EP 91 - Family Over Everything: How the Busbys Keep 6 Girls Close

Summary

More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby
EP 91: Family Over Everything—How the Busbys Keep 6 Girls Close
Date: July 16, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Adam and Danielle Busby open up about the ongoing adventure of raising six daughters—five of whom are America’s first all-female quintuplets. With their trademark candidness and humor, the Busbys reflect on the challenges and blessings of fostering a strong, close-knit family where each girl feels valued—both as an individual and as part of the team. The conversation explores whether sibling closeness happens naturally or is something intentionally cultivated, the value of family traditions, unique dynamics with multiples, and practical tips for building a “family over everything” culture that hopefully lasts into adulthood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Essence of “Home”

• Defining Home: Danielle and Adam reminisce about what made “home” for them as kids—not the physical house, but the experience of togetherness, especially big family meals and shared moments.
  • Danielle: “Home was Moms and Pop’s house … that’s where we went after school, had our dinners, played with cousins. Home is doing things with the people you’re being raised with.” [07:17]
  • Adam: “Every evening… we always sat down around the table…that was just the constant.” [06:27]
• Creating That At Home: The Busbys deliberately try to recreate those memories by making their home welcoming for their girls and friends (“I love being that house...that’s what home is.” —Danielle [05:51]).

2. Parenting with Purpose: Building Sibling Bonds

• Intentionality vs. Nature: The hosts deeply consider if siblings naturally become close or if parents actively shape that closeness.
  • Danielle: “Do siblings naturally become close, or do parents intentionally have to build that culture?” [03:40]
  • Adam: “I would say it was probably intentionally built by parents… fostering together family moments on a regular basis… that’s gonna encourage closeness.” [20:09]
• Family Rhythms: They share practical examples—such as sacred family dinners, movie nights, setting clear boundaries for friend time vs. family time, and weekly “rhythms” that anchor their girls in partnership.
  • “On weekly rhythms … dinner time, friends have to go home because it’s family time.” —Adam [24:56]

3. Managing Big Personalities in a Large Family

• Six Daughters, Six Opinions: With both singletons and multiples, every decision comes with six different perspectives. Danielle notes, “Every single day it’s six opinions across any question…” [16:23]
• Quintuplet Dynamics: Danielle observes the nuances, like Ava and Olivia’s twin-like bond and how some of the quints are more alike than others—sometimes even dressing identically without planning. [17:15–18:24]
• Individuality Within Multiples: “They are all different… You can’t always look at your kids and say it’s because you’re a multiple. That’s a gift, but also you’re five individuals.” —Danielle [16:57]

4. Nurturing Unity Amidst Differences

• Addressing Competition & Conflict: The Busbys strive to keep competition healthy—limited to games, not comparisons of skills or appearances, especially as their daughters develop at different paces and with unique challenges (e.g., dyslexia).
  • “Our team in our house is Busby team… after the game’s over, it’s over… everyone is celebrated.” —Danielle [36:33]
• Resolving Fights: They share how conflict is inevitable (“families are not gonna not have conflict” —Danielle [43:43]), but rapid resolution is key.
  • Simple family rule: “Quickly resolve it. Apologize and forgive… and you gotta hug each other. And it ain’t no side hug.” —Danielle [41:30]
  • Adam recounts a recent sibling spat and how they made the girls properly apologize and hug [42:00–42:37]

5. The Role of Parents in Cultivating “Family Over Everything”

• Foundational Lessons: Parents are responsible for continually reinforcing the priority of family—teaching the girls to “always vouch for your sisters,” even when peer dynamics are challenging [28:39].
  • Adam: “No matter what happens in life, your sisters are always going to be there.” [26:39]
  • Danielle: “Your sister is your sister. That’s a gift from God, and you will remain on her team always.” [26:20]
• Intentional Boundaries: Devices, friend time, and solo pursuits are kept in balance with required family time to pull everyone back together (“You have to put a hard line…now it’s family time… you gotta force certain kids out of their shell” —Adam [23:23])

6. Looking Toward the Future

• Long-Term Family Culture: The hope is for all six girls to want to come back home, stay close, and carry forward the values instilled in them.
  • “Our greatest goal isn’t just to raise good kids. It’s to build that family culture to make them want to come back home.” —Danielle [14:09]
  • Adam: “That’s the biggest inheritance you can leave your kids… something they’ll always have, and that’s each other.” [44:13]

7. Practical Encouragements for Listeners

• Start Small, Build Big: For parents hoping to create a tighter family unit, the Busbys recommend starting with family dinners and gradually adding more shared experiences.
  • “Start with family dinner…just getting around the table together…encouraging family rhythms of togetherness.” —Adam [45:27]
• Challenge for the Week: Danielle encourages listeners to pick one night for a family dinner, focus on a conversation prompt (“What was your favorite thing about today?”), and begin those small steps toward family closeness. [46:19]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Home is doing things with the people you’re being raised with…having meals together…a house that’s welcoming.” —Danielle [07:38]
• “You always vouch for your sisters. You always prioritize your sister’s feelings in every situation.” —Adam [28:39]
• “Our girls…they’re built-in little best friends.” —Adam [10:57]
• “No matter what, family is more important than your friends, and the relationship with your sisters is way more valuable.” —Adam [26:39]
• “You want those values stuck in their heads when they’re not with you, so they’ll make the right decisions.” —Danielle [34:46]
• “Families are not gonna, you know, not have conflict. But…families do come together.” —Danielle [43:43]
• “Family over everything.” —Adam [44:41]
• “Romans 12:10 says: Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” —Danielle [46:19]

