MBMBaM 734: Twelve Volumes of Ichor

Summary

My Brother, My Brother And Me - Episode MBMBaM 734: Twelve Volumes of Ichor

Release Date: October 21, 2024

Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

---

The Metaphorical Defeat of the Joker (02:07 - 06:20)

In this segment, the McElroy brothers embark on a humorous yet philosophical journey to "defeat" the Joker, portraying him as a symbol of chaos and an indefinable idea that resists eradication.

Griffin enthusiastically announces, "We got the Joker. For real. For real this time." (02:07), humorously claiming to have finally subdued the notorious villain. Travis reinforces this triumph with, "The clown is down." (02:09), setting the stage for a deeper exploration of the Joker's enduring presence.

Justin ponders the nature of the Joker, stating, "He's an idea." (02:33), suggesting that unlike a physical entity, an idea cannot be easily extinguished. This leads to a playful debate about the resilience of ideologies, with Griffin countering, "Except you can," (02:35), keeping the banter lively and engaging.

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Dissecting the 'Joker' Movie and Its Sequel (04:13 - 09:33)

The conversation shifts to a satirical critique of the 'Joker' film series, particularly focusing on the anticipated sequel, "Folie a Deux."

Travis muses, "Travis is a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it." (00:21), introducing his character's dubious expertise, which continues as they discuss casting choices and narrative decisions.

Griffin introduces Lady Gaga's role in "Joker 2" with, "She knew exactly what she was doing," (05:17), mocking the idea of her being an undercover agent within the film’s plot. This leads to a collective sentiment of disappointment, with Justin affirming, "It must be a bad movie." (04:59), reflecting a unified critique of the film's quality.

The brothers further mock the interconnectedness of the DC universe, questioning the inclusion of the Joker across different storylines and the inconsistent portrayal of his character, thereby highlighting the absurdities within cinematic continuities.

---

The Symbolism of Dead Birds (25:23 - 38:43)

Transitioning to a more whimsical topic, the McElroy brothers delve into the quirky symbolism behind encountering dead birds, blending humor with mock-serious analysis.

Griffin opens the discussion with, "Discover what dead bird dreams and encounters are telling you... we're here to help you figure out what the universe is trying to tell you." (25:23), setting a playful yet pseudo-intellectual tone.

They explore various interpretations, such as:

• An omen of significant life changes or transformations.
• A warning of impending obstacles or challenges.
• Signifying the end of relationships or personal endeavors.

Justin humorously suggests, "Dead birds die by choice," (33:10), introducing a fantastical element to the conversation. Travis adds his fear with, "If I see a dead raven lying on the ground, I'm running away so quickly." (32:45), emphasizing their lighthearted approach to the topic.

Throughout this segment, the brothers employ their signature comedic style to explore superstitions and spiritual interpretations, making the discussion both entertaining and thought-provoking.

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Halloween Costume Culture and Creativity (11:20 - 22:22)

The conversation shifts to the often challenging and creative process of selecting Halloween costumes, touching on the pitfalls of overly clever or obscure ideas.

Justin shares his inventive idea, "Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon," (11:20), a pun blending the reality TV host Jeff Probst with the beer brand PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon). This sparks a debate on the effectiveness of such punny costumes, especially when they may not be immediately recognizable.

Travis humorously contemplates the natural progression of movie sequels with, "If they make him do a third one? The natural extension of that is him going, I don't wanna talk about this movie." (07:34), maintaining the critique of industry iterations.

Griffin contributes by role-playing hypothetical scenarios involving mismatched Halloween personas, enhancing the comedic aspect of the discussion. Justin encapsulates the sentiment by stating, "I just think if you're going to go pun, both parts of the pun have got to be immediately recognized." (20:33), advocating for clarity in creativity.

Travis reinforces this by observing, "I think there's a problem with costumes," (17:32), emphasizing the balance needed between originality and recognizability to ensure a fun and engaging Halloween experience.

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Humorous Interludes and Ad Parodies (Various Timestamps)

Interspersed throughout the main discussions, the McElroy brothers insert humorous ad parodies and satirical promotions for fictional products, maintaining the podcast's signature blend of humor and satire.

At 31:02, Justin mocks a promotional segment: "Master of terror, Justin McElroy has been scaring you for decades... twelve volume series available for a low monthly fee." This is swiftly followed by Griffin's playful additions, ensuring the comedic flow remains unbroken.

These segments, while parodic, enhance the overall entertainment value of the episode, providing listeners with lighthearted breaks amidst the main content.

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Conclusion

In Episode MBMBaM 734: "Twelve Volumes of Ichor," the McElroy brothers seamlessly blend humor, satire, and insightful commentary across a range of topics. From the metaphorical defeat of the Joker and a critique of the film series to the whimsical symbolism of dead birds and the creative challenges of Halloween costumes, the episode offers a rich, engaging experience that is both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin (02:07): "We got the Joker. For real. For real this time."
• Justin (04:59): "It must be a bad movie."
• Griffin (25:23): "Discover what dead bird dreams and encounters are telling you."
• Justin (20:33): "I just think if you're going to go pun, both parts of the pun have got to be immediately recognized."
• Griffin (22:22): "Don't worry, I'll talk more about the sword later. For now, I wanna tell you."

These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of humor, parody, and cultural critique, providing listeners with both laughs and light-hearted insights.

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For those who haven't listened to this episode, "Twelve Volumes of Ichor" offers a delightful mix of comedy and commentary, showcasing the McElroy brothers' unique ability to entertain while thoughtfully dissecting various aspects of popular culture.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother, Me and advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up Trav nation? I'm your middle is brother. Big dog chasing a car. Just want to watch the world burn.

[Justin McElroy]

Woof woof.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy. My fellow Americans.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I come to you this morning with excellent news. We got him. He's eluded us for decades and the whole time running amok, I would say causing a lot of running several mucks, really a lot of amoks and just senseless. Just chaos all over the place and really just a really all around shitty guy. But we got the Joker. For real. For real this time. We took him down and I think I played my part. I think we all played.

[Travis McElroy]

The clown is down.

[Justin McElroy]

We wanted you and the rest of our listeners to be the first to know that we killed the Joker for you today. Captain. We just want to salute you Captain. Our fighting forces.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you proud of us?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like a V for Vendetta thing. You can't kill the Joker by stabbing him with a knife in the heart or shooting him with a gun. You know why? He's an idea.

[Justin McElroy]

He's an idea.

[Travis McElroy]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's an idea.

[Travis McElroy]

You can't kill an idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

Except you can. Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you come out and you're like, hey, what's up? I'm Joker. I got new ideas. And everyone on earth is like I think we're actually.

[Travis McElroy]

We're good.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we've had our fill of Joker.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much. Then the idea just kind of.

[Travis McElroy]

I was about to say, you know, I'm having a hard time because I haven't seen it. But then it sounds like that's what a lot of people could say. A lot of people maybe could say, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I did have that moment of, like, trav am I more. I do have. We're cultural critics if nothing else.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel an impulse to be culturally relevant with my finger on the zeitgeist. At this point, though, I'm not sure if it's more zeitgeisty to not see the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I think I'm plugged in.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're sheep. By doing nothing. By doing nothing, we have made the choice.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm more plugged in to, like, the public consciousness having not seen the movie the Joker.

