Listener Tales 108: 90's Tales!

Summary

Morbid Podcast – Listener Tales 108: 90s Tales!

Hosts: Ash Kelley & Alaina Urquhart
Date: March 26, 2026
Theme: A trip back to the 1990s with true crime, paranormal, and weird listener tales, all with the hosts’ signature banter and dark humor.

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Episode Overview

In this 90s-themed Listener Tales episode, Ash and Alaina celebrate all things 90s with costumes inspired by the iconic film Scream and a slew of stories sent in by listeners that span true crime close calls, cryptid encounters, precognitive dreams, haunting visits, and more—all tinged with the nostalgia, snacks, and fashion of the decade. The episode is lighthearted but packed with some genuinely chilling stories and hilarious tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. 90s Nostalgia & Scream Costumes (04:00–08:00)

• Ash and Alaina are decked out in Scream-inspired costumes: Ash as Casey Becker, Alaina as Gale Weathers.
• Banter about costumes becoming a “morbid costume store,” but neither wants the hassle of running a business.
• Mini 90s fashion show; they gush over accessories, jackets, and even Ash’s fake intestines made from hot-glued curlers and wire.
• Memorable moment: Repeated jokes about Nicholas (the ghost in their studio? prop? friend?) and “intestines falling out.”
• "Costumes are kind of our thing. It's Halloween every day here." – Alaina (03:04)

2. Listener Tale 1: McMiracle – Happy Meal vs. Paul Bernardo (09:00–19:13)

• Tale shared: A listener recounts a terrifying encounter with Paul Bernardo (the “Ken” of the “Ken and Barbie Killers”) in early 90s Ontario.
• The narrator and her friend Allison are nearly cornered by Bernardo while hosting a children’s play program at a park. He asks disturbingly pointed questions.
• Critical moment: The arrival of the narrator’s boyfriend with McDonald’s Happy Meals unintentionally interrupts what may have been a potential abduction. Bernardo flees.
• Their accurate description of the van later aids police.
• Discussion about 90s McDonald’s toys and Happy Meal culture.
• Quote: "Sometimes even life's darkest moments need to be served with a side of humor to make them a bit more palatable." – Listener (18:10)
• Ash and Alaina express awe at how close the listener was to true crime horror, blending humor and horror: "A fucking Happy Meal had saved Allison from the clutches of a serial killer, and the irony was too much for any of us to bear." (19:10)

3. Listener Tale 2: Yeeted by the Jersey Devil (20:27–32:16)

• Morgan’s tale: Growing up in South Jersey, Morgan’s dad stages a cryptid prank while the family is out for ice cream. The car seemingly breaks down in the spooky, isolated “Jake’s Landing” and dad fakes a battle with the Jersey Devil to spook the kids.
• The story shifts from childhood horror to family joke as Morgan reveals the trick—her dad just put the car in neutral.
• The hosts lose it laughing at the twist and Morgan’s brother instantly accepting his new role: "Well, I'm the man of the house." (29:14)
• Quote: "Your parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lulls of it all." – Morgan (30:28)
• “Keep it that weird, I think.” – Ash, delighted by the story’s playful spirit. (32:11)

4. Listener Tale 3: The Dream That Saved My Best Friend’s Wife (36:44–43:13)

• Dennis’ tale, Part 1: Dennis, a self-professed skeptic, recounts a vivid dream wherein his friend Diane is nearly killed in a car accident while following their group to a club.
• The dream prompts Dennis to attend the outing last minute, ultimately making Diane arrive at the fateful intersection at a different, safe moment. The vehicle ahead of her is hit instead.
• This event leads to Jack and Diane starting a relationship—they are still married with kids, and Dennis becomes their child’s godfather.
• Quote: "That was a divine message." – Ash (42:39)
• "You can't explain that." – Elena (42:44)

5. Listener Tale 4: Ghostly Children at the Peter Shields Inn (44:28–50:26)

• Dennis’ tale, Part 2: While staying at the (historic and beautiful, but apparently haunted) Peter Shields Inn, Dennis hears children giggling and running in the halls after a wedding, but finds out the next day no children were present.
• The ghost is said to be Earl, the 15-year-old son of the inn’s founder, tragically killed in a hunting accident.
• The hosts are thoroughly creeped out and impressed by Dennis’ open-minded skepticism.
• "What a wonderful attitude you have. Yeah, I like it’s like I can't explain them and that's cool. If you can, even better." – Alaina (35:13)
• Hosts fawn over the cosplay photos Dennis sends, especially Ham Solo and Chewy the guinea pigs.

6. Listener Tale 5: The Little Man on the Crib – Poltergeist Childhood (52:04–65:25)

• Alicia’s tale: Raised in a haunted 100-year-old house, Alicia and her brother both recall seeing and interacting with a “little man” with red eyes and horns (first in her brother’s infancy, then Alicia as a toddler/child). The hauntings escalate with appliances turning on, phantom animals, and recurring dreams of a ghost girl in the house.
• After a priest blesses the home, the worst of the manifestations stop, but the house remains haunted—subsequent residents also report activity.
• The hosts are deeply spooked: "You said that so casual. I'm going to fall again." – Ash (58:09)
• "My mom used to see a noose hanging in the doorway." (58:02)
• "Maybe one day I'll send in the story about my dad and how he worked at the building in St. Louis… where they kept the real-life boy from The Exorcism". The hosts beg for this story to be sent in.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On 90s nostalgia:
  "We had wood paneling. We had car phones, lit up jeans, no cell phones. A lit up Jesus. Happy Meals with collectible toys. We had it all." – Ash (65:42)
• On the proximity of evil:
  "To almost be abducted by [Paul Bernardo]…to actually interact with them and have, like, a weird moment with them and have it be like, that could have been us next. And to know that Kristen French was alive—well, that's just at the park…It really is so scary." – Ash (19:51)
• Ash’s running joke:
  "Sorry I didn't answer your call. I don't have any minutes left." (66:44)
• On parents pranking kids:
  "Your parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lulls of it all." – Morgan (30:28)
• On ghosts/creepy childhood homes:
  "My mom used to see a noose hanging in the doorway." (58:02)

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Timestamps to Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Story | |-----------|------------------------------------------------------------| | 04:00 | Hosts intro, 90s Scream costumes & nostalgia | | 09:00 | Listener Tale 1: McMiracle – Paul Bernardo close call | | 20:27 | Listener Tale 2: Jersey Devil prank | | 36:44 | Listener Tale 3: The dream that saved Diane | | 44:28 | Listener Tale 4: Peter Shields Inn haunting | | 52:04 | Listener Tale 5: The little man on the crib – poltergeist | | 65:36 | Hosts reflect on 90s culture and fashion |

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Host Tone and Vibe

The hosts are their usual blend of darkly funny, irreverent, and supportive, alternating between cackling at their own jokes, expressing deep empathy for listeners with serious stories, and going on lively tangents about 90s toys, food, and culture. They revel in the weirdness, encourage listeners to "keep it weird—but not that weird," and remind everyone that blending humor with horror is their favorite coping mechanism.

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For New Listeners: Why This Episode Works

• Engaging storytelling: The tales told span genres and moods, mixing true crime, creepiness, and pure childhood chaos.
• 90s themes: From Happy Meal toys to flip phone minutes, the episode drips with nostalgic references and asides.
• Signature Morbid humor: Ash and Alaina are as funny as they are empathetic, making even the creepiest stories bearable.
• Listener community: The hosts’ warmth towards their fans—reading full tales, shouting out to listeners’ families, and riffing off shared cultural memories—makes you feel part of the “weird” Morbid family.

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Keep It Weird — But Not That Weird

The episode closes with a lively yearning for the weird and wild 90s, a reminder to embrace the bizarre (but maybe not the demonic crib-side poltergeist type of weird), and a promise for more listener tales in the future.

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Final Words:
“We hope you keep listening, and we hope you keep it weird, but not so weird that you throw off your wig at the end of the tale. Bye!” – Ash & Alaina (66:51)

Transcript

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[Ash]

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[Ash]

Experian.

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[Elena]

Oh, no. My coffee. Bronnie.

[Ash]

Here. New Brawny. Three ply is now more absorbent. Wow. Got a clean shirt.

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

Do you wear plaid, Ronnie? Some of the strongest.

[Ash]

Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash.

[Elena]

And I'm Elena.

[Ash]

And this is this morbid.

[Elena]

Hello? Hello? Do you hear me?

[Ash]

Reporting live from the scene. It's you.

[Elena]

I'm gonna ask Casey. She's dead, but she can tell me what happened. Pet.

[Ash]

Hey. Hi. If you haven't noticed, I'm Casey Becker.

[Elena]

And I'm Gail Weathers. And this is morbid. It is. And top story.

[Ash]

Top story. Yep. Always Kenny. We should address Mikey as Kenny.

[Elena]

It made him have the.

[Ash]

And it's just a bag of Cheetos.

[Elena]

He is behind the camera right now. He's the cameraman.

[Ash]

Damn. I'm really pissed we didn't do that. Damn. One thing that I'm not pissed about is that we are going to be performing live at Radio City Music Hall, June 27th. Please go buy your [e-mail] because that is the only place that you can buy them where we approved the prices. And bots didn't buy them. Up and start selling them elsewhere only jacking up the prices.

