Y:The Last Man, Rubberneckers, Popcorn | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-25

Summary

Monday Morning Podcast Summary Episode: Y:The Last Man, Rubberneckers, Popcorn | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 8-14-25 Release Date: August 14, 2025 Host: All Things Comedy (Bill Burr)

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Introduction

In this lively episode of the Monday Morning Podcast, Bill Burr engages in his signature ranting style alongside co-host Paul Verzi. The conversation spans a variety of topics, including absurd societal issues, personal anecdotes, sports, entertainment, and reflections on recent events. The dynamic between Burr and Verzi brings a humorous yet critical perspective to everyday frustrations and cultural observations.

Key Discussions

1. Societal Critiques and Absurdities

Bill Burr opens the discussion by reminiscing about older times, highlighting the absurdity of modern conveniences and societal behaviors. He humorously criticizes the resurgence of Volkswagen minibuses, sarcastically linking their design to negative stereotypes. Burr's commentary often veers into hyperbole, such as suggesting that making vans "adorable" inadvertently attracts pedophiles—a reflection of his exaggerated comedic style.

• Notable Quote:
  • Bill Burr [00:36]: "Why would you make a van that's adorable when everybody knows that pedophiles lead towards vans?"

2. Immigration and Political Commentary

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Burr's critique of immigration policies and political favoritism. He expresses frustration over the perceived hypocrisy in deportation practices, emphasizing that those with financial means can manipulate the system, while others are unfairly targeted. Burr vehemently opposes the idea of deporting individuals responsible for societal issues like the "food supply problem," arguing that political donations shield certain groups from repercussions.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Bill Burr [02:15]: "If you can afford a commercial on CNN or Fox News, being able to pay a judge or a fucking politician, blue or red? If you can fucking do that, you are in this country."
  • Bill Burr [02:45]: "They came up with synthetic heroin. Why don't they deport those people?"

3. Reflections on Literature and Media

Burr and Verzi delve into discussions about literature and media, referencing Bill Condon's "The Last Man." They humorously dissect the plot, questioning the plausibility of magical elements like the tooth fairy. This segment showcases Burr's ability to blend literary critique with offbeat humor.

• Notable Quote:
  • Bill Burr [04:06]: "The Last Man, I think it's called. And the whole premise of it is that there was a giant plague and it killed all the men, all the males."

4. Personal Anecdotes and Lifestyle Choices

The conversation shifts to personal experiences, with Burr sharing stories about attending movie premieres and his recent admiration for the "Nobody Part Two" film. They discuss favorite local eateries and Burr's culinary preferences, particularly his love for South Jersey tomato pies. Additionally, Burr opens up about his struggles with alcohol, reflecting a more introspective and vulnerable side amidst the usual comedic banter.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Paul Verzi [10:21]: "But, you know, it's a fun goddamn team to be watching."
  • Bill Burr [21:58]: "I'm sick of being fucking hungover."

5. Entertainment and Pop Culture

Burr and Verzi share their enthusiasm for stand-up specials and local comedy scenes. Burr praises Paul Verzi's performance in a recent special, anticipating future success and network deals. They also touch upon popular culture events and figureheads, maintaining a lighthearted and entertaining tone throughout.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Bill Burr [11:28]: "Bob Odenkirk crushed it."
  • Paul Verzi [17:25]: "Can't remember where I'm going to be in New York and Los Angeles."

6. Social Relationships and Advice

The latter part of the podcast features listener call-ins, where Burr and Verzi offer relationship advice. Topics range from age-gap relationships to coping with breakups. Burr adopts his typical blunt and humorous approach, often interjecting personal experiences to underscore his points. While some advice may come off as contentious, it reflects Burr's candid and unapologetic style.

• Notable Quotes:
  • Bill Burr [78:00]: "If you're a guy without a job, it's like being a woman without tits."
  • Paul Verzi [85:00]: "You're going to meet someone else. You fuck up and you learn from it."

Insights and Takeaways

• Humorous Critique: Burr skillfully uses humor to highlight and critique societal flaws, making complex issues more relatable and engaging for listeners.
• Personal Vulnerability: Amidst the rants, Burr reveals personal challenges, offering a glimpse into his struggles and making his persona more multifaceted.
• Dynamic Interaction: The interplay between Burr and Verzi adds depth to the conversation, balancing humor with genuine discourse on various topics.
• Listener Engagement: Through call-ins and direct advice, the podcast fosters a sense of community and connection with its audience.

Conclusion

The August 14, 2025, episode of the Monday Morning Podcast delivers a blend of humor, critical thinking, and personal storytelling. Bill Burr's unfiltered commentary, paired with Paul Verzi's contributions, creates an entertaining yet thought-provoking listening experience. Whether addressing political hypocrisies, personal anecdotes, or offering relationship advice, the podcast remains true to its comedic roots while delving into substantial topics.

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Note: The summary intentionally retains the essence and tone of the original conversation, including the use of explicit language and contentious opinions, to provide an accurate representation of the podcast's content.

Transcript

[Bill Burr]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.

[Paul Verzi]

Ooh.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Billy. Driving around today. This is like the old school. For those of you who were listening, like 17, 18, whatever it is, fucking years ago. When I first started, this is what I used to do. I used to drive around on my old flip phone. The old flip phone. Walking around fucking airports making fun of the left. Fortunate meaning fat people, you know, are they considered less fortunate because their thighs rub together? I don't know. Is that a first world problem? I don't think it is. I think it's a fucking food supply problem. What do you guys think of those new Volkswagen minibuses that they brought back? It looks like it's right out of cars. I think they're fucking adorable. Oh, isn't it adorable? Wait, why would you make a van that's adorable when everybody knows that pedophiles lead towards vans? That is their car of choice, their vehicle of choice. They make it adorable. I mean, that thing was so cute, I'd get in it. You have candy 57 get kidnapped anyway, plowing ahead here. Yeah, this is like the old days. The old days. So anyway, the lunatic, the lunatic is still being a lunatic out there. And I gotta tell you, you know what I mean? I think he, I think that lunatic, he's going after the right people. Is there any reason why you're not gonna deport the fucking people that turned that food supply into poison, but instead you're gonna try to round up 10 guys at a Home Depot that are trying to put up a sun sale for you for an incredibly competitive price? Why don't they go after the people that did that? That, that, that fucking poisoned their own people for their profit? They came up with synthetic heroin. Why don't they deport those people? Oh, I know why. Cuz they're what? And they give money to the politicians. That's it. There you go. That's the difference, you know what separates that guy at Home Depot from being in the country and not being in the country? Being able to afford a commercial on CNN or Fox News. Being able to pay a judge or a fucking politician. Blue or red? If you can fucking do that, you are in this country. But if you can't, if you can't, they're kicking you out, then they're demonizing you. Where are all the people that were eating the dogs? Where are all the ones that were eating the dogs? There's been one dog eater. They're eating the dogs. Where are they? I want footage. I want to see somebody flossing with the dog collar. And go, well, we gotcha, you motherfucker. Get out of this country. How dare you eat a cocker spaniel. Bad enough it was if it was your own. Forget about your neighbors. I mean, that's what I was told during the election. They're eating the dogs. They're not. They're hanging out at Home Depot waiting to build an addition on your house for fucking $3 an hour. Anyway. Oh, Billy Red Face. Oh, Billy Red Face, he's got a meeting. Oh, what do you. What do you think you're important? Bill, you going to a meeting?

[Paul Verzi]

What are you gonna meet about Bill?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Bill's been fucking reading. I've been watching the Red Sox and I've been reading and did. I meant. I know. I think I mentioned this before. I've been reading that. The Last Man, I think it's called.

[Paul Verzi]

I'm on my third installment of that.

[Bill Burr]

And the whole. The whole premise of it is that there was a giant plague and it killed all the men, all the males. Everybody died except for one dude and his male monkey. No, this is not the AIDS origin story.

[Paul Verzi]

This is a different story.

[Bill Burr]

What am I reading anyway? That was the story they told us. They told us somebody, a monkey. Somebody, a monkey, and then a stewardess.

[Paul Verzi]

A steward.

[Bill Burr]

Unlike the fucking Concorde. He got it and then that was it. They blamed it on a gay guy in France because he hooked up with a dude that banged a monkey. That's what they told us, okay? And nobody ever refuted it, so we're sticking with it. That's what happens. And when you lose a tooth, the tooth fairy flies in and somehow, you know, could carry quarters and shit like that. That weighed more than she did. I mean, just what I know now with the pilot's license, you know, there's no way you're getting off the ground with that weight and balance. But it's also magic, right? And I think you're magic.

[Paul Verzi]

Sorry. This is what happens when you do a podcast and you lose your train of thought as you're driving.

[Bill Burr]

Jesus Christ.

[Paul Verzi]

The fuck was I talking about?

[Bill Burr]

Yet the people that they are deporting, you know, not one fucking dog eater. Oh, shit. The line is fucking moving. I had the typical traffic today where it was like, just a ridiculous slowdown, and you're like, this has to be an accident. And it was.

[Paul Verzi]

It was an.

