MBMBaM 738: My Unfinished Business is Mr. Holland's Opus

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother And Me – MBMBaM 738: My Unfinished Business is Mr. Holland's Opus

Release Date: November 18, 2024

In episode 738 of My Brother, My Brother And Me (MBMBaM), The McElroy brothers—Justin, Travis, and Griffin—delve into a variety of entertaining topics, blending humor with insightful advice. This detailed summary captures the essence of their discussions, notable quotes, and key insights from the episode titled "My Unfinished Business is Mr. Holland's Opus."

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1. Introduction and Initial Banter (00:00 – 01:38)

The episode kicks off with the brothers playfully disclaiming their expertise in giving advice, setting a lighthearted tone.

• Justin McElroy (00:00): "The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed."
• Travis McElroy (00:08): "Travis insists he's a sexpert..."
• Griffin McElroy (00:11): "...there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it."

They engage in humorous exchanges about gravity and Newton, showcasing their signature comedic style.

• Justin McElroy (02:08): "I would love to be there. The day that dude was like, someone drops something, he's like, oop, you newtoned it? Like what?"

2. Wicked Movie Release and Merchandise Overload (03:15 – 11:38)

The brothers discuss the overwhelming merchandise and marketing surrounding the release of the Wicked movie, expressing playful frustration over market saturation.

• Justin McElroy (03:15): "Wicked fever is sweeping the nation."
• Travis McElroy (04:21): "Wizard of Oz is Theresa's favorite movie and she has read Wicked."

They humorously critique the flood of Wicked-themed products in stores, from barrettes to McDonald's mac and cheese.

• Justin McElroy (09:07): "Wicked mix to reveal cupcake... That’s the most safe thing we could say."
• Travis McElroy (09:33): "I've never seen the idea of one... If it's not yellow, it's not going to eat it."

3. Advice Segment (11:38 – 29:25)

Listeners send in questions seeking advice, which the brothers tackle with their trademark wit and unconventional perspectives.

a. Singing and the Empathetic Neighbor (11:38 – 16:09)

A listener from Columbus, Ohio, grapples with a neighbor appreciating his singing despite initial embarrassment.

• Justin McElroy (12:25): "What >

Issue: A parent feels uneasy about a neighbor approvingly commenting on his singing.

• Question (12:25): "Is packing my bags and moving away enough to cure my shame, or do I need to go into witness protection?"

• Griffin McElroy (13:24): "I bought a house specifically to never have to deal with this scenario."

• Travis McElroy (15:50): "If they were saying this in a passive aggressive way to make you feel bad about singing, just keep singing."

b. Thanking a Generous Co-worker (16:09 – 23:17)

A middle school teacher seeks advice on how to reciprocate a co-worker’s handmade cloak.

• Question (18:52): "How do I thank my co-worker for this very cool and generous gift?"

• Griffin McElroy (21:37): "Bake him some limbus bread and you give it to him in a little cloth."

• Justin McElroy (22:39): "They made... that's not a funny joke if you think about that."

c. Sneaker Spotter: Dealing with Identical Shoes (23:26 – 29:25)

Justin shares an experience of spotting someone with the same distinctive shoes and seeks advice on whether to compliment them.

• Question (24:00): "I have brightly colored striped sneakers, and someone else has the exact same. What do I do?"

• Griffin McElroy (25:01): "We should keep a fucking record of all the ones we've done."

• Travis McElroy (25:37): "There's a specific here though, that I want to talk about, which is if you have got shoes from not one of the big name brands..."

• Justin McElroy (27:00): "I was in the elevator... Can you see?"

4. Gym TV Preferences and Suggestions (36:21 – 40:23)

A listener expresses dissatisfaction with the TV shows playing at their gym, seeking ways to introduce more engaging content like Pirates of the Caribbean.

• Question (36:21): "How do I convince the people working the gym to have at least one TV play some Pirates of the Caribbean or something all the time?"

• Griffin McElroy (37:41): "Maybe your friends are encouraging. It's a rivalry, a healthy rivalry, man."

• Travis McElroy (39:07): "Imagine eating a burger and it's not a Whopper. Fuck."

5. Mr. Holland's Opus: Travis's Unfinished Business (38:11 – 43:53)

Travis shares his long-standing desire to finish watching Mr. Holland's Opus, revealing it as his "unfinished business."

• Travis McElroy (38:22): "That is my unfinished business. I would hate to die right now and be a ghost."

• Griffin McElroy (38:55): "Travis, I'm gonna formally request that you finish watching Mr. Holland's Opus 1 day someday."

• Justin McElroy (40:39): "Tell me anything about how a computer works. Just move forward."

The brothers humorously debate the importance of finishing the movie, intertwining personal anecdotes and jokes about life and unfinished tasks.

6. Munch Squad: Burger King's New Whopper Variants (46:01 – 53:28)

In the Munch Squad segment, the brothers explore Burger King's innovative Whopper creations, analyzing their unique flavors and market strategies.

• Justin McElroy (46:01): "Burger King was looking to hand out a million dollars to somebody that is going to make a new Whopper..."

• Travis McElroy (47:55): "The Mexican Street Corn Whopper representing Nebraska."

• Griffin McElroy (48:25): "There's a fascinated process about how they got to these guys."

They break down each Whopper variant:

1. Fried Pickle Ranch Whopper

   • Description: "Flame grilled beef with fried pickles, bacon, and a creamy pickle ranch sauce complimented by Swiss cheese."
   • Justin McElroy (47:55): "That's wild that if in your design you were like, it's got pickle ranch sauce."

2. Maple Bourbon BBQ Whopper

   • Description: "Maple barbecue sauce, candied bacon, crispied onions, and jalapenos."
   • Travis McElroy (48:14): "When I think tortilla crisps, my mind does not oft float to Nebraska."

3. Mexican Street Corn Whopper

   • Description: "Creamy corn spread, spicy queso, and crunchy tortilla crisps."
   • Griffin McElroy (48:25): "They had to be on brand for the Whopper."

The brothers critique the balance between innovative flavors and maintaining the traditional Whopper identity.

• Justin McElroy (50:14): "We have an amazing burger and we know that because of the size, the flame grill taste and the quality ingredients."

7. Conclusion and Final Remarks (54:07 – 56:46)

As the episode wraps up, the brothers briefly mention upcoming events and promotions, maintaining the playful and humorous atmosphere.

• Travis McElroy (55:53): "I wish I'd looked cool when I broke my elbow."

• Justin McElroy (56:19): "This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Justin McElroy (02:08): "What do you mean, like? Yeah, I call it newtoning."

• Travis McElroy (03:11): "Weard sentencing is what's being demonstrated right now inside the podcast box."

• Justin McElroy (12:25): "Is packing my bags and moving away enough to cure my shame, or do I need to go into witness protection?"

• Griffin McElroy (21:37): "Bake him some limbus bread and you give it to him in a little cloth."

