Episode Revisit: Torture

Summary

Morbid Podcast – Episode Revisit: Torture

Hosts: Ash Kelley & Alaina Urquhart
Date: May 14, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Ash and Alaina revisit the infamous medieval torture episode, delivering a gruesome but humor-laced exploration of historical torture devices and practices. The duo combines deep research with their signature lighthearted banter, making the dark subject matter engaging (and a little less horrifying). They discuss the origins, mechanics, and sheer brutality of devices like the Brazen Bull, Iron Maiden, boots, scold’s bridle, breast ripper, and more—peppering the episode with side commentary, true crime news, and relatable tangents.
Tone: Darkly comedic, conversational, educational.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Podcast & Life Updates

• [03:07–07:32] Ash opens solo as Alaina recovers from illness ("Big Red is feeling big bad"). She feels weird recording alone, giving props to solo podcasters (“How do you do it, honey?” – Ash, 04:00).
• Announcement 1: Morbid’s collaboration with Hunt A Killer—“The Salem Slicer” game, available for preorder at Walmart.
  — "Never did I ever think I'd have a game in Walmart." – Ash, 05:25
• Announcement 2: New Nicholas shirt on the Morbid website.
  — "It is dedicated to our boy in the afterlife." – Ash, 07:01

2. True Crime Current Events

• [08:40–12:15] Alaina updates listeners on the Golden State Killer (Joseph DeAngelo), now officially linked to the Visalia Ransacker and charged with a 13th murder. — “He was a bad guy. Real bad guy.” – Elena, 09:14 — Discussion on statutes of limitations preventing rape charges, the frustration for victims, and the need for ceremonial or honorary sentencing for uncharged crimes.
• [12:15–14:13] Conversation about time travel and why neither would choose to visit the Middle Ages:
  — *"I would never go back to the Middle Ages. That is not...If you were like—" (Elena, 12:27)
  — Both agree on choosing childhood, the '70s, or '80s over medieval times.

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3. Deep Dive: Medieval Torture Devices & Methods

A. The Brazen Bull [14:17–20:30]

• Invented by Perillos of Athens for tyrant Phalaris of Sicily. A hollow bronze bull, victims locked inside and roasted by fire beneath; the design converted screams into bull-like noises. — "Described as a human crock pot..." – Ash, 15:57
  — “Perilous, how did you come up with this?” – Ash, 18:03
• Phalaris tested it on Perillos himself. — “He was so disgusted, he threw Perillos inside to test out the sound system.” – Ash, 19:54

B. Iron Maiden [21:33–29:59]

• Upright sarcophagus with internal spikes, designed to pierce vital organs (possibly more legend than fact). — "Sometimes people argue if the iron maiden is fact or fiction.” – Alaina, 24:25 — German philosopher Johann Siebenkis allegedly recorded its use for executing forgers. — Discussion of possible fabrications by 19th-century collectors for museum display. — "We’re the worst species ever, so I’m certain it was used.” – Elena, 24:35

C. The Boots (Das Boots) [29:59–33:49]

• Two methods: boiling water over spongy leather boots to dissolve flesh/bone, and smashing shins with wedges hammered between wood planks. — "Basically your feet are just real gnarly gross from then on." – Alaina, 32:01
  — “Each time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters.” – Alaina, 33:15

D. Scold’s Bridle [37:52–41:43]

• Iron muzzle designed to silence (“scolds”—outspoken women), sometimes with spikes inside; included public humiliation. — “A big fuck you to guys back then. Like, I can gossip if I want to.” – Ash, 38:02 — Example from 16th-century Scotland (Bessie Taylor).

E. Breast Ripper ("The Spider") [41:52–43:05]

• Reserved for women; claw-like device (heated or not) used to rip breasts off. — "They like, reserved, like, special-ass torture for girls." – Ash, 42:31

F. Head Crusher [43:22–44:47]

• Vise-like device: bar for the chin, cap for the skull, screw raises pressure until teeth, eyes, skull burst. — “Your teeth would shatter in your mouth...your eyes would pop out of the sockets.” – Elena, 44:15

G. Blood Eagle – Viking Torture [45:09–48:28]

• Victim’s back cut open, ribs axed away and spread like wings, lungs pulled through and draped—possibly a legendary method reserved for “real bad guys” or sacrifices. — “Who hasn’t seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags?” – Elena, 48:11

H. Strappado [49:19–50:48]

• Arms tied behind back, victim hoisted by rope (via pulley) causing shoulder dislocations, sometimes with additional weights. — "You're gonna have busted rotator cuffs." – Elena, 50:48

I. The Rack [50:58–54:02]

• Limbs secured to a board, chains/wheel stretch body until joints, ligaments, and tendons snap; sometimes limbs are pulled off; often used to produce confessions. — “Nothing good happens attached to a board.” – Elena, 51:11
  — “The sound inside of someone's tendons, ligaments, and joints just fucking tearing apart...was actually enough torture that...was a pretty effective method for eliciting a confession.” – Elena, 53:24

J. The Wheel ("Catherine Wheel") [54:30–56:23]

• Victims tied to a wagon wheel, then beaten; bones break over spokes; sometimes left alive on the wheel as public spectacle.

K. Heretic’s Fork [57:32–58:54]

• Double-pronged fork latched against neck and chest, forcing head upward—inflicted on those who spoke against the Church. — "A very poetic torture; you have to look up at your God you don't believe in." – Ash, 58:33

L. Cradle of Judas [58:54–64:18]

• Victim suspended naked above wooden pyramid; lowered onto the spike via weights, causing severe internal injury (perineum area). — “They should have called it the hemorrhoid holemaker.” – Alaina, 63:41
  — Extended tangent on infection and the mechanics of the device.

M. Torture by Rats [69:12–71:22]

• Still reportedly in use in some modern contexts; rats in a container on victim’s stomach, heated so rats burrow into abdomen to escape. Variation: rats tunneled (via tube) inside the body. — "Once you tear through the intestines, forget about it. You’re septic." – Elena, 70:36

N. Glasgow Smile [72:30–73:20]

• Cuts at corners of mouth, extended by subsequent torture—resulting in a gruesome “smile”; referenced in the Black Dahlia case.

O. Saw Torture [74:09–74:53]

• Victim hung upside down, sawed from groin upwards to chest—victims stay alive longer due to increased cranial blood flow.

P. Drawn & Quartered [75:19–76:58]

• For high treason (e.g., William Wallace): hanged nearly to death, disemboweled, limbs tied to horses and torn, head displayed as warning.

Q. Flaying (Skinning Alive) [77:05–81:59]

• Skin peeled away (often after boiling/sunburning to loosen); legendary use as church warning or punishment (e.g., Hadstock in Essex, England, and ancient Denmark). — “Your nerve endings are just being, like, bombarded...you're gonna feel every nerve ending die.” – Elena, 81:33
  — Reference to the execution of Peter Stube, German serial killer/cannibal (inspiration for "Lore" podcast episode). — “It’s like a casserole of torture. Throw them in the crockpot.” – Elena, 84:37

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On medieval torture inventions:
  "Who thought of these things?" – Alaina, 70:01
  "Serial killer stuff. It's morbid." – Elena, 70:17

• Re: the oppressive focus on women:
  "It's like they reserved, like, special-ass torture for girls." – Ash, 42:31 "A big fuck you to guys back then. Like, I can gossip if I want to." – Ash, 38:02

• About the Gruesome Techniques:
  "The first thing that would happen stresses me out a lot—your teeth would shatter in your mouth." – Elena, 44:15
  "Who hasn't seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags?" – Elena, 48:11
  "The hemorrhoid from hell." – Elena, 63:41

• Tangents, Banter & Comic Relief:
  – Ongoing jokes about not surviving in medieval times, time-travel ("I'd just go back to when I was 10, so I wouldn't have to work." – Ash, 13:06)
  – Confessions of irrational food aversions (“You just have bone shards floating around, would you die?” – Alaina, 33:31)
  – “Every time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters.” – Ash, 33:15

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Important Segment Timestamps

• Solo intro, announcements: 03:07–07:32
• Golden State Killer Update: 08:40–12:15
• Middle Ages time travel tangent: 12:15–14:13
• Device segments (each):
  • Brazen Bull: 14:17–20:30
  • Iron Maiden: 21:33–29:59
  • Boots: 29:59–33:49
  • Scold’s Bridle: 37:52–41:43
  • Breast Ripper: 41:52–43:05
  • Head Crusher: 43:22–44:47
  • Blood Eagle: 45:09–48:28
  • Strappado: 49:19–50:48
  • The Rack: 50:58–54:02
  • The Wheel: 54:30–56:23
  • Heretic’s Fork: 57:32–58:54
  • Cradle of Judas: 58:54–64:18
  • Torture by Rats: 69:12–71:22
  • Glasgow Smile: 72:30–73:20
  • Saw Torture: 74:09–74:53
  • Drawn & Quartered: 75:19–76:58
  • Flaying: 77:05–81:59

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Closing, Announcements & Teasers

• [85:49–88:56] Upcoming Interview: Ash and Alaina tease an interview with Logan & Daily, King and Queen of the Vampire Court of Austin. — “We are setting up an interview with the King and Queen vampire of the Vampire Court of Austin...and we could not be happier.” – Elena, 88:01

• [88:56–End] Social plugs, joke outro:
  — "Just don't flay anyone. But you can Bobby Flay someone." – Ash, 88:58

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Takeaway

This episode is as much a history lesson as it is a darkly comic exploration of humanity’s most sadistic chapters. The chemistry between Ash and Alaina, their self-deprecating humor, and occasional pop culture banter (“Don’t want to hit the poop pipe, kid” – Elena, 71:18) provide much-needed levity to truly grim topics. For both seasoned true crime fans and the faint of heart, you’ll leave educated, appalled, and—perhaps—grateful modern punishment doesn’t involve “the boots.”

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Summary by segment, all notable moments, and direct quotes captured to reflect the candid, comedic tone of Morbid. For those who missed the episode, this summary covers all the essential content, sidesteps sponsors, and ensures you’re up to date on true crime, medieval horrors, and Mall Goth-level sisterly banter.

Transcript

[Ash]

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[Alaina]

I mean, I do a pretty good

[Ash]

impression if you ask me. But guys, Big Red is feeling not

[Alaina]

so not not big good.

[Ash]

She's kind of feeling big bad, I would say. So I'm here to introduce this episode on the ones and twos all by myself. I actually feel probably the weirdest that I've ever felt. I think I recorded one episode by myself, like way back in the laundry room days. And it's very weird to just stare at your computer and not another person. So all you solo podcasters out there, I really give you a lot of credit because how do you do it, honey? Okay, before we get into today's case, which is going to be a little revisit, I believe this one is the middle medieval torture episode, which, like, wow, we're really throwing it way back there. Dolls. I think this might be. When I asked if eagles had, what did I say? Cubs. If eagles had cubs. So the good news is I'm more educated now. They don't have cubs. In case you're not as educated as me back then or the same level of educated that I was, apparently. Anyways, before we get into today's episode, we have two pieces of exciting news for you. Numero uno is if you're not on the social media, you don't know the big cool news. We partnered with Hunt a killer, who was one of our. Actually not one of our very first sponsor on this show. So that is like the coolest thing ever. That, like, this is just such a full circle moment. We collabed with them and we've been working for the past, like, I don't even know how many months, but months and months and months of work has gone into this, and we developed a game with them called the Salem Slicer. I mean, can you think of a more perfect name for a game? The Salem Slicer. Like, that has Elena and Ash and Hunter Killer written all over it. So that is our new game collab. It's available right now for preorder at Walmart, which is really freaking cool. Never did I ever think I'd have a game in Walmart. It is a very, very fun game. There's all these clues you have to solve this murder. It's from the 1980s. It's obviously based in Salem. So basically, the game starts with this young woman named Abigail. She finds this box of evidence, basically in her father's attic. And all of this evidence and like all these newspaper clippings and these kind of just like weird snapshots, I guess you could say are in this box in her dad's attic. And they're all tied to the Salem Slicer. And she's like, hold up. Is my own father. My. My flesh and blood father, the Salem Slicer. Like, that would change our lives because this case is way back in the 1980s. So Abigail starts investigating, and now it's your turn to start investigating because you need to solve the case of the Salem Slicer. And if you think that that sounds like the bee's knees, if you think that's just the coolest thing in the world, which, like, you definitely should, then you need to head over to Walmart to pre order the game. Elena and I are so stoked about this. So that's. That. That's one piece of incredibly exciting news.