[Elena]

Do it.

[Ash]

So do it.

[Elena]

It's New York.

[Ash]

Come on.

[Elena]

It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be one night only. Fun, fun, fun.

[Ash]

We're gonna be. I said maybe, but it's not even. Absolutely. We're gonna be dressed up.

[Elena]

We are absolutely gonna be dressed up.

[Ash]

Costumes are kind of our thing.

[Elena]

They are. It's Halloween every day here.

[Ash]

Should, like, get a costume store. We should morbid costume store.

[Elena]

I feel like that would ruin it, though.

[Ash]

Oh, wow.

[Elena]

You know, okay. If you get a whole store.

[Ash]

Yeah, I don't want to run a store.

[Elena]

I don't want to run a store. So forget that.

[Ash]

Buy that idea.

[Elena]

And you know what? When you pre order my new book, just. Just shifting gears a little bit. Everything is pretty bloody, you know, Segue, segue. When you pre order my new book, the Butcher Legacy, you can submit your receipt and you can get a really cool custom, spooky bookmark. I'm telling you, these bookmarks are the coolest bookmarks I've ever seen.

[Ash]

I love it.

[Elena]

So cool.

[Ash]

I haven't seen them yet.

[Elena]

Wait until you see them.

[Ash]

Oh, I want to see it.

[Elena]

They're so fun. So head to my Instagram in the. Or the link to the episode and there's going to be details, details on how to enter. But you need your receipt that shows that you pre ordered the Butcher Legacy and you will get a chance to win this really cool bookmark. And I'm telling you, you want to try to win this bookmark, you have

[Ash]

to show it to me after this, please. Okay, now enough with the business. Because this show is brought to you, by you, for you, from you, and all about you. Hell yeah, it was. So let's get to your motherfucking tails.

[Elena]

Let's do it.

[Ash]

I just like pointing this thing at everybody.

[Elena]

I like using this like it's a microphone, but this is my actual microphone and it's confusing me.

[Ash]

That is a little confusing. I could see that. Mikey's like, please talk into the real to understand that is not Nicholas is that Nicole?

[Elena]

Nicholas is that Nicole again? We bring Nicole into this room again. Nicholas is gonna be mad.

[Ash]

I know he doesn't like when Nicole

[Elena]

shows that he hates that.

[Ash]

I don't blame him. You go first. You're. You like to read the first tale. You go, you like it? I can't get over how much you look like. Like, you always do a good job with your costumes, but I think this one takes the cake. He's Touching you. I kind of want him to be like, yeah, you're stunning. I thought he was gonna say something like that. But he took it kind of to a weirder place than I thought we were gonna go to right off the bat. What did he say?

[Elena]

Portrait.

[Ash]

Oh, he wants to paint you like one of his girls. He said pose. Struck a pose. Go on vogue. Let Nicholas paint you from the afterlife.

[Elena]

Thank you. Nicholas.

[Ash]

What were you gonna say? I was just telling you you looked good.

[Elena]

I'm actually so proud of this find. Yeah, I like searched the interwebs. This is like a tenth, you know, hand me down jacket.

[Ash]

Can I tell you something? I have a jacket just like that that I bought for real Z's. And in fact, it's raining today. I was like, oh, I should have worn my gold trench. Not even thinking that we were filming today.

[Elena]

Can you imagine? Yeah, I was really proud of this. I had these shoes which I was.

[Ash]

Oh, those are yours? Those are really cute. I like the heel.

[Elena]

They're like kind of thick, little chunky and. Yeah, I think this was one I was proud of.

[Ash]

Yeah, I'm proud of it for you.

[Elena]

It's always iconic when you can find that thing that you're like that actually looks like it.

[Ash]

Can I tell you something? Like that might sound rude, but it's not great.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

I didn't like your hair at first cuz I think it was so different than your actual hair. You could do that color, actually.

[Elena]

Thank you.

[Ash]

You could, huh? And I don't do the cut, but I like the cut for the. For what it is.

[Elena]

Don't do the cut. Don't do the cut. Don't do the cut.

[Ash]

But I like it. Thank for the 90s.

[Elena]

See you. I like your Lord Farqua.

[Ash]

Somebody asked if I was wearing a wig and I was a little bit offended. But then I said, I know I change my hair a lot, but I wouldn't do this purposefully and make it this big and like Farquaadian.

[Elena]

So.

[Ash]

So yeah, this is a wig. It's a wig.

[Elena]

It's a wig. But can we please take a moment to admire the intestines?

[Ash]

This was a group project, so I was just gonna get like rope and kind of like bundle it on here. But a got me heatless curlers and then Mikey gave me wire to kind

[Elena]

of like bunch them up.

[Ash]

Yeah, bunch them up. And then I just put the blood everywhere and I hot glued it.

[Elena]

Really? It was a group project.

[Ash]

It was.

[Elena]

It came out great.

[Ash]

And Debbie was supportive. She said, you guys are so talented.

[Elena]

She did that.

[Ash]

You need that. You know. Did your shoe just make a crazy sound? No, I just heard a crazy sound. Like from this area. Or maybe it did. It scared me a little bit. It made me uneasy.

[Elena]

Maybe it's Nicholas.

[Ash]

I don't know. He is touching.

[Elena]

So I guess I gotta chill. We'll get into this. Okay. And we'll see what Nicholas has to say.

[Ash]

Oh, these are 90s themed tales. Because we're 90s themed.

[Elena]

Yeah. Deb Dub found some really good 90s theme tales.

[Ash]

And I'm excited about it because Scream came out. Came out the year of my birth.

[Elena]

Holy.

[Ash]

That's my birth movie.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Yeah. People were like in the theater as I was like.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Through the birth canal.

[Elena]

Yep. Yeah, yeah.

[Ash]

It's pretty good. Thank you for that.

[Elena]

Just. It's kind of like a luge. It is. You know, every. Every pregnant woman describes it like that. They say, just a luge. Just a luge.

[Ash]

If you have twins, it's like the ones where they lay on top of each other. Yeah.

[Elena]

Like the double bobs left. I'm crying.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

That's exactly what it was like.

[Ash]

No one laughs harder at my jokes than I do.

[Elena]

And that's what we love.

[Ash]

I got myself.

[Elena]

It makes me laugh harder. So I like that. But yeah, that's exactly what it's like. So as someone who had twins.

[Ash]

Mikey just drops.

[Elena]

Mikey's throwing Nicholas. I don't appreciate it.

[Ash]

Nicholas never laughs.

[Elena]

Nicholas is gonna get very angry. All right, so this first tale is called McMiracle. How a happy Meal Saved Us from Paul Bernardo's Clutches.

[Ash]

Oh, fuck. Is that the Barbie and Ken killer? Yeah. Oh.

[Elena]

Oh, he's. Hello. He's the worst.

[Ash]

Yeah. Holy.

[Elena]

What's gonna happen here?

[Ash]

Aren't you?

[Elena]

You must be. Once upon a time in the unassuming town of Saint Catharines, Ontario, where summer meant maple syrup festivals and beaver sightings. Not really. It's incredibly dull. Factory town, but a girl's gotta try.

[Ash]

Oh, maple syrup festivals. They should make that happen.

[Elena]

Why don't they do that?

[Ash]

Yeah. Make that happen. Canada.

[Elena]

They must do that somewhere. Come on.

[Ash]

Canada.

[Elena]

And there lived a duo so unlikely to thwart a notorious serial killer that even Hollywood would think it's too far fetched for a movie. But life has a knack for being absurd, doesn't it?

[Ash]

It sure fucking does.

[Elena]

It keeps doing that. It all happened during the summer of 92, when our little dot on the map was reeling from the discovery of the horrific murder of 14 year old Leslie Mahaffy. Followed soon after by the abduction of 15 year old Kristen French. And it is an awful, awful fucking story.

[Ash]

Yeah, that was one of our earlier cases.

[Elena]

Oh, it's awful. At the time of this story, Kristin was still missing and the entire Niagara region was on high alert. Sadly, we would all too soon learn that both beautiful girls had been kidnapped, brutalized, and eventually murdered by the putrid anal swabs. Yes, that's perfect. Putrid anal swabs is exactly what they are. Who do not even deserve to be named. But we unfortunately have to. In case you don't know, Paul Bernardo and Carla Hoca that summer while in college, shout out Brock University. Go Badgers.

[Ash]

Go Badgers. Hell yeah, eh?

[Elena]

I was working for the Traveling Playgrounds, a community based summer program that offered recreational activities for children at various local parks throughout the city.

[Ash]

Traveling Playgrounds is wild.

[Elena]

That's awesome.

[Ash]

I love it.

[Elena]

We worked in teams and my partner Allison and I would head out each morning. But pulling our trailer filled with games and crafts for the kitties to various local stops. This next part may seem trite, but we'll factor later in the story. Allison was of petite build, about 5ft tall, athletic with small features, and very pretty. I, on the other hand, was a bigger gal. I should say. I wasn't also a looker, but I did enjoy my share of Dairy Queen blizzards with extra helpings of Smarties. That sounds amazing. Which is an Eminem wannabe Canadian candy. I didn't know that I got you

[Ash]

Smarties heavy with I. Yeah. Because we have Smarties here that are like sour candies. I so heavy with a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. Now I want one.

