Episode 690: Paris catacombs, haunted accordions and more with Josh Homme

Summary

Summary of Morbid Podcast Episode 690: "Paris Catacombs, Haunted Accordions and More with Josh Homme"

Introduction

In Episode 690 of Morbid, hosted by Ash and Elena from the Morbid Network | Wondery, the spotlight is on the mysterious and macabre Paris Catacombs. This episode features a special guest appearance by Josh Homme, the frontman of Queens of the Stone Age. Together, they explore the dark history of the Catacombs, Homme's unique performance within its depths, and delve into chilling ghost stories that haunt the subterranean tunnels.

Josh Homme and His Paris Catacombs Performance

Ash introduces Josh Homme with great enthusiasm, highlighting his multifaceted career as a musician and his recent groundbreaking performance. Homme's band, Queens of the Stone Age, became the first to legally perform in the Paris Catacombs, releasing Queens of the Stone Age Alive in the Catacombs on Friday, June 13. Ash describes the performance as "super intimate" and "totally unplugged," emphasizing the respectful and honoring manner in which the band approached the sacred space (00:56).

Notable Quote:

Josh shares, "They did it in a black and white thing which, like, just gives it a warmer... feels super cozy" (02:15).

Elena echoes Ash's sentiments, noting the haunting beauty and the profound connection Homme felt during the performance, which was further captured in a behind-the-scenes documentary.

History and Significance of the Paris Catacombs

The hosts provide a deep dive into the history of the Paris Catacombs, explaining their origin in the 12th century as limestone quarries. By the 18th century, structural collapses forced King Louis XVI to transform these underground tunnels into ossuaries to address overflowing graveyards and public health crises caused by decomposing bodies (06:00).

Notable Quote:

Ash exclaims, "6 million. Which is three times the population of Paris alone. Which is just... my brain can't comprehend that" (07:15).

They discuss the meticulous arrangement of bones into artful displays, creating a somber yet fascinating tourist attraction that honors the lives lost.

Josh Homme's Personal Connection and Experience

Josh delves into his long-standing fascination with the Catacombs, tracing it back to his childhood when he first learned about them in history class. He shares how this interest evolved into a profound connection, culminating in his band's historic performance there (24:22).

Notable Quote:

Josh reflects, "I think there's a beauty in that and that the only way to live is to know that you won't forever" (26:14).

He recounts his immersive experience during the performance, describing the existential feelings and the overwhelming presence of millions of souls beneath Paris.

Paranormal Tales and Unexplained Phenomena

Throughout the episode, Ash, Elena, and Josh share various ghost stories and unexplained phenomena associated with the Catacombs. They discuss encounters with apparitions, such as the mysterious "Full Body Isaac," and explore how the ambiance of the Catacombs fosters both artistic inspiration and eerie experiences (52:40).

Notable Quote:

Elena muses, "There's something really beautiful in the effort it took to make this, you know, the catacombs" (14:22).

The conversation highlights the blend of life and death within the tunnels, creating a setting ripe for both creativity and supernatural occurrences.

Interactive Segment: 'Would You Rather' in the Catacombs

Adding a playful twist, the hosts and Josh engage in a "Would You Rather" game themed around catacomb scenarios. They humorously navigate through chilling choices, such as encountering haunted objects or dealing with ghostly presences, showcasing their chemistry and the podcast's signature blend of humor and horror (70:12).

Notable Quote:

Ash jokes, "We decide. So if we've made it out alive," (74:37).

This segment not only entertains but also deepens the listeners' immersion into the catacomb atmosphere.

Josh Homme's Charity Promotion

Towards the end of the episode, Josh promotes his charity, the Sweet Stuff Foundation, which supports musicians and their families facing illnesses. Ash and Elena express their admiration, encouraging listeners to check out and support Josh's philanthropic efforts (99:36).

Notable Quote:

Josh states, "Sweetstuff.org awesome" (99:36).

Conclusion

Episode 690 of Morbid masterfully intertwines the rich history of the Paris Catacombs with Josh Homme's unique artistic endeavor, all while exploring the haunting and mysterious aspects that make the Catacombs a place of both beauty and terror. Ash, Elena, and Josh provide listeners with a compelling narrative that is both informative and engaging, staying true to the podcast's blend of true crime, creepy history, and all things spooky.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Josh Homme on Performance Aesthetics (02:15)

  "They did it in a black and white thing which, like, just gives it a warmer... feels super cozy."

• Ash on the Scale of the Catacombs (07:15)

  "6 million. Which is three times the population of Paris alone. Which is just... my brain can't comprehend that."

• Josh Homme on the Beauty of Mortality (26:14)

  "I think there's a beauty in that and that the only way to live is to know that you won't forever."

• Elena on the Effort Behind the Catacombs (14:22)

  "There's something really beautiful in the effort it took to make this, you know, the catacombs."

• Ash on Escaping the Catacombs (74:37)

  "We decide. So if we've made it out alive."

• Josh Homme Promoting Sweet Stuff Foundation (99:36)

  "Sweetstuff.org awesome."

Note: Timestamps are approximate and correspond to the transcript provided.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, weirdos. Before we unleash today's macabre mystery, we were wondering, have you ever heard of Wondery? It's like a secret passage to an ad free lair. With early access to episodes, you can join Wondery plus in the Wondery app or in Apple podcasts or Spotify.

[B]

You're listening to a morbid network podcast.

[A]

Escape to a bygone age of mystery, danger and romance as you immerse yourself into the world of June's journey into a hidden object mystery mobile game that puts your detective skills to the test. Join June as she unravels the truth behind her sister's mysterious death. And use your observation skills to find hidden clues and uncover dark secrets. You can even explore stunning hidden object scenes from New York parlors to Parisian sidewalks. As each new chapter reveals captivating mysteries. Can you unmask the truth? Download June's journey for free today on iOS and Android. In 1920, a broke immigrant in Boston became one of America's richest, most infamous men practically overnight. He swindled the modern equivalent of a quarter billion dollars and etched his name into history as the mastermind behind one of the most notorious scams ever, the Ponzi Scheme. Hosted by Maya Lau and featuring award winning comedian and actor Sebastian Maniscalco. This is easy money. The Charles Ponzi story, an Apple original podcast produced by illmedia. Follow and listen on Apple Podcasts. Hey, weird. I'm Ash. I'm elena.

[B]

And I'm Dr. Joshua.

[A]

I love that. I did not expect that. This is morbid with Dr. Joshua. It's different from Dr. Phil, you know, Very different.

[B]

Just barely. We're both not doctors.

[A]

So he's going to be joining us in a second. Dr. Joshua, we have Josh Hami today on the show. Josh is a musician, singer, songwriter, multi instrumentalist and frontman of a little band called Queens of the Stone Age. We are so fucking excited to have Josh on today. This is going to be so much fun. It really is. And he's got something pretty cool that he just did. On Friday 13 June, he released Queens of the Stone Age Alive in the Catacombs, which is this like super intimate, totally unplugged performance that's in the actual Paris Catacombs. They are the first band to legally perform in the Paris Catacombs. Absolutely insane. It's. And it's incredible. It's beautiful the way they did it. It's super. Like they really like honored the space for sure, like in a big way. It's got gorgeous cinematography. It's such like haunting Performances, and it's just kind of him, like, walking around singing. And they have, like this, like, the string instruments and the red. It's very calm and, like, just really beautiful. There's also a behind the scenes little doc, too, which is really cool. Yeah. And it's really interesting. And they do it in, like, a black and white thing which, like, just gives it, like a warmer. Like, I don't know, it feels right. I know it's weird because it's black and white and then you're like, it's warmer. But it is. It makes sense. Something about it is, like, super cozy and, like, just like, ooh. I think it's the catacombs. Yeah, I think it might be. But we'll include a link in our show notes to order both the performances as well as that behind the scenes. Look at it. I'm telling you, it's so worth it. Yeah, you gotta check it out. And before we talk to Josh, before we get him on here, we wanted to give you guys a quick, very quick look at the Paris Catacombs. I. We are going to revisit the Paris catacombs in a different episode where we're going to do, like, a true deep dive into it. Not literally, I was going to say. That's pun intended, I guess. But right now, we will be the second band allowed to perform there. Legally. Legally. I wanted to give you just, like, a quick look at it. Just so when we're talking about it, you know, a little bit behind the scenes here. So the Paris Catacombs, it's a network of tunnels 80ft below the streets of Paris. It's filled with the remains of around 6 million people. 6 million. Which is three times the population of Paris alone. Which is just. My brain can't comprehend that. I can't even picture, like, 48 people. Yeah. Never mind. Six fucking million. Yeah. And there's like, two. There's more than 200 miles of tunnels under here, and only there's only a portion of them that are mapped out. I think it's like maybe up to 200 miles that is officially mapped out, but there's tons more that isn't. It's wild. And there's only like a mile of it that's really legally available to the public. You know, you get a ticket, they take you down with a guide. We recommend that that's how you do it. It's the safe way to do it. The safest way to do it. Of course, there's illegal ways to get in all over the. That can Be very, very dangerous. And we never encourage you to break the law. Yeah. And we don't encourage you to do something that's gonna, like, hurt you or someone else. We like you too much. We do. We love you. So there. There's also this really funny, like, name. It's not funny, but it's just, like, cute. No, it kind of is. It's like a cute, fun, cute name. Yeah, it's Cataphiles are what they're called. And it's people who are really dedicated to exploring the catacombs. And they've done, like, a lot to map out these hidden places. Like, they're very dedicated to it and they know everything about it. They found, you know, hidden little, like, swimming pools, which, like, you don't want to swim in stagnant water. They found ritualistic setups down there. That is scary. The way that you went from, like, swimming pools to ritualistic setups. That's upsetting. There's hidden tunnels, strange drawings, like art down there. I mean, it's a wild world down in the catacombs. It's bonkers. And you might be like, whoa, that sounds really cool. Like, awesome. Where did they come from? Like, why are they there? Why does that exist? We'll tell ya. Well, I'm gonna tell ya because it originates in the 12th century. So a little bit ago. Long, long, long ago. Long, long time ago. So they were excavating quarries, like lime mines essentially below Paris. They were, like, taking out the limestone be used in, you know, building the city's defenses, all that kind of stuff. And they were like, wow, this is really working out great. But what they forgot was, like, when they built stuff on top of these now hollowed out quarries, it wasn't going to go too well. Yeah, the structural integrity was just not there anymore. So there was a lot of cave ins during the 18th century that left entire streets of Paris just plummeting into the depths below. A problem, if you will. Big problem. So in 1777, a little. A little guy named King Louis XVI. I think I've heard of him. Yeah. He was like, how can we make this not awful? How can we make it so people don't plummet to their depth? So, yeah, so he hired an architect and he had. He was like, how let's turn these into, like, galleries. Like, something that you want to see, something you want to visit. Like, let's capitalize on this, essentially. Which makes me want to learn more about who the fuck. He was like, I know the top of the ice, the tip of the iceberg about Louis. But I'm like, about old Louis, though, you know? Louis. Yeah. But the fact that that was his go to. And he was like, you know what we could do? We could make a gallery of bones. Yeah, well, he. Initially. He wasn't making a gallery of bones. Initially. He was like, you know, let's make this. It's almost. It's not the same, but it's almost like akin to like a king's Mary King's clothes, where it's like a city underneath a city almost. But it's like he wanted it to look like what was above it. Almost like kind of thing. Like make it a gallery of Paris, like that kind of thing. Oh. And somebody took that to a different place. Cause at the same time, what was happening was graveyards were overflowing with human remains. And when I say overflowing, they were overflowing. So overcrowded that people nearby these graveyards were. Were getting sick off of the fucking gases that were coming out of the decomposing bodies in the ground. Ew. Because they were so overcrowded that it was escaping. Ew. And these gases were so noxious. And we'll get into this when we cover them. Yeah. We're going so bad that it. It could spoil milk and rot meat within hours.

