MBMBaM 736: School You're Allowed to Drink At

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother and Me (MBMBaM) 736: School You're Allowed to Drink At

Release Date: November 4, 2024

In episode 736 of "My Brother, My Brother and Me," hosts Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy delve into a variety of entertaining topics ranging from favorite scary movies to navigating trivia nights and tackling listener questions about everyday dilemmas. The episode is rich with humor, insightful discussions, and the brothers' signature playful banter, making it a delightful listen for both regular fans and newcomers.

---

1. Favorite Scary Movies Discussion

Timestamp: 00:00 - 07:00

The episode kicks off with the brothers engaging in a lighthearted debate about their favorite scary movies. Griffin initiates the conversation, expressing his favor for "Scary Movie 2" due to its humorous take and memorable bits. Justin counters with a preference for "The Babadook," appreciating the film's intriguing title and unique storytelling.

• Griffin:
  "My favorite scary movie is Scary Movie 2. It was part of the series with the most jokes per minute and a lot of memorable bits."
  [04:32]

• Justin:
  "My favorite scary movie is Babadook. That's not funny, but the name is hilarious."
  [04:54]

The conversation evolves into a creative exercise where the brothers craft mock "Jeff Foxworthy"-style statements to humorously diagnose characters as "Babadooks," blending comedy with their discussion on horror films.

---

2. Hallmark Plus and Christmas Movie Marathon

Timestamp: 07:00 - 23:00

Transitioning from scary movies, Justin brings attention to Hallmark's latest venture, Hallmark Plus, which aims to expand their cinematic offerings beyond traditional family-friendly fare. The brothers express both excitement and skepticism about Hallmark's aggressive release schedule, highlighting a series of new Christmas movies under the "Unwrapping Christmas" banner.

• Justin:
  "Hallmark Plus has rebranded their streaming services, and they're launching an entire cinematic universe of Christmas movies in rapid succession."
  [07:44]

The discussion covers several new titles, including:

• "Unwrapping Christmas: Tina's Miracle"
  Tina Mitchell, a successful business owner, meets a charming man named Michael.
  [12:16]

• "Unwrapping Christmas: Mia's Prince"
  Mia, an accountant, encounters a local celebrity resembling her favorite romance novel hero.
  [12:38]

• "Unwrapping Christmas: Lily's Destiny"
  Lily, a marketing guru, discovers her destiny is intertwined with a celebrity realtor.
  [13:20]

• "Christmas on Cherry Lane" Sequels:
  The brothers elaborate on the vast sequel plans, envisioning interconnected stories across different eras, akin to a "Marvel-style" cinematic universe but concentrated on Christmas narratives.

• Griffin:
  "They're creating an entire all wrapped up cinematic universe by dropping multiple films in a short period."
  [15:27]

The brothers humorously critique the rapid-fire release strategy, pondering the feasibility and creative depth of such an extensive franchise.

---

3. Listener Question: Hosting a Dominant Trivia Night Team

Timestamp: 23:00 - 35:00

The “Money Zone” segment introduces a listener question from Mystified in the Midwest South, where Justin seeks advice on managing a trivia night regular team that dominates each week. Concerned that the team's consistent victories might deter other participants from returning, he inquires about strategies to level the playing field.

• Justin:
  "We have a team of 48 regulars who win almost every week. Is there a way to deter them from winning or should I let them continue to dominate?"
  [26:13]

Griffin and Travis brainstorm solutions inspired by the game show "The Chase," suggesting innovative formats to challenge the dominant team. They discuss integrating elements where the regular team faces off against trivia experts or introducing a competitive twist that tests their knowledge differently.

• Griffin:
  "Take your trivia night to the next level by introducing a format similar to 'The Chase,' where your regular team competes against trivia experts."
  [26:48]

The brothers propose gamifying the trivia night by creating scenarios where the dominant team must compete against outsiders, thereby injecting fresh competition and revitalizing the event's excitement.

---

4. Listener Question: Navigating a Zoo Visit with a Bathroom Emergency

Timestamp: 35:00 - 43:00

Another listener, D.J. from San Francisco, presents a humorous yet relatable dilemma: being on a family vacation at the Cincinnati Zoo but facing an urgent need to use the restroom, potentially causing the family to miss exhibits.

• Justin:
  "I've got to shit for the last 47 minutes, and my family is halfway through the zoo. How do I guide them quickly to get back to the hotel?"
  [33:57]

The brothers empathize with the predicament, discussing practical solutions such as mapping out bathroom locations in advance, communicating openly with family members, and strategically timing breaks to minimize disruptions.

• Travis:
  "DJ knows there's bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo. We have to accept the premise and plan accordingly."
  [34:06]

They further joke about the challenges of finding bathrooms within large zoos, emphasizing the importance of preparation and flexibility during family outings.

---

5. Listener Question: Improving Rubik's Cube Skills for a Competition

Timestamp: 43:00 - 50:00

Justin receives a question from a friend seeking advice on enhancing his Rubik's Cube solving skills in a short timeframe to join a competition team, after a teammate fell ill.

• Justin:
  "A friend signed up for a Rubik's Cube event, but one team member is sick. They've asked me to step in, but I need to improve my skills quickly. How do I grind my Rubik's Cube skills without embarrassing myself?"
  [48:14]

The brothers offer humorous yet constructive advice, such as practicing specific solving algorithms, using social engineering tactics to manage expectations, and even light-heartedly suggesting sabotaging the cube to appear skilled.

• Griffin:
  "Just move the cube around really fast and then slam it down, claiming it's broken."
  [49:18]

They emphasize the importance of effort and commitment while keeping the tone playful, reflecting their characteristic blend of humor and helpfulness.

---

6. Tour Announcements and Merchandise Promotions

Timestamp: 50:00 - 58:09

Towards the episode's conclusion, the brothers share exciting news about their upcoming live shows and tours.

• Justin:
  "On Tuesday, November 5th, we're in Indianapolis with Bria Iyengar."
  [53:05]

• Griffin:
  "Don't miss our November 27th-December 1st stint at the 20 Sided Tavern in New York City."
  [55:20]

They also promote new merchandise, including the "Do Not Drink" mug, which humorously confuses their young fans but appeals to adults familiar with their antics.

• Justin:
  "Check out macaroymerch.com for our latest merch. 10% of all proceeds this month go to the First Nations Development Institute."
  [56:16]

The segment concludes with heartfelt thanks to their listeners and a reminder of their upcoming shows, reinforcing the strong community bond between the brothers and their audience.

---

7. Closing Remarks and Final Banter

Timestamp: 58:09 - End

In a typical MBMBaM fashion, the episode wraps up with the brothers delivering their quirky closing lines, often involving humorous personal anecdotes and playful jabs at each other.

• Justin:
  "My life is better with you."
  [57:46]

• Travis:
  "It’s better with you. Yes, it's true, you are better."
  [57:43]

The final moments are filled with laughter and light-hearted interactions, leaving listeners with a smile and anticipation for the next episode.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin on Scary Movies:
  "Scary Movie 2 was part of the series with the most jokes per minute and a lot of memorable bits."
  [04:32]

• Justin on Hallmark Plus:
  "Hallmark Plus has rebranded their streaming services, and they're launching an entire cinematic universe of Christmas movies in rapid succession."
  [07:44]

• Travis on Trivia Night:
  "DJ knows there's bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo. We have to accept the premise and plan accordingly."
  [34:06]

• Griffin's Rubik's Advice:
  "Just move the cube around really fast and then slam it down, claiming it's broken."
  [49:18]

---

Conclusion:

Episode 736 of "My Brother, My Brother and Me" exemplifies the show's blend of humor, practical advice, and engaging discussions. From dissecting the nuances of Hallmark's new streaming service to offering creative solutions for trivia nights and everyday mishaps, the McElroy brothers deliver their content with wit and warmth. Listeners are treated to a memorable episode that not only entertains but also fosters a sense of community and shared experiences.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Griffin McElroy]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Travis McElroy]

A precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, ah, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with two.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody and welcome to My Brother, My Brother main advice show for the Modren era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Unknown]

What up trap nation? I'm your middlest brother, big dog. Wolf. Wolf. Travis McElroy. When do you think your favorite scary movie.

