MBMBaM 741: Face 2 Face: 50-Way Pasta for Big Kisses

Summary

My Brother, My Brother And Me
Episode: MBMBaM 741: Face 2 Face: 50-Way Pasta for Big Kisses
Release Date: December 9, 2024

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1. Introduction and Tour Finale

The McElroy brothers, Justin, Travis, and Griffin, open the final episode of their 20 Fungalore Tour with a mixture of humor and reflection. Justin sets the tone by emphasizing that despite their playful persona, this event marks the conclusion of their extensive tour.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [02:05]: "Tonight is a funeral for a friend."
Travis McElroy [02:15]: "And we're actually done right now. I'm gonna leave the stage."

This lighthearted declaration underscores the bittersweet nature of ending a significant journey, blending comedy with genuine sentiment.

2. Dressing Room Anecdotes and Changing Shirts at Stores

The conversation shifts to humorous anecdotes about their experiences on tour, particularly focusing on the challenges of maintaining personal style while constantly traveling. Justin laments having to repeatedly change shirts in stores, leading to a playful debate about improving the changing room experience.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [05:22]: "It's not bad. Better than most. I work at a sportswear store... How do I get people to use the changing room instead."

This segment highlights their knack for turning everyday frustrations into comedic gold, resonating with listeners who’ve faced similar inconveniences.

3. Navigating Crossing Guards: Adult Interactions

A listener named Justin from Chicago poses a question about interacting with volunteer crossing guards who often treat adults as if they need assistance crossing the street. The McElroy brothers dissect the social awkwardness of such encounters, offering humorous yet insightful advice.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [11:21]: "No, you're fine. I think the problem is that often the best time to cross the street is when the little kid says, 'You could do that.'"

The brothers discuss the balance between respecting authority and asserting adult autonomy, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.

4. Munch Squad Segment: Salt and Straw Holiday Offerings

In their recurring "Munch Squad" segment, the brothers delve into the latest offerings from Salt and Straw, a popular ice cream brand. They humorously critique the new Candyland-inspired menu, blending genuine product discussion with their trademark irreverence.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [16:21]: "We have the Mr. Mint Mocha... It’s a bold fusion of holiday sweetness."

While poking fun at the quirky flavors, the McElroys also acknowledge the creativity behind such offerings, providing listeners with both entertainment and information about current festive trends.

5. Advice on Bringing Pasta to a Variable-sized Celebration

A heartfelt yet peculiar question from a listener asks what pasta dish to bring to a celebration of life where attendance could range from five to fifty people. The brothers embark on an imaginative brainstorming session, proposing elaborate and humorous pasta concepts.

Notable Quote:
Travis McElroy [27:50]: "Travis has just invented 50-way pasta for big kisses."

Their creative suggestions, such as a pasta design that symbolizes unity and love, blend practicality with humor, offering a unique take on unconventional advice-seeking scenarios.

6. Listener Questions: Stamp Collection Dilemma

Another listener, Justin from Pleasant Prairie, seeks advice on dealing with an inherited stamp collection that has dwindled in value. The brothers explore various solutions, from burning the stamps to finding creative ways to store or repurpose them.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [31:44]: "The stamps don't have feelings. You wasted so many of your fucking life minutes."

This blunt yet comedic approach reflects their unapologetic style, providing both laughter and unconventional perspectives on practical problems.

7. Listener Questions: Managing a Muscular Cat Projection

Listener Sydney Dean presents a quirky issue: children incessantly staring at her muscular cat through her apartment windows. The McElroy brothers entertain the idea of projecting larger-than-life images of the cat to deter unwanted attention, blending absurdity with creative problem-solving.

Notable Quote:
Griffin McElroy [72:06]: "Obi is a cat who lifted. All right. Okay. Amazing, though. Amazing."

Their inventive yet ridiculous solutions underscore the show’s blend of comedy and genuine attempts to address odd listener queries.

8. Listener Questions: Responding to Tuba Serenades

Torrin brings up a unique dilemma about responding to a boyfriend who uses his tuba to serenade her. The brothers navigate this unconventional scenario with their typical humor, suggesting ways to handle unexpected musical serenades gracefully.

Notable Quote:
Justin McElroy [77:29]: "The idea that you would be mid-conversation. He's like, yeah, absolutely."

The segment showcases their ability to tackle the bizarre and the mundane alike, offering listeners both laughs and relatable situations.

9. Final Interact with Audience and Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, the brothers interact with more audience members, addressing a variety of questions with their characteristic blend of humor and heartfelt advice. They express gratitude towards their Milwaukee audience, reflecting on the emotional journey of concluding their tour.

Notable Quote:
Travis McElroy [83:18]: "This has been an amazing way to end the 20 Faunkalore tour. You guys have been an amazing audience."

The heartfelt closing emphasizes the bond between the McElroy brothers and their listeners, celebrating the end of one chapter while hinting at future endeavors.

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Conclusion

Episode MBMBaM 741: "Face 2 Face: 50-Way Pasta for Big Kisses" serves as a fitting finale to the McElroy brothers' 20 Fungalore Tour. Through a series of humorous anecdotes, imaginative advice segments, and quirky listener interactions, the brothers deliver a rich and engaging episode that encapsulates their unique blend of comedy and genuine camaraderie. Notable quotes punctuate their insightful yet playful approach, ensuring that both longtime fans and new listeners find value and entertainment in their final live show of the tour.

Transcript

[Justin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts.

[Travis McElroy]

And.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed. Oh, Travis insists he's a sexpert.

[Justin McElroy]

If there's a degree in his wall.

[Griffin McElroy]

I haven't seen it.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the last show of this.

[Justin McElroy]

Tour and I still have to read the damn thing. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up, you cool babies? 1, 2, 3.

[Paul]

It's the start of something beautiful A.

[Sydney Dean]

Small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into.

[Paul]

A precious friendship I could have never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with you My life.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S better with you hello, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother and main advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McIlroy.

[Travis McElroy]

What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your medalist brother, Travis Big dog. Woof, woof. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Greetings, trav nation. I'm your sweet baby brother and 30 under 30 media luminary. They can't take it from me. Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

And we'd like to welcome you, Milwaukee, to the end of the 20 Fungalore Tour.

[Travis McElroy]

Tonight is a funeral for a friend.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's not sad. See, we do a fixed number of them and eventually one of them is the last one.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's not like announcing that. It's like. And we're actually done right now. I'm gonna leave the stage.

[Griffin McElroy]

We had 14 seconds of content prepared for you tonight, so this is the last.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm sure you all in Milwaukee have probably heard about it before, but Milwaukee dressing rooms are the greatest dressing rooms on the planet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

You all don't understand. We've been on the road for a year now.

[Travis McElroy]

Not straight, though.

[Justin McElroy]

You really undercut.

[Travis McElroy]

We've been on the road for three days.

[Justin McElroy]

I know, but that was my joke. And you really undercut my hilarious joke very quickly.

[Audience Member]

It kicked ass.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then you really.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, this is a collaborative show, normally, in a sense. So backstage they have a buck hunting machine. They have some. They have somebody that makes coffee. But there's only eight of us, so they're not very busy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I was. I was getting dressed in this costume that. Man, I'm going to miss so much.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin. Has it started to feel like Griffin is The costume. And this is the real you.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I know what I am and what's happening here. And I'm growing increasingly tired of dressing as Nintendo's littlest pervert. A few nights a month, I was getting changed and I came out like, all right, guys, it's showtime. And I heard Justin shout, hold on, I have to finish killing this ibex. And I was like, jesus Christ, I've.

[Justin McElroy]

Never killed something before. I went on stage, especially not one of God's most perfect creatures. And I'm ready to do the show of my life, guys. Watching the life bleed from that digital ibex, it gave me a high I didn't know I could experience outside of a discotheque.

[Travis McElroy]

It's going to make for. It's going to make for a new, interesting change to our writer. Yeah, Justin must kill something before Justin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Must extinguish the life of parentheses Digital.

[Travis McElroy]

Preferred but not required.

[Justin McElroy]

Not required. So this is the final show. We have emerged like our friends in the Chilean miners. Back here in Milwaukee, we always try to within 100 yards of the Fonzie statue. We like to be able to see it from our dressing room. Every time we perform in Milwaukee, we're.

[Griffin McElroy]

Staying at a different hotel than we usually stay when we come to Milwaukee to do shows. And when dad found out, he was like, we're not going to see the font statue. As though they were. Y'all were just going to tear it down and throw it in the river.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, the bronze font.

[Griffin McElroy]

The bronze font.

[Justin McElroy]

But this is still an advice show as it was at its inception. We take your questions and we turn them alchemy, like, into wisdom. And we're going to do that one more time here on the 20 Fungalore.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tour, and then a hundred times more. Every live show we do and every recorded show at home, we'll continue to do.

[Justin McElroy]

We actually just. Weirdly, we actually just crossed recently. 100 live shows. Isn't that wild? A hundred wild.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, we've been doing it for, like, 14 years, so that's actually not a great.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's it.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not bad.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not great.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not bad. Better than most. I work at a sportswear store next to a stadium, and a lot of people stop in to get shirts and jerseys to wear to the game. The problem is that sometimes they don't wait to change into their new shirts. And after I finish a transaction, they take their shirts off and change the new one right in front of me. How do I get people to use the changing room instead. Or at the very least, get them to leave the register lane before they change clothes. That's from the change I don't wish to see in the world.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you. Are you here? Hello? So close. Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis would want me to tell you he came up with that name and he's very proud of himself.

[Travis McElroy]

I am.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's true. So this is outrageous.

[Travis McElroy]

At the very least, they need to get good at that thing where you put the shirt on over the old shirt and then you kind of do a secret shimmy. Seeing a lot of nods out there.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

A secret movement that shimmy where you're.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, how'd you do that? How'd you do that, Lance Burton?

[Justin McElroy]

The dressing room is not good because anybody could go back there with a shirt and be like, yeah, it's fine. I bought it up there earlier. You didn't see. I'm just gonna change it here and then leave very quickly.

[Travis McElroy]

You are absolutely correct, Justin. You need to have a changing room right next to the register.

[Justin McElroy]

As you step out of line, you finish your purchase, you go into a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Little airlock between you and the outside world.

[Justin McElroy]

A light lock.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool. Maybe it's a situation where they were hoping to sell their old shirt back to you for store credit.

[Justin McElroy]

You should be able to sell your shirt on the spot, on consignment.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's how I do it in Japanese role playing games where I'm like, new armor. Thank you. Here's my old busted shit. How much you want? You're gonna give me eight coins? Sounds good.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm never using it again.

