Scout the Route! (OOTP Chapter 7, The Ministry of Magic)

Summary

MuggleCast: The Harry Potter Podcast
Episode: Scout the Route! (OOTP Chapter 7, The Ministry of Magic)
Release Date: November 19, 2024
Hosts: Andrew, Eric, Micah, Laura

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Introduction and Announcements

The episode kicks off with warm holiday greetings from the hosts, emphasizing the magic of spending time with loved ones. Following the introduction, the hosts share updates about their pop culture podcast, What the Hype, highlighting its growth and new distribution channels. They also announce the addition of gifting Patreon memberships, allowing listeners to gift 1 to 12 months of access, unlocking perks like exclusive bonus episodes.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew (00:21): “...all new episodes will live on the dedicated what the Hype WTF Edition feed, which will now just be renamed to what the Hype.”

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Sponsored Messages

The hosts briefly mention sponsors such as Dutch Bros and Shopify, promoting their services and special offers. These segments are concise and maintain the podcast’s engaging tone.

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Main Discussion: Chapter 7 of Order of the Phoenix

Overview of Chapter Seven: The Ministry of Magic

The hosts delve into Chapter Seven, titled "The Ministry of Magic," discussing Harry Potter’s journey to his trial at the Ministry. They explore Harry’s feelings of apprehension, the logistical challenges faced by Arthur Weasley in escorting him, and the overall portrayal of the Ministry's bureaucracy.

Key Points Discussed:

1. Arthur Weasley's Ineptitude:

   • The hosts critique Arthur’s lack of preparation for escorting Harry, questioning why the route wasn’t scouted in advance and why Harry doesn’t have a stronger support system during his trial.
   • Micah (12:44): “Throughout much of this experience... Mr. Weasley seems lost and I want to know why.”

2. Security and the Ministry’s Preparedness:

   • They debate the Ministry's security measures, pondering why there aren’t more wizards stationed along Harry’s route to ensure his safety.
   • Eric (14:11): “Why doesn't Harry have an escort?... This is important. This is his expulsion from Hogwarts hearing.”

3. Casting News for the Harry Potter TV Series:

   • The hosts share exciting news about Mark Rylance being considered for the role of Dumbledore, discussing his suitability and the implications for casting other characters.
   • Eric (06:56): “He got the Academy Award for supporting actor for Bridge of Spies... perfectly sells me on Dumbledore.”

4. Analysis of the Ministry of Magic’s Depiction:

   • They examine the depiction of the Ministry as a bureaucratic and neglected institution, highlighting its contrast with Harry’s magical experiences.
   • Andrew (09:49): “...a beautiful, huge atrium that is the entrance of the Ministry of Magic... security layer for the wizards.”

5. Cultural and Social Implications:

   • The hosts discuss the symbolic elements within the Ministry, such as the Fountain of Magical Brethren, and its broader implications on wizarding society.
   • Micah (29:40): “...the fountain and its creatures will play a major role in the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort...”

Notable Quotes:

• Andrew (12:45): “Arthur's pretty ho hum about the whole thing and what's going on with this guy.”
• Laura (27:09): “This place is overwhelming for your first time. It's a huge place with people running around everywhere.”
• Eric (29:17): “Halfway down the hall was a fountain... standing in the middle of a circular pool.”

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Segment: Please Translate for the Dumb Americans

A lighthearted segment where the hosts decode British terms for their American listeners. In this episode, they explain “kippers,” revealing them as smoked herring fish, much to the amusement and curiosity of the hosts.

Notable Quote:

• Andrew (51:43): “Kippers are herring fish that have been split, gutted, salted, and then smoked. So it's seafood for breakfast.”

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Interactive Segment: Take Your Kid to Work Day at the Ministry

The hosts engage their listeners by inviting them to imagine which Ministry departments would be best or worst for a “Take Your Kid to Work Day.” They share their own preferences and reasons, fostering a fun and interactive atmosphere.

Highlights:

• Best Departments:
  • Andrew (53:41): “Department of Magical Transport... super fun.”
  • Laura (55:35): “Department of Mysteries... I like weird creepy stuff.”
• Worst Departments:
  • Micah (54:56): “International Magical Office of Law... super boring.”
  • Eric (55:00): “Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes... traumatic.”

Listener Contributions:

• Suggestions range from vibrant departments like Magical Games and Sports to more subdued ones like International Magical Cooperation, each with creative justifications.

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Insights and Analysis

The hosts provide deeper analysis of the chapter’s themes, such as the Ministry’s oppressive tactics against Harry, the strained relationship between Arthur and Percy Weasley, and the subtle foreshadowing of future conflicts.

Key Insights:

• Ministry’s Manipulation:

  • They discuss how the Ministry is intentionally undermining Harry’s case to discredit him, highlighting Umbridge’s role in these schemes.
  • Eric (46:27): “Their goal overall is to discredit him. That's what Umbridge's plan was the whole time as well.”

• Arthur Weasley’s Role and Characterization:

  • The hosts critique Arthur's grasp of Muggle practices despite his role in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, questioning his suitability and effectiveness.
  • Eric (24:26): “...Arthur's office is smaller than a broom cupboard shows what they think of Muggles.”

• Symbolism of the Ministry’s Architecture:

  • The contrast between the rundown Muggle entrance and the grand Ministry atrium serves as a metaphor for the hidden strengths and superficial appearances of the wizarding world.
  • Micah (27:09): “...transitions are used across the wizarding world because these rundown areas, Muggles don't want to touch.”

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Audience Engagement and Fun

The hosts incorporate playful elements, such as brainstorming the best departments for holiday parties within the Ministry, further enriching the episode's interactive nature.

Notable Interaction:

• Laura (59:44): “..., expect them to keep a party going strong for hours.”

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Closing Remarks and Upcoming Content

In wrapping up, the hosts tease the next chapter's discussion and announce a new "Quizzage Live" segment, encouraging listeners to participate in upcoming live quizzes and events. They also remind listeners about supporting the podcast through Patreon and merchandise purchases.

Final Quotes:

• Andrew (63:28): “Now it's time for the Department of Quizzage.”
• Eric (62:56): “Maybe I'll get an office.”

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Conclusion

This episode of MuggleCast offers a comprehensive and engaging analysis of Chapter Seven from Order of the Phoenix, blending critical discussion with humorous segments and active listener participation. The hosts effectively balance in-depth literary analysis with entertaining interactions, making the podcast both informative and enjoyable for Harry Potter enthusiasts and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Andrew (12:45): “Arthur's pretty ho hum about the whole thing and what's going on with this guy.”
• Micah (29:40): “...the fountain and its creatures will play a major role in the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort...”
• Andrew (51:43): “Kippers are herring fish that have been split, gutted, salted, and then smoked. So it's seafood for breakfast.”
• Eric (46:27): “Their goal overall is to discredit him. That's what Umbridge's plan was the whole time as well.”
• Micah (27:09): “...transitions are used across the wizarding world because these rundown areas, Muggles don't want to touch.”

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Stay Connected:

• Subscribe: Follow MuggleCast on your favorite podcast app and YouTube for the latest episodes.
• Support: Visit patreon.com/mugglecast to become a patron and gain access to exclusive content.
• Merchandise: Explore mugglecastmerch.com for official merchandise.

