Move It or Lose It | Episode 139 Part 02 | Ralph Cortese: Hope in Recovery

Summary

Move It or Lose It | Episode 139 Part 02

Guest: Ralph Cortese

Theme: Hope in Recovery

Date: October 29, 2025
Host: Kathy Chester

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Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode centers on embracing hope, fighting for quality of life, and redefining recovery after a major diagnosis like stroke or autoimmune disease. Host Kathy Chester and her guest Ralph Cortese—stroke survivor, support leader, and radio host—share candid personal stories and practical wisdom for anyone facing daunting medical challenges. The conversation digs into the messy reality of recovery, highlighting the power of self-advocacy, the importance of community, and the value of finding your "why."

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Overwhelm of Diagnosis and the Need for Possibility

• Kathy reflects on her own diagnosis:
  “Here I am, like, in my 20s, and ... she's very slowly on a stroll, and I'm like, hell, no. So I'm like, this is not my life. So I threw that out.” (00:53)
• The medical system often presents limited options and a grim outlook; this led Kathy to rebel and search for more.

2. Self-Advocacy and Firing Your Care Team

• Ralph urges listeners not to settle for providers who don’t ask about their goals:
  “Guess what? You can fire those people and go out and find somebody else.” (03:58)
  “Once I started realizing that I had to advocate to get the things I thought I needed... if the therapist wasn't asking me, ‘What do you want to do?’” (04:20)
• He shares how a friend’s therapy brought golf clubs into rehab; another incorporated pickleball—therapy must fit the patient’s dreams. (04:39, 05:03)

3. Managing Depression, Loss, and Sense of Purpose

• Both host and guest open up about struggles with depression, loneliness, and anger:
  • Ralph: “A lot of us don't think about our why because we're so damn depressed or angry about having the illness.” (05:18)
  • Kathy: “If you don't have support ... it's like, really, what's my why?” (05:28)
• The challenge as a leader is balancing support for those deep in depression without letting them dominate group space. (05:44)

4. The Power of Sharing—Not Forcing—Hope

• Ralph draws from his 12-step experience:

  “If I give advice to somebody that didn't ask for it, I'm taking responsibility for it. When it's asked for, they take responsibility.” (06:28–06:47) “I usually ... share my stories, what works for me—my experience, strength and hope.” (07:02)

5. Accepting Individual Journeys in Recovery

• All brain injuries differ—nobody can predict outcomes or timelines.
  • “Every brain attack is different. But they're very similar, too.” (07:28–07:37)
  • Both agree that sharing realistic ups and downs helps others trust the process and avoid false optimism. (08:13–09:40)

6. The Ongoing Work—From Anger to Self-Compassion

• Ralph admits anger dominated his early recovery (“I was so angry for six years...”) (07:51) but sharing that now is essential for giving others permission to feel and move through their own rage and grief.
• Kathy recounts:
  “They wouldn't see the divorce ... the years that I tried to get on the track and run it out and think that that would help ... you grieve it, then you put it in its place and then you keep going.” (08:30–09:40)
• Ralph cites a pivotal saying:
  “Depression is anger turned inward.” (09:40)

7. Building New Habits & Paying Attention

• Self-management comes down to awareness:
  • Ralph: “One of the things that makes my recovery better is I started paying attention to stuff… your surroundings, your thoughts, and desires.” (10:07–10:39)
• The hardest challenge became the most rewarding; focusing on incremental gains keeps hope alive. (10:42)

8. Redefining Purpose & Activity

• Both emphasize that meaning and joy are still possible, though life inevitably looks different:
  • “Life changes… but it doesn't mean that it's ending. There are times it feels horrible ... but I can think of a lot of good things that it's brought out of me.” (10:48–11:17)
  • Ralph celebrates returning to regular activities—work, driving, woodworking, coaching grandkids’ sports—showcasing how purpose can evolve. (11:29–13:12)

9. Journaling: From Anger to Gratitude

• Ralph shares a powerful strategy:
  • Two journals: an “anger journal” to vent first, then a gratitude journal to reframe and balance.

    “That was the first journal I did every night was what got me angry today ... Then I can go to my gratitude.” (14:54–15:32)

  • Looking back reveals surprising growth:

    “I couldn’t go food shopping. I couldn’t cook… Now it’s like, wow, look what I can do now.” (15:55–16:05)

10. Instilling Hope & The “Why”

• Kathy assigns clients to name three positive things they accomplished each week, not just what others did for them. (16:15)
• Both host and guest agree: even if they only reach one person, changing that person’s sense of hope is worth all the effort.

