friends, all of that shit. I know everybody's always talked about how gigantic those. They don't want to show the losers. They want to show you Mariah Carey and her fucking 48,000 foot duplex laying around in evening gowns. That's what they show you. What they don't want to show you, they don't want to show you Queens, right outside of Shea Stadium, wherever the they play, they don't want to show you Mets fans, they don't want to show you jets fans, they don't want to show you off track betting, they don't want to show you 42nd street the way it used to be and the way it kind of still is. Like, I don't know if you guys know this, but like 42nd street is like this. It divides the bloods and crips out there. Cops always told me this, I never saw it, but there's like the level of shit that's going on, the three different worlds. There's gang activity, tourists and New Yorkers all passing by one another on that street and in that area. But anyway, that, that's the New York they don't want to show you. They don't want to show people that lose. That's why I like, you know, King of Queens, you know, he was a UPS driver, he was a working class guy, Archie Bunker, I guess they've shown it. You know, whenever they go to Queens, it's never like people are not winning in Queens. I don't know why, but they make it seem like that's like the, you know, if you're the knock around guy who can't catch a break, you're like, you live in Queens. And then if, if you're like ridiculously rich, all the shit that they show, that's Manhattan. And then I just feel like Brooklyn is just, just the coolest place on the planet. Even though my people have come in there and really it up, really it up bad. Like we really, you know. And you know what? I blame black people for that. You just gave it one too many shout outs on the hip hop albums and you made my people curious. And then we went in there and we fucked it all up. And in defense of my people, whitey, you know, when they gentrify it, you're not getting the cool versions of us. You're. You're getting the fucking, the Richie Rich, the finance guys. Anyway, I actually, yesterday I was Trying to find a good breakfast burrito. So I googled the place and I should have known by this stupid fucking name. And I ended up going down there. And it was in this Latino neighborhood, but it was like this brand new place. Like there was like a legit Mexican grocery store across the street and then a bodega, you know, right next to it, you know, across the street from that. And then this place was like the brand new, like ridiculous square footage. We have coffee, we have pastries, we make breakfast burritos. Da da da da da. And so I was texting near because it was sort of a spur of the moment thing. And I got in a breakfast burrito, was really good, not gonna lie to you. But I told her, she goes, where did you go? I said, I tried a new place. And it's like, it turns out I'm like at the. This douchey, you know, that gentry, like, gentrification is coming place. So I'm not gonna go there again. I'm gonna stay in my white neighborhood. I'm gonna know my place anyway. But I have actually been trying to. I gotta get a good recipe. I made a breakfast burrito the other day that I actually really enjoyed. But I, I still need the potatoes because at the end of the day I am Irish, so it's gonna be German Irish. It is going to be a little bit. I have to white it up for my bland sensibilities. Anyway, so Billy's going back to the gym. I have one more cigar and then I'm back on another hundred day thing. I kind of like this, you know, the excitement of coming off a hundred days and my daughter gives me five. So then it actually becomes a really special thing. So I have one more person that I want to smoke with and then that's it. I go back undercover and I don't come back up again until like, I won't smoke again until like, probably, I don't know, January, February. But this last time I went like 250. I went from January all the way to the end of September. So I kind of fake, like, with my addictive personality, like this is how I have to do it. Because I really wish I could be that person that just sort of occasionally I think I'm just going to have like, coffee is going to be my own addiction, my only addiction, I should say. Other than that, like, I have nothing. And that's a good thing because going back, like I said, the age I'm at, you know, people drop. So I'm an old dad or whatever. It's getting too dark. But I. I do have to take that into consideration. All right, well, that's the podcast, everybody. I'm gonna go spend some time with my lovely wife, and thank you for listening. Go Pats. Here we go. Brew Words. Here we go. What else? Celtics are coming up. I watched a little bit of their. Their preseason. I didn't realize it was preseason. I was like, jesus Christ. I know Tatum's hurt, but where the is the rest? I didn't realize they were still in, like, the preseason, but I'm very thankful to have a bunch of time off here as far as my nights are off and my stand up act is in shambles because I haven't been doing a lot of standup. I've been staying home with the kids, you know, trying to make up for all that time I was away doing the play. That's what I got going on. All right, that's it, everybody go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.