November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird

Summary

Morbid Podcast — November Bonus Episode: Twilight is Weird

Hosts: Ash Kelley & Alaina Urquhart
Date: November 14, 2025

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Overview

In this energetic and irreverent bonus episode, Ash and Alaina take a deep, laughter-filled dive into the first Twilight book and movie. Venturing far from their usual haunt of true crime and spooky history, your favorite autopsy technician and hairstylist gleefully re-examine 2008’s camp classic Twilight, dish on wild author revelations, character lore, toxic romance, and hilarious cinematic moments. They also wield their signature blend of research razor-sharp snark to scrutinize Twilight’s problematic aspects, from questionable vampire lore to messy character backstories.

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Episode Structure

• Reconvening over a shared, unexplained urge to binge Twilight ([02:08])
• How Twilight pulled in readers of all ages ([07:30])
• The deep lore: vampires, dreams, and problematic "facts" ([09:42])
• Casting drama & the Robert Pattinson Perspective ([05:09])
• The Illustrated Guide and Stephanie Meyer Fandom ([03:44])
• “Venom-based fluids,” marble vampires, and awkward kissing ([17:41])
• Dissecting Twilight’s problematic characters — especially Jasper ([24:06])
• Diversity problems & casting pushback ([38:21])
• Movie style, performances, and legendary camp moments ([41:57])
• Deep dive into the plot and relationships, riffing on fashion, lines, and lore ([47:01])
• Infamous lines, teen melodrama, and “baby girl coded” Bella ([61:14] onward)
• The bonkers finale, “skin of a killer,” prom, and what’s next ([76:44] onward)

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Twilight Phenomenon & Why We’re Here

• Both Ash and Alaina confess to suddenly rewatching Twilight “for no reason” on the same day ([02:08]).
• Ash: “I think I was like prime fucking age for these books. I thought they were just next level.” ([07:42])
• They plan (and threaten) to keep doing every book and movie whether listeners love it or not:
  Ash: “Even if you guys don't like this, I'm just gonna pretend that you did and we're still gonna do the rest of them.” ([03:23])

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Stephanie Meyer’s Wild Lore:

Where It Works…and Where It REALLY Doesn't

• Meyer’s dream that started it all:
  Elena: “She had a dream. And this dream was she was watching two people in a meadow…an impossibly beautiful boy and a very average looking girl…he was a vampire.” ([09:42])
• Whitewashing vampires:
  Elena: “In the Illustrated Guide, [Meyer] wrote that all the pigment gets leached out of your skin when you become a vampire...you are white, no matter what ethnicity you are.” ([03:44] and [36:00])
  • Ash: “I would classify that as big fucking weird.” ([04:21])
• Venom as biological basis:
  Elena: “All bodily fluids are venom-based…their saliva is venom, their eyes are lubricated with venom-based fluid…but they don't cry tears.” ([17:41])
• No fangs & awkward kissing:
  Ash: “The first kiss is a tight-lipped, closed mouth kiss because if she gets any saliva, it’s venom… She just passes out from a tight-lipped, closed mouth kiss.” ([19:05])

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Characters & Cast: Who’s Weird, Who’s Wild, Who’s Problematic

Robert Pattinson vs Edward:

• Pattinson “hates these movies” and compared the book to “Stephanie’s diary.”
  Ash: “He literally was like…‘I felt like I was reading Stephanie’s Diary.’” ([05:30])
  Elena: “He literally says, like, sexual fantasies about this Edward character…He’s like, ‘And I thought this woman’s mad.’” ([13:58])

Casting What-Ifs:

• Meyer wanted Henry Cavill as Edward, and John C. Reilly as Charlie ([06:05], [57:29])
• Ash: “He just isn’t what I pictured.” ([06:18])
• Elena: “I love Robert Pattinson…but…when he first came on, I was like, disappointed. That’s not what I pictured.” ([06:26])

The Cullens’ Disturbing Backstories (and the "Confederate Soldier" Problem):

• Jasper as proud Confederate soldier:
  Elena: “Jasper’s defining quality is that he’s a very proud Confederate soldier.” ([28:21])
  Ash: “Before everybody gets angry…not all Confederate soldiers are racists.”
  Elena: “But Jasper really fucking wanted to be a Confederate soldier…He literally lied about his age to become one.” ([30:39])
• Jasper’s empathy: Can “feel what anyone else is feeling,” yet never questions his Confederate roots. Ash: “Imagine having to take a course, learning about that time period and still knowing you were on the wrong side.”
• Carlisle and Esme: Esme was a child when she met Carlisle, became obsessed, he later turns her and they get together ([22:59])
• Rosalie's horrifying revenge backstory: Assaulted, murdered her rapists post-turning, “wearing a wedding dress” ([26:42])

Diversity On-Screen & Behind-the-Scenes:

• Director Catherine Hardwicke pushed for more diversity. Stephanie Meyer: “I made my vampires white. That’s the lore.” Laurent could be Black only because “he’s described as having olive skin.” ([38:21]–[39:44])
• Ash: “You could have done that [cast diversely] so many times…”
• Elena: “Missed opportunity…Edi Gathegi is one of the best parts of that movie.” ([38:45]–[39:58])

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The Movie: Iconic Moments, Lines, and Camp

Visuals, Soundtrack, and Style:

• “The vibe of the movies is the best. They're just good. They're vibes. Color palette, cozy with the greens and rain…blue tint... Soundtrack is a banger.”
  – Ash ([42:03])
• Legendary opening notes referenced frequently: “When the full moon turns, that's when I'll come home…” ([01:28] and [42:29])
• “Headbands and bowling shirts":
  Ash: “Bella dresses like…I watched it recently and I was like, what the is she wearing in every scene?” ([44:58])

Quotes that “Send [Them] Into Orbit”:

• Edward upon seeing Bella:
  "He acts like she smells like hot garbage liquefied." ([54:12])
  Elena: "He does this body roll. He retches."

• The infamous wood scene:
  Edward: "Say it. Out loud. Say it."
  Bella: "Vampire." ([77:03]–[77:44])

  • Elena: “He's so aggressive…rips open his shirt and just looks a little sweaty. ‘This is the skin of a killer, Bella.’” ([78:36])
  • “He crouch. He literally huffs and puffs and, like, hunches over and says, ‘As if you could outrun me.’” ([78:52])

• Bella’s legendary prom fashion:
  “She wears leggings and a cardigan over her dress. Like…a grandma cardigan.” ([102:03])

• Jacob’s greeting:
  "Bella, where the hell have you been, loca?" ([62:26]) But earlier lines are more unhinged:
  Mike: “How you liking the rain, girl?” ([62:09])

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The Relationships: Toxic, Baby-Girl Coded, and Swoony(?)

• Ash and Alaina call out the fundamental weirdness & toxicity of Edward and Bella’s dynamic.
  • "This is…so toxic…she doesn't want to have to take care of herself." ([73:06])
  • Bella’s parents get roasted: "Her mom sucks. You, Renee." "Her mom is a total hot mess." ([73:12])
  • On Edward "watching her sleep": “That's my worst nightmare. We talk about that all the time.” ([85:20])

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Plot Holes, Lore Contradictions, and Comic Mishaps

• The ever-present “venom-based fluids” and regurgitated food
  Elena: "[Vampires] don't digest food. So what happens is they eat that food, it sits in a ball somewhere…and then they hack it up like a cat hacks up a hairball." ([61:42])

• “Illustrated Guide” bombs:

  • Jasper remains empathetically untroubled by his Confederate past ([32:22])
  • Vampires are "frozen" in their likes/dislikes ("her own lore kind of... itself")
  • Rosalie’s name was almost "Carol"; Jasper, "Ronald" ([27:34])
  • Tattoos disappear in vampire transformation, yet James sports one ([36:46])

• Deep-cut fandom and books:

  • Shout-out: Why We Love and Hate Twilight by Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher ([03:44])

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• “I think you guys are gonna love it. If you don't, you did.” — Ash ([03:29])
• “Robert Pattinson hates these movies. And he hates the book.” — Ash ([05:20])
• “I felt like I was reading Stephanie’s diary.” — Robert Pattinson, as quoted by Elena ([06:29])
• “Jasper’s defining quality is that he’s a very proud Confederate soldier.” — Elena ([28:21])
• “Imagine having to take a course learning about that time period and still knowing that you were on the wrong side.” — Ash ([34:15])
• “Say it. Out loud. Say it.” / “Vampire.” — Edward & Bella ([77:03])
• “This is the skin of a killer, Bella.” — Edward/Elena ([78:41])
• “How you liking the rain, girl?” — Mike ([62:09])
• “He acts like she smells like hot garbage liquefied.” — Ash ([54:12])
• “She wears leggings and a cardigan over her dress. Like…a grandma cardigan.” — Elena ([102:03])
• “He just isn’t what I pictured.” — Ash ([06:18])
• “It's just Emmett.” — Edward ([96:29])
• “You loved it. If you didn't, you did.” — Ash ([105:12])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:28] — The shared Twilight binge that inspired the episode
• [03:44] — Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher’s book & the lore deep-dive
• [05:09] — Pattinson’s feelings, Meyer’s website, and casting
• [13:58] — Author-insert (“Stephanie as Bella”) & Pattinson’s infamous interviews
• [17:41] — Venom-based fluids & vampire biology
• [24:06] — The Jasper issue: Confederate soldier, vampire powers, and never learning
• [36:00] — Whitewashing and pigment discussion
• [38:21] — Edi Gathegi as Laurent, lack of diversity
• [41:57] — Eye colors, movie visuals, and soundtrack
• [47:01] — Friend group & “Jessica as villain”
• [54:12] — Edward’s first bio class with Bella and the “hot garbage” moment
• [62:09] — “How you liking the rain, girl?” and other epic lines
• [76:44] — The “Say it. Out loud” and “skin of a killer” scenes
• [102:03] — Prom and “grandma cardigan”
• [105:11] — Outro, promises for New Moon coverage

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Final Thoughts

Ash and Alaina promise more Twilight takedowns in the future, regardless of approval—likely a relief to the legion of listeners who’ll find comfort and comedy in their sharply observed, side-splitting breakdown. They conclude by reveling in the movie’s weirdness, its enduring camp, and their own delight in picking it apart:
"If you didn't love it, you did." ([105:12])

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TL;DR:
This is not just a Twilight recap—it’s a total, affectionate roast, punctured with fandom trivia, critical snark, and side-splitting observations. If you’re seeking a comprehensive, hilarious breakdown of all that is wild, weird, and deeply problematic in Twilight (from “venom-based fluids” to Confederate vampires to “how you liking the rain, girl?”), Ash and Alaina have you covered.

Transcript

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[Elena]

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[Ash]

When the full moon turns, that's when I'll come home. That's such a banger.

[Elena]

It is a banger.

[Ash]

Should we just start the episode like that? I feel like we should. Hey, weirdos. I'm Ash.

[Elena]

And I'm Elena.

[Ash]

And this is Twilight. Morbid.

[Elena]

Yeah, this is our bonus episode.

[Ash]

Guys.

[Elena]

We're going to be talking about Twilight today.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. Re watching this for. Okay, first of all, the. I feel like this all started, like, around Halloween. I came over to record something late night, and I was like, yeah, thanks a lot for making me come over here late night. Because I was just watching Twilight and Elena stopped dead in her tracks, and she goes, why were you watching Twilight? And I was like, I just wanted to watch it. And she goes, no, earlier I was watching Twilight for no fucking reason either.

[Elena]

For no reason. It just hit me. I was like, I want to watch Twilight. And just. I want to watch that camp classic again.

[Ash]

Like, why on the same day did the book like, it wasn't in a movie lineup? I was just, like, searching through movies or, you know, What? I was probably searching for, like, Halloween movies and it was in there and I was like, a Halloween movie Twilight?

[Elena]

Yeah. I was like, you know what?

[Ash]

I'm going to fucking watch it.

[Elena]

Let's put on some Twilight.

[Ash]

And then we were talking about it and I, like, was the podcast came through and you guys said, do it.

[Elena]

You guys came through in a big way. Yes, a big way. I have. We've been knee deep in Twilight. I'm really hoping that you guys dig this episode because I'm really hoping that you will allow us to do the rest of the movies and the rest of the books, because it's gonna be fun.

[Ash]

Even if you guys don't like this, I'm just gonna pretend that you did and we're still gonna do the rest of them.

[Elena]

I think you're gon down for it.

[Ash]

I think you're gonna love it.

[Elena]

We've been knee deep in it. I mean, there's so many things to watch on TikTok about it, so many interviews with the cast. And then there's this book. I had followed this person on TikTok. Her name's Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher.

[Ash]

That book is.

[Elena]

It's amazing.

[Ash]

It's a gold mine.

[Elena]

The book is why we love and hate Twilight. The highs and lows of the Twilight saga. I had followed her on TikTok because she organically came up on my feed and was just talking about something. I think the first thing I saw was her talking about how, like, it's real weird that, like, Stephenie Meyer has, like, an illustrated guide to Twilight and wrote in that illustrated guide. It's not weird that she has the guide, but it's weird that she wrote that, like, and we'll get into it, that all the pigment gets leached out of your skin when you become a vampire and was very clear on the fact that you are white, no matter what ethnicity you are. Yeah.

[Ash]

I would classify that as big fucking weird.

[Elena]

And when that popped up on my feed, I said, I'm interested. And I immediately started following, tell me everything, sister. Right off the bat. She's a great follow. She's very interesting. She's really deep in it. And this book, why we love and Hate Twilight, we'll link it in the show notes because it's a really fun. It's a quick read. It's a fun read. She goes into the book. She goes into and all the books, the whole series, all the movies. Like, she has some really funny takes in here. Highly recommend it. But also a gold mine for anything you really. If you start wanting to just go down the rabbit hole. Cause let me tell you, I don't.

[Ash]

Even think we got to go all the way down. We. So far it's been like a few days that we've spent just in the Twilight trenches. Rabbit hole. And I could go for like eons.

[Elena]

And if we get. We'll do the other movies and we'll go even deeper. But I can't wait. If you're really interested, definitely check out cast interviews because holy Robert Patson in particular.

[Ash]

I was just gonna say Robert Pattinson hates these movies.

[Elena]

His interviews are wild.

[Ash]

And he hates the book.

[Elena]

He.

[Ash]

He literally was like. When I first read it, I felt like I was reading like Stephanie's Diary. And I was like, this is really weird.

[Elena]

Yeah. He was like, I shouldn't be reading this. I don't think anybody should read this. It's wild. And so that's interesting. And then Stephanie Myers has had and maintained a website throughout the process, even before the books were published, where it's. It's a treasure trove of interesting things. It's like an archive update. Yeah. It's all archived. There's like fan casting that she wanted for the movie. For the movies, which is very interesting. It's still up there. She wanted Henry Cavill to play Edward really bad.

