MBMBaM 746: Long Gone Daddy with Fists of Steel

Summary

Podcast Summary: My Brother, My Brother And Me – Episode MBMBaM 746: "Long Gone Daddy with Fists of Steel"

Release Date: January 20, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy

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Introduction and Opening Remarks

The episode kicks off with the trademark humor of the McElroy brothers, immediately setting a lighthearted and comedic tone.

• Griffin McElroy [00:00]: "The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed."

This self-deprecating joke serves as a playful disclaimer, typical of the show's informal style.

Main Topic: Navigating Imaginary Relationships

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing a listener's query on how to maintain an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend without falling into the pitfalls of creating elaborate and unsustainable fantasies.

• Justin McElroy [06:18]: "My question is, what reason can I give to write a background check on myself?"

The trio dives deep into the complexities of inventing an imaginary partner, offering a blend of sincere advice and comedic banter.

Key Discussions and Insights:

1. Creating Believable Backstories

   • Griffin McElroy [22:14]: "Inventing an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend is easy. All it takes is imagination."

   The brothers emphasize the importance of crafting a consistent and plausible backstory for the imaginary partner to avoid suspicion and maintain believability.

2. Balancing Reality with Fiction

   • Travis McElroy [28:00]: "There's a lot of fish. I wish, Justin, that you had the scientific capabilities to interview one of those fish."

   They discuss the thin line between sustaining the fiction and keeping it grounded enough to fit into real-life interactions without raising red flags.

3. Plausible Deniability

   • Justin McElroy [23:27]: "Plausible deniability. Like where people were like this guy and this, this, and yada, yada, yada. I legitimately do not recall if that was the case or not."

   The concept of plausible deniability is introduced as a strategy to navigate conversations where the existence of the imaginary partner might be questioned.

4. Social Implications and Mental Health

   • Griffin McElroy [24:24]: "Like, okay, cool. Where it's like, oh, I drive a. I want to say red. Like, you know."

   The discussion lightly touches on the social pressures and personal insecurities that might lead someone to invent an imaginary relationship, blending humor with genuine concern.

Notable Quotes:

• Justin McElroy [06:27]: "This is a lot of work."

  Reflecting the often-overwhelming effort required to maintain an imaginary relationship.

• Griffin McElroy [25:34]: "She's from London, England, so to make her feel comfortable, I have gone metric."

  Highlighting the lengths one might go to in order to keep the fictional persona consistent.

Secondary Segment: The Great Greeting Debate

Towards the latter part of the episode, the brothers engage in a spirited debate about appropriate greetings based on the time of day, especially in contexts that blur conventional boundaries, such as working overnight shifts.

• Travis McElroy [40:28]: "What do you guys think about have a good one?"

They explore the ambiguity of phrases like "good morning" and "good night," considering scenarios where traditional greetings might feel out of place.

Key Insights:

1. Contextual Greetings

   • Justin McElroy [42:14]: "If you think this, it's a judgment on the person. I think because what you're really saying is have a good rest of your day."

   Emphasizing that greetings should align with the context and the state of the person being addressed.

2. Alternative Phrases

   • Griffin McElroy [43:40]: "Give them a direction, like, strong morning, brave morning."

   Suggesting more personalized and actionable greetings to foster genuine connections.

Notable Quotes:

• Griffin McElroy [42:28]: "I love 'have a good one.'"

• Travis McElroy [43:05]: "Hang in there."

These quotes illustrate the brothers' preference for versatile and supportive phrases over traditional time-bound greetings.

Conclusion

The episode wraps up with the brothers acknowledging the humorous and unconventional paths they've taken throughout the show. While the bulk of the content focused on navigational advice for imaginary relationships and the nuances of greetings, their signature humor and camaraderie shine through, leaving listeners both entertained and thoughtfully engaged.

• Justin McElroy [65:13]: "This has been my brother. My brother being Kiss your dad square on the lips."

A classic McElroy send-off, blending absurdity with affection, ensuring listeners are left with a smile.

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Final Notes

Episode 746 of "My Brother, My Brother And Me" masterfully balances comedic elements with genuine advice, maintaining the show's beloved blend of humor and heartfelt discussion. Whether tackling the intricate logistics of imaginary relationships or debating the subtleties of daily greetings, the McElroy brothers deliver content that is both entertaining and thoughtfully crafted.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? 1, 2, 3.

[Unknown]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels live it's better it's better with you My life Ah, it's better it's better with you this is true it's better it's better with you My life, it's better with.

[Justin McElroy]

You hello and welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Vroom, vroom. Trav Nation. It's me, your middlest brother, Big dog. Woof, woof. McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

That could be thunder. Or the sound of a car engine. That is far away. I'm Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

I forgot to say Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's Travis. I'm realizing, well, and that's Griffin.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin's in my. Griffin's got shotgun and we're gunning it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And just when I'm in the trunk.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm in the trunk. I'm in the boot, if you will. I'm. You know, I'm realizing I had this moment, this chilling moment when we started recording and we were doing our introductions. And then I let my mind drift as the human mind off does to the off outroductions. And I realized, I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't know how that's gonna happen.

[Justin McElroy]

We did it again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. So let's not.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, I included a fungalore wish.

[Justin McElroy]

No, can't do that. That was last year.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we do it like. Can we say it's like instead of a wish to fungalore. It is a question to make the car go.

[Justin McElroy]

It's absolutely a question we should have had on the production meeting that we did yesterday.

[Travis McElroy]

No, but you know, Justin, art is a living thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Art's alive and we should live within it. Like Osmosis Jones.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, exactly. Osmosis Jones. That's a man without fear, that is.

[Griffin McElroy]

He's living faster than fear.

[Justin McElroy]

For sure. Now, Travis, it's been a little bit. You were traveling. How are you doing? How are you feeling?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm traveling faster than Fear, Justin. Thank you for asking. I'm feeling great. I'm over my strep throat. I did have a day. Speaking of Osmosis Jones, where one day, and this was like before I started my antibiotics, where suddenly. And I didn't even have a fever, but it was like my fever broke and I felt like 25% better instantly. And my first thought, I shit you not, was there's an Osmosis Jones in there fighting the.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just blasted.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, Somebody just got absolutely melted by an Osmosis Jones. And I feel better.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it could have been him. It could have been David Hyde. Pierce zapped. Thrax, if you'll remember, was the bad guy in Osmosis.

[Travis McElroy]

Tylenol, I think. Who killed Anthrax?

[Justin McElroy]

Who is like a Tylenol that killed Anthrax now?

[Griffin McElroy]

But hold on. Thrax is just the name. He's not Anthrax. Because Bill Murray got it from eating a dirty. A monkey's dirty egg off the ground. There's a lot in that movie that reaches beyond the limits of my capacity to imagine. The scene where Bill Murray picks up a dirty egg off the ground and just gooshes it into his nasty mouth. Has really clearly stuck with his mouth.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a scene where there's a party in a bar inside a pimple, if I remember correctly.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not important.

[Travis McElroy]

The stuff that happens. What I'm saying is that I could try to explain this movie to someone who hasn't seen it and it's gonna sound like a fever dream or a made up thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

And he gets Anthrax from eating a monkey's dirty egg. I don't think that's how anthrax. I don't think that's where anthrax came from.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it was from the government. Mail went through the government light.

[Travis McElroy]

Publishers Clearinghouse.

[Justin McElroy]

Publishers Clearinghouse.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just fucking jazzing right now, guys. I'm loving it. After two whole weeks of basically telling the same joke over and over again.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm picking a new name for the year.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, what if.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, this is okay. This is actually really good. I was trying to figure out why I was feeling so creatively backed up. And I mean, literally, like, I could feel it in me. You know what I mean? Like the jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

The bio recorded.

[Justin McElroy]

My brother, my brother made a couple of times. Why didn't that slake my thirst? And it's like, well, you didn't do any jokes. No, you didn't do any jokes. And you barely were creative. Like, you know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

No. At that point we were pagliacchi ing around of like, people are laughing because of the sad clowns in front of them, but we weren't actually making jokes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I love this new podcast where a monk whips his back with the cat of Ninetales until God whispers the future into his ear. They did two of them this year.

[Griffin McElroy]

We can't.

[Travis McElroy]

We did it.

[Griffin McElroy]

And one day we'll forget. That's what I look forward to is forgetting about this.

