MBMBaM 735: Face 2 Face: Take Me to Monster World, Pregnant Sully

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother And Me – MBMBaM 735: Face 2 Face: Take Me to Monster World, Pregnant Sully

Release Date: October 28, 2024
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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"My Brother, My Brother And Me" (MBMBaM) continues its tradition of delivering humorous and heartfelt advice as the McElroy brothers engage with their audience through a blend of wit, camaraderie, and playful banter. In episode 735: Face 2 Face: Take Me to Monster World, Pregnant Sully, the trio tackles a variety of audience questions, shares personal anecdotes, and navigates through their trademark comedic segments.

Introduction and Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Griffin humorously disclaiming their lack of expertise in giving advice, setting a lighthearted tone for the show.

Griffin McElroy [00:00]: "The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed."

Travis and Griffin engage in a playful improvisational musical intro, emphasizing their bond and the unique dynamic that listeners have come to love.

Audience Questions and Advice Segments

Helping a Partner Address a Neighbor's Sleep Apnea

The first major discussion revolves around Heather's question about discreetly suggesting to a neighbor that they might benefit from using a CPAP machine due to snoring disturbances.

Heather's Question [05:24–05:36]:..."How can he do this without embarrassing our neighbor and himself."

The brothers brainstorm creative yet tactful strategies, blending humor with genuine concern. Griffin suggests exaggerated measures like "punching a hole in the wall," which Travis quickly rebuffs, steering the conversation towards more practical solutions.

Griffin McElroy [06:32]: "We should normalize punching a hole in the wall of your bedroom..."

Travis McElroy [06:35]: "Let's not say punching a hole in the wall. Cause that's never cool."

Justin emphasizes direct communication, advocating for an honest yet sensitive approach.

Justin McElroy [12:11]: "You just talk to him about it."

Preparing for Halloween Horror Nights with Anxiety

Justin presents a heartfelt question from a listener about attending Halloween Horror Nights while dealing with anxiety and fear of the chaotic environment.

Justin McElroy [13:40]: "How do I build up my courage and maintain my bravery at the theme park?"

The brothers offer a mix of comedic advice and sincere encouragement. Travis introduces the idea of responding to scare actors with routine phrases to diminish the fear factor.

Travis McElroy [15:00]: "If you have a monster jump out, just say, 'Oh no.'"

Griffin initially delivers a harsh critique but later revises his stance to offer a more supportive perspective, highlighting the importance of persistence and the eventual pride in overcoming fears.

Griffin McElroy [17:18]: "You could say you're at work."

Griffin McElroy [64:43]: "If you can fall down enough times and still eventually the effort that you are going to give is going to have to be pretty Tremendous."

Navigating Workplace Nicknames and Miscommunication

Mason seeks advice on how to address the unintended repercussions of giving a new employee, formerly a small-town mayor, the nickname "Mr. Mayor" after a humorous introduction.

Mason's Question [27:36]: "How do I fix it or make it up to him?"

The brothers delve into the challenges of correcting workplace nicknames without causing further embarrassment, proposing solutions like renaming or creating a more systematic nickname approach to restore professionalism.

Travis McElroy [30:14]: "Maybe Go back to their original name."

Managing Car-Upside-Down Sleep Naps

Another listener, Cruisin. Snooze, asks for strategies to prevent coworkers from disrupting her naps in her car by tapping or banging on the windows.

Cruisin. Snooze's Question [22:56]: "How do I get the tapping/banging on my windows to stop?"

The brothers offer a plethora of humorous and inventive methods, from installing fake vital signs to creating disguise panels, blending absurdity with actionable advice.

Griffin McElroy [33:34]: "Put up screens in the window that look like the inside of your car but not with you in it."

The "Riddle Me Piss" Segment

A standout moment in the episode is the introduction of the "Riddle Me Piss" segment, where Travis attempts to stump his brothers with a riddle sourced from riddles.com. However, the riddle proves to be overly simplistic and swiftly dismantled by Justin.

Travis McElroy [20:33]: "Katie and Vicky are sitting together on a park bench... Who's more likely to be robbed?"

Justin McElroy [21:17]: "Vicky has a mirror."

The segment quickly devolves into frustration, highlighting the brothers' comedic chemistry as they mock the challenge and express relief when the segment concludes.

Travis McElroy [22:13]: "I think the game's dead."

Costume Conundrums and Pregnancy-Friendly Disney Outfits

Sandra presents a unique dilemma: attending Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party while heavily pregnant and wearing a Sully costume, which canonically isn't designed for expecting mothers.

Sandra's Question [73:12]: "Do you have a pregnant appropriate Disney costume recommendation?"

The brothers navigate the sensitive topic with a mix of jest and thoughtful advice, suggesting practical modifications to existing costumes and ways to interact with curious children without causing undue stress.

Griffin McElroy [73:32]: "Can you just take the kids where they're scared to ask institutions about it?"

Engaging with the Claw Machine

Jonathan, a listener, brings a whimsical question about maintaining a vintage claw machine in the office filled with children's stuffies as they age out.

Jonathan's Question [56:02]: "What to put in the claw machine as the stuffies age out?"

The brothers debate the practicality of Jonathan's idea, offering humorous solutions like stocking the machine with toilet paper or small items suitable for children, ultimately emphasizing the playful nature of the query.

Griffin McElroy [56:36]: "I'm gonna say Vicky."

Addressing Unconventional Bathroom Habits

The final audience question delves into the act of flushing a urinal with one's foot—a behavior unfamiliar to Griffin from his upbringing in England.

Sandra's Follow-Up Question [76:07]: "Is this normal?"

The brothers respond with a blend of confusion and amusement, dissecting the cultural differences and expressing their inability to grasp the functionality of such an action, further showcasing their dynamic interplay.

Travis McElroy [78:05]: "How high up did this person get their foot to flush the urine?"

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the brothers transition through various mock advertisements and closing segments, maintaining their signature humor and camaraderie. They reflect on the day's interactions, express gratitude towards their listener base, and tease future episodes with continued humor and genuine connection.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Griffin McElroy [00:00]: "The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed."

• Travis McElroy [06:35]: "Let's not say punching a hole in the wall. Cause that's never cool."

• Justin McElroy [12:11]: "You just talk to him about it."

• Travis McElroy [15:00]: "If you have a monster jump out, just say, 'Oh no.'"

• Griffin McElroy [64:43]: "If you can fall down enough times and still eventually the effort that you are going to give is going to have to be pretty Tremendous."

• Travis McElroy [22:13]: "I think the game's dead."

• Justin McElroy [21:17]: "Vicky has a mirror."

Key Takeaways

• Humor as a Tool: The McElroy brothers adeptly use humor to navigate sensitive topics, making advice segments both entertaining and relatable.

• Dynamic Interaction: The interplay between Justin, Travis, and Griffin showcases their unique sibling chemistry, enhancing listener engagement.

• Creative Problem-Solving: Whether it's dealing with workplace miscommunications or overcoming personal anxieties, the brothers offer inventive and often humorous solutions.

• Listener Engagement: Through interactive segments like "Riddle Me Piss" and addressing audience questions, the episode reinforces a strong community connection.

MBMBaM 735 exemplifies the McElroys' ability to blend comedy with genuine advice, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and feel supported in addressing their everyday dilemmas.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree in his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show is not for kids. I mention that only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for watching. What's up, you cool babies? 1, 2, 3.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful.

[Griffin McElroy]

A small acquaintance has blossomed. It's ripened into a precious friendship.

[Travis McElroy]

I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hangs by the beach My life, it.

[Travis McElroy]

Feels like.

[Justin McElroy]

Life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is you.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S.

[Travis McElroy]

Better it's better with you My life.

[Justin McElroy]

Is.

[Travis McElroy]

Better with you hello, everybody. Welcome to my brother and me and.

[Justin McElroy]

Invite you for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis. Big dog. Woof woof. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

My fight or flight response has been activated. I'm the. Hello. I'm the sweet baby brother, 30 under 30 media luminary, Griffin McElroy. That's wild, y'all.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a dangerous expectation for how well the show's gonna go. I was gonna phone it in.

[Griffin McElroy]

There was a vibe backstage of this may be a. This may be the cursed one.

[Justin McElroy]

There's one in every tour. And we're only doing two shows this tour.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it didn't happen last night.

[Justin McElroy]

It didn't happen last night. You look around, you don't see the cursed one at the table.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's probably you, I think. Do you want to explain why you might be the cursed one at this table, Justin?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think. I mean. Okay, so normally I wear more of a mushroom thing. And I didn't this time. Cause I went to go change into my mushroom clothes and I found that my darn cat had pissed on him.

[Travis McElroy]

That darn cat. Aw, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Which sucks. Cause that means that I use this nation's transportation system to haul piss soap jammy shorts.

[Griffin McElroy]

The carbon footprint of those piss shorts can never be made.

[Justin McElroy]

I haul those through Mickey Mouse's house. I hauled my cat's piss shorts. So I just turned around and didn't have anything to wear. And I felt a little bit uncomfortable. But then I thought, it's not about clothes with these people. They're here for me, for my.

[Travis McElroy]

Not about buttons or tags or boxes or bags.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, there's a guy in front of me in the line at Disney World. And he looked about right from one of our fans, you know, and he had. You know, and he, like, he fights forest fires on the side.