[Travis McElroy]

I've never thought about what's happening when you're in that inventory screen for the shopkeeper in there where you're like, oh, thanks for the new armor.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got 80 bug meat. Do you want that?

[Justin McElroy]

I'm going to try that the next time I'm at American Eagle. And also this shirt, can you break it down to its material components for me? I'd like you to take this dirty old Flying J T shirt and just break it into three cotton. If that seems good, I won't need any more. But can I actually infuse the button down I just bought?

[Travis McElroy]

Let me give you all these sandals I found while I was out in dungeons and whatnot.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you want candle holders? I got 50.

[Griffin McElroy]

You. I think you could take a page out of Trader Joe's book, and every time anyone does that, you ring a very loud bell. And if they say, what is it?

[Justin McElroy]

One of those big, like, town crying bong.

[Travis McElroy]

Bong. Hear ye, hear ye. He's doing it again. Social norms have been broken.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a place where a sign would help.

[Travis McElroy]

A sign would help.

[Justin McElroy]

A sign would help. Please don't.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what's going to happen, though, because this is going to be one of those times where you put a sign up that's like, don't take your shirt off here in front of the register. And people are like, does that happen? Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So my. The wording of it is so difficult because you can't just be like, don't get partially nude here, please.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, just change on your own time. I mean, it is. It does beg the question, like, do you want him to do it out in the street? That's clearly worse for that person. Right?

[Griffin McElroy]

You know that a fucking great question. Question. Where are they going to change it to their new cool jersey?

[Justin McElroy]

This is a shirt changing store.

[Travis McElroy]

It is kind of testing the bounds of the no shirt, no shoes policy. When you're like, what about just for a second?

[Griffin McElroy]

But the transaction is complete. The service has been rendered. I'm going to do what the fuck I want.

[Travis McElroy]

There should be a big light switch next to the res that just blacks out the entire store for a second. Like, you need to change. You got 10 seconds.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, what if you paid a magician to come out and lift up one of those fabric rings and it's like, wait, what?

[Griffin McElroy]

Ta da. Yeah, it's the shirt I just bought.

[Travis McElroy]

You could, oh, shit, it's a tiger. Fuck. Get out.

[Justin McElroy]

You could upcharge for that at checkout. Like, as long as I've got you. Do you wanna sign up for our email list? I didn't think so. And for $10, you can do a magician's change right here in the store. It's like. And a red light goes on in the back. It's like, ah, fuck. All right, hold on, I'm coming.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's hard, I bet, finding jobs as magicians now we should start employing them in our nation's retail clothing outlets.

[Justin McElroy]

It might get me out to brick and mortar if I knew a magician could assist. I see way too many of you nodding like me. I've thought about this.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, I didn't follow that sentence. Did you say there needs to be more brick and mortar magicians out there?

[Justin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying. More magicians in brick and mortar stores. In person.

[Travis McElroy]

We lost mom and pop magicians in this country. Too many magicians on TikTok and YouTube. Whatever happened, you had your general store.

[Griffin McElroy]

The rest of the show game.

[Travis McElroy]

You had your post office, you had your magician. Yeah, it was all right there.

[Justin McElroy]

Mom and pop and magic and prestidigitation. That was a small town that I grew up in. Yeah. Ledger Main.

[Griffin McElroy]

Around every corner, could you set up an outdoor pop up tent where you would sell clothes to people who like specifically have had 100 light beers to drink that afternoon? You can come in and be like.

[Audience Member]

You'Re not going to change your shirt.

[Griffin McElroy]

In the right place.

[Audience Member]

We understand that.

[Griffin McElroy]

We made a safe store just for you.

[Travis McElroy]

We got one of those old timey beach tents that people used to change into their bathing costumes in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's right here.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a big yellow and white striped canvas deal.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's more of a cool down tent. Like we have chairs that are comfortable in front of full length mirrors so you can really ponder the inner self.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

While you sober up. But also if you want some merch, some good sports gear and yeah, all.

[Travis McElroy]

The sports team names are misspelled on the shirts. It's the best we can do.

[Justin McElroy]

You don't care if we do the right names, we have to pay extra.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Sometimes if I get off work early, my walk and commute home from work goes through an area that children leaving school are also walking. Because of this, there are volunteer crossing guards with the vests and the stop signs assisting children crossing. Last week I went home early and when I came to a street crossing with a crossing guard and waited for them to tell me what I can do, they looked at me like I was stupid because I'm an adult and I don't need help crossing the street. Brothers, what do adults do when walking up to a volunteer crossing guard for children? That's from wildly wavering in the Windy City. Are you here? Hi.

[Audience Member]

Hi. Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey. I know you weren't asking here. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Justin McElroy]

No, you're fine. I think the problem is that often the best time to cross the street is going to be when the little kid says, you could do that. I don't know if it's a little kid in your case. In my school, the safety patrol was little kids with bamboo staffs and one orange.

[Griffin McElroy]

We did have bamboo. Full ass.

[Travis McElroy]

Bamboo. Bamboo's ass. We've been trained to fight with them.

[Justin McElroy]

Obviously we had white belts and bamboo staffs with one flag on them. One orange flag.

[Travis McElroy]

I got fired from the safety withdrawal staff.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why?

[Justin McElroy]

Trash.

[Travis McElroy]

I asked too many questions. God, I wish that was a joke. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So like, your authority is already pretty tenuous because you are the same Height as your clientele. And I think an adult just kind of blowing past you really doesn't help that at all.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying is like the other option besides like deferring to their expertise is to completely ignore them and go when you feel like it. Which is way unacceptable to another human being.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unacceptable.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not your fault that the safest time to cross the street may be when they say, I mean, that's just gonna line up sometimes. And you do have to wait to cross with a little kid.

[Travis McElroy]

This is the problem, Justin. What you really did there was highlight for them that their job is to point out that the light has changed and it's cool to go. It's like they're. And the second you're like, let me know when the lights change. They're like, I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't need me as a driver.

[Audience Member]

I do enjoy though, when the crossing guard is like, do not worry about this stop sign. You are so fucking cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just cruise on by. And I always give a little tip of the cap. Like, ooh, that's two and a half seconds saved on my commute. Thank you, sir.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on. The crossing guard says, don't stop here.

[Griffin McElroy]

The crossing guard will. As a.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not their job. They overrule.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Crossing guards in real cities sometimes will overrule the traffic lights because they got to start running stuff.

[Griffin McElroy]

You look at the person first.

[Travis McElroy]

They don't have that authority.

[Justin McElroy]

They do. I assume you got pulled over.

[Travis McElroy]

Hold on. If you got pulled over for running a stop sign and said it's cool. The guy in the neon green vest said I could.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, true.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you telling me that you have situations where you arrive at an intersection and the crossing guard is like, come on. And you're like, no, I think I know best.

[Travis McElroy]

I assume his brother in law, the cop, is 10ft farther down the road.

[Griffin McElroy]

Damn, that does.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're like working together.

[Griffin McElroy]

That does sound like cop trash.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not checking that crossing guard's papers to make sure he is an actual crossing guard.

[Justin McElroy]

So flip side. If the guy says and the light changes green, you're like, meh, sorry, pal.

[Travis McElroy]

You move. No, you move.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm in a. You're going right out into it. The lights go smash.

[Travis McElroy]

I have had crossing guards and I respect this immensely, where they will stare me down as they're holding a sign to let kids cross. As if I was going to go fuck those kids.

[Justin McElroy]

I was like, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I also know I have had that.

[Justin McElroy]

I have had that when you're the first car and the crossing guard kid looks at you like, not so fast. I'm like, chill out.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man. I got one of those. The day before we came out on tour, I stopped at a stop sign and came across and went. I was fully zero miles an hour. Like, yeah, fucking, dude. I get it, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I don't need an expert here in a little sash to tell me not to hit kids with my car. Thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

I wasn't gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

I wasn't gonna. I want a munch. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. I want to munch. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within the podcast, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. Today I've got an exciting bit of news for you. Two pieces of news, two small stories, a couple Munch squadrons changing hamburgers.

[Travis McElroy]

Nope, it's meat. Red meat now. No, no.

[Justin McElroy]

KFC already did that. I'm sure. Scooters Coffee releases menu lineup inspired by Candyland game.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

I love Candyland game.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, let's. That's holiday season. All the. All the gang. Let's meet the gang in these Candyland inspired games. Paul, let's go to the first one. First up is the Mr. Mint Mocha.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Your adventure to the Candy Castle is going to begin when you scoot on around to one of our 825 Scooters Coffee locations in 30 states nationwide. New menu items are available that bring together the sweet adventure of Candyland with new and returning holiday favorites. First up, the Mr. Mint Mocha.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, can I just say. Yeah, we have a lot.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

I've never thought about this before. Whatever he's gesturing to is a trap. Oh, don't. Because you're going to reach for it or walk through and he's going to cut you in half.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think he's saying.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think he's saying, stand here if you want the best possible angle on my eight wonderful testicles, my eight enormous, my two, what I call my four testicles. The front, they form a sort of butt, which is exciting for everyone.

[Travis McElroy]

My axe is made of my legs.

[Griffin McElroy]

My blade is leg meat.

[Justin McElroy]

Next up. Yeah, he's got a mint hot chocolate and a mint mocha.

[Travis McElroy]

But this one's a mystery. You can't see what's in that one.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

And then.

[Griffin McElroy]

So did they not have, like, transparent PDF or PNG Art of Queen Frosting?

[Justin McElroy]

Queen Frosting has a sugar cookie latte, and Queen Frosting has a couple. And then let's see. The last character. Time to meet Paul. It's Graham. It's. Let's see. That's Jolly Grum Drop. Look at that cutie patootie. Who doesn't want to eat that?

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, Paul, go back. Come back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't you skip on Jolly.

[Travis McElroy]

Because what I want to talk about here I cannot imagine a texture combination worse than having a drink with gumdrops in it.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're at the bottom.

[Justin McElroy]

They're at the bottom at the end.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like there's no. It's like they said. Hey, you know how boba tea's popular now? Imagine they can't pass through a straw and might kill you.

[Griffin McElroy]

These are Noba tea. Do not pasco. Hey, is there another character?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's King Candy. They got a cake.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you say something about testicles ribbon?

[Justin McElroy]

So that's a cake bite. Infusing white cake with fizzy popping candy and coating each bite with white candy.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has six external testicles and a chest bristling with little breasts.

[Travis McElroy]

This is my breastplate.

[Griffin McElroy]

That fucking rules. I could think of like 12 different parades this guy could lead as the marshal.

[Travis McElroy]

Only two of them are illegal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

And Paul, I think it's finally time to meet her Grandma Nut. So this lady's name is Grandma Nut. Did you know that? It's Grandma Nut latte. A warm and comforting creation featuring cinnamon, brown sugar and hazelnut. That's Grandma Nut. It's a real shame.