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Thank you for joining this episode of MuggleCast! We look forward to bringing you more magical discussions next week.

Transcript

[Andrew]

The holidays are about spending time with your loved ones and creating magical memories.

[Eric]

That will last a lifetime.

[Micah]

So whether it's family and friends you.

[Andrew]

Haven'T seen in a while, or those who you see all the time, share holiday magic this season with an ice cold Coca Cola. Copyright 2024 the Coca Cola Company.

[Eric]

This episode is brought to you by Dutch Bros. Big smiles, rocking tunes and epic drinks.

[Laura]

Dutch Bros. Is all about you choose.

[Eric]

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[Andrew]

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[Laura]

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[Eric]

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[Micah]

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[Eric]

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[Micah]

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[Eric]

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[Micah]

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[Andrew]

Welcome to Michael Cast, your weekly ride into the wizarding world fandom. I'm Andrew.

[Eric]

I'm Eric.

[Micah]

I'm Micah.

[Laura]

And I'm Laura.

[Andrew]

And tonight Molly's making meatballs. But before we get to enjoy that delicious meal, we need to get through a grueling day of work and unnecessary persecution at the Ministry of Magic. First of all, though, a couple of announcements. Thank you so much to everyone who has already checked out our pop culture podcast what the Hype, which we launched earlier this year. The four of us and Pam could not be happier with how the show's been going and we love recording it. And I know our listeners have given us a lot of great feedback too. But since the show has been around for a bit now, we're pleased to announce that all new episodes will live on the dedicated what the Hype WTF Edition feed, which will now just be renamed to what the Hype. And of course on our YouTube channel as well, which is what the Hype podcast. The episodes will still be there and we will not be posting new episodes as regularly on the mugglecast podcast feed.

[Eric]

Every edition is a WTF Edition now, right?

[Laura]

Exactly.

[Eric]

The cusses kind of unleashed.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Even though we're no longer posting episodes of what the Hype in the mugglecast feed, please go and follow the what the Hype podcast feed in your favorite podcast app. Or like I said on YouTube. And thank goodness, now we just have this dedicated WTF edition, if you will, because Laura, you, Pam and I recorded a fourth Wing Slash Iron Flame episode yesterday and pretty adult episode.

[Laura]

Yeah, I feel like it gets particularly difficult the further you get into Iron Flame to make that conversation. Pg. So we're not.

[Micah]

Yeah, just a fun quick story. I was getting into the elevator at work yesterday and a colleague came up to me and said that they had started listening to what the hype. And then he proceeded to say, I was very disappointed you are not on the smut episode.

[Eric]

Definitely the colleague water cooler conversation. Why isn't Micah on the smut episode?

[Laura]

Hey, we could always do a part two. Let us know. Pam and I did that one. And on our other show, Millennial, which is hosted by myself, Andrew and Pa on our latest episode, discuss where we go from here after the results of last week's US Election. And believe it or not, we actually had a good time doing it. Somehow we got in some catharsis through the existential dread. So if you're feeling similarly, go check it out.

[Micah]

It was a good episode. I listened to it.

[Andrew]

Thank you, Micah.

[Laura]

Yeah, appreciate your support.

[Andrew]

Another announcement. You can now gift Patreon memberships. This is a feature we've been wanting to see from Patreon for a while, and they got it out just in time for the holiday season. So if you've been wanting a membership to our Patreon and you're still crafting your wish list for Santa, check out patreon.com mugglecast gift. We'll have a link in the show notes as well. And now your friend or family member will be able to gift you anywhere from 1 to 12 months of Patreon access. And one perk of becoming a patron is getting access to two brand new bonus mugglecast episodes every month. Later this week, our newest episode will have us discussing would we date a Witcher Wizard? And we'll be looking at the pros and cons. And I want to focus on the drama that could come with such a relationship.

[Micah]

Shocker.

[Andrew]

Of course, when I asked this question, I'm presenting it as if we were Muggles. We, of course, are not Muggles. But if we were, would we want to date one of us?

[Laura]

The International Statute of Secrecy. You can't just be broadcasting that to people.

[Andrew]

Crap.

[Laura]

We're called Muggle Caste. It's our secret identity. Just kind of blow it.

[Andrew]

Right? Right. I'll get legal on that. We'll figure out what to do, you know, so One question I want to talk about is would we be jealous of our partner being way more interesting than us as a wizard themselves?

[Eric]

That assumes a lot.

[Andrew]

I think most of our audience would agree. And, you know, what does this mean for the romantic side of our life as well? So we'll be discussing this in bonus Buckle cast this week. Now time for a little bit of news. Casting seems to be underway for the Harry Potter TV show. Mark Rylance is at the top of the list to play Dumbledore in the Harry Potter TV series. They're not in talks yet, but Variety reported this week that WB once Mark Rylance. So now they're talking to him to see if he will be available and if he wants to take on this massive commitment, which of course is going to be a big question for everybody who joins. Have y'all seen Mark Rylance in anything?

[Laura]

So I just looking at his IMDb, I see a couple of things that I, I know I've seen. I can't say that I'm able to pinpoint him, but don't. That's not a reflection of him. I'm just really bad at remembering, like, names of actors. But he certainly does look like he would fit the part. I think think the most recent thing he was in that I saw was don't look up Netflix movie a couple of years ago.

[Andrew]

He was also in the bfg. He was also in Bridge of Spies.

[Eric]

He got the Academy Award for supporting actor for Bridge of Spies. The Spielberg.

[Andrew]

He was also in Ready Player One. I recognize him. I haven't seen him in a ton of stuff, but he's definitely a memorable face. He's, he's, he's a recognizable face in Hollywood, I think.

[Eric]

Yeah. And Variety's article shows the perfect picture of him with a twinkle in his eye and absolutely 100% sells me on Dumbledore.

[Andrew]

So, Eric, you're saying Mark Rylance has the Dumbledore twinkle?

[Eric]

He's got the Dumbledore twinkle.

[Andrew]

Can he say, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire? Calmly? I think that's the next question that we don't yet know the answer to.

[Eric]

We're gonna have to wait like five years to find out.

[Micah]

It depends who is directing him.

[Eric]

There's yours there. Yes, yes.

[Micah]

I like how Mev put it in the discord saying that he has kind eyes and it's true.

[Andrew]

Yeah, he, I think generally he has a Dumbledore look. To me, he's in his mid-60s too, which is a little younger than Richard Harris was when he got started with the Harry Potter movies. It's interesting to me that we're hearing about a specific actor for Dumbledore first. We haven't heard of any other specific names for the cast yet. And this suggests to me, Andrew. Well, Dumbledore, I couldn't agree with you more, Micah, but this suggests to me that WB recognizes that as well, and they want to cast everybody else around Dumbledore. They want to play, they want to. They want to test all the other future characters and actors off of Dumbledore. So they got to get Dumbledore down early.

[Micah]

It's really his story at the end of the day. I mean, who are we kidding?

[Eric]

If you really want to build a series that looks as, like, back and forward and is good for the long haul, I think it's important to get some of these backbone characters, Dumbledore, Snape, Hagrid, that are going to be in, you know, all of the seasons of the show. So it makes sense to me.

[Andrew]

That is true. And you can imagine when they cast the trio, they want the kids to work really well off of whoever they select as well.