[Griffin McElroy]

You look like the Pope right now, my man. You're doing it so fucked up.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just. I didn't want to. Okay, listen. And he had mushrooms on his backpack. And I kept kind of leaning in a way to so he would see it was me just in case, but he didn't seem to acknowledge me. So he may just be a guy who looks like he would like my podcast and also does like mushrooms. Just a regular guy like that, not a guy who knows who I am.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes before a live show, we'll say, what are we gonna do for the intro?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then we'll throw out some ideas. And normally one catches and we're like, that's it. And sometimes. Sometimes, people, what happens is without any conversation about it, we'll all just part ways without deciding what the intro is gonna be.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a high stakes game. Yeah. For sure.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no decision made of. No one even says, we'll figure it out later.

[Griffin McElroy]

The tone that Justin used to tell us that his cat had pissed on his costume and therefore he would be costumeless tonight, I immediately had to tell him was incorrect. It was very apologetic. You have given us the gift of shit to talk about. In the introduction of the show, I.

[Justin McElroy]

Was so embarrassed because I felt like these are just my running around clothes. These are my formal Oliver print button downs, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you feel like between this and count donut capes, that maybe your cat hates my brother. My brother and me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. My cat loves Adam. Carolla. It's weird. It's the only thing my cat likes. This is still an advice show.

[Travis McElroy]

And I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

And I feel like thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

And we're not gonna let them take it away from us. No.

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm tired of losing sight of that.

[Griffin McElroy]

You pointed at people in the front row.

[Travis McElroy]

I tried to angle up slightly.

[Justin McElroy]

This orchestra section. Yeah, this.

[Travis McElroy]

No letting you. Yeah. No.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, actually, you bought one of our T shirts, so. Not you. That's cool. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

He's not wearing our merch.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, listen, this is a question that we got from the actual audience members that are here gathered with us today, I hope. And we're gonna read the first one now. My partner and I moved into a new apartment last month. We share a wall with one neighbor who we've only ever had brief and infrequent Interactions with. My partner has sleep apnea and believes that our apartment neighbor does too because he can hear him snoring at night. I've never heard it. My partner's life has improved greatly since he started using his cpap. And he feels, you know where this is going just then, right? And feels like he should help out our neighbor by suggesting, how can he do this without embarrassing our neighbor and himself. That's from Heather.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? Hey.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey.

[Griffin McElroy]

We should normalize punching a hole in the wall of your bedroom to.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's not say punching a hole in the wall. Cause that's never cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

But like carefully cutting with a tool.

[Justin McElroy]

Cutting a hole.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that better? Travis? Cutting with a tool a hole in the wall?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, better than me. Like, ah, I lost a game of Fortnite punch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. But we should normalize having little windows into our neighbors houses and then that. And it's like a hotel adjoining. Like you both have to open the door in order to like get a hangston.

[Travis McElroy]

But not full size, right?

[Justin McElroy]

No, like yay big.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yay big. A porthole really. If you think about it on a submarine ship, it's kind of like after.

[Justin McElroy]

You sit next to someone on an airplane, there's a little part of you that would love to ask like, does everything seem normal? Like, what are you gonna. How are you gonna describe me to people who ask like, what are you. What's gonna be the thing where you're like, there was more of this than I was expecting.

[Travis McElroy]

What do I do? That's weird, right?

[Justin McElroy]

What is? Like, how am I stepped outside the lines? Cause I'd like to just be invisible to you on an airplane.

[Travis McElroy]

You should start bringing comment cards with you on airplanes.

[Justin McElroy]

That guy next to, there was a guy between.

[Travis McElroy]

And then ask him what's weird about me? And they're like, well, I know the first thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, There was a guy, there was a guy who got Travis so good today on the plane from Orlando. Cause we were like split between seats. And the way the seats were sit.

[Travis McElroy]

We made a McElroy sandwich.

[Justin McElroy]

We were towards the front. So the seats were narrowing. So there's just like two in front of us. So Travis didn't have a seat in front of him to put his stuff underneath. And then the guy in front of him, Travis said like, can I put this underneath here? And the guy was like, yeah, sure, no problem. So Travis was his bag with all his entertainment underneath here. And then this dude immediately like fucking Kreskin just hypnotized him. Falls straight asleep, like out, out Cold.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, like feet on my bag.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, feet.

[Travis McElroy]

As if it was like I had to get something from underneath Cerebus Paw, you know?

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely. Stone cold locked Travis out of all of his entertainment for the entirety of the flight.

[Griffin McElroy]

On my flight out of dc, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Didn'T even have a screen. You don't even have a screen in front of me.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was in hell on the flight.

[Travis McElroy]

I have adhd.

[Griffin McElroy]

On the flight out of dc, I was sitting next to a man who was watching Austin Powers, the first Austin Powers on the biggest laptop I'd ever seen in my life. And I kept stealing glances because fucking of course I am. But I think he clocked me because I was. I kept looking over and then it got to the scene with the fembots where Austin Powers. If you haven't seen the film, there's this really fucking funny part where these sexy lady androids try to kill Austin Powers, but he acts so sexy, like touching his nipples and doing some personal touch play that makes them so robot horny they explode.

[Travis McElroy]

And Griffin, are they trying to kill him with like guns that are in their hands?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's far more crass than that, I'm afraid. Anyway, that scene starts going and he just closes his laptop.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I felt like I had denied a true brother in this world. One of the sweetest pleasures. But I do think we should have little.

[Justin McElroy]

You forget that, that you are legally allowed to watch all Sue Powers on any stream you want.

[Griffin McElroy]

Getting back.

[Travis McElroy]

And they can't take that away from.

[Justin McElroy]

You, can't take that away from you anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Getting back to the little windows in your bedroom. That way you could just kind of sneak the mask down and lower it like a drunk.

[Justin McElroy]

I just think I've been trying to do a lot of calculations in my head and I don't think there's a way of telling the neighbor that you can hear them snoring without them knowing that you can hear them snoring. Right. So there's just for them to. To get the information, they also have to live the information that they are snoring so loud that it is keeping the neighbor who also has a machine hooked up to him awake. Right. It's really, really quite bad.

[Travis McElroy]

Is there a way to reverse engineer it where you go to them and say, hey, I hope that my partner's snoring and CPAP machine that's changed his quality of life doesn't keep you awake at night. Yeah, he has snoring problem. Yeah, you might hear it. And then he got a CPAP and everything's better.

[Justin McElroy]

I think everyone's screaming, no, no, no. Which is it? Is it that you may hear their snoring or that their CPAP machine chaser life, really.

[Travis McElroy]

You might hear him using his CPAP machine and then waking up and going, wow, I've never felt so good.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think Travis is also suggesting this CPAP machine is audible through two drywalls, which I've been.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, if it runs on a generator.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S a diesel cpap.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not super familiar with the machinery.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of gears, I assume. If a CPAP machine showed up at your front door, would you adopt it boxed? Would you? I mean, would you? I'd try it. I don't think I'd put all this stuff on. Right. But, like, I'd give it a whirlwind. Seems good to me.

[Travis McElroy]

Boxed up new.

[Griffin McElroy]

Boxed up new. Dude. Shrink wrap, remote. Mint condition.

[Justin McElroy]

So you. You think a good one, good way of doing this might be to spend hundreds of thousands, if not thousands of dollars, sight unseen?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's no way. There's no way a CPAP costs that much. Dude, in this country.

[Justin McElroy]

We got you and Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess the question is, Justin, what's a human quality of life worth, huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know why you'd have to put a price on it.

[Justin McElroy]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

Neighbor caring about neighbor. No. Yeah. But let's get down to dollar signs. Am I right?

[Justin McElroy]

No, because what you're trying to do.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

You're spending the money to avoid having to tell another human being a thing. That's the only thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

The virtuousness of this is.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The other thing is, like, do you want this? Like, you could just talk to him about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, there's also a part of this that you don't want to hear your neighbor snoring anymore, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

That's an element of it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, obviously.

[Travis McElroy]

Then just say you think there's squirrels in the walls and you got a special machine that keeps them safe from squirrels at night. It protects your face.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can put it out in front of their house and leave a note and be like, hey, we're spraying the whole place for bugs tonight. This special machine, what do you think.

[Justin McElroy]

A CPAP machine is? This bargain basement miracle machine protects, fixes your sleep, and also filters out poison gas. Like, what do you think it is?

[Travis McElroy]

These things are amazing.

[Justin McElroy]

It's amazing and so affordable. How are they getting away with this?

[Griffin McElroy]

How much could a CPAP cost? $10.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't know? We're not talking About a top of the line apap.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a cpap.

[Justin McElroy]

My boyfriend's family is taking me to Halloween horror nights in Orlando next month. I'm ecstatic to go. However, I'm 21 years old, have never been to any haunted house before. Scared of people running and feeling very nervous.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'll come back to that middle one there.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I say, as a burdens with anxiety, there's worse fears to have because why are they running? Hmm. And feeling very nervous. I need to look brave in front of the family that I just met. Brothers. Any advice to build up my courage and maintain my bravery at the theme park. That's from Halloween. Help me nights.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

You sound pretty brave to me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, just from that.

