MBMBaM 753: The Dicktine Chapel

Summary

Summary of "My Brother, My Brother and Me" Episode MBMBaM 753: The Dicktine Chapel

Release Date: March 10, 2025
Hosts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy
Podcast Description: Free advice from three of the world's most qualified, most related experts: Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy. For one-half to three-quarters of an hour every Monday, they tell people how to live their lives, because they're obviously doing such a great job of it so far.

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Introduction

In episode 753, titled "The Dicktine Chapel," the McElroy brothers embark on a whirlwind of comedic discussions ranging from Hollywood antics to bizarre high school scenarios. As always, their unique blend of humor and brotherly banter provides listeners with both entertainment and unsolicited advice.

Hollywood and AI in Acting

The episode kicks off with a discussion about Adrien Brody's Oscar win and the controversial use of AI to enhance his Hungarian accent in a recent film.

• Griffin McElroy [02:07]: "He wins Best Actor...they used AI to enhance the Hungarian accent of the actors in the film."

• Travis McElroy [02:45]: "I will say this as one of the three brothers, the only one of the three that got a degree in acting from fame school..."

Griffin questions the authenticity of using AI in acting, suggesting it undermines genuine talent. Travis defends the necessity of accents in acting but remains skeptical about AI's role.

Timothée Chalamet: A Unifying Figure?

The conversation shifts to Timothée Chalamet, exploring his widespread recognition across generations and his impact on popular culture.

• Justin McElroy [06:25]: "Do you guys know how hard...what is it about Timothée Chalamet that I can still feel bad for him when he loses The Oscar."

• Griffin McElroy [07:34]: "So fun."

The brothers admire Chalamet's ability to resonate with a broad audience, highlighting his consistent presence in high-profile films despite not always securing major awards.

High School Bathroom Etiquette: The Penis Doodle Dilemma

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing a peculiar issue raised by a high school student in Indiana concerning an excess of penis drawings in bathroom stalls.

• Justin McElroy [12:53]: "How many penises must be drawn in a high school bathroom for it to be shut down?"

• Griffin McElroy [14:04]: "Can we just establish... let's use just a frame of reference for size."

The brothers humorously debate the acceptable number of drawings before administrative action is warranted, considering factors like size and quantity. They ultimately suggest a tipping point at four drawings, beyond which the bathroom should be shut down to prevent further "mental clutter."

Satirical Ad Reads: Squarespace and Rocket Money Parodies

Transitioning from advice to improvisational comedy, the brothers engage in a mock advertisement segment featuring Squarespace and Rocket Money.

• Travis McElroy [28:53]: "Hey, Trav. Hey, Trav, it's me. Yeah, your boss..."

• Griffin McElroy [31:07]: "I'm King Big Shits... Rock Money helps you do exactly that."

The segment parodies typical ad reads, exaggerating the enthusiasm and awkwardness often found in sponsored content. This playful take underscores their ability to blend humor seamlessly into various formats.

Arby's Potato Cakes: A Marketing Overreach?

A hilarious take on Arby's reintroducing their potato cakes, complete with a mock press release and discussions about customer loyalty.

• Justin McElroy [35:18]: "Arby's has announced the return of the fan favorite potato cakes..."

• Griffin McElroy [38:26]: "Apologies. So did they put out a press release alongside this..."

The brothers mock the aggressive marketing strategies and the absurdity of tying legal obligations to the permanence of a menu item, all while keeping the satire light-hearted and entertaining.

Live Shows and Merchandise Announcements

As the episode nears its conclusion, the brothers share updates about their upcoming live shows, merchandise releases, and philanthropic efforts.

• Travis McElroy [53:05]: "We've got more live shows coming up in the 20th Underdrive Tour..."

• Griffin McElroy [54:49]: "There's a new hoodie up on macroymerch.com..."

These announcements are interspersed with humor, maintaining the episode's energetic and engaging tone.

Conclusion

Episode MBMBaM 753, "The Dicktine Chapel," showcases the McElroy brothers' trademark humor and dynamic chemistry. From dissecting Hollywood's reliance on AI to navigating the complexities of high school bathroom etiquette, the episode offers a blend of insightful observations and laugh-out-loud moments. Their ability to weave unsolicited advice into comedic narratives ensures that listeners are both entertained and, in their unique way, informed.

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Notable Quotes:

• Travis McElroy [02:45]: "I will say this as one of the three brothers, the only one of the three that got a degree in acting from fame school."

• Griffin McElroy [07:34]: "So fun."

• Justin McElroy [13:19]: "This is exactly, perfectly where we are qualified to operate."

• Griffin McElroy [31:07]: "I'm King Big Shits. And that's true."

• Justin McElroy [35:18]: "Arby's has announced the return of the fan favorite potato cakes."

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This comprehensive summary encapsulates the key discussions, humorous insights, and notable moments from the episode, providing a clear and engaging overview for those who haven't listened.

Transcript

[Travis McElroy]

The McElroy brothers are not experts and.

[Griffin McElroy]

Their advice should never be followed.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if.

[Griffin McElroy]

There'S a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out.

[Justin McElroy]

There will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

[Unknown]

It's the start of something beautiful A small acquaintance has blossomed it's ripened into a precious friends I could have never seen what was coming for me Hangs at the skate park Hangs by the beach My life, it feels live.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S.

[Unknown]

Better it's better with you My life, it's better it's better with you this is who you are it's better it's better with you.

[Justin McElroy]

Hello, everybody. Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, An Advice show for the Modarine era. Hold on one second before I start. Hey, Sid, Sid, Sid. I gotta do the podcast, babe. Can you take the. Thanks. Thanks.

[Travis McElroy]

What up?

[Justin McElroy]

Did I catch my gum? Sid, always.

[Griffin McElroy]

Your Foley was so on point there, Michael Winslow. That we got exactly with the goof. Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

Vroom, vroom. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your Miller's brother, Travis. Big dog. Wolf. Wolf. Mackerel.

[Justin McElroy]

Oh, you're gum.

[Travis McElroy]

Oh, you missed, Sydney.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, joke.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, it's stuck in my throat.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, everybody, Griffin McElroy, youngest brother. Hold on, let me run this through the AI voice enhancer. Hey, everybody, it's me, Griffin McElroy, the youngest brother. Built Ford tough. So do you guys not know about his AI? About Adrian capital A and I in his first name, Brody. You don't know about that?

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, No, I didn't know about that.

[Griffin McElroy]

He wins Best Actor, okay? Gets up there, spits gum, throws at wife. Weird, wild choice that he made. He wins Best Actor. We find out that from the editor of the film, I believe that they used AI to enhance the Hungarian accent of the actors in the film.

[Travis McElroy]

I didn't know you could toss a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking asterisk up there on the. You know how they raised the jerseys up inside of the, you know, Kodak Party hall or wherever they hold the Oscars. Raise one up there, asterisk next to Mr. Brody's name. I think it's only fame.

[Travis McElroy]

I will say this as one of the three brothers, the only one of the three that got a degree in acting from fame school. Being able to do acting is like. Do accents is a big part. One of the major things.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's cheating because I don't know what he sounded like, on the set, he could have been like, hi, I'm Adrien Brody. I love designing Archa. I know fucking nothing about the Brutalist. I know fucking nothing about the brutalist. But I could win an Oscar if you run it through enough fucking filters.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not like doing. It's not like doing, you know, doing some computer graphics to make it look like Superman's flying. I don't expect an actor to be able to do that. But accent, accent.

