EP 71 - We Fought About…Fighting: What Hard Seasons Reveal in Marriage

Summary

Podcast Summary: More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby

Episode 71: We Fought About…Fighting: What Hard Seasons Reveal in Marriage
Date: February 19, 2026
Hosts: Adam and Danielle Busby

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this episode, Adam and Danielle dive candidly into the realities of hard seasons within their marriage and family life, reflecting on how struggles—both big and small—test, refine, and shape relationships. Using their own recent disagreements, Danielle’s impending knee surgery, and family challenges as examples, the couple explores what hard seasons expose about themselves and offers honest insights into conflict, communication, faith, and growth.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene: Recent Fights and Family Schedules

• The episode opens with Adam and Danielle joking about recent events, but quickly segues into a frank conversation about a recent fight that spiraled over scheduling miscommunications.
  • Danielle teases Adam’s history with schedules:
    (03:23, Danielle): “If you've watched Outdaughtered, you know Adam is not good about schedules and family schedule.”
• They recount arguing about fighting itself—a meta argument many couples can relate to:
  • (06:01, Danielle): “We were really fighting about nothing. We were fighting about the fact that we were fighting.”
• Underlying theme: Many arguments are rooted not in the surface issue, but in miscommunications and emotional triggers—especially via text.

2. Navigating Hard Seasons: Anticipating Danielle’s Surgery

• Danielle shares her anxiety about an upcoming knee surgery, describing the logistical and emotional impact on their large family.
  • (13:54, Danielle): "A lot of people have been messaging me and saying, you should just wait till Blake can drive... I can’t go a whole year like this."
  • Adam reflects on the practical complications and extra responsibilities brought on by such interruptions: (16:12, Adam): “Drowning as it is.”
• They talk openly about the frustration of shifting roles, the awkwardness of “stepping back” or “shouldering weight” in marriage, and how these changes sometimes lead to friction.

3. What Hard Seasons Teach (That Easy Seasons Don’t)

• Adam and Danielle agree that periods of difficulty, though never chosen, are crucibles for growth.
  • (13:08, Adam): “That’s when you grow. You don’t really grow much in the easy times. Whenever you can kind of coast…”
• Danielle confesses: “I think I'm already in a challenging season as it is being able—it's still accepting, like, the slower pace of life. And then now this is going to make it even slower in a sense for me...” (15:38)
• They underline how embracing, not resisting, hard seasons builds character and resilience:
  (45:32, Danielle): "Don't waste the hard season, because the hard seasons are building character or strengthening you."

4. Fighting Well in Marriage: Humility, Common Ground, and Communication

• They analyze their own (sometimes circular) fighting patterns and how personal pride complicates resolution:
  • (20:15, Adam): “Yeah, you lose sight of that. Like, it's not us who's fighting each other. We're fighting whatever it is, that other variable out there.”
  • Danielle candidly admits the challenge of humbling oneself during conflict: (21:16, Danielle): “There's still always, like, this compare button of like, I win, you win...it's just really hard to belittle oneself for the greater good.”
  • Adam corrects:
    (21:21, Adam): "Not belittle. Humble. Don’t say belittle."
• The couple discusses the importance of identifying the true issue rather than dwelling on superficial annoyances or letting emotion run unchecked.
  • (22:35, Adam): "There's always common ground… what could I have done differently here? ... If you're not willing to get to that point… you're never gonna get to a common ground."

5. Faith as a Foundation

• Reflecting on their public relationship, Adam and Danielle discuss the criticisms and misconceptions that come from viewers of their show.
  • (34:23, Danielle): “I know my truth, I know our truth... And it has always been like an edited form for media... But in the real world, it could take a day, it could take a week, it could take a year [to resolve a fight].”
• Danielle, in particular, highlights the role of faith in sustaining their marriage through rough patches:
  • (34:53, Danielle): “I believe if we did not have God, our marriage would not have survived a lot of what we've gone through.”
• They note the subtle, often unseen, spiritual aspects of conflict:
  (32:44, Danielle): "There is a supernatural enemy out there that just constantly wants to destroy… a big time of it is communication.”

6. Modeling Resilience for Their Kids

• Adam and Danielle discuss how they strive to let their daughters experience hardship for growth’s sake, not coddling them from discomfort.
  • (41:05, Adam): “Honestly, like, one of the biggest things I feel like that we've like, practiced, like, routinely is just like, not letting, like making them stick through something even though it's hard...”
• They talk about the importance of honoring commitments, even when the girls want to quit or emotions fluctuate.
  • (41:53, Danielle): “I tell our teenagers this all the time. You're speaking of emotions right now. So let's not make any decisions based off right now.”
  • Emphasis placed on consistency and unconditional support within the family.

7. Contemporary Culture and the Value of Endurance

• Addressing high divorce rates and broader social attitudes, Adam laments how easily people now give up when things get hard:
  • (43:29, Adam): "As a culture, I feel like nowadays it's like one of those things of, like, if it feels good, do it... If it doesn't please you anymore or right now, like, then stop."
  • (44:48, Adam): “There’s always, like, you know, we see marriage as... finality. It's, you know, we're married forever. You made this covenant with God and each other...”
• Danielle and Adam both acknowledge there are exceptions but argue most people underestimate their capacity for sticking it out.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Fighting About Fighting

• Danielle (23:39): "We were really fighting about nothing. We were fighting about the fact that we were fighting."
• Adam (24:00): “I feel like you just misread a text message, and that’s what started the whole thing… I went back and I even read it multiple times—why is she mad right now?”