[Alaina]

And guess what?

[Ash]

It's not over, doll faces. I got more for you. I truly feel like I'm hosting my own radio show. Just, like, in the dark right now.

[Alaina]

It's really weird to talk to you

[Ash]

guys completely by myself, but I love you.

[Alaina]

I feel close to you like this.

[Ash]

So second piece of news is Nicholas. Listen, listen. I know Nicholas is a controversial figure, but most of you love Nicholas. And if you say that you don't, I think you're maybe a little bit of a liar. Maybe a little bit of a liar, honey.

[Alaina]

I don't know.

[Ash]

Or maybe you just don't know how to have fun. I'm just kidding. If you don't like him, it's fine.

[Alaina]

But if you do like him, this

[Ash]

is really good news for you. There is a new shirt on the morbid website, officially. And it is a Nicholas shirt. It is dedicated to our boy in the afterlife.

[Alaina]

So.

[Ash]

So go check that out. Go pre order the Salem slicer and wish my sissy big.

[Alaina]

Ew.

[Ash]

I never call her my sissy.

[Alaina]

Why did I just say that?

[Ash]

My sister. She's my sister. Wish her healing vibes. Wish her healing vibes. And so that she gets better soon. Because I don't really want to cut True stomach bug. And I also Hate staying away from her. And most of you are probably sick of hearing me alone, so maybe you're not. Maybe you love me. I love you. All right, without further ado, let's get into the case.

[Elena]

Hey, weirdos. I'm the iron maiden.

[Alaina]

And I'm the brazen bull.

[Elena]

And this is morbid Medieval. Pass the mutton.

[Alaina]

Huzzah.

[Elena]

Burn some heretics.

[Alaina]

Is this a competition? No. And our sound's a little better. Yeah.

[Elena]

Do we sound crisper?

[Alaina]

Shout out to our bro, Aiden. Yeah. Does he listen?

[Elena]

I think he does. Okay, I'll make him listen to this one. Yeah, my nephew Aiden, he's amazing. And he let us take his fancy pants microphone.

[Alaina]

And his microphone is way cooler than our $30 one.

[Elena]

So we're gonna buy this microphone.

[Alaina]

We are gonna buy it. And you'll never have to hear crappy audio.

[Elena]

Exactly. So hopefully from now on, we're gonna have crisper, cleaner, beautiful audio. Well, there was another kind of exciting true crime update this week for a real bad guy. Yeah.

[Alaina]

You know that you always say he was a bad guy.

[Elena]

He was a bad.

[Alaina]

A real bad guy.

[Elena]

Real bad guy. I do say that.

[Alaina]

It makes me laugh every time you say it, because bad guy.

[Elena]

I'm just very simple with my descriptions. I'm like. He's like, bad dude, man. Bad boys, bad boys.

[Alaina]

What you gonna do?

[Elena]

Oh, we might get sued for singing that. Let's not sing that.

[Alaina]

Well, I didn't finish it. I didn't finish it.

[Elena]

Well, this bad guy is a real bad guy.

[Alaina]

He's a bad Larry.

[Elena]

And he's the one that we premiered our podcast with. Joseph d', Angelo, the Golden State Killer.

[Alaina]

Ew.

[Elena]

Who is also officially the Visalia Ransacker, too. They've officially said that he's that guy. I mean, we. One of the big things this week was that he was charged with a 13th murder. Now, we had mentioned in the episode that he. There was a possibility that he was involved in the killing of Claude Snelling, who is shot while he was stopping the kidnapping of a 16 year old daughter.

[Alaina]

Oh, my God.

[Elena]

And he died. He was a community college teacher. He's officially charged with that now. So that's good, because that family deserves.

[Alaina]

When does the trial? Do they have a date?

[Elena]

I don't know.

[Alaina]

I want to watch it on tv.

[Elena]

I'm waiting with bated breath.

[Alaina]

But do you think that it will be televised?

[Elena]

I don't know. That's all. To be honest.

[Alaina]

You know, it'll be on like a snapped or like something later.

[Elena]

Yeah. We'll find out about it later for sure, and we'll hear all the updates. You know, Nancy Grace will be on that. Oh, God.

[Alaina]

But that gives me anxiety.

[Elena]

I mean, he unfortunately can't be charged with any of the burglaries or rapes because there's a statue of limitations on

[Alaina]

rape, which he can't be charged with any of the.

[Elena]

Right. He's not charged with any of them. The statue of limitations expired. It just makes me so angry every time I see it, because he's charged with more than 50 rapes, right. And he's just. I know he's going to go to jail until he dies, but it's like. And he's like 400 now. But it's like, I want him to be charged with those. And I'm sure those victims of the rapes would want him to be held accountable for him.

[Alaina]

He's not going to give him at least some recognition.

[Elena]

Hopefully the judge says something like, yeah, if I could, I would like a ceremonial charge.

[Alaina]

Sometimes they do, like, an honor. You know what I mean, though? Like, judges can say, like, oh, yeah, if I could, I would.

[Elena]

If I could.

[Alaina]

Like, there was. I forget what case it was, but she was like, if I could, I would sentence you for life. I'm not allowed.

[Elena]

Yeah, I can't remember.

[Alaina]

And she basically was just like, oh,

[Elena]

in the Joe Rifkin case, remember?

[Alaina]

Yes, yes.

[Elena]

The judge was like, you're a disgusting monster. And I want to make sure. I think he said, like, I want to make sure that you never see freedom in this life or the next or something like that. Like, it was something very poetic and very like, yeah, boy.

[Alaina]

I. I'm not thinking that one, though. I'm thinking of a different one. And I'm, like, watching it in my head right now.

[Elena]

Are you thinking of the.

[Alaina]

It's a woman judge.

[Elena]

Woman judge from the.

[Alaina]

Yeah, I know exactly where I'm seeing.

[Elena]

What's his name? Larry.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Dr.

[Alaina]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Remember, she went on, like, this big, long ride.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah.

[Alaina]

And it was, like, amazing through the

[Elena]

letter that he wrote. That was bitching.

[Alaina]

Yeah. Just, like, laughing how far it was.

[Elena]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alaina]

So I hope something like that happens.

[Elena]

We're talking about the. The US Gymnast doctor who is charged with, like, a billion sexual assaults and rapes because he's a monster guy. But, yeah. So that's exciting. Current true crime news.

[Alaina]

Hell, yeah. But for today, we're gonna bring Way back.

[Elena]

We are taking a trip in the

[Alaina]

Way Back machine, which Elena always says that she would not do if she had a time machine.

[Elena]

Oh, I would never go back to the Middle Ages. That is not. That is not. If you were like, I don't even think it's safe for, like, dudes.

[Alaina]

Well, do you know what?

[Elena]

I was going. It's really not safe.

[Alaina]

I almost just said I would only go back if I was royalty. But then sometimes even royalty.

[Elena]

Sometimes your head gets chopped off like Amberlynn. Yeah.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Especially if you're a woman. You're really. Women are really not.

[Alaina]

But, yeah. I wouldn't go back there. I also wouldn't go to the future.

[Elena]

No.

[Alaina]

I don't know what to expect.

[Elena]

No.

[Alaina]

I'd go to, like, the 70s and the 80s.

[Elena]

I go back to, like, the 90s.

[Alaina]

Yeah. I feel like we're in the 90s.

[Elena]

I go watch, like, are you afraid of the dark?

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And just chill.

[Alaina]

Actually, realistically, I just go back to when I was, like, 10, so that I wouldn't have to work anymore and I would just stay for a while.

[Elena]

Just chill for a little while.

[Alaina]

Or I go to the future, because maybe someday, like, I'll just, like, have my partner.

[Elena]

You just said you weren't gonna go to the future.

[Alaina]

No, I just. But I was.

[Elena]

Changed your plan.

[Alaina]

I would take a sneak peek.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

And then if it was real bad, I would go real.

[Elena]

Step out.

[Alaina]

Yes.

[Elena]

Sniff around, see what's going on, and then get.

[Alaina]

Right. But if I could be lazy in the future, I'm all about it.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. I think everybody would be all about that.

[Alaina]

Take me there.

[Elena]

Who doesn't want to be lazy?

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

I want to be lazy.

[Elena]

Oh, mail. The mailman just came and scared the shit out of me. Okay. So there's that.

[Alaina]

Yeah. Guys, we're actually recording in the middle of the day, which is weird because we never record in the daytime.

[Elena]

And I love that. We're, like, more spooked out during the day.

[Alaina]

Like, at night. We are very much like moon dwellers.

[Elena]

We are like, the sun's out. I'm like, what's happening? Why is it so bright?

[Alaina]

I'm in all black currently.

[Elena]

This is the worst. Sabrina the Teenage Witch is on the television, as per USH.

[Alaina]

Literally.

[Elena]

Should we. Should we jump on in?

[Alaina]

So in 5, 7D. No, I'm just kidding.

[Elena]

Today we're going to be covering various methods and devices used in torture.

[Alaina]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena]

So this is kind of. We're going way back because these aren't. Not that I know of. At least used.

[Alaina]

And if they are today, I don't

[Elena]

want to Know that maybe one of them, but we'll cover that later. I kind of have animals. Just do it.

[Alaina]

Actually, it went away. I really had to. All right, so should I start.

[Elena]

Yeah. Where Ash is gonna do hers and then I'm gonna do a list of

[Alaina]

mine because guess what, weirdos. Ash did some research.

[Elena]

This Ask research. Too serious.

[Alaina]

At the top of the page is the Brazen Bull. The Brazen Bull, that's my first. What's it called? My first, like, torture device. Device. Yeah, my first torture device. And it was invented somewhere between 570 and 554 BC. So like Way, way back. Yeah, it was invented by Perilous of Athens.

[Elena]

Perilous is a great name.

[Alaina]

Perolis. Perillos.

[Elena]

Perilous.

[Alaina]

Perillos.

[Elena]

It's like goatee.

[Alaina]

He's just like periling.

[Elena]

It sounds Perilous. So it sounds like.

[Alaina]

Well, just wait.

[Elena]

Actually, you're dangerous. Dangerous, Dangerous. Perilous.

[Alaina]

So Perilous was a bronze worker and he designed the Brazen Bull to execute criminals in a super chill way.

[Elena]

Yeah, sounds pretty chill so far, actually.

[Alaina]

I'm kidding. It was really fucked up.

[Elena]

Oh, that's weird. Yeah.

[Alaina]

So the Brazen Bull was a legit statue of a bull, and it was hollow, but made of bronze.

[Elena]

That's pretty.

[Alaina]

So I read an article on AllThatsInteresting.com and the article was really interesting.

[Elena]

Yeah, that web. You know what, that website has all that is interesting.

[Alaina]

Yeah, that actually does.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

But it was described as a human crock pot on this website.

[Elena]

That sounds delicious.

[Alaina]

And potentially the most fucked up torture device in history.

[Elena]

Yeah, because I use a crock pot often for humans, but I don't normally put Humans.

[Alaina]

Yeah, it's just like a, like celebratory.

[Elena]

Like usually I throw some like chicken, some veggies in there.

[Alaina]

Right.

[Elena]

But after this, maybe I'll give it a shot.

[Alaina]

Yeah, I hope it's not with me though, because you need a podcast host.

[Elena]

That's true.

[Alaina]

Okay, cool. Bye.

[Elena]

Yeah, it won't be for you.

[Alaina]

All right, so basically, in ancient Greece, there was a colony which is a cragus. A cragus. I love it. It's sounds great. Sicily.

[Elena]

So I like that better.

[Alaina]

Just Sicily. I'm just gonna call it Sicily. And it was ruled by a tyrant named Phalaris. So don't get yourself mixed up. There's Perilos, there's Phalaris.

[Elena]

Oof. It's a lot of peace.

[Ash]

All right.

[Alaina]

He rolled with an iron first.