• Justin McElroy (24:00): "I'm wearing them today in coffee shop and another person walked in who I'm 100% confident is wearing the exact same shoes as me. What do I do about this?"

• Travis McElroy (38:22): "That is my unfinished business. I would hate to die right now and be a ghost."

• Justin McElroy (46:01): "We built several and then really relied on the culinary expertise of the team on which ones were the best."

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Conclusion:

Episode 738 of My Brother, My Brother And Me masterfully blends humorous banter with genuine advice, all while engaging with current pop culture topics like the Wicked movie release and innovative fast-food trends. The McElroy brothers' unique approach to answering listener questions provides both entertainment and relatable insights, making this episode a standout for both regular fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Justin McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother main advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Travnation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis Big dog. Woof woof. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? It's me, youngest brother, Griffin McElroy. Come fly away with us.

[Justin McElroy]

Fly away with us. We're defying gravity here and defying the laws of God.

[Griffin McElroy]

Defying those two go hand in hand. Gravity is God's number one law. He said, go towards the big stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you ever think about how easy it was to make scientific discoveries back in the day? Cause like, dude, everybody must have noticed that when you let go of something, it fell down. And Isaac Newton was just the person who's like, and that's always gonna happen.

[Griffin McElroy]

He said, you know how when. He said, you know how when you drop a bowl or a fork or an apple or anything, it goes down? That's mine. And it's called gravity.

[Justin McElroy]

It was. It would. It would be. I would love to be there. The day that dude was like, someone drops something, he's like, oop, you newtoned it? Like what? Yeah. You newtoned it?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, like.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you mean, like? Yeah, I call it newtoning.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know how stuff goes from up to down? I kind of. That's sort of my idea.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't discover that.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you didn't discover it. We all know that.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no, you don't understand. As far as school children are concerned, I sat under a tree and an apple fell on my head. And I said, that sucks, but it will always happen. And that's mine now, anyway. Anytime you guys use gravity, I get five cents.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think when he was trying to explain inertia to people. They tried to stop him. And he's like, you're not getting it.

[Travis McElroy]

You're not gonna stop. You don't understand.

[Justin McElroy]

You didn't even fucking laugh. I'm gonna do it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you imagine when he was trying to explain inertia to people, and just as he got going, they tried to stop him?

[Griffin McElroy]

No. It didn't give me that time either, man. I'm so sorry, Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

I love it.

[Justin McElroy]

First time.

[Griffin McElroy]

It was the first time it would have ripped my ass up.

[Justin McElroy]

First time. It was good.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you've been listening, were we gonna talk about.

[Justin McElroy]

We could talk about it. Wicked fever is sweeping the nation. We mentioned this on Clubhouse. If you're not watching Mackwell Family Clubhouse, you should every Tuesday at 12 Eastern. But there, I don't know if you all have noticed, but the amount of wicked things. Are you hypersensitive to the amount of wicked things? The way we're hypersensitive in my household? Because I don't know how Ariana Grande is doing it. She's everywhere.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like I have seen that woman have teary reunions with every high school teacher she ever had.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

She's been in high school for 27 years, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw her reading a lengthy letter that she wrote about how Tower of Terror should not be converted into a Guardians theme ride. She wrote, ariana Grande, like, recently wrote a letter to the Disney company imploring them to not change the theming. And she's out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

In our household. Justin, wizard of Oz is Theresa's favorite movie and she has read Wick. She's familiar with the musical as well. But I would say it's not seen as maybe it's a little non canonical for Theresa, especially the movie form. So we have actively, I would say passively actively avoided it.

[Justin McElroy]

But imagine an alternate reality where Wicked was her whole shit and she was two people that were 6 and 10. Okay, wow.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, wait. This is getting hard to imagine. My wife has two people who are 6 and 10 who love Wicked.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it like a trench coat situation where, I don't know, she's 2, 6 and 10 years?

[Justin McElroy]

It's not your wife. It's just. It's my kid. Imagine if Teresa was obsessed with Wicked and then all of a sudden, every.

[Travis McElroy]

Single year, I have two kids in my house. Justin, you could have just said, imagine your two kids are obsessed with Wicked. I don't know why you had to bisect my wife.

[Justin McElroy]

Yesterday I went into CVS and I bought. I found out they're called Barrett's. Is that right, Travis? Barrettes, not berets. Those are the hats. I went and got some barrettes, and as I was checking out, the lady at CVS said, I feel so guilty. I still haven't seen it. It's like, ma'am, I swear to God, it's not out yet. It's just been advertised to you so much and there's so many wicked things available.

[Travis McElroy]

I was also surprised to discover that I thought it came out like a month ago.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, no, it's not here yet.

[Travis McElroy]

I've lost all track of time, though, when it comes to movies coming out, because I swear Wild Robot came out in theaters eight different times.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta see Wild Robot. I don't need to cry. You see one, you're like, oh, I'm crying at that one. Look at that robot.

[Travis McElroy]

Anytime there's a robot acting with empathy and compassion, there's somewhere in rim. They're like, we haven't melted the Maguire brothers hearts in a while. We need to get them going.

[Justin McElroy]

I can barely read Murderbot Chronicles and that bot murders people.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, that's a sweet robot. I remember we took Henry C. Wild Robot and got emotional during it, and it was like watching the light come on of like, what the fuck is hap. Why does the movie make me Movie make me sad? Movie make eye wet? No way. That can't possibly be right.

[Justin McElroy]

I had a in the car this week, Cooper from the backseat said, dad, you wanna know something weird? Sometimes when I watch people get sad, I get sad too. And I thought, oh, thank God. Okay, kid. All right, good. That's a really good start for me as a parent. That's gonna make my job a whole lot easier.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause I honestly, kid, have had some doubts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I've definitely been hurt in front of her and not gotten a ton.

[Justin McElroy]

Of empathy where she's in learning mode. All of a sudden it's like, whoa, you're really paying attention very closely.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you going to see the movie, Justin?

[Justin McElroy]

You think maybe I'm having a laugh? You think maybe I'm exaggerating?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Come on in my office for a second, guys. Okay. Come on into my office. Step inside my office for a second.

[Travis McElroy]

Pee you.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's that smell?

[Travis McElroy]

It's everywhere.

[Justin McElroy]

I left all my special cheese sandwiches hidden around here. Listen, let's head on over to Broadway direct. Let's check out a guide to all the wicked movie merchandise. Sweets and treats. And I guarantee you this isn't even a part of it. Right. So obviously Ariana Grande is in her line. REM very confusing still. Thank you. Ariana is. Is going to be doing a beauty line at Ulta. Gotta do it, gotta get it.

[Travis McElroy]

There's people start doing the X in the middle of like a crossover. Cause it just looks like it's multiplied by Wicked. Elphaba makeup.

[Justin McElroy]

So a wide range of hairband from Lee Lele. Sad doing the Forever 21 has got some fake jerseys, some shoes. Look at this. Aldo's doing some shoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks.