[Justin McElroy]

The one thing we should know about Adrian Brody that we learned from SNL is you cannot give this man a microphone. You cannot give this man a microphone.

[Travis McElroy]

Or apparently, gum or a partner or room to breathe.

[Justin McElroy]

You can't give this man space because if you let him follow his gut.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

It's going to take him to some odd places. Like, no Jamaican accents this time, but no. Still some. Like.

[Griffin McElroy]

Although it is possible he showed up day one of filming for the Brutalist, and he was like. And he was like, time to design a city skyline, but in a terrible Jamaican accent that I won't even do as a joke. And the director's like, what the fuck's he.

[Travis McElroy]

It's okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

We'll AI it. We'll AI.

[Travis McElroy]

It's the only accent I have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. And it's. And then Adrian Brody was like, it's not taking work away from anybody, Adrian. It's taking work away from you, man. It's taking work away from you. It's taking your work away, Adrian, that you had to do for the film.

[Travis McElroy]

Also, while to say it's not taking work away from anyone, when I'm pretty sure that there are very talented actors out there who could do a Hungarian accent, it's like, if I showed up. If I showed up at a restaurant and I said, I'd like to be chef now. I'm very charismatic. And they said, you are very charismatic. Do you know how to chop things? And I said, no. Can you get a chopping robot to do it for me?

[Griffin McElroy]

Exactly.

[Travis McElroy]

Why didn't we just get a chef who knows how to chop things now?

[Griffin McElroy]

Now how do we feel? How do we feel about the. Turn that music off. I know what I'm doing. Let me finish my speech. It's not my first rodeo. How do we feel about that? Cause a lot of the elements of his presentation that evening were pretty rowdy in a way that I found distasteful.

[Justin McElroy]

I feel like it's such an incredible read. I think it's such an incredible read at this time on Earth to say, no, don't let the globe keep a turning right now. Lord, please let us slow down and just appreciate the Adrian of it all for just a few more minutes. Please, God, let us just marinate in this Adrien Brody focused moment. It's been a long time since we as a globe have stopped. And you know what? Of all the things that we could do right now, Adrian, you're right. We all should give it a little bit longer to just really stew in the Adrien brodiness of the moment.

[Travis McElroy]

I bet that the production staff of the Oscars was so thrown. Cause no one's ever asked to not play the music and give them more time before. So they were probably like, whoa, he asked, guys, we should turn the music off and let him keep talking. We didn't realize he was still going or we wouldn't have started the music.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's definitely happened before, but this time was. Yeah, I mean, it's Hollywood time.

[Justin McElroy]

It meant something because it's Adrien Brody guy. Do you know how hard. Do you guys know how long he has had to work to get back to this point again, where he is once more being honored for being the best actor in the world? Do you know how hard he's had to fight to make this happen yet again for himself? What is it about Timothee Chalamet that I can still feel bad for him when he loses The Oscar? He's 15 years old. He's in all of the best picture.

[Travis McElroy]

Nominees wearing bright yellow.

[Justin McElroy]

He's wearing bright yellow. He's got 800 bajillion dollars. He's funny and charming. Like, he seems to just be like a genuinely nice human being. He knows about sports, which. Tim, for me, that was where you lost me. That was a bridge too far, I think. Why is it that I still. When he gets passed over for an Oscar, I'm like, oh, man, Tim.

[Travis McElroy]

Everybody feels comfortable referencing Timothee Chalamet. Everybody. Like, I felt like every joke, every speech, every bit, they're like, he's got a great last name. That's fun to say in a bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

So fun.

[Travis McElroy]

And look at him. Everybody knows who Timothee Chalamet is. So wait, stop.

[Justin McElroy]

Stop for a second right there. I think that what you just said is actually so important, and I. I do actually want to stop and touch on this for a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hang a lantern on Timothy.

[Justin McElroy]

We are in. We are living in an increasingly fractious world and nation where there seems to be. Obviously, we wave bye bye to the monoculture long ago.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And we are now in a More fractious period of culture where we're not really united. No, I will say this, and I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know, but I will say this. I feel like through his participation in Dune and in the Bob Dylan movie.

[Travis McElroy]

And Wonka and Lady Bird and.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay, no, but the other ones.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, okay.

[Travis McElroy]

I feel like maybe you heard it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Tim, did you hear that you sucked shit in Wonka and Lady Bird?

[Justin McElroy]

What I'm saying is, like, we used to have this idea of movies that would appeal to everybody.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

We used to have this idea that's gone. What I'm saying is Timothee Chalamet may be the only person that everybody knows.

[Travis McElroy]

Right. Like, it may be the one thing.

[Justin McElroy]

That, like, generationally, we all kind of know Timothy Chalamet is. And I would say, generationally, he probably has, like, favorable approval ratings. You know what I mean? Like, I'm saying, I want to cling to those things that we can all still agree on. And I pray that. I just hope and pray even Chalamet may continue to be that. That little strand.

[Travis McElroy]

You know, I would like. I would make him. To your point, Justin, I think parents, grandparents, children alike can get together and they could just start listing off names of people they would like that they have some frame of reference for. And I think.

[Justin McElroy]

Travis. I'm sorry, Just listing off names of people. End of sentence.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes. And Timothee Chalamet would be the only one that all three would be like, well, yeah, I know who that is.

[Justin McElroy]

They're gonna rename the Venn diagram the Timothy Shallowgram, because it's just. That's what he is. It's just like, that's all it represents. He's the one unifying thing that we can all, like, yeah, like Timothee Chalamet, you guys know about him. And everybody's like, but he doesn't get an Oscar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Doesn't need one.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but doesn't need one. And also, can I say, Travis, I don't know if the Oscar upsets this delicate, delicate balance that has established. Right. Like, I can't risk. Maybe we need him to be an underdog. You know, Maybe we need him to be fighting for acceptance. Maybe, like, that's the thing that pushes him over, out of relatability, he somehow managed to maintain it. And maybe that would be the breaking point.

[Griffin McElroy]

This. He's a waif with crossover appeal. If he gets too many accolades, all of a sudden, now he's big like Tom Hanks. Now he's big time chops yeah, Tom.

[Travis McElroy]

Hanks won, like 16 Oscars in a row or something. And then everyone was like, yeah, okay, Joe versus.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then he was in Cloud Cloud Atlas. That's another Oscar.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't think he won for. I don't think he won for Cloud Atlas. We all won.

[Griffin McElroy]

We all won with that movie in a lot of ways. It was like nine movies.

[Justin McElroy]

You were on a cruise during this Oscars. How did you intake the Oscars this year? How did you catch up with Oscar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Mania last night when I got back. Last night when I got back. And it sucked, guys, because I'll tell you why. Everyone was talking about Adrien Brody throwing his gum at his wife. And everyone was talking about. But they were talking about it in a way where it's like, we already talked about Adrien Brody throwing his wife gum.

[Justin McElroy]

We didn't get. We didn't, though. And Griffin, it's still, I think, worth mentioning that Adrian Brody, before you went up to do his big speeches, like.

[Travis McElroy]

Before, getting a lot of honor and recognition, decided to spread that honor and recognition around by chucking his chewed ass gum.

[Justin McElroy]

Chewed ass gum. Who I heard on the racist entertainment, she said that she caught it like it was a wedding bouquet. So I think that's pretty beautiful.