[Justin McElroy]

When do you think this episode is coming out?

[Griffin McElroy]

It. And this is Griffin McElroy and I wish as always, that it could get to my turn without a bit or a skit having.

[Unknown]

What's your favorite scary?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like on whose line If. Whose line? They brought out Ryan Proops. They bring out Ryan Styles.

[Justin McElroy]

Ryan Proops is.

[Unknown]

They bring out Ryan Mockery. They bring out Ryan Brady, his father's.

[Justin McElroy]

First day, but his father's last name and he's Brian Proust there with Ryan.

[Unknown]

Carey hosting it all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, but no way. It's like they haven't brought Whose Ryan is it anyways? They haven't brought Colin Mochrie in yet. And they're like, you know what, guys? Even though we're not all out here, let's fucking do one bit like we're not all out here.

[Justin McElroy]

We haven't all been introduced, but let's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go ahead and get a bit started.

[Unknown]

Are you guys gonna say what your favorite scary movie is now? Favorite fourth?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, because it's not right and it's not right morally.

[Unknown]

Or it's the Halloween creep.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not. It's November 4th.

[Unknown]

What's your favorite Thanksgiving movie?

[Justin McElroy]

It's not that.

[Unknown]

What's your favorite movie? Filled with gratitude and thankfulness.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't just pivot like that. It's not.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll answer the question. Hitch to both.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what's so hard. Drev. Travis is really hitting on the problem of time dilation that we have with My brother. My brother me. Where you are hearing this on November 4th? Yeah, but we're recording it on October 30th.

[Unknown]

Time is a flat circle.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not even a scary tv.

[Unknown]

What's your favorite exploration of Time movie?

[Justin McElroy]

That stuff about time is a flat circle. Don't even get me started.

[Unknown]

Okay, here we go. No, don't get me started.

[Justin McElroy]

Now I ask kindly that you not get me started.

[Unknown]

Oh, I thought that that was you.

[Justin McElroy]

Saying, it clearly isn't flat. Cause there's Christmas and summer, so let's move on. Okay, there's clearly different parts of time. It repeats for sure, but, like, there's better parts and worser parts. Okay, calm down, Max.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a rhombus, Travis. It's hard. Cause when I see you put your hands up, I see you.

[Justin McElroy]

He puts the hands up. I talk more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I hear him put his hands up over his mouth and I'm like. I have 1 1/2 to 2 seconds to finish my point before Bane comes back.

[Unknown]

It's not Bane, Griffin. It's the scary guy from Scream.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me a Bane.

[Unknown]

Ghostface, give me a bane. Okay, Mr. Wayne, you merely adopted the dark. I was born into it.

[Justin McElroy]

They're both pretty good.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're both really good. Actually sound exactly worse.

[Justin McElroy]

But they both sounded exactly like.

[Griffin McElroy]

God damn it, Travis. Every time I want to come to Bane.

[Unknown]

Don't get it twisted. I've practiced the Bane.

[Justin McElroy]

Bane in my existence. I. But I'm still very much in Halloween spirit. It's hard for me to get past that. You know what I mean? I love Punkmans and the whole bit.

[Unknown]

I'm still thinking about you talking about your favorite scary. I'm trying to make my favorite scary by showing interest in them and asking about what they like.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you really asking them?

[Griffin McElroy]

My favorite scary movie is Scary Movie 2. It was of the series, the one with the most jokes per minute and has a lot of memorable bits in it and a lot of, I will say, rude send ups of some Halloween classics.

[Unknown]

Justin, what's your favorite of the scary movie franchise?

[Justin McElroy]

No, my favorite scary movie is Babadook.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not funny. But like, I mean, the name is. I'll say the name's funny.

[Unknown]

Or it's getting to know you questions. Griffin, it doesn't have to be funny. It's a way for me to get to know my friends.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Babadook is funny. Sorry, I should be clear. The word is amazing.

[Unknown]

It's a funny word. Especially if you said, like, they're being kind of Babadookie. That's funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

That's classic. Maybe there's like a Jeff Foxworthy thing we could do of like, you might be a Babadook. Have you guys thought about that?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah. If you climb out of a kid's book to steal children in the night, if you are a phantasm created from a mother's grief, you might be a Babadook.

[Unknown]

Yeah, nailed it.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you live in a closet and climb up on the ceiling, you might be a Babadook.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

If you look around and you say to yourself, I might be in the name, and I might be in a look, then, my friend, I'm going here to tell you you're the Babadook.

[Unknown]

Just Babadook. Now, Justin, that sounded more like a tough intervention you would have with your friend who's a bamaduke and doesn't want to admit it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It also ended with a definitive statement, which was never Jeff Foxworthy's approach.

[Unknown]

You are a redneck.

[Justin McElroy]

You are a door open.

[Griffin McElroy]

You are a redneck.

[Unknown]

You need to open your mind to the fact that you're a redneck, my friend. Deal with it. This is the tough truth I hand out at a Jeff Foxworthy show.

[Griffin McElroy]

If your breakfast is a big bowl of worms, you might be a Babadook. Can we do this, please? The whole episode, I feel like it's really fun to do.

[Justin McElroy]

If your kid is screaming in the backseat and you think, my husband's dead, you just might be the Babadook.

[Unknown]

What's the deal with all these Babadooks? Here's your Babadook.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I'm gonna get you all passed. I want to get you in the season.

[Unknown]

Thanks.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's get into season. All right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hype me up.

[Justin McElroy]

We on that Christmas creep now, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, fuck.

[Justin McElroy]

Halloween's over. Christmas creep. Welcome. Simply talking about Hallmark. Happy holidays, everyone. A lot of people are going to talk to you about the Hallmark movie selection this year, and I think we definitely will. And talking about the Hallmark series that are coming out of their series of films, I want to do something a little different right now, okay? I want to talk to you about Hallmark plus, because they did it. They went and did it. They rebranded their streaming services Hallmark Plus. And that beast has got to get.

[Unknown]

Is this where they put the R rated Hallmark movies?

[Justin McElroy]

No, Travis. No, it's not. But this is where they put the movies that they wouldn't put on Hallmark.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit.

[Unknown]

Hey, Hallmark executives, if you're listening, Mark After Dark is like, there. You can have that for your erotic Thrillers or whatnot.

[Justin McElroy]

Skull Mark, what's going on over on Hallmark plus is truly, truly unhinged.

[Unknown]

So when you say the ones they wouldn't put on Hallmark, Justin, do you mean they're too hot? Good.

[Justin McElroy]

Too good for Hallmark? No, here's what I'm telling you. I'm worried about the future. The arts in a world with the AI.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I think that if AI starts doing movies, the Christmas ones on Hallmark plus, that's where we're gonna catch.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a foot in the door for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. That's where we're gonna get em.

[Unknown]

That's what the plus is. The plus is AI learning minus humans. Minus humans.

