MBMBaM 748: Gooped and Gagged, Dad

Summary

MBMBaM 748: Gooped and Gagged, Dad - Detailed Summary

In episode 748 of My Brother, My Brother and Me titled "Gooped and Gagged, Dad," hosts Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy delve into a variety of humorous and relatable topics, ranging from childhood experiences in youth sports to the quirky world of candy marketing and the perennial challenges of gift-giving. This episode, released on February 3, 2025, showcases the brothers' signature blend of wit, camaraderie, and unconventional advice.

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1. Justin's First Basketball Game Experience (00:30 - 06:00)

Justin McElroy shares his unexpected experience attending his first basketball game, where his child, Charlie, was involved as a cheerleader. He poignantly captures the innocence and unpredictability of youth sports, highlighting the low-scoring nature of fourth-grade basketball games.

Notable Quote:
Justin remarks at [02:46] (02:46): “I didn't think I'd make a cheerleader, but who knows?”

The brothers humorously discuss the dynamics of parent involvement in youth sports. Travis muses about the challenges fathers might face when participating in roles typically seen as less conventional for dads, such as cheerleading or scorekeeping. Griffin adds levity by questioning the necessity of parental presence in these scenarios, emphasizing the harmlessness and simplicity of watching young children play.

Notable Quote:
Travis jokes at [03:10] (03:10): “Do you think that's how mom and dad felt when you were the scorekeeper for the elementary school basketball?”

Through their banter, the McElroys reflect on the joys and minor frustrations of supporting children in athletic endeavors, all while maintaining their characteristic humor.

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2. The Quirky World of Candy Naming (06:00 - 09:00)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to dissecting the often bizarre and unappetizing names of various candies. The brothers express their disdain for names like "Cow Tales," "Goobers," and "Nerds," questioning the logic behind these choices and how they impact consumer perception.

Notable Quote:
Justin criticizes at [07:38] (07:38): “Why do they call this fucking candy Cow Tales? That's the grossest imaginable sort of textural comparison I feel like they could have.”

Griffin elaborates on the marketing strategy behind such names, suggesting that they are intentionally unappealing to avoid being seen as indulgent or unhealthy. This leads to a spirited debate about the effectiveness of neutral or negative branding in the confectionery industry.

Notable Quote:
Griffin explains at [08:25] (08:25): “This is gross. The reason for this is that for the longest time throughout confectionary history, if you watch the foods that made us, you know, this candy making is seen as a sin.”

The discussion underscores the absurdity of certain marketing tactics and invites listeners to rethink their perceptions of everyday snacks.

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3. Navigating the Challenges of Gift-Giving: Knives and Vacuums (09:00 - 23:00)

A central theme of the episode revolves around a listener's dilemma: how to discreetly replace blunt and damaged kitchen knives belonging to their partner's family without causing offense. The brothers brainstorm a series of humorous and unconventional solutions, blending practical advice with their trademark comedic flair.

Notable Quote:
Justin introduces the question at [15:01] (15:01): “Being a good guest, I offered to make it dinner one night for Valentine's Day. This, it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Travis and Griffin contribute wildly creative ideas, such as sneaking superior knives into the family's kitchen or orchestrating elaborate pranks involving vacuums. Their suggestions, while impractical, highlight the lengths to which one might go to solve mundane household issues without direct confrontation.

Notable Quote:
Travis humorously advises at [22:20] (22:20): “They won't want to even risk it. They'll just live in filth.”

The segment is a blend of genuine problem-solving and over-the-top humor, embodying the essence of the McElroys' approach to everyday questions.

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4. The Vacuum Gift Prank: A Masterclass in Mischief (23:00 - 35:00)

Building on the gift-giving discussion, the brothers delve deeper into the idea of turning ordinary gifts into sources of humor and mild inconvenience. They propose sending neighbors vacuums disguised as thoughtful presents, complete with elaborate backstories and fictional product releases.

Notable Quote:
Griffin suggests at [28:55] (28:55): “An adoptable vacuum baby.”

Travis continues the jest by imagining a scenario where neighbors become unwitting recipients of these "vacuum babies," leading to comedic chaos. The brothers satirize marketing strategies by crafting fake press releases for absurd products like "soup drops," poking fun at corporate jargon and product launches.

Notable Quote:
Griffin mocks at [30:29] (30:29): “That's so fucking cool.”

This section is a testament to the brothers' ability to transform simple ideas into elaborate comedic sketches, engaging listeners with imaginative and humorous content.

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5. Fear Sharing: Overcoming Personal Anxieties (50:00 - 57:30)

Towards the episode's conclusion, the McElroys shift gears to a more personal and introspective segment where they share fears they aim to overcome. This heartfelt moment adds depth to the episode, juxtaposing their usual humor with genuine vulnerability.

Notable Quote:
Justin confesses at [56:50] (56:50): “I'm gonna stop being afraid that I'll let my kids down.”

Travis follows with his anxiety about taking too much melatonin and its potential side effects, while Griffin remains supportive and encouraging. This exchange fosters a sense of intimacy and relatability, allowing listeners to connect with the hosts on a more personal level.

Notable Quote:
Griffin advises at [57:27] (57:27): “I think that's a decent thing to not be afraid of but to be like observant of.”

The segment underscores the importance of acknowledging and addressing personal fears, reinforcing the show's advisory nature even amidst comedic chaos.

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Conclusion

Episode 748 of My Brother, My Brother and Me encapsulates the McElroys' unique ability to blend humor with heartfelt advice. From dissecting the oddities of candy marketing to navigating the tricky waters of gift-giving and confronting personal fears, Justin, Travis, and Griffin offer listeners a delightful mix of entertainment and insightful commentary. Their camaraderie and quick wit ensure that every topic, no matter how mundane, is infused with laughter and thought-provoking perspectives.

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Notable Quotes Recap:

• Justin at [02:46]: “I didn't think I'd make a cheerleader, but who knows?”
• Travis at [03:10]: “Do you think that's how mom and dad felt when you were the scorekeeper for the elementary school basketball?”
• Justin at [07:38]: “Why do they call this fucking candy Cow Tales? That's the grossest imaginable sort of textural comparison I feel like they could have.”
• Griffin at [08:25]: “This is gross. The reason for this is that for the longest time throughout confectionary history...”
• Travis at [15:01]: “Being a good guest, I offered to make it dinner one night for Valentine's Day. This, it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”
• Griffin at [28:55]: “An adoptable vacuum baby.”
• Justin at [56:50]: “I'm gonna stop being afraid that I'll let my kids down.”
• Griffin at [57:27]: “I think that's a decent thing to not be afraid of but to be like observant of.”

This episode is a quintessential example of the McElroys' charm, combining lighthearted humor with genuine advice, making it both entertaining and enriching for listeners.

Transcript

[Griffin McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Travis McElroy]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels like it's better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better, it's better with two it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, My Brother main advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Vroom, vroom. What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's up Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother and Justin McElroy impersonator Griffin McElroy. I just. We dress the same. We dress the same.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I'm regretting this hoodie and said I'm so warm.

[Griffin McElroy]

We look like an animorph. Going either from Justin to Travis or Travis to Justin and me in the middle.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like I just wear this shirt all the time, you know?

[Travis McElroy]

All the time until.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna wear this until I feel better. That's what I told myself and I've had it on for weeks. Hey, go ahead.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you. Well, let's let Travis finish taking his fucking shirt off now. The continuity's all fucked up now, Trav. We're a video forward organization.

[Travis McElroy]

But I wanted to wear a gray shirt like you guys.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's not. It's more. It's a dark gray and there's words on it. Graphic.

[Justin McElroy]

Charcoal.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay. Man, am I. You can see my nap line right across my forehead still. That's fucking embarrassing. Why are we a video? We're not ready for the the jump.

[Justin McElroy]

We're not video forward people.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

You know what I mean? Like, we're not video forward human beings.