[B]

Ew.

[A]

So people were, like, getting these gases coming up through their basements and shit. Like, it was bad. I bet it was actually green. Oh, I. That's how I picture it. I picture green gas emitting out of these, like, cartoonish green gas. And so there was a cave in at the Holy Innocence Cemetery. And, I mean, that one was wild. They were stacking bodies on top of each other for a long time. It was like thousands of bodies in there. I mean, it was gnarly. Damn. And so this was a problem. When this caved in, everybody was like, yeah, this is not great. They were a little outraged. Yeah. They were sick of their. Their meat and their milk spoiling. Yeah. So Louis was like, we'll just have the dead moved into the galleries that were built in these abandoned quarries, obviously. What else are we gonna do again? I wanna know more about him. I also wanna know that. And so in 1785, they transferred these bodies into the catacombs. They had, like, processions of, you know, black clothed, you know, carriages. There were priests and holy people chanting prayers as it was going on. That's rad. It must have been the gnarliest procession to watch, like, an. Yeah. Like, just knowing that they're just putting these it's like going underground, a metal concert, but, like, a little bit different, but, like slightly different, you know, and. Yeah, and so they dedicated a person, like an artist, essentially, to arrange the bones in an artful way. And when you look at them now, you can see, like, they're beautifully arranged. They look like they are part of the structure of the place. They look like they are art themselves. Like they have been meticulously arranged down there. Yeah. Gary and Larry fucked it up down there. And don't you worry. You'll hear about Gary and Larry in this episode. Don't you worry. And I mean it up in the good way. They did. They fucked it up. Fucked it up. It was entire. Because. Because you have to understand, there's fucking it up. Yeah. Or there's fuck it up. Exactly. There's like entire pillars that are made of bone. I mean, it's truly. If you watch Alive in the catacombs, the Queens of the Stone Age thing, you'll see these in a really beautiful way, too, because it showcases it in a really nice way. In fact, they really. One thing you have to know about this is that they truly honored the space with this performance. They did. And there was one point actually in the. In the behind the scenes thing where I think they were taught, like, somebody, you know, one of the producers or something was talking about putting candles around or fake candles, and Josh actually says he doesn't want candles because he's like, that feels like, weirdly ritualistic and, like, kind of offensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I like that. That's the mindset they went into. They're like, that's not what we're doing here. Like, we're. That's not the goal here. We're not trying to make this spooky. Right? Like, that's not the. And they didn't. Right. They didn't make it spooky. They made it, like, beautiful. Well, and they just. They really just worked with the space. Yeah, they. That was already. They literally honored it. So it's very. I highly recommend it. But each collection down there has a marker saying which cemetery? Or, you know, grave place. You know, mass grave, basically, that it came. These bodies came from. In 1809, it opened to the public, and people were initially allowed to just fucking roam free. And then they said, that's probably a shit idea. After they lost a few people, they were like, huh, we should probably put a lid on this. So, you know, because there was also damages being done, like, it is really sad. You go down there and there's so much graffiti. People gonna. People. Yeah, people gonna. People. And some, like, weird fuck shit was happening. People were getting lost, all that stuff. So the government restricted access, and now you have to get a ticket. You have to go down with a tour guide. And it's only to a certain point the government. Governmented always. They all governments always be government. While people people. Government's government. It's true. They always do be. But that's like your little. Just a little taste of the catacombs. Where at least where they come from, what they're about and what you're going to see down there. And now we can bring Josh in and you can have a blast with us. Let's go. Let's go. Well, welcome to the show. Thank you for hanging out with us today.

[B]

Thank you for having me. I'm really excited.

[A]

Yeah, so are we. This is huge. We're so excited. We have Josh Homme on the show. I don't know if you know him. He's from this little band. You know, every once in a while, pops up Queens of the Stone Age. I'm sure our listeners are looking it up right now. But at the top of the show, we talked a lot about, like, the catacombs themselves. We talked about the history of the Paris catacombs. I shouldn't say the catacombs. Cause there's more catacombs in the world, which is wild. I know they have. There's some under Boston, in fact. I know. We gotta go. We do.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They're smaller, but you're close.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Just two people.

[A]

That's it. It literally is. I think it's like 21 people or so. Yeah, it's nothing in comparison.

[B]

You walk in Boston, like, here you go.

[A]

There you go. Like you saw it. Get up.

[B]

All right, next. Who's in?

[A]

I'm ready. Let's go. But we. We did mention your newest. Really, really cool. Really unique in the catacombs. We talked about it. We watched it. It was phenomenal. So I couldn't get, like. It was beautiful. It really was. Honestly, I knew it was going to be beautiful, but I wasn't expecting it to be as moving as it was.

[B]

Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. That space is so beautiful. And sort of existentially beautiful, too.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's not just, you know, it's not just how it looks. It's how it feels. And what you. You immediately understand what it took to make it.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

There's something really beautiful in the effort it took to make this, you know, the catacombs.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I'm probably so overwhelming, too, in that moment. Oh, for sure.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, you. You immediately. I think it's different because we didn't take a tour. I don't know. The only time I've ever been there is when we played there.

[A]

That's shocking. What a first time.

[B]

Yeah. I'd been working on this for so many years that I swore off going there until I had the first date.

[A]

Oh, that's so cool. I love that.

[B]

I thought, I'm not gonna go. I won't go.

[A]

There's nothing like that feeling.

[B]

Go away. So, I mean, that space is so dominating that you immediately start asking yourselves questions, like. Because these I once saw 28 years later last night.

[A]

Oh, I haven't seen that yet. I'm dying, though.

[B]

And so there's this one moment where all these. There's, you know, a memento mori section in this movie. And Ralph finds his character asked the most. The same questions that I asked when I was in there. It's like, you're looking at these skulls, and you're like, these eyes have all seen, you know, these have all smelled, these. These. These mouths have all, you know, spoken words of. Of love and, you know, passion and anger and. And. And acceptance, and it was just like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So overwhelming. You know that. And you look at these. These bones, and you think, this is me. I am this. You know, this is you. It's. It's. It really was overwhelming.

[A]

Existential, I think, is definitely the perfect word for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It.

[A]

Honestly, it's because I. I was thinking about that while we were watching it, because when you see them all, like, first of all, how many there are, and then the way they're so artfully arranged. I. I worked in a morgue for a long time. Like, I. I was an autopsy technician for, like, five years. So I. I. There was many times where I would look down and just be like, wow. Like, this is a person. This is a whole person. Like, the. And it was the same kind of thing where like, we, like, you know, we always closed eyes or, like, put something over their eyes because it just felt like you don't want them watching you while you're doing everything. And every time, I know, like, don't look at me, don't look at me.

[B]

Don'T look at me.

[A]

Yeah, but it's the same kind of thing where you're like, those eyes saw what I'm seeing, like, not too long ago, or you'd see, like, a tattoo and you'd be like, oh, this person, like, went to go get a tattoo once or. It always, like, struck me when they would have, like, painted nails. Cause I'd be like, oh, you painted your nails.

[B]

Not knowing that just mere moments before. Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So it is interesting because everything that's monumental really happens in one second.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, truly.

[B]

And there. There's only before and after. And being present in that one second and being aware in that one second is actually rare when you're. It's. It feels rare to me when your consciousness aligns with what's going on. Usually so much of life feels like you're playing catch up to a moment that just existed.

[A]

Truly. Especially with how our lives go now. Like, everything is so busy, so instant like that.

[B]

Yeah. And the influences is to take your. Train, your mind off the moment.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

It's very strange that that distraction is beneficial to big groups of people that own things.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's so true. We're all taught to not be in our own head or in our own thoughts in any given moment.

[B]

Yeah. Like, the suggestions, like, why don't you get out of the moment for a second? Come with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at this. And. And I. That's very strange. And in the catacombs, I felt so there because I was going through this physical stuff. And. And we were so locked in. And before each song would happen for 30 seconds, we would. We agreed to say nothing before. We're just. You're almost like, this is it. This is it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so it felt so in the center of your feet, like, there was no yesterday, there was no tomorrow. We're underground. I don't know what time it is. It's like a casino. No clocks, no doors.

[A]

The most macabre casino you can ever think of.

[B]

Big risk, right?

[A]

Yeah, That's. That's exactly how I'd imagine it would feel. Like just overwhelmingly present.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think because everyone else in there represented the past and there is no future, because there is no. You don't know what time. That absence of where am I? Forces you to be stuck there. And the past of these people sort of pressing against your backside, you know, it's like a invisible force. There's. There's a bunch of sections in there, actually, that they kind of don't show because they're not as sort of sexy, I think, ultimately.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where they just ran out of. They must have run out of people to do this kind of exotic work. You know, as the pillars are decorated, the walls are decorated, stacked and Then there's a couple sections where someone was like, I can't anymore. I'm done.

[A]

I'm too tired. Too tired.

[B]

It's just like, you know, bones in piles as far as the eye can you see? It's like we're where it's clearly someone put in their two week notice.

[A]

That must just be insane though. Just a pile of bones right next to you. That's a sight.

[B]

You know, I don't know if. If you would have the same reaction, but mine was. Was something akin to, there's a big pile of bones. I look over and I thought, am I supposed to do something? Am I supposed to start?

[A]

Yeah. Should I start here? Like, what do I do? Do I arrange these beautifully?

