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Moral Of The Story
Chinese Single’s Inferno Made 4 Hot Girls Sleep With 4 “Best” Guys - Most Unhinged Dating Show
01:21:17
It’s the house of Lulu’s nightmares. This is where she filmed in the last filming of the Chinese “Single’s Inferno.” And now - she’s back for more. 4 hot girls will be invited to stay in a mansion for the weekend. The only catch is they must share rooms with what the producers call the 4 “best” guys in the nation. The girls are models. The guys are “walking hormone” CEOs. This is what happens when you force them together into a mansion for the entire weekend and leave them alone. It’s unhinged.
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- [00:01]
Host 1
Savor every last drop of summer with Starbucks. From bold refreshers to rich cold brews, the sunniest season only gets better with a handcrafted ice beverage in your hand. Available for a limited time, your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks. With a blue Cash Everyday card from American Express, you can get 3% cash back on up to $6,000 per year in purchases at US supermarkets and US gas stations. American Express helps you easily earn everyday re on the things you're already buying. So ask yourself, are you earning everywhere you can? And if you'd like that answer to be yes, then learn more@americanexpress.com us Explore BCE terms and cap apply. Who needs waterboarding when you've got reality dating shows like this? And then I've got you guys being like, drop episode two right now. I have Stefan who's editing this and he's like, hey, can you hurry up and do episode two right now because I need to see what's going on. So here we are with episode two of what my sister in law liked to call season singles in front of China. She said, you like the Korean TV show Singles Inferno. This is the Chinese version. It's actually called the Beauty and the Best. But I saw a lot of comments in the last one and they said, wow, it really is inferno for the singles. Everything about it reminds us why these people are single.
- [01:45]
Host 2
And I found out the best in Chinese. It's called jeeping.
- [01:49]
Host 1
Right?
- [01:50]
Host 2
But I would say 98.5% of time when you use that word jeeping, it's always in a sarcastic way.
- [01:59]
Host 1
Oh my God. Your sister didn't tell me that.
- [02:03]
Host 2
Beauty with quote, the best is what this show is.
- [02:08]
Host 1
Your sister did not tell me that or prepare me for any of this. I was traumatized through episode one and now we are in episode two. Listen, if you haven't watched the last episode of mots, I need you to go do that right now because none of this is going to make sense. The producers decide that the only thing to say save this show one episode in from the going from the dominant male CEO archetype that the first episode was like there was so much testosterone just pumping coursing through episode one.
- [02:37]
Host 2
Should you give like a quick recap and what the setup is?
- [02:40]
Host 1
Okay, so basically these four women enter a mansion, they enter the villa and they all decide to pick a room. Like they pick a room. Some of them are the presidential suite, some of them are the maid quarters. And then four men walk in and they randomly pick the girls room and they partner Together for multiple days. You can switch partners every day, but it's like three days, two nights, and if you fall in love, you can leave the villa together. And just. The guys were phenomenal in the episode one.
- [03:11]
Host 2
They're, quote, the best.
- [03:13]
Host 1
They're the best. I mean, one of them had a lot of airline points and I thought that was a good selling point. So please go watch that. What? Here's the thing. I'm not even gonna give you a freaking recap because they decide, the producers decide that for episode two, the only way to save this entire series is that they just come in with a whole new show with a whole new cast. They just start fresh. They're acting. They're acting like we wouldn't even notice.
- [03:43]
Host 2
Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean?
- [03:44]
Host 1
It's like all new people. Only one person remains the same.
- [03:48]
Host 2
Who is it? Zuzu?
- [03:50]
Host 1
It's Lulu, Zuzu's female partner. Lulu. Okay. They. They start fresh. Like, I didn't even notice. And to be fair, I did not notice for like 20 minutes. But that's because the show is weird. It could have been a 20 minute ad for all I knew. I was lost and confused. Episode two starts with four girls entering the villa. The villa looks like. Kind of looks like my nightmare in some ways. And I think it's just because I know what goes down in these rooms. Denise is the first one that's introduced. She's brand new to this show. She's got curly brown hair. She looks okay. I do want to mention, since I'm talking about looks, please nobody judge my dress. I feel very self conscious.
- [04:37]
Host 2
So Stephanie did not buy this as a costume. This is like a real fashion choice.
- [04:42]
Host 1
Yeah. So basically, here's what happens. I bought the dress and then there was like a little snarky remark that my husband made and was like, really? You're going to wear that one? And now I've committed to it for the rest of my life. Like, we're going to renew our vows and I'm going to be wearing this dress just because you said that you're like, really? Oh, that's an interesting choice.
- [05:02]
Host 2
So you look like Vegeta.
- [05:07]
Host 1
Who's Vegeta?
- [05:09]
Host 2
Usc.
- [05:11]
Host 1
You better show me right now.
- [05:13]
Host 2
No, no.
- [05:14]
Host 1
You better.
- [05:14]
Host 2
No, wait.
- [05:15]
Host 1
Why? Are we about to have a fight if you show me?
- [05:17]
Host 2
No. It's like so accurate. Yeah, she's very cute. She got a hairline, too. She got a good hairline.
- [05:27]
Host 1
Thank you. Really? Okay.
- [05:29]
Host 2
Yeah.
- [05:29]
Host 1
Okay, show me in the middle of the episode. Just surprise me. I just want to look over there and then you're just holding your phone and it's Vegeta at any point in time. Okay, so Denise is the first one that's introduced. Curly brown hair. She looks very elegant, very sophisticated. They say she is the Angela baby of the episode. She's here to find her Huang Xiaoming.
- [05:49]
Host 2
They divorced, so it's okay.
- [05:51]
Host 1
That's, I think, what she's looking for.
- [05:52]
Host 2
Okay.
- [05:53]
Host 1
Yeah. Now, for the sake of making this easier to get the aura around these people, I've decided to do something new for you. If they were all part of a romance movie, a romance novel, Denise would be the closed off, stoic, not a lot of words. Main character who works as a dentist in New York City. And she has no time for love. She has no patience for stupidity. She goes to a small town, comes across a single dad that milks cows for a living. And she's like, that man is rugged. Then there's Wendy. Wendy is nice. She. She's like the side character in the romance movies. She ends up with the main male character, lead's best friend. She doesn't get enough screen time. She's just pleasant. She stirs. No pots, she twists. No endings. She's just there and she's just vibing. I feel like she just shows up to hang out with people with baked goods, but the baked goods are never that yummy. They're okay. They're beautifully packaged. But she has not perfected a recipe yet. She's still making raisin oatmeal cookies. Heavy on the oatmeal, light on the raisin, non existent on the cookie. But she's really sweet. She looks like a little Disney princess, but just kind of boring. Then there's Nina. Nina is the sexy woman that is always in the main male character's life. And you as insert your name here, you feel like, what if she takes my man? Like, why wouldn't he like her? She's hot, she's sexy, she's got legs for days. And I don't mean to objectify her, but those jugs are crazy. You know that single dad that was milking cows? The cow's Nina. Okay, that's weird. That's weird. But she wears like a red bodycon dress with bright red lipstick.
- [07:37]
Host 2
Wasn't one like previous episode?
- [07:39]
Host 1
I'm talking about Nina. Oh, Nina and Jasmine are very different people. Excuse you? Okay, so Jasmine, she has the aura of. Well, you saw the bananas scene, didn't you? Where she just grabs a banana in an effort to seduce someone and just Starts chugging it down her throat. Nina would probably stick to, like, a cucumber. She keeps it a little bit classier. No, I'm just kidding. Nina is, like, super quiet. Yeah, but she's hot. And then you realize, wow, like, why did I ever feel insecure? She feels like a girl's girl. I like her. She's cool. This is my first impression. It doesn't mean it's gonna stay. Calm down. Okay? It's gonna get crazy. And then we've got Lulu. She's back from episode one. The producers felt so bad about what they did with Zuzu, the dominant CEO man, that they brought her back for love. Lulu is the comedic romantic interest. When she likes a guy and wants to get his attention, she'll start, like, doing the worm. Like, that's her vibe. She'll bust out a wave motion in her mind. She's like, this is sex appeal.
- [08:43]
Host 2
So you're saying this episode she's gonna, like, do the worm thing?
- [08:46]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [08:47]
Host 2
And last episode, she was not doing any of that.
- [08:49]
Host 1
She was not worming.
- [08:50]
Host 2
So we're gonna see, like, a different side of her.
- [08:52]
Host 1
Oh, yeah. And at this point, do we even need men? I would watch this show for the four women and the imaginary backstories that I just assigned them. But that's not how this works. Every show needs a villain, so we need to bring in the guys. Now, like the first episode, the girls have to lure the guys into their rooms with one thing. But this time. O. So last time, it was very shock factor. Jasmine whips out her bra. You could probably fit, like, two seedless watermelons into each cup. It was insane. Of course, she was the hottest one. Everyone was like, I want to get with Jasmine. But this time they said, no more. We don't have boxes big enough for these bras. They keep going up in size. It's becoming like a stock thing. We are just going to ask for one picture of a body part. Take the body part that you love the most about yourself. What would you take a picture of?
- [09:43]
Host 2
If I'm a girl.
- [09:44]
Host 1
No, you're you.
- [09:45]
Host 2
Oh, myself? I can't say my face right.