[Griffin McElroy]

Very good.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So I wanna talk to you about these two big projects for Hallmark and ask you guys this challenging question of, like, did they let it in this time?

[Unknown]

Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I see.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

But I also get very uncomfortable with this because I do also think there is a bit of a overcorrection. And I don't want to insult a real person's film writing. I guess we're just.

[Justin McElroy]

I think we probably do logic a disservice if we think the people that wrote the eight films that we're about to discuss were living out their lifelong dream.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, fair enough.

[Unknown]

They never talk about that.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm being. You're being insulting. I'm not insulting. They get it.

[Unknown]

Do they ever include human beings? Like when they're doing a big Turing test? Kind of like, what is the Turing test weekend? Do they ever include any human beings just to throw off the curve? Cause I can't imagine failing a Turing test.

[Justin McElroy]

I do, but they get so pissed off when you do it. Because I've volunteered. And every time I'm like, bloop blorp tomorrow bolts. They're like, justin, please stop. We can see you.

[Griffin McElroy]

But then there's a double faint because then computers and robots will start talking like that because they'll think it's a human. Anyway, let's hear about these films. Shoes.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so it's actually. What we're talking about is a wide array of cinematic offerings. The one that I am probably the most excited about from the Hallmark plus schedule is the unwrapping Christmas movies.

[Unknown]

Movies.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys. Movies. I didn't. Movies. Okay, let me just show you the image and you guys will have to kind of describe this for me as we're kind of talking about.

[Unknown]

Huh.

[Justin McElroy]

People or computers or. Huh? Oh, that's the literal promotional image.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

For this movie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. So to describe what we're seeing we have. Looks like a Christmas tree with three flags on it. One of which is. Two of which are definitely Photoshops.

[Justin McElroy]

American flags. Fireworks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fireworks in the background somewhere.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. The bit around reality.

[Unknown]

I can't parse.

[Justin McElroy]

I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm struggling.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And then people talk about, like, well, we didn't land on the moon. Look at the way the flag is. And it's weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is what they're talking about. Yeah.

[Unknown]

Like, the way that these flags are positioned means the wind. The wind is coming from nine different directions.

[Justin McElroy]

Head on over to the middle of the image. What do you guys just tell us?

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, now we just have two Cylons who are looking at the camera condescendingly. I would say barely. Barely.

[Unknown]

Like we just caught them pretending to be humans. And then this is the look I get.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then behind them, there's a room with snow and a very. Again, very robotic looking Santa Claus back there.

[Justin McElroy]

These two are from the Unwrapping Christmas movies. Meet Tina, Mia, Lily, and Oliva. It says Oliva in the press release, but I'm pretty sure they meant Olivia. Four friends who work together at Tina's shop, all wrapped up. Each woman brings their unique strengths in helping the store be successful.

[Unknown]

One has fire powers, one has ice powers, one has Earth powers.

[Justin McElroy]

And each woman must find her own path to happiness and love. So on November 7, you've got unwrapping Christmas, Tina's Miracle. And in that one, Tina Mitchell, a successful business owner, meets a charming guy, Michael.

[Unknown]

Okay?

[Justin McElroy]

Then a week later, you're gonna enjoy Unwrapping Christmas, Mia's prince.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Mia, an accountant, all wrapped up, is stunned when local celebrity Beau Kavanaugh, who looks just like her favorite romance novel hero, enters her life. Then a week later, you've got Unwrapping Christmas, Lily's Destiny. Holy shit. That you gotta marketing guru. What?

[Unknown]

Let's hold up.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's stop here. Let's stop on these two. There's four of these films, okay?

[Unknown]

So one is Tina's Something.

[Justin McElroy]

Tina's Miracle. And then Mia's second, Mia's prince. November 14th.

[Unknown]

And then the Spear of Destiny, the Spear of Des.

[Justin McElroy]

Unwrapping Christmas, the Spear of Lily's Destiny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, it sounds like they're just trying to kind of churn out all of the stuff they're known for before December even gets here in four tight, tight films.

[Unknown]

Now, I'll tell you what would be an incredible cinematic innovation.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's that, Travis?

[Unknown]

If all of these movies share 75% of exactly the same footage and just we follow different characters as they leave the scene.

[Justin McElroy]

Why is this not a video game? Like that's what I want. Please let me play this FMV game. Lily, the marketing guru of all wrapped up believes the universe guides us to our destiny. And it appears that it's guiding her towards a celebrity realtor.

[Unknown]

Oh, what luck.

[Justin McElroy]

It's so wild when destiny does that, huh?

[Unknown]

Hey, I want to point out that second one where it's like she realizes a local celebrity. So he's well known locally.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, he's a local celebrity.

[Unknown]

Looks like the COVID guy from her favorite romance novel. Why did it take so long for her to put that together?

[Griffin McElroy]

How come it's never like. And then she meets Duncan, who works at the Army Corps of Engineers. Yeah, he is 51 years old.

[Unknown]

Then she met Steve, an unemployed electrical technician who's. Yeah, he's down on his luck, but he's got a lot of heart and a lot of student loans.

[Griffin McElroy]

He is not looking for the meaning of Christmas. That is not important to Duncan. He has bills to pay and mouths to feed.

[Justin McElroy]

Unwrapping Christmas the franchise on November 28th. Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving with Olivia's reunion. Olivia, the gift wrapping expert, all wrapped up makes a delivery to a remote cabin only to find her ex boyfriend Benjamin on the other side of the.

[Unknown]

Door with a knife.

[Justin McElroy]

So here's all I want to say is that I gotta give credit to them. A lot of movie studios have worked extremely hard to try to get franchises going.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

These motherfuckers are just dropping it in a month. Like we're creating an entire all wrapped up cinematic universe.

[Unknown]

Yeah, that Marvel.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Marvel should just do four movies in a month. Then they would. They'd be able to wiggle their way back in.

[Justin McElroy]

They should take that. And that would be. Actually, can you believe that that is all the multi film franchises that Hallmark plus is launching.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just go. I see you winding up that fucking haymaker juice. Just literally.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you believe that they're only doing it once? That's so weird. Like just once. Okay, except for. Wait a minute. Let's talk about the Cherry Lane movies. Over the course of more than 70 years, a lot of families have lived in the house at 7 Cherry Lane. And each of them has had a Christmas Eve to remember. In three sequels to the 2023 hit movie Christmas on Cherry Lane, we return to the house for more Christmas Eves. With each movie exploring three different eras.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit. So that's nine era. How many different eras have there been? Are they going Paleolithic in one of.

[Unknown]

Them and I'm sorry, man. The factor, the franchise connection is a house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Travis, this is the brilliant part, right? The one thing that doesn't change is the thing that they have to rebuild.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's fucking great.

[Justin McElroy]

It's so good. Actually. They're like, oh, you like the house, huh? How about three sequels in it? And then they're like, okay, it's 2:00pm we need to get this 50s family out. 70s family. You're up.

[Unknown]

I would love to see like a fly on the wall of the contract negotiations of one of the stars of the sequel who's like, listen, if you want me back, you're gonna have to pay top dollar. And then they're like, we actually don't need you back. We've got house. House is all we need for this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

I also love the idea of you binging this whole series and by like era five, you're like, oh, they moved the able to really figure out how.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S actually like, okay, so listen. In 1951, a doctor wants to make the holiday special for his worried wife before he is shipped out to serve in Korea. In 2003, a newly married couple who are always in agreement about everything host two sets of in laws for Christmas Eve for the first time and find that they may not have as much in common as they thought they did. And in 2024, a couple tries to arrange a spot special Christmas surprises for each other. But keeping them a secret may be harder than they thought. That's one.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's one movie.

