Bonus Episode: Breaking Dawn (Part 2)

Summary

Morbid Podcast Bonus Episode: Breaking Dawn (Part 2)

Date: August 7, 2026
Hosts: Ash Kelley & Alaina Urquhart

---

Overview: A Lighthearted Roast of Breaking Dawn’s Final Chapter

In this bonus episode, Ash and Alaina wrap up their Twilight saga deep dives with a gleeful, scathing, and openly hilarious takedown of Breaking Dawn Part 2 (both the movie and the book’s conclusion). The hosts dissect the narrative choices, character arcs—or lack thereof—and the sheer absurdity of certain scenes and plot devices, all peppered with their signature irreverent humor, personal anecdotes, and plenty of pointed jabs at Stephanie Meyer's writing.

---

1. Key Discussion Points & Insights

A. The Structure and Pacing of Breaking Dawn

• Book vs. Movie Disparity: The hosts are clear: the final installment is “leading up to nothing happening, then something happens—but it actually didn’t happen.” (Ash, 02:19)
• Frustration with Narrative Decisions: Both are irked by the movie’s infamous "dream sequence" battle that alters the book’s anticlimactic talk-it-out ending.
  • “Nothing pisses me off more than, ‘Oh my God, did that just happen? No, no, no.’” (Ash, 02:19)
• Bella’s Point of View Redundancy: The return to Bella’s perspective in the book just rehashes “the same scene again,” bringing little new to the table except some... unusual details.

B. Renesmee and the 'Milky Snow Teeth' Nightmare

• The Bizarre Baby: The description of Renesmee as “just cheeses with a full complement of snowy milk teeth”—and the horrifying CGI baby of the film—triggers disgust and peals of laughter.
  • “It is my biggest fear to meet a newborn with teeth.” (Ash, 08:16)
  • “That’s not right, Stephanie.” (Elena, 08:18)
• The 'Little Nudger': Ash and Elena critique Bella’s nickname for her baby, “a little nudger,” as both uninspired and borderline negative.
• Bella as Baby Girl Supreme: Bella “gets everything she fucking wants with zero consequence.” (Elena, 12:32)
  • Gets to be a vampire, keeps her emotions, maintains control, and is instantly the best at everything—all while Rosalie and others are denied the things they care about.

C. Jacob & Renesmee: The Imprinting Debacle

• Imprinting = Ick: The hosts are openly disturbed by Jacob’s imprinting on Renesmee, especially the repeated insistence in the text and film that “it’s not romantic.”
  • “Later, I am gonna ask Edward if I should start calling him Dad—but it’s not romantic. What the fuck is wrong with you?” (Elena, 19:57)
  • “Beat his ass, mama.” (Ash, 22:20)
• Promise Bracelet Scene: Jacob gives toddler-aged Renesmee a Quileute promise bracelet in the book—a moment Ash and Elena call out as disturbing.
• Age progression weirdness: The concept that Renesmee will look like an adult at seven leads to questions about Jacob’s plans (“Are you gonna date a seven-year-old?”).

D. Bella’s Perfect, Painless Transformation

• No Consequences for Bella: Unlike previous lore, Bella has zero adjustment issues as a newborn vampire—no bloodlust, and mastering all powers instantly, as soon as her “eternal smokey” makeup and Alice-curated wardrobe are in place.
• Complete Lack of Stakes: This continues into the film, where even soon after giving birth, the focus is on her flat stomach, perfect cottage, and sex with Edward.
  • “Baby girl gets a fucking fully furnished cottage and a Ferrari.” (Ash, 12:43)

E. Set Design & Aesthetic Ridicule

• Bella Has No Aesthetic of Her Own: Both hosts repeatedly note that throughout the saga, Bella doesn’t choose a single thing for herself—not her room, not her nursery, not even her cars.
• Interior Design Criticism: The infamous cottage is described as distressingly decorated (“99 sconces!”), and definitely “not Bella’s vibes in any way.” (Ash, 18:44)

F. The CGI Baby & Absurd Visuals

• Renesmee’s Digital Horror: The film’s Renesmee baby becomes a running joke, described as a "killer clown from outer space” and compared unfavorably to hotel art. (Elena, 28:22+)

G. Charlie’s Bewildering Acceptance

• Charlie’s Reaction = Not Realistic: Both hosts roast how Bella’s father is expected to just accept her transformation and the existence of a rapid-aging “niece” who looks just like her.
  • “You can’t ask me anything about any of this. Yeah, okay.” (Elena, 27:13)

H. The Theme of Sex & Family Inappropriateness

• Juvenile Handling of Sex: Extended scenes of Cullen family teasing Bella and Edward about sex and “breaking the cottage” are called “juvenile as fuck.” (Elena, 40:17)
  • “What family is openly discussing that and being like, ‘Were you doing taxes?’” (Elena, 41:13)
• Neglect of Renesmee: They lampoon how little Bella and Edward interact with their daughter, instead leaving her with Rosalie.

I. The Volturi, Immortal Children Lore, and the Battle Sequence

• Volturi Vibes: Both praise Michael Sheen’s Aro & the Volturi as scene-stealers and wish the story dove even more into the secondary characters and clans.
• Immortal Children Creepiness: The hosts point out that Meyer's repeated descriptions of beautiful child vampires, and the connection with imprinting, is uncomfortable.
• Movie’s Fake-Out Battle: The hosts give detailed attention to the movie’s infamous twist battle—none of which exists in the book, despite Stephenie Meyer’s claims.
  • “Nothing pisses me off more than something that’s just a dream sequence twist.” (Ash, 62:44)

J. Critical Comparison: Book vs. Movie Endings

• Anticlimax in Both Mediums: Both are deeply dissatisfied with the lack of consequences or stakes (“the stakes are completely done”).
• Rewatch Value: The battle twist, they argue, lacks rewatchability because there’s no build-up—unlike, say, The Sixth Sense (Elena, 63:53).
• Final Emotional Payoff: The show ends on Bella and Edward, not the newly formed family, which feels hollow and unsatisfying.

---

2. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

On the Dream Sequence Battle & No Stakes

• “Nothing happens the entire time and then something happens, but it actually didn't happen.”
  —Ash (02:19)

• “The stakes are completely done. So anticlimax. Because the climax isn't real.”
  —Elena (62:35)

On Renesmee’s Teeth & CGI

• “Behind the shell-pink lips was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.”
  —Elena reading Stephanie Meyer, reacting with: “I have a couple of things about that.” (08:14)
• “It is my biggest fear to meet a newborn with teeth.”
  —Ash (08:16)
• "The CGI baby is what nightmares are made of. That is a cursed object."
  —Elena (28:09)

On Jacob Imprinting

• “Later, I am gonna ask Edward if I should start calling him Dad—but it’s not romantic.”
  —Elena (19:57)
• “Beat his ass, mama.”
  —Ash (22:20)

On Bella’s Plot Armor

• “Bella gets everything she fucking wants with zero consequence.”
  —Elena (12:32)
• “She wakes up in full fucking...she wakes up with stilettos, bitch.”
  —Elena (13:42)

On Meyer’s Character Contradictions

• “They put Rosalie in that, like, frigid, like, woman who can’t have kids...but Bella doesn’t. Bella gets to have everything.”
  —Elena (15:31)

On Bella’s Lack of Personality or Agency

• “We went the entire series never having any idea what her actual aesthetic is.”
  —Elena (18:57)
• “She never picks her own shit.”
  —Ash (18:54)

On the Vampire Experience & Skills

• “Why did she suddenly develop the skills of a casino card counter?...Why is she banned from Foxwoods?”
  —Elena, breaking the hosts into laughter (34:55)

On Handling of Sex and Cullen Family

• “Did you break the cottage down ‘cause you fucked so much?”
  —Elena, mocking the Cullens’ juvenile humor (41:06)
• “What family is openly discussing that and being like, 'not mine, babe, not mine.'”
  —Ash (41:25)

On the Core Relationship

• (Comparing Edward’s reactions to Siobhan and Bella in Midnight Sun):
  “[Siobhan] was profoundly female in shape. Aggressively, forcefully female…Then he says her face was intensely female…Then there were those eyes, too big for her face.”
  —Elena reading Midnight Sun, sarcastically summing up Bella’s “unexpected” face (52:03-54:50)
• “Nothing happened [with Bella and Edward]. Was nothing happened.”
  —Elena (58:22)

Wrapping Up & The Twilight Experience

• “I'm kind of sad that we're, like, done…It's such a club. We all belong to.”
  —Ash (70:16)
• “Breaking Dawn part one and two suck.”
  —Both hosts, summarizing (68:38)

---

3. Timestamps for Major Segments

• Introduction & Theme Setup — 00:49-02:19
• Plot and Structural Critiques Begin — 02:19-05:01
• Renesmee’s Birth & Teeth — 06:39-08:16
• Discussion of Jacob’s Imprinting — 19:57-24:49
• Bella’s Transformation/Set Design Rants — 12:32-19:24
• CGI Baby Tangent — 28:02-29:53
• Charlie’s “Acceptance” and Realism — 27:13-32:09
• Sex Jokes & Juvenile Family Dialogue — 40:17-41:13
• Vampire Casino Counting & Flat Stomach Bits — 34:55-39:53
• Volturi, Battle, and Arrow Love — 43:19-45:51
• Book vs. Movie Ending & Stakes — 59:51-64:44
• Final Thoughts: Twilight as a Fandom and Its Place — 70:16-71:14

---

4. Final Thoughts & Recommendations

Ash and Alaina close the book—literally—on Twilight with maybe its harshest, most comical critique to date, lamenting the lack of stakes, emotional payoff, and character agency in the saga’s epic conclusion. While still finding joy in Michael Sheen’s campy Aro, vampire casino jokes, and their own “weird” community, the hosts ultimately rank the last films and books as “the worst ones.”

They invite listeners to suggest the next franchise for their recurring bonus episodes, as long as it’s not Fifty Shades of Grey (“That will kill me.” —Elena, 70:57).

---

This episode is a must-listen for:

• Twilight fans and haters alike, especially those who appreciate a blend of pop culture snark and affectionate mockery
• Anyone trying to understand why the last chapter of the saga failed to land for many readers and viewers
• Listeners who enjoy smart, irreverent humor, and in-depth pop critique with zero filter

Keep it weird (but not so weird you get banned from Foxwoods)!

Transcript

[Sponsor Voice]

Foreign.

[Ash]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

[Sponsor Voice]

Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even rv. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go to state farm.com or use the award winning app to connect with a local agent and get a quote like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.

[Ash]

Hey, weirdos. I'm ash.