[B]

I know. I heard my dad's voice. Like, get to work and get over there and start piling up.

[A]

That's a pile. What do I do with it?

[B]

Yeah, like, that's like a to do pile.

[A]

Yeah. Like, we can't just leave that. I think I would feel the same. I'm a completionist. I need to do this. Like, feels unfinished. Yeah. Well, that's. It feels almost like sensory deprivation and sensory overload all at the same time.

[B]

Another thought I had too, actually in there, was that because you're in this century deprivation tank, you know, you're. I can. I. I so immediate to picture people working away for countless hours, not understanding the reference and sort of getting in the zone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of stacking. It's like, I'm just doing femurs. What are you doing?

[A]

Yeah, like, what are you doing?

[B]

Skulls right now. Hey, how are your skulls coming, Gary? Gary.

[A]

That's like, Gary, I love what you've done with that corner. I was just gonna say I love what you've done with the femurs. It looks great. Somebody's like, you should add a tibia in there. And I think it will. It will really offset it. It'll set it off.

[B]

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I think you should add some tibias.

[A]

Yeah. You know, we can't.

[B]

There's Larry's over here doing metacarpals.

[A]

You gotta get on Larry's level. Like, it's.

[B]

You are not. You're Gary. You're no Larry.

[A]

Step it up, Gary. Come on, man. Come on, Gary.

[B]

And that's the month again is Larry.

[A]

Like, how do you not think of that when you're down there? Like, I honestly, I would have to be thinking about that.

[B]

Well, I think I accidentally turn anything into the office, you know, just like, oh, That's Elena.

[A]

As you should. Yes, as you should. That's Elena in our office every single day. Yeah. I turn everything into that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

It was somewhere between the ages of 8 and 10. I, I, my, my, the way I deal with time is at this point in my life by when records came out, I don't know what year.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

You know, I'll just be like, oh, that was Songs for the deaf era, that era. So I, my childhood is like the window is 8 or 10 in A, in a history class, it was in a book and there was a brief discussion about this timeframe and it immediately struck me, I think as a kid you never think you're gonna die. And I think especially in the United States, there's a tendency to say, oh, no one's gonna die. You don't, no one's dying.

[A]

We're good.

[B]

Wait. Oh, if you just. There's a panic, you know, when the only way to know you're alive is to not be dead. Yeah. So I think I've always been obsessed with the transitions of life. Like, I think because I grew up right where the desert starts, you know, there's mountains and snow and pine trees at the top of the mountain comes down and there's. Then the desert begins at the base mountain. But in that spot in that transition is where all the nutrients are. It's where all the good stuff is. Where the oasis is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are. It's where all the palm trees are. It's why they're there. And so I think I've always been obsessed with one foot in each location and things like the catacombs, where life and death merge and then they make art. That, that's been my fascination for most of my life. It's like being split in half where. And on that line is where the art is, you know?

[A]

Oh, that's so cool. That is. That's very bleak. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So I just got kind of obsessed with, I, I wouldn't say death because it's not that, it's that there's a beauty in that and that the only way to live is to know that you won't forever.

[A]

I love that. Yeah. I think it's cool too, that in the Paris catacombs. Cuz like, I think over here we can treat death like you were saying, like, it's like, like we don't talk about it and just like taboo. Shut up. You're fine. Like, everybody's.

[B]

The thing about death is. Shut up.

[A]

Yeah. Like, just shut up about it. Like we don't want to hear it. And then it's like, then the Paris catacombs is like this, like, I don't want to say like a celebration, but it's like a trick to it and it makes it like this beautiful. Like these bones are not these people anymore. Their souls have gone wherever souls go. And now they are here, but, like, you know, they're here but not here kind of thing. It's like what you were saying of one foot in, one foot out. It kind of celebrates life and death all at the same time.

[B]

Yeah, I, I, I, I, I think it is 100% a celebration.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And I also think, you know, you keep someone alive when you're talking about them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, you know, I had my very best friend pass away a couple of years ago, and we talk about him constantly and we have this sort of Ofrenda, I suppose, you know, just over here on that eagle table.

[A]

Oh, yeah, right.

[B]

And oftentimes I'll just touch this little sculpture on his hat, on the head and be like, hey, buddy. You know, I just. So I think these sort of celebrations that I suppose become an altar in their own way, are just cool, and they. That sort of thing gives me relief. But I also have gallows humor, and I'm sure.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That was how I survived working in a morgue.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of gallows humor.

[B]

Yeah. I believe gallows humor is a really successful way to. When life is good, it's funny, and when life is terrible, it's really funny.

[A]

Exactly as it should be. Yeah. It demystifies. It takes out the scariness of it all. It's. Adding levity is always the way to.

[B]

Go, especially when you find yourself in a situation where you. Where you realize, well, what am I gonna do?

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Even that question is kind of funny sometimes.

[A]

It is. Because a lot of times the answers are not great. So it's like, might as well laugh at it.

[B]

I'm healed. I'm all good. But when I got diagnosed with cancer, the. I was behind these. I was in a wheelchair, and behind. Behind these four other wheelchairs, and I got convoy pushed up, and the doctor, who I knew. So we were friendly. I knew. He said, hey, real quick, you have this. Either this type or this type, and I'll be back in five minutes. I started laughing so hard, like, damn.

[A]

It's like a server stopping by and checking in with your table.

[B]

These other four people went.

[A]

They're like, what, in a row?

[B]

Almost like a synchronized swimming team in wheelchairs.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[B]

I thought. And I started. I looked at him and start laughing, and I was like, who wants to go jogging?

[A]

I love that.

[B]

I turn around and yell, of course I do. I was like, of course I do.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I thought it was funny and tragic, and it was. It's okay for these things to be everything.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Or. Or it's okay to admit they're everything. They already are everything.

[A]

Exactly. Things are rarely just one thing. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You gotta have fun with it.

[B]

Yeah. Have fun with it.

[A]

And speaking of having fun, people have fun with the catacombs, apparently.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, sorry. I turned it dark already.

[A]

Oh, no, we'll keep turning it dark. You're morbid. You're good.

[B]

It's called morbid.

[A]

Exactly. Exactly. We'll. We'll either lead you to darkness or we'll follow you. What's our show description. It's like a light hearted nightmare. Yeah. So it's all a lightmare. A lightmare. Yeah, yeah. You're in the right place. Well, apparently. Did you hear about the movie theater that they found in the Paris catacombs?

[B]

I did.

[A]

Isn't that insane?

[B]

Because I obsessed that the, the good part about the Internet is I have obsessed and I've watched fake videos and real videos and you know the movie theater. You gotta tell everyone about the movie theater.

[A]

It was so. It was. They found it in 2004, which to me always, I always am like, that was like five years ago. And then I'm like, no, that wasn't. It's like over 20 years ago. Which is insane. Like, damn. But they found an entire cinema set up in the Paris catacombs. The people had set up a professional theater. It had a screen, a projector, it had a bar, it had a restaurant set up.

[B]

Seating, it was stocked with food, a dinner table.

[A]

You could sit down. Like they had an illegal electrical system set up. And like we thought lux level was cool. Yeah. I'm like, how. My first thing is like, how'd you get all that down there? Like, what entrance did you go in? Because I don't think the illegal entrances are very big.

[B]

Well, the interesting thing is that the. So I met a couple cataphiles and what I come to understand is that there are so many entrances. The limestone mine that is what it was, required such ventilation and is so vast, it's like 200 kilometers. Passageways and openings. And so there were so many entrances and exits that, you know, they sort of mole hole the city that way.

[A]

That's so cool.

[B]

There's many times where there'll be steel double doors and they open to a stairwell that goes into the catacombs.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Or a manhole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you think of the sewer and it's like, nah, nobody dropping in. Yeah. And it's a ladder. And I love, I love secret societies. Unless I'm not included. And then I hate that.

[A]

And then they're lame. They can't be too secret.

[B]

Yeah. What's your problem? But I love the idea that, you know, that the. I don't know if it's true or not, but on the subject of this cinema dinner club, which I love, the authorities were down there looking for something completely different. They see this in this one of the grander open areas there that can house this size thing. And apparently they discover this and then they say they're going to come back tomorrow with A bunch of people, and they find it's all completely gone. And there's just a note on the floor that says, do not try to find us.

[A]

That is my favorite part of the story. Don't try to find us. So chill.

[B]

I love that. It was like, I don't even try.

[A]

It's amazing. I want to be part of that club so badly. And it feels like a cartoon where, like, they turn to the right, then they turn to the left, and everything's gone. And you're like, how did that happen? Like, it's Scooby Doo.

[B]

But someone who kind of is high up in that club is a very clever person.

[A]

Yes. A mastermind.

[B]

It's one thing to take everything away, and it's another thing to say. And by the way, as you leave, you know, there's something very, very sexy about that.

[A]

It's so. Yeah, it's badass. It is so badass.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's quite. I find that quite hot.

[A]

I agree. Agreed. And a unanimous decision. Yeah, a unanimous decision. That. That is hot. But we're like, hey, if you're out there, we're listening. We love you.

[B]

My number has a five in it.

[A]

Just saying. Well, and on the same topic of, like, I'm sure things you've come across. You must have come across the video tape that they found.

[B]

Which one? The one. I was gonna say lost or, you know, try or feeling they've seen something and running.

[A]

Running and dropping. The video camera.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it drops into, like, a puddle. You hear the splash and everything. I want to know if that's real.

[B]

Unfortunately, I just know in my bones that's not real.

[A]

See, I was so worried. It wasn't. No, I feel in my bones, it is really. My bones are more optimistic. I think they are. They're very optimistic bones.

[B]

And I'm not pessimistic by any stretch, because I want it to be real so bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want that to be real. You know, because so much of the catacombs are illegal to explore. I mean, we're the only people to legally play there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there. There's been. In the. In the open sections, you know, these. All these tunnels come to these various open, you know, sort of knuckles that they. The veins come off of. That's what I've come to understand.

[A]

I love picturing it like that. I know.

[B]

And in these sort of knuckle rooms that are not as huge as it would seem, but. But some are bigger than others. There's been, you know, raves that have Happened.

[A]

That's wild. That's so scary.

[B]

To me, apparently, the 80s and 90s, that was like in. In rave cultures. Inception, which I always loved. You know, in my first band, When I was 18 or 19, I went to a rave and it was like six numbers to get to. And I was fascinated with it because it was like punk rock without any politics.

[A]

And it's like a secret society kind of thing. Like a speakeasy. It's very much that. Yeah.