[Elena]

Wait, wait, I just got confused. Yes, Phalaris Okay.

[Alaina]

Perilous Phalaris.

[Elena]

Okay.

[Alaina]

According to Aiden, we don't need a pop filter on this, so.

[Elena]

So that's exciting.

[Alaina]

Hopefully we'll pop, pop, pop, pop.

[Elena]

Yeah, so we can go and it's not gonna piss you off.

[Alaina]

Your eyes got wicked wide. That's, like, kind of terrifying. So Phalaris was a giant asshole. I felt like he would be, but Perilous was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna make this brass bowl torture vice. And my master, Phalaris is gonna think

[Elena]

it's super dope because he's a big dick.

[Alaina]

Yeah, he's a dick. And I'm gonna make him a dickish invention so that he thinks I'm cool. Yeah.

[Elena]

So I see his train of thought. I'm with him. I smell what he's stepping in.

[Alaina]

So how he designed it is that the person gets put inside the bull and then a fire is lit underneath.

[Elena]

The crockpot aspect.

[Alaina]

So basically the porn bofo just, like, burns alive.

[Elena]

Fun.

[Alaina]

Yeah, it's. It's really chill. I wonder if they have, like, a

[Elena]

low and high setting, like a crock pot, where you can, like, simmer them

[Alaina]

on low for a little while. Well, I think in that case, you just make a small fire.

[Elena]

Oh, there you go.

[Alaina]

And then you could just keep adding

[Elena]

more to the fire so then you would get. You would get more tender meat.

[Alaina]

You know, this was bc. It was like they had to just work with what they had.

[Elena]

Yeah, but I feel like they were on it.

[Alaina]

No, this is like some, like, modern day shit. Like, I was like, perilous. How did you come up with this? Who you be parallel, like, how'd you know this? So he designed it so that the pipes and whistles that he, like, put inside the bull convert the screams of those inside to sounds of a bull snorting and grunting. So this poor, like, SOB is like. But the people on the outside are like. Like, that's what it sounds like. Is that what a bull sounds like?

[Elena]

It's like a bull's just walking around

[Alaina]

going, well, can you do your best bull impression then, please?

[Elena]

I like that one, to be honest.

[Alaina]

Well, they also saw.

[Elena]

Because I'm just picturing bulls walking around

[Alaina]

being like, well, bulls are mad.

[Elena]

They're just like, grunting.

[Alaina]

Fuck you.

[Elena]

I like that he festooned it, though. Like, he made it fun.

[Alaina]

He did.

[Elena]

He literally added the bells and whistles onto it.

[Alaina]

Well, so, you know, he made it really fun.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

But supposedly he was the first victim of it.

[Elena]

Ooh, saw that coming, I feel.

[Alaina]

Yeah. He told Falaris, Sorry, I just totally lost my train of thought.

[Elena]

That's fine.

[Alaina]

Um, so supposedly he told Talara Phalaris goodbye.

[Elena]

He told that guy.

[Alaina]

So we said to this guy, his screams will come to you through the pipes as the tenderest, most pathetic, most melodious of bellowings.

[Elena]

Ooh.

[Alaina]

And Phalaris was really disgusted by that because he was messed up. But he was like, that's messed up.

[Elena]

But he was like, I have a line.

[Alaina]

Yeah. And you just went way past every

[Elena]

tyrant dictator person has a line.

[Alaina]

And this was part of Phalaris's line. So he was so disgusted that he threw him inside, threw Perilous inside. And in my notes, I wrote, Phalaris was so disgusted that he threw Phalaris inside, but he threw Perilous inside. They just jumped right in there, threw himself inside. He's like, you know what? Goodbye, cruel world. Light that fire.

[Elena]

I hate that people like you exist. I'm just jumping in here.

[Alaina]

Yeah. No, he threw Perilous inside to test out the sound system.

[Elena]

Just to test it out.

[Alaina]

He wanted to know, we're just gonna

[Elena]

give it a shot, but we just want to adjust the sound. Yeah, just like, adjust the bass and the tempo a little bit.

[Ash]

Right.

[Elena]

Jump in there real quick.

[Alaina]

You know, just like, let's. Let's see what we're working with.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

So it's unclear if he got pulled out before he died inside or if he was killed after. But either way, Phalaris had Perillos killed.

[Elena]

I imagine he probably did it in the Brazen Bull, because they were, like, poetic as fuck.

[Alaina]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena]

And they were like, oh, you made

[Alaina]

this, so we're gonna burn you in. Well, either way, he died because I

[Elena]

just thought of something really gross.

[Alaina]

The smell.

[Elena]

Well, that. But also, can you imagine being the person that has to, like, clean inside of it between people?

[Alaina]

Do you think they even did that?

[Elena]

Probably not, but it's like, when you open that thing, it's probably just like, people juice all up in there. Yeah, that's nasty.

[Alaina]

Maybe they just, like, emptied it out into, like. I mean, imagine the person who has

[Elena]

to empty that out.

[Alaina]

Well, they just used to throw their poop in the street.

[Elena]

That.

[Alaina]

No, but it's just like.

[Elena]

I just.

[Alaina]

You just, like, turn your head the other way and toss it out the window.

[Elena]

You know what it is? I have, like, this weird thing where I don't like wet food.

[Alaina]

No, that's not a weird thing.

[Elena]

Like when. You know, when you put a plate in the sink, like, someone will Put a full sandwich.

[Alaina]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Elena]

Food gets soggy.

[Alaina]

Yeah, that. Like, the stuff that gets caught in

[Elena]

the drain blockers me out. I can't. So I just imagine, like, soggy people, and that's. That's real bad.

[Alaina]

That's kind of like how raisins remind me of old people.

[Elena]

Exactly.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

It's exactly the same.

[Alaina]

I just. I don't know. You said soggy people, so I thought of just, like, really old people.

[Elena]

But you thought of saggy people. Yeah, I see where the connection was made.

[Alaina]

Okay, so the next one is the Iron Maiden.

[Elena]

The Iron Maiden, not the band. So metal.

[Alaina]

Is that one of their songs?

[Elena]

That's definitely one of their songs.

[Alaina]

I don't know.

[Elena]

A single sounded just like it. Dan and Dan and

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

As just a really good air guitar up by her shoulder.

[Alaina]

Well, I'm really good.

[Elena]

It was like an air violin.

[Alaina]

Oh, it was like one of those people that you watched. Two cellos. Yes.

[Elena]

I love two cellos. Yeah.

[Alaina]

I bet they could cover an Iron Maiden song.

[Elena]

Now I'm just itching my arm. They probably have covered an Iron Maiden song. Now that I think about it. They've covered an ACDC song. Thong.

[Alaina]

Oh, man. All right, well, we're not talking about the band.

[Elena]

This is the torture device.

[Alaina]

Yeah. And it comes to you straight from the likes of miss Trumbull's the Chokey.

[Elena]

Oh, snap. Bringing it back to Matilda.

[Alaina]

And if you don't get that reference,

[Elena]

then get out of my face. I also thought that you were gonna say it comes straight to you. Like it. Yeah.

[Alaina]

It comes to you.

[Ash]

Somebody throws it right at me.

[Elena]

And I was like, well, at least it does that.

[Alaina]

No, it doesn't. So it's an upright sarcophagus to get started.

[Elena]

Oh, okay.

[Alaina]

With spikes already?

[Elena]

This sounds okay.

[Alaina]

Yeah, it's, like, comfy.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

You just go and take a nap inside.

[Elena]

For sure.

[Alaina]

And you just avoid the spikes. Yeah.

[Elena]

Except.

[Alaina]

But once you're placed inside and the doors are closed, the strategically placed spikes. Placed spikes pierce several of your vital organs.

[Elena]

I mean, was there an ant on you or something? No, I thought there was something. It's. Things are happening right now. We're in the daytime. We don't know how to.

[Alaina]

We don't function in the daytime.

[Elena]

I need the moon. Yeah, I need some bats fluttering by

[Alaina]

I feed off the energy of the moon.

[Elena]

I feed off the energy of the moon.

[Alaina]

We have an exciting announcement. And now you have to listen to the whole rest of the podcast because

[Elena]

we're gonna announce it at the end.

[Alaina]

Okay, so it's all like, what, your vital organs. Is the moon coming on your podcast? Yes, we're having an astronaut on the podcast.

[Elena]

The actual moon is coming.

[Alaina]

What's that guy that your kids like? Scott Kelly. Scott Kelly's gonna be on the podcast?

[Elena]

My two and a half year olds are obsessed with Scott. Scott Kelly. Yeah. So there's that, but vital organs.

[Alaina]

Spiky.

[Elena]

Yeah, no good, but no good.

[Alaina]

The spikes were long enough to make your organ shut down immediately.

[Elena]

That's unfortunate.

[Alaina]

So you just bleed out?

[Elena]

Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I just rather it all be.

[Alaina]

Yeah, it would take like. I mean, I'm sure, you know, so

[Elena]

you just stand there bleeding slowly, have

[Alaina]

your organs shut down and like, you

[Elena]

know, like juice floating out of your. Ugh.

[Alaina]

Well. And you know like when you floating,

[Elena]

like it's floating in front of you.

[Alaina]

When you go to like. Like when something hits you, you move back. So then you probably just. Then you're moving into another one and then you try to move forward. So everything claustrophobic? Yeah, I just took a breath, so

[Elena]

this might make you feel better. Oh, good.

[Alaina]

Sometimes people argue if the iron maiden is fact or fiction.

[Elena]

That kind of bums me out.

[Alaina]

Yeah, I mean, either way, it like, it was. It was a thing. And if it was a thing back then, they used it.

[Elena]

Well. And we're the worst species ever, so I'm certain it was used because if all of these other ones were done, then, I mean, this one isn't even as bad as some.

[Alaina]

No, it's really not. Okay, well, these are a few accounts. Okay, so in the 1700s, German philosopher Johann Philipp.

[Elena]

Johann Siebenkis.

[Alaina]

You're welcome.

[Elena]

I like it.

[Alaina]

Wrote about a coin forgery, which I think is just somebody that like, makes fake money.

[Elena]

Yeah, that makes sense. Or like, just forges coins out of metals.

[Alaina]

Yeah, because like, if you think like she forged a check, like, you write a bad check, like you're just like a fake ass check, you fake ass ho.

[Elena]

Fake ass bitch.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

So he was.

[Elena]

That's what he was.

[Alaina]

So the guy that wrote about this. Johan.

[Elena]

Oh, motorcycle just drove by. You probably heard that.

[Alaina]

Well, you know, I just can't stop the outside.

[Elena]

My neighbor got a motorcycle and I'm so happy for him. Which neighbor? One down the street. Okay.

[Alaina]

Elena has this neighbor.

[Elena]

I'm 100 sure.

[Alaina]

He doesn't listen to the podcast. He is like the nicest guy and he's so funny and his laugh is

[Elena]

literally the most contagious laugh you've Ever heard. And it bellows throughout the neighborhood.

[Alaina]

He almost. Okay. I started watching Dog the Bounty Hunter again the other day because that's something

[Elena]

that I don't know if I can support. Support it.

[Alaina]

It's a great show. I'm not gonna. I was raised watching Dog Bounty Hunter.

[Elena]

Wow.

[Alaina]

Yeah. Which says a lot about how I was brought up, but.

[Elena]

Hi, Mom.

[Alaina]

So, anyways, he sounds just like Dog the Bounty Hunters.

[Elena]

Laugh. I've never heard Dog the Bounty Hunters yet laugh.

[Alaina]

Well, it sounds like the impression.

[Elena]

I can't just say that sentence correctly. So. So far out of that I am.

[Alaina]

My favorite part of yesterday's episode that I was watching was Beth had a necklace on that said big Daddy.

[Elena]

I. I hate this.

[Alaina]

It's the most disgusting, horrible thing ever.

[Elena]

I hate this.

[Alaina]

But she calls him Big Daddy.

[Elena]

I hate it. Okay.

[Alaina]

I'm done.

[Elena]

I hate it a lot.

[Alaina]

Where. Where was I going with your neighbors?

[Elena]

I don't know. I was saying that I'm very happy for my neighbor who got a motorcycle recently.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And I don't know if, like, the sarcasm is registering.