11. Fighting Back After The System Says “You’re Done”

• For those told by medical teams that “this is it” after therapy, Ralph is defiant:

  “It’s time for you to fight ... the neuroplasticity will change your life. If you fight and you keep doing the things that you need to do or want to do, then you’re going to succeed ... Succeeding looks different every day, every week, and every month. But it does happen.” (21:42)

• Real-world examples:
  “I know people ... doctors said, get used to the wheelchair. You're going to be in it the rest of your life. Now she has a walking stick and could walk anywhere.” (22:39)
• Keeping active—lifting weights, using bands, pushing the boundaries—are all crucial. (22:40)

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Memorable Quotes

• On self-advocacy:

  “Guess what? You can fire those people and go out and find somebody else.”
  — Ralph Cortese (03:58)

• On the “why” of living:

  “I had to decide. What it is I wanted. And I wanted to live.”
  — Ralph Cortese (13:08–13:11)

• On advice-giving:

  “If I give advice to somebody that didn’t ask for it, I’m taking responsibility for it. When it’s asked for, they take responsibility.”
  — Ralph Cortese (06:42–06:47)

• On anger and depression:

  “Depression is anger turned inward.”
  — Ralph Cortese (09:40)

• On hope in recovery:

  “Succeeding looks different every day, every week and every month. But it does happen.”
  — Ralph Cortese (21:42)

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Notable Segment Timestamps

• 00:53 — Kathy’s vivid description of “the diagnosis package” and her refusal to accept a limited future
• 03:58 — Ralph: on firing unhelpful doctors and therapists
• 04:39/05:03 — Golf, pickleball, and making therapy support real-life desires
• 07:02 — The value of sharing "experience, strength, and hope"
• 09:40 — Ralph: “Depression is anger turned inward”
• 14:54–15:32 — Anger journal and gratitude journal practice for healing
• 21:42 — Message to those told “this is it”: fight for more, believe in neuroplasticity

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Tone & Takeaways

This episode is a blend of tough honesty and unwavering optimism. Both Kathy and Ralph openly discuss the despair, rage, and fatigue that come with chronic illness and recovery, but every challenge is met with a commitment to hope, agency, and helping others reclaim meaning. Their stories—and practical tools—are an invitation to continue fighting, seek out supportive community, and define recovery on your own terms.

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For further connection:

• Find Ralph’s resources and contact in the show notes.
• Listeners are encouraged to follow, comment, and reach out if they relate or need support.

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Summary by [Your Name or "Podcast Summarizer"]

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Your host, Kathy Chester, and welcome to the Move it or Lose it podcast, a podcast about all things that move the mind, body and soul. The Move it or Lose it podcast is for information, awareness, and inspirational purposes only. I am not a doctor and I don't even Play 1 on TV, so please consult your doctor before making any medical decisions. The views expressed by advertisers, guests, or contributors are their opinions and not necessarily the views of the Move it or Lose it podcast. So what I wanted to ask you, too, is that you. I love the way that you handle all the things that you do and what you're doing. How do you tell people that are coming on the show? I remember when I first got, you know, when you get all your fun stuff when you're, you know, when you first have a stroke or when you're first diagnosed with some crazy thing, it's like, here's your. Well, now I'm really aging us. Here's your VHS tape. I'm like, great. And here's your handicap sticker. Here's your lifetime supply of Vicodin. Back then, I'm like, vicodin. I've never even had anything but, like, Tylenol. And so, you know, here's. Here's all your of your prizes. And I just looked at it and just sobbed. I saw this. Here I am, like, in my 20s, and I see this lady that, well, she was a little older than I am now, but she's writing, you know, she's very slowly on a stroll, and I'm like, hell, no. So I'm like, this is not my life. So I threw that out. Threw that out. And I think they had one or two. They had two different DMT's, medications that I could take, and it was the most depressing thing I'd ever seen. And so how do you handle that with your clients that. That are diagnosed, but they see, like, from some doctors that we want to get rid of, but they see. They get this diagnosis and they see these couple things that they can do but don't realize all the things that are possible for them later. I cannot tell you how excited I am to announce my partnership with foot Scientific. Their Elevate360 drop foot solution is amazing. It's lightweight. It has customized sizing, which is amazing. I've been in braces where they are much too big and bulky. This one has memory foam. It's comfortable. I have walked my dog. I have run with it already. I have danced in it. And it is amazing. It has stainless steel anchors which you can wear them in any shoe you want to. But to be able to have them connect to your laces so that you can lift the foot so that the drop foot isn't so bad and know that they're safe in there is so incredible to be able to have this, to be able to have it on your ankle and then attach it to a tennis shoe, to attach it to a heel actually or a sandal is absolutely amazing. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be a part and partner up with Foot Scientific. They are truly here to meet our needs. So I encourage you to go on to the [e-mail] check them out and of course use my discount code. It is Ms. Disrupted, all caps 30 and you'll get $30 off your pair. And also don't forget 60 day guarantee. If it doesn't work for you, then you can return it. And that is why I love But Scientific. They are a company that truly cares about our needs. So don't forget, check them out. I love my partnership with them. Have a great day.

