Listener Tales 92

Summary

Morbid Network | Wondery Podcast Episode Title: Episode 622: Listener Tales 92
Release Date: November 28, 2024
Hosts: Elena and Jeremy Fisher

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Overview

In Episode 622 of Morbid, titled "Listener Tales 92," hosts Elena and Jeremy Fisher delve into a series of chilling, true-to-life stories submitted by their listeners. These narratives range from near-miss encounters with potential kidnappers to terrifying home invasions and demonic confrontations. Blending meticulous research with their characteristic humor, Elena and Jeremy guide listeners through each tale, offering insights and emotional reflections that resonate deeply.

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1. Devin’s Story: Almost a Play Date with a Kidnapper

Timestamp: [11:34 - 20:54]

Summary: Devin recounts a harrowing experience from her childhood in the early 1990s. Growing up in a financially struggling household on the outskirts of Antioch, California, Devin often played unsupervised in her front yard, which was picturesque yet bordered by two cemeteries. One summer day, a seemingly benign encounter with a mysterious woman and her daughter took a sinister turn.

Key Points:

• Initial Encounter: Devin notices a woman and her older daughter approaching her gate, offering to play with her despite instructions about stranger danger.
• Red Flags: The older girl’s lack of eye contact and the woman’s aggressive gesture when reaching through the fence raised Devin’s suspicions.
• Intervention: Just as the woman tries to engage Devin further, her mother intervenes, chasing the strangers away. Later, the neighborhood is shaken by news of a kidnapping linked to the same woman, revealing that Devin narrowly escaped becoming a victim.
• Emotional Impact: The realization that she had unknowingly met her kidnapper as a child leaves Devin with lingering trauma and gratitude for her mother’s swift action.

Notable Quotes:

• Devin: “Something was wrong and even my small child brain knew it.” [17:05]
• Jeremy: “Can you imagine? And to know that you happened to have an experience where you met her, and then to realize that Nancy was trying to kidnap your ass, too.” [19:26]

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2. Molly’s Tale: The Home Invasion

Timestamp: [21:49 - 32:46]

Summary: Molly shares a terrifying account of a home invasion that occurred in 2020. While Molly and her then-boyfriend were out of town, their Vermont apartment was broken into, resulting in the theft of personal items, including a significant diamond meant for her engagement ring.

Key Points:

• The Break-In: Returning home a day later, Molly discovers that predefined security measures (like pushing furniture against the door) were bypassed by intruders.
• Evidence Collection: Reviewing security footage, Molly observes her cats reacting fearfully and notices two unfamiliar men enter the property. The perpetrators carelessly leave behind pieces of evidence, including a note, which surprisingly aids in their capture.
• Emotional Fallout: The violation of her personal space and belongings causes significant distress. Jeremy empathizes deeply, acknowledging the profound sense of insecurity that follows such an event.
• Resolution: The police link one of the intruders, Kevin, to multiple previous burglaries. Audio evidence from the footage becomes the key to his arrest, leading to justice for Molly and her boyfriend. Despite the ordeal, they find solace in restoring their sense of security by moving to a new home and investing in a comprehensive security system.

Notable Quotes:

• Molly: “I can only guess now what might have happened to me if I had gone with that woman that day. I'm so glad you didn't.” [20:28]
• Jeremy: “I did not see that coming. No, I did not read these ahead of time.” [18:49]
• Molly: “Spoiler alert. No cats were harmed in the making of this listener tale.” [26:08]

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3. Eli’s Story: Confrontation with a Parkouring Demon

Timestamp: [33:32 - 44:53]

Summary: Eli narrates a bizarre and supernatural-sounding encounter in her early twenties while living alone in a Montreal apartment. After hearing unnerving, demonic sounds outside her window late at night, Eli faces an intruder displaying extraordinary physical abilities.

Key Points:

• Unsettling Sounds: Late one night, Eli hears loud, incomprehensible yelling emanating from an alley adjacent to her building. Curious and concerned, she investigates by looking out her curtains.
• The Intrusion: A man exhibiting parkour-like agility bursts into her apartment, shouting in a manner that suggests possession or madness. Eli, armed with an 8-inch blade for protection, confronts the intruder.
• Host Reaction: Despite the fear, Eli stands her ground, brandishing the knife and issuing a firm directive to the intruder: “Don't fucking try me.” Her assertiveness compels the man to retreat temporarily.
• Police Intervention: Shortly after, the authorities arrive and apprehend the intruder. Eli’s quick thinking and bravery prevent potential harm, leaving her with a mix of relief and lingering fear.
• Emotional Reflection: Eli reflects on the surreal nature of the encounter, emphasizing the importance of personal security and preparedness in the face of unexpected threats.

Notable Quotes:

• Eli: “Don't fucking try me.” [40:44]
• Jeremy: “They’re gonna get the fuck out of there. Like, they’re gonna get the fuck.” [40:32]
• Elena: “I felt absolutely sick to my stomach watching the news.” [20:05]

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Hosts’ Interactions and Reflections

Throughout the episode, Elena and Jeremy engage in lively banter, providing comic relief amidst the dark narratives. Their chemistry shines as they empathize with the storytellers, share personal anecdotes, and inject humor to balance the gravity of each tale.

Notable Interactions:

• Empathy and Support: Jeremy frequently expresses his admiration for the bravery of the storytellers, saying things like, “You did,” to acknowledge their courage.
• Humor Amidst Horror: The hosts lighten the mood with jokes about "Salad Fingers" and playful comments about their own reactions to the stories.
• Encouragement for Listeners: They invite listeners to share their own eerie experiences, fostering a community of shared stories and support.

Notable Quotes:

• Jeremy: “I liked that one. And can I say your name? April.” [11:07]
• Elena: “We love you. We want to smooch your faces.” [47:28]

---

Conclusion and Takeaways

Episode 622: Listener Tales 92 of Morbid offers a captivating blend of true crime and personal horror stories that highlight the unpredictable nature of human encounters and the importance of vigilance. Through Devin’s near-miss with a kidnapper, Molly’s harrowing home invasion, and Eli’s supernatural confrontation, listeners are reminded of the thin line between safety and danger. Elena and Jeremy’s compassionate yet humorous approach ensures that each story is not only heard but felt, leaving the audience both entertained and contemplative.

Final Thoughts:

• Resilience and Courage: The stories emphasize the resilience of individuals in the face of terrifying situations.
• Community and Support: The hosts foster a sense of community, encouraging listeners to share and support one another.
• Balance of Emotion: The episode masterfully balances fear with moments of levity, making the dark tales accessible and engaging.