[Travis McElroy]

Grandma Nut lost her neck in the war.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Knock, knock.

[Travis McElroy]

Who's there?

[Justin McElroy]

Grandma.

[Travis McElroy]

Grandma.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa. Grandma Nut.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Grandma Nut.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is this from the Candyland?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I just asked Paul to get a bunch of pictures of Grandma Nut so I could talk about Grandma Nut.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that a scarecrow made of popcorn in the back contemplating its very existence?

[Griffin McElroy]

Just don't look at Grandma Nut, for Christ sake. If you meet her eyeline, she's going to talk about all of. All of her nuts and she won't stop. That's a lot. Grandma Nut.

[Justin McElroy]

Her name's really great here. She's got full pockets full of nuts, two big pockets of nuts, two big.

[Travis McElroy]

Sacks and a dog you can put things in.

[Griffin McElroy]

That sucks. That dog is really troubling. How come? Some of them is food, and this is a woman with a basket dog.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay?

[Travis McElroy]

Some of them are food. That's an inanimate dog. Basket.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Basket ain't food or people.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Just hear those sleigh bells ring Ring Ting. Tingling. Yes, that's right, folks. It's holiday time. This is the Candy Land. Drinks. It doesn't matter. Salt and Straw is launching an ice cream lineup inspired by upcoming holiday movie Red One.

[Griffin McElroy]

This looks like artificial intelligence made it. Is this a real fucking flick?

[Travis McElroy]

This is a movie that every time I'm reminded it exists, I realize I've completely forgotten it exists until the next time.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the shittiest Golden Compass adaptation.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a movie that, judging by the trailers, a lot of people think that a lot of the movies I like mean, I'll like this. And they have been wrong every single time. So far. They have not been right yet. This is a movie where Dwayne the Rock Johnson and Chris Evans star in Red One.

[Travis McElroy]

And none of those people were in the same place when that picture was.

[Griffin McElroy]

No fucking way.

[Justin McElroy]

Especially that polar bear we've got. It's about. It's.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

It's about. So the important thing is that dewantaclaus is back for, I think, the fifth year with some new creations with Salt and straw. They're all inspired by this movie. They got a naughty and nice ice cream cake with a little tiny picture of Dwanta Claus on it, which I think is so cute.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we enhance the Dwanta Clause image at all? Because it does enhance. I'm drunk shit, man.

[Travis McElroy]

In my cake. Give them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are we. Is Dwanta. Are we sure that's the best we can do with that?

[Travis McElroy]

We can get pictures of him. He's real. We could get a picture of the rock and put it on.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would even prefer Dwayne to, I think, like, get the full.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, right. Oh, I thought you meant the image.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, no, the image is also wild. Yeah. It looks like if Dwayne the Rock Johnson was a Santa Claus neopet for some.

[Justin McElroy]

So the thing that I like about Duenta Claus is that Due to Claus is not exclusive to any one brand. Dwanta Claus can be used to market, like, his line of energy drinks. And they have holiday flavors.

[Audience Member]

Awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Any sort of holiday offering can be marketed to you by dewanta Claus, who is like his Coca Cola Santa, who comes just out at holidays, right? And for, like, November to December, he's dewanta Claus. Don't even call for Dwayne. He's not around. So this cake is naughty and nice. Each has a unique and indulgent combination of perfectly constructed flavors. No one does naughty like our Fendwanta.

[Griffin McElroy]

No. What? Hold on. What?

[Travis McElroy]

That's something like your drunk aunts. Wait, no, no, no, no. Cheryl, go back. Go back.

[Justin McElroy]

What'd you say? No one does naughty like our Friend Dwanta. Okay, so who better to help us dream up seven layers of devilish decadence in our first ever handcrafted ice cream cake? As if a sweet sinful nightcap collated with our favorite peanut butter cup candy. Wink.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why does it really wink?

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's just. That's me. It's Reese's. And anyway, Dwayne has two different cakes for you. Dwenta.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Or Column Drift as he's literally called in the movie.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh no.

[Justin McElroy]

So you can get salt and straw is also doing some ice creams. They've got the Commander of the Elf PB Chocolate Crinkle. Which is a hearty tribute to Callum Drift's power packed meals.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool, man. Yeah, I love this guy for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, he's like a character I know about. Would love to eat an ice cream about him. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I saw the Christmas Red 1 movie and saw Rock in it, I thought I'd love eating ice cream about him.

[Justin McElroy]

It's the North Pole's ultimate indulgence for strength and cheer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Holy shit. Cool.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure. This also though could be like a promo image saying like. What do you mean? You don't say Merry Christmas.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's very threatening in that way.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a Christmas buddy comedy starring Dwayne Johnson and Kirk.

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't remember.

[Travis McElroy]

Cameron.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cameron.

[Audience Member]

Shit.

[Griffin McElroy]

It would have been better if I remember his goddamn last name.

[Justin McElroy]

Santa has a flavor too. It's red.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, just stop there for Santa has.

[Justin McElroy]

A flavor of ice cream Show. Chris Evans. That dork doesn't have a flavor.

[Travis McElroy]

No way.

[Justin McElroy]

Jack O'Malley. I doubt it. Next. Yeah, so Santa has a flavor and an aroma. I'd imagine capturing the essence of Santa's favorite cookie platter.

[Travis McElroy]

How come from like every time they do like a real life Santa now for like the last 10 years, he's kind of dingy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Dingy and fucking built.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, man. He's swole. He's got an eggnog custard swirled through his ice cream. And lastly there's Krampus mince pie with pecan crust. This is inspired by the spirited mischief of Krampus Nacht.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not really from the movie. You made that up.

[Justin McElroy]

This flavor recreates a classic mincemeat pie with a twist. The twist is it's human meat. It's humans. It's got the unmistakable warmth of holiday spices. You can get these naughty and nice ice cream cakes available for a limited time at salt and straw locations.

[Travis McElroy]

Appetizing appetite.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now the nice one looks like wood chips. And the top one looks like chocolate cookies and stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, they're all available for you in store now. That's your munch squad for this week.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you for your attention.

[Justin McElroy]

I am helping a friend. Okay, you ready? I'm helping a friend.

[Travis McElroy]

Give me a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes, please.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm helping a friend organize a celebration of life after their distant relative passed away.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pretty fucking funny. So far.

[Justin McElroy]

They have asked me to provide a pasta dish for an event that could have anywhere between five and 50 people attending. I did not know their relative and have never talked to my friend about pasta preferences. Brothers, what is the best pasta to bring to a celebration of life? And that's from. That's from Pasta Problems. Are you here? Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

So I do want to say, pursuant to your question, I do think it's the most important thing. Aside from the pasta choice and aside from the fact that it is for a celebration of life, which is in and of itself pretty wild. What on earth could make it so that they don't know if five people will come to this funeral?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Or 50.

[Griffin McElroy]

We are talking about completely different venue requirements at that point, for starters.

[Justin McElroy]

And like, what happened in your life that maybe some people know about, but a lot of people might know about, and they're not gonna come. But maybe it didn't get out and maybe not as many people know as I think know. And we'll get like 20. But if everybody knows there might be.

[Griffin McElroy]

Five, I would think with a wake with 50 people would be catered. So I would imagine this is going.

[Audience Member]

To land closer to the smaller end.

[Griffin McElroy]

Immediate gut reaction. One of the spirally fun ones. I don't think you can go full blown.

[Travis McElroy]

One long continuous strand of spaghetti. Because love binds us all together.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Like one long continuous strand of spaghetti.

[Justin McElroy]

It extrudes directly into a pot. And there's nine minutes of pasta inside the past. It's being drawn out. The other end.

[Audience Member]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Through an un extruder being drawn onto a plate. They're sniffed where they have the amount you can make. Basically infinity.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, okay, but we.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what you do. You lay out all the pasta, and depending on how many people are going to be there, there will be more spokes to the wheel. Everybody start eating at the same time. One big kiss in the middle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, hold on. So hold on, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis has just invent.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I didn't know this was an option. Travis's answer is, basically, you invent a new pasta shape. It has a central other. Imagine rock Hard nucleus.

[Justin McElroy]

Other podcasts have done it. Yes. But now we are taking our.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a central rock hard nucleus on this pasta.

[Justin McElroy]

Inedible.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then five to 50 strands of pasta coming off of it. Everyone slurps at the same time to meet in the middle of a fucking bodacious. So sexy, so sexual.

[Travis McElroy]

You're gonna see some people eating slower or faster than others and you're gonna have to be like coaching as you go. Slow down, slow down.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, no, you can't talk. So be like.

[Justin McElroy]

And I think what we're gonna need is some vats of sauce that you can pivot around to and could sort of like dip it in, like let it. Let it kind of droop through. Let the slack come up through the sauce ravine.

[Travis McElroy]

But what if maybe some kind of attachment where the sauce is just right. Sorry, I have to talk at the microphone. The sauce is right in front of your mouth. So as you eat, that would be.

[Justin McElroy]

Better to have a boat of sauce.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. Here I see sauce getting coated as you go.

[Justin McElroy]

Or you don't even have to coat it, Trav. If you just take out like one lick of the sauce as you go, you combine it in your mouth for the primo pasta experience.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe start with a mouthful of sauce to begin with.

[Justin McElroy]

That's pasta, baby.

[Griffin McElroy]

After this, after this arcane ritual has completed, the ghost of the loved one appears and is like, ah, yes. Just what I wanted.

[Travis McElroy]

How did you know, Derek's friend, that I was a massive pasta burger.

[Justin McElroy]

In accordance with my detailed specifications.

[Griffin McElroy]

Show me the talented chef that could craft this grand pasta design.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what it is. It's going to start with 50 and you're cutting it down to 5. Who can make it to the end of the pasta pastas. And the first five get five equal portions of their billions of dollars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Fuck yeah. I don't even want to do any more for this question. That's a kick ass idea. Novelty. 50 way pasta for big kisses.

[Travis McElroy]

Hi, we're the McRoy Brothers and we'd.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like to introduce you to Sharks. We'll make this quick. We got 50 way pasta for a big old kiss out of week with me.

[Audience Member]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

They say no, Griffin. They're saying no. That was quick. Thanks, Sharks. I appreciate it. As far as they let us get. A few years ago, I inherited a potion stamp collection from an estranged uncle. The collection is massive, taking up about a third. That's weird, by the way. I just did. I didn't realize this when we read the question initially, but it is kind of weird that your uncle's like, no, I'm not gonna call him. But they can have my stamps when I die.