[Elena]

And I'm elena. Hi, alena. Hi.

[Ash]

And. And this is morbid.

[Elena]

Hi, Alina. Hey, Alina.

[Ash]

Welcome to the show. Thanks, guys.

[Elena]

Happy to be here.

[Ash]

I'm so glad to have. That was. I don't know what's going on. It's. It's almost pub week.

[Elena]

It's true.

[Ash]

Alina's been a little rabid animal over there and life's been busy and we're just. We're crazy. Cool, crazy. And I feel like this is going to be a funny episode because of that.

[Elena]

I hope so.

[Ash]

Yeah, I hope so too. Our homies at State Farm are sponsoring this episode. Hell yeah. State Farm to them. And without further ado, let's talk about the final installment. I couldn't think of that word.

[Elena]

I was like.

[Ash]

I was like, we're going here. I almost called it penultimate, but that's not final. Yeah, the final installment in the Twilight Saga.

[Elena]

It's true. So we're talking about Breaking Dawn Part 2, the movie Part 2 and Breaking Dawn Part 3.

[Ash]

The book.

[Elena]

The book.

[Ash]

It's crazy that they made the movie based off of only part three of the book. You know what I mean?

[Elena]

Yeah. I think this one's probably going to be a lot shorter than the other ones just because a lot of the bulk happens in the first half, like the setup at least.

[Ash]

Here's the thing. Nothing happens the entire time and then something happens, but it actually didn't happen. Yeah, nothing pisses me off more than. Oh my God, did that just happen? No, no, no.

[Elena]

A dream sequence.

[Ash]

No, you silly girl. I hate it. I hate it so much.

[Elena]

It was a big shocker to moviegoers because so obviously we always do this out of order. It's not one of those, like narrative go through beat by beat. No, but there's like a giant battle scene that they're all gearing up for in this one.

[Ash]

It's like what the whole thing is leading up to.

[Elena]

Yeah. The Volturi's coming. One of my favorite things in the movie is when Alice is like, the Volturi, they're coming. Arrow, Marcus, Caius, Jane, and Irina. And it's like. It's like the Volturi and Arena.

[Ash]

Like, that's what he's just naming everybody.

[Elena]

Let me name the entire Volturi.

[Ash]

She's like, yes. In case anybody here forgot.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

These are all of their names.

[Elena]

And she doesn't really like. I guess she kind of does do that in the book, too. She names them all. But. So we're gearing up for that they're coming. Because Irina is a real bitter Betty.

[Sponsor Voice]

Irina's a rat.

[Elena]

She's a real rat.

[Ash]

Rat.

[Elena]

Stitches, Arena.

[Ash]

The snitches get their heads chopped out and their bodies lit on fire. Babe. Yeah.

[Elena]

It didn't work out for you.

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

So. No, I didn't. I don't like Irina's vibe at all. Um, even. Even in the first one, when she shows up at the. At the wedding and is like, a snarky little bitch. I was like, yeah, I don't like that.

[Ash]

She has, like a. Like a condescending, holier than thou vibe.

[Elena]

Yeah. And it's like, girl, you gotta move on.

[Ash]

You just gotta move on. Live your life, baby.

[Elena]

And so I don't like her anyways. So this whole thing being her fault, I was like, you get the day you deserve. Yeah.

[Ash]

It also doesn't really make sense that she would be the one to go rat on the Cullens to the Volturi because her mom died because of an immortal child.

[Elena]

Exactly. So I'm like. So I understand that you grieve that loss forever. I. I totally get that.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But you want that to happen to another family.

[Ash]

Like, what? Like what?

[Elena]

And it's like. And you watched the immortal child be thrown in a fire. You want to take part in that again, like that. What was the reasoning for this? I'm not.

[Ash]

And at least in the movie ad, I forget in the book how it, like, all goes down, but she was on her way to have a discussion with them.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

To kind of be like, sorry for being a. But then she just cannot stop herself from being a bitch.

[Elena]

And she's like, yeah, you know, I

[Ash]

just gotta be a bitter.

[Elena]

I am not. Team Arena. No.

[Ash]

Who is.

[Elena]

Never have been, never will be. I'm just not. There's so much. There's so little, but so much.

[Ash]

Do you want to start, like, book stuff? Mostly and then we can get into the ridiculous movie part.

[Elena]

So. So part three is in Bella's point of view. In the book.

[Ash]

Like, in the book.

[Elena]

Yeah. I was gonna say we end part two in Jacob's point of view with him falling to his when he sees an infant in a blanket.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Fresh out.

[Ash]

Fresh out the womb.

[Elena]

Fresh out. Fresh out.

[Ash]

Where the bell you been, lover?

[Elena]

Yeah. He just falls to his knees and he reminds us about a hundred times that it is not romantic. And then he completely condescends like, or contradicts himself later, which we'll get to. So. Already gross.

[Ash]

Ew.

[Elena]

No. And then when you go to Bella's point of view, this is where I think that maybe Stephenie Meyer. I don't know if she just took, like. I don't know what was going on with the editing process, what her plan was. She pants in, you think. Well, here's the thing. So part three is from Bella's point of view. And it's just the same scene of Renesmee being born again from her point of view, which. That can work.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like, I've done that in a book where it's like one scene from one person's point of view, one scene from another. But I think it only works if you're gonna introduce something completely new into the other point of view. And also that you're not just reiterating exactly what happened the last time you did this point of view or this scene. Cause we already know, and that can be tough. So I am free to admit I had a couple more of those scenes. And my editor, bless her, she said, chop chop. Bitch said, babe, we gotta cut these because they're just the same thing over again, Just a little bit different and absolutely correct.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And I'm just wondering with this one, because as I started reading the Bella point of view, I was like, I'm bored. This is just the thing. Cause I watched it from everyone else's point of view, and, yeah, it's agonizing. It's awful. She's dying. The thing is ripping her apart, and Edward's going to bite the placenta open and blood's going to go everywhere and she's going to bleed out, and then she's going to see the baby and say, it's beautiful.

[Ash]

It's got teeth.

[Elena]

It's all the same thing. Yeah, but in this story.

[Ash]

Don't you dare. Pres. That.

[Elena]

That's where she. She did bring something new into this point of view. That's where I said. And I. Oop.

[Ash]

She Brought teeth.

[Elena]

Because she literally says in this point, I was like, what is this? Who came up with this? Stephanie did that, too. So she says, so of course Renesmee did not cry.

[Ash]

Elena's peeling her post.

[Elena]

Yeah, I'm peeling my post itself. But, yeah, she's got, like, you know, she's just perfect. She's perfect little baby. She opens her eyes, she looks right at her. She's very focused. I beg to differ based on very alert, it says. And also she says she's even more beautiful than her father. And I said, damn. Well, shit.

[Ash]

Well, we'll get there, don't worry. Maybe she's her midnight sun.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Edward might think something is more beautiful than her mother, too. So she says the impossible face suddenly smiled.

[Ash]

Cheese.

[Elena]

A wide, deliberate smile, as newborns often do.

[Ash]

Never just gasps behind the shell, pink.

[Elena]

They literally don't even. Newborns. No, you're not getting one. Behind the shell. Pink lips with a full. Was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.

[Ash]

Hate it.

[Elena]

I have a couple of things about that.

[Ash]

It's my biggest fear to meet a newborn with teeth.

[Elena]

So this baby doesn't even just have a couple of teeth in her mouth. She's got a full set of teeth that she just cheeses with. And snowy milk teeth. Give me snowy or give me milk. You do not need to give me both. Because those both describe them the exact same way. Which is white.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Why did I have both of these snowy milk teeth?

[Ash]

Imagine if they were like jagged and yellow snow. Yeah. Just like what she's like. I don't know if she had dinosaur teeth. She's crazy. Like, corn teeth.

[Elena]

It was crazy. Yeah, she was nuts, but she was beautiful.

[Ash]

She was nuts. But she. I mean, only a mother could say she also.

[Elena]

Well, she. And she refers to her in the book as her little nudger, which I did.

[Ash]

I was like, when she's in her

[Elena]

belly and I hate it.

[Ash]

Yeah. I hate it because in case you're confused, like I was. It's, like, so simple.

[Elena]

It's the most simplistic version of what you think that is. The baby nudges her a lot from the inside. So she's like, little nudger. I was like, whoa. You couldn't come up with anything else.

[Ash]

Remember, like, we used to call one of yours, like, a squirmy wormy.

[Elena]

Yeah. Or like my little baby lady. Once I found out what she was.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I don't know. I'm not saying mine's better than anything else, but a little nudger.

[Ash]

It Almost feels like an annoyance.

[Elena]

Well, that's the thing. It gives off, like, you're annoying the

[Ash]

shit out of me and you're. It almost sounds like nudge.

[Elena]

Yeah, a little nudger. I don't. I don't love it.

[Ash]

I don't love it either.

[Elena]

I don't love it. And it's very. I felt like this part of. Of Breaking dawn, like this part of any of the books was really tough to get through.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Because it's just the same shit. It's not. And this is just me. Just my opinion.

[Ash]

That's my opinion.

[Elena]

I enjoyed reading the other ones more. This one's just not. It's a lot of setup, a lot of introducing people, a lot of the same old shit happening.

[Ash]

You're not alone. A lot of people were not into this book and they were so, so, so excited about it. But they held, like, parties where they burned the book because they were so pissed off about it, which.

[Elena]

That's wild.

[Ash]

That's like the farthest step to take, I would say.

[Elena]

And it also does absolutely nothing because

[Ash]

burning, Burning books is cuckoo.

[Elena]

Like, if you already have the product, why you.

[Ash]

Here's the. If I don't like it, give it to, like, savers.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

You know, the littlest library. For someone else to buy it for me.

[Ash]

Maybe for you.

[Elena]

Yeah, somebody else will like it. But I think there's a whole contingent of people who love it, and that's their right.

[Ash]

That's the thing.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Stephanie herself said that. She was like. Yeah, I wasn't prepared for, like, the amount of controversy that this brought, but, like, yeah, with anything, especially when you have, like, a big audience, there's going to be people that love it or

[Elena]

people that hate it. Exactly. Well, and I think the problem with this one was. And it is a real problem, and I think even the people who like it can at least see this problem with it. The character, like, arcs, the character growth, anything that happened, I don't know where any of it went. It all kind of took, like a left turn.

[Ash]

That's one of the biggest complaints.

[Elena]

And then Bella, or I mean, it's Bella, and it's really like the plot in general.

[Ash]

All of these.

[Elena]

These stories, like all the books, all the movies, everything has been leading up to how life changing this transformation is going to be. And not just like, whoa, you're gonna be so fast and so hot. It's gonna be awesome.