On the Power of Faith

• Danielle (34:53): "… if we did not have God, our marriage would not have survived a lot of what we've gone through."
• Adam (32:44): "Nothing…the devil—the enemy—wants more than to tear a family apart and be in between mom and dad…"

On Parenting and Endurance

• Adam (41:32): "Showing and setting an example for your kids of like, no, we're gonna stick through hard things…"
• Danielle (41:53): "Just because you didn't like today or you had a bad day doesn't mean that we're going to give up…"

On Public Perception versus Reality

• Danielle (33:01): “A lot of people will have comments…the goal was your opposite come to a point and resolve. Right. And that was made for TV. But in the real world…sometimes it takes longer than a 30 minute episode of a TV show.”

Wisdom on Hard vs. Easy Seasons

• Danielle (45:32): “Don't waste the hard season, because the hard seasons are building character or strengthening you”
• Danielle (47:58): “Hard is—it’s not bad. We all want life to be easy, but what would life be if it didn’t have any challenges?”

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [06:01]: Fighting about fighting, communication breakdowns
• [13:08 - 16:15]: What hard seasons teach, Danielle’s upcoming surgery and how it unsettles family routines
• [20:15 - 22:35]: Discussing humility, finding common ground, and the nature of marital disagreements
• [24:00 - 25:15]: Miscommunications fueling arguments (text message fight example)
• [34:53]: The crucial role of faith in enduring hard seasons
• [41:05]: Parenting philosophy: teaching kids to endure and honor commitments
• [43:29]: Societal attitudes towards hardship and marriage

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Listener Reflection Questions (from Danielle, 48:36)

• What have your hard seasons taught you?
• Are you resisting it or receiving it?
• If you’re married, are you letting your spouse in during that season?
• How can you work together and support each other through it?

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Tone & Language

The Busbys employ a relaxed, conversational tone marked by playful teasing, vulnerability, and honesty. They do not shy away from exposing their own difficulties, making this episode rich in relatable anecdotes and practical wisdom. Both Adam and Danielle oscillate between humor and depth, seeking to connect authentically with listeners in similar seasons.

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Takeaways

• Hard seasons are inevitable but valuable. They reveal strengths and weaknesses, emphasizing the need for humility, communication, and faith.
• Fighting is natural, even cyclical, but the real growth lies in recognizing patterns, seeking true understanding, and finding common ground.
• Children benefit from witnessing parents work through struggles and learn that commitment often involves perseverance through discomfort.
• Faith and mutual support are anchors that keep relationships afloat in turbulent times.
• Easy seasons are for enjoying and giving, but the wisdom and strength to do so are won in the tough times.

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For anyone navigating a hard season in marriage, parenthood, or personal growth, this episode offers both commiseration and practical encouragement—reminding us that pain, if faced together, can be transformative.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

We were really fighting about nothing. We were fighting about the fact that we were fighting.

[A]

We were fighting. At the end of it all, it was like such a. I was still dumbfounded that we were fighting about it because we have a family schedule and I have a work.

[B]

Wait, stop.

[A]

Schedule.

[B]

Stop right there. If you've watched Outdaughtered, you know Adam is not good about schedules and family schedule.

[A]

I'm not good about showing and setting an example for your kids of like, no, we're gonna stick through hard things and you know, we do hard things and you're gonna have to do hard things in your life.

[B]

This is More Than Reality podcast where we dive into all things faith, family and marriage and share that. So much more than the reality that you see on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.

[A]

What's up, guys? Welcome to episode 71, More Than Reality podcast.

[B]

I didn't get enough credit last episode. Knowing what episode it was, I was super impressed. Just realized that it's like the first time ever that I'm like, I know this episode. What's up, Poncho man?

[A]

I don't know. It was funny because like Poncho is sponsoring this episode today and I was, I had some meetings at good rancher's office this morning. And so I had to get, like, some. A little bit more elevated shirts a while back. And I'm like, I'm ordering these poncho ultralights because, like, I love them. They're like, like, poncho is, like, classic shirt. This is like an ad right here. Even though you're gonna hear an ad later in the episode. But like, this, like, Poncho's original shirts. They're classic shirts are, like, kind of like a what you would think of, like, a fishing shirt or like a work, like, kind of utility shirt. But these, they came out this past year. They're called the ultralights. And for us in Texas, they're just super light and thin and. And, like, breathable, and they're stretchy. And so I had a few of these made and put a good ranchers look good ranchers logo on them just so I can wear them to events and stuff like that. So represent good ranchers, representing Poncho.

[B]

I think what people are wondering right

[A]

now is how many ponchos do I have?

[B]

No. Change the subject is, did I get bionic leg shells, whatever, for Valentine's day? And the answer is no.

[A]

I actually have heard from the company.

[B]

That's hilarious.

[A]

And I'm working on them.

[B]

Oh, my God. That.

[A]

We're gonna be going in a few weeks. We're going to Phoenix, Arizona, and we're gonna be.

[B]

You want me to take those?

[A]

Heck yeah. We're taking them. You're going hiking? I'm. I'm strapping Danielle up. Hopefully they'll come in in time. I don't know. We'll see. We working details out, but, geez, the company did. If not, we're taking them to our trip in the summer.