[Travis McElroy]

The day in, like, 2032 when we're going back over the past years and then we get to 25 and we're like, a shiver.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, we'll remember the name. I'm saying a shiver will go up my spine.

[Justin McElroy]

What I need to know is, and what I think we should have clarified last week, and I will very briefly mention this and move on. Do we have an asterisk situation or is this a dual theme?

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely not a dual theme. Tummy Buddy Time stuff. I think we can drop in there with.

[Justin McElroy]

You're not even saying it right.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Tummy Buddy Life, I think, is going to end up being, like, one of those things where there was an interim, but they still get listed hypothetically. Amongst the things, you know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

Where it's like if a president, like, has to undergo surgery and be put under and it's like, for that hour, the vice president was president. That's like Tommy Buddy Life. But when we're listing it in, like, the proper.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would just assume, not mention.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a brief interregnum. No, no, no, no. Nothing more need be said.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

This is also an advice show. Well, we do need to set more things because we do need to say, well, we should have said more things.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently started working at a magnum PI Agency, and one of the things we do.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not what it. There's no way it says that. Right.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently started working at a PI Agency and pie. I recently started working at a raspberry PI factory.

[Travis McElroy]

And these dang things just keep hitting me in the face.

[Justin McElroy]

I recently started working at a PI agency, and one of the things we do pretty often is run background checks for clients. However, the more I run them, the more curious I get about what my background check would show. The problem is we do have to justify every background check. The confirmed story is someone ran a check on a very famous celebrity, me. And that understandably, raised some red flags with the site we use. We now have to justify every background check to the site and our bosses. Understandably. So.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

My question is, what Reason can I give to write a background check on myself? That's from Curiosity Kills the Cat in Pittsburgh. Now, I want to help you, but first I want to talk about this spy company. Listen, hey, pal, listen. I pay you for the spy stuff, all right? I can use that nasty spy stuff on anybody I want to. And I don't need you judging me about who I'm spying on and being a creepy sneak, okay? I pay you.

[Travis McElroy]

No, Justin, you're missing the point. As soon as you, the customer, say, give me a full background check, I'm like Tom Hardy. Now, there's a reason to do it, because that's money. But the employee can't just do it. Out of curiosity, if there's a reason. So you can. Justin. You can. You, Justin McRoy, as long as you pay them, I don't know, $5 or whatever, you can run your nasty, dirty background check on anybody you want to, no questions asked.

[Griffin McElroy]

Which does raise the question, if I can just go to a website to get background checks done on anybody I want, anytime I want. Why do I need a private investigator? Because it seems like, oh, you have.

[Travis McElroy]

To pay an annual fee to log into the thing, and they have the.

[Justin McElroy]

Bookmarks saved already, and the passwords are already in there. It's just like.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a long password.

[Travis McElroy]

I've done that. I ran background checks on you guys.

[Justin McElroy]

And also, if someone figures out what you're doing and they try to bring the heat to you, you need a real. A dick. A long gone daddy, fists of steel who can come be in your corner and help punch you out of a jam, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, for sure. This guy sounds cool. Tell me more about him.

[Travis McElroy]

Juice? Yeah. I was gonna go down an AV of, like, joking about background checks on you guys, but now I'm interested.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're more about this long gone daddy with steel.

[Travis McElroy]

This long gone daddy with fist of steel who's in my corner because I wanted to find out about Tom Holland or Tom Hardy or both of them. Are they gonna beat up Tom Hardy for me?

[Justin McElroy]

No, that's all the detective stuff that I know.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay, cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a long gone daddy with fist of steel.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a very selective miles of shoe leather.

[Justin McElroy]

It was from a Bruce McCullough song that I was remembering, and then I don't remember any more of it. So.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, you need somebody to hire your PI Company to investigate.

[Justin McElroy]

You watch us to watch me investigate the PI Companies. And that is what I'm offering to you.

[Travis McElroy]

Sharks, huh? So a public investigation company of the private investigators. There's a lot of private investigators. Where's the public investigator who just stands on a street corner like, you guys know? You know, Steve, there should be a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Free service that solves crimes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why haven't we invented that yet?

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you worried if you guys got a background investigation done on yourself? I figure there's three possibilities, right? One, there's stuff on there you weren't expecting. Stuff on there. Like, not stuff on there that should have been on there, or like, yeah, that's me. Which one of those three options is most satisfying to you?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, I would want it to be accurate. I would hope. I wouldn't want it to have a bunch of. I don't want it.

[Travis McElroy]

It doesn't feel fun. Like, if I wanted a background check and I got a background check, and I was like, yeah, that's it.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, what do you want to be on there? I guess, Trav, I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

Find out a secret about myself. I didn't know.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I always hope for? They don't. You don't see this as much because the Internet, but when I was a kid, they used to publish these big lists of people that the government owed money to. Oh, yeah, get this money. We got the money for you. Come get it. And I would love to discover something like that. That would be great. If they're like, secretly, the government has $400 for you. No problem.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I've talked about before, I think on the show, Griffin and I have very similar Social Security numbers. And that's because apparently our parents didn't get me one when I was born. And then Griffin was born, and they were like, we'll just get them both done at the same time.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's efficient. When you got three rowdy boys, sometimes you gotta look for little corners you can cut.

[Justin McElroy]

And, hey, folks, before you start judging our parents, they didn't have, like, cell phones. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Travis McElroy]

Because for a long time, I was like, that seems shady. Because they didn't let me leave the hospital with my kids until I had one. And that apparently didn't start until, like, 1997. But for a long time, I was like, there's a story off the grid.

[Justin McElroy]

If I started talking. If we started talking too much as kids, they didn't have an iPad they could give us. They had to do it the old fashioned way. Just turn the lights off, put his face down, face down on the carpet, then run out of the room real fast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mr. Beast wasn't even alive yet.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mr. Beast. Mr. Beast was dead. He was unborn.

[Justin McElroy]

Our Mr. Beast was Mr. Bean. That's how Mr. Beast was just Mr. Bean.

[Travis McElroy]

Because Mr. Bean. Mr. Wizard. Mr. Beast.

[Griffin McElroy]

Our Mr. Beast was an old man who would show up at your house and give you a check from the Publisher's Clearing House.

[Travis McElroy]

And we laughed.

[Griffin McElroy]

That was our Mr. Beast. He didn't do anything fun. He didn't make blood sports for everyone to compete in.

[Justin McElroy]

What reason could there be?

[Griffin McElroy]

I got enemied. And there's a version of me out there walking around. Maybe you've seen them. They are getting a lot of fights and they run a lot of stop signs and they're getting me in a lot of trouble. So I need to check my background because I have forgotten which one of us is the real one.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh.

[Griffin McElroy]

I watched Enemy on a Plane and I think that's what happens in that film.

[Travis McElroy]

It's just called Enemy.

[Justin McElroy]

Is it called Enemy on a Plane?

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not called Enemy on a Plane. That would be cool. It would be a much more condensed version of the film if there were two Jake Gyllenhaal's on the same plane. To be fair.

[Travis McElroy]

Enemy plane.

[Griffin McElroy]

We don't have to look for each other.

[Travis McElroy]

That's how I feel every time I get on a plane and somebody immediately hits me weird. And I'm like, that's my enemy on this plane. Whatever that. I see them out of the corner of my eye. What a. They're making faces when a baby's crying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Truly unhinged Way to live your life.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys don't do that. You don't create a little kayfabe wherever you go.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't need rivals. Like, I already have so many haters crawling out of the woodwork to come and grab my stash.

[Travis McElroy]

Sometimes it's nice to just have a little private ire towards where you're saying, I don't like that person. They'll never know it.

[Justin McElroy]

I have the. I have something like that. And it's the opposite. And it's called getting through the day. And it's where I have to tell myself, you love this person. You're all just trying to get through.

[Griffin McElroy]

Everyone's doing it.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, I'm not gonna act on it. It's not like. And I've decided to say so. It's just like when they do something makes me feel superior to them. Travis, you gotta not hate judgment.

[Justin McElroy]

Your thoughts have energy, right?

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

You're telling your heart that with your brain.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I'm Powering the plane with my energy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some people are really susceptible to that stuff.

[Justin McElroy]

Some people are, Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

I would be a big energy guy.