[Ash]

We should, you know, they deliver. We're getting Dairy Queen blizzards for lunch. Thank you for that.

[Elena]

Yeah, thank you for that. Hell yeah. Oh, so.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. And they give you toast with it, like as a side.

[Elena]

They give you toast.

[Ash]

Yeah. Me and Drew kind of frequent Dairy Queen a lot.

[Elena]

I was gonna.

[Ash]

What? Yeah, so you get. You get like a box, like whatever you want. I think they have like corn dogs. Let me tell you all about it. They have. I get the chicken tenders that are really good, and you can get fries or onion rings. And then as a side, they give you buttered toast.

[Elena]

That's what we're getting for lunch, period. I'm fueling myself like a champion today.

[Ash]

I ate a healthy breakfast. So off.

[Elena]

So off. It's cool.

[Ash]

Also, the world is ending.

[Elena]

Gives you shit. Eat what you want. Just.

[Ash]

Why you eating so good? The world is ending.

[Elena]

All right. You may want to look it up to be absolutely underwhelmed. But back to our. Yeah, it's okay. The Smarties from here, if they're not the same, are really good.

[Ash]

Yeah, they are really good.

[Elena]

So try those. I'll send you some.

[Ash]

Okay, you send us. We'll send you those, and you send us back those.

[Elena]

Those Cheesy.

[Ash]

The cheesy.

[Elena]

Like fucking chip. The. The puffs.

[Ash]

Yes.

[Elena]

Hold on.

[Ash]

I'm gonna look it up, because it's gonna piss me off.

[Elena]

There's a Canadian thing. I know we're getting off track, but whatever, man.

[Ash]

It's listener talk.

[Elena]

This is very important. It's a cheesy. Like, almost like a Cheeto.

[Ash]

Yeah, it's like a Cheeto I typed in. They're called cheesies.

[Elena]

Cheesies.

[Ash]

Cheesies.

[Elena]

These things. Send me some cheesies.

[Ash]

They're big boy cheesies.

[Elena]

Oh, hell, yeah. Get us those. I will send you some Smarties if you send me cheesies.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Okay, girl. Oh.

[Ash]

Oh, sorry. And Tim Tams.

[Elena]

There you go. I'm all done. Yep. Okay, we're good now. But back to our story. Even she knew. Even she was like, you know what? I think you're gonna get off on here. Suffice it to say, with my birthin hips and boobies, I looked every bit of my almost 19 years. Good for you, Queen. Yeah, good for you. On the fateful day in question, Allison and I pulled into one of the local parks, the knowing of which would later shake us to our very cores when we would learn it was right around the corner from the house where the horrific murders of Leslie and Kristen took place. Oh, wow. We were up some games with all the enthusiasm of a sloth on a caffeine overdose when a dark blue van with tinted windows suddenly appeared. It slowly crept closer to the only entrance and exit to the park until it had completely blocked us in, like a scene from a B list horror flick.

[Ash]

Oh, I hate that.

[Elena]

The driver's door opened, and though we didn't know yet know his identity out stepped Paul Bernardo. What the.

[Ash]

The fact that you were that close

[Elena]

to this is horrifying. He stood looking silently in our direction. I, for no other reason than basic instinct, froze in place and gathered the children closer to me. Good on you.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's. I love an instinct.

[Elena]

Yeah. Allison, on the other hand, assumed this must be a parent looking to drop off his child and approach the van with a creepy grin that could rival the joker's. That shit stain began asking Allison questions like when we were at the particular park each week, what time? And were we always together or did we ever come alone?

[Ash]

No, I don't go to the park alone.

[Elena]

I have full body chills. As I recall and write this, Allison quickly grew alarmed by his line of questioning and began to slowly step back in the direction of me and the children. As soon as she did, he also took a step forward.

[Ash]

Oh, that's when you got a junk jab.

[Elena]

Yup. I watched. Stress stressed indeed, Nicholas. I watched the scene unfolding and moved hastily in the direction of my own car, attempting to reach through the driver's window for my car phone. Yes, ladies, a car phone. If anyone listening is too young to know what that is, you Google it.

[Ash]

Iconic.

[Elena]

The tension escalated, and I felt the bile rising in my throat as it was clear this individual had every intention of continuing his inch by inch pursuit.

[Ash]

Like, in front of everyone, too.

[Elena]

Children. And that's when our savior arrived. Not on a white horse, but a white pickup truck with obnoxiously loud bass speakers, clutching McDonald's bag. Ray, the hero of our absurd tale, was my boyfriend at the time. I did end up marrying him, then later left him and St. Catherine's behind for the bright lights of New York City. But that's a tale of its own. Don't judge. I never will. I will not judge you, girl.

[Ash]

Never.

[Elena]

Ray was working construction in the neighborhood, and since he knew my weekly park schedule, he had decided to surprise us with lunch.

[Ash]

Aw.

[Elena]

From Mickey D's.

[Ash]

What a real one.

[Elena]

What a man.

[Ash]

From what I know, from what we know.

[Elena]

He pulled up right next to Mr. Creepy Van holding a brown paper bag containing, yes, you guessed it, Happy Meals.

[Ash]

Let's go.

[Elena]

What would two grown college girls want with a Happy Meal, you may ask.

[Ash]

Sweet and sour.

[Elena]

Why the toys, of course. Good old Mickey D's was doing some sort of toy promotion that I honestly can't remember anymore. But back then, we were all obsessed with collecting anything and everything we could get our hands on.

[Ash]

Collecting was a huge part of the 90s.

[Elena]

I had every 90s, like, little toy. Yeah. And I didn't get to go to McDonald's all the time. Like, because. And it's just because my parents were, like, no fast food.

[Ash]

Oh, my mom was trash. We went all the time.

[Elena]

It was always, like, a very special occasion. Like, if I, like, went to my doctor's appointment.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like. Like, you know what I mean? But, yeah. So collecting was a big. A big part of the 90s. I remember those little. They had little Barbie toys Oh, yeah. Do you remember the Barbie toys? I still have some of mine.

[Ash]

That's cool.

[Elena]

At the girls house.

[Ash]

Yeah, I remember like hearing about those. I don't remember like getting them.

[Elena]

Hell yeah. They were awesome.

[Ash]

I think Drew's cousin once dunked one of her Barbie heads into a ketchup thing.

[Elena]

Damn.

[Ash]

Yeah, she got in trouble for it.

[Elena]

That's intense.

[Ash]

Yeah, it's funny.

[Elena]

So again, lunchbox town, ladies. So cut us a little slack. All we had was the occasional prize at the bottom of a Cheerios box and premarital sex to keep us teens from heading to the dark. I kid you not. It was as if the universe had sent a clown car convoy to rescue us. Shockingly, Mr. Serial Killer didn't stick around for the Happy Meal surprise. He jumped in the van at the first sight of Ray and peeled out of the parking lot faster than you can say super sized. Remember the movie? Right. We immediately called the police and were able to give a very accurate description of both the driver and the van. Which I am proud to say later factored into the case and the ultimate apprehension of the killer couple.

[Ash]

We love seeing two bad. Yes, two bad.

[Elena]

At a park. At a park. Months passed and we all went on with our lives. Allison and I returned to college and lost touch, as teenagers do. Then one day, the story broke. An arrest was finally made, and the entire Niagara region gathered around their collective television sets to hear the evening news that finally revealed the monster behind Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffey's disappearances. Paul Bernardo's grotesque image hadn't appeared on the screen for more than a few seconds when the kitchen phone rang. Back then, I didn't need caller ID to know it would be Allison on the other end, trembling like Chihuahuas on espresso with paws made of lead. That's a beautiful image. Yeah. We took turns stumbling over the bone chilling words. It's him. It's the guy from the park.

[Ash]

Oh, that's so scary.

[Elena]

Circling back to my earlier seemingly non sequitur about my enjoyment of one too many smarty lizards, you ladies and listeners have probably already connected the dots. Allison, light in weight and small in stature, perfectly fit the profile this monster and his beast bride had been targeting. Easy to grab and easy to dispose of. Oh, my God. That summer day, Paul Bernardo had been out stalking his next victim. All while Kristen French was still very much alive and being held captive and tortured just a few blocks away from us. Holy shit. Oh, that's so chilling. A fucking Happy Meal had saved Allison from the clutches of serial killer and the irony was too much for any of us to bear. Sometimes even life's darkest moments need to be served with a side of humor to make them a bit more palatable. Agreed. So that, my morbid lovelies, is the tale of how a teenage boy, armed with nothing more than a lunch bag and the dream of getting some became the unlikely hero in the face of truly unspeakable evil. Keep it weird, ladies. And in the interest of public safety, maybe go grab yourselves a Happy Meal.

[Ash]

Threaten me with a good time. Except you inspired us to get Dairy Queen.