[Travis McElroy]

The next Oscar, I heard that there.

[Griffin McElroy]

Was spooky music played for some reason during the In Memoriam segment, which I haven't heard or seen.

[Justin McElroy]

It was like, weird dirge.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, Cool. I'm into that. See, that's put a little. It's not about melancholy for me. That moment should be a warning. It should be a grounding moment of clarity for everyone in that theater of like, enjoy these honors, enjoy your flowers. Because, you know, you never know.

[Justin McElroy]

You never know.

[Travis McElroy]

I'll say there were some twists and turns in that In Memoriam. Some people came up and it was news to me. There was a couple of those. They hate me.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hate when they throw twins and turns.

[Justin McElroy]

Rob Lowe, one of his favorite quotes. Rob Low said, every time in a movie or TV show, I open a door and smile. I always wonder if that's the clip they'll use for the immemorial.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. So I was like, I mean, I'm late to the party. Everybody is so fucking tired of talking about this shit. Which sucks, because it's been the first 12 minutes of content in this episode of podcasting.

[Travis McElroy]

But we're here now, and I got.

[Griffin McElroy]

It out of my system. I thank you, boys. You guys are my outlet.

[Justin McElroy]

At my school, a bathroom was just shut down because a kid Drew too many peni on the walls. I think you're the only ones who can answer the pressing question. How many penises must be drawn in a high school bathroom for it to be shut down? Is there a certain limit you can have before it gets to be too much? What is the proper punishment for this crime? That's from Indistress in Indiana. And congratulations on finding your question. That it is exactly at our skill level. This is exactly, perfectly where we are qualified to operate.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let's just go down the line. Zero. No, there's no problem. One penis. This is one of the worst options, I feel, because it's gonna. People are gonna be curious about it if certain. If, you know, maybe they haven't taken health class yet and they don't know what's going on there. They don't know what that thing is.

[Travis McElroy]

Also in this regard, I will say, in this circumstance, size does matter. Yeah. One giant penis drawn on the wall.

[Griffin McElroy]

Sure.

[Justin McElroy]

I want to be careful for this discussion that we don't get into the question of size because, like, I actually. The person asked for a number, and I feel like we can arrive at the number if we bring size into it scientifically. So here's what I'll say. Starting from zero. That one's easy.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can we just establish. So let's. Let's use just frame of reference for size. Big enough to see.

[Justin McElroy]

Big enough to see.

[Griffin McElroy]

Big enough to see that there's not.

[Travis McElroy]

A Where's Waldo hidden penis.

[Justin McElroy]

You would not. On a regular bathroom visit, you would clock.

[Griffin McElroy]

You'll clock it. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

But small enough that you don't go like, wow, that's a big picture of a penis. Wow.

[Travis McElroy]

Not a mural.

[Justin McElroy]

So here's what I was saying.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right, Exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

First one is fine, because the first one, you have plausible deniability. First one, you can say, that's not a penis.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

Right.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'll also say this first one is like. That could have been a situation where someone sat down in the stall with no intent of drawing a penis, but looked around and was like, there's no penis doodle anywhere. So I guess I'll put one on here. Compulsory.

[Travis McElroy]

You should be scientific about this. I'm gonna ask a question that I don't even know if needs asking. This is assuming testicles are present as well. Right. That wing you're drawing at Trav.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love you so much, pal. Have you ever. Have you ever seen that before? Have you ever just seen a shaft doodle, pal? Without the balls are the reason.

[Justin McElroy]

This is what I'm Saying what I'm.

[Griffin McElroy]

Saying, Travis, is that a lot of the time a penis drawings ask a.

[Justin McElroy]

Question you don't want an answer to. Chef, let him. Let him answer you.

[Griffin McElroy]

A lot of the time, a penis drawing starts because you start drawing something, and you're like, that looks like balls, right? And then you do the rest of it based off of that. The idea that someone would draw just shaft and then would be, like, done is wild. That's never happened in the history of humankind.

[Travis McElroy]

So I just don't want us to get too far down the road of speaking about it in the specific terms of a penis and not including. I'm just a unit.

[Justin McElroy]

You first one is actually the hardest one to get. Like, excuse me.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. It's one of the worst options because once.

[Justin McElroy]

But it is like, you're not going to shut it down for one, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

No, I don't think you will.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, I do think it's more likely that you would see standalone.

[Justin McElroy]

So are we staying on one? I just want to be clear. Are we still on one, or do you.

[Griffin McElroy]

I just want to explore the possibility of standalone balls drawings over standalone shaft drawings. I think that that would be much more commonplace. But really, you gotta.

[Justin McElroy]

And not germane to the discussion, which is already protracted.

[Griffin McElroy]

Two is, like, totally inoffensive to me. If I see two, it's like, okay.

[Justin McElroy]

It almost blends in with the geometry, you know, it's almost like the textures that they designed in this bathroom had.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Travis McElroy]

And it's kind of nice because now they're not lonely. You do think that they have.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, look at those friends, you think? And then you spend the rest of your toilet time thinking about your friends.

[Justin McElroy]

And I would say, like, two and three. Not to, like, lump this together, but, like, two and three, I appreciate because it removes for me the pressure to go clean up the one. Because if there's one, there's the stress of, like, I should really get magic eraser and clean that up.

[Travis McElroy]

Now I see three.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm like, oh, God, it's a bathroom.

[Travis McElroy]

When I see three, though, I assume they're gossiping, though. And that is. That gets to be a little distracting for me.

[Griffin McElroy]

When I see three, I have the thought, starting to be a lot of penises in here. I have the thought of, like, so.

[Justin McElroy]

Three is your life. Three is not the cat hotwoods territory.

[Griffin McElroy]

Three is like, okay, I'm not gonna tear down. Not gonna tear down the stall and smash the toilet. For three. But I will have the thought. I hope this doesn't go any farther.

[Travis McElroy]

Because that is a tipping point, though. Because here's the thing. Think about that gum wall. You know, in. I think it's in San Francisco. Seattle. The gum wall at the market.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

If you put one piece of gum on there, someone's just to face that wall. Two pieces of gum. Okay, now, but after three, it started to be a thing.

[Justin McElroy]

Now, guys, this is so the important work this show does is it finds truths that are truths that we didn't know are here. Because, guys, I'm thinking about four penises in a bathroom, and I'm going apeshit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Here's what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

The lunatics are running the asylum. We are in absolute shutdown.

[Travis McElroy]

This is why it must be shut down, too. After three, the tipping point from three to four, students are now leaving to go to the bathroom just to add another penis to the wall.

[Justin McElroy]

That's.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, it's. It's a joke.

[Griffin McElroy]

Now, if there's four on the wall, there's not going to be four on the wall for very long.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why I will say, if you ever see a bathroom stall with four penises drawn on the wall, enjoy it, buddy. Because someone's going to get up there and make it five real soon.

[Travis McElroy]

And then six grades start to fall. That's what I always say. Yeah. So if you see three, that's not too many. But you need to clean then before four gets there.

[Justin McElroy]

Now this is interesting, guys. Here's what I've discovered. I'm more comfortable with five.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Justin McElroy]

Because it feels like five has reached a sort of pagan stabilizing power. Right. It feels like there's a sort of like, pagan energy that is being summoned by the sort of like de facto pentagram drawn by five. Five feels like in harmony with nature. And it feels like that's the only one to five. And stabilize. That's it. Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's the only number post three that is like. Okay. It's like one. Cool. Two. Friends. Three, four. Too much five. Now gentle pagan energy. Six through infinity.

