← More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle
More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle
EP 80 - How Danielle Healed from Growing Up Without a Father
00:54:05
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- [00:01]
A
This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home with agents who close twice as many deals. When you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started@redfin.com own the dream. Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho. Look for that rooftop dinner, those sandals that can keep up with you, and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up. Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.
- [00:45]
B
Like there's something over the years that we've gotten tons and tons and tons of questions about. We've kind of hit on it a little bit, like one other time in the podcast, maybe a long time ago. Danielle's relationship or Danielle's status with her biological father. Yeah, because I think before you fully understood that, there was, like, always a lot of tension with us on expectations. My role and you never really had, like this.
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C
I never knew how to explain it.
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B
Understanding of what. What that father role was.
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C
I think I can speak on this today because I understand what it is to love a daughter, love a child, love a husband, love a friend. When I understood what love was, I didn't feel that was a father's love because I didn't know what that meant.
- [01:47]
A
This is More Than Reality podcast, where we dive into all things faith, family, and marriage and share that there is so much more than the reality that you see on the surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.
- [02:04]
B
What's up, guys?
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C
Hey. Hey.
- [02:06]
B
Today's the big eight. Oh, oh, oh.
- [02:13]
C
80 episodes. We're trekking on and making our way to 100.
- [02:17]
B
Yep. Today's episode 80. Well, we're not gonna stop at 100.
- [02:20]
C
No, I'm just saying it's kind of a milestone. I mean, this is our milestone. It's our first 80th episode.
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B
You gotta think, like, that's 20. That's 20 weeks from now. That's like half a year.
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C
Almost seems closer than that when you don't think of it in weeks.
- [02:37]
B
It's like week by week. So that's 20 weeks from now. Literally months away. Yeah, it does seem shorter. It does seem closer than that, for sure. But, yeah, it does. Man, it's cooler outside. It's been raining for the last few days here.
- [02:59]
C
Yeah. What's weird. Is that, like, I can't recall, like, a day in the past where it was, like, hot, and then all of a sudden it dropped, like, 20 degrees. Like, in this time of year. Yeah, it's really weird.
- [03:10]
B
On Saturday, we went with the girls, had. We posted some photos and Instagram stories and stuff over the weekend, but the girls had a school carnival, like, kind of like a fundraiser or whatever for the school, but where they had a bunch of games and stuff. It was all outside. And so, yeah, there are somewhat ominous clouds out there, but school's just, like, less than a mile down the road. So we took the girls and literally got caught in the middle of a massive rainstorm.
- [03:39]
C
Okay. So it literally, there was like, this one cloud, and I was like, oh, it'll just, like, if it. If that one loses water, it's just going to sprinkle for a hot minute, you know? And it did, and we were fine. We went back out playing and. And then, I don't know, 40 minutes later, 30 minutes later, the bottom fell out. I had, like, just gotten. I had, like, gotten to the food truck, ordered food for all of us. It's like, the only place that had, like, a covered thing. And at this point, kids are trying to run to come meet me because it is, like, torrential downpour. And I'm thinking, and there's no awning
- [04:14]
B
at the food truck?
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C
No, there was at the food truck. There was a tiny one at the food truck.
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B
It wasn't much of a ice cream
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C
truck that the girls went, then told me I needed to go pay for their ice cream. And I'm like, but I'm kind of covered right now. But they were. They were like, we're soaking wet. I'm like, oh, well, you might as well take advantage of playing in the rain. It wasn't lightning or anything, but at that point, it was not stopping, and I had to wait for the food.
- [04:42]
B
Our car was, like, all the way on the other side of the school. So, like, there's no.
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C
Just, like, there's no chance.
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B
You run into the car. Like, you're just stuck in it. And, like, I had. I had my camera on me. And so I'm trying my best. Like, I'm underneath a tree, trying to get as much cover as possible. Danielle's in front of a food truck just getting dumped on.
- [05:04]
C
And I told the kids, I said, y' all just run to the front of the school where the big awning is. Just go. You're soaking wet. Just go. And it's. And the Temperature drops. So now we're freezing.
- [05:13]
B
Yeah, it was cold. And so like, I'm kind of underneath the tree. I have like my camera under my shirt, which is still getting soaked. I'm like, crap, what do I do here? And because I've never. It's like my new camera, my small camera, and I've never really tested it in like weather conditions. It's supposed to be a little weather sealed, but I don't know, I've never tested it before. My Canon, they're weather sealed and I don't have to worry about that. But this one, I was just concerned. And so I'm like, I'm just trying to hide the camera, keep it under my shirt. And then I see the girls just bolt, like across the field, running to the front of the school. And I'm like, okay. So I started jogging that direction. Just go get in underneath an awning. I mean, I'm like looking at the clouds and stuff. And there was no end in sight for this for a while. And so finally we just had to like run from awning to awning. And then.