[Justin McElroy]

That's one movie on one day.

[Unknown]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

That's the fifth. December 5th. There's one movie. That's those three.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, we are getting nine eras to depict this.

[Justin McElroy]

If you come back on December 12th. In 1960, Eli and Penny take in Eli's curmudgeonly father Walter. In 1998, we see Regina and Nelson's first meeting. And in 2015, Jesse faces a big challenge by planning her sister's last minute Christmas Eve wedding. The officiant is Tim, her high school sweetheart.

[Unknown]

All of these could just say like some dude is doing this and some lady is doing this. Don't worry about who they are. They're gonna be on screen for 25 minutes tops. But don't worry. The corners and the window, the door and stuff, all there. Don't you worry.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is gonna. But what if there's like a House of Leaves style asynchronous mystery happening in the background?

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin Griffith. I'm obsessed with the idea of these films. Like it's such an incredible opportunity to do some in world storytelling that has nothing to do with the movie that you're watching.

[Unknown]

Do you remember in Lost how there was like the character Richard who just kept showing up and never aged and was in every area? Give me one of those type of. Just keeps showing up to the party. But it's the same guy. Unaged, unchanging at the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Every era includes a scene of someone going in the attic and seeing the face of the witch in the attic. And then they scream and then it hard cuts back downstairs. And they don't talk about the witch in the attic again.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't. They don't. But when you're watching a commercial for Velveeta in the next movie, the witch comes into the commercial for Velveeta.

[Unknown]

As they slowly pan across one of the rooms, you see like an alien figure standing in a corner. And when they pan back, he's gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

And you just see him pop up in different locations throughout the house, throughout the eras. And you see him like scribbling down notes maybe about what he sees in human behavior.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm embarrassed to admit that I did not actually say the names of these movies. Season's greetings from Cherry Lane is December 5th. December 12th, the one we just discussed. Happy holidays from Cherry Lane. On December 19th, you're gonna deck the halls on Cherry Lane. In 1966, a single guy David's plans for a simple Christmas are dashed when.

[Unknown]

A time Traveler arrives from 2015.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am from the third era, I warn.

[Justin McElroy]

He finds the corpse.

[Griffin McElroy]

He finds the corpse, the journal and the key.

[Unknown]

And the witch must be fed.

[Justin McElroy]

Arrives with the news that she won a contest to have Tommy. Man, I'm gonna read this whole sentence. You ready, guys? Y66 single guy David's plans for a simple Christmas are dashed when his neighbor Stephanie's Christmas Eve TV special broadcast live from her house, but used his address.

[Unknown]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a big one.

[Justin McElroy]

She won a contest to have Tommy Saunter's Christmas Eve TV special broadcast live from her house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pretty shitty contest.

[Justin McElroy]

In 1981, John and Lizzie learned that this will be their last Christmas on Cherry Lane after Job receives an offer in Michigan and Lizzie finds out she's pregnant. In 2000, best friends Matt and Rebecca find unexpected feelings developing as they try to find out who's behind a series of Christmas themed random acts of kindness.

[Unknown]

Aw, man, I thought it was gonna be murders.

[Justin McElroy]

Murder. Me too, Trav. I was hoping for murder.

[Unknown]

I thought it was gonna be Christmas Murders.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think in the one where the woman is pregnant, the baby comes out, and it's one of the guys from Arrow One. And the whole thing is part of a beautiful cycle.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it has such incredible. I mean, what I want from these films that I won't get is, like, you're watching the one in 2004, right? And then a 2003 guy knocks on the door. He's like, I am so sorry to do this. I left a table underneath the garage. If I could grab. Excuse me. I'm sorry. You all look busy. My wife still a ghost.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anyway, I was just going for a jog in the neighborhood, and I needed to make soil. And since I used to do it so much in this house, I just.

[Justin McElroy]

Thought, I'm used to.

[Unknown]

It's fine. You're cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

You remember me from the signing when I sold you this house.

[Unknown]

Anyway, I bought that toilet seat, so technically it's mine.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is mine. So both of them I'm gonna hire. I'm gonna pay someone on Fiverr to watch all nine of these eras for me just to let me know if there's any kind of spooky, supernatural, cyclical observations of time or if there's fucking witches in the attic.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys. There will be reused garments. Like, this is the level of budget I'm expecting for this. Would you do. If you were doing this shoot, Would. Do you think they filmed chronologically in terms of, like, oh, cool it. Like, just started 1950. They're like, okay, the next part of a movie. Movie three takes place in four years. So let's just move it. Like, four years.

[Unknown]

You would have to, Justin. You would have to, because that way you can show realistic wear and tear on the house as the house ages, like, 60 years.

[Justin McElroy]

And they're obsessive about the details.

[Unknown]

By the time you get to, like, the 2024 episode, like, the roof is, like, caving in, and everything's, like, rotten and covered in dust.

[Justin McElroy]

And we don't have a lot going on in December. Would you guys commit to each one of us watching one of the Cherry Lane movies? And then we can, like, talk.

[Griffin McElroy]

Connect the dots overlapping.

[Unknown]

If we can recut it into chronological order and see how it lines up.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, I've thought a lot about what order I'm gonna show my kids the Cherry Lane movies.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'll be first part of one, and then the second part of three.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. Clone Wars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Clone Wars.

[Unknown]

I think with four screens set up, you can pause and jump between without having to switch any discs or Anything. So we're just gonna. The question is, you set it up four in a row, or like a two and two?

[Justin McElroy]

That's not enough for me, Travis. I need, like, Minority Report levels of manipulating footage, like, with my cyber gloves.

[Unknown]

Now, you see here, they move the doily, and I think that is a cue to us to know change is coming.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here we have a second appearance of the character I like to call the man in the Wall. If you look, the man in the Wall has moved.

[Justin McElroy]

It's an incredible house, an incredible, miraculous house where special things happen every Christmas Eve. The only rule. Heterose only. Please, please.

[Unknown]

And also, nothing bad happens to anyone. Why did they have to move out of the house?

[Justin McElroy]

He got a job.

[Unknown]

She's pregnant. Nothing's wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

Their son got a job. Her dog got a job. They all got new jobs.

[Unknown]

Everything's great.

[Justin McElroy]

They're all moving to Aspen.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need to know if we're getting a new installation of the yes Chef Christmas franchise. Dying to know.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, Chef. The Yes Chef. Let me see here.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, Chef Christmas. It's starring Tia Mowry. It's called yes, Chef Christmas, and she's in a cooking competition. It was a Hallmark film, I think. Or was it a Netflix film? Oh, it's a Lifetime film. That's basically the same thing. They're probably not making a Chef's.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you say that, and it's so offensive.

[Unknown]

I think Lifetime has a lot more murder.

[Griffin McElroy]

Lifetime has, but not in their Christmas movies.

[Justin McElroy]

Rarely rare. Very rare.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just love yes, Chef Christmas.

[Justin McElroy]

Tia Tamara Mowry Housley. Excuse me. Is busy over there at scouting for Christmas, which we previously covered in a prior episode. I know she's on the screen.

[Unknown]

I think just you and I talked to dad about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I watched all of yes, Chef Christmas.

[Unknown]

Wait, is that.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, Travis, that's really embarrassing. Is that accurate?

[Unknown]

Yeah. We talked about it in the green room in Denver. We didn't talk about it on an episode. Oh, no.