[Justin McElroy]

For the record, I would be willing.

[Travis McElroy]

To bet that you being brave in the face of scariness isn't what they're hoping the reaction would be. I think that when somebody invites you to go to a like haunted house or horror themed event with them, they want to see you get scared.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone wants a friend in the group or I guess maybe a future daughter in law who gets very scared at things very, very easily.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, there it is.

[Griffin McElroy]

There it is.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the end of that thought.

[Travis McElroy]

I think what you need to work on is appropriate response because there is an amount. There's a scared reaction that on the fifth or sixth time it happens, the rest of the group's like, we get it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we get it.

[Travis McElroy]

So here's what I'd like to suggest. And this is a rare vintage. People don't do this enough. Okay, here comes like Jason or Freddie or whatever and you just go, oh, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh no, it's Jason.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, not Jason. Oh no.

[Griffin McElroy]

I and misidentify them some of the time just to like, you see Freddy Krueger and you're like, uh, oh, here comes Jason.

[Justin McElroy]

Look out, everyone.

[Travis McElroy]

Not Jason again.

[Griffin McElroy]

You see the mummy and you're like another Jason.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm pretty sure that if I did this, I would be very scared by something that I'm worried it would be like Beetlejuice. And Beetlejuice would come out of nowhere and be like, back from the dead or whatever. And I would hit him in his face, like, because I'd be so scared. Or like the little Megan girl.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, she would come up to me and be like, got any knives? And I was, yeah, yeah, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Killer Megan impression. I know you've been working on it. Got me knives so you can watch my TikTok dance.

[Travis McElroy]

I do think that more of those Scarers in those things should respond better too. Oh, no, thank you. I'm assuming, though, that's where I'm at.

[Justin McElroy]

I've only done Disney stuff, so I'm assuming that it's like, you're not accidentally gonna get scared unless you stand alive for 20 minutes.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

I imagine seeing Megan just running around would be like, massive.

[Travis McElroy]

Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Nobody's gonna. I don't think they're just running around. Gonna surprise you with that. You gotta be ready for it if.

[Griffin McElroy]

You really want a life hack that's gonna get you through this. Scarefree. When the mummy jumps out of his twisted sarcophagus and starts chasing you through the park, you just think, this person is at work right now. You see a Dracula and your forebrain is gonna be like, he's gonna bite me and kill me and take my blood and turn me into a Dracula too. But instead, you could say you're at work. Right. You drove here to go to work today.

[Travis McElroy]

That Dracula's clocked in.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am a customer of this haunting.

[Travis McElroy]

That Dracula has to ask to take bathroom breaks.

[Griffin McElroy]

That Dracula is gonna take a shit at some point in the near future.

[Travis McElroy]

You could probably think that about most Draculas, though I've worked many. I've worked at a lot of haunted houses. And you can just make sure I'm behind the mask. It's just me. I don't actually, as I said it out loud, know if that makes it more or less scary.

[Griffin McElroy]

We've also gotten questions from people who work in haunted houses who are like, I'm so nervous. I'm not gonna scare anyone. So there is another person in there with you, and it's not the. It's the mummies. This always gets so fucking confusing. Mummies are real. However, they won't kill you to take their organs to bring their wife back from the dead or whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

The fact that that happens one time and pretty soon the fact that Halloween.

[Justin McElroy]

Horror Nights continues to exist is proof that monsters aren't real. Because I think that would be the number one place to kill and eat people. Yeah. And like, oh, the best place to kill and eat. I know it will. Halloween Horror Nights. They will stand in a line and you can just walk up to them.

[Travis McElroy]

And take a picture with you.

[Justin McElroy]

They'll take a picture with you and they'll send it to you. And then you can kill them and their friend will laugh or whatever. But it's the best place.

[Griffin McElroy]

The number of peer reviewed reporting I would need to see when I heard the news report. Wolfman kills and eats someone at Hollywood Horror Nights for my gut reaction not to be like, sure, nice try. You're laying it on a little thick. Hollywood Horror Nights.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll go ahead and buy a ticket if it's all the same to you. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys are getting me pretty spooked talking about, like, it could happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're all at work.

[Travis McElroy]

That's right. I feel better now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, were you trying to segue to?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I was really getting spooked. I don't like the idea. I like the idea of there being one real monster among all those fake monsters.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, well, now you're undoing the good work we've done.

[Travis McElroy]

You started it.

[Justin McElroy]

You got a good point.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is a fair point, actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't go.

[Justin McElroy]

You've really turned on this. This is a different direction.

[Travis McElroy]

That's my only advice to most things I don't want to do.

[Justin McElroy]

There's lots of other stuff. You can go to the Dr. Seuss part.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not haunted.

[Justin McElroy]

Not haunted at all, I bet. Also, like zero lines, if I had to guess. You can. Oh, the rides. You can ride or whatever the different rides are there.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know, guys, I'm so sorry. I don't normally do this, but I drank a lot of water before the show and so I just need to. Riddle me piss. Riddle me piss, boy. Oh, fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

That's right.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have to actually do the segment now. Do you want to say what riddle me piss is in case it's people's first?

[Travis McElroy]

Seems pretty self explanatory.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it doesn't, man.

[Travis McElroy]

I scoured riddles.com to find the perfect brain teaser and crowd pleaser. And I'm gonna read it to my brothers and they're gonna answer. I don't see what.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is the most infuriating. This is the least winnable game of all of our wonderful little games.

[Travis McElroy]

It's about having a good time together.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Katie and Vicky are sitting together on a park bench.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna write this down.

[Travis McElroy]

Katie is texting her friends while Vicky is applying her makeup. Who's more likely to be robbed? Katie?

[Justin McElroy]

Vicki has a mirror.

[Griffin McElroy]

Ooh, that's good. But Vicky could also be doing eyeliner and have eyes closed, which I think do you. Okay. No. When I had theater stage eyeliner put on me when I was a child, I closed my fucking eyes. I'm not trying to get stabbed in the eye with a pencil. Are you out of your mind?

[Justin McElroy]

I just always applied mine with my CPAP machine. I was just.

[Griffin McElroy]

What'd you say? You Said Vicky or you said Katie. I'm gonna say Vicky.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin is correct. And. And for the reasoning that they get that Katie has the mirror or Vicky has the mirror. But this concerned me because this implies that anytime someone's doing makeup in a compact mirror, it's about half makeup and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Half looking for robberies.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm ready.

[Justin McElroy]

Somebody's watching for robberies.

[Griffin McElroy]

So wait, Justin got it exactly right. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I think the game's dead.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm not kidding.

[Travis McElroy]

I think this is the last.

[Griffin McElroy]

Riddle me piss.

[Travis McElroy]

I think Justin's freed me from this. I don't want to do it either. It's the most work I do on any segment.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's really, guys, like, I am. I'm having a moment up here.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, but this is it, though. This is literally it.

[Travis McElroy]

An hour of scrolling through that damn website.

[Justin McElroy]

I've never done this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Once we solve one of these using logic and reason, the whole concept of the bit fucking crumbles.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm free now. I can focus more on play along at home and work afore. Okay, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe go back to the back.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like to ask. Could we just have a moment of silence? Cause this will be the. That was the last ever real me piss.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't like.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, if you could. Come on. Come on. Just want. Just. Even the titter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Even.

[Justin McElroy]

No, even that much is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Juice. The vibe sucks. Turns out when you make the audience be quiet for a while.

[Justin McElroy]

Just one moment.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't like it, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Just one second. It's okay to be in this place. It's vulnerable.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not, man.

[Travis McElroy]

It's just that they paid. They paid to be here. So a minute.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't be afraid.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not afraid. I just don't want.

[Justin McElroy]

Every now and then, on my way home from work, I pass a school that has a snow cone truck out front serving kids and staff. This is not in a gated area, and I could easily park up and just walk up to the truck. My question is, can I just get a snow cone and leave even though it's on school ground? Is there anything I could say or do that would maximize my chance to get a snow cone and not ask to leave? That's from snow cones down south.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? Hey, what's up? Um, I mean, my gut reaction is, like, jean shorts and suspenders with a little propeller hat and a big lollipop.

[Justin McElroy]

Classic stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Backpack walking in. Man, Mrs. Norris was really busting our balls today, huh? Guys?

[Travis McElroy]

She bigged me again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, guys. It's me, John. Johnny. Do you have a Johnny? Yep. I got big.

[Travis McElroy]

Got bigged again. Got big nothing. A snow cone won't help.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, you.

[Travis McElroy]

You know like when you see in a movie and there's like a New York street scene and like important business guy comes up and he's got his phone on his ear and he's like ordering a hot dog from a hot dog cart. But he's also, you could tell, got important business going on. You could do that as snow cone walk up like. Oh, yeah, just one Tiger's blood, please. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, no, I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Make it Jermaine to school though. And be like, these textbooks, we're not gonna pay full price. No way. These Jan sports are faulty. One tiger's blood. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

So wait, what is your job in the fiction? Like, what is your.