[Travis McElroy]

We're audio handsome.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And even that is a stretch. You are a seven in audio.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Have you heard my voice?

[Griffin McElroy]

Anyone? Anyone can be.

[Justin McElroy]

I went. I had an unexpected experience. I didn't expect this would happen, but this weekend I went to My first. Went to my first basketball game where Charlie was cheerleading, leading cheers with the cheerleaders. I didn't think I'd make a cheerleader, but who knows?

[Griffin McElroy]

Here we are.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's the generation. Dad was a cheerleader.

[Justin McElroy]

Cheerleader. Right. She was cheerleading and they cheerleaded for some of it. And then a lot of it is just watching fourth graders play basketball.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. Until they don't tell you. Yeah. Do you think that's how mom and dad felt when you were the scorekeeper for the elementary school basketball? They loved watching you write down stuff in the book and they're like, the rest of it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm pretty sure I walked to the games. I feel like I walked.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't think mommies and daddies are required to watch their kids score or encouraged.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, no, it's. It's like a lot of it is just watching 4th graders play basketball and, man, it's awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's the fundamentals, ladies?

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, the fundamentals are, first of all, the thing you don't expect because you think it might be boring, you're wrong. Because the first thing you don't know is no one's going to score. Like, we're going into soccer territory. Like, we ended the first quarter of this game. Two.

[Griffin McElroy]

Two.

[Travis McElroy]

I was good.

[Justin McElroy]

So, like, every basket is a thriller. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You are also seeing basketball played at a level where even I can identify the issues, which makes it a lot more engaging. Right. I don't understand why, like, for instance, the spurs beat the Lakers. I don't know why that happened.

[Griffin McElroy]

No clue.

[Travis McElroy]

But it's a flip of a coin, as far as I know.

[Justin McElroy]

I do know Charlie's team was struggling with their one play, which was pass it to the tall kid. Let the tall kid not shoot it. Have the tall kid pass it to one of the short kids and they fall over. And that play, they executed that play 30 times in the game and they could not get any points up on the ball.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you gotta. And I know you're not a big sports guy, Juice, but some teams can't do it all. Some teams can only do. Some teams can only do one thing, but they do it in their special way, better than anyone else. Like the Mighty Ducks did.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I tell you the problem just real quick before we get too deep in the paint?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's true.

[Travis McElroy]

I was gonna make a joke of, like, yeah, some teams can't do it all, like, and then I was gonna say an NBA team that I think was safe to make fun of. I don't Even have that.

[Griffin McElroy]

What the bad one is.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't even.

[Justin McElroy]

You can say the Bills right now, but that feels.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not an NBA team at all, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I know, but it's like, if you're picking, like a team, I could just say Bills. Listen. So it's two. Two, right? We're getting down to the wire, and it's halftime. And they go out and do some cheers, which is great. I'm having, like, the other thing I didn't tell you. The clock doesn't stop and almost no fouls are called, which is a.

[Travis McElroy]

That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let them play that fucking trucks, dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely, dude. Like, they're not calling stuff because, like, they can't stop. So they're just, like, fighting over the ball and getting it back. And the game continues. Awesome comes about halftime. I'm thrilled. Like, so thrilled and excited.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, you found a fourth grade fight club. It sounds like juice.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I have rules.

[Travis McElroy]

Just right.

[Justin McElroy]

I have to get refreshments. So I stepped outside at the Boys and Girls Club and I went over to the refreshing stand and I did watch a lady drop a hot dog on her foot, which was good. And then I got a. Condiments.

[Travis McElroy]

Condiments.

[Justin McElroy]

Condiments. Mustard and chili. Sorry, I'm in West Virginia. So sauce, color of shoe, color of shoe before, color of shoe was the white. Air Force ones. No, it was the air force ones.

[Travis McElroy]

Did she make a noise? Did she give you a Or something.

[Justin McElroy]

When she did it? No, she got another hot dog out of it, which I enjoyed. But I got my nachos and a soda.

[Travis McElroy]

Nice. And a free ground hot dog for you.

[Justin McElroy]

And then I got to the door of the gym, and they're like. I had to wait for like 10 minutes, 11, counting the cleanup for the hot dog. And I got there, they're like, sorry, no drinks or food allowed at the gym. And I'm like, well, I mean, I bought them and like, I could see. So I just stood at the door of the gym. Just that one dad just standing outside, lurking outside the door of the gym, kind of half watching the game and eating nachos. Yeah, and he's really eating them fast, too. Like. Like his wife is giving him angry. Looks like he needs to get back in the room pretty soon. So he's kind of horfing the chips.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I think the name of the full name of the club is the Boys and Girls and hoops. Chomping down on a Good Dog club.

[Justin McElroy]

They had ring pops, too. Oh, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Cow tales. Yeah, Just chocolate Chocolate cow tales.

[Justin McElroy]

You're seeing those more and more. It's like a chocolate outside with a chocolate cream. Me, I need the biggest cowtail you got for me to even feel it. I don't need a pocket size one. It's like Charleston Chew Rules with me. I need it to look like a novelty you purchased at the airport.

[Griffin McElroy]

Give me a 50 yard spool of cow tails.

[Justin McElroy]

A joke of it. Make a joke of it.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, make a joke. Like a whimsically sized one.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a cowtail so big you could tell they've had to come up with new preservation techniques to make it all hang down.

[Travis McElroy]

They're going to call like a mammoth tail. You know what I mean? They're not just calling it a cow tail at this point. We're going to have to rewind that.

[Justin McElroy]

We're at it.

[Griffin McElroy]

We're at it.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Go off, King.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why do they call this fucking candy Cow Tales? That's the grossest imaginable sort of textural comparison I feel like they could have. When you eat a cowtail and it gooshes into your mouth, there's a part of your brain that thinks like, yeah, that's probably what it's like. And that's because they named the candy.

[Travis McElroy]

That also locational concerns of where the cow's tail is located on the. Yeah, yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

The business end.

[Justin McElroy]

This is gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Name for a candy ghost. Gross.

[Justin McElroy]

The reason for this is that for the longest time throughout confectionary history, if you watch the foods that made us, you know, this candy making is seen as a sin. So when you are a candy maker, you try to make your product seem as unappetizing as possible. So you have some of these names. Like, this is where you get, for example, cow tales. This is where you get goobers. You shouldn't be consuming this. It's a bazaar.

[Travis McElroy]

Nerds.

[Justin McElroy]

Nerds. It's a. It's a. Call it Razzles, you know. Oh, you want to eat candy, Henry? Oh, Henry, you disgust me.

[Travis McElroy]

I thought you were talking to Griffin's son.

[Justin McElroy]

No, like, oh, Henry bars.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I thought that was about. Because there was such a twist. You invite into it and you'd be like, oh, there's crunchy stuff in there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Those are bad names. I'm saying specifically Cow tales is like. And then the thing's a cow. And then the thing looks and feels kind of like maybe a shaved cow's tail. I don't know.

[Justin McElroy]

Marrow. Creamy marrow.

[Griffin McElroy]

The creamy marrow within itself.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I didn't know how much I was Walking a real fine line for how excited to get about the game. Right. Because if you're cheering a lot, then it seems like you're putting too much pressure on the kids. But if you don't cheer at all or the thing that I kept getting, I kept telling kids they need to take more shots on basket and they're really close. Like they're, they're right there. So I would kind of say like in the way you would at sport.

[Griffin McElroy]

Shoot shots on basketball, shots on basket.

[Justin McElroy]

The kids right there playing probably his first basketball game ever in his entire life. And there's this 44 year old guy like, shoot.

[Travis McElroy]

No, here's what you need to do.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool, man.