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Stay Connected: For more spine-tingling stories and true crime insights, subscribe to Morbid on your favorite podcast platform or join Wondery Plus for an ad-free experience.

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Note: This summary is based on the provided transcript and aims to capture the essence and key elements of Episode 622: Listener Tales 92 of the Morbid podcast.

Transcript

[Elena]

Wondery plus subscribers can listen to Morbid.

[Ash]

Early and ad free. Join Wondery plus in the Wondery app.

[Elena]

Or on Apple Podcasts. You're listening to a Morbid Network podcast.

[Ash]

Hey everyone, let's talk about protein for a second.

[Elena]

There's this rumor that getting plant based.

[Ash]

Protein is tough, but listen, there are some amazing options out there even if you're not vegan. Adding more plant based protein to your diet is a fantastic way to nourish your body and support the planet. My good go to for tasty protein and superfood pack shake is Cachava. Every serving of Cachava offers 25 grams of 100% plant based protein. But that's not all this all in one shake has fiber, quality, fats, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and so much more. I love that I can tick so many boxes with just one delicious shake. If you know me, you know that vanilla and chai are my favorite flavors and I like to combine them. But they also have chocolate, they've got matcha, and they've got coconut acai.

[Elena]

I'm a big fan of the coconut acai as well.

[Ash]

After drinking Kachava first thing in the morning because that's when I always drink it, I feel satiated for hours. I feel focused, calm and ready to take on my day. Something that I really love to do if I even want like a little bit more protein is just add a scoop of peanut butter to the vanilla and chai concoction that I make. And that oh is just scrum diddly umpious honey. Kachava is offering our listeners 10% off on their subscription for a limited time. Just go to kachava.commorbid spelled k a C H A v a and get 10% off your first order. That's K A C H A V A dot com morbid what's it like to get the new iPhone 16 Pro with at and T Next up Anytime?

[Elena]

It's like when you first light up.

[Ash]

The grill and think of all the mouthwatering possibilities. Learn how to get the new iPhone 16 Pro with Apple Intelligence on AT and T and the latest iPhone every year with AT and T next up anytime ATT connecting changes everything. Apple Intelligence coming fall 2024 with Siri and device language set to US English. Some features and languages will be coming over the next year. $0 offer may not be available on future iPhones. Next up Anytime features may be discontinued at any time, subject to change additional fees. Terms and restrictions apply. See att.com iPhone for details hello, weirdos.

[Salad Fingers]

I'm Salad Fingers.

[Terrifying Burglar]

And I'm the really terrifying and traumatizing.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Burglar from Sims 1.

[Salad Fingers]

I don't know you, but this is a rusty spoon.

[Terrifying Burglar]

It's actually morbid.

[Salad Fingers]

I'm terrified. Anyway, it's brought to you by. You, actually. No, it's brought to you by Marjorie Stuart Baxter and Jeremy Fisher and Hubert Cumberdale. Oh, no, it's actually brought to you just by Hubert Cumberdale and.

[Elena]

Oh.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh.

[Salad Fingers]

It's actually brought to you by Jeremy Stewart Baxter.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Jeremy Fisheye.

[Elena]

Oh, Jeremy Fisheye got confused because you stole all my things.

[Jeremy Fisher]

This is what I do.

[Elena]

I don't know, guys. It got fucking weird in here. Something's vibrating. Is it Mom?

[Jeremy Fisher]

It's my mom.

[Elena]

Mom. We're in the middle of Listener Tales, guys. You thought last time was weird. This time is even weirder because of this.

[Salad Fingers]

Well, should we get on to the Listener Tales?

[Jeremy Fisher]

We should.

[Elena]

Yeah. Guys, so Listener Tales is weird now. Super Weird Lizard Tales is weird now. Listener Tales is literally so weird. It's fun, though. It's so fun because it's after Halloween. Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And we still get to do fun stuff.

[Elena]

Still Halloween.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, it's still Halloween in our hearts forever.

[Elena]

I love this so much. I'm having a lot of fun.

[Jeremy Fisher]

This is fun.

[Elena]

Yeah. I'm kind of nervous about getting this green paint off my face.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm obviously nervous for you.

[Elena]

Yeah. What happened was I got, like, a green powder makeup by accident and it worked, like, with water. I, like, mixed it and I was able to put it on my face, but then it wouldn't work on the bald cap because I didn't go actually bald for this look. I just, you know, put a bald cap. Listen, I think I committed. You did, but did you say you didn't?

[Jeremy Fisher]

I said you did. Oh. I was like, wow, I feel like damage.

[Elena]

Like, I feel like I did. But, yeah, so I'm. There's acrylic paint on top of my head is what I was going to say.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And a little bit on her face, so.

[Elena]

And neck.

[Jeremy Fisher]

We will see how this is going.

[Elena]

Yeah. We'll post photos of the aftermath.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You know, we'll see if there's any kind of irritation happening.

[Elena]

I'm excited to see. There's definitely irritation happening right here where Jeremy Fisher is. Yeah, Jeremy Fisher.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And honestly, my. My thing was so easy to make, but I got this plumb bob, you know, this plumbob Bob the Builder on Etsy.

[Elena]

I love that.

[Jeremy Fisher]

So go check him out. He does cool stuff. Yeah, he was Very. He was easy to. He told me how to work it and stuff. So like Bob forever.

[Elena]

Bob the Builder.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm going to be starting.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

This Listener Tales experience here.

[Elena]

Let's go, brother.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Let's go. So this one, I should probably go back and tell you what it's actually called.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's kind of the whole thing a little hard.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Okay. This one's called Listener Tale. It's more of a yoink than a yeet Listener Tale.

[Elena]

This one is very funny and I.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like that a lot. Let's see. I'm gonna open it up.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. Also we went with like a home invasions kind of theme and like kidnapping sort of. Cause it's like your thing. I know. You're not a kidnapper.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

You're kind of a kidnapper.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You put kids in ovens.

[Elena]

I know, you're right. I just didn't want to talk about it here and now.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Sorry.

[Elena]

I never got caught.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I never got caught. All right, so it says, picture it. The summer of 1977 in a suburb of Chicago called Cicero. Cicero. Cicero. Famous for being the home of the gangster Al Capone. That's pretty badass.

[Elena]

That is really badass.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Scary, but badass. Yeah. This also has a picture of Sophia from the Golden Girls on the phone.