[Justin McElroy]

The spheres.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's all blending together. I just like yes, Chef Christmas because it sounds like the Christmas sequel to the yes Chef franchise. It is not the name of the film. First of its kind is yes, Chef.

[Justin McElroy]

Christmas, and I do need to see if we're gonna get a time for you to come home for Christmas.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, let's get in a question. I'd love to do a question before we head on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool.

[Unknown]

Yeah, it's a Novi show for the modern era where we take your question and turn the Malcolm into wisdom.

[Justin McElroy]

I Host a general trivia night at a restaurant. I have a team of regulars that have been coming almost every week for a year. It's a group of 48 people depending on the week.

[Griffin McElroy]

4, 2, 8. So important.

[Justin McElroy]

They're super nice and we always have a great time together. Lots of good bits back and forth. There's one problem. They win almost every week. I'm worried people stop coming or not come at all. Is there any way to deter them from winning? Find out their weaknesses or should I let them continue to dominate? That's from Mystified in the mid South.

[Unknown]

You know who's figured this out?

[Griffin McElroy]

Who?

[Unknown]

The chase. The game show. The Chase.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are we about to have another lengthy conversation about the Chase game show?

[Unknown]

No, no, no, not lengthy. Just what they have is they have trivia experts and the trivia expert. Everybody's playing against them. So the trivia questions go to the Chase and the chaser and it's like.

[Justin McElroy]

That'S a good idea.

[Unknown]

Yeah. So you have this team who's like, you're playing against them and whoever does best against them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Wins.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, there's another version of this that is 1 versus 100.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Another sort of similar style experience where everyone else in the bar gets to be on one big team.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I like that too, Griffin. That really puts them on the pedestal. Or like they have to choose one representative. Yeah. A champion for each round. Like the Chase. This is also like the Chase. Can you do the chase?

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you just do the chase?

[Justin McElroy]

Chase.

[Unknown]

You know what would be fun? Oh, this is what you choose to.

[Justin McElroy]

Chase the beast in America.

[Unknown]

Correct. Okay. The next time there's like eight of them, you say, you know, it'd be fun. Two teams of four. See how you guys do against each other.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's really good.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Unknown]

Gamify, the trivia night.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, take a look at the pilot dream. Yeah, it's about time someone did. Cause really, it's just school you're allowed to drink at. If you fucking think about it, I feel like look at the subject matter of your questions if they're crushing it and pick wildly different subject matter. Yeah, I don't wanna cast.

[Justin McElroy]

Everybody knows about other stuff. I believe this. You just gotta find out what the other people know about and try to ask them. Like maybe before trivia, you go around and you're like, so what's your birthday? And then throw a curveball in what's Doug's birthday?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's a good one. What's in Doug's pocket?

[Unknown]

What's in Doug's pocket right now?

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, who's ready to play my favorite game? What's in my pockets now, that was in a live show. Now that I'm thinking about it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I think you're right. I one time was at a bar, Trivia, and they did a segment where they're like, all right, we're gonna list out some names. You have to tell us if it's a Shakespeare character or a Final Fantasy character. And it felt like a light was shining down from heaven. Like, Griffin, this is your. You don't know much shit, but this is your moment to impress. I got, like, 60% right. It was harder than it sounds, man.

[Justin McElroy]

It sounds so hard, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was all confident. I know these guys. They all blend together in the head, don't they?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can just cheat.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Unknown]

Just cheat. Just say they got the answers wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Unknown]

No, no. It doesn't matter.

[Justin McElroy]

Then they won't come anymore.

[Unknown]

Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

They are providing a lot of business to this business.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And they like them. They're not personally. You could ask them to just, like.

[Unknown]

Chill out if they win all the time. Do they like winning all the time? Has it started? Maybe you could, like, give them some sort of, like, deficit that they're starting, like, four points down or whatever and, like, talk to them about it and be like, hey, does this still feel challenging to you guys?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Do you think you could cover and then uncover your ears fast back and forth so you only hear half of the questions? Ooh, is that something like every other word?

[Unknown]

How fast are we talking?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

[Unknown]

Travis, we're gonna put someone at your table who hums really loudly while I'm asking the question.

[Justin McElroy]

I am going to start tasing you all, but you won't know when. So do keep an eye out for that. Don't get too focused on the questions.

[Unknown]

Who's the worst team who always shows up? Put them on their team now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Unknown]

Right. We're gonna get an average here. Hey, you guys are always doing really bad, Right. You get every question wrong. Cool. You're with them now. And listen, don't respect their opinions at all. Maybe this is the time you guys get all the questions right. Get over there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get on. Can you call in Kenneth Jennings and some other big Jeopardy. Heavyweights just to have ringers?

[Unknown]

Some ringers, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

To take them down to do.

[Unknown]

I'm pretty good at trivia.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I don't know, man.

[Unknown]

I think I am.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like trivia always reminds Me, I feel like trivia just kind of reminds me of the only stuff I know is stuff everybody knows.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, I know a lot of it, but so does everybody else. I kind of feel like I don't feel like I know a lot of stuff that other people don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's.

[Justin McElroy]

And I. There's a lot of stuff that I just don't. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's where things are.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would say there's a alternative to this, which is there's a lot of things that everyone knows that I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what I'm saying, right? Like where things are. What happened is when a lot of what happened.

[Unknown]

What happened and when what happened?

[Justin McElroy]

When did it happen? Sports.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, how do they do it there?

[Justin McElroy]

How do they do it there? Yeah, how do they do it over there?

[Unknown]

What led to this happening?

[Griffin McElroy]

Who's in charge?

[Justin McElroy]

Causes and effects. Travis. That's one that I think should be off limits. What? Cause I don't know. Or like, who.

[Unknown]

Who can say who is one that.

[Justin McElroy]

They do a lot at trivia where I'm like, star Wars? No, not Star Wars. Like, okay, well, who. I don't know. Superman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Which war was it?

[Unknown]

Is one I won everywhere I don't like.

[Justin McElroy]

Which one? Which one was it?

[Unknown]

Which one? Who did it? When was it? Why did it? Where's in charge? Any of that stuff I don't like.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't get it. Yeah, Presidents, Presidents.

[Unknown]

Presidents.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way.

[Unknown]

There's a couple of them I know stuff about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, couple I know stuff about.

[Justin McElroy]

So there's a couple of them I'd like to know.

[Unknown]

Well, what's wrong? I think a fun trivia night would be more of like an essay thing where it's just like open ended. Sit down, here's a piece of paper. Write down some trivia, you know, and then I will write down interesting trivia. And it's gonna be much more subjective judging where they're like, that is good trivia. And they get. And I would get a point for that.

[Griffin McElroy]

This reminds me, I've told this story on the show before, I think, but I used to have a science teacher in high school that had his own Jeopardy. Machine that you could hook up to a TV with, like RCA cables and play Jeopardy. But he would have us write some of the questions, the ones not about human anatomy, and we would play the game and he'd be like, in this franchise, the fantasy is never final. And I rung in. I was like, final Fantasy and he was like, I don't know. He was like, I didn't write this.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoever wrote this one, I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's take a quick break, go to the Money Zone and be right back after this. I am on the first day of our first family vacation in several years, and I'm having a problem. I have had to shit for the last 47 minutes and my family is only halfway through the Cincinnati Zoo. I don't want them to miss out on any of the exhibits because of me, but I'm about to explode. How do I guide them through the exhibits quickly so that we can get to the hotel quicker? And that's from dj.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wish I was brave like dj.

[Unknown]

Hey, dj.

[Griffin McElroy]

I wish I was just.

[Unknown]

There's bathrooms.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Unknown]

D.J.