[Ash]

Not for me.

[Elena]

She wanted that so bad.

[Ash]

I said, he was just born 40. He can't play a 17 year old. Even in 2008.

[Elena]

I feel like the picture of him is 17. He looks younger. He just isn't what I pictured.

[Ash]

He's not what I picture at all.

[Elena]

But like.

[Ash]

But also we were just like, transparently, it's embedded in our heads that it's Robert Pattinson.

[Elena]

Well, and not even because transparently for me, I love Robert Pattinson. I think he's wildly handsome and I really like him. I remember watching the movie and when he first came on, I was like, disappointed. That's not what I pictured. So funny. And I wasn't disappointed because he's ugly or something or like unattractive.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

He just wasn't what I pictured in my head.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And so I was like. I was like, damn, that sucks. Like, that's not what I thought. He became more Edward to me as it went on. Yeah. But like, I remember being like, pretty and actually John. Shout out to John. He went to the first Twilight movie with me. Because he's a real one. Yeah. And I remember just looking at him being like, that's not who I thought Edward was. And he was like, what he's like.

[Ash]

I'm sorry, why are you upset about it? I feel like we must have had such a different experience reading these for the first time. Because you read these at 22, which must have been like quite the adventure.

[Elena]

Well, no, the books came out at. In 2005.

[Ash]

2005.

[Elena]

So I was just out of high school.

[Ash]

Well, I, I think I read them like when the movie started to come.

[Elena]

Out because I read them ahead of time. Okay.

[Ash]

It started to be like a craze. I read them when I was like 12. So even just like the age that you were when you read them, I mean, like. Yeah, it must have been so different for us because.

[Elena]

Because I was like 18 or something. I was like 19.

[Ash]

I think I was like prime fucking age for these books because I thought they were just next level, next level.

[Elena]

And I mean like props to her. These books, they hooked everybody.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So that like I'm not, I'm not out here saying like these are, they're. I want to reread them because I think it'll be a very interesting total reread.

[Ash]

I know. I wish I still had mine.

[Elena]

I still have mine.

[Ash]

Do you really?

[Elena]

Yeah, they're floating around so like I'm definitely going to be rereading them. And like props to her for. She told the story that everybody. That. And that's what you, that's what everybody wants to do. Who wants to like be an author, be a storyteller. You want to tell a good story.

[Ash]

And she did.

[Elena]

She told one.

[Ash]

Told a good ass story where I.

[Elena]

Think she might have dipped into some issues is where she went a little too far into explaining. Yeah. The lore and the backstories. Sometimes I think you just, you know, you don't need it sometimes. Sometimes I don't need it.

[Ash]

It's like when you over egg a pudding.

[Elena]

That's the thing. Sometimes it's like I think just letting the, the readers and the fans come up with their own headcanons and kind of take things from little bits and pieces you give them is the best way to do it because then it becomes their story and it's like they can kind of be. But when you're giving them too much, you're putting a little too much of your own personal likes and dislikes into the story. And that can get hairy as it does here.

[Ash]

I mean, we just told you that the hairiest it could possibly get gets pretty hairy. Yeah.

[Elena]

So this, the movie came out in 2008, the first movie. Like I said, the books, the first book was published in 2005 according to her website. I'm pretty sure she like wrote like, first of all, she had a dream. That's where this all came from. The dream is very interesting to me. I'm not, I'm not like sitting here questioning her reality. But she said what happened was she had a dream. And this dream was she was watching two people in a meadow. Like she just. The dream was two people that weren't her in this meadow. And they were talking, you know, they were an impossibly beautiful boy and a very average looking girl.

[Ash]

Which like, damn.

[Elena]

Which I was like, okay. And sure. And they were talking about how in love they were, but how it was going to be hard because he was a vampire and all this. And she just was like, I gotta know what's up with these two. That's interesting. And I'm not, I'm not here to. Maybe other people dream this way. I never dream where I'm watching a movie in my dream or like watching the dream.

[Ash]

I'm not like watching two people have a conversation ever. Like, I'm always part of.

[Elena]

I'm.

[Ash]

I'm in the mix in my dreams.

[Elena]

Like, I'm always part of what's going on. Like even like. Because the Butcher and the Wren, my first book, I. I had a dream when I was pregnant and I was being chased in the dream.

[Ash]

Yeah, like you were the.

[Elena]

Right. I was being chased and I was like, who the is that guy?

[Ash]

Right.

[Elena]

I was actively in the dream. I. And again, that's just how I dream. I don't know if other people dream and I would hear you guys. Do you guys ever dream where you're watching other people exist and you're just no part of the dream?

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Cuz if you. I'm very interested in it.

[Ash]

I'm sure people probably do because dreams are so weird. Even people like that write in their stories to us about their dreams in general.

[Elena]

They're always. They're crazy. But I always. I'm always involved in mine. But maybe it's different. But this is. That's how this started. She wanted to know these two people. She wanted to like flesh out this story.

[Ash]

Which is cool.

[Elena]

Very cool. Especially when you get a part of the story in the dream and you're like, well, now I want to know more. Like, why can't you be together? What's that about? So she, I think she said that she did all of this. Dreamt it, wrote it, edited it, published it in like six months. Which is crazy beyond my wildest imagination.

[Ash]

Because it's a pretty solid length.

[Elena]

It's a thick ass book and it's. How many pages is it? How many pages is it?

[Ash]

Holy shit. It's thick. It varies by edition, but the original hardcover had 4544 pages and the paperback had 498. Yeah, that's a big old book.

[Elena]

That's a big beefy book.

[Ash]

So it's like.

[Elena]

That's really. That's wild.

[Ash]

I just remember walking around like 6th and 7th grade and everyone in the hallway had one fucking part of that series in their hands. I was always reading that shit.

[Elena]

Yeah, I remember. I vividly remember tearing through these books. Yeah. Which is funny because I've been trying to get back and I've been on a, like such a horror and thriller kick, which I love. I will stay horror thriller forever.

[Ash]

Are you about to say something that I was thinking about the other day?

[Elena]

I'm interested. I was so involved in these books that I'm like, I should give some of these kind of books a chance. More like, like, you know, fantasy kind of thing. Yeah, like more fantasy stuff. Because I love that.

[Ash]

It's so funny. I started a thriller the other day and it's not bad by any means, but I was just like, I can't get into this and it's not the book. Because it's been like a couple times lately that I've picked up some thrillers and I'm like, I think I need a genre switch.

[Elena]

Yeah. Sometimes you get trapped in a genre for sure. Like, I love. I'll never get sick of horror. No. Like, I will say I can read a horror book every day for the rest of my life and I'll be happy. But in like thriller, I love to. And like, I love those. But I do think sometimes you need.

[Ash]

To like switch it around.

[Elena]

Well, this. Going back to this made me remember how obsessed I was with this series and wanting to know what happened next and like being very involved in it.

[Ash]

And the rules of like, world.

[Elena]

Yeah. And just liking the lore and liking like this whole like fantasy world that was going on.

[Ash]

And then even when you get into like, like. And hopefully we can get into it next time more. But like when you get into New Moon and you start to learn like Jacob's Tribe, like all those.

[Elena]

Yeah. When that starts being brought in, which also is like a wild thing that she kind of like found this Quileute tribe, and it's like a little bit of like taking their legends and turning it into what you wanted to. Yeah. But you Know, here we are. But there's a lot. There's a lot to this. That one of the things that she, like Stephanie Meyer, like, readily admits is that she was like fully in love with Edward.

[Ash]

Like, Robert Robinson also picked up on that character.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

We gotta link some of the interviews.

[Elena]

We do because he did an interview.

[Ash]

With E. Where the interviewer looked like he wanted his chair to swallow him.

[Elena]

Oh, he. Because it was for the Twilight film. Like, Twilight is right. It's like a press junket and he's.

[Ash]

Actually didn't give a fuck.

[Elena]

And Robert Pattinson is like, yeah, it felt. When I read the book, I was kind of like, I feel like I'm reading Stephanie's journal. And she like. And he literally says, like, sexual fantasies about this, this Edward character, this fictional character. He's like. And he's like. And I thought this woman's mad. Like, she's in love with her fictional character. And I was like, oh, my God.

[Ash]

Yeah, he really. He called them out 2020, if you.

[Elena]

Remember, it was in this. He's. He's Edward.

[Ash]

Like, he's Edward long term babe. Like, that is no switcheroo.

[Elena]

Wild. It's wild. And he says, he was like, this just felt like. And he even said it felt like she is Bella and she saw herself as Bella.

[Ash]

Well, and I think she has kind of admitted to that. Like, that, like, pieces of her are.

[Elena]

Bella, which, like, makes that you write what you know is a very normal thing for an author to do. It's just you. You do that naturally sometimes.

[Ash]

I was going to say you probably do it without even thinking, because I know, like, even when you wrote Butcher in the wren, you didn't set out to make yourself wren. But no, you're pretty much wr.

[Elena]

But like, pieces of me are there. And then I always say, like, pieces of what I aspire to be are ren.

[Ash]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Elena]

But like with Bella, I think she said like, that it's not her, but Bella's physical description is literally her. And then I think that we read something on her own website, actually, that said.

[Ash]

Because one of the frequently asked questions is, why is everybody so obsessed with Bella?

[Elena]

Which is a very valid question because.

[Ash]

It'S like the way she describes her, like, she's a very average looking girl. Like, she's pretty but, you know, not remarkable in any big way. And she moves to forks and men are falling at her feet.

[Elena]

Literally every single man and boy in that place is falling over themselves for her.

[Ash]

It's crazy. A boy crashes his car for her. Literally crashes his car.

[Elena]

Not really for her, almost at her, but still he's. He losing it.

[Ash]

Yeah, they all are. But she said that that was basically modeled after an experience that she had in her life where I think she said she went to high in Scottsdale, Arizona.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And then I think it was Utah that she moved to for college. Like, I think she said, I think it's Utah. And in college she had this experience where like all these boys became obsessed with her and, like, it was a great experience. And she was saying, like, I think it's like relative to where you're at.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Like, you know, who falls at your feet.

[Elena]

Yeah. Like, she was like, oh, I just became like a 10.

[Ash]

She said she was humble. She said she became an eight.

[Elena]

She became an eight. Excuse me. I said, Stephanie, I was like, Damn.

[Ash]

Be a 10, girl.

[Elena]

Be a 10. Be a 10. That you feel you are.

[Ash]

Yeah, she's a time. She's a demon.

[Elena]

It was, it was a wild. It was a very, like, shocking answer to the question because it's just like, why is every boy falling all over themselves for Bella?

[Ash]

And she's like, because that's my experience.

[Elena]

Then it's like, whoa.

[Ash]

All right, damn, girl.

[Elena]

Here we are, I guess. Damn.

[Ash]

Go to the website, please.

[Elena]

Please go to the website. We're just going to go through and kind of talk about all the things that we noticed while watching it. Talk about a little bit about the books. One of the first things I thought of and I remembered it when I saw it somewhere when I was like looking around, I was like, oh, my God, I forgot about this, was that in the book, it doesn't happen in the movie, but in the book, Bella straight up passes out during their first kiss.

[Ash]

Yeah, I also forgot that she just.

[Elena]

Kos during their first kiss.

[Ash]

Peace out, she said. That was so sick. Bye. Bye. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be?

[Elena]

Well, and also it's interesting because as like, Sarah Elizabeth Gallagher points out in her book and on like TikTok and stuff in the illustrated guide, which you can get on Amazon, it's like Stephenie Meyer's like official illustrated guide.

[Ash]

It's her.

[Elena]

Look at this whole thing. In the illustrated guide it says that, like there's this whole section that says, like, what are the, what are the vampires like, bodily fluids? Essentially.

[Ash]

She says venom, right?

[Elena]

Venom based fluids.

[Ash]

Facts.

[Elena]

She doesn't go deeply into what these venom based fluids are, but they are every fluid in the. In the vampire's body, in their stomach, in their mouth, their saliva is venom based. Their eyes are lubricated with venom based fluid. But they don't cry tears. But it's just to allow their eyes to like move around. Okay. And then like between their cells is venom based fluids.

[Ash]

It's everything, just venom everywhere.

[Elena]

Not even blood. They, when they drink blood, they just absorb it into their body. Everything else is venom.

[Ash]

Okay.

[Elena]

So their saliva is venom. So they also don't have fangs. Like chill. Like regular fangs. Their teeth are just sharp. Like the edges are just really sharp. Wait, why don't I remember that?

[Ash]

They don't have.

[Elena]

They don't have fangs.

[Ash]

I did see one. Like a few people say, like when we were looking at te TikToks, that she didn't write vampire, she wrote fae.

[Elena]

Honestly valid.

[Ash]

Because these aren't like traditional.

[Elena]

Because she created, created her own like monster. Yeah. Quote unquote.

[Ash]

Right.

[Elena]

Because their teeth are indestructible and just really sharp.

[Ash]

What I would.

[Elena]

I know what all of us.

[Ash]

What I would give for indestructible teeth.

[Elena]

But the thing is, when Bella and Edward kiss for the first time and when they kiss in the future after that, it has to be closed mouths. Yeah. Because if she opens her mouth, saliva comes in. That's venom based. That would turn her into a vampire.

[Ash]

Right.

[Elena]

Because that's how like you give the venom. Like, they have to like take it. So when she passes out after that first kiss, it's from a tight lipped, closed mouth kiss.

[Ash]

So is she just really fucking excited?

[Elena]

Girlfriend?

[Ash]

Was she just super.

[Elena]

It's just weird. Wild. Yeah, that. Because you really have to think about that. They're just furiously mashing their mouths together.

[Ash]

That's deeply upsetting. It's like a seventh grade.

[Elena]

Like, that is something to really think about.

[Ash]

It's actually not something to like super, super think about.

[Elena]

I want you to think about it so hard.

[Ash]

I don't, I, I don't subscribe to that.

[Elena]

Another thing off of that is that they're supposedly like made like. They're like stone.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like porcelain. Yeah.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I know where you're going. You know where I'm going.

[Ash]

I gotta hide for this one. I'm going to my sweatshirt.

[Elena]

Edward does all the things if you.

[Ash]

He has so many hobbies.

[Elena]

He has so many hobbies. Like he can play the piano. He knows languages, he can, he can read. He can all of this. Like, he just.

[Ash]

He's really good boy.

[Elena]

And the way he got so good at that. No, because at one point, and it's later, it's in one of the later books. In one of the later movies, after they.

[Ash]

After they actually. So it's got to be breaking down then.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

When they break the bed bell.