[B]

No, I want. Danielle's gonna be up before surgery.

[A]

Danielle's gonna be up in the mountains or whatever. She's gonna have her bionic legs. She's gonna be able to keep up with all seven of us, and she's not gonna miss a beat.

[B]

I thought the goal was to have surgery before.

[A]

This is just in case. And even if you do have surgery, it'll help you with your recovery. It'll kind of just help you get moving.

[B]

So strap my legs on every day.

[A]

It is cool because, like, I went to their website and they. This is hyper show. If you didn't hear it last week. So we were talking about Danielle's last week. We're in the episode. We were talking about Danielle's impending knee surgery because her knee looks horrible and Just randomly on the podcast, I started looking up because I remember seeing something on social media or something a while back about these, like, these legs that have, like, the little motorized motors in them that you can just, like, strap to your leg and your hips, and they. They actually allow people that are, like, hiking or even older people or anything like that to just move easier and get up the mountain or get where they're going easier and faster. And so I just, like, reached out to the company. I was like, hey, just, by the way, like, we. We mentioned you guys. Super spontaneous. We mentioned you guys on the podcast and kind of told her. Told him a little bit about our story, and they're like, hey, you know, we'd be interested in possibly doing something with you guys. So we.

[B]

Maybe these pictures are just funny just to look at this lady just casually running down the street. I mean, I think they're cool, but

[A]

I saw this video of this guy on YouTube that wore them, and he normally, like, runs the same trail up the mountain, and it takes them like 20 something minutes or something or 12 minutes or something to make it up this one truck. And. And he put these on and he made the. He made it up the mountain, I think, in less than five minutes. Like, it, like, got him going, so. Oh, worth a shot.

[B]

I'm gonna be a badass. I'm gonna start all the challenges now.

[A]

I mean, actually, she's gonna go run a marathon.

[B]

You know what? I might like this thing. I. One thing that's hard about being in constant pain and stuff is that it keeps me from doing things that I want to do. And so maybe I'm just gonna be, like, amazing.

[A]

I know I still need surgery, but, like, even if you're, like, a little bit, this is becoming a hyper show ad. But, I mean, we'll see. We'll see what this becomes. Because, like, I mean, if you're, you know, you're. It's just like a nagging pain. It's like, all the time. But if you have, like, this. I thought you were about to say, I'm gonna go. Meaning, mean, I'm gonna go, you know, walk around the neighborhood or something. Just put them on and you can adjust how much they help you.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And so, you know, well, it'll get you going.

[B]

Let's move on. I just thought I'd let the people know that I did not get hyper show legs for Valentine's Day. And so it was a happy Valentine's Day.

[A]

But I did come through with a conversation with them. So we'll See?

[B]

So today we're going to talk about hard seasons.

[A]

Oh, wait, I forgot to. I forgot to mention this. I mentioned we're going to be going to Phoenix, Arizona, but didn't really say why.

[B]

Okay. Why?

[A]

So, good ranchers, we are the title sponsor for a big IndyCar race that's coming to Phoenix. It's an oval track. Saturday's the IndyCar race. Sunday's the NASCAR race. It's a huge weekend in racing in Phoenix, and it's going to be the Good Rancher 250 for the IndyCar race. And that's pretty cool. Guess who.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Guess who is the gonna be wearing

[B]

hyper show legs to run the track, Adam?

[A]

I'll be running the track in my hyper show. But who's going to be the grand marshal of this race? Yours truly.

[B]

Yours truly.

[A]

So I'm gonna.

[B]

What are you gonna wear?

[A]

I don't know. Like, I was at the office today, and they're like, adam, what are you gonna wear for the thing? Are you gonna have something made or whatever? And I'm like, I hadn't even thought of it.

[B]

What does it mean, actually? Like, what do you.

[A]

Or I need to get, like, some sort of, like, pit crew jacket or something. Or something?

[B]

Yeah, like American. Did you. I saw a thing.

[A]

A jacket with a big eagle on the back.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cowboy hat with an eagle.

[B]

I saw today.

[A]

No, but I get to say, like, driver, start. I gotta practice that, too. Driver, start your engines.

[B]

Don't say, like that.

[A]

I'm gonna go.

[B]

Drivers, I saw on the Today show today, they were talking about some of the Olympic sports, and, like, the one girl. It. She had. I don't remember what sport it was, but she has three brothers, and her three brothers have been like, making these crazy, like, fun, super supportive, like, America, Support America and their sister, like, reels and stuff. And they're hilarious, but they're, like, decked out and, like, red, white, and blue and just, like, all these things for cheering on their sister and stuff. It's really cute. So that made me think. Think you should do that. You should. You need, like a. Like a. A whole. A whole suit. You need, like, a whole obnoxious.

[A]

No.

[B]

Cool suit.

[A]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know what. I'm Like, I saw this clip of Nate Bargatti this past week because he did, like, a NASCAR race or something like that. And he's. And, like, before he said, driver, start your engine, he's like, this is the most American thing I've ever done. This is the most Masculine thing I've done in a long time in a house full of seven women. Thank you, Andy Carr, for giving me this opportunity, for giving me a man, forgiving me this weekend to be a man.

[B]

We're all going with. We're all going because it's the start of our spring break, so we're actually all going as a family. And so we're taking a little vacation out of it. So it'll be fun.