[Travis McElroy]

Too many.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just too many dicks.

[Travis McElroy]

If the five penis units have been drawn four side by side standing up and down, and then one drawn across as a slash mark. Now we know that's a complete unit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, we can't even talk about of arrangement. Right? Because if you had four penises on the wall, clearly that's a time to pan. Let me finish.

[Travis McElroy]

Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Let me finish.

[Griffin McElroy]

If there's four penises on the wall, that's when you start to panic. But if they're drawn in, like a cool voltron, like, they connect voltron style, and they form like a bigger dude, like, obviously you're gonna be like, wow, that's like. A lot of these rules are suspended. If they are beautifully drawn that people, like, appreciate.

[Travis McElroy]

If it becomes like a mandala and people are adding the pieces to the beautiful geometric, rounded shapes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Penis.

[Justin McElroy]

If you had six penises, huh?

[Travis McElroy]

I'd go to the doctor.

[Justin McElroy]

But the school had been open for 60 years, and each of the peni represented a different decade of the school's history.

[Travis McElroy]

That's like, in a uniform or a.

[Justin McElroy]

Clothing style, era appropriate, Some mascot. I don't know what the mascot of the school is.

[Travis McElroy]

Maybe a speech bubble in a description of a news event, like a groove.

[Griffin McElroy]

A groovy penis for the 70s.

[Travis McElroy]

Groovy, man.

[Justin McElroy]

So if I see that and I'm like, coming in as the vice principal of discipline or whatever, and I see that at Clarkson Community College, where I myself attended, and I see those 60 years of history represented on the wall, then for me, I'm like, well, I'm touched. You know what I mean? That's kind of beautiful.

[Travis McElroy]

And what's beautiful about that too, is your assumption is if only one goes up a decade, someone's chosen, whether probably not by staff, but by the student body, there's someone. Because you can't just go in there and doodle it on your own. Because people will see it and be like, that does not capture this decade at all. Why'd you do that? No, you need somebody who rises. Not elected as a student body leader, but rather a naturally born leader to draw the penis on the wall.

[Justin McElroy]

So if you do six historical ones, you're fine now seven. That, to me, guys, starts to feel claustrophobic. I'm starting to feel like, where do I look? Where. I'm not looking at a wiener now, at that.

[Griffin McElroy]

The toilet could be perfectly clean. Could be spotless. Like, you don't see them anymore. Perfectly clean. Which for me is like, green flag, time to go. I'm not gonna have to do any sanitary work myself in order to make this thing romp ready. But I shut the door, and there's seven fucking pink wieners in there, man. I'm not. I can't stay. That's too much for me.

[Travis McElroy]

That's too much mental. Seven feels.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, seven feels predatory. Here's the thing. This is a really important point. Now that we've reached here at 8. Because the science tells us that the reason phone numbers are seven digits long.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

They used to be. You know, seven is about the biggest number that we can hold in our hand. Like seven digits in our head, not in our head. And my hand, I can hold lots, but in my head.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I've seen you hold all kinds of numbers in your head. You're very strong.

[Justin McElroy]

In my high school graduation photos, I was holding big 99. Yeah, yeah. Looking cool. So what? Sorry, What? Griffin, did you have something? I heard a little noise, like a.

[Griffin McElroy]

Well, like I sneezed.

[Justin McElroy]

It was a sneeze.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, a little one. What were you saying?

[Justin McElroy]

I don't know, about eight.

[Griffin McElroy]

So you're saying we can't hold eight numbers?

[Justin McElroy]

Is the. Once you see, you can't count that number anymore. So, like eight through infinity, I think is like. Can't even process. It's all penises. Like you can't distinguish at that point between 8 and 9. The mind can't distinguish.

[Travis McElroy]

That's fair. Because then the kid comes back from a bathroom break. It's been 45 minutes, maybe an hour. And the teacher's like, you were gone a really long time. And they're like, I got lost in the penises. I was trying to hold them all eight in my mind at the same time, and I simply couldn't. And I just lost time in there. And I can't remember math now.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, Griffin, go ahead.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, it sounds like you had a thing.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, no. At what point, please ask, at what.

[Griffin McElroy]

Point does it cross back over? At what point does it cross into the point of genuine fear or unable to comprehend how this many discrete pieces have fit? If there's 900 penises on the wall, you walk in and be like, principal Wilson, you better get in here.

[Travis McElroy]

Think about it like a horror movie. Help. Written on the wall once. Oh, no. Help. Written a hundred times around the room.

[Griffin McElroy]

No fucking way.

[Justin McElroy]

But if there's 900 penises of various shapes and sizes, like a wallpaper styles on the ceiling, suddenly it's like, they should have sent a poet, you know, like a dick.

[Travis McElroy]

Teen Chapel.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah. At that point you're like, you're not gonna paint over it. That's a good. The other number, and this is actually this one you need a graphing calculator for. So I'm. And it is size dependent, but there's a number at which you draw so many penises that it becomes a sort of camouflage.

[Travis McElroy]

Yes.

[Justin McElroy]

Where you could draw them on yourself. Draw them on the walls. It's like razzle dazzle, where the patterns you can no longer discern as penises. So it doesn't matter as much.

[Travis McElroy]

I would say there's also a tipping point where there are so many penises on the wall that they stop being individuals and becomes one battalion of penis. Right. Where it's just like. That's the army of penis. Right. When it moves from like five people, 20 people to just one army. Yeah, right. There would be a saturation point reached where all you think about is like a singular unit of units.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Yeah, man.

[Justin McElroy]

So not.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, I think four is. Four is the lowest number.

[Justin McElroy]

Four and eight are bad.

[Travis McElroy]

If it hits four, you need to take action.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

Four. One, two, three.

[Justin McElroy]

If it goes past four, don't take action and wait until it gets back to eight. At that point, you gotta take action again.

[Griffin McElroy]

Did we like six?

[Justin McElroy]

Six was good. Because that could be a historic. You're right.

[Griffin McElroy]

If it six, it could be a historic thing.

[Justin McElroy]

A historical thing.

[Travis McElroy]

Six is great too. There's a rhyming thing.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then seven is lucky. And then close to God, eight is where things start to get pretty thorny.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Griffin McElroy]

So four, blank, blank, blank, eight through 899.

[Travis McElroy]

The second you see four. Because if you take your time getting your bucket and magical razor and you come back in, there's five. You missed your window.

[Griffin McElroy]

You missed your window.

[Travis McElroy]

And if they're drawn on the windows. If they're drawn, that's another problem. Because people can see that from outside.

[Griffin McElroy]

That had to be the whole episode, right? Punch the clock, boys.

[Justin McElroy]

No, we've done it. We've earned our chance to earn our money, Griffin. That's all we've earned. Let's take a trip on over to the money zone.

[Unknown]

It's better. It's better.

[Travis McElroy]

Do you want to showcase your dick related art? I don't.

[Griffin McElroy]

In a stop, man. Try it again.

[Justin McElroy]

No, do it a different way.

[Griffin McElroy]

Another try. Let's do.

[Justin McElroy]

We could do like an improv game of the company.

[Griffin McElroy]

We could do like an improv game and be like.

[Justin McElroy]

Imagine the president of Squarespace is on the call with us. Travis. And try it again.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay. Justin, you be the president of Squarespace. Okay. You ready?