[Travis McElroy]

The rebellious act now would be to go spend money at a movie theater and watch a movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Only I really don't. And I wonder if this is how other people feel. I really don't want to. I really don't want to see.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the other problem with the struggle.

[Griffin McElroy]

It could have tomorrow's winning lottery numbers in it. I don't think I want to go see Joker. Folie a deux.

[Travis McElroy]

The thing is, I'm a fairly plugged in person. A young man about town, bon vivant. And I know I've seen previews for Joker 2. I know I have. I've seen coverage. They're covering it so much. I couldn't tell you what happens in the ding dang movie. Yeah, yeah, I know Joker's there and I think Stephanie's there as Harley Quinn.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Travis McElroy]

And that's about all I know. I don't know any action or plot. I couldn't even tell you. At least from the first one. I could have told you. Oh, he dances down some stairs.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And this one. All I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

All I know is that they've got the two of them in it. They got it.

[Justin McElroy]

Was I right about the Joker? And then everyone else just had to catch up. Is the rest of America now realizing that we, the people who said this is actually not in fact a good film? Are we now being proven right? Is it? I know taste is subjective, but once history gives you these things to work with and build on, I feel like it is conclusive now that Joker was the piss.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a king.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? It must be a bad movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think we have to support our troops that have been active in this battle for a long time. We had a brave agent undercover in this one. Lady Gaga working to take the machine down from inside the machine.

[Justin McElroy]

We Got him.

[Griffin McElroy]

She knew exactly what she was doing. She said, I don't know if I want to be in this one, but if it means I can take down the Joker by being a secret sleeper cell undercover agent, so be it. And so, I mean, congratulations. It must have been really hard to be in Joker 2 when she showed.

[Travis McElroy]

Up and they were like, hey, Lady Gaga, we're going to be filming a movie called Folie a Deux. We'd love to have you in it. She says, oh, that sounds very fancy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

So then she.

[Travis McElroy]

Then she shows up, first day, and there's the Joker. And she's like, oh, what the fuck?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, she probably saw Joaquin first. And she probably saw Joaquin.

[Justin McElroy]

Joaquin.

[Travis McElroy]

Damn it, Juice, you did it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right as I was gonna do it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry, girl.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's okay, man. We have the same brain. I don't going right into it.

[Justin McElroy]

I really wasn't trying to rob your.

[Griffin McElroy]

Done bug me at all. She probably saw Joaquin and was like, I wonder what kind of Joaquin I'm gonna get in this film. A soft, sensitive her type or like a crazy, dangerous, crazy man. And then he walks in and his Joker makeup and she's like, oh, man, I'm in a Joker movie. That must have been really tough.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, a couple things that I've enjoyed about the interview circuit for Joker Foliadu and that have nothing to do with the film itself. The number one is Lady Gaga asking Joaquin Phoenix questions about Lady Gaga music mid interview with other people.

[Griffin McElroy]

How was that?

[Justin McElroy]

And pretending he's a very big fan of Lady Gaga music. And then asking questions about Lady Gaga music. It ripped ass. Oh, so kind of Batman. Hey, listen, Lady Gaga made Joaquin Phoenix so uncomfortable in that moment.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It made it almost made up for how uncomfortable Joaquin Phoenix makes me every single day of my life every time I see him.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin. It was kind of gigacha journalism.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, it was gigacha journalism.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're heating up. One more of those guys and we're going to be dunking fire.

[Justin McElroy]

The other interview I liked about this is when Joaquin was like, I don't really want to talk a lot about my diet for the Joker. And he's like, I was watching interviews for the last movie and I just talked all the time about how little food I ate to be so skinny for the Joker. And I'm just so boring. I was so annoyed that I was annoyed with myself. So I just don't wanna talk about it. Cause it's like, who cares?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta Say, what's.

[Travis McElroy]

If they make him do a third one? The natural extension of that is him going, I don't wanna talk about this movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're confused. They won't make a third one. We fucking got him.

[Travis McElroy]

We got him.

[Justin McElroy]

We got the third one. There's not gonna be a third one. I will be surprised if they ever mention the Joker again.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, he'll come back in the next Affleck. Batman. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Trav.

[Justin McElroy]

He's done, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because do you remember who the Joker was in that sort of modern universe? That's Jared Leto. Which started the descent, which started the decline.

[Travis McElroy]

That can't be done. It did it.

[Justin McElroy]

I say Cesar Romero did when he refused to shave his mustache.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a very Joker thing to do, though.

[Justin McElroy]

It is very Joker, though, isn't it?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm excited to see. Do you think that they'll include the Joker man in the Robert Battinson the Batman movies?

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess there is a. Yeah. I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

They're in a separate. They're separate little side pockets of the DC universe.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no, wait, they did. They included the one from Gotham. The Gotham man was in the end of the Batman.

[Justin McElroy]

This is too stupid to talk about anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's actually.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to talk about Batman. It's too stupid. The Joker. I think what everyone's realizing is, like, this is all silly.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a comic book. He's a cartoon. It's a cartoon.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's like, on Marvel's side, you got a cartoon man who does deadly pranks. Great. They got a fucking purple alien who's jacked as fuck and he can kill half the universe in one snap. And what's your guy do? He has a little gun that squirts out Laffy juice. Oh, that's great. Great, great. Our guy can kill him.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, he's a little politically incorrect. Uh. Oh, wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, I love Thanos.

[Travis McElroy]

More. Thanos. Bring him back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please bring Thanos back. I'm ready for more.

[Travis McElroy]

Played by Robert Downey Jr. It's Thanos.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey. People talk about this sort of like going back and talking to one's past self a lot. But I do think it would be. If I could have one 30 second conversation with a teenage self, I think I would draw upon him just like, hey, J man, just want to let you know that Joker musical is dropping this weekend in movie theaters, and you're probably not gonna go watch it.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, bye.

[Griffin McElroy]

Geez, you could tell that to you probably six months ago, and you'd be like, fuck a Joker musical. No fuck way I'm there.

[Justin McElroy]

Day one. Here we are.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here we are.

[Justin McElroy]

Here we are recording this podcast. Missing yet another show.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we could be there.

[Justin McElroy]

Joker. Perhaps several showings simultaneously of Joker.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. The flick is 40 minutes long. It trusts.

[Justin McElroy]

It is a 40 minutes. Yeah, that's the other problem is it is about as long as a silly symphony.

[Travis McElroy]

It actually. Yeah, it plays at the beginning of the new Pixar movie. You squash the Joker and then we're straight into Toy Story 6 or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I think this is the new standard of cinema. A movie is good or bad, depending on if it would be better if Deadpool appeared in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

By which I mean this. Wouldn't it be good if Deadpool appeared in the Joker?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Even for just a moment.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. But if you think of your favorite films, would they be improved by Deadpool?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, probably not.

[Travis McElroy]

But Deadpool's already in Deadpool, Justin, so I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a really good point, Trev. Thank you. I'm currently planning my Halloween costumes for this year. I liked. I'm a big Deadpool. I like to be fun and creative. For example, one of my ideas this year is Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon.