[A]

Yep. Girls are gonna get to do some fun stuff. We're not gonna actually take them to the race on race day, but like the resort and stuff that we're staying at, it's got like pools and slides and all kind of fun stuff. And then we're gonna stay there a couple more days and do some hiking. We're gonna go to like the south rim of the Grand Canyon or something like that. Something like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something. Something like that. I don't know. So. And we'll film. We'll film a bunch of stuff while we're there.

[B]

You know what my favorite part of the day is? When the girls finally go to bed and I get to put my cozier pajamas on.

[A]

Yeah. And that's also when I know I'm about to lose Daniel for the night. She got the cozy earth pajamas on. The classic cuddle blanket wrapped around her. I'm like, well, I guess I'll see

[B]

you tomorrow because that's comfortable. Their bamboo pajama set is so soft and lightweight and it just feels luxurious without being too hot. And the cuddle blanket, I'm not exaggerating. I use it every single night.

[A]

It's basically her end of the day uniform. And honestly, I get it. Cozy earth just makes home feel more cozy.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Just be warned, you may never want to leave the couch again or the bed. Thank you, Cozy Earth for sponsoring this episode.

[B]

So today we're talking about hard seasons and easy seasons. What do hard seasons teach that easy seasons don't? I would say that we've been through a lot of hard seasons, more so than easy seasons. But if I'm honest, like, no one signs up for hard seasons.

[A]

Right? Yeah, but that's when you grow.

[B]

Yeah. And it is.

[A]

I mean, like being going through a hard time. Hard season. That's like, whenever, you know, you get tested, you get stretched. Like, that's where you have the most opportunities to, like, see growth through that. In the hard times, for sure. You don't really grow much in the easy times. Whenever you can kind of coast.

[B]

Yeah. So kind of like talking about, like, knee surgery and stuff, it brings up a really challenging season of, like, what is that going to look like? Because it is my right knee, and a lot of people have been messaging me and saying, you should just wait till Blake can drive. I'm like, blake ain't gonna be like, drive driving for another year. And it's not like she's gonna. We would let her drive at that point. I can't go a whole year like this. My hope.

[A]

Why do they say. Why do they say, you should wait until Blake can drive?

[B]

Our kids have to go to school every day, and I won't be able to.

[A]

Like, she would be taking them anyway.

[B]

I wouldn't. That's what I'm saying. Like, she wouldn't be taking them to school. She wouldn't be allowed to have Blake.

[A]

Blake just gets her permit. Okay, go drive that big bus right there in the driveway with all of our children immediately after you get your driver's license.

[B]

But it will hinder a lot of the tasks daily of, like, it is my right leg, so it's going to be a while. It's going to take away driving for a bit. You know, in. In the Tesla, it's a little bit different because I can just put a snatch.

[A]

Just plug in the address and hit drive me there.

[B]

But, you know, the stairs. Going to physical therapy every day. I mean, there is a level of change in the routine, in which what is also hard to accept at times is that, like, me doing something also affects Adam, and so that affects his schedule of, like, well, what does this look like for you? And then, you know, you having to bring them to school. Not that, like, I mean, a lot of times Adam does bring to school, and we'll kind of, like, share between, like, Blake and Blake and the quints, depending on what he has going on in the morning. You know, sometimes I, like, play back and forth, and sometimes he brings one or the other, and then I do, too, whatever. So I don't know. It just changes up a lot. Like, I think about, like, that going up the stairs, which I have constant pain going up the stairs here in general, but there's just a lot of little things that will change, and it's going to put the weight on Adam, which gets challenging because you know, I think I'm already in a challenging season as it is being able. It's still accepting, like, the slower pace of life. And then now this is going to make it even slower in a sense for me, you know, which I then therefore feels like it's more weight on you, and I don't think you want more weight.

[A]

Drowning as it is.

[B]

Yeah. So hard season is approaching, and so I don't know, it's not one to want to do, but ones that I think we have to. We have to do in this time, in this kind of hard season is one that we can a little bit more like, so schedule or like, it can be a little bit more predictable in a sense, and unless something drastically happens, you know, up until we. We schedule this or whatever.

[A]

But, like, you're just need fully breaks. Like. What do you mean?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Because that's what I feel like every day. I feel like every day it's just gonna, like, break, and then I'm like, rushed into emergency.

[A]

That's not gonna happen.

[B]

That's how it feels, though.

[A]

Yeah, but that's not how it works. Yeah, well, you're not like an NFL football player that's like, running routes and stuff and

[B]

says you. You don't know what I do when you're not here. Have a little less emphasis on your. Then there's hard seasons in marriage. So, you know, easy seasons are fun trips, celebration, you know, wins. But hard seasons are when you really have to show up as a team, right? I would say.

[A]

Oh, yeah. I mean. I mean, any. Any hard time in marriage if, like, both people, husband and wife, like, aren't putting in an effort, you know, everything's gonna go downhill. Like, if you go through a rough spot, go through a fight, and, you know, you're. You're either just butting heads, or you don't want to be the one to kind of concede and, like, come back. You know, it's going to. It's just going to linger, and it's going to go on and on and

[B]

how hard it is to find that something he'll actually wear, not just once, but something he reaches for over and over again. And that's why I love poncho outdoors. Adam wears their shirts constantly. Like, constantly. It's basically the uniform at this point.

[A]

It really is. In fact, I'm wearing one right now. I even have my poncho ultralight shirts embroidered with the Good Ranchers logo so I can wear them in meetings. They're that comfortable, but they still look professional. And I can go from work meetings straight into dad mode and it just works.