[B]

Insurance companies or primary cares refer you to these people, these people, These people. Guess what? You can fire those people and go out and find somebody else. Yeah, I think that was one of the benefits of my anger is that you're not doing anything for me. I want a different therapist.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I want a different doctor. Once I started realizing that I had to advocate to get the things I thought I needed. And if the therapist wasn't asking me, what do you want to do?

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, it's like a friend of mine, he had his stroke.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he, he was a golfer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Guess what? He, he had a therapist that asked him, what do you want to do? I want to play golf again. You know, nice, you know, so they brought golf clubs into the therapy.

[A]

I love that I'm training a pro golfer. So I'm like, need to talk to her, get some tips, you know, there's.

[B]

Another friend wanted to play pickleball that brought pickle, pickleball into the therapies.

[A]

Give them some hope if that's what they want. Find out what their goal is, where they want to be, what's their why again.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And I think a lot of us don't think about our why.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we're so damn depressed or angry about having the illness.

[A]

Absolutely. And actually I think if you don't have support. Right. There's no family or support, then it's like, really, what's my why? I don't have Anybody here? I'm lonely, I'm depressed.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What do you do in the support groups when that person or some people take over with the depression? You don't want to leave them, but they're taking over with the, ah, it's me again. And I just don't want to be here. You know, we all have them, so. And we're, we're leading them. We all have to, like, figure out, oh, what do I do? Because I want to be there. I don't want, I don't in any way want to be a part of what could happen if I let that person go. But I've got 30 to 40 people and they have something to say. And I've got an hour, you know, here, so.

[B]

Right. I think, I think one of the things.

[A]

Putting you on the spot now.

[B]

Yeah. I think one of the things in my life that I've learned, and I've learned this even before my stroke, is if I give advice to somebody that didn't ask for it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm taking responsibility for it.

[A]

Very wise.

[B]

When it's asked for, they take responsibility.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I usually, what I try and do is share my stories, what works for me, my. It's 12 step phrase.

[A]

But yeah.

[B]

Experience. My experience, strength and hope. If I share that, maybe that'll touch them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We can't control other people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We can share what's worked for us. We can ask for help. We can.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, say the dumb questions. The only ones you know that you don't ask.

[A]

Right. Yeah, It's.

[B]

It's not something. Every brain attack is different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they're very similar, too.

[A]

Yeah. Very true.

[B]

So if you're offering advice, you don't know exactly what their recovery is like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You don't know that. I was so angry for six years that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You couldn't, you couldn't tell me anything about what to do, you know, So I think once you get into the positiveness, you have to. I don't, I don't want to say it this way, but I'm gonna. You have to force it onto others by sharing your strength.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Sharing what you've gone through.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's. They. If people can see and this worked for me because I could see in other people that it's working.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's very, very good.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe somebody will think if. Maybe that'll work for me too. Let's try that.