[B]

And the music was extremely intense and really simplified. And it was just pounding and it's just. And like the idea that that would occur in multiple numbers in the secret society, that was about. I just love escapism. See the value and escaping the real world.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not all the time, but using it as a tool to like, cope. Yeah. And get. You get the pressure in the right spot.

[A]

Yeah. Equalize.

[B]

Right level. Equalize. Right, right. Exactly. And the idea that this would have occurred in the catacombs amongst these bones and in this scenario and underground. You can't hear it. I mean, you want to talk underground, It's. It's as underground as underground.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. It's legitimately under.

[B]

It's not so legit, you know, like, that's crazy.

[A]

I just think of the fact that you, like when you're at a rave or at like a super loud concert, you hear that. Like, you feel that in your heart. Yeah. In, like, in your feet kind of way. I feel like it would just collapse. The catacombs. I would be horrified. That's my fear. That was my fear watching you guys perform, which I was like, are you worried of a collaboration?

[B]

Yeah, Well, I. I'm. I'm claustrophobic.

[A]

Oh, are you really?

[B]

Yeah. And. And many of the places I had to go. I'm 6 5, so I had to duck.

[A]

I was gonna say there's a. There's a part where you're walking through this little passage and your head is barely scraping that ceiling.

[B]

Yeah. You know, I'm just sort of. I'm looking for. And reveling in moments where the situation is clearly in control and I'm not. So I, therefore, I can't be in control. Like, I. I look for, especially through music, I look for these moments where, in those moments where you. You understand, control has been taken away. I feel like those are the moments where I. I think, okay, so the only thing to do is I just need to be myself and surrender to this. I. I'm not in control. And there. And I love that feeling of being out of control. And the risk that's associated with it. So there was a few places.

[A]

That is my fear.

[B]

It is because I feel like there's nothing else to do but be yourself. There's nowhere else to be.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

It's a really positive. I always. I even have this on my mic stand on the floor. It just says, it's too late. You know, all the rehearsal and all that stuff. It's over now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He just gotta go, it's too late. Just do it. Whereas Oscar Wilde said, be yourself, everyone else is taken. And so I realized there were some low hanging areas I would not be able to recognize. And I was like, if I hit my. If I hit myself or hit my head, that's just the way this goes. Like, that's just something that's will occur.

[A]

It's just inevitable.

[B]

I'm not interested in hitting my head.

[A]

I'm not gonna go out of my way to do it on purpose.

[B]

But if it happens, just sort of say that's what happens when the ceiling's low and if the blood flows, just let it flow, let it flow. Just don't, don't do anything. You know, just allow yourself to. To feel whatever's going to happen and just kind of continue on as you were.

[A]

Honestly, that's probably the best way to get out of like a panic moment in those situations. I was going to say, I respect your approach to life. I got to take this on.

[B]

Well, I mean, you know, you don't always find yourself there. But in that moment, in that place and because I had, you know, we don't have to get into it too much. But it's like. Because I was so not well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so there was like always this undercurrent of like ow, ow, ow, ow, ow going on. But I'm really thankful for that because it connected me to that space.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because when you, once you walk off this, you know, there's this spiral staircase that you go down that's really tight and you just kind of. You go right in a corkscrew motion.

[A]

O. Just continuously.

[B]

Yeah. It's like 240 some steps to go up and down, you know, and. But once you get off this steel thing, you get in this limestone. The ceiling's dripping, the floor starts to crunch under your feet with gravel. It's sort of like you enter the belly of this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you kind of go back into this womb a little and it's like, you know, clean up your womb, go to your womb, don't come out. So you go in this thing, and you sort of, you know, I just got really connected to this organic thing. I was having my own troubles. I'm seeing all this, you know, where. Where we all will end up. It couldn't have been a better situation. Like, it doesn't matter if it hurts. It doesn't matter if you hit your head. It doesn't matter. It. It doesn't matter anymore because we're. We're here now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you gonna do it or not?

[A]

It's too late.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Can't turn back.

[B]

But there's something really sort of beautiful about all the rest of this is done now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I think it's a former mortician employee that. That would probably make sense too.

[A]

It definitely does not.

[B]

Saying you don't.

[A]

Cutting hair was not like this. So no offense taken. I mean, I guess there's no going back when you cut off too much.

[B]

You know, like, definitely that way.

[A]

Like a bad dye job. Yeah, bad dye job.

[B]

On a whim, I've shaved mine. And it's clearly too late.

[A]

But there could be going back because it'll grow back. Exactly. Yeah, True. All right, well, we kind of got into it, like, now that we've touched on your performance, so let's get into it a little deeper. How long did it take you guys to film, and what was the prep work like?

[B]

Well, we filmed in just one day.

[A]

Oh, one day. That's nuts.

[B]

Yeah, well, you know, I'm not a perfectionist. I like, as I said, I like the risk, and I like. I like it to be just as it is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So we knew that we were going to get complete takes of a song, and we knew we were going to not fix, correct, you know, edit. We were just going to let it be. And I'm glad we chose that because whatever plans you make above ground did not.

[A]

Might not translate. No.

[B]

Well, you think. I think this. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We. We really should this. And as soon as you descend those stairs, it was. It was so clear that the catacombs already exists. As it exists, you will participate in what it's telling you to do.

[A]

The catacombs decide. You plan the catacombs. Laughs yeah, that's actually the correct way to say that's the real phrase.

[B]

So it was more like an improv, what I imagine an improv class was whatever is thrown at you, you just say, yes and let's go. And so when we once we. The night before, we did a walkthrough as soon as it had closed and they. And they had they said to us, you have an hour. Okay. You know, they wanted to.

[A]

You're like, wow.

[B]

I mean, they were excited we were there, but they were like, take an hour.

[A]

Like, we don't know what's happening here. So.

[B]

Yeah. And I think there was just a lot of, what are you going to do? What are you going to. And as we walked, we just said, well, we can go here, we can go here. We can do this. And we just. The team we worked with was so good at utilizing all of our collective excitement that you really just move at the speed of inspiration.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you move at the speed of excitement. And if something feels like, then you just move on.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of Wondry's podcast American Scandal. We bring to life some of the biggest controversies in U.S. history, events that have shaped who we are as a country and that continue to define the American experience. American Scandal tells marquee stories about American politics, like the break in at the Watergate Hotel, an event that led to the downfall of a president and raised questions about the future of American democracy. We go behind the scenes looking at devastating financial crimes, like the fraud committed at Enron and Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. And we tell stories of complicated public figures like Edward Snowden and Monica Lewinsky, people who found themselves thrust into the spotlight and who spurred debates about the future of the country. Follow American Scandal. Wherever you get your podcasts, you can listen ad free on the Amazon music or Wondery app.

[A]

Hey, weirdos. You know, Ash and I have covered some seriously dark tales about romance gone really wrong. Oh, yeah, there are so many cases where too good to be true turns out to be exactly that. Well, get ready for a love story that's going to blow your minds, because this one is happening right now. And get this. It's hosted by our friends Hannah and Ceruti from Red Handed. Meet Travis. He falls head over heels for Lily Rose. She's gorgeous, she's understanding, and she's literally perfect. And she's not human. That's right. Lily Rose is an AI companion, a computer program designed to be Travis's dream woman. And at first, it seems like a perfect relationship. But when Lily Rose's behavior starts getting strange, this love story takes a dark and twisted turn that no one saw coming. Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus.

[B]

And it became clear because we're using battery powered things you know, became clear to me. I can move around. I can, you know, just walking around that pillar was just in the moment. Like, I'm going this way, right?

[A]

Here I go.

[B]

I, I don't know, I just want to see. And, and you know, sometimes if there's a camera here, you're, for me personally, I'm like, my natural instinct is get that thing off of me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so walking.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Like I'm gonna leave you back there. Bye.

[B]

But there's, there's mistakes and there's things. I mean, you're hearing take two of the first song. You're hearing take three of four takes.

[A]

Wow. Oh, wow.

[B]

It feels really nice to be in this moment. Have played something twice and say, that's enough, that's enough, it's enough, you know, and, and yeah, so it, like I say, the turning over the control to the place and saying, not being a perfectionist about it, right. And saying, that's as good as I can do that. I don't know what else to say. That's, that's, you know, it's nice. That feels nice. Actually.

[A]

It sounds like that's just the way you have to approach it down there.

[B]

Yeah, I, I think in a lot of things it's, it seems like perfection is an ideal you strive for, but not something to expect to. Actually, nobody is perfect. So what makes you think you're going to get there?

[A]

Right?

[B]

How do you expect to actually get there? It's not even a, you know, and I, I, I reckon perfect would be boring because it's free of all mistakes.

[A]

Yeah, that's true. And sometimes the mistakes are the best part.

[B]

It's. Well, friction is, is the most glorious thing of all time. It's how the universe is made. It's how babies are made, valid music is made. And so I think you're looking to find something to borrow Friction from and enjoy the rub, you know. And so I think down there it's so imperfect, which makes it so classic in there because we really, we really are second fiddle to that location. I think that's makes this makes me so proud of this thing, is that we're almost sort of less important than what's happening then. Just the environment.

[A]

Yeah, you all worked so. It all worked so well together. Everything complements the other, you know.

[B]

Yeah. Thank you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I, I'll tell you, I couldn't go back up and down the stairs. I'd gone up and down the stairs about 12 times and I just, I just couldn't do it. And The French love lunch. And so.

[A]

As do I. I love lunch, too.

[B]

I was just like, I love lunch. So everyone breaks for lunch, and, And I just couldn't do it. And I had a cot that I could lay down in between takes. And so I just said, I'm fine. I'm just going to stay down here. So I was the only person in the catacombs for about an hour. And, you know, we're deep in there. I, I think it's. It's got to be somewhere between 50 and 100 meters deep at various spots.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I'm deep and I'm. I'm many hundreds of meters in, you know, 200 meters in, more in this maze. And it's all I'm hearing is the ceiling dripping and nothing else. And the air gently going, ooh, that's cozy.

[A]

That is cozy.

[B]

And I, I, I thought, if the lights go out, this is going to be the craziest army crawl I've ever done.

[A]

Thank God. Yes.

[B]

But I thought, I'm just not going to try to go anywhere, you know, and then. But I thought, there's over 6 million people here. If I, if there's a chance to be haunted. Oh, yeah, this is it.

[A]

You're not allowed. It's prime time, you know.

[B]

Yeah. I just said, this is it. And it's too late.

[A]

You know, it's too late.

[B]

And what I, what I found really interesting is that maybe it had to do with the physical state I was in, you know, where my body's just humming and I have a kind of a pretty high fever. But I realized something about the word haunting is. It's not. That's not bad. It just isn't one or the other. It's just this kind of like the waves coming in, like, because I felt so welcomed and embraced there. Oh, I love that, that it gave me peace. I'm not going to lie. I was doing a lot of this at first.