[B]

And they just look good. I mean, look at Adam. Their flannel and denim shirts are soft and they move with you. And they don't just look so stiff like some of the other button downs do.

[A]

Yeah, and the details are awesome, too. Hidden pockets built in lens cloths. And you can tell they design these for real life. They easily become my favorite shirts.

[B]

Poncho also makes it risk free with free shipping, free returns, and exchanges anytime, so you know you're getting something he'll love.

[A]

Go to ponchooutdoors.com more than and enter your email for $10 off your first order.

[B]

That's ponchooutdoors.com More than and let them know more than reality sent you.

[A]

That's P O N c h o outdoors.com More.

[B]

Thanks, Pancho, for sponsoring this podcast. I think, I think when it comes to the hard season in our marriage, like, what would you say is the most challenging in those seasons? Because I think what is hard between our hard seasons is the fight in both of us that still is like, a. Either one of us. Both of us have a hard time. Like, there's still always, like, this compare button of like, I win, you win. I win, you win. I like, it's. We are a team a lot of times, but when it gets in that tough spot, I mean, you lose. Just. Just fight.

[A]

Yeah, you lose sight of that. Like, it's not us who's fighting each other. Yeah, we're fighting whatever it is, that other variable out there. It's like, that's attacking you both and you're not realizing that. Like, okay, like, what's. What's the real problem? What's the root of that problem that, like, is causing us to fight right now? And, like, okay, let's just, like, attack that and figure that out instead of just building up anger and resentment to each other about this one thing and nobody wanting to budge. Right?

[B]

Yeah. And I think, like, it's just like, the difference in, you know, there's so many differences in personalities and, like, how we both respond to things. And I want to banter and you want to not talk. And then there's times where it's. It's just really hard to belittle oneself for the greater good.

[A]

Not belittle. Humble. Don't say be little sorry.

[B]

That's what it feels like at times. Because, like, it's a. It's a challenge all the time. Right.

[A]

That's like, such a derogatory Term to, like, fit right.

[B]

That you're right. Humble ourselves. That's.

[A]

Take a little bit of humility. Okay. I'm gonna have to belittle myself for this. Like, that's.

[B]

But in, like, I'm just being real. I'm being real in times of a fight.

[A]

Like, sometimes what you're doing, though.

[B]

I know, I know.

[A]

But maybe what you feel like you're doing.

[B]

Exactly. That's what I'm trying to say. Like, at times it feels like that. It feels like the fight in me has to win. And so I feel like I have to belittle myself, which is. Just means humble yourself before the Lord and before your husband. And it doesn't always work out perfectly. It doesn't. You know, and so I'm just being honest and saying, like, there's times where that fight in the marriage or the hard season comes where you're looking for me to hold it together, and there's times where I'm looking for you to hold it together. There's times where I'm looking for you to just, like, step over it and just, like, cuddle and say it's going to be okay and blah, blah, blah, you know, so it's. It's. It's hard to get aligned in those moments.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I think the biggest. Honestly, like, whenever you're, like, in a disagreement, in a fight, like, there's always. I say common ground a lot, but there's always common ground. There's always. Okay, like, there's always. There's always ground for you to say. I'm not saying you. I'm saying, just like you, as a person, yourself, you're. I mean, either of you, there's always. There's always space for you to say, okay, like, what could I have done differently here? Or what can I do differently moving forward to, like, so this. This doesn't happen again. And if you're not willing to get to that point, if you're not willing to say, okay, like, okay, this is what I could have done differently, or this is what, you know, I can concede. I can't. So if you're not willing to budge any. It's. You're never gonna get to a common ground there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I remember. I mean, even recall, like, a few weeks ago whenever we had, like, a disagreement about something and.

[B]

And we were really fighting about nothing. We were fighting about the fact that we were fighting.

[A]

We were fighting at the end of it all, it was like such a. I was still dumbfounded that we were fighting about It. Because in my opinion, at the beginning of this whole thing, be careful of

[B]

your words, because I don't want to start fighting again.

[A]

I feel like you just misread a text message, and that's, like, what started the whole thing. And. And so, like, the whole time, I'm like, why are we fighting about this? Why are we fighting about this? Because, like, I felt. I felt like I was so clear in my mess, and I went back and I even read it multiple times. I'm like, what? What? Why?

[B]

Because.

[A]

Why aren't. Why is she mad right now?

[B]

Because the problem was, is that it was received in a text message, and you were upstairs and I was downstairs. Tone. And because we've already had a previous fight about the same exact thing multiple times.

[A]

But then you.

[B]

That's what I kept thinking of.

[A]

But then you came up and started, like, fighting about this one.

[B]

No, I came in with a solution,

[A]

and I'm like, but so you're. Yeah, you're telling me a solution, but. But the solution that you're telling me I'd already written in the message. And so I'm like, because it was received. Like, why are you even telling me this?

[B]

Yeah, it was received in a way that was.

[A]

And then you just started fighting about it. I'm like. Like, I was so freaking confused. And, like, what is going on? Because the thing that you were telling me is what I told you in the text message, and I'm like, yeah, like, what I said. And it escalated.

[B]

Yeah. And see, this is where I want to keep going. This is what happens is we'll keep going back and forth.