[Travis McElroy]

Bebe's been doing soccer for a couple years now. She's there, she's physically present, so you could say she's doing it. Oh, this is the same kid, by the way, that one day, middle of a play, walked off the field to me and said, I just feel like the other team doesn't care about our feelings. And I was like, okay, baby, you need to get back out there. Game's still going.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what the team said to each other in the locker room before every game in Friday Night Lights.

[Travis McElroy]

I just feel like they don't care. But here, all you gotta do, Justin, is learn like three or four other players, names of the players names and then say like, yeah, you got it, Jeremy or whatever. Like, oh gosh, don't do that. Go Josh. And then you seem engaged, but you only need to do that 10% of the time.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, shout their addresses too, Juice, while.

[Travis McElroy]

You dox them real gay.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. I don't think that. I feel like at a certain point.

[Travis McElroy]

You kind of figure out their like Minecraft handles.

[Griffin McElroy]

Get their Minecraft IDs.

[Justin McElroy]

This is, hey, this is an advice show, in case you haven't noticed. And we help people. That's what we do. That's our, that's our burden. You know what I'm saying?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, that's our cross debate.

[Justin McElroy]

Thank you, Travis. I wasn't going to get religious, but thank you.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, non denominational cross, Sorry, anybody?

[Justin McElroy]

General cross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, they crucified a lot of other.

[Travis McElroy]

This is what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

They never talk about this.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. There's plenty in Superman stuff like crosses are everywhere.

[Travis McElroy]

Crosses everywhere.

[Justin McElroy]

Templars.

[Travis McElroy]

Templars. That's one. Exes. I'm saying lowercase T's.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you think at some point I will stop inviting my wife to watch new Superman TV commercials? Like it is a limited first Run screening event that she's been exclusively invited to, where I have to adjust the lighting. Cause there was a new TV spot. And I was like, huh, Stop everything.

[Travis McElroy]

You have to do it with the same energy that your kids come up to you with, like a drawing or something they made, where they're like, look at this. And then you can go, oh, that's great. So when I bring a new Superman trailer to Theresa, I bring it like, Teresa, Theresa. Look, look. So she can go home.

[Justin McElroy]

You gotta bring out the energy, not expect her to supply it. That's a really audience. What? Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Audience at home. I just want to let you know that my whole family but me is so hard, rock hard for this flying man.

[Travis McElroy]

This one's gonna be it, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, listen to me. Please let.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rock hard. I don't get a chance to really let this out when we're, like, together. And so, like, I think it's. You guys are so rock hard.

[Justin McElroy]

This is the one.

[Travis McElroy]

Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Feel these rocks. Are they hard?

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Feel how hard these rocks are, Griff.

[Travis McElroy]

Feel how hard are the rocks that I've got.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's. But you guys will share the trailer in our text group and be like, iconic chills. And it's like flying in on the ground floor.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin. Before he takes it.

[Travis McElroy]

Before he takes off and you can't reach him anymore.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you know when he lands. When he lands and delivers July 11th. And he will. You know how embarrassed you're gonna be?

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm sure the.

[Travis McElroy]

Travis and I are like, rocks are half mast.

[Justin McElroy]

We delivered, like, we're gonna. When it. When he. When he lands and delivers on July 11th. We're not gonna let you forget it. We're not gonna let you live it down, because you're sitting here saying, it's gonna be trash, I believe.

[Griffin McElroy]

And we're like, I'm not saying it's gonna be trash.

[Justin McElroy]

I sound like you believe history's settled on this group.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm saying I have never sent anyone, family member or no, a cinematic movie trailer and been like, chills. I'm over. I'm gag. I'm gooped and gagged, dad. Shit.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin and I are willing to be hurt. That's how open we are to love.

[Justin McElroy]

Griffin. Griffin, I'm gonna tell you something. You think that you've seen all the different ages there are, but there's not. There's other ones. And when you see some of the others, you may want to look for things to be excited about. You may not want young people, millennials say, to kind of like rain in your sunshine. By saying that the man's not gonna.

[Griffin McElroy]

Huh. Am I the millennial? Am I the bad? Am I the bad guy in this scenario? I'm not saying the movie's gonna be trash. I bet it's gonna be great. I bet it's gonna be great.

[Justin McElroy]

I got Frasier paraphernalia, so I don't think I'm a millennial. I think that rules me out.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm a Cusp.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm a Virgo.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna kill people.

[Griffin McElroy]

I couldn't even say my own shit. Go ahead, Juice, let's do it.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays. Well, this one's been in the hopper a little bit.

[Travis McElroy]

It's still a good one. You know, sometimes the questions, they stay good no matter what.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.

[Travis McElroy]

You know how many decorations that you leave up through the winter? That's what this is.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. I'm staying with my partner's family for the holidays.

[Travis McElroy]

Could be Valentine's Day, maybe.

[Justin McElroy]

Being a good guest, I offered to make it dinner one night for Valentine's Day. This, it turns out, was a terrible mistake. Brothers, the knives in this kitchen suck. Immense shit. They're all blunt, and one has a huge bend in the blade. It's impossible to cut anything. I really want to buy them some knives that actually work, but I'm worried they'll come across as passive aggressive. How do I get them new knives without dishonoring the blade? Now we're talking. This is a question I'm equipped to answer.

[Griffin McElroy]

Good ass question, man.

[Justin McElroy]

This is a good question.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a good ass question.

[Travis McElroy]

I've been there. I mean, you stay in like a Airbnb or vacation home or something. You go to, like, Mesa, and you're like, what is this? And it's just like, there's like one, you know, like, it cost 3 cents when they bought it. Knife. And you're like, oh, no. And it's like, I'm more likely to chop my own finger off than cut.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't have. Scary. You pick up a knife that's cheap enough, it's scary to use it. Feels bad holding it now.

[Travis McElroy]

Have I cut myself just accidentally on my very sensitive, very nice chef's knife? Yes, of course I have. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

But it's a light cut. It's a.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a light. Oh, it's so clean.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not too clean. The docket.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is so clean.

[Travis McElroy]

Was this a scalpel? And I say, no, no, it was my fancy chef's knife that I grabbed wrong.

[Griffin McElroy]

But there is still something remaining in the life aura of the world. Something very feudal about, like if someone gives you a knife, it's like they're disrespecting your family a little bit. Like, you need this. Oh, you don't have a blade. You need a blade.

[Travis McElroy]

You can do one. I don't think you can do a whole set.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely not. A whole set.

[Justin McElroy]

But if you're gonna buy one knife, if you're gonna buy one knife for the person in your life that doesn't have any good knives, what knife are you going to get?

[Griffin McElroy]

Budget. Budget.

[Justin McElroy]

$50? No, a hundred dollars. A hundred dollars?

[Griffin McElroy]

A hundred dollars.

[Justin McElroy]

Well, you want something. Okay, but like, you don't want to go crazy.

[Travis McElroy]

Are you asking like Brandt? Because it's just a good chef's knife, man.

[Justin McElroy]

No, not a good chef's knife.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Not a chef's knife.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, yeah, I'll go.

[Travis McElroy]

Or a paring knife. A really good paring knife. They'd probably use more.

[Justin McElroy]

No, this is what I'm saying. I feel like you gotta have at least one really good serrated knife.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't buy a Sarah, how are you gonna cut up your sashimi?

[Justin McElroy]

Here's what I did. There's like a nakiri knife. Like Milk Street Maze. It's nakiri knife.

[Travis McElroy]

So you are talking like specific blade.

[Griffin McElroy]

He wants specific blades.

[Justin McElroy]

What shape? Like I want. I want. Do you want a chef's knife? One good chef's knife.

[Travis McElroy]

One good chef's knife.

[Justin McElroy]

That's like a hariba's feeling.

[Griffin McElroy]

Check this out. Pizza cutter.

[Travis McElroy]

Huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

The one, the really. The blade you need in your home is pizza cutter. I think one thing, it does cut pizza, but a lot of people don't know this. That's a really shar circular blade. It's basically.