[Travis McElroy]

That's usually the beginning of an intense mystery.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, the collection is who murdered your uncle? The collection is massive, taking up about a third of the spare room in which they're currently stored. After speaking with multiple collectible dealers, I have Learned that in 2024, these stamps are basically worthless. No one will buy them. And they're only worth their postage value if that. They're just taking up space in my house at this point. Brothers, what should I do with several thousand stamps? That's from Perplexed by Postage in Pleasant Prairie.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here?

[Audience Member]

Hello?

[Travis McElroy]

You say estranged. Is it possible that he didn't like you?

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis? Hey, did you go to his house one time and you were like, why are you storing all of these stamps in their own individual 6 by 6 inch boxes? That would occupy one third of a whole room of a house. Stamps are so small. I have to imagine as a stamp collector, one of the premium benefits is that the thing you're collecting is so fucking small, how's it taking up a third of a room?

[Justin McElroy]

I think that you should burn these. Now. Listen, I have a good rationale for this. Do you wanna hear it? Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're all complicit now in mail crime.

[Justin McElroy]

The stamps don't have feelings. The stamps don't give a shit. You wasted so many of your fucking life minutes figuring out if these are worth a goddamn cent, and the answer is no. And if you store these fucking anywhere, eventually a descendant of yours is gonna come and do the same goddamn rigamarole again. Just burn the fucking stamps, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or no.

[Justin McElroy]

They had their fun, they collected them. It was fun for them. That's collections, baby. It was fun.

[Griffin McElroy]

I also have an unless, so do your unless.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay?

[Travis McElroy]

Unless they're worthless is because there's a lot of these other bad boys floating around. You need to burn those stamps.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. You're going on a nationwide hunt, maybe worldwide, to find the other stamps that match these.

[Justin McElroy]

Now this is crying. Now this is criminal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Unless.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, who, for clarity's sake, are you unlessing me or Travis?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm unless ing originally you. Okay, Travis's idea is fucking ironclad. No rules whatsoever.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay? So that's like one. That's like. That one's done. And salt, that's like one bulletproof.

[Travis McElroy]

Let's see, what nationwide tiny arson streak.

[Griffin McElroy]

So unless. Unless you park these bad boys in.

[Audience Member]

A storage unit, which you do not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Pay the second month's fee of. And you let it go. Delinquent. And then you sit and you tune into fucking Discovery and you wait and you watch, you see fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

Yup.

[Griffin McElroy]

And you're like, nope, motherfucker, I know the answer to this storage unit. It's a bunch of shitty stamps, idiot.

[Travis McElroy]

And then one of the collectors who said it was worthless shows up and goes, yeah, actually, that's worth a lot of money. I'll take it. You're like the long con.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Dave and that guy were working together. That's what you gotta watch out for.

[Griffin McElroy]

Stamps are. Stamps do cost money to send them, which seems so strange to me because we advertise for a place that is like all about streamlining that entire industry. But it's like, how much is stamps now?

[Audience Member]

Like, 50.

[Justin McElroy]

74 cents.

[Griffin McElroy]

74 cents. Hold on, let me.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't search for it. It's not funny.

[Travis McElroy]

You should be able. You should be able to mail a stamp collection for free. No postage on it, right?

[Justin McElroy]

No problem. Postage inside.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I didn't put a stamp on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You say it's 73 cents on average times, what, 3,000 stamps. Does that sound like a good.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they're not new stamps in the collection. This isn't thousands of stamps they went and bought today.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, you misunderstand. These stamps are worth exactly 73 cents. If there's 3,000 of them, that's 2,190.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless you.

[Justin McElroy]

Unless they're forever stamps. But go on. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm saying you run your own tiny independent post office outside of your house. A lot of my. I apologize. A lot of my solutions today are pop up shops. But this is like, you post up. I think you could even do it in front of the post office and be like, for 72 cents, I can.

[Travis McElroy]

Give you this old one that's already been used, I think. I don't know how stamp collecting works.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it's gotta be sticky. You can't. It's gotta be sticky. Untouched, Primo.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, it just occurred to me, but there's definitely people who have gone and bought thousands and thousands of forever stamps. And they're like, in 50 years.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, of course, man.

[Travis McElroy]

It's gonna be worth.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's an investment thing, right? Yeah, for. Yeah, absolutely. I bought. You know, I got a storage unit recently, and I hope I end up on Storage wars someday.

[Travis McElroy]

Not you. You're not in the storage unit. No, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

But like my storage unit, I would love to have, like, Daryl or one of the gang Be like, today I'm talking to my book expert friend about how much I can expect for these 200 copies of Everybody has a podcast except for you. Less than worthless.

[Travis McElroy]

I owe you money for looking at them. Wow. Shit.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you dispose of them for a reasonable no. They're toxic. What to burn. Yeah. Wow.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, but go get yours. Available at any store. I saved today.

[Justin McElroy]

Start your search at the bargain table and then work back from there.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'll be in a section that is labeled books that came out like five years too late. I'm narrow casting to the two other.

[Justin McElroy]

People on stage right now. That's in our hubris section.

[Travis McElroy]

To be fair, it was our fault. Cause no one was making podcasts during the pandemic.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, no, wait. We did time it perfectly.

[Justin McElroy]

Actually.

[Griffin McElroy]

No excuse. Quality of the pros. They say we have to move on.

[Justin McElroy]

I grew up skateboarding and I've taken it up again as an adult. The problem is I'm very short, just shy of five feet tall. So when people see me skating around, they often mistake me for a child. Gets super awkward when it's another adult that start talking to me like I'm a child and I have to break the news. I'm in fact 31 years old. Brothers, when I'm out skateboarding, how do I say to the world that I'm a grown adult with a mortgage? You're not 13 years old. And that's from really short. King and Racine.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you here?

[Travis McElroy]

Hi.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

When an adult talks to you like you're a child, I can't imagine seeing what I think is a child skateboarding and being like, I'm going to engage.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. That's also wild. Although there are. I get tiktoks sometimes of a kid beefing it on a half pipe.

[Audience Member]

And then some young Tony Hawk looking.

[Griffin McElroy]

Guy skates over like, you gotta put your balance on the back foot when you lean forward. Give it everything you got. You gotta believe in everything you can do. You can do it.

[Audience Member]

Believe in yourself.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then they do it and everyone's like, yeah. And they're like crying like, thank you, young Tony Hawk. And I wish so bad someone would do that for me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, just like believe in you that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Much in skateboarding, in everything, I guess.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now I can think of some stuff I could use like a young Tony Hawk or Tony Hawk that would be good too.

[Justin McElroy]

Obviously I was just thinking about like, my worry would be that if somebody started treating me like a 13 year old, I might just sort of roll with it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Vibe on it. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So like, yeah, man. Yeah, totally. So like, what should I do? So as long as you're a grownup, what's going on, man? What should I do different?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, you could carry a copy of your mortgage around with you everywhere you go.

[Travis McElroy]

In a briefcase.

[Griffin McElroy]

In a briefcase.

[Justin McElroy]

What are tv. What are TV shows that only adults like Crime Scene, Kitchen.

[Travis McElroy]

Only like a few adults like that? I think.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But I think it's mostly you and Sydney.

[Justin McElroy]

But no kids. Only murders in the building. No kids are watching that.

[Travis McElroy]

Right.

[Justin McElroy]

If you wore your only murders in the building T shirt, I guarantee you no one is going to stick you for a 13 year old.

[Travis McElroy]

Just as you're skateboarding, like Mutter about how difficult it is to get things for like insurance to pay for. Yeah, like as you're skating be like.

[Justin McElroy]

And I gotta get a new roof. You could signal it the way I signal it. And when you fall, just lay there for five minutes like. God damn it. Ah.

[Travis McElroy]

Ah.

[Justin McElroy]

It hurts.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're not getting up. Yeah, don't go. If they were a kid, they'd have spry bones.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they have a bounce up by now.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a grown up. You could tell by the writhing.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they've been there. They've been there for seven full minutes.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, they're laying there muttering about how no one's going to have any sympathy for them for them doing this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you tried skateboarding so fucking good that no one will even say shit to you at all.

[Justin McElroy]

That's so cool, dude.

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta take your knocks on the park and on the vert ramp because that's how you. That's how you get there. You think Tony Hawk didn't have people confusing him for a child all the time? Yeah, probably not. He's enormous. He's a huge man.

[Justin McElroy]

Huge. What the hell? Sorry, this is weird. There's not normally a Munch squad and a haunted doll watch in the same episode.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would say it's literally never happened. And you're pulling out all the stops for the final live show of the 20 Fungalore Tour.

[Travis McElroy]

And Justin, I'm just going to go ahead and take the segment. I definitely put a lot of work into preparing and throw that away.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow. Trap.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do it now, Justin.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't want to say. Do it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, Trapp, go ahead. No, Trapp, go ahead and do it.

[Justin McElroy]

Put the work in.

[Travis McElroy]

All right. We're going to do a live.

[Justin McElroy]

Sadly, no, we're not.

[Griffin McElroy]

Go ahead, Juice.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. Haunend doll. Truman.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

You're purchasing. What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, God.

[Justin McElroy]

It's okay. I need you to trust me right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're my brother, and I. I know you're scared.

[Justin McElroy]

And you should be scared because it's your show, but you're scared. Trust me. Thank Farah. Okay. This is all right. Meet Truman. Ever since I brought Truman in, I didn't feel a child with him.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Are you kidding?

[Griffin McElroy]

Because Truman's holding a picture of a.

[Justin McElroy]

Child, so we'll get there.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you. Did you read the full title of Truman?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Meet Truman. Haunted Doll Truman, Stuffed Animal Grandfather. Okay. Okay. Haunted Doll Truman. Meet Truman. Ever since I brought Truman and I didn't feel a child with him, the seller I got him from had him advertised as a child. I hate that. I just felt I needed him to find out what was really going on. Truman is actually the grandfather of this young child.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

How okay?

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. Her dad was sick. Okay. Apparently, before the baby was born, the child's mother had a fight with her family. Her dad was sick with emphysema and expected to live not long. And his dying wish was to meet the child. It ended up his daughter and his wife couldn't come to an agreement for her to be able to visit her father. He just says that he will never forgive his wife for not letting the family come together, knowing he was so sick. He clipped onto this photo so that he could be the grandpa that he wanted to be if he would have survived. Now, stop.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, hold on. Hold on. We have to talk about everything you just said.

[Justin McElroy]

Every part of it is wild.

[Travis McElroy]

So you're telling me. Yes, canonically, this grandfather died within the canon.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

So far in fiction, you're right.