[Travis McElroy]

Target.

[Justin McElroy]

Target has a collab. There's Target's collab. Oh, over at H and M. Yeah, there's definitely a collab there.

[Travis McElroy]

When Elphaba and Glinda are at Wicked University, how often do they go to sports team games?

[Justin McElroy]

They love sports. Over here. The travel kit. Oh, there's an OPI kit with Wicked. There's a frigging New York Hilton. Midtown is about Wicked. There's Wicked rooms. Starbucks has special drinks and cups. There's Betty Crocker. Wicked mix to reveal vanilla cookie dough popcake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn fucking timeout. Betty Crocker. You made a Wicked slime bag cupcake.

[Justin McElroy]

It's rough, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's tough for us.

[Justin McElroy]

It's rough for us because if they get either one, they're mad. There's a mix to reveal cupcake yet as well, y'all. Wicked cupcakes. A line of Wicked cocktails straight from Oz. Cocktails. Curry. Yeah. There's great guys. Great value themed Wicked. Great value Wicked themed Mac and cheese that changes pink or green. That's Walmart brand.

[Travis McElroy]

Let me tell you, as a parent of two small children, I've never seen this. I've never seen the idea of one. You don't know what color your Mac and cheese is going to be. Is it going to be pink or green? And then that it's not yellow.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, huge problem.

[Travis McElroy]

It doesn't matter if it's pink or green or chartreuse. If it's not yellow, it's not going to eat it.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's an acceptable color spectrum that Mac and cheese is allowed to occupy and it's limited.

[Justin McElroy]

Walmart manufactured generic. Great value Wicked themed Rice Krispie treats. There's a Wicked Hollywood and dine over at Universal Studios. There's fu, there's.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's ding.

[Justin McElroy]

Didn't Tai Fung is offering a unique Wicked themed dining experience on Broadway with vegan noodles and sesame sauce and a nice cucumber salad that's not even at cvs. They have four different. They had two different barrettes.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you bought all this? You've had to buy all this?

[Justin McElroy]

Well, because my kids. You would think my kids would either be Galinda or Elphaba, but they're not both.

[Travis McElroy]

Inside us are two wolves.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, right. Which one, which one do you teach to defy gravity? That's the question.

[Griffin McElroy]

Only one's allowed to. The other one gets eaten.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like everyone to please, please stop. I've put this message on several podcasts at this point, hoping it gets to the right people. I worry, guys. Sometimes I am a little bit worried that a week before the movie comes out is a bad time to ask them to stop making things about the movie. Sure, I understand. I worry it may even be too late now. At this point, what I'd like to.

[Travis McElroy]

Picture is like some, you know, like 1940s Louis B. Mayer style, like studio bigwig just hearing this, then running over and grabbing a big lever and switching it to off as all of the merchandise backs up behind it. And he's like, oh, my God, Justin, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.

[Justin McElroy]

Are exploding.

[Griffin McElroy]

I inconvenienced one Appalachian man.

[Travis McElroy]

I had no idea. Shut it down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shut it down.

[Travis McElroy]

Shut it down.

[Justin McElroy]

This is an advice show. I'd love to help our listeners with some of their questions if that's. If that would be okay by you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would like that.

[Travis McElroy]

I would love that, actually. Yeah, I think that would make us more popular. It'd make us more popular.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, all right. You want to talk about something else? Wicked. How dare you. I'm so sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm so sorry, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I didn't mean to split it into two movies. What would you guys like to see a movie with a bunch of kick ass songs and then two hours. That's not that. Because that's what's on offer at theaters this holiday Seasons this. The first one's gonna have a lot of classic songs you love. And the second one, you're probably gonna have to go see it, huh? You already saw the first half with all the songs you like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait till the trailers start popping off for the second. They're gonna be like, conclude the epic like you have. There's no songs in these trailers. Remember all the fun you had? You're locked in. You're all right. It's too late. I am by no means a good singer, but I really enjoy singing and I'm always, almost always doing it when I'm in my car or apartment. Nothing feels better than belting along to Chapel Road in the solitude of the apartment I live in alone. However, I was recently speaking with my very kind older neighbor who lives in the apartment above me, and she told me that I have a beautiful singing voice and that she enjoys hearing it. I was perhaps foolishly under the impression that I couldn't be heard, but now I know this isn't the case. Is packing my bags and moving away enough to cure my shame, or do I need to go into witness protection? This is from Can't Hit the High Notes in Columbus, Ohio.

[Travis McElroy]

Now I'm interested to see you, my brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

How you react to. If you were in this position, which side you're in the position of you live in an apartment, you've been singing along, belting to some of your favorite. The weakest soundtrack.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

And then your neighbor's like, you have a beautiful singing voice, and I love hearing you sing.

[Justin McElroy]

Here is the problem. Go ahead, Go ahead. You know, Griffin, if you have a good take.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm trying to figure out how to say this. I bought a house specifically to never have to deal with this scenario. And I understand that that's a privileged position to be in, but it does feel unfair to even make me have to think about this, even if it's not me in this situation. I spent a lot of money.

[Travis McElroy]

I just want to. Griffin, I just wanna know if you're flattered or embarrassed. I didn't wanna take it to this existential. I can't even put myself in that space.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just saying I recog. I'm very lucky to be in the position I am in. But I'm gonna have to sit on that luck and rest on it and say I can't. To even imagine the scenario stirs within me an anxiety that I just don't think I'm up.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess I'm saying I don't think.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm up to this one.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, well, this one's too hard for me. Imagine I can still remember a life before Griffin. And what I would say is my mental calculations went thusly. Well, she says she likes it, so I guess I should keep serving it up. But then I thought if she didn't like it, if I didn't like it, and I was her, she just told me exactly the way that I would tell somebody if I could hear somebody and I did not enjoy it. I would tell them that I liked it and that I heard it and that I liked it. And I'll let them kind of figure it out from there. But that is the most I Would ever say to somebody. So I don't know, legitimately don't know if you should keep singing or if they will be like weirded out if you keep.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you're on my page. Just to be clear. You're on my page. You're also saying like I don't know man. This one too hard is basically what you're doing. Also.

[Travis McElroy]

I think, Justin, what you are ignoring is question asker. What you've got here is a win win scenario for you. Because if they were saying this in a passive aggressive way to make you feel bad about singing, just keep singing. And if they like your singing voice sincerely, just keep singing.

[Justin McElroy]

They weren't doing it in a passive aggressive way. They were doing it in a way to say, you probably don't want me to hear you singing.

[Griffin McElroy]

I know. They're saying. They are saying, I know.

[Justin McElroy]

You should know. I know. And it's not that I like it. And it's not that I don't like it. But you have to know that I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. You wake up with a note in your pocket with a red handprint and it says I know. I know.

[Justin McElroy]

You had all the.