- [06:09]
C
And here I am coming finally, like waiting on the food. I've got all these bags of like quesadillas, which those quesadillas were amazing. Bags, like three things of bags of food and then a bag of drinks or whatever. And I can't run. I barely can walk. I'm limping every. All the time. And I'm like.
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B
So that's like wet, muddy ground too.
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C
Yeah. And I'm just like, this is. I'm. I'm just gonna get drenched. There's no way around it. And so here I am going. And then I'm like, I can't get around this huge puddle that looks foot deep. Like, so then just navigating around, that was just like. But it made for a fun story. And I got. We got in the, the van and the girls were just laughing and everybody was freezing cold. I like, got home. It's like they went out and played continuously in the rain in the backyard.
- [07:02]
B
They went straight out to the backyard, like slip and sliding on the mat and then jumping on the trampoline.
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C
Yeah, they had a lot of fun with it.
- [07:09]
B
Literally all the neighborhood kids came to our house and was playing out in the rain all day. I was trying to police, as best we could, police the don't come through the beach towels and running in and out of the house soaking wet.
- [07:21]
C
We literally went through every towel, I think, because they were like, dry off and then apparently drop it outside. Or whatever. Then it gets rained on. And then that night I had like, started a load of laundry. And then that night I was like, all right, y' all need to take your showers. They're like, there's no towels. I'm like, I wonder why y' all went. They're like, that was beach towels. I said, y' all use the. The bath towels first.
- [07:46]
B
Yeah, because it was all five of our. Of the quints, plus, like five friends. At least five or six other friends. And then obviously none of those kids brought towels to the house, because why? And so. And I saw like after the first round of kids like coming in, like, oh, crap, I see how this is gonna go. And like, Hazel didn't really care to go out and play in the rain.
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C
She's like, I'm going to take a warm shower.
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B
So she was like sitting in front of the window just watching them. And I was like, okay, Hazel, you control the towels. They only get one. Hazel standing at the door with all the towels.
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C
Well, she ended up playing a little game right there with one of the friends, something with squishies. And I don't even know what they were doing videoing them talking about squishies. Or I'm like, what are you doing with those videos that are taking up 10 minutes on your phone thing? Like, it's funny. Anyway, it was. It was fun. Made for a fun story, fun memory that they will. They will remember their last carnival at school that they got played in the rain. It was fun.
- [08:55]
B
Was it Monday you went and you stumbled upon a huge deal for.
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C
So I. Oh yeah. So like homeschool update. We're still doing like a co op. But I decided with. Given how the quints, you know, having five all in the same age is just extremely challenging when it comes to like the schooling and stuff. And so going to homeschool. We were going to do co op and I was like, it'll be a great transition into, like them having still a teacher and then me working at home with them. But the more we thought about it, the more that, like, it was trying to process through me having to still manage that. I was like, it's just gonna be harder, I think, for them to go to the class, be taught, and then I'm just coming home and I'm gonna end up doing all the work with them because they're not going to really absorb as much information in an hour plus, like session. Getting a weeks long work.
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B
Yeah, because like at the home work at the co op, they would sit in like the A class with their subject and a teacher and then she pretty much like lays them out for the entire week.
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C
Yeah. Which is totally fine for all kids. Like that's probably normal.
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B
It's just a lot of content to get in one sitting.
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C
And our girls don't necessarily like they struggle a bit like academically. So I was just like it's going to be harder for me to try to comprehend and them to try to tell me what they're doing versus it's
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B
almost like you got to go and sit in, in that class.
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C
And I was just like this for those main, for like English and math and stuff. I was like, I, I just, I'm gonna have to do that at home. And so that kind of started this whole process. We're still doing co op for certain courses and electives and stuff, which we're excited about. But I will take on the load of like the main subjects at home. And I guess yesterday it was actually yesterday it kind of made it like official, official. Even though it's beneficial because I went to Mardell to go get a bible for a friend and I walked in and I was like, I had like things to do and the girls, some of the girls had to go to the dentist. So I knew it was like on time crunch and so I went there, I get, get the Bible. I already knew which one I wanted. And I go and I'm like, oh, I'm just walk through because I forgot they, they have homeschool stuff here you can look at. Well, they had a lot of the programs that I was like looking into. So like ABEKA and BJU and they had Sex Saxton books for math. Like a lot of things that I've looked at, I've also looked at good and beautiful and a lot of all different. So I sat there, I go over there and I'm like, huh? It says 75% off. I feel like I used to wake up every morning just congested, like stuffy headaches, just not feeling great. And I kept thinking it was just stress or allergies or whatever.