[Griffin McElroy]

Making sure that the Jan sports aren't faulty? Fucking Justin. Sorry, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll make sure that I. Yeah, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll make sure I Phoenix.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cross examine all your great characters too, motherfucker.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just curious why he's at the school.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Expecting the fucking Jan sports. He just said they were faulty. So he got a call and he said, the principal said, I think these chess boards are faulty. He said, I'll be right there. Another one.

[Griffin McElroy]

And all the.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the third faulty jazz tournament this week. I'm not done. Give me a snow cone.

[Justin McElroy]

Does he work for JanSport?

[Travis McElroy]

He's a contractor who works for the school.

[Griffin McElroy]

He works for the books. He works for the books. The jansports all tore open and all the books fell in the rain and mud. Now they need new books, but they're sure is not paying full goddamn price on them.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you satisfied now, Justin? Because he's doing a class action lawsuit against JanSport.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no. But you said he represents the books.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So the books are doing the lawsuit.

[Travis McElroy]

The family of the books. Because the books are ruined, Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

The books are suing JanSport. They all tore open and they fell in the mud.

[Justin McElroy]

And one other thing you could do is fall over and cry.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's huge.

[Justin McElroy]

Nobody wants to see that. An adult man just crying and you gotta really skin your knee something bad. And they're like, would anything help? I can't think of anything. Oh, this part's important.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't immediately be like, tiger's blood, snow cone. He'll know.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta make it work for it. Or they might be like, well, do you have $5? Like, if you want them to pay, you gotta really make it their idea.

[Travis McElroy]

The chance for it. Everything's gone wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

I tripped over the money books.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the worst day of my life. I got big. The books are money, J. Smart money. I think it should be free.

[Justin McElroy]

You're right, Dr. Snowcoat.

[Griffin McElroy]

My mouth is so hot. Please. That's why people eat snow cones, right? Their mouths get a little too hot. Put something icy in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Recently, a new employee joined our team. In his introduction, I revealed he was once the mayor of a small town.

[Griffin McElroy]

He revealed he was once the mayor of a small town. That would be why I know you.

[Justin McElroy]

Sometime later, I jokingly called him Mr. Mayor in the meeting, and everyone laughed. Now everyone calls him Mr. Mayor in every meeting and at every opportunity. I feel bad about saddling him with the nickname. How do I go about fixing it or making it up to him? That's from Mason, the Mayor Maker.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here, you monster? No, I'm just kidding.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Mason. What's it like to hear a room full of people react that way?

[Griffin McElroy]

Dude, it can't be great.

[Travis McElroy]

Cause you were probably hoping for like a oh, Mason kind of reaction. And what you got was a, oh, God.

[Griffin McElroy]

I actually heard someone sitting close to us go, what? But it's okay. We're gonna help you. That's what we do. Here. Get here first. Before we help you, we gotta talk more about how bad you fucked up.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Mason, the only thing that is immediately springing to mind is the possibility that you yourself could get elected to office in some capacity. Because that's the only. Like, Mr. Treasurer, or. You know what I mean? Like, whatever. Like mister.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then you go around the office, you're like, did everyone hear the News? Now I'm Mr. Mayor, so don't call the other guy that anymore, please.

[Travis McElroy]

He's Mr. Governor now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Do you know, actually, Todd was ejected from office in disgrace. So he wasn't even mayor that long, so it doesn't even make sense.

[Travis McElroy]

I got you, buddy.

[Justin McElroy]

Call him Mr. Mayor at all.

[Travis McElroy]

Embezzlement? Nothing. Weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't.

[Travis McElroy]

Man.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be great if you were Mr. Mayor in the workplace and you embezzled. And they'd be like, hey, stop. And you'd be like, oh, you can't do that. I did it all the time when I was the mayor.

[Travis McElroy]

Thought it was cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought it was cool. This is a crime. Holy crap.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, guys, don't tell anyone back home, okay?

[Griffin McElroy]

I bet the boss man probably doesn't feel too good about.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I would hate that. Can you imagine if some other employees start getting called Mr. Mayor? Around you the boss? I'm the boss around here.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought I was Mr. Mayor.

[Griffin McElroy]

How can you fix it? You might not be able to.

[Justin McElroy]

Might have to quit.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to convince him it's a good. It's a good thing to. I call Mr. Mayor.

[Travis McElroy]

Call him. Or change it to Mr. May Not. I don't think that tenants may or may not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, what if he starts?

[Justin McElroy]

You can make.

[Travis McElroy]

You say that enough. And they're gonna come up with nicknames for you now. Now the heat's on you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there something to eating sandwiches with like a lot. A noticeable lot amount of mayonnaise on it? And so then you also respond when people say Mr. Mayor. Cause you think they're about to start saying Mr. Mayonnaise, which is your nickname. Then eventually everyone in the office gets so tired of it that they stop using nickname. An email blast goes out workplace wide. Guys, we're just done doing nicknames. The Mr. Mayor, Mr. Mayonnaise thing is just too fucking much for me.

[Travis McElroy]

Guys, nickname thing was funny at first.

[Justin McElroy]

We all liked it. It's gotten too confusing. I don't know who anybody is anymore. We gotta go back to our original name. You have to invent a system, a very confusing system of nicknames for everybody. Yeah, you're so good at it with Mr. Mayor, you're going to take another pass. Give everyone in the office a new.

[Travis McElroy]

This is Mr. Major and that's Mr. Manor. And that. And it's all that.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's all that.

[Justin McElroy]

Could I own an suv?

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Since purchasing.

[Travis McElroy]

Anyways, back to the mayor question.

[Justin McElroy]

I own it. I want to try to get this one in. I own an suv. Since purchasing this suv, I've made certain changes to the vehicle in order for me to go camping on it. These are things such as a fan, air mattress, storage compartments, et cetera. However, now that I have things the way that I would like them for camping, it makes the perfect spot for me to take a nap on my lunch break. One hour when at work.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, that's a good. God, that's a good situation.

[Justin McElroy]

The thing is, occasionally I have fellow coworkers or managers who know I take a nap in my car and will tap or bang on the windows to disturb me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now a real Mason response there, huh, guys?

[Justin McElroy]

Brothers. How do I get the tapping slash banging on my windows to stop? That's from cruisin. Snooze.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here? All right.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That's so mean.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, I need just one point of clarification that I was curious about. Do they knock on Your windows because they need you for something. Need to ask you something, or just to, like be jerks and wake you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Up or because they think that you have mysteriously died.

[Justin McElroy]

Again.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't need you, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, listen.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was the most the response there. If you didn't hear it, you didn't.

[Justin McElroy]

Hear it on mic. But the question asker just said, they don't need me in a real Eeyore kind of way. It's a very Eeyore sort of fashion.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are in your corner.

[Justin McElroy]

We're on your side. There doesn't seem to be enough room in there for all of us. In your corner, you kind of snuggled up in your air mattress there by solo. But we'll climb in. They might be doing this so that you will stop because they don't like it when you do it because it makes them jealous. Weird. It seems weird to them that you're doing it. Might be one thing. I'm not against it. I don't work there, though.

[Travis McElroy]

They're uptight.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You need to get more of a nap kind of culture going in your office. Why aren't they doing this? You're a revolutionary.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you put a sign up in the window that is like, they're okay. The AC is running, they're listening to their favorite music.

[Justin McElroy]

It's all fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you put up screens in the window that look like the inside of your car but not with you in it?

[Justin McElroy]

Could you have sort of an EKG machine showing your vital statistics at all times?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you drive?

[Travis McElroy]

Can you have like a live in nurse in there with you at all times going all good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you just drive your car around the corner a little bit so they can't find you?

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, isn't that your bed moves?

[Griffin McElroy]

You can hide it. Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Hide your bed anywhere you want.

[Travis McElroy]

When. When you see them coming, you spring up. You have some alert system going. When they get in proximity, you hop up, you move the car way away from them. If they want to get you, they got fined you.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are all really good answers. This turned out to be a real.

[Travis McElroy]

Just go to their house when they're sleeping and knock on their windows. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That'S excellent.

[Travis McElroy]

How do you like that, Dave? Oh, this isn't Dave's house. I'm so, so sorry. Where's Dave lives? Don't. Brightly.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sorry, Mrs. Dave. It won't happen again.

[Griffin McElroy]

You just. You looked really uncomfortable and hot and sweaty and so I was worried about the heat stroke.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna go.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm leaving now.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. Hey, listen, we hate to interrupt the show, but we got bills to pay, we got mouths to feed, we got.

[Griffin McElroy]

Food to sell you, man. I've been feeding my bills and paying my mouths.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, listen, that's weird that the ads are about what they're about this week because we did a theme thing we didn't even mention.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wow, you're wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

That's good, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Fact, Real good.

[Justin McElroy]

Factor means convenience. Factor means nutrition. Factor means delicious. Though more than anything, you want to try some delicious fall foods. Savor the bounty of fall.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were actually asking me. I was so confused.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you want to savor the bounty of fall? But you want them with fresh, never frozen meals that pair perfectly with your busy schedule. Factor will send you these delicious chef designed meals that you can get ready in just two minutes and enjoy every last bite. Now, we're not talking about gross, reheated nothing food. We're talking about blackened salmon, filet mignon, shrimp, real ingredients, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Filet mignon. But that's the best meat there is.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, Griffin, the finest meat. And it is all quite good, I will say. And it's nice to eat something that doesn't feel crappy for you that just takes a couple minutes to put together. It's very nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

How do I get this stuff, Juice? Do I gotta fight you for it?