[Elena]

Of course.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like, picture it. The summer of 1977. The heat and humidity of the day simmering off the asphalt in a small. There it is. There you go. In a small brick bungalow style home, my mother sauntered about in the stagnant heat of the kitchen. Her youngest sat upon her hip. Moi. The child, so angelic and small, was only months old. Her strawberry red hair plastered to her absolutely adorable and whittle head. Poetic license will be used and most likely abused. In the basement of this bungalow is the rest of the schmucks and staff. Er, I mean my siblings. My sister Coco, 9 at the time. My brother Benny, 10, Joe, 8, Rodrigo, 7 and Bobby, 5. They played about in the coolest spot in the house without a care in the world, wreaking havoc amongst each other. Because kids, am I right?

[Elena]

You're right.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You are right. Oh, and also because boys, they do be rambunctious. Anywhoozle as they played about in the basement. And unbeknownst to my mother, am man creeped in behind. This is horrifying. Yeah. A man creeped in between the narrow walkway behind between our home and the neighbors. He stopped at the small window. A window barely any bigger than a doggy door that sat at ground level peering into the basement. He beat on the window until breaking the glass.

[Salad Fingers]

Not the glass.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like there's children in there.

[Elena]

I think that's kind of his objective.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I hate that.

[Elena]

I know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I hate him for that.

[Elena]

I do too.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Near that window was little Bobby.

[Elena]

Not little Bobby.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Bobby.

[Elena]

Bobby.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Standing there with his little root beer belly, chubby cheeks, his dark hair growing darker with sweat. The man reached in and yoinked him out of the basement. Yoink. And into the oven. Bye bye, little Bobby. Buh. Bye. I didn't say that. Coco, Benny, Joe and Rodrigo ran upstairs to the kitchen. They reached. My mom started pulling on her shirt.

[Elena]

Mom. Mom.

[Jeremy Fisher]

They started yelling. He grabbed Bobby. He grabbed Bobby. He pulled him out the window. Here's the thing. I would have died if I was that mother.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

On impact, your kids run up to you and say, he grabbed Bobby. He grabbed Bobby. He pulled him out the window.

[Elena]

Dead.

[Jeremy Fisher]

How do you react to that?

[Elena]

She throws the baby and goes to get the bomb.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Holy shit. My mother, obviously in shock, handed the golden child, the beautiful little baby, so sweet and innocent, to her sister Coco, and went down to the basement to see the destruction for herself, not quite believing what she heard. As the kids said, the window was broken with only small shards. Still small shards. Small shards. Still only small shards. What is it? Charred shards? It's shards.

[Elena]

It's shards.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Correctly, Right? Okay.

[Elena]

It's like shards.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Small shards. I don't know why that sounded so wrong in my head. Still sticking inside the frame. The police were called and alerted to the situation. I'm horrified. For your entire family.

[Elena]

Very scary.

[Jeremy Fisher]

As everyone went outside to wait for the police, my brothers pointed to the elderly neighbor sitting in the backyard, rocking away on his glider while drinking. Mommy, he is the man who took Bobby. No.

[Elena]

Just went across the street.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No. Next to the elderly neighbor was a little dark haired boy with his own drink.

[Salad Fingers]

It's Bobby.

[Jeremy Fisher]

What the fuck is going on here?

[Elena]

Hello?

[Jeremy Fisher]

What is going on? If you guessed that it was my brother sitting with the neighbor, you would be correct.

[Elena]

Yes.

[Jeremy Fisher]

The elderly neighbor was lonely and just wanted to share a beer and a chat with someone. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Elena]

No, he wasn't all there.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No. His family was located and called to help. His son arrived and was very apologetic. Eventually our neighbor was placed in a nursing home to get the 247 care he needed and all was well again. That is so sad.

[Elena]

I know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And so horrifying.

[Elena]

It's so sad on so many levels because childhood trauma immediately for Bobby and then like obviously that neighbor, like, didn't mean anything. Wasn't all there, didn't mean any harm.

[Jeremy Fisher]

But, like, holy shit.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Even though there was still glass left in the frame, little Bobby was not injured at all. In my best Keith Morrison impression, I don't see Bobby drinking much beer. Could it be because of this incident? Could it be because he prefers the harder stuff?

[Elena]

We'll never know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

To this day, my siblings still refuse to answer the question of did he really reach down and grab him, or did you all just lift him up as an offering?

[Elena]

I love that. I love it so.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I love that.

[Elena]

It's so good.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's a good one. I like that one. And can I say your name?

[Elena]

Let me.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You may use my name. April.

[Elena]

April.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Thank you for that, April. I didn't want to call you out if I couldn't.

[Elena]

April. We love April.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That was a good one. And horrifying.

[Elena]

Horrifying. But, like, had a happy ending.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It did. It was. And it was funny.

[Elena]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jeremy Fisher]

So I like that one.

[Elena]

All right, my next one is. I think I can say your name. Yeah, I can. Okay. So this is the time I almost had a play date with a kidnapper.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I hate this.

[Elena]

Yeah. Hello, wonderful ladies. I want to start off the story by saying the usual. You are amazing, and thank you so much for doing what you do. I found your podcast while listening to my girls over at National Park After Dark. Love them. We love them so much. And I've been hooked ever since. My name is Devin. And yes, you can use my name.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Hey, Devin.

[Elena]

Hey, Devin. What's up, Devin? How are you, Devin? This story takes place in the good old early 90s. Hell, yeah. When kids like me often ran around unsupervised outside and I was usually barefoot. My family didn't have a lot of money. I lived in a small rented house on the outskirts of Anatok. I think it is. I like it. Antioch, Calif. Somewhere in California. I just said California. I have to guess we're struggling. We really are. It's kind of late. All right. You lived in California then? Small city about 30 miles outside of San Francisco in the East Bay.

[Terrifying Burglar]

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[Ash]

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[Elena]

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[Ash]

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[Elena]

It was seemingly a normal summer afternoon and being the oldest child with an infant sibling to entertain me. I was playing out front of my house alone. My family. Sorry, I need to zoom in because I'm literally blind. It's who I am.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Use your salad fingers.

[Salad Fingers]

It's very hard.

[Elena]

La la la la. It was a seemingly normal summer afternoon and being the oldest child with only an infant sibling to entertain me. I was playing out front of my house alone. My family home had a giant white birch tree in the front yard, surrounded by grass and a small garden. Oh, that sounds lovely. It's gorgeous.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Gorgeous.

[Elena]

The yard was enclosed in a giant cast iron gate. Thank God. More on that soon. Oh, it had ivy stretching up around it and it smelled of fresh herbs in the summer evenings. That's gorgeous and beautiful and lovely. I love that setting a scene.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Step in.