[Elena]

But here's the thing. What now? Are we gonna get Mickey D's with Dairy Queen on for dessert?

[Ash]

No, I want the bread.

[Elena]

We can get it all. Why? Why choose one.

[Ash]

Get whatever you want. I'm getting a chicken basket with toast. All right.

[Elena]

I'm getting both in your honor. You're getting both?

[Ash]

Look at you.

[Elena]

She's a built both. I'm hungry. You have a fast metabolism. That was a shocking tale.

[Ash]

Yeah. I did not expect that to go

[Elena]

like that because I never think of, like, what it would be like, not just to see somebody that you later find out is a serial killer, but

[Ash]

to almost be abducted by them, but

[Elena]

to actually interact with them and have, like, a weird moment with them and have it be like, that could have been us next. And to know that Kristen French was alive, well, that's just at the park.

[Ash]

Because we always say, like, when we're telling these cases, and, like, something awful happens. It's like. Imagine, like, somebody was just next door, like, cleaning their house. And that's such a prime example.

[Elena]

These kids are playing at the park, have not a care in the world. Middle of the day in French is a few blocks away. Alive. Yeah, like, and he's just out patrolling for someone else.

[Ash]

Like, it's awful.

[Elena]

It really is. So scary.

[Ash]

Just, like, how bleak life is.

[Elena]

It really is.

[Ash]

All right, well, next case is maybe a bit of a palate cleanser based on the name Listener tale. The time my dad got yeeted by the Jersey Devil. Hell, yeah. And it was meant for me. How my dad getting yeeted by the Jersey Devil led to my lifelong interest in the weird, macabre. Hello, you beautiful bad bitches. Mavens of the macabre. Mistresses of the morbid. Collectors of the crazy. See, we're all collecting. Collecting. Since the 90s.

[Elena]

Collecting shit.

[Ash]

I've been a fan and avid listener of Morbid since COVID And let me tell you, it was distressing to listen to you talk about all Your future grand adventures in the early seasons, knowing that none of them would happen because of the Rona.

[Elena]

Yeah, the rona.

[Ash]

The number of times I said, oh, you sweet summer child, as you unknowingly mentioned, some tour or get together to happen post March 2020 had to have been in the hundreds. That being said, your banter and quirky humor got me through being stuck at home teaching from my couch and my misadventures in baking. Don't deny it. We all tried to make fancy pants bread in our kitchen during lockdown. Yeah, it's true. You know what I made so much of during lockdown? Instant coffee or whipped coffee?

[Elena]

Whipped coffee.

[Ash]

You never made whipped coffee. Well, you have children.

[Elena]

I was just gonna say I wasn't making whipped coffee.

[Ash]

I was surviving. You put like instant coffee sugar, and then like water or milk. And you like either froth it or you like hand.

[Elena]

I love frothing anything. Me too.

[Ash]

We should make it. It's actually really good.

[Elena]

Yeah, we should froth.

[Ash]

Let's froth.

[Elena]

Let's start frothing tomorrow.

[Ash]

Women of New York, thank you for froth yourselves.

[Elena]

No, I was just trying to become a preschool teacher.

[Ash]

Yeah, I helped a little bit with that.

[Elena]

You did. And it was an experience.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Teachers are the best and deserve lots of money.

[Ash]

And it sounds like you might be a teacher.

[Elena]

Yes. So I hope you get many raises.

[Ash]

I hope you get a lot of money. It's tax time.

[Elena]

But for a lot of us, the

[Ash]

old way of doing taxes is a lot. Trying to book an appointment that's not the most convenient. Sitting in a waiting room with a stack of papers, emailing back and forth and wondering if they really get your situation. But this year, you're getting a major upgrade. Intuit TurboTax now has in person locations nationwide. You can meet face to face with a real tax expert and your documents get uploaded straight to your TurboTax app on the spot. And just like that, you're done. Your TurboTax expert works to get you every dollar you deserve, while you get real time notifications as you go about your day. It's the relief of walking in and meeting a real person and walking out knowing your taxes are being handled right. Head to turbotax.com local to find a store near you and book your appointment.

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[Ash]

Run a smoother business when you're all aligned.

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[Ash]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail]. So I can't wait to read your book Elena. Oh thanks. I'm stuck in my smut era so it'll have to wait until I'm done reading about peens destroying the jeans. Awesome Ash. I hope your wedding was fan fucking tastic. It was.

[Elena]

I love you.

[Ash]

I got married in 2021 and I look back on it and wish I could do it all over again because it was amazeballs.

[Elena]

Oh me too.

[Ash]

I always like I want to experience my wedding. My husband surprised me by singing the first part of our first dance song and between that and having all my friends and family around, it was the best night ever. I only hope that everyone who gets married has the absolute best time ever.

[Elena]

Me too.

[Ash]

What a sweetie you are sweet as a forward. You can use my name and any other information that comes up in this tale. You aren't the first people I've told and you sure as hell won't be the last. It's one of my go to's to show how messed up in a good way my childhood was.

[Elena]

Love that.

[Ash]

Let's do it. My name is Morgan, Morgan, Morgan. And to preface my tale, I live in extreme South Jersey. You know that little dingleberry turd that hangs off the little dude? That is my state.

[Elena]

That one.

[Ash]

Most people think of the congested, smog infested city suburbs when they think of New Jersey, but where I live it's more sandy back roads and farms. Yes, we are inundated with shoebies in the summer, but outside of those times it's quiet and peaceful.

[Elena]

Shoebies?

[Ash]

Do you know what a shoeb is?

[Elena]

I don't know what a shoobie is.

[Ash]

I'll find out what a shoebie is.

[Elena]

I'll look it up while you do this.

[Ash]

All right, I'll let you interrupt me. When I was very young, we didn't have air conditioning, so we would go on peanut rides where we would get ice cream and cruise around with the AC on, enjoying the respite from the heat. Most of the time, we would end up driving down Jake's Landing, a short, rather straight road that went out to a boat in the marsh.

[Elena]

I found out what a shoebie is.

[Ash]

Hit me up.

[Elena]

It is a term used by locals on the southern New Jersey coast and parts of California to describe day tripping tourists who visit the beach, often arriving by train or bus.

[Ash]

Shoobies.

[Elena]

Shoobies.

[Ash]

I'm kind of obsessed with that.

[Elena]

Just arriving on the boardwalk. I love it. I like it a lot.

[Ash]

All right. Well, the road was partially flanked by cedars, all in straight rows, part of the CCC program in the 30s, and a small family cemetery from the early 1800s.

[Elena]

Love that.

[Ash]

There used to be farm stands out there, but the houses were moved to the closest town or to Cold spring village, a 19th century open air, open air museum. Open air living museum. There are no lights and the trees are so thick that the moonlight barely filters through. Hello.

[Elena]

That sounds spooky and awesome.

[Ash]

To say it's spooky is an understatement.

[Elena]

Oh, okay.

[Ash]

My parents, the unhinged people they are, would always try to scare us. So, of course, the Jersey Devil lived down in Jake's Landing. Just as a refresher, the Jersey Devil is a bat, winged deer, cloven hooved menace that terrorizes the Pine Barrens. And according to my mom, he loves children who eat ice cream, which, coincidentally, my brother Daniel and I had most likely just consumed.

[Elena]

Yep, you were some real mom.

[Ash]

You were being bad kids that night. Usually, we were safe inside the confines of the car, but this night, this very memorable night, we weren't as safe as we thought. We were driving along, enjoying our ice cream in the cool air when the car suddenly stopped working. The engine roared loudly as my dad tried to get the car to move, but we stayed motionless. The trees leaned over the car, blocking out what little moonlight there was. The only light for miles was the headlights, and who knew how long they would continue to protect us from the lurking darkness. My dad bravely said that he would venture out to see if he could find something wrong with the engine. And despite my mom's dramatic protestations, he popped the hood and opened his door. Daniel 6 and I 3 sat in the back seat wide eyed and sticky mouthed from the dripping ice cream and watched as our dad stepped into what was certain death. We walk. He walked calmly into the front of the car, lifted the hood and tinkered under there muttering, son of a ham sandwich. Or flipping flying squirrels.

[Elena]

Amazing dad right there truly showing his

[Ash]

frustration and not finding anything wrong. After a few minutes, he walked to my mom's side of the car. She put down the window and he explained that he couldn't find anything wrong and he was going to have to walk to the nearest house to call my grandpa to come get us. This was the 1990s and cell phones were only for the very rich and important.

[Elena]

Yep.

[Ash]

Just as my mom sighed, accepting that tonight would be a long night, my father let out a shriek like I've never heard before.

[Elena]

You never want your dad to let out a shriek?

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

Even when you've heard before? Well, you just never want him to yell out a shriek.

[Ash]

Maybe.

[Elena]

It usually means something bad is happening. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

[Ash]

Well, he started. This definitely means something bad is happening. He started clawing at the window frame, grabbing for my mom's hands while being so slowly dragged down and under the car. He was screaming, something's got me. Something's got me. My mom tried to pull him in, but she was no match for my dad's 62 Scandinavian frame being pulled under the car by what we could only assume was the Jersey Devil.

[Elena]

It absolutely was.