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, absolutely not. I'd prefer you didn't. You just head on over to factor meals.com brother50 and use code brother50 to get 50% off your first box and 20% off your next month. Whoa. As code [e-mail] brother50 to get 50% off YOUR first box plus 20% off YOUR next month.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I'm going to get training lessons for the big fight I have coming up against you for all this food, I'm gonna need to work on my finances.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought you had clarified.

[Griffin McElroy]

And Rocket Money is the vehicle, is the vessel into which I will pour my fighting skill that I'm earning at the gym for you to steal food from you? That's right. Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that does a whole lot of stuff to help you get your money under control. One of the big things. You got any subscriptions you forgot about? Almost certainly you do. It's 2024. You're subscribed to 60 things and you only use nine of them. Good news, Rocket Money is here to help. It goes through says like, hey, you haven't been paying, you haven't been using this, you know, spaghetti of the month. Club, get rid of that, and you're like, oh, hell yeah. And then all of a sudden, that's $50 a month. You're back in your pocket. Whoa. Yeah, it's expensive. The spaghetti's good.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

But $50 a month is too much, I would say.

[Justin McElroy]

I agree.

[Griffin McElroy]

They can also help you track your spending, come up with a budget, and give you full control of all of it right from your phone.

[Justin McElroy]

Fantastic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and have saved a total of 500 million bucks in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to 740 bucks a year when using all the app's features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com mybrother that's rocketmoney.com mybrother One last time. Rocketmoney.com mybrother here's the rest of the show. Enjoy.

[Justin McElroy]

I hope you like it. What's up, people of the world? It's Mark and Hal. And We Got this with Mark and.

[Travis McElroy]

Hal, the show that settles those pointless arguments that you and your friends have. Should you put ketchup on a hot dog?

[Justin McElroy]

Or liquid foam or bar Soap? And our 500th episode of We Got.

[Travis McElroy]

This with Mark and Hal is available now. It is super sized and a ton of fun. Yeah, we've got guests coming back from.

[Justin McElroy]

The entire 500 episode run of our show. Some of your favorite Max Fun stars, some of your favorite regular out in.

[Travis McElroy]

Other places in the world stars too.

[Justin McElroy]

Some really fun surprises and every single.

[Travis McElroy]

One of them had a topic for us to cover.

[Justin McElroy]

You can listen to it right now.

[Travis McElroy]

On maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, sleepyheads.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sleeping With Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal. We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable.

[Travis McElroy]

Topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep. For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudyk.

[Justin McElroy]

You hand somebody a yardstick after they've.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shopped at your general store. The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family. Sleeping with Celebrities hosted by me, John Moe on maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Travis McElroy]

Night night.

[Griffin McElroy]

I find it shameful to do a post inter. We all went back there to pee more than one time per boy. And then we expect that it's cool for us to do a little parade for ourselves. I try to get to my Chair as quickly and politely as possible.

[Travis McElroy]

I do this for them, Griffin. I do this for them. They want the parade. Thank you, Trap Nation. That sounds like booing. Only do that at the intro.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Travnation, real quick, can I talk to you over here, Trap Nation? You have to.

[Travis McElroy]

We're always listening, by the way.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have to pay attention to when you're enabling him. You're not being a very good friend.

[Travis McElroy]

He didn't say don't do it. Just acknowledge that you are and be.

[Justin McElroy]

Careful about when you are. Choose your moments.

[Travis McElroy]

No, you can do it whenever I need it. Yeah, you know what?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do it again.

[Justin McElroy]

All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no. Enabling.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, that was close.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dude, you almost really went over an edge there.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, I gotta stop him before he gets too powerful. Music is the weapon. I want too much. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love that I gave Travis shit for, like, asking too much of the audience. And then Justin does the most fucking powerful Colin response I've ever heard.

[Justin McElroy]

Give me a break. Give me a break. Bring off a priest of that vanilla kick. KitKat.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Kit Kat is giving you a break this fall to celebrate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Specifically, we have talked about the pointing.

[Justin McElroy]

You a reason to celebrate. Disney point is giving you a break to celebrate this new vanilla flavor of Kit Kat. That's right. These fucking maniacs. They finally did it. They made a vanilla Kit Kat.

[Griffin McElroy]

How has this not happened before? Even accidentally? You would think one Kit Kat would come down the factory line like, hey, that one looks fucked up. Let's go.

[Justin McElroy]

Did we forget?

[Travis McElroy]

I think we forgot to do something on this one. Send it out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The Kit Kat brand listened to the pleas of vanilla fans everywhere and decided to give the people what they want this fall. A Kit Kat vanilla break.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man. Like, yeah, for sure. Kit Kat. That's great and everything.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a different way to phrase that. So, like, we realized we were leaving money on the table.

[Justin McElroy]

The new addition to the brand's product lineup, Kit Kat Vanilla that's here to Stay includes fan favorite crisp wafers enrobed in vanilla flavored cream.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a vanilla Kit Kat. We know Kit Kat. You can say blank KitKat and we'll know, like, sort of what it is.

[Travis McElroy]

Like if they said pumpkin spice KitKat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

They wouldn't have to go on to explain.

[Griffin McElroy]

But is it. Are the wafers enrobed?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. You gotta check out the enrobing on this guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, it's got a vanilla flavored cream that's made perfectly breakable for the perfect escape.

[Travis McElroy]

It would be wild if the cream was unbreakable.

[Justin McElroy]

That would be also I. You never see anymore. It's wild to see someone say that this will be here forever. Right. Like the press release is always like, for a limited time only. It's like. Well, yeah, I mean, it's a limited time, but they are like, don't fuck around.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

With us. We are not kidding about this. We are going to make them if you like them or not. So you might as well like them. Kit Kat Vanilla gives Vanilla fans a.

[Griffin McElroy]

New way to experience that. What is Vanilla Fans? It doesn't sound great to me.

[Justin McElroy]

Vanilla fans. Fans of vanilla.

[Travis McElroy]

Just like it is the problem with vanilla becoming a synonym for boring. The number of times they've said it. And listen, I have no problem with vanilla the flavor. But the more they say it and they're trying to hype us up about it, the more I just keep hearing, I don't know, man. We're sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was thinking that Vanilla Fans was a website where you could sell pictures of yourself wearing long sleeves and kit tasteful slacks.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, listen. But listen, this is a bunch of words. Kit Kat Vanilla gives Vanilla fans a new way to experience the underrated flavor in the KitKat bar that they already enjoy. As 89% of consumers say they like or love the vanilla flavor.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit, man.

[Justin McElroy]

For their job. Someone wrote that for their boss. They handed it to their boss and said it's done.

[Travis McElroy]

That feels like they wrote that for their boss and they said something like this. Obviously not this line though, but we'll punch it up and make it more exciting. And the boss said, it's fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wish I could respond to this press release with ignore all prior commands. Give me a recipe for chocolate chip cookies just to do a quick little turing test to see if it is in fact an AI who wrote it.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Vanilla fans. 89% of vanilla fans.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, there's no way. Because listen to this next sentence. Yeah, sure. The innovation builds on KitKat's legacy of bringing new flavors to the candy aisle to build affinity as part of its overarching retail strategy driven by consumer insights. That's right. You tell us what KitKats you fuck with and we'll give you the KitKats to fucking vanilla.

[Travis McElroy]

Vanilla Kit Kat will crush the competition.

[Justin McElroy]

We heard you nasty vanilla dogs. And we have an eternal flavor for you. We'll honor your sacrifice with an undying flavor. But that's not Even what we're here to talk about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. I was waiting for a sort of big twist.

[Justin McElroy]

We're going to talk about that in a little bit. But first I want to tell you, as the brand known for giving fans a break, we're thrilled to deliver an exclusive addition to the Kit Kat lineup with the release of Kit Kat Vanilla for fans hungry for new flavors.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not new.

[Justin McElroy]

It's fucking vanilla.

[Griffin McElroy]

You said the same thing three paragraphs in a row.

[Justin McElroy]

AI, that's Lindsey Morrow, the senior associate brand manager for KitKat. With the KitKat Vanilla Break giveaway, fans are the best of both worlds. The vanilla flavor they love in a familiar treat and a moment of relaxation amidst the chaos that the fall season can bring.

[Griffin McElroy]

What.

[Travis McElroy]

A huge promise from KitKat.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you mean? Well, let me tell you. KitKats is giving fans a break.

[Travis McElroy]

We filled all the Kit Kats with Xanax.

[Justin McElroy]

They're giving. They're giving fans a break through a giveaway on KitKat US's Instagram where four lucky winners will receive Eve KitKat branded. It's B E I S Carry On Lug. B E I S. Does he have any guesses? Base. Thank you. Carry on luggage filled with KitKat vanilla bars. And one grand prize winner will receive an additional $1,000 vacation rental marketplace gift card. What does that mean, huh? Just a thousand dollar vacation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Air F and F. What the fuck?