[Justin McElroy]

Have you noticed that, Trav, he's got more of that. He's more of an energy guy.

[Travis McElroy]

I mean, look at him. He's doing jazz hands.

[Justin McElroy]

Ooh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis, even you saying that gave out a pulse. Gave out a pulse. A different vibration. And I'm feeling it now. And I gotta say, it put a bad taste in my mouth.

[Travis McElroy]

So what you're saying, Griffin, is that I'm sending negativity to you, and you're feeling it.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're doing it right now to me right now, and I'm picking it up with my dish.

[Travis McElroy]

Tell your boss you're looking for a new job and you're worried about what's gonna show up on your background check. And then if it's bad, tell your boss. On second thought, I guess I'll stay here.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm worried about some stuff that may or may not be about to come to the service. And this is for you. Because if I'm in your employ when this stuff comes out, it's not good for anybody. And then. And then at the end of the day, you're like, remember earlier? I just want to say, psych, psych, psych, psych, psych, psych, psych.

[Griffin McElroy]

Gotcha. Got you, got you, got you.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's another question.

[Griffin McElroy]

Please.

[Justin McElroy]

How do I show a hairdresser what kind of hair I want without showing them a photo of Sonic's dad from the Sonic movies played by James Marston. That's from Sonic 3 is 4 out of 5 stars.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's good. That's a great rating for that. That film's so stupid and so much fucking fun. I can't recommend Sonic 3 enough.

[Justin McElroy]

Am I gonna see Sonic 3 by myself?

[Griffin McElroy]

Did you see Sonic 2?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Yeah, you gotta see Sonic 3. Love this little guy. I can't get enough of him.

[Travis McElroy]

Why not show him a picture of James Marsters?

[Griffin McElroy]

James Marsters is a different guy.

[Travis McElroy]

Marsden.

[Justin McElroy]

It's one of the hardest things to remember in life is which one each one is. And this is something that we all struggle with all the time.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I think if it's T. If it's Marsters, they're coming from the top. If it's Marsden, it's a bear in a den. That's how I remember.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's the good mnemonic device. You could show them. I'm just spitballing here. A picture of James Marsters from James Marsden.

[Travis McElroy]

I Did it too.

[Griffin McElroy]

You show him a picture of James Marsden from any other project. If I could recommend what is the jury show? Jury duty. That's a good one. He's great in that.

[Travis McElroy]

What about just a series of James Marsden from different thing? Like, and I could look like this guy from X Men or this guy from Sonic or this guy from Superman Returns.

[Justin McElroy]

They're like, hey, these are all James Mars. That's weird.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, now that you mention it, that is weird. Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

What incredible, incredible hair James Marsden has. My looking at, it's consistent. It's so rock steady, but it looks stylish.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like Rocksteady in a shaggy way. It's amazing. Like, it looks like it always looks great. I mean, this is what I'm like aspiring to and can never juice.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think you're juice, honestly, I think you are. You are close. Getting closer all the time. I'm looking at your hair. I'm looking at James Martin hair. It's not that different.

[Justin McElroy]

The problem is James Martin hair in the Sonic movies is not consistent. He's growing with Sonic, isn't he? As Sonic.

[Travis McElroy]

Like an emotional hair.

[Justin McElroy]

If you compare Sonic 1, Sonic's dad to Sonic 3, Sonic's dad, I feel like as the radical attitude of Sonic has.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, it's teaching him.

[Justin McElroy]

Is teaching him, helping him to grow. I think he's got a little bit more of a waterfall in the back. Uh huh.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's fun. God, he looks so cool, Sonic.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. James Marston has hair. Like in a video game where you're building a character and like Stardew, for example, and you put a haircut on him and it's like, that's their hair.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the platonic hair.

[Travis McElroy]

Every time you see them.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is standard hair.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I love about James Marston?

[Griffin McElroy]

Tell me now. There's a lot I'm getting worked up.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. As here's what I love about James Martin is that it all seems attainable. A lot of guys. Yeah, a lot of guys. You look at these Brad Pitts, you know, you're like, never different.

[Griffin McElroy]

Different Echelon.

[Justin McElroy]

You look at James Marsden and folks, if you don't do this, you're going to laugh. But you look at James Mars and there's something about him where you're like, maybe, maybe if I. I guess I could. Hmm. I guess he's approachable, right?

[Travis McElroy]

When in reality you don't mean approachable like approachable and like talkie to you. You mean approachable. I could approach that level.

[Justin McElroy]

I Could. You know, it's like, I think most straight white men want to be James Marston, but they can't realize when they've gotten there, and they just keep pushing past.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they want to be George Clooney, but they would be happy to be James Martin. That's not true.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not true. I don't want to be him in the same way, I don't want to be some sort of space angel. Do you know what I mean? Like, I can't be a horse. I can't just become a unicorn.

[Travis McElroy]

I see.

[Griffin McElroy]

But James Marston, if I put a.

[Justin McElroy]

A lot of work.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of work into my opinion, like, yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, if I put.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't know, man. He's got a jawline.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not. But the fact that you're right is immaterial.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I see what you're saying.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I'm saying?

[Travis McElroy]

It's a mental.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a mental thing. Right?

[Travis McElroy]

But I also think that makes it easy to root for James Marsden, because it's like, he's like one of us. You know? Like when someone, like, you're watching whatever. The one where. Oh, what's his face? Marky Mark. Mark Wahlberg gets to play for the Eagles, and it's like, he's one of us. He's made it. When I see James Marsden out there doing it, I'm like, yeah, man. There's a handsomer version of myself, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. It's so wild that this super handsome dude that got to be Cyclops in X Men. I'm still like, come on, James. You can get there. You can get him.

[Travis McElroy]

But you're rooting for James. What? But you're rooting for James Marsden.

[Justin McElroy]

He's in, like, the only movies people go see anymore. He was in X Men.

[Travis McElroy]

He's super Superman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Superman.

[Justin McElroy]

His hair is great.

[Travis McElroy]

Superman.

[Justin McElroy]

He's fine. He's doing just fine.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I mute hard enough for long enough, do you think I could get a James Marston chin?

[Justin McElroy]

I'm going to say yes, even though the answer is no. But I feel yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think I know how to do it.

[Travis McElroy]

So he's a Sigma Chad is what you're saying.

[Justin McElroy]

I can't get into labels.

[Travis McElroy]

Is James Marsden a Sigma Chad?

[Griffin McElroy]

I can really stretch my neck muscles out like a fucking frog. Are you guys seeing this shit?

[Travis McElroy]

When I'm mew. I feel like I'm just hiding a gross anthrax egg in my mouth.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, I'm gonna.

[Griffin McElroy]

I got a wiki do you wanna talk more about how handsome and talented and funny James Martin is? Cause if you do, we'll save that.

[Travis McElroy]

For the Patreon exclusive.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's the thing. I feel like, you know, in my brain I have a number of likelihood of most people whether or not they could ever like be on an episode of Clubhouse or something.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And I. James Marsden's is like weirdly high. Like in a way that I don't think reflects reality, but like not at all. I'm like at a 30%, like a 20% chance.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

That we could get James Mars.

[Travis McElroy]

Weird. That. That feels right.

[Griffin McElroy]

He has really cast a spell on you, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

20% is low. I will remind you.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it. If someone told you you had a 20% chance of winning the lottery, you'd be buying a ticket every day.

[Griffin McElroy]

And those two are.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, this is all equivalent. I mean. Griffin, tell me about your wiki. Tell me about your wiki.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hadn't done one in a while. This one was sending by a lot of people. A lot of people sent this one and I do appreciate it. And it's how to have an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Inventing an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend is easy. All it takes is imagination. Yeah, no shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, dude. Well, of course it depends on, I would say what your end goal is because you could have a. You're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. You could have a non imaginative imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I'm saying if I'm trying to have an imaginary partner in order to convince people I have an imaginary partner, then maybe a powerful imagination is actually detrimental.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's true.

[Justin McElroy]

Wow, that's true.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. So maybe this whole article we're about to read is gonna be wrong and it's just gonna be like, don't say anything about them. Keep it open and empty so that you can not get caught at any point. Let's start out with create your partner beforehand. Have a firm grasp of who they are, where they're from, what they do, et cetera, before sharing them with anyone. So that's the opposite of what I just said.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

So maybe I was. I think maybe let's go with the wiki on this one. Cause they probably put more work into thinking about stuff.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you imagine if you decided, I'm gonna convince my co workers that I'm dating someone and you show up and you're like, yeah, I started dating this new person. And then you spend an hour and a half listing off everything about them and then they're like, how long have you guys been dating? And you're like two weeks.