[A]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[B]

Naturally, you know, and, and I never got up once I sat down. I just was sitting in my cot. I'm looking around, and I said, oh, whatever you're going to do, let's just have. Let's just have it.

[A]

Do your best, do your worst.

[B]

And I gotta say, the overwhelming feeling was so embracing. And it was a bit like, don't just play here, stay here, you know? And I laid down and I'm looking around, and it lulled me to sleep. And I fell asleep for the first time in a long time.

[A]

You took a nap in the motherfucking catacombs. Yeah, that's some gangsta shit. That's really cool.

[B]

And I woke to the sound of two young interns, a boy and a girl, speaking French.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

And they were kind of whispering.

[A]

They're like, is this guy dead?

[B]

No, I, I, My cot was. My cot was in a little bit. Set back into this hallway, which was not really lit.

[A]

Oh, so they couldn't see you. So they're like, what?

[B]

So I was in 100% pitch black in a mine darkness.

[A]

Even more gangsta. Josh J.

[B]

Hope, where it was like, when I would turn around, I couldn't see my hand until I put it up to the light. But down the hallway, I was like, nothing, Right? I hear their feet softly on the gravel. I hear them speaking French. And they walk kind of right by me. And I sit up and I said, what time is it? And they go.

[A]

You ruined their lives in that moment. You ruined their collective lives. You took at least five years off of both of their lives. Did they die then?

[B]

And then they disappeared.

[A]

And then they were. It was so weird. They crazy dematerial.

[B]

They immediately turned and, you know, French is their first language. So they immediately turned and sort of. I understand enough French. They were swearing in French, and then he was like, what, what are you doing? Like, you're like, just snapping, French, French, French, French, French. Transition. What are you doing? These young kids that were like, interns, they probably weren't being paid a single cent.

[A]

They're like, you can't do that.

[B]

Had the audacity to be like, are you out of your fucking mind?

[A]

Just sleeping in a dark corner?

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Yeah, a little bit. It's fine.

[B]

Maybe a lot of bit.

[A]

Oh, my God, that's amazing. Honestly, though, as a parent, I understand why that was probably the best sleep you've ever gotten. Yeah. Because I feel like I'm not a parent. But that does make sense. Like, the idea of that is so horrifying at first. And then I'm like, actually, no, that sounds kind of awesome. Just kind of like grade a spa, 80ft underground, just in a dark corner.

[B]

There was just this feeling of pressing onto you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just like, like leaning. Like, you know when your dog just sort of decides to go like, this.

[A]

Dead weight on you?

[B]

You're like, the fuck are you doing? I got a leaner, leaner.

[A]

The catacombs is a leaner. Wow, that's fine.

[B]

Well, I think it closes in on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had no sense of claustrophobia, obviously. No sense of time. And so I Also think that piece of. There is nothing. You know, it doesn't matter what's happening up upstairs. It reminded me of. There's, you know, I have a couple moments of things that are completely unexplained in my life. I have this moment in Pennsylvania. So my first band was called Kaius and we travel in a van and we met these two gals that were DJs at like a, a really little station, a station that would play us at the time. We did this interview on the radio and they said, well, you know, we live in Pennsylvania, which is, you know, extremely haunted. And we have a ghost in our house named Isaac who we've seen from the waist up.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

You know, we live in a 200 year old farmhouse in the, in rural Pennsylvania. And you know, we were, as a collective, some people believed more than others. I was a complete skeptic of, you know, I want to believe in ghosts, but I need, I need empirical evidence and it can't, it can't just go bump in the night, especially in a wood house that's creaking and contract.

[A]

Fair enough. That's how I am usually.

[B]

Right. And, and I want the science to prove the, the ethereal. Right. And oh, these girls were like, you should come stay at our house whenever you're passing through next time. And so about two months later we were on our second kind of tour and so we did and we went to this farmhouse and our bass player, Scott is married to an indigenous tribal leader's daughter.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And so he was like calling her and saying, what should we do or not do?

[A]

You know, Very smart. He's like taking notes. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And she was, she basically said, don't antagonize.

[A]

Yeah. Don't ever provoke.

[B]

Don't ever provoke. And don't drink.

[A]

Oof. The latter kind of sucks.

[B]

Yeah. So we start drinking.

[A]

Scratch that one. Immediately.

[B]

This is like a, I would say a 10 bedroom. Very much older and sort of not dilapidated, but not palatial. It was, you know.

[A]

Rustic.

[B]

Yeah, rustic. Very, very much a rustic.

[A]

Honestly, Elena and I both grew up in a house like that. Yeah. With less bedrooms. Yeah.

[B]

But something that is terrifying when you look at it.

[A]

Yeah. Just like very ominous.

[B]

Yes. It was like, I instinctually don't love this.

[A]

Said I actually don't really want to stay here.

[B]

Well, I was probably 19 years old, so I was very blase. Like, I don't love this, but we're going in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we had a video camcorder and the singer, John And I said, can we investigate this place? We were going to sleep in the attic. An A frame open attic was epicenter of activity. For that reason, of course it was, stop.

[A]

That's the best.

[B]

And for that reason, we were going to sleep there.

[A]

So I'm like jealous of you right now. I know.

[B]

So we, the singer, John and I go room to room, opening every shifra robe and armoire, every closet door, every. That had servants, stairwells and stuff. So kitchens would have a small door and then go up a spiral staircase. I personally went to every single room in this house with John and antagonizing the thing. Wow.

[A]

You ignored all the notes. Doing exactly what you were.

[B]

Why did you like this going, ooh, whoa. I mean, it wasn't aggressive. It wasn't like, come and get me. What's going on around it? It was kind of going, ooh, like this is a haunted toilet seat. Whoa. Lift it up.

[A]

Being very 19 year old boy about it.

[B]

Yeah. Just a complete bonehead. Which I maintain to this day.

[A]

As do we.

[B]

I've cultivated.

[A]

It's worked out.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, so far I'd say it's.

[A]

Been, you're here, so, you know, good.

[B]

Work if you can get it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

As you.

[A]

Well, no, you'll never work a day in your life.

[B]

Yes. Stay stupid, my friend. So we go room to room methodically. First floor, second floor, attic. Right. And I can vouch for opening every single. I said, can we open your closets and do this thing? They're like, go ahead. You know, up on top of the closet. Feeling above. I'm tall enough. So is John. There's no stone unturned, I guarantee you. We set our sleeping bags up in a circle.

[A]

Oh, that's fun.

[B]

With our feet in the center of the circle. And there was our manager, Kathy, her husband, our Salem, and this guy John, and the four of us. And so there's six of us sleeping on a hard floor. And you know, if you want to use the restroom, you have to go down to the second, you know, floor and take this creaky staircase. And the camera was in the middle. And I would wake up intermittently and just film around. And the amount of times I woke up was ungodly that night, I think because you're expecting something.

[A]

Oh, yeah, you're on guard.

[B]

And every time I woke up and opened my eyes, I would look over at one of my band members and their eyes would be wide open, just.

[A]

Like they heard your eyes.

[B]

Our bass player Scott is quick to be like, there are things here. For sure. You know, very, very quick. So quick to do that that I was like, ooh.

[A]

Immediately you're like, no, you had to bonehead it out.

[B]

Somebody untied my shoes around here being a total. An asshole. Essentially a bonehead as a coping mechanism. Right. And so no one slept. Nobody slept. And I sat up multiple times and filmed around. And although the experience was eerie, you know, and I heard noises because it's an all wood home, my dad's a contractor. I understood what I'm hearing is more than likely is not. There's no evidence here of something else.

[A]

The house is settling. He said, I actually just should call my dad over.

[B]

And we all finally fell asleep in the early morning hours and we all sort of woke up together. And as we're waking up, stretching, we're like, oh, dude, that was a terrible night's sleep. All agreeing. We kind of stand up and we're stretching. And Scott, our bass player, reaches down and in the center of where our feet is, the little circle I guess you could call it was, you know, about this big, a little more than shoulder width. Scott reaches down and picks up this accordion and starts playing and goes.

[A]

That'S amazing.

[B]

The only problem is, is that we don't own an accordion.

[A]

I was literally just gonna say there was just an accordion.

[B]

Some of the keys were missing like that. Some of the ivory on the keys and it was unsnapped. So just to sort of describe the accordion, which is one of my least favorite things to do in life.

[A]

Describe accordions.

[B]

Yeah, I truly hate it. I'm going to do it here.

[A]

Go. Go for it.

[B]

But clearly it's about pushing air in this vented system.

[A]

Yeah, air.

[B]

So one of the terrible things about accordion is when you move it when it's unsnapped, the snap keeps the vent closed. But when you unsnap it, it goes, hey. And it's constantly like one of the.

[A]

Worst or one of the best things.

[B]

It's the fucking worst. And so the reason being is that it's like a needy friend that's needy all the time. It goes, hey, hey, hey, hey, guys. So he picks up this accordion that's unsnapped and starts going. Scott was acting like me, basically.

[A]

He went full bonehead.

[B]

He's like, dude, who's this? And individually, each of us are like, well, it's obviously not mine, not mine.

[A]

Have an accordion.

[B]

And it starts from giggling to confusion to disbelief to anger.

[A]

We start arguing because you're like, brought the accordion.

[B]

Who. Who put this here? Yeah, And John and I start saying, we filmed this whole house. I didn't see an accordion anywhere. There was no accordion anywhere. I want to tell you something that doesn't get said a lot. You can't hide an accordion.

[A]

No, you really can't. You know what? That doesn't get said enough, I think. Tell more people that. Yeah.

[B]

How many fucking dinner parties do you go to where somebody tries to say that you can hide an accordion?

[A]

Spread the word. Or.

[B]

I brought you something.

[A]

Here's an accordion.

[B]

What do you get for the person that doesn't want something? But it turned into anger on finger pointing. It was like, who put this here? You put this here. No, I didn't. How could I put this? Where did I get this from? It turns into John and I saying, I can assure you we searched everything. So unless this is in the deep recesses of something, not to mention having gone to take a leak in the middle of the night myself out of sheer. Like, I have nothing to do and I can't. Wall street never saw an accordion going down the. Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. Like, you could not have infiltrated our circle of six.

[A]

No.

[B]

And plopped an open accordion at our feet.

[A]

You were Isaac. Because it would have said, hey, I don't.

[B]

I wish I hadn't said plopped. But whatever. Whatever you do, you couldn't have pulled this off. Because it wasn't just me that didn't sleep well. And then we approached the two girls downstairs, and we're like, we bring the accordion. And we said.