[Elena]

Exactly. Bella is like, hey, how are we ever gonna stop fucking, though? Like. And then she was like, you know, your family seems so normal. Like, how do they do it?

[Ash]

I think, aren't they having that conversation, like, while they're still fucking. Technically.

[Elena]

While they're still connected. Yeah.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And that's how Sarah put it. He basically is like, they. You haven't seen them at night. And he's like, why do you think I'm so good at so many things? Yeah. And when you really, like, Sarah pointed this out, she was like, just to be clear, that means that they're just all the time. And remember, they're made of, like, stone porcelain. So she literally porcelain bowls and just clinks them together.

[Ash]

That's so upsetting.

[Elena]

And then points out that. Remember, he can read everyone's thoughts so he can hear what they're thinking during this.

[Ash]

Why wouldn't you just leave? I would, like, go fly about the trees.

[Elena]

Go fly about.

[Ash]

Because one thing about Edward is he is the tree.

[Elena]

By truly.

[Ash]

He is sitting in trees. He is one with the trees. He is trees.

[Elena]

Fly about the trees. Get out of there, my child.

[Ash]

Don't learn the. I mean, it's cool that you learned skills while everybody was. But like, go to the library and learn them.

[Elena]

Just do something else. Like, what the.

[Ash]

Get out of there.

[Elena]

And it's like your weird siblings, but they're like, not your siblings.

[Ash]

No. Okay. Can we talk about that a little bit? Because it is weird. And that's pretty much like. Like, like the very beginning of the movie. Like, Jessica is explaining to. I almost just said Kristen Stewart to Bella that Dr. Carlile, like, adopted all of these kids. And then they all paired up.

[Elena]

I'm like, yeah.

[Ash]

If someone told me in high school that all these foster brother and sisters just each other in their foster dad's house, I'd be like, I feel like somebody should get called about this.

[Elena]

Somebody should call someone.

[Ash]

Like, that's. They're all just coupled up. He's running a brothel, essentially.

[Elena]

He Essentially. Hello. And what's crazier is he, like, when you go into that Illustrated guide.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

There's. So I'm begging you.

[Ash]

I need go into it.

[Elena]

I will go into it. Cuz she. She describes that like, first of all, Esme met Carlile. Esme, the mom. Yeah. Quote unquote, met Carlile when she was a child.

[Ash]

Oh.

[Elena]

And was like, really sick or something. And he was the doctor that was called to take care of her. And she became infatuated with him. And so later when he comes and like turns her, they get together romantically.

[Ash]

That's fucked up.

[Elena]

He knew her as a child.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's fucked.

[Elena]

And she was obsessed with him as a child. Remember? This is not me making this up. This is in Stephenie Meyer's illustrated guide in which she willingly handed us the backstories of these vampires.

[Ash]

That is beyond fizzity.

[Elena]

Fizzity. So there's that.

[Ash]

There's always that.

[Elena]

There's that.

[Ash]

What the hell?

[Elena]

And then there is Rosalie. Oh, so there's Edward. So he changed Edward. Edward was like 17.

[Ash]

Okay, wait, can I interrupt you there? Big problem already with that. Because they say. I. I don't remember if they say.

[Elena]

It in the books.

[Ash]

They probably do, but they say in the movie that Jasper is like the youngest member of the family and that's why he's so bloodthirsty. That's just simply incorrect because for everybody who forgot, Jasper's a fucking Confederate soldier.

[Elena]

Oh, we're gonna get into that. Don't worry.

[Ash]

And Edward got turned during the Spanish influenza, which was after the Confederate like war.

[Elena]

So she. That is explained a little bit.

[Ash]

Is it?

[Elena]

She's not the youngest. He's the most. He's having trouble still with the whole vegetarian thing. He has been a vegetarian techno.

[Ash]

Yeah, like a vampire vegetarian. Like they only have animal blood.

[Elena]

He's been doing that with this family for 50 plus years by the time we see him. Yeah. And he still just like is having trouble dealing with it because his whole backstory, which. Let's get. You know what, Before I get to Jasper's backstory, let me get to Edward.

[Ash]

So sorry I interrupted you.

[Elena]

Edward is turned and he's is, you know, kind of. Carlisle sees himself in Edward. Essentially.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Carlisle is only supposed to be 23, by the way. That he's 23 when he was turned.

[Ash]

That's not true.

[Elena]

23. Shut up. So he kind of sees this like Edward. He sees like, he kind of. They bond really like a lot also.

[Ash]

I'm sorry, this 23 year old foster dad with a bunch of 17 year old kids paired off and in his house.

[Elena]

What's going on?

[Ash]

Like so many authorities would. There would be an FBI raid at this foster.

[Elena]

So many like.

[Ash]

But go continue, please.

[Elena]

He wants to find him like a partner because he's like, I want you to have someone you love. Because I guess the whole idea is that do they like, mate for eternity. They mate. Like, they have a mate. And also, if you're, like, a vegetarian vampire, essentially, you are more likely to form bonds because you are not, like, tainted by killing someone.

[Ash]

That's kind of funny.

[Elena]

Like, there's more humanity.

[Ash]

What's also, like, touched upon in the last episode of True Blood that we covered.

[Elena]

Yeah. Which we'll get.

[Ash]

So that's just kind of, like vampire lore.

[Elena]

And so he wants him to find somebody, so he turns Rosalie initially for Edward because he's like, oh, she's for Edward. But they end up not, like, digging each other. They just like each other as, like, brother and sister.

[Ash]

Oh, my God. You're, like, unlocking my memories.

[Elena]

I hyper fixated on this, so.

[Ash]

No, I love it. I love your hyper fixations.

[Elena]

And he changed. Like, Rosalie's story is that whole. Like, you know, she was the prettiest girl in all of New York City or whatever.

[Ash]

Rosalie's backstory wins. It's pretty great. It's the best.

[Elena]

It's horrifying. Like, what?

[Ash]

Her vengeance.

[Elena]

She gets, like, paired off with, like, this wealthy banker's son.

[Ash]

Is it Royce?

[Elena]

Royce. And he and his friends, one night, when she's coming home from her friend's house, literally assault and rape her and leave her for dead on the street.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And so she comes back and is like. So Carlisle saves her, and then she comes back and literally kills them all. Like, tortures them all, and then shows up wearing a wedding dress last. And it's in the movie, which we don't see it in the first movie. So I won't go too far into it because I'm trying to stay with.

[Ash]

I think it's an eclipse.

[Elena]

It's iconic.

[Ash]

Yeah, we'll get to that.

[Elena]

But so there's that. And then there's Alice and Jasper. Alice was in, like, an institution because she had seen visions already, and they thought she was crazy. Yep. So she ends up becoming a vampire because one of the people in the institution change her. And then Jasper. Let's get. Let's get into Jasper, honey. So also, Rosalie's name was originally going to be Carol.

[Ash]

Listen, there's nothing wrong with the name Carol. Like, that's a beautiful name, but Carol. Carol Cullen. I'm Carol.

[Elena]

Carol.

[Ash]

I'm Carol.

[Elena]

And then Jasper was originally Ronald.

[Ash]

I don't even hate that Ronald. And Alice is kind of cute, but he's Jasper now.

[Elena]

And I'm not past Carol yet.

[Ash]

You didn't give me enough time with that. Rosalie's name was gonna just be Carol.

[Elena]

Okay.

[Ash]

It went from Carol to Rosalie.

[Elena]

Like, Rosalie. Both beautiful names. Very different names.

[Ash]

Vastly different. Carol, like, imagine.

[Elena]

I don't get it. I don't get it.

[Ash]

I don't know why that's so funny.

[Elena]

But let's get into fucking Jasper for a moment.

[Ash]

Everybody's waiting with bated breath.

[Elena]

Everybody take a motherfucking seat.

[Ash]

Everyone on the edge of their seat.

[Elena]

Jasper's defining quality is that he's a very proud Confederate soldier.

[Ash]

Like. And that's not funny. No.

[Elena]

It's just that she did this with her whole chest.

[Ash]

And is it one of the things, too, that you. I don't. Where did you read like that?

[Elena]

I have so much. Okay, go, go, go. Yes. Go, girl. Exactly what you're talking about.

[Ash]

But they can't change.

[Elena]

So. For Ja. So she is Stephenie Meyers. Meyer is very open about the fact that she does not like research. That becomes abundantly clear. Because also, Carlisle's backstory is that he was just chilling around in the sewers of London in 16. Something. Yeah. Sewers were not invented or created in London. So, like, there wasn't even. Which, like, mistakes can be made. Okay.

[Ash]

Couldn't that be found in, like, copy anything?

[Elena]

That's the thing. I'm like, that's a pretty big one.

[Ash]

That's 100,000 years.

[Elena]

The only egregious, like. Like, okay, shit happens. Like, you missed one thing.

[Ash]

People would let it go.

[Elena]

That's fine. But there's a lot of things. But she's very open. She says, I don't like research. I don't like to do a lot of research for it because she's creating a fantasy world and this is her world, and she's gonna make it. Which, like, more power to you. Yeah. But she. And she says, and this is a quote, the only time I really did any research on vampires was when the character Bella did research on vampires. Because I was creating my own world. I didn't want to find out just how many rules I was breaking. Get that. Totally get that. But one thing she did do research for is Jasper's name. And for Jasper's name, when she was like, ronald isn't working for me. She said she searched roll calls for the Confederate army in Texas and found Jasper. So that's the one she rooted in reality was that Confederate soldier's name, which is not great.

[Ash]

And before everybody comes to us and gets really angry at us and says, not all Confederate soldiers or racists.

[Elena]

Oh, I have an answer for you for that. Don't worry. Go ahead, girl, because yeah, totally. Absolutely sure. Why not live in that? But Jasper really fucking wanted to be a Confederate soldier.

[Ash]

Like sought this experience.

[Elena]

Here's what he did. He very much sought this experience.

[Ash]

Jasper worked with a travel advisor for the Confederate War.

[Elena]

So you're talking about the people that are fighting for the Confederacy that were forced into it. Yes, like forced into it at a young age. Like didn't want to be part of it.

[Ash]

Like just happened to live there and had to fight for that side died.

[Elena]

Which like what the fuck. But Jasper literally lied about his age to become a Confederate soldier and said he was so fucking excited about it. He talks about he is the youngest captain in the Texas cavalry. All the time he was rising the rank like he was Confederate soldiering to the highest order.

[Ash]

And like I think in eclipse he really starts because they have to like fight the army and we'll get there when we cover it. He gets real so into it and he like heads part of the training and it's like you have a Confederate soldier training you.

[Elena]

Yep, that's an issue. And what makes here's more added on to it. So there's that he talks about it all the time. Like he. That's his thing. He's very. Not in the first movie. You don't hear about it in the first movie of the first. Like it's. It comes later. But just to know his character going forward again. He's been drinking animal blood for like 50 plus years but he's still feral as fuck. And it's because he was like like a monster when he was a. And he like killed a lot of people. And then when he got turned into a vampire, he. Whoever turned him, I think it's like somebody Maria maybe turned. Oh yeah, she used him to like hunt newborn vampires and after they couldn't use them anymore, he had to kill them.

[Ash]

So he was just kill reckless like.

[Elena]

Killing, killing, killing, killing, killing for like almost the entire time he was alive.

[Ash]

Essentially he's a psychopath.

[Elena]

So. So 50 plus years of drinking animal blood, he's still not. It hasn't busted out that killer instinct of him which makes sense. But she did this thing where she gives some of the vampires special abilities. Only some of them. So some of them don't have them. Alice, she had a special ability when she was a human. She was kind of psychic. She could see things happen.

[Ash]

So it translated Edward, he can read.

[Elena]

Minds but like Rosalie doesn't have one. A few of the other ones don't have one. Yeah, Jasper has one and it's that he is wildly empathetic. He can literally feel what other people are feeling. And not once does she have him say, and you know what? I think I was on the wrong side. Not once. He can literally feel what someone else is feeling. And he still has not come to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't that sick that he was a Confederate soldier.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

That's just crazy.

[Ash]

They're really just like, low key, trying to conform him to, like, good vampire side. But he was born to be a terrible murderer vampire.

[Elena]

And it's just weird to like, because, like, you could have him fight for the Union. It's the same time period. Like, if you really wanted to do that or you didn't even have to involve that, you didn't have to be a soldier. Yeah. And also it's like. Or have. If you want to make him a redeemable character, than have him come say with verbalize I. Because also in the illustrated guide again, go look at it in the illustrated guide. She says that he has like. Because they all have, like a million degrees because they've been around for like 100 years.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

He has degrees in philosophy and history, and not once has he said out.

[Ash]

Loud, I think I fucked up.

[Elena]

Imagine I'm on the wrong side.

[Ash]

Imagine having to take a course, learning about that time period and still knowing that you were on the wrong side.

[Elena]

But he doesn't. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like. And you didn't. Why didn't you make him a redeemable character of him being like, wow, I was educated and I learned that, like, I have a lot of making up to do because I was on the wrong side of history.

[Ash]

Wouldn't that, like, kind of poke a hole in her own lore, though? Because you were saying when we were talking about it the other day that part of it is that they don't change.

[Elena]

That's. See, and that's. That's where her lore kind of like itself. That's where. Why revealing too much of the lore kind of backed her into a corner a few times. Because it's like the whole thing is they get frozen when they get turned. Frozen in their likes and their dislikes, all that. But they can still be educated.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And you can still, I think, like, form a different opinion from being educated.

[Ash]

But frozen in their likes and dislikes.

[Elena]

Well, that's the problem hits here. And it really. This whole thing, because it's like. Like he can't be educated, but technically he should be able to be educated. Yeah.

[Ash]

It's.

[Elena]

You Know, it just doesn't make a lot of sense. A lot of sense. But, yeah, it's really. Jasper is. Is a real. A real problem.

[Ash]

He really is.

[Elena]

And then, like, Alice is just like. Took you to, like, took you long enough. Yeah. For me to like. I've been waiting for you. And it's like, you. You were just waiting around for your Confederate soldier Alice. Us.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

You're supposed to be our. Our pixie girl.

[Ash]

It doesn't really.

[Elena]

What's going on. Jive does a lot. The Illustrated Guide will really open eyes to a lot of things.

[Ash]

I'm so excited to get it.

[Elena]

And that's where we come into the whole, like, pigment being leeched out of your skin when you turn into a vampire. Because that's in the Illustrated Guide. It's part of the whole, like, it's under, like, pallor, I think, is the section, like, the pallor.

[Ash]

Why would you need that to be a thing?

[Elena]

Yeah, that's the thing. And it says, despite your ethnicity, you will become white.

[Ash]

That's really, really, really bad.