[Alaina]

She's not happy.

[Elena]

The podcast waves, but not super psyched about it.

[Alaina]

All right, so the coin forger got executed. He got executed in the iron maiden in the city of. I think you say Nuremberg.

[Elena]

Nuremberg.

[Alaina]

Nuremberg.

[Elena]

Which seems like Germany, proportionate punishment.

[Alaina]

Yeah. Like.

[Elena]

Like, I don't know.

[Alaina]

He probably just could have did some time and.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

What's the thing where they put your

[Elena]

head and then you're. The stalks.

[Alaina]

The stocks. Just threw them in there for, like, a couple days.

[Elena]

It's fine.

[Alaina]

Yeah. All right. So around that time, iron maidens began to appear in museums around the US And Europe. Bless you. According to one article I read, God bless you. A man by the name of Matthew Peacock, which seems legit.

[Elena]

Paul Onions.

[Alaina]

Paul Onions and Matthew Peacock write a book.

[Elena]

They hang there.

[Alaina]

Yeah. In the 1800s. Yeah.

[Elena]

Well, Matthew, I think Paul Onions has transported through time.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

He's seen some shit. Yeah. He escaped with Ivan Millet. He's had to have traveled through space and time, probably.

[Alaina]

Well, Matthew Peacock spent the 1800s collecting paintings and torture devices.

[Elena]

Same.

[Alaina]

He had a wide variety of interests. So he allegedly pieced an iron maiden together from pieces of other torture devices. Slash random devices. And he gifted it to a museum where people went crazy over it because

[Elena]

they thought it was a real iron maiden.

[Alaina]

Yeah. They believed it.

[Elena]

What a turd.

[Alaina]

Yeah. But here's my favorite one. This one.

[Elena]

Okay.

[Alaina]

You know how, like, folklore isn't always true. Yes. I feel like this isn't true. But I want it to be true.

[Elena]

Ooh.

[Alaina]

It's just a little too advanced for the time of 100 BC.

[Elena]

I don't know. They were pretty. They were pretty on it back then.

[Alaina]

All right, so this account comes from Greek historian Polybius. See?

[Elena]

And I know him. And he always tells the truth.

[Alaina]

Oh, okay, so you can believe this. How do I pronounce his name?

[Elena]

Exactly how you did Polybius. Exactly.

[Alaina]

Lived around 100 BC, like I said, and claimed that spirit Spartan tyrant Nabis or novice.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah, I know. I know that guy.

[Alaina]

Yeah. Well, did you know that he constructed a mechanical likeness of his wife, a

[Elena]

paga that is really advanced fur, but

[Alaina]

it was an iron maiden version of his wife. What the. Supposedly so if a citizen refused to pay their taxes, he would, like, trick them into coming to his royal courts or whatever it was back then. And then they would think that, like, his wife was coming to join them, but she. Fucking mechanical wife. Yeah, but she had to, like, wheel over, so I'd be like, first fucking giveaway, she's on wheels.

[Elena]

It sounds like the Return to Oz. The Wheelers.

[Alaina]

Yeah, well, it just sounds rolling down the hill. So they would think that his wife was there because they're really fucking dumb, apparently, but. And then somehow, basically, he would, like, spring them into her embrace where they'd be impaled by the iron nails that covered her arms, hands and breasts.

[Elena]

I mean, that sounds legit. Yeah, I believe it fully.

[Alaina]

When I was reading it, I was like. I don't know, like, something is off. Maybe I missed something.

[Elena]

I don't know. Yeah, it sounds legit to me. I believe it. I believe Paula you know that guy.

[Alaina]

Well, maybe they did. I mean, they debate if it's still around, but the fucking crazy stories are still there.

[Elena]

That's awesome. Yeah.

[Alaina]

So that was the iron Maiden.

[Elena]

The metal iron maiden.

[Alaina]

Yeah. My next one is the boots.

[Elena]

Oh, das boots. And then.

[Alaina]

Okay, so there's two methods that I found in both of them. I don't know if it's, like, fortunate or unfortunate. You don't die.

[Elena]

Oh. It's never good when it ends with, like. This is just torture.

[Alaina]

You're not gonna die.

[Elena]

You're gonna walk away from. Or you're gonna crawl away from this or slither away from this.

[Alaina]

Seriously. Okay, so in the first method, the victim has bootstrapped placed on their feet made of spongy leather.

[Elena]

That just sounds nice. It just sounds like.

[Alaina]

It sounds like soggy food. Ooh, spongy leather, soggy food.

[Elena]

It's like moist.

[Alaina]

Old people raisins.

[Elena]

Fuck you. The word moist doesn't bother me. Is that why you keep saying it? Moist cake? That's what I think of moist.

[Alaina]

I think it's just the nasty ass look on your face that ruins it. That word only bothers me if people say it in, like, a yucky way. Like, I'm moist from being outside. That's so cool. Like it to be moist.

[Elena]

Yes.

[Alaina]

Yeah, that really.

[Elena]

That brown it somewhere that I. Yeah,

[Alaina]

I just mean sweaty.

[Elena]

Well, that's what I mean.

[Alaina]

Yeah, like, that's.

[Elena]

You just brow. I meant sweaty, too. So the boots. Dust boots.

[Alaina]

Spongy leather. They're then tied up with their feet by fire.

[Elena]

Things get pretty serious pretty quick, is what you're saying.

[Alaina]

No, they're just trying to make them relax.

[Elena]

Steer some boots, warm your feet. Let me up by a fire real quick.

[Alaina]

Yeah, just like, hang out.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

But then I'm gonna pour this boiling water onto your boots. That's where the shit gets.

[Elena]

That escalated quickly.

[Alaina]

So then that water seeps through the leather and dissolves the flesh. And it said it dissolves the bone, too.

[Elena]

It's really hard to get rid of bone.

[Alaina]

And then in some cases, wood was placed inside the boot, like, probably like

[Elena]

on the top and the bottom.

[Alaina]

And then they would pour oil inside to expand the wood and cut off

[Elena]

the circulation to the foot.

[Alaina]

So they'd, like, smush it, is what I thought.

[Elena]

Yeah. That, like, cuts it all off. Yeah.

[Alaina]

So basically your feet are just real gnarly gross from then on. And then in the second, cut off

[Elena]

circulation long enough, it'll. They'll die. So you just have, like, these necrotic, nasty feet.

[Alaina]

Yeah, their feet will die, but they won't.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Alaina]

Oh, their feet will die. Oh, yeah.

[Elena]

Gross. Dead feet.

[Alaina]

I'm just looking at my feet now.

[Elena]

Ouch. I know. I'm, like, cradling my feet, right? My hand. I'm like, massaging it, like. You still there? You're there. You're okay.

[Alaina]

Don't listen, don't listen.

[Elena]

I'm not putting you in any boots. Don't worry about it.

[Alaina]

Okay, well, the second version. Cradle your feet a little and your shins a little tighter.

[Elena]

Oh.

[Alaina]

So they would place the victim's legs between two planks of wood, and then they would tie it together with cords. And then between the cords, the torturers would place wedges, which they would then violently hammer into the shins of the victim, so thus creating them wood boots.

[Elena]

Oh, those Aren't boots.

[Alaina]

That's not cool. It's up for plastic license.

[Elena]

It's like hobbling, like from a misery. Yeah, that Stephen King novel.

[Alaina]

That sounds horrible.

[Elena]

It's a great movie with Kathy Bates.

[Alaina]

Okay, well, each time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters.

[Elena]

Oh.

[Alaina]

And then they would hammer at least a dozen wedges up and down the legs.

[Elena]

Oh my damn.

[Alaina]

So like your whole tibia.

[Elena]

Yeah, your tibia would just.

[Alaina]

Is just done for.

[Ash]

Like it's.

[Elena]

It falls apart.

[Alaina]

So then your legs are just like jello legs.

[Elena]

When you just have bone shards floating around, would you die? Which you'd eventually get an infection and die probably because anytime they got an infection back then, because they had nothing to fix that. Well, so.

[Alaina]

And anyways they were unable to walk after that, so they probably just slithered

[Elena]

away and then died from infection. Sounds good.

[Alaina]

So that was the boots.

[Elena]

Dust boots. Do you know that feeling when working out finally clicks, when you finally feel like you get in a routine, when you can see the results not just physically, but also like emotionally, mentally, all of it.

[Alaina]

I don't know. Tell me about it.

[Elena]

I'm gonna tell you about it because finally when it clicks for me is when I get that clear headed feeling. I can. I actually look forward to my workouts because I feel like they're kind of like a reset for me.

[Alaina]

Oh, heck yeah.

[Elena]

Heck yeah. It's honestly, it's worth it. You're. It's worth it. It's an investment in yourself, in every way that it can be. So I'm telling you, one way you can do this is with Peloton. Peloton helps you unlock all the expansive, joyful feelings that somebody gets through movement with the Peloton Cross training Tread plus powered by Peloton iq, Peloton IQ builds a workout roadmap that's completely yours. So you can stop overthinking and just move, which is the hardest part.

[Alaina]

I love that.

[Elena]

Peloton IQ provides intelligent strength coaching so you can stay in the moment. You can track every single rep, you can read every movement and guiding form in real time. So there's no second guessing. Because that's always my thing is I'm like, am I doing this right?

[Alaina]

And they're like, no, you're not.

[Elena]

This is how you do it.

[Alaina]

Don't second guess yourself, girl.

[Elena]

Don't do it. So spin the swivel screen too and feel what's possible. Moving from running to strength seamlessly without breaking any flow. Because we don't want to break that flow state there. Honestly, the clarity that comes when you stop negotiating with yourself. I'll just do it tomorrow. I'll. I'll start it next week. Maybe if I get in this routine, I'll feel better. Don't talk about it.

[Alaina]

Just do it. Don't talk about it. Be about it.

[Elena]

And take it from me, because I'm the person who will continue negotiating with myself until I'm 80 years old and I've yet to step on any single exercise equipment. So finally when I stopped and I just got on my peloton, I'm telling you it's an investment. It's a worthwhile investment in yourself. So let yourself run, lift, fail. Try and go explore the new peloton cross training tread [e-mail] period

[Ash]

this is a paid ad by BetterHelp. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, anxious or unsure, that's okay. Those feelings are more common than we think. Whatever you're going through, you do not have to go through it all alone. And having someone with you to listen to, understand it can make all the difference. Whatever's keeping you up at night, Therapy and Better Help can provide you with tools to help you check in with yourself and gain support from experienced professionals. I think it's that time of year, like the seasons are changing over and we're trying to be more productive and we can really get hard on ourselves during these times. I know I feel that way and I know therapy is a great outlet to talk about that. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform. Just take a short questionnaire to identify your needs and Preferences and BetterHelp will handle the initial therapist matching work for you. You can also feel confident knowing Better Help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and they are fully qualified. You don't have to be on this journey alone. Find someone and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] morbid that's better h lp.com morbid

[Alaina]

every good

[Ash]

detective needs a partner to support them on important cases. Think of a State Farm agent like your Sidekick, there to help you along the way in your search for coverage. State Farm can help you choose the coverage you need, whether it's for your home, car, boat or even rv. With so many options, it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can get back to solving all of life's bigger cases. Go [e-mail] or use the award winning App to get help from one of their local agents.

[Alaina]

Like a good neighbor.

[Ash]

State Farm is there.

[Alaina]

Next one is gonna piss you off.

[Elena]

Oh.

[Alaina]

The scold's bridal was a gruesome torture instrument worn to prevent women from gossiping.

[Elena]

God damn women.

[Alaina]

Just like a big fuck you to guys back then. Like, I can gossip if I want to.

[Elena]

I can talk shit if I want to.

[Alaina]

I gossip all day. Yeah, every day.

[Elena]

That's. You are a hairstylist. That's part of your job.

[Alaina]

I mean, you're not wrong. So basically, the term speaks for itself, because back in the day, scold was like a derogative term for women or like a woman who was constantly displeased or like, nagged too much. So, like you.

[Elena]

I was just gonna say Yeltsi.

[Alaina]

Just kidding. And then the bridle is a headpiece designed for a horse.