[A]

But it was all. It was all about scheduling and stuff. And so, like. Yeah, I. I saw. Okay. Yeah, it's a big part of, like,

[B]

we don't have to get into the nitt gritty of.

[A]

But I can share, like, a little bit about, like, okay, so I have. We have a family schedule, and I have a work.

[B]

Wait, stop. Stop right there. If you've watched Outdaughtered, you know, Adam is not good about schedules and family schedule about it. And. And that was all played out real. And when I created a family calendar for the help of it, it was then to get Adam to use the family calendar. And it's been years.

[A]

I use it. But the thing is. The thing is. So I have. We have our family schedule. Our family calendar that is on, like, Apple. And so it's, like, syncs with all of our devices on our family Apple account. Okay. But then I have work stuff. And so, like, multiple other Companies and stuff that I work for, they all use Google Calendars. And through, like, my Atom at whatever other company I'm working for at the time, I have other email accounts that syncs with its own Google account. And so it'll come, like, they'll schedule me either a meeting or like an invite or something like that. And it goes onto my phone and I can see it on my calendar, but it doesn't go to hers. And so, like, I'll look at it and I'm like, oh, I got this going on this week and, you know, we need a schedule around, blah, blah, blah. But she doesn't see that. And then. And so. And the only way that I can get her to like on that is if I go back and duplicate every single thing that gets sent to me. And it's a pain in the butt.

[B]

And.

[A]

And so I don't always do that right there in the moment.

[B]

And then what's also, let's be honest, what's also hard is that, like, I'll tell him. I'm like, you're working at home, and sometimes you're out of the house. I don't know, like, what that life, what. What you're doing. And not that I have to, but in our world of we can physically see each other, but you're not here. In a sense, it's hard because I am on the other side nowadays being like, okay, what is he doing? Is he work? And it's so stupid to complain about this or fight about this because he's

[A]

in my office playing video games.

[B]

Yeah, because sometimes you are with your golf simulator.

[A]

I don't even play golf simulator in here because of video lights and stuff.

[B]

Anyway, so all to say is that there's a lot of reasons of, like, struggle in the mix. Because in my head, what's easier for me is that if you're working, I can't physically see you here at home. And this has been our whole marriage because. Because then there's like. And these might be lies. I'm sure they are, but there's judgment. There's like, not doing enough. There's not doing. You're doing too much. There's like, if you work with your spouse or you or your spouse work at home together or not even together. These are things that I believe go through your head when. What are they doing? Are they hiding? Are they actually working or they not wanting. Are they wanting to zone out and not participate in the hard part? When the kids are X, Y and Z, you know, I'm doing This alone, I'm doing this for the family. Like you have all these things that go through your head. And when I was. This is the struggle that I have now because like I, I am not working out of the house. I am just home and I'm trying to still work through being that person. And I don't think it's good enough. And I don't think it's good enough under your eyes in a sense as well as mine, meaning good enough, which is a lie because it is enough. It's just I am a busy person.

[A]

I think one of the biggest things of like that is, I mean, in a sense, like I'm a little jealous that Danielle is able to just be mom sometimes. And like, you know, especially like every week, like my, my first half of the week, every week is like super busy and stressful. Like I usually have stuff back to back to back. I have multiple projects that like, and, and stuff to edit. And then usually by Thursday, Wednesday night or Thursday, then like the back half of my week is a little bit easier. But like, and so like a lot of times, especially like Tuesday, Wednesday, I'm usually like have to lock myself in my office and it's. And it sucks because then like after the kids come home from school and stuff like, like you may not see me till dinner or after dinner. And like for me it kind of sucks. Like I don't, I don't like being locked in my office. I don't like having to just like sit in front and like try to get these projects and stuff squared away. And like I like, I feel like I'm jealous about it. And I feel like she. This is the wrong word. This is the wrong word. But she thinks like she feels like resentful that like I'm just not having to do the day to day stuff whenever the kids get home from school to dinner on those days. And it's like almost like I'm taking a break up the, up in my office. And so it's like a disconnect of like, what are you really doing? And me, I'm like, I don't even want to have to do this. But like this is our livelihood. This is what brings us income and stuff like that. And I have to do this and like nothing. I would want more to like just kind of be downstairs and present and like just not have to be locked in my office. So it's like a disconnect of like.

[B]

Yeah. And I think, I think you as a listener is what you're listening to is what he thinks versus what she thinks. And there could be not true of the other of what that person thinks. You know, and so it's like that's kind of like why do we do that? Why do we, why do we tell ourselves something even if our spouse tells us it's not true? You know, because when we will get in a bickerment, like if we take this last instance, it's like you'll tell me I feel like you blah blah blah and I'll say I feel like you, blah blah blah. And if we say that's not true, why do we still feel that way? You know, why is it that there is something still so much more powerful than just the word of what comes out of our mouth? It's still the fact that there is a supernatural enemy out there that just constantly wants to destroy and he knows what our weaknesses is between us. And a big time of it is communication.