[Elena]

And it's like, that's part of the whole thing too, is become you. Become the most beautiful creature.

[Ash]

I'm gonna go ahead and need you to leave that silence in.

[Elena]

Leave it in. Also, freckles, tattoos, beauty marks, they all disappear.

[Ash]

I would be so fucking blessed.

[Elena]

Which as soon as I saw freckles disappear, I was like, oh, is it not beautiful?

[Ash]

Freckles disappear?

[Elena]

Rud.

[Ash]

All my fucking tattoos did. Do you know how much money I've spent?

[Elena]

I would be curating this. I would be.

[Ash]

So I would go out and get them again.

[Elena]

Well, so, like, come on. Vampires have to have tattoos?

[Ash]

Are you kidding me? Sexy as hell.

[Elena]

Like, let's go, girls.

[Ash]

And vampires do have tattoos because James has one.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

On his head. So lore ruined.

[Elena]

Lore ruined.

[Ash]

Because I think they. I think they spent so much of their CGI budget on Edward Flying.

[Elena]

Absolutely.

[Ash]

Like, I think that's actually that they couldn't then remove the tattoo because it was, like, gonna take too much.

[Elena]

Yeah.

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[Elena]

What about toys?

[Ash]

Do they have brands kids have been wanting all year? Yep. Barbie, Tom Ponies, and Lego gifts that.

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[Ash]

Do you mean they have all the brands I adore?

[Elena]

They have Nintendo, Nespresso, Apple and more.

[Ash]

What about.

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[Elena]

Well, and you might be sitting here saying, well, in the movies, Laurent, Yes. Yeah. Not the best vampires, played by Eddie G. And he's phenomenal in that. And he is stunning. I mean, stunning. Like, truly, that man. When he shows up on the scene, you just go like, he's one of those.

[Ash]

So, like, you said, that's a French ass name.

[Elena]

I said, that's a French ass name right there. And that's the thing. So missed opportunity, first of all, because it's like, look at that, man.

[Ash]

Yeah, you could have done that many times. You could have had a few more vampire diversity.

[Elena]

Yeah, it would have been. And Katherine Hardwick, the director, actually wanted a lot more diversity in the cast, but got pushback from Stephanie Meyer because she said, I created this world. This is how I see my vampires. This is how I've created the lore.

[Ash]

This is how I whitewashed them.

[Elena]

And finally agreed that Laurent could be darker skinned, but only because he's described. Because she also says that if you have, like, olive skin, then it will. You'll still go white, but you'll be maybe a little darker.

[Ash]

I think we just didn't really need to touch on.

[Elena]

And so I think Laurent is described as having, like, a little more olive skin. So she agreed to let him be a black man. And of course. Yeah, yeah, it's a.

[Ash]

There's too many implications with that.

[Elena]

It's a lot.

[Ash]

There's too many implications.

[Elena]

But all I have to say is that Eddie Gaffige is one of the best parts of that movie.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

I think he's phenomenal, and I think he is gorgeous.

[Ash]

And the second movie, too. He's like, a huge part.

[Elena]

He's beautiful, and he's so good. He's so likable. I just think missed opportunities abound there. But, yeah, so that's all in the illustrated guide. But. But, like, just going back to, like, the actual movie because we sat down and watched it and went through.

[Ash]

Yeah. Should we go through, like, all of our thoughts?

[Elena]

We'll just go through our thoughts. The. Oh, the book was originally named Forks.

[Ash]

Yeah. That's hilarious. I understand that Forks, like Forks Washington. But, like, hold on. I said Washington. So dumb. Forks, Washington.

[Elena]

Forks, Washington. But to name it Forks would have been diabolical.

[Ash]

What's the se. What's the sequel? Staff Spoon. Spoon.

[Elena]

Sporks.

[Ash]

Just one third.

[Elena]

Once they get Renesmee. It's Sporks because it's like a combo of the two.

[Ash]

Yikes.

[Elena]

Ew. Yeah. It's a wild one. One thing about the movie, that was a real moment for me, and I still get it, but when it was happening, it used to happen all the time is the vampires, the eye color used to happen all the time that people would be like, oh, you have Cullen eyes. Or like, are you wearing Cullen contacts? And I was like, no, that's just my eyes. Apparently, I'm just a vampire. I think you. I'm Stephanie Meyer's vampire, apparently. But contact lenses would actually dissolve in their eyes because venom. Because venom.

[Ash]

So they just. Their eyes get gold.

[Elena]

So even if. Because, like, apparently it's like if. If a vampire drinks animal blood, then they get golden eyes. Oh, okay. If they've just recently fed and had animal blood, they have golden eyes. If they've just recently fed off human blood and are satiated, they have bright red eyes.

[Ash]

Which is why when they meet Laurentias, they're all vampires. They have super red eyes.

[Elena]

And so they said, like, if they were trying to hide the red eyes, they could do so with contacts, but they would dissolve in their eyes eventually, like after a few hours. So they can't. You could get a few hours out of it, but it would dissolve. Okay, so that's interesting.

[Ash]

That's in the Illustrated Guide.

[Elena]

That's in the Illustrated Guide.

[Ash]

How did I know?

[Elena]

How did you know? But the vibe of the movies are the best. They're just good.

[Ash]

They're vibes. It's like, honestly, the color palette you got, you've really. You've really taken me to a place of color palette. There is. It's so cozy with, like, the greens and the rain, and it's got a.

[Elena]

Blue tint to things.

[Ash]

And one thing about these. All of these movies, I'm pretty sure soundtrack. The soundtrack is especially for the first one and the second one, Laugh. Such banger, banger after banger that when.

[Elena]

It first starts, when the full moon.

[Ash]

Turns white, that's when I'll come home. And then when. When she's like, when they're driving into Forks, there's so Many movie spoofs that we have to talk about.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

When that big logging truck passes by.

[Elena]

Oh, my God. And there's no one, no one's driving it.

[Ash]

No one's driving the truck. How did that even happen? How did that even occur? They're pulling into four wheels. I'm like, what?

[Elena]

It's an 18 wheeler that no one is driving.

[Ash]

I'm like, did you guys, like CGI him out of there somehow?

[Elena]

Like, who's.

[Ash]

Please tell me what happened?

[Elena]

What's going on? Also, this is the movie where we get the.

[Ash]

I think that's like right before Bella.

[Elena]

Gets hit by the car. Right. Or almost perfect when it goes. I'm like, ah. Like, it just gets you.

[Ash]

Oh, I love it so much.

[Elena]

There is something with that. I also Black hole on my hatch alarm every morning. And then it starts the. And it Great way to wake up.

[Ash]

I gotta get one.

[Elena]

I'll tell you. It's really great way to wake up. But yeah, I Soundtracks, like you said, supermassive black hole. Oh, I mean, the Spotlight song. When they find out.

[Ash]

We'Re about to get sued by like 15 different bands.

[Elena]

No, we left you.

[Ash]

Okay. Yeah. We're singing your praises, literally.

[Elena]

But it's so good. And there's. I think she did a good job of stylizing it. Yeah. Because the books are very like, the books have that, like, have way more repression. It feels like weaved within.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And the movie kind of lets go a little more like, like, like, like they're dressed better. Yeah. And like for the most part. And it just all feels a little more like I can, I can go along with this.

[Ash]

It's so funny watching it now though, because I remember like, when I watched it when I was like 12 or 13, I was like, I need to start dressing like Bella and wear headbands in my hair like Bella does. And I need to be Bella because boys will love me.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Bella dresses like Bella dresses like. I, I, I watched it. When we watched it recently, I was like, what the is she wearing in every scene? What?

[Elena]

She's wearing like, bowling shirts over. There's a lot going on.

[Ash]

It's horrible.

[Elena]

A couple of her shirts. I was like, okay. I would have probably worn that.

[Ash]

There wasn't one shirt that I was okay.

[Elena]

There was a couple that I was like, I feel like I would wear that.

[Ash]

That's crazy. Unfortunately, she says she has great hair.

[Elena]

Great hair.

[Ash]

Great hair.

[Elena]

I remember being like, that's how I pictured Bella's hair.

[Ash]

Not in the. I can't Remember, if it's. I think it's the third movie. Kristen Stewart had just done the rocking. Oh, the rocking.

[Elena]

The jet.

[Ash]

Yeah, she had just done that. So she had to cut her hair.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Like, obviously in Joan Jett's hairstyle. So she has one of the worst wigs of all time in that movie.

[Elena]

There's some egregious wigs.

[Ash]

There are some egregious wigs.

[Elena]

Yeah. Like, there's some Rosalie's wigs.

[Ash]

Rosalie's wig she had to wear because they. Her hair up so bad after the first movie, which, if you look at her hair in the first movie, she has beautiful hair, but it's fried.

[Elena]

Yeah. You can tell. And we'll get to that when we do the other movie.

[Ash]

Yeah, we will.

[Elena]

But, yeah, it's. I thought the outfits, they're very of the time. Yeah. I remember Edward. I loved his outfits.

[Ash]

He's got. He looks great. His peacoats.

[Elena]

Loved his peacoats, honey. Loved it. I especially love. I think we were. When we were watching it, there's a scene when Mike is, like, trying to ask Bella to prom, and Edward is just standing in the back.

[Ash]

Back.

[Elena]

One thing I loved is what an absolute dick Edward was.

[Ash]

Yeah. We set us all up.

[Elena]

We've been here before. We. We, you know, like, this is who I am. Okay. And so I love that he's literally laughing in the background, like, this guy.

[Ash]

Because he could also hear Mike. He can hear it and Bella's answers.

[Elena]

Too, and her thoughts. So he's sitting. Or not her thoughts. He can't hear, but he can hear.

[Ash]

Like, her answers through Mike's thoughts.

[Elena]

Yeah. And he's sitting there laughing in the background. And, you know, he's sitting there being like. Like, I got a peacoat.

[Ash]

You're What?

[Elena]

You think you're going to prom with her? Get a peacoat. Like, get a gray peacoat, my friend.

[Ash]

Poor Mike.

[Elena]

Poor Mike. Let's go into. We got to talk about Mike and Jessica.

[Ash]

They make Jessica. They do make Jessica the ultimate villain. Especially justice for Jessica. Like, in this movie. She definitely gets villainized in New Moon.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

They turn her into, like, a twat.

[Elena]

And it's not fair because Bella is a.

[Ash]

Like, she's a.

[Elena]

When she goes into anyone, everyone is being nice to her. People are trying to be like, Jessica is one of the first people to talk to her and welcome her here and, like, talk, and it's like, she's, like, villain. And Bella gives no one the time of day and acts like she's annoyed that anyone's being nice to her. I don't know why they all keep trying. And then the thing with Jessica is, it's like Jessica's a teenage girl. She immediately befriended Bella, tried to integrate her in. And then she gets jealous that the guy she likes is obsessed with Bella the second she meets her. That's just normal.

[Ash]

Yeah, that's normal.

[Elena]

Would be pretty pissed if the guy I was, like, crushing on was obsessed with the new girl.

[Ash]

And I think that she said something like she's. They've all known each other since, like, kindergarten.

[Elena]

Yeah. So it's like, that sucks. Yeah. And it's like. And they make her such a villain. They do. And it's like, she's not. She's like.

[Ash]

And she even.

[Elena]

She even asked Bella at one point if it's okay that she goes to the dance with Michael. Mic.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And she. What the does she have to do that for?

[Ash]

You've been around forever.

[Elena]

You don't have to ask her. But she does just to make sure there's no, like, weirdness. I'm like, they villainized her. It's not.

[Ash]

Well. And they also try to make Bella, like, more likable by her being like, oh, you should ask Jessica.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

But it's like, it makes Jessica look like.

[Elena]

Well, they make. And I mean, it's how Bella is also written. She's like, that girl. Yeah. I'm not like other girls, you know, like, that girl. And it's like.

[Ash]

Like, I'm going to wear leggings under my dress.

[Elena]

Oh, my God. We're going to get to that. We're going to get to that. But I think Anna Kendrick is the perfect Jessica.

[Ash]

She really is.

[Elena]

She killed it.

[Ash]

As soon as you see her, you say, Jessica.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

Jessica in the movie. Yep.

[Elena]

And I think Mike is a great cast. And I think Mike is super endearing and just kind of like, he's a teenage boy.

[Ash]

You can honestly. The whole friend group, I feel like, is very, like, believable. Like, Angela, Mike.

[Elena]

They're all really well done, I think. Like, they're likable.

[Ash]

They are. They're super likable. And they're like.

[Elena]

I don't know.

[Ash]

They're just sweet. They're, like, throwing their Twizzlers at her and shit. They eat so many Twizzlers in this movie.

[Elena]

They eat so many Twizzlers.

[Ash]

It's just brought to you by Twizzlers.

[Elena]

I will say it really was. I will say I don't like that they have everyone, like, falling all over themselves about Bella, like, that's very unrealistic and also like, kind of weird and gross because at one point, like while she's sitting at the table, Tyler runs up behind her, her and is like, my girl. And kisses her on the cheek.

[Ash]

Yeah. Is that Tyler? Is that.

[Elena]

That's Tyler. And Eric is sitting next to her because he had said something like, like, Belle is my girl. Yeah, basically. And I was like, what's happening? Like, what is? And you can tell Jessica, Jessica literally is like, oh my God.

[Ash]

The way she said.

[Elena]

I forget what she says. She's like, you're the new shiny toy. Like. But she's like, oh my God. Yeah.

[Ash]

She's like, this is disgusting.

[Elena]

You can tell. She's like, what the fuck is going on?

[Ash]

And also the way he kisses her at lunch. I said inappropriate.

[Elena]

Inappropriate.

[Ash]

And also they're so mean to like the boys are so mean to Jessica and Angela.

[Elena]

Oh my God, Eric like, shits all over Angela.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And I'm like, the feature is dead. Don't bring it up again. And then just leaves. And she's like, damn, do you guys.

[Ash]

Just not want to.

[Elena]

What's going on here? Like, what the. But this is also where we get the Cullen entrance.

[Ash]

They are 32 year olds walking into this cafeteria. They're all wearing what, and most importantly.

[Elena]

Emmett is carrying a bag, a bag full of at least a dozen hard boiled eggs.

[Ash]

And I have never noticed it, but we all got into a discussion the other day when we were talking about like the weird sploofs in this movie. And Elena was like, the eggs. I was like, the eggs.

[Elena]

The eggs.

[Ash]

I never saw that before. You'll never unsee it.

[Elena]

You'll never unsee it.

[Ash]

Fun fact. That was just Kellen Lutz's lunch is. Who plays Emmett?

[Elena]

Yeah. You know, you just gotta eat some eggs. I love a hard boiled egg, so I'm not one to.