[Ash]

Right?

[Elena]

Like, it's literally like you're gonna lose everything. You're sacrificing everything. It's Gonna be hard.

[Ash]

You're have to learn self control.

[Elena]

And for possibly months on end, you're gonna be a homicidal, uncontrollable, maniac newborn that we're gonna have to, like, cage at night and, like, make sure you're not alone.

[Ash]

Literally, like, killed Bella on multiple occasions.

[Elena]

And he's been a vampire for a long time.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So it's like we, like. That has been drilled into Edward made it such a thing that there's no way he could possibly do this to someone else.

[Ash]

Carlisle even made it a thing.

[Elena]

Carlisle made it a thing that this was just. This was not something you want.

[Ash]

Rosalie made it such a thing, but she gives up.

[Elena]

And that's the other thing. Rosalie. Rosalie.

[Ash]

It's a completely different character.

[Elena]

Had to give up becoming a biological mother, which is what she wanted to do. Yep. And they make it like this. That is her thing. That's her defining characteristic. Once she tells you that backstory. And then it's like, but Bella doesn't.

[Sponsor Voice]

No.

[Ash]

Bella gets everything.

[Elena]

Bella gets everything she fucking wants with zero consequence.

[Ash]

Baby girl.

[Elena]

Baby girl to the extreme.

[Ash]

Baby girl gets a fucking fully furnished cottage and a Ferrari.

[Elena]

Yeah, a Ferrari. But better than that, she maintains her human emotions. She maintains her human desire for Edward, which she was told she would not have.

[Ash]

She doesn't want to eat her dad.

[Elena]

She doesn't want to eat her dad. She's able to.

[Aiden]

She.

[Elena]

Every newborn is said that they can't even be within, like, a hundred miles of a fucking pumping vein or they're gonna lose their minds.

[Ash]

Bella goes into a dining room full of people to meet, like, some lawyer dude and is just chilling.

[Elena]

Yeah. Or like five seconds after she turns. She's turned into a vampire. She comes across a guy scaling the side of a mountain. She goes to eat him. And Edward's like, don't do that. And she's like, oh, okay, you're right. And she stops. And he's like, wow. No newborn has ever been able to stop mid hunt.

[Ash]

Bella's not like other girls.

[Aiden]

It's so.

[Elena]

Baby girl. It's so pick me. Shit.

[Ash]

Bella is not like.

[Elena]

Not like other girls. And she's not like other vampires.

[Aiden]

She's good.

[Elena]

And it's like she wakes up in full fucking. She wakes up with stilettos, bitch.

[Ash]

I wish, babe.

[Aiden]

She wakes up.

[Elena]

Where'd they dress?

[Ash]

You know, Alice changed her for sure.

[Elena]

Which is so weird.

[Ash]

It is like.

[Elena]

So she's unconscious.

[Ash]

I'm like, did that just, like, come from the ether? That's like Alice burning From within.

[Elena]

Like, trapped in her own body, screaming in pain, being filled with venom, paralyzed. And Alice is like. We put it in the spin of

[Ash]

a little skirt, and it's got a slit up to here.

[Elena]

It's like she's just, like, sliding on

[Ash]

some stilettos, doing her makeup. That's why Bella wakes up with a smoky eye.

[Aiden]

What?

[Ash]

Imagine having more makeup. Smokey eye.

[Elena]

Yeah. Eternal. Smokey. Eternal. Perfect makeup.

[Ash]

So here's the thing.

[Elena]

Extensions.

[Ash]

Yes. For a while, I would love not having a morning routine. Like, when I get my eyebrows dyed and I have lashes on, I'm like, oh, I don't have to do it.

[Elena]

Look at me.

[Ash]

Oh, yeah. And eventually I would miss it because I like my morning routine.

[Elena]

Sometimes it's nice to.

[Ash]

To get. I like my little Zen time where I do my makeup and I sit in front of my mer.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

My mer.

[Ash]

But imagine, like, you just.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And, like, you have all of eternity to do anything you want to. Fudgeing do. So what are you supposed to. I mean, I guess you still can, but what's the point? You're already hot.

[Elena]

That's the thing. You don't need to. Yeah. And it's like, she. She doesn't have to work at anything.

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

She learns how to control her. Her powers, like, her shield right away.

[Ash]

Which it takes other people years.

[Elena]

Other people don't even know that. How to do anything with it. Like, she learns how to control her thirst. She learns how to, like, she's the strongest. She's the fastest. She's the most good.

[Ash]

Like, she gets to be a mom.

[Elena]

She gets to be a mom when. Which. That's the part that, like, really pisses me off, is they put Rosalie in that, like, frigid, like, woman who can't have kids.

[Ash]

Yeah. Like.

[Elena]

Like the Juno effect. Bitter. The Juno effect. The Jennifer Garner and Juno effect, where she's got to be, like, a type a bitch who, like, is just mean to everybody. Husband tries to control everyone. Her husband hates her.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

They put Rosalie similarly in that. Obviously, like, not with Emmett, but. And it's like. And then they just are like. But not Bella. Bella gets to have everything. She gets to be a mommy. And then they have Rosalie be almost this, like, envious. Like, strange. I want this to be mine.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So I'm just kind of, like, vicariously living through you kind of thing. Which, like, is off putting.

[Ash]

Which also Bella seems to be fucking fine with it, at least in the movie, because that bitch just goes off to fuck.

[Elena]

She's totally fine.

[Ash]

She's never with Renesmee.

[Elena]

She had this child and then like, yeah, she was busy for a minute getting turned into a vampire. I'll give her that, you know? Yeah, that happens.

[Ash]

It's never happened to me, so I can't judge.

[Elena]

Hasn't happened to me. But, you know, like, it's a thing. So that. But she wakes up and she says, where's Renesmee?

[Ash]

Right?

[Elena]

And Edward's like, you might eat her. So, like, we should go eat.

[Ash]

I said, oh, my God, look at your motherly instincts. Yeah, the only time we'll ever see him.

[Elena]

The only time. Because immediately upon meeting her, she's like, oh, my God, she's so beautiful. And look, she just showed me her favorite memory of me. And this is so cute.

[Ash]

And she just like, tosses.

[Elena]

You want to leave. Like she said she leave. Here you go, Rosalie. Take this baby.

[Ash]

First I'm going to fight Jacob. Then I'm going to go my husband.

[Elena]

And I'd much rather go my new husband, like, in our cottage. That our child. And there's the other thing, Alice just.

[Ash]

I don't like it.

[Elena]

Here's the thing. Outside of the cottage. Gorgeous, Gorgeous. You walk in that cottage, to me, I would be furious at what that looks like on the inside.

[Ash]

There's a lot to talk about. But one thing that I particularly have to talk about from the movie. What was the lighting budget? The sconce.

[Sponsor Voice]

How many?

[Ash]

There's a lot of sconces. Why were there sconces absolutely everywhere? And then fucking what's her face. Renesmee's nursery is just full to the brim with everything that you could possibly buy at Pottery Garden.

[Elena]

It's so overstimulated.

[Ash]

They registered for everything and everyone bought it and they shoved it all in that room.

[Elena]

And so she doesn't get to decorate her child's nursery.

[Ash]

She doesn't get to purchase her own home. Yeah, pick where it is. Pick what it looks like. Anything. She doesn't get to decorate the inside. She doesn't get to choose the 99 sconces that are inside. And she also doesn't even get to pick her own fucking closet. Sick closet that Alice had built. And like, cool to have some clothes in your new closet. Like, totally appreciate, but, like, full to the brim with stuff that Bella wouldn't really wear.

[Elena]

Will.

[Ash]

And also, at least the old Bella.

[Elena]

It is just, in my opinion, the decor in that house. They opened that door and I said, no, you didn't. I'm not diabolically awful.

[Ash]

I'm not A minimalist by any means, but the way that everything was just like. To use your mother in law's word, chocker blocked in there.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

It was all just like.

[Elena]

And it's like it looked like a. Like I just couldn't.

[Ash]

Yellow walls.

[Elena]

The fucking art. That was just like art you would find in like a hotel.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Elena]

No offense to hotel art, but like, no personality. And I was also just like, oh,

[Ash]

I'd be so upset it wasn't Bella's vibes in any way.

[Elena]

What is Bella's vibes?

[Ash]

Flannel.

[Elena]

Like, we don't even know what Bella's vibes are. She never picks her own shit.

[Ash]

Yeah, I know. Cause even people are painting her room purple.

[Elena]

People are decorating for her. We went the entire series never having any idea what her actual aesthetic is.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I do not know what her. She didn't even. Besides that mini cactus she brought from fucking Arizona.

[Ash]

And I think Renee just like. I think that's it.

[Elena]

I think she was like, here's a mini cactus.

[Ash]

Even her own car. Like, again, sick to get a car.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

But like, she never got to pick. Like, we don't even know what she would have picked for that.

[Elena]

No.

[Ash]

And again, like, she got the truck.

[Elena]

Yep.

[Ash]

Then she got. I think at some point she gets like a Mercedes from.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Edward in the books. And then in this part, I'm pretty sure she gets the Ferrari.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And it's like, what a. What a. Yeah, seriously.

[Elena]

What a. I mean, like, poor her.

[Ash]

What a journey.

[Elena]

Yeah. Like, she is baby girl from the jump.

[Ash]

She really is.

[Elena]

And I. It's just. It's horrifying.

[Ash]

What else. What's your next book point?

[Elena]

Let's see. What's my next.

[Ash]

What's your next. What's your next post it say there

[Elena]

I have one that says gross.

[Aiden]

So let's see. Let's see what that's about.

[Elena]

Let's see what that's about. Oh, yes. When. So when Jacob in. In Bella's point of view is explaining to her that, like, oh, hey, yeah, sorry I imprinted on your newborn, but it's not romantic. And it's not romantic. It's not romantic. It's not romantic. It's not romantic. Later, I am gonna ask Edward if I should start calling him dad. But it's not romantic. It's not romantic. It's not romantic. What the fuck is wrong with you? Lots of what is wrong with you?

[Aiden]

Lots.

[Elena]

And in this one, it's when he's first saying it. And of course, in the book, I Gotta give it to Kristen Stewart. Because in the book it says through my teeth. When she said when she's like, try starting now.

[Ash]

She did.

[Elena]

She does it to a T. But man, it's something.

[Ash]

She has like lock jaw.

[Elena]

Yeah, she does. But he says, so she says, you need to stay away from her. And he says, it's not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted to be around me three days ago? This is diabolical to me. When he's like, it wasn't you. It was her wanting to be around me. And I was like, I would murder him where he stood, best friend or not murder him where he stood.