- [09:51]
Host 1
Okay. What would I think I would take? I have fluctuating self esteem, and today you caught me on a bad day, so nothing. Okay, now, demure Denise. Dentist, stoic, quiet city girl. Angelababy. She takes a picture of one eyeball. It's very mysterious. Does she have another one? We don't know. You'll have to wait and find out. You'll have to go to her room. Wendy, the nice, pretty one, but somehow a mediocre baker. And, like, kind of just there. She chooses her collarbones.
- [10:23]
Host 2
Ooh. Chinese are huge on collarbones.
- [10:26]
Host 1
What do you mean? Tell me more.
- [10:28]
Host 2
You know the trend. If you want to put a goldfish in your collarbone with a little water pond, like, you want to use your collarbone as a. As a soup bow to drink soup out of, like, put some boba milk tea inside of your. Like, that's a Chinese beauty standard.
- [10:42]
Host 1
How do you feel about collarbones? Are you. Are you, like.
- [10:45]
Host 2
I haven't seen them, actually. Do you have them?
- [10:51]
Host 1
I have collarbones.
- [10:52]
Host 2
Oh, okay. You know, like, I don't. I don't get it.
- [10:55]
Host 1
I keep them really safe and hidden so no one knows. Okay, then. Red dress. Hot, spicy. Nina chooses a picture of her cleavage. She never claimed to be spontaneous. She claims to be effective. Then Lulu, she chooses her hands. She's gently caressing a champagne flute. And I feel like this also has to be kind of like an East Asian thing, like the way she's.
- [11:22]
Host 2
What do you mean?
- [11:23]
Host 1
I don't know. It's kind of weird. I just would have never guessed. Someone does their hand.
- [11:26]
Host 2
Oh, hand is huge.
- [11:28]
Host 1
What do you know about hands? What do you know?
- [11:31]
Host 2
I mean, you know, I know there's good hands and bad hands.
- [11:35]
Host 1
That's not fair. I have really bad hands.
- [11:37]
Host 2
No, you have really good hands.
- [11:39]
Host 1
So they all get separated into their rooms after taking these pictures, and now they just have to wait for the men to show up, choose the picture, go to the corresponding room, be surprised. So the first man to be introduced, they decide that last time all four walking in was too much star power. So they do one at a time. The first man is Nolan. You know what this show reminds me of? This show reminds me of when you have six friends, and you're trying to matchmake in between the six friends. So you're like, let me just. Which way? Every which way possible. And then you have to keep circling these people around to play Cupid. But the number of matches available are limited, and then the quality of matches are limited. Nolan. Nolan. I mean, the best thing that the producers could say about him is that he's from Beijing. That's it. They said Beijing. Nolan. I don't like Nolan. Nolan looks like you walk into a club. He's the club promoter. He's gonna bite his lip and blow you a kiss from across the club. That's what Nolan looks like. And then there's Liam. The producers say Liam is the sunny guy that has 18 ways to hit on a girl. But he wants a family oriented girlfriend. Liam is tall. Liam is tall.
- [12:52]
Host 2
Okay?
- [12:53]
Host 1
He has this look. You know those YouTube channels that used to create skits and dramas? Like a K drama esque drama, like a diet K drama. And you cast your friends like you cast the guys that you met at church, because you're like, I'm not going to pay an actor. I can't afford sag, Afra, or I don't know how actors get paid. So then you just, like, ask someone that you know to star in your little skit. There would be a whole plot. It's good. The production value is there, but it's not there. There enough to feel like a real show. Liam feels like the type that would be casted in a YouTube style C drama. He's not hot enough to be a regular C drama. Like, he's not attractive enough to be oppa. He's just like a chingu. What? He's just a friend. A chingu. You know?
- [13:35]
Host 2
But he will play the oppa.
- [13:38]
Host 1
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [13:38]
Host 2
In this U2 skit.
- [13:39]
Host 1
Yes.
- [13:40]
Host 2
Okay.
- [13:40]
Host 1
And then there is Robert White guy. It just took me out of surprise. I was so shocked. I said, oh, okay, that's fun. He's an American. He is described.
- [13:51]
Host 2
Does he speak Chinese?
- [13:52]
Host 1
Yeah, yeah. He's described by the producers as Western CEO, a walking male hormone. So I was like, I don't know what that means. Robert calls himself white meat in Chinese. He is white. He is a meathead. I see no lies. Carry on. Right. He just kind of like, thinks that there's imaginary boxing bags everywhere in front of him and just starts practicing boxing. Do you know what I mean? There are some boys that you talk to and you're having a conversation about the restaurant that you. And then they just start, like, doing this. And then they, like, try to, like, do this to your face. And then I was like, what? Wait, why are you laughing? It's so funny. It's so funny.
- [14:38]
Host 2
Okay, bro. It's so accurate, though.
- [14:42]
Host 1
Yeah. And like, they're always like. And then. Are you listening to what I'm saying right now?
- [14:46]
Host 2
Every boy.
- [14:47]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [14:48]
Host 2
It's fighting an imaginary enemy.
- [14:53]
Host 1
Yes. Because, you know, the other day we went to a basketball court with Dan Dan, and then I was like, off to the side doing something, and he is alone with the basketball and there's no. There's no one else on the court. Right. And you know, I thought that he was just gonna shoot for the hoop, but he's like, swerving side to Side, dribble, Dribble. And then he's, like, dunking, and I'm like, you're playing alone.
- [15:13]
Host 2
He's not dunking.
- [15:17]
Host 1
Not at all.
- [15:18]
Host 2
The opposite of dunking. He's being dunked by the. By the. By the hoop.
- [15:25]
Host 1
Okay.
- [15:26]
Host 2
He shot 10 shots and made it in twice.
- [15:29]
Host 1
Yeah. Nobody by himself. Yeah, that was. Yeah.
- [15:33]
Host 2
Yeah. So, yes. So basically he. I was explaining to Stephanie then was basically playing with imaginary LeBron James, right?
- [15:39]
Host 1
Yeah, like imaginary ops. And I was like, this is so redone. I can't even believe it. Okay, that's. That's him. That's Robert. He be boxing imaginary ops everywhere. He is a meathead. And then lastly, you have David. David looks like your dad. I don't know what your dad looks like.
- [15:57]
Host 2
He looks like your dad.
- [15:59]
Host 1
No, no, he looks worse.
- [16:01]
Host 2
Worse than your dad?
- [16:05]
Host 1
Yeah, he looks. He seems nice. He's not like Zuzu. Apparently, he's an artist that likes to just be out there. So these are the four men that are entering the villa. And I am less than scared than I was in episode one. So I think we're off to a good start. Now, the first couple to be paired are. Cutie Patootie. Wendy. Listen, I love her. I am her. The minute the door to her room opens and in walks meathead Robert, who introduces himself in Chinese. Hi, I'm White Meat. Instead of running the other way, Wendy is delighted. Wendy and I have the same problem where I think that when I know who I am and I stick to who I am, things go well for me, okay? No matter what you believe, believe it or not, I am not a S X symbol. It comes as a surprise to many of you, but I have no control over how you perceive me. In the event that I do try to weaponize my sex appeal, it usually ends up with me saying some really stupid shit, okay? And then my husband goes, what? And I say, okay, I'll repeat it. And I repeat it less confidently the second time. And I said, life is like a fleeting butterfly. And I'm just here for the but. And then he's like, honey, I have no clue what you're saying right now. You gotta talk louder. I can't hear a single. And then my confidence is diminished. That is Wendy. The minute Robert walks in, introduces himself as White Meat, she hits him with a. It's true what they say. When one door closes, another window opens. What? Everyone's like, what the is she talking about? Is there even a window inside this room? What? Door closed? What's going on? Are you Bob the Builder? It was very random.
- [17:45]
Host 2
What does it mean?
- [17:46]
Host 1
She's just saying shit. I think she's trying to be mysterious. And then I relate to that so, so deeply on like a visceral atomic level. I relate and it's very random. I thought it was incorrectly translated, but no, I confirmed it's just what she says. The two sit on the bed and Wendy just starts going in. I was really into photography since I was really young. Then it became my full time job. Then I was like, I went, maybe I thought about broadcasting. So then I went into broadcasting after that. And then Robert just looks checked out. He's not any of this to the point where I think he realizes there's a camera in the room and there's probably people thinking I'm rude as f. So he says, oh, I'm so sorry, Wendy. It's not that you're boring. It's just I'm just not in the best condition right now. I'm a bit exhausted. Wendy nods. Oh, yeah, no, I see. That's okay. I didn't know you were in the best condition. My hometown is down south, but my father is actually from a different area and my mother is like from the other side of the country. So it's kind of like a mixture of them too right now. But I'm living in Shanghai and I primarily work there. So naturally I spend most of my time there.
- [18:52]
Host 2
Is he yapping?
- [18:53]
Host 1
Just yapping his ear off. And I said, Wendy, maybe like he's.
- [18:58]
Host 2
Not good with Chinese. So it's like this feels like a, you know, like second language class. It's a test, no question. Where does Wendy's father from? A Shanghai B Suzhou.
- [19:14]
Host 1
See, but then, but then when he goes into the confessional after he was all so polite and he was listening to Wendy, right? They ask Robert, what do you think about Wendy?