[Justin McElroy]

Hold on a second.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who do I get to call?

[Justin McElroy]

Look it up.

[Travis McElroy]

You're my boss, Griffin.

[Justin McElroy]

Any bit.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wait, I'm your boss? And he's the president of Squarespace.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm his boss.

[Travis McElroy]

So he's watching. No, the president of Squarespace is observing the call.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but why is your boss there?

[Travis McElroy]

You're my boss. We're doing a scene, okay? The president of Squarespace is sitting in the audience watching the scene.

[Griffin McElroy]

I get it, but my role feels, like, pretty tacked on, if I'm being honest. I don't know why your character needs a coming in.

[Travis McElroy]

We're doing a scene. Can we just see how it goes?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, I'm just. I'm struggling because I thought that this was gonna.

[Travis McElroy]

Boss.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. What is it, pal?

[Travis McElroy]

We got too much product. And how do we get it out there so people can see it and people can buy it? If only there was a way we could display it.

[Griffin McElroy]

No, you're wrong. You're wrong. You've fucked this so wild. Like Justin was saying, you do the ad. Like the Squarespace guy is here. And then you were, like, you said, an improv game. Griffin's my boss. Yeah, but it has to be germane to what the ad was and what we still gotta do.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm saying, how do we get our products and services out there? No, you're supposed to say no now.

[Griffin McElroy]

You folded me into the content of them.

[Justin McElroy]

You were you.

[Travis McElroy]

You were you.

[Justin McElroy]

You were you.

[Travis McElroy]

No, I wasn't. I don't have a bar.

[Griffin McElroy]

Who are you? That's what I'm saying.

[Travis McElroy]

I don't need to be here.

[Griffin McElroy]

You don't have a boss. It's you, Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm the boss of Squarespace.

[Griffin McElroy]

All right, let me set up the screen.

[Justin McElroy]

Just being me.

[Travis McElroy]

It's not an improv game.

[Griffin McElroy]

Let me set up the sketch.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

Travis is doing a Squarespace ad.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you.

[Travis McElroy]

Can I get, like, a.

[Justin McElroy]

If an improv actor says that their name is the same as their name, but they're pretending to do something they wouldn't normally do. That's not improv.

[Travis McElroy]

I need something someone would do at a party. What's something someone would do at a party?

[Griffin McElroy]

Fucking copy points.

[Justin McElroy]

That's a fun party.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, fellow guests of this party, this podcast is brought to you by Squarespace this week. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. Please use a coaster over there. Thank you very much. Get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. I see you two over there. Let's save the pda, okay? My mom could be home any minute. Plus, streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Hey, leave that face alone. That was my grandma's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, Trav. Hey, Trav, it's me. Yeah, your boss. What the fuck are you doing, man?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm at a party and I was doing.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, but you're not at a party. You're sitting at your desk. You're sitting at your desk. You're at your desk and I'm trying.

[Travis McElroy]

To do like a one man improv scene where I was at a party.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why? This isn't just one of us said the word improv and it planted an evil RFK worm in your fucking gourd. And then you spun off. You spun out and away from the ship and I want to get you back in the ship.

[Justin McElroy]

Excuse me, Griffin, was it? Hi, Mark. Spotify. Your brother was in the middle of the greatest ad read I've ever heard in my life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Why is it Spotify.

[Justin McElroy]

Why is it idea that you would interrupt unrelated call?

[Griffin McElroy]

You're the CEO of Squarespace sitting in on the call.

[Justin McElroy]

You had a role already.

[Travis McElroy]

So you guys so much.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is easy. This is a fucking grounder.

[Travis McElroy]

His last name could be Spotify unrelated to his job.

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, but it's not. It can't be Spotify open in another tab.

[Travis McElroy]

Why don't you have Spotify open in another tab while we're recording our podcast?

[Griffin McElroy]

Are you grooving? Are you grooving to some tunes?

[Justin McElroy]

Dude, I don't play white noise and I hear you guys too good, so.

[Griffin McElroy]

I gotta have some like love that Spotify white noise. Jesus, man. Just finished it.

[Travis McElroy]

They also have cutting edge design. Squarespace offers a complete library of professionally designed and award winning website templates with options for every use a category, intuitive drag and drop editing, beautiful styling options, unrivaled visual design effects. No experience required. Head to squarespace.com mybrother for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code mybrother all one word to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Aw, man. Someone set fire to my mom's rug. Party's over.

[Griffin McElroy]

Grounded. Hey, let's talk about rocket money. If you're ready to blast off.

[Travis McElroy]

Give you this one, Mr. Big Shits.

[Griffin McElroy]

Absolutely unhinged that you would come to me like that.

[Travis McElroy]

You're busting into mine, giving me notes. You show me how it's done.

[Griffin McElroy]

You asked for notes. You asked for improv. You said you're the boss. Justin, you okay?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, I just saw this energy, the pivot. Guys, I'm just trying to make a.

[Travis McElroy]

Podcast with my brother, Big Shit Mountain.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm Big Shits. And that's true. That's true about me. I'm King Big Shits.

[Justin McElroy]

You've got to change your name.

[Griffin McElroy]

I can't.

[Travis McElroy]

That's been his username since AOL Instant messenger days, and you know it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, it's my first Xbox Gamertag, and all my Halo guys thought it was so fucking funny.

[Justin McElroy]

King Big Shits.

[Griffin McElroy]

King Big Shits is here to tell you that it's time to get your finances organized. And it's time to prioritize what matters most, like financial wellness. Rock Money helps you do exactly that. Look, I'm not gonna bullshit you.

[Travis McElroy]

He's not King Bullshit.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm King Big Shits. And one of the ways that I take Big shits is by subscribing to applications, usually because one of my kids asks me to. Like, I promise I'll play Doodle Kitchen 9 for the rest of my life. Fifteen bucks an ounce sounds pretty good.

[Travis McElroy]

Doodle Kitchen 6.

[Griffin McElroy]

It did. But you can't stop my kids from. And anyway, I'll subscribe to shit and I'll forget, and then I'll be paying for it. And then Rocket Money will be like, did you? It'll be like, I don't even remember what doodle shit 5 is, but I am apparently paying 15 bucks a month for it. Rocket Money will, like, help get me out of that situation because it's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitor your spending, and help lower. Lower your bills so you can grow your savings. You guys know about this?

[Justin McElroy]

We do. We do. I'm looking at my Rocket Money app right now. It's telling me some bills I got coming up. It's telling me some things I could cancel. Some the ways I've been spending money lately. It's kind of like an all in one place to manage your finances.

[Travis McElroy]

And it makes me feel responsible for the first time in my life. Like, I could be King Big Shits one day.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. We are. Three of over 5 million users, Rocket Money's saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions.

[Travis McElroy]

Half of that was Justin's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. Saving members up to $740 a year when using all the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com my brother today. That's RocketMoney.com mybrother RocketMoney.com mybrother and that's.

[Travis McElroy]

Why he's King Big Shits, folks. That was amazing, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

I shit him right over the plate.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm just really proud, Griffin.

[Griffin McElroy]

Thanks. Yeah, no, I did a good job. Okay.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay.

[Justin McElroy]

I want a munch, Squir. I want to munch Squad. Welcome to Munch Squad. It's a podcast within podcast profiling. The latest greatest in brand eating.