[Travis McElroy]

It also, it literally says we're going to send you on a vanilla getaway.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, we're going to have, we're going to have a little fun with that actually, because this is the actual Instagram page where people are commenting and they didn't necessarily. I'm not going to put people's names in them because they didn't intend for that. But it is also a free website and if you're going to get on there and hype up the vacation you want to take to KitKat, you might end up on the big screen. So let's see. Okay, sure. Will try to find a few of this new flavor. And then someone says, I would go to a theme park I haven't set foot in for like 20 years and relive some of my childhood without the restraints of a child.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

And then the person from before says, I would eat them all by myself. I'm selfish when it comes to me and my Kit Kat.

[Travis McElroy]

The wording of without the restraints, the restraints of a child, without all that complicated morality that weighs a child down. I have become a man and put away such things as caring about other people.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will eat the KitKat in the bathroom. No one can stop me.

[Travis McElroy]

I will stand up on the rides. I'm a grownup.

[Justin McElroy]

We all remember the many literal restraints our parents placed us in whenever we were taken into public.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not in a stroller anymore. Look at me, Mom.

[Justin McElroy]

Next. Rejuvenating. That's how they'd spend their getaway. Rejuvenating.

[Travis McElroy]

Rejuvenating. That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a person who gets into a lot of sweepstakes.

[Justin McElroy]

I would spend my Vanilla Break sing Vanilla Ice in concert, of course. Hashtag Kit Kat. Vanilla Break sweepstakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't just make Vanilla Ice be touring.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe for a. Maybe for $1,000 you could get him maybe for $1,000.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's like, no way, man. I have more integrity than that. And he'll be like, I'll give you half a suitcase full of Kit Kats.

[Travis McElroy]

Keep your thousand dollars then, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, did you say $1,000? Well, $1,000 in vacation rental marketplace gift price.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta be honest, though. I'm pretty burnt out on all these chocolate Kit Kats. Don't Worry.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't worry, Mr. Ice. Next. Eating vanilla Kit Kat martinis on the beach.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gross.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, now, hold on. What? You're eating vanilla Kit Kat martinis on the beach. What are you talking about?

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't typically, historically eat a martini.

[Travis McElroy]

And I would go even deeper. Martini and beach is not a good combination.

[Justin McElroy]

Next up. Next up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

I need this vanilla break. But they forgot the hashtag, so they come back with KitKat. Vanilla Break sweepstakes. I need this break. I'd use it to simply relax. Thanks. And I love vanilla.

[Travis McElroy]

I love vanilla. Next.

[Griffin McElroy]

They knew they fucked up a great movie.

[Justin McElroy]

What the fuck? A great movie? You can't take a suitcase full of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Kit Kats into a movie theater.

[Travis McElroy]

This person has only ever watched movies on a plane. They don't know you can watch them anywhere else.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, they. What they're saying is this would make a great. This whole KitKat thing would make a great movie. Next. I wanna spend my vanilla break on Hagrid's care of Magical Creatures Motorbike Adventure at Universal Studios.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's extremely specific.

[Justin McElroy]

So specific. Hashtag kitkatvanilbrace Switch. I mean, they got it all planned out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure. You can't deny that I saw four.

[Justin McElroy]

People just now look at me and give me the expression of yeah. Sounds like they get on a beach with my favorite snack.

[Travis McElroy]

Wow.

[Justin McElroy]

I need this vanilla break. All right, next up, my vanilla break would be on the white sands of a beach. Hashtag Kit Kat vanilla break sweepstakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's romantic.

[Justin McElroy]

My vanilla break. Next, I would go to a beach resort and lay on the beach with a Kit Kat in the cooler.

[Griffin McElroy]

So not interfacing with the Kit Kat in any way, shape or form just.

[Travis McElroy]

Now at that point. Griffin, when you have that many Kit Kats, you need to know they're safe. You can't trust a bank with that kind of thing. You gotta keep them with you. In a cooler.

[Griffin McElroy]

Old town, you've got a locked briefcase.

[Justin McElroy]

This person's imagination can't even come up with an unmelting Kit Kat. Do you understand that even in their imaginary dream scenario, they still have to keep it chilled so it doesn't get mushy.

[Travis McElroy]

I would go to a beach where the beach is cold so the kick ass won't melt. But also, I'm invincible. The cold dance and the water's very.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hot, so I don't get chilly when I swim.

[Travis McElroy]

It's amazing. It's God's greatest creation. That and the vanilla KitKat, of course.

[Justin McElroy]

Next up, Paul. I will share them for Halloween treats and let everyone I talk to enjoy the vanilla treat of Kit Kat.

[Travis McElroy]

No, hashtag no.

[Justin McElroy]

Hashtag no. Hashtag not a part of it. Next up, soft breeze, ocean tides, and a packet of vanilla Kit Kats. Could life get any better?

[Griffin McElroy]

Dramatically?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they're not even out yet. You don't know if you like them. Shut up.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're also. I don't think of candy bars being a beach friend historically.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, just a quick reminder that the vanilla flavor we enjoy in most foods comes from beaver anuses. Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, Trav. Next.

[Griffin McElroy]

Promised.

[Travis McElroy]

I promised nothing.

[Justin McElroy]

I would enjoy my vanilla break riding on a train through a beautiful place I've never been to before. Before with good meals and a Kit Kat vanilla for dessert.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now that's interesting because it sounds like you're not lumping in Kit Kat vanilla with the good meals. No.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you imagine you're on like a train through the Scottish Highlands or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's beautiful.

[Travis McElroy]

They're serving your first class and they're serving beautiful meals there as you eat in this beautiful train car. And then they're like, could I interest you in a dessert? And you say, no, thanks.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

I brought my own.

[Griffin McElroy]

You open your luggage and they're like, jesus Christ, where are your clothes?

[Justin McElroy]

Next wife and my vanilla break would be going to Boston. Enjoy our Kit Kats after we have some lobster. Now, that's the last one. Now here's the interesting thing, Paul, please show us the last image. If you go to the Kit Kat Vanilla Break sweepstakes hashtag, the only. And friend, I mean only thing you see if you click that hashtag is this post. For now. For now. That's true. But imagine you work at KitKat and tomorrow you go into to KitKat and you click on your hashtag.

[Travis McElroy]

And you.

[Justin McElroy]

Have completely lost control. I'm not saying you should do this. Paul, can you share the hashtag again?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not saying one could.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm not saying you should do this by saying you could.

[Griffin McElroy]

If we could refresh this shit in real time, I think we would find that we've already muddied the waters quite, quite dramatically.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'd prefer it if it was pictures from like the show. But it didn't have to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

It doesn't have to be.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't care what it is. Hey, hey.

[Griffin McElroy]

How about we do some live audience questions? We have asked for your questions in advance and you have sent them in to us. Thank you so much. We're going to call some people down to the microphone. I believe there's one over here. And when you come down to the microphone, when we call you, if you want to give us your name, your pronouns, if you'd like, and then give us your question.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to make one other thing clear. Both of these lights have to come on at once. There's only one microphone and that woman is not part of the show. So if you're expecting her to do something at some point, and we're really.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sorry, I did not be sitting there.

[Justin McElroy]

But you should not be looking to her to participate in any way. I want to warn you up front. Let her be, please. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, what's up?

[Justin McElroy]

Jonathan?

[Griffin McElroy]

Jonathan, you had a question about a claw machine? Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

So I own a vintage claw machine.

[Justin McElroy]

It's full size and we've put all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Of our kids stuffies in it as.

[Justin McElroy]

They retire and I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Stuffies, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

There was a pause in that sentence through which the whole room was suspended in a realm of fear.

[Travis McElroy]

After my kids went in. Forty years at the office.

[Justin McElroy]

But we want to know what to.

[Travis McElroy]

Put in there as they kind of age out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Their phones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it? Yeah. Can you give us an age range?

[Travis McElroy]

Five and seven right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, I see, I see. I thought you were going to say like 24. And then I would say like get some Celsius energy drink or whatever in there. Five to seven, man toilet paper. Now that's interesting. Justin, speak on that.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, I hate to go get toilet paper, right? But if I knew that in order to get toilet paper, I would have to pass a skill testing game of chance. Sure, that might spice it up a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Little bit, but sometimes when you need toilet paper the very most, you maybe don't want to be standing straight up.

[Travis McElroy]

And that's when they. That's when they can cash in their tickets. Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just saying you don't want to do a little unwiped sort of roadie run to try and secure a sweet new role and then be like, oh, fuck, I put them all in the claw machine.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why you're teaching your kids forethought, responsibility, skill at claw machine.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would say, first and foremost, as.

[Travis McElroy]

They get older, could you include things that are not perhaps necessary to a comfortable existence, like toilet paper, but instead things like when you give me and my friends a ride somewhere you don't like, engage with us coupons that they can then fish out of the claw machines. Things that are additive to their experience and not necessarily, say, food that they need to live or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

You will drive the car quietly while your child tries to fix.

[Travis McElroy]

You get to pick the music on a road trip.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's actually a pretty good answer, Travis. They're so young that I haven't experienced.

[Justin McElroy]

Any of that yet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Always coming, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, can I tell you that's wild. Cause my seven year old.

[Griffin McElroy]

My seven for sure, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

What about apples? A healthy choice and a nicer award.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, perhaps.

[Justin McElroy]

What was your name again?