[Griffin McElroy]

Two weeks. It's been a passionate. Mostly text based. Mostly text based relationships.

[Travis McElroy]

You listed off their height in centimeters. Yeah, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Those are the kinds of things that are important when you're getting to know someone.

[Griffin McElroy]

She's from London, England, so to make her feel comfortable, I have gone metric. Don't give yourself away by taking the time to think up lies on the spot. That's true. I've been watching a lot of traitors. I think I'd beat ass at that show because I can always tell if someone pauses for even a microsecond. I catch that shit like bull. I catch that shit like bull.

[Justin McElroy]

Easy, Mike.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait.

[Travis McElroy]

Like bull from night Bull.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bull from bull.

[Justin McElroy]

Bull from the movie Bull. I A lot we show as well. I. My secret talent in this area would be if I was trying to like trick people with this kind of thing is that I genuinely don't remember a lot of stuff that people or don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

You have plausible deniability.

[Justin McElroy]

Plausible deniability. Like where people were like this guy and this, this, and yada, yada, yada. I legitimately do not. I do not recall if that was the case or not. And I feel like that would be enough of a smokescreen. Like, I believe I do have a Canadian partner of some sort.

[Travis McElroy]

What province? I don't know, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know what they even called make it memorable. I guess is what Justin is saying. Like, pick a name like Jameson Hard Rock. And like you won't forget. You won't forget that.

[Justin McElroy]

Or start forgetting important stuff months out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, okay, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Where it's like, oh, I drive a. I want to say red. Like, you know, like, oh, about yourself too. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Where you.

[Justin McElroy]

Where if people later, months later are like, tell me about your boyfriend and you go up on details.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's like that's. That's par for the course.

[Travis McElroy]

Them.

[Griffin McElroy]

You That's.

[Justin McElroy]

You often forget.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's helpful for a lot of stuff too, I imagine. Yeah. Not just.

[Justin McElroy]

It's called. It's called lowering expectations.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And it's probably my superpower.

[Griffin McElroy]

Keep your partner believable. Expect people to ask questions about them. Keep your answers grounded in what you know for sure. Expect people to ask questions about them as interesting because as is what you know for sure. Right.

[Justin McElroy]

Them not being real at all.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't know that when someone says, I'm dating someone new, I might ask a couple questions. I don't think I'm gonna get that deep into. What province are they from?

[Travis McElroy]

I also, if you are someone who feels the need to invent a partner to convince people you have a partner. The idea that you're gonna seamlessly slip it into conversation in a way that makes people ask a lot of questions is also expecting a lot from you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. This is interesting, though. Cause as an addendum to this point, it says either give your imaginary partner an upbringing similar to your own so you can speak about it with authority.

[Travis McElroy]

Or grow up in my house, you are me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or model them on someone you know well enough to borrow a plausible background, like a best friend, roommate, or cousin. That's troubling.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe not someone's troubling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Their name. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

How did I meet them? Our dads are brothers.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their name is Susan McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

No, it's cool, man. We did 23 and me. And it's four people back. So it's four.

[Griffin McElroy]

So it's five.

[Travis McElroy]

I think that's cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

Use the truth whenever possible. Bolster stories about your partner with real details. Huh? If you tell people about a date or day trip you went on with your partner, use places you've actually been to.

[Justin McElroy]

Real details from stuff you've done.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

It's really good. This is kind of lying 101. I love all this. I think this is all great stuff. This person is overcomplicating it, though. I have found with the rapid growth in Hallmark original Christmas productions, that you really don't need to go through all this trouble.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

If you look around, there is probably someone pretending to be a boyfriend or girlfriend near you at any given moment. You can hop into one of these productions.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Like that. You don't. That's scripted. You know what I mean? Or if you fake it long enough, imagine eventually people are going to start filming scenes with you.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

For inclusion in a Hallmark.

[Travis McElroy]

And if there's one thing. If there's one thing I've learned from movies and TV shows, it's that especially if you want to move up in the corporate world, they feel more comfortable giving those kinds of jobs to married people. It's all they seem to talk about in movies. So you should be able to just find another person in that similar position. Right. And just say, like, hey, you also want to be like, CEO of a company. I do, too.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

But we need to be married before they'll let us do that.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're so far outside the purview of this question. You're so lost in the sense of the.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that's right in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Getting married, Having a sham marriage is actually not involved with how to have an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend.

[Travis McElroy]

That's an easy one. Just roll up wearing a wedding ring one day and say, I'm married.

[Griffin McElroy]

You are still so far outside of your jurisdiction in this question and what it's trying to do.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, I didn't mean to cross state lines.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm just saying it's asking how to imagine a boyfriend or girlfriend, and you're saying how to have a sham marriage.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, I once again point out, Griffin, that the title isn't how to convince other people that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Right, because this is not a good way to do this.

[Griffin McElroy]

This could be fun. Yeah, no, this could just be a fun little exercise for you. Give a good reason for their absence when you create your imaginary place. Space.

[Travis McElroy]

They're in space. They're astronauts.

[Justin McElroy]

Not that they need space.

[Travis McElroy]

No, they have too much of it, frankly. They're up there in it, and they're not gonna be back here for 45 years. Actually, they are traveling to Mars.

[Griffin McElroy]

My boyfriend. You mean Dr. Gideon Strongfoot? He's in outer space right now on the iss.

[Travis McElroy]

He's gonna be hurt. The space elevator doors just closed. He's on his way up, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, wait, he's getting a call from him now. I can't hear you over the loud space toilet. Dr. Gideon Hardfoot.

[Justin McElroy]

This is gonna be hard for you to understand, but he is currently hurtling away from me, but he's going to perform what's called a temporal pincer maneuver. He's gonna slingshot around the sun through a black hole, and he's actually gonna be here in time for dinner with us. Cool. But if he's not here now, he will be here later. But in this reality. Listen, it will just change. Outer space, really far away.

[Travis McElroy]

As long as you're imagining this partner, why not go the full. Go the whole nine yards and tell him the absence. The reason my partner's not here. They're a vampire. Can't come out during the day. That's a real problem for them. At night, he's hunting and protecting me from the werewolf faction that's always trying to. And then they're like, what? Vampires aren't real? And you're like, neither's my boyfriend. So now who looks stupid?

[Justin McElroy]

But it's like, if you're gonna suggest stuff that they clearly said in the question you can't do, then you are really not living within sort of the strictures that have been granted to you. Like, they did say to not make it imaginative. And you're like giving them leathery bat wings so they can rule over.

[Griffin McElroy]

So they can fight blood and live forever. It's a fantastical world, and I think it's great. But again, it's slightly outside the purview. Can you point to a little earbud you have in your ear and say, it's a her? It's a her. I can't. You won't be able to see them because I've got a her in my ear from the movie Her.

[Justin McElroy]

So we're inventing to impress people. You're inventing an AI Girlfriend.

[Travis McElroy]

Vampire. Out of the question. AI Girlfriend, that is.

[Justin McElroy]

Now we're the big boss upstairs.

[Travis McElroy]

Go a different way. And they're like, how come we've never met them? And be like, well, it's pretty rocky. Things haven't been going very well between. It's not a good relationship with a bad relationship.

[Griffin McElroy]

People won't ask questions. That's actually really good. No one's going to ask questions after that.

[Travis McElroy]

How are you actually doing, Samantha?

[Griffin McElroy]

We simply do not like each other very much.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but neither one of us is ready to pull the trigger on it.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, you know, be consistent. Come up with one story, the tale of my amazing new partner, and stick to that. One story with everyone. You know. They put it in question.

[Justin McElroy]

Did you write that title of that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Story or did they go come up with one story, Parentheses quote. The tale of my amazing new partner. Quote.

[Travis McElroy]

What's that, Susan? You'd like to hear the tale of my amazing. Sit down by the fire.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me favor you with it. Susan.

[Travis McElroy]

Derek, play upon the pipe. Accompany me. Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

A tale. I know.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, they suggest keeping a diary of events you've done. Also keeping up to date with weather in the city where they live so that you could talk about. Well, she's trapped in the freak blizzard. It's what it says.