[Travis McElroy]

Went into that stuffed animal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then the rest of the family was like, well, time to get rid of Grandpa. We'll leave this picture of the child with him, though.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought it was. The grandpa hadn't yet died, wanted to visit the kid. The mom and wife wouldn't let him. So he was like, guess I'll die, and hopped into this fucking beanie baby.

[Travis McElroy]

What I'm saying is, either way, they got rid of Grandpa in the doll and sent a picture of their baby with him.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

So they had to know Grandpa was in the doll.

[Griffin McElroy]

And now he's on fuck ebay, which is, like, the saddest part of all. That's someone's grandpappy. He fought in one of the world.

[Justin McElroy]

Wars, by the way. His message, if you're curious, was to try to honor a person's last wish before they pass, because the grief followed him to his death. Truman likes hard tax and coffee once in a while.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hard tax?

[Justin McElroy]

Hard tack. Like Civil War bread.

[Travis McElroy]

I guess he hates scurvy.

[Justin McElroy]

All right, next up, let's meet a pair of gents. Thank you, Paul. Paul had so many. Let's meet haunted doll Luke and Joseph.

[Griffin McElroy]

Best friends, two for one. Oh, yeah. I like them.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I like their vibe a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, these guys fucking kick ass, dude.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say, seashell blessings here, the seller, 560 ratings, 100% positive.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, look at this shit, Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's undeniable.

[Justin McElroy]

This is their second seashore blessings. We're celebrating them this time. Meet Luke, palm tree, and Joseph. So Luke's by the palm tree, Joseph is standing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I crack walking. I crack the cipher juice.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. The pair were best friends from early childhood all the way through high school. I found these guys. We were on vacation, and they are definitely something else. I actually heard a man whistle as I walked away from them, and I turned back around and no one was there. It was the weirdest thing. I felt compelled to purchase them, even though it was more than I wanted to spend. These guys are awesome. They are definitely from the 60s.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, just to jump back, they heard a man whistle, but there was no one there, and then they bought them from someone?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Once I brought them home, I gave them an offering of whiskey, and, boy, they were lighting up like crazy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What does that look like?

[Justin McElroy]

There has been a lot of experiences that I've had just since having them. They basically just like being teenage guys.

[Travis McElroy]

That one's vaping.

[Griffin McElroy]

That is a fucking vape rig. Travis, you are 100% right. It's a big one. It's a big one. But I've seen some big ones.

[Travis McElroy]

But if they're from the 60s, what were they kicking around in until vapes were invented?

[Justin McElroy]

Just, like, super quick. I want to mention that Lucas mentioned he was trying to save a child when he got caught in a riptide and got sucked in. And then Joseph realized his best friend's in trouble, and he obviously went to help, so they died. But these two are really a funny pair, and I've enjoyed them, even if it was for a short time. They communicate with all forms of divination. I love these two guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Again, I have to question the nature of premeditated doll becoming of. Did they have a question, like, a conversation at some point? Like, hey, dude, I had a great idea. We're best friends. What if we died and became, like, Redondo Beach Boardwalk tchotchkes forever.

[Travis McElroy]

I also love the idea that when I die, my ghost might suddenly become good at divination. Like, can you imagine getting a ghost? And like, help me with divination. Like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? I don't know how to do that.

[Justin McElroy]

We got one more to meet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice. I can't even read all these words in sequence, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, so it doesn't matter. Let's just meet the doll. It's negative. Haunted Doll. Predators. He knows what he did. He knows exactly what he did.

[Travis McElroy]

He looks very contrite.

[Griffin McElroy]

To be fair, I genuinely almost fell backwards in my. I had to catch Travis's chair to catch myself.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Paul, don't go to the last picture yet.

[Travis McElroy]

Is his hat a brush?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, his hat's a brush. This vessel is the home of the human spirit, Tony. His energy is negative and he has sexual predatory behavior. He enjoys the company of women and will gladly communicate with a woman via. Via definition. Tony's spirit has entered my dreams and caused disturbing sexual dreams. His spirit also, it tends to explore on your body. There have been nights where I can hear him breathing heavy next to my bed. Be wary of welcoming Tony into your home. Tony doesn't do well with other spirits, though he's left my pets alone. I would be cautious of welcoming him to a home with men.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tony. Tony.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, let. Folks, we are going to take a break and I would like you to go use the bathroom and buy posters before I show posters by Sydney Dean. And here's. I just want to go on this final picture of Tony who's still available for sale. And then we're going to go. Okay, everybody have a good intermission. Go ahead, Paul. Tony, you know what you did.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'll be right back.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what you did, Tony. It's better.

[Paul]

It's better with you.

[Audience Member]

Hello. I was drinking some Gatorade, sport.

[Travis McElroy]

I understand. And can I tell you, maybe that's the reason I'm looking at you right now. Your aura is off the charts.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you.

[Audience Member]

I've been doing a sort of energy cleanse juice situation where I look at pictures of my loved ones for eight hours a day and I'm drinking this crazy, crazy juice. I'm just shitting my brains out.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, can I just say I'm glad that you're taking the time to look at pictures of your loved ones eight hours a day. As both your brother and co worker on a lot of projects. That's very troubling.

[Audience Member]

Well, aura frames makes it so easy to look at beautiful pictures of your Family and your loved ones that you could.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But for eight hours.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure, sure. Yeah.

[Audience Member]

I mean, that's why Aura frames is the best gift you can give someone this time of year, is because Aura frames is a beautiful digital picture frame that you can upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone right to the frame.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's great for you.

[Audience Member]

If you want an eight hour cleanse.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, okay. See, that's where it shifts. Cause I like the part where it's easy to upload the photos and you get all your photos and stuff on there. I think that the part that's kind of tripping me up is where you sit, I assume, in like silence by yourself.

[Audience Member]

Yes. Yeah. No, it's not a group meditation situation.

[Travis McElroy]

So to appreciate your family more, you remove yourself from their presence for eight hours a day to stare at pictures of them.

[Audience Member]

Yes. They get it. And grandma and grandpa don't know how anything works. And so these digital frames, you can upload the pictures to them for them, and then all of a sudden, they won't be taking screenshots of Facebook with their phone and then posting that on Facebook also. You just have Aura frames there ready to. Ready to give them what they need. I have Aura frame. I love it. We've given it as a Christmas present to many, many folks. And if you're struggling to figure out what to get that special someone, save on the perfect gift by going to aura frames.com to get $35 off Aura's best selling carver matte frames by using promo code mybrother at checkout. That's a U R A frames.com promo code, my brother.

[Griffin McElroy]

This deal's exclusive to our listeners, so.

[Audience Member]

Get yours now in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I do for eight hours a day, Griffin?

[Griffin McElroy]

What's that?

[Audience Member]

Don't say crank.

[Travis McElroy]

No. God. For eight hours. Okay.

[Audience Member]

I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God, the chafing. No, I just. I just peruse the Internet.

[Audience Member]

That's actually probably true and real.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm thinking that at this point, the Internet has given me so much, Griffin. It's been such a force for good in my life with no downsides.

[Audience Member]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

And now I think it's time for me to give back.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And maybe like, create stuff to put on the Internet and finally start putting some content out there. But I have no idea how to do it.

[Audience Member]

What have we been doing? What are we doing? What are we doing right now?

[Travis McElroy]

Well, this is just two brothers talking. Usually it's three brothers talking. True for Our own enjoyment. We should start doing something with this though.

[Audience Member]

This bit is confusing to me and I don't know how to contribute to it. So I'm going to go ahead and say the word squarespace out loud.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that's a great idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm going to say the word squarespace.

[Audience Member]

Out loud so that technically, according to the documents we signed, this one counts.

[Travis McElroy]

As an advertisement by the Geneva Advertising Convention. This is now an advertisement. I didn't know where to put any of this content. We have hundreds and hundreds of hours of recorded stuff and we've never know what to do with it.

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And now we can use Squarespace. Was it you said so?

[Audience Member]

Yeah. Usually we upload these audio files to a rizz and then people grab the rizz where they want it and then.

[Travis McElroy]

And they just skibidi all over the place. Am I saying that right?

[Griffin McElroy]

You're saying it right, but it's wrong.

[Audience Member]

To have said it.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Audience Member]

So Squarespace lets you design beautiful websites, engage with your audience, sell anything from products to content to your time, all in one place, all on your terms. It's so easy to make a website that looks like you know what the fuck you're doing. With Squarespace, they've got all kinds of tools and just industry leading design expertise ready to help you build a sophisticated web portal tailored to your unique needs. Portal.

[Justin McElroy]

A portal.

[Audience Member]

And you can climb in the screen. No, you can't.

[Travis McElroy]

But if you don't do that, even if you could. Don't do that.

[Audience Member]

Don't do that. That's how the lawnmower man gets you. Squarespace Payments is the easiest way to manage your payments in one place. You can hook it up to whatever payment options you want, like Apple Pay or Card, whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

Your friend Derek, he will go and collect the money for you.

[Audience Member]

I don't know if Squarespace Payments will get Derek.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay. Maybe next year.

[Audience Member]

Most other stuff they can do go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com mybrother to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[Travis McElroy]

And as long as we're plugging things right now, packages are on sale for Champions Grove, the immersive tabletop gaming event that is now my second year organizing and planning and everything. It's going to be at Ravenwood Castle in Hocking Hills, Ohio. We had such a blast last year that we're doing it again.

[Audience Member]

This time you will need to pay me $125 if you want me to sit here during this paid ad spot for Champions Grove.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll have Derek come over and bring.

[Audience Member]

You hugely in this process. I think Champions Grove is a wonder. But if you're going to make me sit here during our paid advertising time, it will cost you 100.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, at this point, you're just wasting your own time. So let me finish the pitch. Okay. So this year we're doing four days instead of last year's three. And thankfully, I need diverse games stepped in and made a huge sponsorship so that every ticket, we could keep the price down. And I think we kept it at the same price it was last year, if not close.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you get an extra day for the extra day. Yeah, you fool. You're pissing money away out the toilet.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, yeah, I have seen my doctor about that. And they say it's normal.

[Audience Member]

It's weird when Travis pisses in the toilet, it always goes around the bowl and shoots right back out. It doesn't make any sense at all.

[Travis McElroy]

It is wild. It is wild. Anyways, you can go to championsgrove.com it's going to be Memorial Day weekend there at the end of May. Come hang out with us for four days. We're bringing out some great tabletop creators and people to play games with you guys, and we're going to have a bunch of different events. Go to championsgrove.com for the packages and we'll see you there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Here's the rest of the show. We are going to now call some folks down to the microphone, which I believe is here, stage left. House. Right. Right up here up front. Please don't come to the microphone if.