[Elena]

I was gonna say. Isn't that like a horse?

[Alaina]

Yeah, the bridle is so. Already.

[Elena]

That's. That's nice.

[Alaina]

So it's to direct it when cool. Like riding.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

The device is an iron muzzle enclosed in iron framework that would surround the head of the accused.

[Elena]

That sounds like that thing and saw.

[Alaina]

So the intention was to prevent the person wearing it from speaking. And sometimes, well, the brittle bit would, like, go in your mouth, but sometimes they would put a spike on the brittle bit or the bridle bit. Excuse me. So that if the woman tried to talk, like, the movement would pierce her

[Elena]

tongue up her tongue.

[Alaina]

And like, then if you. It would just ruin your whole.

[Elena]

Did they just have, like, somebody had like a mountain of surplus spikes?

[Alaina]

You know, there was a spike all the time.

[Elena]

And they were like, what do we do with this mountain of spikes? And they were like, let's just make some fucking shit that rips people apart with it. Yeah, yeah, that's exactly the spikes on everything.

[Alaina]

So if that wasn't bad enough, there's also a public humiliation part of this.

[Elena]

I thought that was the public humiliation part.

[Alaina]

But then your husband would drag you in the streets on a leash, like, hey, let's get divorced, you asshole. Where people were encouraged to yell insults, spit on you, and, like, inflict more violence on you.

[Elena]

Maybe that's where they got it in Game of Thrones.

[Alaina]

That's what I was thinking of the

[Elena]

whole time with the shame.

[Alaina]

Val. Sounds exactly like it. An early record of this practice took place in Scotland. Scotland. Share about in 1567. Well, it was also. The method was also used in England and Wales.

[Elena]

Yeah, see, they did it too.

[Alaina]

Yeah, Everywhere.

[Elena]

I'm Sure.

[Alaina]

But Bessie Taylor Bess slandered this guy named Bailey, which is your dog.

[Elena]

Bailey.

[Alaina]

Bailey Hunter. Because of false measurements in a land dispute. So I think someone was trying to buy land, and he was like, it's this big. But she was like, no, it's this big.

[Elena]

And then she got that shit put on her.

[Alaina]

Yep. Because she was a woman and she was sentenced to it for one hour. One hour. That's just weird. Well, one hour of irreputable damage if

[Elena]

they had the scold. Yeah. They could tear up your tongue. Right.

[Alaina]

Also in Walton on Thames, which is

[Elena]

a town in England. Sure.

[Alaina]

I think a scold's bridal. I, like, looked on Wikipedia really fast. That's how I research. But a scold's bridal, dated 1633, is displayed in the vestry of the church. That's how we say it. Vestry.

[Elena]

You're asking the wrong person about that.

[Alaina]

Yeah. I, like, wasn't even baptized. The inscription reads.

[Elena]

It sounds like something that would be in a church.

[Alaina]

I think it's vestry.

[Elena]

I like it right in. Yeah.

[Alaina]

But it says, chester presents the Walton with a bridle to curb women's tongues

[Elena]

that talk too idle, necessary and also poetic. Love that It's a poem, you know,

[Alaina]

I didn't realize that until I said it out loud. I was writing it and I was like, what a fucking asshole.

[Elena]

Like, this sounds so flowery. I don't know why.

[Alaina]

So the story goes that someone named Chester lost a large fortune because of a lady's gossip.

[Elena]

I bet it was Chester's fault.

[Alaina]

Of course, it was nothing to do

[Elena]

with the ladies gossip.

[Alaina]

But he lost the money. And then he presented the town with the bridal out of anger and spite.

[Elena]

So he was like, here you go. I'm real pissed.

[Alaina]

And then my last one. Do you want to guess what it's called? It's called br is the initial.

[Elena]

So the barnacle repairer.

[Alaina]

Nope. It's the breast ripper.

[Elena]

Oh, so close.

[Alaina]

So it rips off your titties.

[Elena]

Oh, I thought it went on your head. Nope.

[Alaina]

So it's also known as the iron spider or just the spider. And you guessed it. Super f ed up.

[Elena]

Super awesome.

[Alaina]

But if you were real friended. Offended, actually, by the scold spider. If you were friended. If you are friended.

[Elena]

If you are friended by the. That's weird.

[Alaina]

Delete your Facebook.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

Then this one. You should just sit it out because it was. Sounds like it's. Yeah. And they, like, reserved, like special ass torture for girls. Yeah.

[Elena]

That was nice of them.

[Alaina]

So this one's really short and sweet and to the point. It was a claw like device ended in spikes, and they either heated it or left it cold. Ooh.

[Elena]

I don't know which one is worse.

[Alaina]

They would just put it on your boobies and rip your boobs right off. Or they would, like, hang it on a wall and then attach your boobies to it and then, like, yank you away so that the wall ripped your boobies off kind of. And that is all my research on boobs in the medieval towns.

[Elena]

I'm still, like, having a moment about that.

[Alaina]

Are you?

[Elena]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alaina]

My boobs hurt real bad, like, thinking about that after. I like research.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's a lot.

[Alaina]

And my tongue hurt because of the scolds bridle.

[Elena]

I feel like everybody's gonna walk away from this feeling really sore.

[Alaina]

My organs hurt because of the iron maiden.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's not okay.

[Alaina]

And I felt like I was on fire because of the brazen bull.

[Elena]

Well, I'll start mine off with one that's like the breast ripper in the sense that it just gives you everything right up front. You don't have to guess what this one is all about. Okay. It's called the head crusher. Like I said, pretty straightforward back in medieval times, of course.

[Alaina]

Sorry.

[Elena]

I was actually throwing things. So what it was was there was a bar that you would place your chin onto. Then on top of your head was a cap like device. There was a little screw on top that they would twist and twist and twist. And eventually it was like a vise. And your head would go crunch.

[Alaina]

Pop.

[Elena]

Boom. It was pretty awesome. So your head would basically pop and it would be crushed. And this happens super slowly, super painfully. And the first thing that would happen stresses me out a lot.

[Alaina]

Was it your teeth.

[Elena]

Your teeth would shatter in your mouth.

[Alaina]

Oh, fuck, I hate teeth things.

[Elena]

Yeah. And then after that, your eyes would pop out of its sockets.

[Alaina]

No.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Alaina]

No.

[Elena]

Goodbye. And then boop. Dead.

[Alaina]

Pop goes your head.

[Elena]

So that's good. Except once in a while because a lot of these were, like, illicit confessions or just for punishment. So if they were doing this to elicit a confession, they might stop after they've popped your eyes out of your head and. Or, like, have halfway have popped your eyes and your teeth have shattered and been like, okay, thank you for confessing,

[Alaina]

like the guy from Harry Potter.

[Elena]

And then you walk away with no teeth and your eyes are like garbage. Yikes. Yeah.

[Alaina]

That reminds me of the guy from Harry Potter with that big old eye.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's exactly the same. And a lot of these now, a lot of the ones I'm going to go over were done for such heinous crimes like homosexuality. Bye. Blasphemy. Bye. Witchcraft.

[Alaina]

Bye. Yeah, so I'm gonna have my head glued.

[Elena]

No, I don't think any. Anybody would do great. So the first big one I'm gonna go over is called the Blood Eagle.

[Alaina]

Oh, this is fucked up. I know about this great, like hard

[Elena]

like dark metal band name.

[Alaina]

Oh, God.

[Elena]

So it's probably the most nightmarish thing I've ever heard happening to a human being. It was popular among Vikings.

[Alaina]

The Vikings are just fucked up.

[Elena]

They're known as a very mellow bunch. So this is a departure and it's believed by some scholars to be something done as an offering to the Norse God of war, Odin, before and after battles. So like for good luck or something like, you know, some people like maybe

[Alaina]

just wear your lucky socks.

[Elena]

Yeah, it's.

[Alaina]

It's the same rub a rabbit's foot.

[Elena]

Pretty much the same. And according to 12th and 13th century scholars, it was most popular in Scandinavia because Vikings and it was reserved when it wasn't being used just as like a pump up thing for battle. This is just like a pre game. As a pre game for battle, then it was used for literally the worst of the worst people. I don't think anybody served this, but

[Alaina]

no, I don't think so.

[Elena]

So basically the Blood Eagle went a little something like this. No. The unfortunate captive would be kneeling or laying on their stomach, which is straight from there. Yeah. Not a good position to be in.

[Alaina]

Just try to get up.

[Elena]

Obviously they would be restrained in some way to prevent them from getting up or breaking free or trying to get the fuck up out of there because something bad's gonna happen. So first the back was carved.

[Alaina]

Nope.

[Elena]

Sometimes it would be carved in the shape of an eagle, but that was not necessary. But either way, the thing that was the most important was that they opened up your back in some way. That was the main purpose. When they did that. The victim's rib cage was then cut away from the spine with an axe and subsequently pulled out one by one away from the spine and out through the back. And the rib cage was then pulled up to slightly resemble wings, which I have not seen a bird flying around with a rib cage shot out of its back. But I'm not in Scandinavia, so I

[Alaina]

don't know, maybe birds listeners take a picture.

[Elena]

Scandinavian listeners let us know. I'm spooky. Do you have crazy Skeleton birds floating around. I don't know.

[Alaina]

I want pictures.

[Elena]

I'm not going to guarantee it's not a thing.

[Alaina]

Picture didn't happen.

[Elena]

So you would really have to, like, suspend reality or give a lot of artistic license for this to resemble an eagle. But we're going with it. So to make the wing look, you know, because this, this looked like a bird, obviously, but we could get it more authentic. Right. So to. To take it to an entirely new level of suffering. Oh, no. The victim's lungs were then pulled out one at a time and laid over the ribs. Because what are wings without fleshy air

[Alaina]

bags draped over them? I mean, I'm in a dark place. A dark place.

[Elena]

Who hasn't seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags? Ready razor attached to the whipsand. Who among us? Who?

[Alaina]

I don't know, bro.

[Elena]

So obviously, if the victim managed to somehow live through this torture, which, who knows, Stranger things have happened. They would just slowly suffocate to death after their lungs were pulled out through their back. On top of that, they would rub salt in the victim's wounds.

[Alaina]

Because throughout the whole time or just after at the end?

[Elena]

Throughout the whole time. Because, like, if you, you don't season as you go, then the end result,

[Alaina]

then you can't throw them in the crock pot.

[Elena]

Yeah, it's not any. I watch a lot of Food Network and they are always saying, season that meat. Ew. So it's important.

[Alaina]

So what was this for? Like, what did you have to do?

[Elena]

You're just a bad guy probably.

[Alaina]

It's a real bad guy.

[Elena]

He's being a real bad guy or gal. I don't know if they've. I, I don't see any records of it happening to gals, but Vikings, man.

[Alaina]

Major yikes.

[Elena]

So that's the blood eagle.

[Alaina]

Oh, man.

[Elena]

Now let's take a little trip over to the strapido strappedo. Strappedo, also called corda. Not sure why. Korda. Yeah, I like strappedo better. Yeah, it was used to torture heretics, witches, and anyone else that stepped out of the very fine line of living in medieval times.

[Alaina]

Yeah, like, what could you do? Basically, it's like you had a bad

[Elena]

day and now you're in the strapado. It was used a lot during the Spanish Inquisition.

[Alaina]

That was a fucked up time.

[Elena]

It was. It was a time, it was a

[Alaina]

moment, it was a day.

[Elena]

There were three main ways in which this was administered. The first one was the victim's arms are tied behind their backs with a rope.

[Alaina]

Also, never a Good position. Yeah.

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

And then the rope is attached to a pulley system and the victim is lifted into the air with their arms inverted, which they then dislocate violently behind them. Now, the second method is basically the same as the first, except the victims would be stopped in midair several times to increase the pain and suffering. They would also cause the victim to jerk around so that they would effectively break the shoulders, because who needs shoulders?

[Alaina]

Shoulders like that?

[Elena]

Yeah, that's no joke.

[Alaina]

That's pain.

[Elena]

And then the third method was kind of the same as the first two, except this time they, you know, just add a weight to your ankles so that you'd really get your joints ripped apart.

[Alaina]

Oh, my God.