[Bill Burr]

Somebody T boned another car and they Were sitting there, and there was a tow truck. But what kills me is it was on the. It wasn't even on our highway. It was a highway going past another highway, and everybody's slowing down to look at it. It's like, just go home. Somebody has, like, the actual accident, and they'll post it. Just look it up, and you can just. You can watch it. Instead of slowing the fuck down and causing, you know, 10 miles of creep and crawling there. I mean, what are you gonna do next? Not release the Epstein thing, but deport people hanging out at a Home Depot? Is that the next move? By the way, I love how people think there's a fucking list. It doesn't even make any sense. Why would there be a list? What is the point of assassinating Epstein? And then there's a. Aha. Right. That doesn't make any sense. Did I go the wrong fucking way?

[Paul Verzi]

Oh, my God. I probably did.

[Bill Burr]

You know, what are you gonna do? What the fuck are you gonna do? Did I go the wrong fucking way?

[Paul Verzi]

I think I did, because I'm going up. All right, I gotta hit pause on this thing. Son of a bitch. Why do I do these things to myself? Who? Okay.

[Bill Burr]

I did not go the wrong way.

[Paul Verzi]

I did not go the wrong way. I just.

[Bill Burr]

I'm not familiar with this area. Hey, speaking something I wasn't familiar with. I can't believe this album came out in 1988 so ahead of its time. There's a band called Talk Talk, and the album is Spirit of Eden, I'd never heard of. Is absolutely an incredible, incredible, Ahead of its time album. There's. There's a few of those out. I don't know a lot of them from the 80s, but right in the late 80s, like, the amount of stuff that was really changing, like, take like that, or maybe mid-80s, like that Ministry album from, like, 86, Jane's Addiction, nothing shocking from right around there. And this. This Spirit of Eden, Talk Talk and mtv, all they were doing was. Was playing the hair metal bands. And I was all about it. I couldn't get enough of it. I was just watching. Was watching the countdown. I mean, this is like, right around when this album came out was when all the W bands came out, right? It was right around then, like, White Snake had been around. But they finally hit within the still of the Night, right? And then White lion, there was that Veto guy on guitar who was incredible. Like, oh, my God, there's another Eddie Van Halen. And then there were Warrant. And then there was the she's only 17. 17, right. What was that band called? That was Winger. All of that shit was coming out. And at the same time, Talk Talk.

[Paul Verzi]

Made Spirit of Eden.

[Bill Burr]

I love shit like that. Do you love shit like that? I do, I do. How much do you love it, Bill? Enough to bring it up. But yeah, I was, I was listening to all that mainstream shit and I missed out on a bunch of good music in the 80s. Not saying that, you know, my warrant, Winger. I don't have any White Lion. I don't have any. I don't have any regrets over that. You know, if I had to do it all over again, I'm not turning in my acid washed jeans, you know, Billy tank top, walking around a warehouse, huh? Little fucking knife on my belt. Break open the boxes. Shipping and receiving. I got a position. Anyway, I watched my Red Sox last night. We at least got like the tying run to the plate, ninth inning, lost the series to the Houston Astros.

[Paul Verzi]

But, you know, it's a fun goddamn.

[Bill Burr]

Team to be watching. And then that kid May, the redheaded kid with the mullet, right? My illegitimate son, he. He struck out like nine, gave us seven strong innings.

[Paul Verzi]

That was good.

[Bill Burr]

His debut wasn't that good, so it was good to see him get a good start there. And I don't know. Now we're off to. I think we have today off Wednesday off, and they were commenting on that. The rare Wednesday off in baseball. MotoGP is back. I'm not even doing a podcast anymore. Anymore, everybody. I'm just telling you what's happening. What's happening. I also, I went to the premiere. Bob Odenkirk, my former cast mate on Glengarry Glen Ross. I went to go see Nobody Part two and it is just one of the most fun movies that I've seen in a long time. Everybody killed it. Sharon Stone is in it playing the. The evil kingpin. She crushed it. Bob, of course, crushed it.

[Paul Verzi]

And.

[Bill Burr]

Who else? Colin Hanks is in was just like. If you liked 80s action movies, it was. It was exactly that. And it was not making fun of 80s action movies. It wasn't being ironic. It just was an 80s action movie. And I grew up on those things.

[Paul Verzi]

And I absolutely loved it.

[Bill Burr]

It was so much fun.

[Paul Verzi]

I went there with my lovely wife and yeah, it was just. It was, it was great. It was fantastic.

[Bill Burr]

And that's the fun news. And then the sad news that I.

[Paul Verzi]

Have.

[Bill Burr]

The bad news. Speaking of what's Happening is Danielle Spencer, who played child star, played this character D on what's Happening, passed away unfortunately.

[Paul Verzi]

Super young, only I think 60. It really made me sad.

[Bill Burr]

She was so, her character was so.

[Paul Verzi]

Friggin awesome if you ever watched that back in the day. I just loved how her older brother Roger was afraid of her and how she was sort of like, I don't know, she just was like this like another parent and he couldn't get away with anything if she found out and all of that.

[Bill Burr]

And I just was watching clips and everything and just like her poise that.

[Paul Verzi]

She had as like a 12 year.

[Bill Burr]

Old just crushing it on a hit sitcom.

[Paul Verzi]

I've always been amazed.

[Bill Burr]

I would have been at 12 years old if I got a laugh. My face would have turned red with.

[Paul Verzi]

Embarrassment, you know, like, oh my God.

[Bill Burr]

Did I do that? And she just would absolutely destroy Roy every episode that she was in.

[Paul Verzi]

And that was such a fun show.

[Bill Burr]

And I think the only actors left.

[Paul Verzi]

Are the guys that play Roger and Dwayne. Everybody else is gone. I used to see Shirley Hemphill down the Laugh Factory, rest her soul, way back in the day.

[Bill Burr]

But that was, that was a lot.

[Paul Verzi]

Of sad ones, man. It's part of getting older. Just all this stuff that you loved, the people on it, you know, from.

[Bill Burr]

Ozzy to Danielle Spencer, my God. I mean that's a huge portion of my childhood. Anyway, rest in peace to her.

[Paul Verzi]

She had an amazing life, went on to become a veterinarian and just seemed.

[Bill Burr]

Like a tremendous person. So of course, what does God do? Always takes the tremendous people. Let me tell you that theory that I have. He always takes the good ones, right? Like I feel like God like.

[Paul Verzi]

Like.

[Bill Burr]

Delays meeting his mistakes so they live forever. Even if they're eating McDonald's every day.

[Paul Verzi]

He's.

[Bill Burr]

They're gonna live to be like 90. I mean it's fucking amazing. That guy's genetics are incredible. He has been eating off the slaughterhouse floor his for fuck decades. And he's just walking, just walking around, still swinging a sword. I mean you got. At least you can respect that anyway. All right, well it's time for the reeds, man. Okay, here we go.

[Paul Verzi]

Dupe.

[Bill Burr]

Have you ever fallen in love with a couch, lamp or rug online? And then your soul leaves your body when you see the price tag? I can't say that that's happened to me. Well, I'm gonna let you in on a secret called dupe.com. it's ridiculously easy to use. How much is the lamp, man? All you have to do is type in dupe.com/forWARD/before any product URL and it instantly Shows you similar and more affordable alternatives. These aren't sketchy knockoffs either. Here's the most. Here's what the thing most people don't realize. Most furniture sold online is mass produced in the exact same factories. Oh, we learned that about high end brands in China, right? They make all that crap there and then they send it to France so they just screw the label on it. Those factories then sell to brands under different names who then list them for different prices. Dupe.com automatically lists these less expensive alternatives for you so you're not overpaying just for some brand name. That $5,000 cloud sofa. You don't think you can justify the beautiful mid century dresser you've had bookmarked forever. Well, guess what? DUP will find similar items, sometimes even the same item for 60, 70, even 80% off. With dupe.com you can finally decorate the house of your dreams without going broke. Dupe.com isn't just about furniture sales either. Dupe works for fashion, shoes, jewelry, more. If you buy furniture for work, chances are you already know about dupe.com but did you know they offer a special trade program just for professionals like interior designers, real estate agents, and more. Not only do you get the best prices by buying directly from the manufacturers, but dupe.com also offers a 10% commission on purchase made through your account. Dupe.com really is so easy to use. Just type in D U p e Delta uniform papaecho.com before any product URL in your browser and boom. It instantly finds you less expensive alternatives. They even have an app and a browser extension you can download. No account required. No signup required. It's completely free to use. Stop wasting money on brand names and start saving with dupe.com today.

[Paul Verzi]

Oh.

[Bill Burr]

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[Paul Verzi]

Sweat.

[Bill Burr]

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[Paul Verzi]

What?

[Bill Burr]

Me Undies has sent me lots of products over the last decade and I've never been let down by their comfort of quality.

[Paul Verzi]

Oops.

[Bill Burr]

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[Paul Verzi]

I had a great time last night with my kids. We, we had a popcorn, we swam and then we had popcorn in a movie night and I made a bunch of popcorn and I said to my.

[Bill Burr]

Kids, I go now don't eat all of that.

[Paul Verzi]

We'll have some, you know, because usually.

[Bill Burr]

That like they'll eat like half of it and then we have some stuff left over.

[Paul Verzi]

Makes good for good snacks or whatever.

[Bill Burr]

What is my popcorn technique? I melt a ridiculous amount of butter.