[Travis McElroy]

You can cut tortillas with it. You can cut naan. You have a flatbread.

[Justin McElroy]

I have a TMNT pizza cutter. And I will say I do use it.

[Travis McElroy]

I have a pizza cutter where it's the red plastic over a circle that you have to separate to clean that I probably had for 20 years.

[Justin McElroy]

That's really great. I guess I wonder the times I have used knife though, and it was fine, like I didn't have any problems with knife. Knife works like really to cut pizza. Yeah, it's fine for pizza. You can pull it up.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

But the triangles get all fucked up if you. Cause no one has a 22 inch long knife like the triangles get all fucked up.

[Travis McElroy]

Holy.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel that. I feel like if you're using a rolling pizza cutter, by the time you're three quarters of the way, you're trawling through so much pepperoni and pepper, you're like, you've got a lot behind you, right? You're like tearing a big.

[Travis McElroy]

There's also a lot of. There's a lot of challenge to make sure you hit those lines intersecting perfectly in the center so you don't get one little triangle nubbin. Oh, so embarrassed.

[Griffin McElroy]

When you put two lines down, you've already decided if it's gonna be an eight or six slice situation, and you don't even. I hope you were thoughtful about that. I hope you were thoughtful about that before you went in for those cuts.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm gonna give question asker. This is the thing one of my brothers has used when doing something like this, and it works every time. Justin will get me kitchen utensils, and as he hands it to me or as I open the president, he'll say, it was rated the number one by America's Test Kitchen. And at that point, it alleviates any sense of judgment on my stuff, because it's not that my stuff is bad, it's that this one's the best one according to America's test. Right?

[Justin McElroy]

It must be better than this.

[Travis McElroy]

Is that this was number one by America's Test Kitchen. So it's like, hey, you know how you've been driving around in a car? Here's a private jet. Like, there is such a stagger.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be so much worse for me to have in my life.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like. I wish I'd learned earlier that a lot of times it's better to buy a good one that was made by people that give a crap, and then you use it your whole life. That's all I'm saying. I wish I'd learned that younger. But I think that is a nice gift. That idea is a nice gift. They say here you don't have to sweat knives anymore. Here you go. Now, the one thing other thing you could do is you get a nice knife that kind of looks like their knife, and then bring over a sharpening thing and be like. Like, don't use. One of the easier ways to sharpen. Use, like, the annoying ones with the barber strop. And then when they're not looking, when they're not looking, fucking chuck their knife. Just chuck it. And then bring out your knife and you're like, here you go. I think you'll find this to your liking. And they're like, wow, even the handle feels whatever. And then you could, you could also.

[Griffin McElroy]

Assuage a lot of sort of like concerns that you're being judgmental. If you do buy them a nice new knife and then you get their knife and then in front of them, you use the nice new knife to cut the old knife in half.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then they'll not lengthwise. That's crazy. Like, I don't think anyone could do that. Just any clean cut on this old raggedy ass knife should be pretty good to convince them that they should have had this knife. They should have had a better knife.

[Travis McElroy]

I will also say this. Anybody out there considering getting themselves like one really good knife and really paying for will turn you into real knife guy. A real weirdo who like, I have that one nice knife in my kitchen that's like this one. When I use this one, I feel like the bear. And then I see my wife like cutting up an apple for my kids lunch with it and I'm like, mm, oh, that was my.

[Justin McElroy]

The bear knife.

[Travis McElroy]

We do need bear. No, that's not.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you're cooking tomatoes in that pan.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, that's not really. Oh, we don't use soap on that one, kids.

[Justin McElroy]

Remember that. Remember I wrote you that 40 couplet limerick about which pans we do and do not use soap on to help you remember.

[Travis McElroy]

Wash that one right away, then try it. Yeah, we can't.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, is that. How long has that been damp?

[Griffin McElroy]

You could.

[Justin McElroy]

I also don't like me listener. Don't worry.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, me neither. Listen, I haven't liked myself for years. I gotta live in this head all the time. You only get it one hour a week.

[Griffin McElroy]

You could also cook sweet potatoes and ask for some help. Be like, dang, I could use some. Could I use some help? Yeah. Do you mind cutting these sweet potatoes? They'll realize pretty quickly something's terribly wrong with you.

[Travis McElroy]

There's also a very good chance they don't know how bad their knives are. A sweet potato, they'd be like, oh, I didn't know it could be better than that. I did not know that that was.

[Griffin McElroy]

Have the other knife on hand while you're doing sweet potatoes. Oh, this is cool. Fuck yeah, this is it. Cook sweet potatoes. I don't care what kind. Smash em, boil them, put them in a stew.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, you're just versatile, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

They're really versatile.

[Travis McElroy]

Make smashed sweet potatoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, call them in. Say, I need help with these potatoes. Have them cut these sweet potatoes with their old busted ass. Shitty dented, dirty, filthy knife. They won't be able to do it. It's nature's hardiest, most stone like vegetable.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Then what you're gonna do is be like, oh, here you unfold. You have like your knife inside of one of those little beds. You know on Top Chef, they're like, you lost, Go home and they go and they have to put their knife in the little bed that they made.

[Travis McElroy]

Their knife to sleep.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's really cute. You pull out yours and you say, give that a try. They do it. And then as you leave, they're like, here's your knife. And you say, it's yours now, Chef.

[Travis McElroy]

That's what it has to be.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's so fucking cool.

[Travis McElroy]

The Bear and West Wing both have similar scenes. Both have gift cards where you're passing, you're passing on the blade. It has to be that.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's special now.

[Justin McElroy]

That's special thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

You've been included in a family story at that point. That's special.

[Travis McElroy]

It still has the price tag on it, but it's special.

[Justin McElroy]

You're welcome.

[Travis McElroy]

You're welcome. Use a katana.

[Justin McElroy]

What's the etiquette you have to follow to buy your upstairs neighbor a new vacuum so they don't wake your fucking kid up? Should I just get it and leave it at her door or something? I would pay whatever price I need for this four year old to continue her nap for another hour. We just convinced her 8 year old brother he could spend time by himself, meaning without either of us. We're so close to having an hour to ourselves. Please help. That's from a couple of sleep deprived moms. Do you think?

[Travis McElroy]

You know what images immediately conjured to me? Are there still people who sell vacuums door to door?

[Griffin McElroy]

Why was it the only thing that we were as a nation selling door to door?

[Travis McElroy]

Because I've had long conversations with my friend Jammy about all of the things that we learned from Looney Tunes that were anachronistic before we were even born. That it's like, oh, I know what that is from this thing. Right. I know the hook that pulls people off stage.

[Justin McElroy]

Sure.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. I've never been to a. I have never been to a concert where they get out a little hook or a cane and they tug somebody off stage by their neck. That's fucked up.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. I've never seen it. But door to door, like hairbrush salesman and vacuum salesman is just a thing that for a long time I was like, when there's a knock at the door, it's like a 1 in 5 chance that someone trying to sell you a vacuum door to door.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm looking at the rainbow that we had growing up and it was like me on an absolute journey.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, baby.

[Travis McElroy]

The one with the water in it. You see that filthy shit going around on the bottom.

[Justin McElroy]

It was the grossest. The grossest thing you can imagine. They would fill the bottom of the toilet up because it was filterless, right? See, idea is you fill the bottom of the vacuum up with water and then the dirt goes in the water. But they don't tell you at the end of it, you have to empty that water into the toilet and you have to look at what you are.

[Griffin McElroy]

Human.

[Travis McElroy]

Every day. When you're not vacuuming, this muck sloughs.

[Justin McElroy]

Off of your fucking corpse.

[Travis McElroy]

Just remember that when you put that water in, it was clear. Now look at here.

[Justin McElroy]

It was clear before your filth.

[Travis McElroy]

Now look at you.

[Justin McElroy]

That was one room.