[Laura]

Right. Like, I can totally see when they're auditioning kids, auditioning them with Mark Rylance, for example, to see what their chemistry is like.

[Andrew]

Well, it's very exciting to see a name out there now for the Harry Potter cast. We'll see if this comes to fruition. And Mugglecast will continue to cover any and all Harry Potter TV show developments. So make sure you're following us in your favorite podcast app and on YouTube for all the latest and greatest Harry Potter TV news.

[Eric]

Ooh.

[Andrew]

All right, now it's time for chapter by chapter. And this week, we're discussing chapter seven of Order of the Phoenix, the Ministry of Magic.

[Eric]

Yes. We last discussed this chapter on episodes 240 called Join the Weasleys for October 2, 2011, and episode 440, Return to Sender for October of 2019. We're always talking about this chapter in fall, as it turns out. 2011, 2019, 2024.

[Andrew]

Let's hop into the time Turner and see what we discussed last time.

[Eric]

Three turns should do a living.

[Andrew]

Good luck. What the episode 240, is it just.

[Micah]

Like a security check?

[Andrew]

Yeah, and it's sort of like you. I mean, the wand chooses the wizard. It's a very important aspect of yourself. Sort of like on a driver's license, when in real world where you have your weight, your eye color, this is like. This is just another one of those things, I think that they take into consideration when checking you in. It's just a part of you.

[Eric]

So that's interesting. And that wizard's name is Eric, by the way.

[Micah]

Excellent.

[Eric]

Which is cool, except he's kind of a jerk.

[Andrew]

Episode 440 it was making me wonder what tech in 2019 would fascinate Arthur Weasley. Not AirPods because they already have wireless sound I think. So that's not really a big deal. Not virtual reality because they have ghosts and portraits. So they're kind of familiar with that.

[Laura]

I think the scooters, you know, like the bird scooters and the lime scooters.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

[Laura]

Like wow. Muggles have found a way to not have broomsticks but have a good substitute for them.

[Andrew]

Can they fly?

[Laura]

They could be enchanted to fly.

[Eric]

Mysterious thing time.

[Andrew]

Mysterious thing time. Dumbledore. I sound less drunk as time goes.

[Eric]

On, so that's nice. We all have a teenage voice. It's interesting to listen back to.

[Micah]

Less nasal decongestant as well. I think maybe the, the desert has dried you out a bit. You sound a lot better, Angela. Sure, I sounded the same way. Well, many of us have just spent the day working but unfortunately it's now time for us to get to work and we're going to be headed there with Arthur. And just to set the scene a little bit here, Harry wakes up. It is the morning of his trial at the Ministry. He does get a nice kind of send off party from a few folks at the breakfast table in Grimald Place. But what I really wanted to talk about kind of in the first half of this discussion is Arthur Weasley. And it might be harsh, but his ineptitude.

[Laura]

Oh man.

[Micah]

Throughout much of this experience that we have with Harry and Arthur, Mr. Weasley seems lost and I want to know why. Was this whole situation not scouted in advance? This is an important date for Harry. This is an important moment for Harry. Certainly Arthur and the rest of the order know the gravity of the situation, but Arthur's pretty ho hum about the whole thing and what's going on with this guy.

[Eric]

What surprised me is the route had not been pre scouted. So Arthur obviously gets to the Ministry every day of his working career, but not. Yeah, but not through the Muggle way. And so there they could have gotten lost if, if, if any one thing went wrong. If there's construction, sometimes your tube station is closed, you know. There doesn't seem to be a great knowledge of any alternate ways to get around. Arthur says he usually apparates we know side along apparition likely hasn't been invented yet as a thing in the book, otherwise they would have gone that way. But you're right. And why doesn't Harry have an escort? After it took so many adults to take him from a highly protected vault of Privet Drive to Grimmald Place? Why doesn't he have the same amount of people taking him to the Ministry? This is important. This is his expulsion from Hogwarts hearing.

[Micah]

I like that question though, Eric. Because as Arthur is walking Harry to the underground station, it said that he has his hand in his pocket, right? He's. He's basically on guard, looking out to make sure that there's nothing or nobody that is going to attack them. And you would think there would be some covert witches or wizards that were placed along this route to ensure the safety of Harry in this particular situation.

[Andrew]

Maybe, but it doesn't seem like there are. Right? Given how nervous Arthur is. And you mentioned his hand in his pocket and Harry even says he knows he's holding his wand at the ready. So I think. But I think it's not just the security that has Arthur nervous and on edge. I think he's nervous about Harry's trial. So there's just a couple reasons for him to be a little worried. In terms of scouting out the location, I wouldn't be surprised. We have to assume Arthur's been around London here and there over the years. He's probably somewhat familiar with this route to begin with. So scouting out the route for what? I mean, we're not talking about the Secret Service here.

[Eric]

This is just walk it a couple of times.

[Micah]

I don't think he's familiar with it because he's coming from Grimald Place. It's not a place that he normally lives.

[Laura]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I mean, what I will give to Arthur is that they do leave really, really early to make sure they have plenty of time built in. And I think that is probably why the route wasn't scouted in advance. But Micah, you said something that got me thinking. You know, if we're wondering why there weren't wizards stationed along the way to the Ministry for protection, I'm actually kind of surprised that Umbridge isn't trying to sabotage Harry even further. Right. We know they end up changing his appointment time and location. She already sent dementors to try and attack him on Privet Drive. If they know that, Harry's probably going to want to make a good impression by showing up at the Ministry magic free, that makes him A vulnerable moving target. And it's kind of surprising that they didn't try to capitalize on that opportunity.

[Eric]

It's interesting.

[Micah]

Yeah, yeah, that's a really good point. And something else that came to mind, and this is where I thought you were initially going, Laura, was maybe they don't also want to risk revealing Grim Old Place or the location of Grim Old Place. By having so many witches and wizards stationed in that area, you're drawing a lot more attention to it.

[Laura]

True, true. But also, aren't they kind of drawing attention by Harry and Arthur just walking out the front door to go to Harry's hearing? Like, it's kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Because they don't want to draw attention to Grim Old Place, but they don't want to use magic to get there. So there, unfortunately, it just doesn't seem like there was a great option.

[Eric]

Yeah, it's possible also that they're overreacting. Like, what would have been so bad if they had used flu powder to get to the Ministry, as so many of the Ministry employees do.

[Andrew]

Well, and also I'm just thinking, I don't know if this came up on the show a few weeks ago. I think we were talking about how CCTV cameras are everywhere, security cameras are everywhere around London. Maybe they were thinking, well, there's eyes around every corner on this street, so if somebody were to try to cause.

[Eric]

Trouble, it breaks the statute of secrecy.

[Andrew]

Yeah, well, and they, you know, there would be evidence of people, mystery figures attacking others in the streets. So they don't want to. The enemy doesn't want to draw attention to themselves.

[Laura]

I wonder what Arthur would think of mobile transit apps nowadays. I feel like a lot of people in major cities use these. I know when I lived in New York, I had the Metro Transit Authority's official New York City subway map that would tell you times that trains were coming and really make it easy for you to navigate the system. So given how tickled he is by the broken down ticket machines, I think he would lose his mind if he saw a Metro app in 2024.

[Eric]

I agree.

[Micah]

Yeah, and I'm glad you actually brought that up, Laura. We, we can move on from talking about how inept Mr. Weasley is in terms of leading Harry to the Ministry.