[Travis McElroy]

Just start every song before you sing with and hey, this one goes out to Dolores upstairs.

[Justin McElroy]

H O T. But her name is Rebecca.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, yeah, that's how she knows.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't even know your neighbor's name and they're the asshole. That's interesting.

[Justin McElroy]

That's twisty.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't have to move. She likes it. If someone said this to me, if someone said, I've heard you singing a beautiful voice and I love it. There would be a couple days where I would be in my head self conscious. I'd go to sing something but then I would just keep thinking like, no, this is for them. They love this. This is getting them through the day. I'm performing. This is a service.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but the way you would react to a situation is not necessarily helpful to the listener. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, well, yeah, I'm a.

[Justin McElroy]

It might be like a.

[Travis McElroy]

And special being, aren't you?

[Griffin McElroy]

We all are. It sounds like maybe you have a very kind older neighbor. So the demographic here is important because I think that maybe sometimes they hear you singing from downstairs and they're like, oh, hell yeah. I'm literally doing nothing else. I have nothing. I got nothing going on right now to entertain me. I watched all my shows. Cause it's all I do all day is watch my shows. I watch, I hear. What is this? I hear free music. That's where their mind goes. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad.

[Justin McElroy]

This is free. That generation. Oh, Griffin, that's such a good point. That generation loves to get stuff for free. Yeah, they are wild about it, especially music.

[Griffin McElroy]

They don't have to go to the Nickelodeon to hear someone, you know, toodle doodle on the ivories they're getting singing for free.

[Justin McElroy]

Free.

[Travis McElroy]

I would also point out they just say older neighbor for all we know. They're like in their 40s and 50s. They were getting it on Napster for free and they're like, I miss Napster. Now I've got downstair who's just like singing me all the hits.

[Justin McElroy]

Now I'm taking it. Now they're interrupting my Napster. They're loud singing. How about another question, please? I'm a middle school teacher and one of my students dressed up as Fredo Baggins for Favorite Book Character Day during Spirit Week. I very enthusiastically complimented his outfit. He told me that his mom made it for him. His mom, who teaches at the same school, came up to me later to ask if I wanted a cloak like her sons. Since I liked it so much, I said yes because I assumed she was joking. But then the day before Halloween, I came in. She'd actually made me a cloak and left it on my desk. I texted her thank you, obviously, but I feel like I should be making something for her in return. Maybe a baked good or a scarf or something. Brothers, how do I thank my co worker for this very cool and generous gift? That's from confusion.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that as we have gotten older and our audience has transitioned to, you know, just the other side of the hump, maybe of life, let's put it that way. We get a lot more questions. What the fuck? They're on their way out. I'm saying our audience is on the way out.

[Justin McElroy]

What the fuck?

[Travis McElroy]

Our audience is on the way out. They're getting older.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you could see Justin's response to the sentence that was just said on this show.

[Travis McElroy]

As they transition towards as a basis for what, we get a lot more questions about how to make adults. How do I make friends as adults?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And like, this is a perfect example of like overthinking it. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Classic.

[Travis McElroy]

A child, like if a. If like another child gave a gift to a child because they said they like something, they're best friends now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. This person wants to be your best friend. That's awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

They made you a Frodo Baggins cloak.

[Griffin McElroy]

You got it.

[Travis McElroy]

They.

[Justin McElroy]

They made.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go off kit Go off, kid.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no. This is the problem with being invited. This is the problem of being invited with a little peephole into other people's lives, isn't it? Because I get one little peek and I start thinking, I know the whole deal. So can we accept that I'm doing that right now and I'm the bad guy? Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. I don't know why I have to accept that you're a bad guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, she loves it. And the thing is, she wants to get with you. She's looking for a new dad for little Frodo and she's hoping that you can be that, like, inspiring new dad or mom or parent. I think this mom is looking for a new parent for little Frodo. That's where. That's why her. No, Griff, no, no. Like after I'm by. By picking up this. Okay, this cloak, you swear an oath and after I've left this plane, you will care for my son for the lil. Frodo.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I'm saying that they want to marry you and kiss you and have lots of babies with so many fucking shows.

[Travis McElroy]

There's two options based on mine and Justin's interpretation.

[Justin McElroy]

If you roll back the tape and look at the sort of pre roll that I put on that I'm impeach unimpeachable. Like you cannot get me for anything I just said because I contextualized it.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you set up a no, no naughty zone where you could say whatever you wanted and say whatever I wanted.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And I said, like, here he goes again. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Like I said, it goes. Then a nasty man cometh, got him.

[Justin McElroy]

Out back on his broom just to.

[Travis McElroy]

Go back over our helpful advice that we've given. From my standpoint, I said, you're reading too much into this. They just want to be friends. And from Jess standpoint, you're actually not reading into this enough.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I put my standpoint?

[Travis McElroy]

Call me.

[Justin McElroy]

Your wolf knows.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I put my standpoint out there? Limbus bread. You bake him some limbus bread and you give it to him in a little cloth and you unfold it and you say, yes, one bite is enough to fill the stomach of a full grown man. And then you say, this is a gift I made for your family. We are now even. Here's a lock of my hair. I think that's another thing that happens in the Lord of the Rings movies.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, don't do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

An incredible gift of golden hair.

[Travis McElroy]

I want to run it back to a part of the question where you said, the cloak you made for your son Lil Frodo is gray and they said, do you want one? And you, quote, thought they were joking.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. This is where it actually is your fault. This is actually because we out here just like talking. If we say, can I make you a cloak?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

That's not a funny joke if you think about that. There's no punchline. There's no setup. It's not. It's not funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good point.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. So it's like really weird joke.

[Travis McElroy]

So what I'm betting you mean is, it's the punchline.

[Justin McElroy]

You came in a week later and you're like, nah, dip shit, I was lying. Got you, bitch.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, if you mean, hey, Lil Frodo.

[Justin McElroy]

Your dumbass teacher thought I was serious about the cloak.

[Travis McElroy]

If you mean I thought they were offering it and there would be no follow through.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a safe thing to assume.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I get that.

[Justin McElroy]

Just say that in a person with a colleague. Yeah. I never thought they'd really do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought we were talking about it in the moment, then we'd walk through a doorway or whatever and forget that that conversation even happened.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

100% absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is a Clif bar just limbus bread? I'm just now thinking about it.

[Justin McElroy]

There's a lot of recipes for limbus bread, but they seem to just be scones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Those don't seem like they have anything.

[Justin McElroy]

They all say they're authentic, which doesn't. I mean, seems impossible.

[Travis McElroy]

Authentic what?

[Justin McElroy]

Authentic limbus bread. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I actually got this from my hobbit grandfather. What are you talk.

[Justin McElroy]

I own a pair of brightly colored striped sneakers. They are from a moderately sized brand, not something like Converse. That would be. You've already lost me, friend. The fact that it's so kind that you assume that I would know what the moderately famous shoe brands are.