- [19:27]
Host 2
Shanghai B Sujo.
- [19:30]
Host 1
He says he doesn't know how he feels about Wendy. He's gonna wait to see how she performs at night. You win, basically. Okay, so his lack of interest in Wendy's conversation. It's very obvious that she is not his type. And then you go to Red dress Nina, who is patiently waiting for her partner to arrive. Nina's the girl that took a picture of her cleavage, remember? Now you would think that she's like Jasmine, she's got the banana ready. She's ready for all of this. But in reality, Nina is the complete opposite. Before her partner arrives, she looks deadpan into the camera and says, I. I'm not going to pick whoever chooses me. I'm trying to eliminate someone. The truth is, if they choose my cleavage picture, then I don't want to be with them. So this is the quickest way for me to eliminate the first person.
- [20:17]
Host 2
That's crazy.
- [20:18]
Host 1
So whoever walks in that door, she's not into him and dun, dun, dun, the door opens. Who's it? Who's it?
- [20:27]
Host 2
The last one. The one that looks like your dad.
- [20:30]
Host 1
My dad? Your dad. Okay. No. Nolan, the club promoter. That blows. Give me a hug, Nolan. Just smile. Nolan. It's not that I don't think women are equal, but that Nolan, okay, that guy, he walks in in a three piece suit, dress shirt, tie, vest, dress pants, no blazer. He looks like a sleazy car salesman that smells kind of like cigarettes the whole time that you're test driving the car. And then you also feel very stressed because you can kind of feel his gaze on your thighs. And you're just like, do I just crash the car yet? Nolan walks in. Confident attitude of a guy that has just freshly graduated from, like, a pickup artist course. And he just starts speaking Japanese. He walks in speaking, no, no, he's not Japanese.
- [21:21]
Host 2
Why is he speaking Japanese?
- [21:23]
Host 1
It's like me walking into a room and you know, I'm not even gonna do it. Okay. And speaking Chinese, it's like, I'm not Chinese. I don't speak Chinese. And his Japanese pronunciation is ass. Right?
- [21:34]
Host 2
But is Nina Japanese?
- [21:35]
Host 1
No, hear me out. He's doing it to throw Nina off. Look at me, I'm cultured.
- [21:41]
Host 2
That's crazy.
- [21:42]
Host 1
But Nina responds. Catches him off guard because she responds in Japanese and her pronunciation is better than him. How do I know? I don't speak Japanese. But it sounds better. It sounds more accurate. He looks shocked. Nina, meanwhile, is unimpressed. And then Nina sits there and she says, okay, first things first. We gotta discuss the sleeping arrangements because you and me, we're not gonna work. Like, I already knew we weren't gonna work, but when you walked in that door, I definitely knew we weren't gonna work.
- [22:09]
Host 2
Oh, she's direct.
- [22:10]
Host 1
Yeah. She's like, yeah, I'm not into this. You're not sleeping on the bed. And Nolan tries to play dumb and suggests they sleep on the same bed. And he's like, why not? There's. I mean, we both have two blankets. We can each have our own blanket. And then. And then we both sleep on the bed. Nina does not want to agree to this. So Nolan's to. I just have, like a really bad back injury. My God, I just can't. Let me tell you. I mean, I'm not here to take advantage of you. I'm from Beijing. I don't know what that means, sir. What does your geographical location mean to me? And it's, you know, he says it's mainly because the floor is super cold. And you know, it's just one night, right? This is the first time that they're meeting. Nina does not like this, but Nolan, he's the one that's upset. He goes into the confessional room and he says, I think she's a little pretentious. You know, here's what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. Independence, hobbies, passion, sports. And they can't be too cocky or needy. And you know how, when, then you know, when you're in the confessional room and the producers just don't talk. But the producers this time they're like, we, we gotta around with this guy. Are you not cocky? Like you don't want a cocky girlfriend, but are you not cocky? Nah, I'm not cocky. If I love someone, I love someone. If I hate someone, I hate someone. If I cheat, I cheat. What they ask him. Do you actually enjoy the feeling of having many girls pursuing you? I don't particularly enjoy it. This is just my usual state. It's my usual habitat since I was young. I don't enjoy it on purpose. It's just I'm kind of used to it if you're not around. If my girlfriend's not around, then there's gonna be another chick. It's that simple. You might think I'm crazy, but that's just the truth.
- [24:02]
Host 2
Is he hot?
- [24:03]
Host 1
He. Oh my gosh. How do I describe what this man looks like? He's.
- [24:12]
Host 2
Is he like Zuzu?
- [24:13]
Host 1
No, he just looks like that 30 year old man that hangs out around high school and smoking cigarettes and driving a BMW, but he lives with his parents and you just know he smells like Dolce and Gabbana. Light blue, but overpowering. That is like cigarette scent. And then, and then, okay, let's say I'm stranded on the side of, I don't know, the school. Okay. And he happens to be someone that I know and it's like, okay, do I risk hitchhiking or do I just ask him for a ride? Because it'll be okay. Then I get in, in the front seat, I open the door, the passenger door, and he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. He takes this neon pink bra and then throws it into the back seat. That's his vibe. Like, I feel like he's the type to go to Target, buy a neon pink bra just so he can concoct this moment. What the fuck? Yeah, but you know what's even more crazy? The fact that I concocted this moment in my head. Okay, that's crazy, but that's exactly the vibe he gives me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
- [25:22]
Host 2
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [25:23]
Host 1
That's the vibe. So those are paired together.
- [25:27]
Host 2
What an ick.
- [25:28]
Host 1
Yeah, they're paired together. Meanwhile, Lulu is having a full mental breakdown in her room.
- [25:33]
Sponsor Voice
She.
- [25:36]
Host 1
She's the one from episode one who is paired with Zuzu. And she's talking to the ghosts of her past. This feels like fake. This is the same room that I was in last time. And I feel like I'm right back here, and it's just gonna be another weirdo, right?
- [25:50]
Host 2
Is she saying that?
- [25:51]
Host 1
Same room. And she's just talking to herself. Is this fate? Is this my life? Is this really what it's come to? And then finally, the door opens. Sea drama. Diet C drama. Liam walks in. And in the first episode, when Zuzu walked in, she broke the fourth wall, okay? She had this balding diamond medallion, sky miles misogynist walk in through the door. He uses his credit card points to upgrade his flights. And then he expects you to get on your knees for that. And you're like dominant CEO Zuzu, calm down. Lulu stared straight into the camera and asked us, the viewers, in real time, what is this? What is this? And now she does it again. No, but this time it's like. Is like a. It's like when you're trying to tell your friend, like, this is the one. Oh, yeah. And then she turns around back at him. Okay, no freaking way. Yeah, yeah. Liam walks in telling her, your hands are beautiful, and she throws herself on the wall. Thank you. Okay. She's holding onto the wall. And honestly, at first, the conversation goes well. Liam tells her he used to work as a chef. He can cook for her while he's here. He's like, do you like singing? I can also sing for you. I'm like, liam, you're not on China's Got Talent. What the f. CK is wrong with you? Okay? He said, this isn't for you, Lulu. This is for my potential agent who might discover me on this show. Okay, how do I know? How do I know right where he said that? No, I know this because after he says, do you like singing? I can sing for you. I don't even think there was a transition cut or anything. It's. He just suddenly has a guitar. It just like forms. I don't know if it's like the wall scrapes down and then it metamorphosizes into a guitar. He just starts singing for Lulu. Lulu does not once question, where the hell did you get that guitar? She is too busy bopping to the music.
- [28:01]
Host 2
What kind? What is it?
- [28:02]
Host 1
It's like he's singing.
- [28:05]
Host 2
We gotta watch what you say here. What was he singing?
- [28:09]
Host 1
It's, you know.
- [28:11]
Host 2
Was it J. Chow?
- [28:13]
Host 1
No. It's like. I mean, just imagine anything where it's like a guitar and a dude singing.
- [28:18]
Host 2
Are you sure?
- [28:19]
Host 1
Yeah. Was his singing good? No, it was okay. I would say maybe if he goes to karaoke, he wouldn't be the best one in your friend group.
- [28:28]
Host 2
Is it like a church lead singer type of?
- [28:31]
Host 1
Yes, like a hillsong singer. But Lulu's not face. She's bopping. She's bopping.
- [28:37]
Host 2
She's dancing.
- [28:38]
Host 1
She's bopping. Yeah, she bopping.
- [28:41]
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- [28:56]
Host 1
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Host 1
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- [30:35]
Host 1
And then we go to Denise. You know who's coming in demure dentist, main character, city girl Denise, who is waiting for her man to arrive. And that man is David. David that looks like dad, but not Daddy. He walks in and he says, denise turns around, the hair is blowing in the AC unit wind, and the scene is perfect. He says, it was like a good wife and a mother suddenly turned around. And I'm like, what does that mean?
- [31:04]
Host 2
It's like a good wife and a mother. Oh, my God.