[Elena]

It says, my mother was dressed in or. Sorry, it. Why can't I do this? You know, I don't know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Sometimes it's hard. You became a different thing today.

[Elena]

I did.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's a lot.

[Elena]

Yeah. This isn't salad fingers. This is salad fingers. First rodeo.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It is. So give him.

[Elena]

Give him a minute. Yeah, give him a minute. All right. This says my mother was just inside caring for my sister when this story occurred. I was sitting in the grass playing with one of those cheap balls you see at the grocery store in those giant bins that you either wanted to climb into as a kid or throw balls over the top of. You know what I'm talking about?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Absolutely I do. I still love those.

[Elena]

I always just picture somebody taking a ball from, like, the inside or the inside, like, bottom, and then everything just, like, plummeting down, tumbling down. Yep, I love it. It was common for people to walk by my house. There was a small cafe up the road on the corner, and many people from our neighborhood frequented it. My house also backed up to two separate cemeteries, and I spent a lot of time getting to know each person buried in them. But that's a story for another time. Devin, that's a story for right now. Devin.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, Devin, that's always a story for right now. Come on.

[Elena]

I love that story.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I love that.

[Elena]

I wasn't in the front yard long when I noticed a strange woman accompanied by a blonde girl a bit older than myself walk by with a small child in a stroller. I was immediately intrigued. Another child in the neighborhood. I didn't know them, but I was desperate to have somebody else to play with. The woman sees my interest and stops in front of the gate to my house. This startles me, as I was taught, stranger danger. Like everybody else, however, the woman seemed okay. And she had kids with her. How bad could she be? I was taught that if I was ever lost, to find a policeman or another mom with kids. So this mom couldn't be bad. I wandered over to the gate.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, no.

[Elena]

The woman asked me my name and asked if I lived there. I said yes and looked to the other kids. The older girl did not look at me one time. This immediately threw up alarm bells in my head even as a kid. So much so that I remember this encounter to this day.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Something. I'm so nervous.

[Elena]

Yeah. Something was wrong and even my small child brain knew it. The woman then asked if I wanted to go play with my ball with her daughters.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

She reached through the fence and touched my arm, a full grip on my wrist. It was then that I knew something was wrong for real. The panic set in. My brain yelled at me to step back, but I was frozen there. Parents always tell you about stranger danger, but how often as a kid do you actually experience it? I don't like this at all. She's upset. The plumb bob.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I don't like this at all.

[Elena]

He said. No, no, no.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm mad.

[Elena]

Maybe. Sensing my concern, the woman asked if I wanted to set up a playdate and asked if my parents were around. She quickly looked over to me and around toward the house. It was then, thankfully, that my mom rushed outside and yelled at me to get away from the fence.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, get the fuck away from her.

[Elena]

Yeah, get away from that cuckoo lady. I backed away, releasing myself from the woman's grip, and ran to my mom without even another word. The woman and the girls quickly walked down the street, pushing the stroller out of sight, and I don't remember ever seeing them again. But the story's not over.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I was gonna say, if I was that mom, I think I would have, like, linebacker style, tackled that woman to the ground.

[Elena]

Honestly, what are your intentions? What are you doing here? Let's just say I got a very stern lecture from my mom about not talking to strangers that day and never played out front of that house unsupervised, ever.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

Flash to 2009. Now I'm in high school, and I live across town from where I grew up. I see that on the news. A little girl kidnapped in 1991 was held captive but found on the outskirts of California. The outskirts of that town, I can say. Yes, that's right, ladies. I grew up and lived around the corner from J.C. dugard.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Shut the up.

[Elena]

While she was held captive for 18 years. Isn't that bonkers?

[Jeremy Fisher]

I didn't see that coming. No, I did not read these ahead of time. I did not see these coming.

[Elena]

Yeah. What the. Yep. The woman I met that day, Nancy Garrido, I think it is.

[Jeremy Fisher]

What the.

[Elena]

The kids I met JC and her firstborn daughter, not her sister. I have.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm without words.

[Elena]

Without words.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm without words.

[Elena]

Can you imagine?

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

And to know, one, to know that you, like, happened to have an experience where you, like, met her, and then two, to realize that Nancy was trying to kidnap your ass, too, to add.

[Jeremy Fisher]

To the whole thing. And. Oh, my God. And your mom is probably like, holy shit. That was just jc.

[Elena]

What? And your mom's like, thank God I was paying attention.

[Terrifying Burglar]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like, mama ran out there and was like, get the fuck off my property. Holy shit.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. To my stomach watching the news. This poor girl was trapped in hell my entire childhood, only a few thousand feet from where I played and slept and lived every single day.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Wow.

[Elena]

My mom and I immediately looked up the address of where JC Was found and saw that she was hidden only eight houses away from us on the corner. The grief I felt that day was insurmountable, knowing I saw her and I Met her and her kidnapper as a child and never even knew it. I can only guess now what might have happened to me if I had gone with that woman that day. I'm so glad you didn't.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Thank goodness. Devin.

[Elena]

Thanks for listening to my tale. And maybe later I'll write in about some other tales I have. Like when I was subpoenaed to testify in front of a court as a witness for when I stopped a home invasion and accidentally broke up a crime ring in my neighborhood. Keep it weird. Much love, Devin. Devin, come on. You gotta hear that. You gotta send us those tales.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You got some stories, Devin.

[Elena]

You're happy.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm happy to hear it.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Holy shit, Devin.

[Elena]

Crazy.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That was cra. I did not see that coming.

[Elena]

That, like, shocked me when I was reading it. I was like.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Wait, wait.

[Elena]

What? What? Oh, wow.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Sorry.

[Elena]

That just, like, ringed off. Whatever. Damn. That's crazy, right?

[Jeremy Fisher]

All right. That's nuts.

[Elena]

No, no.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Jeremy's mind.

[Elena]

I believe you just did that to me. You can't steal my salad fingers, Jeremy's mind. I gotta tuck them back in so they look more realistic.

[Jeremy Fisher]

If you had a rusty spoon, I'd steal that.

[Elena]

I know. I actually feel so fucking remiss. I was gonna make a rusty spoon, and then I just completely forgot. And it's not something you can just whip up in a minute.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You know what the rusty spoon is? The friends we made along the way.

[Elena]

I like that. Okay, put that on my tombstone and never explain it to anyone.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No context whatsoever. All right, so the next listener tale is Listener Tales Home Invasions.

[Elena]

Hello.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Firstly to Ash's cats, secondly to you, gorgeous, gorgeous gal.

[Elena]

I'll tell them you said, hi.