[Travis McElroy]

Like pbr.

[Griffin McElroy]

Say it faster. Like, try to.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna say it faster, but I don't know that I'm gonna be able to help it much. Let's try again. Jeff. Jeff ProBST Blue ribbon. TMTMTM.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

Probst Blue Ribbon.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's really good.

[Travis McElroy]

Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon. That might just be hard to say.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would just. And just dress up like Jeff Probst, but just call it Probst Blue Ribbon. You don't have to say the Jeff.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, there you go. Yeah, don't say Jeff.

[Justin McElroy]

There we go. The problem is that I absolutely dread the inevitable. So what are you supposed to be? Okay, you are not making it easy for yourself with Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon, my friend. Just a warning. And the subsequent middling response, at best, are blank stare. At worst. Should I stop trying to reinvent Hallow Wheel or should I just try to chase my bliss? That's from get it in Minneapolis.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have a creative heart and the spark and the muse is inside you. You have big power and you are channeling it all the time. And you make things harder for yourself. You make things harder for yourself, but that's when you confront that muse and you grab that big magic Sometimes you do have to do hard things. I support your vision fully and completely. I think it's fucking live love. Yes. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, not that one.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not what it is.

[Justin McElroy]

It's vulnerable. It's a vulnerable time. Halloween. You're opening up yourself, your heart, and you're saying that this is some part of yourself you'd like to explore. I think this is a vulnerable thing. And I think that if you have a gag costume or a punny costume, you've sort of. I think you've defaulted on that contract. I don't think you've revealed anything about yourself except that you like to use cleverness to hide behind.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's a pretty big one to reveal about yourself. Juice. What you just said.

[Justin McElroy]

True. It's true.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's the thing, and I think the reason you get a weird reaction when you say, like, a Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon is because part of the fun of Halloween isn't just your costume. It's the little solving of the mysteries that the people who see your costumes get to do. They get that little dopamine bump of, like, I figured it out. And when you say Jeff Probst Blue Ribbon, and they think, well, there's no way I was gonna get that right.

[Justin McElroy]

It feels bad. And it's not. It shouldn't be a riddle. You're wrong. No one wants to.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not saying it's a riddle. I'm saying it's a recognition. It's like, oh, you're this. You're Deadpool. Oh, you look great. And if they don't get it, they feel stupid.

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels okay, but it's a trap.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, of course. Like all jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we roleplay for just a second, hypothetically? You guys are at a bar on Halloween night.

[Justin McElroy]

Greetings, Griffin. Welcome to Mind Parlor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, we're role playing.

[Justin McElroy]

I didn't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, but that's not typically how we do it.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, we'll say, hey, what do you have? Mac, Come on in.

[Justin McElroy]

Welcome to.

[Travis McElroy]

Looks like you've had a rough day. Massage and have a skirt at the bar. I'm Sam from Cheesy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was thinking more like, you guys are yourselves. Like, you guys.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I'm barking. You guys can be the other characters.

[Griffin McElroy]

Too, but you're splitting. Splitting roles here.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm Davey, who's still in the Navy. Probably will be for life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you give me Travis? Can you give me some Travis?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, let me say.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just talk.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Oh, hi. I'm making love to my tonic and gin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Making wet splashes everywhere on the table.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Dipping my balls in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And Justin, you're also there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm just listening now.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's these other big characters that you guys have created, and I love them and I love all the work you did.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm the piano man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so it's actually Billy Joel. Okay. So you hear the ding, a ling from the chime over the bar door, and in walks someone dressed up as Prop's blue ribbon. They're dressed up like a pbr, but they have like the survivor hat, maybe a buff, maybe an immunity necklace to really sort of like send it through. Maybe they've got Jeff's fucking knife that he doesn't stop carrying around and stabbing things with all season long.

[Justin McElroy]

Is he the only TV host on network TV that is carrying a knife at all times while he's Steve Harvey on network tv?

[Griffin McElroy]

Steve Harvey definitely has a big Bowie knife strapped to his thigh. But Jeff, it's just like he looks for any opportunity. Bag of rice stab. Better hurry. Rice is pouring out. I'm gonna do a few more stabs. Cause of how good it feels. Anyway, they walk in, they walk in. Maybe you figure it out, maybe you don't. But they reveal to you. Oh, yeah, I'm. I'm a probe's blue ribbon. You're telling me your response would be like, eh. I think all three of us would be like, oh, that's fucking great. You don't have to laugh like funny.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll show you exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't get it.

[Travis McElroy]

This is exactly my response, Griffin. This is no joke. My response. Oh, okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, man, not me. I would hit you up style.

[Justin McElroy]

If I got it, I would feel great. If I didn't get it, I would feel bad all night. Because if I don't get it, I failed them. If I don't get Prope's blue ribbon and I'm me, I really let the ball drop.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what I would recommend. This hasn't been helpful, so let me make it helpful for a second. There are two avenues for you to go down. Okay, Justin, I'll come back to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't say anything.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay? Now you made a face about it not being helpful. I get it. There's two avenues you can go down with your Halloween costume. One is creativity, right? You're gonna think of something everyone else is gonna think of. But the other one's execution with a detail like, oh, you even got that, you know, that pin on the jacket that they Have. Right. Maybe start funneling your energy that way. Because, like, yeah, like, if it's three years ago, everyone's gonna be doing Ted Lasso or whatever, but maybe yours is the best Ted Lasso.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't be Ted Lasso this year.

[Travis McElroy]

Not now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please don't be Ted Lasso this year, gang.

[Justin McElroy]

Just what is the number of years before Ted Lasso is hysterical?

[Travis McElroy]

Three more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Is it three?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like the movie will be out in three, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, yeah. You gotta do it before that.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. You beat the movie to relevance.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanna hear it for the people who, like, do Beetlejuice this year. Because, you know, they're not the only Beetlejuice of that party.

[Justin McElroy]

But so what?

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is what I think.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like there's a problem with costumes. And it hits around college where everybody just starts to want to look either, like it's about being a sort of, like, more sexualized version of yourself or being, like, kind of having a cute sort of fun, clever costume. And I think what we lose is that some people, like, just the people that just want to pretend to be a different person.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Like Beetlejuice. Like Beetlejuice. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They just want to pretend to beetles.

[Travis McElroy]

They just want to be there this.

[Justin McElroy]

Halloween, you know, I'm going to be Deadpool. You know why? So I can pretend for one night that I'm the merc with the mouth that everybody loves.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm going to have a helmet that I made from the 3D printing. And I'm going to have a gun I made and a swords. And I'm going to be Deadpool. You know why? So I could pretend to be Deadpool, for one.

[Travis McElroy]

And this year, Theresa and I, I'm going to be Paula Hollywood. She's going to be Prue Leaf. And you know why? Because it's a costume I can wear that I don't have to shave my beard for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you dress one of your kids as Noel film.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God. I love to. Oh, my God.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're gonna do the. I think we're gonna do the whole Mario family, which has, like, really wild connotations to it. Cause Henry really wanted to be Waluigi. And then Gus was, like, down for Wario. And me and Rachel are probably gonna be Mario and Luigi, which is like, wait a minute. Did Wario and Waluigi. Are they the babies of Mario and Luigi?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, obviously not Griffin for a lot of reasons. They're the clones of them. They're the evil clones of Wait, could.