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Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:29–02:44: Real-life Busby chaos—managing daily life and the joys/frustrations of a full house
• 03:40–09:58: Defining “home” and family memories from their childhoods
• 16:23–19:49: Individuality in multiples, sibling bonds, and daily parenting challenges
• 20:09–24:55: Intentional family rhythms, managing ages, and promoting togetherness
• 25:31–29:07: Handling competitiveness, loyalty among sisters, real-life teaching moments
• 34:46–36:34: Building values that endure, encouraging healthy competition but unity
• 41:30–43:43: Conflict resolution skills and the “hug it out” approach
• 44:13–46:19: The greatest inheritance: each other, and steps to begin building a close family culture
• 46:19–47:59: Weekly challenge for families and the value of small consistent traditions

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Final Takeaways

Adam and Danielle emphasize that sibling closeness, family culture, and lifelong bonds aren’t left to chance—they are the fruit of persistent, mindful effort, family rituals, and values hammered in through everyday moments. While chaos, competition, and conflict are inevitable in a big family, so too is the ability to heal and reconnect—if the foundation is strong. Their candid stories, practical advice, and warmth offer not just a window into the Busby household, but inspiration for anyone hoping to foster stronger family ties.

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“Family over everything.”
—The Busbys

Transcript

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[Adam Busby]

here.

[Danielle Busby]

Here's the question. Do siblings naturally become close or do parents intentionally have to build that culture? Do your. Do your kids still like each other? Do they want to hang out together? Do they want to live by each other? Do they want to live on the same street? Do they want to live in the same city? And those are the things that I'm thinking about as we are raising six girls.

[Adam Busby]

That's the biggest inheritance you can leave your kids is it's not possessions or things or whatever. It's something that they'll always have and that's each other.

[Podcast Host (Ad)]

This is More Than Reality podcast, where we dive into all things faith, family and marriage and share that there is so much more than the reality that you see on the surface. Surface. Welcome to More Than Reality with Adam and Danielle Busby.

[Adam Busby]

Welcome, welcome. Hello to episode 91 of more than Reality Podcast. And we're sitting in the studio on a rainy.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah, it actually is good just to

[Adam Busby]

be like Sunday afternoon. Like, hopefully the. The sound of thunder doesn't continue to just keep echoing in this room. I don't know if you guys will hear it or not, but it's there. It's raining outside, so it makes me

[Danielle Busby]

just want to like go cuddle up and watch TV or watch a movie.

[Adam Busby]

It's. It's one of those, like, it's like a lazy Sunday and we're filming on

[Danielle Busby]

Sunday and so it's like you just want to chill and do nothing, but we don't got time to do nothing. It's like trying to get some podcasts in, packing up a house, keep keeping kids constantly entertained.

[Adam Busby]

We got a birthday party this evening,

[Danielle Busby]

but we still have to manage the everyday lives. Like, what's on the schedule? We got a birthday party. We still have loads of laundry.

[Adam Busby]

I have to go shoot.

[Danielle Busby]

The dishwasher broke again. Like, oh, you have a photo shoot. You got to do this.

[Adam Busby]

Hopefully this rain goes away. Because I'm supposed to be shooting out on the.

[Danielle Busby]

I think it's supposed to clear up like after, after 5pm but yeah, we're

[Adam Busby]

meeting at 5:30, hopefully it's gone.

[Danielle Busby]

That's what time the birthday party is at 5. So it's just like, it's so hard to keep up with, you know, just even on a Sunday, like just the house needs, the family needs on top of like, of like the change that is happening and the go, go, go of like having to do like I feel like I can't shut my mind off or my brain down and like I haven't been able to sleep because there's constantly just so much going on. And I think a lot of it is like my mind can't rest because the kids are constantly home. And you know, I love, I, I love summer. I love having a home and I love when friends are just popping in and out and like all that. I love being a house. That's like, you say that as a

[Adam Busby]

mom who just decided to homeschool. I can't do anything because the kids are always.

[Danielle Busby]

But, but it's like a double edged sword in a sense. It's like I love, I love. God has affirmed in me that I love having my kids. Like, I love having my family around. Which is a great opening question for today and going into the topic of today because like I remember when we were in Arizona, it was like one of these things like made me more assured with like the life coming of homeschooling and having the kids around is that like I feel more life, I feel more alive when the kids are around. Not saying that they need to be around 24,7 like we are these days with the summer and stuff. But that is what's to come in a sense. Like I, I enjoy it because it's always constant, I guess. And it's always like, it's like the life that I love, like a go, go, go. So you're constantly, always stimulated. But I am a lot older than I was when they were babies. I mean they're 11 now. I'm not the same energy and same person in my 40s that I was at 37 or whatever, 35, whatever, however old I was, you know, it's very different.