[Travis McElroy]

Starting to feel like a lot of work.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is a lot.

[Justin McElroy]

I gotta tell I wish. If you want to convince people you're everybody. If you want to convince people you're not weird and you're normal, you got to stop doing weird things like you got. You're trying to convince people that you're a normal, cool person.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's all we. And that's all we need. That's all we want. For you on this show.

[Justin McElroy]

You have to live within that truth. And for me, that means not looking at the weather in the city where your imaginary girlfriend lives. That's why you're weird. You have to stop doing things, trying to be weird.

[Travis McElroy]

Enough that you become cool is not going for it.

[Justin McElroy]

Exactly. Like, I'm so off. Like, no one goes so off the rails that they find themselves back on other rails where they're like, I'm so, so weird that everyone thinks it's, like, cool and working for me.

[Travis McElroy]

I convince everyone I'm cool by being so weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

This next step seems.

[Justin McElroy]

God, I was impossible.

[Griffin McElroy]

Tick tock.

[Justin McElroy]

That would have been such a huge sound. Fuck. TikTok.

[Griffin McElroy]

Do you think it's still gonna be there by the time this episode come out?

[Justin McElroy]

By the time this episode is up. This is.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm thinking there's a last minute Hail Mary.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hail Mary for sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Save it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Come on. So this one's impossible. Enlist someone you trust to help coach them on who your partner is, what they look like, how they interact with people, what they like, and what they don't like to talk about. If I had this person in my life, I wouldn't need to invent an imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. If I had someone who I could trust so deeply that I could get them in on the con of my imaginary boyfriend or girlfriend. Any sort of intimacy, needs, or human connection that I need. I have that incredible friend.

[Justin McElroy]

Could you. Could you thread the needle on a romantic comedy where a guy insists the help of his girl best friend in inventing a girl girlfriend?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And he doesn't see the girl that loves him is right there because he's so busy inventing a girlfriend that doesn't exist.

[Travis McElroy]

That is definitely a movie. That already is.

[Griffin McElroy]

10 movies.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, here's what's more interesting, right? Especially if your coworkers are like, have been in relations for a while or married. Don't invent a fake boyfriend or girlfriend. Invent a fake potential boyfriend or girlfriend that you're like, oh, there's some sparks. Right? Like, I don't know, I really like them. I don't know how they feel about me. That's interesting. There's tension there. Once you're, like, in the relationship, after a while it's like, okay, cool, man. Please stop talking about this.

[Justin McElroy]

That's also all I want to hear about too. You're like, oh, I'm 44. If you like. You think there's something sparkle with you and the flinty coffee shop guy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Great, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Hear about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Especially if I start to suspect you're making it up, then I'm going to get even more.

[Justin McElroy]

Then I want every single detail.

[Griffin McElroy]

This next step is where I think it maybe goes too far. And it is to give your partner an online Presence.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, here is.

[Justin McElroy]

You've lost me. You're catfishing yourself. You're Matt Fishing. If your name is Matt.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah. You're just fishing. I think at this point you're actually.

[Travis McElroy]

Putting catfish into the water is what you're having.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. What is that called? You're opening up the plane, dropping thousands of pounds.

[Travis McElroy]

You've set up your own like, trout cannon or whatever they're called, seeding the pond.

[Justin McElroy]

I saw that happen once when I was a reporter for the Iron Tribune. I was there when they drew this, brought this huge stupid truck and they sent a reporter man, this huge stupid truck to the back of Lake Vesuvius. They just opened it out and there's about a million of the most fucking confused fish you've ever seen in your entire life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Plastic out of it. What a party, guys. There was probably 200 fucking people just like, yeah, Woo. And I was one of them. Cause that's amazing.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's a lot of fish.

[Travis McElroy]

So many fish. I wish, Justin, that you had the scientific capabilities to interview one of those fish. Because the story they're gonna tell of like, I don't know, man. Like, I don't know what's happening. I don't know where I am. I hope God's fascinating.

[Justin McElroy]

Guys, if you are good at Internet and you start digging through the Ironton Tribune website, you could probably find a picture that I took of with a headline.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't. Fuck no, man. It was wild.

[Griffin McElroy]

Look at all these fish.

[Justin McElroy]

Check this shit out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's go to the money zone.

[Unknown]

It's better. It's better with you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll tell you who's really got my number, who ran a background check on me and knows everything that they need to know to do what they need to do and do it right. And that is Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix I've been using for a while. Always look forward to getting a box of duds. But using Stitch Fix taught me about my personal style. And so I found some brands elsewhere that I found. And I liked the clothes, liked the way it fit. You know what's happened, guys? Stitch Fix has started to send me stuff from those freaking brands. They've got me so dialed in. Their oracles, their fashion oracles have seen my future and they know exactly what I like.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I try something real quick?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's the thing about these duds. They're no duds. What do you think?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I like it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

These duds aren't duds. There's probably a cleaner.

[Griffin McElroy]

These duds Aren't duds.

[Justin McElroy]

There's no duds.

[Griffin McElroy]

No duds here.

[Travis McElroy]

No duds in these duds.

[Justin McElroy]

No duds.

[Griffin McElroy]

So all of that was to say that Stitch Fix is good at what they do, and that is sending you stuff to try on, and then you keep what you want and you send.

[Travis McElroy]

Back what you want and they all explode.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't explode. Explodes.

[Griffin McElroy]

What?

[Travis McElroy]

Explodes with fashion? Cause they're not duds.

[Griffin McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Come on. Oh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Like, these are live fire. These are fireworks.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I know it's not there.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't actually think. Let me see. Hold on.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The copy doesn't mention anything about jazzing up their whole brand and what their whole identity is. It doesn't say. Let me. No, there's some stuff in here about, like, you get a stylist and then they figure out your style. Yeah. But it doesn't say anything about Jazz up a tagline for us, Travy. Well, no, that's implied.

[Travis McElroy]

There's an assumed surface.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

I do like Stitch Fix a lot. It's got personal styling, too.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm wearing Stitch Fix right now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yes. I have Stitch Fix jeans on. And they've always. They know what makes my tuchus work. They do personal styling for everyone. Get started [e-mail] brother. That's stitchfix.com brother.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, eating great, nutritious stuff, it doesn't have to be hard. It can be easy, actually. And that's a surprise to you at this point in your life, you've been told lies. That's right. I'm here to tell you the truth about Marley Spoon. Hi. You want to fast track your way to eating well without the stress? Check out Marley Spoon. They give you over a hundred recipes to choose from every week. They got cozy comfort food like a beef stroganoff or maybe something a little lighter fare like a more like Strogan on salmon and creamy mustard dill sauce Traybake. Imagine they just launched a new 15 Minute Express Recipes. That's gonna be great for me and my busy family. They put three of these on the menu every week. You got a few extra minutes to spare. They also have 20 minute options, too, if you want to. You're pressed for time, but.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah?

[Travis McElroy]

Do they have anything from Martha Stewart?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, they got at least two of Martha's incredible recipes every single week. And if you're, you know, Gotta check that. If you don't trust Martha, who. Who can you?

[Travis McElroy]

Do they have any recipes from French Stewart, that is.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they do.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Actually, they Won't he ghost wrote a lot of these. That man's got a palate you would not believe this.

[Justin McElroy]

New year, fast track your way to eating well with Marley Spoon. Head over to Marley spoon.com offer/mybrother and use code mybrother for up to 27 free meals. That's right. Up to 27 free meals.

[Travis McElroy]

Like a whole year.

[Justin McElroy]

One last time. That's Marley's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's.

[Travis McElroy]

Not.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Last time. Yes. I love Marley's food. I eat two every month.

[Griffin McElroy]

They send you these two week turbo meals. Each one worth 140,000 calories.

[Justin McElroy]

They stuff you up so bad.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man, you couldn't believe it.

[Justin McElroy]

And if you try to stuff. If you try to slice it up.

[Travis McElroy]

They know in one they won't send you anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

They're never gonna do this again. We always fuck up. There's not enough advertisers for us to keep doing this. We gotta stop doing this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Marley. Okay, let's be clear then. Marley Marley Spoon doesn't send you giant brick like 120,000 calorie turbo meals. They send you normal meals.