[Audience Member]

We do not call you.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I wish I lived in a world where I didn't have to say specifically explicitly that. We'll call you down by your name.

[Audience Member]

And seat number when you come down, if you want to give us your.

[Griffin McElroy]

Name, your pronouns, if you would like. And we'll get into your question.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, just want to take a moment to say thank you all for being here.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

For joining us. I can see you all now.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I just wanted to show a little gratitude.

[Justin McElroy]

I appreciate it. No, I just wanted to say as long as we're talking about stuff, and I know other Griffin is at the microphones. Hold on one second. There's. Sorry. This is such a beautiful theater. If you didn't take a moment to sort of, like, absorb it, it's freaking gorgeous. And actually, as you leave that way, they've got some samples of the. The molding and the. I'm the only person no, they let you.

[Travis McElroy]

You can see samples of the chandelier and you can taste them. Because if you're like me, you've been looking at it going, I wonder what that tastes like. On your way out, just glitch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. I'd love to chow down on that light fixture on the ceiling.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just saying, this is that we go to a lot of places and this is such a beautiful place. And thank you for hanging up. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you, Papa. Let's start. Hello?

[Justin McElroy]

Hello?

[Travis McElroy]

Hello.

[Audience Member]

I'm sorry my brother called you other Griffin.

[Josh]

That's all right. It's a wonderful.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, he's right. But I'm sorry, the lights.

[Justin McElroy]

The lights are pretty dark, so I. You just kind of look like my brother Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

How tall are you?

[Josh]

5 11.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm 5 10, so it's pretty fucking close, honestly.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Sounds like a real 5 foot 10 thing to say, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, sorry. That was funny. It was funny. It's a funny joke, though. It is good. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right.

[Travis McElroy]

Birthday boys.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Birthday boys. Take that, Griff.

[Travis McElroy]

So.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Josh]

Hello. I sent in two questions. Which one is. Which one is it?

[Griffin McElroy]

You are Josh. I am. You have one.

[Josh]

I have one about flashlights and I have one.

[Griffin McElroy]

Flashlights is definitely the one we want to get into, Josh. Thank you so much.

[Josh]

So I work for a tool company and.

[Griffin McElroy]

So do I.

[Justin McElroy]

We got him, dude, you got him.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, hold on.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, Josh, go ahead.

[Josh]

Over the course of my career, I have accrued at least 10 flashlights. 10 unique flashlights.

[Justin McElroy]

And I make them unique.

[Josh]

They're used for all sorts of different fun things. One of them has a mouth guard that you can bite down on.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool.

[Josh]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, shining out, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's not. Wait, did you think it was a mouth based internal flashlight?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying, I've never had whatever oscopy goes in that way, but they definitely don't want you to bite the thing in half. Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Are there any of them, like, really bright?

[Josh]

Yes, most of them.

[Travis McElroy]

Like how bright?

[Josh]

It hurt if you looked at them.

[Griffin McElroy]

It hurt if you looked at it. Yeah, that's about what we were looking for, Josh.

[Justin McElroy]

If you all haven't gotten out there, and I think Josh will back me up on this. If you have not gotten out there to buy yourself a flashlight. And I mean a really intense flashlight. It's wild the things we're doing with flashlights these days, guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

Flashlight technology.

[Justin McElroy]

Olight Seeker Pro 4. And if you turn that thing on, I look like the motherfucking neighborhood I shouldn't have this much power in my hand. It's like. It's like theatrical lighting. I'm just carrying it around for Halloween.

[Travis McElroy]

Buy round of applause because I want to make sure I'm not alone in this. How many of you have felt extreme excitement when you've shined a flashlight and you can see it, like, on a cloud?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah, that's the best shit.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys know that do that. That was a universal.

[Griffin McElroy]

You got any cloud flashlights, Josh?

[Josh]

Maybe I haven't tested it on a cloud.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Josh, you gotta shine this shit on a cloud. It's the best.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, gosh.

[Travis McElroy]

You haven't lived, Josh, I.

[Griffin McElroy]

What was the question?

[Justin McElroy]

Do you have a question, Josh, or do you just wanna shoot the shit about flashlights?

[Josh]

I just like flashlights. No, I have. I have all these flashlights, and most of them have magnets, but I don't know how to use them in my daily life.

[Travis McElroy]

The magnet thing threw me for a second there, Josh. Like, inside of them or. It's part of it.

[Josh]

Part of it.

[Audience Member]

I used to dread any time I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Would have to either go into the.

[Audience Member]

Crawl space under my house for some.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sort of home project that I was.

[Audience Member]

Obviously not fucking equipped to do, or.

[Griffin McElroy]

Up into the attic for the same shit. And then I bought myself some knee pads and gloves and a little head lamp. And then I loved going under the house and in the attic, because all.

[Audience Member]

Of a sudden, I'm a little spelunker now.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm going on a little adventure, and I have everything I need to do it. So I would say get under there.

[Justin McElroy]

Get under there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or over there, above there. Because there's stuff happening in your attic or in the crawl space under your house.

[Audience Member]

You have no fucking idea.

[Griffin McElroy]

And a lot of the time it's hornets.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, Josh.

[Travis McElroy]

And nothing soothes hornets like having a light shined on, though.

[Justin McElroy]

The brightest lights on the market. Yeah, Josh, would you be willing to commit to only having one light on in your house in any given time?

[Josh]

I can do that.

[Justin McElroy]

Because that way you can turn one off. Flashlight comes on, It's a fun little game to find the next room. Flashlight goes back off, turn the light on. That's fun.

[Travis McElroy]

Another thing you could start, like, providing it as a service for other people, because sometimes when it's dark outside, like nighttime, I don't know where the clouds are anymore because it's too dark. And you could use your flashlight to spot clouds for me, and that'd be very exciting. Oh, you know, sometimes I'm outside and it Gets a little spooky and I get in my head, and if some helpful stranger ran up with a flashlight shining in my face and I was like, oh, God, light. I'm so safe now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, the light keeps you safe.

[Justin McElroy]

It would be cool, Josh, if you could hide them all throughout your home. And then when a storm came, you could stand near one. Like, no matter where you're at in.

[Travis McElroy]

Your house, you have to hide them.

[Griffin McElroy]

You pound. Because you pound on the fucking banister.

[Justin McElroy]

Unroll like you're so ready for it. Like, at any moment, you're always within arm's reach of one flower.

[Travis McElroy]

It fires that. You catch it out of the. That would rule. Yeah, do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Josh, you got one of those big mag lights?

[Josh]

I mean, it's pretty big.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool, man. I mean, it doesn't. We're not making it.

[Travis McElroy]

That sounds like a real 5 foot 10 thing to say.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just saying when you walk around with a mag light, you're like, I'm good for darkness scenarios or if I have to beat some ass. Oh, like a cool security guard guy.

[Justin McElroy]

I guess if you see somebody who's compensating with one of those giant ass mag flashlights, the thing you need to remember about them is that person had to go to the store to buy. Dude. Cause they didn't have Ds. They didn't go to the store to buy special D batteries. To put their stupid big flashlight.

[Travis McElroy]

You know who's.

[Justin McElroy]

What a waste of time.

[Travis McElroy]

No. And confident. Somebody who's wearing rave gloves with lights on the end of each finger. That person's got nothing to prove.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Josh, you got rave gloves.

[Josh]

I know what I'm getting tomorrow.

[Justin McElroy]

Heck, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Josh, did we. Did we help you?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think we did, but we did celebrate you, which is a new angle for us.

[Justin McElroy]

Hooray for you, Josh. Josh. Appreciate you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Was there someone else? Hello.

[Yvette]

Oh, hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hi. You're crushing it so far.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm so excited about your question.

[Yvette]

You know, I'm gonna be honest, I thought you were just gonna, like, read it yourselves.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, no. Do you want us to just do that?

[Justin McElroy]

Would you feel more comfortable if we did? Because Griffin's happy to do that.

[Yvette]

I mean, I'll. I'll tackle it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, great.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, that's good. Because I don't know if you know this. We don't know all the details.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you gotta tell us.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's your name?

[Yvette]

Yvette.

[Audience Member]

Hi, Yvette.

[Yvette]

Hi.

[Audience Member]

What is your question, Yvette?

[Yvette]

So I'm Writing a book. I'm writing my first novel.

[Justin McElroy]

Congratulations.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of book people in here.

[Travis McElroy]

Surprising.

[Yvette]

That's a good thing for what's coming next.

[Justin McElroy]

Good.

[Yvette]

So it is very book talk. Appropriate.

[Justin McElroy]

Nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I know what that means.

[Justin McElroy]

I got you, Griff. Don't worry. Go ahead.

[Yvette]

So it is spicy.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Yvette]

There is spice and attractive people with wings and.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, I love that.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, so like angels.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it angel?

[Justin McElroy]

It could be Faye.

[Yvette]

Close. You know, maybe from the other direction.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait a second. Oh.

[Yvette]

We got there.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, can I just say if this is what you're putting on the description on the dust cover, so far, so good.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm buying multiple copies.

[Griffin McElroy]

The dust cover is just like. So it's pretty spicy. Done got angels. But you know, the other ones, I.

[Travis McElroy]

Buy the fuck out of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I buy that book. I gotta know the mysteries.

[Yvette]

50% ellipses.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. And the author pictures. Is you going?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know. So you're writing a demon sex novel. What is the question?

[Justin McElroy]

You get it? You get it?

[Yvette]

Yeah. My mom keeps asking me what it's about.

[Travis McElroy]

A lot of religious themes.

[Audience Member]

Mom.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Yvette]

She's a Sunday school teacher, so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, Yvette. Oh, Yvette.

[Yvette]

I don't know how to.

[Travis McElroy]

So, mom, you know how demons. So she knows.

[Justin McElroy]

She understands the power of myth.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That is huge.

[Travis McElroy]

Mom, you know how demons are always trying to tempt us in sin?

[Audience Member]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

What my book explores is if we were like, fuck, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. You could also say it's the hero's journey. And the hero.

[Travis McElroy]

The hero's horny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hero's horny. The hero does go on a demonic sex adventure, but at the end, saved and totally good to go. But then she'll read the whole book. No, I'm not saying you have to make your main character, your main sexual character get saved at the end of your book. Although I think a lot of books would benefit if they ended with the main character getting bored again.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say, Griffin, what you've introduced also is the idea that there's a main character, but a main sexual character. And they're two different people. And it's just like interspersed chapters of, like, this guy's over here saving the world, this one's over here getting his dick wet.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I can't stress enough. These stories are not related.

[Griffin McElroy]

Never the twain shall meet.