- [12:00]
B
Yeah. And we clean our house all the time, but it still felt like the air just felt heavy.
- [12:07]
C
That's when we started looking into air doctor and it's honestly the only air purifier we use in our home now.
- [12:14]
B
And we noticed a big difference pretty quick. Less odors, better sleep and just peace of mind knowing the air our kids are breathing is actually clean.
- [12:23]
C
What's crazy is Air Doctors 3 step filtration system captures particles about 100 times smaller than our typical air purifiers. So we're talking dust, pollen, pet dander, even bacteria and viruses.
- [12:36]
B
And it's super quiet, like you don't even notice it running. Plus it has auto mode, so it adjusts throughout the day. And it tells you when to change the filter. No guesswork.
- [12:46]
C
It actually won Newsweek's readers choice award for best air purifier. Which makes sense.
- [12:52]
B
Head to airdoctorpro.com and use promo code more than to get up to 300 off today. Air Doctor comes with a 30 day money back guarantee plus a 3 year warranty and 84 value for free.
- [13:08]
C
Get this exclusive podcast only offer now at airprodoctor.com that's a I R D O C T-O-R-P-R-O.com using code Moreland. This would be a great time for me to. I look at my clock. I'm like, I got plenty of time. I got like two and a half hours, like till I gotta pick Ava and Hazel up for Dennis. And I sit there and I'm like, oh look, six. Like math six, arithmetic six. I'm like, okay, so I guess that's sixth grade. So I go through and I'm like, oh, okay. So here's this, here's that. And I was like, let's see what else they have. So I just started going through and I'm like, okay. And I'm pulling up a Becca's website, I'm pulling up bju. I'm pulling up all these different like companies and curriculum brands that Mardell has that I'm looking online and say like, what all does do I need for this one subject for a parent led homeschool math class or whatever. And so I literally sat there for two hours. I sat on the floor at Mardell on the aisle and I had all these things laid out. I should have took a picture of. Like, okay, this would complete this. I could take this workbook. I could just make copies of this for the other girls. There's two of these. Like I'm. It was like a serious, like it's what I needed. I've been like needing to do. But a lot of these things, I'm like, I have to order them and that's expensive. Like if you go one of the routes, like some of the routes, I mean I'm spending fourteen hundred dollars on a couple, a couple of books and courses. And that's not all of it. And I saved 75%. And I like, was like, I don't need to be purchasing this right now. And but I was like, I added up everything, it was like $200. And I got like math, like reading and literature and I think like science, like health science and like another part of science. I can't remember what the subject was like the topic was, but I wanted them to do health science because their need to learn health. And I was going to push that one off but I'm like, you know what, it's time, it's time for us to go through all that. So I'm super pumped up that I got basically four subjects for 200. So if you are out there looking for a great deal.
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B
Cuz they said out right now.
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C
They said like once it's out, it's once there, there's no more restocking of these right now. And so like once they're out, they're out. And there was a lot missing already. And so I kind of was like picking and choosing which was something I did not want to do. I did not want to go from like different brands. Like but I ran into two people there and I just got to talking. This lady has multiples. We got to talking about things and it's just like a whole new world of just like connecting with other moms and women on just like how do you do things in parenting and being a teacher, being mom, being them with you all the time, co op stuff. And so like I just had like, it was just like such so eye opening. It was just like a God given moment of like hey, you're solidifying this today and I've put all these in line for you. And every subject I had purchased. I was able to get everything the kids needed, what the parent, the teacher needed, all the tests, the quizzes and the, the resources for like the answer keys for all of that. So I was like, I just gotta do it. It's just like it's a great deal. So check out Mardell. I asked him, I was like, is there another Mardell around? He's like, no, not in Katie and Beaumont. But I could use a couple more workbooks for the girls. But I was super pumped up. I was like, I said for this price I'll be copying pages.
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B
Like yeah, so take down like a mental note about like, okay, next year they're gonna be in seventh grade. Like the fall.
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C
Then there was a lot missing out of the rose, but I couldn't.
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B
But I mean like think about it. Okay, so maybe February or March next year, next year, like go start looking. Waiting for the price. Drops for the.
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C
I know. So I'm super bumped up. Maybe if there's a day, I doubt it this week, if I could run out to the Katy, which is like an hour away.
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B
That one's probably bigger.
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C
It's probably bigger. But if they had the workbooks, then they don't have it. They don't have it online. They don't sell these online. You have to go in the store for them. But it just. I've been needing to go in there and just like, really put my hands and like. Because that's what I. I'm more of like, I need to see things, to understand it, to see how things are going to work. And I need to see it laid out. I need to see it in front of me. No, I can't just order it, you know. Anyway, so I had a great experience with that yesterday and so that really made my day. And I love me a good discount. Yeah, I am all about it.