[Paul Verzi]

Because popcorn can take it and I.

[Bill Burr]

Let it all pop and then I push it to one side, I butter the bottom third, push it to the other side. There's like, like it's almost like 3/3 on the bottom. That all gets buttered and then I do the same thing on the top and then I remove it to the side again. And then I salt the bottom third and then I salt the top, you know, the, the bottom two. What am I trying? Three slices and then the top three slices and then I give it a nice shake. You got to go butter first so there's something for the salt to attach to so it just doesn't end up down the bottom. So anyway, I'm doing that and.

[Paul Verzi]

Ended up getting a phone call and I'm.

[Bill Burr]

On the phone, something I had to handle. And I come back like friggin 10 minutes later and all the popcorn's gone. And I'm like, guys, what happened? The popcorn. I told you, you know, I go, you guys ate up all the popcorn. And my daughter just goes, yeah, that's.

[Paul Verzi]

The point of it.

[Bill Burr]

It's like, what do you say to that? It's like you make popcorn, eat it. That's the point of. Was just such a great comeback that I, I didn't have the, in the moment. I didn't have the wherewithal to be like, yeah, but I told you not to eat all of it. I was just so amazed and cracking up with that respect. Like, I talked to my daughter one time, right, And I was talking about, you know, I always tell her like when I have stressful gigs because, you know, kids need to know that adults, like, they get like freaked out and stuff and they don't know how things are gonna go and you get nervous but you do it anyway, you know, because they look at you, oh, you're an adult. Like you got it all figured out. So I was telling her, I said.

[Paul Verzi]

You know, I go, I got this.

[Bill Burr]

Gig tonight, I got to play drums, I'm nervous and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Paul Verzi]

And she's like, oh yeah.

[Bill Burr]

I go, you know, it's kind of like you, when you have to do like, you know, every year they have like the, around Christmas time, the holidays.

[Paul Verzi]

They have like the kids, each class.

[Bill Burr]

Goes up and sings a song and.

[Paul Verzi]

They do like a dance. And you know, she was just sitting there going like, you know, so how.

[Bill Burr]

Do you do that?

[Paul Verzi]

Because I don't, I don't.

[Bill Burr]

Like when I have to do that Christmas thing, I always end up having to do a dance and I feel stupid and I go, yeah, but you know what's great?

[Paul Verzi]

When you go on stage stage and.

[Bill Burr]

You feel stupid, but you do it anyways and you're able to do something that makes you feel stupid in front of a whole room full of people. It makes you stronger, and then it makes it easier for you to be who you really are. And then my daughter, without missing a beat, just goes, yeah, well, that's not who I am.

[Paul Verzi]

Just like.

[Bill Burr]

God, Lee. All right, okay. I mean, I don't know what to do with that. That's just a. Okay, I. Look, what I'm doing. I'm projecting my own insecurities I had as a kid. I didn't know who I was. Evidently, you know who you are, so I'm not getting in the way of that. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. Like, I. I had, like, this week as a dad. Like, I. I really thought I was making some good points, that my kids just. It was like I was lobbing it over the net. They just smashed it back at me. I mean, you know, sometimes you just got to take the L as a parent. I mean, if they make a good point, what are you gonna do? Die on the hill just because your ego can't handle losing to an 8 year old?

[Paul Verzi]

I mean, I guess I didn't look at it that way in the moment. That's. That is pretty brutal, huh?

[Bill Burr]

Anyways, this is just such a nice fucking street with the sequoias.

[Paul Verzi]

Driving through one of the canyons and you come out these beautiful. This is such a great city, even though it shouldn't be here.

[Bill Burr]

The amount of people that have never.

[Paul Verzi]

Been here, never lived here or got their fucking dick stepped on when they came out here. So then they blame the city.

[Bill Burr]

The city's fine.

[Paul Verzi]

It's.

[Bill Burr]

It's the business. The business is bad. But I can tell you this. You're gonna go back to your home state. Whatever business, whatever business you get into, there's guys out there with big shoes gonna step on your dick out there, too. So you might as well be in a business you like, huh, boy? What, are you gonna work in a pet center? I like working with animals. You think that's not corporate? They're everywhere. They're everywhere trying to make their billion dollars so they can have a helicopter on the back of a boat while you live underneath the fucking bridge. And then they blame Mexicans hanging out at a Home Depot trying to help you put up a sun sale. And that's how you make it better. That's how you make it great again.

[Paul Verzi]

All right, I'm off my soapbox here.

[Bill Burr]

Anyway, what do I got left on.

[Paul Verzi]

This podcast before I have to go into my appointment there?

[Bill Burr]

Oh, Jesus, you don't even know your.

[Paul Verzi]

Password to your own phone there.

[Bill Burr]

All right, I gotta hit pause because.

[Paul Verzi]

I'm driving and it's becoming that time when I have to read the app.

[Bill Burr]

Oh, look at their fire engine. Look at that fire station. You guys got money out here? Wow. Was that a fire station or was that some sort of comment on a fire station? On what a fire station could look like in the future?

[Paul Verzi]

Jesus christ.

[Bill Burr]

I bet 90% of their calls is fucking rushing over to a house because somebody's fucking blown out. Poodle just got snatched by a fucking coyote.

[Paul Verzi]

Dude.

[Bill Burr]

Those things are. They just. They have not been fucking around lately.

[Paul Verzi]

They've been coming down in, like, groups of, like, six.

[Bill Burr]

It was funny, is I'm not afraid.

[Paul Verzi]

Of coyotes at all, but, like, if.

[Bill Burr]

It'S a Doberman pincher or like a.

[Paul Verzi]

Rottweiler or like, like a pit bull or something like that, and it's coming.

[Bill Burr]

At me that I would be more.

[Paul Verzi]

Nervous about dogs than I am coyotes.

[Bill Burr]

Coyotes don't give a fuck. They just look at you like, I'm down here to get a sandwich. You're too big to eat. Growl at me. Take a step at me. I'm just gonna keep it moving.

[Paul Verzi]

I don't give a fuck.

[Bill Burr]

But like, those.

[Paul Verzi]

Those people that have dogs, you know.

[Bill Burr]

Aggressive dogs, those fucking things, when they. They look at you like, I don't know what their deal is. Like, I feel like those dogs, they're like, bad. Like security, where they just escalate the situation. I'm not coming down on breeds here. I'm just saying dogs that, you know.

[Paul Verzi]

That are jacked, that look like they.

[Bill Burr]

Have a Gold's gym membership, you know, those things frighten me. It's not really them, it's their owners. It's not the breed, it's the owner. Can I make a fucking right? Can I go straight here?

[Paul Verzi]

I can go straight.

[Bill Burr]

All right.

[Paul Verzi]

Isn't that nice, when that works out.

[Bill Burr]

All right, I gotta jump off the phone here.

[Paul Verzi]

I know, Bill. We don't give a. Do say I'm crying looking at what's on tv. Pain I suffer struggle to be free it can't ever be denied never rele. But when I see it coming I can dig it all.

[Bill Burr]

You're so fine lose my mind and the world seems to disappear all the problems, all the fears and the world seems disappear.

[Paul Verzi]

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 14, 2017. What's going on? How are you? How's it going? Oh, My God, Paul Verze fucking destroyed last night on his Stand up special in Tarrytown, New York. And I want to thank everybody that came out for the, for the two shows that we had there. And we just, I don't know, it just went as good as it could have gone. I felt. And I was really proud of him. You know, that first one's always, you know, you got to figure out how to go up there and try and be relaxed. Is you're like, holy shit, I'm shooting a special. Look at those TV cameras. Look at the jib camera swinging by my damn face. You know, you got to block all of that. Know that the crowd's gonna be looking at that shit. You know, you learn that they have to turn off the fucking air conditioning because most of those old venues, the AC so friggin loud, it messes with the audio. So you're then going to go out there under hot lights with HD makeup on, with no ac, and progressively through your set, it's going to get hotter. So he learned all of that. And you know something, God damn it, he saw the fire and he fucking walked through it and he just, I don't know, he was. It just couldn't have gone any better. And there you go. So we're going to edit that thing down and hopefully sell it to one of the goddamn networks. That's the goal. So congratulations to Paul Verze. That's it. You put him to bed. I told him that before he went out there. I was just like, dude, just look at it this way, okay? You're putting all these jokes to bed. This is it, okay? Go out there and give them the send off they deserve. Because the second your special comes out, everybody's seen that material, then you can't do it again. And everybody will be like, dude, you already that you did that on your last fucking special. You know, your last special called Chuckle Hut. What the fuck is wrong with my goddamn computer? I've been having. Oh my God. I have been having like the worst technology experiences. What is going on? Why is the screen just all black? Then I got, I go to touch it and it does that. What does that mean? Can I hit escape? Can I hit escape? Why don't they have an escape button for your life? Oh, it worked. It worked. The old escape button, you know, somebody could turn that into literally like turn it into a movie, a big time Hollywood movie. You know, the escape button movie. You go in there and you could pitch it. Hey, you know that escape button on your keyboard on your laptop, they'd be like, yup, yup. Huh? Just a man. This guy, he fucking, he. He pushes it, you know, and he disappears. And all of a sudden his wife is like, wait a minute, I thought I told you, go to the store. Where'd he go? And then whenever he comes to, he's always, let's flush this. Let's flesh out this awful movie. He was always in some. Someplace better at first, but then there's, you know, he goes to a baseball game, he's like, this is amazing. And then, you know, no one believes that it's true except for his dumb fat best friend. You know, they hit escape again. Then they're at a steakhouse. You know, they just keep hitting escape. Then eventually they, they're some fucking. I don't know, where the hell did they go? They had escape and they end up in fucking Syria or North Korea. That's where you get a note from the industry. Can it not be North Korea? Could it be, could it be like Canada, Like Winnipeg? What if they went to Winnipeg?