[Travis McElroy]

What's wrong?

[Justin McElroy]

We checked all the other houses and nobody's inside.

[Travis McElroy]

It wasn't like this.

[Justin McElroy]

Nobody has this beef tallow gravy. You're watering. They want to get clearer with your slimy bottom.

[Travis McElroy]

Look at you. There's so much hair in there.

[Justin McElroy]

Disgusting. You don't even have a doll.

[Travis McElroy]

What happened?

[Justin McElroy]

Where did this come from?

[Travis McElroy]

What's wrong with you? Say goodbye, doctor. Absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Say goodbye to your brother. There he goes.

[Travis McElroy]

Goodbye.

[Justin McElroy]

The worst that would happen is when you were a kid, you would sometimes put off the like emptying it out, right? And so you would hook like a corner of a carpet or something and the whole fucking thing would upend, thereby dumping the gross gravy.

[Travis McElroy]

And you just move the rug.

[Justin McElroy]

The worst job you could get as a kid where your parents like. Go ahead. Do you remember I was thinking about this actually today, earlier. Speaking of like weird vacuuming stuff, do you remember the powder that mom used to put on before she vacuumed? Carpet fresh.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, carpet fresh.

[Justin McElroy]

Think about that though. What was the last time you saw anybody do that?

[Travis McElroy]

There's no way that shit is safe around here.

[Justin McElroy]

She put more dirt on the ground.

[Griffin McElroy]

Vacuum a lot. Like a powdering, like a quarter inch dusted it.

[Justin McElroy]

I don't think you still do that. I don't think that's a known thing.

[Travis McElroy]

As a pet owner. I recently, like a year or so ago was like, yeah, we need to get like that powder.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, the powdered out of the thing.

[Travis McElroy]

And then you vacuum. And Teresa looked at me like with. And I was like, yeah, you know, spring. And she was like, so it's just like powder that you just like inhaled as you went. I was like, well, when you say it like that. Yeah, there's no way, like I was probably getting. There's going to be like mesothelioma like, or whatever, like ads coming. Did your mom use carpet fresh?

[Justin McElroy]

Dang, dude, I'm so dang.

[Travis McElroy]

That's messed up, man. You should get some money from that or something.

[Justin McElroy]

Dang, dang, dang. Dude, didn't she hear about all the terrible stuff, man?

[Travis McElroy]

That fucking sucks, bro. Explains why that water was so greasy. Grimy, man.

[Griffin McElroy]

I don't want to salt mom's cleaning game, but that carpet fresh made the carpet a little too fresh. If you knew when that had been applied for a long, long time.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm looking at the carpet fresh now and it looks like it is still in production from the imagery I can find. But it looks like it was made in the 80s, so we may just be still selling our original container carpet fresh.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, this is basically the same question as the last question, only you don't like the person you're buying the thing for. So there are some different kind of societal norms and energies.

[Travis McElroy]

You just put a sign that says, from future you, you're welcome.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, cool. That's awesome. Yeah. We don't trick enough old neighbors that their time traveling counterparts have come to. What?

[Travis McElroy]

No, you're right. Griffin put it in a big longer burger basket with a note that says, please adopt me. Like you're leaving the baby at the door. This vacuum their family couldn't take care of.

[Griffin McElroy]

A vacuum baby?

[Travis McElroy]

An adoptable vacuum baby. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's funny.

[Justin McElroy]

Especially in your hubris, in your rush to act, you get a vacuum that is even louder than the one they have now. But it's even more fun to use. So your neighbor's like, hey, Jeremy, thank you. I'm really ripping ass with that new vacuum.

[Travis McElroy]

It's a riding vacuum.

[Justin McElroy]

I've been absolutely demolishing this dirt. I love this dirty water.

[Travis McElroy]

You gotta see this water, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I sucked up my dog and I saw your gift and that's it. I got right up and vacuuming and I haven't stopped.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't wait. Just steal their old vacuum.

[Justin McElroy]

Make your neighbor babysit your baby. Then they wouldn't think to vacuum other people.

[Travis McElroy]

Then you sneak upstairs and vacuum and vacuum.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's cool. You buy the apartment above theirs.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Then they'll realize, like, that's really loud.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sucks.

[Justin McElroy]

I hate it.

[Travis McElroy]

Get your baby just used to the vacuuming noise. Just turn a bathroom on every Time your baby sleeps.

[Justin McElroy]

My kids are right. I should go back to living in my own filth. That's what I deserve.

[Griffin McElroy]

What is the point if it's only.

[Justin McElroy]

Like an hour a day?

[Travis McElroy]

Can you ask them, like, hey, from three to four, could you just not vacuum? Then I'll give you $50.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Travis, of course you could do that.

[Justin McElroy]

But they won't want to even risk it. They'll just live in filth.

[Griffin McElroy]

But that's too scary. You know, that's too scary a talk to have with a stranger.

[Travis McElroy]

Way easier to be like, I'm a door to door vacuum sales and giving out free samples.

[Griffin McElroy]

Adopt this baby. Vacuum.

[Travis McElroy]

Adopt this baby vacuum. Free.

[Griffin McElroy]

Free.

[Travis McElroy]

You've won.

[Griffin McElroy]

Buy him a little tiny rake and say, this is what we're doing now.

[Travis McElroy]

Ooh, it's zen.

[Justin McElroy]

We're back. Rakes are back.

[Griffin McElroy]

Rake. Carpet rakes.

[Travis McElroy]

Carpet rakes. Hey. Oh. Start texting them videos of people pulling up their carpet and finding hardwood floor underneath until they're just so tempted they can't help it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hashtag parquetchallenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

[Travis McElroy]

And listen, even if they start pulling it up and it's like, oh, no, there's just like old cardboard under there or whatever, it's too late now.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but then you're gonna hear their fucking footsteps. Every single footstep sobs and sobs right through that parquet wood.

[Justin McElroy]

Can we take a quick break? Would that be okay? And then come back?

[Travis McElroy]

Only if it's to make money.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, now you're speaking of my language.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Cha Ching.

[Justin McElroy]

It's better.

[Griffin McElroy]

So we recorded the rest of this episode pretty early, like last Monday. And we did it early because Travis is traveling. But then Justin also wasn't around and able to record. So I'm gonna do the whole Money Zone by myself. This is Griffin. Hello. And I'm nervous. I'm nervous. And I'm not afraid to admit that I am nervous because this is a part of the show that attracts a lot of attention and commerce. And, you know, we keep getting nominated for all these awards for it, and now I have to do it myself. Are you sure? Looks that way. But you know who gives me confidence in my time of great need is stamps. Dot com. God dammit, we've crushed these ads so many times in the past. And now that I stand at the gates of hell by myself, I'm gonna try and pitch it right over the plate. A thousand miles an hour. I have an unconventional workday and it's got. That was awful. That was nothing. No one's gonna believe that I am a person who doesn't like to leave the house. Stamps.com is not gonna like that. If I say I don't like to leave the house. I have flexibility in my work. No, stop it. I refuse to listen to the commands and orders of anyone with any semblance of authority over me. There we go. Now we're cooking. I believe in my own personal autonomy 1 million percent. And that means that people can't tell me where to spend my time. And with stamps.com, tedious tasks like sending certified mailer packages can be done on my time, not someone else's. Like the government, Stamps.com handles all your mailing and shipping needs wherever, whenever. You can access all the USPS and UPS services you need to run your business right from your computer or phone. Anytime, day or night. No lines, no traffic, no waiting, no rules, just right. You just need a computer and printer. They'll send you the free scale. They're still doing that. And they get rates that you won't see anywhere else, like up to 88% off. USPS and UPS have more flexibility in your life. With stamps.com, sign [e-mail] and use code mybrother for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, code my brother. Yes, that's one. Now I just got to tell you about factor and I can. And then we're all living on easy street and this one's going to be easy because we all gotta eat. And Factor knows that. That's why. I don't know why I said it that way. This would never have happened if Justin and Travis were here. That's why they make it so easy to get good food. They got all these tasty gourmet meals and they're designed to heat and eat in two minutes. Bing, bang, boom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Get that food hot. Get it in you. Yum good and makes your body strong. Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. I mean, that's not me, but I do, you know, appreciate having some time savers here and there. With 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week, it's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Factor can help you feel your best all day long. With wholesome smoothies, breakfast grab and go snacks and more add ons. I dabbled. I dipped into the Factor menu was.