[Eric]

Can we think it?

[Micah]

But something we have talked about on this show before is that Arthur seems to know very little about pretty standard Muggle practices and this is in conflic with the job that he supposedly holds. And you mentioned Laura This. The fact that Harry is the one who has to pay the guard for their train tickets when they're on the underground, Mr. Weasley is constantly counting down their stops. This goes back to what we were just talking about in terms of there being a lack of preparation. Arthur is overly excited by how the turnstile takes his ticket. And then the first thing he asks when they get out of the subway is, where are we? He's never come by train before, nor has he used the visitor's entrance. Why is he the best person to be taking Harry to This New Yorker.

[Andrew]

Is showing my guy. Arthur is in act like a Muggle mode, and he's enjoying the full experience. He doesn't get to go on the subway too often.

[Micah]

This is the time for him to be enjoying the experience.

[Andrew]

Well, he's got to get something out of it, right? Besides carting this troubled child around town like, that's no fun. You just ask the Dursleys. No.

[Laura]

And.

[Andrew]

And who among us has not come out from the subway and been like, where the hell have I. Right.

[Eric]

Okay.

[Andrew]

Even you, Micah, need to get your bearings. Yeah.

[Micah]

You gotta scout the route. Like we're talking about. This is taking place in the mid-90s. There's no Siri. There's no Google Maps.

[Andrew]

Yeah. I can't prepare.

[Eric]

Yeah, right.

[Micah]

Like, if you have an important date, you have a interview. Like, what people would do back in those days is they would scout the route. They would go on the actual route to get from point A to point B. So that, like what Eric was saying earlier, you don't know what you're going to encounter along the way. It could be delays. There could be traffic. I'm serious, though. Like, such a lack of preparation.

[Laura]

No, I'm just. I'm laughing at myself, Micah, because even in recent history, I have been known to physically scout the route.

[Micah]

Yeah.

[Laura]

If I was going somewhere new that maybe I wasn't super familiar with, I knew I was going to be on a time crunch for. I wanted to gauge traffic. I wanted to gauge parking. So I've legitimately done that. Where, like, the day before, I had to go somewhere, I would get in my car and be like, let me.

[Andrew]

Just practice the drive.

[Eric]

And you see the place. Yeah.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Eric]

When I. When I'm about to scoot, I look up and kind of plan out in advance what the nearest bike lanes are so that I know my route, but.

[Andrew]

I have scooted the route. Have you scouted the route by scooting the route?

[Eric]

No, I don't scoot. That Cost. It costs money per minute. So I don't really scoot the.

[Andrew]

That's a good point. I can't believe how often this phrase scout the route has been coming up on this episode.

[Micah]

By the way.

[Andrew]

Yes, I updated our doc.

[Eric]

As Flora, as Laura said, the best thing that can be said about Arthur Weasley in this chapter is that he gets heir to the ministry without dying and, you know, early enough in the morning, but he also knows the number to dial on the. On the Muggle entrance. So, yeah, okay, he did his homework.

[Micah]

He had. I think, Andrew, your point about coming out of the subway station and getting your bearings as well. Taken. But there's a lot of other problems here along the way for Arthur Amadeufas Weasley.

[Laura]

And oh, my God, I did not fire.

[Eric]

Anticipate this.

[Micah]

I mean, can you blame Percy?

[Andrew]

Well, to the point of Arthur being excited about his surroundings. So, you know, I imagine he gets around town from time to time, but then it's like, I don't know, you return to a place that you love and you're equally excited as, like, let's say, Disneyland. You've been to Disneyland before, but maybe on your 20th time, you're as excited about it as you were the first time. It's just. This is his passion. Muggle things are his passion.

[Laura]

I feel like Arthur kind of romanticizes Muggle life in the way that a lot of people today romanticize the idea of a simpler life. Like homesteading and things like that.

[Eric]

Yeah, like a condescending way of, like, oh, they're so simple. But that, like, not intentionally condescending, but, like, you can't help but be a little biased.

[Laura]

Yeah. Almost kind of like, look at how brilliant and ingenious they are working around all of life's inconveniences without magic.

[Eric]

Yeah, but. But I mean. Okay, so, like, obviously every bit of Arthur Weasley in this chapter is meant for comedy. It's funny. It's funny to watch him not know things. But to Micah's point about his job, you're in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office, perhaps the best, most qualified candidate for that role. Now, I'm about to say he should lose his job, but like a Muggle born person who had no option but to grow up around Muggle things, which would give you that innate knowledge about what the Muggle things are, might actually be better suited than somebody like Arthur, who presumably never saw a Muggle before he got this job and, you know, is not so familiar with ticket machine or money. The money thing. He can't count money. I'm so. You gotta kind of learn how to do that if you're working in London.

[Micah]

Yeah. If nothing else, like, if you want to take the Arthur bashing out of this, I think it does put a lot of additional stress on Harry, like at a time where he doesn't need.

[Eric]

More stress, maybe it's a welcome distraction to Harry.

[Micah]

You could look at it that way, but I do think he's getting tasked with things in this moment that he doesn't need to be bothered with.

[Eric]

That's fair.

[Andrew]

No, that's true. He's got enough on his mind. All right, you got me. Are you happy?

[Micah]

All right. Well, we have officially arrived at the telephone booth. We've dialed magic into the pad. But as we descend down into the ministry, we need to take a quick break. And we'll be right back after these messages.

[Andrew]

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[Micah]

So welcome to the Ministry of Magic, everybody. I don't have the proper voice. As they hear on their way down.

[Eric]

Oh, I should have gotten the lady that does the Time Turner segment to say.

[Laura]

I was gonna say tonight.

[Micah]

Can she join us? One thing that jumped out at me was as with other first Time experiences in the wizarding world. Harry seems really taken by entering the Ministry of Magic.

[Andrew]

Yeah, well, I think what's interesting here, and we see this from time to time in the Harry Potter series, it's these transitions from something run down, decrepit in a corner, hidden away, you know, looks old, nobody would ever touch it. Like a port key in Goblet of Fire, the old boot. You go from this empty rundown street and Harry's like, why are we going in this phone booth? This doesn't make sense. You go from that to this gorgeous, glossy, beautiful, huge atrium that is the entrance of the Ministry of Magic. So I really like how these transitions are used across the wizarding world because these rundown areas, Muggles don't want to touch. Right. Because they're gross. Ew. Who wants to hang out over there? So it's like a security layer for the wizards.

[Laura]

Yeah, it's hidden in plain sight.

[Eric]

I wonder if obviously, you know this, this book is set in like 1995. I wonder if they've changed the Muggle entrance. As payphones are very hard to find, especially public payphones now. I wonder what it would be these days.

[Andrew]

That's a fun question.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Because, yeah, you're right.

[Eric]

There's one or two places I think maybe like a police station or something. You go in and all of a sudden like in the corner there'd be this beat up. Like maybe the receiver is missing, but it would still be mounted.

[Andrew]

Yeah. You know, yeah, maybe like maybe today's equivalent would be like a nasty bathroom stall in a restaurant. Like nobody wants to go into that bathroom stall because you know there's some girl screaming in there. Moaning myrtle.

[Eric]

Not, not something they should change it to. Maybe like a police box from the 50s or 60s or something because those things are iconic, timeless.