[Justin McElroy]

Knows that. So, Travis, D.J. knows there's bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo. I think we have to accept the premise.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

DJ will not be using the bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, and here's the thing about the bathrooms at the Cincinnati Zoo. There's whole swaths of that park that are underserved, bathroom wise. If you're chilling in Guerrilla World, you have a 15 minute walk to the nearest bathroom.

[Unknown]

This is true. That's a lot of it. Some of it uphill.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're exploring. If you're exploring gibbon islands, you're already fucking just poop your pants. You're not going to make it. No way.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. There's a lot of people that simply will not use the bathroom in a public place. Which I understand. There's a lot of people like me that as soon as they get to a new public place, try to use the bathroom immediately. Like, I'm setting up a base camp.

[Griffin McElroy]

On a climb, leaving dead drops.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm on recon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I do that every time I go.

[Justin McElroy]

So what have you thought so far? I don't know. I just got here 10 minutes ago. That's only time for the bathroom.

[Unknown]

There are some people like me where they just know that even if they desperately need to use the public restroom and are mentally open to it, there's something in their body that's like, no, not here. No, I'm not gonna let you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rachel and I went to a nice sushi place last night. And we got there, got our drink orders in, and I was like, where's the bathroom? They're like, right behind the host stand. And I was like, cool. So I went to do my base camp setup and Then when I got there, I realized that it really is. You have to walk immediately by and behind the host at their host stand. Which immediately I was like, this is gonna be a problem. Cause I'm at least gonna go in there three times. And sure enough, by the third time, she was just like, mm, wow, that's miserable, Griff.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm so sorry.

[Unknown]

Most of the animals are very similar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. You know, speak on that.

[Unknown]

Well, like a cheetah, a leopard, a tiger. We get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

Big cats. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Really?

[Unknown]

How different is a elephant and a rhino and a hippo? So go see Fiona clock. Fiona, you did it. You knocked it out of the park.

[Griffin McElroy]

Really?

[Unknown]

All you need, pay your respects to Harambe over at Guerilla World. Take a minute, think about how that all went down. Moment of silence.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there a. I find joking about Harambe incredibly tasteless.

[Unknown]

But is there a. I was joking. Griffin who was joking? No, no, no. You're not joking.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm saying in general, Internet humor about Harambe, I think is quite tasteless. But is there, like a plaque or any sort of recognition of his existence?

[Unknown]

See, now I can't tell if I'm. If I'm Mandela.

[Griffin McElroy]

Obviously, this is a huge setup for a joke opportunity, and we all recognize that, but we're not gonna grab it.

[Unknown]

It's tight. Part of my brain is like, I remember there being one, but it might be. Cause I just want there to be one.

[Justin McElroy]

The Cincinnati Zoo does have one for the last carrier pigeon that died there, which seems like a big oopsie, but that is true.

[Unknown]

Well, when you only have one. Justin, what are you gonna do for it? Oh, my God.

[Griffin McElroy]

They have a whole Memorial Park.

[Unknown]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. So we're well covered. Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

But it's permanently closed, so maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

So they need another one for that, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And they need a bigger Memorial park to put that park in.

[Unknown]

8.

[Justin McElroy]

I think when you go to see the. Like when you see the monkeys at the zoo.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

People say the same thing every time. Oh, there's so much like us. And I get it for sure. But it does. What it means is when you look at every animal at the zoo, the question on your mind is, do I do anything like this? Because that's the only way the animals are. The only way monkeys are answering that question for you is if you are asking it when you're looking at them. So really, the zoo is just going around and looking at animals like, do I do anything like cheetah? Like you want. You look at the only thing that you're Gonna learn from cheetah is like, do I do anything that I ran recognize Is like. Like, sometimes you'll see cheetah go up to a food and like, it'll eat some food. They run away and I'm like, I do things like that. Yeah, yeah. Hi, everybody. Look at this cheetah.

[Unknown]

I use my butt to balance me when I'm running really quickly. I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I like also doing this sort of aspirationally. Like, when you see an elephant pick up a watermelon with its trunk and put it in its mouth and absolutely fucking annihilate that thing. I see that and I'm like, must be nice. Must be nice to grab a whole watermelon with your nose, cram it in your mouth, and then explode it. That sounds pretty fucking cool to me, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Also one of those, like, chase experiences. Like, yeah, because of the context. Like, I saw an elephant. No big deal. I saw an elephant crush a watermelon. Is like, I saw Joaquin Phoenix. Who cares? I saw Walking Phoenix eating a salad at Sweetgreen. It's like, that's something.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's something. An action there.

[Unknown]

There's a reveal to the story. Chase experience at the Cincinnati Zoo. There's also a petting zoo where you can see like, goats and shit. And it's like, hey, man, I'm at a zoo. Why would I want to see a goat and a chicken? I can see those.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's pretty cool, man.

[Unknown]

I'm saying you could skip that. I'm saying that that's a thing you can bounce off. Hey, man, me personally, the Bug House, I don't need that. I don't need that in my day. I don't need to think about that. Skip right next.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dogs. I see goats about the same amount that I see every other animal, which is mostly at zoos. I don't have a lot of day to day goat encounters. And I thank the sweet Lord Jesus Christ, my sav.

[Unknown]

Have you thought about opening yourself up to more go opportunities?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know how the fuck I would do that, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Speaking of the Bug House, you are not allowed to vape in there. And it's like, do you want me to be high for this or not? Yeah, it's kind of like mixed messages. Like, you have a place called the Bug House. Like, I would like to see it the way it's intended. You know what I mean? I need to open up my.

[Griffin McElroy]

That could turn bad on you though, huh?

[Unknown]

If you were gonna have a bathroom. Whoopsie. At the Cincinnati Zoo. What area of the zoo, do you think would be the best choice?

[Griffin McElroy]

I think maybe around the apes. Because then at least they'll point at you and be like, I get it.

[Unknown]

I just get it. The apes would look at you and be like, oh, they're just like us.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, dude. Bipedal, buddy. Did you just shit right where you stand? Yeah, man, just like us.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you ever. Have you ever been to the zoo or Animal Kingdom or something where the animals are walking around? They have some animals that are allowed to walk around. Cause I think next to one of them is where I would do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, shit. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then be like, ew. Everybody come look. Look at what this nasty duck. Look at what this nasty duck did, everybody. That's very sick.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at this huge fucking turd this peahen made. Holy crap. It's thicker than its neck. That doesn't make any fucking sense.

[Unknown]

What's wrong?

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, this guy in a crocodile costume just pooped over everybody. Hey, good. Hey, here we come. Look what Goofy did. You nasty dog. Pluto's more human than you are, you filthy animal. I gotta go. I'll see myself.

[Unknown]

I know what's happened here. You know what's happened here?

[Justin McElroy]

I know what this means. Don't. Get your hands off me.

[Unknown]

I'm gonna go to the gift shop.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't prove that's mine.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm allowed to buy a shot glass on my way out.

[Unknown]

I'm making the decision to leave. I wanna make this clear. This isn't up to you.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm choosing to never return.

[Unknown]

I'm choosing to leave and ban myself from the Cincinnati Zoo. Please don't tell Jack Hannah I did any of this.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys. What if they had a part of the zoo where you could go and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just be beast mode for a second?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. You shed the clothes, you shit where you please, and for a half hour exhibit man, you're just. There's no judgment.

[Unknown]

You're not worried about deadlines. You're not worried about your boss anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm getting excited about this idea.