[Ash]

Also, I thought, and maybe I'm wrong, but I thought that it was like the imprinting thing was much more on the wolf side of things, not the person that they imprint on.

[Elena]

That's what they.

[Ash]

That's what has been established. Correct? Yeah. So, like, I don't think that has

[Elena]

anything to do with anything non consensually fucking tied to life for this. To this random wolf that's decided that they are now part of their life.

[Ash]

Well, and if you ask, if you ask the loremaster herself, it's not non consensual. It's just, why wouldn't she want Beau?

[Elena]

Why wouldn't you?

[Ash]

But still. But like that, that piece right there doesn't make sense. Like, oh, you couldn't be away from me. It's like, no, she didn't have any desire for you.

[Elena]

She's also a fetus. Not convinced. Yeah, no, she wasn't. She wasn't wanting to be with you then. And he even says so. She's like, what the fuck are you implying? And he says, that was her from the very beginning. We had to be together even then.

[Aiden]

Oh, my God.

[Ash]

I would literally. What did I write? I think I wrote something about this because when she literally just wrote, gross. When she confronts him in the thing. Hold on, let me find it.

[Elena]

The way he just says it's not romantic. And it's not like that a hundred times during the movie too. And the book, it's like, methinks thou dost protest too much. And then you really tell on yourself later.

[Ash]

Not me. Desperately looking for this note. All it says is, beat his ass, mama.

[Elena]

Beat his ass, mama. And honestly, beat his ass, mama.

[Ash]

Beat his ass, mama.

[Elena]

When she beats the shit out of him out there. I was like, let's go.

[Ash]

Yeah, party.

[Elena]

Because even in this too, when they go to visit Charlie and Sue for Christmas.

[Ash]

Are you talking about the book or the movie? Both. Okay.

[Elena]

He gives her a promise bracelet.

[Ash]

That's what that is.

[Elena]

Yep. In the book, she says on her wrist was an intricately braided Quileute version of a promise ring. That's word for word what she says in the book.

[Ash]

And in the book she's like two.

[Elena]

She's technically, I think, been around for four months. So she's about four months old.

[Ash]

But that's the thing. And that's like, in the book she only gets to about 2 years old. And in the movie they make her age like so much more rapidly. So he gave an infant a promise ring.

[Elena]

He gave a child.

[Ash]

I'd slaughter his ass.

[Elena]

Like a literal promise. And then so she's like, yeah, like, Edward had to like grit his teeth on that one.

[Ash]

Oh, he did grit your teeth.

[Elena]

Oh. The father of the infant that Jacob the adult has now promised marriage to gritted his teeth through that one.

[Ash]

Even when he says like, and it's at the end of the movie, but he says, like, should I start calling you dad? I said, jump into the nearest bog and allow it to consume you. Literally allow it to consume you.

[Elena]

Allow nature to reclaim you.

[Ash]

Because.

[Elena]

And also, Edward should have beat his. I would have watched in Glee if Edward Robert Pattinson had beat the shit out of Jacob.

[Ash]

At least something would have happened.

[Elena]

Something should have happened there.

[Ash]

Cuz also it's. The other thing is, so like, obviously we said in the book she gets to be about 2. Like, I just said that. And then in the movie, like, once you ultimately find out what happens with like vampire human hybrids, it's like by the time she's seven, she'll be full grown. So she'll look like an adult, but she'll be seven years old. And I'm like, Jacob, what's your plan there?

[Elena]

Yeah, well, it's not because she's gonna

[Ash]

look like an adult. Are you gonna date the seven year old or are you gonna wait a few, like a, you know, seven more years?

[Elena]

It's not romantic. Or more than seven.

[Ash]

That was bad.

[Elena]

Quick math. I mean, ask his friend there about fucking Claire. The two year old.

[Ash]

That scene lives on in my brain.

[Elena]

A human. So is going to age much slower and he's just gonna wait around.

[Ash]

So weird. That's the other thing.

[Elena]

It's gross.

[Ash]

Wait, did we talk about this last time? Do the werewolves, like stop aging at it? They stop aging at a certain.

[Elena]

They do, yeah. They age. Like, really?

[Ash]

He's not gonna be like a 54 year old man?

[Elena]

No, but he's gonna be around for like 54 like, he's gonna be around for a long time. Like, mentally, he'll be that long. Watching her turn three and four and five and her pants and, like, go through all her milestones and go to kindergarten and then eventually be like, now we can date. That's fucked up, Stephanie. I'm sorry.

[Sponsor Voice]

It's, like, against her lore, too, still.

[Ash]

And that's the other thing. It's, like, the only thing that. That Bella says to Jacob is just like, oh, my God, everybody's right. You smell like shit. That's crazy. So they're just gonna be together, and half of her is gonna think he smells like shit all the time.

[Sponsor Voice]

Like.

[Ash]

And, like, her ancestors hate him. Make that make sense. I would never be with a man if I was like, damn, half the time. I think you smell like. I think you smell like.

[Aiden]

Like.

[Ash]

I can't.

[Elena]

I literally cannot. Like, cannot with that.

[Ash]

The imprinting shit, it's fucked.

[Elena]

Goes beyond anything I can ever conceive of. I really can't.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And there's a point, too, where in the book, when they're meeting, when Charlie's coming over, Edward tells Renesmee, like, somebody's coming over, and we want you to meet them. And you can't bite him because he doesn't heal like Jacob does. Okay. Implying that she bites Jacob a lot. And then she goes, can I still bite Jacob? And she's like. And he's like, yeah, you can still bite Jacob. And I'm like, so Jacob's just letting her gnaw on him? Like, what's this about?

[Ash]

I don't like it.

[Elena]

Why are we doing this? Because, like, a normal. A normal infant, you don't let them gnaw on you. That's not.

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

So why are we letting her gnaw on the guy who hasn't printed?

[Ash]

I mean, Edward is probably hoping that she hits an artery, truly, you know?

[Elena]

But I'm like, that's weird. I don't like that.

[Ash]

I don't want to think too deeply.

[Elena]

I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

[Ash]

Steph, you're weird for that. I'm sorry, Steph, but you're weird.

[Elena]

That is weird as hell.

[Ash]

You're weird for that. I'll never get Charlie of it all, since you were just kind of talking about that.

[Elena]

Yeah, because you know what?

[Ash]

Yeah, tell me.

[Elena]

I'm sorry. What?

[Ash]

But she's like.

[Elena]

She's like, dad, here I am, gorgeous. No, I didn't die. I'm probably gonna be. I know I look 25 now I'm gonna stay this way forever. Here's my 7 year old child, that

[Ash]

is my niece kid I've had in

[Elena]

the span of about 2 months and you can't ask me anything about any of this. Yeah, okay. And he's just like, what the fuck? And at first he's like, what? And then he's like, okay, I'm just gonna go with this. No duh, no, no siree, Bob.

[Aiden]

If my kid tells me no, Siri

[Elena]

Bob, if my kid says you cannot ask me questions, I'm gonna say, I have a question. Yeah, here's my first question.

[Ash]

I have a list.

[Elena]

No, you're not telling me that. You're not telling me I can't ask questions. Especially when you are literally sitting here looking at me with a whole 25 ass year old face telling me you're immortal. And here's your seven year old child. You're not going to say and don't ask questions. Go fuck yourself.

[Ash]

That's real fucked up.

[Elena]

Like go fuck yourself.

[Ash]

And also like the baby is supposed to be adopted, but looks just like BELLA because they CGI'd Bella's face on that baby.

[Elena]

Oh my God, her eyes.

[Ash]

Can we talk about the CGI baby? How can we get through this episode

[Elena]

and not the CGI baby is what

[Ash]

nightmares are made of.

[Elena]

And the behind when you look at that fucking crazy ass baby.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

That they used like that crazy ass like in between the baby and the. The older kid.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

That is a cursed object like that. Why anyone thought that was okay that had to pass by.

[Ash]

So many people, you know, they had fun with that. You know, they were like, they had to do you love it. Stuff was like, yeah.

[Elena]

No way did anyone who had anything to do with this movie go, this is gonna be fine like. Or this is not gonna be talked about.

[Ash]

She's like, ha, hazy.

[Elena]

She's.

[Ash]

She's like hazy around the office.

[Elena]

She's uncanny Valley.

[Ash]

She's absolutely.

[Elena]

She looks at times she looks like a killer clown from outer space.

[Ash]

Her head is a little too

[Aiden]

like her.

[Ash]

Took a minute to hit.

[Aiden]

She does like, she literally looks like.

[Ash]

Are you about to pull up a killer phone?

[Aiden]

I'm going to. I just forgot everything I was gonna say.

[Elena]

No, I mean like, she really does at times look like one.

[Ash]

Well, I was gonna say also her head is like too small. And also she's like.

[Elena]

And her mouth is so large.

[Ash]

And babies are small. Like. Yeah, like some of them.

[Elena]

But babies be small.

[Ash]

This one is like so small and hazy and killer cloud.

[Aiden]

She's so small and hazy. Aiden's holding up a killer clown from outer space. Like, tell me that's not Renese.

[Ash]

It's actually like cuter than Renesmee, to be honest.

[Elena]

It's the big mouth.

[Ash]

That's her. Those milky snow teeth.

[Elena]

Those milky, snowy, snowy milk teeth.

[Ash]

Snowy milk. Why does that feel like it would smell bad? Snowy milk tea milk teeth. It's like lit. That's disgusting.

[Elena]

I hate it.

[Aiden]

But one of my next notes just

[Ash]

says, well, let's see if Bella eats her dad.

[Aiden]

I love how they were just like,

[Elena]

we'll just put Charlie was used as full on bait at that point.

[Ash]

Also, like 10 minutes before or like 20 minutes before he meets Bella. Jacob. And the movie just drives over to his house, starts stripping and he's like, Jacob, please put your clothes on. What do you like? And then he. Jacob, like you said, we were watching Elena was like. He could have just said like, hey, I'm about to change into a wolf. Charlie would have like, bullshit. And then he would have changed into a wolf. Yeah, you gotta give him a little warning. He doesn't give him any warning. And then just phases. I'm like, Charlie's getting old man who regularly drinks beer. He's gonna have a heart. He's also the sheriff in Forks. Wherever. I was just in Nebraska.

[Elena]

Forks, Nebraska.

[Ash]

I'm like, God damn, you're gonna kill this man.

[Elena]

Yeah, we need him in Nebraska. We can't. We can't lose the sheriff God damn of Nebraska.

[Ash]

Like first you do that, then he shows up and sees his daughter who's like, never really looked that good before. And he's like, why are you looking?