[Micah]

Yeah, I like that you brought that up, Andrew, because we're also going to experience the same thing with St. Mungo's a couple of chapters from now.

[Eric]

Oh, yeah. Like a dilapidated department storefront or something like that.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Micah]

Well, one thing that Harry seems extremely taken with upon arriving at the Ministry is the fountain of magical brethren and wondering, Eric, would you mind reading the quote?

[Eric]

None at all. Halfway down the hall was a fountain. A group of golden statues, larger than life size stood in the middle of a circular pool. Tallest of them was a noble looking wizard with his wand pointing straight up in the air. Grouped around him were a beautiful witch, a centaur, a goblin and a house elf. The last three were looking adoringly up at the witch and wizard.

[Micah]

So there's definitely a clear indication here of how witches and wizards view the world as a whole. But as we'll see in this book and beyond, certainly not the way the larger wizarding community views witches and wizards. The fact that all of these other creatures are looking up adoringly at the wizard and the witch. Now, are we surprised that Harry doesn't question the implications of the fountain?

[Laura]

No, I don't think Harry's there yet.

[Micah]

Distracted.

[Eric]

I mean, isn't it. Hermione points it out later in the book and she's, like, very, very, like, intuiting. She's very in tune with cultural sensitivities.

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Laura]

I mean, I know she definitely explains it in Deathly Hallows, but I don't.

[Eric]

Remember somebody at some point is like, you, Harry. That's B.S.

[Laura]

I think it was Dumbledore, actually.

[Eric]

Oh, God.

[Laura]

I think it was Dumbledore who said that fountain was a lie.

[Eric]

Well, I. And I wonder, like, how many adults that commute there don't think anything of the fountain, just like Harry isn't. Or how many of them are, like, emboldened by it. Oh, everybody loves us. Heck, yeah. And then how many other, like, adult wizards are like. Actually, that's kind of problematic. We should take it down.

[Andrew]

I want to know what Newt thinks about it, too.

[Laura]

I mean, think about, like. I'm thinking about. There's a monument, very large in Columbus Circle in D.C. of Christopher Columbus with two Native people, like, knelt next to him that is a real life representation of what this fountain does in this story.

[Eric]

Wow.

[Laura]

And people walk by it every day and they've got other stuff on their mind, so they don't take much time, probably, to think about it. Although I think probably the social awareness is a lot higher now than it used to be.

[Eric]

I'll play devil's advocate. Maybe the centaur isn't gazing up adoringly at the wizard wizard, he's gazing up at Mars.

[Laura]

Oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, you're all gonna die soon.

[Eric]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a smile on his face because he knows this torture is gonna be over soon. But.

[Andrew]

Well, and I think in terms of Harry recognizing what the meaning behind this statue, I do think, as was said a couple minutes ago, he is just distracted. I mean, this place is overwhelming for your first time. It's a huge place with people running around everywhere.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Micah]

And let's not forget why he's there. He has bigger things on his mind than this fountain, which it is important that it is really the centerpiece to the Ministry. Just given some of the characters we've met so far, like Cornelius Fudge, I think it speaks volumes about him as well. But there is a bit of a foreshadow alert here because the fountain and its creatures will play a major role in the duel between Dumbledore and Voldemort at the end of this book. And I wanted to ask one final question. On the fountain, do we think that it's at all different from the magic is might one that we see in Deathly Hallows? Is it two sides of the same coin?

[Laura]

Yeah. One of them is a lie and the other is a bold faced admission.

[Eric]

Wow.

[Micah]

Boom.

[Eric]

I'm gonna be sick. I mean, one is there for entertainment or maybe a feel good nature, and the other is there to inflict fear. So I'd say they couldn't be more.

[Micah]

Opposite, but the same coin.

[Eric]

Yeah. What Lars said is accurate.

[Micah]

Yeah. One of the great things about the Ministry is that it delivers on being very bureaucratic and very corporate. And I might get some anxiety going through and reading this list, but I'm gonna try and make my way through it.

[Eric]

You can do it, Micah.

[Micah]

Harry gets a security badge stating the purpose of his visit. Many of the witches and wizards that Harry encounters were wearing, quote, glum early morning looks, which I dubbed the classic. Why the bleep am I here? Another day of this B.S. look, we've all been there.

[Andrew]

Don't worry, Micah. It's almost Friday. Don't wor.

[Micah]

Eric. The security guard is noted to be, quote, a badly shaven wizard reading the Daily Prophet. I mean this is like just give him a donut and.

[Eric]

Yeah, yeah, just get through the day. I was surprised how I. He just. You. He just makes no impression really on Harry. He attempts to look at his scar and is whisked away quickly.

[Micah]

But Harry needs to present his wand for inspection. It's very similar to going through security at most office places. The elevator stops it every single floor.

[Eric]

Now I can tell that you work above the ground floor in an office building, don't you, Micah? I do because there's always.

[Micah]

And the elevators have been not the best the last couple of months.

[Eric]

Yeah. You think you're gonna get up to like your office on 7 or 10 or 11, but then somebody pushes 3, somebody who gets on at 4, pushes 6. You're like son of a.

[Micah]

Just want to stairs now.

[Andrew]

Micah, do you have to present your wand for inspection every day you go into the office? Or was that a one and done type thing?

[Micah]

I have to swipe my security badge.

[Andrew]

Okay. That's your wand?

[Micah]

That's my wand, yeah. Oh, we also have face ID so that.

[Andrew]

Oh, really? Wow. Very cool. I love that.

[Eric]

This is like Minority Report or something. Damn.

[Micah]

There are interdepartmental memos as well as enchanted windows, you know, to make sure people get that. You know, vitamin D. Vitamin D. Are.

[Laura]

They actually getting that, though? Because you have to be able to artificial light, I don't think counts.

[Andrew]

But. But magic artificial light.

[Eric]

Yeah, I'm gonna say 100. It's absolutely real because Lumos Solemn is solar, is the sunlight spell. Lumos is more artificial, But Lumos the lem is actual sunlight.

[Laura]

Ah, okay.

[Eric]

Yeah. Because there would be no point this far underground doing even fake windows if they didn't offer exactly what the sun offers. I think, like mental reprieve, feeling of calmness. I'm inclined to think they work 100%, as a real window would.

[Micah]

Well, yeah, because we learned that the weather can change depending on how the custodial staff feel about things.

[Eric]

So bureaucratic, so perfect.

[Micah]

Even the aurors have cubicles, which it's just.

[Eric]

I mean, what. What would you imagine for them? A panic?

[Andrew]

Micah's ready to cry right now. That's like, so triggering.

[Micah]

Cubicle. You're gonna put mad eye. Can you imagine Mad eye Moody in a cubicle?

[Eric]

Okay, well.

[Andrew]

Well, what do you think he prefers the cubicle or being stuck in a briefcase for, like, you know what? Maybe.

[Eric]

Maybe being in that trunk wasn't so bad because he's used to an even smaller cubicle.

[Laura]

Yeah, maika. What do you think is worse? Or what would be worse in this context? The cubicles or open concept, which is very popular right now in office settings where you have no privacy. Like, you don't have a cubicle.

[Micah]

That's a good question.

[Eric]

I'm picturing like a police station in a movie that has open, like, you know, every desk on the floor faces the same way.