[Unknown]

Now you're just shitting where you please. Is there a watermelon? You crush it in your jaws.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is there part of this preservation, this human preservation, where there is like an observation window if you want to run up to the glass and be like, come on, guys, we're fucking partying in here. Like, you could put on a little. Or you could just lay down in front of the glass and sleep. And not just hide behind the glass.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like that's counter to the spirit. I want a Break for that. You just described my everyday life. Honestly, right now, I don't want to do it again.

[Unknown]

I would love to just be able to just go full meerkat for a while. Yes. I see people come to the thing, and I'm immediately in the tunnels. We're popping out. We're watching out for each other.

[Griffin McElroy]

It would have to be an international waters situ. Like, you can't have laws in the wild zone.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Unknown]

You can trade places with an animal for 30 minutes. What about that? I see the orangutan. I'm like, you and me, buddy. I give him my clothes, my ID he's me on the outside for 30 minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

He tears your fucking head off your shoulders and throws it in the nearby lake.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's just no touchies, no words. That's easy.

[Unknown]

Yeah, right.

[Justin McElroy]

Of human preserve. Like, no touchies, no words. Solves most of it. Yeah, yeah. Most of our problems.

[Unknown]

When your time's done, you do have to go back to the human world.

[Justin McElroy]

If you start making crude technologies, you will be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get out of here, man.

[Justin McElroy]

If I see you use a lever.

[Unknown]

Ow.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you use a stick to get some ants out of a vial. Get the fuck out of here.

[Unknown]

Well, now, it's. Depends on which one you're being. If you're in the chimpanzee exhibit, you can do that. I think they should.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think when chimpanzees get to that point, they should be removed from the zoo also.

[Justin McElroy]

You're too close, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now. Now we're uncomfortable, man.

[Unknown]

I would love to see a human in the elephant exhibit painting. That would make me really happy for some reason. I'd be very. But they have to do it with their nose.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. There's something there.

[Unknown]

I'd want to be one of the night cats. Can you imagine? You're just walking through the Night Hunter exhibit at Cincinnati Zoo, and you're looking in, and they've got everything all dark and stuff to trick the animals. And the thing is nighttime, and you look in, and there's just me prowling around in one of those containers. Yeah, Trav, that would be. He's behind that law.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be extremely scary and off putting to see a man in the Night hunter dressed as Mr. Mistoffeles.

[Unknown]

Oh, he's stalking that cricket or whatever.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm on the prowl.

[Unknown]

I'm a nightcap.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't let me in the wild zone with the other animal, humans, for obvious reasons.

[Justin McElroy]

My second interview to be a barista is on Thursday, and I just realized it's Halloween. What costume will impress the manager and land me the job? That's from Scariesta in San Francisco.

[Griffin McElroy]

Very scared like that.

[Justin McElroy]

Scared me a little bit, actually. Good for you.

[Unknown]

Do both.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean. Yeah, I think doing both is wild. How long is this interview going to be that you have to wear your costume during it? Unless you just don't want to bring a change of clothes down for a while.

[Unknown]

It shows a level of commitment, Griffin, a level of enthusiasm.

[Griffin McElroy]

You dress up like a big old coffee bean. I'm this for Christmas because I'm just wild about these beans.

[Unknown]

You dress for the job you want.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, did you say for Christmas?

[Griffin McElroy]

I did say Christmas, yeah. I meant.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's speak on that for a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, I was thinking, like, if Christian.

[Unknown]

Doesn'T like it when people say Christmas, everybody has to say happy holiday. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Happy holiday.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

It does make you seem like someone who had better things to do, doesn't it?

[Griffin McElroy]

A little.

[Justin McElroy]

I like that, though. That's kind of playing hard to get.

[Unknown]

You gotta dress for the job you want. So you dress as a barista.

[Justin McElroy]

The generic, like Kroger, like Aldi Brand. The Kirkland barista.

[Unknown]

A zombie barista.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Unknown]

So you're also scary.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I don't think it's gotta be that. I think you come out of the back room wearing a barista uniform from this place, and you're like, this is. I'm make believing that I'm doing this. And you're gonna see what a good job I do. They can't make you leave because it's a Halloween costume.

[Unknown]

Dress as a job interviewer and flip the script. Mmm.

[Griffin McElroy]

Where do you see yourself?

[Justin McElroy]

Which one of us is the interviewer now?

[Unknown]

Who watches the watch line?

[Griffin McElroy]

Where do you see yourself in five years? Asking you this exact same question five years from now.

[Justin McElroy]

And tell me, who have you dressed as today for our interview? I dressed as your grandfather's ghost. I looked it up online. I looked it up and online. And I'm your grandfather's. I look exactly. I know exactly like him. Right. It's wild.

[Unknown]

And I'm just his whole life story. Ask me anything your grandfather would know.

[Justin McElroy]

Ask me anything your grandfather knows.

[Unknown]

What kind of interview is this exactly?

[Griffin McElroy]

Exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, by the way, I'm your biological grandfather. Wait, what? Yes, you heard me right.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't even know about that shit. I am dressed as a Google Maps printout of your home address. If I don't get this job, I am going to talented Mr. Ripley you, which I don't know if you've seen that film does not turn out for the real Mr. Ripley stuff to think about.

[Unknown]

Yes, sir, I am dressed as Borat, but I will be doing this interview as myself. Don't you worry. What's that? You want to see my resume? Sorry, sir, that was the only one. Sorry. Just having.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry. Your only resume?

[Unknown]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

I do need it back. My thrift.

[Unknown]

Yes. Is pain in my assholes. Thank you for asking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much.

[Justin McElroy]

One of my friends is a speed Rubik's Cube solver and solves for the team that enters competitions together. Recently they signed up to an event city that's in a week. Unfortunately, one of their team got sick, but has already paid for the ticket. My friend has asked me to step in as I know how to slowly solve a Rubik's Cube. Brothers, how do I grind my Rubik's Cube skills as to not embarrass myself in front of these elite cube requests from Gmail?

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a nightmare that I.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a nightmare which you described.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I've had a nightmare.

[Unknown]

There's no way to do this.

[Justin McElroy]

You have to get good at it real fast.

[Griffin McElroy]

It takes a long time. So long.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it takes a long time to do it.

[Unknown]

Okay, let me offer this play. You step up there, you move the cube around really fast, but then you slam it down and say, this one's broken.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. This one's actually an unsolvable pattern. This happens.

[Unknown]

Unsolvable.

[Griffin McElroy]

This happens sometimes.

[Unknown]

Regulation.

[Justin McElroy]

I've had that happen to me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Couple stickers in the wrong place, that motherfucker won't get solved.

[Justin McElroy]

Get one of the cubes twisted. Yep, Yep, that'll happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unsolvable.

[Justin McElroy]

Unsolvable. You're so smart, you do it. You want to prove to me it's not broken? You solve it. Thank you very much. That's right. Just slam it down, take it back, slam it down.

[Griffin McElroy]

I use social engineering as my skill.

[Justin McElroy]

Exactly. That's one of.

[Unknown]

I've done it. If your friend has invited you to do it, they know that you're not bringing the heat. Right? Yeah. There's no way your friend thinks you're super. Your friend, who is super fast and competes in super fast Rubik's Cube is like, I bet they're also as good as I am. That's not happening. Probably is. They need somebody to fill out the team, and you're the only other person they know who's ever solved a Rubik's Cube.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have they? Have you wronged them in the past? And this is a setup for a J.K. simmons at the end of Whiplash. Brutal. Fucking, like. They walk up to you and they're like, you remember how I said that this is low stakes. These are the fastest speedcubers in the world. And you're about to absolutely shit your pants and have your ass fall out of your pants.