[Elena]

Just ask Edward.

[Ash]

Why are you looking so great, girly? Like, wow. Swedish resort. Did you some good.

[Elena]

Near death. Really? Did you? Well, that's crazy.

[Ash]

You came back.

[Elena]

Holy.

[Ash]

Better than ever. And then he sees this killer clown from outer space, baby. And is like, is your niece, baby. Why's it got your eyes?

[Elena]

Why's it got your ass?

[Ash]

Why is your poor fucking Charlie.

[Aiden]

Oh my God. It's also.

[Ash]

It's just insane. Insane that she doesn't even. Cuz in the movie. I don't know what happens in the book. I forget. But like they hug for 42 minutes on screen and she's not even like, oh yeah.

[Elena]

She's not even like, I want to eat him.

[Ash]

It's not even like she hears his heart beating or anything.

[Elena]

Because she's not like other girls. She's not like other vampires.

[Ash]

She's really not.

[Elena]

She's Better than all of us and everyone.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Aiden]

Foreign.

[Ash]

This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

[Sponsor Voice]

Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even rv. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go to state farm.com or use the award winning app to connect with a local agent and get a quote. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.

[Elena]

In the book too. Like, especially in the book, but they do in the movie too. When she first turns into a vampire, she, like, they keep talking about how, like she has to, like she's not. She. She doesn't breathe. You know, like when you're a vampire, you don't breathe. But she keeps talking about how she still is breathing in times when she would breathe, but like, you wouldn't because

[Ash]

it's an involuntary thing.

[Elena]

That's the thing. It's an involuntary thing. You're not like, I'm not actively trying to breathe right now.

[Ash]

Sometimes if I think too much about the fact that I have to breathe a lot.

[Elena]

But she'll be like, I was so. I was nervous, so I took a breath inside, like a deep breath in, even though I didn't need to. And I'm like, you wouldn't. No, because you would just like float on. We'd all float on, you know, modest

[Ash]

mountains and we'll float on. All right.

[Elena]

Yeah. Like, you wouldn't just do that.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And she also describes in the book, which they don't really. They don't do this in the, in the movie, but they talk about how she said her voice is like, it sings. She had a sing song voice. So she was like, I couldn't answer the phone and talk to Charlie because he wouldn't, he wouldn't recognize my voice. And all I could think of, the way they did that, Stephanie describes it as like a sing song voice. A singing voice was her being like, hello, father.

[Aiden]

Like, is that what we mean? What do we mean by a singing voice? Hello, father. Like, I don't understand tomorrow, Charlie. I have survived. Like, it's me, Bella. I'm back from my swish. You'll never believe how I do she

[Elena]

also during that same kind of she. Something that's so annoying in the book is they have to make sure. You know that she knows exactly how many seconds it takes everything. Everybody does everything. And I was like, what? Because she'll be like. And it took me 5, 8 of a second to. To turn my head and go into the corner. And it took him 15 seconds to walk from here to there.

[Aiden]

Yep.

[Elena]

And it's like, why did she suddenly develop the skills of a casino card counter? Like, why is she. Why is she, like, running the blackjack tables all of a sudden? Why is she banned from Foxwoods?

[Aiden]

Since when? You're going to kill me. Why has she been from. I think I might have just be a little. Oh, my God. Look at that cry. I just didn't know that was a trait that happened. Just no one talks about it. Why is she banned from folks? Why did it so hard. I have this time.

[Ash]

I'm going to pee my pants.

[Elena]

I'm literally crying at you laughing.

[Ash]

I'm literally crying.

[Aiden]

I'm sobbing.

[Ash]

Like, people say they're sobbing, but I'm sobbing.

[Elena]

I am sobbing. I'm truly sobbing.

[Ash]

I don't even know what I was going to say.

[Aiden]

Band from Fox. Go. I'll never be past that.

[Ash]

It's like actively trying not to pee my pants.

[Aiden]

Why? Why did she develop that skill? I don't know.

[Ash]

And they never, never, like.

[Elena]

They don't touch upon it.

[Ash]

She can also read from really far away.

[Elena]

Oh, my God.

[Aiden]

That's the thing.

[Elena]

I would have a constant migraine if I was a vampire. Because they're so. Sensory overload.

[Ash]

They're astute.

[Elena]

I would lose my goddamn mind. But with the way she's just fucking. She's just running the tables. I was like, whoa.

[Ash]

Well, she can't be now.

[Aiden]

She can't. She'll. She'll have to try.

[Ash]

Mohegan's son.

[Aiden]

I think if you're bad for one, you're probably bad for both. Oh, you get some.

[Elena]

Doesn't want your ass.

[Ash]

There's that other one in Rent them.

[Elena]

You got caught at Foxwoods. You can't.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. I was also saying. I don't even know how to transition away from that.

[Elena]

But.

[Ash]

So, like, arena, like, rolls up.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

In the book. She's hunting, right?

[Elena]

Yeah. She sees. Yeah.

[Ash]

Renesmee. In the movie. Renesmee is just like, floating in there, capturing snowflakes for some reason. And Irina sees her and she's like, oh, God damn. Gotta go tell everybod. But then. So Alice sees everybody coming.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Names them all. I'm also like, okay. So now and then, Alice decides to leave.

[Elena]

Yeah. She's like, bye.

[Ash]

And she's like, deal with it. Nobody really knows why at first.

[Elena]

No.

[Ash]

But I was like, it's wild that they're. Because everybody's going to get killed.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

So I'm like, it's wild that there's no resentment toward Bella and Edward in this family. Like, every year they have a new problem, and the entire family is expected to bail them out of it.

[Elena]

That's. It's so true.

[Ash]

I would hate my family member.

[Elena]

It's like, this is the entire. This is the vampire government.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And they are constantly up in their business. Like, they're just always, always coming to get them. Always. Or they gotta come to them. They're always dealing with them. And in that same scene, when she's catching the snowflakes and she brings one over to Bella and she's like, look, I caught a snowflake. No, I am not being hyperbolic at all. Kristen Stewart looks at that child and goes, it's beautiful. Go get me another one.

[Ash]

And I was like, go on, get.

[Sponsor Voice]

Whoa.

[Ash]

Get out of here.

[Elena]

And she's like, okay.

[Aiden]

And I was like, do you like that?

[Ash]

No, that's the other thing. There is no maternal connection on screen. And, like, maybe there's, like, a hint of a p. Turtle connection, but a hint. Maybe you don't even see them with Renesmee all that much.

[Elena]

No, you really don't. You see, honestly, watching her with Rosalie, you're like, that's your mama.

[Aiden]

Yeah. Like, that's.

[Elena]

She's playing. Go to her, babe. She seems to like your face. Like, it's crazy.

[Ash]

She does your killer clown face.

[Elena]

Your killer clown face. And one of the other things, just to go back to when she first turns into a vampire and she wakes up and she's like, whoa, look at how hot I am. She, in the book, talks about her flat, empty stomach over and over again. Just gave birth, just became a vampire. And she's like, flat stomach, my flat stomach stomach, my flat stomach. And I'm like, okay, okay.

[Ash]

Not just bleeding out everywhere like every other pregnant lady.

[Elena]

I realize she's a vampire, so things work a little different. But I'm like, do we really need to talk? Like, does it have to be like, flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach, flat stomach. Because then she's like, my flat, empty stomach. Like, there was no baby in there anymore. And it's like, okay, like, she's here. Do you want to go meet her?

[Ash]

It's almost cooler.

[Elena]

You can.

[Ash]

You can hang now. Yeah, she can go get you more snowflakes.

[Elena]

I loved being pregnant. I loved my babies being in my belly. But, like, it was really cool to have them outside of my belly as well.

[Ash]

It's like, I want to hang out, let's go.

[Elena]

And no, I wasn't like, look at this flat stomach. It was like, oh, I still look pregnant.

[Ash]

I don't think many women who have given birth are like, oh, my God, my stomach's so flat again. Immediately I'm like, I think you're all just like, you know, going through the motions also.

[Elena]

They. They are so. It's the way they discuss and deal with sex in this movie in particular. Juvenile is juvenile as fuck.

[Ash]

It is.

[Elena]

Because of course they have to run off and have lots of sex without their newborn child. They can. Even though they have a newborn child that neither one of them knows.

[Ash]

I'm like, hey, you should probably bond with that kid.

[Elena]

Try bonding with that kid for like a minute.

[Ash]

Just give it a. Give it a shot.

[Elena]

Yeah, just give it a shot. Because you know also that they're gonna age rapidly.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And stage is gonna be gone in seven minutes.

[Ash]

Not only that, in the beginning, they don't know how long she's gonna live. Yeah. So she's gonna age so rapidly. She's gonna die like next week.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But then also, especially in the book, when they come back from the cottage, the whole Cullen crew is giggling and being like, did you break the cottage down? Cause you fucked so much.

[Ash]

Isn't that so funny?

[Elena]

You guys were touching each other last night. One of them is like, were you doing taxes?

[Ash]

And it's like, I'm like, are you all alright?

[Elena]

In the movie, it's hundreds of years and you haven't developed any sense of decorum around people fucking? No.

[Ash]

They think it's the funniest thing.

[Elena]

Like, God damn.

[Ash]

In the movie, Emmett is like, did you break everything? Yeah.

[Elena]

And it's like, are. Are you all right?

[Ash]

Like, ew.

[Elena]

In what family? Maybe I'm crazy. What family is openly discussing that and

[Ash]

being like, not mine, babe, not mine.

[Elena]

And then they're. They're getting, you know, when, when they do have Charlie over. One of the things that was so annoying was when they're trying to train her to, like, be a human again even though she was a human four minutes ago.

[Ash]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena]

I'm like, you forgot already? Yeah, but they're like, okay, you have to move slow. And they'll get up and walk over to that chair. And she like zooms over to the chair. And I was like, we've walked at A normal pace. You've been walking. Totally normal.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Why can you suddenly not do it? And then they're like. And you have to remember to breathe. I was like, don't worry. She read the book. She's remembering to breathe. And they're like. And blink. Do that. Blink. And all those things too. I was like, here's the thing. I never notice how much somebody breathes. No, I don't think I would notice if somebody wasn't breathing.

[Ash]

The only thing I would notice is if they weren't blinking. I think that would freak me out.

[Elena]

I think eventually I would notice that.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But the breathing thing, I wouldn't clock that. Probably if they were talking to me, I would assume they were breathing.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So, yeah, I was like, that's weird. I did see a behind the scenes thing, speaking of them, like, moving really fast, of how they do that sometimes, at least in this movie that took me out. They attach them to treadmills.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And they run in place on the treadmill. And then that treadmill is attached to something else that is like a car moving.