[Justin McElroy]

They be their evil sons, though?

[Travis McElroy]

They're evil from separate mothers.

[Justin McElroy]

Separate evil mothers.

[Travis McElroy]

Evil mothers. They're half evil. They're evil on their mother's side.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. They're kind of like. That's like how party is half good and half evil. That's Wario.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

He's not all evil. His mom was all evil. Half of him is plumbing.

[Travis McElroy]

If he was all evil, they wouldn't invite him to go. Go karting with them and be at, like, Mario party and sports and stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of there being an evil gene. I feel like that starts to get into some.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I just think we can phrase it that way, Griffin. It should be. It could be an evil religion that he was raised with. You don't know Griffin. He's not an evil gene. That would problematic.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got a cool idea for the cost. The PBR costume is if you get there dressed up like this and people are confused and you don't like how it's feeling, you go to the bathroom and you can change and you can either be a regular old can of PBR or Jeff Probst, who is mostly nude. I imagine if the PBR can has been shed. A mostly new Jeff Probst, which is a state that, you know, he. I think he's probably comfortable with.

[Justin McElroy]

I just think if you're going to go pun, both parts of the pun have got to be immediately recognized. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like Bartlett.

[Justin McElroy]

It's. That's where it's breaking down for me. Jeff Probstu Ribbon is good in 2000 when everyone has Survivor fever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I just don't think the iconography of a Jeff Probst in this landscape right now, obviously to many in this economy, it's gonna hit. Obviously, it hits for me. I got a. I got a standee. Got a cardboard standee at Jeff Probst that I got for Father's Day has been in my living room for five months now.

[Travis McElroy]

What about Greg Bar?

[Justin McElroy]

What? Greg Probst Blue ribbon is good.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry. You're saying Greg Probst is more recognizable than Jeff Probst?

[Justin McElroy]

No, but it's sweatier.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So when it's explained to me, I have a good laugh about it because there's no way I would have gotten probs Blue Ribbon. That's funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. We've been on the opposite end of this question this whole time, because I think if someone said Probst Blue Ribbon, my response would be, that's really fucking good. That's really. That's Very amusing. I'm not gonna laugh at it, but.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S like, of course, if you have to have explained to you, you'll never laugh.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I can enjoy it. I can be entertained by it.

[Justin McElroy]

Pleasurable.

[Travis McElroy]

You can pleasure Greg Probst. But also some elements of a ghost and some elements of ice cream. And your poops. Boo robins. And just leave it. There's no way they're gonna get that.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, just don't get hung up. Everybody at the party. Don't get hung up on. Can you guess my costume? Just tell people what you're at. And let's skip to the enjoying it. Right? Let's skip to the pretending. Wear a sexy root beer or whatever you're wearing this year.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what happens.

[Travis McElroy]

There's only one good joke, Costo, in my the Joker. Yeah, you come and you're just wearing jeans or slacks or something, no top. And then they say, what are you? And you say, I'm premature ejaculation. Cause I just came in my pants. And that's the best one that they ever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trav, I'll be honest. I heard that joke from you in maybe the year 2007. And I do not think it's aged well over the last 17 years.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it sucks.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think if someone comes up to me and says anything about their cum, I'm good, dude. Thanks so much.

[Justin McElroy]

Another thing that's bad is that you said, there's only one good joke costume, and I said, the Joker, and you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Said, yes, and then you did a different one.

[Justin McElroy]

You agree that was correct.

[Travis McElroy]

Can we agree that Joker would come to a party as premature ejaculation? Cause that's a chaotic thing that I would.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, he'd come to the party and he would blow it up with a bunch of bombs. Cause he fucking sucks.

[Travis McElroy]

He kills people.

[Griffin McElroy]

He kills lots of people for no reason.

[Travis McElroy]

But the Batgirl movie gets canceled.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, she doesn't kill people, does she?

[Justin McElroy]

Justin, can I get one Skeletor origin story?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

I should want to see when he had flesh.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to see that. It was just Greg.

[Justin McElroy]

I just want to see before he was all boned up.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause they didn't call him Skeletor when he was a man.

[Justin McElroy]

I accidentally made a sideways reference to he man to Cooper this week. And she asked, like, I mean, completely no awareness of the he man franchise at all. And I was trying to find a way to start to back into describing He Man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

But it's not just like the dumbest shit on the planet. Like there's no part of it where you can scoot it and be like. So there's this fucking skeleton. I don't know. I know he looks like a big strong prince, but he gets differently strong.

[Travis McElroy]

He gets bullied a lot. I think people think he's a nerd and a coward, even though he's still.

[Justin McElroy]

As strong as the prince. But he needs a sword to get evil.

[Travis McElroy]

And he's got a giant tiger that's a coward. For some reason, the tiger is afraid.

[Justin McElroy]

Of things and they're not. Neither he nor Skeletor are trying to do anything.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, they don't have any wants like each other.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty much it.

[Travis McElroy]

I think they maybe have different views on, I don't know, whatever. And it brings them into conflict sometimes. And then there's a guy called Master At Arms, but he's only got the two arms. I don't know, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great. My boys have stumbled into the he man universe also, but only because Henry found the he man singing. What's going on? Meme from like the year 1999.

[Justin McElroy]

Fantastic.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's all he really needs. I have a wikiHow if we could do that.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, excellent.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just a moment. Lots of people have sent this in. And in fact, we did this wikiHow in the reverse wikiHow game that we sometimes play at.

[Justin McElroy]

Interesting. So now it's parts of the proverbial animal here.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's right. But in reverse, reverse wikiHow, we don't actually get into the subject matter. And I'd like to get into the subject matter, thank you. Lots of people sent this in. The subject matter is, what does it mean when you see a dead bird? Discover what dead bird dreams and encounters are telling you. If you've stumbled across a dead bird or you've witnessed a bird's death in your dreams. We're here to help you figure out what the universe is trying to tell you.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so this isn't like a crime scene investigation. What does it mean when you found a dead bird who did it?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I think it's cheating. If you kill a bird and then you put it on the ground and you leave the room and come back in.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't say that, Griffin. I didn't say I would kill a bird.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I'm just saying if you figure out that dead birds in this scenario, when I see them, is a forebearer of great fortunes, you can't then start killing birds to create this, to put a hand on the Karmic wheel.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true. If you see a dead bird you killed, the only thing that means is that mission accomplished, you did it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or, oh, you may have done an accident person.

[Travis McElroy]

There might be a lot of carbon monoxide around. Darn mussels. There's carbon monoxide. The parrot, you know, it wasn't a parrot, was it? That would have been cold sweat.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would suck. I think we can all agree there is types of birds where if I saw a dead one on the ground, I would be like, oh, man. Like a beautiful condor, a beautiful parakeet.

[Justin McElroy]

Ah, dang.

[Travis McElroy]

A cockatoo, a cockatiel.