[Jeremy Fisher]

My name is Molly. Okay, Molly. Feel free to use all my names, all the names in the thing. You guys remind me of the lovely relationship between me and my sister. And you've even inspired us to begin percolating the idea of starting our own podcast.

[Elena]

Do it.

[Jeremy Fisher]

We both love spooky shit and have some truly hilarious banter. At least we think so.

[Elena]

We think we do, too.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's the whole reason we started this. That means that you're right. Yeah.

[Elena]

You're funny.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm not good at expressing my feelings. According to my therapist, neither is Elena. But want you to know that I think you are both badass, hilarious, intelligent human beings. Thank you.

[Elena]

So are you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I hope to one day be as spooky and cool of a mom as you, Elena. That's really sweet.

[Elena]

I hope that, too. We share that, Molly.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And get all the same scissor wielding ghosts to fuck right off and leave my babies alone. I also hope to bring more of an attitude into my life and be unapologetically myself while being rock to the people around me. Aw.

[Elena]

I love you so much Molly.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You said I love how supportive you've been of Alina's book, which I cannot wait to read. And you and Drew are the absolute cutest.

[Elena]

Thank you. Her book is pretty all right.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh my God and she's pretty all right.

[Elena]

Tinyurl.com thebutcher except don't use that because it's not active anymore. Go to. Oh you have a whole website.

[Jeremy Fisher]

There you go. Anyway, attached our two double space Potiphas for your reading pleasure. I won't bother apologizing for length because I already know what you're gonna say if you read one or both of these on the POD tm I will never stop bragging about every second I broke. I will never stop bragging to everyone I know. Much love Molly.

[Elena]

Today we'll read the home invasion tale and then guess what Molly? You're going to be on Back to Back Listener Tales. That's true.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You're coming back.

[Elena]

We'll read New Orleans next. Next month. Hell yeah. I've been doing admin so this one's.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Called Fuck Kevin and not in the fun way.

[Elena]

I like that. I like that a lot.

[Jeremy Fisher]

2020 was a shit year for a lot of reasons. One of those things is that it's the year that my apartment was broken into and robbed. Yes, Kevin is his real name and I'm comfortable using it because he was indeed caught, arrested and convicted. Kevin by then my then boyfriend, now husband and I congratulations. And I were out of town visiting my family and we left our precious cat children. Arian B. Oh I like that. Arian Binks back at our apartment in Allington, Vermont. Virginia.

[Elena]

Virginia.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Virginia. Sorry I said Vermont.

[Ash]

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[Elena]

The kind of love you can only.

[Ash]

Get when a gift is truly thoughtful and perfect for that person. Shop Etsy this holiday season for personalized jewelry, custom artwork, cozy style items, vintage pieces, and home decor to celebrate all of your favorite people and their specific kind of special. For original original gifts that say I get you, Etsy has it.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Spoiler alert. No cats were harmed in the making of this listener tale. Thank you. We hired a cat sitter to come visit. Feed them once a day. We were supposed to come back home on a Friday, but made a fateful last minute decision to stay an extra day and come home on Saturday instead. At the time I regretted this decision, but now am grateful for what we.

[Terrifying Burglar]

Did as it was the last time.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I saw my mom before she passed away unexpectedly from an undiagnosed heart condition.

[Elena]

I'm sorry.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm sorry Molly. That sucks. We returned home on Saturday night and my boyfriend commented that he thought the door was already unlocked when he stuck the key in.

[Elena]

That's the scariest thing I'd say. Well, you go check the apartment. I have to go somewhere.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It's been real. Bye. We brush this off because the lock was kind of janky and he was probably mistaken. We drop our suitcases and I give my kitty some reunion snuggles. My boyfriend comes rushing out of the bedroom and asks me if I'd moved a small box out of his desk drawer. I had not. And this is where the red flags started going up. We searched the apartment some more and noticed that a passport, checkbook and other items were missing as well.

[Elena]

That's really scary to think that somebody has your passport. Like that's horrible.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That'd be terrifying. The small box that my boyfriend was panicking over contained the diamond for my future engagement ring.

[Elena]

I know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, he had not given it to me yet and this is how I learned that he was going to propose.

[Elena]

Oh, imagine learning like that.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's so sad.

[Elena]

I know.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I plugged our cheap security camera into my laptop and started reviewing the footage. Video only. There was no audio. My heart dropped when I got to the footage from Friday night. Saturday morning around 2am I can see Ari and Binks excitedly trotting up to the door as it began to open, thinking that mom and dad were finally home.

[Elena]

No.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I see their ears go back and their tails drop as they realize it's not us and they turn around and sprint to find a hiding place. I see two unfamiliar dickhead men. Sorry I added that just men come through the door. Unfortunately, I can't see their faces because the camera was pointed to the floor. It was positioned that way because we bought it to keep an eye on the cats, never expecting that it would capture a robbery. I break out into tears and call my mom while my boyfriend calls the police. Two young women police officers show up shortly after and I'm grateful to them to this day for how comforting and kind they were as they took our statements and dusted for fingerprints. Side note, they used a black powder to dust for fingerprints and Binks was very interested in what they were doing. I love that he stepped in a pile of powder and left little black footprints all over the place. It was adorable. And to this day he is known as Detective Binks.

[Elena]

DT Binks on the case.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Over the next few days, we barely slept.

[Elena]

Honestly, I don't know how you would.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That must be like the most like violating feeling.

[Elena]

Absolutely. I think somebody two unknown men were in your house and have all your information.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yes. Like I feel that's awful. We barely slept. Pushed furniture against the door at night and patiently waited for the few and far between updates from police. My boyfriend coped in his way. Denial, dealing with the logistics of insurance, et cetera. I coped in my own way, going full detective mode. The sight of the fear hitting my poor babies as they ran for cover was. Was burned into my mind. Honestly, that would me up too.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

If someone upset my my animals.

[Elena]

Yep.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'd be so pissed.

[Elena]

Oh, you could fight me with these salad fingers.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Fight me. You can mess with me, you can steal our shit, but you cannot fuck with my cats. Exactly. I reviewed the footage over and over, looking at every tiny detail. I noticed that the intruders picked up the note of instructions I'd left with the cat sitter, reading it to each other and laughing. Fuck you.

[Elena]

So like, why is that funny?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Why? Why would that be funny? And like on. Hmm.

[Elena]

Like what?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like what a dick. I reported this to the police and they came and collected the paper for evidence. I also noted that my noticed that my boyfriend had been right about the door being unlocked. I can clearly see the cats that are leaving on Friday shutting the door and not locking the deadbolt. Fired. She was suspected to be involved at first, but eventually determined to be simply incompetent and cleared by police.