[Ash]

That would also, I think, make me, like, very ill.

[Elena]

I feel like that would fudge me up.

[Ash]

Running and then also being pulled at the same time. Like.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Stationary running and being pulled would feel real fudgeing.

[Elena]

Weird. That would feel real weird.

[Ash]

You got to. You guys got to find that video, though, because it will take you out.

[Elena]

Yeah, I'll find it. I'll see if we can post it. Because it is too funny.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But yeah, it's. So there's that whole thing. And then of course, the Volturi is coming because we got Irina being a bitch.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

I still say arrow for life.

[Ash]

The way he laughs.

[Elena]

We get the laugh of all laughs in this one. Oh, my God, it is. We watch it twice every time.

[Ash]

I watched it four times.

[Elena]

At least twice in a row. You got to rewind it and listen to it again. He's lovely. I love him.

[Ash]

He's great. He also has really good hair.

[Elena]

Yeah. I just think he wins. He's my favorite character ever in the entire series.

[Ash]

Yeah, he's wonderful.

[Elena]

They still talked about and they brought it to this one. So, like, we were talking about in like, the Illustrated Guide tm, that they do a lot of into like the Immortal Children.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like, you know, everybody was obsessed with them. But then they were so diabolically crazy and they would just, like, destroy villages. And I was like, is it my youngest? Super, super cute, Diabolical.

[Ash]

Said, been there, done that.

[Elena]

I was like, ah. But they really go into it in this part. And the way they talk about them, they just cannot stop saying how beautiful they are. And it's like. It just makes it weird because it's like, it's not. They never just put it as, like, well, they're children, so they're innocent. And you have this, like.

[Ash]

They're just so cute and sweet.

[Elena]

People, like, automatically, for the most part, if you have a soul, have some kind of, like, connection. Connection or some kind of, like, need to want to protect an innocent being, you know, like, that's. That is how it should be. But they keep being like, they're so beautiful. People would fall all over. They're just so beautiful.

[Ash]

Yeah. They don't look at a beautiful language.

[Elena]

Because I'm like. It's weird.

[Ash]

You don't, like, obviously, like, when somebody first has a baby, you're like, oh, my God, they're beautiful. Look at them. But then a lot of the times you shift to, like, adorable.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Huge, like, sweet little babe.

[Elena]

And it's just, like, the defining characteristic.

[Ash]

I also think, because you already have the weird imprinting going on, and then you bring it to a place of, like, everybody is obsessed with beautiful vampire babies. It's like, we're talking too much about children here. And it's really fucking weird.

[Elena]

We're getting weird with, like, looking at

[Ash]

kids and there's weird battlefields that are being crossed.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I don't love it.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

What I do love, though, is that the Volturi, they're just walking for so long.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like in the movie, you're just like,

[Ash]

wow, they're just walking. I also love that they're just running, like a talent monopoly.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

I love that. Because they really want Alice. So, like, they'll kill the whole Colin family just to get Alice.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

Like that.

[Elena]

I love that arrow. He's a collector at heart.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

You know, like, he's just a collector, period. And he loves what he does. And he's like, I don't care if it takes a long time.

[Ash]

And from the jump, he's wanted people that, like, illustrate God, dm. He's wanted special people. Who doesn't want to be around special people.

[Elena]

Exactly.

[Ash]

I don't want to be around a bunch of boars.

[Elena]

That's what I'm saying. Like, Marcus. Because Marcus, I think in, like, what can he do? He can, like.

[Ash]

Can he feel everybody's feelings?

[Elena]

I think he can. I think he can, like, figure out, like, feelings. I'll have to look it up.

[Ash]

Let me see.

[Elena]

I'll Relationship identification.

[Ash]

Oh. So he can find, like, emotional bonds and, like, strengths and weaknesses.

[Elena]

Assess it, like, right away. Which is really good to have.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And when. When they first, like, got together and Arrow and they were, like, forming the Volturi. We talked about this before, but it comes up kind of subtly in this one. Yeah. That he. Marcus, fell in love with Arrow's sister Didim, and she, like, they fell in love with each other.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

And I guess when, you know, like, Marcus was like, we should run away together and let's just be together. Because they were, like, literally in love and just wanted a nice life together. But Arrow was so scared of losing Marcus's gift that he had his own sister murdered.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Which is, I will say, is a stain on Arrow.

[Ash]

Yeah. We have to acknowledge that.

[Elena]

I will acknowledge that.

[Ash]

That he murdered his own sister.

[Elena]

But in this one, when the battle quote unquote, is happening, and Vladimir and

[Ash]

Stefan, who I love. Infinitely hilarious. I love them.

[Elena]

Loft them.

[Ash]

I love.

[Elena]

I love them. We don't care what you did. Carlisle.

[Ash]

Carlisle. They.

[Elena]

They, like, rush at him and are like, we're gonna rip him apart. He holds his arms out and just says, finally.

[Ash]

Because he's.

[Elena]

Because he just wants to deem. Oh, I thought that was beautiful.

[Ash]

He also looks like Handsome Squidward.

[Elena]

He does look like handsome Squidward. I just. He's a whole vibe, and I love him. Yeah, I do love him.

[Ash]

Remember we said it always looked like he was farting in the. Like, the first time we met him. Looked like he had, like, immense gas pains.

[Elena]

Always did.

[Ash]

He needed this.

[Elena]

When he's sitting in a chair, he struggles.

[Aiden]

He.

[Ash]

Yeah, he struggles. Gas will do that to you.

[Elena]

Yeah, it's not great. But also, like, there's. This is just a little side thing. Because, of course, in this one, we meet a ton of other vampire clans and, like, covens.

[Ash]

We meet fucking Rami Malek.

[Elena]

We meet Rami Malek before, he was like, really Rami Malek.

[Ash]

I wrote Rami Malek. What the fuck are you doing?

[Elena]

What are you doing here? And I think he. I'm trying to remember.

[Sponsor Voice]

He.

[Elena]

In the book, I believe Benjamin. Yeah. And I. I want to say, like, because. Because they're the Egyptian heavens in that one. None of them will touch Renesmee at first.

[Ash]

Oh, but he's really sweet with her in the movie.

[Elena]

He's really sweet with her, like, right away.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And he's the one that's like, fuck, y'.

[Aiden]

All.

[Elena]

I want to hear this. Yeah. He's a fun character. I like him And I think it's fun to meet all these other ones, but I think we don't get enough time with them.

[Ash]

We don't.

[Elena]

I would have loved to get more time with the different covens interacting with you get, like, kind of a. Like a mishmash. Well.

[Ash]

And I feel like the perfect way to have done that was to introduce us to more of them, like, during the wedding festivities.

[Elena]

Yeah. Because you're just kind of throwing them all at us.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's. And it, like, when you're introducing me to that many people. No, I'm not gonna remember all.

[Elena]

No, like, because, like, we meet, like, Garrett, who's, like, the forever bachelor.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And then he meets Kate from the Denali clan.

[Ash]

I think it is. Yep.

[Elena]

And he, like, says some about her, like, because she has that, like, electrical.

[Ash]

Yeah. She can zap, like, voltage that she'll do. I was gonna say she can zap your ass.

[Elena]

She can zap your ass. And he makes, like, some comment, like, it must not be that strong. And she's absolutely, like, she literally. She assault, like, within one second of being assaulted by her. He's like, this is it. We're. We're never leaving each other's side. Which I was like, I. I want to see them more. Like, I was like, I. Because that was weird. And then all of a sudden, they're just together, and they're like, I will never leave your side. And she's like, you tell me now. And I was like, during battle happen. Like, I was like, dude, bring me that.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Cuz to be honest, I'm sick of Bella and Edward. I don't need to see that anymore. And I certainly don't need to see Jacob and Renesmee, so.

[Ash]

And Edward have no romantic connection. They just don't.

[Elena]

And you know what?

[Ash]

What?

[Elena]

We're gonna talk about that. Let's talk about it for one second.

[Ash]

Oh, I know where you're headed.

[Elena]

So, first of all, they. I did have not read all of Midnight sun, but I have. It's a big book I have scanned through. And I did note because when the Irish vampire showed up, I said, oh, I know the Irish vampires. I know Siobhan over there.

[Ash]

My girl. You said, I remember her.

[Elena]

I said, I remember Siobhan. And I remember Siobhan because Edward in Midnight sun thirsts after Siobhan in a way he never does with Bella.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And if you go to Sarah Gallagher, who we've shouted out before on TikTok, she wrote the why We Love to Hate Twilight.

[Ash]

She's so funny.

[Elena]

And she goes really deeply into all these things. She has touched upon this before, too. So go watch her videos for sure. But in Midnight Sun, I went back and I was looking. And first of all, when he first meets Siobhan, it's the first vampire he's met. Like, after, I think, like, being turned. And he first calls her the largest woman he's ever seen.

[Ash]

No woman wants to hear her. Wow, Edward, you better get a different.

[Elena]

Yeah. And she is also the only, like, curvy gal that is ever explained in the Twilight universe. I think everybody else is just, like,

[Ash]

you know, slim and trim.

[Elena]

And that's a direct quote. He says, broader shoulders, thicker limbs. And I was like, do. Do we need to.

[Aiden]

Okay.

[Elena]

And he says, then she. He says she was profoundly female in shape. Aggressively forcefully female.

[Ash]

What does that mean? Because that's not the only time that Steph loves to say somebody, like, aggressively feminine or feminine. Yeah. He says it. It's written in Jacob's point of view about, I think, Rosalie and Esme.

[Elena]

Yes.

[Ash]

It's like, what does that mean? Yeah, I said. I was like, is she, like, spraying perfume in his eyes?

[Aiden]

Yeah, let's go pick flowers in a field. I love pink. Like, what does that mean?

[Ash]

Like, obviously stereotypes, but, like, what?

[Elena]

Yeah, that's. And that's what I mean. It feels stereotypes. It's like, what does that mean?

[Ash]

Aggressively crazy.

[Elena]

Forcefully female.

[Ash]

Forcefully.

[Elena]

And then he says, it had been another lifetime that I had last noticed a woman this way.

[Ash]

God damn.

[Elena]

And then he said, I found. I found I was hard pressed to know where to put my eyes. Her face. Because then he locks on her face, and he says her face was intensely female. So her body is aggressively and forcefully female. Her face intensely female.

[Ash]

Such female.

[Elena]

In case you wanted to know. He's assuming she's female by what he is seeing here.

[Ash]

Got it.