[Justin McElroy]

Head on over to marleyspood.com offer mybrother and use offer code my brother for up to 27 free meals.

[Griffin McElroy]

And make sure you use our promo code, my brother, so they know we sent you.

[Justin McElroy]

When should I stop telling people to have a good night? I work overnights at a truck stop, typically from 10pm to 6am and my heart says morning starts at 5am because that's the time they announce a new day. Animal crossing. But it feels weird to wish people a Good night at 4:30am Am I wrong about when morning starts? Is there a time neutral way to wish someone well? That's from time sensitive in Texas.

[Travis McElroy]

I wanted to talk about this because this. I have a couple and I know these are me weird hang ups about this. And one is like, good morning feels like such a greeting. Good night feels like such a. Like parting.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

It also feels weird at like 11:30am that I would say good morning.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But then it's like, well, afternoon is until afternoon. Like, there's so many of like, weird.

[Griffin McElroy]

It feels weird.

[Justin McElroy]

Is it weird that if you walk up to someone at a truck stop and they're like, good morning. You'd be like, oh, good morning. If you walk up to someone at a truck stop and they're like, good night.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love you.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

Should I leave? No. Good night.

[Travis McElroy]

Good night.

[Justin McElroy]

What do you. Do you want me to Should I go?

[Griffin McElroy]

But there's a different this isn't good night. This is.

[Justin McElroy]

But if they say now explain this one to me. Good evening. Oh, if they say that, that's fine.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't let them in.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good evening is welcoming. Good night is get out of here. Have a good night is a blessing. Have a good night has a power and an intention behind it. And I think that it's really strong and I love a have a good night. I'll take a have a good night.

[Travis McElroy]

Over a good morning in your life.

[Justin McElroy]

I think this is what Griffin is, is hitting on here, right? I think it's about what's in front of you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

So if you, if you think this, it's a judgment on the person. I think because what you're really saying is have a good rest of your day.

[Travis McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Justin McElroy]

If this person seems to be starting their day, that makes sense. But if they seem to be wrapping up like heading to bed, then it's good night. But I think it's contextual to the person.

[Travis McElroy]

That's interesting. What do you guys think about have a good one?

[Griffin McElroy]

I love have a good one.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, have a good one.

[Justin McElroy]

Have a good one.

[Travis McElroy]

As like you finish your transaction at this truck stop. You say have a good one. Could be have a good drive. Have a good sleep.

[Justin McElroy]

Have a good night, Have a good morning. That's probably my number. Have a good one is like for me it's some combination of have a good one. Hang in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, stay safe, stay safe, stay safe, stay safe, stay safe. Keep your head on a swivel.

[Justin McElroy]

Keep your head on swivel.

[Travis McElroy]

Keep.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, and if I like the person sometimes they're gonna keep it sleazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Or take her. Take, Take her sleazy.

[Justin McElroy]

Take it sleazy. That's a good one. That's.

[Travis McElroy]

Have fun out there.

[Justin McElroy]

Hang in.

[Travis McElroy]

Hang in there. Hang in there. Chinna.

[Justin McElroy]

Hang in there. Is a good one. Cause I think everybody needs to hear that. Like I think everybody would welcome Hang in there. It's a good confirmation that your situation requires hanging in there.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll tell you where we could really improve this whole thing. Cause obviously the fabric of society is just unraveling before we speak.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm working.

[Griffin McElroy]

We gotta fuse it back together and make a little bit more connection in our life. Instead of good morning, let's swap out the good part for something more direct or actionable.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh my God. Strong. You're like bad morning.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying either, Justin. I'm saying give them a direction, like, strong morning, brave morning.

[Justin McElroy]

Ooh.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then you're telling them, like, you should be brave this. Be brave today.

[Travis McElroy]

Have a powerful day.

[Justin McElroy]

All I ever want is for us to just. Now, a lot of our, like, the things that we say are from sort of our naval or mariner history. And it's especially common in cultures.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you mean about, like, us as McElroys, our naval history, us as a people.

[Justin McElroy]

And, like, I feel like I always am very drawn to greetings and stuff about the sea. Right. Or the winds.

[Griffin McElroy]

May the wind. You know, Fair winds, may the winds.

[Justin McElroy]

Fair winds, Fair winds Find you on the Sea of Advent, you know?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Even you saying that there gave me douche chills. Juice. If I'm being honest, if anyone hit me with a Fair Winds traveler.

[Justin McElroy]

Fair winds. No. Okay. But if I walk into a truck stop at 2am and the person behind the counter is like, fair winds traveler, I will. I'm good. That will help me out immensely. I would be fucking stoked, actually. And I will probably linger. Cause that's pretty cool.

[Griffin McElroy]

As a shopkeep.

[Justin McElroy]

As a shop.

[Griffin McElroy]

As a vendor or shopkeep. You can hit me with a Fair Winds traveler.

[Justin McElroy]

Fair winds.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. How many times would they have to say, greetings, weary traveler, before it becomes so natural for that?

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't like there's a greetings. No, an innkeeper. A hotel manager could hit me with a greetings, weary travel. I will turn around. I will get on hotels tonight. I will find different lodgings.

[Travis McElroy]

You'll have your bones by the Slurpee machine.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't need that.

[Travis McElroy]

Come in. Sup upon our pretzel dolls.

[Griffin McElroy]

If it's gonna be novel, it has to be a goodbye, because I need to be out of there. I need to know that I'm not about to hang out with.

[Justin McElroy]

If it's a goodbye, though, you've opened yourself up to, like, the. Sorry. What'd you say?

[Travis McElroy]

What was that?

[Justin McElroy]

And then you have to be, like I said, fairwinds traveler. May rise's glory keep thee. Sorry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rise's glory keep thee. Yeah, but then you get. You know what you do? Juice. You can leave then because you're done with that. You don't have to hang out in that moment.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Travis McElroy]

But you don't swear with a stew in it.

[Justin McElroy]

Regardless.

[Travis McElroy]

If you hit him with greetings and then say, fair winds traveler, I feel like you've started to set things.

[Justin McElroy]

You've opened the door to them. Being a character.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Where you're like, ah, greetings.

[Justin McElroy]

It is good, Travis. That's good. That is good. If you open, if you give someone a little hint that, like, hey, I'm kind of a cut up.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You're gonna want to watch out for me. I've got.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think you can animate it. You can't be like, ah, greetings. Oh, greetings. And then you can hit them with fair winds traveler right at the end.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And they're like, oh, there's a bookend here. Now the pattern makes sense. Now, when they pay, you'd have to say, that will be 20 coin of the realm. And just see how that.

[Griffin McElroy]

See, you're making me uncomfortable.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm taking silver.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it's fine.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you willing to barter? I'll take three chickens for this Slim Jim.

[Griffin McElroy]

I need to be warned before going into this business that there is going to be some creative anachronism taking place inside of it, or else it is entrapment. If there's a sign on the door, if it's decked out like a tab and there's chickens outside the gas station. I know. Like, okay, going in here, it's gonna be a medieval times experience for me and my kids, then that is okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I roll up and it's just a Sunoco. And then there's just a sign on the bathroom door that says privy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

But that's the only thing in the whole place.

[Griffin McElroy]

You pop into a 711 and there's a sorcerer behind the counter. I'm not ready. I wasn't ready for that.

[Travis McElroy]

But I love it. It depends on how long I've been traveling at that point. If I'm 10 minutes away from my.

[Justin McElroy]

House, how weary are you?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm not ready for that. If it's like hour eight of the drive and there's a sorcerer at the 7 11, I'm good for another four hours of driving.

[Griffin McElroy]

4Am 4am Feels good to me.

[Justin McElroy]

I think it's six, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Good dog. 6am Sunrise. I think it's sunrise because then it's dawn and then it's morning.

[Justin McElroy]

6Am is the. Is for me, the cutoff. Where if we have like, a flight the next day for tour, and I know that I have to wake up before six.

[Travis McElroy]

That's the problem.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're waking up the night before.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a problem. Like, this is a huge. It's like, I'll recheck that. Like, I certainly am not doing this math right. I can't be Waking up before. Before 6am that's not right.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but all joking aside, guys, it's midnight, right? Night, dawn, morning, afternoon, evening.

[Justin McElroy]

You're trying to quantify something that can't be.

[Griffin McElroy]

There is no. There is no time.