- [31:09]
Host 1
Suddenly turned around. I mean, conventional attractiveness, compatibility. Denise and David are not a great match. Denise is like a 10, and David is David. But life is not about looks. Don't be shallow, Stephanie. What's wrong with you? Life is about connection. Denise gives David the benefit of the doubt, even though he's staring at her while she's talking. Like, she's like the last snow crab cluster at the buffet. It's kind of creepy. I don't like it. It's, like, really giving me the ick. It's getting me a little goosebumpy. And then they start discussing their career. David's, like, sitting on the lounge chair like, he's like King Midas. It's kind of weird. I'm like, I don't know where you're getting this confidence, but I desperately need some of it. David even starts asking, so, what do you do for a living? I'm currently a model. I think models are really boring. Oh. I think it's very meaningful work. It's so boring. You just sit there and make poses like this. And he starts pretending to make poses. I'm like, I don't know what you're selling, dude. But, like, that's terrifying. That's scary. Okay. David even went as far as making expressions to mock her career, like, mewing.
- [32:16]
Host 2
Does he think he's flirting?
- [32:18]
Host 1
Like, I think so.
- [32:19]
Host 2
Does he think this is working?
- [32:21]
Host 1
Yeah. And she's like, I think it's fun. And he says, I think it's bad. So from the second they meet, Denise is already done with him. But when it comes to sleeping arrangements, Denise is. She's trying to be. She's trying to be open to suggestion, and she wants it to be fair. She suggests. So all the other girls are like, hey, you guys sleep on the floor because we're not sharing the bed. Denise says, why don't we play rock paper scissors Shoot to determine who sleeps on the bed. So if I lose, I'll sleep on the floor. It's fine. David says, we can play, we can play. But since we both have our own blankets, we should just both sleep on the bed. And she's like, what's wrong with the floor? Don't be so conservative and close minded.
- [33:02]
Host 2
Oh, my goodness.
- [33:03]
Host 1
I'm not closed minded. I just care about my hygiene. Ah, Then you sleep on the floor. And like, David is genuinely flirting with Denise. Like, he'll go into the confessional room and he'd be like, no, I think it's going well. And then I'm like, what is happening? Denise, on the other hand, she goes straight into the confessional. What do you want to tell David? Go die. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to interact with him. I hate him. Honestly, it's not easy to get someone to hate you in such a short period of time. You really have to have a certain level of weird or annoying to achieve that. And she's mad, okay? She's in Lulu's position. So after making fun of Denise for being a model, David starts. Starts strutting around the room and he says, you know what I'm into? You're a model. You're a loser. I'm into dressing up, okay?
- [33:49]
Host 2
Dressing up?
- [33:50]
Host 1
Yeah. I like to wear real costumes. Like, I like to wear a real doctor's uniform. I just buy white coats and scrubs and I wear them around the house. And then he's like, you want to see? He starts changing. It's like a one man show. He's like having outfit changes in front of her. Denise is like, what is happening? I didn't ask for any of this. And then eventually, the couples are all asked to gather in the kitchen to make their own dinner. And hearing this, David decides that he's not gonna take off his costume.
- [34:16]
Host 2
He shows up in his doctor's coat.
- [34:18]
Host 1
Yes, he shows up in his white coat. He goes down and he stands next to a girl that's just standing there zoning out. And then she turns her head to the right and the look on her face is, me, not again. It's Lulu. It's Lulu. And her expression can be summarized as, I'm not doing this again. I'm not doing this again. She says, why are you wearing that? I'm finding a sense of confidence because I think being a doctor is so much fun. You know, I can make a lot of money, and in my eyes, all of you are sick. Lulu just walks away.
- [34:56]
Host 2
This is so weird.
- [34:58]
Host 1
Lulu just walks away. You know, David. David assumed that he. He was getting on Lulu. David's like, I don't know. That joke was really good. I think she's into me. Lulu is pulled to the side. She says, I think he's an Excel version of Zuzu. Yeah. And I was like, okay, Lulu, calm down. Calm down a little bit. He's not that creepy yet, but he does get creepy. So in hindsight, maybe we forgive you. I don't know. It's up to you. Right? Because Lulu is so traumatized, she does not keep track of Liam. She's, like, so thrown off by David's doctor's coach. She's, like, in her own little time warp, like, moving around the kitchen and her diet. C drama. Liam, tallest guy in the kitchen, is showing off his cooking skills. Cause remember, he used to work at restaurants?
- [35:42]
Host 2
Yeah.
- [35:43]
Host 1
He's a chef. And Nina, the Nina, the sexy Nina, walks over and she says, I love a guy that can cook. And then she's like, can you make me scallion noodles? Because I'm from Shanghai. And then he's like, me too. They're both from Shanghai. So they start bonding. And Nina is from.
- [36:11]
Host 2
Yo. What are you saying? Do I hear whistle somewhere? Is someone whistling?
- [36:20]
Host 1
Liam is from Pudong.
- [36:22]
Host 2
Pudong. That's where I was from.
- [36:24]
Host 1
Really? Yeah. Wow. But you see, you're like, regular C drama. He's dying. Liam and Nina, they've got the most realistic possibility. She lives in Shujia. X u space. J I A space. H U I Hui. Hui.
- [36:54]
Host 2
Yes. There we go.
- [36:56]
Host 1
So when Liam is cooking for everyone, Nina is also the only girl who stays next to him to mop the floor and do the dishes. And Liam notices. Yeah. And he says, you know, I think it's really virtuous that Nina is helping so much in the kitchen. And then the editing team really around and found out, because immediately he turns around and tells the other guy, my partner that I partnered with has a bangin body. I mean, I haven't seen it yet, but maybe tonight.
- [37:25]
Host 2
Wait, wait. So he was talking about Nina being very virtuous.
- [37:30]
Host 1
Yeah. And then he turned around and said, you See that bitch over there? That's my bitch. It's like, okay, that's really crazy. I don't like this show. No, I love this show. But in, like, the best way and the worst way possible. I can't stop watching. Like, it's. You gotta pry me off of this. So as Liam and Nina are getting closer, I. Lulu, does not even notice that her man is being stolen by another woman. I mean, during this time, she's just, like, zoning out, looking around and trying to avoid David because she doesn't want another Zuzu. And then you got meathead white meat. Robert, who's also busy thinking about who he's gonna pick right now. Robert doesn't even know his partner's name. He said, I got the girl in white. The one that's real skinny. Yeah, that's what he says. That's what he says. And C. Drama. Liam is like. Like, is that your type? Nah. But the moment he lays eyes on dentist model Denise, Robert knows Angelababy. Angelababy. This is the one. I mean, compared to all the other female guests, Denise has the most Western features. I mean, Robert is. He's into it. But instead of flirting with her like a normal person, can you just guess what this American does? And, like, is this what Chinese netizens think of Americans now because of shows like this? Here's what he does. He's in front of the frying pan. There's a piece of meat frying in the frying pan. There's, like, a butcher block of a few other slices of meat next to it that are raw, that need to be put into the frying pan to be fried. It's steak. He grabs it and says, eat it raw. Shoves it in Denise's face, and she's like, no, I'm not gonna eat it. And then he was like, okay, I'll eat it. And then he just takes a bite of raw meat. If I were artificial intelligence, I would round up the humans and destroy them all, too. Just for this clip. I would say, you guys are fucking weird. No, no. This is some sick shit, y' all. I gotta go, right? Like, that's what I would do. Denise looks at him like, oh, my God, he's so hot.
- [39:38]
Host 2
No.
- [39:39]
Host 1
Yeah. She's so into it. Because I get. Unless you just want a man who looks botulism in the eye and says, not today, worms. I've got a date. That's what he did. Denise is shocked. The animalistic behavior. Bonus points. She goes into the confession. Oh, my God. Foreigners are so Attractive. He completely wins. In terms of appearance. No. Yes.
- [40:05]
Host 2
What does he look like, though.
- [40:08]
Host 1
Robert?
- [40:09]
Host 2
Yeah. Oh, clearly in China, you know, the sex appeal of a white guy is different from in America. Right?
- [40:17]
Host 1
Yeah. Okay. Gas station. No, no gas station. Pickup truck pulls up. He's got a little bit of, like, a beard, but it's closely shaven, like, reddish blondish hair. And you just know he drinks Monster or Red Bull. You know, he's not a smoker, though. I don't see him being a sm. Am I like a. Am I okay? Am I okay? I don't see him being a smoker.
- [40:48]
Host 2
But, like, is he really hot or is he, like, average? Medium? Average? Like, would you say, like, is he hot?
- [40:55]
Host 1
No.
- [40:55]
Host 2
Oh, okay.
- [40:56]
Host 1
I'm so sorry. No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also feel like he would. He would need to put a little hop in it when he tries to get into the pickup truck. I don't know if the. I'm not seeing it too clearly. I don't know if the pickup truck is too lifted or if it's not lifted at all. I don't know. It's just the energy he gives me. Like, he's all fun and games until he's gotta get into the driver's seat.
- [41:20]
Host 2
He has to, like, 1, 2, 3.
- [41:22]
Host 1
Yeah. Yes, yes. Like, hold my cup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when he gets out, it's like both feet landing at the same time. Like, you know, I.
- [41:34]
Host 2
Wait, I do that too. Now I feel like I gotta practice.
- [41:41]
Host 1
You're so cute. Okay, so meanwhile, Nolan, the club promoter, the pink neon bra in the passenger seat. Nolan.
- [41:50]
Host 2
Yes.