[Ash]

I sat frozen in the back seat as the biggest, strongest man I had ever known was being devoured. My brother, on the other hand, realized that he was the man of the house now, since my dad was obviously going to die. So he calmly locked the doors and told my mom to roll up the windows so we would be safe. He is 6.

[Elena]

At 6, he's like, Mama.

[Ash]

Well, I'm the man of the house. He just grew a mustache in that moment. He's like.

[Elena]

He pulls out a cigar, he's like, well, side note, dad's dead. Dad's dead.

[Ash]

Side note, I'm not sure why we thought a mythical being that was centuries old couldn't figure out how to break into the car, but we did.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

The car started rocking violently.

[Elena]

Oh my God.

[Ash]

And my dad kept shouting as he fought off the Jersey Devil. I knew this was the last time I was going to hear my dad's voice.

[Elena]

What?

[Ash]

I was going to be the girl whose dad was killed by the Jersey Devil.

[Elena]

Oh God.

[Ash]

My mom would be widowed because her husband was eaten by a Cryptid. Our lives would never be the same again.

[Elena]

What is going on?

[Ash]

Suddenly, my dad popped up next to the driver's side door. A bit dirty, but relatively unharmed. He screamed at my mom to unlock the doors, hopped in and started the car. Miraculously, the car started and drove with no problem. My dad drove like a maniac back to the relative safety of the nearest highway. I knew we were incredibly lucky to have survived an interaction with such an evil and deadly creature. Yeah, it wasn't until later in life that I realized none of that actually happened. And my parents are just turd buckets who like scaring their children for the lulls of it all.

[Elena]

Your parents are everything.

[Ash]

All of it was just a huge joke. And now that I know how neutral works in a car, it all makes sense. Not neutral. I love your parents. However, these types of interactions, along with growing up in a 19th century house where invisible old ladies would gossip in the empty living room and babies would cry in the vacant bedrooms, helped me. Helped lead me down the dark Moobid and the Moobid. Hey, weirdos. This is Moobid. We're Moobin.

[Elena]

We're gonna talk about cows.

[Ash]

Anyway. Helped lead me down the dark, morbid and spooky path. I am now a card carrying mumbo. I have to go.

[Elena]

God.

[Ash]

Carry Memo of the Movid. It's like Mambo number five. You can leave a.

[Elena]

Your intestines are falling out. So it's okay.

[Ash]

I'm literally bleeding out here.

[Elena]

Yeah, you're gonna be a little.

[Ash]

Feeling a little woozy.

[Elena]

All right.

[Ash]

I am now a card carrying member of the Weird party. Same, clearly. Thank you, ladies, for all the entertainment you provide. You're welcome.

[Elena]

Thank you.

[Ash]

I know it's not easy having to deal with death and murder every day, but you bring a ton of joy into many people's homes. And I'm sure I speak for everyone when we say we appreciate everything you do. Hope you have a fantabulous day and keep it weird. But not as weird as your dad, who literally scared you in the middle of the summer when you were just trying to enjoy the ice cream and the cold AC weather. And he got dragged under the car by the jersey. But really it was just him playing a prank on his children, which we are obsessed with. Keep it that weird, I think.

[Elena]

Keep it that weird. That was wild. And I'm obsessed with your parents.

[Ash]

That was so funny.

[Elena]

Let's see this. One Listener A listener Tales Special.

[Ash]

Two patterns.

[Elena]

The night of dreams. Saved my boyfriend's future future wife. What My best friend, Maybe bf.

[Ash]

Yeah, best friend. Bf.

[Elena]

I was like your boyfriend.

[Ash]

Unless you're your sister wife.

[Elena]

Unless it's you and Casper and friends. Head to the Jersey shore obsessed. Jersey again. Greetings, weirdly wonderful ladies. My name is Dennis. Yes, named after the menace.

[Ash]

I love that.

[Elena]

And you can certainly use my name and my wife's name who will shit the largest phallus if she ever hears this.

[Ash]

Not the largest phallus. I do be like that sometimes. Me too. You're not alone, Nicholas.

[Elena]

I am confused.

[Ash]

Nicholas, you don't chart.

[Elena]

Nicholas, we get it.

[Ash]

I'm screaming. I'm with you.

[Elena]

Oh, I have two strange tales to share with you. And I apologize in advance for oversharing and perhaps being long winded.

[Ash]

Don't do that. Oh, do you like my perfume? You like mine? He always talks to you, so he needs to like me. I need to be like two. You're like.

[Elena]

You like my perfume?

[Ash]

My perfume.

[Elena]

Which one do you like, Nicholas? I'm just kidding.

[Ash]

If you're wearing the vanilla perfume, that's my perfume, too.

[Elena]

Technically, it's true.

[Ash]

Butthead.

[Elena]

Oh, she's. She's getting gnarly.

[Ash]

I'm getting hungry. I need a. I need a Dairy Queen snack.

[Elena]

But first, let me explain how I came to be aware of your morbidly fun podcast with the following double space pudifa, my third and current wife, Kelly. And last, by the way, I read

[Ash]

that as my third aunt and current wife. And I said, dennis.

[Elena]

What? I said, dennis, you are.

[Ash]

I said, what's going on? My third aunt and current wife would be nuts. Oh.

[Elena]

My third and current wife, Kelly and Lass, by the way, had been walking around the house with her earbuds in which I couldn't see because of her long hair. Doing things crafty, as witchy women like her are want to do.

[Ash]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Elena]

Whether it be crocheting blankets for the kids, we have three.

[Ash]

Oh, yay.

[Elena]

Creating bed mats for her familiars. Two guinea pigs, Ham, Solo and Chewy.

[Ash]

Amazing.

[Elena]

And three sister rats, Winifred, Mary, and Sarah. And yes, named appropriately after the Sanders and sisters.

[Ash]

Love.

[Elena]

Or procrastinating. Doing laundry. It never ends. I feel that I'm not a laundry. Every so often, I'd hear a laugh chortle or oh, my God. Thinking the kids had finally driven her insane, I asked what she was going on about. It was at this time that she removed one of her earbuds and shared you both with me. I listened to the rest of the show she was listening to and was hooked I liked how you both recited your stories despite not being able to tell your voices apart and love how you admonish the monsters in those tales as if they could hear you. I also love both of your laughs and can't help but laugh along when you both break down in hysterics or giggle fits. Mostly when you're reading the these listener tales, see both your reactions of you can all the way off. What the. I just can't and that is so beyond mimic what I'm usually thinking too. I think of my wife as your third sister as she's a lover of the spooky and Halloween is to her what Christmas is to me. An enchanting time of wonder and happiness period. I love you guys. Enough of me espousing my admiration for you two. Let's go to the good stuff. But before I start, I should let you know that I'm not someone who believes in the paranormal, ghosts, psychics, etc I'm an atheist who believes that even though I cannot explain such phenomena, I don't dismiss or look down at those that do or that it isn't real. I simply believe that the scientific explanation hasn't been discovered yet. It of the two stories I'm about to share I cannot to this day explain them. And that's okay. What a wonderful attitude you have. Yeah, I like it's like I can't explain them and that's cool if you can even better. Love that. Chapter one the Dream that Saved My Best Friend's Future Wife okay, we figured it out. This tale takes place in the way way back time of the 1990s. I had a best friend at the time, we'll call him Jack and another friend I would go out clubbing with that we'll call Diane since I don't believe the current generation may not get the reference, but clubbing meant going out from nightclub to nightclub, drinking, dancing, etc

[Ash]

I've been clubbing on this night.

[Elena]

Jack and I and some other guy friends were going to meet up with Diane and some of her girlfriends and spend the night going from bars to clubs and at some point end up at a 24 hour diner. Oh, I should have mentioned that this takes place in the great state of New Jersey, land of all night diners.

[Ash]

Lucky I didn't know that was a thing. We have one all night diner in Boston.

[Elena]

Just one. We had made plans to start a sports bar and end up at an to start at a sports bar.

[Ash]

I was like wow, this escalated so fast.

[Elena]

I was like what? What an amazing night you dedicated your life to becoming entrepreneurs in that night.

[Ash]

You.

[Elena]

You began at a sports bar and ended up in a nightclub. My routine.

[Ash]

Touch.

[Elena]

He's touching you or touching you?

[Ash]

Now he's touching you. He liked my perfume, but now he's touching you.

[Elena]

Yeah, thanks. You get like the. You smell good. I get the assault. Nice. She's like, you can have that one. My routine for a night out had always been to come home, nap, shower, dress, and head out. This particular night, however, I wasn't feeling well and let both Jack and Diane know I was probably going to stay in. And here's where it gets spooky.

[Ash]

Jack and Diane was almost lost on us. Did you catch that?

[Elena]

It absolutely was.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Until it was set together. Little Diddy about Jack D. He was going to show us. He was like, I got.

[Ash]

You said, I knew it was Jack and Diane. I'll show you. What if he just queued up the s. Little Diddy.

[Elena]

I dreamed that my friend Diane was in her car following Jack and others and got into a head on collision with another vehicle while turning across the highway.

[Ash]

That gave me chill.

[Elena]

Though we are known.