[A]

Yeah. And nothing, nothing that the devil. I mean we'll say the enemy wants more than to tear a family apart and to be in between mom and dad and like divisiveness and friction and

[B]

you know, and I think that we have for the past 10 plus years, you know, a lot of people will have comments, media things, whatever and talk about like Adam and Danielle. You know, people say like why are they still together? She's so mean, he's so blah blah, blah. Like there's a constant, you know, view of what people think which to some form of point like I know and I've said this from the beginning like I know, I know my truth, I know our truth and what the world says about it is what the world says about it. And it's, you know, has always been like an edited form for media and or you know, drama effect or whatnot. Not to say that any of those things aren't real because they are real. And I think without daughter it was, we the, the show was tried to say like you know, you don't agree on these things but let's. The goal was your opposite come to a point and resolve. Right. And that was made for tv. But in the real world when you don't agree with something and you have to come together sometimes it takes longer than a 30 minute episode of a TV show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's life, there's the emotions, there's the day to day that are still happening as you're in the friction. And you know, I think more than anything we have to be aware of the power of good and the power above the enemy and above the devil, which is God, you know, And I think that. I believe that if we did not have that foundation in that awareness, we would not be together. There has been so much strife and so many things wanting to rip us apart. And I believe if we did not have God, our marriage would not have survived a lot of what we've gone through. And the bigger. The biggest question is, how is it that it does survive? How is it that y' all are still together? How is it that you make it through this? And the answer is God, you know, because even when we can be fighting back and forth with each other. And I love that, you know, the book study that we're going through with, like, our Bible group, and it. It's just. It makes you aware, like, we're reading two different books. Like, the women are reading one and the men are reading one. And if you're not. And I kind of shared this last week. I was like, for so long. I disagreed. Well, no, I didn't disagree. I didn't understand. I didn't believe in the power of an enemy. And like, the devil, yes, I knew that there was good and bad. Yes, I know that there's God in the devil. Like, I know it, but I didn't, like, believe in the power of it. And I think over the years and, you know, becoming more knowledgeable, reading things, doing studies, reading the Bible, just really seeing things that we've come through and just really understanding that it's never really about me versus you. It's about what's in between us at the moment. Yeah. And how do we pull that out? And whenever we get in those, like, hard times, in those fights where it's. Where it's. Doesn't feel like we're a team or one against the other. What you were talking about a while ago was that you have to look and say, like, where does the issue lie? You know, and, like, why are we feeling attacked at this moment? Why are we attacking each other at this moment? And, you know, I think. I think the same thing goes in to. As you talk about parenting, like, you know, there's a lot of hard seasons you can go through with parenting. And, you know, do you feel like we let our kids experience any hard seasons? Do we let them feel discomfort? Do we. Or. Or. I don't believe that we're parents that are. You know, don't let you feel any pain or sadness. I feel like, if anything, that they're getting older. I'm like, okay, let's experience the emotions. Because I didn't grow up knowing how to do that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and then I'm constantly reminding you, like, you live with seven girls. Like, you gotta, you gotta accept this, you gotta allow this. You have to allow. You have, you have to actually train yourself as a dad to girls to understand

[A]

girl emotions.

[B]

Yeah. And it's, it's challenging.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're still trying to understand your wife.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And all of a sudden like I may. Especially having a teenager and now 11 year olds that are like almost 11. Yeah. That are coming into like adolescence and stuff and you know, getting close to that. And then. So you have like seven girls in the house.

[B]

It's more than seven girls.

[A]

It's just different. Just like the random like mood swings about something and just get like super hard headed about something. And it's just like as a dad, as a man, you know, it's just, you just don't understand that you're like, what the heck is wrong with you right now? And like.

[B]

But you can't say that.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. And she called me out like a few times like, hey, chill out. Like they need a.

[B]

And I would say to moment right now. Yeah. To another dad listening that like, I mean you, you respond to this too. Is that more than anything as your girls speaking to like dads of daughters, like, as your, as your kids, your girls get older, what they need more is the loving affection and attention from their dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not the statement of like just an example of like what's going on. Like what's wrong with you right now. Like that all that does. As a woman speaking in and as a mom of girls, that only makes it worse, you know? So I don't have the answer for you. I'm just telling you that in those, in a lot of situations, I, I have to say, whoa, like Adam, you've affected her in some way. This is what's happening. And sometimes girls will just, the girls will just give me a look and be like, dad doesn't get it, here he goes. Or like those type of things. And so I feel like as a mom who's learning this too and Adam learning this too, like I have to tell them, like, but then I'll get

[A]

those same looks from them when mom's having a moment and they have a moment and they come to me like, like what's, what's up with her? Like, why, why is she acting like, why is she responding this way? And so it's definitely a house of emotions. Yeah. So.

[B]

So you have a lot to learn,

[A]

Adam, and a lot you have a lot to learn.

[B]

I know I do because I am the emotion of the house. But I think, I think it's important. You know, I didn't let you answer that, but, like, how do you feel? Like, we let our kids experience hard seasons.

[A]

Honestly, like, one of the biggest things I feel like that we've like, practiced, like, routinely is just like, not letting, like making them stick through something even though it's hard. And, you know, if they experience something, instead of just letting your child, like, back away or quit or not have to go or something like that, pushing them and like, no, you made it a commitment. So now you gotta, you know, we have to stick through this and to push through those hard times. And it teaches them and, you know, it kind of just flexes that muscle. Yes, that doesn't really apply to every single thing that goes on. But I mean, for the most part, like in the very small case and are in that specific instance is just like, you know, showing and setting an example for your kids of like, no, we're gonna stick through hard things and, you know, we do hard things and you're gonna have to do hard things in your life. And, you know, you can't just, like, give up or quit or walk away. Like, you gotta step into it. And, you know, we've showed them that over and over and over again.