[Elena]

So that's fun. Now, usually this torture was completed within an hour, and it was not used to cause death. So these people were then let down. And away you go. Come again soon.

[Alaina]

And then you're just gonna have rotator cuff problems for your whole life.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's exactly the issue. You're gonna have busted rotator cuff. So that's a strap. A doe. The next one is called the rack.

[Alaina]

Oh, no. I know about this shit.

[Elena]

This one's fun. So in the rack, a victim would be secured to a board of some sort by having their wrists and ankles cuffed to it. No, it's never good when you're secured to a board. As you will see when we cover John Wayne Gacy. It's never a good place to be. Nothing good happens attached to a board. He's so weird. Also, Dean Coral, I think, used a board. A who.

[Alaina]

Lot of boards.

[Elena]

This was. No, this was along the same lines. It's real bad. So then chains would be attached to the cuff, and the other end of the chains would attach to a wheel. There was a crank that would then turn said wheel, and this would cause the chains to slowly tighten. Oh, no. Now, as this happened, it was pulling your arms and legs and stretching them.

[Alaina]

Goodbye.

[Elena]

But not just stretching. The joints, sockets, ligaments, tendons would all completely snap and crack. Now, sometimes they would even go way past stretching and just pull the fucking limbs right off your body.

[Alaina]

Fuck you.

[Elena]

Now, if they didn't take it that far, the muscles would completely lose the ability to contract. And at some point, this person would be completely unable to move and likely unable to control, like, basic bodily functions, like their bowels.

[Alaina]

I feel like at the end of this, they probably just, like, left them to die. Like, I don't. You know what I mean? Like, they're just, like, not gonna totally kill you, but Gonna leave you here

[Elena]

because you're gonna die anyways. So it's like, it's gonna be slow or it's gonna be relatively quick. So there were other variations on this method that were common. Like, along with the stretching, sometimes the rack would include a bed of nails or spikes. So the person would lay upon these sharp objects while they were being stretched.

[Alaina]

What if they just had any spikes left over from.

[Elena]

I think it was literally like if they were next to a pile of spikes, they would just throw a few on there and they were like, let's do this, this.

[Alaina]

Oh. And there were spikes everywhere in that.

[Elena]

Yes. You don't want to waste spikes. No. This clearly caused a lot of up noises. If you've ever cracked your knuckles, cracked your back, heard anybody else do it.

[Alaina]

I broke my pelvis when I was, like, in summer going into eighth grade. And that pop that you hear, people across my summer camp said that they heard it and it was like, gross.

[Elena]

Yeah. It's no joke.

[Alaina]

I can, like, still hear it.

[Elena]

Yeah. It's a disgusting. And that's just, like, a small portion of what you'd hear here.

[Alaina]

Oh, God. Because so many things would be crackalacking.

[Elena]

Well, this. For this reason, torture wasn't only used for the unfortunate person attached to the rack. It was also used as a method of eliciting a confession from accused heretics by having them watch someone else be tortured on the rack. The sound inside of someone's tendons, ligaments, and joints just fucking tearing apart and popping all over the place was actually enough torture that it turns out that this was a pretty effective method for eliciting a confession. Because if you think about it, you're fucking watching somebody pulled apart slowly. That's so messed up. And the sounds would drive you mad.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So, yeah, that's the rack.

[Alaina]

That's the rack.

[Elena]

That's the rack.

[Alaina]

And that's a wrap.

[Elena]

Should be called the Ripper Ripper. The Rack Ripper. Ouchy. That's what the breast ripper should have been called. The Rack Ripper.

[Alaina]

Oh, that's funny.

[Elena]

Oh, that's funny.

[Alaina]

Oh, my God. That was funny. Good job.

[Elena]

Incredulous.

[Alaina]

You're, like, sometimes hilarious.

[Elena]

I am. Sometimes only a little bit. On to the next. On.

[Alaina]

On to the next one.

[Elena]

This one's called the Wheel. It's also called the Catherine wheel or the braking wheel. My Catherine, because fuck, you know Catherine. You know what she's all about. I know this was used during the Spanish Inquisition.

[Alaina]

Okay.

[Elena]

It was the cousin of the rack, and it was intended for the purpose of capital punishment or for torture to illicit confessions. Samesies. So there would be a large wagon wheel where the accused would be stretched out all over, just hanging out. They would be attached to it some way, restrained, and then they would be severely beaten with clubs, thick branches, and, you know, stuff like that.

[Alaina]

No, thanks.

[Elena]

And because they were stretched out on a wheel with open spaces between all the spokes, their bones would fucking break because of all the off angles. And it was used for the purpose of torture. And then while the tour after the torture was complete in that respect, it would continue because the person would then be either removed from the wheel before deaths happened, or you would be straight up bludgeoned to death and left on the wheel for everybody to see. And then there's other ways where you weren't bludgeoned to death. You were just left on that fucking wheel to die. After they broke all your bones. Whoa.

[Alaina]

How long do you think that would take?

[Elena]

They said they could leave a beaten, broken body on that wheel for days. And they would just. Slowly, infection would set in, and they'd

[Alaina]

go starving and hungry.

[Elena]

Yeah. But they. Honestly, they'd probably die from the infection, too, like, quick. Because all those broken bones and. And I'm sure bones were popping through skin and stuff. Oh, God, that's nasty. Yeah. So if they were gonna. If they were using it for kappa, like, to kill you, right. Then they basically would leave you up there and just keep administering beatings until you finally just died. No, from the trauma.

[Alaina]

I'm not interested.

[Elena]

And no matter what, you were on public display during all this.

[Alaina]

People like to watch. Like, that back then was mayhem. Back, like, people used to, like, join in on stones and stuff.

[Elena]

On stones?

[Alaina]

Stoning. People were stoned back then?

[Elena]

Yeah. They were just joining.

[Alaina]

No, I think they needed to be stoned.

[Elena]

They did, because they used to bring, like, kids to, like, public hangings and guillotine.

[Alaina]

My first college English assignment, back before I dropped college. Yes.

[Elena]

Back in the middle ages, was, like,

[Alaina]

a short story about somebody getting stoned. And then we were supposed to write a paper about morals.

[Elena]

Somebody getting stoned? Like, smoking?

[Alaina]

No, like, somebody getting, like, legit stoned. Yeah. Or like. No, it wasn't stone. It was like, a book about, like, one. Once a year, they would have to, like, pick a name out of, like, the town, and that person would get, like, stoned or hungry. It's called, like, the election or something.

[Elena]

It's like the hunger games.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Literally.

[Alaina]

But we had to write a paper on it, and I remember reading it And I was like, why am I in college?

[Elena]

Why am I in college? And then you were like, fuck.

[Alaina]

And then I dropped out. Well, the next one, you're like, back to reality.

[Elena]

Unfortunate. Reality is called the heretic's fork.

[Alaina]

Forks are never good in torture unless you're eating.

[Elena]

Now, this was specifically used for people who spoke out against the Catholic Church during the Middle Ages.

[Alaina]

Bye.

[Elena]

You know, witches, heretics, all that good stuff. Basically, it was a double ended fork. Both ends had two very sharp prongs on them. Oh, no. It would be attached to a leather collar device that would go around the victim's neck. No. This created a situation where the victim could not move their head from a strained upward position and couldn't drop their jaw even a little bit. If they did, then prongs would pierce their neck and prongs would pierce their sternum area. And it wasn't like. They would just be like, boop, that hurts a little. It was like, no, you're gonna get, like, impaled by this. It was very simple but very effective. And the whole thing was very poetic because it's like you spoke out against the church. So now you have to look up at your God that you don't believe in. Like, that was the whole thing. You have to look up to heaven, and we're forcing you to look up into the sky.

[Alaina]

Like. But it's still not there. I don't see anything except the ceiling.

[Elena]

It's like, please take this off of me.

[Alaina]

God, are you there? It's me, Margaret. It's me, Margaret. Back in the Middle Ages, Judy Bloom.

[Elena]

That's where it originated. Well, the next one has a little bit of religion to it, too. Oh. It's called the Cradle of Judas.

[Alaina]

Who's Judas again?

[Elena]

Judas is. I know this. Judas is the guy that betrayed Jesus.

[Alaina]

To be honest with you, I thought that was Caesar.

[Elena]

Well, it's the same situation. Like, Caesar had Brutus.

[Alaina]

Oh, Judas and Brutus.

[Elena]

Like, etu Brute means and you.

[Alaina]

Brutus.

[Elena]

Like, he turned around and was like, and you. You are my friend.

[Alaina]

I thought.

[Elena]

And so Judas did the same thing.

[Alaina]

He was theatrical.

[Elena]

Yeah, I'm very theatrical. I went to theater camp.

[Alaina]

And you had fun in high school? No, I'm just kidding. That actually does sound fun. I wanted to be in drama club, but my mom worked, so I couldn't be.

[Elena]

I was in drama club for a long time until senior year, high school, I graduated.

[Alaina]

Yeah, I did cheerleading by.

[Elena]

Exactly, exactly. See, she's trying to hide the real root of the issue here.

[Alaina]

Well, I wanted to do drama in middle school. I was only a cheerleader for one year.

[Elena]

Wow. It felt like a lot longer.

[Alaina]

Sure did. You're telling me I'm still dealing with the post traumatic scars disorder. Selling the cookie dough. Sell it, sell it. You make the woo sound at the end of all your cheers. Jesus. Remember, you put me through so much hell.

[Elena]

I did. I really did.

[Alaina]

It was self prescribed, though. I like, I set it up.

[Elena]

You just made it so easy.

[Alaina]

But I also played softball. Yeah, I did too, but I wasn't good. And the coach was also your coach. And he was like, why are you not not like Elena? That's because.

[Elena]

That's only because I played softball since the time I was like, whenever you can start T ball. That's when I started. Yeah. And I played literally every season my whole life.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Fun little fact.

[Alaina]

Fun.

[Elena]

One of us was a cheerleader. One of us was a drama nerd.

[Alaina]

Who's who.

[Elena]

Who's who? Bet you can't tell.

[Alaina]

You could totally pick us up in a lineup.

[Elena]

Yeah. Of who was who? 100%. 100%.

[Alaina]

I'm just glad.

[Elena]

I don't think anyone is confusing me. Virtually. The cradle of Judas.

[Alaina]

Oh, where did we go?

[Elena]

We came out of that.

[Alaina]

I think this is not going to be a popular podcast now.

[Elena]

This one is a doozy. And I mean doozy when I say doozy. Hold on to your butts. Everybody.

[Alaina]

Hold on to your butts. I'm gonna start saying, hold on to Uranus.

[Elena]

Hold on to that rectum.

[Alaina]

So this is another creation from the Spanish Inquisition. Keep icing a front bum.

[Elena]

Oh, I hope someone gets that reference.

[Alaina]

I'm not gonna say where it's from. I kind of want to.

[Elena]

Keep icing your front bum. Swelling continues if you do not ice.

[Alaina]

Don't say where it's from. Don't say where it's from.

[Elena]

Don't tell me you know what that's from.

[Alaina]

I want a dm. I want one.

[Elena]

Please, please, please. We're begging. Okay.

[Alaina]

Continues. A few two dots.

[Elena]

This device is a wooden pyramid that's raised high on four legs. And on top of that pyramid is a spike.

[Alaina]

It's the theme.

[Elena]

The victim would then be stripped naked and weights were attached to their ankles. And then they were hung by their arms and legs high above this device.

[Alaina]

Not interested.

[Elena]

When the torture was to begin, they would then be lowered slowly onto the period.

[Alaina]

Period. You know what? I want to know, actually, because in my mind, I was just like, not interested. Like, I'm not showing up to my Torture day. How did they not run away before?

[Elena]

Oh, they would rip you out of your house like you weren't getting away. It's not like they were. Like, On Tuesday at 2, I don't know, I'll be lowered onto a pyramid.

[Alaina]

The Middle Ages were fooked up. Maybe people were just so afraid of it, everything.

[Elena]

But that's why they would never give you advanced notice. Because in the Middle Ages, they were just, like, bursting into your house, being like you thought an improper thought. So we're gonna stick you onto this.

[Alaina]

You are wrong, sir. I'm eating breakfast.