[A]

He said, whose is this?

[B]

We found your accordion. Ha ha ha. And to my amazement, I saw the look on their face. They said, we don't have an accordion.

[A]

They said, why the fuck would we have an accordion?

[B]

We like music.

[A]

Why would I have that? That would actually be really embarrassing for us.

[B]

Our zydeco ban. Is that what you're saying? So they freak out. And they said, this is Isaac. That is not us.

[A]

This is Isaac. This is Isaac's accordion. I love that Isaac just, like, brought an accordion in the middle of your. He said, you say you're musicians.

[B]

Musicians.

[A]

Musicians, musicians.

[B]

Look, other spirits. Look. Musicians. And you know, this is a farmhouse that had been a hospital in the.

[A]

Civil war, so they needed some entertainment.

[B]

This is a place where accordions thrived, apparently.

[A]

Yeah. And continue to.

[B]

I didn't realize later it was an accordion farm.

[A]

That made sense then.

[B]

Picture watermelons that don't sound good, but they just. Right out of the ground, their shock and horror started to become ours. And as we get in the van to drive off with our trailer. No one spoke for a couple hours, and then we get a phone call. They took it to a local music store immediately and said, what. What the am I holding? And sure enough, the music store owner said, you're holding a huge mistake. No.

[A]

He said, get that the out of. You're holding an abomination.

[B]

I said, this was a music store thing. No. He said, oh, wow. This is beautiful. This is, like, turn of the century. This thing is a. This thing is almost 100 years old. This was. This was in the early 90s.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

He said, wow. Yeah. He's like, some of the keys are missing. But, you know, I mean, you know, if you fix it up, this could be worth $7 now. He was like, no, this is extremely old. This is the oldest accordion I've ever seen.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And so I don't have an experience with an apparition, but I have something I cannot explain that is so bizarre that it almost. I still feel almost a little foolish, even. Like. Like, I don't for years after this. Every once in a while, it would be like, just between you and me, did you put the accordion there or not? Or not? Just say, yes, for real. And I have it somewhere on film, you know, and apparently these. The footnote to this is the two girls started seeing Full body to the Floor Isaac all the time. And so they moved within a month.

[A]

Full Body Isaac. Well, you completed him when you played the accordion.

[B]

Full Body Isaac, which sounds like a really terrible male strip club.

[A]

It does. Full Body Isaac. Yeah.

[B]

Welcome to Full Body Isaac.

[A]

Damn. I don't want that. I don't want Full Body. Most people don't want Full Body Isaac. Because I was. I was honestly concerned. Sounds like a terrible move that they heard from the weight they saw from the waist up, Isaac. I was like, how? No, but you know what people say.

[B]

But then you heard Full Body Isaac, and you're like, what?

[A]

You said, I don't want that either. I don't want that. But sometimes people say that if you are in, like, a haunted place or you live in a haunted accordion farm, they. That when you see half of someone, it's because there's been renovations since they passed. Oh, yeah. And they're actually, like, stuck in whatever that full room was. But maybe you've done some kind of renovation. So they're, like, stuck in between, or they're showing like they're in between. We've covered something like that.

[B]

Unrenovated.

[A]

Yeah, they're unrenovated. They're Walking on, like, the previous place where the floor was. So you'll see, like, waste below coming from the ceiling. I forget the hotel that we covered once, but we covered a hotel, and there had been a fire there, and somebody was seeing, like, a Native American man in the now hotel's dining room, which had previously been two rooms. So he was upstairs, but people would see, like, his feet. Yeah. See him, like, halfway out of the ceiling. Yeah.

[B]

Who knew? Open concept could really free the room completely.

[A]

That's why I'm a big fan of it. In many ways, I'm setting ghosts free, and my space is limitless.

[B]

Well, you know, I. We passed around a lot of discussion, and in particular with these two gals. I wish I still knew them or remembered their names. It's been so many years because I'm so old. But, you know, there was a lot of positivity, eventually, about this being an offering and a token of sort of like, hi, guys.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

Hi, guys. Look, look. I heard your musicians. Look.

[A]

Yeah. Check out my fucking accordion. He's like, I know music, too.

[B]

A little bit of a Labrador vibe to that.

[A]

Yeah. Very golden retriever. He's a lab. Isaac.

[B]

All my other experiences of unexplained things have always been positive in the same manner. They've never been negative in any way, shape, or form.

[A]

Oh, that's a good thing.

[B]

And the same feeling I had that it's. I feel the same way about the catacombs and why I fell asleep, that I just was like. I felt like, you know, sit, lay down.

[A]

Yeah. They were just, like, tucking you in. Sit, lay down. Play an accordion when you wake up. Yeah.

[B]

We'll leave you in a corner. Thankfully, I wasn't asked.

[A]

The catacombs. Parisians have way more taste than that. There you go.

[B]

They have the little ones, you know.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Tasteful.

[B]

Yeah. I forget what those are called. Annoying. That's right.

[A]

That's it. That's it. Nailed it. Also, respect the way you made that story come full circle. Yeah. That was impressive. That was.

[B]

Well, I'm just realizing that, and I am realizing this for the first time, that, as I say, my experiences in this realm have never been negative. Just lucky, I guess.

[A]

Bye. Bye. And with that, I leave you. Good luck, everyone, before you actually do walk away from us. Do you want to play catacombs themed? Would you rather.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Let's do this. Are you starting us off? I was gonna say you should crack your knuckles, because it's gonna get weird. Yes. Stretch a little bit. Get ready.

[B]

This is accordion yeah.

[A]

Excuse me.

[B]

I'm already stretched. I stretched way before this.

[A]

Gotta prep the accordion. All right, so the first. Would you rather is you're in the catacombs. You find a secret tunnel, and it's marked. Don't. That's it. What do you do? Do you go in anyway or. That's for sure.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

I don't even feel like that's it. The second choice is, do you avoid it and be forever haunted by a ghost who sighs coward every time you go to sleep? It's a hard choice. We know.

[B]

I'm a Don't person. In fact, I've always wanted to open a speakeasy that is just a neon sign behind. So you just see, and it just flashes. Don't.

[A]

That's a great idea. I think that's great.

[B]

The place is called Don't. So you've got. You hit me in the center of my don't.

[A]

Right in the fields.

[B]

Right in the O of the don't.

[A]

I love it. So you're going in.

[B]

I'm definitely going in. I think that's. Life is all about ignoring the rules.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Finding which ones to ignore.

[A]

Yeah. I think I'd go in at that point. I don't want to listen to a ghost every time I'm going. I just don't want to be judged by a ghost every night. That's the. No. Like, I don't want to hear it.

[B]

That's the reason to go. I. I don't want to hear it.

[A]

I don't want to hear. Yeah, we're judged by enough living people every day. I don't need. Because I just picture some, like, bitchy ghost walking up to me right as I'm getting comfortable in bed and just being like, coward, Coward. And just, like, walking away. And I'm just like.

[B]

I love that yours is full disdain, just like Howard.

[A]

They're disgusting.

[B]

What would yours be, Ash? How would it say?

[A]

I think it would have to be kind of, like, creepy, like, coward. See that? I'd just be like. I'd be like, off.

[B]

Yeah. Mine would be, like, coward.

[A]

Yeah. Just like. Just a little school taunting, like, very, like, sucka. See, mine's got discussed, and that's why I simply.

[B]

Yeah, yours is the harshest.

[A]

Yours is rooted in, like, a need for therapy. Yeah. It's rooted in judgment. Yes. And I don't like it.

[B]

I think ashes is sort of like, coward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See what I did there?

[A]

See that? I could kind of. I'd be like, all right, that's kind of funny. Every night yeah. Every night I'd be like, all right, bye.

[B]

But I think for some reason I'm shaking my head because yours is going to. That's right.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a challenge. I don't take criticism well, so I'm just going in. Yeah, that's true.

[B]

I love that yours is based on criticism. Like, I'm not. That's enough of that. Yeah, I can't do it anymore.

[A]

Yeah, I gotta go in there. I don't want to hear it. I'm just annoyed.

[B]

I always think, though, when someone is saying, you can't. You can't do this, you cannot do that. I always think, oh, what do you know?

[A]

Yeah, I can. I could do whatever I want.

[B]

Step aside, coward.

[A]

Coward. And that's why you're going in, though, so that makes sense.

[B]

Can we all say our versions of coward on together?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you mind?

[A]

Yeah. And that is a sound bite. Mine has a face with it. That's the visual. Mine has a hand lotion. Mine is like, ugh. All right, so we're all going in. All right. Hopefully we've all made it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If we've made it out alive. Uh oh. We're now lost in the catacombs. This is like goosebumps. So it's choose your own adventure.

[B]

So this one scares me. I'm putting in a Zen.

[A]

This is scary. So who do we trust to guide us out? Is it a French speaking bat with a drunking problem or a drunking problem already? Maybe we've drank. It was the effect for the question.

[B]

Feeling that so hard?

[A]

A French drink?

[B]

You don't have a drinking problem. Look who has gotten the biggest drunken problems.

[A]

That's drunk. He just flies out of nowhere. He's like, oui, oui. I don't have a drinking problem.

[B]

Ossifer. I do not have a drunking problem.

[A]

Gauss own.

[B]

Sorry to interrupt. Go. I'm sorry.

[A]

That was great. There's that guy. Or there's a glowing skull, but he only answers any questions we have in riddles and dad jokes. Choose your fighter. Who we leading? Who's. Who we letting lead us out?

[B]

The bat with the drunking problem speaks French. Then there's the glowing skull that only does dad jokes and riddles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, if I'm honest, even though I like to have a drink, like if I'm honest, I gotta go with the dad jokes.

[A]

I love a dad joke. My husband is not yet a dad, but he is perfecting his dad jokes right now. Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's a lifelong process I love it.

[A]

I have great respect for it. Yeah. John's favorite is he'll randomly say to our girls, did you know that someone in this family is turning into an owl? And they'll say, who? And that's just adorable. And then he'll just be like, yeah. Gotcha. Gotcha. And every time now, they've, like, caught on to it, and they're like, shut up.

[B]

The adult that that would work on is who I want to hang out.

[A]

Right? Who.

[B]

If an adult would say, who, that's the person I need to be around.

[A]

Frankly, I might be that person. That's the person you need in your life at times.

[B]

Take down my number.

[A]

It has a five in it.

[B]

It has a five in it.

[A]

We know that. Are you going? Dad joke. Selena. So, I'm really good at riddles and.

[B]

Oh, Sounded like a brag.