[Bill Burr]

That's funny, right?

[Paul Verzi]

I just feel like with today's political climate to say North Korea. I just think that, you know, then they're starving and we like the fat friend. Fat is funny. Fat is non threatening. I don't know, you guys can finish the rest of the fucking movie anyways, so I was very proud of Paul and all that type of stuff and gonna try to keep the podcast light despite, despite all that fucking just horrible shit that happened down in Charlottesville. It's just fucking. I don't, I don't want to go. I did hear one fucking funny thing about it. I mentioned. I'm gonna say who I mentioned it to. I mentioned it to somebody else. I go, jesus Christ, dude. Can you fucking believe that shit down there in Charlottesville? The guy goes, he goes, no, what happened? I mean, I don't know. I don't know if that is like, I don't, I don't know how you missed it, but I mean, there literally is that much information coming out at you that you could miss all that shit that went down there. And I mean, I don't even need to comment on what the fuck went on down there. If you're any sort of a human being, you know that dude in that fucking car, I swear to God, like, I'm trying to think of a proper punishment for that guy, and I can't think. Nothing is like, enough to fucking drive. Just do that, you know? You know what's funny about that guy? As I bet that guy has talked about ISIS and how cowardly terrorism is, and then he gets in a car and does what the fuck he did. It's just like, it's like, I don't know, there must have been, I mean, obviously beyond joining that group, there's something wrong with that guy mentally. Anyways. See, that's why I didn't want to bring it up. Where do you go from there? And then Trump, I'm done with that guy. The guy's just no longer funny or anything. He's. I'm just done with that guy. The fact that he wouldn't just straight up denounce it. The fact that he's gonna go, oh, you know, there's hatred on both sides. Hatred on both sides. He's doing like that. You know what came first, the chicken or the egg?

[Bill Burr]

Slavery.

[Paul Verzi]