[Ash]

I love a hard boiled egg. I could not eat 12 die.

[Elena]

But he's.

[Ash]

He's like. He's a big guy.

[Elena]

I can eat one. And then I'm like, damn.

[Ash]

Yeah, honestly.

[Elena]

But that. And I like that my one with some soy sauce or some hot sauce. You know, I can't just. I just can't do that to the face. You can't just.

[Ash]

Raw dog.

[Elena]

Raw dog. A hard oiled egg like that.

[Ash]

As you should not.

[Elena]

But. But their entrances are just wild because it's like Alice gets like Jasper, the Confederate soldier just twirls. Alice.

[Ash]

Yeah. They just run way into this cafeteria.

[Elena]

Like it's nothing What? And that's when we see Edward for the first time. Of course. And this is where I had my initial disappointment.

[Ash]

I can't believe you.

[Elena]

I felt it again.

[Ash]

Disappointment in this moment. I think this was my sexual awakening.

[Elena]

And that's. Again, I say it was. Was not because I thought Robert Pattinson was not attractive or ugly or.

[Ash]

What did you picture? Do you remember?

[Elena]

I think I just pictured, like, I'm trying to think of exactly what I pictured in my head. I probably pictured more of. I'm trying to think of. I don't know, I think he was like, not. I don't know what I. I'm trying to think in my head. I'm trying to like picture it.

[Ash]

Sometimes it's hard to describe the picture that you have in your head.

[Elena]

When I'm trying to think of anybody who fits that picture. I think. What? I think Hayden Christensen was one of the ones that was going to be cast.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

It was in talks, I think, or like fans wanted him to be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was very much a Hayden Christensen girly when I was younger. I loved him.

[Ash]

Very, very good looking man.

[Elena]

And I think he's more along the lines of what I pictured. But I don't even think he is the thing I picture. I think he's just a little closer to what I pictured. Okay. I think he. I think I pictured him like very ethereal looking and I think it's hard for a human being to look so ethereal. I see what I'm saying. Like it's a difficult one to cast, I think. Yeah.

[Ash]

I think he looks. I think he's. He is like the perfect Robert.

[Elena]

Well, and I think the perfect Robert.

[Ash]

Perfect Edward.

[Elena]

I mean, he was the perfect Robert as well. Like he really was.

[Ash]

He's like, don't say that.

[Elena]

But he totally started fitting it for me. And I think I saw like his interviews and shit. I just ended up loving him. Like I thought he was awesome. So I was very into it then. But we get that weird like staring.

[Ash]

Thing that he does when he walks by. He laughs because he can hear Jessica.

[Elena]

Being like, oh, yeah.

[Ash]

I think she says, like, you know.

[Elena]

Like he would just.

[Ash]

I guess none of us are good enough for him. Like every girl in school wants to date him, but we're not good enough for him.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And he laughs when she, when he walks by.

[Elena]

I can hear that. Yeah. And then we go into the biology class where we get one of the cringiest scenes that I have ever seen committed to film.

[Ash]

I literally wrote down. I Would not survive this interaction with Edward. I would jump out of the science lab window and I would board the next flight to Arizona.

[Elena]

I literally said this would send me packing.

[Ash]

She walks into science class or biology.

[Elena]

Class in front of a fan.

[Ash]

In front of the fan. It wafts on over to Edward, and he acts like she smells like hot garbage. Liquefied.

[Elena]

He does this body roll of.

[Ash]

He retches.

[Elena]

He has a full wretch.

[Ash]

He wretches.

[Elena]

And then he literally, like, slides something over to her with his knuckle. Like, he won't even touch it with his face. He's just like, get the fuck out of it.

[Ash]

And he's literally holding his face away from her, but also.

[Elena]

Also staring at her as she's looking straight ahead. And she's like, oh, my God. He's just like, like, staring at her.

[Ash]

Like, she's, like, the most putrid thing.

[Elena]

I've ever not survived this. And also, what the. Bella. Because halfway through that class, I would have been like, can I help you? Like, how are you not turning to that boy and being like, what the your problem? Like, I confront him.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Because it's not like he's, like, actively trying to get away from her. He is, but he's also staring at her.

[Ash]

He's. He's diabolically like. Like a monkey.

[Elena]

And he's just staring like. Like, how I would literally turn around and just, like, stick my finger in my nose and be like, what? Like what? Like, Bella needed to get a little more assertive with that.

[Ash]

Yeah, well, she's. Bella's so baby girl coded.

[Elena]

She is so baby girl.

[Ash]

Baby girl.

[Elena]

But at the same time, he's not safe with her. At some point. At some point, she gets so aggressive that I was like, you should leave.

[Ash]

It took me a minute to, like, process what you were saying.

[Elena]

Like, she gets really aggressive at the.

[Ash]

End of the movie. We'll get.

[Elena]

Yeah, but that interaction just fucked me up.

[Ash]

And then when they. She, like, they go into, like, the administrative office after.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

And he's like, okay, fine. I guess I'll just endure it.

[Elena]

I guess I'll have to endure it.

[Ash]

Like, because he wants to switch and.

[Elena]

He, like, flies by her. And she had come into the office and then just leaves. Yeah. Why were you in there? And she does that, like, lip sucking thing that she does.

[Ash]

She do be.

[Elena]

Here's the thing.

[Ash]

She do be making some.

[Elena]

Kristen Stewart is a great actor. Actress. She's a great actress. What the was she doing in this movie?

[Ash]

Lots of faces.

[Elena]

She doesn't do that face all the time. Like, it's her doing the, like, I wish.

[Ash]

Like, sucking in her lip. I said, I wish you could see that. And in fact, you must see that. So I will video it for you right now, live videoing.

[Elena]

All right. Am I doing it?

[Ash]

Yeah. Go, go, girl. And we'll be posting that.

[Elena]

She literally, like, does this. That weird. Like, I'm just gonna eat my lip. I'm gonna eat my lip. I'm gonna email. I'm not gonna eat my lip. And then she just leaves.

[Ash]

And you're like, I'm not gonna eat my final decision. I'm not gonna eat my. Okay, wait, so, like, that happens. Edward doesn't come to school for a few days. In the interim, she goes to the diner with her dad. Pause.

[Elena]

Charlie.

[Ash]

Yeah, everybody pause for zaddy. Charlie.

[Elena]

Charlie.

[Ash]

Worst, worst father. Not of the year, but, like, one of the worst dad.

[Elena]

Not in the bag. In the book. He's far worse than he is in the movie. In the movie, you at least get the sense that he cares. He's just awkward.

[Ash]

Yeah, he cares that he's awkward. But, like, later on, he also just lets her leave his home.

[Elena]

He sure does.

[Ash]

And, like, he's a police officer. He's like the police officer.

[Elena]

In fact, like, well, he's the chief.

[Ash]

Yeah. Get there. But he's hot, so we'll take it.

[Elena]

He is so hot.

[Ash]

Yeah. Watching Twilight as an adult is realizing that you're not team Edward or Jacob. You are team Charlie Swan or Buzz.

[Elena]

Totally. And I need to be clear with who Stephanie Meyer wanted to cast as Charlie. You better be John C. Reilly. And here's the thing.

[Ash]

Hello.

[Elena]

I love John C. Reilly.

[Ash]

Who doesn't?

[Elena]

I think he's hilarious.

[Ash]

This. Imagine if he.

[Elena]

Charlie, if he was cheap, we get Billy Burke. And I am for Billy Burke in this movie. Billy Burke is a behavior in this movie. I don't even care what he does.

[Ash]

And he looked. There's like, a familial resemblance between him and Bella for sure.

[Elena]

He looks like the age fits the familial.

[Ash]

John C. Riley.

[Elena]

John C. Riley would have been a wild choice. Choice. It would have been.

[Ash]

Honestly, I. I would like him to, like, can they remake the movie?

[Elena]

I mean, could you read some of the lines and, like, dress as Chief Swan and just, like, give us that.

[Ash]

I'm gonna need one of the late night hosts to have him on and make him read those lines.

[Elena]

I'm gonna need that. Like, I'm gonna need that.

[Ash]

Although his lines are pretty basic, they Are.

[Elena]

That's true. But in this scene, like, aside from Charlie Swan just being super hot, there's a ketchup bottle and Kristen Seward, Bella takes the ketchup bottle.

[Ash]

Limp wrist.

[Elena]

Limp wrist. Just blops it on her plate, but nothing comes out. And then the scene is shot from a different angle, and it's just ketchup on the bottle. And she just does this, like, shaky, shaky. And then puts it down. Nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out of that bottle.

[Ash]

And it's not even one of those bottles where, like, you have to hit the 57 for it to come out or the 52. Whatever it is, is.

[Elena]

It's a squeeze bottle.

[Ash]

And she's not squeezing it. She's simply limp wristing, flicking it.

[Elena]

It's the weirdest. She does this with a few other things because later she gets a glass of water. She pours a glass of water.

[Ash]

No, the water might be. And I think the water might take the ketchup right away.

[Elena]

Pours a full glass of water out of the fridge, Puts it back. Puts the jug back. Yeah. Stands in front of the sink, takes one sip of water and then just flips the water over and dumps it all out of the water.

[Ash]

But the way she flicks it is so just like.

[Elena]

And it's one sip, whole glass of water. One sip, flip right into the sink, waistful. I was like, what the fuck was the point of that?

[Ash]

Also. And we'll get into it a little bit more, but just because we're talking about weird mannerisms. When Edward sits down at the table, the first time we see him, he just places, like, two fingers on the table.

[Elena]

He does this weird, like, finger thing that he's always, like, just delicately touching pageant hands. They're like praying mantis hands. Like, he's just like. Yeah. Like, he barely touches surfaces or, like, things in front of him. It's very creepy.

[Ash]

I think they were all just, like, really uncomfortable filming this.

[Elena]

Yes. Everybody seems very uncomfortable.

[Ash]

Anna Kendrick likened it to a hostage situation. She said they were all trauma bonded because it was like a hostage situation.

[Elena]

Friends and Emmett, we're better for it.

[Ash]

It's Kellen Lutz. Almost didn't come back for the last two movies, he said, because he was just standing around on set so often.

[Elena]

Because he doesn't have a lot to do. That's the thing.

[Ash]

He said he was, like, falling out of love with acting.

[Elena]

Oh, man. Yeah. So damn.

[Ash]

I can't imagine. The vibe on the set was, like, super immaculate. Awesome.

[Elena]

Yeah. Well. And we get, like, Another scene, like you were just pointing out the scene at the table where you got the car. Yes, the fingers. And Rosalie's just takes a little carrot and she's just staring at Bella and she's dead eyes in her white outfit and her white hat. And she just takes that carrot, she places it within her lips and then it's almost like a kazoo that she's just like.

[Ash]

She just.

[Elena]

On a carrot because she looks like she's treating it like a kazoo. And she just places it there, but doesn't ever take a bite. And it's because in the Illustrated Guide, no, they don't eat food. If they have to eat food, like, to blend in. To blend in. They don't digest food. So what happens is they eat that food, it sits in a ball somewhere inside of them and then they hack it up like a cat hacks up in a hairball later. They will literally regurgitate it later.

[Ash]

That's not good.

[Elena]

That's not hot. That's not hot at all.

[Ash]

If my man is having a hairball.

[Elena]

And like, I'm sorry, you're making my vampires so that they're just like regurgitating food later. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

[Ash]

I don't like it either. Another thing I don't like is when she walks back into biology class and I think it's Michaels, how you liking the rain, girl? Oh my God, it's the most egregious.

[Elena]

It's such a weird line.

[Ash]

Most egregious greeting.

[Elena]

He.

[Ash]

Not only does he scream, how you liking the rain, girl? But he also shakes his umbrella. I kill him with that umbrella.

[Elena]

There's so many lines. There's lines in future movies like, Bella.

[Ash]

Where the hell you been, loca?

[Elena]

That just send me into orbit.

[Ash]

I think, honestly, Bella, where the hell you been, loca? Is such a good line. But like, it's so good that people forget how good is how good.

[Elena]

How good.

[Ash]

How you like in the rain, girl? That's such a weird fucking line.

[Elena]

But I.

[Ash]

And I hate it, but I love it.

[Elena]

There's so much many lines like that near the. Like, we're gonna get to them and I will yell them loud and proud when they come.

[Ash]

So many. I will yell them loud and proud. Wait, so then after. How you like in the rain, girl? Bella sits down at the table after Edward just left for days cuz she smelled so fucking putrid. He's sitting there and he acts like everything is a okay. And he says, stirring her hello. He goes, why is he Swedish? When he says hello, she sits down and he goes, hello.

[Elena]

He sounds almost like the wandering oak.

[Ash]

In Frozen, where he's like, summer sale.

[Elena]

Big summer blows.

[Ash]

Like, what? There's a. And obviously like Robert Pattinson is like British, right?

[Elena]

He sure is.

[Ash]

So obviously like his accent comes out sometimes. But this isn't even his accent. It's a Swedish accent. Hello.

[Elena]

Hello. It's the way he says it. And there's another part. I'm trying to find exactly how he says it.

[Ash]

Oh my God.

[Elena]

Because there's another moment where Robert Pattinson slips into like a weird Scottish.

[Ash]

Oh, I wrote it down.

[Elena]

Hold on. Oh, wait, here it is. Oh, he says, so you're worried.

[Ash]

So you're worried.

[Elena]

So you're worried. And then he just goes right into his regular accent, full Scottish. Hello.

[Ash]

Hello. Say aware.

[Elena]

I love the Swedish accent.

[Ash]

It's fucking crazy. Very Swedish, very Norwegian. I like it. And then they just like have this cute interaction about like science.

[Elena]

But this is Bella's first moment of. He's like, so are you liking the rain? Cuz they've never met, they don't know each other.

[Ash]

You're going to talk to me about the goddamn weather?

[Elena]

And she does.

[Ash]

She literally.

[Elena]

He says that he's like, so are you. How are you liking the rain? And she literally goes like.

[Ash]

Lets out this like shaky like.

[Elena]

And then she goes, you're gonna ask.

[Ash]

Me about the weather? Like, it's just like, what the fuck? My. My watch just told me this is a loud environment.

[Elena]

Your watch is like calm the fuck down.

[Ash]

We hit 90 decibels. 30 minutes of this could. We're giving you guys temporary hearings.

[Elena]

I'm sorry for that, but it's worth it, okay. Cause she says, she's like. She literally. She's on the. She's on the edge in that moment. She's on the edge and then it's like. Like you want. You're going to talk to me about the weather. I'm like, what do you want him by that?

[Ash]

She's such a.

[Elena]

She's. She wants him to talk dirty to her. Like it's like you. She's like, why are you talking to me about the weather? I'm literally on the edge of glory here.