[Ash]

What? Oh, The way.

[Elena]

The way you just slid across.

[Ash]

Oh, my God.

[Elena]

I need to see that footage.

[Ash]

Everything in me needs to see that I'm okay.

[Elena]

Oh my God, my stomach hurts.

[Ash]

You're gonna be there and then not there.

[Elena]

You're like sliding at the.

[Ash]

I'm crying. Oh, my God. I was gonna yell into the camera, like, what? But then you were like, leave it all in. Leave all of that chaos in. Did my wig fall off?

[Elena]

Oh.

[Ash]

Oh, Nicholas, did you trip me? Is my wig on?

[Elena]

Just say your wig is on. What you just said. Diane.

[Ash]

I know names. I know. I tell ya.

[Elena]

Wow.

[Ash]

I was freaked out and then I fell. Damn, that was crazy. If we don't make that a clip for Instagram. Guys, guys. This listener tale was crazy. No, the thing about me is I love when people fall. It's 10 times funnier when you yourself fall.

[Elena]

Though we're known for our cloverleaf turns, there were still some highways that had left turn lights. I must have had some kind of fever because I woke up sweating as I slept to the point of perhaps in need of floaties since cell phones were yet to be even close to what they are today. Mostly for the well to do and celebrities. I had no way to call to see if my dream was simply that, that or something more sinister. The sense of dread that I felt spurned me to jump in my car and head to the bar. I knew they were going to be at. You're a good friend.

[Ash]

I know.

[Elena]

At. Arriving at the bar, both Jack and Diane were there, along with our other friends, and everything seemed to be okay. I recounted my dream to them, and while the guys just kind of laughed it off, the ladies seemed to give my tail more credence because we're empaths. We're witchy. A little while later, it was decided that the bar was no longer the place to be at, and we started off for another venue for libations. Since most of us had brought our own cars, there was almost a funeral procession of us headed out. At the particular intersection I dreamed about. I was in front and Jack behind me, and Diane a few vehicles behind him. Jack and I made the light and turned, leaving the rest of them behind at the light and headed to the next bar. Jack and I arrived and waited for Diane and her friends. While some of our other friends showed up, Diane never did. After 30 minutes, I started to get worried. I played out in my mind that she probably stopped for gas, caught a little traffic, etc. After an hour, I started getting panicky. I'm not the one who gets panicked. I'm usually the one who remains calm during stressful situations. Probably due in part to my time in the U.S. marines. Yeah, I would say that's it. When one of our friends, who I knew to be behind Diane, finally arrived, I asked what happened and where was Diane. He said there was a terrible accident. The car in front of Diane was hit nearly head on at the intersection. While he didn't know the extent of the injuries to the person that was hit, he did say that Diane was so rattled, she ended up just going home. Oh, whoa. Jack ended up going over to her house to see if she was doing okay. As he lived not far from her, she was a bit shaken. Especially after my dreaming of what could have happened had it not, had I not been there to possibly be another car in the line, that instead would have put her at the intersection at the wrong time. Yeah, that's exactly what happened.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Turns out this is what started a relationship between Jack and Diane. They're still married with two kids to this day. And the reason I was made godfather to their firstborn, I had never had a similar experienced since.

[Ash]

Yeah, that was a divine message.

[Elena]

That's crazy.

[Ash]

That's nuts.

[Elena]

You can't explain that.

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[Elena]

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[Ash]

Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now, let's flex those two

[Narrator/Ad Voice]

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[Ash]

of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail]

[Elena]

the next one is chapter two Casper and friends Go down to I'm obsessed. This story takes place during the marriage to my second wife, known as she who Shall Not Be Named and for the sake of brevity, you may refer to her as Lilith as she nearly sucked the life out of me.

[Ash]

Or no.

[Elena]

Quick note, this was a rebound marriage after the failure of my first marriage when she had decided after being married for five years that she did not want to have children. She was a school teacher too.

[Ash]

That's bleak.

[Elena]

Damn, that's tough. Littlest birthday was the 19th of September, and we had decided to spend it down to at the shore and neat, neat, neat at the picturesque seaside town of Cape May, N.J. september at the Jersey shore could be hit or miss with the weather, depending on how soon Mother Nature wanted fall to arrive, but we decided that a little chill at night wouldn't keep us away. We had rented a room at the somewhat famous Peter Shields Inn Fire Bliss.

[Ash]

Oh, I'm glad we both heard that.

[Elena]

He said fireplace. Then he said be careful.

[Ash]

Oh, he said okay. He's like okay, you got it.

[Elena]

Okay, got it.

[Ash]

What if something with a fireplace happens in this story?

[Elena]

I think you should fall again if that happens. We arrived late Friday for the weekend and were spent from the drive about Three hours. We were lucky because we had made reservations in advance and there was a wedding that was happening the next day and the hotel was booked. The inn was a classic shore Victorian home with rooms on the second floor and restaurant banquet hall on the first floor. There's a grand staircase that leads up to the second floor. There were nine rooms and the landing on the second floor was U shaped with our room being at the base of the U shape. In order to get to the other side of the landing to the other rooms, you had to pass our room and a fireplace. Thank you for these photos. That's helping me understand this.

[Ash]

I know it's also really pretty.

[Elena]

That night we had heard other guests arriving, some some to be very late in the evening and thought nothing of it and went to sleep. Sometime after midnight I awoke to find to someone knocking softly on our door as if not entirely sure that they wanted to wake anyone else up at this hour. I went to the door and quietly asked, who is it? No answer. I opened the door slowly but saw no one. Thinking I had imagined the knocking, I closed the door and went back to sleep. The next day we enjoyed the Indian summer weather at the beach, took a trip to the Cape May lighthouse and spent time on Diamond Beach. We had dinner that night at the inn while a wedding went on the on at the banquet hall. Now, while I can drink. I often did not around Lilith because she often drank to excess, which inevitably led me to either helping her walk or carrying her home or in this case up to our room. Reason number one, why the marriage ended. But that's the different horror story I imagine.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Again, it was after midnight when this time I heard a child or children giggling and running up and down the hallway outside our door. I tried to pay no mind to the noise, but I did think it was very late for kids to be up. But that was parenting in the 90s without a sitter. I guess it was a kid or kids from the wedding party that were up because their parents were still partying. Again, great 90s parenting. Again, I could hear giggling and running up and down the hall. This time the ruckus. Yes, I can describe the ruckus, sir. Was enough to awaken Lilith from her drunken slumber and nudge me out of bed to take care of them.

[Ash]

She's like, kill those kids. Kill those kids for me. That's why. That's why I don't want them.

[Elena]

And he's like, that's why the marriage ended. So I got up, up and dressed as I expected to have to confront these kids and perhaps the parents about being so disruptive at such a late hour. It sounds like they're literally just outside my door and when I open it, nothing, nothing, nobody is out there. At first I thought maybe they had made it to their own rooms, but there was no way they could have done that without at least me catching the door closing as the nearest door to the next room was more than 15ft away. Yeah? I asked out into the emptiness of faint hello? With no response. Puzzled, I turned back to go into the room and as I closed the door, I could swear I heard the faintest giggle.

[Ash]

I'm obsessed with that.

[Elena]

Chalking it up to me being too slow, I went back to bed. The next morning, as we came down for breakfast, I had struck up a conversation with the hostess about the wedding and the noises that happened. She apologized for the wedding being a bit rowdy and said it was okay as a wedding is a party and people should have fun. Or I said it was okay. I was like, she said that to you? I was like that. Rude. And I said it was okay as a wedding is a party and people should be having fun celebrating. I then mentioned that even so, keeping kids up that late and letting them run around and really wasn't being respectful to the other guests. And that's when the banter became awkward. The hostess said that there were no children staying at the inn this weekend.

[Ash]

Ew.

[Elena]

I asked if she was certain and she said the wedding was an adults only wedding and that there were definitely no children. She looked uneasy and excused herself and came back momentarily with a manager. The manager asked me what I had heard and I recounted my experience. The hostess and manager looked at each other and began to tell me the tale of Peter Shield's inn. She said that while they don't advertise or like to make it known, there were rumors that the inn was haunted. Haunted by the 15 year old son of Peter Shields, who had died from an accidental hunting accident. Apparently Earl had asked to go hunting with a friend, but his parents forbade him to go. He went anyway and on his return he was climbing out of a boat and while using a rifle as a crutch to get out, the gun discharged and shot him in the head. Holy. He allegedly feels guilty for disobeying his mother and has never left the house.

[Ash]

That's so sad.

[Elena]

I was flabbergasted. Lilith was shocked as well. As I stated earlier, I don't believe in such things, but I know what I heard and I will swear to you up and down to this day, that what I experienced was real. I believe you, since you don't believe in that. Yeah. Since we were checking out that day, we didn't feel the need to yeet out of there. But while I have been back to. To Cape May so many times, I have never stayed there again. I don't blame you. And there you have it. I hope I haven't been too long winded. And I've attached some extra pictures of us cosplaying at the New York Comic Con, as my wife usually makes all of our costumes, and I thought you'd get a kick out of them. Oh, that's amazing. And she's a badass.