[Travis McElroy]

Night ends when the sun comes up.

[Griffin McElroy]

When does Evening begin?

[Travis McElroy]

Afternoon. 5:00. It's 5:00 somewhere.

[Justin McElroy]

Afternoon. You said afternoon. That's interesting.

[Travis McElroy]

Afternoon.

[Griffin McElroy]

So maybe there's not a firm limit. It's all abstract. It's all. This is what we're talking about.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, but we know that like the sun goes down, night begins, the sun comes up, day begins.

[Justin McElroy]

If someone at 4:30 is like, have a good night.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Enjoy the rest of it.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's 4:30, it is time to go. If I'm up at 4:30, it's the next day. If I'm in the gas station at 3:30, maybe I have. I'm coming home from a very long shift.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's the problem. It's a societal problem and not a time problem.

[Justin McElroy]

We need to problems with our society.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. We need to start having indicators that let me the shopkeep know if you're heading home or heading out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Right. So that way, if you're heading home right after a night shift and you're going to bed, it is night for you. You're going to bed, you've just woken up and it's still early, it's morning for you.

[Justin McElroy]

Normally this would be very difficult, but you are, as a truck station attendant, one of the is supremely well positioned to see what they're putting in their body. Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cool.

[Justin McElroy]

If you're my grandpa Dan, when he was up late driving for the railroad and he would stop at a truck stop, he would get a chocolate milk and a big bottle of Excedrin for the caffeine and for his headaches. That's what's his thing. If I see someone getting a big bottle of Excedrin and chocolate milk, they're not going to sleep. You know what I mean?

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure about that.

[Justin McElroy]

They got a lot of.

[Travis McElroy]

His best vehicle for caffeine was Excedrin.

[Justin McElroy]

I know. Yeah, I know. That's why he's such an unhappy person.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I chug a ball, we should just have.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

What I want a mud squad. I want too Munch Squad Squad. Welcome to Mud Squad. As podcast and podcast profiling, the latest in grace and brand eating. I got two big stories. That's why I had to cut us off previously. I got two big stories. Here's the first One Pop Tarts. Krispy Kreme. They're doing it, huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Pop Tarts beginning today for a limited time at participating shops. And I don't have a Krispy Kreme in Huntington, so I'm probably gonna have to drive to Charleston. Pop Tarts is doing a Krispy Kreme collabo. Krispy Kreme popping off the new year with three insanely tasty new donuts. We got a Pop Tarts frosted strawberry donut, which is an unglazed shell. Always so appetizing when they put it that way. Filled with strawberry filling, dipped in shortbread icing and topped with shortbread pieces, sugar sprinkles, strawberry filling drizzle, and a frosted Pop Tart bites piece.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's a lot of shit, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Justin, can I have a moment to say something about these donuts and pop tarts? 1. It's really blurring the lines because this is in a wild. Like, Pop Tarts and donut are not that far apart. They're friends in the, like, if I'm breaking down by species, phylum, kingdom, whatever. Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And so to say we put strawberry icing and, like, a cream cheese topping. So now it's like a Pop Tart donut. And even looking at this picture, at least for two out of the three styles, they've gone to the effort of just gluing on a little pop Tart.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, yeah, the little pop Tart fascinator on some of these is what I really want to get to.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I love that.

[Travis McElroy]

But the third design, you don't even get that.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, that's true. But it's a donut based on a Pop Tart. So, like, I don't know what you.

[Travis McElroy]

But you can't tell me. Strawberry icing, the new thing in donuts.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'S strawberry filling, a shortbread icing with pieces of shortbread on it.

[Travis McElroy]

This just feels so corporate.

[Justin McElroy]

They don't make Pop Tarts bites.

[Travis McElroy]

This doesn't feel inspired the way that donuts normally do. This feels like a cash grab.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a cash grab. That's true travel. That's actually like, wow, I hadn't even thought about that.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man. I think they're just doing this to sell donuts. I don't think this is about the.

[Justin McElroy]

Passion for, like, I expect better from Kellanova, a leader in global snacking, international cereal and noodles.

[Travis McElroy]

Usually they're in it for the heart, you know, they have the heart.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, the heart.

[Travis McElroy]

A snacking company, they're doing A bound.

[Justin McElroy]

Sugar one and a chocolatey fudge donut one. Krispy Kreme and Pop Tarts are coming together for the very first time. And you know the result will be crazy good, says Dave Skinna. Krispy Kreme, chief growth Dave, chief growth officer.

[Griffin McElroy]

You need to pick a voice for Dave Skana. Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, Dave Skinna's voice, can I tell you, Count Donut does it is different from the Dave Scanna voice.

[Travis McElroy]

When I do it, it actually, for a second I thought, why is this so weird to me? And then I realized Count Donut is not. Excuse me.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Krispy Kreme and Pop Tart fans will love kicking off the air with this delicious collaboration. Now, what is check in with Kellanova? What do they have to say about this?

[Travis McElroy]

Pop Tarts aren't just for the toaster.

[Justin McElroy]

They can infuse culinary creativity to delight consumers. Krispy Kreme has done an incredible job of bringing this opportunity to life, combining their iconic donuts with the beloved flavors of Pop Tarts to create a truly one of a kind experience for fans of both brands. We're proud of this partnership to bring crazy good to donuts and donut lovers in unexpected ways.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you. Words mean things. And saying a one in a lifetime, once in a lifetime experience, once in a lifetime. The idea that I'm gonna eat this donut and then begin to weep because nothing will ever match that exact experience again. That's like, this is. I'll never know this again.

[Griffin McElroy]

I also love when a press release refers to me as a consumer. That's awesome.

[Justin McElroy]

Cause that's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That makes it feel like this press release should be barking at me from a loudspeaker in the corner of my house. And every morning they deliver a hot and fresh. Oh, hey, who's this?

[Justin McElroy]

You know who that is?

[Griffin McElroy]

That's. It's one of the Mannings.

[Travis McElroy]

The younger Manning, I believe. Elijah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, When I start to. When I start this. Before I start this press release, I just. I got this up for you guys. You could just kind of tell me what's happening here while I pull the press release.

[Griffin McElroy]

Looks like Eli Manning is holding a bottle of Hidden Valley Ranch.

[Travis McElroy]

A human bottle of Ranch is holding a real bottle of Ranch.

[Griffin McElroy]

Eddie squirted either some of himself or the Ranch dressing bottle onto a big pepperoni pizza.

[Travis McElroy]

And his face and body language is a shrug.

[Griffin McElroy]

He is making the littlest stinker face I've ever seen.

[Justin McElroy]

Now what do you see?

[Travis McElroy]

He's apologizing like, I don't know, let's.

[Justin McElroy]

Get more details though. Let's get more details, guys. What else do you see? Give me more clips.

[Travis McElroy]

What else you got? Hidden Valley Ranch has partnered with Pizza Hut to make a signature ranch pizza. And then I see just down here at the bottom, Justin, score a one of a kind resin encased collectible and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then you've cut off.

[Travis McElroy]

Is it bottle of ranch or pizza or Eli Manning? Get a resin encased Eli Manning. No, a pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

A resin encased collectible Pizza Hut pizza that Eli Manning has signed with ranch dressing.

[Travis McElroy]

Holy shit. That's what we're seeing scrolled across the pizza.

[Justin McElroy]

So we've got three images here that you can use for this one of these three for the big game you gotta have big prizes. Yeah. And the new Easy Squeeze bottle from Hidden Valley Ranch is so exciting and powerful.

[Travis McElroy]

Can you scroll back up?

[Griffin McElroy]

The second image is killing so fucking good, man.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh my God. Even the 10 other winners prize. Can I tell you the 10 other winners will receive a year's supply of Hidden Valley Ranch and Pizza Hut pizza.

[Justin McElroy]

So you wanted me to scroll back.

[Travis McElroy]

Up just real quick.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what you want? You want to see the perfect picture?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. So here's. These are images you could use I guess to tell your friends like we could win this or we'll use this. Right, Right. So the first one is just the picture has the logo and then ranch on one side, pizza on the other. And then the third picture bottle of ranch pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

The middle one sitting on a yard line on a football field.

[Travis McElroy]

The middle one is a very close up of just a hand holding the pizza. As if to say in case you're wondering what it was looked like when Eli Manning will scrawl his name in ranch. A little something like this.