[Griffin McElroy]

But just a sort of bog standard, you know, bird that sucks. But anyway, dead bird.

[Justin McElroy]

I got a bunch of vultures up around my property because we got dead wildlife dying there. And they always circle around these terrible vultures and then pass them weak. I saw one vulture lying dead on the ground. The other vulture circle it as if wondering, what the hell do we do about this?

[Travis McElroy]

What's next steps here, boys?

[Justin McElroy]

Never, never in all our days, they.

[Travis McElroy]

Never covered this in the manual. Fellas, do we need to talk to their partner first?

[Griffin McElroy]

Or somebody call the Jackal. We need a fixer.

[Justin McElroy]

The literal jackal. The literal jackal that we know that will eat him.

[Griffin McElroy]

So we could leave dead bird interpretations. You're on the precipice of a big change in life. One chapter is ending and another is beginning. At least that's the most common interpretation of a dead bird. Who's been discussing this? And how did they come to any kind of consensus?

[Travis McElroy]

Can you imagine if you had never heard that bit of information? You're walking with a friend, there's a dead bird on the sidewalk, and your friend just turns to you and goes, hmm, big things coming. Like, I would be so scared in that moment of my friend.

[Justin McElroy]

Big changes in order to discern any meaning from it. I think we can't have any idea about why the bird is dead.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right? Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like if you. If aside from killing a bird, we all agreed, we're not gonna kill the.

[Travis McElroy]

Bird, we're not gonna kill the bird.

[Justin McElroy]

We'Re not gonna kill any birds. But if you see a bird fly into a plate glass window and then die right there, which has happened to me many times, I can't derive meaning from that.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, no, you gotta let someone else find that. If you see the birds being killed by flying into a stained glass window, I don't think it counts.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a stained glass. Not a stained glass window.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin now, Griffin, now, this is where it gets interesting, though this is starting the meaning. This is where it gets interesting to me. If I can, through a series of clues, derive how the bird was killed.

[Travis McElroy]

If you can solve the murder. So this is crime sheet investigation.

[Justin McElroy]

If I can solve the murder of the bird, it no longer has symbolic meaning. The symbolic meaning can only be present if its means of death is not discernible.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because otherwise. The other option is you're at church. Everyone knows that dead birds mean a good omen. And then a bird flies into the stained glass window. Everyone hops out of the pews, races to get outside. To be the first one to see this dead bird.

[Travis McElroy]

I try to have to be the.

[Justin McElroy]

First one to see it.

[Travis McElroy]

I feel like it gets used up.

[Griffin McElroy]

First one gets the power because the bird's soul makes the wish come true.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, okay, okay. Only one at a time. But only once.

[Griffin McElroy]

Only once anyway.

[Justin McElroy]

But if you have a detective waiting outside the church and he's like, there you have it. There's no power.

[Travis McElroy]

I saw the whole thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do actually think there is a situation where you could be on the precipice of a big change in life if you saw a dead bird. And that is if the bird was 200ft long and then you were famous because you're like, this guy found the giant albatross. He was technically a dinosaur and they were real, and this guy found him. Let's shower him in praise and money. Huge change for you. So dope that you found the 200 foot turbo bird. It could also mean you're receiving a warning about a future obstacle. Gotta step over this bird.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. That's not a future warning.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, right now it could mean a big change is coming. Or you're gonna have to deal with a huge obstacle. I'm just keeping track of my obstacles. I want to because now I'm fighting. Because if I'm getting outside of the church where the bird is crashed in the plate glass window, I see the bird first. Could mean big change, but it could also mean obstacle. So do I wanna let dream?

[Griffin McElroy]

If you saw it die, you wouldn't get the power. We covered this.

[Justin McElroy]

When I was a kid, I used to think about a floor that I would be stuck in the middle of that was completely covered with dead birds. So anywhere normal, if I stepped, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Would be, oh, okay. For some reason, Justin, I thought your body was halfway through the floor. You were like, at waist level. Imagine stuck in the floor.

[Justin McElroy]

Different dead birds. Like carcasses of dead birds. Anywhere you step, you'd step On a dead bird.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Justin, so far you've talked about how there's a lot of dead creatures around your house and vultures circle it and then there's dead vulture and you've seen birds crash into plate glass windows a lot and now you're fine with this. Are you okay? Is everything all right?

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, thank you for wandering into the ad. Master of terror, Justin McElroy has been scaring you for decades. And now with this new collection exclusively through the mail, you could get all his scariest, spine tingling tales. Did you? Yeah. This Halloween season, I'm bringing all my scariest, spine tingling tails to this thrilling new collection. Mostly dead bird related, spooky stories.

[Griffin McElroy]

Justin stole a canopic jar from the museum and he poured it into a Turvis tumbler and drank it all up. And now he's got a real bird problem on his hands.

[Justin McElroy]

I've turned my ichor into a 12 volume series available for a low monthly fee.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, it is available for digital download.

[Justin McElroy]

No, but it's handsomely bound and a vase suitable for presentation.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm skipping around this article, but I do want to just quick go back to the additional matter on these first two pieces. The first one, you're on a big precipice of a change in life. It adds, alternatively, the bird could be an omen that change is coming for you regardless of the choices that you make. Birds die all the time because of things they have no control over. And perhaps a big change is coming for you. That's really true about birds, so you're receiving a warning about a future obstacle. On the flip side, a dead raven or crow may specifically indicate a good fortune. Crows and ravens are often symbols of death or bad news. Sucks for the crows and ravens. I bet that we walk along and we're like, yes, yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Wouldn't it be? First of all, I believe it's the raven. It's way bigger than you're picturing right now. If I'm walking down the street and there's just a dead raven lying on the ground, I'm running away so quickly.

[Justin McElroy]

They're so big that when you come upon one, a lot of times it feels like perspective.

[Travis McElroy]

Must be.

[Justin McElroy]

It must be like, oh, this can't be right.

[Travis McElroy]

That's huge. Look at that.

[Justin McElroy]

He must be closer than I thought he was because he's gigantic.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, wouldn't it be wild if this article revealed to us that actually birds only die by choice? That birds never die from circumstances beyond? That's it. I've flown enough.

[Justin McElroy]

According to the birdie side layer.

[Travis McElroy]

They just make the decision if you're expecting.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause it's heaven, Trav. They just have to go up.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't see a lot of dead birds. We should be seeing way more. It's cause when they're done and they've fulfilled their mission, they just fly out. Up, up, up, up, up, up.

[Justin McElroy]

Top floor.

[Griffin McElroy]

And if their spirit is clean enough and they don't have any sense, they can make it. It becomes space birds.

[Travis McElroy]

And what would a bird do that's so bad?

[Griffin McElroy]

So it could also mean that you're experiencing the end of a relationship. If you see a dead bird in the middle of a tumultuous time with a partner, friend or family member, it's a sign the relationship has passed.

[Justin McElroy]

Or a dead bird.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Especially if the relationship was with the bird. That's done. Oh, man. I guess me and that bird broke up.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think it's gonna work out, bird.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, bird. I don't know what tumultuous was, but I think we're tumultuous. I read in a book that I think were tumultuous cause you're dead.