[Ash]

Oh, and your family is beautiful.

[Elena]

Oh, my God. The cutest.

[Ash]

So cute.

[Elena]

Keep up the great work. And keep it weird enough that even though you don't believe in premonitions, that when you do have one, it saves someone you love. But don't keep it weird enough to be kept up at night by kids who aren't your own. Damn.

[Ash]

Wow.

[Elena]

These costumes are awesome.

[Ash]

I know.

[Elena]

She's wildly talented. And you guys.

[Ash]

Oh, Witch House. Oh, you guys are so cool.

[Elena]

I'm like, look at that. Oh, you guys are cool as hell.

[Ash]

Oh, I love these.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. Spike. Holy. What the helly?

[Elena]

You and James Marsters. P.S. i had every intention of sending this in before my wife and I took a trip up to Salem. But the ADHD kicked in and I got lost in the shuffle.

[Ash]

We understand that.

[Elena]

I totally get that. That was awesome.

[Ash]

That was such a good tale.

[Elena]

Holy shit.

[Ash]

For real?

[Elena]

Damn.

[Ash]

Oh, so spooky.

[Elena]

I believe that you heard ghost children 100%. And I believe that you had a premonition that saved your friend's life and made it so that your friends could get married. I think so. Because the whole thing was you had to have gotten in line to push Diane backwards.

[Ash]

Right? Exactly.

[Elena]

That was the whole thing. So you weren't going to. And something in the universe was like, get up. Yeah, I believe that completely. Oh, that's because I've had. I've seen that happen to people we know where they'll be. Like, they weren't gonna go to something, or they have a dream about something, they tell them.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

And it ends up being this crazy thing. I believe in that.

[Ash]

I fully believe in that stuff. I think we get messages for a reason.

[Elena]

Yeah. Who knows from who or what? But. But I also think your message of, like, you can believe what you want to believe, and I Won't shit on you for is important is an awesome message and more of us need to have that.

[Ash]

A hundred percent.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

All right, last tale. The time my brother's little man on the crib turned into a demonic poltergeist that knew my name. Wow, that's crazy.

[Elena]

What a title.

[Ash]

Hey, Asha Delina. My name is Alicia. Go ahead and use that bad boy, Alicia. Alicia. Allow me to start my email like every other fan girl that emails you rad gals. I am a huge true crime gal. In fact, I am watching I survived a serial killer as I type this.

[Elena]

Wow.

[Ash]

Some sort of true crime is always playing in the background. I discovered your podcast last year and have been hooked ever since. Naturally, I started on episode 400 and whatever and worked backwards. Doing things backwards is kind of my thing eventually. Oh, you said bass awkward is kind of your thing Eventually. I wisened up and started at episode one.

[Elena]

Oh, man.

[Ash]

Wow. Yes. The episodes where Ash claims she sounds like she's underwater.

[Elena]

We both.

[Ash]

Yeah, I was gonna say it's. It was a different explain, Nicholas. Knowing that the sound gets better eventually I push through them and bam. Crystal clear. You guys have gotten me through many a car rides for work, so for that, thank you.

[Elena]

You're welcome. And thanks for hanging in. Yeah.

[Ash]

You know, random side note, there will probably be a few hundred of these throughout my email because let's face it, I'm a mom of two energy siphoning tiny terrors that not only sucked up all the energy from my body, but every last damn brain cell that I've ever had. So I can't stay focused and I can't keep my thoughts straight. Neither can Nicholas.

[Elena]

Nicholas is like. I feel it.

[Ash]

Yeah. But I digress. Yes. I own both of Elena's books and I cannot wait to read them. Thank you again, Tiny terrors. Reading is slow.

[Elena]

It's okay. Pre order the third one.

[Ash]

Catch up and pre order the third one. And you could enter the chance to win that bookmark.

[Elena]

Yeah, I get that. It's such a good.

[Ash]

Keep your receipt.

[Elena]

So good.

[Ash]

Let me first say that I absolutely love true crime gore, etc. I cannot handle the paranormal though.

[Elena]

Interesting.

[Ash]

In fact, I've only seen Paranormal Activity 1 and I don't even know how it ends because I buried my head in my then boyfriend's shoulder because I didn't want to see the demon's face face.

[Elena]

Honestly, Paranormal Activity is scary as hell.

[Ash]

I've actually never seen any of them. I tell you every time I tell you that that's the face you Make.

[Elena]

That's the next Scream movie.

[Ash]

All right.

[Elena]

Watching Paranormal. Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

It's your choice.

[Elena]

Actually, that's my choice.

[Ash]

I'm actually really afraid of those.

[Elena]

Heard it here first period.

[Ash]

I also refused to sleep next to the door that night because let's face it, if anyone is getting drugged down the hallway to hell by some demon, sure as ain't gonna be me.

[Elena]

Hell yeah.

[Ash]

I also made it clear that I would. Would make no effort to save my then boyfriend. Give me a morbid mutilation any day of the week. You can keep that Paranormal. It's for the birds. You know how much John hates birds. That's how much I hate paranormal stuff.

[Elena]

He hates birds a lot.

[Ash]

I love birds. In fact, there were so many birds in my yard yesterday. But we don't have our bird seed out. And I was like, drew, you were like, I could feed. I have to feed my children. I've never been a huge fan of Halloween or anything spooky. Please don't hold that against me. I'm a chicken shit and I hate being. Being scared. Okay.

[Elena]

All right.

[Ash]

Okay. How are you watching this? My intestines are coming out and her face is bleeding. My. What if we scared you poo? My family, however, lives for it. We're your family.

[Elena]

We are.

[Ash]

I can remember my birthday sleepover in sixth grade where we watched the Sixth Sense. That movie. Me up. And I haven't watched it since.

[Elena]

Honestly, that movie. Me up.

[Ash]

That movie is up. Same thing with White Noise. I haven't seen that one.

[Elena]

I haven't seen that.

[Ash]

And I like White Noise, so I don't want to ruin it for myself. But my entire family thought it was funny to fuck with a bunch of preteens and tap on my window or throw a mannequin head in the middle of our beds.

[Elena]

That's funny.

[Ash]

My dad used to dress up as a werewolf. Picture black trench coat, fuzzy hands. All of it. And chase my friends. And our. And random trick or treaters.

[Elena]

Your dad sounds amazing.

[Ash]

Now that I think of it, I'm not sure how I even had any friends after all his bullshit shenanigans. Lol. My mom and her family used to run a little haunted house in the town where I grew up. Up.

[Elena]

What a cool family.

[Ash]

True. Oh, this next part. My grandma actually played Lizzie Borden and sat at the entrance in a rocking chair with her hair all teased up and powdered, picking raisin spiders out of the web above her eyes. She recited the now debunked rhyme.

[Elena]

That's so badass, Grandma.

[Ash]

Forever.

[Elena]

I want to be that grandma.

[Ash]

I you're gonna be damn.

[Elena]

Period. Period.

[Ash]

I have only ever been to one haunted house in my life and it was one of those cheesy haunted houses houses at Six Flags Fright Fest where the spookiest thing happens to be the name which was brutal mountain or some like that. Real spooky when I was 7. I guess the fact that I grew up in a real haunted house makes up for that, right?

[Elena]

I would say so. And also I literally need haunted houses now. I know it hurts.

[Ash]

We need to do better this year which we do say every year but we did really poorly last year.

[Elena]

We gotta do better for haunted houses issue.

[Ash]

I agree. Let's go cream crazy.

[Elena]

Let's go nuts.

[Ash]

So on to the story. As I said, the house that I grew up in was like a hundred years old and as haunted as. Love that when you walked in the door there was a small foyer which opened up to the living room, dining room and kitchen. One partial wall separated the living room from the other two. A long hallway ran horizontally to the main rooms and connected the three bedrooms and bathroom.

[Elena]

Thank you.

[Ash]

My room was right smack dab in the middle of the house where there were no windows house. The only window had been boarded up and turned into a bookshelf. When my dad built our laundry room back in the day or in the back. I was okay with considering your shadows for that I just wake things up. I was okay with the with this considering the shadows from the trees outside scared me if I was in my parents or my brother's room. I told you I'm a chicken. The hallway had that old 90s wooden paneling and a single light picture of and a single lighted picture of Jesus hug on the wall right across from my room. It served as a nightlight for my scaredy ass.

[Elena]

The way you said it. From my room.

[Ash]

From my room. Jesus across from my room paneling in

[Elena]

a like lighted picture. Jesus.

[Ash]

And you're like right outside my room. Right outside my room. My parents room was on one side of me and the bathroom was on the other. And my brother's room was on the opposite end. I hated his room. It was always freezing. Dun dun dun. We all know what that means. Oh and my mom told us later she used to see a noose hanging in the doorway.

[Elena]

What? What? What?

[Ash]

There was also what what?

[Elena]

You said that so casual.

[Ash]

I'm going to fall again. There was also a small basement crawl. Not a crawl space.

[Elena]

No.

[Ash]

Right under my room that could only be accessed from the outside.

[Elena]

I Hate that so much.

[Ash]

Board that up. What the helly?

[Elena]

What the helly? Don't board the window. Board that.