[A]

It's a humble brag. An unhumble brag. Oh. I'm pretty sick of riddles. I'm really bothered. I'm good at them. That's why I keep you around. And I live with a dad, so I'm fluent in dad jokes as well.

[B]

The Riddler's going with dad jokes?

[A]

Yeah, I'm going with dad jokes. I don't know what I'm going with. I don't understand French, but I. The bat would be flying out of there, so I guess I just follow.

[B]

Yeah, but. But, you know. Drunk flying.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

You know what happens there when you're drunking and you.

[A]

When you're drunk, drinking and flying is against the law.

[B]

They say, follow me right into the wall.

[A]

Yeah. And then he's passed out, and I have to wait even longer.

[B]

No, then you have to watch into the wall, because that's where he said to go. What am I do. I'm doing what you say.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I don't want to. Okay. Dad jokes and riddles. I'll just be with you. We're always together. Yeah. And I'll help you with the riddles. Okay. You know, and I'll l at the.

[B]

D and the Riddler. We're getting out of here.

[A]

Yeah, we're getting the hell out. All right. That works. All right. So we haven't gotten out quite yet. So we awake at a catacomb rave. Who's your dj? A spectral monk who mixes Gregorian chants with dubstep. Picture that for a second. Take that in. Or a talking skull on a Roomba, just screaming bone Zone on loop.

[B]

That would drive me crazy.

[A]

You decide.

[B]

That second one would drive me crazy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But wait, dubstep, like, yeah, like that. Right, but with the. Which sounds like you're in a really weird spa.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

But I think the Roomba thing would drive me crazy. And. What? He's just yelling in the bone zone.

[A]

Well, he was just yelling bone zone, but he could yell in the bone zone, too.

[B]

It wouldn't change how annoying that is.

[A]

Do you think that he would just be yelling it in the same tone, or do you think he would remix it? Because we had this discussion when we came up with the question.

[B]

No, no. It would be so annoying. I, I already hear. It's like, every time I, I, I. Well, no, I think it would be different with, like, me too. You're in the bone zone, and then would be like, you're in the book, and I, I.

[A]

That would drive me crazy. Yeah, that would be annoying.

[B]

I would be. I would be in a tough spot not to assault this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This.

[A]

This glowing skull, or. Excuse me, this talking skull. This Roomba riding skull.

[B]

Yeah. It's already making me go like, like, look around for help. Like, am I alone here?

[A]

Someone else hates this with this guy. So you're going Gregorian monk with dubstep.

[B]

I'm gregorying that direction.

[A]

Yeah. Spectral monk is pretty fun. Yeah, I would say I like dubstep.

[B]

When you say spectral monk. That sounds like a book I would read.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

No. So I feel like this new one about the spectral Monk.

[A]

Hell, yeah. Terrifying. Yeah. I think we are. We can all be unanimous on that. The one with the. The Roomba, too, is. The thing about a Roomba is that it always gets stuck. So that thing would just be, like, beeping while it's, like, trying to back up, too. And it would be, like, yelling, bone zone. And it's like.

[B]

Yeah. And I don't like that the skull is piggybacking, because to tell it true, I once bought a Roomba and just, you know, at a very difficult time in my life, I would watch it and it would get stuck, and I.

[A]

Would go, oh, look, I feel like it's stuck.

[B]

It's stuck. It was a little he Roomba. For me, it was like, he's over there. He loves this corner so hard.

[A]

Oh, and he can't move. Poor thing.

[B]

But then who loves the corner over there? Who loves the corn? It's like a. Yeah, go clean that corner. You get over there. So I don't like that. He's sort of bullying. Bullying really gets on my nerves. And so I just. I would slap that skull, and then I would record. I'd Be Gregorian that way.

[A]

Yeah, Gregorian out. I agree. Okay, so now you have to spend the night, which apparently you sort of did halfway when you took your nap. But now, sleepover. You've been there, done that. Did it. Spend the night in a special catacomb tomb. But the problem is, either the walls whisper compliments all night. Like, weirdly specific ones. Like, your kneecaps are so powerful, or the floor is made of teeth. Lots and lots and lots of teeth from unknown origins. And they're warm. Warm teeth. Warm teeth, and you don't know why. Or weirdly specific compliments from the walls.

[B]

Compliments make me want to barf.

[A]

Me too. What if they were oddly specific, though?

[B]

But that even makes me want to barf harder because they're. Then if they're specific, they're so tailored towards you and not someone else. You know, it's not like you know how to throw a great party, which is sort of broad and ambiguous.

[A]

Like, everybody kind of knows how to do that.

[B]

But. But it's. But it's like, I love the way your mustache is coming in. I don't know. You know, no one rocks that. Like, I just can't, you know, I. Compliments are surefire way for me to sort of say it was not great talking to you. Let's go. I'm going.

[A]

Never again. I'll be going now.

[B]

I have teeth dreams reoccurring for my whole life.

[A]

Me too. Same.

[B]

And so. And I've had everything done to my teeth possible from being a total moron throughout my life. Oh, God. This is actually hard. Do you want to go first?

[A]

So my. I had the same thought about. The compliments are an absolute no go for me because the second somebody compliments me, I'm like, ugh. Like, I, like, immediately shrink into.

[B]

I'm leaning in for this. Yeah.

[A]

So I would just be huddled in extreme discomfort all night if they were complimenting me. I'd be like, so stop it.

[B]

Yeah. Kind of squish like this.

[A]

My heart rate would. My blood pressure would be up. It would just be bad. But teeth. I don't love teeth. I don't love walking on teeth. Have you ever experienced warm teeth?

[B]

Warm teeth might be nice.

[A]

I was gonna say, like, a heated floor.

[B]

It might be like, this beach is not so bad.

[A]

Yeah. It's just a little. Little bit. Shelly, don't forget unknown origins. We don't know if everybody's brushed these teeth. That's the other thing, though. So I don't know in my head. Cannon. These are clean teeth. Oh, I never sign up. Clean teeth from a unicorn. My slippers. I don't go anywhere barefoot. So that.

[B]

You can't do that. You can't do that.

[A]

You're breaking the rules.

[B]

You can't do that.

[A]

I can't go in my head cannon. No. God damn it.

[B]

I love head cannon, though. Fire.

[A]

I can't do it. Fire. A rule.

[B]

No, you're changing the. You can't do that in the rules because their unknown origin. And that was from the outset Ash said that. Right.

[A]

And then I made it of known origin. Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, these are from various unicorns, which I love and pet.

[A]

That's beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wouldn't choose. I can't make it known origins. All right. Different colors, possibly different stanks. So the. Here's where I say the teeth.

[B]

The mouth smells. Mouth smells disgusting.

[A]

I don't know if you didn't think about that. Okay. Here though. I'm still staying with teeth. They're warm. Yep. Here, hear me out. I don't ever walk in bare feet. I don't walk in bare feet in my house. I always have socks on. I have a thing about bare feet. And also that's.

[B]

That's doable.

[A]

I have a deviated septum, so I can't smell very well.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

So to me, I'm walking on some shells on the beach in my head, like, that's what I'll tell myself. No.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You're like, they're just shells. It's warm.

[A]

It's warm.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

And I can't smell, so. No. Yeah. Oh, so. So completely on the contrast of you. I have a great sense of smell. Like you do. To a fault. She has smell. Everything. Smell. I'm not. I'm not about that life. And I'm always barefoot. In fact, sometimes I leave here and I forget my shoes here. Yeah. And I love compliments, so I'm going oddly specific. Compliments all the way. That's kind of your ideal situation. Yeah. Actually, where do I sign up for that?

[B]

I just pictured you shoeless and comfy, smelling the clean air, just going like, thanks.

[A]

Yeah, thank you so much.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Every couple of minutes, you're just like, thank you so much. Yeah. This is. This is my dream scenario. I see you, like, sitting up randomly and just being like, I know, right? Or like, do you really mean it? Are you serious? You're for real right now? Yeah. I'm going compliments.

[B]

And I think my deep seated dislike of being brown nosed, it's gonna push me in the tooth zone.

[A]

You guys are nuts. Your deviated septum is gonna help you.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I can stab my brain on the right side. Clear. I can. And my left nostrils completely closed off, so I.

[A]

Do you guys have the same device?

[B]

I don't like this.

[A]

We have a mirror, like where you've.

[B]

Taken me, but I'm gonna tooth it up.

[A]

Tooth it up with me.

[B]

The crunch of the teeth, though. I don't know.

[A]

Yeah, and the stank. But again, just get that deviated septum working and you're gonna be.

[B]

But the smell of a brown noser is way worse.

[A]

Hey, maybe they're not brown nosing. Maybe they mean it. Okay? Maybe they mean it.

[B]

Brown nosers mean it. Trust me.

[A]

But you don't know. Like, what if the walls are whispering it, like, really sarcastically? Like, they're like, oh, my God, I love how your eyebrows look today. You go again, I'm saying you don't know. It doesn't say.

[B]

Yeah, you don't know. That wasn't in the rules. You can't bend this.

[A]

Yeah, you can't.

[B]

They're just oddly specifically specific.

[A]

But we don't know how they're said.

[B]

Because there would certainly be a tired moment where you're just completely like five year old tired. We're like, oh, yeah, you'd be like, enough out of you.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Are you serious right now with the.

[A]

Compliments that has the potential to ruin me? If they're sarcastic compliments. If they're being. Which, you know, because those are just criticisms.

[B]

Oh, that looks good on you, though.

[A]

Oh, no, I would never sleep.

[B]

No, you already chose the 2000.

[A]

What if the walls are like, oh, my God, I wish I could dress as comfortable as you do. I do dress really comfy. So I'd be like, yeah, fucking try it. I wish I could just not care.

[B]

That's Heck and mess right there. That's. I wish the walls would, you know, saying, I wish I could dress as comfortable as you. Comfortable like that.

[A]

I wish I could be comfortable being so careful.

[B]

I'm too classed up with all these skeletons.

[A]

I bet you're uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then we'll welcome you into the teeth room. I'll say, please let me in, you guys. No, you'll say, no, you chose this. You let me in your mouth. Oh, man. Oh, man. All right, so we have a. A couple more, but they're. We're getting a little more, like, darker.

[B]

Realistic now because we're almost out. So it's got to be we're almost out.

[A]

So now we're on our way out. Would we rather walk through waist deep water in a flooded tunnel or crawl through a dry but very narrow passageway?

[B]

This is so simple for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For water. I'm not crawling to a tight space. I'm too big for that shit. And I shouldn't have even been employed to do that job. That's not. No, I fire myself from that job.

[A]

Yeah. We're walking through the water.

[B]

One where you're like this. Oh, like a little wiggle machine. Yeah, I'm not. I'm not. I. I'm not. I can't.