[Micah]

We see it in Macusa a bit when, oh, yeah, newt gets brought in.

[Eric]

But as we've seen, we do get a glimpse, I guess, at Kingsley's either department or cubicle. And the walls are plastered with pinned up things of Sirius and everything. And so I think the cubicles are functional for giving people that wall space they need to do to conduct their investigation.

[Micah]

Well, Arthur doesn't have a cubicle. He has a dinghy office smaller than a broom cupboard.

[Eric]

What I. What I love about this is it's across from a broom cupboard. Like, they're turning, they're going down the corridor and Harry's like. And then there was a broom cover and across from it there was a room that was smaller than the broom cupboard. And I'm like, this is hilarious.

[Micah]

Well, and, and I think maybe in reading this we can get a sense for maybe why Percy feels the way he does about his father's job. Maybe not his father, but his father's job. Because two desks are crammed inside this office. There's no room to move around, very little wall space. And him and his co worker Perkins don't even have a window. He said that he was told that they didn't feel like they needed it. So it actually further kind of devalues Arthur and his work 100%.

[Andrew]

So you can see why Arthur was so excited for this field trip type of day where he gets to be Harry chaperone into the Ministry of Magic. It's a refreshing twist on his day to day life.

[Eric]

Well, the placement of Arthur's office, just like the statue of magical brethren, says a lot about the Ministry of Magic where it's housed. You know, the misuse of Muggle artifacts for a government that has a huge like statute of secrecy, that's like basically the prime directive of the wizarding world to have the department in charge of making sure one of the ways in which that statute is broken, the mis. Misusing teapots and toilets and all sorts of garbage bins, everything. Giving them an office that's this, that's smaller than a broom cupboard shows what they think of Muggles, shows how important it is that because it's not just about, I mean to talk about office real estate in a world where you can make something bigger than it is on the inside that it needs to be. His office could be a league long like it. He. There's no way he can stay organized in that small place. And so that shows that the corporate doesn't value what he does at all. Like, I think this actually shows that Percy is kind of right, that you could certainly have a little bit more ambition or pride for yourself.

[Laura]

Yeah, I think this is just another real life parallel companies, governments, what have you, tend to spend the least money on the things that they value the least.

[Micah]

Well, and I think the author is certainly drawing upon her own experiences here. I believe for a period of time she said she worked for Amnesty International. I think she actually described some of the offices that she worked in. And I wouldn't be surprised if this is reflective of that experience.

[Laura]

And it makes sense because I mean Amnesty International, it's a Not for profit, so I wouldn't accept expect them to have large, modern offices, and the same with governmental institutions.

[Andrew]

Well, Micah, I need you to take a break right now because I, I, I can tell. This discussion has made me feel really down. It's too triggering for. You know what?

[Micah]

We're getting to Molly's meatballs, so I.

[Andrew]

Can almost smell them.

[Micah]

But we'll talk about them right after this break.

[Andrew]

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[Micah]

Well, we encounter some familiar faces at the Ministry, but we can't act like we actually know who some of these people are. And I wanted to bring this up because Arthur and Kingsley, they pretend not to know each other in a social context. They behave very businesslike. And I think us as readers, and maybe even Harry in this moment, too, because I think Arthur steps on Harry's foot, we begin to understand just how sensitive and precarious things are for the Order members out here in the real world.

[Andrew]

It's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool nod to the situation.

[Laura]

Yeah. And I mean, we get to see that Kingsley is quite literally leading the Ministry and Aurors in the wrong direction when it comes to the investigation into the whereabouts of Sirius. And we also see Kingsley kind of taking on this role with Arthur where he's really talking down to him to really sell the act to any peers that might be walking by. But then they're speaking in hushed tones on the side, like, come over for dinner after this.

[Micah]

Molly's making meatballs.

[Laura]

Molly's making meatballs.

[Micah]

Such a great line. I wish it was in the. Was it in the movies?

[Laura]

No, I don't think so. No.

[Micah]

What a miss.

[Andrew]

We gotta max that, Max that, Max those meatballs.

[Laura]

But to be honest, that, that's another piece of. Arthur should have prepped for this. Like, he should have let Harry know, hey, if you see anyone from the Order that we know, the Ministry. God, you don't know them.

[Andrew]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eric]

And he should have said that while they were on the tube, like, well.

[Micah]

Too busy counting the stops.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Hey, I like those signs, too. I think they're pretty cool.

[Micah]

Yeah, I got it. I know you love trains. Choo, choo, choo, choo. All right, so we wrap this chapter up with the hearing for Harry being moved, and thank God for Perkins showing up and telling Harry that and Arthur that the hearing time and location have been moved. Now, I think we were told earlier on in this chapter that this was supposed to be a very kind of straightforward meeting in Amelia Bones's office. Much to do about nothing. She's a very nice woman. Just, you know, don't act out Harry and you'll be fine. And where this ends up is a much, much different location and situation for Harry to have to go in. And he's got to go it alone, which I don't think was ever probably communicated to him. He's expecting Arthur to be there. I mean, Arthur's done his best job to get him here. At this point, the least he can do is pull up a chair inside this room and sit down and support Harry, but that's not going to happen.

[Laura]

Yeah, it's kind of crazy that he can't have some kind of guardian in the room.

[Micah]

Like, especially he's underage.

[Laura]

Yeah, he's not of age.

[Eric]

So they didn't even want his. What would you call it, his lawyer present. You know, Dumbledore, is he. They didn't. They didn't want Harry to have legal representation. This is like interviewing somebody without their lawyer present is essentially what the Ministry did to Harry. They wanted him alone. They wanted him alone, scared, worried, defenseless.

[Andrew]

That's why they mentally thrown off his game. Like, I. If. If they change the location on me at the last minute, and I had been preparing for this for any certain amount of time, I would be thrown off. It's like when you arrive late to an appointment, or let's say you arrive late to doing this podcast, it just like. Like, throws you off after you've had a crazy day. You need time to, like, mentally reset yourself before the thing begins. And if they're changing the time and place right beforehand, that doesn't give you that reset period that you were hoping for.

[Eric]

Yeah, these charges are bogus. And it is known by a certain, you know, group of these people that are making these decisions. So instead, their game is to trip Harry up and have. And to dis. Their goal overall is to discredit him. That's what Umbridge's plan was the whole time as well, to assist the Ministry in that. And this is just another way in which they're doing it, but it's insidious. It's so bad. Yeah.

[Micah]

It makes it very clear that the Ministry is out to get him. I was wondering why the memo wasn't sent directly to Harry himself. Why does Perkins have this memo? Why? I guess what it tells me, number one, is they know that Harry is in the building. They know that Harry is with Arthur. But it's still not clear to me why Harry is not receiving this communication. Like, let's presume Arthur's not even part of the equation. There's nobody there to greet Harry upon his arrival to the Ministry. How would Harry even know where to go? Like, without Arthur, there's no way Harry gets it.

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah, and maybe they know Arthur's the designated chaperone.

[Eric]

Well, past that much. In government buildings, you do need an escort past a certain point. Or you're signed in as a visitor. And then it's like, who are you here to see? And it's like, that's your authorization. But Arthur wasn't even given that notice. So, like, to your point, like, legally, Harry should have been notified. Yeah.

[Micah]

All right. Anything else on this very fun chapter?