[Ash]

She says, I want to. On this your lap table.

[Elena]

So weird. The like resp. I know she was trying to do her like. Cuz it's supposed to be that she's like enamored with him right away, but it's like, you don't need To. I don't know. It was just the way it came out.

[Ash]

I was like, that's a lot.

[Elena]

Lot.

[Ash]

It's wild.

[Elena]

So I think there is a moment when she's talking during, like, during this part when she talks to her friends where they're like, oh, you gonna come to La Push with us?

[Ash]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elena]

And she's like, am I supposed to know what that means? And it's like, maybe you are. Because that's where, like, your best friend growing up, Jacob, lives.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

La Push is like, kind of his beach. So it's like, I don't. Why wouldn't you know that? And it's like, also, like, she's just so rude.

[Ash]

It's the way she says things.

[Elena]

Should I know what that means? Yeah, I. Yeah, you should probably. Like, you're friends with Jacob, but we get also around this part. The apple. The book cover moment.

[Ash]

The apple. And then before that, he had saved her from the crash.

[Elena]

Yep.

[Ash]

And she meets Carlisle.

[Elena]

Yep. She meets the whole thing.

[Ash]

Hailest doctor that has ever lived.

[Elena]

I loved Carlisle. I was.

[Ash]

I was not a Carlisle, but I was 12 when this came out, so I was not meant to be a Carl.

[Elena]

And I just love. He's. I love a, you know, light haired. You do. Dead looking man.

[Ash]

Yeah. We'll be talking about that in True Blood later.

[Elena]

We will be. That's the COVID of the book. And Stephenie Meyer said that it's supposed to be the illusion of, like, the, like, forbidden fruit. The forbidden fruit. And, like, it is tied to the Bible with, like, you have a choice. Are you gonna take the apple and ruin everything? Are you gonna not take the apple.

[Ash]

Or take the apple?

[Elena]

Interesting. But he does. When he does the little, like, presenting like the. I was like, wow.

[Ash]

Also I would be like, you just kicked that up. So not only did you get germs on my apple, but you also bruised it.

[Elena]

Yeah, you.

[Ash]

I'm surprised she didn't say, like, I can't believe you just kicked my apple.

[Elena]

God. Anyone else, she would.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But when they go to La Push and they see Jacob and his friends. Friends. And they mentioned that, like, Bella had asked Edward if he wanted to come, but he was like, no.

[Ash]

This is where Jessica's a little bit of a. Because she's like, Bella asked Edward, but he didn't come.

[Elena]

But he's not here. But I think she's also trying to be like, hey, Mike, she invited Edward. Like, she doesn't like you, so please stop lusting after her because I like you. I think it's teenage girl.

[Ash]

It is.

[Elena]

It is.

[Ash]

But when that kid goes the calling, she'll come here. Yes.

[Elena]

Because, like, Jeff, Jacob and his friends come, and that's when he's like, the.

[Ash]

Colins don't come here, period.

[Elena]

And Belle's like, whoa. And then they go on a walk on the beach and she's like, so what did your friend mean when he said, the Cullens don't come here? And Jacob goes, you caught that, huh?

[Ash]

It's like the kid. Do you mean the kid locked eyes with her and screamed it at her face?

[Elena]

Of course I caught that. He launched it directly at me. I had no choice but to cut. Catch that? Yeah. Like, damn. Yeah, I love that. I love that.

[Ash]

And she's also trying to, like, flirt with Jacob to get information out of him. And Bella Swan flirting is the funniest fucking shit you'll ever see in your life. Because she kind of just like, leans her head a little bit closer and, like, looks up at him, but it's menacing.

[Elena]

She does this weird, like, head shake thing where she's like, I want to know.

[Ash]

I'd love to.

[Elena]

Shakes her head a lot. It's almost like she thinks that the, like, eyelash fluttering is actually, like, head shaking. So she doesn't that it's a lot. It's something later. Well, because she finds out, like, there's a. You know, the legend the Quileute tribe has of, like, the hail feed from wolves, and there's these, like, the cold one, the treaty, all that stuff. So she later, she goes on and googs and she googs about, you know, legends of that tribe. And one of the books that comes up is called Legends of the Slapping Beaver. I just need to point that out. It's not a real book. I looked it up.

[Ash]

We tried. We tried to find it, but my.

[Elena]

God, I love that they put that in. And then she ends up going dress shopping at one point with Angela and Jessica. They invite her, like, you're new, and we're inviting you into our shopping trip to have a girls night. That's some, like, not. That doesn't happen to everyone.

[Ash]

No.

[Elena]

Like, you've been a new kid.

[Ash]

I was a new kid. I was lucky enough.

[Elena]

You were welcome.

[Ash]

I was pretty so lucky, I gotta say, on my first day at my new high school, I made friends. Like, the first day, and then they were. They were like, you want to come hang out tonight? And I was like, yeah, I do.

[Elena]

But it's like, that doesn't happen for everyone.

[Ash]

I came home and Elena was Like, are you. I literally. I was like, do you think Ma would let me go out tonight? Like, I made friends. And Elena goes, what? Are you kidding me?

[Elena]

What do you mean you made friends already?

[Ash]

You like.

[Elena]

But, yeah, that doesn't happen.

[Ash]

I had a better experience at my second high school than I did at my first.

[Elena]

Well, Bella is being integrated into this group very luckily and very nicely.

[Ash]

Elena would say to her, are you kidding me?

[Elena]

Are you kidding me? Bella? Like, God. And she treats them like shit. She bail. They are trying on dresses. She's not even looking at them. She's like, in her own thing. And then she just gets up and bails. Like, doesn't even pay attention to them. I was like, why are you trying to be friends with her? I'd be like, fuck this girl.

[Ash]

Yeah. She's like, I have to go to, like, a bookstore.

[Elena]

I have to go to a bookstore. And she goes to the bookstore to get the. The Legends book.

[Ash]

And it's also like, could you not have just been like, hey, when we're done trying on. Or when you guys are done, like, will you come to this bookstore with me? That's how friendship works.

[Elena]

Works. No, she just decided to bail on them.

[Ash]

Rude.

[Elena]

And that's. She's just going to obsess over Edward for the rest of her life. She doesn't need friends. Yeah.

[Ash]

It really is so toxic when you get into toxic. And this is really where it becomes, like, so bad.

[Elena]

Ridiculously insane, because she ends up getting, like, running to. Into these, like, drunk guys.

[Ash]

She tries to walk down a alley. What are you doing? Walking down an alley?

[Elena]

And these drunk guys are gross and disgusting, and they, like, are going to assault her, essentially. And Edward shows up in his Volvo. He is. And, like, growls at them when. I'm sorry, this.

[Ash]

I would have been the most toxic woman. When he growls at them.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And then he's like, get in the car. And he's like, you didn't know what they. And then he's like, you didn't know what they were thinking.

[Elena]

And she's like, you did.

[Ash]

I'd be like, save me every night.

[Elena]

And they, like. They end up going to dinner and like. But Jessica and Angela are like, like, hey, where you been? We had no clue where you were. We've been calling you. Like, what the? Like, lost you. They're all like, what the.

[Ash]

And then even in that moment, they're still rooting for her. They're still, like. They're like, oh, yeah, go to dinner.

[Elena]

Like, have dinner on us. Like, it's cool.

[Ash]

I was like, damn, you really lucked.

[Elena]

Into these gals, and you should hang on to them and treat them better. But she. So she goes to dinner with. With Edward. Edward.

[Ash]

And his song is playing in the background.

[Elena]

His song is playing Robert Patrick, like, exact. That's it. That was. And then he. A clip. I mean, can you tell the difference? You can't. Thank you. But she. They talk about, like, you know what. Like that. Basically, what's going on? Like, that he's been stalking her, essentially.

[Ash]

She's literally like, how did you know I was going to be here?

[Elena]

And he's like, I was following.

[Ash]

He says, like, I was following in case anything happened to you. Which is sweet in theory. But you, like, think about it as an adult, and you're, like, just stalking her.

[Elena]

Ah. Like, I don't want to be followed by you. No.

[Ash]

I don't take care of myself. But that's the thing about Bella. That's where she's like, baby girl coded because she doesn't want to have to take care of herself.

[Elena]

No. And there's a reason for that, though, that makes sense, because when you look at her parents. Oh, yeah. We didn't even touch on her mom. Her mom's a.

[Ash]

Her mom wreck sucks.

[Elena]

Her mom's sucks. You, Renee. My mom, the reason she went to Forks is because her mom is together with a minor league baseball player named Phil, and she's unhappy that she can't travel around with him and that she has to stay with her child.

[Ash]

And Bella picked up.

[Elena]

So Bella's like, do you want me to leave so you can do that? And she's like, that'd be good. That's it. She's an.

[Ash]

Yeah, she sucks.

[Elena]

Her mom's, like, a total, like, hot mess. She's not like, a cute, fun, like, oh, I'm just like a Lorelei Gilmore kind of like, like, you know, messy mom. She just sucks. Yeah.

[Ash]

And then also, like, in the book, Charlie is very.

[Elena]

Yeah. And in the book, she had to take care of her mom, essentially, like, parentified child. And then she had to take care of her dad in the book, too. Yeah. Like, she cooks him all his meals, and, like, he's just always, like, working or fishing.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And so, like, she really did. I think she looks at this as.

[Ash]

Like, take care of me.

[Elena]

Someone can just take care of me now. Yeah. So I think she was. This was, like, learned, toxic behavior. Fortunately, apparently, that she was, like, searching for something, which is also, like, weird.

[Ash]

Because then, like, her boyfriend becomes her dad.

[Elena]

Yeah. It's very weird.

[Ash]

And then also, like, when Jacob. Or when, like, we'll get into it in New Moon, but, like, Edward leaves and then, like, Jacob steps in.

[Elena]

Like, she.

[Ash]

There's also, like, so much imagery of her being carried around all the time.

[Elena]

Yes.

[Ash]

And it's like, she's always really weird.

[Elena]

Yeah, it is. Yeah. And in this conversation, he's saying how, like, he can read mines, but he can't read hers. And I was like, oh, so you read the Sookie Stackhouse books? Yeah, because that's literally True Blood.

[Ash]

Like, that's just True Blood.

[Elena]

And the Sookie Stackhouse books were out at a time. So, like, maybe that just interested her that they could read minds and maybe one person can block it. Yeah, it's definitely reminiscent of it.

[Ash]

There was a few things, too, and I can't think of them now, but, like, if you go back and listen to her, rewatch her episodes for Buffy, I was like, oh, yeah, that's where she got that.

[Elena]

She was definitely. I think Stephanie Meyer was definitely, like, inspired. She was. She was absorbing a lot of this kind of material. So I'm sure, like, bits and pieces of it just came into her lore. Yeah. But this is one that I was just. We're watching True Blood right now. So it just, like, stuck out to me as, like, oh, the one person whose mind you can't read. It's, like, flipped around. Yep, yep, yep.

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[Elena]

Now and then we get the scene where he pulls her into the because she figures out he's a Vampire.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And he pulls her into the fucking woods at school.

[Ash]

This is. No other movie has touched me in a moment quite like this.

[Elena]

This. He's so aggressive in this moment. Say it loud.

[Ash]

Out loud. I know, but you are.

[Elena]

And she's standing with her arms in front of her, which is a very awkward stance.

[Ash]

She's essentially doing like the Wednesday Adams when the sun goes down and the moon comes up. But she just turns into a teenage goo goo muck. She does. She does turn into a teenage in these woods. Bella was a teenage Goo goo muck.

[Elena]

She's a teenage goo goo muk. That is for sure.

[Ash]

Canon.

[Elena]

That is for sure.

[Ash]

And he's just standing behind her like.

[Elena]

Say it.

[Ash]

He was like, oh, my God.

[Elena]

And she goes, vampire. Vampir. Vamp. Lake in the.

[Ash]

Dom. Tom Lake.

[Elena]

Come on the show. Oh, wait, you did. Oh, that's a rewatcher reference. Go listen to the rewatcher from the beginning. Do it if he. But yeah, he's so aggressive, though. He grabs her arm and literally drags her through the forest and up a mountain.

[Ash]

This when he screams as if you could outrun me.

[Elena]

We're not there yet, baby. We're not there yet.

[Ash]

Because first, one thing about me. One thing about me is that I'm always there.

[Elena]

I am always in a place of.

[Ash]

As if you couldn't run me.

[Elena]

But first we have to get to a place of I'm sad and sparkly. So first he has to go up there, rip open his shirt and show that he just looks a little sweaty.

[Ash]

I love it.

[Elena]

Like, he just looks a little sweaty.

[Ash]

I love it.

[Elena]

And then he says, this is the skin of a killer Bella.

[Ash]

Bella the best.

[Elena]

There's so many good lines. So many good. Skin of a killer Bella. And then he starts zooming around.

[Ash]

He gets the zoomies.

[Elena]

He crouch. He literally huffs and puffs and, like, hunches over and says, if you could outrun me.

[Ash]

I told you, he's the tree miser.

[Elena]

He's crouching and then he just starts crouching in trees, which goes crazy. And she's just looking up at him and he's like, aren't I a hot vampire?

[Ash]

I'm like, no, I don't even think he's trying to.

[Elena]

You're going all nimbly bibbly from tree to tree, and I need you to get down. But then she becomes very aggressive because she's like, no, I want it. I love it. I think I want to marry you. I love you. And he's like, I've killed people though. And I've wanted to kill you from the second I laid eyes on you. And she's like.

[Ash]

She's like, but I love you.

[Elena]

I'm fine with it. And even Edward, or no, Robert Pattinson later was like, something's wrong with her. Because he was like. He was like. Edward literally says to her, her, I wanted to kill you since the moment I met you. And she's like, but I love you. I'd still hit it.

[Ash]

She says to him, I don't know if it's in the woods or if it's when they're at dinner. She says, I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore.

[Elena]

Like, what the.

[Ash]

Or wait, does he say that? Actually, now that I think about it, he probably. He says that.

[Elena]

But either way, they've been. They've met each other 4.5 seconds ago.

[Ash]

Yeah, it's not.

[Elena]

We need to be real.

[Ash]

It's not okay.

[Elena]

But he's so upfront about how much he wants to kill her. And she's like, it's cool. Yeah, you've let me know. So thank you.

[Ash]

Thanks for that.

[Elena]

And that's it. And it's like, all right. I guess we put that on paper. So there's that.

[Ash]

She's a temptress.

[Elena]

She is. And this is when they decide that they're gonna be together because they lay in the meadow and he's sparkling and it's real weird.

[Ash]

I think her foot's gone in. This foot is gone in the cgi. They take her foot out by accident.