[Elena]

Sometimes that's even worse. Yeah, that really is innocent but incompetent.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oof. Oof. I obsessed over and messed with the footage enough to discover that there was in fact audio.

[Elena]

Huzzah, bitch.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You are everything.

[Elena]

You're a detective.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It was Devin, Detective Banks and you. Hell yeah. It was staticky and hard to hear and I listened over and over again with headphones to try to make out any clues. Finally, I saw one of the men walk over to the camera and can make out the following. Hey Kevin, there's a camera here. Idiots. Not only did they drop names directly in front of the camera, but they also left it there instead of taking it.

[Elena]

It's like why would you do that? I mean, I'm glad they did, but like why would you do that?

[Jeremy Fisher]

That would be a special kind of dumb.

[Elena]

You sure do.

[Jeremy Fisher]

The footage was on a micro SD card, so if they'd taken the camera, we would have had nothing to go off of. They unplugged the camera at that time, so we're not sure how long they were there or what else they did. Chilling. Very chilling. My hope is that they realized they fucked up and noped out of there immediately. I forwarded the audio to the detective assigned to our case and this is what finally allowed them to catch him. Turns out the cops had been following Kevin for several months connected to multiple other robberies of homes, schools, businesses, et cetera. They knew he was guilty, but until now they didn't have the hard evidence to convict him.

[Elena]

Hell yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

A warrant was put out and Kevin was arrested for multiple felony robberies. Soon after they searched his phone and found a conversation between him and some other shady character trying to upon my diamonds.

[Elena]

Can you imagine?

[Jeremy Fisher]

It was never found. We expect that he ditched it along with the other stolen items once he realized the police were onto him. That guy. Fortunately, my boyfriend is a genius and bought insurance for the diamonds, so we got a replacement for free. Seriously?

[Elena]

We were both right.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, we were both called to testify in court and despite being totally hyped about getting on the stand, they did not question me. Only my boyfriend.

[Elena]

Stupid.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Total bummer. He doesn't even like true crime. There was also no citywide parade or official commendations for me to single handedly solving the case, which I feel I deserved.

[Elena]

You did.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I also feel you deserved.

[Elena]

Should we have one retroactively?

[Jeremy Fisher]

I think we should. Let's do it anyway. Kevin is in jail now, and though my sense of security in my home is forever damaged, we're doing okay. We moved into a new house back in my Pennsylvania hometown to be closer to my family. After my mom passed, I spent far too much money on a home security system. Love you. Simply safe.

[Elena]

Simply safe.

[Jeremy Fisher]

But it's worth it for the peace of mind. We are now married and the cats are currently looking at burbs outside the window and enjoying the cool fall weather. Whether you read this or not, it was a cathartic to write it all down. I'm glad. Thank you for giving me and many others a safe space to share our stories.

[Elena]

Molly, Molly, we love you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

You always have a safe space here, my friends.

[Elena]

Oh, you're safe forever here, all of you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm so sorry that your sense of security and safety in your own home was rocked from that, because I understand why. It was 100. The same thing would have happened to me.

[Elena]

Yeah, that would have freaked me the out.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Damn, Molly.

[Elena]

I know you went through it, girl, but I'm so glad that your man's got insurance on the ring.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yes. That was smart. He's a smart guy.

[Elena]

Smart guy. He's a smart guy.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Remember that guy? We're in the right era. We're staying in the right era.

[Elena]

In the right era. Oh, my nose. Itchy. That was funny. Sorry. My nose got itchy at a really inopportune time. There you go.

[Jeremy Fisher]

There you go.

[Elena]

All right, my next one is from Eli.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Eli.

[Elena]

Eli. Hello, you wonderful ladies. My name is Eli. You can use my name. I've been listening since day one and have introduced all my. Or, excuse me, many family and friends to you lovelies.

[Jeremy Fisher]

So not all of them.

[Elena]

Not all of them. Not all of them. All right. Right. Just kidding.

[Jeremy Fisher]

We'll forgive you.

[Elena]

It's okay. I'm so proud of all you two have accomplished in these last years. Thank you. You girls brought me so many laughs, so many tears, and even tears from laughing. I look forward to hearing new episodes every week. You are my podcast drug of choice. Aw.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I love you, Hila.

[Elena]

I know. We love you. I am also a Massachusetts gal. More details to come. Yeah, I'm not the greatest at writing, so please bear with me. You're actually really good at writing and really fun. Funny, I was crying when I read this. Of laughter, of laughter, of laughter. Without any more gushing here's. My tale of the time a demonic man parkoured his way into my apartment.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm obsessed with this already.

[Elena]

Back in my early 20s, I left home because I wanted to change. I met a guy when I went on a trip to Canada and we hit it off. I decided not to go back home, much to the shock of my family, job and friends. You only live once, right?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yolo.

[Elena]

Here I am in Montreal on my own for the first time ever. We got a a place in a big apartment condo. You know the type. Multiple floors, multiple apartments on each floor. Your typical Seinfeld situation where you have to be buzzed into the building and all that jazz. My apartment was on the first level, but there was an entire garden level below. Those are air quotes. I liked that.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Air quotes with the salad finger.

[Elena]

You're welcome. Every apartment on the first level, all the way up to the top level, which was, I think 8 had these mini balconies off the living room on this day, after staying up way too late playing video games, I decided to call it a night. Around 1am Ah, the before children days, I head to my bedroom and get ready for bed. Not more than a few seconds after I lay down, I hear this loud yelling coming from the alleyway between my building and the ones next to mine. Picture this alleyway like a sideways T shape looking out my window. There were two buildings and an alley between them leading directly to my unit. The yelling was so disturbing it was no spoken language I had ever heard of. It was seriously demonic. The voice was deep, raspy, but had this sharp edge to it, the type that would make you want to cover your ears. The words made absolutely no sense at all now. B Being the nosy ass I am, I immediately jump out of bed and go peep out the curtains to see what the actual is going on.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Hell yeah, I would have done the same thing.

[Elena]

No, I'm if I hear a commotion out the curtains, I peek.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh yeah, I'm gonna go vacuum the grass.

[Elena]

Literally.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like I gotta know what's going on.

[Elena]

I love those TikTok videos when people.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Will start doing that sweep in the grass.

[Elena]

I love it.