[Justin McElroy]

I think you might be surprised that your mom ends up being really proud of you. Because I think that any. I just think if my kid had a passion like that and they went after it, I'D be so freaking proud. I don't think I'd care what it's about. That's. One second. There's a lot of people reading fairy sex books you wouldn't think are reading fairy sex books.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true. You never know.

[Justin McElroy]

I've seen people on, like, CBS this Morning talking about fairy sex books. It's getting. It's getting subtracted.

[Travis McElroy]

It would actually probably at this point be weirder if you said, I'm writing a demon book. And your mom said, lots of fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

Right? And you said.

[Travis McElroy]

And you're like, no, mom. Very chaste. And she's like, so hold on, Wait, wait.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is the concern. I'm just now realizing, not that you are worried about your mother's approval or disapproval, but that you just.

[Audience Member]

Wicked. Don't want to have this conversation.

[Yvette]

Yeah, no, I try. I'm 30. I don't care if she likes it.

[Justin McElroy]

Right?

[Travis McElroy]

Fuck, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Amazing.

[Griffin McElroy]

You. You specifically don't want to hear about it.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want that kind of thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

You should just tell her to leave an Amazon review and then you just know it's out there somewhere. You don't need to know the star rating that was applied to this review. You just know your mom read it.

[Yvette]

Probably tell her not to read it, but leave five stars.

[Travis McElroy]

That's maybe if your mom asks what it's about, just say, buy a copy and find out.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it gets pretty rippled. Remember as a kid, you taught me all those different ways of describing back muscles? Well, I think you're going to be very pleased.

[Travis McElroy]

Does that help?

[Griffin McElroy]

Have we helped you?

[Torrin]

Yeah.

[Yvette]

For sure. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much, Yvette.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, wait, wait. Seriously, when your book comes out, will you tell us?

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell us when your book comes out.

[Yvette]

I'll tell you.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

All right. We will do a free ad for your book when it comes out.

[Travis McElroy]

Yvette, we will not. You can't promise that free ad. You can't promise that I'll do a.

[Justin McElroy]

Free ad or I'll at least buy eight copies.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Baz]

Hello. Hi, I'm. Bazaar. He, him, Pronouns.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, Bass.

[Griffin McElroy]

How can we help?

[Baz]

My question is, I recently moved into a house with five roommates.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a lot.

[Baz]

It's a lot of guys. And when we moved in, there was a. There was a bunch of bricks in the backyard. And there was a big brick pile. A pile of bricks.

[Travis McElroy]

This was the same bricks, though, right? These were not Separate bricks and brick piles.

[Baz]

All uniform bricks. And a couple weeks ago, our landlord says, sends us an email saying, hey, guys, I Noticed that the bricks were scattered in the backyard. I'd appreciate it if you put the bricks back in the pile. Those bricks are very important to me for construction. And he said, was the fur construction.

[Travis McElroy]

Did that seem tacked on? Like, maybe he was embarrassed that he.

[Griffin McElroy]

Said that he has important bricks. And then he was like, for a.

[Baz]

Normal reason, I mean, I don't know what he does with the bricks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Baz]

And he said, kindly return the bricks to the brick pile. But we didn't scatter the bricks, so.

[Justin McElroy]

You shouldn't have to return the bricks to the brick pile.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, Wait, Baz. Baz.

[Baz]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

First, this is the delicious mystery you've brought to us, and we're gonna solve it here tonight. Is your backyard enclosed? No.

[Audience Member]

Oh. So someone could come in and have.

[Griffin McElroy]

A brick party.

[Justin McElroy]

Which we are unequipped to answer several questions. Which one are you interested in us attempting? Because I feel like the nature of the bricks is something that looms very large in my mind. Even larger than perhaps the perpetrator of the movement is the use of the bricks.

[Travis McElroy]

Baz, is there a big, let's say, hole in the wall of the building you live in? He just hasn't gotten to it yet.

[Baz]

Well, we were thinking about trying to use the bricks to make, like, a pizza oven.

[Griffin McElroy]

Timeout.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, now, wait. Fast, fast, fast.

[Griffin McElroy]

You can't say, oh, we didn't do it, but if we had fucking done it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man.

[Travis McElroy]

There's you and five other. Let's just call them what they are. Suspects in the house.

[Justin McElroy]

We didn't do it yet.

[Travis McElroy]

One of y'all. How well do you know these people?

[Griffin McElroy]

I have to imagine that wholesale brick sellers get orders sometimes for a bunch of bricks, and they're like, is this for a brick pizza oven? And the person on the other line is like, yes. And they say, all right, man. Knowing that it's just going to be a brick pile for many, many, many months before they get around to turning it into a pizza cooking device.

[Travis McElroy]

How many breaks is this? If you had to guess, I would.

[Baz]

Say like, 3 to 400.

[Travis McElroy]

And did all of them get scattered or just some of them?

[Baz]

Just some of them.

[Justin McElroy]

Is there enough to build yourself a small house?

[Baz]

Well, there's a pile that's kind of like, nicely stacked.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Baz]

Yeah, like a nicely stacked pile. And then there's like, a. Maybe a couple smaller piles and then a little scattered.

[Justin McElroy]

I wish I had a diagram or something. I'm trying to. It's really important. I'm just trying to visualize all These bricks are they.

[Travis McElroy]

And I'm just thinking about why they might be important to this man. Bricks of cocaine?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. We didn't clarify.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, did you guys scatter my bricks of cocaine around your yard? Please stack back up my bricks of cocaine.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're really important to me.

[Justin McElroy]

I just don't understand, understand what could be so important about the bricks. But he trusts a bunch of brick flingers to put it back the way he.

[Griffin McElroy]

People with big dreams of pizza ovens in their eyes.

[Justin McElroy]

And he trusts you all to put it back the special way he like. Like. I don't understand.

[Baz]

He's got his special bricks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, has this situation resolved itself before you came here tonight? Are the bricks still in shambles and.

[Audience Member]

Guilt hanging on your head?

[Baz]

We started. The six of us kind of started doing this thing where we would be like, all right, well, whenever we cross through the backyard, we'll take a couple bricks.

[Audience Member]

That's great.

[Baz]

And put it back in the brick.

[Audience Member]

That's awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's going to be. You're going to get so fucking built.

[Justin McElroy]

From doing that too early, one of your arms will.

[Travis McElroy]

And can I also just say, the last day you guys are there. Last day of your lease. Really fucking great Jenga game.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, yeah.

[Audience Member]

Could you build 10 small brick piles.

[Griffin McElroy]

And be like, I have blessed your crop. Now you have so many brick piles.

[Travis McElroy]

To enjoy, you could build yourself a little hideout in there so that your landlord couldn't get to you. Assuming he's a wolf.

[Audience Member]

That's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

He'll have some trouble navigating those.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

He can huff and puff all he wants, you think?

[Baz]

Incredibly helpful.

[Justin McElroy]

Our 100% success rate.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what a lot of Brooks.

[Justin McElroy]

And in case you've never seen a pile of bricks, my friend.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh. So that's what bricks look like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, they're concrete blocks, but we'll get them next time. Hi.

[Audience Member]

Hello.

[Sydney Dean]

Hi. My name is Mari.

[Travis McElroy]

They.

[Sydney Dean]

She.

[Justin McElroy]

Hi, Mari.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm very excited for this.

[Sydney Dean]

Yeah. So I live on the ground level of an apartment complex.

[Audience Member]

Cool.

[Sydney Dean]

I have windows. A nice glass patio door.

[Travis McElroy]

Brag.

[Sydney Dean]

I also have a cat who likes those windows.

[Audience Member]

Sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. It gets warm there with the sun and whatnot.

[Sydney Dean]

Yeah. So I have a problem where my neighbors children off the street that I don't know like to look in my windows.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Sydney Dean]

And my patio door.

[Justin McElroy]

To see your.

[Sydney Dean]

To see my weird, muscular cat.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, Mari, if I could ask you, Mari, what is the largest you've ever seen this cat projected on a screen?

[Griffin McElroy]

Have you seen this cat?

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever Seen this cat. You've seen this cat at regular billboard size? Like, is everybody gonna be okay if they see. Let's say this cat. A very. It's gonna be all right.

[Audience Member]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. You're all good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. All right, Paul, let's see a picture of this built cat.

[Travis McElroy]

That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That one's okay.

[Justin McElroy]

That one's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

That was just an amazing moose boosh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we see the next. There's one of these images where the vascularity makes me want to barf.

[Justin McElroy]

Hell, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at that. Look at the tone and the definition behind cat.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a cat who's putting in time at the Iron Temple.

[Justin McElroy]

And it. But it's genetics, too, Travis. You can't teach all this.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you just. But it's also Justin. He knows the post. Do you see the hole? That's heritage.

[Justin McElroy]

Can't train it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's family.

[Justin McElroy]

That's love.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we get a zoom on the front haunch?

[Travis McElroy]

Let's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, actually, don't.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't want to look at that shit.

[Travis McElroy]

That's called.

[Justin McElroy]

No, stop, Paul. Too close. It looks like Percy Jackson.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I.

[Travis McElroy]

No, look at the cat's face, too. That is a calm confidence. The cat fucking.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like a lightning bolt. Muscles is a cat who lifted. All right. Okay. Amazing, though. Amazing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at that. Look at the webbing. This is a perfect feline specimen.

[Travis McElroy]

The forearms alone, look at that. Jesus Christ.

[Justin McElroy]

This.

[Travis McElroy]

Wait, the author person. Are you paying attention to this sexy cat?

[Justin McElroy]

People, it's going to be a thing.

[Travis McElroy]

I just made it up.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis is.

[Justin McElroy]

Her splayed toes began to curl as. Okay, okay, so listen. This projector couldn't cost more than $20,000. If you set this up outside your home on a loop, people will never bother you again. They can get the goods for free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Children and passersby will no longer bother you by looking in your windows. You know who else won't bother you?

[Justin McElroy]

Burglars.

[Griffin McElroy]

Because you have the world's strongest, scariest fucking cat. Not scary. I would still fucking pal around with this cat. Yeah, the guy's name.

[Sydney Dean]

His name is Obi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Obi.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I just say this looks like Obi is about to just stand up and start walking around, like, on two legs, talking to me like, oh, hey, man, I'll get that.

[Griffin McElroy]

It does actually kind of look like just with the face, sort of holistically. It looks like Obi is responding to a question, like, oh, you need a picture of my muscles for the podcast. Tonight?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

No power.

[Travis McElroy]

How's this?

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you want me to spread my paws out? Really? Okay, cool. Here it comes.

[Sydney Dean]

I literally took this picture today.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Amazing. So what do you. What.

[Travis McElroy]

What's the problem? People. Random strangers and children are looking in their house.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But, like, shouldn't they get to see it, too?