[Elena]

It happens, you know. Sloppy. Yeah. But then they end up going to school the next day and they show up together. And this is when Spotlight plays.

[Ash]

And this is when he says. This is when he says, I'm going to hell.

[Elena]

Anyways, this is what bothers me because he's like, since I'm going to hell.

[Ash]

And he puts his arm around her and like, pulls her in.

[Elena]

And he says this a couple of times. Like, the hell comment. I'm like, we're dead. Say that.

[Ash]

Well, it's also like, you're dead.

[Elena]

And that's it. Well, and it's also like, that's not part of the, like, it's just a weird. I don't know, it does. Like, since I'm going to hell.

[Ash]

I think he has, I guess, like, just like a. He has like a self hatred quality about him because he, like, hates that he's a monster sister.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

In his own.

[Elena]

I'm just like, says, who? Who says you're going. I think him like what? Yeah, but it's weird. But when? And then like he explains his origin story to her and he does so while it's pouring rain and he is staying out, like out of the COVID of the range is getting soaked and she's just sitting there dry. And then a minute later he's bone dry. Yeah.

[Ash]

And weird things with his hands again.

[Elena]

Fingers walking in front of him. It's so strange. It's very Salad fingers esque of him.

[Ash]

It is.

[Elena]

It's a lot. And then she goes to. This is when she goes to meet his family too. And when he's like you worried? Like, that's when he gets really Scottish. Yep, yep, yep. But this is when Rosalie breaks the bowl. Cuz she's just pissed.

[Ash]

Oh my God. Wait, before that. Is that when Billy Black, Jacob's dad and Edward pass.

[Elena]

They have a. A stare off.

[Ash]

They have a stare off. You can see the crew.

[Elena]

You can. Yeah, yeah. Well, I think Rosalie also gets kind of a bad rap.

[Ash]

I think she does.

[Elena]

She's pissed because if you think about, think about it. Logist. I'm thinking of it. Bare bones.

[Ash]

Okay, hit me.

[Elena]

You are a family for all intents and purposes.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Yeah. For hundreds of years you've been a family. You've had this plot like plan. You have a thing together. There is a literal law among your species that says you cannot let humans know who you are or what you are. And if you do, then your whole family is going to be in jeopardy.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And then he meets this girl and five seconds later tells her everything about your species and way of life. Breaking every law, endangering your entire family. And then brings her over and is like, treated her nice. Nice.

[Ash]

Treat her nice.

[Elena]

I would have broken a bowl too. I would have been like, you dumb? Are you kid? She's right.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

So when you guys stop making googly eyes at each other, we're all going to have our heads ripped off and be burned.

[Ash]

Like, really? It's fair.

[Elena]

Is it worth it? Like, and she. She already ate. What the.

[Ash]

I was just going to say that's what really does. Rosalien is they're preparing this beautiful meal for Bella.

[Elena]

Yeah. And.

[Ash]

And Edward. Cuz it's not even Bella. Bella's like, oh my God. Like, you didn't have to do that. Thank you. And he's like, she already ate.

[Elena]

She already ate. I'm like, you dick.

[Ash]

And also when Rosalie like smashes the bowl, that's why the actress is wearing gloves in that scene. She cut her hand when she was when she had originally smashed.

[Elena]

I do love. I thought the. The gloves were just fashion.

[Ash]

Yeah. I mean, she's very fashionable.

[Elena]

She is. But I get. Everyone's like, calm down, Rosalie. No, I get it.

[Ash]

Can you talk?

[Elena]

She's just mad.

[Ash]

The khaki skirt.

[Elena]

Oh, my God. So she is apparently described as wearing a long khaki skirt in the scene and, like, a blue blouse, which Edward ends up becoming obsessed with. Also, if you want us to cover Midnight sun, which is Edward's point of view of Twilight.

[Ash]

I've never read that.

[Elena]

Happily. Do that. We will do that, so. Because there's a lot in that. Oh, yeah.

[Ash]

The whole thing is I'm actually gonna buy it right now as you talk.

[Elena]

So maybe we should do that. But he's obsessed with the blue blouse, but the long khaki skirt. And Stephenie Meyer later said that during her. Her time of writing this and growing up. Oh, khaki skirt was like, a staple.

[Ash]

Wardrobe piece, which is diabolical.

[Elena]

I don't remember that time period, but I don't know how old Stephenie Meyer is. Let me look. She's 51. So she's older than I am. So I don't know. Maybe it was. But I thought. Thinking of Bella standing there wearing a long khaki skirt is really throwing me, especially with Rosalie standing there looking like a snack.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Yeah. In her gloves and everything. And, you know, she's looking at her being like, you, khaki Edward. Are you kidding me? You're going to endanger our entire family for this khaki skirt, wearing this khaki.

[Ash]

Skirt, blue blouse just with a ponytail. A ponytail Ponytail.

[Elena]

Yeah. It's very. She's all that.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But, yeah, I thought. I thought she. I was like, you know what? Justice for Rosalie. She's been through a lot. Yeah.

[Ash]

We skipped over to that. Edward watches Bella when she. He sleeps.

[Elena]

He does. He. He does that a lot.

[Ash]

We gloss over that.

[Elena]

I mean, there's not a lot to say about that.

[Ash]

Well, I just wanted to make sure it was in here.

[Elena]

Yeah. She. He watches her while she said he's been doing it.

[Ash]

We thought that was, like, top romance.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

When it came out, I mean, at least I did, I was like, oh, my God.

[Elena]

Oh, my God.

[Ash]

I hope that happens to me someday.

[Elena]

I hope some guy watches.

[Ash]

That's my worst nightmare.

[Elena]

Yeah, That's. We talk about that all the time.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

It's not good.

[Ash]

It's bad.

[Elena]

Never good.

[Ash]

It's the worst.

[Elena]

And when they go up to his room and he's like, yeah. She's like, where's your bed? And I was like, all right, Bella, calm down. Like, you're not gonna here.

[Ash]

She's like that one thing about Bella is she stays trying to.

[Elena]

She stays horny.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

She's horned up all the time. And she's always trying to him, which is really repressed with the way he's described. When you're like a teenager, I'm sure I would be like all over that too. Yeah. But I love it because, like, he go. You know, he's got all these books. Books. And you know, Claire de Lune is playing or. And he's like, you know, like, that's. I'm just listening to Debussy, you know, like, no big deal. And she's like, claire de Lune is great. And it's supposed to be that, like.

[Ash]

See, she's so different.

[Elena]

I know that too.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And I couldn't help it. I was like, my kids have several books that Claire de Lune is in.

[Ash]

Like lullaby books.

[Elena]

If I played Clair de Lune right now, I'm pretty sure my youngest would be like, Claire de Lune.

[Ash]

Like, she would do great stuff. Like it's.

[Elena]

But they make it like this. This highly high, highbrow thing that was.

[Ash]

Not like other girls.

[Elena]

I'm not like other girls. I'm like, well, you're like my six year old, so you're not that. You're not that like quirky.

[Ash]

Like. Sounds like you had the same lullaby. You had that book.

[Elena]

So. But yeah. This is when I literally was like, edward is not safe. Yeah. Because she's like, can we fuck? Like, you can tell. She's just like, so where do we fudge in here? And he was like, how about I just take you outside?

[Ash]

He's like, how about we go flying?

[Elena]

Let's go.

[Ash]

Hold on tight, Spider Man.

[Elena]

And this is the spider monkey.

[Ash]

Hold on tight. Spider Monkey is diabolical.

[Elena]

And the visual of when he jumps.

[Ash]

From tree to tree all nimbly bimbly.

[Elena]

It's like he. He's in this weird position and also is just like. Oh. Like looking forward as he flies through the air. It's the least hot thing I can imagine.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And then he's climbing up the tree but barely touching it. And he just looks like. Like how a bear would climb up a tree.

[Ash]

Okay. That. I'm not mad at the flying. I'm with you. I'll sign off on that.

[Elena]

You're not mad at the climbing up the tree?

[Ash]

I'm not.

[Elena]

Damn.

[Ash]

I want to Climb up the tree.

[Elena]

It's the way he look, he's like.

[Ash]

I mean, how do you climb up a tree?

[Elena]

I don't climb up trees. So this would not do it for me to begin with. I'd be like, I'm not climbing up a tree.

[Ash]

I would want to climb up the tree.

[Elena]

But yeah, it's, it's a lot. Yeah. And at one point Mike tells Bella that Mia's line, like this Edward thing.

[Ash]

Yeah. And I'd be like, I don't give a Mike when he goes, he just.

[Elena]

Looks at you like you're something to eat. And I was like, that is quite possibly the worst writing I've ever heard.

[Ash]

So heavy handed.

[Elena]

It's such a clunky line. Yeah, it's so clunky. Like somebody should have heard that and been like too much.

[Ash]

Too much.

[Elena]

Yeah, like too much subtleties.

[Ash]

Look it up.

[Elena]

And that's when they go, they go and play baseball. And we get, we get Charlie loading his rifle. Listen, I'm not a gun girl.

[Ash]

I'm not a gun girl.

[Elena]

I'm. I'm not a gun girl. But in that moment, but in that moment I said, oh, in that moment we.

[Ash]

I can't say this, but you'll have.

[Elena]

To cut this out.

[Ash]

In that moment, we signed up for the nra.

[Elena]

I got it out.

[Ash]

Don't keep that in. I just had to get it out in that moment.

[Elena]

So. So Belle is like, hey, so Edward's outside and he's taking me to play baseball. And he's like, what the. And she.

[Ash]

This is honestly so real.

[Elena]

Yeah. And she's like, he wants you to meet him. And he's cleaning his shotgun as he does and he just flicks it closed c in and he's like, send him in. And I said, holy.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

I don't know why, but I was like, charlie, Charlie. It's being like it's that dad thing too. Cuz I was like, woo. Okay, but I'm into it. But they go to play baseball and this is the super massive black hole. The very classic baseball scene where they play during a thunderstorm so no one can hear it. Pretty. The ball so hard.

[Ash]

I wonder, is it in the Illustrated Guide what happens if a vampire gets struck by lightning?

[Elena]

I don't think it's in the illustrate. I didn't see it in the Illustrated Guide. Update it. Update it. At one point, Rosalie, when Emmett climbs up a tree to get a ball, he says, my monkey man. And I said, oh, family's got a.

[Ash]

Big thing for monkey.

[Elena]

What's going on here?

[Ash]

Spider. Hold on tight.

[Elena]

Spider monkey.

[Ash]

My monkey man.

[Elena]

The way Nikki Reed delivers her lines as Rosalie, I think she's pretty. She's really good in the first movie because when she says that, that is the gnarliest line to have to deliver. But I believed it coming out of her mouth. Yeah. When she said it, I was like, yeah, Rosalie did say that her and.

[Ash]

Emmett have a very cute relationship.

[Elena]

They are, like, obsessed with each other. Yeah.

[Ash]

But then she does say at one point. I don't know if it's in the movies or if it's in the books, that she would give every. That she would give him up to, like, be human again, I think.

[Elena]

Oh, yeah. Cuz. So now to Rosalie. Back to the Illustrated Guide. When they go back to her backstory. Rosalie's one dream in life was to get married and have a child. Right. That's all she wanted to do. And, like, grow old with this person, have a normal life. And so, like, she was robbed of all that because she can't have a child. And.

[Ash]

Which also doesn't make any sense about how Bella gets pregnant.

[Elena]

Holes. Poking the lore all over the place.

[Ash]

Place.

[Elena]

But I guess when Emmett was turned, it was because he was mauled by a bear. Oh, fuck. I didn't even know that. Yeah. And. And Rosalie finds him and thinks he's, like, so beautiful and loves him and. But it's said in the Illustrated Guide that when Rosalie was human, she was jealous of only one person. And it was her best friend. Vera, I believe her name was. And it's because Vera was married, had a husband who loved her and a little boy. Boy named Henry. Okay. And that was what she wanted.

[Ash]

I feel like things are about to get so weird.

[Elena]

They're gonna get so weird because they always do. Yeah. She said that her fate. His face reminded her of, like, Henry.

[Ash]

I knew you were gonna say.

[Elena]

Of like a child.

[Ash]

I knew you were gonna say.

[Elena]

And so she was in love with him. I hate it. And then Carlisle was like. Seems like a good enough reason. No, I'm telling you, you take a peek through that Illustrated Guide, and it will change your life. My.

[Ash]

I think you just changed my life in that moment. Not for the better.

[Elena]

Your goddamn life.

[Ash]

I have been changed forever.

[Elena]

Changed for bad.

[Ash]

For bad.

[Elena]

I've not been changed for good. But they do love each other. Yeah, they do. So there's that.

[Ash]

I also love in the baseball scene when Emmett and Edward, like, collide.

[Elena]

Yeah.

[Ash]

And they, like, roll around and giggle. And if you look closely, he. Edward Flips off.

[Elena]

Oh, does he? He also does that, like, snap thing, like. Oh, a man.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

But, yeah, that's when we meet, like, Laurent and Victoria. Victoria.

[Ash]

What a disservice.

[Elena]

Yeah, we got a. To humanity. Victoria, played by. Excuse me. Relle Levra. I believe it's pronounced. I have my French guy. Unpronounced name. Tell me. Lefebvre. Rochelle. Listen. Nothing against Bryce Dallas Howard.

[Ash]

No, I love Bryce Dallas Howard.

[Elena]

She's great. She's not Victoria.

[Ash]

She's not Victoria.

[Elena]

Rochelle killed it as Victoria first two.

[Ash]

Movies, especially in New Moon, because she, like. And, you know, we're gonna cover that vengeance. She is. That scene in New Moon where she's jumping through the trees as they're, like, doing the Search Party or, like, the Investigation. I think that was another sexual awakening for me.

[Elena]

Like, she's amazing.

[Ash]

She's so good. And then Bryce Dallas Howard is such a great actress. Like, I'm not saying anything against her in that way. She doesn't have the energy that the first Victoria had. That, like, villainess. Like, something about lioness.

[Elena]

That's what it is. It's like a predator.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Like, she had that predatory, like, in. I don't. It just. Just. She killed it. Like, I thought she was so good. And this is when we kind of meet them all. And this is after they've killed Waylon. Yeah. And she's wearing Waylon's shirt.

[Ash]

Oh, I didn't even catch that. Good call.

[Elena]

Waylon's wearing, like, some, like. It had a shamrock on it, and she's wearing it. That's, like, in that scene.

[Ash]

I'm obsessed.

[Elena]

Which makes it even cooler.

[Ash]

And she's got that big fur jacket.

[Elena]

Yep.

[Ash]

I love it.

[Elena]

She just looks so cool. And her hair is awesome.