- [18:00]
B
All about a deal.
- [18:01]
C
All about it. And I didn't even know. And those are. I call those, like princess shopping days. Like, you get what you want, but I didn't know it. It's kind of like when you pull up to the store, like pillow talking to get like the first parking spot, like grocery store, you get the first one closest to the door. I'm like, it's going to be a good day. I got princess parking. That's what we call it in the house. Anyway, so we're talking about today.
- [18:27]
B
So today's subject I wanted to touch on. Like, there's something over the years that we've gotten tons and tons and tons of questions about. And we never. I mean, we've kind of hit on it a little bit, like one other time in the podcast, maybe a long time ago, but about, you know, Danielle's relationship or Danielle's status with her biological father. This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth. And honestly, this one just makes sense for our house.
- [19:05]
C
Yeah. And let's be real, moms don't really ever check out. There's always something. So let's quiet those moments. They matter a lot more than people realize.
- [19:16]
B
And that's what I love about Cozy Earth. It's not just a gift. It actually feels like you're giving someone a moment to breathe. Like, Danielle has the robe and slippers. It's kind of her signal that the day is winding down or starting in
- [19:33]
C
the morning school drop off. It really is. The robe is so soft and it just feels and intentional, like something that's made to take care of you for once. Which as a mom we don't always stop to do.
- [19:45]
B
And with Mother's Day coming up, it's a really meaningful way to say thank you for all the little things that don't get noticed.
- [19:52]
C
And it's not just the robe that I have that's comfortable. It's also their cozier sheets that we have and sleep on every single night. You can try it risk free with 100 night sleep trial and it's backed by a 10 year warranty. So it's something that's actually made to last.
- [20:09]
B
So this Mother's Day, give her something that gives back. Go to cozier.com and use our code more than for 20% off.
- [20:17]
C
And if there's a survey after checkout, let them know you heard it on
- [20:21]
B
More than reality because home starts with mom.
- [20:24]
C
Woohoo. Thank you Cozy Earth for sponsoring the podcast Real Talk.
- [20:28]
B
At one point I feel like our morning routine turned into a few full on supplement routine.
- [20:33]
C
Oh yeah, like collagen, protein, greens, probiotics. I had a whole lineup on the counter and still wasn't even sure if it was all working together.
- [20:43]
B
And with everything we've got going on with six kids work life, you don't have time to overthink that stuff every single day.
- [20:52]
C
That's why we started using Momentum. It's basically one shake that replaces is 20 plus supplements in a single scoop. And it's focused on the stuff that actually matters as you get older, like energy, joint health and even mental clarity.
- [21:07]
B
I mean yeah, I noticed that it's not that jittery energy, it's just steady. Like the kind of fatigue that sleep doesn't fix. This actually helps with that and it
- [21:18]
C
actually tastes good which let's be honest, it's not always the case when it comes to to health shakes.
- [21:24]
B
Big win.
- [21:26]
C
It's just simplified everything. My mornings don't feel like a production anymore. I just make a shake and I'm good.
- [21:32]
B
So if you're tired of juggling million different supplements, go check it out.
- [21:36]
C
Go to momentum shake.com more than and you'll get a free welcome kit and a Travel Collection, a $70 value.
- [21:45]
B
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- [21:48]
C
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- [21:51]
B
You know, it's just like one of those subjects that you know Daniel, you've, you've definitely mentioned like for sure that you did not have a father growing up a dad and but it's just like one of those things. It's like you know, that's that was like Daniel's normal growing up. Right. I feel like I'm speaking for you though.
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C
Good.
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B
I don't know, it feels weird.
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C
Like I feel like, I mean I'm not going to talk about, I'm going to talk about a specific, like letting go of certain things in the past to be able to move on and like have hope and so. Yes, yes. Yeah.
- [22:34]
B
There's. I mean there's like one thing about that. It's just like, you know, that's, that's like the cards that you were dealt whenever that you can never change. I mean that's just like what life was like. And so like, you know, just like we always talk about like life with cointuplets and like oh man, like parents come up to us, like man, that must have been so hard. But to us that's like our normal and like that's all we know.
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C
And so for you that's, this is their life. Like they won't know anything different, you know.
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B
So for you life growing up without a dad because it was literally you're months old.
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C
Yeah.
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B
And so like you've never had like a biological father in your life and so that's all you know.
- [23:19]
C
Yeah.
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B
But it's created some challenges over your life.
- [23:22]
C
Yeah, I'm sure it has.