[Travis McElroy]

Not in the house.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you think you need to schedule.

[Travis McElroy]

A time where you walk Obie. Assuming Obi doesn't just pick you up and carry you around the neighborhood and say, hey, Everybody, from like 10 to 10:30, I'm going to be out there. And then you can see Obi. But in here, this is Ob off the car.

[Justin McElroy]

You should have. Okay. If you don't, you got to have viewing hours. If you don't want this to happen, you do need to have a schedule where people can come by for 90 minutes. We were all thinking 90 minutes where they could come in and just sort of see the video.

[Griffin McElroy]

What do you mean, 90 minutes?

[Justin McElroy]

Like a 90 minute window every day where people can come in and see the cat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Come in.

[Travis McElroy]

Come in, Justin. Come in.

[Griffin McElroy]

I thought you were saying one person got to come in for 90 minutes.

[Justin McElroy]

Dolly Parton will let you tour her childhood home. Okay. If she will let you do that.

[Travis McElroy]

She doesn't live there, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

You can let people look at your cat for 90 minutes.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not one for one, Justin. It's not even that long.

[Justin McElroy]

She used to live there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Are we charging tickets for this? This interactive?

[Justin McElroy]

Strong. No, no, it's free.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

It's about the money.

[Sydney Dean]

In this economy?

[Griffin McElroy]

In this economy. Juice.

[Justin McElroy]

I love you all.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know what I like the most about Obi is Ob's not huge.

[Audience Member]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Obi is single. It's a definition thing. You didn't just. It's not just bulk. It's a lot of tone that so hard to achieve on a cat.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of guys in the iron temple that I wail with, they don't know when to stop. They don't have that restraint. My problem is I just keep wailing and wailing and wailing and getting bigger.

[Travis McElroy]

And bigger and bigger.

[Justin McElroy]

I just don't have the restraint.

[Travis McElroy]

And I just keep screaming and screaming.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's got those Michael Shannon muscles. He's got those J.K. simmons muscles. There's a secret under that shirt.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you ever fought your cat a little? Just fought your cat for a second to see how you'd fare when you.

[Travis McElroy]

Arm off your cat is there will be holding back.

[Sydney Dean]

Oh, Most definitely.

[Travis McElroy]

Knew it. Okay.

[Paul]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't care if we helped, you.

[Audience Member]

Have the world's strongest cat.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's amazing for you. You're living a wonderful life. Not necessarily strongest, just most cut, Most cut, most toned. But did we help?

[Justin McElroy]

Did that help?

[Sydney Dean]

Yeah, I think so.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Thank you so very much. I believe we have one last person.

[Justin McElroy]

We have one more.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello. Hello.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, my friend.

[Torrin]

Hi.

[Audience Member]

How's it going?

[Griffin McElroy]

Good, good.

[Torrin]

My name is Torrin.

[Audience Member]

Hi, Torrin.

[Torrin]

So my boyfriend is in school for music right now.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Torrin]

And I have heard a lot of people talk about, like, talking to guys and then they'll go over to the guy's house and the guy will just start playing guitar at them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Marinated.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Torrin]

So my boyfriend doesn't do that, but he does play tuba.

[Justin McElroy]

So, Torin, I have to say this was funny backstage, but now that I've met you and seen how pleasant and soft spoken you are, it's like extra, extra funny.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's super duper, duper funny.

[Justin McElroy]

The idea that you would be mid conversation. He's like, yeah, absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

Absolutely. You like Matchbox 20.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of people think you can't do Mraz on a tuba.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think you can.

[Travis McElroy]

Toren, is your boyfriend here? This is very important.

[Torrin]

He's not. He lives in Michigan.

[Justin McElroy]

Awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Has this happened? Have you been tuba serenaded?

[Torrin]

Yes. So that was my question was what's the appropriate reaction to a personal one on one tuba concert?

[Griffin McElroy]

Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Are you good at lying? No. No.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. This is. This is so hard.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is the hardest question we've ever fielded, baby.

[Justin McElroy]

This is so hard because I've been on the other side of this and tried to play a song for my wife on guitar. And here's how it goes. I have to pretend like I'm just practicing at first, and then there's definitely a at which I'm no longer just kind of playing around and definitely playing a song for her, but it has to be adjacent because if I make this woman start looking at me while I play guitar, I think the main thing you have to do is avoid eye contact at all costs. Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Just pretend like you don't hear the tuba.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And then you're, like, enjoying it passively, like, you know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Like, oh, that was you playing. I thought that was a record.

[Justin McElroy]

I thought that was one of your CDs. I thought that was one of your tuba tapes. Babe, you're always trying to get me to listen to your tuba.

[Travis McElroy]

It does explain why my ears are bleeding.

[Justin McElroy]

You could do something Else, like, you could play palatro on your phone and just kind of nod along, like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, vibing. You don't get a lot of candid serenades like this on. Unfortunately, the ideal scenario is something like a. Like the Get Back Beatles documentary when George Harrison's like, bong, bong, bong, bong. And one of the others is like, oh, man, that sounds fucking good. What is that? You just gotta sit next to them while they're tuber riffing. Be like, yeah, do that one that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you play the one that's like blap, blap, blap.

[Travis McElroy]

What if you. When they started serenading you was like, wait, play that again. And then you pull out a trombone.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. What if you lay down a little bit? Like, just like a little bit of that tuba.

[Travis McElroy]

You play the tuba and I'll do some lyrics.

[Griffin McElroy]

Be like, ooh, is that Chopin's 100 farts?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

There's not a lot of songs where the tuba is the hero instrument.

[Audience Member]

No.

[Travis McElroy]

At least when someone's playing a guitar, you immediately know what the song is that they're playing where someone's playing a tuba and you're like, what's the tuba?

[Griffin McElroy]

Also, it's hard when they bring their tuba around the campfire and they're like.

[Travis McElroy]

Bom, bw ba ba.

[Griffin McElroy]

Today is gonna be the box they're.

[Travis McElroy]

Gonna buy Dax and pop, pop, pop, pop.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. If it hadn't been for OB's cartoon firefighters, they never would have invented the tuba. That's what it was created for. Now here's the.

[Travis McElroy]

It could be worse, Torrin. Your boyfriend could be a cymbal slayer.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

At which point your boyfriend would be like, listen to this song.

[Torrin]

He's all I. He is. To his credit, he's a very good tuba player.

[Travis McElroy]

I assume that. Let me make it. Hold on, hold on.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's warn. Brag a bit.

[Torrin]

I don't know what to say.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's say. All you have to compare it to.

[Audience Member]

I'm guessing, is other songs your boyfriend has played for you.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you could always hit your boyfriend with, like a. That is the third best one you've done so far. Really? Very, very, very good. It was better than the other one.

[Audience Member]

You did earlier today, which was my.

[Griffin McElroy]

Least favorite tuba song. Like, don't. Like, don't try to boost him up. Like, really give them some good criticism, some good constructive feedback. That's my second favorite tuba song today.

[Travis McElroy]

I am pulling deep from My memory of being in middle school band for this comment, but I think this will land if you say, you know what? I don't care what anyone says. It's way better than hearing a saxophone. And I think that will land so hard.

[Justin McElroy]

They need to hear that. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you say, moisten your embitture? Say, you're not moist enough in your embitture.

[Justin McElroy]

Empty your spit valve, babe. That's probably the worst thing about brass instruments that nobody ever talks about.

[Travis McElroy]

I happen with drums. Doesn't happen with drums.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't have a spit valve.

[Torrin]

I've seen him empty it out before. It is quite gross.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like hell on earth. It's impossible. They. They should have uninvented them right the first time that they were like, and this is the spit valve. They should have found a fire and thrown them all in there and be like, uninvented.

[Travis McElroy]

Forget it.

[Justin McElroy]

Forget how to do this one.

[Travis McElroy]

I know we reference this a lot, but if someone can come up with, like, a Fremen suit for brass instruments where somehow it feeds back into the.

[Justin McElroy]

Player while they're doing it, that would be amazing.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a closed loop.

[Justin McElroy]

You can play forever.

[Griffin McElroy]

Imagine I'm grooving on my own piss right now. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

[Travis McElroy]

I love that album.

[Justin McElroy]

So when my brother said, I'm grooving on my own piss, did that.

[Travis McElroy]

Did that. Did it help you?

[Griffin McElroy]

When I said that, did that help your walk? That's fucked up.

[Travis McElroy]

It's true.

[Justin McElroy]

It's so weird that that helped you, but you're nodding and give me two thumbs up, like, I love it. Okay. Yes.

[Audience Member]

Awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so, so much. And thank you all so, so much. You all have been absolutely incredible. If we could take the house lights down so we can't see you anymore. Amazing. We love you, and you've been fantastic, but.

[Audience Member]

Hi.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hello.

[Travis McElroy]

I just want to say this has been an amazing way to end the 20 Faunkalore tour. You guys have been an amazing audience.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. For sure. It's been a wild, sad week, and y'all made it. Made it fun.

[Travis McElroy]

We.

[Justin McElroy]

We have been here so many times to Milwaukee, and it has never not felt like it rips out every fucking time. Yeah, man. It feels so especially so nice. I love it here.

[Travis McElroy]

We have ended a lot of, like, tour weekends in Milwaukee where it's been like, the third night of a tour, and every time, like, you said the shirt, like, and then you come out and do it, and you're like, you guys are so.

[Justin McElroy]

I know it sounds like bullshit, but it's. We live.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. It's the last tour. Is the last show the tour. So we can be honest about all the other cities.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you all so much. Thank you to the Pabs for having us. This place fucking rules. Thank you to Paul and Amanda and Rachel and Sydney Dean, who designed our incredible poster for us.

[Justin McElroy]

If you want one, make sure you buy one. Okay? You won't be able to get one again.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's one of my favorites. It's so good. Thank you to Paul and Rachel and Amanda for helping us put on this show.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you to our dad, Clint McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you to Clint McCarthy.

[Travis McElroy]

Clint McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you To Montaigne for the use for a theme song My life is better with you. It is a certified club banger.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin, do you want to read the wish?

[Griffin McElroy]

The final fungalore wish of season.

[Justin McElroy]

Let's get a nice sound. This is our last sound bath.

[Travis McElroy]

We're gonna make it real big. You ready?

[Justin McElroy]

Ready.

[Audience Member]

I wish my friends would all become lactose intolerant. So I'm not alone.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother. My brother and me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Paul]

It's better you better. It's better, better with you, my life, it's better. It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it true?

[Paul]

It's better. It's better with you, my life. It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum fun A worker owned network of.

[Audience Member]

Artist owned shows supported directly by.