[Elena]

He says her eyes were enormous, but they were beautiful. Okay. Thick eyelashes, glossy hair. He explains it as in curvy lips. Curvy lips.

[Ash]

Aren't everybody's lips curvy?

[Elena]

Hers were curvier. Curvier.

[Ash]

Cupid's bow.

[Elena]

He also talks about how she was wearing just like, this, like, nothing of a dress, and it's just, like, showing all her curves. And he was fucking smitten. He was in it to win. And then another woman comes up next to her, another vampire. And of course, he calls her a female as well. Which I. For some reason, the term female get, like, irks me.

[Ash]

I'm always turned off by that. It just sounds like me Especially when

[Elena]

a man calls a woman, it's like, female. Like, I don't know. And he talks about the other female coming next to her, and he says, coming next to the larger female.

[Ash]

Jesus Christ.

[Aiden]

Do we.

[Elena]

Is that how we're really comparing people?

[Ash]

If you want to love her, you better learn how to.

[Elena]

And he says, well, the first female was the, like, you know, the picture of. Of like, having everything, like, extra everything. He said, this one was the picture of lack. Just nothing. And I was like, what an you are.

[Ash]

He was singing that Meghan Trainor song. He was like, I'm all about that.

[Elena]

Oh, my God.

[Aiden]

He would have.

[Elena]

He would have loved her.

[Ash]

What did she say? Like, the mother skinny could die or something? I hope she doesn't say that.

[Elena]

That's a direct quote, verbatim from the song.

[Ash]

The lyrics. So that stalker insane.

[Elena]

They're wild.

[Ash]

That's. That's Edward's point.

[Elena]

That's Edward. He said, I'm all about that base.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

No treble.

[Ash]

No trouble.

[Elena]

Yeah. Treble lacks. Yeah, but. So there's that. That's how he saw Siobhan.

[Ash]

Now, let's. Let's talk about how he. How he felt about Bella.

[Elena]

Then he's sitting there because in Midnight sun, it's from his point of view. So he's taught. Everybody's talking about the new girl coming to school.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

And he thinks of Bella and he sees her face. In everyone's mind, he can see her. He knows what she looks like. And he says she's, and I quote, an ordinary human girl.

[Ash]

Nothing would take me out like the love of my life calling me an ordinary girl.

[Elena]

At one point, he says, despite her ordinary, again, unthreatening appearance, she was actually, quote, sort of pretty for a human. Sort of pretty for a human in an unusual way. And then he says her face was, quote, unexpected.

[Ash]

Is this a roast?

[Elena]

He says, her narrow chin off balance with her wide cheekbones.

[Aiden]

Oh.

[Elena]

Extreme in the coloring. Like, dark hair, light skin.

[Ash]

He said, high contrast.

[Elena]

Then he says, then there were those eyes too big for her face.

[Ash]

Too big.

[Elena]

Now, I want you to directly contrast that to him saying that Siobhan's eyes were enormous, but they were gorgeous. Like, he was into it.

[Ash]

He said, these. They don't work on her face.

[Elena]

And the way he talks about her clothing. In Midnight sun with Siobhan, he's like, she wore, like, nothing. It was like a little dress. It was nothing. That was. I could see everything. And then with. With Bella, he's like, she wore this frumpy ass sweater he calls it the ugly sweater. He's happy she wore it, because he's like, I can't see anything. So it's probably good that I can't see anything in this front, this jumble of clothes. Essentially.

[Ash]

He doesn't want to see what she's got.

[Elena]

Yeah. He only likes it when he can see her goddamn clavicle. Because he loves a clavicle.

[Ash]

He just wants to eat it.

[Elena]

Yeah, he loves a clavicle.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. But, yeah, imagine. Imagine Bella reading Midnight sun and being like. Like, at the end of the movie, she's like, I want to show you how much I love you. He's like, don't touch me.

[Elena]

And he's like, oh, my God.

[Ash]

He's like, if it will show you my first memories of you, do not touch me.

[Elena]

He throws a copy of Midnight sun away. He's like, I don't have any memories.

[Ash]

He starts burning them all.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Elena]

He's like, I don't. I don't remember anything about what I thought about you. I've just. I've always loved you.

[Ash]

What are you talking about?

[Elena]

Like, just sitting there and you watch the movie and you're like. You just like the way she smelled.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And you didn't even kind of.

[Ash]

No, he actually did. The way he smelled.

[Elena]

It repulsed you. But, like, she tastes good, I think, or you knew she tastes good. I think she's a singer.

[Ash]

Yeah. Because I don't even know if he was, like, repulsed by the way she smelled or if he was just, like, trying not to smell her because he was like, oh, my God.

[Elena]

And I think he's just bad at not looking repulsed.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

But.

[Ash]

Yeah, like, that is.

[Elena]

That was pretty crazy. So when I saw Siobhan come on the scene, I said, we gotta take a look at that.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Nothing happens in the movie.

[Aiden]

No.

[Elena]

They don't even touch upon it.

[Ash]

Oh, that could have been a fun little.

[Elena]

And what's weird is they make it like, what was the girl that. In the. Remember, in the last movie, she was, like, a little jealous of. Because they, like, she liked Edward and Edward, like.

[Ash]

Yeah, I. For some reason, I thought it was

[Sponsor Voice]

Irina,

[Ash]

so I hope not.

[Elena]

Yeah, I don't think it was Irina. Oh, Tanya. Is it a Tanya?

[Ash]

Tanya is Irina's sister.

[Elena]

Yeah, I think it is one of them.

[Ash]

So, like, he loved his cousin, because

[Elena]

I think they're only cousins, but, like, by, like, vampirism, you know?

[Ash]

But, like, still, that's. But I think you should have put that label.

[Elena]

Is it Tanya?

[Ash]

Is it.

[Elena]

Let's See, I think it is Tanya, because remember like Bella describes her in the most like, Anti Woman.

[Ash]

Yes. We talked about it.

[Elena]

She's like, she's so disgustingly pretty. She made my stomach sick and I wanted to kill her.

[Ash]

Tanya had a crush on Edward in the past.

[Elena]

Yeah. And they. I think they wanted them to get together. Like that was part of the.

[Ash]

But I think he was never interested.

[Elena]

Yeah, he wasn't interested.

[Ash]

That's what it is.

[Elena]

Because she was also a pretty. She wasn't Siobhan. So there was that. And it's like they touch upon that in the movies, but they just pretended Siobhan didn't exist.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's pretty big. But she's like.

[Elena]

But it's pretty big thing. And like it's a moment in Midnight Sun. So it's like, why wouldn't you touch upon that? I think that would have been fucking interesting. Because to be quite honest, for all they've built up with Bella and Edward, the emotional payoff of that relationship, there isn't. Was nothing happened.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And hey, do you want to watch a quick little movie trailer of. Of our best hits?

[Ash]

That. And then she also says. And I said, you girl. She said, nobody has ever loved anybody as much as I wanted to fight her. You don't know my life.

[Elena]

I said, you.

[Ash]

You don't know anything about me in the way I love.

[Elena]

You can't even say that. You don't know everybody.

[Aiden]

Yeah. So that.

[Elena]

Bella, you're being very disingenuous.

[Ash]

And guess what? He doesn't love you as much as you love him. How about that one thing?

[Elena]

It's true. Just read Midnight sun, babe.

[Ash]

Funny.

[Elena]

And one. One last thing that I loved during the battle was how because like Kaius, who's Jamie Lynn or Jamie Lynn Bauer. Jamie Campbell Bower, who plays Vecna on Stranger Things. It's so funny because he just does not want to let this go. He's like, I just want to fuck shit up. Yeah. Which is very Vecna. And also when they're like, you know, he's like, he's not an immortal child. And we're like, Arrow's like, we're not gonna break laws and kill that child because it's not an immortal child. And he's like, I feel like we can though. I feel like we could kill that immortal. Let's kill the kids. Let's figure out a way to kill that kid. I'm like, vecna's just like in every universe, just out here killing kids. Like, he's like, let me kill a kid.

[Ash]

He's typecast.

[Elena]

Jamie Campbell Bowers just out here being

[Ash]

like, let me kill a kid. Typecast as a kid killer. That's great.

[Aiden]

Truly.

[Elena]

That's like, damn. He's just across universes doing the same.

[Ash]

It's wild. The biggest thing that I hate about the battle, and I said it at the very beginning, but I have to say it again, is I just hate that Alice shows up and every. In, like, in the movie. Oh, here's the other thing.

[Elena]

I actually want to talk about this.

[Ash]

Hold on, let me get to my. My good thing here. So in the. In the book, they just have a conversation, like the battle that happens on screen where, like, Carlisle dies. And I think, oh, yeah, like, everybody dies, basically. Like, a lot of Cullens die. That doesn't happen in the book. So this is directly from Stephenie Meyer's website. She says the question, which I got frequently, was how I felt about having a big change inserted into the story during the final climax. My answer was that it didn't feel like such a huge departure. What?

[Elena]

Steph.

[Ash]

A whole battle ensues in multiple Cullens die. She said, for me, this moment already happened in the book. However, no, it literally didn't. However, we don't get to see it in all its exciting and gory detail because we're seeing the world only through Bella's eyes, babe. I feel like we're not seeing it because you didn't fucking write it in the book. But she says she goes on, a few of the reporters I talked to wanted to know where in the book this moment was hidden, because much like Ashkel, they were confused.

[Elena]

Much like everybody.

[Ash]

Everyone who read the book, they said, no, no, no, it wasn't in there.

[Elena]

I read it. It wasn't there.

[Ash]

She says the answer is page 738, fourth paragraph down. Arrow stared into my eyes for a long, tense moment. I had no idea, no idea what he was searching for or what he found. But after he had measured me for that moment, something in his face changed. A faint shift in the set of his mouth and eyes. And I knew that Aro had made his decision. Stephanie, where are all of the Cullens killed in that? Stephanie, where's the battle where everybody's heads are ripped off and the earth is split into two and everybody dies?

[Elena]

Because also, isn't the whole thing in the movie that it's Alice who's like, here's your future?

[Ash]

Yes.

[Elena]

But then he's doing it to Bella in the book, and Bella, like, his Whole power is he can, like, see every thought you've had.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

That doesn't make any sense.

[Ash]

No, because in the book, they're just talking.

[Elena]

Exactly. And her. That wouldn't even work. Like, she doesn't have the ability to show him the future either way. So I guess. Good. Good try on that one.

[Ash]

Also, the weird thing about the ending of the movie, and I don't know if it happens similarly in the book, is that Bella, like, touches Edward to show him, like, this movie of their whole three years of life together. That's Renesmee's gift. Bella's gift is shield.