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B
Without even, I mean it's, I mean for sure. I mean kind of a lot of
- [23:29]
C
what I think I'm going to talk
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B
about today, a father figure or you know, a dad figure in your life is definitely going to affect like not having one in your life is going to affect you in some way and it's always going to be in a negative way because like that's what family and that's what God designed is, you know, a home with a mom and a dad. And you know, there's specific roles of each play, motherly and fatherly roles in your life that play and mold you to who you are. And so whenever there's absence there, you know there's going to be some sort of divide or some sort of hurt
- [24:06]
C
or non understanding of situations and a lot of things that take place in your life. You know, growing up like that, I didn't know any different.
- [24:19]
B
Yeah.
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C
You know, so you know, so today's we're just gonna topic of just like stop looking back. Finding love and peace and identity in Jesus. So this, on this topic, this all was like something that resonated with me yesterday and I felt like led to share about this because it just became so clear to me. Like I feel like other women and other People need to hear this. And even so, as a dad or as a spouse to, you know, these women listening, or if you're a male figure listening, if you're a dad, what not like, just maybe having some understanding about how your wife might have gone through things or feel about things. But we're not going to stay there. The goal here is to press on. So Philippians 3:13 talks about, like, forgetting what is behind and pressing on towards the goal. And so you might not know what that goal is. But I remember years ago this verse set heavy with me because I was just like, why do we. Why do we just dwell on. Why do we. Why do we dwell on things that happened and things that happened negative, like, why do we. Why do we do that? Why do we keep looking back on all the hurts or keep looking back on all the things that hurt us or weren't good or were challenging and all things when there's so much hope, if we can continue to look forward.
- [25:49]
B
Yeah, but I think, like, human nature, I mean, it's hard to, like, it's hard to forget. It's hard to not see, like, just with people in your life, things that happen in your life. And, you know, you may see like a relationship or a friend that, you know, may have had some either interaction or, you know, an experience with like, their father or something like that. And, you know, and it always, like, comes back to like, huh, Like, I never had that. Or, you know, I feel like, man, that it's so hard to like, ever, like, get fully away from that because there's so many things in our lives that pulls us back to that, you
- [26:27]
C
know, but the concept is like, have it, receive it, and say, okay, this, I didn't have that. This is what it is. And then you have to capture those thoughts and capture those things in your head and say, no, and change your head going forward and change your mind and say, God does love me. I mean, this was the. It's the whole turning point of, like, what, you know, the father, what the father means? What does love mean? And. But a big part that I know a lot of my women friends, like, we talk about is just like taking your thoughts captive. Like, you've got to learn to identify these negative things and take. Captured. Take those thoughts captured and speak positive into your own life. Like us. Everybody needs to do this. Like, mental health, mental clarity, like, it's. It is such a big part of all the things that we do. But taking. Capture those thoughts and turning them to something good doesn't mean that Those thoughts will ever go away. But you can train your brain to say, it's not gonna hurt me anymore. I'm going to speak truth in what God says is right. And. And it's going to all turn into love and hope and going forward. Not stepping back into the past to kind of give the little backstory is, you know, I didn't grow up with a biological father. I definitely had, like, father figures in. In a role of that. Some good, some not so good, you know, And I don't know what to compare that to versus seeing Adam be a dad to our kids.
- [28:09]
B
So.
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C
Because being a. Don't want to say this wrong. I'll just say even though I had people step into placement of a father figure or some other form of help or security or parenting or like, setting boundaries in certain situations or in the presence of those are. They were great things. But it did not explain to me what a father was because in my world growing up, I didn't have that. It was just temporary. This. This male figure in our lives for X number of years was temporary. It wasn't anyone who, you know, adopted me in ever. It would. This was my grandpa, who was my grandpa. Who was the closest thing of a father to me.
- [29:07]
B
That's probably the most, like, constant in your life was your grandf.
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C
Right.
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B
But every. Every other grandfather and some uncles. Yeah, yeah. But then, like, every other figure, like, that was almost like a revolving door.