[Elena]

The cradle of Judas for you. So, yeah, so they'd be lowered slowly onto this pyramid, which would cause the spike to penetrate their perineum region, which is your anus, your butt.

[Alaina]

And

[Elena]

gravity body weight. And the added weights would cause the person to sink onto the stake with no resistance.

[Alaina]

Oh, God.

[Elena]

Now, this torture would last for hours. And usually the victim was left on this thing all night. Natural instinct. Like, if you think about it, if you sit on something that hurts your bum, your natural instinct is to, like, rock back and forth to kind of, like, alleviate the. Yeah.

[Alaina]

To be, like, hurt.

[Elena]

To try to get yourself off of it, kind of.

[Alaina]

Same thing with, like, the iron maiden, like we were saying.

[Elena]

Exactly. Like, your just natural instinct would take over, but doing that in this case would just rip the wound larger and sink you lower onto the stake. This is like the hemorrhoid from hell.

[Alaina]

They should have. They should have called it the hemorrhoid holemaker.

[Elena]

They should have just called it the hemorrhoid.

[Alaina]

Yeah, it's just. Six Flags should come out with a ride like, they.

[Elena]

Six Flags should not come up with a ride like.

[Alaina]

I'm just kidding, because I don't want

[Elena]

to know the kind of people that would go on that ride.

[Alaina]

It's like dark tourists. That's real dark tourist shit. I just gave that guy an idea for his horror.

[Elena]

I don't even think he's probably like, no, thank you. I do not want to explore that. You. So these people would often bleed to death. Or the infection from the spike. Never being fucking cleaned between torture sessions would definitely kill them.

[Alaina]

Oh, that's like dysentery, right?

[Elena]

Dysentery is poopy, pooping a lot. Like. Like diarrhea.

[Alaina]

Like. So it would cause dysentery.

[Elena]

No, it would cause internal damage.

[Alaina]

Death.

[Elena]

It's not gonna cause you to have diarrhea. It's gonna cause your entire abdomen to explode.

[Alaina]

Cesspool.

[Elena]

Are you just saying words?

[Alaina]

What's It. What is it? If you get like typhoid disease, like, people just like. Because like their, their waist was on the thing and then it got into other. I just saw a little trail of

[Elena]

smoke come out of your ears. Something.

[Alaina]

Is my brain in there? As you tried very hard to get that. No. Do you know what I mean, though? Like, you know what I'm saying?

[Elena]

Like infection.

[Alaina]

Yeah, yeah, but like poop infection is a different kind of infection.

[Elena]

I mean, if you want it to

[Alaina]

be a poop infection, well, it would be. It's your bum. This is not like.

[Elena]

This is a spike that's ripping into your internal organs. That's where the infection happens. Not pooping.

[Alaina]

No, I'm not saying they're pooping. I'm saying it goes in their butt. So a little bit of poop gets on it and then the poop gets in your organs for sure. So that's where the infection comes from.

[Elena]

Sure. And like other bodily fluids.

[Alaina]

Right? Yeah, that's all I was saying.

[Elena]

Cesspool.

[Alaina]

But I like it. Remember when I told that story of me dropping out of college? Here we are.

[Elena]

Here we sit.

[Alaina]

They're like, go back to college.

[Elena]

Oh, shit.

[Alaina]

So that's the cradle. Oh, shit. The cradle of Jesus.

[Elena]

That's the cradle of Judas.

[Alaina]

So that's the cradle of Jesus.

[Elena]

I don't think the cradle of Jesus would be as metal as that.

[Alaina]

I don't know.

[Elena]

I don't know, man. Foreign.

[Ash]

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[Alaina]

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[Elena]

Love that.

[Alaina]

It is super easy to set up.

[Ash]

Drew did it in literally less than

[Alaina]

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[Ash]

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[Alaina]

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[Ash]

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[Alaina]

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[Alaina]

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[Elena]

So, oh, this is the one that's used today. You know what? I remembered which one it was because

[Alaina]

I looked at your notes.

[Elena]

Torture by rats.

[Alaina]

That's the one still used today.

[Elena]

This one's still used today. Apparently. I don't know where. I'm not going there. But it's used.

[Alaina]

I almost just said where? After you were like, I don't know where. I'm not going there. I was like, where?

[Elena]

Where?

[Alaina]

It happened.

[Elena]

Cesspool Typhoid. The victim in this case is stripped naked and lays on a table.

[Alaina]

Nope.

[Elena]

Which seems to be just when that Happens. It's just.

[Alaina]

Just count your. Just go to a different spot.

[Elena]

Go to your happy place, because this isn't gonna be good. Then a half cage with an open top would be placed on their stomach with the open top facing their skin. And inside that container would be rats. Oh, God. Next.

[Alaina]

Who thinks of this?

[Elena]

Not I.

[Alaina]

Like, who thought of these things?

[Elena]

Some really messed up people. Yeah, some really messed up people. I mean, you just. I guess it would kind of be easy because you just think of, like, the worst stuff that would make you

[Alaina]

think, what's so wrong with you?

[Elena]

Like, let's do this to other people.

[Alaina]

Do it to someone.

[Elena]

Exactly. This is, you know, serial killer stuff.

[Alaina]

It's morbid.

[Elena]

Very morbid. Yeah. So this was bad enough because it was just creepy, but then the cage where the rats were would be heated in some way.

[Alaina]

Oh, disgusting.

[Elena]

So the rats would desperately score, scurry around and try to escape the heat. Well, where's the only place they can go?

[Alaina]

Inside of your chair.

[Elena]

It can only go down. So this. These rats would violently burrow through the abdomen of the victim while they were chained to a table, unable to move. So basically, they would, like, tear through your intestines. And once you tear through the intestines, forget about it. You're septic. That's it. Cesspool. Yeah. You are a cesspool. Yeah, you don't want. You don't want to hit the poop pipe, kid. That's a line from a really good movie that you should watch called Pathology.

[Alaina]

I almost just said called Autopsy.

[Elena]

Called auto. Not called Autopsy, but called Pathology. I think our listeners would like that movie. I think it's a good movie. That's a good movie. And at one point, they're doing an autopsy, and they hit the intestine, and

[Alaina]

he says, you don't want.

[Elena]

You don't want to hit the poop pipe, kid. And it's a really good motto for life. So there's a variation on this.

[Alaina]

Sometimes you hit the poop pipe in your life.

[Elena]

You do?

[Alaina]

Yeah. You can have a poop pipe week.

[Elena]

Yeah. And it's, you know, just got to keep on moving.

[Alaina]

Sorry.

[Elena]

Anyway, suture that shit up and keep on moving.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So a variation on this was instead of placing the rats just directly against the flesh, they would use a telescopic tube to guide the rats inside the prisoner's body through the rectum or the vagine.

[Alaina]

Yeah. What? Yeah, they would guide the rats up.

[Elena]

So they would, like, block one end and stick the other end that way. So the Only way they were going was up and rats will just be like, oh, all right, I'll burrow through this. I'll burrow through this. Hoo. Ha. Yeah, they don't know the difference. They're like, it's a dark hole.

[Alaina]

Did the rats die too? Probably.

[Elena]

I don't think they would die right away because they're just going in there.

[Alaina]

Oh my God.

[Elena]

It'll be fine.

[Alaina]

So you, you would just die with rats inside you?

[Elena]

Pretty much. Gross. Yeah. They would just like destroy your insides. So let's see, where do I want to end? Because I have like two little ones and then one big one.

[Alaina]

End on a high note. Like a big note.

[Elena]

Okay, so I'll go next to the Glasgow smile. Oh, yeah, this is Scotland, our people.

[Alaina]

Maybe we don't want to tell them that right now.

[Elena]

Now if you've ever seen the Dark Knight, you've seen, seen one of these,

[Alaina]

you've seen some shit.

[Elena]

It's also known as the Cheshire Grin among the London street gangs, but it originated in Glasgow, Scotland. Basically, two small incisions are made at the corner of the victim's mouth. And as the victim was beat or stabbed, muscle contractions in the face would make those wounds extend upwards towards the ears and make it this big, fucking terrifying ear to ear smile. If left untreated, some people would die as a result of severe infection or exsanguination, which is just acute blood loss.

[Alaina]

Exkanguination.

[Elena]

Exsanguination.

[Alaina]

Exsanguination, yes. I like that word, but it's awful.

[Elena]

It's a good word. I mean, it's a bad thing, but it's a good word. One famous example of this is the Black Dahlia.

[Alaina]

Oh yeah.

[Elena]

Which it's terrifying. And some people, there's actually like actors or directors or something. One of them that like, I can't remember his name, but he was a victim of this. In like a barf, like fight someone and he has scars like, like.

[Alaina]

Oh my God.

[Elena]

Dark Knight. Yeah, I can't remember his name. Of course I didn't write that down.

[Alaina]

You know what I want to do because you said the Black Dahlia. I want to do an episode on the Cecil Hotel. And like all the weird that's happening.

[Elena]

Oh yeah, we'll definitely. And like all the people. Yeah, for sure. That's a really good one because there's all kinds of crazy connections to that.

[Alaina]

There's so much.

[Elena]

This one's a quick one. It's another one. That's exactly what it sounds like. Saw torture. So they would Tickle you with a feather.

[Alaina]

I saw a picture of this when I was doing the research for mine. And the people just look so happy.

[Elena]

Yeah, they're psyched. They're just like, da ba dupa da.

[Alaina]

Like the people doing that.

[Elena]

I mean, yeah, they probably sung. The victim is hung upside down, in this case by their ankles, and a saw is used to cut them from the groin all the way to the sternum. Sometimes the poor person would stay alive until they had the midsection or even the chest in some instances, because all

[Alaina]

the blood's at your head.

[Elena]

Well, they. That's the thing. They were upside down, so they did that. So blood would rush to your head and so that it. Because when that happens, you're. You're stopping blood loss.

[Alaina]

Oh.

[Elena]

So this person would be able to live. And if you're hitting certain spots in the abdomen, you're not going to die right away. Oh, God. Yeah. So that's awful. Another one. I have two more. One's a big one. One's a littler one end on the big one. Drawn and quartered. Oh, everybody's heard of this, I'm sure. It's usually reserved for high treason. And it began in 1283. English.

[Alaina]

Good band name. High treason.

[Elena]

High treason. I like it.

[Alaina]

Hello, Philadelphia. We are high treason. We are high treason.

[Elena]

I like it.

[Alaina]

Hello, Wisconsin.

[Elena]

I like how you were in Boston.

[Alaina]

You picked like two of them. You were like, Philadelphia typhoid.

[Elena]

So in drawn and quartered, victims were often hanged to the point of near death and then taken down.

[Alaina]

They're already like, whoa, you're still.

[Elena]

Yeah, that's not. Okay, so that sucks. And then. So they were taken down right before they died, and then they were tied to something and disemboweled. Oh, yeah. So really just disembowelment is too extra. It's a lot.

[Alaina]

You die from that, obviously.

[Elena]

Well, then the entrails would be burned and the victim's limbs were then tied with ropes. The other end of the ropes are tied to horses. And then the horses are just like, lightly encouraged to take. Take off and run. So, boom. By limbs, the victim would then be beheaded and the head would be displayed.

[Alaina]

Wow.

[Elena]

Extra. Now, a famous one of the victim of this was Scottish patriot Sir William Wallace. He was killed this way after leading the Scottish resistance against the English. On August 5, 1305, he was arrested near Glasgow and taken to England to be killed as a traitor to the King Edward the First, even though he never sworn allegiance to him. So it's kind of so technically he

[Alaina]

couldn't be a traitor.

[Elena]

Yeah. So whatever.

[Alaina]

Stupid.

[Elena]

So, yeah, that's drawn and quartered. Now this one we'll leave. We'll leave on a high note or

[Alaina]

really low note, however you want to look at it.

[Elena]

We're going to end on flaying. Oh, so this is real. And it's not just the sigil for House Bolton on Game of Thrones.

[Alaina]

I thought you were gonna talk to me about Bobby Flay.

[Elena]

I love Bobby Flay. So first in flaying, your skin has to be tenderized. The tortured, you know, wants a status. You know how when you, like, peel off, like, a face mask and it's like, all in one sheet, that's actually like one of those. And it feels very.