Slavery came first, you fucking dope. It's documented. It's just so like he's been catering to that racist fan base cuz he needed their votes. I'm not saying everybody voted for Trump is racist, but like for that fucking guy to do that, it's absolutely reprehensible. It's sickening, sickening. Okay? And I'm not a fucking, you know, I'm not one of these guys that thought the sky was falling because this guy got in the office. You know, everybody freaking the fuck out, like what the fuck was going to happen. But I will just say his track record on the Klan, you know, to be just not even commenting on it and being. Do you know, if I was doing stand up and people in the clan started showing up, yeah, I would be looking. What the fuck am I saying? That's making these people be like, oh yeah, this guy approves of what we do. At the very least I'd be like, hey, not for nothing, you guys over there with the hoods on, I fucking, you know, I'm not down with you guys. I fucking can't see you morons. You're fucking morons. And he never does it, never does it, you know, And I think he was just trying to make a joke with the cops about the. Don't push their heads. But just all the shit that you've seen that, that, all that police brutality that's been going on to make that fucking joke. The guy, it's unbelievable. And now I'm hearing like, this is what I'm not even a name fucking names. But like all these, you know, it's like Taylor Swift now is going to run for Senate, people, we can't go down this fucking road. The very least, can we at least stick with career fucking politicians? Can we at least do that? Can we. You know, would you want, like, you want me to be your fucking accountant? You want a comedian to be an accountant? Why would you want an actor or a musician or fucking God knows what else? I just. I don't know. I don't even know what the fuck we're doing now. I just. I don't even know what the fuck we're doing. So anyways, that happened and, you know, fortunately, it wasn't a big rally. You know, the Nazis are still a little. Little mom and pop fucking group, which, you know, that's about the only good thing that I took away from it. But I don't know, you know what's fucked up about the whole thing, though, as I said I wasn't going to talk about it is when people started texting me, like, dude, you watching this shit? So I go online, you know, to watch a video of the rally and all the bullshit to see what's going on. And I go on, and when I click on it, I immediately see Bobby Flay and he's selling me something from Lipton Iced Te. So what's so fucked up is, and I think it was. I was actually on the Huffington Post, and I fucking hate those guys, you know, and they're all liberal as hell. Can you fucking believe it's a bluff? It's like, dude, you're making money off of it. You're making money off of it. So there's something you would think on. Just something like, this is so reprehensible. We shouldn't even put a fucking ad in front of it. Other than that, I understand you got to make your money. I have advertising on my fucking podcast. But there was just something fucked up. Like, this is the most horrible. Blah, blah, blah, whatever the fuck they have as a headline. And then you click it on and this fucking Bobby Flay selling me fucking iced tea. But, you know, that's how the game's played, I guess. Anyway, so let's get the fuck out of that. All right? Boo, Nazis. Boo Donald Trump being a fucking pussy. That guy's such a fucking. I'm so sick of him. And that fucking guy from North Korea acting like they're tough guys. Acting like they're tough. You know what I mean? You know what? They should. You know, they should. They should fight the fucking undercard on McGregor. Mayweather. All right, why don't you guys settle your fucking beef? I'd love to see the two of them put on fucking, the whole fucking get up, the boxing shorts, the mouth guard, the gloves, the boots and go out there and you just really see what a couple of pansies, you know, that fatty Donald Trump with his fucking wig flopping around. It'd probably be one of the fun. It'd be funnier than all the stand up specials that came out this year combined. It would have been tremendous. Like that's, that's the way. I think that that's the way they should solve brutal problems. Although you know, what's. His face is like a black belt in judo. Vladimir Putin, that fucking, that dude looks like a bad guy in like, you know those spy movies, right? All right, I'm in over my head. Why do I try to talk politics? Because that's what everybody's fucking talking about and asking me about, I guess. But how about those Red Sox taking two out of three from the New York Yankees. I had 100 bucks on each game, you know, I got 50 with Versy and 50 with my agent, right? They're both Yankee fans, so you know, we fucking blew that, that first one. Our middle reliever, I don't know what happened to him. By the way. Did you see that guy in the Mets? He swung his leg around, made that weird pitching motion and he fucking slammed his balls between his thighs. And then after that his fucking pitching hand went numb. Figure that one out. Figure that one out. Why the fuck are guys wired like that? Why? If you get. You could how the design fall of men that you could throw an object and somehow basically kick yourself in the balls and then your throwing hand goes numb. It's unreal. You know what it is? The men are like the death star, right? We got that one little shaft. All you do is you just throw something down and then the whole fucking thing blows up. And that would be on nuts. You know, I don't know what the women one is. Women, you just tell me look older and then that's it. The whole planet explodes. Ah. Anyways, I've been so. I remember I was going to talk about. I've been having like the worst technology weekend here. I'm about to buy my. My second cell phone charger of the weekend. I brought one, I left it at the theater. And then the next day I woke up and I bought one. I bought one and drove from fucking. Where the hell was I? Red Bank, New Jersey, up to Tarrytown, New York. And then I don't know what happened. I don't know where the wire went, but I fucking Lost that one. So now I got to go buy a. Another one. It's just. I don't know. My phone, my computer just keeps cutting out. I guess now that I hit the escape button, I'm fine. I don't know. I'm. I'm just not meant to live in this fucking era of all of this shit. I need to go back to when there was just, like, rotary phones, which was impossible to lose because you wouldn't take it with you. It was just in your house. The only way you lost it is if there was a fucking sinkhole under your house and you lost all your house. So there was a fire in your house, you know, or somebody came to murder you with the black gloves and they would fucking cut the phone wire. Then you lost your phone and you lost your life. But you say you didn't care. Right? Was a si. What I'm trying to say was it was a simpler time. I gotta tell you, dude. I'm fucking sold on the Jersey shore, by the way. All these years. All these years of Paul Verzi. Great Paul Verze. He fucking crushed his special last night. Has been shitting on New Jersey. I fucking. I finally understand my goes, dude. Yeah. I don't know what your deal is with this fucking state. I don't know why you think, you know, there's more animals that live here than New York. There are. I'll give them that. It's a little dirtier animal in New Jersey, but they're the underdogs. So I was going around Tarrytown and I was just taking pictures of people, all the fucking animals that are up here. What it is about this part of the. This neck of the woods, like fucking Westchester? Is it so fucking beautiful up here? It cleans up the animal. You don't see it, but if you really. If you fucking block out the trees and the beautiful houses and buildings behind these people, and you really look at them, you know, it's a bunch of animals. I went into Tarrytown and there was a bunch of people, like, out of all the. All the new rage now, have you seen, like, those. Those motorcycles? But they're really small. We used to call them mini bikes, but they look like it's like somebody took a ninja and they just made it smaller. Like this whole group of them was riding through, like, a motorcycle gang. I don't know if they were mocking motorcycle gangs. I have no idea. I don't know if they were more likely to beat the shit out of you because they're insecure. About the size of their motorcycles. I don't. I don't get how it fucking works. But there was like 40 of them, weeee. All riding through town. And I was laughing my ass off, going, here I am, here I am in fucking. You know, if I'm not in Westchester, I'm always in Westchester. Look at these fucking animals. And I already learned up here, there's already a. There's always this snooty thing in all the fucking real estate, you know, Are you above the boulevard? Are you below the boulevard? Are you on the flatlands? Are you in the hills? Are you on this side of the tracks or that side of the tracks? This side of the river? Other side of the bridge up here. I already found out that there was. There's a snooty. If you live on the other side of the Tappan Zee Bridge or the Tappanzi Bridge is my fucking Google map lady was saying when I was driving up there, make a right to go on to exit 1C for Tapan Zee Bridge. Yeah, you're less than. You live on the other side of the river. Stuff is cheaper over there. It's more expensive to live here. Therefore, you are less than me. You are less than. God likes you less. God loves everyone, but he loves you less because you live on the other side of the river. I actually cornered this woman last night who was in real estate, right? She's up at the bar, right? And I'm going up there to go get a couple rounds of drinks or whatever people, you know, because I'm a hell of a guy. And she's like, ah, you know, furzy special. Yeah. I said, that's great. You know, I do the typical thing. What do you do? She goes, I'm in real estate. I said, wonderful, I got some questions for you. And I fucking grilled her, went law and order on her. And I fucking was breaking it down to find out what's the deal with all of these luxury apartment buildings? They're going up like fucking like luxury apartment buildings. That's how many luxury apartment buildings they're building in New York and Los Angeles. The only reference is what they are. And I'm like, what is. What's the deal with these fucking luxury apartments? Who is building them? Why are they building them? What kind of a fucking moron pays rent in a luxury apartment when they could actually just go buy something and live in it? That was less than the luxury apartment, but at least they would own that. Who makes that dumb decision? First of all, who's paying for these. And she said, it's a lot of foreign money. China, Russian, Middle east money, right? Then I go, all right, then who the fuck's living in them? And she said, she basically said. When I said, who's dumb enough to throw money in the toilet like that, she said, about 15% of the population. I go, all right, so you're banking on. I go, how do you put your head on the pillow every night? She goes, this isn't my passion. I go, but you're selling them. How do you do that? How do you fucking go, all right, come on, lower 15% dummies, please walk into my office today. Long story short, I go, when does it burst? When? She goes, well, you know, people seem to keep building them, they keep filling. When does it burst? Well, you know, when does it burst? She goes, two years. Dead serious. She goes, two years, Two years, it's going to be fucking over. So here's what you do. I go, you sit on your fucking money, all right? If you need to buy something now, because the fucking. This is me. I'm like that fucking bald guy who screams about taxes. I mean, the stocks. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. But from that little fucking conversation that I had about 3:30 in the morning as we were closing down this fucking bar celebrating Paul Verze crushing his special, I'm telling you right now, just sit on your money. Like, oh, I don't know, what the fuck did I say initially? I guess I said, yeah, if you're getting killed in taxes and you got to buy something out, just don't rent a fucking luxury apartment. There's got to be the dumbest thing you could ever do. Look at the luxury of this all at all. This luxury that I'm paying for that I don't fucking own. Just hang in there. In two years, you'll be able to buy the fucking building. Of course you won't, because it'll still cost millions of dollars. But you know what I'm saying, Don't be a fucking SAP, all right? All those buildings are doing is killing everybody's fucking view, you know? They're all gonna be fucking empty within two years. I'm calling it right. They're all gonna be. People gonna be jumping out of those fucking things in two years. We're taking callers. I don't know. I don't fucking know. All I know is I haven't been home in too many days. I miss my daughter and my wife and I can't wait to get Back and that's it. I got a nice 10 days off. But, dude, I had the best fucking time down on the Jersey Shore. The fucking food was amazing. I went down to this place, Juniors. I don't even know where I was at. All right. Like, I was pretty cool. I had a different opener every night. Versi opened the first night, Fucking killed it. I went to bed like a goddamn angel. Like a fucking angel, all right. I'm already white as a fucking angel, you know, at least a ghost. Went right home, went to sleep, woke up the next day, worked out, fucking crushed it, right? Next day, I had fucking Brett Ernst came up, who absolutely murdered who. You have to go see. I hadn't seen him in years. It's weird. I always see him down the Comedy Store, but he either just went up or I'm going up or what? I'm going up and he's going up in the other room. I just hadn't seen him in a few years. That dude grown by leaps and bounds. Absolute fucking monster destroyed. He had me pacing a little bit before I was going out, but. Oh, fuck, Brett's killing. Brett's killing. Shit. What am I opening with, right? And then later on that night, he took me down to wherever the fuck he was took. Went down to this place, Juniors, someplace on the Jersey Shore. And we got a tomato pie, which I had never heard of, which is basically like. It's like a South Jersey Philly thing, where, according to them, they put the cheese on first, then the tomato sauce. But the one that I had looked more like a swirl. It looked like tomato cheese, Tomato cheese. Like a big circular thing, like when you. The computer's refreshing. That little pinwheel thing, that's what it looked like. I might have been. Might have been one of the top five pizzas, Slices of pizzas I've had in a while. Okay? And I'm gonna tell you why. Because I live in Los Angeles and all the pizza out there sucks. Even the stuff that they say is good, you know, it all fucking sucks. Every fucking last place in LA absolutely fucking sucks. I don't know why you just. Anything that involves dough sucks. The bread sucks, the pizza sucks. Bagels suck. All of that sucks. However, you know, other than that, they got a tremendous. Pasta sucks. But, you know, amazing steakhouses, burgers, Thai food, Mexican food. That's what you do out in la. But you do not get pizza. You don't get bread. You don't do any of that. And I was coming from that, eating that to go into this, it Was fucking unheard. That and the fucking mussels. The bread with the fucking sauce. It was unbelievable. Like an asshole. I'm eating this shit at like fucking two in the morning. And then I kept going to this place, Elsie's in Red bank to get a sandwich. And I would pay for just the bread alone, by the way. I went with the turkey with the cranberry sauce over there. Fucking delicious. And I made the mistake of getting a large, by the way, which was the size of my fridge. So the next day I went back and I got the Italian, which was amazing, but I still like the turkey a little bit better. So I was eating as my stomach growls. Here I was, been eating like a fucking king out here. And I don't know, I kind of fell in love with the Jersey Shore. Always wanted to see Asbury park. Went down there, checked that out, went into the. I don't know, all those. Every place down there is like Bruce Springsteen or Jon Bon Jovi played here. Now I know the place is not called the fucking Stone Pony. That's a fucking bar I used to drink in in the fucking Village. That is no longer there. That was my fucking spot. I didn't even used to drink in there back when I had my drinking under control and I was hanging out with all the comics I hung out with back then. Didn't drink. And we'd go in there, we used to play fucking video games and shoot pool and just give each other shit like we always did for like 4 or 5, till 4 or 5 in the fucking morning. Whatever that fucking Pony place is called. I know it's sacrilegious to all. You jerk. I gotta look. I gotta look. You know why I'll get the name of it right now? Because I bought my daughter a onesie from that place, which I think she'll only be able to wear for one week because it. Look at the size. It looks like it's the size that she is now. Which of course my wife had to say, oh, it is the Stone Pony. Oh, wait, the Stone Crow is the bar I used to hang out at. All right? So I was saying it right? I sent a picture of the onesie to my wife and she immediately goes like, what size is that? Because she's currently wearing, you know, this month to this month, it's just like, yeah, Jesus, can you just, you know, can I do one fucking thing right over? Just fucking one thing? Can I do that? So last night I hung out till four in the morning, but I only had a couple of fucking Drinks because I kind of realized I'm not an Elk. I'm like an undiagnosed, an undiagnosed strain of alcoholics. You know, where I'm the classic alcoholic, where I can't just have one. Like, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. That's it. All right? But the next day I can just be like, all right, well, now, you know, now I'm not drinking. And I walk around like, I need it, man, I need it. I don't wake up, like, missing a tooth and all of that, like. But you know, I had way too many that night when I went down to Junior's and had that great food and everything. And I also noticed too, I was throwing them back like, like fucking water. And it's just not a good thing. I'm just sick of being fucking hungover. So, you know, last night I only had a couple. I'm kind of. I think I'm. I'm done. I'm just done with it. I like waking up, not hungover. I like getting up, going to the gym. I like doing that. And yeah, I'm not saying I'm done for good, but I'm just kind of just, yeah, I'm done. I had a hell of a run, all right? Started at 17, drank until about, I don't know, 22. And then I went like a 10 year period where I didn't drink. I barely drank, barely fucking drank. And then, then a guy named Joe Derosa came into my life. It's not fair for me to put it on him, all right? But let's just say we were not good for each other. And that was probably 2004, so I'm talking like a nice third. I went on like a 13 year sort of. Although I took a year off one time from 2010 to 2011. A year. I went a year and two days without drinking. I've gone a couple stretches of 75 days, 50 something days here or there, whatever. But yeah, I mean, I'm always, you know, if you got a nice cold bottle of fucking wine, that's a good meal, maybe I'll have a glass, but I just don't feel like. But then it's like, I'm going, I'm gonna finish the fucking bottle. I mean, what are we doing here, right? So I don't know. I don't feel like I'm mature enough at this point in my life to handle shit like that. And I'm at the point too with. I don't think I even enjoy it. Anymore. So for the 90th time on this fucking podcast, I'm gonna try to stop drinking social. I was a social drinker. I think I want to go to AA just because I like crowds. You know, just go up there and stuff, make them laugh and. Anyways, what am I talking about here? How many minutes in it? We're 27 minutes in here. I gotta vacate this hotel room. I'm staying at this stupid ass. You know, fancy the Sheridan, right, people? Yes, Date the fucking Sheridan. These cunts. I swear to God, you order the Internet at 12:01, it goes off and you got to buy it again. Oh, wait, maybe it's free. All I had was an access code. You know, I take that back. They're not fucking cunts. All right, let's. Let's. Let's read a little bit of. Let's read a little bit of. Oh, by the way, another thing, too, you know what I don't like about Trump supporters is when they compartmentalize that racist shit, when they go like, you know, hey, that stuff where he doesn't condone, you know, he doesn't chastise the Klansmen that. Not neo Nazis that like him. I don't like that. I don't like that part. But I'll tell you, I think the way he's handling Ben, Hillary, you know, I can't fucking stand either. But at some point, you know what I mean? It's like if you had a friend, right? He's a good friend of yours, but he was also in the clan, dude, he's such a great host. You have him over, you know, he fucking. He's really polite, but he drops the N word. I mean, at some point you don't. You have to have some sort of a standard. You can't tell me that there's not a better Republican out there. All right? Please tell me, please tell me there's something, somebody better than this guy. All right. Oh, here we go. Oh, it's ol.