[Griffin McElroy]

God, I missed so much while I was at sea. I missed so much in the fast casual world. I'm so excited for the brief.

[Travis McElroy]

That's why they call it fast Gravin. Don't move slow.

[Justin McElroy]

Taco Bell rolled out a new all cheese shell that was seen by so many people on TikTok. Judging by my mentions, I think everybody already saw it because I was tagged over 200 times in this Taco Bell video.

[Griffin McElroy]

How's your brand doing, Justin?

[Justin McElroy]

It's going just the way I want it to, so I'm not gonna talk about that.

[Travis McElroy]

You said all cheese show, so it's just a big slab of fried cheese.

[Justin McElroy]

It's. Listen, I just said I'm not gonna.

[Travis McElroy]

Talk about it, okay?

[Justin McElroy]

So don't try to trick me. I hate it with.

[Travis McElroy]

You brought it up.

[Justin McElroy]

Okay.

[Griffin McElroy]

I missed it while I was at sea and I asked for the news and you're like, everyone knows the news. This is the Oscar talk all the fuck over again. I'm never leaving.

[Travis McElroy]

Brody spit a big wada wad of cheese into his girlfriend's hand like a baby. Like a toddler who had taken a bite of something they didn't want anymore.

[Griffin McElroy]

He produces those in his dairy sack.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry, wait one second. I just gotta get the. There we go.

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Justin McElroy]

Travis, can you read the top?

[Travis McElroy]

Arby's potato cakes. Pre class action lawsuit. Are you or a loved one?

[Justin McElroy]

That's all you get, Paul.

[Griffin McElroy]

Wow, you closed.

[Justin McElroy]

That's all you get.

[Griffin McElroy]

Just screen shared something and then closed it real fast like he was trying to.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Arby's has announced the return of the fan favorite potato cakes that menus nationwide and they will sue themselves if they go off the menu. What? Okay. Yes.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's like Arby's establishing like a partner to make sure that they don't like, look at pornography or something. Accountability partner. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Yes. Right now Arby's is doing the thing in the werewolf movie when they're like, if I get out of this cage, shoot me with this gun.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Because I will kill everyone. You know, Arby says, okay, the iconic, golden, perfectly seasoned Arby's potato cakes are officially back on the menu. Now, if you don't know what these are because you've never been to Arby's, they're. They're hash browns. They're a little triangular hash browns. And you could get them instead of fries at Arby's and you haven't Been able to. And now they're back. Potato cakes recently made a comeback, only to disappear again, leaving customers on an emotional roller coaster. That's why this time, the return of potato cakes is backed by the creation of a pre class action lawsuit.

[Travis McElroy]

Justin Tyler. Why are they writing this? Like they disappeared and they don't know how or why?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

We went one day into the big vat where we keep them. All the dang things are just gone.

[Griffin McElroy]

We boned you guys. That's it. We boned you.

[Justin McElroy]

It's weird when you think about, oh, it must have been supply chain issues for potatoes.

[Travis McElroy]

For potatoes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I hope not.

[Justin McElroy]

It seems like we got those coming out our. If you'll forgive ears.

[Travis McElroy]

That's corn.

[Justin McElroy]

I know. That's why.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's why I asked. Forgiveness. It doesn't make any sense.

[Justin McElroy]

After potato cakes returned briefly to the arby's menu in 2024 July, there was an outpouring of excitement for fans who made it clear this menu item is a must have. But then guests were disappointed when their favorite snack disappeared.

[Travis McElroy]

When? Because July wasn't that long ago, you guys.

[Justin McElroy]

They were very disappointed. Travis. It says right here they don't have the data, but anecdotally, guests were super, super distressed. Arby's heard them loud and clear. And now the fan favorite potato cakes are here to stay. Okay, Arby's is backing that promise now with some serious protection.

[Travis McElroy]

What this press release presupposes is that while these fans loved these potato cakes, now that they've had them taken away from them once, they would be too scared to indulge in them again now that they're back, that they'll be taken away again. That there will be Charlie Brown and Lucy holding a potato cake and she's saying, cake the potato cake or whatever. And so Arby's is saying, don't be scared, potato cake fans. We are legally obligating ourselves to make money off of you by selling these potato cakes to you.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So here's the deal. Arby's fans can now sign up, or ostensibly anyone. Arby's fans can now sign up to be part of a pre class action lawsuit. If potato cakes are removed from the menu before December 31, 2026, Arby's will pay out $1 million worth of Arby's food to be split amongst the signees. No menu item return has ever been this ironclad. And since Arby's isn't planning to remove potato cakes from the menu ever again, those that sign up to be Part of the pre class action lawsuit can also redeem a doordash code to receive free delivery and two piece potato cakes from February 27th to a time that has passed.

[Griffin McElroy]

Apologies. So did they put out a press release alongside this that says Arby's pleased to announce that potato cakes will be taken off the menu Jan 1, 2027. Guaranteed. No one wants this particular potato shape. We had this one potato shape going for a while that people were crazy about. Real tiny, slender, ketchup, dippable guys. So we are going to get these bad boys off of here just as soon as it is financially and legally convenient for us.

[Travis McElroy]

Here's what you do folks. Everybody, everybody sign this. And then nobody buy the potato cakes. Oh.

[Justin McElroy]

Force them to take it off.

[Travis McElroy]

But they'll need to have them on hand in case somebody does, Right?

[Justin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Travis McElroy]

And then the day that you walk in and you say, can I have some potato cakes? And they say we don't have any. You say gotcha. And you serve them and you say, I know I came to Arby's, but you've been served. And then you'll probably get like $1.25 out of real Talk.

[Griffin McElroy]

I think it'll be more than that. This is what I want to say, knowing what I know about how many people participate in these fast food promotions, which is to say next to none. I think if you got in here and you won this particular gamble, you're going to be walking away with at least 8, 900 bucks worth of Arby's food. Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

You're going to be feeling pretty good.

[Griffin McElroy]

And that's enough to know you're not going to be feeling pretty good. You're going to eat eight to nine hundred dollars worth of Arby's food and you're gonna build a little house on.

[Justin McElroy]

Top of the toilet, sort of, sort of improvised shelter.

[Griffin McElroy]

Uh huh. It keeps you and the things you do in and it keeps the outside world out. That's your shell of shame.

[Justin McElroy]

We know our guests are passionate about our potato cakes and we wanna honor that loyalty by keeping them on the menu permanently. Says Jeff Baker, the CMO at Arby's. We're excited to finally announce their return and prove to all our guests that we listen to their pleas and we aren't gonna let Arby's get away with removing potato cakes from the menu ever again. And we aren't gonna let. Yeah, he says we aren't gonna let. I didn't misread it. We aren't gonna let Arby's get away with removing potato cakes from the menu ever again. We've always been at war with Eurasia and we're never taking away your potato cakes. America.

[Griffin McElroy]

Smee. Smee, Stop me. Smee. Stop me. Smee, Stop me. Damn it. Smee.

[Justin McElroy]

I'm giving them the potato cakes against me. So Arby's has a number that I can call here to get more information.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So I am.

[Griffin McElroy]

I am.

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, it has to be a recording, right?

[Griffin McElroy]

There's no.

[Travis McElroy]

That's a big gamble.

[Justin McElroy]

I know. 833-529.

[Travis McElroy]

Don't. Doc.

[Justin McElroy]

Sorry.

[Travis McElroy]

8335.