[Griffin McElroy]

Some clumsy, I will say layer mashing happening in the photo edit.

[Justin McElroy]

They are changing the game with the launch of their brand new Easy Squeeze bottle. Making it even easier to add ranch flavor to everything.

[Griffin McElroy]

I will say that's next level. I fucking hate that I have to put ranch dressing bottles upside down where they then rest on the very small nozzle end of the bottle top. Heavy the whole time threatening to fall over.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm willing to that here Easy squeeze actually translates to we used thinner, cheaper plastic so it's easier to crush it in your hand like a Coke bottle.

[Justin McElroy]

That's good. To celebrate, they are teaming up with Pizza Hut and football legend Eli Manning to create the one of a kind Hidden Valley Ranch signature pizza delivered by Pizza Hut. This unexpected collectible is a crave worthy.

[Travis McElroy]

Pizza Hut unexpected It's doing a lot of work there.

[Justin McElroy]

This unexpected collectible is. Yeah. Forbidden.

[Travis McElroy]

It should probably say this unforeseen collectible. Ungodly, unimaginable collectible.

[Justin McElroy]

This unfathomable collectible is a crave worthy Pizza Hut pepperoni pizza autographed by Eli Manning using the precision and control of the new.

[Griffin McElroy]

The precision and control afforded by these easily squeezily bottles.

[Justin McElroy]

Easy squeeze bottle preserved in resin for eternity.

[Travis McElroy]

You haven't tested that Pizza Hut. Certainly you don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could encase this ranch covered pizza in a 10 by 10 foot lucite cube and I would still be able to smell it. You could put this motherfucker in carbonite. I would smell it from the other room.

[Justin McElroy]

Psa, the largest and most respected third party authentication and grading company for trade. Oh, sorry, PSA is the name of it. This is not a public service announcement.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool.

[Justin McElroy]

Psa, the largest and most respected third party authentication and grading company for trading cards memorabilia, will authenticate the prize pizza. And they're. Yeah. Like. Hey Vicki, you won't believe the day I had today. I had to watch Eli Manning sign a pizza with ranch and then sign a paper that said. Yep, he did it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that sure is that one.

[Justin McElroy]

Our new bottle design is a game changer for ranch lovers. Making it even easier to enjoy every drop of Hidden Valley Ranch without the mess.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think about ranch dressing coming.

[Justin McElroy]

In drops, it's more of a stream.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a viscous, there's a viscosity, there's no dropping that's going to happen.

[Justin McElroy]

If a recipe called for five drops of ranch, you wouldn't quite know what.

[Griffin McElroy]

You would lose your mind.

[Travis McElroy]

Also imagine if someone said, oh yeah, baseball. This new innovation's a real game changer. We made it a little easier to swing the bat. It's not really game changer.

[Justin McElroy]

The game has changed for ranch lovers though. I think it's fair. Yeah. Because the bot one lucky winner will receive the one of a kind Hidden Valley Ranch signature pizza encased in resin. And the 10 runners up are will receive a year's supply of Hidden Valley Ranch and a Pizza Hut pizza. To create your own signature moments.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, but you gotta think about one, the taxes.

[Justin McElroy]

How much I need in a year?

[Travis McElroy]

The taxes you're paying on winning that pizza. You're gonna end up having to give back at least 30% of that pizza. But also when I win that resin encased Eli Manning signed pizza, do they also provide free security for me and the pizza for life? Because I'VE just become a target. You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

You have a one of a kind piece of art. There's. Yeah. And are they gonna look after you?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what I'm saying.

[Travis McElroy]

Who's gonna keep me and my family safe? Hey, Elijah. Crystal pizza.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's a question. Who pays the taxes on this pizza?

[Travis McElroy]

That's what I'm saying, Dustin.

[Justin McElroy]

Is that my problem? Do I have to deal with that?

[Griffin McElroy]

You gotta stop Eli Manning. You have to stop zooming into Eli Manning's face.

[Travis McElroy]

That face is actually saying very clearly, I'm not responsible for this.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, guys. Thank you. So you can go get that pizza if you want. I will say.

[Travis McElroy]

Or you can just buy a pizza.

[Griffin McElroy]

And sign it yourself.

[Justin McElroy]

On the actual thing, the website, it says that the pizza is dehydrated and you should not consume because it won't be safe to eat. Do you know how sad it is that they have to hedge against the possibility? They're only doing one, so they have to hedge against the possibility that the one singular pizza they make like this is going to end up in the hands of the one person on earth. It would be like, yummy, yummy.

[Travis McElroy]

You guys remember that heartbreaking scene of the Walking Dead where they were all out of food and the only thing left was their Eli Manning signed pizza? And they had to break open the resin.

[Justin McElroy]

It's dehydrated. That means we have to mix it with zombie piss.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought the show took a weird turn in season 33.

[Justin McElroy]

They mixed zombie piss with Eli Manning's.

[Travis McElroy]

Dehydrated resin and they used zombie Eli Manning zombie piss to do it. It was a good cameo. I can't believe they got him.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's still some good episodes. The whole original cast got up already. There's still some good episodes. The Eli Manning Lucite pizza arc was lost me a little bit, but the.

[Travis McElroy]

Robot stuff is great.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's great. And Negan, we're loving him.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you've enjoyed yourself. I know. I've enjoyed getting to to record it. I'm very excited.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, Florida or Flo Rida.

[Griffin McElroy]

February 20th, Flo Rida wanted to come to our shows.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? February 20th and 21st, my brother, my brother, me and Taz are gonna be in Tampa. It's our first live Taz in Florida. And then February 22nd, my brother, my brother and me is in Jacksonville, Florida. Tickets are on sale now. More info and ticket links go to Bit Ly Mcelroytours we got a new.

[Griffin McElroy]

Plush that we been working on in collab with U2's it's a Miggy plush, Miggy mackerel from the McElroy family clubhouse, a streaming program you can watch on our YouTube channel every Tuesday. It's only available for a little bit, though. It's only available till January 28th. So go to miggy.u twos, that's Y-O-U-T-O-O-Z.com and grab yourself one of these while supplies last.

[Travis McElroy]

Speaking of, there's only a couple of Champions Grove packages left. It's the gaming event that I put on now in its second year, Memorial Day weekend. It's fun.

[Justin McElroy]

I did it and I liked it. And you're not better than me.

[Travis McElroy]

There you go. So go to championsgrove.com for all the information and to see the remaining packages. Also, we've got a wake up and do good shirt in the merch store. And all proceeds from that shirt go to the Transgender Law center, which organizes, assist, informs and empowers thousands of individual community members towards a long term national trans led movement for liberation. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Palestine Children's Relief Fund.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thank you so much to Montaigne for the UT's our theme song. My life is better with you. Let this powerful music start your year off so. Right. And then let's end the show very quickly. Let's just end the show very quickly. We don't know. We don't have the thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe we should each share personal fear.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, go ahead.

[Travis McElroy]

Juice.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice had it.

[Justin McElroy]

That's all, folks.

[Travis McElroy]

You do still need to say your name, though.

[Justin McElroy]

No, I don't want to say that. I don't want to put my name on something that doesn't have an ending.

[Travis McElroy]

You know what I mean?

[Justin McElroy]

Like, I really am proud of the whole episode.

[Travis McElroy]

Could we recreate, like if we recreate.

[Justin McElroy]

Recap the episode?

[Travis McElroy]

Yes, recreate. Like imagine like we're going to create a sound bath, but it. It's the three of us getting into a car, turning on the engine and driving away really fast. Like, you think we could make the sound of that?

[Justin McElroy]

We already did sound bad. And we did it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And we did wishes.

[Travis McElroy]

And now we could do the distance by cake. Acapella.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, let's just. I mean.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I mean, let's just.

[Justin McElroy]

No bad ideas.

[Travis McElroy]

He's going for stun. That was sort of beef. Adventures. All alone. All alone. All alone. In his time of reluctantly crouched at the starting line.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's not gonna be it.

[Travis McElroy]

By the end of the year, it's gonna be sick. We're gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

We'll figure it out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother. My brother being Kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Unknown]

Is it better with you? It's better it's better better with you My life It's better it's better with you Cuz it's who you are it's better it's better with you My life.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better with you Maximum Fun A.

[Griffin McElroy]

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