[A]

Because if they see you right now and you don't, I can say this from personal experience. They wouldn't see the divorce, how that's affected me. They wouldn't see the years that I went angry because I couldn't raise my kids the way I wanted to. That when I was on chemo and all that stuff, the years that I was angry to, the years that I tried to get on the track and run it out and think that that would help. You know, they don't see those times, they just see us now. And so it's important that we talk about those things so they can see this is. We've gone through those times too. And there are times that you still grieve it and it's okay. You grieve it, then you put it in its place and then you keep going. And I think that that's very wise that you. That not only that you're leading it because you're. I can imagine that you're very good in those. In those positions, but that you're allowing them to see that that anger and stuff, that rage was very much in you and. And that that's okay that you get mad at this. It just can't stay forever.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And, you know, somebody told me the phrase a long time ago, depression is anger turned. Turned inward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, you know, I think one of the things that I. I'm still going through is I. I always skated through life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good at almost everything I did. You know, sports, school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Those kind of things. But I never paid attention. And I think one of the things that makes my recovery better is I started paying attention to stuff. You know, I look at my coffee table right now or something and I see, I gotta get my pills done. I gotta put them in my little thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's. You gotta pay attention to your surroundings.

[A]

Right.

[B]

To your thoughts and to your desires.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

You know, it's. It's a learning experience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life, but it's become the most rewarding.

[A]

Yeah. Life changes. Right? There's no. You can't tell anybody that life doesn't change. It changes, but it doesn't mean that it. That it's ending. It doesn't mean that it gets horrible. There are times that it feels horrible, but. Right. But it means also that it's changing, but it's not all. And I can say this for me, and I bet you'd say the same. It's not all horrible. I can think of a lot of good things that it's brought out of me.

[B]

And do you get to some point? I got to the point where I don't remember those horrible things. Then I remember that, hey, look what I'm doing now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I work a full time job. I can drive, I can do landscape work. I can do put together wood things. I can remodel furniture. All those things came back to me so I don't have to rest on my negativity.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Once you get through that negativity, you know, it's up to you if you want to keep living.

[A]

Right. I think that we're both very blessed that we're able to work as well as do what we're doing where there's so many that aren't. But I. But I am. So what do you do, by the way, outside of this?

[B]

I run a storage facility.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I just got rid of my U Haul dealership as well.

[A]

Man. Because I have to have a. I have to put my stuff in storage. I'd really like it if we were closer. So I could use your storage.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

That's. That's neat. So you're busy. You're very busy.

[B]

Yeah, I am. I'm very busy. I've. And I moved up here to Oregon because of my son and three of my 11 grandchildren.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I've got a play to go to. Our musical to go to tonight for. I started when I first got here on the cane. I was out in the field helping coach softball with my son and my granddaughter. You know, again, it's paying attention to what you want and going out and doing it. So I began it.

[A]

All purpose. Right.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And you have to decide what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had to decide.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What it is I wanted.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I wanted to live.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Now every day it's different how I live. Someday it's really frustrating. And some days it's that cat's meow, you know?

[A]

Amen. Yes.

[B]

Showing my age. Sorry. Yeah.

[A]

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[B]

Yeah. All of this hurts. I don't want to do it anymore. Guess what? The next time you do it, it doesn't hurt as much.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

And you forget how much it did hurt.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And one of the things I do to get through that as well is I have two journals.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have a gratitude journal just like I was taught years ago, before this drone, just like you said. But after about a year, maybe two, I started a anger journal like it I got. And that was the first journal I did every night was what got me angry today.

[A]

Yeah. You can. It's okay to swear on this because I already put it. You can swear.

[B]

You know, it's the shit I went through.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I put it down first.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I. Then I can go to my gratitude.

[A]

And say, yeah, but that is a great idea.

[B]

Yeah. The year. Yeah. But is a big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and then the other thing I did was I could go back to those journals from years asked. And I think, holy cow, look where I'm at.

[A]

Yeah. You know, for sure.

[B]

I couldn't go food shopping. I couldn't cook.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I had to order meals and all of that. Now it's like, wow, look what I can do now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's hard during all of the emotional. Because we don't recognize those positive things when we should.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think that that's important. I've been. I've been forcing my clients to do that lately, as I want you to come up with three positive things that happened to you this week that you were. That you did, not just that somebody came by and said something positive. I want something that you did. Because I. I notice a lot of my clients just don't see that they've done or contributed anything positive. And then I see that depression, and it makes me sad. But. But we know why. We see it happen all the time. And so it. That's why we do what we do. That's why you do the radio station is that we want to spread that awareness and spread that hope. And, you know, even if it. Even if there's 40 people in it and we touch one, that's one person that's not going to bed that night thinking, why. Why am I here? I'm just a failure. This happened. I don't even know if I want to live tomorrow. That's that one person. And I was always told as a kid, if that one person, there's only one person that believes in you, then you get through. So I always think about that and what you do, and that's why it's so important and why I. I respect you so much. And I listen to so many of yours, just what you do and how the hope and the spark and the joy that you have, even though you look like you might beat someone up, you have such a joy in you. That is you do. You look like. Like you could be in the mafia, but you're not. And. But I would like you probably even more if you were, but you're not. And you really give so many people hope and so much joy. And, and that is so important because so many of us don't feel like that. We feel like I just, I just don't care. And I can see that when they don't show up for things and I'm like, I'm going to keep bugging you until I hear something from you. So you know that it's. It's a sad time that we have right now. And it's a sad time that people are so into them since this whole pandemic. And I see people reaching out less. I see anger more than I've ever seen it. And. And so the sick people, we're carrying that torch and we're bringing joy and light because we've known depression and anger, I think more than most people have. And so we are the ones that are going to bring that back and bring that joy. And so I'll take it. And sir, I know that you've taken it, so I gladly run this race with you. And so I know that you are running. Correct. You are actually running.