[Terrifying Burglar]

Peloton has a variety of workouts for wherever you are in your fitness journey holiday era, pre drop off meditation era, Dry January era. Whatever era of your life you're in. Peloton has the classes and motivation you need to get after it. I'm in my will you just get up and do something era. So I've been really focusing on Bradley Rose's cycling classes. I'm really getting into some yoga classes. And it's been awesome because there's this little thing on each of the classes that you can tell how hard it is. And we're always running on time on peloton because whether you need 10, 20, 45 minutes of you time to sweat or just get grounded, that peloton provides flexibility with daily on demand and live classes that fit your schedule and your life. That has been immensely important to me. Find your push, find your power. With [e-mail].

[Elena]

Well, there's a man running down the alley toward my building. Uh oh, he's waving his arms all over, but that is as much as I would I could make out. It was extremely dark and there's minimal lighting in that area. As he's making his way toward the building, a car turns in the alley behind him. It had sirens, so clearly it was the police chasing said man. The entire time he's shrieking this ungodly noise, heading straight toward what seemed like me. Oh. Now, at ground level, there's a small retaining wall. It's literally like three feet tall. And he jumps on it and leaps up to grab the bottom of my balcony.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

Yes. No. Yes.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Did you shit your pants? I would have, because I would shit my pants.

[Elena]

Eli says, which by the way, is a solid 15 to 20ft up. And I don't know if he was truly possessed or not, but I shit you not. He hoisted himself up like he was an Olympic pole jumper without a pole.

[Jeremy Fisher]

What the fuck? He just had like a 20 foot vertical. Like, what's going on?

[Elena]

Some street parkour. American Ninja Warrior shit.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Get that man a contract somewhere.

[Elena]

Like, what the hell? I ran right to my night table where I happen to have stashed an 8 inch blade in the drawer. Just casual things.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's Eli right there.

[Elena]

And pull it out. Yeah, just pull it out.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And just pull it right out.

[Elena]

Yeah, just in case. I know I said I would mention this, but I'm from this wonderful little gem of a city called Brockton. Oh, have you guys ever seen the menu? Go watch the menu.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Go watch the menu.

[Elena]

Now, I know you two gorgeous ladies most likely know about this special little shithole, but the rest of the world probably doesn't. Feel free to insert whatever. Oh, no.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That was amazing.

[Elena]

I basically grew up in an area where you sleep with one eye open. In nicer terms, yeah, it's called the city of champions, but that's far from what it is. Champion to any other Brocktonians. Don't come for me, you know, it's true. So knife welding me runs if you know Brockton, you know, you know Icubit. So knife wielding me runs into my living room as my balcony screen door opens and the inner door is being rammed on by this demon. Asshole. Yes. This is still chanting, damn. I know you're probably thinking, hi, don't run toward j. Toward danger. But I don't know. I just had this urge to stand my ground. I'm not gonna be.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Sometimes you get that urge, you know?

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Just like I feel like standing my ground to today.

[Elena]

Yeah, I'm going to stand my ground right now. Sometimes it happens and Eli says, I'm not going to be caught unprepared.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's right.

[Elena]

The locks give out and the door crashes inward.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No.

[Elena]

The demon rushes in. He stops to look around and survey the situation. We lock eyes. Imagine if. Imagine if you were just like this.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Looked at him.

[Elena]

What if you were just like. Like, what if he just broke it? And you were just like, hey, do you like Ross?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Honestly? Best home security system ever, right? Always be salad fingers at every moment. Because if somebody breaks in and you just rise out of bed and just say, I like rusty spoons.

[Salad Fingers]

What are you doing?

[Jeremy Fisher]

They're gonna get the fuck out of there. Like, they're gonna get the fuck. If you sit up and say it's almost orgasmy, they'll be like, bye. Go to the next one.

[Elena]

My salad fingers.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yep.

[Elena]

Yeah, they'll leave.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, it's true. Well, little tip from us to you.

[Elena]

Yeah, the safety tips. Well.

[Jeremy Fisher]

La la, la la la.

[Elena]

I said to him while holding the knife, don't fucking try me.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, that's Eli right there.

[Elena]

That's Eli.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's my Eli.

[Elena]

City of champions Eli. Eli's the whole city. Yep. Eli knows his screaming had come to a halt. And it was so fucking weirdly quiet. He looked at the front door, looked at me, the front door, me. And finally vaults over my coffee table to the front door, fumbles with the lock, gets it open and runs into the building hallway. Then resumes.

[Jeremy Fisher]

He said, fuck that.

[Elena]

He said, fuck that. But then resumes his demonic murder screaming again.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah. He took a little pause.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Surveyed the situation and then was like, I'll continue out here.

[Elena]

They were words, but not. It's seriously hard to explain, but terrifying.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, I wish you had audio. Why didn't you get audio?

[Elena]

Come on, Eli. Audio art didn't happen. This entire thing was only like 6 seconds, tops. But at the moment, it felt like forever. Now this would be the perfect time for me to shut my door, lock it and crumble into a sob. But nah, girl. I ran out into the hallway after him, like, who's paying for my broken door? Ladies, ladies. I don't know why I felt like Xena, Warrior Princess, some Amazonian badass bitch, when the reality was a 21 year old Puerto Rican. 53 Thicka Kuka Kuka K and out of shape.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm obsessed with you, Eli.

[Elena]

I love you, Eli. Eli for life. You just wait. The end of this tale. I was already obsessed. I was crying at this point, but then I started sobbing the next part. The demon runs straight into the officers that yoke him up. One officer runs to me. He looked me up and down and at my knife, which I immediately place on the ground and held my hands up like I was the criminal, not.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Just on my head.

[Elena]

He ushers me into my apartment to make sure I'm okay and to get me out of the hallway as some neighbors had begun opening their doors to see what was happening. Hey, did I mention I was only wearing red panties so my fucking coconut fig tip titties were just clapping in the wind? Can I say that? I just love. Can I say that?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Bitch, you can say that. You can sing that. You can speak that in a poem.

[Elena]

You can. That's Eli. So Eli, Their own Eli. Eli had their own security system in place.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Eli, I'm obsessed with you.

[Elena]

Your yabo saved you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm so. We love your yabos.

[Elena]

We love them, we love them. I mean, listen, it was bedtime.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, my. Whoops.

[Elena]

Did I mention I was only wearing. Oh, by the way, did I mention my coconut titties were flat?

[Jeremy Fisher]

The fact that this demon motherfucker came walking into like busting through your house like the Kool Aid man, and you're standing there in red underwear holding a 8 inch knife and you just said like, don't even fucking try me.

[Elena]

Queen, he said. Queen, he said, I will not get.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Her a goddamn crown.

[Elena]

You are a warrior princess. You are in asterisks. After covering my goodies with a throw blanket, the officer takes a small statement from me, helps get the door back in place, offers to bring me to a friend's, all that stuff. But I told him I was fine, I'd be okay.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, we're good.