[Unknown]

We staked your house on this one.

[Griffin McElroy]

We staked your house on this one. I knew it was you the whole time, Nemo. And then you walk away. Slap.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't know what to do. But then you go back out there. Paul Reiser's like, don't do it.

[Justin McElroy]

But you're like, don't do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fuck off, Paul Reiser.

[Justin McElroy]

Fuck off. Your heart will explode. You can't drum right now. Is that. I haven't seen it in a bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's basically how it ends. Yeah.

[Unknown]

How fast can it be? I'm gonna look up the world record. Cause it can't be that fast, right? For drumming. World record, Rubik's Cube. I mean, you'll probably have a couple minutes or something to say, oh, people who do it.

[Justin McElroy]

People who do it.

[Unknown]

3.13 seconds.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. If you ever see people. Do people get. I thought I would impress a kid one time. Cause I saw this kid Cuban at a rehearsal I was at.

[Griffin McElroy]

I saw a Cuban child at a thing, and you.

[Justin McElroy]

A Cuban child? Cuban. A Cuban. Cuban.

[Unknown]

He was eating a Cuban sandwich. No.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm so sorry. He was Cuban.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

C, U, B I N. Fun apostrophe. Cuban.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. A G on there would have really solved this whole issue. Juice. And it seemed like you were, hey.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin, if I like solving things, I wouldn't be a cuber, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Unknown]

Wait, isn't that the whole point of being a cuber? Hey.

[Justin McElroy]

So I told him I could solve the cube, and he's like, sho. He's like, you do cube now.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me see. So I take the cube and, like, solve it. And it takes me about two minutes. And he's like, huh? And then he takes it and he's like. He just sort of looks at it. Just, like, solves itself. I don't know. This kid did it in, like 10 seconds. And it made me feel. I realized that just knowing how to do it actually is the lowest possible barrier to it is just the most. The lowest thing you can do to even be in this world at all. Like, you couldn't be at more of a beginning spot than to just be able to do it.

[Unknown]

One of my favorite things of being a parent is Moments where I can look at my child and be like, ah, this child and I, we're cut from the same cloth. We're so, so BB picked up a Rubik's cube, twisted it three or four times and then went eh. And put it back down.

[Justin McElroy]

Never touched it again.

[Unknown]

And I was like, that's my kid that kicks it. Nice.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. Chilling. Oh.

[Unknown]

What I mean is I have no follow through or commitment to things I'm not immediately good at.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, I got it.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis. Hey, Travis. Here's what I'm saying. Explain to me how we're on episode 736. Cause you're the best and the best.

[Unknown]

I was gonna do this right away.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the proof. This is the proof is in the pudding. You wouldn't still be doing it if you weren't good at it.

[Unknown]

Nobody that way. I did it right. Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I'm saying, You must be good at it. Otherwise why you should.

[Unknown]

I'm financially beholden to doing it. It's part of.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, well, yeah. We all have our demons at this point, Trav. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know how this tauntine is set up.

[Unknown]

You don't need to. I can't stop playing the ponies. And so I gotta keep doing my brother, my brother and me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right, Exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Most of my several families across the US Are dependent on this show's two.

[Unknown]

Are families, as you call them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right?

[Unknown]

Yes. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

The broad fam.

[Unknown]

Yeah, we get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

The satellite fam.

[Justin McElroy]

By the way, the fans from Good luck in science club.

[Unknown]

See you in Indianapolis, Carla.

[Griffin McElroy]

New me and someone else can't wait to catch your next science fair in Indianapolis. Carl. Carla, you are my favorite daughter of 8 years old.

[Justin McElroy]

Crap. We are actually going to be in Indianapolis on Tuesday. That's probably tomorrow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Not to see our road families.

[Justin McElroy]

We're going to be doing My brother me Tuesday, November 5th, Indianapolis with Bria Iyengar. Wednesday, November 6th. We are going to be Annapolis doing the adventure zone. And then we'll be in Milwaukee on November 7th with my brother, my brother and me.

[Unknown]

And let me be clear about that Adventure zone one, it's roll for shoes, which if you don't know the system is the most open ended chaotic thing. The last time we played it, it's so silly. It went absolutely wild. And Aabria is joining us and you're not going to want to miss it. You can get tickets at bit ly McElroytours and you can also if you have questions for either my brother, my Brother. And Misho, you can send in the questions to nbmbamaximumfund.org and put your city in the subject line so we know you're sending it to. Same with wishes for Fungalore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Hey, if you're coming to that November 5th show in Indianapolis, you should probably definitely vote before you come to the show. We won't have any kind of voting apparatus set up there.

[Unknown]

And don't vote for one of the shitty ones. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Only for the right people, obviously.

[Unknown]

Or the left people.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wink, if we say the wrong thing here. Jeff Bezos shuts our asses.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the problem.

[Unknown]

He's standing over my shoulder right now, breathing very heavily, which is freaking me out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't vote for Ronald Gump. And I'm looking at Jeff and he's nodding his head like you can say, don't vote.

[Justin McElroy]

That's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

He said, that's okay. He said the real Ronald Gump might not recognize that you're talking about him. His retribution doesn't come down. So don't vote for Ronald Gump.

[Unknown]

Hey, at the end of this month, I'm gonna be doing 20 sided tavern in New York City on my Off Broadway premiere.

[Justin McElroy]

There it is.

[Unknown]

First of many. November 27th through December 1st. I'll be playing the trickster role, which is like three different characters. Ooh, ambitious. Well, it's. You know, we're playing D and D. Get this. Playing DD live in front of an audience and making it up as we.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go along kicks ass.

[Unknown]

Yeah, man. Get your [e-mail] and I'll see you there. It's gonna be an absolute hoot and a half.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yep. Got some new merch up in the merch store.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, the Do Not Drink mug. If you're a McElroy family clubhouse fan, I got mine. We'll recognize that and enjoy it.

[Unknown]

There you go.

[Griffin McElroy]

Both of my kids have asked me what the fuck it means that we have a mug that says do not drink on it.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't show them the intro all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

I guess they would enjoy that, right?

[Justin McElroy]

I have my kids watch it every morning. That's how I wake them up.

[Unknown]

Yeah. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month go to the First Nations Development Institute. Their mission is to uplift and sustain the lifeways and economies of Native communities through advocacy, financial support, and knowledge sharing. So go check out macaroymerch.com and check out that new mug and everything else that's there. We got a wish here, and thank you to Montaigne.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh my God. I can't believe this is the first time I've ever heard of our theme song.

[Unknown]

My Life Is Better with youh Go check that out. Montaigne.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm so. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I've never done it.

[Unknown]

That's what the family is. Meerkats support each other, Griffin. We're looking out for each other. That's what meerkats and I have in common.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is that what you would be. You think if you went into the Wild Zone at the Cincinnati Zoo, you would live in.

[Justin McElroy]

Why are you starting the fucking show again? I just feel like I could push.

[Unknown]

You into a well meerkat and the meerkat inside.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

I got a race.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, please go ahead, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I wish the Haribo gummy sour bats looked a little less like flying penises. My name is Justin McRoy. Google these bat.

[Unknown]

I'm Travis Vacroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

How are both sour bats? Yeah, yeah, a little bit. I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it better with you?

[Justin McElroy]

My life.

[Travis McElroy]

It'S better. It's better with you. It's better my life, it's better, it's better with you. Yes, it's true, you are better. It's better with you. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun A worker owned network of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Artist owned shows supported directly by.