[Travis McElroy]

Like, I don't know what they got.

[Griffin McElroy]

Popping off this week. And the answer is everything that my palate could possibly quiver for. Factor has everything you need, regardless of how you like to eat. They got foods of all stripes. It's a veritable Wonkaverse in there. Only it's not all candy. It's real food too. Eat smart with factor. Get [e-mail] brother 50 off and use code brother 50 off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code brother 50 off. And the 50 in there is 5.

[Travis McElroy]

0.

[Griffin McElroy]

So it's like brother 50 [e-mail] brother50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, I want a Munch Squad. But I want too Munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's podcast and the podcast profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating. I want to thank Addison for this important news alert that frankly should have come from Mr. Travis McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, can I tell you something, Justin? You've been doing Munch Squad so long that sometimes something will pop up in my feed and I'll be like, ooh, okay, that seems like a munch squad. And then you'll start a Munch squad that very week. And I'm like, do I know what this is? And I think I know exactly what this is.

[Justin McElroy]

You know, the step that I think you missed in there was.

[Griffin McElroy]

There is a step in there that collaborates.

[Travis McElroy]

Help me. I refuse to believe it exists in real life. I thought it was a joke at first.

[Justin McElroy]

No, it's not a joke. It's Skyline Spice.

[Griffin McElroy]

What's that?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's Graters is doing a Skyline Chili flavored ice cream.

[Travis McElroy]

I have to say, what a betrayal this is. As Graters is a shining light of Cincinnati culture.

[Griffin McElroy]

Uh huh.

[Travis McElroy]

And this is grotesque.

[Griffin McElroy]

What does Skyline Chili mean to you culturally, Travis?

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, Travis, what does Skyline Chile mean to you culturally?

[Travis McElroy]

You know how when you visit like a state or a city that has a. Like, this is the food of this one, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And there's like your diner version, there's your street version. And then like fancy restaurants and stuff will be like, here's like the upscale, like Philly cheesesteak or whatever.

[Justin McElroy]

Sure, sure.

[Travis McElroy]

That doesn't exist in Cincinnati. There's only. Yeah, the fast food version. It is a meat sauce. It is not chili.

[Griffin McElroy]

A smooth meat sauce.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, boy. If you're looking for a Cincinnati food, by the way, just my two cents. Guetta is the Cincinnati food you gotta get to.

[Griffin McElroy]

David Guetta's fucking get to David Guetta's real.

[Justin McElroy]

I like this sweet chili that Cincinnati makes. I always get it when I'm cruising chocolate down.

[Travis McElroy]

Cinnamon.

[Justin McElroy]

You got a little chocolate cinnamon there. I think it's delicious.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it's cool to have this iconic cultural food for Cincinnati that basically everyone knows makes you blow up a huge fart.

[Travis McElroy]

I know, like, everyone knows it. Two people in all of Cincinnati that enjoy it authentically.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And I enjoy it on a hot dog. On a hot dog. It's great. It's hot dog.

[Griffin McElroy]

But you and your two friends know it makes you blow up a huge fart, like everyone knows about. And I love that. That's just like a sort of brand identity that they embrace.

[Travis McElroy]

It's detrimental. Yeah, that's what it says right there on the package. Skyline Chili.

[Griffin McElroy]

Detrimental.

[Travis McElroy]

Detrimental.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah. I think that. Trav, let me tell you a little bit for this press release. Shmirum wkrc, in collaboration that embodies the spirit of Cincinnati, Skyline Chili and Grater's ice cream, have teamed up to create a unique new flavor. The creation, named Skyline Spice, combines the iconic tastes of both beloved local brands. Now, Travis, this is. This is the part I want to highlight. Dick Williams of Skyline Chili acknowledged that some might be skeptical of the unusual pairing, but assured that the new flavor is genuine. Travis the man said in the press release, travis, this is real.

[Travis McElroy]

No, this is not a joke. They tricked me with this before because when Fiona Baby Hippo was a big deal, they came, they partnered with the Cincinnati Zoo to make a Fiona hippo thing, and it was not hippo flavored at all. And I fell for it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's no way they said they were making a hippopotamus flavored ice cream.

[Travis McElroy]

Well, they didn't say it was hippopotamus flavor, but there were hippos all over it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice. Your expectation juice. You're a little lost in the sauce in this press release. And I need you to really hear what Travis just said is that he thought that they made ice cream that tasted like a big zoo animal.

[Travis McElroy]

Not exactly like, but like sim. You know, it would be reminiscent like when you eat a pumpkin pie flavored ice cream and you're like, I get it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Hey, so we bought this Sonic the Hedgehog cereal when the new movie came out and it didn't taste at all like Sonic like I imagine Sonic the Hedgehog would be.

[Travis McElroy]

Episode this very episode. You were talk about how cow tails it grows. Cause they remind you of cow's Tails.

[Griffin McElroy]

You're right.

[Justin McElroy]

It's not exactly. That's a huge characterization. No, no, he's exactly right.

[Griffin McElroy]

And I'm being a mondo hypocrite right now.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you. All I'm saying is that when I saw it, Cincinnati chili. Yes. Has a certain cinnamon, chocolatey sweetness to it, but it is predominantly meaty. So when I see a skyline chili ice cream, I think you can see where the doubt comes in.

[Justin McElroy]

You guys gotta hear some of these. Okay, so the quote from graders is from a person named Chip Grater, which is awesome.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, awesome.

[Griffin McElroy]

That sounds like a job someone has at a Pringles factory.

[Justin McElroy]

Chip Grater of Grater's ice cream revealed. The idea for the collaboration has been in the development for several years.

[Travis McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Three to five years ago, we started kicking around this idea of collaboration of Skylar. Which one was it, Chip? Which one was it, Chip? You know, exactly the day it was.

[Travis McElroy]

There's no paper trail.

[Justin McElroy]

Check your emails, Chip. William described the new flavor as a subtle blend. This is just the spice. Just the spice mix, which people love. And it reminds us of Scotland chili, but it's just a hint. And it goes great with the ice cream. I know it's not gross.

[Griffin McElroy]

Don't get me wrong. It sucks.

[Justin McElroy]

And then when it's only a little, it only sucks a little.

[Travis McElroy]

I promise, it's mostly our thing. Not their thing. Their thing is bad.

[Justin McElroy]

So gross.

[Travis McElroy]

We will let them put just a little of their thing into our thing, but it's mostly our thing, which you love, right?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. And when you add the oyster cracker in there, that's not salty, but it's sweet. It's a great experience.

[Travis McElroy]

We put a sweet oyster cracker.

[Justin McElroy]

The duo tested 15 different flavors.

[Travis McElroy]

Just a Nilla wafer.

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on. The duo tested 15 different flavors before settling on the final version. And, guys, you have to. We had. We had one that punched too hard with the skyline flavor and had cheese bits in it. I want to be there on that day when this dude's like, good news, y'all. I cracked it. You know the secret ingredient we were missing? Queso.

[Travis McElroy]

He comes in, like, hair all about, like, just sweating.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, is this it? Just chili? Like, just straightening down. I don't know.

[Travis McElroy]

That was the 14th iteration.

[Justin McElroy]

That's the fact that we were all looking at this and thinking, hmm, needs cheese. Let's get cheese in here.