- [29:22]
C
Yeah. Yeah. And. And it's hard to kind of, like, put into concept. Like, you know, my grandfather was. Was the closest thing to a father of raising me. However, I still received him as my grandfather. Like, he still. He still was, Pops. He still was. That's what he called him. He still wasn't, I don't think, like, you know, as strict or as setting as big of boundaries or whatever as a father would, as I see Adam do for our kids, because he was still my grandpa. He still was fun, Pops. Like, he's still, like. It's just very different, you know? So I struggled with understanding, and I didn't. I didn't know. And this all became a struggle. More so a struggle whenever I realized, like, just becoming more spiritual and trying to identify, like, what the gospel meant and who God the Father was. So God. As Christians, we believe in the Trinity, like God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. And I understood what God the Son was and the Holy Spirit because I would feel the Holy Spirit, But God the Father, it just. It was so hard because us in our human minds want to put A person in place of that. And I just really didn't have a clear, like, good response to that because it was so unknown to me. I didn't. I couldn't visualize that. And I didn't feel that there was, like, a deep love in that placement. Did my grandpa love me? Absolutely. Did I ever not feel loved? Never. Like, I felt loved. I felt loved by my family, by my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents, who. And my mom, like, at times, like, who helped raise us. But the. The. When I understood what love was, I didn't feel that was a father's love because I didn't know what that meant. Okay, so love to me back then was. It was conditional. Like, you had to earn it. Like, if you. If there wasn't real affection in the family. We didn't really. Honestly, we never really said the words, I love you. And love just felt like it was based on performance, like a reward, like, and it was never really spoken. Like, I think I can speak on this today because I understand what it is to love a daughter, love a child, love a husband, love a friend, and. And to have received God the Father's love and fully understanding, like, who is God the Father? I mean, this was a reckoning moment in my, like, walk, like, in a spiritual encounter, where the Holy Spirit just totally clarified to me your version of what you think a father is, is not who God the Father is. And it was so evident to me that the meaning of love was God. What is love? God is love. And that, to me, was God the Father loves me just as much as he loves Jesus. And he sent Jesus to die in my replacement in all of my faults, all of my failures, all of my sin, all of the things. And, like, he loves me that much. And so I just. This is one of those pivotal moments in my walk where I. I just fully understood how much the Father loved me. And I've never been abandoned. I've never been, like, pushed aside. I've always been enough. And all those questioning things of, like, that started to, like, come to surface. I have learned to just, like, squash them and say, no, that is a lie from the enemy. God is enough. I am enough, and he loves me more than. And that's kind of like what has been settling in with me is that, like, I think others need to hear this. That, like, I know there's so many of us that have walked in, like, broken homes, and, you know, I may have not been able to speak on this years ago or last week, I don't know, but I do feel like I'm needing to say if you experience what I've experienced in some capacity of a father, this upbringing, this does not mean that you are not worthy of God the Father's love. He is the creator. He is, he is all things and he is love. And
- [34:26]
B
yeah, because I think before you fully understood that there was like always a lot of tension with us on expectations. My role and you never really had like this.
- [34:40]
C
I never knew how to explain it.
- [34:42]
B
Understanding of what, what that father role was.
- [34:46]
C
And yeah, I mean, remember whenever, I mean we're dating and I don't know if we've ever talked about this, like when we were dating and then especially when we get engaged and we know we're doing life together forever and like, you know, his parents are becoming my parents too in this like adopted marriage way. And I would never forget, like, you know, your parents would use I love you frequently and, and to me at those years, like it was weird, it felt awkward. I felt like, what are you talking about? Like, I just felt like it may have just seemed like words. There wasn't a feeling behind it. Because I didn't do anything for you to love me. Right. That's because that was my understanding of
- [35:30]
B
like what love was and because you didn't really receive that.
- [35:34]
C
Yeah.
- [35:36]
B
In that capacity as a child and stuff like that. In that capacity.
- [35:40]
C
And I remember when your dad is actually like on he had said I love you multiple times for. But I remember on our wedding day when he had said that it was just one of those like, one of those like door opening moments too that like man, he will forever be this father figure too and he will be grandfather to our kids. And just like Pops was to me. And it just was. It's like these moments that I didn't know I needed, but God knew I needed them for clarity in whatever aspect to understand his love for me. And you know, I was able to like transform like what this brokenness was to like feeling like I belong and you know, unworthiness to like being replaced with like identity and the fear been just replaced with peace. And these are things that like I feel like others need to hear. Like if you can stop your thoughts, take those captive and trans, transfer them into positive and saying and look to God and say like God, this hurts me. I suffer with this. And this happened in my past one. He already knows. He already knows these things. He already knows you've walked through them. So just speak into him and speak to him like you're speaking to a friend. He already knows. He's waiting for you to listen. He's waiting to listen to. You have to like take that awkward like thought process forward and say cuz a lot of us in that time, like you don't understand like the spiritual realm versus like the human realm. Our eyes can only see so much. And I actually heard. Wait, what? He said this at church about the wind, like explaining like the Holy Spirit and like about the wind. Like you can't see it but you can see the change that it does. It was at church, right?
- [37:49]
B
Well Billy Graham has a famous sermon about that.
- [37:52]
C
Oh really? Well I know that he talks about at church. So I was like that was such a great like.
- [37:57]
B
But yeah, I mean a lot of like a lot of pastors have like spoke on this. Like you can't, you can't see the wind but you see the effects of the wind.