- [41:51]
Host 1
He starts feeling more into Lulu. He says, I hate these words. I'm a visual creature. Lulu looks like a cat, and I'm into it.
- [42:02]
Host 2
And I'm a lion. I like to chase cats.
- [42:08]
Host 1
So after dinner, they played Never have I Ever. Like, I don't know if they couldn't hire an intern to be a little bit more creative with some of these games. They played this in the last one, however, they said, no more fingers. No more fingers. Just take shots of alcohol. Yeah. So they start playing Never have I ever. And it's like, really? They're just trying to be cordial in the beginning. It's like, never have I ever dyed my hair. Never have I ever gotten a speeding ticket. And then someone finally says, never have I ever been cheated on before. And then two people drink, meaning two people are admitting to being cheated on. Like they're the victims. Right. One of them is Nina, and then the other one is Liam. And, like, Nina's telling her story about it. She's crying.
- [42:48]
Host 2
She's crying?
- [42:50]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [42:50]
Host 2
Oh, wow.
- [42:51]
Host 1
And then Liam is looking at her like, I can fix you.
- [42:53]
Host 2
Wait. I'm so sorry. Nina is the.
- [42:55]
Host 1
Nina is. Yes. And then Liam is Dietzy. Drama.
- [43:00]
Host 2
Oh, they were hitting off.
- [43:01]
Host 1
Yes. And Lulu is sitting on the side, like, hold on, hold on. What is happening? Hold on. Okay, so she's very upset. So all of this is happening in just like a five minute span. And then the MC comes back and goes, we don't have enough footage. We're gonna play the telephone game. Yeah, they're not. No. But they're not juicing. They're not juicing for this one. It's about to get juicy. But they. They take like 24 hours to warm up. Like, the first group, I feel like they were boom, boom, boom. This group, once they warm up, though, it's weird. So they're gonna play the telephone booth game. You know those little telephone booths in London? I've never been, but I've seen pictures. The red booths. Yeah, yeah. So it's not working. They just have one as a prop. You're gonna pick someone and you're gonna go into this tiny space and stay there for three minutes. Have you ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven?
- [43:54]
Host 2
No. What is that?
- [43:56]
Host 1
You spin the bottle and two people get chosen and they go into the. Yes. It's like that. So the guys get to choose someone that's not their partner, and everybody is, like, freaking out. David has now changed from his doctor's uniform to what I can only imagine is cultural appropriation. I don't know. It looks like some traditional uniform, but it looks costumey. I don't know. And he says he loves costume play, so I imagine it's not legitimate. I don't know.
- [44:29]
Host 2
How do people take it?
- [44:30]
Host 1
They didn't say anything, but I also feel like.
- [44:33]
Host 2
But they didn't. Also didn't say, wow, that's a beautiful costume.
- [44:36]
Host 1
Absolutely not. It's like Chinese party city. How would you say party city in Chinese in Mandarin? He got it from there. Yes, exactly. Now David is the first person to go, and aside from his current partner Denise, he says that he's really conflicted between nice girl Nina and our poor girl Lulu. And she. And he literally sits there and goes, I'm conflicted between my red rose and my blue rose because they're wearing red and blue. In the end, he chooses blue rose. Lulu.
- [45:09]
Host 2
Oh, my God.
- [45:10]
Host 1
And when he chooses Lulu, there is one person with the world's biggest Smile in the room. It's Denise. She's like, yes, get him out of my room. And she says, I am so happy. Please stay away from me and just walk away with someone else. Okay? Just don't come and annoy me. Meanwhile, Lulu is having war flashbacks. She feels like this is Zuzu all over again. They enter into the tight telephone booth and David just starts grilling her like an interrogation officer. Instead of being an intimate moment, this turns into a Q and a. You read your Miranda rights session. Do you like guys like me? Would you like to marry a guy from the village? I guess. Would you like to marry a farmer? He doesn't even wait for her to fit in. Do you have to stay in the city or would you consider moving somewhere else? Well, right now, what are your thoughts on me right now? And then eventually she turns around and looks straight into the camera again to the glass telephone booth and she goes, ah. Later in the confessional, she has a moment where she's just quiet and she says, it's a nightmare, you know, get me out of here. Meanwhile, the next couple is botulism American Robert. Meat eating meathead boxing the air. Oh yeah, he's getting the oxygen and he chooses Denise. Club promoter Nolan chooses Denise, which she says to be expected. She says, I'm used to being chased by men. So they walk into the telephone booth and boom, all three of them. No, no, now it's club promoter Nolan and Denise. They walk in and she turns around to face him and uh, oh, he puts both of his palms like on the sides of her face. It's like booktok daddy vibes. But I wanna gag, I'm gonna throw up.
- [47:05]
Host 2
He put both of his paws on.
- [47:07]
Host 1
Yeah, he put his paws on her. This is like the booktok character that the booktok daddy saves you from.
- [47:14]
Host 2
Okay?
- [47:14]
Host 1
Yeah. Huh. And then he says, if the rules were reversed and you had to choose a man, who would you choose? This is how he talks. Yeah, yeah. You know that TikTok girl that I really love? I love her so much.
- [47:29]
Host 2
The role playing one.
- [47:30]
Host 1
She's in the elevator.
- [47:32]
Host 2
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [47:33]
Host 1
She's chewing gum.
- [47:34]
Host 2
Oh, the Chinese girl.
- [47:36]
Host 1
Yeah. And then she's always like.
- [47:40]
Host 2
What are you doing?
- [47:40]
Host 1
Damn. Like that girl. Yeah, yeah, that's him in this like three foot booth, like two, two by two foot booth. He is the original, he is the inspiration. He's the mood board for that girl. And he says, then tell me objectively of you four girls, who do you think is the most beautiful? And she looks at him I am the most beautiful. I'm like, well, you two have fun, okay? You two have fun.
- [48:10]
Host 2
Does she like him?
- [48:11]
Host 1
I don't think so. I don't know. I'm confused. The signals are confusing. And he says, I think you guys are the same. You're on par. And she with who? With who? With Lulu. Denise says, cut the shit, okay? She goes to the confessional. She's not a girls girl. She runs in there. Is he out of his mind? I think he's blind. And then you get the last couple. You get C drama. Liam.
- [48:39]
Host 2
Wait, what happened to the meathead? And.
- [48:41]
Host 1
Oh, yeah, they were just like, hey. Hi.
- [48:45]
Host 2
Okay.
- [48:46]
Host 1
And I was like, whoa. Meatheads really are meatheading. Yeah. There wasn't a lot going on.
- [48:54]
Host 2
She didn't like either of them.
- [48:55]
Host 1
I think she liked. I think she liked White Meat Robert. Oh, yes. Then the last couple, Liam, chooses Nina, and the two of them enter the kissing booth. It's like the most normal out of everyone, which is saying absolutely nothing but the sissy drama. Liam and Red Dress Nina, they all go back to their rooms after this. They go back to their assigned rooms. They can't switch with any of these people. And club promoter Nolan is just trying to make sleazy moves on Nina. He takes off his tie.
- [49:25]
Host 2
Oh.
- [49:25]
Host 1
And just wraps it around his fist. And then he's, like, doing that.
- [49:31]
Host 2
No. No way. No way. Absolutely no way. He's, like, using his tie like a whip.
- [49:37]
Host 1
Yeah, kind of. Yeah, like, ooh, I could tie you up if you wanted me to. Just say the word, baby girl. And she's like, I will never speak another word ever again in my entire life. I promise I will never say another word. Meanwhile, I'm losing my track of, is he white meat? Is he meathead?
- [49:57]
Host 2
No, he said he's white meat.
- [49:59]
Host 1
Okay. White Meat Robert is waiting outside of his room just, like, hanging out in the doorway. I will say. I'm not gonna say that. He's hanging out in the doorway. Just booty popped out. Booty cheek popped to the side, and Den is practically twirling her hair. She walks into the room that Robert shares with nice girl Wendy, and they're holding hands when Wendy walks in. What's going on? Wendy tells the confessional, I felt like my territory was being invaded. Then it cuts to Nina bent over, and I'm like, what's going on? Red dress. Nina is now bent over, and she's like, right there, right there, right there. That's the spot.
- [50:45]
Host 2
Wait, Nina likes Liam, right?
- [50:47]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [50:47]
Host 2
But right now, Nina is bent over in the room.
- [50:50]
Host 1
She's like. It's just a close up of her bent over and she's like, right there. That's the spot. That's the spot. And then the camera pans out and diet C drama. Liam is cracking her back after a workout. And then red dress Nina is cracking club promoter Nolan's back. And suddenly I want to be a slug. I don't want it back. I don't want to backbone. Like, this weird cracking series is just so bizarre. And they're all like moaning and they're all like, that's the spot. And I'm like, I gotta go home.
- [51:22]
Host 2
How are they cracking the back?
- [51:24]
Host 1
They're like, okay, so you bend over and they're just like pushing on the back. I feel like you don't crack the back like that.
- [51:31]
Host 2
Yeah, that's kind of interesting.