[Griffin McElroy]

If it's not vans.

[Justin McElroy]

If it's not vans.

[Griffin McElroy]

Vans are nothing for this guy.

[Justin McElroy]

They're from moderately sized brand and not something like Converse would be very common to own in a very distinctive pattern. Not something like a rainbow where the same design could arise accidentally. I'm wearing them today in coffee shop and another person walked in who I'm 100% confident is wearing the exact same shoes as me. What do I do about this? They're very cool shoes and I want to go up to this person and compliment their great taste in shoes. But is that weird? That's from Sneaker Spotter by the seaside.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, so this is the same Shoes situation. I feel like, guys, we should keep a fucking record of all the ones we've done. Cause I feel like we could say like, hold up. And we flip back to like episode 219, segment B. Someone wears the same shoes as you. And we can do it as sort of like a technical manual of like. Well, we have established a precedent that you can walk up to them, just point at your shoes and walk away.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a specific here though, that I want to talk about, which is if you have got shoes from not one of the big name brands, not one of the big. You're not buying these at Journeys with a specific pattern that isn't something repeatable. There is a desire there to stand out and be like, I own these. They are special and different.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We're walking up to someone and saying, hey, same shoes. Might be taken as not necessarily an insult so much as a challenge of the implied. One of us is gonna have to go home and change.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm kind of the person who wears these shoes at this coffee shop.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So my territory. I had a, I had a. I've always been someone who's pretty open to complimenting people on their shoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Normally it's self serving. You'll, you know, you'll see shoes that are like, those are the shoes that would fix it. You know what I mean? You see shoes and you're like, if those are the perfect blend of comfort and style, you know.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then Justin's like, money's no object. And he buys like all the boots and shoes at the.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I just like, like to know about some different shoes if it's time for new shoes.

[Travis McElroy]

He goes, so many 3D prints. His own shoes.

[Justin McElroy]

Shoes. Yeah. No, but I had a bad one this, this past week where we were on tour. I was in the, in the, in the elevator in the hotel. And there's a guy in like a nice suit and he had these great shoes on. And I said, hey, there's a really great shoe. He's like a business guy, right? Like this guy's going. You can tell in a hotel, right, if someone's going to floor two, three.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or four, they're bigger than us. They're bigger than us.

[Justin McElroy]

Stay out of the way. Get out of the fucking. They're going to a business thing.

[Travis McElroy]

When a thing opens, when the door opens on two and there's clearly like a meeting, conference thing and you're like, I shouldn't have even been allowed in.

[Griffin McElroy]

The elevator with you or the workout gym zone. You're like, Jesus, this guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Or at a hotel, at the gym.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're coming back?

[Justin McElroy]

Never in my life.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just picked up my door dash order downstairs.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but I. But I was in the elevator and this dude, he gets on with him like, hey, great shoes. And then the. And I'm like. He's like, thanks. And they're really comfortable too. So at this point, he said, like, they're even better than you think they are.

[Griffin McElroy]

What a dick.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

He basically said, you're wrong. They're comfortable.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

He's like, and also their comfort. It's not their style. They're comfortable. And then I feel like the natural follow up is like, so what? Like, so hit me. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Give them.

[Justin McElroy]

This is how they keep me out, right? This is how. So I'm like, tell me. Give me your secrets. I got you right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, did you say that?

[Justin McElroy]

And then he's like, oh, I don't remember. And then I'm like, oh, no. And the door opens, okay, so there's a table of people with the cards. You know, this. The cards with the names. And he's like, ah, I don't know. Sheesh. And he's kind of staring at me, like, what do I do? And then he puts his hand up on the side of the elevator and lifts up his right foot behind him to see if he can see the brand. And he can't see it. So he's like, can you see? And it's so small. And he's holding the door open and he's balancing on one foot, and I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like doing a whole show for it.

[Justin McElroy]

And he's doing a little show and he's like, can you see? I'm like, yep. He's like, what is it? I'm like, wolf. Because I didn't think he was gonna ask me what it said. I couldn't read it. I just wanted him to lie about.

[Griffin McElroy]

Being able to see. He said, prove it.

[Travis McElroy]

What are they?

[Justin McElroy]

And I'm like, oh, no. I was lying about it. It was written in signature, guys. It was like when it was in signature kind. It's so hard to read. And I was just pretending I could read it till he would leave and he would die in my memory and I'd never think about it again. He just kept being there, guys. And I was there and he was there, and the person at the table was there. Yeah, they were. They could. They thought he was being abducted or.

[Travis McElroy]

Something and he was the CEO.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dustin's answer is don't say anything about these shoes. You might get roped into a high, high stakes instant quiz about what's on the underside of their feet.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, man, that was terrible.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that's about as good advice as we're going to generate on this one.

[Justin McElroy]

You're welcome.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're really. We're really putting up some bricks this episode. I do got to say, guys, advice.

[Justin McElroy]

Wise, let's head on into the. Buddy.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that a. Is that a movie?

Squarespace, Justin. Square space.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. I like it so far. I'm in one right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, exactly. Justin, you're inside the Internet. Look around you. Do you see all those tabs? Do you see all the cookies? Not the kind of cookies you're thinking of. No, Justin, no, these aren't.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dipshit.

[Justin McElroy]

Tastes like data and bytes.

[Travis McElroy]

They are data and bytes, but not the bytes you're thinking of. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy, spokesman for Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

So there's bytes and there's chips, but not like I'm thinking.

[Travis McElroy]

Not like you're thinking of stupid. No, these are data bytes, not like data from Star Trek.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell me anything about how a computer works.

[Justin McElroy]

Just move forward.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, when you turn it on, power goes to Squarespace because they've got all the tools you need to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to whatever your unique needs are. And they don't ask any questions about what those unique needs are.

[Griffin McElroy]

We have to stop saying that about Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

They have to keep. Stop including it in the ad copy then.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, listen. You've got tastes and we know that you've got needs.

[Justin McElroy]

If you make a website about them, then they can't arrest you for it because it's your job.

[Griffin McElroy]

They also. They can. Squarespace probably won't arrest you for it. They do almost certainly have a terms of service that does probably provide some guidance on what is acceptable on a Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

Nope. It says here. Oh, boy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do whatever you want. Hey, Juicy. Are you sure?

[Travis McElroy]

Are you sure?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. It says Squarespace is the Silk Road. We do it all.

[Griffin McElroy]

So I'm gonna take everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought the Dark Web is Squarespace powered.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm gonna shut Travis and Justin inside the podcast for a bit and step outside.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

So a lot of you have probably guessed this by now, that this show is a curse and we are cursed to keep doing it and we can't get out of it or until we don't have to make the show anymore. The only way we get free is if we save a thousand souls. That's not gonna happen. Or if we alienate every single advertiser that we have ever partnered with. You may have noticed there's a lot of names that we used to say.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot.