[Griffin McElroy]

But also, if you are struggling in your relationship and you have to run to the post office, life hack. Just look up the whole way. Only alive birds up there. No dead birds up in the sky.

[Justin McElroy]

That's too true.

[Travis McElroy]

Are we to assume, Griffin, that in every one of these circumstances, if seeing a dead bird means this thing, seeing a live bird means the opposite. Like when I see a live bird, is it a sign that nothing's ever gonna change in my life again?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think so. Because live birds, there's so many of them. Who cares?

[Justin McElroy]

Live birds. Live birds is interesting because they are not meaningful until you see enough of them that there's something in your human animal brain that you're like, oh, fuck yeah, I see a hundred birds, I'm done. Like there's something wrong, something's bad. I don't like to see a lot of them all together.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're being visited or blessed. In some spiritual traditions, a dead bird is a sign that someone or something is coming to say hello. If you've recently lost loved one, maybe they're using the bird as a way to get your attention. I would have used an alive bird. Yes, exactly.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't stress enough. Wikihow article. That's what it could mean. If there's one dead bird outside my house, if there's 100 dead birds outside my house, I don't Know that many people?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that many people in heaven. So I don't know why. If this is part of some other culture or religious practice, I'm not gonna criticize it. I'm just saying, personally, I would have been an alive bird to visit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause like, if I passed, you guys would be bummed. And then you're like, oh, Griffon sent his spirit down in a vessel to say, what's up? And it's a dead bird. You guys are gonna be like, it's just another dead griffin. This sucks. We already have one of those. This sucks.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks for nothing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let him fly around our little heads and land on our fingers and, like, tell us how chill it is in heaven. Not another dead griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yikes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now we got something.

[Justin McElroy]

I know how Maury's doing something.

[Travis McElroy]

I do. I don't know how Maury's doing. And I believe. What's the dog's name?

[Justin McElroy]

Marley.

[Travis McElroy]

Marley. No, Marley was dead to begin with.

[Justin McElroy]

No, Jake. Oh, yeah, right. That's good. So, Gryffon Wells, could a dead bird mean good eating tonight?

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of these are really repeating. You're in for a bit of bad luck. Yeah, I saw a dead bird. That sucks. You're going to experience a law soon. Yeah, my bird. We're doubling up on a lot of this. Now this one's interesting. You're being warned to avoid taking a certain path. Now this could be prophetic or it could be there's a bobcat out there.

[Travis McElroy]

Down the jungle, quite literally out of.

[Griffin McElroy]

The jungle, who wants nothing to fucking do with you. He puts the dead bird there as if to say, don't even step. Don't even try it. Look what I did to this thing. I will do that to you. Kill you graveyard dead. Even though I'm just a little fuzzy guy. I will fucking kill you dead if you come in my territory.

[Travis McElroy]

This is interesting because I look at this as like one dead bird. Random two dead birds. Warning, three dead birds. Now we're starting to build a little breadcrumb path here. Some wants me to follow these three dead birds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Now the question is, do they need my help? And maybe they don't have anything except dead birds on them. Or is this a scary thing and I shouldn't follow it? I don't know. But now, whoops, I'm nine dead birds deep and it's gotten dark and I can't see the beginning of the trail anymore. Oh, what's that? Oh, no. I found a 12 book series of scary stories. Written by Justin McElroy. Is this how I. Is this how I get it?

[Griffin McElroy]

You're in one, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Aw, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I believe it was Robbie Frost who said, like, don't take the easy road. Always take that hard, bumpy road.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, look for the one with dead birds.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that's exactly how the poem goes. And so maybe you see the dead bird on that path and you're like, I guess this bird couldn't hack it. You say, wow, this road is a tough one. Robbie Frost was right. I bet there's treasure at the end of it. That's the meaning of that whole poem. And then you walk on that one and you get the treasure. Maybe.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, what if I find a bird at a crossroads? Which one of those paths am I not supposed to take?

[Griffin McElroy]

You spin the bird, go the way it lands. It's not great. I'm not loving talking about dead birds.

[Travis McElroy]

We're not advocating for it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't. I love. I do like birds, and there's a lot of them. And you do see quite a few dead ones when you're just like, out strolling around. So many this practice, you do have to pick up the bird and spin it around a little bit.

[Justin McElroy]

No problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would probably just actually just turn around and go back home.

[Travis McElroy]

What do you think a bird feels when it sees a dead us?

[Justin McElroy]

Wow.

[Travis McElroy]

Whoa. Yeah, man. Think about that.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's go to the Money Zone. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that the scariest things in life is the real shit. My health, my ability to defend my family with my strength and sound mind. But it can be hard to find the specialist that I need to build my health, strength and sound mind. Especially living here in Washington D.C. fucking bureaucracy town, they may as well call it. All this red tape tying up my ankles and my hands. But luckily, zocdoc is carrying the sword of liberty to free me from my imprisonment and help me find the specialist that I need for my care. Okay, what's wrong?

[Justin McElroy]

No, I just want to hear all about this. This doesn't sound right.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to hear about this sword and how to wield it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, don't worry. And guys, this is how we fucking get like. This is how we get the listeners to not, like, hit that skip ad button. Don't worry, I'll talk more about the sword later. For now, I wanna tell you. Yeah, it's good shit. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors choose the right One for your needs. And click instantly. And click to instantly book an appointment. I have used ZocDoc here in D.C. a lot of times. And it's become something I really rely on when I need to find a new medical specialist. Because it's very, very hard to find a place in D.C. that takes your insurance and is accepting patients and.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Griff, are you about to cry?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. Do I look like I'm about to cry?

[Travis McElroy]

It's just you have a lot of medical specialists.

[Justin McElroy]

It just sounds like you're gonna cry about Zocdoc because you love it so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Get him.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't think I'm gonna cry. I'm just enthusiastic.

[Justin McElroy]

It sounds like you're gonna cry about it cause you love it so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Will Zocdoc marry you?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's weird, man.

[Travis McElroy]

It's weird cause you love it so much.

[Justin McElroy]

It sounds like you're gonna cry. And I thought you were gonna cry about Zoc Doc.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anyway, I use Zocdoc and now I can only find all that shit so easy. I really rely on it. This thing is solved problems. And so if I'm enthusiastic about it.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know we have another ad coming up and you guys know I'm not gonna take the lead on it. I'm going to fucking ride your fucking jock so hard on this next one.

[Justin McElroy]

I was building on yours.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna bust your jocks into pieces. Thank you so much.

[Justin McElroy]

Building off your energy.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I can finish with my ad that people have paid us to do.

[Travis McElroy]

We did not mean to.

[Justin McElroy]

Zoc Doc. Jock blocking.

[Travis McElroy]

So sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I stand up, you're gonna hear jingle jangle sound from my jock getting smashed.

[Justin McElroy]

I was supporting you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta find a doctor. I gotta find a doctor because my fucking. My ding dang penis got smashed while trying to do this fucking ad. Zocdoc is where I'll go.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't get fucking mad at me for trying to. Yes, Chef. Your stupid bits.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got. I got your shock blasted so hard that it makes noise now when I move around.