- [51:33]
Host 1
Yeah. Yeah. It is weird, huh? So then everyone goes into their assigned rooms and everybody's having a good time except for Denise and David. So Denise is the quiet one who likes white meat. Robert. And then David. David is dad. David suggests, okay, we're gonna all sleep on the floor. But Denise is like, you know what? I don't want to do this. I don't want to have an argument with you. I don't want to convince you. I don't want to sleep on the floor. I'm gonna go downstairs and I'm gonna sleep on the couch. So she grabs her stuff, she goes to the couch, and after she leaves, he's very upset. And David's main upset with her is that when she leaves, he loses face because the other guys will know that she doesn't want to be in the same bed as him. Him. And he's just so upset by this, but he still wants to try and make it work. So he gets very busy in there. He's making a cup ramen. He's like, I'm gonna bring this down to Denise as like a peace offering of like, denise, baby, please come back. So Denise, she plops down on the couch, and out of the corner of her eye, what does she see? Who does she see? White meat. Robert just walking in. And he sits and he starts doing computer work. Because remember, he's a walking male hormone. He is a western CEO. That's what producers called him. And then he's like, do you want to see what I'm working on? And then she's like, yeah, I want to see what you're working on. It's like the wordle of the day. No, I'M just kidding. Okay. He's like, working and she's watching and she's like, you're so good at working. And then at that moment, she puts her head down and he starts massaging her head. And like, is it intimate? It's so intimate, but also like, I don't know. How do people feel about this when a guy knows to massage a girl's head to go to sleep?
- [53:14]
Host 2
What do you mean?
- [53:15]
Host 1
Just feels like there's a lot of history here. Someone had to teach the student, you know what I mean? And then it's just like, what do I do now?
- [53:24]
Host 2
Yeah.
- [53:25]
Host 1
So as she's getting her head massaged, David is so excited. He's bringing the little cup ramen downstairs. He's got the lid on, he's got the chopsticks on top. And then he walks downstairs and he sees. He sees white meat Robert just rubbing on Denise's dome. Okay, what does he do? He plays it cool. He opens the lid of the ramen and starts slurping. What are you guys doing here?
- [53:48]
Host 2
Shut up. He immediately started eating.
- [53:50]
Host 1
Oh, yeah. He's like, you want some? It's really good. What are you guys doing here? Nothing. And then white meat Robert just goes, shh, she's sleeping. What's wrong with you? And then he goes back upstairs and he sits at the edge of his bed and he's wearing this, like, white bathrobe, but it's not really fluffy like a hotel bathrobe. He looks like, like a divorced middle aged woman. In this shot, he says dramatically, he's got a glass of alcohol in one hand. A knife stabbed me.
- [54:26]
Host 2
A knife stabbed me.
- [54:27]
Host 1
A knife stabbed me. Me. She doesn't want to live with me. She wants to live with Robert. And he's just like, he's sitting there like a middle aged woman who just forked the pool boy as revenge because she caught her husband cheating on her with a younger secretary. But she kind of liked forking the pool boy. Like, brought to you by Nicole Kidman, like, that's the vibe. And he's doing that. He's like really feeling it too. He's into the character. He even questions out loud to nobody in particular, one day, if I get super rich, will I still fail to secure a marriage? I'm just feeling more anxious than ever.
- [55:12]
Host 2
I think he's. I think he thinks he's the main character.
- [55:17]
Host 1
I thought you were gonna say, I think he's a comedian.
- [55:21]
Host 2
I think he thought this was a movie.
- [55:23]
Host 1
Yes.
- [55:26]
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- [57:31]
Host 1
So then the next morning, Club Promoter Nolan and White Meat Robert are sitting there eating breakfast together. And Nolan says to the confessional, you know, the second day is very crucial. I have to understand the strategies of all my opponents. So he's trying to figure out who's White Meat Robert going for. And Nolan decides, you know what? I'm gonna play some mind games. I think I know who you're into. It's the same one I'm into, isn't it? Lulu. So he's saying Lulu to make Lulu seem more attractive so that he can go for Denise, right? But then. But then behind him, David overhears and is like, I'm into Lulu. So then suddenly the psychology works on him, and then he's like, wait, maybe I am into Lulu.
- [58:16]
Host 2
Wait, what?
- [58:18]
Host 1
Okay, so club promoter Liam is trying to tell White Meat Robert, ooh, I like Lulu. Because he thinks if he says that White Meat Robert will go for Lulu, and then he could go for Denise niece, right? But then David overhears this, and David is like, hey, club promoter Nolan, I like Lulu. And then suddenly, club promoter Nolan is like, oh, my God, the games are working on me. I like Lulu.
- [58:45]
Host 2
This is so dumb.
- [58:46]
Host 1
Yeah, this is very dumb.
- [58:48]
Host 2
He started with that, and now they're all into Lulu.
- [58:51]
Host 1
Yeah, except White Meat Robert is into Denise. Okay, yeah. Because he never confirmed. He was just like, I don't know what you're talking about. So they all sit next to each other during breakfast. Nothing really happens, and it's fine because there will be a competition for them to show off their prowess. In. In episode one, you saw them be the king of the sp. Erm, they were. They were. Do it. They were doing some nasty things below the belt just to see how fast. The speed in which they urinated. I don't know the correlation to anything on that. Like, that was just a crazy stretch. Which intern came up with that? That whoever did get them back? Because this one is worse. This one is worse. This one is worse. Yeah. So they go to this field, and there's this man who shows up with this German shepherd. And the German shepherd looks a little skinny. Like, it looks a little hungry. It looks so cute and nice. I love German shepherds, right? But they show this. This padded jacket. They say, hey, put this on. They put it on. And. And it's like three padded puffers that you can't put your arms down. So you're like, forever walking with your arms to the side. Okay? And then this is the game. This dog right here is a narcotics dog. You're gonna run down the field until it bites the little puffing bite jacket.
- [60:12]
Host 2
See?
- [60:12]
Host 1
Who runs faster, who runs the furthest? Yeah, but because it's so much cushion on the puffer jacket, it's like. It's pretty comical to just see all of their legs moving. And then their arms stay like. And then they're just running for their lives like this. And then like, ah, yeah, this is crazy. And then there's just a German shepherd just chasing after them.
- [60:38]
Host 2
Wait, they all run at the same time?
- [60:40]
Host 1
Separately. There's only budget for one German shepherd and one jacket. Yes, one jacket. Oh, my God. You know, all the jackets kind of look the same. I saw a TikTok of this guy who is holding his German shepherd snout in his hand in the elevator. And then they pan to the woman in front. She's wearing a really cute jacket that just happens to look exactly like the bite guard jackets. Like, you know, the ones they practice biting. Sure, it looks just like it. Okay, so he's just holding his German shepherd's mouth just in case.
- [61:16]
Host 2
This is so random. Okay.
- [61:18]
Host 1
Okay. Anyway, so then this German shepherd is running after them, and the first one to go is Nolan. And he's like, this ain't a competition, babes. This is Nolan. One more time, Club promoter, neon pink bra. So then he starts running. He runs 144ft. 144.027 miles. 44 meters.
- [61:41]
Host 2
That's pretty far from a gemshare. I feel like a German shepherd runs. Really? I feel like the dog runs faster than us.
- [61:49]
Host 1
Oh, that's so crazy, because when I saw that, I was like, oh, I could beat him. I'm just kidding. So he's the first one to race. There's no benchmark to measure his score. So at the end of the race, he's, like, panting, dry heaving, and he looks at Lulu. I just want to say something to Ms. Lulu. Ms. Lulu, that run. That run was for you? Yeah.
- [62:12]
Host 2
And what's Ms. Lulu's response?
- [62:14]
Host 1
Okay. Everyone thinks it's so cute. Everyone's clapping, and they're like, aw. Lulu turns to the camera. My head hurts.
- [62:22]
Host 2
Wait, she broke the fourth wall again?
- [62:25]
Host 1
Yeah. She's like, my head hurts. I can't do this.
- [62:29]
Host 2
She's into someone, right?
- [62:31]
Host 1
Yes. She's into C. Drama. Dia Lium. Yeah. So then club promoter Nolan says, guess who's going next? Lulu's current partner, C. Drama. Liam, you're up on the podium. Go. Okay. He gets up, and Liam, he says after a minute, you'll see me on the throne. And I'M like, these people are so cringe. It's so good. So during Liam's race with the dog, the dog tries to bite his protective gear off, like, four different times. Liam speeds up. He speeds up. It's like gas to the accelerator. Pressing, pressing, pressing. And then finally he goes 64 meters. 209ft, 039 miles. He beats Nolan, club promoter Nolan, by 50%. Yeah.
- [63:18]
Host 2
What if.
- [63:19]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [63:19]
Host 2
A dog is tired. Has anybody thought about that? Has anybody asked if the dog was ready? Like. Like, do you need a break?
- [63:38]
Host 1
That's so good. So Liam wins. Okay. Liam wins. Then white meat Robert, then dad David, and then club promoter Liam or club promoter Nolan.
- [63:51]
Host 2
That's the final score.
- [63:52]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [63:53]
Host 2
Liam won.
- [63:54]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [63:55]
Host 2
And club promoter actually is the last place.
- [63:57]
Host 1
Yeah. And we actually get a flashback to right before the race. He was hyping himself, himself up. He said that he's the epitome of human evolution. Yeah. And then he got last place. Last place. Dead last. And then after the rankings are determined, now they can pick new partners. So the rank 4 goes and picks a partner, but anyone can override his pick.