[Elena]

So he left. I paced my living room for a few more minutes, trying to get my heart rate to slow the fuck down and finally go into my room and get into bed. Here's the best part of this entire fucking quiz. We Have a story.

[Jeremy Fisher]

The best part?

[Elena]

No. My man's rolls over and puts his arm around me and says what language was that? I am laughing so hard typing this part. Yes, ladies. This motherfucking country boy that grew up in the middle of nowhere kept his grown ass man self in bed. In bed while I'm fucking knife wielding samurai and keeping us safe. My response to him, no idea, but I think it was satanic. While he blissfully went back to snoring.

[Jeremy Fisher]

The fact that he just rolled over.

[Elena]

Was like what language was that?

[Jeremy Fisher]

What are you saying?

[Elena]

And where were you? And where were you?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Wall.

[Elena]

Like what? Hello? He just broke our front door down.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Damn.

[Elena]

Damn, Eli. I knew from that day on, if we ever had a family and went down, I'd have to be the one to protect us.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, Eli for life.

[Elena]

But that's all for my story of my thick ass naked Hispanic lady face off first. Parkour demon. Parkour. Demonic banshee. Man. I didn't die. So that's a bonus.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's a huge bonus in my eyes.

[Elena]

Thank you so much for reading. I grew up in the Bridgewater Triangle and currently live back here, raising my little family. I got lots of spooky and scary stories I could share, including my dad almost being murdered in front of me. The amount of blood will forever be a memory I can't forget. Oh, Brockton. Or that wasn't me, that was Eli. Or when my mom's cousin came over and asked what dress she should wear if she died. When in fact she actually had died the day before and was wearing said dress my mom picked out at the funeral days later. Or the time my friends and I got attacked in the woods by a group of men and had to ask for help from a nudist colony. Yeah, I have some tales. Send us all of them. Eli 1. Potiphar.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I'm not kidding you. Tail 1, tail 2, tail 3 till 4.

[Elena]

Three them all. Every tail.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It's the holiday season.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Give us so we can take it.

[Elena]

I. I want a full put up.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I want a whole. I want a bag full like this of those tales.

[Elena]

An Eli episode.

[Jeremy Fisher]

An Eli episode. I'll. We'll do a whole episode on Eli.

[Elena]

Yeah. Settles all those tales.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Like threaten me with a good time.

[Elena]

Literally. Well, keep it weird, ladies. I hope to attend a live show in the future. Peace out and love always. Eli.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Eli.

[Elena]

Eli for. For life. Eli for life.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Damn Eli. That was amazing.

[Elena]

So those were our.

[Jeremy Fisher]

No invasion.

[Elena]

That's my computer. That's my whole computer. That's my Computer.

[Jeremy Fisher]

What? She doesn't have a burglar alarm. If you installed one, this wouldn't happen.

[Elena]

What? I'm just a sound like this. You're ridiculous.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Sims 1 players will know.

[Elena]

Oh, you guys. Only Sims 1 players in these streets will go. I love doing video listener tales so much. Just the fact that. What day is today? Is it a Wednesday?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah, it's just a Wednesday.

[Elena]

It's just a fucking Wednesday. And I just. I sent this to my family group chat, and they were like, this is amazing. Like, what? And I was like, yeah. Sometimes it's hard to explain what my job is.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yeah. I came out of the room for a second and John was like, oh, just working. Just going to work.

[Elena]

I love it.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I was like, what?

[Elena]

And that's because of you guys. And we're hella thankful for you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Yes.

[Elena]

We love you. We want to smooch your faces.

[Terrifying Burglar]

We do.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I want to steal your faces.

[Elena]

We neglect it. Don't steal their face. That's fucking.

[Jeremy Fisher]

That's what I do. I want to steal your face.

[Elena]

You're like the queen from fucking. What's that movie that you won't let your kids watch and they want to watch?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, Return to Oz.

[Elena]

Yeah. Queen Gravy.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Princess Mom B. I was so close.

[Elena]

I was more on, like, A Sweet Life. Ted.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Bo.

[Elena]

No, I wasn't there either. I was on A Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Mr. Moseby thing.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, there you go.

[Elena]

That's where I was.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Princess Mombi.

[Elena]

Mom B. Yeah. Freaky. I just think it's weird that you're gonna steal their faces, but we neglected to mention that this is Thanksgiving today.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Oh, it is Thanksgiving while you're watching this. So, you know, we're thankful for you. And Happy Thanksgiving.

[Elena]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[Jeremy Fisher]

And turkey and sweet potatoes and whatever else.

[Elena]

I'm so excited for your Thanksgiving Thanksgiving. Elena's definitely gonna have to post some recipes, because that bitch.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I will. I'll post recipes.

[Elena]

And I'm. Oh, I have something that I'm gonna do. I just burped. Please cut that out. I have something. No, you should not.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Please. It was such a dainty one.

[Elena]

Cut it out.

[Jeremy Fisher]

It was so dainty.

[Elena]

We can leave it in. I have something. Fuck it. I'm real. I have something that I'm gonna do on Thanksgiving, and I'll show you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I like that.

[Elena]

On Thanksgiving. I'll show you.

[Jeremy Fisher]

I like that a lot.

[Elena]

I'm gonna dress like this at Thanksgiving just to be provocative.

[Jeremy Fisher]

Provocative. I like it.

[Elena]

Right? Yeah. It provokes emotion. Yeah. Doesn't it?

[Jeremy Fisher]

Absolutely.

[Elena]

It's very provocative. I think it does. You can't see me. I'm salad fingers. Well, we love you and we love doing this. We hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it. But not so rare that you don't have salad for fingers.

[Salad Fingers]

I love salad and I love having salad fingers.

[Elena]

If you like morbid, you can listen.

[Ash]

Early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app.

[Elena]

Or on Apple Podcasts.

[Ash]

Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.

[Molly]

In a quiet suburb, a community is shattered by the death of a beloved wife and mother. But this tragic loss of life quickly turns into something even darker. Her husband had tried to hire a hitman on the dark web to kill her. And she wasn't the only target. Because buried in the depths of the Internet is the Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing names, photos, addresses and specific instructions for people's murders. This podcast is the true story of how I ended up in a race against time to warn those who lives were in danger. And it turns out convincing a total stranger someone wants them dead is not easy. Follow Kill List on the Wandery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Kill List and more. Exhibit C True crime shows like Morbid early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Check out Exhibit C in the Wandery app for all your true crime listening.