[Alaina]

Or like when you peel off a sunburn.

[Elena]

Exactly.

[Alaina]

I know.

[Elena]

It's like. So that's what the torturer was going for. He didn't want to have to work for this shit.

[Alaina]

He wanted to satisfaction.

[Elena]

So the victim would either be left out in the hot sun all day while their skin burned, or they would be dipped into a vat of boiling water just until they were almost boiled

[Alaina]

alive, just until they write crispy.

[Elena]

This got the skin nice and loose. And it also just, like, prolonged the experience, which is always something they're looking for. Now, when they would start to flay you, they would usually begin with the face. So you would have your entire face peeled. It's like a super nightmarish chemical peel.

[Alaina]

Oh.

[Elena]

And then cuts would be made around your arms, wrists, chest, neck and ankles because this would make it easier for the skin to come off in one satisfying piece. And you didn't want all kinds of little ones because you wanted to be able to display the full. All the sheets and it would look like a person's skin.

[Alaina]

So going back to Australia, like we did last week, I listened once to a case where like this. I'm pretty sure it was Australia, and this lady did that to her husband and then hung him up in the doorway?

[Elena]

That's. Yeah, that's intense.

[Alaina]

Like, he did some real.

[Elena]

Yeah, he did some fear.

[Alaina]

Nobody deserves that. That's fucked up.

[Elena]

But, like, you have to be real mad. She asked you pissed.

[Alaina]

But she was also, like, loco into cabeza. I imagine she was.

[Elena]

That's a lot of work.

[Alaina]

Yeah, well.

[Elena]

And then the cuts are only extended into the epidermis and stopped where the muscle begins. Oh. So that hurts more.

[Alaina]

And they knew that back then.

[Elena]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And now in the. The ancient church of Hadstock in Essex actually had a legend of A Dane who had committed sacrilege. And he was flayed for punishment. Punishment. His skin was then spread out and nailed to the door of the church. Wow. As a super subtle warning to others.

[Alaina]

That's far too.

[Elena]

Now. When the door needed repair later, they found pieces of human skin still under the nails. So that's. They, like, actually happened. Ew. And then at another cathedral in England, I believe it's. There's a large slab of human skin, like, on display. And it was of another Dane who was a Viking who tried to chase. Steal the church's bell. Which.

[Alaina]

Like, why were you trying to steal the church's bell?

[Elena]

And it's like you tried to steal the church's bell and they flayed you like, damn.

[Alaina]

They were like, don't touch our fucking bell.

[Elena]

Now, the reason I. I'm sure all of you are wondering, like, huh? What would it feel like to be flayed?

[Alaina]

I'm not wondering that, to be honest.

[Elena]

I'm sure everyone is wondering. Right.

[Alaina]

I thought I was hungry, and I'm not anymore.

[Elena]

I'm actually so hungry. But.

[Alaina]

Of course you are. What's that picture that Vasco drew of

[Elena]

you eating a sandwich? Oh, yeah. My friend Vasco, who's an amazing artist. And you should go find him.

[Alaina]

Yeah, that's a cool picture.

[Elena]

He drew a picture of me during an autopsy eating a sandwich, which is, like, pretty believable. I'll have to post that picture and tag him in it. You should, because it's a great photo. So the reason this hurts like hell is that nerve endings extend really deep into the layers of your skin. And that enables your sense of touch. Like, it's why your fingertips are really sensitive. And if you've ever had a paper cut, you know that shit hurts more than anything. This response is caused by nociceptors. So those are sensory nerve cells that respond to pain.

[Alaina]

Science, Science.

[Elena]

That was loud playing. Involves tearing the skin away from the muscle, not cutting it. So it's the ripping muscle. That means your nerve endings are just. They're not being severed. Severed cleanly. Instead, they're just fucking torn to shreds. So your nerve endings are just being, like, bombarded? Yeah, it's not like a clean cut that they can, like, recover from. You're gonna feel your skin being pulled off, every bit of muscle.

[Alaina]

Oh, my God.

[Elena]

And you're literally gonna feel your nerve endings die. Like, you're gonna feel every nerve ending die. You're gonna feel all of it. So despite the fact that those administering the torture may Also be hitting you or hanging you upside down to keep you awake and alert, which they often did. You may lose consciousness from blood loss, from pain and fear, or because your brain is most definitely gonna go into self preservation mode and just start shutting shit down.

[Alaina]

Right?

[Elena]

Which thank goodness for our brains, for real. Or you could die from hypothermia, even if it's not cold out, because you don't have your skin to protect you. Yeah, because your skin is the biggest, one of the big. It's the biggest and one of the most vital organs in the human body. And it regulates temperature, it protects all the other organs and systems in the body. So not only that, but you're exposed completely to infection. You will definitely die because. Because of all that, without your skin, this. You can repair and regenerate skin without your skin. But once you've lost that much skin, your body can't regenerate, generate that much skin. Obviously there's. There's an interesting story that I heard from another podcast that's amazing and you should all go listen to Lore. I'm sure a lot of people have listened to it.

[Alaina]

Yes, I love.

[Elena]

Aaron Manke is amazing.

[Alaina]

And he has the show on Amazon.

[Elena]

Well, that's what I was thinking of. He has a show on Amazon called Lore, and there's a story of Peter Stube, and he was a crazy serial killer and cannibal who was caught after what they thought. What was thought to be a werewolf was killing men, women and children in Germany in the 16th century.

[Alaina]

Oh, yeah, I remember watching that with you.

[Elena]

So he's called, like a werewolf and.

[Alaina]

Well, really, he's just a.

[Elena]

So back in 1589, Peter Stube was arrested and formally accused of being an insatiable bloodsucker. And evidence was provided that he had, quote, gorged on the flesh of goats, lambs and sheep, as well as men, women and children for over 20, 25 years.

[Alaina]

That's horrible.

[Elena]

So when he was caught, he was facing torture. So he confessed to having murdered and eaten, quote, 14 children and two pregnant women.

[Alaina]

Jesus.

[Elena]

So he was a piece of. Now, you would have thought that he would have stopped there while he was, like, relatively ahead because he was confessing. Confession.

[Alaina]

He was confessing.

[Elena]

When you confess, you just gotta get that out. But no, he then declared that he, quote, extracted a third fetus from a pregnant woman's womb and ate their hearts, panting, hot and raw.

[Alaina]

Jesus.

[Elena]

And he also confessed to having regular sex with his daughter and having had intercourse with a, quote, succubus sent to him by the devil. So his execution was prolonged with torture, obviously.

[Alaina]

Apparently so.

[Elena]

Flesh was torn from his body in 10 places with red hot pinchers.

[Alaina]

Ooh.

[Elena]

Followed by his arms and his legs. They also pulled this. So they flayed him with red hot pincers. Then his limbs were broken with the blunt side of an ax head on the wheel. So they added in the wheel to this. This is like a nice.

[Alaina]

They got really crafty for this.

[Elena]

It's like a casserole of torture. Yeah. Just all throw them in the crock pot.

[Alaina]

Thrown in one crock pot.

[Elena]

And to per. That was to. Now, to prevent him from returning from the grave, they then begin beheaded him and burned his body on a pyre.

[Alaina]

Wow.

[Elena]

Now, his daughter and mistress were also flayed and strangled and burned.

[Alaina]

Is that fair?

[Elena]

Well, it was as a preventative measure against similar wolfish behavior.

[Alaina]

As if they were a wolf.

[Elena]

So they thought. Because they thought he was a werewolf. Yeah, the whole thing. They were like, well, they must be werewolves, too. And then after all this was done, the wheel was erected on a pole with the figure of a wolf on it and topped by Peter Stoob's severed head. Whoa. So that's the story of flaying. And also Ramsay Snow did it on Game of Thrones.

[Alaina]

Oh, yeah.

[Elena]

Remember? He did. Remember? He says it about that.

[Alaina]

Oh, the kid that they hung up.

[Elena]

Right. Sansa's. No, it's Sansa's. Like, nurse. Remember? She was like an old woman. And he says something like, tough old bird. Like, she was alive until we got to know the neck or something like that. And I was like, oh, wow. Ramsay Snowman. Yeah.

[Alaina]

Can we tell them our announcement? Oh, yay.

[Elena]

We have a fun announcement. Now. We don't have a date for this yet. We're still in talks, but I'm really excited it's in the works, so I'm hoping. Don't yell at us if it doesn't happen.

[Alaina]

So we were watching Dark Taurus.

[Elena]

We were watching Dark Taurus, and we were watching the episode where he goes to New Orleans, and we talked to nice people who are vampires right now. We recognized this beautiful couple of vampires that are married.

[Alaina]

They're so dope.

[Elena]

They really are. And we were like, wait a second. Where have we seen them before?

[Alaina]

I literally texted Elena, and I was like, are those the people that were on True Life when I was.

[Elena]

They were on mtv, like, two episodes. Yeah, because they were on the episode back in 2014. They were in an episode Respect My Sect. And it was following daily. Who is The Vampire Queen of Austin and. And her husband, but it was focusing on her. And then it was in another episode in 2016, True Life I'm a Witch, where, like, somebody go is part of this court still. So you get to see Daley and her husband Logan, who's the vampire king of Austin. They have a vampire court of Austin where they have, like, more than 50 members, according to the True Life wow episode. And I'm sure they have more now.

[Alaina]

I mean, yeah, it makes sense.

[Elena]

And they are vampires, and we were fascinated by it. And they seem like they're just, like, so in love. And I love their relationship.

[Alaina]

Their Instagrams are like.

[Elena]

It's adorable. And also, like, we were kind of inspired by the fact that they are just, like, unabashedly who they are. And it's really, like. It's like, makes you want to know them because, I mean, how many of us can say that we just are totally unapologetically who we are all the time. And they found each other, which is nice. So we were like to them, and we reached out, talked to Daily and asked her if she would ever want to speak to us for the podcast. And she was kind enough to say she would. Her and Logan would love to talk to us. So we are setting up an interview with the King and Queen vampire of the Vampire Court of Austin, Logan and Daily south. And we could not be happier. We are so excited.

[Alaina]

Your dog is making the most disgusting noises next to me. I'm really sorry.

[Elena]

We are so excited. We're gonna have a date for you guys. We'll let you know because I think we're gonna do it soon.

[Alaina]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So, yeah. So get excited. We're gonna be talking to the vampire king, Queen of Osc.

[Alaina]

This is like a big deal.

[Elena]

We'll do.

[Alaina]

We'll.

[Elena]

We'll kind of mesh it in with a whole episode devoted to vampirism, because it's a really fascinating subject. Stop looking at my dog. That I'm sure you guys are gonna be super into. So it's interesting and awesome. It is really interesting. Look forward to that. Check us out on Instagram morbidpodcast and download us. Subscribe. Leave us reviews. Rate us. Tell your friends. Shout it from the rooftops.

[Alaina]

Just don't filet anyone.

[Elena]

Just don't play anyone. But you can Bobby Flay someone. Hey, yo. So, yeah. Hope you liked our. Our foray into torture.

[Alaina]

We hope you keep it weird. Huzzah, huzzah.

[Elena]

Mutton again, I don't know any other medieval foods. Potatoes, gravy right? Potatoes are living just like gravy. Gravy.

[Alaina]

It's over now. Based on the best selling book series by L. Kennedy comes Off Campus a story of love.

[Elena]

Last week you didn't even know her name. Sometimes people sneak up on you.

[Alaina]

Friendship. This is the most absolutely unhinged planet and I'm obsessed with it and self

[Ash]

discovery on and off the ice.

[Alaina]

It's scary telling the world something I'm not ready for it to know. Oh, and it's pretty steamy.

[Elena]

This is the part where I tell

[Alaina]

you all the things I want to do to you.

[Elena]

Off Campus is now streaming on Prime Video.

[Alaina]

When you have four new tires, every drive feels fresh. And this spring, getting that four tire

[Ash]

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[Alaina]

Buy three select tires and get one for just a dollar during the Cadillac Certified Service Fresh Start Tire event at

[Ash]

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[Alaina]

Visit cadillac.comserviceoffers or see dealer for full details. Offer end 531 2026.