- [38:05]
C
Same, same as like your spiritual life in the Holy Spirit. Like you can't necessarily see what it's doing, but you can. People around you can see the changes of your life that you are doing and making. And, and I just, I like, I love that and maybe I've heard it before and clearly you have before and it wasn't a big deal as on Sunday, but it was eye opening to me. I was like I love that analogy, it's so good. But you know, all through like sorry, I just felt like there's people out there that have felt broken, that need to turn to peace, that need to find peace with things. And maybe it's not just fatherless life that you've lived or experienced. It could be anything because you know the Lord is close to the broken heartedness. And I think I shared this on my stories last week or whatever. But you know, the truth is God is love. It's not performance based. We don't have to earn it and it's never going to be withdrawn from us. Like God loves you and there's nothing that you can do to earn it. And that was huge to me because you know, growing up and not having this understanding of love in certain situations and not receiving it or feeling it at times I felt loved in a way of you had to earn it
- [39:34]
B
or it was reciprocal.
- [39:35]
C
Yeah, it's like you must had you had to do to receive, you know. And I think still to this day that's probably something a lot of people and. And I would too. It's like a this for that type of relationship that you can have over certain things. But it's not right because love is Love. And God is love. And I don't need to receive anything from you, God the Father as a reward. I don't have to do anything. You know, this doesn't mean that I can do anything. And because there's certain things that we are called to not do and there are certain things that your heart will start to change because the Holy Spirit works within you so that you are going to change the way that you do things and to change the way that your thought processing is. And all to say is that when I really understood who God the Father was as love and then that God is love, there's nothing that can change that and nothing that can compare to that. It was just a breaking day, breaking like ceremony to me. Like, I was just like, it just opened my eyes to like, I can be loved. I've come from brokenness, I've come from distraction, I've come from messes. I've made poor decisions like all these things. But God has never not loved me. And he is the same for you. And if you can let go of those walls. And you know, to me at that time it was really just confessing and just saying like, I, I am sorry, I've never understood this and you know, sharing with a friend and just like I'm sharing about hearing about Wind analogy now. I'm like, yeah, who doesn't know that I'm like me? I didn't realize it, you know, but. But it's so healing to ourselves to be able to talk about it. So I know I shared something, you know, about on my stories last week. And I was like having. And I said, I want you to like, tell me, like send me a message and tell me like, did you do this? Did you have quiet time? Like, did you have a response to this? Like, and I've been receiving just messages with just so many positive encounters of like, when I speak, it's not me speaking, it is literally like the Lord using me as a vessel to speak something into you. And I'm not a pastor. I'm not like all these things. Like, it's just me. And like today like I just felt like he was saying, like, you need to share this, you need to share this. And I'm just want to be the vessel to help others. Just like there's been people that have stepped in my life that have, you know, led me along the way and Adam being a key part of that, like leading me closer to Jesus. And it's not always perfect, so don't get me wrong. And we still have to capture those thoughts when we have a suffering day of like, I'm not enough and I need to do better and you're not worthy of this. And those are just lies. So you have to learn, like, those are lies. That is not how God feels about you. That is the enemy trying to take over your thoughts and tell you that you're not good enough. And so I just wanted to just really this has wrestled with me since yesterday and I just, you know, what is he saying? Like John 14:27, Peace, I leave with you, my peace I give you. Do not let your hearts be troubled. So in those, in those situations of when we are overworked or we're over stressed or we're over bogged down, or we're feeling those, you know, low days and not good enough. Like, God is peace. Like, he can overcome you with the peace and change you just like that. He can also change your, change you in a moment and it be the work, like, it's going to be a working process for you to adapt to. How do I, like I said, like, I change the way that my heart feels about certain people. Like, I can go up to someone and hug someone, like, hello, I'm not a hugger and I've never been like that. And. But there's just something that the Holy Spirit just does and it dwells in you. Like you start to change and it's not anything I think that you can do upon yourself. It is allowing the Holy Spirit to come in and, and, and receive that. Like, receive his love and receive his peace and receive the Holy Spirit so that your life can be transformed for seeking hope and seeing hope and stop dwelling on what's settled in the past.