[Griffin McElroy]

The names of a lot of businesses that we maybe don't get into so much anymore. That is because they don't pay us to do so. A lot of that is just because of the entropy of the market and saturation. It's complicated, but a lot of it is because of what's being demonstrated right now inside the podcast box. Let's hop back inside and see if we can pull this one out of the fire. It hasn't happened so far, but, hey.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know why I do it. Is the thing. I don't know what happened to me that I want to push people. You know what I mean? Like that. Why do I want to push it? Like, they want to give me money to talk about websites.

[Travis McElroy]

Squarespace lets us say this shit and then keep paying us to say this shit. And if you guys at home don't appreciate that immensely, like, if you're not.

[Justin McElroy]

Just start making websites right now. Just please, for the love of God.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is cool to have a website. We only use Squarespace to do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Basically, I want everybody to go sign up for Squarespace right now, because I want them to have this weird spike on this one where they're like, so, guys, what was it about this exact keyboard?

[Travis McElroy]

Was your audience waiting to see if they could get away with anything legally on Squarespace? Was that the thing holding them back? So go to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to Launch, go to www.squarespace.com mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Justin McElroy]

And all the bad parts of this have been jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks. That was. And that usually we don't put bits in the advertisement for the advertiser.

[Justin McElroy]

I wanted to be super clear about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

We could send them an email after we record. Like, hey, just so you know, for this next one, it's mostly jokes, so don't take it seriously.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

This isn't a joke, though. My health could be better. And I live in D.C. where all the doctors are way too busy taking care of ambassadors and embassies, spies and stuff. So it's tough to get in there even for routine stuff sometimes.

[Travis McElroy]

And I bet they're all at the Smithsonian. If I was a doctor, I'd be in the Smithsonian all the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, did you see that fucking whale? Like, it doesn't even have to be stuff that's germane to their practice.

[Travis McElroy]

Also. I just, I think a lot of people would see that whale get scared to have a heart attack. Then someone says like, is there a doctor here? And you're like, I totally am.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or they see the hope diamond. They're like, I bet I could eat that. And they try and they're like, get the fucking doctors back in here. So I'm gonna try to eat the hope diamond again.

[Travis McElroy]

Again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Anyway, zocdoc is the best way to find the horny doctors in your area.

[Justin McElroy]

No, that's not what that means.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not what that means at all. It's the best way to find sort of doctors for really just any need that you have.

[Travis McElroy]

And the fact that they're horny is not related at all.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some of them might be, but probably not. They're probably all very, very professionals. It is genuinely something I have used more times than I can count here in D.C. to find General practitioners for myself and our kids and to find specialists for me and my kids. And it's truly, truly the best way of doing it. Especially if you live in a city where you run into the same problems where booking stuff is really difficult. Sockdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors. Choose the right ones for your needs and click to instantly book an appointment. Talking about in network appointments from more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty from mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare. So much more. And Zocdoc appointments happen fast, usually within 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even get same day appointments. I have done that before. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments. Go to zocdoc.com my brother to find an instantly book a top rated doctor today. That's Zocdoc.com mybrother Zocdoc.com mybrother.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm trying to get back into going to the gym. I've been eliminating all the minor inconveniences that I can use as excuses to not go. And I'm down to the last one. I don't like what they play on the TVs at the gym. The news stresses me out. I'm not into sports and the soap opera slash crime shows don't interest me that much. I like to watch movies or shows that have cool sword fights in them when I work out. Nice. That's cool. How do I convince the people working the gym to have at least one TV play some Pirates of the Caribbean or something all the time. And that's from physically failing in Philly. They've spelled failing.

[Travis McElroy]

Not just some Pirates of the Caribbean, though, because there's a big. That's a big spectrum of quality there, folks.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think they're just saying the good one on one TV in one corner. And that one is like, you know, being a sort of a nerdier person at the gym does come with a certain amount of insecurity, I would say. And having a little corner where they're like, in here, you can have a pirate movie to watch would be really, really nice.

[Justin McElroy]

There should be a fun one, right? For, like, people who are still trying to have a little fun, you know? I do feel like, though, if I'm gonna watch a fun one, I don't know if Pirates, with its various posture issues and scurvy, not healthy, not necessarily gonna get me pumped at the temple. I wanna. You know what? I would like to go pray at the Church of John Krasinski in that Amazon prime show. Maybe, like, that was like, that he got. Or like the. Maybe the one with Kameo where he got, like, really buffed. That's, like, a fun one. But I'm seeing, like, a normal guy get huge. Yeah, a normal guy get huge without. With rays or whatever. I haven't seen the movie, but, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I like the idea of, like, I don't know if you guys ever ran into this, like, when you were in school. I remember being in middle school and usually the band teacher would, like, put a movie on, but class periods were only, like, 50 minutes long, and I didn't have access to Apple TV when I was in middle school. So the idea of, like, I can't wait to find out what happens in the second half of Mr. Holland's opus the next time I have a class period where the teacher doesn't want to teach it and remembers that we've already watched the first half of Mr. Palace.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, I'm gonna formally request that you finish watching Mr. Holland's Opus 1 day someday. It's stuck in your craw in a way that you bring it up a lot. And I feel like you have unfinished business.

[Travis McElroy]

That is my unfinished business. I would hate to die right now and be a ghost.

[Justin McElroy]

I will tell you whose only unfinished.

[Travis McElroy]

Business is to finish the second half of Mr. Holland's opus.

[Justin McElroy]

I will tell you with a surprising amount of both detail and musical performance, how the movie Mr. Holland's Opus at.

[Travis McElroy]

Some point, what I'm Saying is, what if every time you went into the gym, they said, we're gonna play you an hour of a Fast and the Furious movie and you're not allowed to watch Fast and the Furious Home. If you wanna find out what happens in the second half, and then in the second one, the third one, the fourth one, the fifth one, you're gonna have to keep coming in. And there's like nine of those. So that's like 18 gym sessions right there.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

How's this for a gym? When you go in, you get a little heart rate monitor. It's also a Gigapet or a Tamagotchi. And then when you go up to a machine, you fucking jack in and you're like, I'm gonna boost my Gigapet's strength, HP and vitality by doing some high intensity interval programming here. And then you can jack out. And then if a big guy comes up to you, he's like, get off that fucking bike. I'm trying to grind my vitality. You can be like 1v1 me. You connect your watches and you have sort of a digital battle battle. And whoever has better stats because of the exercise they did IRL will kill the other one and kill, like, they meet.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, my God. Are you telling me that maybe everybody has the gym wristbands and you can choose someone to compete against when you first come to the gym that day? And you're, like, competing against them, but maybe you're like friends, too. Like, you're encouraging each other, but also.

[Griffin McElroy]

Maybe your friends are encouraging. It's a rivalry, a healthy rivalry, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, maybe this is the one.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, this is a Kickstarter idea.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the one where we can finally get out from underneath the fucking podcast minds and get out there into, like, the boxing. Please. I would love to start boxing if I could get that.