- [64:18]
Host 2
Oh. Oh, they're. They're annoying.
- [64:20]
Host 1
Yeah. So then he walks straight up to, you guessed it, our poor friend Ms. Lulu, and he. He gives a. A speech. He says, the girl that I'm picking is somebody I'm very determined to be with. If there is someone after me that chooses her, it's simply because their ranking is higher. It's not because they love her more. I love her the most. You've known her for two hours. Okay, playboy. He makes his decision. It's Lulu. It's very obvious the feelings are not mutual. Not mutual. However, Lulu said, if it's him or David, I won't complain with my pick. She says, I have experienced worse. Nothing can compare to Zuzu. So then, next is David. He's slightly hesitating between Lulu or do I like nice girl Wendy? Because Lulu's a little more charismatic, but Wendy looks like a Disney princess. So after a short deliberation, David stands behind Disney princess Wendy. But then Wendy turns around, looks David in the eye, and says, I think Lulu would be a better pick for you. Yeah.
- [65:27]
Host 2
This is crazy.
- [65:28]
Host 1
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lulu. David looks at Lulu. Lulu tries not to make eye contact. She's looking at everything but David, she's like, where'd the dog go?
- [65:42]
Host 2
Where's the camera again?
- [65:43]
Host 1
Yeah. I don't know where to look. Yeah. So she's, like, looking everywhere but David. And then he steps over behind Lulu. And then you just see one person sitting there dizzy. Princess Wendy. Yes. Okay. And just what everyone thought, that he made up his mind. He just says, I choose Lulu for real. When playboy Nolan, when club promoter Nolan chose Lulu, she looked like a damsel in distress. So I'm here to save her. Lulu is so frustrated right now. She's like, I don't need to be saved. You guys are my night terrors that I'm running from. What do you. You're my. You my sleep paralysis demon. Get out of here. But she still has hope because white meet Robert and C drama Liam could still pick her and then actually save her because she's now really a damsel in distress. Now she's really stressed. White meat Robert goes up, picks Denise. It's all fun and games. They're doing their own thing now. It's Liam's time. Liam is so confused. Does he go for red dressed Nina because they were bonding over shared trauma of both being cheated on and they just have like this sexual chemistry together, or does he go with the original partner that he paired with, which is Lulu? Liam looks at David, looks at Lulu. He walks over and he walks over to David and says he pats him on the shoulder. Tonight. Tonight. And David's like, oh, please don't choose Lulu tonight. Take good care of her. Instilling with these words come out of his mouth. Everybody's jaws are on the floor. Even the German shepherd is like, I can't do this anymore. I actually am tired of this. Now Lulu turns around in shock because that's not what she was expecting at all. Why even say anything? And then C drama Liam sits behind red dress Nina. So now you have white meat Robert and Denise. I guess that raw meat eating experience has bonded them together. And then you've got dad, David and Lulu. And then you've got C drama Liam and red dress Nina. You got club promoter pink neon bra Nolan and nice girl Wendy.
- [68:10]
Host 2
So good.
- [68:11]
Host 1
So they. They gotta go pack their bags to switch rooms to be with their new partner. And when C drama Liam and Lulu return to their rooms, it's like they've been dating for the past 17 years. She just keep. Keeps yelling, you just like big boobs. You just like big boobs. You said. But you just like big boobs. And he's like, that's not it. You just like big boobs. Yeah. And he's like, no.
- [68:48]
Host 2
And he cannot lie.
- [68:49]
Host 1
Yeah, he likes big butts. Okay. So he's like, it's okay, Lulu. And she's just so upset That c drama Liam is leaving. Honestly, she doesn't even care that David is coming into the room. So throughout the episode, Lulu does really like c drama Liam, even though she doesn't make any moves. So she finally tells him it's okay, fine. And he's like, don't Worry, Lulu. In 10 minutes, someone even more good looking is going to walk through these doors. Where are you getting that type of faith, bitch? That's what Liam is telling Lulu. But at this point, she's like, face down on the bed, heartbroken, okay? She's basically kicking her feet. You just wanted big boobs, and it's not fair that I don't have big boobs, okay? If I had known that you wanted big boobs, I would have gotten them before I came on here. But you didn't tell me. So then she looks up before he leaves and she says, you can't sing or play the guitar for her.
- [69:49]
Host 2
No way.
- [69:50]
Host 1
And he says, okay, I won't. I don't feel like singing today. What? I pinky promise. Like, that's crazy. So after switching rooms and having lunch, the guests are asked to go back to their rooms and change into swimsuits for the next challenge. Naturally, some of the couples hop on this opportunity to get closer together emotionally, physically, you know, Denise is putting on her sunscreen and, like, I can just imagine how awkward this is without any sound effects. White meat Liam is looking at her like a piece of raw meat, and she's just putting on her sunscreen, staring at him. And no one can deny their chemistry. However, it's not hot. It's room temperature. Meanwhile, club promoter Nolan is packing up with his cat back. He's got his hat on backwards, and he tells red dress Nina. He said, hey, don't let c drama Liam sleep on the bed, because if you do, that's gonna be a clear sign to me because she made him sleep on the floor and she's just like, what do you get out of here? What are you saying? So the new couples, they go to have lunch, and it's like musical chairs. Kind of goofy. It's like a swingers club, but not fun and nobody's swinging. It's kind of awkward. Suddenly, everybody shows up with a different partner. And lunch. Lunch is cut short because it is time for the network to pay the bills. They said, go put on a bikini right now. So Nina, red dressed Nina, she's sitting on the edge of the bed, and we only see the back of her. Okay. And then c drama Liam is sitting next to her and she's got her hand, like, in his lap, from what we can see. And he's, like, groaning and moaning and making some really visceral, animalistic noises. And then her arm is, like, straining, and then the camera angle changes.
- [71:38]
Host 2
They always do that, huh?
- [71:40]
Host 1
Yeah. And like, you know those Olympic swimmers we talked about where everyone was like, I volunteered to be the massage therapist for the Olympic swim team. Yeah. She was just, like, giving him a leg massage. Yeah. Yeah. And then she comes out in her swimsuit. I don't know why I didn't notice before, because I was like, why is Lulu crying about the big boobies?
- [72:04]
Host 2
Whoa, now you're crying.
- [72:07]
Host 1
I'm crying. She could send me into orbit. She is Jupiter and I am Pluto. And it's sad. She comes out in her swimsuit, and Liam says, nina's body is beyond my imagination. I mean, defying gravity is taking a new meaning at this point. Point. So meanwhile, dad David shows up with a floaty harness at the pool.
- [72:30]
Host 2
Floaty harness?
- [72:31]
Host 1
Like, not even a floaty. It's like a harness. Like, he's really scared to drown. It's like, four feet.
- [72:37]
Host 2
Oh, it's not a costume.
- [72:38]
Host 1
No, this is, like, very serious. And it. It's. It feels like it's going to start off really hot. Like, what are we doing in the pool? Are we going to have a chicken fight? You know, because that's kind of hot. I don't know what's hot in the pool. And they say, no, no, no. You're going to learn how to do synchronous I swimming. So every single one of them is lined up in a row with the most diabolical, illegal swim goggles that you could probably purchase. They look like they're finding Nemo. And, I mean, club promoter Nolan is rough. He just is very upset. That nice girl Wendy is his partner, and he keeps telling her, you don't know how to swim, so I'm gonna help you. And he's just, like, dunking her head in the. He's, like, waterboarding her the entire time. Meanwhile, Denise and Robert, they're just, like, so sexual. I mean, same with Nina and Liam. I feel like I would really add a whole bottle of chlorine into this pool after this. Lulu is just watching jealously. She's got goggles on the top of her forehead. They're probably gonna leave little sun marks. She doesn't care. And then she's gotta get up on David's shoulders. Because the whole point of this swim thing is, is, like, each couple is Going to have a synchronized swimming performance. It's as bad as it sounds. Okay. She's got to get up on David's shoulders. He can't even keep her up. He keeps drowning her. It's like watching two senior citizens doing underwater aerobics classes. Between the two of them, it's not working. So the competition begins. And it's like. It's like when you and your friends play mermaids. That's the vibe of all of this. They got their goggles on. They've got clothes clips to close their nose. I'm like, is it that frequently that the water goes in your nose? I don't know. So it starts with C drama Liam and red dress Nina. And it's like the sexiness aura of someone. You kind of like eating a baked potato. I don't know how to describe it. Like, they both seem into it, but it's like, it's not a sexy meal. Red meat steak or like a cod. A sea bass with like, a white wine, a. A steak with a red. Those are like sexy meals, right? This is like your crush eating a baked potato. Like, you know, the bacon bits are from, like, the plastic container. It's not like real bacon. It's not that sexy. And it's just like the aluminum foil is still there. And temperature wise, I guess it's hot. But it's just, I'm not that into it, right? Then in comes nice girl Wendy and club promoter Nolan. They have the aura of two cousins that are forced to perform a dance routine after Thanksgiving. They are the entertainment. We don't have cable. We don't get to watch the parade. Give us a dance, bitch. That's what it gives me. And then your mom is like, good, now one more time from the top. 3, 2, 1. And then nobody's even looking. And then you're like, this is embarrassing. At least pay attention to me, right? And then you've got dad, David and Lulu. They go into the water. And then you have this very climactic moment. They have been practicing non stop for David to lift Lulu up on his shoulders out of the water. They have been practicing non stop and they couldn't get it right a single time. And then cue the romantic music. He lifts her up and she shoots into the air and her hands are swaying and she looks so happy. And then she's in her confessional. I think. I think it's okay for us to get closer and become friends. Friends. Anything more than friends. Absolutely not. The rest of the routine gives the aura of a senior Citizen aerobics class. Then lastly, you got Denise and Robert. Robert is diving into the water. He's picking up Denise. He said, american swim team, but like your local swim center. Yeah. And then at the very end, he kisses her. And I get that I'm supposed to be rooting for them, but this is like a chemistry, only they can feel good for them. So after this little game, playboy. What do you call it? Club promoter Nolan comes to Lulu's bed, and she's like, what do you. What do you. Why are you here? Right? And he's. The way he is splayed out on her bed cannot be comfortable. Like, you ever see someone who is working so hard to pose hot that you're like, that is not a normal way that a body should contort that Nolan, he's, like, starfishing the bed. He's, like, pushing his groin up into the air. It's just a lot. He's really trying hard. It just can't be comfortable. So he's harassing Lulu. Meanwhile, red dress, Nina gets out of the shower, and Liam is in the room. C drama Liam is in the room, but as she's walking out of the shower, he walks out.