[Griffin McElroy]

For everyone who's just kind of been looking at the world and been like, how did we slip into this darkest timeline? It's nice when we see things like this to know, like, there are avenues that we. There are paths that fate could have led us down. That would have been a little bit worse.

[Travis McElroy]

Is there an ice cream flavor that you guys would be excited that there was cheese in? I'm trying to think of what that would go with that would make it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Apple, like a jam and cheese.

[Justin McElroy]

There's been a Mac and cheese. I mean, they didn't we just talk about. They did, like, a charcuterie inspired thing at Baskin Robbins.

[Travis McElroy]

That doesn't count, though. That's a stunt. Graters is above that.

[Griffin McElroy]

Graters is a bit.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, absolutely. Skyline spices right inside the ice cream, and then a great oyster cracker that stays crunchy in the ice cream. This is the most defensive press release I've ever read. Really? This guy. Oh, and then there's another quote. Yeah. The oyster cracker makes it cinnamon, a lot of cinnamon. But the oyster cracker, perfect. The cracker really ties it all together. Salty and buttery. So Cincinnati said another tester, he had.

[Griffin McElroy]

In the notes, like, hit cinnamon hard. They're gonna hear cinnamon and they're gonna think that's the thing that goes in ice cream sometimes. That's a friend who belongs in ice cream. Cinnamon.

[Justin McElroy]

Cinnamon. No, don't. Chocolate. Chocolate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Chocol.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop saying oyster, please.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, real quick.

[Justin McElroy]

I just. Sorry, I did need to mention and get a little greedy, but I wanted to show you guys these real quick because this is just. This is when you got to see for yourself, honestly, because I'm. And I.

[Griffin McElroy]

Awesome. Yeah. No, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

No, no, no.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

That's not real, Justin.

[Justin McElroy]

I had to check a few times. Enjoy. Soup like never before. Progresso. Your go to for comforting premium soups is innovating. It must be a different Progresso is innovating beyond expectations this cold and flu season with the launch of the first ever limited edition soup drops. What's a soup drop? Well, it's a soup you can suck on, of course.

[Griffin McElroy]

Any soup's a soup you can suck on, you fucking loser.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, I'm. We've been doing Mun Squad long enough now, that I believe and I'm not breaking new ground here, but this is the kind of thing. Right. That would have been an April Fool's.

[Justin McElroy]

Joke, like, six years ago, right before things fell apart. Yes.

[Travis McElroy]

And now it's a thing that they're like, we're gonna make a hundred of these, so.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes, that is a question. I get a lot on Munch Squad, Travis. Thank you. The difference is we used to have sin.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

There used to Be sin and consequences.

[Justin McElroy]

Consequences. Culpability.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Right. And that all used to happen. That doesn't happen anymore. So there are no. What we in the business, in the QSR food industry call repercussions for the judgment. So. Yes. Soup drops. You get a can of soup drops.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Grotesque.

[Griffin McElroy]

Is it? Obviously, it's funny. If we take a can of these soup drops and we take a bunch of Werther's originals and we replace the Werther's originals with soup drops, obviously. And then we take them to the big hotel that Pop Pop lives in and give them to all the elderly people there. And that's like a funny harm. Timeless prank. I'm worried if the elderly get their hands on soup drops, it's gonna be a thing. Like, they're gonna get way into them.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

And now all of a sudden, this.

[Justin McElroy]

Be a huge thing for them. They love nasty drops already.

[Travis McElroy]

They've already been sucking on bullion cubes.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Now they could just cut out the middleman.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. With soup drops. Soup you can suck on.

[Travis McElroy]

Soup you can suck on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Suck this. Suck my soup. I'm progresso.

[Justin McElroy]

There's this part's wild man. These savory drops are arriving for a limited time this month for National Soup Month, Right at the height of cold and flu season. Now, this press Release came out January 16, which is halfway through the month, so they already skipped a lot of it, I feel like. So let's see here.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin, can I tell you something that's messed me up about this picture? And I think it's just that maybe they didn't.

[Justin McElroy]

It's horrid.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, it's horrid.

[Griffin McElroy]

Soup drops looks so bad.

[Justin McElroy]

They look so bad.

[Travis McElroy]

I can't describe on the can.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You see a bowl of soup with a spoon hovering over it with a soup drop on it. And then next to it says, serving suggestion.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

One in spoon.

[Travis McElroy]

But you're saying you should serve these hovering over a bowl of soup.

[Justin McElroy]

Another bowl. Yeah. Because they say here we. It says, now there's no spoon needed to dive into the classic taste of iconic, progressive, traditional chicken noodle soup. But you certainly can reach for the real thing if you're looking for that feeling of a hug in a bowl. Now, words are supposed to be. Which one is it? This sentence says, yeah, you can eat it in cough drop form, but you can still buy regular soup.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. We didn't have to stop making the soup. We haven't, like, pushed all our chips in on soup drops. The soup you could suck. We're still. Suck that soup.

[Justin McElroy]

We're still.

[Travis McElroy]

We're hedging our bets a little bit on this one. We're not willing to imagine.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, Oreo post. Just stop making Oreo O's to make Oreo puffs. So strange things than this have happened.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can you imagine if fucking Ludens or Ricola put out a new tagline that was like, suck this shit. Suck on it, Madison.

[Travis McElroy]

You suck. It's fucking Cole.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's crazy Progresso for you to come out of the gate with. Yeah, yeah, it's soup candy. Suck it. That's fucking wild, man. This energy is wild. Dude.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's. Man, here's a real. A real fucking barnstormer of a sentence from the person who runs Progresso. When you're sick, nothing is truly more reassuring than chicken noodle soup. So we thought, why stop at the soup bowl? We took the beloved flavors of our Progresso chicken noodle soup and packed them into a fun, savory, candy soup drop for a totally new way to enjoy the taste you love whenever and wherever you want. Stop. Say stop justifying it like you know what you did. Stop. Like, the sentences you're saying are maniacal.

[Griffin McElroy]

It is new.

[Travis McElroy]

I think you can stand bad.

[Justin McElroy]

Like, you made a mistake.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

You could make a chicken soup inhaler, and I. I still would feel this way. I didn't need it. In a different. In a different state of matter.

[Griffin McElroy]

I might fuck with a chicken soup inhaler.

[Justin McElroy]

That would be.

[Griffin McElroy]

That would be good if you could get some of those good effects of chicken noodle soup. But like, when you're at a basketball game, like in public, when they wouldn't.

[Travis McElroy]

Let you have, like, your food in there, and you could just do a puff. Puff of some soup.

[Justin McElroy]

Smart.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, just a soup vape, I guess, is what I'm asking for. I mean, we're close.

[Justin McElroy]

That favorite flavor of Progresso iconic chicken noodle soup is packed into each drop. It's like broth, savory veggies, chicken, soft egg noodles, and a hint of parsley have all been stirred up in a surprising way that's sure to wow your taste buds. And the best part is you can enjoy soup drops anywhere in the carpool line during a grocery run.

[Travis McElroy]

List off a hundred places.

[Justin McElroy]

Keep going while folding laundry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, man, I can do a tape.

[Justin McElroy]

In the doctor's office or hiding under the covers. The coziness.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hiding under the covers.

[Justin McElroy]

Listen, guys, the coziness you crave is just one drop away. These are the drops to reach for when you're so depressed you can't eat soup.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Whereas soup would be too messy because you have to sit up to eat soup.

[Travis McElroy]

Or you're hiding in the rain in a tree outside an enemy's window and you're worried that the rain would dilute your soup. Worry no more.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's my issue is when I'm evading the babadook in my bedroom. Yeah, I can't eat my soup.

[Justin McElroy]

At the same time, when you're monitoring the kids you're not allowed to see from the car in the parking lot across the street.

[Travis McElroy]

You don't want to risk spilling soup on your lap and look like an.