[Travis McElroy]

So I gotta get on some gluth in there.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta get on ZOCDOC and get.

[Griffin McElroy]

An appointment within 24 to 72 hours of booking.

[Travis McElroy]

You got an appointment? Poor fect.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could score same day appointments too, which is good because I need someone.

[Justin McElroy]

To look at this now. You can barely sit down.

[Travis McElroy]

It's rattling.

[Justin McElroy]

He's been hovering over his seat for the entirety of the recording. He's gotta see a professional.

[Griffin McElroy]

The sword is inlaid with rubies.

[Justin McElroy]

All across the hill.

[Griffin McElroy]

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to zocdoc.com my brother to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's z o c-doc.com mybrother zocdoc.com mybrother.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm from the future and I've been meaning to tell you guys this for a while now. And I keep forgetting to mention it. That's why I was here for episode one. And I came back to tell you guys that soon the robots are coming.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Get the point? As long as you have a Squarespace website, they'll spare you is what I heard.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow. Yeah, that's what I heard.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, I'm checking the ad copy here. It does say to overtly threaten your listeners.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not threatening anybody, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, the robots are okay. Yeah, but it's also. Hey. Also kind of you, right?

[Travis McElroy]

No, Griffin, I would never.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Mostly out of respect for Squarespace. They've been a longtime supporter of us and they make it easy to make a beautiful website to showcase your work or sell products, even time. And they've introduced their new design intelligence from Squarespace. So that makes it easier.

[Griffin McElroy]

How's your jock doing, dude?

[Travis McElroy]

And with Squarespace payments, it's the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. With Squarespace, get started in just a few clicks and give your customers more way to pay with popular payment methods like Klarna and ACH and Apple Pay. I've got a website on Squarespace and I'm a big fan. And they've made it easy for years and they just keep finding new ways to make it easier and easier. And as long as I keep talking, my brothers can't interrupt me to bust my jock. So go to squarespace.com for a free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trial I'm aiming for. I got my ready Square on that jock, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Go to www.squarespace.com mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. One more time, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to www.squarespace.com mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now I'm afraid that I'll have to stop filibustering and Gryffon is gonna start talking as soon as I do.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm pent up more like Squaresp ass.

[Clint McElroy]

This season on the Adventure Adnimals. Get ready for a brand new crime fighting trio here to protect the anthropomorphic muscular animal. Citizens of river city. Featuring Justin McElroy as Axolisle the firefighting axle. Clint McElroy as Roger Moore, the debonair cow of mystery. Griffin McElroy as Navy Seal, the Ross Seal that has never served in the armed forces. And Travis McElroy as every other swole critter in River City. This swear free Saturday morning cartoon inspired story airs every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Emily Fleming.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm Jordan Morris.

[Travis McElroy]

We're real comedy writers and real friends and real cheapskates.

[Griffin McElroy]

We say why subscribe to expensive streaming services when you can stream tons of insane movies online for free?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, as long as you're fine with 25 randomly inserted super loud car insurance commercials.

[Griffin McElroy]

On our podcast, Free with Ads. We review streaming movies from the darkest corner of the Internet's bargain bin.

[Travis McElroy]

From the good to the weird to the holy. Look at Van Damme's big old butt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Free with ads. A free podcast about free movies that's worth the price of admission Every Tuesday.

[Travis McElroy]

On MaximumFun.org or your favorite pod spot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like I didn't affect his jock at all.

[Travis McElroy]

Your impact on my jock is minimal at best.

[Justin McElroy]

That I want to munch.

[Travis McElroy]

Squad.

[Justin McElroy]

Squad jocks. Okay, I just wanted to let you guys know about a promotion that began today.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh. Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Gut check. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, quick gut check.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh, yeah. Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

The next big thing has arrived at Burger King. And it's fit for a ranch loving king queen or romper sandwich. After launching Hidden Valley Ranch and Burger King restaurants nationwide this summer, Burger King and Hidden Valley Ranch are coming together and introducing guests to a limited time creation. Sure to get everyone talking. And dipping.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I describe Big dip cup? Can I describe what I'm looking at here?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, please, Trav, what this looks like.

[Travis McElroy]

To me, My first gut is, first of all, it's the most simple Microsoft.

[Griffin McElroy]

Background that it literally is the windows 2003 grassy knoll.

[Travis McElroy]

And from whence they have assassinated this hamburger by dipping it into. Imagine you bought a Barbie tube, right, that size of pure uncut Hidden Valley Ranch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But next to it, what they've done that I really love is they've put, I think for size comparison, a ranch dipping cup that's already available.

[Justin McElroy]

Like a human one, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

A human one. And I'm glad they did that. Cause I'm a fucking idiot. And I would have assumed that it was just a small burger and a normal sized ranch cup. Because why would they make. It's not that why would Burger King distribute pints of ranch dressing? I think would be my first question.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, this is. Looks like if you've ever ridden, if you've ever been to the Magic Kingdom. Right. And in the. In the. If you go over to future world, there's, you know, in the.

[Griffin McElroy]

The people mover.

[Justin McElroy]

No, the other one. Oh, my gosh.

[Travis McElroy]

Carousel progress.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you. Okay. You know, go. The carousel of progress. There's a one part where the old man's in the bathtub.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Of course.

[Justin McElroy]

This tube sacks size and shape of the bathtub that the old man is in. It is a bathtub of ranch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

By putting this other container there, they have made it very clear that what they are selling here is not the ability to include ranch in your burger experience. You could have had that before. You could have poured it onto. Remove the bun, pour on some ranch. What they're saying is what we've given you now, what the iteration here in this promotion is the ability to dip the entirety of your burger in ranch at once.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. And what's hard is when you look at it. Once you shove the burger down into the cup, I don't know what your next step is because the human, like, you're gonna have to invert the burger somehow to get your bite. Like a 180 flip of the burger to get your ranchy bite.

[Travis McElroy]

And let's just be honest, you're gonna bring out so much extra ranch on the retrieval.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

That you've create. You're gonna create a situation for yourself.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need to just say my position real quick. I love this. I don't put a lot of shit on my burgers. And I see. I think a hamburger is an edo, an extremely dippable object. And that is what you can use that for, is to mop and sop up all the ketchup. And in this case, ranch dressing, like. Yeah, I do like it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's eight ounces of ranch dressing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great.

[Travis McElroy]

Jesus.

[Justin McElroy]

Starting October 16th, the Big Dip cup will be available at Slick Burger King's in New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Dallas, Houston, and San Francisco. And we're making it easy for burger king and HvR fanatics to get their hands. And yes, they'll need both on it. You can use this. There's a tracker to find where the.

[Travis McElroy]

Burger is in your stomach.

[Justin McElroy]

How far it's moved.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, since you turn your esophagus into a sort of ranch dressing water slide, I think these things probably haul ass through you.

[Justin McElroy]

The good news is if you go to their website, you can actually order one. If you go to hiddenvalley.com order the tub. You can order the tub to have them ship it to your home, not the burger. So what I did was I paid $1 for the tub and then $10 for the shipping.

[Travis McElroy]

You are a crafty consumer.