[Travis McElroy]

How come no one's inviting me to punch Logan Paul in the face?

[Justin McElroy]

I will box anybody. I just, like. I feel like this idea is the one that's gonna get us out.

[Griffin McElroy]

And check this out. Every book now. Every book now comes with a little port you can jack your thing into.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And then it's like information in your watch.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it's like, I read it. No, it doesn't save it. It's just like my wisdom went up. Cause I read so many books. And you could show it to people. Like, yeah, I read.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like my solution was pretty good. And then you came in with, like, absorbing books. You tried like, yes, and it absorbs books. And not that you Read the book.

[Travis McElroy]

And get credit for reading the book. If I understand correctly, Griffin, honor system, honor system.

[Griffin McElroy]

If you're jacked into the book, you better fucking be reading it.

[Justin McElroy]

I was at most talking like, an Arduino powered leaderboard and a few RFIDs.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the osmosing through your watch. Wisdom from a book.

[Griffin McElroy]

This wrist panel, and maybe it's bio integrated at this point, has your little.

[Travis McElroy]

Stats system, sort of.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have your little. Maybe it's a monster. Maybe it's just a little avatar of you and you jack into a book to boost his stat. I don't see where you guys are running into trouble.

[Travis McElroy]

So you're saying I will plug my watch, my panel into a book, and the little me on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or a workout weight machine.

[Travis McElroy]

Or a workout weight machine. Okay. And the me on my panel gets smarter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Do I need to.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then when you battle, the next time you battle the big bully, you can say, like, while you were training the body, I was training the mind. And you could beat him in the gym because he doesn't have any, like, magic defense or whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay. So I guess the question I have, Griffin, is I understand that in order to buff up the little me on my panel, I need to work out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But then I just need to plug a book into my. Why? That doesn't seem like it's bettering me in any way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow, Trav, that's real helpful. I'll pass that along to R and D. Pass along that you said that to R and D because they definitely hadn't thought about the fact that.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, guys. You guys are still here. I forgot all about this. I didn't realize you guys are still doing this, the podcast thing. Who's that? I. I trademarked the idea for interactive Gym Pals, and I've been making money the whole time you've been talking to.

[Griffin McElroy]

Happen in the middle.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm out of the. I'm out of the podcasting biz, guys. I just bought podcasting, so I'm gonna reshape it in my image.

[Travis McElroy]

Were you able to get into boxing?

[Justin McElroy]

I did. I actually fought everybody in order and came out on top at the end every time.

[Travis McElroy]

Even Glass Jaw Joe?

[Justin McElroy]

Especially Glass Jaw Joe.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is a. Can I pitch an expansion to the gym pal idea every time you kiss me.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, hold on. Before you do it, I need you to legally say that you do not hold on to any rights of this. Oh, no way.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way. If you like this. If you like this, we can talk. But every time I think every Time.

[Justin McElroy]

Now we're doing a little business.

[Griffin McElroy]

So I think every time you do kiss someone, the watch can tell and increase their, like, charisma charm. Like your charm or charisma stat. Wait, no, don't sell it. You're on the phone right now. I'm watching him sell it.

[Justin McElroy]

No, they're still. No, Valerie, you won't believe it. They're still doing the podcast.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Griffin, can I ask you. Kissing someone, how does the watch know that you're kissing someone?

[Griffin McElroy]

It has a microphone and it's listening for the noise it makes.

[Travis McElroy]

Why not just make it? When you hold hands with someone, your watches sync up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cause it could be a platonic hand holding thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

And it still would boost your, like, your charisma or whatever.

[Justin McElroy]

It's just the gym. Yeah, just bodies.

[Travis McElroy]

That way you could hold hands while working out at the gym. Two birds, one stone, baby.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you people don't tandem lift enough? Where it's like I've got my left hand on the bar and you got your right hand on the bar and we're laying next to each other on a queen size bench and we're both lifting at the same time. People don't do that enough.

[Justin McElroy]

What if you could charge up your gym pal with all your hard work and if you did really good for like 30 minutes or whatever, it would charge one non lethal blast that you could use on somebody.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, but like in real life?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Like in the gym, someone's been like, dude, like, you know when people are like ogling you and you're just trying to get sweaty and get swole and people are like, have got their eyes all over you. Mostly it's like the end of your workout. It's like. And just blast them across the room. Non. Lethal.

[Travis McElroy]

Non lethal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or you. I mean, it seems like we have a more organic solution, which is that you battle them and when they lose, you get like, all their money. I don't know what the penalty is. I feel like fights should mean something between two. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

In mine, they got blasted across the room. I'm reminded now I got dragged back into this. I'm remembering now. This. Okay, I can remember it used to be fun guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Actually, I just got back from the patent office and we filed a big one for Gym blasters.

[Justin McElroy]

Holy shit, Griffin. You're six foot six now.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's right. I took the Gym Blasters with a Z idea and took it to the patent office. They bought it for $100.

[Justin McElroy]

How much?

[Griffin McElroy]

100.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, did you say the patent Office bought it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. I got a voicectomy with the $100.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, guys, I just got back from the bathroom. What did I miss?

[Griffin McElroy]

Really? All right.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a Munch Squad. Squad. I want to Munch s. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's podcast within the podcast profiling the latest in greatest in brand eating. I saved this one for the last because it's not necessarily as wild, but it is a return to something we discussed last in a previous episode. So I wanted to circle back around to it recently. You likely don't remember this because why? I mean, why would you? But Burger King was looking to hand out a million dollars to somebody that is going to make a new Whopper that they want to sell to everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I thought that was a fever dream I had. Okay. No.

[Justin McElroy]

So we're down to three. We're down to three beautiful Whoppers. The contest invited Burger King enthusiasts to dream of throne Whopper Creations. After receiving more than 1 million submissions, 3Fan created variations made it to the finals. Here are the choices. The Fried Pickle Ranch Whopper. These are in stores today, boys. By the way, these are out now. Fried Pickle Ranch Whopper. The Maple Bourbon BBQ Whopper. That the first, by the way, I should say is a fan favorite from California. It combines flame grilled beef with fried pickles, bacon, and a creamy pickle ranch sauce complimented by Swiss cheese. I think it's wild that if in your design you were like, it's got pickle ranch sauce. Like, that's. You just made that up. There's the Maple Bourbon BBQ Whopper as another one from California. This Whopper takes a sweet and smoky approach with maple barbecue sauce, candied bacon, crispied onions and jalapenos. Lastly, there's the Mexican Street Corn Whopper representing Nebraska.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

This Whopper infuses flavors of Mexican street corn with creamy corn spread, spicy queso and crunchy tortilla crisps. How did they arrive at these?

[Travis McElroy]

Huh? Wait. When I think tortilla crisps, my mind does not oft float to Nebraska.