[Ash]

They all look cool.

[Elena]

And she's really good at that, like, animalistic look that she gives.

[Ash]

Like, she just, like, you said, like, predator.

[Elena]

She's really predatory. But they, of course, James ends up smelling Bella because also, they put her hair down.

[Ash]

And he. Edward, makes her put her hair down. It was up in a ponytail, and she could have just, like, stuffed it into her jacket.

[Elena]

I don't know if it was masking, like, her neck and stuff, like, masking her, like, arteries. And it was just because the wind blew that it kind of, like, wafted over to him.

[Ash]

Yeah. It just seemed like a bad plan all around.

[Elena]

But now he's. He's tracking her, and he's not gonna stop until he gets her. He's, like, obsessed with this. He's obsessed. This is Just what he does, he's a tracker. So they have to get her out of there really fast. And, like, you have to tell Charlie something because you have to leave your house because he's not safe.

[Ash]

And Bella says, I can't hurt him.

[Elena]

Yeah. Literally says, I can't hurt him. And she looks at Edward and says, what do I tell him? I can't hurt him. And Edward's like, just shrugs and walks away. I was like, thank you for the help.

[Ash]

He, like, jumps out the window.

[Elena]

And so she basically goes with, I hate him. I'm breaking up with him. I'm leaving. Leaving the state. And Charlie's like, no, you're not leaving the state because you broke up with your boyfriend. And he says. He's like, did he hurt you? Yeah. And he's like, no. And she's like, I hate him. He sucks. And he's like, okay, let's just, like, just sleep on. He's like, like, this is teenage girl. Yeah.

[Ash]

And he even says, sleep on it, and if you still feel the same way, I'll bring you to the airport.

[Elena]

Like, that's. Let's just talk about it tomorrow. And then she ends up use. Like. She's literally like, what? So we can just sit around at the diner every day and, like, do.

[Ash]

This, and, like, watch baseball on the floor, flat screen.

[Elena]

And I'll just be stuck here like mom was. And then, like, leaves. She is so nasty to him. After saying, I can't hurt him. You weren't gonna hurt that. She eviscerates him. And he's just standing at the doorway, completely dejected. It's, like, the worst.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And she. And she ends up saying that she said to him what her mom said when she left him.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

Which I was like, that's so up, Bella. Yeah. It's like, you're not a good person.

[Ash]

No, she's really bad. On a. On a much smaller scale. She's also like, I'll pull over and, like, stop at a motel if I'm tired. I'm like, you can't stop at a motel.

[Elena]

You're on 13 years old.

[Ash]

Like, you can't just travel, get a hotel room. Like, hello.

[Elena]

What are you talking about?

[Ash]

It doesn't make any. And the fact that Charlie just, like, lets her go eventually, because obviously he's, like, you know, frozen because she hurt him so bad. But I'm like, you gotta get in your car, Charlie.

[Elena]

And like. Yeah.

[Ash]

Like, I mean, I guess we don't know what he did after she left.

[Elena]

It's true. Cuz like they kind of speed off. But I don't know. Also when she's going in her room during this scene to like pack her, Edward is just creeping by the door. Yeah.

[Ash]

Like just right there. Like not even behind the door, like next to the hinge.

[Elena]

But while they're driving away, there's this big bang on the car and they're like, what was that? And he's like, it's just Emmett. For some reason that made me laugh so hard because he's like, it's just Emmett.

[Ash]

I would be so angry at that.

[Elena]

Moment, I would kill him.

[Ash]

I'm being hunted by a like, like deviant vampire who wants to rip open my arteries and you allow your buffoon brother to just onto the back of this truck.

[Elena]

Any minor inconvenience that happens to me or anything like that, I'm just going to say it's just emt. It's just Emmett.

[Ash]

It's just Emmett.

[Elena]

Don't worry about it. Anytime. If my kids are like, I think I there's a monster out there.

[Ash]

Like, it's just Emmett.

[Elena]

They're like, don't worry. Like don't worry, it's just Emmett. They end up going to therapy later being like. And then she told me about this M named Emmett outside my room.

[Ash]

We still don't know who he is.

[Elena]

We don't know who Emmett is.

[Ash]

We watched Twilight. We're not sure if it's Kelly. I get it.

[Elena]

Why is it Kellen Lutz? Why was Kellen Lutz outside my bedroom?

[Ash]

To this day, I can't drive an open bed truck.

[Elena]

So it ends up that they have to get away. And you know, James lures her to.

[Ash]

Her old ballet studio with like an old phone or like an old home video of her mom being like, bella, Bella, where are you?

[Elena]

Like couldn't find her because he tells her he's gonna kill her mom if she doesn't show up up. So of course she shows up. He. She gets the kicked out of her and she should have died.

[Ash]

Cuz when he throws her, he cracks her.

[Elena]

She cracks her head on that corner.

[Ash]

Yeah, he literally yeets her into the corner of like a banister and there's blood. I'm like, you just. Your skull is sticking into your brain right now.

[Elena]

Edward can't handle it. Alice can't handle it. Carlile. Cuz like she gets bit by James.

[Ash]

Before she gets bit. And when they show up, Emmett, Alice and Jasper show up up as like a trio and they just slowly, they slowly fall down and it's like the Spy Kids movie. The way they descend to the floor.

[Elena]

They'Re just like whoosh. Like they just end up. But they can't. None of them can handle the blood. Especially like, you know, especially not confederate Jasper. He's all upset.

[Ash]

I want to eat her alive.

[Elena]

But James has bit her. So now the venom is going to start turning her. If he. If Carlisle doesn't.

[Ash]

If Edward doesn't do something. Drink. Suck out the venom.

[Elena]

Yeah, suck out the venom. I think that's what it is. And when she. When he does, Bella's eyes go cross eyed like several times. And it is one of the funniest things I'm. She's dying.

[Ash]

That was actually the funniest way.

[Elena]

Hold on.

[Ash]

We got. I gotta film that. I'm filming it for you guys. That's perfect. And go. That was perfect.

[Elena]

That's what she does.

[Ash]

It's perfect presentation.

[Elena]

Oh, and he broke her leg too. So like he like crunches her.

[Ash]

Oh, you were also very angry. Rightfully so.

[Elena]

Oh yeah, because Carlisle also. Carlisle's like her femoral artery is severed. She's only got a few minutes. And that was after she's been lying there for a couple minutes.

[Ash]

One not enough blood, she would have been dead.

[Elena]

Femoral artery, you have like two to five. Five. Five minutes is like you have a guardian angel. You might be a superhero. Like that's just like part you're bleeding out. Like it's gone. And this takes a long time. When he says it's severed. Yeah, that would have been like. Like that would have been blood everywhere.

[Ash]

It would have been like, should have happened to the ketchup bottle.

[Walmart Ad Voice]

Literally.

[Elena]

Like I was like, we didn't have to go there.

[Ash]

They also take so long discussing this. And I'm like, hey, hey. While her femoral arteries dying right now.

[Elena]

But they do save her. And she wakes up in the hospital and you know, like Edward's been there.

[Ash]

And her oxygen mask is literally upon her eyebrows.

[Elena]

In her eyebrows.

[Ash]

Like it's just crazy.

[Elena]

And when her mom leaves and Edward just walks up to her and it's like, Bella, you need to go to Jacksonville, Florida. Hold on. You need to go with your mom.

[Ash]

And like before that even because we talked about how shitty her mom is.

[Elena]

Oh yeah.

[Ash]

She wakes up in the hospital, Bella. And she says, what happened? And her mom is like, oh my God. Oh my God. You were at the Cullens house. House. And you're so clumsy. You crazy. You tripped and you fell down two flights of stairs and through a window. Window.

[Elena]

Through a window.

[Ash]

And we don't know what the bite on your wrist is all about.

[Elena]

No, but I'm sure it wasn't your boyfriend who you. None of us trying to leave the state about.

[Ash]

None of us are questioning domestic violence. You're just a clumsy gal.

[Elena]

None of us.

[Ash]

Guys, like, no one's got Charlie. You're a fucking police officer. Excuse me again, the police officer. She has a bite scar on her wrist, like, and she was literally in this massive fight about to leave the state. And you just believe that she tripped and fell through a fucking window?

[Elena]

Through a window. I don't know, guys. I don't know about that.

[Ash]

I think you shouldn't have had a child.

[Elena]

I don't think so.

[Ash]

I think you're really big bad at this.

[Elena]

I don't think they're great at it.

[Ash]

But now Jacksonville.

[Elena]

But yeah, that's when Edward's like, you should just go to Jacksonville. Like, we shouldn't do this anymore. Like, breaking up with her while she's on oxygen.

[Ash]

Because he's like, I can't endanger you anymore.

[Elena]

And she flips the out. Yeah, she codes and she's like, we can't be apart. We can't be. You can't leave me. You can't leave me. We can't be apart. You can't ever be away from me. And I was like, this is the most toxic I have ever seen in my life.

[Ash]

She literally says, you can't stay. You can't say stuff like that to me ever.

[Elena]

And then he said. And she's like, so you're not going to go? Like, you're not going to leave me? He's says, where else am I going to go? Woof. And I said, stephanie, I don't think that was the line that you thought it was. Because if somebody said that to me, I'd be like, so it's lack of options. That's.

[Ash]

You know how people say there's like, peaks of romance? This is like the doldrums of romance. Quite a valley, I would say.

[Elena]

This is.

[Ash]

That's hell.

[Elena]

That is hell.

[Ash]

That's hell. Is your beautiful man looking at you and saying, where else am I going to go?

[Elena]

So I'm here.

[Ash]

Damn, that'd be a humbling moment.

[Elena]

But it's not for Bella, because they go to prom together and she wears leggings in a cardigan over her dress.

[Ash]

Not even just like a cute cardigan either.

[Elena]

Like, I grandma cardigan.

[Ash]

It's. Yeah, it's just awful.

[Elena]

But what's fun is you. It's Like Monte Carlo themed. Yeah. And when you get there, there's like a big roulette wheel or like a big wheel. And standing next to the wheel, if you look back on it, is Victoria. Yep. In a prom dress with an updo.

[Ash]

She's like, hey.

[Elena]

And you can just. Just see her in the background. You don't notice it until later.

[Ash]

Yep.

[Elena]

But it's. This is when they dance in the gazebo.

[Ash]

But before that, Jacob shows up at prom.

[Elena]

Oh, I forgot that he shows up.

[Ash]

Jacob shows up at prom in the most diabolical outfit, and he's just dressed like his best. His Sunday's best. His, like, untucked white shirt and, like, two shorts.

[Elena]

Just a floppy tie.

[Ash]

Tie. Exactly. And he is essentially there because he's like, hey, my dad really wants you to break up with your boyfriend.

[Elena]

And he paid me 20 bucks to come and tell you that.

[Ash]

Here I am. And she's like, at your prom?

[Elena]

Yeah. And he's like, all right, bye. See you later. Like, that was it.

[Ash]

Like, okay.

[Elena]

He's like, all right. And so they dance in a gazebo, and she's like, I really want you to turn me because, you know, like, you're gonna stay this way forever, and I'm gonna get old and die. And he's like, I don't know about that. And he's like, you want me to do it? You want me to do it right now? And he start. She, like, leans back her neck, and it looks like he's about to do it, but you're like, he's not going to do it at your prom. That's the thing.

[Ash]

This got me when I was watching.

[Elena]

Them not showing people who they are.

[Ash]

You can't drink at prom, and you also can't turn into a vampire at prom.

[Elena]

Happens when venom enters your body. You're going to convulse on the floor for three days. Like, it's not going to be pretty.

[Ash]

She was ready.

[Elena]

So he doesn't. And he's like, maybe we'll talk about it later. And she's like, fine. And then the last thing we see is somebody watching out the window. And she turns around, and it's Victoria.

[Ash]

And she takes the pin that's holding.

[Elena]

Her, and she's got tears rolling down her face because, remember, her mate was James.

[Ash]

Yeah.

[Elena]

And to back up, mate for life. I forgot to tell you that when. When James bit Bella, they rip James to pieces. Oh. They literally ripped his head off and burned his body. Because that's the only way you can kill a Vampire. Yeah. And you see it, like, it's actually awesome because Alice literally hops up on him and just twists his head off like pop.

[Ash]

Yeah. Like a Barbie doll.

[Elena]

Pretty amazing. While, like, Jasper and Emmett are holding his arms. Like it's gnarly.

[Ash]

That poor dance studio.

[Elena]

But that I hope she hadn't. I know you're not gonna really come back from that. No, but that's her mate. So, like she's. And she has the tears running down her face and her face looks like you. I remember seeing this and being like, oh.

[Ash]

I said, oh, we're getting a sequel.

[Elena]

And she just walks away. Day. It's a great ending.

[Ash]

It's so good.

[Elena]

I think it's such a fun, campy, weird ass movie.

[Ash]

It's the randomest movie of all time.

[Elena]

Weird. And I love the rain girl.

[Ash]

How you like in the rain girl? Next time it rains, I'm gonna come in here and scream that at everyone.

[Elena]

As if you could outrun me.

[Ash]

This is the skin of a killer Bella.

[Elena]

Like, you can't. And then.

[Ash]

Hello.

[Elena]

This is not even talking about new. New Moon.

[Ash]

I can't. We touched on it a couple times.

[Elena]

Barely.

[Ash]

I can't wait.

[Elena]

Let us talk about new Moon, everybody.

[Ash]

New Moon is reckless. Please allow us.

[Elena]

It is. It's so reckless.

[Ash]

You loved this. And if you didn't, you loved it. If you didn't, you did.

[Elena]

You love this. I said it. It's so much fun, though. I love it. I think it's so much fun. I hope you guys enjoyed this really big deep dive that we thought was going to be like 30 minutes and ended up being like four days. It's great. How long is it, Mikey? Like two hours.

[Ash]

Hours?

[Elena]

I'm gonna die. Oh, my God.

[Ash]

I'm obsessed. All right, well, we have to end this here because Mikey has to edit it. So we love you guys.

[Elena]

We hope you keep listening and we hope you keep it.

[Ash]

Twilight. Bye.

[Elena]

The skin of a killer weirdos. Hello?

[Ash]

Hello?

[Elena]

Sa Sam. Sa.

[Walmart Ad Voice]

Tis. The season of gifting and holes to deck. And the who's in Whoville were in love with new tech. Where can we find Sonos and Samsung and Nintendo? They shouted. Would they find it in one place? This they questioned and doubted when suddenly a hoot. Who yelled, walmart's the place to start. And Dichu added headphones, TVs and games to their carts. With Walmart, their shopping was done in a flurry. They cried out, who knew? And ordered their gifts in a hurry. Shop the latest tech gifts in the Walmart app.