- [77:15]
Host 2
Oh, what do you mean?
- [77:16]
Host 1
He says, I can't stop thinking about Lulu. What? She was so sad when I left, and I thought that I would get over it, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I don't want her to be sad. He. He walks to her and. And he said he wanted to talk to her because there is nobody else that he likes but her. And Lulu's response to this is, this was the biggest mistake in my life. If I had known that you were going to come talk to me, I wouldn't have taken my makeup off. Damn it. This is such a good moment. And I wasted it.
- [77:50]
Host 2
She's so funny.
- [77:51]
Host 1
Yes. Liam tells Lulu that he does not like Nina anymore. He likes her, and he's got her a gift to say sorry. So as they go to get the gift, David walks in, and it's like, David, it's time to just sit in the cuck chair and just accept fate for what it is. Because he looks devastated. He's having flashbacks to Denise and Robert, and it's happening all over again. Meanwhile, C drama Liam has suddenly gotten cold on Nina. Like, at nighttime, he has to go sleep in Nina's room, but he's just like, good night. And then she's like, huh, I wonder what's happening. So for breakfast the next morning, red dress, Nina and Liam look like A very tense couple who are house rich. I don't know. That's the vibe they give. They're sitting next to each other at the breakfast table. Neither of them are eating anything. They're just staring off into the distance. They kind of look like a rich couple, but they look like they're two months past due on their mortgage, and they don't love each other, and they're in a lot of financial hardship, and life is hard. That's the vibe. So then people start saying, hey, did you know? Do you know why they're acting like that? They pull. They pull Nina to the side, and they say, I walked into Lulu's room, and on the little blackboard, there was writing that said, lulu, I love you. Signed Liam.
- [79:03]
Host 2
Wow.
- [79:04]
Host 1
So Nina's like, no way. No way. So then Nina comes up to Lulu and says, hey, you're partnered with David the dad, right? And Lulu's like, yeah, I am. And Nina's like, oh, I heard he draws really well. Oh, yeah. Do you want to come see? He, like, drew on a bunch of stuff. So Lulu takes Nina to the room.
- [79:22]
Host 2
Wait, Nina just. Wow.
- [79:24]
Host 1
And then Nina sees the blackboard, and then she races out of there. She grabs the other two girls. She said, denise, Wendy, pronto. I need to talk to y' all. She sits them down. This is a girl meeting. This is, like, more important than Congress. Like, when they have congressional hearings. This. This is priority. She sits them down and says, you know what? The just happened. So Lulu wants me to know that Liam is into her because she basically asked me to come to her room when she knew that sign is on her room. She's trying to rub it in my face. Like, what the hell is that? Okay. Then the camera cuts to Lulu. I love Lulu. Sometimes I do think she's very cute, and I don't think she was thinking, okay, she walks into her room, and she's like, lalala. And then she sees the blackboard, and then she goes, huh. What is that? And she goes closer. And then she goes, I can't even read that. And then she walks away. She can't even read it.
- [80:26]
Host 2
Oh, she literally didn't know.
- [80:28]
Host 1
She didn't know. She never saw. Saw it. She never read it. And then she's trying to read it, and she goes, why can't I read what that says? And then she just walks away. What? Huh. So then now you've got the finale of the episode. You can choose to leave with the person by pressing the button at the podium. You walk up to this podium and it's like, you know, the. What's the Steve Harvey show? You press the button and they're like, what's. What's something you only use on vacation. And then you're like, family Feud. Yeah, right. Yes.
- [81:01]
Host 2
Okay.
- [81:01]
Host 1
Why did you enunciate it like that? Family Feud. So then, you know, you press it and there's a yes or no button on each side. So the guy will come up on the guy's side, and the girl comes up on the girl side. David. David is paired with Lulu. And he is so nervous. He is talking to.
- [81:20]
Host 2
Wait, they can't go with anybody else?
- [81:22]
Host 1
No. And he's talking to the confessional and he says, you know, I think that there's maybe a solid 30, 40% chance that she'll choose me, so I might have to take the risk. Yeah. And immediately when they walk up, Lulu doesn't even, like, wait for a 3, 2, 1. She just presses no. She's over this. Okay. She says, no. I can't even imagine holding hands with him. No. Yeah. No. Okay. So then next, our red dressed Nina and C. Drama Liam, they walk up and Nina's like, do I do it? Do I not do it? She presses, yes. And then C. Drama Liam walks up and he presses, no. No. Then it's club promoter Nolan and Wendy, and they both press no. It's like a business deal. And they shake hands over the podium. Nolan says, you know, I just want it. I just don't want a love that doesn't feel like that real deep kind of love. And I don't feel that with Wendy. Like, it's not that real love. It just wouldn't feel right. Wendy says, I think to me, Nolan belongs to a group of probably the most bizarre men I've ever met. Oh, he's arrogant. He happens to always be everywhere, and he always has something to say. Yeah, I don't know what that is. Then it's time for Denise and Robert. Okay. They're both. I mean, come on, you get it. What have we been watching people press? No. They both press no.
- [83:00]
Host 2
Really?
- [83:01]
Host 1
Yeah.
- [83:02]
Host 2
What happened?
- [83:02]
Host 1
I don't know. They both pressed like they're. No.
- [83:06]
Host 2
And then nothing. They didn't say anything.
- [83:10]
Host 1
They both press no. And then White Meat Robert goes and goes into the confessional and says, I was really into Lulu or Wendy. What? And everyone's like, what is happening?
- [83:22]
Host 2
I mean, I guess it has only been three days. Yeah, I guess it makes sense. Like, you just. Yeah.
- [83:28]
Host 1
Okay, so now they're gonna eliminate two guys and two girls. And they. They're telling me that the other people that are not eliminated are gonna be in episode three. Do I believe them? I don't know if I can put my trust in these producers. These producers sound like if you were to gather every single reality TV show in China and then gather all of the interns that were not hired because it was just like, what the kind of ideas do you have? Like, these are crazy ideas. They all came together and said, let's make a show of our own. And this was the show. So, like, I don't know if any of these people are going to be around for episode three. I guess we will just have to wait and find out. But they start voting and then the first person voted out, David. David, the dad, he seems very shocked, actually. And I'm like, oh, I don't know why. Yeah, it was very interesting. But he was nice about it when he left. But, you know, I got beef with him after the very first initial meeting with Denise and the way that he was talking down on her career and stuff. No, I don't like him. So he leaves. And then Nina is asked to leave as well. Red dress, Nina. And then club promoter, neon pink bra. Nolan is asked to leave. And then nice girl Wendy. So now we've got white. Meet Robert C. Drama, Liam, Denise and Lulu.
- [84:54]
Host 2
Lulu. Ta. Lulu is going to be here, huh?
- [84:57]
Host 1
Lulu better get married at the end of this.
- [84:59]
Host 2
Like, wow.
- [85:00]
Host 1
Yeah. Lulu bad her get married at the end of this. That's crazy. What are your thoughts on episode two?
- [85:08]
Host 2
Oh, so good, so good, so good.
- [85:11]
Host 1
I'm addicted.
- [85:12]
Host 2
This is way better. Like Netflix. Needs to bring this to Netflix. You know, like all American dating show. Have a vibe. Has a vibe.
- [85:22]
Host 1
Yes.
- [85:22]
Host 2
And then the Korean dating shows, you know, the. The craziest thing they would go is like touching fingers. I don't know.
- [85:29]
Host 1
Right?
- [85:29]
Host 2
But then this. This is good.
- [85:32]
Host 1
They're crazy.
- [85:33]
Host 2
Yeah, this is like. Yeah, this is so good. Yeah, I need. I need next episode, like, pronto.
- [85:40]
Host 1
Okay, let me know in the comments if you want an episode three. And please make your placing bets. How many of these people are going to be around for episode three because these producers are unhittin. Let me know in the comments and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.
- [85:59]
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