[Justin McElroy]

It's an 833 loss, Bud. I don't think they're too worried about it.

[Travis McElroy]

Lost, buddy. Not lo S S B U D though I'm your loss, bud.

[Justin McElroy]

Don't talk.

[E]

Hello and thank you for calling the Arby's potato cakes pre class action lawsuit hotline. Potato cakes are back at Arby's. Arby's is seriously. Not so seriously preparing a pre class action lawsuit against Arby's. In the event that Arby's removes potato cakes from the Arby's menu in the future, Arby's won't let Arby's get away with it. Please join to ensure you receive any possible future settlement. Should potato cakes be removed from the Arby's menu, please visit arbyspotatocakeslawsuit.com thank you. Goodbye.

[Travis McElroy]

Sorry, but the user's mailbox can't accept more messages.

[Justin McElroy]

I really committed to the bit, huh?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah. They sure. They sure that's a good use of a phone number?

[Justin McElroy]

I mean, we're not doing anything else with phone numbers. We might as well let. They might as well call arby's.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's only 999,999,999 phone numbers. And so that's one. That's one way to use it.

[Travis McElroy]

Okay, There's.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's.

[Travis McElroy]

There's literally a part of this where it says, are you signing up?

[Justin McElroy]

Are you gonna get your money?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm reading this. Pre class.

[Justin McElroy]

Absolutely.

[Griffin McElroy]

Signing up.

[Justin McElroy]

Are you kidding me?

[Travis McElroy]

And it says, Arby's may in its sole discretion and at any time discontinue this site or any part thereof, with or without notice, or may prevent your use of this site with or without notice to you. You agree that you do not have any rights in this site and that Arby's will have no liability to you if this site is discontinued or your ability to access the site or any content you may have posted on the site. Is terminated.

[Griffin McElroy]

You know that whoever came up with this campaign got a letter from the Arby's lawyers, and they were like, ah, God damn it. They're not going to let us have it. They're going to break Kayfabe pretty quickly. I think if you just read at the bottom of the thing, like, they'll let us make jokes and have fun at the top, but they are going to make absolutely certain that the actual stakes of this situation could not be clear to the end.

[Justin McElroy]

I guarantee. I guarantee what the marketing team showed up with was, we will shut down Arby's.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

So the promise is we close Arby's for good.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Give everybody all our money if we stop selling potato cakes.

[Griffin McElroy]

And then the lawyers. The lawyers are like, would you settle for $1,000,000 of Arby's food if you cancel it before December? December 31, 2026? You can still say permanently, because these fucking numbskulls are definitely, definitely not going to figure this out. But is that okay? Is that a good compromise? Also, it's all fake, and we're going to tell them that it's all fake.

[Travis McElroy]

The rest of this stuff listed here is all written in, like, jokey. Like, it literally says underneath that. We're pretty sure Arby's is trademarked, but you can't actually fucking walk it back.

[Griffin McElroy]

We know your heart.

[Travis McElroy]

That one section is like, by the way, here's some ironclad stuff. Okay, back to the jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

I love this. I love this. I don't love the potato cakes. It's. They. They really not.

[Justin McElroy]

I did want to check in.

[Griffin McElroy]

How about you?

[Justin McElroy]

I call this section Reality Check.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Do you not like potato cakes?

[Griffin McElroy]

I love potato cakes. I'm saying I don't trust Arby's to evenly fry that big a piece of potato. That's a real temperature game at that point when you're trying to fry a big, like, you know, blob of potato instead of just a French fry. A French fry is, like, not much potato. So you can fry that pretty evenly. Pretty good. But this is.

[Travis McElroy]

Run me through, Griffin, just real quick. All the other different types of potato, the forms they come in and how easily they are to fry.

[Griffin McElroy]

Okay, number one, baked potato. Can't really fry one of those. Okay, so big, so much potato in there. A hash brown, these are a little thicker than a hash brown. Right. A latke, I think, is somewhat user friendly. A lot of people probably wouldn't think that, but they're really flat. A hash brown, you get a little bit thicker These potato cakes are. That's a good one and a half, two inches thick.

[Travis McElroy]

What about a tot?

[Griffin McElroy]

A tot harder than a fry because it has a. It is more three dimensional and it has like a volume to it that is more difficult to.

[Travis McElroy]

What about a man sized potato?

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, sure, you man shaped and.

[Travis McElroy]

Man shaped and same consistency.

[Griffin McElroy]

No. So you heard me say the thing that man.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, like if a potato looked like a man, a potato with the consistency of a man. Of a man. And maybe like just like a man would have saying like, no, no, please don't do this. I'll pay you the money I owe you, I promise.

[Justin McElroy]

Is his potato man a Mr. Potato body, you're saying?

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, so. I mean, you heard me say that baked potato is hard to fry. So I don't know why you think a man shaped.

[Travis McElroy]

How long do you think it would take before that man shaped? Man sized, man consistency, man begging potato.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trav, you trying to fry a man?

[Travis McElroy]

What?

[Griffin McElroy]

You trying to fry a man?

[Travis McElroy]

No.

[Griffin McElroy]

Trevor, are you over there frying men? Dude?

[Travis McElroy]

No man. Why? What?

[Griffin McElroy]

Juice. I think Travis over there frying men.

[Justin McElroy]

Hey, Trav.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

Can you not be the reason that our empire crumbles, please?

[Travis McElroy]

I'm just saying that there's.

[Griffin McElroy]

It'll be so people will see the headlines at the top of the paper and I'll be like one of the McElroy brothers. And they'll be like, fuck yeah, I knew it. And then it'll say fries men. And they'll be like, oh, that's what? That's the thing. That's the thing.

[Travis McElroy]

That.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's wild.

[Travis McElroy]

I think. And I'm not saying I do it, but I think you'd only have to fry one man before you get the message across and everybody pays up.

[Justin McElroy]

I'd like to ask another question. We have a few more minutes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Can I borrow some money? By the way, Travis, do you have. I need like 10,000 bucks.

[Travis McElroy]

Yeah, I do have. I had the Arby's lawyer draw up some paperwork you need.

[Griffin McElroy]

Oh, you're joking.

[Travis McElroy]

There's a lot of jokes.

[Griffin McElroy]

Nevermind, it's a joke.

[Justin McElroy]

There is a. There is a world in which eight people sign up for this and you find yourself army's just randomly stop selling them because apparently nobody gave a shit. And you end up as the proud recipient of like $100,000 gift cards. That's so sick.

[Griffin McElroy]

That's what I'm saying.

[Justin McElroy]

It's a pretty good scam. I'd sign up for it. Or don't. It's up to you. Here's. Here's a quick question before we go. I was recently taking part in an icebreaker slash get to know each other type game where we had to say something interesting about ourselves. My go to fact was that I was on reality TV wilderness survival show survive this season two when I was 13 or 14 and I spent two months in the wild with little to no training or experience and made it all the way to the end of the series. I'm happy to answer a few questions for a minute or so but don't know how to shift away from the topic nicely. How do I get people to move away from the topic without sounding bitter or rude? As fellow TV personalities, I was hoping you might have some insight. How absolutely generous of you. Proud but low key between Petersborough and Lindsay, Ontario.

[Griffin McElroy]

Specious premise, I will say. You are laying out a savory little morsel here and it's too savory and you know that it's too savory. So you can't be like, so how do you get people to not nibble at it? It's the, you put out the. You need, you need a conversation stopper for one of these games.