[B]

Yes, I run on a water treadmill.

[A]

Yeah, that's great.

[B]

Walk fast on a land treadmill.

[A]

Yeah. So that. Those are incredible accomplishments after a stroke. What would you say is the one thing. I have two questions before we end. One is what would you say the one thing about your stroke that is still. Then we talked about the mouth thing. But another thing that is still with you that is the most aggravating. I'm gonna go with your negative. And then your, your great, your gratitude.

[B]

The organization, the overwhelming desire to do more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And by doing that, I mess up some things in the process. I miss appointments.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I miss follow ups, those kind of things. That's the most aggravating.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Positive thing about that is, you know, when I see something, when I'M doing research. I print it. I don't have to write it. I. I got.

[A]

Can you fix my printer?

[B]

Yeah, I will. There's three ring binders right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With all the different things that I've kept and I go through every so often.

[A]

Yeah, I love that.

[B]

So, you know, it's. It's a process again. I'm learning how to reorganize myself and I'm getting there, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have the calendar that's starting to help me. I have a scheduling link for people that want to interview.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On Stroke Warrior Radio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so I guess that's. That's one of the biggest things I still have to work on. I still have some physical issues, but I'm working on that. So I guess that's most of every.

[A]

What would you say to a person? Because we do. Because we see these people who. Newly diagnosed and they've been told, or let's say this, six months of therapy and. And now they're done and they've been told, this is, this is it for you. But you, you done a great job. You've passed all the tests in therapy, so good luck to you. And they're still in a chair. They can't really. Their hands here, they can't really use their hand. Their toes are all, you know, crinkled up and they are like, this can't be it. And they're still very depressed. What would you say to them? Foreign.

[B]

It'S time for you to fight. You know, it's that fight or flight thing. They're giving you the opportunity to flight by saying that. And the fact of the matter is, and it is a fact, the neuroplasticity will change your life. If you fight and you keep doing the things that you need to do or want to do, then you're going to. You're going to succeed, and that's it. Succeeding looks different every day, every week and every month. But it does happen, you know, I mean, I know people that the doctors said, get used to the wheelchair. You're going to be in it the rest of your life. Now she has a walking stick and could walk anywhere. You know, I know people that couldn't play golf, but they play golf again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I was always a weight lifter and sport athlete. I. I've got my weights over here that I do, my dumbbells and curls and I've got my bands that I do on my work. You know, it's never going to be as bad as it seems. I had to learn that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, that's why we're doing what we do, to tell them it isn't, you know, learn it now.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Instead of having to wait and get so upset about.

[A]

Exactly. That's great, Great way to say it. I appreciate it so much. Well, I know we're going to do more together and Ralph, it was a pleasure to have you on. I really appreciate it. So be a two part appreciate it. Well, me as well. I really appreciate it. So stay on for a minute. And guys, I hope that you really enjoyed this. Don't forget to to let me know in your comments and all the things if you want to get a hold of Ralph, I will have all of your stuff at the bottom of the on the notes on the podcast and also let you know when it's coming out. So guys, but you guys have a great week and I will see you next week. I'm Moving or Lose it. So talk to you soon again. Mel, thank you so much for being on with us. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of the Move it or Lose it podcast. It would mean the world to me if you subscribed and left a review. Remember, you can find me on Apple, Spotify, Stitcher and YouTube. New episodes of the Move it or Lose it podcast air every other Wednesday. If you have any suggestions for future guests or topics, please visit my [e-mail]. until next time.