[Bill Burr]

Zip.

[Paul Verzi]

All right. Hey, you know what I watched the other day that I really enjoyed was I watched this whole thing on John Daly. That guy has to be one of the most honest human beings. One of the most honest human beings ever. You know, it's kind of hard watching the guy, what he does to himself. But like, I swear to God, like, remember in Scarface when that guy goes, I like you, Tony. There is no lying in you. You know, there's lying in everybody but John Daly. I think he. If they should recast, they should fucking green screen him in there, you know, can somebody Photoshop that? And somebody just says, I like you, John Daly. There's no lying in you. They'd just be like, you know, how much the height are you drinking when you drink in a day? He goes, I drink like a case of beer some days up to maybe 35, 40. And they go, 35, 40. He's like, oh, yeah? And then they go, and then what? He goes, ah, you know, I probably switched to whiskey. And then he just started laughing, like, just being like, I know it's fucked up. He talked about how he played his best golf when he was a little drunk. He know the balls, you know, just hit the ball better. You know, you're looser, the body relaxes. And I really wish I watched golf more when he was playing because he didn't take all that fucking time when he went up to address the ball. He just went up and he just fucking hit the thing. Crushed it, like. Seriously, watching that guy swing is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in my life. I actually saw some fucking idiot did that thing where he put the tea in his mouth with the ball and he let John Daly do a John Daly swing. Anyway, Daley didn't fuck up, thank God. But I got to tell you something. If you ever took that to the. He would have killed him. He literally would have killed that guy. He would have gone to jail, you know, with that guy from the fucking New Jersey Nets, right? Shot that limo drive, and he would be in that row. They have a row of cells of athletes who accidentally killed somebody. He would have been right there, you know. What did you do? I shot my limo drive. What'd you do? Ah, you know, I tried to hit a golf ball out of this guy's mouth and I. I missed and I hit his head. How far do you think John Daly could have hit a human head that was still attached to a body? So he has to rip it off the body? I could say he could hit it at least 17ft. That's the level of torque and power in that man's swing. So check out John Daly videos if you get a chance at work. It's crazy. It's so fucking like. It's an overly used expression, but refreshing. When you watch the guy, he's not trying to hide anything. He's just like, ah, no, that's what he used to. Yeah. One time there was a rain delay and, you know, just went in there and me and the other two golfers, you know, we just got hammered. Just Got absolutely hammered. And then the next day we came out in the same clothes, hung over, and we actually played great. All right, more advertising. Upside. There's a. Upside down. Boy, you turn me. There's a better way. Upside down.com you're turning me. I wish there wasn't one. I wish there was one less sub alone syllable in this so I could fucking really make that song happen. There's a better way for you to buy business travel. You know, one thing I've learned about these fucking people that advertise, evidently they all have a better way of doing something. It's called upside.com. boy, you turn me. Every time you buy a trip at Upside, you'll save your company a ton of money. And they give you an Amazon gift card worth hundreds of dollars. Amazon gift card worth hundred dollars. Upside is able to do this because they bundle your flights and stick you under the plane with the luggage. No. And a hotel together. They bundle your flights in the hotel together for one low price. Bundling prices saves money. 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See, this is why I don't write movie scripts, because that would fucking happen. And everybody like, oh, my God, it was terrible. Then she fucking died. And the kids saw it. And then he couldn't figure out the code and then everybody died. All right, it was a double feature after that. We showed the local news. White people. This is. Oh, God, we're going to get into the race shit. Are we really going to get into the race shit here? Okay. White people. Oh, Billy Ambassador, I'm sure. I'm sure you addressed the current events at the top of this podcast. I skipped over most of it, as you may have heard. I just sort of trash Trump for not having the fucking humanity to trash, you know, some of the dumbest people on the planet, you know, and actually blaming the people that they attack also. I just don't fucking get it. He goes, I'm pretty moderate and have the same Ron Paul ideas about government as you seem to have. Sorry about the generations. Trying to keep it tight. Yeah, dude, I don't even know what the fuck I believe anymore. He said, I watched my Facebook feed all day denounce white people. All right, first of all, why would you go on a Facebook feed? Are you trying to depress yourself? Are you trying to make yourself upset? Why would you go on there? What did you do next? Did you go on Twitter and look up white people so you can infuriate yourself more and get an even more, like, delusional view of what the population is like? You know, I don't know. I mean, if you watched all that shit about the Klansmen, you think that every white person was in the Klan. I mean, it's just. I don't know. Anyways, plowing ahead here. He says I look white, but I'm first generation American with my parents coming from Italy. Okay, yeah, you're. You're Italian. Okay, I get it. All right? My policy on making general statements about entire races is I don't. In stereotypes, sure, white people love things like jarred jams, but in criticism, I never say white people or black people. Because if history has taught us anything, it's the dumbest thing you, period. I think he meant to say the dumbest thing you can do. He goes, I'm tired of it. All day, white people this, white people that. I voted for Barack the first time. I hate Nazis, and it's pathetic that I have to say that out loud. I think Trump is a cunt. I hated Hillary. I don't wish for the south to rise again. I'm not offended as a white person. I'm just tired of the laziness of it. Am I way off here? Look, I know what you're saying, but, dude, it's like, is this the worst thing you have to deal with? You got to expect people in a highly emotional state. All right, such as this. You know, when you're in a highly emotional state, you're going to say stuff in a way that you wouldn't if you were a little more relaxed. And then secondly, if you're going to fucking go on a Facebook feed and get upset, I don't have any sympathy for you. Like, it's, you know, it's a Facebook feed. There's no. The qualifications to comment on Facebook is you have to be smart enough to sign up for Facebook. That's it. So that's what. It's not a think tank. It's not a TED Talk, which even those Things I'm starting to think of just a fucking bunch of snake oil salesmen, everybody acting like something fucking amazing is happening, you know, because somebody's up there with a laser pointer talking about the future. Yeah, I mean, all right, I understand what you're saying. Like, I'm not. I'm not going to lie to you. There are times where I'll see, like, these people being applauded for shit that they're saying. And when I'm listening to what I'm saying, it's like if you took out white people there and then you inserted black people like that, and that person was white, they would be in trouble. However. However, you do have to take it with a grain of fucking salt because of the great fucking life that you have. All right? And I don't know, I think he should maybe try. I would try to listen more to what the overall point is rather than wasting time being offended. You know, I'm a white guy. My fucking life is great. You know, I can pretty much go wherever the fuck I want to go. I go down to the mall, I buy a T shirt, nobody fucks with me. Right. I'm not saying it's easy, but I mean, compared to what other people. Compared to what other people fucking have, like, this is the. The best. You know, this is the inside lane, you know, I could fucking look the other way. But there's definitely days, I'll say this, there's definitely days that, you know, non white people say some shit or like, you know, women will say stuff about men being like, that's is so fucking overtly fucking sexist. And not only you not being called out on it, you're being applauded for it. Like, you're brave. And what you're saying is just as fucking ignorant as what the fuck you're doing. However, at the end of it, you.

[Bill Burr]

Kind of got to be like, well.

