Move It or Lose It | Episode 139 Part 02

Guest: Ralph Cortese

Theme: Hope in Recovery

Date: October 29, 2025
Host: Kathy Chester

Episode Overview

This heartfelt episode centers on embracing hope, fighting for quality of life, and redefining recovery after a major diagnosis like stroke or autoimmune disease. Host Kathy Chester and her guest Ralph Cortese—stroke survivor, support leader, and radio host—share candid personal stories and practical wisdom for anyone facing daunting medical challenges. The conversation digs into the messy reality of recovery, highlighting the power of self-advocacy, the importance of community, and the value of finding your "why."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Overwhelm of Diagnosis and the Need for Possibility

• Kathy reflects on her own diagnosis:
  “Here I am, like, in my 20s, and ... she's very slowly on a stroll, and I'm like, hell, no. So I'm like, this is not my life. So I threw that out.” (00:53)
• The medical system often presents limited options and a grim outlook; this led Kathy to rebel and search for more.

2. Self-Advocacy and Firing Your Care Team

• Ralph urges listeners not to settle for providers who don’t ask about their goals:
  “Guess what? You can fire those people and go out and find somebody else.” (03:58)
  “Once I started realizing that I had to advocate to get the things I thought I needed... if the therapist wasn't asking me, ‘What do you want to do?’” (04:20)
• He shares how a friend’s therapy brought golf clubs into rehab; another incorporated pickleball—therapy must fit the patient’s dreams. (04:39, 05:03)

3. Managing Depression, Loss, and Sense of Purpose

• Both host and guest open up about struggles with depression, loneliness, and anger:
  • Ralph: “A lot of us don't think about our why because we're so damn depressed or angry about having the illness.” (05:18)
  • Kathy: “If you don't have support ... it's like, really, what's my why?” (05:28)
• The challenge as a leader is balancing support for those deep in depression without letting them dominate group space. (05:44)

4. The Power of Sharing—Not Forcing—Hope

• Ralph draws from his 12-step experience:

  “If I give advice to somebody that didn't ask for it, I'm taking responsibility for it. When it's asked for, they take responsibility.” (06:28–06:47) “I usually ... share my stories, what works for me—my experience, strength and hope.” (07:02)

5. Accepting Individual Journeys in Recovery

• All brain injuries differ—nobody can predict outcomes or timelines.
  • “Every brain attack is different. But they're very similar, too.” (07:28–07:37)
  • Both agree that sharing realistic ups and downs helps others trust the process and avoid false optimism. (08:13–09:40)

6. The Ongoing Work—From Anger to Self-Compassion

• Ralph admits anger dominated his early recovery (“I was so angry for six years...”) (07:51) but sharing that now is essential for giving others permission to feel and move through their own rage and grief.
• Kathy recounts:
  “They wouldn't see the divorce ... the years that I tried to get on the track and run it out and think that that would help ... you grieve it, then you put it in its place and then you keep going.” (08:30–09:40)
• Ralph cites a pivotal saying:
  “Depression is anger turned inward.” (09:40)

7. Building New Habits & Paying Attention

• Self-management comes down to awareness:
  • Ralph: “One of the things that makes my recovery better is I started paying attention to stuff… your surroundings, your thoughts, and desires.” (10:07–10:39)
• The hardest challenge became the most rewarding; focusing on incremental gains keeps hope alive. (10:42)

8. Redefining Purpose & Activity

• Both emphasize that meaning and joy are still possible, though life inevitably looks different:
  • “Life changes… but it doesn't mean that it's ending. There are times it feels horrible ... but I can think of a lot of good things that it's brought out of me.” (10:48–11:17)
  • Ralph celebrates returning to regular activities—work, driving, woodworking, coaching grandkids’ sports—showcasing how purpose can evolve. (11:29–13:12)

9. Journaling: From Anger to Gratitude

• Ralph shares a powerful strategy:
  • Two journals: an “anger journal” to vent first, then a gratitude journal to reframe and balance.

    “That was the first journal I did every night was what got me angry today ... Then I can go to my gratitude.” (14:54–15:32)

  • Looking back reveals surprising growth:

    “I couldn’t go food shopping. I couldn’t cook… Now it’s like, wow, look what I can do now.” (15:55–16:05)

10. Instilling Hope & The “Why”

• Kathy assigns clients to name three positive things they accomplished each week, not just what others did for them. (16:15)
• Both host and guest agree: even if they only reach one person, changing that person’s sense of hope is worth all the effort.

11. Fighting Back After The System Says “You’re Done”

• For those told by medical teams that “this is it” after therapy, Ralph is defiant:

  “It’s time for you to fight ... the neuroplasticity will change your life. If you fight and you keep doing the things that you need to do or want to do, then you’re going to succeed ... Succeeding looks different every day, every week, and every month. But it does happen.” (21:42)

• Real-world examples:
  “I know people ... doctors said, get used to the wheelchair. You're going to be in it the rest of your life. Now she has a walking stick and could walk anywhere.” (22:39)
• Keeping active—lifting weights, using bands, pushing the boundaries—are all crucial. (22:40)

Memorable Quotes

• On self-advocacy:

  “Guess what? You can fire those people and go out and find somebody else.”
  — Ralph Cortese (03:58)

• On the “why” of living:

  “I had to decide. What it is I wanted. And I wanted to live.”
  — Ralph Cortese (13:08–13:11)

• On advice-giving:

  “If I give advice to somebody that didn’t ask for it, I’m taking responsibility for it. When it’s asked for, they take responsibility.”
  — Ralph Cortese (06:42–06:47)

• On anger and depression:

  “Depression is anger turned inward.”
  — Ralph Cortese (09:40)

• On hope in recovery:

  “Succeeding looks different every day, every week and every month. But it does happen.”
  — Ralph Cortese (21:42)

Notable Segment Timestamps

• 00:53 — Kathy’s vivid description of “the diagnosis package” and her refusal to accept a limited future
• 03:58 — Ralph: on firing unhelpful doctors and therapists
• 04:39/05:03 — Golf, pickleball, and making therapy support real-life desires
• 07:02 — The value of sharing "experience, strength, and hope"
• 09:40 — Ralph: “Depression is anger turned inward”
• 14:54–15:32 — Anger journal and gratitude journal practice for healing
• 21:42 — Message to those told “this is it”: fight for more, believe in neuroplasticity

Tone & Takeaways

This episode is a blend of tough honesty and unwavering optimism. Both Kathy and Ralph openly discuss the despair, rage, and fatigue that come with chronic illness and recovery, but every challenge is met with a commitment to hope, agency, and helping others reclaim meaning. Their stories—and practical tools—are an invitation to continue fighting, seek out supportive community, and define recovery on your own terms.

For further connection:

• Find Ralph’s resources and contact in the show notes.
• Listeners are encouraged to follow, comment, and reach out if they relate or need support.

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