[Elena]

Yeah. I guess she can lower the shield, and she just didn't know that she

[Ash]

can lower the shield and, like, give people memories.

[Elena]

Yeah. And she's figured it out.

[Ash]

Okay.

[Elena]

She was like, oh, my God, you could have seen this for, like, ever. But I didn't know I could lower it, But I figured it out because I'm such a good vampire.

[Ash]

I hate it here.

[Aiden]

It's

[Elena]

the way that there are no stakes.

[Ash]

It's just like, the way that the

[Elena]

stakes are completely done.

[Ash]

So anti climax.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Because the. The climax isn't real.

[Elena]

No.

[Ash]

And again, nothing pisses me off.

[Elena]

And there's nothing.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I remember.

[Ash]

I think I watched this for the first time when I was young, and

[Aiden]

I was like, oh, my God, I'm

[Ash]

sure relieved that Carlisle doesn't die.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

I watched this as an adult and I. I completely.

[Elena]

Yeah. Forgot everything.

[Ash]

So I walked into this and I was like, wow, I don't remember any of this.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And then we got to the battle and I was like, oh, none of this is real. I do remember that.

[Elena]

And I was pissed because it really. And it makes sense to do it for the movie.

[Ash]

But, like.

[Elena]

Like, Aiden was saying it earlier that it completely has no re. Watchability with the way they presented this twist. No, because, like, spoiler alert for the Sixth Sense.

[Ash]

If you haven't heard that one, honey,

[Elena]

you haven't seen it. But when you find out the twist in that movie, you go, whoa. And it blows your mind. Just like this battle scene blew everyone's mind. Because when it twists that, you're like, oh, my God.

[Ash]

Like, holy.

[Elena]

But with the Sixth Sense, the thing that makes that different is then you go, oh, shit. You go, I'm gonna rewatch that again. And now suddenly, I'm noticing all the things that. The evidence that supports what I just saw in that twist.

[Ash]

Right.

[Elena]

And it's actually crazy to rewatch. And every time you rewatch it, you see a New little thing that you're like, oh, my God. In that.

[Ash]

Like, that thing.

[Elena]

This has nothing. No. So it's like that twist stood alone with nothing to give it. The rewatch ability of, like, oh, I'm gonna watch that again and see if I can catch it here.

[Ash]

No, because as somebody who literally just said, I rewatched it, and I literally got to the battle and was pissed, I was like, oh, right. This doesn't happen. So what's the point of even watching it if it doesn't happen?

[Elena]

That's. Yeah.

[Ash]

You know what?

[Elena]

Like, it doesn't have a rewatch.

[Ash]

It's like getting on a roller coaster, and they just let you sit there for five minutes, and then they're like, oh, my God. Wasn't that the most thrilling rollercoaster? And you're like, no, because it didn't go.

[Elena]

And you want it. Like, at the end of it, you're just like. Everything just kind of fizzled out. Which, like. I know. Trust me, I know. Writing an ending, hardest thing you're gonna have to do.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

It's not easy. I will never say it's easy. And sometimes it just doesn't come out. Yeah, but this one just felt like, that's the ending. Like you didn't want to give any kind of stakes, no drama, nothing that was gonna leave somebody. Like, oh, fuck, that happened. You know what I mean? Like, you don't. There's not a lot to talk about with the ending, because it all just wrapped up in a bow.

[Ash]

It did. And the biggest fear they're facing is like, oh, my God. They're not only gonna kill our child, but all of us. But the child being killed is the biggest thing here. In the end of the movie, it literally ends with Bella and Edward. Where the fuck is Renesmee? You're not clinging onto her, like, oh, my God. And also, not only did she not die, but you also find out, like, that guy. What's the guy's name that Alice goes to get to prove that? Immortal.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. Because of an H or. Yeah, they just. They just bring him out and they're like, hey, look at this. He's an immortal child. Or not an immortal child.

[Ash]

Oh, no. So you're correct.

[Elena]

But there was an H in it.

[Ash]

There was an H and an N. So look at us both being correct. Yeah, he's like, 150.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

So, like, you also just realize that you, like. Like, you know what I mean?

[Aiden]

I'm just like, what the fuck?

[Elena]

I just feel. That's the thing. It should have ended. Since the entirety of Breaking dawn was about. You know, it really wasn't just about Bella and Edward. It was about Renesmee and what's going to happen and the family and how it's how they're going to. And it was about all of them. Right. And to just end on Bella and Edward, which. I know what they were doing with that. Like, I get it. I'm not. I'm not dense. But, like, I know they were trying to be like, well, of course it's going to end on. And it's like, it needs to end on Bella, Edward and Renee and their child that they have together.

[Sponsor Voice]

Right.

[Elena]

You begin with the two of them. You end with the new family they have created together.

[Ash]

And. And then it's also just like, okay, look, she gets to have it all whoopy.

[Elena]

Yeah. And again, it's like, poor Rosalie over there, like, just throw her to the wind. And it's like. But Bella gets it all. And it's like, oh, God. It just doesn't feel good. I don't like it.

[Ash]

This movie is the worst one.

[Elena]

Yeah. I think the earlier Twilight movies are more. They have the vibe that I like better.

[Ash]

Even Breaking Dawn, Part one, I like. I feel like we watched it so long ago, I can't remember how much I liked it.

[Elena]

Not a lot happened.

[Ash]

Not a lot happens. But it's better at least. And it has more of the, like, themes.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

That early Twilight day.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

But Twilight and new moon are definitely the best of the two.

[Elena]

They didn't know what to do when they invite, when they Whatever. When they involved a child. They had. No. Nobody knew what to do.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Elena]

It's like it all fell to the wayside because they just didn't know. They made her the stakes, but she was barely around when it comes to eclipse.

[Ash]

Why can't I remember?

[Sponsor Voice]

What?

[Ash]

I can never remember what happens in eclipse.

[Elena]

Isn't that when what does happen in eclipse? So we got new moon. When Edward leaves. Isn't eclipse when Jake finds out? No.

[Ash]

What the fuck happens in eclipse?

[Elena]

They're all running together.

[Ash]

That was just erased for me all of a sudden. Is that when they start building the vampire army and they know Victoria is coming?

[Elena]

Yes. That's the newborn vampire army that. That Victoria is forming to come attack them.

[Ash]

And then that. That erupts in.

[Elena]

Yeah, Eclipse.

[Ash]

Okay.

[Elena]

That's when, like, the. That's when they have to, like, sleep in the. The tent. And he says, I am hotter than you. Oh, okay.

[Ash]

So actually, yeah, I don't even Remember Breaking Down Part one? Because I was thinking that was Breaking Down Part one.

[Elena]

And I was breaking down Part one is when they get married and go on a honeymoon.

[Ash]

Oh, yeah.

[Sponsor Voice]

I hate that one.

[Ash]

So.

[Elena]

And then she comes home and she's just, like, wasting away.

[Ash]

So I take back what I said. Like, that doesn't even have the themes of Twilight. The first three have great themes and they're fun.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Breaking dawn, part one and two suck.

[Elena]

Yeah. I'm not a fan. Breaking Dawn.

[Aiden]

I'm not.

[Ash]

One and two suck.

[Elena]

I don't. I could have done without it.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's really.

[Elena]

I really could have. And I guess what was gonna happen was she was gonna go from Twilight straight to something called Forever.

[Ash]

Forever Gone.

[Elena]

And it was basically Twilight to them, like, getting married and all that. I was gonna skip all the.

[Ash]

That would have been a little.

[Elena]

But that would have been the worst.

[Ash]

Yeah. We wouldn't have never got.

[Elena]

Because I'd much rather get New Moon and Eclipse out of it.

[Ash]

New Moon is so depressing. But it's, like, one of my faves.

[Elena]

But it has a possibility.

[Ash]

Aiden also, by the way, our cousin slash nephew slash new producer, we just started referencing him, and everybody's probably like, who the fuck is that?

[Elena]

Oh, and Mikey's still, like, here.

[Ash]

Yeah, guys, Mikey's still our friend. He still works for us and everything. He just moved to Canada, just so you know.

[Elena]

Like, he's not gone.

[Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Aiden just, like, happens to live in Massachusetts and, like, he's all right. We like him.

[Elena]

Yeah, we're okay with that.

[Ash]

But it was so funny because he's never seen a single Twilight movie or read any of the Twilight books. And yesterday he watched the movie with me so I could take extra notes.

[Elena]

So that's. He was thrown into the deep end of the pool.

[Ash]

And he is literally going to. He. He just ordered Twilight to start reading it.

[Elena]

And I can't believe it. He's like, I need to know everything about this.

[Ash]

I just love the way your journey began. Was just like, what the fuck is this?

[Elena]

It was breaking Dawn Part 2, the movie.

[Ash]

You watched the worst movie ever, and you were like, let me get into this. I gotta know everything. This is a shit movie. But, like, what's this all about?

[Elena]

Going down this rabbit hole, though.

[Ash]

It's such a. It's. It's such a. It's like a club.

[Elena]

It really is.

[Ash]

We all belong to.

[Elena]

It's true.

[Ash]

I'm kind of sad that we're, like, done.

[Elena]

I know. Now I feel like I want to do Something else like this. So if you have to. If you guys have suggestions for what. Because obviously you're still going to get bonus episodes.

[Ash]

They'll just be other things.

[Elena]

Yeah. Like we've been doing between these. But if you have something else that you want us to do this kind of thing with where we're like, we do one and like we have a few other ones in between and then we do a second one.

[Ash]

Yeah,

[Elena]

yeah. Or, you know, whatever. If you guys want to suggest, go.

[Ash]

I see some people suggest 50 shades of gray. I can't do it.

[Elena]

Oh, my God.

[Ash]

We watched one of them, I think on screen, and I was like, I can't. I can't watch all of these movies.

[Elena]

That'll make me homicide.

[Ash]

That will kill me.

[Aiden]

Yeah, I can't.

[Ash]

I can't brain rot that deep.

[Elena]

No, I can't either.

[Ash]

Just anything but that.

[Elena]

Yeah, but suggest.

[Aiden]

Yeah.

[Ash]

I want to hear what you have

[Elena]

to say because you guys, we. We all loved doing this and you guys loved it. We love doing it. So we'll listen to what you guys think should be next.

[Ash]

So we hope you keep listening and

[Elena]

we hope you keep it weird, but not so many.

[Ash]

You get banned from Foxwoods and. And shout out to State Farm. This episode is brought to you by State Farm.

[Sponsor Voice]

Every good detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat, or even rv. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go to statefarm.com or use the award winning app to connect with a local agent and get a quote. Like a good neighbor. State Farm is there.