[Justin McElroy]

I just happened to get in there when I was reading this press release. They had just gone live, so I managed to order one shipped to my house. Now what's the problem? Obviously, I don't like ranch dressing. So my big concern is that whoever is making this delivery will die while they're doing it.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I see. Because it's a bird for us.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just such a terrible way to go. For this. For this. I'm having someone ship it to my home. But yes, I will and I'll report back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it resealable? I must know this because if the answer to that question is no, then you have just said it's up to you to down 8 tall ounces of ranch dressing in one go.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know, Griffin. What kind of ranch fanatic do you think exists that says I want to buy that tub of ranch, but I don't know that Ohio will really get into it right now?

[Justin McElroy]

I love ranch enough to try it because you're over investing. If you aren't sure if you're going to finish this at one go, you've over invested in ranch.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say, Justin, if this comes, I want you to save it in your home until I come visit. Because my daughter Bibi puts ranch upon everything and I think would go absolutely hog wild.

[Justin McElroy]

I will try. There's some quotes here. Once we introduced Hidden Valley Ranch to Burger King restaurants nationwide, we knew we wanted to celebrate the partnership in a big way. Said Pat O'Toole, the chief marketing officer at Burger King North America. We know our guests love dipping everything in ranch. Even their sandwiches.

[Travis McElroy]

Even their dirty fingers.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. With their wretched human fingers dangling into every little sauce pot they can find. We know our guests love dipping everything in ranch. So we're excited to deliver a Hidden Valley Ranch dip cup big enough for all their dipping and dunking needs. Listen, guys, if it's gonna be this bland, don't even release a press release about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Just put out.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me. Give me something to work with. We're thrilled that Hidden Valley Ranch is now available at Burger King. Said Hidden Valley Ranch, a big dip cup big enough. A big dip cup big enough for a whopper sandwich felt like the perfect way to celebrate the exciting news that America's favorite ranch asterisk is now available at Burger King.

[Griffin McElroy]

Huh, what's the. I wonder what that asterisk.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, what's the.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, there's not. It doesn't refer to anything that I can detect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Are they legally not allowed to say that it's America's favorite ranch?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a version of this that gets me excited. That gets America excited. If they had any fun with it and been like Burger King excited. To announce partnership with Hidden Valley Ranch on a tub of ranch dressing that is big enough to drown in. This thing is so big and that gets you excited. If you fell into it, you would drown in it. If they just said anything kind of fun or funny about the big, like anything, the headline could be jes.

[Travis McElroy]

Jesus Christ, what have we done?

[Griffin McElroy]

You guys will not believe. You guys will lose your fucking minds when you see how big this dressing cup is.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the least. The overhead on this ranch is ridiculous. We are losing money on you ranch perverts out there. But please enjoy.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like I got one over on him because my 8 ounce cup of ranch costs a dollar and 16 ounces at the Walmart cost $4. So I really am getting one over on them.

[Travis McElroy]

When you go to Walmart, do they make you pay $10 to leave with it?

[Justin McElroy]

Only when I accidentally have Walmart ship something to me that I didn't realize wasn't in stock. That's a problem with the Walmart app is sometimes you can accidentally order some. I don't know, let's say you have a specific kind of pretzel rod that you really like.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe you're, let's say sluts for, uh, maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, let's say you go nuts about your ugs.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't love that that's been brought into the bim. Bam Cannon. I feel like we had sequestered that over in clubhouse land.

[Travis McElroy]

But it's all one cannon, baby.

[Justin McElroy]

Shoot, Sometimes it doesn't matter. You don't notice that it's actually going to be shipped to you and not brought from the store. But the Walmart app doesn't care. It's like you want to get UTs. Come on, let's get UTs. And they'll ship them to you from.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I'll give you some UTs from Montana.

[Justin McElroy]

So yeah, no, I paid eight. I paid $11 overall for eight ounces of ranch.

[Travis McElroy]

So I guess I did so about A$20,$30.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to get into the math. See the delight on your daughter's face is Going to be worth it.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm so excited to make an announcement in the housekeeping. Can we please go? Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Come on.

[Travis McElroy]

At the end of November, the week of Thanksgiving, I am going to be performing in 20 sided tavern. The off Broadway show is the Improv Magical, Hilarious DD Experience. I'll be performing as the Trickster live on stage. It'll be the Trickster, the Mange, the Fighter, and then we have the Tavern Keeper, the DM Full. It's going to be an amazing experience. I'm only doing seven performances on Wednesday and then Friday, Saturday and Sunday of that week. So I'm so excited, you guys. I'm over the moon. I hope you all will come out to it in New York city, off Broadway. 20 sided tavern. Come see me at the show. There's like matinees and everything. It's gonna be amazing.

[Justin McElroy]

Matinees and everything.

[Travis McElroy]

Matinees and everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to work in the morning.

[Travis McElroy]

And what's the afternoon?

[Justin McElroy]

Crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

I wouldn't do it in the morning. Come on.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm very, very excited for that. I'm also excited for our last tour of the year coming up. Thank you to everybody who came to see us in Denver and Phoenix. We haven't done those shows yet, but I hope that we did a good job. I'm sure we did.

[Travis McElroy]

I've already done them.

[Griffin McElroy]

We usually do our next tour coming up in November. We're going to be in Indianapolis doing Taz with Aabria Iyengar and mbmbam. And then we're going to be doing MBMBAM in Milwaukee. And you can go to bit ly McElroytours for tickets and more information if you want to come to either or any of those shows.

[Travis McElroy]

And if you listen to this when it comes out, dad and I are going to be at MTM London this weekend doing panels and signings and all kinds of stuff. That's all at Bit Ly Macroytours as well.

[Justin McElroy]

When are you going to do that?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. We get back on the 21st. I leave on the 22nd.

[Justin McElroy]

What a busy boy you are, Travis.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a very busy boy.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, let's finish two more things. Let's finish.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. We do need to do these last two things.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Hurry up. The Justin. Justin's on his way out.

[Justin McElroy]

The Justins are small.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll tell you what.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll tell you what. You're right. We won't tell people about the merch in the merch store. Like the Trav Nation long sleeve tee by Riley Woolworth. And that 10% of all proceeds this month will go to Native Women Lead the. We won't tell them about that. Macaronmerch.com and we also won't. This one I don't know that I agree with, but you guys seem to feel really strongly about that.

[Travis McElroy]

Not me. Not me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't worry, I won't thank Montaigne for the use of our theme song My life is better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I said no thank you. We simply won't because.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, I'm thanking you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, Montaigne.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm thanking you.

[Griffin McElroy]

No time for it. This one.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm thanking you for skipping it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, I see. I see.

[Justin McElroy]

They've gotten their plaudits.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think Montaigne's great, but you're just wanting to just truck on, haul on through to the other side. So let's do it, man.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. Do we have a wish?

[Travis McElroy]

Always.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, what's yours, Trev?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, do I have one? Well, yeah. You guys back me up and I'll elevate it. I love petting my dog, but sometimes I wish she would pet me back.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin Bacalroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

It's been my brother, my brother me. Kiss your dads square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better, it's better with you. It's better, it's better with you. Is it true? It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you.

Maximum fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

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