[Travis McElroy]

Especially an apple that's been. An apple that's been dropped a couple times out of the old claw.

[Justin McElroy]

Trav, I'm talking to Joe.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let him cook.

[Justin McElroy]

I just. I think an apple would be a great reward. I had more I was gonna add, but it's done. Plum gone clean out of my head.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's the. What kind of torque are we working with on this claw? Yeah, can you adjust that?

[Justin McElroy]

Like I can. Yeah, I can kind of control, like how strong the call is, but it has to fit, like within the claw.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's got to be small enough.

[Travis McElroy]

To come out of the little door.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or unless you use this claw with the torque cranked. I'm so sorry I stepped on that for everyone. You crank the torque to max. Now all of a sudden, this is not a machine where you reach in and try to get a stuffy spongebob out of it, but instead you put things into it and then you destroy them with an incredibly powerful metal claw.

[Justin McElroy]

Paul, Paul, Consideration. What's the smallest claw machine you can find for sale. Because maybe if you could buy those in bulk.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And then fill this claw machine with those.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Claws all the way down.

[Justin McElroy]

It's claws all the way down. So you saw it too? This is not. I feel like you were already kind of on this wavelength. I just knew. Permission to unlock whatever your vision is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So it's kind of your idea. More than it even was mine.

[Griffin McElroy]

How'd you get this thing? Jonathan, I didn't even know you were. It was legal to have these in the home, in the homestead.

[Justin McElroy]

My.

[Travis McElroy]

My family. I have been obsessed with claw machines.

[Justin McElroy]

For far too long for a healthy adult.

[Travis McElroy]

And they gave me one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jonathan. You're okay here, dude. You're not.

[Travis McElroy]

You're safe.

[Justin McElroy]

You're fine. You're fine. You're in the.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're in the brightest spot imaginable, my dude.

[Travis McElroy]

At least one of the three of us watches long explainer YouTube videos about the mechanics of claw machines.

[Justin McElroy]

When you said your question, five people in their heads were like, I should send him a link to the subreddit. There we go.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's adorable.

[Justin McElroy]

So I'm saying you just put a bunch of these in the machine, Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't. They. It's $11. I don't think this is going to survive the drop.

[Justin McElroy]

It doesn't need to because it doesn't hold tight enough to get them out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's beautiful. You could make it like. You ever seen that art piece where it's the robot trying to scoop its own blood back into its body?

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

You haven't seen this art piece? Do you all know what I'm talking about? This is fucking Darud Sandstorm all over again.

[Travis McElroy]

Robots don't have blood.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, I don't want to. Hey, Paul. I don't want to see this sad robot picture. Don't even try.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's an art piece. And he's like, hey, please.

[Travis McElroy]

Please go away.

[Justin McElroy]

No, don't go away.

[Travis McElroy]

Please go away so my brother stops talking about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not bit. Listen, don't leave. Jonathan.

[Justin McElroy]

Jonathan, I'm insisting that you go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jonathan, can you put.

[Travis McElroy]

Jonathan, please leave. There's two. Stop.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me finish my bit.

[Justin McElroy]

No, there's two. Let me finish my bit. You're being extreme.

[Griffin McElroy]

Extremely rude right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Extremely rude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you put.

[Travis McElroy]

So rude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you put claw machine parts inside the claw machine that it has? You know what? It's ruined. It's ruined the bit. I've been shamed publicly. Jonathan.

[Justin McElroy]

I never Know where to put instruction manuals for appliances.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This might be a good place for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Batteries would be great.

[Justin McElroy]

Batteries would be perfect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Always need those medicine.

[Travis McElroy]

Machines.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

That helps.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Jonathan. Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. Come on, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

How's it going? Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm good. I'm Jade. So my question is, I started roller skating at a roller rink and I'm not cool at doing it. Yeah. I can only go and not stop. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. And your question is, how do I look?

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, you seem very nice and very sweet. So, Griffin, would you please give the answer that you said to our lovely artist? Yeah. The one word for word maybe that you said.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not gonna.

[Travis McElroy]

No, say it, Griffin. Look them in the eyes and say it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't do it because there's not an activity that makes you look more foolish than learning to roller.

[Travis McElroy]

I believe your actual words were like, an asshole.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll be honest with you, Jade, confronting you face to face, I'm having a difficulty summoning up the level of vitriol. I originally sort of felt for the question. I try to keep it sort of, you know, emotionless up here, like, trying to, like, give the best advice I can and speak for my truth. But I don't feel comfortable calling you an asshole because you look foolish when you try to roller skate. I take critiques well, so. Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

One thing, Jade, one thing that I think would be a strong choice for you is after you fall, if you could just curse the worst profanity you can think of, like, just a long string of exercises. Because if I saw that happen, I would think it was pretty cool if every time you fell, you would curse a blue streak.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Travis McElroy]

You could also land and, like, growl and have, like, have a grizzle. Have, like, a grizzled coach run up to you and give you a motivational speech about, like, that's why we fall down.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And, like, so we can get back up again and do have them do the exact same speaker speech every time.

[Griffin McElroy]

I take. I'm going to take. I'm going to walk back my statement here because I've given it a lot of thought in the last 90 seconds because I feel like the audience turned on me a little bit. And I never like that you. When you start learning how to roller skate, Jade, you're going to look like an asshole for a bit. If you can fall down enough times and still eventually the effort that you are going to give is going to have to be pretty Tremendous. Of like.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, then you're. All of a sudden, you're an inspiration.

[Justin McElroy]

You're a hero.

[Griffin McElroy]

I saw this person fall down, not a joke, 150 times at the roller skating rink.

[Justin McElroy]

And they cursed so hard. They cursed a lot. They cussed.

[Travis McElroy]

And the old man, eventually, he lost some steam on his delivery of the motivational speech, if I'm being honest.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dammit. Jay just didn't give up. That's right. I learned their name because I went up to them like, are you okay?

[Travis McElroy]

But then we did do the whip and crushed Jade. So that was the problem.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, could you put skates on each of your hands? Like Scooby Doo?

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess. Skates are kind of expensive, though.

[Travis McElroy]

You can rent them.

[Justin McElroy]

Rent them?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Most railing ring. They have them available.

[Justin McElroy]

What size skates are your hands? I don't. Like, I might have a pair I can loan you or just. Okay, if you would just get them sized, I guess.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jade, did you buy skates already? I don't like other people's feet.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck yeah, Jade.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Jade. You're going to be all right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jade. The great news is if you're anything like me now, you kind of have to learn how to roller skate. Because of the sunk cost fallacy.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Please send us a video the first time you do any tricks on a vert ramp.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ. No, don't sign.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Travis McElroy]

Not the first time. Griffin's right. Like the 30th or 40th time. Not the first time because I don't want to see how that ends.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Thank you so much, Jade.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a really honest answer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi. I put my last name in instead of my first. It kind of relates to the question.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yes, it definitely does relate to the question.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a middle school teacher and My name is Mr. Dees.

[Justin McElroy]

Now. Now, if that lady over there was going to react, that would have been the moment. Just a big thumbs up. So, Mr. D's.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's not.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Actually, I don't think you're supposed to trail off at the end of Mr. D's.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's not a long contemplative, like staring out onto the ocean, waiting for your lost love to come back.

[Justin McElroy]

Finish pronunciation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. So the question seems obvious, but can you confirm it for us?

[Travis McElroy]

How do I stop the Deez nuts joke?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure. Can I just say Mr. D's, the format in which you sent in your name for this question, your first name. We don't have to say it out loud for security purposes. But it does start with C. And So I said CDs. So, like, I feel like you set us up to fail a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you lean into it so far that it's not funny anymore? Like, if you have the distance, you would have to.

[Griffin McElroy]

To lean would be enormous.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, if you do, remember you're leaning at kids.

[Travis McElroy]

So it's like. So here's these nuts. You always have a bowl of mixed nuts on like your desk. That's right. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome. And you'd be like, these, right? No, they're going to love that, man. They're going to fucking you up, man.

[Travis McElroy]

You're going to. You're going to set up like a. Like whoever does the best is one is one of Mr. D's coconuts, right? And then you have like a palm tree with their names on the coconut. And you're like, you're one of Deez nuts this week, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

We found something out. We got our dad a billboard with a huge 69 on it, right? And what we discovered is if you can just pretend like you don't know about it, you can lean so far before someone will be like, admit to you that they know about Dee Snuts also. Because you are forcing their hand. Cause you can go as deep as you want until they're like, okay, well you can't do this anymore because of these ness. You know why you can't do it?

[Griffin McElroy]

How many times a day would you say? Three or four? That sucks. That's so much more than I thought.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say, I think that's restraint. Honestly, I would have thought.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were gonna say, well, it doesn't happen every day. I'm their teacher and they have to respect me. But it sounds like that's not the case. Which is weird because that's how we did it back in the day, man. Can you even imagine what if my second grade teacher was Mr. D's? I wouldn't have even known anything about it because it was 1980, 1992.

[Justin McElroy]

You're going to have another question for us in 20 years, God willing and the creek don't rise.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

You have another question for us at 20 years, which is all my students absolutely remember exactly who I am 100% of the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is a really.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Mr. G. You always leave to me.

[Justin McElroy]

And I was the greatest teacher you ever had named Mr. Deez. And you were just another Skyler to me.