[Andrew]

Let's look at some odds and ends. Sirius's advice to Harry before going to the hearing was, don't lose your temper. Which I found very funny. It's good advice, somebody who loses his temper. Yeah.

[Eric]

It's good advice.

[Micah]

Yeah. We also got our first mention of Rufus Scrimgr. His name was dropped earlier in this chapter because it stated that he was suspicious of both Tonks and Kingsley. And let's keep in mind, at this point, he is the head of the Aura Office, so he is their boss. So it goes to the point that was made earlier that Kingsley and Arthur really do need to keep up the charade because if Scrimgear overhears, it could be trouble. He's already suspicious of what's going on. I also believe we get our first introduction to the Quibbler.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Micah]

Kingsley passes along an article to Arthur that he says Sirius will likely find most interesting. Is this the Stubby Boardman article?

[Laura]

Probably.

[Eric]

Oh, might be.

[Micah]

I was trying to remember which one it was off the top of my head. And that's the. That's the only, like, notable one that I would think Sirius would find interesting. Harry and Arthur, on their way down to the courtrooms encounter Broderick Bode who we later learn is an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries and he will meet his untimely demise before the end of Order of the Phoenix.

[Eric]

It does not bode well.

[Micah]

It does not bode well.

[Laura]

You see what you did there?

[Micah]

But he seemed pretty sharp. He recognized Harry, but doesn't make a big deal about it. And then we touched on this a little bit earlier. But in order to gain access to the visitor's entrance at the Ministry of Magic, you need to dial 62442, which spells magic.

[Andrew]

First of all, shout out to our old phone number which we recently had to say goodbye to, which is super sad. But what I found so cool about this 62442 line in the book is that Arthur does not say, oh, that's that translates to magic. And Harry doesn't realize it either. I seem to have a vague recollect, recollection that I learned about this through like mugglenet.com or something. One of those little hidden Easter eggs. And I thought it was so cool that it wasn't explained in the book. You just had to figure it out for yourself. And that's one of those little bits of additional magic you.

[Eric]

Because even in 2003, when this book was published, alphanumeric rotary telephones were near gone. The only one that I knew of was at my grandmother's house. And like, keypads didn't always have them or you're not looking or, you know, the use of number or the use of letters and phones didn't really happen. So it's just the most fun Easter egg.

[Micah]

I. I want to say too, that if you dialed that on the phone on the old JK rowling.com it did reveal something I'm forgetting.

[Laura]

Yeah, that's right. It did.

[Micah]

What it was.

[Andrew]

It may have been one of the secrets at the time to unlock a different room. But this also reminds me, I think if you dial 62442 at Wizarding World Orlando in front of Diagonally on the London street, I think it plays something through the phone.

[Eric]

I think it does too.

[Micah]

Ooh, yeah.

[Andrew]

Little bits of magic. And I have a new segment for us today. It's called Please translate for the dumb Americans. I have a sound effect. Are you ready?

[Laura]

Yes, duh.

[Andrew]

Okay.

[Micah]

Very good.

[Andrew]

So Mrs. Weasley offers kippers to Harry for breakfast, amongst other items that I did recognize, but I didn't know what kippers were. These aren't a thing here in America.

[Eric]

What are they? I've never heard of them before. Never had them. Certainly not a thing I've tried.

[Andrew]

Kippers are herring fish that have been split, gutted, salted, and then smoked. So it's seafood for Breakfast. I'm not a seafood person, so I'd be saying no. I'd say, molly, give me some of those meatballs.

[Eric]

I want that all the time.

[Andrew]

Meatballs or kippers?

[Eric]

Well, both.

[Andrew]

Meatball. Kippers.

[Eric]

I only know of kippers through a Supertramp song.

[Andrew]

Oh, okay.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Micah. Laura, did you know the phrase kippers? The word kippers?

[Laura]

I watched as a child, which, like, in retrospect, I'm like, I don't know, maybe I was too young for this. I watched Fawlty Towers as a child, which is a really, really great Britcom. And there was. There was an episode that had something to do with kippers in it, and that's the only reason I knew. But they no hate. They don't look super. They don't look super appetizing to me, but that doesn't mean that other people shouldn't enjoy them.

[Micah]

I. I had heard of them before, but I didn't know what they were. So thank you for educating me, Andrew. Who knows? It could come in handy on Jeopardy.

[Andrew]

Yeah, there you go. We learn something new every day.

[Micah]

All right, so now we're gonna have a little bit of fun with the different departments that get mentioned as Harry and Arthur are riding that very long elevator ride to Arthur's office. First we're gonna have some fun, and then our patrons are gonna have some fun. So I thought we could have some fun by figuring out what are the best and worst departments for take your kid to work day.

[Andrew]

So this was difficult for me to decide because it is still a workplace environment. Like, they're all just kind of blur because you're in an office space. But best for me. Micah, you mentioned I love trains earlier. I think the best would be level six, the magical. The department of magical Transport. And this incorporates the flu Network, the Broom Regulatory Control, the Port key office, and the apparition test center. Presumably, they keep an eye on the Hogwarts Express there as well. So that would be the best for me and then the worst. I would say Law Enforcement Level 2. Just compared to the others. I just think it would be the most boring.

[Eric]

I really like just, you know, for the record, Department of magical accidents and catastrophes. But I probably would never want to visit that because it seems like I would be traumatized by seeing it. So instead I'm going to say take your kid to work day for the Flu Network Authority on Level 6 or the Portkey office. Because magical transport is super fun. And if I assume you can't get your Kid into the Department of Mysteries. So that's a no go. But there's a lot there that can kill you in general.

[Micah]

Tommy, stay away from the veil.

[Eric]

Yeah, yeah.

[Laura]

Do you. This is the wizarding world we're talking about, though they don't.

[Eric]

Tommy, lean into the veil. Do you hear?

[Laura]

Everything is a security nightmare.

[Micah]

Grandpa's talking to me. Never mind. Wow.

[Andrew]

Wearing my security consultant hat right now. And yes, I say I declare that that area is off limits to the children for the reasons just stated.

[Laura]

No.

[Micah]

What about you, Laura?

[Laura]

Well, I think the best place would be the Department of Mysteries. But that's just because I like weird creepy stuff like that. So I think I would have been delighted as a child to go here. The worst. I said Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes just sounds traumatic. So.

[Micah]

Nah. Yeah, for me, I thought a fun one would be Department of Magical Games and Sports. Yep.

[Eric]

And they had a Ludo.

[Micah]

Yeah. Oh. Ludo and his friends got a huge shout out in the next segment we're going to do. But the worst. I'm kind of in agreement with you, Andrew. International Magical Office of Law. I feel like that's super boring. The kid would probably be asleep the whole time. No shade to the lawyers who listen to our show. We know we have quite a few.

[Eric]

You know, your.

[Laura]

Yeah. You better be careful, Micah. They're lawyers.

[Micah]

Oh. It's not like we're doing anything illegal yet. All right. I mentioned our patrons and we did ask over on our links line, which is a great benefit at the SLUG Club level. Since we're in the holiday season. Which department at the Ministry of Magic do you think would throw the best holiday party?

[Andrew]

Oh, yeah.

[Micah]

And we got some really fun answers.

