
Hosted by Dr. B · EN

This last year has been an interesting journey. I learned a lot about myself and I'm grateful to everyone who shared my journey with me. But I now find myself struggling between my family's needs and my endeavors. And if you've been listening to the podcasts or watching the vlogs for a while, you'd know that my family will always come first. So sadly, Older Moms' journey must come to an end.

After getting our child diagnosed with ADHD, the experts didn't really provide any directions for us. We find the support we expected from the school system, the community, or our pediatrician. Getting the resources to meet my child's needs was very difficult, so we learned to advocate for her. And the challenges didn't get easier with time—they were just different with time. But in spite of all these, I can't picture my life without my ADHD, OCD, Tourette's superhero!

The social component can be absolute hell for a child with an invisible condition or disability. People can be so cruel and unkind when they don't see another person's challenges. The key to helping your child find a space in society is to find an accepting social circle. Be with people who will be tolerant and accepting of their challenges and will appreciate their great qualities!

There's a lot of criticism on the issue of whether or not to medicate a child with ADHD making a challenging situation even more difficult. ADHD is different for every child, so it's not just a matter of finding the right medication—but also the right dose for your child. Over time, we learned that a combination of minimal medication and behavioral therapy worked for us.

We knew that Andy was probably going to have ADHD since the day she was in the NICU, but we were told was that children could not be diagnosed with ADHD until they turned six. When we were finally able to have her tested, it took three days for specialists to confirm what we knew all along—my child had ADHD.

The main focus of my middle years is to continue to have a purpose in my life: make some changes in my habits, enjoy my age without fear of the future, and continue to find a way to contribute to my community. I'm giving myself permission to be me. I really want to be present. Often, we don't take the time to breathe in and enjoy the moment. Yes, we live the moment. Yes, we participate in it. But we don't take a moment to savor it. And I plan on doing that. That's what I call successful aging.

I recently discovered that several people on my father's side of the family suffer from dementia, so I'm preparing for the possibility that I may develop dementia or Alzheimer's. I'm doing research to better understand dementia, applying for long-term care insurance coverage, and researching how I can remain healthier longer. I'm handling this possibility with optimistic realism.

I recently found out that my grandmother developed dementia. While she was not aware of the familial connection, I have the advantage of knowing that it's a possibility for me. This awareness means I could change my habits and change the outcome. I need to take care of myself to meet some of my grandchildren and make memories with them.

A lot of women suffer from gerascophobia—the fear of aging. I've realized that I'm not afraid of aging, but I do want to age successfully. So what do I want in this aging process? I want to be around for my children; to reconnect with my husband; to travel. I want the opportunity to be a grandmother. I'm looking forward to having my grandchildren sitting in my lap, counting my wrinkles. There's been so many challenges in my fifty-five years, so much joy. I'm grateful for every day I've lived.

I really found being a preemie mom to be a very isolating experience. People expected me to act like everything was "normal," even when facing so many challenges. While we eventually adjusted to our preemie reality, I wish someone had told me sooner to be patient with myself, my husband, and my family. So if you're new to the preemie game, allow others to help you. At the very least, you'll know somebody is going through this with you.