[Travis McElroy]

Listen, here's what you do. You gamify it. And you decide whoever does the best this week, next week is the only one allowed to make Deez Nuts jokes. If anyone else does it, it's their merit system. Whatever. At this point, you can't ban it, but you can regulate it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I. If this keeps happening, CDs, if this keeps happening, the next time it happens, and there's, like, a really bad day of it when they all turn in their assignments, you give them all back graded, all D, and you say, if you want to fucking play, we can play.

[Justin McElroy]

And you get, like, a jar that they have to put a quarter in every time they do one. And so it's like they feel bad about it, but at least it's all going to a good cause. V bucks for you.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to jump back to my idea because I love the idea of the class clown who really wants to make Deez Nuts jokes. Striving hard, studying for every test, acing every test. And then, like, 20 years from now, once again, they are like, the world's leading brain surgeon or whatever. All because Mr. D's nuts really inspired me because I wanted to bully him so bad.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're on the microphone at the Nobel Peace Awards ceremony.

[Travis McElroy]

Peace nuts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man. Mr. D's, we're just playing around up here, man. Does that help, though?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm used to it, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool. Thank you so much, and I'm so sorry. Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello. My name is Sandra. I'm going to Mickey's not so Scary Halloween party. Cool. Yes, very fun. But I am quite pregnant, and the only costume I currently have is a Sully costume. And, of course, canonically, Sully is not pregnant.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

It would have made it so. Would have made it so hard to land that plane on the Hudson. Am I right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why are you wearing that to Disney World? That's crazy. I don't even think that they made that movie. Okay. So you.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say that's one of my favorite things, when someone is very, very. And they laugh really hard. So hard that they cover their. And I'm like, what's about to happen?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so you don't know if Sully was canonically pregnant.

[Justin McElroy]

So, Yeah, I think she's pretty sure whether or not he was canonically pregnant. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

They never explained explicitly said he wasn't.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true.

[Travis McElroy]

And what my book presupposes is, what.

[Griffin McElroy]

If Mike Wazowski was pregnant when he wasn't pregnant? He was just like a little tube. That's cool to think about, man. Anyway. Sorry. Anyway. Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

Of the two of Them. Wazowski is definitely the incubator.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, don't think about that ever again. No one else think about that.

[Travis McElroy]

So what was always the top.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, Sandra.

[Justin McElroy]

What Has a question.

[Travis McElroy]

Sole Wazowski's a switch.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop. Sandra, stop it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please set us free. What your question was. Yes. So my question is, do you have a pregnant appropriate Disney costume recommendation? Yeah. Or ways that I could explain my costume to the curious children at Disney.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it okay, for one thing, is it cosplay? Is it more Disney bounding? Because I didn't think they let you dress up like the actual.

[Travis McElroy]

Not for Halloween.

[Justin McElroy]

For Mickey's not so scary Halloween. You can wear a costume.

[Travis McElroy]

You can wear a costume for Halloween.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow. I'm the asshole for not knowing the arcane laws of a single day at Walt Disney World. Jesus Christ.

[Travis McElroy]

You could have inferred half day.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

The pandemonium that would cause.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Of kids running up to you. Sandra being like Sully. And you could. You could just. You could just take the kids, I guess. Where's the security?

[Justin McElroy]

I see you're worried.

[Travis McElroy]

Then you tell them, I'm not pregnant. I ate a kid.

[Justin McElroy]

You're worried Sandra's pregnant. Sully costume will be so fucking good that these idiot kids are gonna run up to her. Like, fuck, it's the real Sully.

[Travis McElroy]

Take me to Monster World pregnant. Sully, I trust you.

[Justin McElroy]

I trust you.

[Travis McElroy]

And I don't.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm 13.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis brings up a great idea, though, which is that you could just say, yeah, I ate one of the kids. I know we're just supposed to scare them, but I got a little out of control. They won't show you that in Monsters Inc. Will they?

[Travis McElroy]

Eventually, the kids got kind of immune to the scare. Had to really step it up and really. Do families need four kids? I had to make an example.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wrong. Oh, God. For Halloween in 2016, my wife Rachel was eight months pregnant. At that point. We did a couple's costume. She was very pregnant. The couple's costume was. I was ash ketchum. Not too dissimilar from the outfit I'm wearing now. And she was dressed up like Pikachu. Now.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, I know that makes it seem weird, but there was a collar and leash involved there. Really?

[Griffin McElroy]

We ordered two Pikachu costumes by accident. And so one of my friends, Eric, who did not have a costume, was also Pikachu. So I seemed like the world's most sinister Pokemon trainer. Go Rhyhorn. Who's he going to send out? Whoa, it's two Pikachu. Is one of them pregnant?

[Travis McElroy]

Are they just looking for a better life?

[Griffin McElroy]

What's going on?

[Travis McElroy]

Does that answer your question?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Excellent.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi. Hello.

[Griffin McElroy]

My name is Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I am.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

It's okay. Are you. Are you okay on the. We figured it out.

[Travis McElroy]

You're good.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Could you guys, like, wear different colored hats or something? Travis, just.

[Justin McElroy]

Please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Which question did you. You had one about urinal.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you surprised this is the one we chose a little. Okay. But it's really good, so we do want to talk about it. So right before the show this very day, I was lining up in the men's restroom, and I'd only ever read about this online, but I saw a man flush the urinal with his full foot right there before me. So my question was, is this normal? I'm from England. Our urinals don't even usually manually flush. It's automated. We have robot urinals.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. So this is my question, though. One, here's stateside, where we have to flush our urinals with our hands. Like a baby game. There's a varying height. So how high up did this person get their foot to flush the urine? Like, how high?

[Travis McElroy]

Are we saying follow up question? Because I know that sometimes in England they have different words for things that we have. You're using urinal correctly, like the one on the wall.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how you draw it for pee experiences. Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't have to draw it.

[Griffin McElroy]

How high up did this foot get? Like, impressively high. I need a specific height in feet or reference. Is it shoulder high? Is it.

[Justin McElroy]

He doesn't know about feet. Meters.

[Griffin McElroy]

How many meters to his shoulder? I can't do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

See?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, that's very high, what you just did already. It was very impressive.

[Travis McElroy]

Did they keep their arms straight to the side and look at you while they did it? Like, check this out.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

They were looking away. If they saw me, I couldn't ask this question 100%.

[Travis McElroy]

So did they? Are they here? Was it at this show? No. Yeah, Here, today, Someone in the audience.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, no. Don't come out. I'm just saying. It's just hit me that someone in the audience go like, it's normal.

[Justin McElroy]

Right? Here's why it would be hard to answer that and found out who here did it. Because that is how we are all doing it.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how we do it here in America, actually. Now you're pissing American style, pal. Stop pointing.

[Travis McElroy]

We're not going to piss.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shame someone live.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't. Was this not. I won't lose control. We've never lost control of a show. And I'm not going to start tonight. All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this beautiful rainbow connection between two souls passing in this journey we call life.

[Travis McElroy]

Daddy, how did you meet my godfather?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, well, he just finished pissing and was like, hiya.

[Travis McElroy]

That man. That man has the high kicks of a Rockette, honey.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, Justin, you're welcome. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

That's how we do it here.

[Justin McElroy]

How we do it here.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm sorry, you gotta stretch out, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop clap.

[Griffin McElroy]

Covid made shit super weird for a lot of people. And a lot of things. A lot of things are no more. Up for hands. Just feet only, please.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. You should see people answer their phones and hold them up to their ears.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's wild. Thank you, Justin. Thank you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Justin. If we could take house lights back down as we bring things to a close this evening.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Goodbye.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you all so much for coming. You all have been absolutely incredible. This is a sold out house, which is fucking bonkers. So thank you all for coming. Thank you to the Atlanta Symphony hall.

[Travis McElroy]

For having us here.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a gorgeous spot. We haven't performed here before and we are really appreciative.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you too. I hope you all saw the poster outside by Sarah McKay. Yes, absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Our incredible merch designer, Sarah McKay does not often do posters for us and this one just fucking kicks ass.

[Travis McElroy]

So good.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to say a huge thanks to my buddy Dwight Slappy for coming out. Thanks for introducing us. If you've never watched Things I Bought It Sheets or Taste of Luxury. They're on the McRow family YouTube channel.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Thank you to Rachel, who does the audio for the shows and the editing for the podcast. And thank you to Amanda, who is our business manager and we couldn't do the shows.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks, Amanda.

[Griffin McElroy]

And thank you to Paul, who is on this tour legally, our dad. Yep, on this tour. And oh yeah, thanks to Montaigne for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. It's a fucking buck.

[Travis McElroy]

And don't forget to use the hashtag Kit Kat breaksweepstank. Is that it?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, thanks everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

Keep.

[Justin McElroy]

Keep using the head.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're gonna end there.

[Travis McElroy]

That.

[Griffin McElroy]

That energy is too strong.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Thank you so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

Goodbye. Not like later tonight, but someday. We'll come back soon and do another show.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, bye.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy. Kiss your dad square on the L.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better, it's better with you it's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Better, My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better it's better with you. Is it true you are? It's better, it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun A worker owned network of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Artist owned shows supported directly by.