[Adam Busby]

Plus they're just a lot more loud. I mean. Well, yeah, they can be that for sure. Three of them for sure, they've always been loud, but half of them are. But they're a lot more self sufficient, which makes it, which makes it a lot easier too. Like as we get older, as we, our energy levels go down, our energy

[Danielle Busby]

goes down, their energy goes up, but

[Adam Busby]

also they're just more self sufficient. So like they just they can entertain themselves. That's why I'm like, really looking forward to this new house because will have like a huge backyard again, a pool again, like all these things where, you know, they can just.

[Danielle Busby]

You don't have to necessarily be. And this house doesn't offer that for us because there's like, barely. I mean, we're playing on their gymnastics mat, slip and slide, which is actually works out great. But it's like they don't have that outdoor like. Like they've grown up in. And so this.

[Adam Busby]

So like all the neighborhood kids come over and then they just like in

[Danielle Busby]

the house and then it's like, it's great, it's fine. But I still get overwhelmed with just clutter and mess, which is what I. That's always what like, gets in me. I love having kids over and I love being. I love being that house. Like, no matter what. I've always wanted that. That is something that I was going to bring up as a question was like, when you were growing up, what is something that reminded you of home? Like, as you look back and you're like, what, what? What is it that made home feel like home?

[Adam Busby]

Mom and Dad's cooking, like, the meals. Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

I definitely feel that when we go

[Adam Busby]

every evening, like, we always sat down around the table, like shortly after dad got home from work. And like, that was just the constant. And it was like a given every single evening.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

So just like, I don't know, the kitchen and the smell and just being with family.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah, I agree with that. And it's even funny today when we go back to Lake Charles and we're like, we're gonna go to Nana Papa's house. What did the quints say? Oh, my God, I can't wait to have rice and gravy. I can't wait to like, they like, they reference that back to like, that's where like a home is, you know, like Nana and Papa's house. It's the food. It's that quality time. It's that it's to the togetherness. Right. And that's what I would say too for. For myself is like, I didn't reference home being like the apartment I grew up in or like, once we finally got a house, like, that didn't feel like home because that's not where we. That's not where we hung out. That's not where we did life. Like, we went there, we slept in our beds. You know, I'd say most nights, starting like fifth grade or whatever, like, that was our house. But it wasn't our home. You know, home was moms and pops's house where I grew up. Like, that's where we went after school. That's where, you know, we had all of our dinners and meals, and we played with our cousins, and we were always outside. We learned to ride our bike there. That's home. Like, doing things with the people that you're being raised with, like your siblings, you know, I only know life with siblings, and so I don't. I can't imagine a life being a singleton, and. Because my world has always been my sisters and cousins, like, always a group of kids around, you know, and that's how I feel. Like, when we look at, like, raising our kids, that's home. Like, being with your siblings, having meals together, being in a house that's welcoming for people to come in and out of a place where, you know, kids want to come and play outside or play inside. Like, that's what home is.

[Adam Busby]

Right?

[Danielle Busby]

You agree? Yeah, but as we get older, like, we were just saying, like, our energy as parents changes and our kids energy changes, too. So we're kind of like on this pendulum, right? Like, hey, we're going down and you're going up. But I think. I think just raising kids, it's kind of the topic of conversation is like a. Kind of like a parenting episode of, like. But our perspective on, you know, those listening, whether you have siblings or you're raising kids, more than a singleton, you know, what. What is it that. What. What is the importance of your family goals? Like, what. What are you doing? Are you. Are you. Are you wanting to raise kids that know what family is? And, like, what does that look like together for them? Like, or, like, if you were to look back, are you to look forward in 30 years and say, what. What is it that your kids call home?

[Adam Busby]

When.

[Danielle Busby]

What is it that they take away from how you raised them, what you did for them? And what are those values? Do your kids still like each other? Do they want to hang out together? Do they want to, you know, live by each other? Do they want to live on the same street? Do they want to live in the same city? And, like, those are the things that I'm thinking about as we are raising six girls.

[Adam Busby]

You know what's funny? We spend the last couple weeks traveling, and as soon as we got back home, we both realized how much better we felt. Between the pollen, different environments, and everything we've dealt with after our mold situation, we've become pretty serious about the air our family breathes.

[Danielle Busby]

That's why Air Doctor is the only air purifier we use throughout our home. I love that it whispers quiet, runs on auto mode, and even reminds us when it's time to change the filter.

[Adam Busby]

Plus, its powerful three stage filtration captures dust, pollen, mold, spores, pet dander, odors, bacteria, viruses and even particles about 100 times smaller than what typical air purifiers can remove. It's honestly giving us a lot of peace of mind, especially with six girls in the house. And it even won Newsweek Readers Choice awards for best air purifier. Head to airdrperro.com and use promo code more than to get $250 off select Air Doctor air purifiers, including the 3500, 4000 and 5500 models. We're so confident you'll love Air Doctor that every purchase is backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. This is an exclusive podcast only offer available [e-mail] that's a I R D O C T O r p r o.com using promo code More thank you Air Doctor for sponsoring this episode. I know, I mean like there's no like no greater joy like whenever because my office is up here like in the mix of all the girls rooms and like hearing, you know, just right outside the door, like hearing them play together and laughing at each other and like, and just goofing off and being silly and I'm like, man, like my kids actually like enjoy each other. Yeah. They're most of their siblings and they get on each other's nerves and they fight every now and then or. But I mean for the most part they're just like built in little best friends that are just always doing something together. Always. Like you know, if it's just two or three or all five of the quints like pairing up and then like Blake will come down and you know, whenever Blake wants to like engage and play with the queens, like they all just, they all crave that and they will all want to be doing what she's doing or be just like her and, and all these things. And you know, and so it's just, you know, you think of, yeah, as a parent, you look forward to the future and you know, how do you cultivate that? So you know, whenever they're all grown up, they're in high school, they move, you know, go into college if they want to go to college, they move away. But that they all want to come back and then. Yeah, but also like the goal is not. Wait just a second but just as a parent, that feeling of your kids, like, constantly doing things with each other in their adulthood. Like, and they constantly want to stay close, and they want to stay around each other and stuff. Like, I mean, obviously, selfishly for us, we want our kids to stay close to our home and. And to make their roots in the hometown. That may not be in the cards for us, but, you know, and plant their roots in the town that we live. So they're all, like, right around each other. They all still do life with each other, and then they all come back home.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And, you know, I would love to have a weekly rhythm of, like, seeing all my kids every week, even after, like, into adulthood.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. Yeah. And so I think, like, our greatest goal isn't just to raise, like, good kids. It's to build that family culture to make them want to come back home. And I think that we have said that multiple times. Like, we. We want to raise this family to want to remain close with their family. And so how do you do that? How do. Like, it's. It's hard because in my world, growing up with my two sisters and being close with them and still doing life with them, yeah, it does look very different, because we're in the thick of raising our own families and our kids, but, like, we still do things together and want to be together and do our big family things together. But also, like, tomorrow I'm just going to have lunch with my sisters. It's like, it's. It's. We still crave that. We still desire to want to be with each other, and it's like, that is something that, like, we want our girls to want to do the rest of their life, you know, so it's. It's. It's challenging in. In the world of Busbee, because, yes, we are raising, you know, Blake and her quintuplet sisters, but it's not just about raising quint. We're. We're raising six young women. You know, we're raising six girls. Yes, five of them are quintuplets, but. But they're. They're all different. They're five individual humans, and it's. It's hard. I mean, we have no perfect kid. We've got lots of different personalities, lots of different highs and lows between each, you know, character of, like, what is it that you enjoy? And so parenting multiple kids is a challenge in itself, you know, whether they're multiple, meaning, quintuplets, twins, triplets, or not. And I think this is just, like, a insightful conversation, because I'VE actually been having this conversation with other mom friends just about, you know, especially ones that have multiples too, because I, I can relate to that. And it is, it is a bit different. But you can't always look at your kids and saying it's because you're a multiple. That is a, that, that's a gift that you've been giving you being a multiple and having that person, a like minded, like right next to you all through life of the same pace, at the same, you know, steps going forward. Like you always have that companion and that's a beautiful gift that God's given you. But also you're also five individuals that, you know, this one doesn't like the same as that one, she doesn't want to dress the same as that one, she doesn't want to eat the same as that one. And every single day it's a six opinions across any question we might have.

[Adam Busby]

And then you have Ava and Olivia that just accidentally dressed identically almost every single day.

[Danielle Busby]

Side note, sidetracked.

[Adam Busby]

Y' all both walk down and they're like, oh, we're wearing the same thing.

[Danielle Busby]

It is, it's so crazy because it literally happens so often these days and they don't know it until someone points it out. And I make jokes about it like, oh my God, look at y', all, y' all.

[Adam Busby]

Justice. And they're totally oblivious to it because

[Danielle Busby]

one of them, one of them like, let's just say like black shorts and a white T shirt, but yet someone has a hoodie on, like a red hoodie. And then cuz she was cold, you know, hanging out upstairs and then she takes her hoodie off and we leave to go to friend's house, go to dinner or whatever. And we're like, someone will say, y' all are wearing the same thing. And I love it because they have gone all day not realizing, like they literally have the same exact not color, the same shirt and the same shorts.

[Adam Busby]

But as a parent, whenever you like pull out their clothes and line up and make them wear the same thing on, like if it's a special occasion or something. And then they complain about it, but then every other day they'll just do it on their own.

[Danielle Busby]

You have no idea how often you do it when. Because them too, with their identicalness within the mix, like they don't realize how much they really are alike and think alike versus the other three quintuplets.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

So it's just, it's an interesting world, guys. It's a very interesting perspective and view that we live. And to say that you see a difference in identicals amongst the fraternals, it's so, like, it is very different. It's different. And we also have the view of a daughter not being a multiple, and which is a reflection of a lot of my life, because I was not the multiple, because my sisters are fraternal twins. They're fraternal, but they're a lot alike too. But so very different. But yet I'm not the multiple. And so, like, the view here, like, if someone could help me, like, depict all these things, I could formulate something really beautiful. I think I just need help. So here is the thing here. Here's the question. Do siblings. Do siblings naturally become close, or do parents intentionally have to build that culture?

[Adam Busby]

It's like a nature versus nurture. I mean, I kind of would love

[Danielle Busby]

your answer because you were. You grew up as boy with two siblings and two girls, and I grew up with just girl, girl, girls, you know?

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

So how do you answer that? Do you think it was naturally you become close, or was it, like, intentionally built from your parents?

[Adam Busby]

I would say it was probably intentionally built by parents. I mean, whenever you're fostering. Whenever you're fostering together family moments on a regular basis, like, that's gonna encourage, like, closeness and togetherness and just like, you know, form these family rhythms and family habits that carry on, you know, just like what we do. You know, we try to make dinner time sacred. Most nights, we try to be intentional with that, where everybody comes down, everybody eats at the same time, just so, you know, sparks conversations. It sparks stuff. We'll have family movie nights, family game nights. We'll, you know, different things like that. Whenever we, for the most part, as a family, we try to do life with other families that are in somewhat the same stages of life our kids are. So that whenever we go and do things with other families, it's also fostering togetherness with our kids. Yeah, right now we're at a unique stage because, you know, as Blake. Yeah. Blake's only four. Four years different, but it's like, right high school, right now she's in high school, and the girls are still in elementary school. So it's like this. Well, they're going into middle school, but they haven't yet.

[Danielle Busby]

Big age gap.

[Adam Busby]

Different. And so it's like this big emotional age gap that will. Here in the next probably couple years, it'll close. But, like, right now, it's, like, pretty. Pretty far apart. Yeah. And I see, like, as the quints, like, Start to get into like that middle school age, upper middle school age. And that gap will close with them and Blake. But like, right now there's like a little bit more of a gap where, you know, she wants to do her thing, they want to do more. Yeah, it's very kid oriented things.

[Danielle Busby]

She's very in this phase. Like, she is definitely a lot older, mature. I mean, she can drive a car and they're like, you know, going into sixth grade. So, like, that four year gap through these next probably four years is very big. You know, when she becomes a senior, they're going to be a freshman. And so it's like that's a little bit closer together, you know, in the phase of life. So I don't know. I mean, I definitely think it's intentional. I think that, you know, love can grow naturally. But like, relationships, relationships, you have to. You have to like, cultivate that. You have to work for that. You have to be intentional with that. Whether you're building this within your family or your, you know, your friends across the street or your friends, you're just close friends. You have to have intentional time to build a relationship.

[Adam Busby]

But there's also things, you know, in family, in the home that could like, drive that apart, you know. But, you know, whenever you're talking about, you know, some of them just like to go out and play and like, play outside or just like imaginative play. And then you have a child that like, their thing is just like video games or whatever. But you have to put a hard line on that to where. Okay, that's done.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

Now it's like family time. Y' all all have to get out together or y' all all have to do something together and to just like, force certain, because there's kids that just have to be forced out of a shell, you know, because they'll just put themselves within a wall and exclude themselves or segregate themselves. Riley is kind of known to do that because she's more. Out of all the quint, she's the one that's way more like a loner. Like, she's just perfectly. She's perfectly content.

[Danielle Busby]

She's like the friend that's like, I just want one friend. Yeah, I just want one friend.

[Adam Busby]

That's just her personality. She's more content, but she can play

[Danielle Busby]

something fine in a group of people.

[Adam Busby]

So you have to. Okay, Riley, right now, like device time or TV time, that's over. Y' all all go. Y' all go do something together. And you got to like, okay, this stops now. It's.

[Danielle Busby]

But we also have the other side of it, too, where we've got two to three social birds in the house that just want to be with a friend all the time.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

And it's like, you know, you allow that, but then there's a time. It's like, hey, friend time's done. Now we're having family time, so we're gonna do something with. With our sisters within the house or even if we're going somewhere, like, no friends coming allowed, you know, so you have to be. You do have to make it intentional. You know, we don't mind friends playing and our girls going and playing with friends, but you still have to cultivate family time.

[Adam Busby]

But on, like, weekly rhythms.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

You know, there's outlier days everywhere, obviously, but, you know, for the most part, the weekly rhythm is, like, at dinner time, friends have to go home. You know, if there's friends that are just here playing with some of the girls and. But it's dinner time. Okay. They have to go home because it's family time. Now instead of allowing those friends to stay within the home because, you know, the ones that were here playing with those friends are gonna just hurry up and wrap up and eat as fast as they can so they could go play with their friends. Like, you want to kind of cut that. So it's more intentional family time.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. I mean, another side to, you know, being intentional and raising your kids to want to come back home or to be with their siblings, to be and see their parents. There's the other side of, like, this competitiveness. Right. Because in a. In. I mean, we. We allow our kids to always remain in some type of extracurricular activity, whether, you know, it's soccer to gymnastics to piano, to, like, whatever it might be, we want them to be not just in alignment, knowing. Knowing what it is to be, like, a family team, but also knowing how it is to work within another team of other kids. So building something that says, hey, we, you know, in our world and in how we raise our kids, is that, like, family's family? Like, families first. Your. Your. Your sister is your sister. That's a gift from God, and you will. You will remain on her team always.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

No matter what.

[Adam Busby]

It's hard to. Sometimes it comes off kind of weird to say that and to, like, hear it out loud. But, like, yes, family is more important than your friends, and the relationship with your sisters is way more valuable than. Than friends. And because no matter what. No matter what happens in life, your sisters are always going to be There. And you know, so it comes time, you know, naturally kids don't always get along or, you know, there will be like a friend that more gravitates to one of the. Of the girls but still play well with the others. But then, I mean, we run into it all the time like they're at a sleepover. I mean, we ran into one. One thing this week where, you know, they were over spending a night at one house. It's two of the girls at another friend's house. And you know, two of. Two of the girls are playing together. One of our girls and one and the friend is playing together really well. And then kind of somewhat excluding the other and our. The daughter that the sister that was being ex. More excluded or not included as much, you know, just was upset and wanted to come home and stuff like that. So, you know, those are those times and, and it upset the other girls that are here home with us. And they're. So they come reach out to me like, dad, such and such is. Feels like she. She's upset. She feels like she wants to come home. She's not being included. And so immediately you get on the phone with the. The daughter that is being included and like, hey, what's the one thing in this house that matters most? And it's family. And if you see that a friend or whatever is not including your sister when y' all are playing together, you stick up for your sister and you make sure she's included. And you don't allow that to happen to one of your sisters in the presence of a friend. And so, so that's constantly hammered into their head is you always. You always vouch for your sisters. You always take. Take care of your sisters. You always prioritize your sister's feelings in every situation. I don't care what it is. You always prioritize your family.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah. And it's a. And. And this is a very real age of life for, you know, pre teenagers. This, this, this age of like identifying like. And growing and hormone like it's very heightened right now, I would say. So does it mean that our girls. You know, nobody's perfect and neither are any of our girls. But so there are times where they get in that. Where they have to feel like this competition my sister. But I want to do what this friend's doing or what she's saying. And so they're. They. They have to wrestle with that. And sometimes they might choose the friend over the sister. But it causes. In their world they've got three other ones that Are going to vouch for them or say, hey, that's not okay, or mom, dad, like this. And so we hate the tattletale game. We hate the tattletale game. I can't stand. And I don't use the word hate often because it's a strong word, but I hate tattletailing. It's like, how are we? How are we? I don't want to. I don't want to break up every little situation because of tattletailing or because of this. It's like giving them tools to identify what, how can we help this situation versus just come and get mom and dad to do it, you know, because you can't live in that. We can't live with tattletales all the time and constantly be the one breaking up. It's like building them, teaching them this is right, this is wrong, and constantly reminding them, hey, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna always. Mom and dad's word is always gonna be right. Right, right, right. You know, but I don't want, like, yes, we want them to come to us, but we also don't want them to come to us when we know that they can make a decision that says, this is right, this is wrong. And I feel like this is very real these days. Like, are you choosing the good path or are you choosing the path that's going to hurt something and really telling them, what is it that God wants you to do in this situation? Do you want to lie about it or do you want to be truthful? Do you want to hurt someone's feelings? Would you want them to hurt your feelings? Like, so I'm not saying I don't go back to them and say, tell them mama said no. Like, that is just a catty back and forth game that I can't stand playing. It's like, what would you do in this situation? Like, let them learn and process. Like, what is the right decision to make? And do they always make the right decision? No, they don't. But we learned that over that time. If that right, the wrong decision was made, they're then going to come and say, I messed up, my feelings are hurt, I did something wrong. And then there's consequences, you know, and so it is, it is a cycle. It is a cycle. But amongst all that, what is that foundation? And what is that one thing that remains the same? It's that constant value of family, your sisters, the, like, those things are always going to make the point. What does God say about this? What is right or wrong? Not what do you want to do? Or what is. What do you. What does this person want? What is the right or wrong path for this struggle, for this situation? You know, and there's times where it's like, you have to teach them to. Teaching them. Could I easily stop this, segregate this, fix this? Absolutely. But that doesn't always help them. Yeah, sometimes we're in situations where it's easy for us as a parent, just say, okay, you know, when I was creating slime the other day, I was like, okay, everybody do it. And then I'm like, everybody actually just everybody leave. Just everybody leave and I will clean up something. Like that was overwhelming. And I'm just like, just go. So there are times where we feel as parents where we need to stop what's happening and divide and fix. Right. But there's also a lot of times as they're getting older that you're having to teach these repetitive things over and over and over again every single day, multiple times a day, so that it will get stuck in their head when they're not with you so that they will make those right decisions. And then you have parents, parents that can come to you. And, And I am very. And I would speak this to other moms and other parents, too, when you see other kids. My hope is that the annoying repetitiveness values that we tell our kids constantly, over and over again, that they will choose the right path when they're not with you. When they're not with you. Because you can't always control things. And especially when you, you branch out and they're going to other friends houses or they're going to a birthday party, they're meeting new people. You want to make sure that they're making the decisions that they would make if mom was telling them the foundations there. Yeah. So you. That's what, that's the purpose. Yeah, that's the purpose. You know, so I would say, what I was going to say was that if you or that parent and you have kids that come into your world, friends of your kids, and you see the values that those parents are teaching their kids, that they shine, using manners, picking up after themselves, saying, yes, ma', am, I. I want to text that parent and I want to say thank you for raising your child. They're so well behaved, they use their manners. They. Those things. That is, that is a. To me, I love when, when I get those type of, like, text or responses from other parents. Because you don't always know that your kids are acting the way that you're teaching them because they're kids, right?

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

And it's a. It's a competitive, ugly world out there. But if you are one of those families that have kids over and you see other. See kids doing that that are not your own, that you're not raising, that you're not teaching, like, let those parents know, like, well done. Like. Like, give them a high five, a pat on the back, you know, for that. Because, listen, we got six girls we're raising, and we. I feel like I'm failing all the time. So if someone can just, like, kindly every once in a while, if you see it, like, give me a pat on the back, like, I receive it, man. I want to receive that. But that competitiveness is like this. As you get older, I think is like this. It is a creature that is just kind of, like, created in you. Right. And I mean, we're competitive. We love games. We love, like, competition, but we. We're doing it hopefully in a healthy way where we're not wanting them to compete against each other when it's not in that form of, like, gameplay. Right?

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Because we're not being competitive about what our looks are. We're not being competitive about you're taller or shorter than me. We're not being competitive about how you can do math better than me or read better than me. Like, those are we. We don't compete about that. We don't compete about those things because God created us each differently. And I got on this subject. Sorry if I'm ranting, but I got on the subject. I was on a walk with Olivia other day, and she asked about dyslexia. And she's like, what's dyslexia? And so I was telling her, and I was like, it's an interesting question. Why? He asked, like, well, someone was talking about it. And I was like. Well, I was like. I was like, it's nothing to hide from. I was like. I was like, ava has dyslexia. And she's like, oh, really? And I said, yeah. She's like, well, she's like, how do you get that? And I'm like, it's not something you get. It's just how you. God created you. Like, she needs to read. She had to learn to read. Like, if I were teaching you a different language, like, she had to learn to read her sounds and letters and. And understand differently than you or her or she. And I was like, it's very common. It's not. It's not. Something's not wrong with you because you have dyslexia. And she. So she was just like, oh, cool. So it's like, things like that. Like, in our world, when it gets to, like, schoolwork and homework and soon will be very challenging coming homeschool. There's no competition when it comes to the way we learn. It's. It's not because, yes, we have our values and we want to hold our values strong and want them to always come back to this, and there will always be competitiveness in the world, but when we're in our home, we don't want them to compete with each other. But in the natural form, it's going to happen. Right? Because girls. Girls are girls and, you know, whatever. Like, it can be anything, but we want to make sure that they are not competing against each other when it's not in the competitive play form. Meaning, like when we're playing, you know, card games or we're playing baseball outside or those type of things where you're. You're building a team. Our team in our house is Busbee team. Like, you just Busby team. Do we have days where it's like, hey, it's going to be mom and three girls versus dad and three girls? Absolutely. But after that game's over, it's over. You know, family perspective. I feel like it just, it. It needs to be that safe place. And everyone is celebrated. Everyone's gifts. We want to shine their gifts. Everyone is different. Everyone has different love languages, which probably something I think people have asked us to talk about. It's probably something we should talk about one day on the podcast and, like, how we. How we see it, how our love language, like, growing to love one another versus loving your kids the way that they receive love.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Eye opening. Whoa. You know, so anyway, raising girls, keeping the values and foundation, you know, important of family values. Your sisters come first. But it does mean that they're not gonna fight because, I mean, I have two sisters. I fought with them, and then five minutes later, we're like, still this day, like, might be catty and be like, hey, let's go. Do you want to go grab coffee? Let's go to the mall. Or, hey, let's go. We still like that. We can still have those tendencies.

[Adam Busby]

Right?

[Danielle Busby]

That's never going to go away. And I think that's just a girl. I don't want to say it's a fault, but, like, that's a girl. Like, girls are just caddy. You live it. Do you. Do you. Do you feel that that's a true statement? Like, it what if you had a house of boys? Like, I wouldn't feel like we would.

[Adam Busby]

They just get more. I mean, girls are more emotionally driven.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And so naturally, whenever emotions are involved and like, you're. It's like an argument or a tiff or something like, that is felt so much more deeply because that's just how women are wired. It's more. It's more feelings rather than like a guy. Like, it just rolls off their back or it may make you mad for a minute, but you just forget about it really quickly.

[Danielle Busby]

So when our kids are in a conflict or with a friend or whatever, like, how are. Like, what do we. What do we teach them about fighting? Like, obviously, we don't want you to fight, but it happens. So how do we recoup that? How do we. What do we teach them in those. In those moments?

[Adam Busby]

I mean, they're not. Quickly resolve it.

[Danielle Busby]

Yes, exactly. Quickly resolve it. Apologize and forgive. Right. Talk. Apology. Forgive. And. And I would say that when those fights happen, you know, and you get them to talk about it, to apologize, get them to forgive, and we always say, you got to hug each other. And it ain't no side hug, which I'm a side hugger.

[Adam Busby]

There is one.

[Danielle Busby]

So I'm learning to not be a

[Adam Busby]

side One instance of Olivia. Olivia and Parker this week had just been like, button heads. But then it's also funny because, like, they've gone together to friends houses multiple times in the midst of all that. So they've. They're still like, they're button heads, but yet they still want to play together. Yeah, but they got in a argument the other day, and we had. We stopped him in the foyer, like, made him apologize. Hug each other. And they just kind of like walked over and like, leaned up against each other and, like, side hug. And I was like, that wasn't a hug.

[Danielle Busby]

You're like, I'm gonna make you hold that hug for 13.

[Adam Busby]

You have to do it again. Because that wasn't a hug. But it's just funny.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah, but it is like, but how. How, like, lesson it teaches me too. Watching them apologize to each other and how they hug each other when we say, that's not good enough. And then it hits me, and I'm like, well, why do I hug people like that? Like, why do I side hug people? That's not good enough. You know? So I'm like, that's a lesson it teaches me too, like, watching your kids do it. And, you know, parenting is still. Can still, though you're teaching your kids it can still reflect in, in I open, like be an eye opening moment for yourself, you know? Yeah. So families, families are not gonna, you know, not have conflict. Right. But what, but we, what we want to remain is that families do come together. Like they're gonna always, is always going to come back together. It's always. You always got to resolve that sometimes it happens quick, especially in adult conflict, friendships and all those. Like sometimes there's time that comes in between and. But like, like, don't leave that lingering. You got to resolve it, you know?

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

So as we talk about raising our kids and like looking, looking up 30 years from now and saying like, what is it that. I've said this from the beginning, like the day that, you know, our kids get married and they want to, you know, build their own lives, like I still want them to come back home. I want them to have Sunday dinners with us all the time. I want every, every dinner, you know, and I want that.

[Adam Busby]

That's like, that's the biggest inheritance you can leave your kids is. It's not possessions or things or whatever. It's something that they'll always have and that's each other. And so that, you know, so every day it's just in those little moments, you know, just constantly hammering in of what values most and you'll always have each other and you know, no matter what, it's like family over everything.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

And, and just constantly just hammer that into their heads of it's family over everything. And you're always going to have your sisters with you. And those are the most important relationships in your life.

[Danielle Busby]

And I mean, even forever in eternity, you can't take your possessions with you. You know, you pray and we, we pray to be reunited with our people. You know, your family, your sisters, your loved ones. So it's such a good, good statement.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah.

[Danielle Busby]

Like the inheritance.

[Adam Busby]

And so if that's like something that, you know, you've always thought about, you've always cared about, but just didn't know where to start and didn't know what to do.

[Danielle Busby]

I mean, how do you start, how

[Adam Busby]

do you create that? It's just always, it's the little things. I mean, just like start with family dinner. Yeah. Start with family dinner. Just getting around the table together and just like encouraging family rhythms together of togetherness, closeness.

[Danielle Busby]

Yeah.

[Adam Busby]

You know, whether it's, you know, family dinner, if, if it's family game night, you know, just togetherness and, and then you just build on it. And so, you know, that's something that, if that means something to you if that spoke to you, just like, start that rhythm and just go little by little, start it slowly. You know, especially if you're struggling right now, whenever you try to force that, you're going to get friction. So just little by little and just. It's like eating an elephant. Just take it one bite at a time.

[Danielle Busby]

So, yeah. So Romans 12:10 says, Be devoted to one another and love, honor one another above yourself. So, so this week, you know, I think one thing to challenge yourself is, I don't know, the dynamics of your family, those who are listening. But if you don't do family dinner, I would challenge you to at least pick one day out of the week and you all sit around the table at home. Sit around the table and ask a question. Pick one topic, Ask a question. You need a question, ask them. I mean, I don't want to go too deep, but it could. It could be just, what was your favorite thing about today? Start with that. You know, that's how we started our conversation around table. With toddlers. Six little toddlers around the table. What did you love about today? Was your favorite thing about today? One at a time, you just share. And then those conversations just grow and grow. They start to learn the habits of, like, that's what they're going to talk about at dinner. So just leave you with, you know, be intentional this week. Have a moment around the table with your family. If you already do that, try doing a family game night. Try doing something extra or something, something additional to. What is it that you're. What is it that's going to bring these memories to your kids in 30 years? What is it that makes them feel like it's home? What is the thing that you've are raising your kids to learn what home is.

[Adam Busby]

So it's good.

[Danielle Busby]

Thanks for listening.

[Adam Busby]

Yeah, thanks for tuning in. Episode 91 of More Than Reality podcast.

[Danielle Busby]

See you next week. Peace out.

[Adam Busby]

All right. We love you guys.

[Danielle Busby]

It.