[Travis McElroy]

Because I agree with Griffin. The problem is you are using this as an icebreaker which is literally a thing designed to start a conversation.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah, right.

[Travis McElroy]

This is a game. And then you're like oh no, oh no, I broke the ice. And now they want to go through the ice.

[Justin McElroy]

You have been asked to break the ice and you have instead created an iceberg that people are like well this is interesting. I wonder what's below this. Oh, I'd like to see a little bit more. And that's good I think. But you can't be upset about that. That seems like you're. It's working as intended.

[Griffin McElroy]

It's a pretty good story but there's a ton of shit you could say that I'm not going to want to know anything about. For example. Hi Everybody, I'm Griffin McRoy. My interesting fact is that I ran my first marathon this past spring. No one's going to ask you a fucking what's the question? So did you run real fast? Like there's no follow up that you could possibly generate out of that.

[Justin McElroy]

That's true. You can get all the benefits of running a marathon almost without running it if you just tell people you did.

[Travis McElroy]

So what? You're the sticker.

[Justin McElroy]

26.2. Got it.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whatever.

[Travis McElroy]

What you are theorizing, Griffin, is some sidewalk ice former. Yeah, right. That's like, I want to actually build up the ice betwixt you and I. Or maybe, if it's clear, drop that.

[Justin McElroy]

Ice nine, make a wall of ice.

[Griffin McElroy]

I mean, it's fucked up that my work mandates me distributing my social currency away for free without asking me if I'm comfortable with it. Hey, Griffin, make friends. You can't make me do that because you're not my mom, my mommy, or my daddy. Like, you're my boss and this is a business. Here's what I have to do for you. The boss type in numbers on a computer and that's it. I don't have to make friends. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to participate in capitalism to the degree that systems have allowed me to.

[Justin McElroy]

That's it.

[Travis McElroy]

That's it. That's all you have to do. That's all you gotta lay out.

[Griffin McElroy]

I have a rash. Hi, Everybody, I'm Griffin McRoy and I have a bad rash down there. It's tough.

[Justin McElroy]

It's tough. This is a good anecdote. And you said in here we're fellow TV personalities, but I could never bring up my brother, my brother and me as an icebreaker, TV show as an icebreaker because I don't think it's possible for me to simultaneously tell someone that we made a TV show and then at the same time express them how far it was from the TV shows that they may be thinking of in their day to day life. Like, it's like I did a TV show and then I need to stop them before they re like, my daughter Cooper is seven. If she's telling us the story, she says, like, don't say anything until I'm done. Don't react. I'll say woo. Don't say anything until the story's over. And I feel like that with the TV show. It's like I did a TV show.

[Griffin McElroy]

Whoa, wait, stop. No, you need to listen.

[Travis McElroy]

Not like Becker. And everybody asks if I mean like Becker. No, not like Becker.

[Justin McElroy]

No, no, I'm saying it was a TV show and there were six of them.

[Griffin McElroy]

Yeah.

[Justin McElroy]

And it shut the network down and we made it for a million dollars at our house with our best buddy J.D. but it was a TV show.

[Travis McElroy]

It was.

[Justin McElroy]

Technically speaking, you can't get it for.

[Travis McElroy]

Free, but it's more on the scale towards some kids cut the front out of a cardboard box.

[Griffin McElroy]

Right.

[Travis McElroy]

And maybe acted out some skits inside. Except ours was locked into a tape and you can watch it online.

[Griffin McElroy]

Exactly.

[Justin McElroy]

Someone somewhere may be making money off of it in some ways, I don't know.

[Griffin McElroy]

There's so much about what we do that is like the wrongest possible answer for this question of like, I don't want to admit sounds bad. I'm not ashamed of the work that we do, but I certainly don't want to talk about it at length with a bunch of strangers. And perhaps that is why we are famewise sort of day walkers. When I was on the Jo Code cruise last week, people said like, you probably get this all the time. I hate to bother you. No, I don't. I wicked don't. I run it pretty good stealth mode out there. Actually. I can creep and crawl with the rest of them. It's really only in venues like this or immediately after one of our live shows that we get recognized because we don't want to talk about our TV show unless.

[Travis McElroy]

But we do want to tell you about some live shows we have coming up.

[Justin McElroy]

That's where we shine.

[Travis McElroy]

That's where we shine.

[Justin McElroy]

That's where you got to capture us in celluloid.

[Travis McElroy]

We've got more live shows coming up in the 20th Underdrive Tour. We're coming to Richmond, Virginia, doing my brother, my brother and me. Charlotte, North Carolina, doing Taz. And Raleigh, North Carolina, another my brother, My Brother and me in April. We're also going to be in Michigan, Minnesota and Ohio. All Taz shows this year are going to be Taz versus We just did.

[Griffin McElroy]

The first one of which I believe is either coming out this week or just now. Yeah, it's Taz versus Romeo versus Juliet and it was a hell of a lot of fun.

[Travis McElroy]

Tickets for all of those are on sale now. Go to Bit Ly McElroytours for more info and ticket links. Oh, also, I'm very exciting. I'm coming back to twenty Sided Tavern, making my Off Broadway review. I'm going to say this weekend on March 13th through the 16th doing, I don't know, five performances I think it is. Who can keep track? But you can find out when I'm gonna be there. Get your tickets twentysidedtavern.com come see me in a live action D and d comedy thing. Twentysidedtavern.com this weekend.

[Griffin McElroy]

Hey, there's a new hoodie up on macroymerch.com and it's one of my favorites that we've probably ever put up. It is the vasect hoodie designed by Evan Palmer. It has sort of like old school like snes box art vibes. It's amazing. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to Harmony House, which is an incredible organization from our hometown of Huntington that we are happy to partner up with like this. Also, next week, Max Fun Drive starts.

[Travis McElroy]

Front frame.

[Griffin McElroy]

Brace your asses. We've got so much content ready for you, you're gonna fucking flip your shit. We're gonna have live streams and other events going on. Every day of the drive runs for two weeks. So turn on notifications for our Instagram stories. Stay up to date when we're going live because we're doing a break off the knob.

[Justin McElroy]

Break off the knob. Coward.

[Griffin McElroy]

So, yeah. And hey, thanks to Montagne for the use of our theme song, My Life Is Better with youh. For sure. We really do appreciate you letting us use that one. So, like, thanks. Thank you.

[Justin McElroy]

Thanks.

[Griffin McElroy]

I'm a huge amount.

[Travis McElroy]

Hey, I got a fear here that someone's gonna be faster than. I'd like to read it to you. Yeah, this year I'm gonna be faster than my fear of Chinese giant salamanders possibly being around me. I don't live in China and they are critically endangered. It's just unlikely.

[Justin McElroy]

My name is Justin McElroy.

[Travis McElroy]

I'm Travis.

[Justin McElroy]

Whoa.

[Griffin McElroy]

These guys are fucking huge.

[Travis McElroy]

They're so big.

[Griffin McElroy]

This is Griffin McElray.

[Justin McElroy]

I always been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.

[Travis McElroy]

I hope one's not near me Y.

[Unknown]

It's better with you My life.

[Justin McElroy]

It'S.

[Unknown]

Better it's better with you it's better my life, it's better it's better with you Is it true? It's better it's better you My life.

[Griffin McElroy]

Better with you Maximum Fun. A worker owned network of artist owned shows supported directly by.