[Paul Verzi]

Because of what's happening, they're so fucking pissed. Like, I give it a little bit. Like, I just. I give it a little. Depending on my mood, I do that. But all right, you know what? The honest thing is, is if I'm sitting there and the person who isn't white says it, I'll get into a debate with them, all right? But if I'm with all white people and they're complaining about it, I'll tell them to shut the fuck up. I think I'm just a contrarian. It all depends. I don't fucking know. But all I do. All I know is after watching all that fucking horrible Shit, I just think, you know, there's. There's a certain level of empathy that you should try to tap into, try to put yourself in other people's positions a little bit more. And I don't know, I guess to try to compensate for the astounding level of fucking ignorance that's out there, I guess you got to try to make yourself an even better person or somehow. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you, because I'll be honest with you, is when all people go, hey, I'm not in a fucking. I'm not in the Klan. I'm not a Nazi guy. I'm not. I don't belong to a hate group, blah, blah, blah, and all that shit. Everybody has their fucking issues. And when you're a comedian, it's like you're running for office. It's like you run this campaign that never fucking stops and you're meeting people like, I was just in Red Bank, New Jersey. Now I'm in Tarrytown. Now I'm gonna go to fucking la. You know, the end of the month, I'm gonna be in Boston and New Hampshire. Then I'm gonna be in Mississippi and Alabama. Am I really promoting my upcoming dates Talking about racism? Look at me. Next thing, I should have Bobby Flay reading this. But the point is, I'm gonna meet all these fucking people. And I don't know. I gotta be honest with you. Everywhere I go, no matter where I'm at, when I'm in a room and it's just all white guys of a certain age, my generation and older, you can literally take a fucking. I swear to God, like one of those sands of time timers and just go, okay, when is the N word coming? Trying to remember. I'm trying to remember the last time that, you know, it doesn't happen every time. But I go in there and I literally start having anxiety going, oh, God. You know, I look around and what I'm doing is I'm judging too. And I'm like, when's it coming? Someone's gonna fucking say it. Or someone's gonna say something a little borderline. And it's depressing. Like, I was hanging recently on a road gig, and it was all white dudes in there. And Mayweather accused McGregor of saying something racist. And McGregor's going, you know, I didn't fucking say anything racist, but ba, ba, ba, ba. And all this type of shit, right? And then this random white guy is watching it. He goes, yeah, what's the big deal? He's like, this guy's an N word and that guy's whitey. I mean, it's a fight. Who gives a fuck what you say? And I'm just thinking in my head, like, dude, they're not saying he said that like. Like. But that is, like, that's how his fucking brain process that information. And it's. It's. I don't know. It's. It's so fun. It's depressing because you know what it is? Everybody thinks they're smart, and everybody thinks they have it figured out. You know what I mean? Think about when is the last time your brain. I mean, sometimes your conscious gets to you. But does your brain really ever say, like. I mean, it takes a lot to fucking admit that you're wrong, regardless of color, sex, or anything, to be like, you know what? I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong. You know, I now realize how fucking ignorant that takes A. And to truly mean it. Not to just get on the good side of your wife again so she'll bang you, right? To truly fucking sincerely mean it and then try to make a change. It takes a fucking lot and for anybody. So I don't know. So I've gone through things like, you know, if somebody does says that, what do I do? Do I fucking confront them? Do I get into the fucking debate? I've tried every fucking technique. Do I get up and walk out? Every fucking. Nothing works. Nothing fucking works. And it's depressing. So I try to avoid that social situation. Maybe that's what I'll do in the future. Maybe that's what I'll do in the future. Anyways, that was like a time where the. I don't remember where the fuck I was when I was in. I was in Durham, North Carolina. And that fucking guy goes, you know, bill, I like you. You know, You're a good person. You know. You know, Bill. He goes, I like meeting good people. And I was like, oh, God, here it comes. I like meeting good people. He's testing the waters. He's sticking his toe in, you know, Christian. Good, Christian people, white people. And then, boom, the fucking N word comes. So that guy headed off at the pass, he said, you know, Bill, I like meeting good people. I was just like, oh, yeah, do you. You know, I like meeting bad people. Who the fuck doesn't like meeting good people? And then he. Then he shut up. Then he shut up. And then he got really mad at me, you know, when I was talking about, you know, I don't know, like, The Middle east or something like that. And I was just going like, dude, you know, they're like us, you know what I mean? They got a couple of crazy fucking leaders and then everybody else. There's a bunch of you and me walking around there trying to get a sandwich. You know, you and I were trying to get the fucking, the NBA package and they're trying to whatever fucking sport. What, what sport are they into over there? Soccer. Right, Everybody's into the fucking soccer anyways, so. Yeah, I don't know. I understand, you know, but I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't have any fucking answers. I don't fucking know. All right. Younger girlfriend not ready for marriage. Okay. Hi, Bill, I'm a big fan of yours and would like your advice. I'm a 35 year old guy from the Bronx dating a 20 year old Japanese girl in Japan. I love her a lot and want to marry her, but she tells me she's not ready for marriage and children yet and can't really say if or when she'll be ready. Yeah, it's because she's 20. I love her, but getting married and having children is very important to me. If I were younger, I would say, okay, no problem and just keep dating and see if anything changes. But at 35, I'm starting to feel pressure to get married sooner rather than later. Not societal pressure, but I worry that I'm getting too old to be a father. Well, I just had one at 48, so Alec Baldwin's fucking knocking him out in his 50s. He said, I'm okay right now, but in five or 10 years I feel I might not have enough energy to run around chasing little ones. And if she's still not ready in a few years, that would put me in a very difficult position. You're thinking smart, sir. I'm happier than I've ever been with her. And happiness can be so fleeting that I don't want to ruin it with what I have with her. But at the same time, I can't wait forever. What would I do? I would, I would listen to, I would listen to logic. All right? I really think, you know, most of the time, you know, if who's dragging their feet to the altar, it's usually the guy, okay? Not the woman. Why would they? For the most part, generally speaking, they're marrying somebody that makes more money than them, so there's no fear financially if you, you know, they're not going to lose half the house, they're going to get the whole house, and they're going to get a check from you. That's basically what the fuck happens. You know, it's like the showcase showdown at the end of the Price is Right, and you're the guy that go, hey, thanks for playing. And you just walk off. And then everybody crowds around the person that won. That's usually the woman in marriage, okay? And I don't hear any shit from women because all you guys do is bitch that you don't make as much money as men. So what I'm saying, because if you're just going to say that's not the fucking case, then what are you bitching about? Fucking equal pay for? All right?

[Bill Burr]

Either you're making less or you're not.

[Paul Verzi]