- [44:26]
B
That's good. I mean, like going back to like God's love. And you know, like, you always, you know, like earthly people, like, we always want to put like stipulations on that, like, and, and also like internalize and like, almost like put our own shame of like maybe things that we've done or, you know, I hear that a lot from people. Like, but I've, but I've done this and this and this in my life. Like, how could God love me? You know? But we believe that like what the Bible says is true and God does not put any stipulations on who he loves and who he chooses not to love. I mean, it says right Here in Romans 8, no power in the sky above or the earth below. Indeed, nothing, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. So nothing on earth, nothing that we could do, nothing that we've done in our life, no shame that we put on ourselves? No. No. Oh, I messed up big here. And therefore it's going to separate me from God's love or God has some sort of shame or looks down on me for this. It says in the Bible, nothing, nothing is going to separate you. Just like what we say with our kids. Like, nothing you could ever do is going to earn me to the ability to love you anymore. And nothing that you could do, good or bad, is going to make me love you any less. Like God. God is love. And God pours his love on us and there's nothing that we can do to. To remove that. He has that fatherly love on us. And that'll never go away. And that gives us confidence, that gives us peace in moving forward and. And to put the past of what. Whatever we may have done in our life behind us, because we know that no matter what, he loves us anyway and he wants a relationship with us anyway.
- [46:39]
C
Yeah. And I remember, you know, when I became a parent, when I became a mom with Blake as our first. This was one of those pivotal life moments, too. Just one. That type of love is something you can't explain. You just can't explain. How can I instantly love something that I didn't even know what this type of love was? And then as I remember approaching those last. Those next couple weeks, like coming home with Blake and like, having like, getting in a routine or whatever and just feeling. Feeling kind of like hurt for myself that I don't know if I ever felt or received this type of love from my own mother. And once again, I'm not bashing anybody. I'm just explaining, sharing my own story. And it was hard for me to have this overwhelming sense of love so big that I can't explain for this child. But then to say, I don't know if I ever felt loved like this by my own mother, and then to. Then look at Adam with this child that I love so much, and I see her in her father's arms, and I would look at that and say, I never received that type of love either. So those. The understanding love was very, very challenging in my whole life. And so to tell you that if you feel unloved today, you are not. You are not. Because God loves you. God loves you, and we do not need to dwell on what was back then. I'm not dwelling on the love that I didn't have growing up anymore. I mean, I say that to say it here, but this has been years ago because I know God loves me. And when that became evident to me, my life changed drastically. There was a sense of peace and something inside you that just is like how I feel about Blake on that very first instance, how I feel about every single one of our girls. It's the same love, but for this child. And that's how God feels about us. You are his child. Just as Blake is my child. Abel is my child. Olivia, Hazel, Riley and Parker Kate, you know, it's. It helped me identify the depthness of love. But to know that God's love is that much bigger and to understand that, like God loves my daughters more than I can love them. How. How ain't nobody loving them more than I love them, you know, but he does. And it's such a beautiful. These. These pivotal moments in my life that have opened my eyes to understanding something. But then it's so much greater than because of God, you know, and so I hope that anyone who's listening to this is that, you know, has a little more view on like what love was to me not growing up with a father and how I can view differently. How you can change those thought processing to suffering and dwelling on the past to saying, no, no more, no more. Jeremiah 29 says, like, For God, for I know the plans I have for you, and it's the plans to give you hope and a future. He knows your future. Seek him for hope, seek him for peace. And your world will be forever changed. So there's healing, there's peace, and there's a life with Jesus that you, anyone can have. And so I just hope whoever needed to hear this that it has wrecked your world and it's caused a pivotal moment in your. In your. In your day that in your walk and that you're gonna receive this and say, I agree and I'm not going to do it anymore. And I'm gonna open up my Bible and I'm going to seek and I'm gonna just pray. I'm just gonna pray right now that God speak to these people that are listening and touch their lives, touch their hearts and, and let them come to you with their hands open and teach them your loving ways and to capture their hearts and. And to turn them from selfish ways and to just want to do life with you and change the world. And that is like the hope of the world that I have for everybody is like, let's choose to do differently and stop dwelling on the past. And to change what our ways were and to go forward in hope security found in Jesus.
- [51:45]
B
Amen.
- [51:47]
C
Mic drop. So great. Thanks for listening. I hope this wasn't too preachy. Preachy? It just I felt overwhelmed by this and yesterday and I was like, I need to talk about this. And I have. Thank you for allowing me to have this microphone to share it with because I know that not everyone does. Not everyone has a level of ears that can hear something that we say and everyone can have a microphone. And every story is its own testimony. And I believe in sharing a story and so really trying to get on a form where we can actually start sharing other people's stories and getting people on the podcast and stuff because we believe that and we talk about that all the time, sharing stories and stuff. So today just thank you for listening and I. And I'm praying that like God's calling more ears to listen to this episode today so that he can touch your lives too. So just pray we can continue to be a vessel for his works.
- [52:50]
B
So thank you guys for tuning in to episode 80 80. Woohoo. More than reality podcast.
- [52:56]
C
Peace out guys.
- [52:57]
B
Next one. We love you guys. It.