[Andrew]

Michael W. Said the party on level seven is going to be wild. I'm picturing some of those ludicrous patents combined with complicated drinking games and sports. Level 7 being the magical Games and Sports departments.

[Micah]

Well, and it's level seven.

[Eric]

There would be bangs and loud noises and you'd never know. Somebody would say catch and you'd have to turn around and hopefully not die. Franzi says the Department of Magical Games and Sports, Ludo Bagman. Would one throw one hell of a party with a couple of betting games in which he would probably had a hand to win most of them. Oh yeah.

[Micah]

Well, Leia agrees with Michael. Gotta be level 7 Quidditch League jocks mixed with department that named themselves Ludacris. Plus the Gobstone club members. It's the geeks who party hardest.

[Laura]

That is true. I can attest to that.

[Andrew]

Don't we know it.

[Laura]

Jennifer says level three, which hot take because that's the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Jennifer says if you get way messed up, the healers are going to be able to fix you. Plus those healers probably throw some swanky parties. That's true.

[Eric]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

Rachel S. Said it sort of depends on your idea of a great party. I think Department of Mysteries would go to an escape room, which would be totally awesome. Department of Game Sports would probably have the biggest party atmosphere with major out with major athletes, great music and alcohol. I'm getting Olympic Village vibes. Can you imagine the gifts that would get given at a ministry wide Secret Santa? Ooh, good points.

[Eric]

That's good. It's all about the fun you can have at work. Amy says, I always picture the Department of Magical Games and Sports to be full of former frat bros who can throw a killer party and maybe not do much else. That's at least the vibe I got from Ludo Bagman, so I assumed his colleagues are similar. As others have said, they have access to famous athletes to add prestige to the invite list. And I'm sure they can keep a party going strong for hours.

[Micah]

Miranda says, the Department of Magical Games and Sports, they're getting a lot of votes here. They probably held onto a lot of money from hosting the Quidditch World cup and would be able to get all the international footage celebrities. I could see it being very vip, like the Met Gala.

[Laura]

Yeah. Shannon says, I say level four. You could get magical creatures from all over the world, plus ghosts. The guest possibilities are endless. And I think the goblins would be fun for party games. They'd probably win them all and take all your money, but they'd like being included even if they wouldn't admit to it. It would be an outdoor barbecue, potluck type party to accommodate everyone. Mermaids could provide musical entertainment. Fairies would provide pretty lighting. When it gets dark, leprechauns would put on a fireworks show to end the evening. Just don't try to pay off the goblins with the fake gold. I love that. Very creative.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Zachary B. Said level five. The Department of International Magical Cooperation sticks out the most to me. Being raised in a German slash Irish, Catholic and Jewish household, the holidays have been full of sweets and traditional foods. To me, the holidays have been about food and fellowship and what better way to celebrate than with our friends from other cultures. It would be great to see how our wizarding people from across the world celebrate.

[Micah]

What?

[Andrew]

Dishes, drinks, potions, gifts and dancing or activities they do. My wife is Puerto Rican and the way her family does the holiday season is different from the way mine does, which is something I love. We could all do with being a little more culturally knowledgeable. I believe it would be the same for the wizarding world. Instead of drinking mulled wine or eggnog, maybe a witch or wizard could bring coquito to festivities. Coquito to festivities. I love that answer.

[Micah]

That's a great answer.

[Eric]

Yeah, that's really good stuff.

[Laura]

Very on point, Zachary.

[Eric]

Yeah, International Magical cooperation sounds like a good vibe. And Jen wrote Department of Magical Games and Sports. Man, we should have a bell or something that we ring. I love games and I love to see what other wizarding games are out there besides the few we get to see in the books. Oh, I love that.

[Micah]

And finally, to bring us home, Danielle says the Portkey office They could host the party literally anywhere. They could invite as many folks as they wanted as long as all the Portkeys lead to a big enough venue. Alternatively, they could set up a handful of party event spaces and host a progressive dinner where you have one course in each location, then grab a new Portkey to get to the next stop.

[Andrew]

So awesome.

[Laura]

Or like bar hopping, but port key hopping. Just an alternative.

[Eric]

Let's see where this one goes.

[Andrew]

Well, thank you Slug Club patrons who submitted answers. It's always fun reading all of these listeners. If you have any feedback about today's chapter, you can contact us by emailing or sending a voice memo that is recorded on your phone to michaelcastmail.com and now it's time for the Department of Quizzage.

[Eric]

I love that. Maybe I'll get an office. Last week's question was in the Sorcerer's Stone PC game, what spell do you primarily use to deal with doxies? And for those who knew this answer, say it aloud with me. Flash Flippin so many good answers. 70% of people said they didn't look it up. It's that memorable. That is the spell that you use in that game. Last week's winners were Buff Daddy Happy Charmander. I heart Muggles Michael W. My son is also called Bort Voldemort PS1 Hagrid is the stuff of my nightmares. Scourge Spongify the best made up spell Sugar Daddy Harry the Doxy who is Creature's best friend. Aw, that's kind of sad. And the what the Hype theme song is a banger. Oh yeah it is. Yeah it is.

[Andrew]

Subscribe to the what the Hype feed.

[Eric]

Roll it. No, here is next week's Quizzage question. What is Amelia Bones middle name? Got a random book question pertaining to the next chapter? Is Quizzage back? Is it changing? Is it no longer world events? I don't know. We'll see. Submit your kwizzitch answers to us using the quizzitch form on mogocast.com quizzitch or on the main site. Click on the main nav at the top where it says Quizzic.

[Micah]

I'm just envisioning creature walking around Grimald Place with one of those petrified doxy is like talking to it.

[Eric]

Yeah, now I'm like his fingertip. It's like Newt and the bowtruckle.

[Micah]

Yeah, he calls it Regulus.

[Eric]

Aw, that just got extra sad.

[Andrew]

Speaking of Quizzage, we have a new Quizzage Live in the works just before the end of the year, so stay tuned for that. It should be a lot of fun. We were brainstorming some categories the other day. Stay tuned for more details. You can play Quizzage live with with Mugglecast and your fellow Harry Potter friends around the world. This show is brought to you by Muggles like you. Listener support is the only reason we have been able to podcast for 19 years. There are three great ways to help us out. Apple Podcast subscribers can sign up for Mugglecast Gold and that gets you instant access to ad free and early releases of Mugglecast, plus two bonus Mugglecast installments every month. For even more Benefits, [e-mail] mugglecast and you get all the benefits of gold, plus live streams, yearly stickers, links, line participation, a physical gift, and a video message from one of the four of us made just for you, amongst other perks. And with the holidays upon us, treat yourself or a Harry Potter loving friend or family member to one of the following. Mugglecastmerch.com has great official Mugglecast merch including glassware, hats and shirts. Patreon.com Mugglecast Me is where you can gift a Patreon membership for instant access to the above benefits and mugglemillennial Etsy.com is where you can find our remaining inventory from years past, including the super cozy Mugglecast beanie and socks. Also check out our other weekly podcasts, what the Hype and Millennial for more pop culture and real world talk from the four of us. And that does it for this week's episode of the show. Thanks everybody for listening. I'm Andrew.

[Eric]

I'm Eric.

[Micah]

I'm Micah.

[Laura]

And I'm Laura.

[Andrew]

Time to eat some kippers and meatballs. Bye, everybody.

[Micah]

By.

[Andrew]

RA.