All right? So for you to sit there being sane, I love you. I want to spend my life with you and fucking have children with you and start a family and live happily ever after. For her to say, I'm not ready for that yet. And I can't really say if or when I will be ready. Yeah, dude, she's 20 years old. She has no idea who the fuck she is. You're fucking 15 years down the road. You know who you are. You know what you want. And I don't think she's gonna figure that out with you. You know, you're taking her best years away from her where she should be out fucking seen figuring out what the fuck she wants. And you in your best years of. Because now you're ready. So you need to go out and meet a fucking mature woman who's not mature. I'm not saying this woman's immature. She's not immature. She's fucking 20. All right? This is what happens. This is what happens when you. When. When there's that level of an age difference at this age, okay, look, if you were 45 and she was 35, she'd be fucking, you know, pressuring you. I don't know, dude. I would just hate for her to. At 23, to be like, you know what? I don't. This isn't like what I want. And now you're 38. You're pushing 40. You don't want that. I think I would pull the rip cord now. You know, that's what I would do. I don't fucking know. I mean, it's hard for me to tell you to fucking break up with somebody over a paragraph of information on a podcast as I sit in a bed in a hotel room, isn't it? So take all of that with a grain of salt. All right, you know what I would do, sir? I would ask your good friends, ask your good friends what the fuck they think because they know you and they'll actually have to have a nice long fucking distance phone call with you. I guess you're in Japan right now. I would do that, you know, or maybe get some friends in Japan. I don't fucking know. That's a big decision. But just from that little information, yeah, I get out of it, you know? And I'm also saying don't do that because I don't fucking know you. All right. Jesus Christ, Bill, could you waffle anymore on that one? All right. I dumped my girlfriend and now I regret it. Is this the follow up song to I Kissed a Girl And I liked it. Hi Bill. I started watching your podcast. Watching my podcast? I don't know how you're doing that. You mean listening to my podcast? Oh, this person's not from this country or doesn't speak English. Anyways, I'm going to read this right the same way this person wrote it. I started watching your podcast since few months because the best Romanian stand up comedians always said that they listened to yours in their podcast. Get the fuck out of here. Romanian comics. Listen to this podcast. Shout out to Romania, huh? Isn't that where all the gypsies come? The Richard Pryors and George Collins are fucking pickpocketers. I gotta tell you man, they're fucking amazing. They're pains in the asses, but Jesus Christ, can those fucking people pick your pocket? You almost like when they leave, you can't find your passport. You almost fucking applaud them. I don't know where you are, but that was good. I had no idea. God bless you. I don't know if they come from Romania. The gypsies, Transylvania, they're gypsies, they move around. Now, about the story. Me and this girls, we had a complicated. Dude, you got a threesome, you broke up with two girls. I had a complicated story. And I tried six months to be with her till I finally succeeded. So after one year and a half, a very nice relationship. He was giving it to her, of course, with ups and downs. Before I leave to Germany to study, I decided alone that will be better for her if we split up. So I dumped her and said to her that we should remain friends. My decision was because I got scared of her love. She would leave all of her dreams and stuff, only to come with me and be with me. And to. To hear that at 19 years old is scary. It's scary as shit. Now, after nine months when the moving out euphoria has vanished, I now know that I made a big mistake. And I realized how cunt I was to her. I think you mean cuntty in the past month. So she moved on. But we still kind of talk. But I cannot sleep anymore. I developed a little problem with drinking alone and trying not to feel something. A little advice would be nice. Thank you. And all good for you and your family. First of all, fucking. You did great with your English. I knew exactly what the fuck you were talking about. I could never do that. I don't even know what you guys. What do you speak over there? Is it called Romanian? Tapanzi? Dude, you're 19. You're going to meet somebody else. I mean, on your way to finding the person you're going to be with, you fuck up like anything, any success story, you make mistakes and you learn from along the way. All right? If you really love her, I mean, this is what you could do. Call her up one time and just say, listen, I just want you to know that breaking up with you was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've had a problem sleeping. I've been. I've developed. I've been drinking. Trying to forget and just tell her why you did it and just totally communicate with her and see what. See what she says, all right? And you know, if she doesn't take you back, you can live with that. Okay? The bottom line, dude, you're 19 years old, okay? Don't start drinking. Don't do. Don't make the mistakes I made, all right? You're in the prime of your fucking life. Turn it around. Wake up every morning, have some positive thing that you say to yourself, all right? As simple as, today's gonna be a great day, or I fucked up that relationship with so and so, but I forgive myself. And I'm gonna go out that door and I'm gonna be a real life, you know? And you're gonna attract somebody else to you. Go out there, have a good time. And when you meet a woman, right, that you like, and just. Just fucking be straight up honest. How you doing? Me? I'm trying to be positive. Trying to be positive. I went through some shit. I'm trying to get over it, and I'm trying to be positive. What's going on with you? They're cutie pie. Start doing that. Don't fucking start drinking and being a sad sack, you know, Drinking again. Oh, baby, I'm drinking again. All right, that's it. But this is A good. This is going to be a good experience for you. You can learn how to open up as a guy, communicate your feelings, and learn how to get closure with the woman that you broke up with. Or who knows? It opens back up. Who knows, right? And then also you learn how to not make self destruct. You learn how to pick yourself up off the mat. Because I'm going to tell you right now, you're 19 years old. If you think this is the first time you're going to get knocked on your ass in life, you're sadly mistaken, all right? You got to learn how to get back up again. So this is a great opportunity no matter what, all right? So there you go, grasshopper. Take those positive words and go have yourself a great fucking day, all right? How do you make friends after turning 25? Oh, Jesus Christ. What do you mean? Just, I don't know. Buy a round of drinks. He says, my man. Double B, no fun. Dude, that. That. That old Billy no fun is complete bullshit. I've been having too much fun. I have been, all right, And I've been having a problem turning off the fun faucet, if you know what I mean. I'm struggling here, all right? There's always a reason. There's always a reason. Oh, he just shot his special. Boom. Oh, we're eating fucking tomato pies. Bang. Oh, I'm on a fucking flight and the guy asked me if I want a drink. Bazaoui. All right, big fan. You may have had this question before, but I've moved into a new town and I've learned that I have no guy friends. I mean, I'm plowing like crazy through these apps, but I miss just going to the bars with the fellas. Okay, so I'm an old guy. So you're on these dating apps and you fucking. You motherfuckers, man. Good Lord. How fucking easy is it to get laid? Jesus Christ. He goes, I keep trying to arrange to go out with guys from work, but they all commute in from another town and have girlfriends they need to tend to. I find myself going back to my hometown a lot on the weekends to see my buds or lane pipe with miscellaneous chicks where I live now. So my very sad question is, how does a guy make friends? Cheers. Oh, you poor baby. You're just out there banging all these chicks. You know what I would do? I'd fucking hang out with them. I just start hanging out with them. The do you care? You can always find a crew of dopes to go watch a game with. You know what? I would, I don't, I don't know. You said cheers, so I'm assuming you're somewhere over there in Great Britain. What do they say in Australia too? I don't know. Anyways, do you play sports? Go play some pickup hockey. Go play some fucking softball. Go place pick up soccer, football, whatever the fuck you call it. I would do that. I would get involved in some sort of an activity. Sports related. If you're into like, I don't know, you don't sound like you're into Comic Con shit considering all the women you seem to be fucking. So, yeah, I would, I would, I don't know, I would do something like that. Is there an app for that? I have no idea. All right, what time is it here? All right, time for me to wrap this up. My girlfriend doesn't appreciate me.

[Bill Burr]

Aw, my girlfriend doesn't appreciate me.

[Paul Verzi]

Pooh. Hey, Billy. Back fat. I like that one. I'm a 21 year old guy, currently unemployed. Well, why the. Yeah, you're a guy without a job. It's like being a woman without tits. I mean, what the fuck? Or a vagina. Yes, women. That's what we look at you like. I'm sorry, we are, we're fucking animals. Blame God. That's how we're wired. I'm a 21 year old guy, currently unemployed and I live with my girlfriend and we've been together for a year and I'm. And I'm. Oh, a year and seven months now. Recently, it seems like she doesn't appreciate me anymore. And yesterday when she was at work, I made her coffee, did the laundry for her, bought her some pizza and then picked her up. And all I heard that night was how I didn't rinse the dishes enough before putting them in the dishwasher. She doesn't act like this. She doesn't act this way to anyone else. And I feel like I can't do anything right around her. Would love to hear your feedback and go fuck yourself. Yeah. Here's the deal, all right? And you'll never get a woman to admit this, all right? But one of the great things about them having a boyfriend is that he's going to pay for shit. He's going to take him out, he's going to buy her stuff, right? He's going to fucking. You know, your job as a man is to provide, okay? A woman, you know, after you push her off the dock with your johnson there, she can make a fucking baby, all right? And then immediately just be the greatest fucking Mom. And it's fucking magical to watch. What can we do?

[Bill Burr]

We pick up heavy shit that they can't pick up and we go out.

[Paul Verzi]

And we earn a living. Now here's the thing, as a man, the second you're sitting there and you don't have a fucking job and shit, she does.

[Bill Burr]

And now she gets to feel what it's like to be a man, which.

[Paul Verzi]

Is you fucking come home, right? You've busted your ass all day. You know, if you're fucking young, you don't have your dream job yet. Unless you're Justin Bieber or somebody like that, or you made it. Professional sports. Generally speaking, your 20s is the struggle of the dream. Hoping it comes true at some point. In your fucking 30s. So she's coming home and she's seeing you sitting there like a little fucking homemaker. And you know every guy. Sometimes, you know when you come home and you look at, you know, if your wife stays at home or your girlfriend stays at home, and you just look at. Especially if you don't have any kids, it's like, what the fuck did you do all day? It's like every day Saturday for you. What the fuck? You know? But at the end of the day, you're like, but look at it. She's, you know, she's. She's fucking beautiful. She's banging me. You know, all that shit that guys think are important, but for women, you gotta provide, dude, you gotta get a fucking job. You want. You want your girlfriend to fucking respect you again, you gotta get a fucking job.

[Bill Burr]

You gotta start bringing home money.

[Paul Verzi]

That's it. That's it. See, what I do is I actually, I bring home money and I do the fucking dishes, you know? So then whenever my wife gives me shit, I can be like, what? What is the problem? Okay? I'm like fucking Babe Ruth here. I'm hitting home runs and I'm pitching a no hitter. What the fuck else do you want?

[Bill Burr]

What is the problem?

[Paul Verzi]

See that? You know why I can say that? Because I have a fucking job. You don't have a job, sir. So no matter what the fuck you do, her problem with you is not that you didn't rinse the shit off. It's not that you did this wrong or you were driving too fucking fast. It's the fact that when you guys go out to get a meatball sub shout, she has to pay for it, you know? Yeah, you want to see all their feminism go right out the fucking window? You stay home, you be Mr. Mum. That's what happened. Here, sir. What happened here, sir, is you stop being a man to her. The second you don't have a job when you're with the woman, you immediately become like this fucking 20, 25, 35, 40 year old fucking teenager. You. They look at you like you're a child. That's it. So you need to get a job. Am I ladies? Am I wrong? I'm speaking for you here, okay? If you think I'm wrong, just write into the podcast and I'll read your opinions and I'll make fun of myself, all right? Okay. I got to get out of this hotel. That's the podcast. Go yourselves. I'll check in on you on, on Thursday. And you know, I'm a.

[Bill Burr]

You know, after all that fucking depressing.

[Paul Verzi]

Shit I saw in Charlottesville, I'm trying to, you know, I'm be fucking nice to everybody today, all right? I'm gonna try to go on a nice little run of being nice to everybody. Go out of my fucking way to not be a cunt, okay? To be a little more empathetic as I just trashed women and spoke about them in a nice big generalized way. I'm basically a fucking hypocrite. And for the life of me, I can't understand why you guys listen to me. Go fuck yourselves. I'm so you Thursday.

[Bill Burr]

Disappear. All the problems, all the fears and.

[Paul Verzi]

The world seems to disappear.

[Bill Burr]

You're.

[Paul Verzi]

Disappear. Disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear.