⚠️Trigger Warning: This episode includes discussions of violence, self-harm, suicide, and religious trauma.

In this deeply vulnerable and wide-ranging conversation, Kyson Dana shares his story of growing up Mormon, serving a mission in Russia, and the lifelong psychological, spiritual, and physical consequences that followed. What was supposed to be the “best two years” of his life became the most traumatic –shaping his identity, mental health, and eventual departure from the Church.

Kyson opens up about generational trauma, internalized shame, self-policing, and suicidal ideation in his youth. He walks us through the intense pressure to be perfect, the weaponization of guilt and obedience, and how Mormonism taught him to disconnect from himself in order to survive.

We dive deeply into the realities of missionary life in Russia: shrinking missions, violence, threats, abductions, murders, leadership silence, and explicit instructions NOT to tell families what was happening. Kyson recounts being told not to come home unless it was “in a coffin,” enduring extreme fasting, psychological abuse, and witnessing acts of violence that were never processed or acknowledged.

Beyond the mission, Kyson shares how this trauma followed him into adulthood –fueling panic disorder, Complex PTSD, and a prolonged faith crisis. He discusses therapy, EMDR, creative work, and the careful, supported use of psychedelics as part of healing. We also explore his work helping teens navigate shame-based purity culture, pornography narratives (“Fight the new drug!”), and the dangerous conflation of morality with normal human behavior.

This episode is about far more than Mormonism –it’s about identity, belonging, survival, and what it takes to come back to yourself after an institution teaches you to turn yourself off.

If you’ve ever felt broken by a system that promised salvation, you’re not alone.

___________________

YouTube

Show Notes

At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals.

Our overall mission is to:

1. Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology

2. Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis

3. Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions

🤝Help us continue to deliver quality content by becoming a donor today

One-time or recurring donations: https://donorbox.org/mormon-stories?default_interval=m

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories

Venmo: https://account.venmo.com/u/mormonstories

Paypal: https://paypal.me/mormonstories

Join this channel to get access to perks:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCx6OgmoqJbOVRq-Lv1P7SzA/join

Our Platforms:

🌐Mormon Stories Blog: https://www.mormonstories.org/episodes

🎙️Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/mormonstories

✳️Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4sDzk7dRjODTSEqzZKZJzk?si=148b0efc1ccc4404&nd=1

🍎Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mormon-stories-lds/id312094772

🖼️Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mormstories

📱TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mormonstoriespodcast

🎮Discord: https://discord.com/invite/kuX5p6yyjF

📧 MormonStories@gmail.com

📬PO Box 171085, Salt Lake City, UT 84117