[Justin McElroy]

Idiot when you're taking pictures of your wife cuckolding you with your best friend. You can't risk the soup.

[Travis McElroy]

You need two hands to hold the big zoom lens.

[Justin McElroy]

They might see the soup steam from your car window. See?

[Griffin McElroy]

What if their angle was like, everyone keeps burning their genitals and crotch and thighs with our hot, molten soup. We know. We know it's hard and dangerous to eat our driving.

[Justin McElroy]

No more lawsuits, says General Mills. You can't sue us anymore for hot soup because you could have had the drops.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hurt yourself with these drops, babies.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, the problem is, is at the end of the drop experience, it turns you into a bowl of soup. And the Oompa Loompas have to roll you out of there. That is. That's the one problem our boys in R and D couldn't fix.

[Griffin McElroy]

Soupa supa doopity soup.

[Travis McElroy]

We turned another child to soup.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's to goop. Hey, listen. This is where it gets. I get irritated. Is cause you gotta go to procressoupdrops.com starting on Thursday, January 16, at 9am.

[Travis McElroy]

Sign a liability waiver.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. With additional quantities released every Thursday for the rest of National Soup Month while supplies last. What do you mean, while supplies last? How many of those fucking things do you have? Just sell them already. But they're not even selling them, guys. Each order comes with an actual can of progressive chicken noodle soup. All for just $2.49, which is the typical price of a can of progresso soup, plus just 99 cents shipping.

[Travis McElroy]

Legal loopholes. That's how they get you.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a real Trojan horse.

[Justin McElroy]

Here's the way this ends.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you think that that's. So when you pop a soup drop in, you're like, actually, this is gross. But I do have that can of soup.

[Justin McElroy]

I've got blue soup balls. Suck up on this soup. You could suck on.

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Justin McElroy]

Suck up on this soup you can suck on for comfort when you really need it. And really just to say you tried it.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, that feels super soup.

[Justin McElroy]

Pervasive and feel soup. Ordered this cold and flu season.

[Travis McElroy]

Unless they're like medicated. Give me medicated soup drops that are gonna like cool my throat or something. And like now I'm feeling supported. Otherwise you're just giving me bad experience.

[Griffin McElroy]

If I could put one of these into an 8 ounce cup of hot water and then moments later.

[Travis McElroy]

Bouillon cube, baby. That's what you're talking about.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He wants the candy I wanted, I want. But then you put it in the cup and it turns into real soup with stuff. I want to taste the soft egg noodles.

[Justin McElroy]

I keep going back to when he said it's a savory candy. And I am really getting stuck on that because I know you can have savory components. But like, is it sweet? Kind of gang? I mean, is it a confection?

[Travis McElroy]

The closest we've gotten is like black licorice where a punishing sweet candy.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay. It's like the Swedish salted.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's an umami.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a bomb. It's an umami bomb. I wish to God I had these. I would do anything for the soup.

[Travis McElroy]

For the soup you can suck on.

[Griffin McElroy]

Seriously, man.

[Justin McElroy]

I would like to eat one to see what it's like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Set your time. Set your timer right now before you forget for Thursday to buy soup drops.

[Justin McElroy]

I'll rely on my droogies to get.

[Travis McElroy]

Me my soup drops.

[Justin McElroy]

Can I tell you the right My drogies. You'll be there at 30. This is the annoying to get me my drop. Slapchat P.O. box 54.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a good droogie.

[Justin McElroy]

Send him a 25706. I'll take all the cans you got. Fuck.

[Travis McElroy]

Rachel, cut that out. Don't cut it out.

[Justin McElroy]

Rachel.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, no.

[Justin McElroy]

I want all the beautiful little soup droppies you can get, my little gremlins.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'll be gone, but be back soon. Not today. Perhaps tomorrow.

[Travis McElroy]

Thin me sue buckets are gone, but local. Here's the problem. I know myself well enough. It would just be soup I could crunch on. Violence rocks the local post office for sure.

[Justin McElroy]

Violence rocks the local post office when the staff once again beats up on the husky boy that keeps doing bad stunts ruining the whole thing with heavy cans of soup drops.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, we got 100 loose cans of soup you can suck on here. They just wrote it on Sharpie wrote the address and threw it in a mailbox.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I got something you could suck on. Podcaster. Thanks a lot, pal. Really appreciate these heavy boxes. Not since you made 100,000 boxes of craft dinner get delivered here and we hated your gut so much.

[Travis McElroy]

No, just. I bet the post office is so excited that you're still. You're keeping the youngins using the post office.

[Griffin McElroy]

For sure.

[Justin McElroy]

For sure. Anything I do. Hey, folks, thanks so much for listening to our podcast. We hope you have enjoyed yourself. In two weeks, we're going to be in Florida, and you better win it, too.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah. So February 20th and 21st, we're going to be in Tampa doing My Brother, My Brother and me on the 20th and Adventure Zone on the 21st. It's our first ever Adventure Zone in Florida, so don't miss it. February 22nd, we're doing my Brother, My Brother and Me in Jacksonville. For tickets and info, go to Bit Ly McElroytours. Also, champions Grove is coming up in May. There's only four packages available. We're playing some board games, table games. You could do D and D with our guests. Other games we're playing, Meet new friends, explore the castle.

[Griffin McElroy]

Explore yourself.

[Travis McElroy]

Explore yourself emotionally, spiritually, physically.

[Justin McElroy]

Explore your own limits.

[Travis McElroy]

Championsgrove.com that's where you can go get tickets. Go check it out.

[Griffin McElroy]

Bunch of merch up in the merch store, including a holographic Dare to care sticker.

[Travis McElroy]

It's retro.

[Griffin McElroy]

50% of the proceeds from that sticker will be donated to World Central Kitchen. There's also a Poetry Corner bumper magnet. Not a whole bumper for a car, but a magnet designed by Dana Wagner. That's, of course, from my other podcast, Wonderful, that I do with my wife, Rachel. It's really rad. Also, you can still get the VOD for candle nights 2024. Pay what you want. All proceeds go to harmony house. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to World central kitchen. So macaroymerch.com go check it out.

[Travis McElroy]

Now, here's what's happened. We're recording this the same day that the episode in which we announced that we want people to send the fears that they're gonna overcome comes in. So I need one of you boys to step up and share a fear.

[Griffin McElroy]

That I'm gonna get over, that you're.

[Travis McElroy]

Gonna be faster than this year.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm gonna stop being afraid that I'll let my kids down. Oh, wait, is that what you mean? That's the kind of thing.

[Travis McElroy]

No. Now, like I said, I was gonna.

[Justin McElroy]

Say I'm gonna stop being afraid that if I take more than 1 milligram of melatonin I'll sleep all day. Because that is a persistent fear. And I know that doesn't make sense. I'm 45.

[Travis McElroy]

It's like the end of army of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Darkness if you take two, I'm 180 pounds.

[Justin McElroy]

There's like no way. There's no way it's gonna make me sleep all day.

[Griffin McElroy]

No way.

[Travis McElroy]

What happened? Doctor? Doctor, what happened?

[Justin McElroy]

I got really scared.

[Travis McElroy]

I woke up one milligrams.

[Justin McElroy]

I woke up one time after I took one and a half milligrams and I felt like I was hungover. So I'm just gonna. But I'm not gonna be afraid of it anymore. I'm just gonna like take one.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think that's a decent thing to not be afraid of but to be like observant of.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. It's like I'm stay observant.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. I'm gonna keep my head on swivel. My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis McElroy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Griffin McElroy.

[Justin McElroy]

This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better with you it's better it's better with you My life It's better it's better with you Is it true? It's better it's better with you My.

[Justin McElroy]

Life.

[Travis McElroy]

It's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Maximum Fun A worker owned network of.

[Griffin McElroy]

Artist owned shows supported directly by.