[Justin McElroy]

No. Well, the creator is from Nebraska. Yes. It's not like it's a Nebraska corn burger.

[Griffin McElroy]

Clearly represents the heart of Nebraska, which beats inside of the person who created.

[Justin McElroy]

There's a fascinating process about how they got to these guys. Listen to this. We built several and then really relied on the culinary expertise of the team on which ones were the best, said Burger King Seymour Patrick O'Toole. Yeah, so they made some of them and then they ate them and they picked the ones that they liked the best innovation. Then also then they had to be on brand for the Whopper.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

What you see on the Whopper is a flame grilled patty. You have produce and you have texture. It has to feel and taste like a Whopper.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, that's not going to work then. Because look at these fucking hamburgers. It's crazy how much you can't.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, they made sure of that.

[Travis McElroy]

Three things are so wildly different that you're like, it's gotta have a patty Patty. It's gotta have a produce and it has to have texture.

[Justin McElroy]

It has to feel and taste like a Whopper. And we made sure of that as we tried some that they met our guardrails. Can you imagine eating a burger and like, that's not a Whopper. Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

What is this?

[Justin McElroy]

Can you imagine being a Burger King.

[Griffin McElroy]

Scientist eating a burger and being like, ooh, it's an edge case. It kind of feels like a Whopper, but it's a little bit crunchy.

[Travis McElroy]

But what this supposes is a world in which I bite into a Whopper and it lacks discernible texture.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whopper.

[Travis McElroy]

Whopper texture that I bite in and I'm like, that could have been anything.

[Justin McElroy]

Burger King CMO Patrick O'Toole then went on to say, I think the big goal is really to drive trial of the Whopper or drive traffic into a restaurant. O'Toole said, yeah, hi, it's me, Justin McElroy. I don't normally do this, but I think this person might be bad at their job. Like, oh, this promotion, I think, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Think it's to promote sales.

[Justin McElroy]

I think either the writer of this article is bad at their job or the talker is bad at their job. But somebody is not getting so buzz is really gonna be one of the inputs that goes into that ultimately happening. We know we have an amazing burger and we know that because of the size, the flame grill taste and the quality ingredients.

[Travis McElroy]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's gotta be good.

[Travis McElroy]

Look, I think it's footprint.

[Justin McElroy]

It's gotta be good, it's gotta be tasteful.

[Travis McElroy]

He doesn't even say it's huge. Just the size is perfect.

[Justin McElroy]

The size is perfect.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at the diameter of the grease mark it leaves on the table. This is proportions.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's amazing. We did a really good job of get. Sorry. We did a really great job of getting the Whopper back top of mind in the US with our jingle. But we really didn't talk about why it's great and how have it your way can be brought to life through the Whopper. So basically everybody liked the song, but it didn't also say like a Whoppers whip ass, right? We all like them and they're good.

[Travis McElroy]

I like how they have texture.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's my three year old's favorite song.

[Justin McElroy]

We feel great about our program, program dynamics and setups from a competitive standpoint. O'Toole said, we feel great about our app. And I will say I also feel great about the Burger King app. I haven't installed it yet, but yeah, I feel great.

[Travis McElroy]

I like the idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's got great vibes.

[Justin McElroy]

We're always trying to improve it. Which is lucky for him because I'm always trying to destroy the Burger King app. So it's lucky. They're always one step ahead of me.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm out here debunking the Burger King app constantly.

[Justin McElroy]

I've got a whispering campaign going against the Burger King app. I heard China uses it to spy on you. Burger King. More like Spyman.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would be afraid just because I still have the McDonald's app, which slow rolls its notifications just enough to the point where I don't make the effort to go in and turn it off every. Every five weeks. McDonald's would be like just checking in and I'd be like, nah man, nah, nah.

[Justin McElroy]

I should deactivate you. But I've already forgot. No, no, I'm forgetting it right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm doing eight other things.

[Justin McElroy]

They just want to say that they're always improving the app. And he says we're always trying to make sure that we are over delivering on the guest experience that comes through not only our restaurants, but for our guests that choose to come through our app and loyalty program. So what this person, they want you to know that when you come into Burger King or use the Burger King app, for example, they want you to leave like, wow, that was even better than I thought it was going to be. I knew it was going to be good, but it's actually like exceeded my expectations for Burger King.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that I have expectations for burger. The bar, if it exists, is probably pretty low. Don't be yucky. Don't be yucky. I don't think I'm going to come out of a Burger King ever. And being like, make me feel normal.

[Travis McElroy]

Fast food regret, not like enhanced fast food regret.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think these are available now? Is it November 14th? You think I can get these to.

[Griffin McElroy]

The, to the house Tall wet burgers that they put another meal inside of?

[Justin McElroy]

How quick do they get them on the dash. How quick do they get them on the dash? Oh, here they are. Here they are. 8:31. Here are my neck of the woods.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, speaking of coming up quick, we've got Til Death do us blark 10th anniversary edition coming up next week. Yes, on American Thanksgiving. It's the show we record with Tim and Guy every year watching discussing truly living Paul blart, mall cop 2. Make sure you check that out. Just search for Til Death Do Us Blart wherever podcasts are found. There's only nine previous episodes, so you have plenty of time to catch up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, true. You guys watch yet?

[Travis McElroy]

No, I'm watching.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I say guys, now? After 10 years of this, it's not a bit anymore. Nothing says holidays to me like watching Paul. The holidays are really here now that I'm watching Paul Blart again.

[Travis McElroy]

This year's Candle Night Spectacular will take place on December 14th at 9pm it will be a pre recorded but live airing special event bit ly candlenightstickets 2024 candlenights poster and ornament available now, designed by Matt H. Taylor and all proceeds from the show and merch are going to Harmony House, which works to end homelessness in the Huntington area through permanent housing and supportive service programs. Also speaking of Thanksgiving, during the week of Thanksgiving I am going to be at 20 sided tavern in New York making my Off Broadway debut. Shows are November 27th through December 1st. Get all the tickets and all the info at the20sidedtavern.com also for candle Nights.

[Griffin McElroy]

Obviously we do a lot of MBMBAM stuff in there. We still need questions for the Candle Nights 2024 spectacular. So if you have Candle Nights questions or fungalore wishes you want that might appear in the Candlenights show, send them to mabimbamaximumfun.org with the subject line Candle Nights 2024. Hey, thanks to Bontain for the use for a theme song. My life is better with you. Make your Candle Night special with a listening of this one with a most beloved friend or lover.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, I've got a Wish. Another normal ending from Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

I've got a wish here that I'd like to elevate if you guys will give me a little noise bow.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I wish I'd looked cool when I broke my elbow.

[Justin McElroy]

My name's Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better. It's better. With you it's better? My life, it's better? It's better with you? Cause it's who you are? It's better, it's better with you My.

[Justin McElroy]

Life, it's better with you Maximum Fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

A worker owned network of artist owned.

[Justin McElroy]

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