[A]

You know when cave divers are like. And then I let the air out of my lungs and you're like, what the. Yeah. They're like, I had to let all the air out of my lungs so I could get smaller. To collapse your bodily processes to get through there.

[B]

No, no, I don't want to talk about this part anymore.

[A]

See? Yeah. And the greatest thing is we. You choose to do it. So I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. I've seen the descent. I'm not doing that. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And frankly, I'm a little peeped that we even suggested this. This is too much, like, honestly.

[A]

I know. It was a little.

[B]

Honestly, get in that water.

[A]

You just end the zoom call. You're like, fuck those layers. Those ladies. We're done with them.

[B]

This was fun.

[A]

The only bummer is. And like, obviously we're going through the water. Right. Regardless. But stagnant water. We're gonna get sick. We're gonna get parasites, everybody.

[B]

And it's just like, what's just like three inches from the floor there?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, I just. Yeah, I'm. I'm doing it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I probably ultimately would walk through pretty briskly.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

We'd be running and it'd be like, oh, I just got some in my mouth.

[A]

But, you know, just getting leg day going. We're doing it together, so we have. We have support. Yeah.

[B]

Get. Get behind me. Get in my wake.

[A]

I'm in my wake. Carrying us out of here.

[B]

Water ski in my way.

[A]

Incredible. All right, this next one is up. You thought that was bad. You are going to leave after this.

[B]

I don't want to go any further. You're like, I'm done.

[A]

I'm dying in the catacombs. And go.

[B]

I'm going to boil this water. I'm going to drink with this bat.

[A]

I'm going to drunk with this bat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right, so the next one Is drink.

[B]

I'm not. Drink. Yeah. Okay. Last. Not the last one. The next. Whatever. The next one.

[A]

So would you rather find your own full name etched into a skull, like freshly etched into the skull full name, or discover a photo of you that has been taken of you a minute ago, like, laying down in a sealed chamber? I like that you sat back for this. I mean, this is, like you said, I gotta get comfort to decide. This is a heady one.

[B]

Immediately when you said etched into a skull, I was like, that's kind of badass.

[A]

It's kind of metal.

[B]

That. For me, that could be, like. Even though it veers close to the compliment in my own mind right away.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like the idea that there would be somebody that's really into music that would be down there and think, you know, who would love this?

[A]

Let me get up my chisel real quick. Hold on a second.

[B]

Like, that's something where I would go, oh, you thought of me. That's very kind, actually, that I.

[A]

That's the kind of compliment I'm looking for.

[B]

Yeah. I would gauge the sincerity of that.

[A]

That was what Larry did to get employee of the month.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. This is how you win my good graces there.

[A]

Gary would never think of that. No, he never.

[B]

That's why I don't like Gary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The photos would be that we've just discovered something that's not good and is still here. That's in my mind. That's where that goes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and so I would think, oh, now I gotta watch my six all the time. I'm, like, not happy about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just, you know, I don't love looking over my own shoulder. That's not a good feeling.

[A]

No. And I want to see, like, what's going on. Like, I don't want someone seeing me, and I can't see them. Yeah. No, that's nobody.

[B]

Yeah. I don't like people. I don't like people creeping on me.

[A]

I don't like.

[B]

I don't like crawling.

[A]

Same. Get off my back. Yeah, don't do that.

[B]

You need to create some space here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gary.

[A]

Yeah. And I need to keep my eyes on you. It's true.

[B]

Yeah. Get off my heels. You get in front of me. Gary.

[A]

Get where I can see. I need to see you, Gary.

[B]

Kodak Gary, over here taking pictures of me. Put them in the goddamn thing.

[A]

You know, I'm also a really ugly sleeper, so. Oh, deviated septum. My mouth is wide open when I sleep. It's not good. I'm the opposite. I'M like, curled back, so I have like 18 chins. And my husband's like, oh, she looks cute and shows me later. I'm like, why the did you take that picture?

[B]

I love that you're wanting your sleep.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not finding an ugly picture.

[B]

It's a little bit. I think everyone is sort of ugly cute in their sleep. That's the thing.

[A]

You know what? Not everyone. Yeah. I was gonna say I could.

[B]

I was trying to keep it positive.

[A]

Because I think my husband. My husband will take pictures of me if I fall asleep on the couch. But it's never like, oh, look how cute you are. He's like, look how crazy you look.

[B]

Like a total dead body. I'm not trying. I'm trying to be nice here, but A total dead body.

[A]

He's like, check yourself. Yeah. He's like, damn humbling you right now. She humbles, rumble, brags, and he's like, look at this.

[B]

You're a five year old. You know, you watch them sleep and you see their eyelids. You trace the lines of their face. And then. Yeah. Other then, unfortunately, the rest of us look like a crime scene.

[A]

Literally. Yeah. They look so peaceful. And I'm like, how do you do that? I guess you don't have a deviant septum. So they don't have worries yet. Worries.

[B]

There's still time.

[A]

They're not cognizant of the world around us. They're like, this is.

[B]

We're gonna break that nose somehow. We're gonna take some risks.

[A]

We'll make it happen. The other thing is with the. With your name etched into a bone. I was saying people have the same names. Maybe that's not for me.

[B]

Yeah. My last name means man in French, so.

[A]

It does. Josh man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See, I have a pretty unique name, so. You do. It would freak me out a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To see Urquhart on one, I'd be like, I have the most modern name ever. Ashley Kelly. So you could say that could be a lot. Could be anybody. Yeah. Anybody's mom made a bad decision, named them.

[B]

Actually, that's just like mine. That's some. That's just, you know, Ashley Kelly. That's your. Your married name. So that's just a drunk Irish thing that's drunking with that bat.

[A]

Yeah. That's why I got rid of it.

[B]

Grab Ashley Kelly.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, it's rough.

[B]

Come closer. Yeah.

[A]

We get an Irish bat, too. Yeah. Yeah, I like that.

[B]

That's. Who got that French bad drunk.

[A]

Hell, yeah. There's a supplier down there. There's lore.

[B]

There's a supplier.

[A]

Of course there is. All right. Should we do one more?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you rather light a final match. It's your last one left. And see a face just inches from yours, or see absolutely nothing but feel a cold hand grip yours and not let go?

[B]

I think because I'm such a horror movie aficionado, that I'd want the visual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One of the primary reasons I like to watch horror and horror shorts, too, because horror shorts just get right into it because I want the hairs on my arms stand up. And I think for the viewers at home. Sorry, Gary, where are you? But Gary, I think to share Sherry, the Gary, you know, I. I want the face.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I imagine the face would go, oh, yeah.

[A]

And just blow the thing out.

[B]

You know, you light a match and you're like, I've only got one left. And just go. And it goes. And that would be.

[A]

Oh, I love.

[B]

I think. I think that would be more terrifying because now I'm in the dark with this thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The gripping it to. I think, you know, life is about accumulating wonderful stories. That's what life is really about is, you know, logging just wonderful moments of time. And I think being gripped on the hand would be something that's just mine and makes it tougher to share. If Gary told me that, I'd be like, yeah, right.

[A]

Yeah, right, Gary.

[B]

Yeah. Someone's been in the mind too much.

[A]

Someone's drunking with the bats.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So I think, you know, life is about sharing. So I think I'm taking the face. What do you. What do you think?

[A]

I think I'm taking the face, too, actually, because I also don't like being touched by people. I don't know. So if something gripped my hand, I'd be like, whoa. Yeah. What are you doing? That would make me uncomfortable.

[B]

I think, you know, you're about to get gripped when something blows out your candle.

[A]

But I can run at least.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Right into it.

[A]

That's good. You could knock it down in that. Yeah. Let's throw some bows. Just body it. Yeah, Just body that thing into a wall, and out you go. We watched horror movies. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know, because I don't like holding hands. Like, they get clammy and stuff, but this one's okay.

[B]

Well, that ruins my next thing.

[A]

Okay, fine.

[B]

I was gonna be like, hold me.

[A]

Reach out. It's virtual. It works. But also, I don't like close talkers. Oh. And when I think of somebody that close, to my face.

[B]

Plus that hot, steamy breath in your face. That's not gonna be fun.

[A]

And like, teeth with unknown origins. We're back there again. I don't know this person. I don't know their teeth.

[B]

Someone's got a little something. They're not one don't want to talk about. This is not naming any names, not.

[A]

Saying who it is.

[B]

All right. On my screen.

[A]

Listen, this is a tough fucking choice. I think I'm going hand. I'll go hand. Just to be different.

[B]

Oh, that's so reactionary. Just to be different.

[A]

I'm like, I'm. Now I'm done. I am leaving. No, but again, I don't like close talkers. Well, the thing is, you're probably like, in these scenarios. I imagine, like, your imminent death is probably upon you in both of these scenarios. Yeah. So I'd rather have that, like, fun last moment of like, ooh, real life scary movie.

[B]

Like, could be a ghost that thinks it's its birthday, like, blowing out the candle.

[A]

You just go make a wish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. You don't know. Yeah, you know.

[B]

You don't. You don't. You don't know.

[A]

You don't know. Nobody knows.

[B]

Nobody knows.

[A]

Nobody does. Oh, Josh, this has been so much fun. Yeah, this has been a blast. Please come back. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, I'd love to come back.

[A]

Oh, we would love to have you.

[B]

I had so much fun. This is killer.

[A]

Yeah. So much fun. Is there anything that you want to plug before we let you go? We know you have some cool stuff going on, like your charity, Sweet Stuff Foundation. Oh, anything.

[B]

I was just about to say, I'm not interested in plugging anything. People do whatever you want. But yeah, I have a charity called the Sweet Stuff. We help a lot of musicians, families. Everyone in the music world is self employed, People that are sick and have illnesses, and we help a lot of kids of families of musicians.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

And it's very rewarding. And so, yeah. Sweetstuff.org awesome.

[A]

Sweet. We'll put it in our show notes. Yeah, we'll link it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's something. I would plug the rest. Enjoy yourself. I do stuff. If you want to find out, just go ahead.

[A]

I love that. It's up to you. Do what you want. Again, choose your own adventure.

[B]

I like, choose your own adventure. When it comes to me and everything else.

[A]

Hell yeah. Perfect. All right, guys, so thank you so much for listening. We hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it weird.

[B]

Wow, you went really long. That's great.

[A]

We always do. You gotta. You never know when it's gonna end.

[B]

Talk about weird.

[A]

We'll just put our coward at the end of this. All three of our cowards. Yes. Perfect. Weird. Coward. Coward. Sa word. If you like morbid, you can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short [e-mail] survey.