[B]

And I think that the support, that type of support coming from like, the parents of just like, you know, especially with girls, like, you know, one day you like this, one day you hate it, one day you like this, one day, like, so it's not. We have to accept, like, these emotions and things are ever changing, but what cannot change is the love and support of the family. And so, like, you as mom and dad have to constantly show support but commitment and above all, still parent, like, don't let those emotions necessarily change. And I tell, I tell our teenagers this all the time. You're speaking of emotions right now. So let's not make any decisions based off right now. And you know, years ago someone said, whatever life decision or change or something you're wanting to do. For instance, I no longer want to do this sport. Well, we have it, We've signed up for it, we've committed to it, and we're going to pull through till the end of that semester or the season or like, whatever it is. Just because you didn't like today or you had a bad day doesn't mean that we're going to give up. And you as a parent, in our opinion, as parenting, say we're going to push you through because we all have bad days. It doesn't mean that we have to give up and we're not going to make you continue on, you know, and I think that applies with life, with. With a lot of things in parenting and then in your marriage and in your friendships, in your faith and your growth of all that. Like, don't just give up because of a bad day. Yeah, we're all going to have bad

[A]

days, you know, and I feel like we've, as a culture, I feel like nowadays it's like one of those things of, like, if it feels good, do it. Or, you know, if. If it doesn't please you anymore or right now, like, then stop. And, you know, and that applies to a lot of things. I mean, even, like, marriages. I mean, look at the divorce rate and stuff like that. And, like, people don't see. And a lot of people will attack us for this. It's like, you know, like, looking at marriage and stuff, and, like, there's always, like, you know, we see marriage as, like, it's like finance finality. It's, you know, we're married forever. We, you know, it's, you know, you. You made this covenant with God and each other, and that should not be unbroken. This should not be broken. Yes. We understand that there's very, you know, outlying circumstances of when, you know, you can, could and should step away from a marriage. But in most cases, if it's just disagreements or he's going through a midlife crisis or blah, blah, blah, like, in very many cases, it's like, people just walk away too soon and too easily and don't view marriage in that way anymore. And. Yeah, but I do. I do get it. And, like, people have attacked us before for saying that because they're like, well, you don't know what he did to me. Yes. I don't know every single circumstances. And yeah, if your husband abused you and hit you and did all kind of stuff. Yes. Okay, there's a reason why you should walk away. Like, but for the majority of reasons, why people just walk away from marriages nowadays.

[B]

Selfishness and their happiness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think. I think going through easy seasons, you know, we can breathe and enjoy, but I would say, I say this a lot, like, don't waste the hard season because the hard seasons are building character or strengthening. Strengthening you. And I look back at our journey and, you know, if I look back at, like, going through, you know, trying to have a. Trying to grow a family, going through infertility for years before we had Blake, like, how that refined us going through, you know, quintuplet pregnancy, being scared for life and what that was going to change and all the changes that it did change in our life, but it refined us. It has made us who we are. It's made us stronger. We didn't give up. We didn't give in to our emotional feeling right at that day. Like, give yourself time. Give yourself 24 hours with that change of thought. If it's something drastic and process, you know, it's. Don't make rash decisions in the moment, you know, And I think at times of hard seasons and times of banter and times of fight, we like to make decisions in those hard seasons. Like, you want to give up, you want to fight, you want to blah, blah, blah, all those negative, negative things. But in the end, that's not really what you want, want. You're just talking off of emotions. And sometimes per our personalities, we need to hear ourselves say those things. But I think what makes the. In. In marriage and in parenting and in friendships, those conversations, is that don't leave it there. Don't leave it there. Like, it's got to come back around to a conclusion. Just kind of like I talked about the previous life about Daughtered was, oh, they're fighting. Okay, what are we going to do? Oh, it's beautiful. The concept of that is what needs to happen. It doesn't mean it happens in that time frame. It could take a day, it could take a week, it could take a year. But I do believe that restoration and healing and forgiveness and all that is possible in every situation. In every situation. So hard is good. Easy is good.

[A]

Okay, I see where I'm tracking.

[B]

I mean, hard is. It's. It's not bad. We don't. I think we all want life to be easy, but what would life be if it didn't have any challenges? Yeah. You know, it's. If everything was always given to you, if everything was always like, what?

[A]

What.

[B]

Where's that purpose if you were always given? You know, I. What I look at as if I. If. If something is easy, then I need to be giving. I need to be showing. I need to be serving, I need to be doing. If that comes easy to me, you need to be blessing others with that. That's how I feel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, so a couple questions for you as a listener, to think about, you know, what it. What have your hard seasons taught you? Are you resisting it or are you receiving it? And then if you're married, are you letting your spouse in in that season and then, you know, how are you, how can you work together through that season and support each other through that? Thanks for listening to Hard Season and Easy Season. I would love to know your opinion on what you feel is is your hard and easy. Do you see it the way that we see it? Do you receive what we're through, what we're talking about? Do you not agree? You know, it's okay to not agree but you know, let's conversate about it. So please be sure to comment and on the video and in the post below.

[A]

So. Yep. All right, guys, thank you for tuning in to episode 71.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

More than Reality podcast. We'll see you in the next one.

[B]

All right.

[A]

We love you guys.

[B]

Every act of change begins with a neighbor.

[A]

When neighbors connect through the Feeding America Network, small actions ripple into lasting impact. Feeding America led by neighbors Give now to end [e-mail].