[Ash]

Yeah, board the crawl space by Jesus. My mom used to tell people in the hallway. What? I said Jesus in the hallway. I'm only saying Jesus in the hallway from now on. Godrick and Jesus in the hallway.

[Elena]

Oh my Godric.

[Ash]

Oh my God. Oh Jesus Christ in the hallway. My mom used to tell people this story of the time my brother woke her up giggling. She got up and asked him who he was talking to and he replied, the little man on the crib. Mama. My mom asked him what he looked like and he told her that he was his size. Red eyes, horns, you know. Oh, the normal type a tiny person uses to describe friends. Keep in mind my brother is two and a half years older than me.

[Elena]

What?

[Ash]

Fast forward a few years and I came along. I was around three and running up and down the hallway with Jesus in it. With Jesus in the hallway, laughing and giggling with Jesus. My mom came and asked me who I was playing with and I said Jesus. And you said I'm playing with Jesus. Hello. But I said the little man on the wall, Mama. Jesus. He's the big man on the wall. No, he's the big guy. She got very still and asked what the little man looked like. And you said long hair, kind of zaddy like white robe. She didn't say that. He's always coming for me. He's always coming for me. Why is he always coming for me? Me? He's not allowed in my pod lab. I'm gonna get my own ghost in my pod lab. Who likes me anyways. I told her that he was my height, had red eyes and horns.

[Elena]

Oh no.

[Ash]

Hello Dave. I love this deja boo. Even though she was freaked the out that both of her children were playing with some tiny spawn of Satan that had visited us from the playful parts of hell. If such a place exists.

[Elena]

Playful parts about.

[Ash]

She chalked it up to my active imagination and life carried on. One night when I was 7 or 8. I'm not sure of my exact age because I've slept since then. I was sound asleep in bed. I heard a rustling at the foot of my bed and suddenly I opened my eyes, but I didn't see anything. I was that child that believed if you laid perfectly still that the monster would just be like, guess she's not there. But whatever. I literally still do that and just leave. Wrong. I heard my name. It was coming from the foot of my bed. I opened my eyes again, but this time when I looked down, I saw bright red eyes and horns. Oh, the little man wasn't so little anymore. So I did what any 7 or 8 year old would do and I screamed bloody murder.

[Elena]

As you should.

[Ash]

This woke my parents. My dad's side of the bed was further from the door than my mom's. She describes his exit from the bed as Superman. She said he flew out of bed.

[Elena]

That's dad right there.

[Ash]

Legit it. He flew out of bed and landed in a straight up belly flop on the floor. That is so dad. He jumped up and ran straight to my room, beating her there. I was inconsolable and struggled to tell them what I saw. Needless to say, I was wedged tightly between them in their bed for the next week.

[Elena]

Oh, man.

[Ash]

The next day my mom called our pastor and had him come over to bless the house. He went from room to room, reciting scriptures and flinging holy water. You know, like they do in the movies. He got to my room and said he could definitely feel a presence in it. He couldn't tell what it was, but it did not like him being there. He made his way down the basement crawl space and said this was where he felt the biggest, darkest presence. Of course, just in case you forgot, my room was right above the basement.

[Elena]

Oh, I remember.

[Ash]

And the Jesus is outside of her door. Oh. So I wonder if that added to it. Like they were not liking that. Yeah, I never saw that little man or whatever the was at the foot of my bed after that. Though my mom later told us that all this strange happenings had been occurring in that house for years. Like the time they left the house and came back to find the oven turned on to 400 degrees and all of my mom's pots melted in it. Oh, she was a stickler for making sure the stove was turned off and her curling iron was unplugged. Typical 90s mom. Or the time we were having a sleepover in the living room and she saw our dog lying amongst us sleeping cake kids. She called his name to get him to move, when suddenly the dog came walking from behind her. When she looked back at us, the hellhound was gone. I guess poltergeists have pets too. Who knew?

[Elena]

I don't know why that one freaks me out.

[Ash]

Yeah, I hate that the dog's just like, what?

[Elena]

Just walking from behind them and you're like, what the.

[Ash]

I don't want an unfamiliar dog in my house.

[Elena]

No.

[Ash]

We moved out during the summer between fifth and sixth grade. My parents rented the house to some of their friends.

[Elena]

Damn friends. Are you sure?

[Ash]

Turns out they were seeing spooky shit too. Like a woman walking up and down the hallway. Was Jesus still there? Probably the little boy that lived there collected angel statues and would find them randomly moved or broken. Guess old Polti's taste in decor was a little darker. I've driven by it a few times and wondered if the current owners ever experienced strange paranormal happenings like we did. From what I've heard, the poltergeist hopped from house to house, playing with all of us kids that lived on the cul de sac. Oh, oh, we all knew him as the little man on the insert. Whatever, wherever. He played here.

[Elena]

Damn.

[Ash]

I have dreams about it. Yeah, I have dreams about it all the time. It's always haunted in my dreams too. My dad was actually going to rent it to me before the other family. And the night before I was going to tell him, sure, I had a dream it was still super doopy, freaky deaky haunted. And I decided, nope, I'll pass on the nightmare. I'll pass on that nightmare. I've also had a recurring dream where a bunch of us are in the house and a little dead girl is walking up and down the hallway. Hate that all of us can see her except for one person in the room. And as long as one person doesn't see her, I have the dream again and again and again. Eventually, all of my dream buddies got on the same fucking page and saw the delightful dead girl and poof. No more dream.

[Elena]

Thank goodness you all saw her. I know.

[Ash]

So there you have it. Sorry, I know it was long and even. And even though I'm going to tell you that you can shorten it or omit anything unnecessary, I can already hear Elena saying, no, no, keep being the beautifully badass bitches. You are one of these two. You too. You do that. One of these days I'll get caught up on the podcast and by then there will be a hundred new episodes to listen to, because let's face it, people be peopling way too much. And murder's gonna keep on murdering because humanity is fucked.

[Elena]

Unfortunately.

[Ash]

True facts. Maybe one day I'll send in the story about my dad and how he worked at the building in St. Louis. St. Louis. Where they kept the real life boy from an exorcism. And how no one was allowed on the floor where they kept him. Or how the only way to get to and from the top floor of the building was in a coffin elevator. I think you should probably share that with Us.

[Elena]

We're gonna need that right away.

[Ash]

Or the time some neighbor kid saw a white figure walking down our driveway while we weren't home, but we couldn't find any footsteps. Who knows? I do. You're gonna send those in. Anywho, I hope you enjoyed my paranormal tale. And hopefully someday I'll hear it on Listener tales, episode 2347. And until then, keep it weird, but not so weird that you are walking through your home and you see a whole bunch of dead things in the hallways and a little man on the wall and on the crib. Yeah, because that's spooky.

[Elena]

Unless it's Jesus.

[Ash]

Yeah. You know, Daddy like, Daddy Jesus is naughty.

[Elena]

I get it.

[Ash]

All right. Well, damn, that was crazy.

[Elena]

These were some good 90s tales.

[Ash]

I love the 90s.

[Elena]

We had wood paneling. We had car phones, lit up jeans, no cell phones. A lit up Jesus.

[Ash]

Happy Meals with collectible, collectible toys. We had it all.

[Elena]

Yeah, we. We did have it all in the 90s.

[Ash]

I know. I want it back.

[Elena]

Guys, I'm having, like, a. This is, like, the perfect thing for us to wear. Because lately I've been having such, like, brutal nostalgia for the 90s.

[Ash]

She really has, like, brutal. I have it.

[Elena]

It's painful.

[Ash]

I have it. Even though I didn't experience it very much.

[Elena]

I want it so bad.

[Ash]

Wanting something that you never had.

[Elena]

I miss it. It's. It's excruciating. Let's all go back there. Okay. We gotta go somewhere.

[Ash]

We're going this timeline.

[Elena]

I think we're all going back there a little bit.

[Ash]

I mean, the fashion's coming back.

[Elena]

I feel like the fashion's coming back. I think people are realizing they don't want to be connected to their phones 24 7.

[Ash]

Like, they're like, I want to be

[Elena]

sick to not do that.

[Ash]

I want these bad boys.

[Elena]

I want those back. I want a flip phone.

[Ash]

T9. Yeah, hit me up. Limited minutes. Oh, whoever came up with unlimited texting.

[Elena]

What?

[Ash]

Yeah, sorry. Oh, sorry I didn't get back to you. I ran out of text.

[Elena]

I ran out of time.

[Ash]

The perfect, perfect excuse.

[Elena]

I loved that. I'm gonna start using that.

[Ash]

You should.

[Elena]

Even though it's not.

[Ash]

Sorry, I don't have unlimited.

[Elena]

Sorry. I'm out of minutes.

[Ash]

I'm obsessed. Sorry I didn't answer your call. I don't have any minutes left.

[Elena]

Sorry.

[Ash]

Well, sorry this has to be over. We're out of minutes.

[Elena]

Yeah, we're out of minutes. Sorry.

[Ash]

We hope you keep listening, and we hope you keep it but not so weird that you throw off your wig at the end of the tail. Bye. Sam. It. Sa.

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